Female masturbation

The experience of masturbation is different for females than for males. This page will present information about female masturbation and address the question of whether there is a female equivalent of TMS.

Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:

• Female anatomy: vulvas, hymens, vaginas
• Masturbatory technique and female sexual response
• Sexual orientation, fantasies, and unusual behavior
• Masturbation toys: vibrators, dildoes, and other objects
• Sex with partners

Attention women!

Do you like to take surveys? A new female survey is online. Won't you please help us out by completing it? It is completely anonymous. Click here to take this fun and interesting survey. This is different from the survey that was open from October 2007 to February 2008. Even if you took that one, will you please take this one?

Questions from female readers

These questions and answers pertain specifically to the experience of female masturbation. Of course, a lot of the questions on the main masturbation page, although posed by males, can address the experience of both genders. Answers marked with have been critically reviewed by an anonymous female correspondent.

I'm 15, and I have already gotten my period, and I use Slimfits tampons. I masturbate with my hand but it hurts when I put my finger into my vagina. Is that normal? Will it get bigger so that when I try to have sex, I won't tear or anything? I know you don't normally answer girls' questions but I was wondering if you could help me out. Thanks.

There was a time it was recommended females didn't use tampons until they were older. I don't know if that's part of your problem. Sexually, females normally need some "warming up" before penetration of the vagina is comfortable, and I imagine that would be even more true of a virgin. You should masturbate in a way that is comfortable for you. Don't worry about your sensitive vagina for now. It would take a huge amount of force to tear your vaginal walls. Just be sure to take it slow when you're ready for sex and find a partner who isn't a brute.

What are some good masturbating techniques? I'm female. (age 14)

I'm male, so I only have hearsay when it comes to female masturbation. Girls generally stroke their clitoris (sometimes indirectly, because the organ is very sensitive) and some also stick fingers inside their vagina. The important thing is to relax and take your time.

Hi, I'm a girl. What is the correct way of masturbation for us? (age 16)

Girls have more variety in how they can masturbate. Ninety percent of guys do it the same way, and as is the main thrust of this site, doing it any other way can lead to problems. Most girls also lie on their backs, same as guys, and rub the area around their clitorises. Some insert their fingers or objects into their vaginas, usually in addition to clitoral stimulation. Some girls masturbate with streams of water, although this is not a sensation that can be replicated in sexual intercourse. Some girls also practice a female equivalent of TMS (there's a case study on this page), although this has fewer implications for them than for males because males have the burden of sexual performance in intercourse.

Masturbation is useful to bring people in touch with their sexuality. Many men believe that women who masturbate make better lovers.

Hi, I'm a girl, and I recently heard two people on a dating show talking about women masturbating internally or externally. I'm not entirely sure what they were talking about. Can you help? (age 16)

Yes, for females, internal masturbation means inserting fingers or objects into the vagina, and external masturbation means masturbating without doing this. Of women who masturbate, informal research says only 20 percent masturbate internally. 84 percent masturbate externally by stimulating their clitorises and/or labia, 11 percent mount or rub against objects -- the female equivalent of TMS, 11 percent stimulate their breasts, 10 percent squeeze their thighs, 5 percent masturbate by contracting their PC muscles, and a lucky 2 percent can achieve orgasm by fantasy alone. (The numbers don't add to 100 because some women masturbate more than one way.) [These stats courtesy of SexTV, although they reflect a web survey, not a scientific one.]

Can chicks have TMS? (age 18)

That's what we're trying to learn. You might help us if you and some of your female friends can fill out our survey of female masturbation. As of now, we've only heard one or two cases of female sexual dysfunction from masturbating prone.

Is it common for females to masturbate more than twice a day? (age 18)

No. Only one female in 20 masturbates even once a day.

I have never had sex. During an episode of my boyfriend pleasuring me with his hand, I bled a seemingly large amount. My boyfriend, who I am very close with, and I are worried and curious about this. Can you please tell me what happened? (age 16)

It sounds like your hymen was broken. The hymen, as you probably know, is a membrane that covers the vaginal opening. It breaks upon a female's first sexual contact, although most girls probably break it themselves before then. You probably don't have anything to worry about.

I am used to masturbating twice a day since my divorce 5 years ago. Now my need seems to increase and I am starting to use porn and a vibrator. Is this a normal behaviour? (age 46)

Your frequency seems to be on the high side of normal, but not so high that I'd call it a problem. A lot of women find they want to masturbate or engage in intercourse more frequently at your age.

How old should I be to have sex? I can't stop masturbating. (age 12, female)

I think you should wait until you've graduated from high school. Intercourse is apt to be less satisfying than masturbating at your age.

I KNOW YOU ARE A MAN AND MAYBE YOU WON'T KNOW THE ANSWER, BUT I HAVEN'T HAD MY PERIOD FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS NOW. I MASTURBATE ALMOST EVERY DAY. IS THAT CAUSING IT? OR SHOULD I SEE A DOCTOR? (age 15)

Sorry ladies, masturbating will not make your period go away. It's normal at your age for your period to be abnormal. I assume you haven't been sexually active, because certainly you would have mentioned that. I don't think you need to see a doctor, but you could mention it to your mother. You don't need to tell her you masturbate.

Can women get TMS? (female, age 16)

That's what we're trying to learn in a new survey. Results will be available on this site by the end of the year.

When my girlfriend masturbates, she sometimes starts to bleed like she's on her period and then she starts her period. It's happened more then once, and she's worried about it. She and I haven't ever had sex. I'm just concerned about her and am trying to find an answer. (age 17)

Bleeding is not a normal or healthy consequence of masturbation in either females or males. She should find out what's causing the bleeding. If it's due to objects being inserted, she should masturbate without them a few times to see if it makes a difference. She might also experiment with different kinds of objects to see if that's the key.

I am a female and I masturbate about once a week but I'm worried because I can fit both my hands into my vagina. Is this normal? (age 12)

I don't think that's a healthy practice at your age. Most girls masturbate by focusing on their external genitalia and only stimulate the vagina a little (with something small, like a candle or two fingers) to add to the experience. Stretching your vagina out regularly with two hands is apt to make adjustment to intercourse more difficult when that time comes.

I'm 14 and I love to think about sex. It makes me feel so good. I masturbate with the end of a paint brush. When I achieve an orgasm, a whole bunch of clear grayish liqud comes out. If that were to happen during sex, where does it go? I make such a mess in my bathroom I masturbate on towels. What am I supposed to do with it?

I'm sure you've heard of the law of gravity. You know where it will go. Probably mixed with your partner's fluids. All guys have the problem of what to do with their ejaculate. I tell them to mop up with a clean rag, like an old shirt.

I've been sexually active for 2 1/2 years but I've never had an orgasm in intercourse. I worry that I'll never be able to orgasm through intercourse. I've heard that using a vibrator over the course of time "numbs" your clitoris; although I know this sounds dubious I still wish I knew whether using it actually has some sort of detrimental effect on being able to have an orgasm WITHOUT a vibrator? Is it normal to not be able to achieve orgasm through intercourse while having no difficulty alone? I've masturbated 1500 times and have only had an orgasm twice when not using a vibrator. (age 23)

It's normal in the sense that most women have an easier time reaching orgasm masturbating than in intercourse. It is apt to be easier when you have a partner who's used to you. Habituation to a vibrator might be a female problem similar to the male problem TMS, the focus of this site. You might use the same techniques I recommend for males to quit TMS to teach yourself to masturbate without a vibrator.

I am a 12 year old girl and I was wondering how girls masturbate? What are some things they use and where do you buy vibrators and other things to masturbate with?

A girl usually starts by stroking her clitoris or the area around it. Later she might insert fingers or objects like candles or carrots into her vagina. Females don't usually use dildos or vibrators until they're old enough to buy them or get someone to buy them.

I am 14 years old and I want to have sex but it hurts when I put my finger in. Should I try putting three fingers in?

I think you're too young to have sex. And if one finger hurts, three will hurt more. You just need time to get used to what you're doing and be more relaxed about it.

I love to masturbate and I do all the time. Is that normal? It feels so good. (female, age 13)

Yes, very.

I go over to my mom's friend's house, and when I'm over there I like to wrestle with her son who is 14, but he always has something hard in his pants. When I feel this up against me I get wet down there, and then I use their bathroom and touch myself there. Is this normal? (age 12)

All of that sounds normal from a health standpoint, but you've obviously gotten too old to be engaging in non-sexual physical play with boys. Your getting wet means it's affecting you in a sexual way. It's a sexual thing for him too, because a guy wouldn't get hard wrestling with someone who didn't turn him on. It's a bad idea to masturbate anyplace other than your own home. If you were to be caught, word might get around and you would be severely embarrassed.

That girl can fit both hands in her vagina and I'm worried because I can only fit 3 fingers. Is this normal? Plus, where can I get a dildo? (age 14)

Three fingers is a lot. It's better to try to use fewer instead of more. Dildos aren't age restricted but most places don't sell to young people. You might ask a friend's older sister.

Guys always ask me to have sex but I say no even though I really want to. They say how pretty I am and stuff etc., but I haven't had sex and I don't know how to tell if my hymen is still there because I don't feel anything. How far in is it? Can guys tell if you've had sex? (age 15)

There's no reason to be self-conscious. Your whole message is about your unfamiliarity with your body. Guys know 1/1000 of what you know. Your hymen would be just past both sets of labia, before your vaginal opening. If you've been masturbating regularly for a while, it's unlikely there's much left.

I masturbate by stimulating my clitoris. I'm interested in trying vaginal stimulation, but I am afraid I will hurt myself. I also don't know what to use. (age 16)

Start with your fingers. You would have a hard time hurting yourself with your fingers. As you get more comfortable with internal masturbation, you might try smooth objects like markers, candles, etc.

I am not into the whole masturbation thing. But I hear it feels so good, and I want to feel it. I kinda think it is gross. I really want to try it. Help me please. (age 12, female)

You need to stop thinking of it as gross. Your vulva is no grosser than your mouth. You don't need to put your fingers into your vagina at first. Start by touching the area around your clitoris. I think you'll figure it out soon.

I'm a 20 year old woman who had her first sexual intercourse at the age of 15. Since then I've been having sex with men. Is it normal that I'm getting so wet whenever I see naked women? I get this crave to have them, but I'm not lesbian but I want to try having sex with a girl. What can I do?

I don't think many straight women get so wet when they see naked women. You might have to consider the possibility you're not straight. One way to satisfy your crave might be to have sex with a woman.

Follow-up from another reader:

I do not agree that being turned on by a naked woman makes a female bisexual or even gay. A woman's body is a beautiful thing and woman exploring different ideas is very healthy for her sexuality. My boyfriend and I watch lesbian porn during sex to spice things up from time to time and it gets both of us very excited. However, the thought of ever having sexual relations with another girl is not something I would ever do. It is a different thing. If you're going to continue to generate your comments to young people such as these who have yet to discover their sexuality, I suggest you do a little bit more research before you imply that someone is one thing or another. (age 20)

I didn't say it made her bisexual or lesbian, only that she'd have to consider the possibility. Furthermore, her case is different from yours in that she not only gets wet but also craves sex with women. My experience hearing from lots of people about masturbation is that same-sex fantasy is normal for gays and bisexuals and rare for straights. Given what she told me, what else could I tell her?

I can't stop masturbating. I've really tried, but know it's almost impossible to stop. What are some items I could use to stimulate myself? I know I'm young, but I know I wont be able to stop. (age 12)

It's curious that you want to quit masturbating but at the same time want to learn how to masturbate with objects. It's almost impossible for males to stop, but I've heard credible cases of females quitting. Most girls try smooth objects like markers or candles when they're ready to try internal stimulation.

I am curious to why masturbation is such a "bad" topic. I have a lot of girl friends, and once or twice we have stumbled upon the question of whether or not we have masturbated before, and the subject is always changed as soon as posible. We all say that we have done it, but all seemed ashamed. Even I've done it, and I can talk about it to other girls. (age 15, female)

Your group isn't the only one where masturbation is a taboo subject. Sex researchers have frequently found that subjects will talk to them about about adultery, sexual fantasies, intercourse positions, and even rape, but the questions about masturbation have to be asked in writing. Masturbation's long history of ignomy stems from it being a non-procreative activity. There is a biological purpose to masturbatory guilt. If everyone were satisfied masturbating, there would be less reason to make love and procreate. So you shouldn't be surprised when people don't want to talk about it.

Is it OK to put my vulva under running water while I have my period? (age 15)

Females are advised not to swim while menstruating because some flow may be released into the water, causing them embarrassment. A tampon will fix this. Since you needn't worry about being embarrassed while masturbating in the bathtub, I don't think you need to worry. However, by masturbating that way, you're raising the bar for any male who wants to satisfy you someday. The "high pressure hose" between our legs just can't compete with your faucet.

How can I know when I've reached orgasm? (age 15)

Your nipples will erect if they weren't already. (That's how guys check to see if a woman is faking orgasm.) Once you have your first one, you'll know. Other signs include a shock to your breathing (imagine jumping into a cold pool), your private parts suddenly becoming too sensitive to touch, and an urge to have a body spasm (or several). Good luck.

Hello. I started masturbating about 8 months ago and do it about 20 times a month. Is it normal for girls to masturbate as much as guys? (age 15, female)

I hear all the time from girls who masturbate with the frequency you'd expect from a guy, and from guys who masturbate with the frequency you'd expect from a girl. This is only abnormal in the statistical sense. Both are healthy.

I have a 14 year old girlfriend, and I was wondering if she masturbates? (female, age 14)

It's very rude to ask, but a lot of people your age do. You might start by telling her that you masturbate and see if she takes the bait.

Sometimes in the shower, I wash my genitals and massage them. Is this normal for girls my age and is it called masturbation? Am I hurting myself? (age 13)

It's masturbation if you're doing it to bring sexual pleasure. I think it's normal, and you're not hurting yourself.

Why do people masturbate and is it right for girls to do so? (age 20)

People masturbate because it's fun. Males also masturbate because they have to relieve themselves of sexual fluids that have built up. Some scientists believe that masturbation also keeps sperm in healthy condition. You'll have to decide for yourself if it's right. I think it is.

CAN YOU GIVE ME A LIST OF OBJECTS AROUND THE HOUSE TO MASTURBATE WITH? LATELY I'M HORNY ALL THE TIME AND CAN'T SEEM TO PLEASURE MYSELF ENOUGH. (age 15)

Some objects popular among girls your age: Markers, candles, brush handles, toothbrush handles, doll parts, and if you feel like a snack afterward, carrots, cucumbers, and bananas.

I masturbate every month. Am I still a virgin? (age 18)

Masturbating does not make you not a virgin.

I sometimes masturbate with a Jacuzzi jet. You say that that kind of feeling can't be replicated with a man. What do you mean? (age 14)

A man brings a woman to orgasm in intercourse by his penis stimulating her clitoris and/or her vaginal walls. This is nothing like the feeling of a bathroom faucet, let alone a powerful water jet, against a woman's clitoris. A woman who's used to stimulation by running water is unlikely to be satisfied by sexual intercouse. The pressure from a man rubbing his penis against and inside her is simply no comparison to water pressure.

Can you give me any examples of water based lubricant we can use? (female, age 18)

Some of the popular ones are K-Y Liquid, K-Y Jelly, and Astroglide. Most drug and discount stores carry these next to the condoms.

I found your site today, and wanted to share that I think it is a wonderfully educating site for young men and women. I wish the Internet had existed when I was that age. It took me years to realize that masturbation was normal. I am married, my kids are in school, and I have a home office. My husband and I have sex once or twice a week usually, and I still regularly masturbate three to four times a week during the day. Most of my girlfriends do as well. Keep letting the young women know it is not only normal, but it is a healthy part of life. (age 38)

Thanks for your comments.

I have a lot of questions about masturbation. I feel like I always want to masturbate, even if nothing is stimulating it. The only kind of masturbation I have ever tried is vaginal masturbation. What else can I do? What is a hymen and how do you make it break? I like to look at porn on the web. Is that normal for a girl at age 12? How do you achieve an orgasm with masturbation? I KNOW for a fact that I am not a lesbian, but I am interested in trying having sex with a woman sometime in the future. Is that normal? And what is a good postion to masturbate in? (age 12)

Lots of people always want to masturbate, especially at your age. Most girls practice external masturbation by stimulating their external genitalia, specifically the clitoris and labia minora. The hymen is a thin piece of skin that covers the vaginal opening. If you've been masturbating vaginally, it's almost certainly been broken already. Most boys and girls your age are curious about porn on the net, but I don't recommend watching. There's a lot of awful stuff out there you can't handle, and amoral people are behind it. If you're relaxed and enjoying masturbation, you're likely to have your first orgasm when you don't expect it. Don't worry about not having one. Lots of people your age are curious about different kinds of sex, but you shouldn't be obsessed with having sex with a woman (or anyone else) at your age. Most people learn to masturbate reclining on their backs.

I masturbate with objects in the prone position daily. Can it harm me? (age 22)

You might be habituating to a form of stimulation that you can't get in intercourse. The results of my female masturbation survey suggest that masturbating prone causes problems in women, in addition to the previously documented problems it causes for men.

I was wondering who came up with the word vagina and why and the word masturbate. Why don't they just call it playing with yourself? (female, age 15)

Most of our sexual words evolved in medieval times based on how monks talked. In its original form, penis meant the tail of an animal and vagina meant sheath, something that was used inside out, like the holster for a gun. Masturbate comes from the Latin words manus, meaning hand and turbare, meaning to disturb. So masturbation means "to disturb with the hand." Many people indeed call it "playing with yourself," but one of the main functions of language is to replace 3-word colloquial phrases with single words that sound better. Remember the conjugation: I play with myself (first person), you masturbate (second person), he jerks off (third person).

I was wondering if it was possible for girls to have TMS. I squeeze my legs together tightly. Is this bad? It feels good. But I am not sure if it is healthy.

I discuss the issue of female TMS along with the results of my recent female masturbation survey. Lots of women masturbate by squeezing the proper muscles. I think it's bad if they can't masturbate to orgasm any other way, and especially if they can't have an orgasm from any kind of sex. If you're not sure it's healthy, why not explore more conventional ways of bringing yourself to orgasm?

Last month, three girls at school asked me if I polish my pearl. When I told them I didn't understand they all laughed and left. I think this must be some kind of slang. Was I right that they were talking about something sexual? Thank you for your site. You know a lot so maybe you can answer my question. By the way, I don't play with myself but maybe I will sometime. (age 13)

"Polish the pearl" is slang for female masturbation; specifically, rubbing the clitoris. You might read the glossary for this site.

Although having sites of this nature accessible for people of all ages is wonderful, being too judgmental is not. I have read the responses to the questions in the "Female Masturbation" section of your site, and you usually give good advice, but you also make comments that can be detrimental to a person's self-esteem. When the questions were asked about brothers and sisters masturbating together was brought up, the comment "You and your brother need to stop this before you get put into institutions" was out of line. The children in question were 10 and 12, and making a comment to them implying they could be institutionalized is wrong. Though incest is wrong, they are at a young and vulnerable age, and any comments made to them, online or off, could have long time effects on their self-esteem and mental-health. How would you feel, if the little girl that asked that question went on with her life, forever questioning whether she is crazy, and if she should be institutionalized. Even at my age, children are very impressionable, and should be handled with care.

In response to the girls and women who asked questions about their sexuality, you told one, "I don't think many straight women get so wet when they see naked women." This is untrue. At any age, exploring all your sexual options is not abnormal. Feeling physical responses to naked women, or the thought of naked women is in no way rare. These feelings can be kept for masturbation, or explored in any way they wish to pursue.

I am not, however encouraging sexual contact between people under the age of consent. In response to the 12 year old girl asking about wrestling with the 14 year old friend of the family, all I can say is that those feelings are natural, and you should not discourage them. She should not, however, act on those feelings with him. Masturbating about them is normal. Guys can be turned on by almost anything; who's to say the 14 year old mentioned above is necessarily being turned on by her? Apparently you think you have the ability to read his mind. I'm very sorry if it sounds like I am against your site. I'm not. I believe it is a very good idea, but maybe more thought needs to be taken when you answer questions. Thank you for reading this. Signed, Apple (female, age 15)

Hi Apple! Thanks for writing. I'm glad you care so much. I try to empathize with my correspondents, but some need more firm guidance. The 10-year-old girl was in that group. I needed to tell her to cut out that behavior because of how a government bureaucrat would react to what she wrote. I know because I used to be a government bureaucrat. I never suggested she was crazy. The woman I advised might be a lesbian was 20 and had described a long-term pattern of erotic thoughts. I frequently tell younger writers that such thoughts in isolation do not mean they are gay. Having them often over a period of years suggests just the opposite. I told the wrestler her behavior was normal. I don't read minds but I was 14 once and know the impact of wrestling with a girl. I hope you will keep reading.

Every time I go to my friend's house we talk about sex or ways we masturbate. I feel totally comfortable saying things like this and it always makes me want to masturbate afterward. Is this normal? When I masturbate (about every 1-2 days) I always have to urinate afterwards. Do you know the cause of this? (age 12)

It's normal to talk about sex with your friends and to feel like masturbating when talking about sex. (I wonder if people masturbate after reading my site.) Urine helps clean the urethra of sexual fluids. This is very usual in males but it happens to females too.

Should I masturbate daily? (age 16, female)

If I were you, I would.

I love to masturbate! I've been doing it for about 2 years now! Do you think I am too young? (age 10)

No. We're all on different pages. You just got to this one ahead of most people. Congratulations!

I don't get why you give advice for females when you are a male. Why do you do it? (age 13)

Because females want my advice! There is a definite need for information out there. Being female never stopped Dear Abby, Ann Landers, Dr. Ruth, Dr. Laura, or Dr. Joyce Brothers from giving advice to males, did it?

I have recently tried to start masturbating. But when I feel my body start to really get into it and like I'm almost reaching something, I lose the feeling completely. I think I'm in the right area, but I don't think I've really touched my clitoris. Can you help? Also, can I do it when I have my period? (If I stick to the clitoris area?) (age 23)

Of course I can help! It's important to maintain a mental focus and just enjoy what you're doing. An orgasm is apt to happen when you least expect it. It's not necessary to touch the clitoris. The clitoris is near the top inside your outer labia. And many women enjoy masturbating, both internally and externally, when menstruating.

Is masturbating an addiction? I've been masturbating since I was 13 and feel a bit ashamed. Should I stop? It feels so good. (age 15)

It isn't an addiction, but there's such a thing as compulsive masturbation. The definition is on my page of male questions. You shouldn't be ashamed or try to stop.

I do not understand why you said you'd recommend against using a pillow to masturbate and use a more conventional method. I think pillow thrusting is a great way to masturbate. I've been masturbating since I was about 7 and I love finding new ways to do it. I study sexuality and masturbation too. The conventional way can get boring, and everyone has her own way of doing things, and I don't think you should tell someone what they're doing is wrong as long as it's not hurting them. Sweet site by the way. (age 16)

If you've read my site, you know that masturbating in the prone position causes severe sexual problems in most males who practice it and is implicated in female sexuality too.

How quickly do you check your email? Do YOU have the option of posting the mail on your website? Your site is the best! (age 12)

I try to answer questions every day, but I'm sometimes out of town. Yes, I have sole discretion as to what gets answered.

Do girls have more pleasure than boys during masturbation? (female, age 15)

That's a really interesting question! I'd be inclined to say boys do, based on the percentage of male masturbation that results in orgasm (more than 99%) versus a smaller level for females. There are also many females who only masturbate once a month or less, as opposed to the average unattached male masturbating daily. However, it is common for females to be multi-orgasmic, something that is extremely rare among males. Those females probably have more pleasure than males.

I was watching this girl on a school trip, and she put her hands in her pants and I could see that he was moving her hands. She pretended to sleep during all of this. Is this normal?? (age 14)

Yes, both her masturbating and her pretending to sleep. If you read this page, you will find stories of many little girls who think no one sees their hands when they pretend to be sleeping.

Just to point out irony: it seems that the male section is all about how to stop masturbation while the female side is about encouraging it. I just thought that was funny. (age 15)

I don't think you read the site very carefully. I have never advocated that anyone stop masturbating. I tell both males and females to masturbate and have a good time doing it. I advocate strongly against a particularly harmful form of masturbation called TMS.

When are you not a virgin? I heard it's when the boy gets all of the head in and I've heard that it's when the boy busts your hymen. I can't tell whether or not I am because he got all of the head in, but not much else. I really enjoy your site, and I've learned a lot from it.

I'm inclined to say you're not a virgin if you've had even a penile head inside you. The hymen is irrelevant, since most girls have already broken theirs before they have intercourse for the first time.

I masturbate TMS style. I usually rest on my pubic bone, and this gets me the pleasure I am aiming for. Is there anything wrong with this in females? I can't find much information on female TMS and I want to know if I have to quit cold turkey, or if its ok. (age 14)

I think TMS is bad for females but not as harmful as it is for males. It would be a good idea to quit and learn a new way. The youngest males have the easiest time switching.

I masturbate at least once a day. I inserted a finger inside my vagina. Am I still a virgin? (age 15)

Masturbating does not make you not a virgin. You have to have sexual intercourse for that. Might read the glossary.

What exactly is "pillow masturbating"? (age 15)

It's thrusting against or into a pillow. It's a form of TMS which I highly caution against.

Is is possible to lose your virginity while masturbating, using water or plain clitoral stimulation (rubbing)? (age 21)

You cannot lose your virginity by masturbating, only by having sexual intercourse with another person.

I'm still a virgin and last night my boyfriend used his fingers to pleasure me. I've had this done to me before but ever since last night every time I go to the toilet my vagina hurts and it won't stop bleeding. Does this mean that I am no longer a virgin? (age 16)

Most people say that having someone's fingers in your vagina (manual intercourse) does not make you not a virgin. Most people believe you have to have penis-in-vagina intercourse (vaginal intercourse) or at least penis-in-anus (anal intercourse) or penis-in-mouth intercourse (oral intercourse) to lose your virginity. He probably broke your hymen more than it had ever been before, but that doesn't make you a non-virgin.

I would like to point out that every single time I come to your site I end up masturbating. I guess there's just something about talking about masturbating that gets me wet. Is that normal? (age 17)

Yes, very normal. I'm glad you enjoy your visits here!

How many times do boys and girls masturbate in a week? And who has stronger orgasm feelings, girls or boys? (Lisa, age 14)

The average girl your age (12 1/2 to 16 1/2) who masturbates does it about five times a week, but only about half of them do at all. Almost all the boys your age do, and the average for boys in that age group is about 10 times a week. (These numbers are from the surveys I have done for this site.) I suspect boys have stronger orgasm feelings, since most adult men say the feelings they had in orgasms when they were new to masturbation are about the same as they still have, while many women say they didn't even have a real orgasm until they had been masturbating and/or having sex for many years.

I've always had a large pubic bone. It juts out and makes it embarrassing to wear a bathing suit. It's not really the fat over it that makes it big; the bone itself just comes out farther than other girls. Can you tell me why this is? (age 19)

Some people have ears that stick out, some people have very noticeable elbows, and you have a prominent pubic bone. Although it sounds shallow for me to say it, you shouldn't be embarrassed. Lots of males think a prominent pubis is sexy. Why not try showing it off this summer instead of hiding it?

I've been masturbating for about two years, but I don't know how to stop. Sometimes I think it ruins my life. I masturbate at least 3-4 times a week. (female, age 13)

I don't think you need to stop. Your frequency isn't so high that you should be worried. Try to enjoy masturbating more, and in a few years you'll think it's funny that you ever wanted to quit.

I don't masturbate, but I'm wondering if I can lose my virginity by using a tampon. I've only used the smaller sizes twice before getting scared that I broke my hymen, so is it intact, damaged, or gone? (age 15)

Someone would have to look to say for sure, but if you've used any tampons at all, it's unlikely your hymen is still intact. Having or not having a hymen has little to do with virginity. Most older virgins (18+) have little or no hymen left. And a few women have had sexual intercourse but for whatever reason, the hymen remains intact. You can't lose your virginity by using tampons.

I would like to offer a suggestion to all of the age-appropriate sexually active women out there. From my experience, I used to rarely be able to reach orgasm through sexual intercourse. I am in a serious relationship and am very attracted to my partner. He is very attentive to my sexual needs. However, I was still rarely able to reach orgasm through sexual intercourse. I am able to reach multiple orgasms through clitoral stimulation when masturbating (especially with a vibrator). The more orgasms I have, the easier it is to reach orgasm. Basically, the first orgasm is the challenge. I have discovered that by masturbating prior to sexual intercourse, I am able to reach orgasm during intercourse more easily.

Masturbating prior to intercourse has many advantages: 1) after masturbating, my vagina produces a wonderful lubricant that does wonders during intercourse 2) after reaching a couple of orgasms through masturbation, my genitals are slightly swollen and my boyfriend loves the way I feel when he's inside of me (warm, wet, and tight) 3) I usually can reach an orgasm during intercourse in a matter of minutes. This means my boyfriend is not holding off forever (like he used to) to wait for me to reach orgasm So, the next time your partner tells you he masturbates, you be sure to do the same! (age 33)

Sounds good, but couldn't manual stimulation by your partner as foreplay accomplish the same thing?

I have been using pillows to masturbate for about 4 years now. I don't thrust against them, I just push (while fully clothed), but face down (more to the side). I can't reach orgasm with my hands and have tried many times. I have also tried fingering myself but am too tight and it hurts to put one finger in. Is it OK to rock back and forth on the seam of your pants while reading things that turn you on? After hearing about TMS, I am very scared. Do you think I have it? (age 14)

You have a borderline case, at least. I don't think TMS is as dangerous for females as it is for males. You might try abstaining from masturbation until you can do it with your hands, the same as I recommend for males. See the main page for strategies. I don't know how long to tell you to abstain for since no female has tried the program that I know of. Better plan on two weeks. Good luck.

I often masturbate with a doll. I lie on my back and rub the doll against my clitoris. I use saliva as a lubricant and it's like the doll is humping me. It feels really great! Is this normal and will grinding the doll give me TMS? (age 18)

TMS is masturbating prone. I don't think what you're doing is exactly normal -- I often hear of younger girls doing that, and older females have generally switched to their hands or vibrators or dildos. I don't think it's harmful either. You'd probably have an easier time having an orgasm with a partner if you masturbated more conventionally.

I have been masturbating since I was young (externally), but not very frequently. And now barely ever. But I just recently found out that the way I do it is called TMS. I did not know this was "unconventional." Why do you think this is harmful? And also upon finding out about this, I read that it affects having good orgasms during sex. I am a virgin and am now worried that I won't have a good orgasm when I have sex later. Has TMS "done its damage" on me, or can I stop the TMS way and still have good orgasms when I start having sex? Thanks for this site, it's very informative. (age 18)

You answer your own question. TMS is harmful because it makes its practitioners unable to have orgasms any other way. Males who quit TMS find themselves becoming sexually normal and able to have orgasms with partners very soon. I suspect the experience would be the same for females.

I discovered masturbation about a year ago and I do it more than twice a day. Is this normal for a girl my age? Also, the only way I can ever reach orgasm is when I rub myself on the corner of my bed or rub up on anything. I would like to find other ways to reach an orgasm if you could help me with that. (age 15)

You might follow the abstinence program for males I recommend on the main page to make yourself sensitive enough to masturbate using only your hands. Your frequency is a little high but not abnormal.

I love to masturbate. It feels so good! I feel like I'm in my own world and no one can stop me! I use a brush handle! But I want to use something more exciting. Where can you get dildos and what is a vibrator? Can you help me? I love masturbating! (age 12)

Yes, you mentioned. I don't know that anyone would sell a dildo to a 12 year old. A vibrator is generally used externally for a female to masturbate by its vibration. I suggest using your hands (and the brush handle) for a while longer.

This is sooooo embarrassing to ask and has nothing to do with masturbation. I started to develop breasts at about 9 years old. I am now 15 and my breasts are not as big as some of my friends. They are actually kind of small (34 A). Will they start to grow soon? Guys at my school make fun of me!

I bet those guys will regret they made fun of you one day! There is nothing wrong with small breasts. Many quality men, including me, prefer them to large ones. Some women's breasts don't stop growing until age 25, and there are other changes to the breasts as part of childbearing that might make them bigger yet.

I am so glad to have come across this site. It is great! It has answered many questions of mine that I can't ask my parents. (They are ministers and have strict rules about sex and masturbation, or rather they just don't talk about it.) Despite what they have said, I started exploring myself around puberty like any other normal kid and have had boyfriends. I am still a virgin. But I can't seem to get an orgasm on my own. I think I have had a few, but they all have been when I am making out and rolling around with guys. I have been trying to find my G spot but still have had no success. My girlfriends at college all are cheering me on in my pursuit but I just can't get it. When I am alone and am trying, I get tired and just give up. Can you give me any tips or words of encouragement? (age 18)

I'm cheering you on too! You should focus on your external genitalia and not on your vagina at this point. The most important thing is to relax and maintain a mental focus. Many women don't have orgasms until later. Just try to enjoy masturbating and perhaps an orgasm will happen when you least expect it. It's good that you can discuss masturbation with your friends.

I just found out about TMS. I masturbate face down 60 percent of the time. My hands are side by side over my mons veneris. I get tense and push myself toward the lower part of the palms of my hands, and maybe shake them a little and do this until I get excited. Does this deform or affect my mons pubis or vagina in a bad way? Is TMS bad? (age 18)

TMS doesn't deform your anatomy (as far as I know) but it conditions you to a kind of sensation that you can't get in sexual intercourse. I think you should stop the face-down part and do it like you do the other 40 percent of the time.

Is masturbating against the Catholic religion? (female, age 17)

The official position of the Roman Catholic church is that it is wrong, but a lot of Catholics privately disagree and practice it anyway. You can learn about some other Christian perspectives on this page.

This site is REALLY helpful and it gives a lot of answers and not-to-dos to me. I really thank you because good sites like these are hard to find. (age 12)

You are very welcome!

Somebody in my school asked me if I've got a "clean pussy." What does that mean? (age 14)

It means they have a dirty mouth.

When you masturbate internally, does your hymen always break? I masturbate about twice a day and my hymen hasn't broken yet. (age 13)

The hymen won't necessarily break the first time you masturbate internally, but as you increase force and the number of fingers, it is likely to. If you get to the point of inserting objects, your hymen is almost certain to break rapidly. "Breaking" doesn't mean the hymen is completely gone; that process generally takes months or even years. But as the opening in the hymen erodes, it resembles a circle less.

I recently walked in on my thirteen year old daughter humping the spine of a book to masturbate. I read up on TMS, and I was wondering if this would be hurtful to her in someway. And how would it be? (age 32)

TMS is a documented cause of sexual dysfunction in males, and we're just starting to learn about the possible ill-effects of TMS in females. Based on surveys done on this site, there seems to be a pattern of women having less orgasmic capacity if they masturbate prone. More research needs to be done. Beyond that, however, the spine of a book is a much more brutal object for masturbation and could cause trauma all by itself. Most females who masturbate prone thrust against a pillow or stuffed animal or their hands. I suggest you talk to your daughter and tell her that the vast majority of females and almost all males masturbate with their hands. If such a conversation would be too uncomfortable, perhaps you could print out my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation for her to read.

I can't believe what you're telling these young girls. Ask your mom for a vibrator? Telling them to use candles and vegetables! This is very unhygienic and unsafe, as the wall of the vagina can be damaged. I am a Christian and am saving myself for a lifelong partner. I think that the use of sex toys is not a good idea, as you are training you body to react in a certain way, and it can be harder for your partner to please you. No offense, but your male opinion is not especially helpful to these young girls, as you have no frame of reference. I suggest you refrain from answering questions you cannot know the answer to. (age 17)

Most of the girls who write me have no one else to ask about masturbation. Their friends don't know anything, the schools don't teach anything about it, and they can't ask their mothers. I think it would be a very positive step if a girl could ask her mother for a vibrator, and that's why I suggest it. I advise against the use of candles and vegetables, but females continue to use them. I always say to clean them before and after use and to be gentle. I applaud your decision to wait, but you might read the letter not too far above this from a newlywed woman whose abstaining from masturbation has caused her honeymoon to be underhappy. Masturbation is healthy, fun, and very beneficial. It does not detract from saving yourself for a partner.

I have female correspondents to whom I refer especially challenging questions. I will cease giving advice to women when Dear Abby, Dr. Laura, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Dr. Ruth, and their ilk stop giving advice to men.

Is it a sin? (age 16, female)

I don't think so, but many religions that put an emphasis on sin do. I think it's a normal part of sexual functioning that God devised for people to stay healthy sexually. I suspect you're struggling greatly with this, since you couldn't even type the word masturbation in your question.

I masturbate face down. I heard this is bad, but it's the only way I can reach an orgasm. Should I stop? I've tried it on my back but no orgasm. Please help. (age 13)

TMS is very bad for males, and some early research on this site says it's bad for females too. I think you should stop. Be persistent with masturbating on your back. You're ahead of most girls, who haven't had an orgasm at your age. You already know what one feels like, and that will make it easier for you to find as you try it on your back. Some of the tips I have for males to quit TMS on the main page will work for you too. Good luck.

It's nice to see a site with such useful and benefical answers for everyone! Good Job! (age 21)

My mother and I are very open about things like this but I haven't told her I masturbate yet because she didn't like the idea of me using tampons but I want to tell her because I don't like keeping things from her. What can I do? (age 13)

I don't know why you need to, but if you want to tell her, then tell her. I think she'll understand.

A lot of times when I get aroused it's because I'm thinking of being with an older man, like a guest at work. I don't always think about sex, just the thought of an older man's attention sometimes arouses me. Is this normal? I also blush a lot when older men talk to me. Is there any way I can control that? (age 18)

It's normal, and it's good that you can become aroused by non-sexual things. That suggests you'll be a responsive partner to some lucky man someday. Blushing is pretty much an uncontrollable reaction, but it's probably not as noticeable as you think. And if the older man notices, he probably likes it. I'm older than you, and I do. I still remember being flattered by girls in junior high blushing when I talked to them. Hey, you're getting my attention!

I'm 14 and I masturbate on the phone with my boyfriend. When I'm done, I feel tired. Is this normal?

Orgasm ordinarily leads to sleep. That's why so many people masturbate or have sex before bed. I hope your boyfriend knows what you're doing.

I have been masturbating since I was about 4 years old. I know from your site it's not that normal for such a young age. I also can masturbate by sitting in one place and not moving or touching myself and just contracting my muscles. I did it one time in class just to see if I could, but a guy friend asked me what I was doing and being very surprised, I just blurted out that I was masturbating, and now he won't leave me alone. Every time I sit still, he asks me if I need help with that or something dumb. How can I tell him to leave me alone? (age 14)

You really pushed that guy's button. Almost all the guys your age masturbate, and for most males, nothing is more erotic than the thought of a female masturbating. And it was you who put that image in his head. I've corresponded with a guy who continued to date a woman he wasn't interested in, only because she talked to him on their first date about masturbating. Although almost all guys your age masturbate, they're also petrified at the idea of someone finding out they do. What you need to do is tell this guy that if he doesn't stop teasing you about it, that you will stand up in front of the class and tell everyone that he keeps asking you to masturbate with him. (Don't do this, just threaten to.) Don't ever tell anyone again what you're doing. It might also be a good idea not to masturbate that way in public.

Also, there is nothing wrong with you for masturbating at a young age. It's only abnormal in the statistical sense. Girls who masturbate young tend to be more sexually responsive as they grow older. What you can do simply by flexing your muscles is something nearly everyone envies you for.

I have masturbated since 5 or 6 years old and still do. I masturbate about 2 or 3 times a day, but sometimes I just do it once or twice. About a month ago I found this other web site that blamed overmasturbation for memory loss, backaches, sleeping problems and other scary symptoms. I'm really terrified. Can you tell me is it true or not? How many times a week to masturbate is normal? (age 13)

None of that is true. You should beware of web sites selling a remedy they claim cures what they say something causes. There's really no such thing as "overmasturbation." You masturbate more often than most girls your age, but I don't think you have anything to worry about.

You give some really bad advice. Like that question about the 4 friends that like to have oral sex with each other. There's nothing wrong with that, but that's not what you say. They're 14 years old and that's plenty old enough to experiment. That's what you should be telling them. (age 18)

That question was probably fake anyway, but 14 is much too young to be having any kind of sex. Any reasonable person would believe that. That's why the age of consent for sex is higher than 14 in most places.

I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember. However, I never knew the dangers masturbating on your stomach could cause. Why don't we learn more about masturbation in school? (age 15)

If you hear about masturbation in sex ed at all, you're ahead of most. Masturbation is one of those topics that the kind of parents who serve on the school board don't want kids to hear about in school. Be glad this site is here for you. I didn't find out the dangers of prone masturbation until I had been doing it for 18 years.

Is it right at my age to just kiss a boy because I really want to kiss but be abstinent. (age 13)

Yes, I think that's a very good plan for your age.

I masturbate all the time but I feel guilty afterward. I think I'm too young to masturbate but sometimes I just have to. Should I be afraid to tell my mom about it? (age 12)

Everyone feels guilty occasionally. It's normal and good for you, because it tells you to find a partner when the time comes and not to spend your whole life masturbating. You're not too young. Some girls start at 12 and some at 15 and some at 6. Some girls never do. It's up to you whether you tell your mom. She probably masturbates herself, and she doesn't need to know that you do. You can read some comments from mothers (and fathers) on my parents page.

First of all, I love your site! I masturbate with my mom's vibrator (I know you tell the other girls to wash it before and after, so I do.) Do you think it would be OK to masturbate with veggies? What can I do to make sure my parents don't catch me masturbating? (age 16)

I think learning to please yourself with your hands would be better than using vegetables, but a lot of females use them. To keep from being discovered, the most important thing is to put a lock on your bedroom door. Also try to keep the noise level down.

This site is really really helpful. I know so much more about masturbation. Thank you for answering my questions. It's hard to find a good site these days. Once my mom came in and asked to check what I was doing on my computer. Feeling a bit guilty, I showed her this site. She said there is no reason to be guilty and it's a good site with good information and that I could still come back to visit HealthyStrokes.com. So anyway, thanks. (age 13)

Can I use your mom as a reference?

When do our questions show up on this page once we've submitted them? I can't find the one I just submitted. (age 15)

I answer questions every day I'm home. (But I'm away from home a lot.) Look for the date at the bottom of the questions and answers. Questions that appear to be fake or that duplicate other questions already answered are generally not answered. New questions are only posted on the main male page, the main female page, or the TMS comments page. The other pages are filled with questions that have been moved there.

The thought of guys masturbating really turns me on. I'd like my boyfriend to masturbate in front of me, but I am too embarrassed to ask. What can I do? (age 19)

You should tell him, "the thought of guys masturbating really turns me on."

Whenever I read about sex or reproduction, I tighten up down there. What causes that? (age 21)

It's just a bad habit. When you realize you're clenching your muscles "down there," relax them.

I am still a virgin and I want to have sex with my boyfriend but I get nervous. How can I break my hymen or erode it so that I can be comfortable? Does a Pap smear hurt, I heard they do? I never had one but I have to get one now that I am 18.

You shouldn't have to do anything to your hymen. Just tell your boyfriend to be gentle and to stop if you are feeling pain. I don't think Pap smears hurt, but they can be uncomfortable. You might discuss it with your mother.

My friend said that guys get an erection every 90 to 100 minutes and they don't even have to be aroused. She also said this happens until age 18. Is this true? (age 13)

Your friend is very well informed. Yes, that is all true. The frequent erections can stop anytime from 17-21, but 18 is probably average.

I started masturbating at the age of 6 after watching a porn movie that my mother had on. I figured out the prone style to please myself and I used to have orgasms that way. Nothing was wrong until I was 17 and I figured out that my privates look different from normal and that I have a huge clitoris and also that I have completely lost my hymen. I am now very scared to get married and just don't know what to do to get myself back in shape. Can you suggest anything please? I'm very depressed. (age 19)

I think prone masturbation is bad for females too, so you should try to cut that out. You shouldn't worry about the size of your clitoris -- it probably isn't as big as you think -- and every sexually active woman's hymen is on its way to gone. You should be happy that you know yourself sexually better than most women and you can more successfully have sex with a partner.

I've tried to masturbate but it never felt good. I'm embarrased because I don't know how. I get horny and need to satisfy myself when I get excited. I need major help or instructions. Your web site has given me help and made me feel normal about wanting this. (age 15)

You might start with my Young Woman's Guide and then read through the pages for females.

I masturbate about 3-4 times a week when I'm in the shower. I use the shower spray against my clit and I get amazing oragasms. I am great with my hands but the shower is so amazing. Is this dangerous? Should I stop doing it? (age 14)

I think you're better off if you don't. It's not a feeling you'll ever have with a partner. It's good that you're great with your hands. Why don't you make a pledge to only masturbate that way from now on.

Some of my friends who have been having sex for a while now say that it hurts when the penis goes in even if you have been using tampons. Is this true? (age 15)

Yes, it is apt to hurt a little. The penis is firmer than tampons, and the male uses more force to insert it (which you cannot control precisely) than you use to insert a tampon. Don't worry about it so much and try to enjoy it. And try to find a partner who will be gentle.

I read a question about a girl who stopped masturbating for 2-3 months. How is that possible? I can't even last 3 days!! (age 16)

Your experience is closer to that of a male. Most feel tremendous pressure to masturbate after more than a few days. Females don't usually have the same urge (no fluids that need to be eliminated) and can generally go much longer.

I totally disagree with your comments to the 13 year old who wanted to get her labia pierced. I do agree with you that she is too young to be thinking about getting any piercings yet. I am glad that you are trying to help and give advice, but find it a bit funny that you are giving advice to girls (about certain topics) when you are a guy. A lot of the advice you are giving these girls seems quite comical and not right. Why don't you get a girl to answer the girl's questions? Make sure that these YOUNG girls know that masturbating is healthy but sex is not at their age. I believe that girls should not have sex until AT LEAST 15-17 yrs old. I do applaud you for helping these girls and giving them someone to talk to about sex without making them feel embarrassed, etc. Keep up the good work! (age 18)

I only answer the questions I am asked, and if girls would rather ask me than a woman, I'm flattered and eager to help. I refer certain questions to female correspondents for them to answer. These answers are marked with the female logo. The comical answers are generally in response to questions which I wonder are really serious. (I get a lot of fake questions.) I think 19 is old enough to be sexually active. But I don't preach this at every young person who is obviously already active at a younger age and in need of advice.

I masturbate about 5 or 6 times a day and I just started doing this for a few days. I'm constantly horny. It doesn't go away and it's kind of scary, actually. It's all I can think about and even right after I orgasm I want more. I've noticed these red bumps around my clitoris and I want to know if that's healthy. I need to keep masturbating but should I cut down to maybe 2 or 3 times a day? (age 17)

Even 2 or 3 times a day is an extreme frequency for a female and would be quite high even for a male your age. You might have to stop masturbating for a week to see if the bumps go away and if it's your masturbating that's causing them.

I have never had sex before. I want to know the color of my hymen, and can I see it by using a mirror? Where is the location of it exactly, and can I insert a thin object without hurting it? (age 20)

You might start by browsing the hymen gallery on this site and the other illustrations, which are linked from the bottom of the left side menu. The hymen is usually pink, although it can also be clear. You would see it with a mirror as you held your labia apart with your hands, just before the vaginal opening. If you're interested in preserving your hymen, I advise against inserting any kind of object.

I have learned recently that I have come into the habit of masturbating my sleep. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now, and this first came about maybe six months ago. I was shocked to hear about it. How can I do something that I have no recollection of? My sex drive has become quite low, and I think because I have become self-conscious about it. I know my boyfriend is quite frustrated because he sees me having pleasure and he wants to be a part of it. I wonder if this has something to do with my being raped ten years ago. I feel that I have overcome it, but could my new problem be because of that? I am curious what I can do to overcome it, get my sex drive back, and stop doing things in my sleep that I get no pleasure or recollection from doing? (age 27)

I think you need professional help. Your sleep masturbation is akin to sleepwalking. It would be useful if your boyfriend could wake you up when he sees you doing it. If your body gets satisfaction from sleep masturbating, even if you have no recollection, that could interfere with your sex drive. I think it would be helpful to talk to a counselor about the relation of the problem to the rape.

Follow-up: Where would you suggest I go for professional help? I went to a therapist after the rape, but I didnīt feel that she helped me. How can I find someone that I can trust, and feel comfortable telling such intimate thoughts?

If you have health insurance, just call the mental health unit of your clinic and make an appointment. The therapist is there to help you, and you should trust her as you would any professional. They will probably just treat you as they would a sleepwalker and probably go into the past trauma to figure out if it brought the sleep masturbation on. Another way to deal with it would be to make sure you're satisfied sexually when you go to bed, and then you'd be less likely to masturbate in your sleep.

I had sex last night but I wasn't a virgin. I experienced a lot of bleeding, and I decided that it was just my hymen tearing all the way. Now I am just concerned because I have a tab of skin that is just hanging now. Will this eventually go away? (age 19)

What you say is consistent with that. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I am 14 and I've been masturbating since I was 10. I used to just go back and forth in a sitting position and now have to thrust against a blanket or pillow. I have tried to use my hands but I feel nothing when touching my clitoris. Is it bad for me to do that this way? Why does my mons veneris have more skin on it than all my friends? I can't even wear a bathing suit because it's like fat.

It would be better if you could masturbate with your hands. You might go a week or so without masturbating and see if your clitoris gets more sensitive. Everyone's body is different. You shouldn't be self-conscious about your mons veneris. Many guys admire prominent ones.

I'm 14 and I've recently begun masturbating, and I can almost always reach an orgasm with just my fingers. Except it only lasts a second or two. Any tips to make it longer or better?

You might focus at the point of orgasm and repeat whatever got you to that point.

Is it normal to masturbate with a removable shower head? I hold the shower head close to me, and within a minute I get a tingling sensation when I put it on the right place. Is this an orgasm? (age 16)

An orgasm is more than a tingling sensation, but I think you're getting closer. The trouble with masturbating using a shower head is that you might find it hard to masturbate without one.

When I was 5 or 6, a family friend would touch my privates; I can't remember if he would go under my panties, but I guess he was basically just massaging my clitoris. I told my mom, and he stopped, but he was still welcome in my house. I grew up with him always staring at me. Anyway, I have a boyfriend that I've been with for 3 years. He's the only guy I've ever had sexual activity with. I'm confused because I'm not sure that I've ever orgasmed and for about the first 2 years sex hurt. When I climax, it usually happens pretty quickly. I generally have little sexual desire although I have sex fairly frequently. I would like to have desire and drive, and wonder what is wrong. Is what happened to me when I was younger considered a traumatic experience? Or do I perhaps just naturally have a low libido? (age 21)

I suspect the incident with the pedophile has impacted you more than it should have; undoubtedly his being around and staring at you didn't help. You might talk to a professional about this and also about your low desire. I think your problems are fixable with the right help.

When I masturbate I can never get a really good orgasm that makes me want to scream. I use an electric toothbrush and it seems to feel good, but I really haven't had that mind-blowing orgasm yet. Is there any way that you can help? (age 14)

It would be better if you didn't use the toothbrush and concentrated on feelings you like with your hands. Lots of girls don't have full orgasms at your age.

I can only orgasm by inserting one or two fingers inside, not by just rubbing the outside. Is there something wrong with me there that I can't? Am I doing something wrong? (age 20)

You probably just need to relax more and focus on having an orgasm by masturbating externally. A lot of women your age can only masturbate one way. You should enjoy what you can do, and if you can't diversify your style, that's OK too.

I just wanted to thank you for your site. I made myself bleed the other night masturbating, and I was scared that meant I wasn't a virgin anymore. It doesn't matter to my boyfriend, but it's important to me that I am a virgin when I get married, and your site stopped me from freaking out about it when I read that breaking the hymen doesn't change your virginity. Will using lube while masturbating make my hymen erode less or erode slower? (age 20)

Glad to be of service! I doubt the lube will make much difference in preserving your hymen. If that's your goal, you should masturbate externally.

Thanks for sharing this site with the world. I have a daughter who will be needing this kind of information in a few years. I appreciate your efforts and the dedication it takes to answer what must be a large volume of mail. (age 36)

Thanks! And I'm sure your daughter appreciates your dedication too.

I'm a virgin. Sometimes, though, when I think about having sex with boyfriend, I get the same feeling I get when I masturbate. Is it possible to get an orgasm without actually touching myself? (age 20)

Possible, but not very likely, especially if you're sexually inexperienced. It occurs to me that your orgasms might not be very intense even when you masturbate, which is why you think the feeling you get from mere fantasy is similar. You might concentrate on having a stronger orgasm.

I can only achieve an orgasm when I'm with a guy when I'm on top and he is sitting up. Is that normal? (age 18)

The position you describe gives you a lot of control, which makes it easier for someone to reach orgasm. You'd enjoy it more if you could learn to reach orgasm in other positions.

I am a single and in college and not sexually active. I experienced sexual intercourse during early adolescence at age 16. Because of defense mechanisms, my memory of my first experience is unclear. I recall being unsure about having sexual intercourse and felt that my first encounter was rape since I asked for it to be stopped during the intercourse but it was not. I did not express emotions of anger toward my ex-boyfriend afterward since I was ashamed and confused and he had expressed anger when I asked him to stop and carried on with a sexual relationship for over 2 years after the encounter. I still have unresolved conflicts when I think back to this matter. I still have doubts as to if it were rape or not since I took so long to come to this conclusion. I still don't understand why or how I could have let this go on and hope that the many adolescents visiting this site would consider carefully their decision in partaking in this activity. You may have regrets when you are older and wish you would have been wiser then and possess more self respect. (age 20)

You should talk to a crisis counselor, which your campus probably has. You obviously have unresolved fear and anger over being raped. You should know that most men would stop when you asked them to. Thank you for your words of caution to others.

You've told girls of 13 that you would strongly suggest they don't use a vibrator when they ask you where to get one, but when a 12 year old girl tells you she's used her mother's that she should ask for one for Christmas. I don't get why your opinions change from one person to the next. (age 17)

The response is tailored to each individual. The 13 year old had never used a vibrator, and I advised her against trying one. The 12 year old had already used one and really wanted one of her own, so I suggested she ask her mother. It's the same thing with sexual intercourse. I advise young people against it, but if it's clear they're going to try it or are already engaging in it, I tell them what they need to know.

Why do you make it sound like a bad thing if other people presume that you're lesbian or bisexual? (age 23)

It's a bad thing if you're not a lesbian or bisexual and people presume you are, but it might be a good thing if people presume it when you actually are lesbian or bisexual.

Do women have an urge to have sex like men do? If so, what triggers this? (Good looks, like it is with men, or personality traits?) (age 14, male)

The female urge to merge is most easily produced by the touch of a partner. I don't believe this to be a complete answer, so I ask my female readers, what gives you the urge to have sex?

My clitoris is very sensitive, I think it is because the hood is broken. The hood doesn't cover the whole clitoris and there is like a "split." It hurts when I touch it by itself, but when it is wet, it doesn't hurt. Do I need to make my clitoris wet when I have sex with my boyfriend? Because we are thinking about doing it soon, I'm scared there will be too much pain on my clitoris. (age 18)

You could see a doctor about an anatomic abnormality. There often isn't contact with the clitoris in intercourse, especially with an inexperienced lover. You could try it and see if it hurts. If it does, it might help to cover it with some goopy lube before having sex.

I would really like to masturbate with my best friend. I don't know how to bring up the subject. I don't even know if she masturbates. What can I do? I'd like us to be naked on opposite ends of a bed so we each get the full view of what the other is doing with her vulva. (age 17)

I think masturbating with someone is for lovers, not for friends. Your friend might be repulsed by the suggestion and it could affect your friendship. You might start talking about your own masturbating, and see if she joins the conversation. If not, just drop it.

I have something about four inches inside my vagina that stops anything from going any farther. What is this as no one else has said they have one! (age 15)

It's your cervix, which connects the vagina to the uterus.

I'm fed up. Is there anyone who is happy talking about sex openly if it does arise? People my age I've talked to don't seem shocked when we were talking about a film 40 Days and 40 Nights and how I said it's impossible to talk sex together as in the film. He stops solo sex too and they got shocked by me saying "solo sex." I didn't even say masturbation. (age 16)

Young people usually think it's cool to talk about sexual intercourse but are completely tongue-tied when masturbation is mentioned. More than a few teens are embarrassed about masturbating and scared to death someone will find out they practice it. When I was younger, I knew a guy who was about 17 who would talk about every sexual practice in the book without blushing, as if he was a cook sharing recipes, but he never said a word about the most popular sex act of all. So you shouldn't be surprised if your friends are all laughing and chatty about sex acts that none of them have ever tried (or aren't sure what they are) but start staring at their shoes when someone mentions the one sex act that all of them have probably practiced.

I did masturbation just this week, in the night and in the day, and I felt guilty after I was done. Is masturbation a sin? Anyway, in my second masturbation my vagina got dry and I had a hard time producing fluid again. Is this normal? When my fiance visited me from America, he touched me with his fingers and I missed it much and that's why I masturbate now. Thank you for this site. (age 20)

I don't think masturbation is a sin, but some people do. You should warm up a little with your fingers before you go inside so your vagina has a chance to get lubricated.

Hi! I have read the messages from parents about their children that are 2-6yrs old and already started to masturbate, and I also saw that some of them were worried that their child might be getting molested. I was like this when I was 5 and now that I'm 18, I can't remember what might have happened, but I think about it and I wish my mom talked to me about it (my mom ignored it), and I still masturbate (of course) but I'm still a virgin, so I'm not saying that just because I didn't have sexual intercourse at a young age with my own consent that another child may or may not have had sexual intercourse, but I think that their parents should talk to them about it, especially if something did happen to the child.

Your site is so great! Is it OK for a girl to watch male porn and gay porn to get aroused and masturbate? (I do that.) Will you define me as a pervert for looking at such things? (age 15)

No, although gay porn is a little extreme for your age. According to surveys of females I've done for this site, 56 percent use pictures at least sometimes when they masturbate (compared with 80 percent of males.)

My nipples erect when my boyfriend hugs me. They get painful in few minutes. What can I do? (age 12)

Keep them from being touched as much as possible. With any luck, they won't be so sensitive when you're older.

I have been masturbating for 5 years and internally for about 2, but I've never bled which causes me to think that my hymen hasn't broken. Where is the hymen? I've never bled out of my vagina except for my period. Also, most of my friends that masturbate can use things like their phones and small deodorant cans but the biggest thing I can use is a glue stick. Is my vagina too small? (age 13)

I imagine it's just right. You ought to avoid objects for now and not believe everything your friends say. The hymen partially covers the vaginal opening. Yours might have broken more than two years ago, and it's possible you never had one. You could look with a mirror to know for sure.

I have never reached an orgasm internally, only externally (stimulating the clitoris). I am still a virgin, and I am worried that when my boyfriend and I start having sex that I will never orgasm and he will blame himself. Is there something wrong with me? (age 17)

No. Lots of girls your age have never had an orgasm at all. You're ahead of them. Most women have an easier time achieving an orgasm internally than externally. In fact, the usual way to bring a woman to orgasm in intercourse is to angle the penis so that it makes contact with the clitoris. So those are mostly external orgasms too.

Follow up: Really? Most girls my age have never had an orgasm? Wow ... what I experience is an orgasm I think, because it is really intense and enjoyable. So if most girls never have had one yet (around my age), then why do they masturbate? Is it not just to achieve an orgasm?

I don't know about most, but many have not had a true orgasm at your age. Women have written to me saying they didn't have real orgasms until they were in their 20s (or later) and what they felt when they were younger was just a peak of feeling approaching an orgasm, but they didn't put the ball through the goal posts.

I constantly fantasize about performing oral sex on my husband. When I try to act it out with him, it's less exciting and I'm not sure I like giving up control. (age 30)

Real life often doesn't live up to fantasies. You might try to turn your real life into a fantasy instead of vice versa.

I gave my boyfriend manual intercourse and washed my hands thoroughly afterwards with anti-bacterial soap and cold water. I masturbated the next night, after having showered again, and one of my friends seems to think that I could still get pregnant. I think this is ridiculous, but I'm still concerned. I haven't had sex -- with him or with anyone else. (age 19)

Sperm can only live briefly outside a warm body. You don't have to worry. Just keep his fluid away from your privates while it's still warm.

Is it OK to have sex while on my period? This would probably creep most people out, right? (age 19)

It won't hurt you or your partner if you use protection. I think most women would only have sex during their period with a partner they're experienced with.

Hi I have a question, I've started to masturbate but I never seem to release myself. I know where the G-spot is but it's not working. I've tried all the techniques except for using a vibrator/dildo. Is there something wrong with my body? (age 17)

No. A lot of girls your age have trouble masturbating to orgasm. Just be patient and relax more. Try to enjoy the feelings you get even if they're not orgasmic. You might have an orgasm when you least expect it.

I'm a female virgin and I can't even put one finger into my vagina. I'm the only one who can't do it among my friends and I've been trying on and off for years. There's a big node of really sensitive skin right above the vaginal opening on the outside (it's not my hymen and by sensitive I mean it hurts if I try to put anything into my vagina), so the opening is only like a thin silver - I can have my periods just fine but it's torture if I try to put in a tampon (I've never been able to use one) or a finger. I made sure I'm all relaxed or turned on before, in many positions, but it still hurts and stays sore for days after the failed attempt. So I've never been able to get anything inside my vagina and I'm scared because I don't think I can have normal sex with men. Do I need to get surgery or something? I don't know what to do. I've looked at medical photos and porn and none of the women's genitals look like mine. (age 19)

I think you should see a doctor, who would probably reassure you that you're normal. Many women enjoy masturbating externally without putting anything into their vaginas.

When my boyfriend orgasmed, he continued to thrust into me for about 30 seconds. We were using a condom and when he came, some fluid leaked from either him or me. He thinks it was mine but I think it was his since I didn't climax. I'm concerned that semen leaked out of the open end of the condom. He still had an erection when he removed his penis and the condom was intact. Is it possible for semen to leak out of condoms though the penis has not gone soft? (age 23)

It's possible, which is why many people supplement a condom with vaginal jelly or another form of birth control. It's a good idea to withdraw before going soft.

Why exactly is masturbating with a pillow so bad? I lie on my side, not prone. I've been doing it this way since I was about 5. It feels great, and touching myself on my own does nothing for me. (It's way too intense, so having fabric in the way helps.) I have no problem getting turned on from my boyfriend touching me and absolutely no problems reaching orgasm by myself on my side with a pillow (about 3 minutes on a good day), or through fingering, oral sex, or intercourse. I find G-spot orgasms much much better than simply playing with my clit, and I can get multiples much easier that way. So would you please explain why you are so against pillows? (age 19)

Because masturbating by thrusting is very bad for males and I hear more and more from females who think their orgasmic capacity is reduced by doing it too. It's good that you're very sexually responsive, but most women don't need to use fabric as a buffer. If I were you, I'd wean off using the pillow.

I've been sexually active for a while now and have never suffered major pain. I noticed the other day that I had a sort of lasso from the top of my vagina to the bottom. We looked it up and came to the conclusion that I have a septate hymen. The other night during sex my vagina became very uncomfortable and we stopped. I went to the toilet and blood was gushing out! What can I do? Can they be cut off? I can't tell anyone because we're having a secret relationship. (age 17)

You can trust a doctor not to tell because of confidentiality. That's better than doing your own diagnosis and surgery. I think it's doubtful your hymen was just now breaking after you've been sexually active for a while. Better see a doctor.

During sex, I always find myself over-lubricated, even before the point of orgasm. Sometimes it gets so wet, it isn't pleasureable. Is there anything I can do about this? (age 22)

You might talk to a doctor about it. Some women treat it with antihistamines, and you might not even need a prescription for them, although a doctor's opinion would be good.

Ever since I can remember, I have sat on the floor or a footstool or a pillow and rub my crotch on it. I can remember doing it even at after 4 or 5. Does this have any of the effects that TMS has on a man since it puts pressure on the clitoris? I have never actually reached a full orgasm that way but I also can't lying on my back. Also, my little brother is two years my junior. I remember frequently going to his room and he'd be lying on the floor with his hands on his crotch or a pillow there (much like I would do). I don't know if he'd actually ejaculate, or if he ever lies down or sits up to masturbate, but I'd like him to stop doing this if it's so bad for him. How should I go about telling him to stop? (age 18)

If you haven't quit the crotch-rubbing yet, I think you should now. It really serves no purpose and might be inhibiting your orgasmic development. I don't think there's any easy way for a 16 year old boy to discuss masturbation with his 18 year old sister. You'll have to distance yourself from the discussion. One way might be to print up the main page of my web site and ask him if he's ever heard anyone mention this.

I have been masturbating for about 3 years and I have decided over the past months that I want to experience sex with another female. I want the experience because I want to know what it is like. Is there any way I can find girls who will just "fool around" with other girls or would that be like prostitution? By the way, I love your site. I think it's the best thing ever! (age 17)

It's only prostitution if you're doing it for money. I advise against homosexual experimentation at your age. If you still want to experience lesbian sex in three years, then you might get involved with some lesbian or bisexual groups at a college to meet like-minded women.

I'm so tight. Why does it hurt to stick a tampon in? (age 19)

You just need more practice. Your muscles will relax more as you get accustomed to things being inserted in your vagina.

What kind of smell is supposed to come from your vagina? (age 15)

It should be a very mild smell. It should smell like a bodily fluid. Men and women are very sensitive to each other's smells. That's why people at your age start bathing or showering daily and why males should never leave dried semen on them when around others, especially females.

After doing some research, I came to the conclusion I had a septate hymen. I have been having sex for about 6 months, but just last night my boyfriend and I did the rear entry position for the first time and it broke. I bled for about an hour and it was a bit sore. Is this normal? How common are septate hymens? Will the remnants erode? (age 19)

Your experience is normal. You should expect more bleeding but not much pain as the rest of the hymen erodes. About 1 in 1000 girls is born with a septate hymen.

What do you mean by telling everyone that there cannot be much left of the hymen at my age? What does age have to do with the hymen if the person never had sex? Sometimes you say that external masturbation doesn't hurt the hymen and sometimes you say that it does. Can you please tell me, does it or not? (age 22)

I wish you would tell me where I said that external masturbation can damage the hymen. It does not. It's simply a fact that by age 22 most virgin women have lost most of their hymens by internal masturbation, use of tampons, sexual activity short of intercourse, and even physical fitness exercise. It does not make them any less virginal. Only sexual intercourse can do that.

Is it okay to masturbate by rubbing on a pillow until it feels good? And also can you do this on your period? (age 17)

I advise against masturbating that way since it's harder to get the same kind of stimulation from a partner. It's your pillow, so you can decide what happens to it.

I've heard lots of things about masturbating. Is it true that masturbating makes you feel sleepy? Why? I don't masturbate a lot, but I never feel sleepy after masturbating. Is it normal? (age 15)

Yes, it's true. Sexual activity is a soporific -- sleep inducing -- activity. Some theorize that the sleepiness that results from orgasm helps partners to bond better and for the woman to remain horizontal so that the semen doesn't run out and therefore has a better chance of leading to pregnancy. Not everyone feels sleepy after masturbating, especially people who don't do it often.

A year ago when I watched a sex movie, I got aroused and started masturbation. I inserted my middle finger into my vagina. It was the 4th day of my period. When I saw my finger, there was blood on it Was my hymen damaged at that moment or was it the blood of my period? Can a hymen tear by inserting just one finger? Is the hymen outside the vagina or inside? Can 3 inches of a finger damage it? Please reply to me because on your response I will decide to get married or not. In our society, if the girl has a torn hymen and gets married, she gets divorced the next day. (age 26)

I think it was menstrual blood. One finger would have to be pretty rough to tear the hymen, but in the right conditions, 3 inches could do it. The hymen is outside the vagina but inside the labia.

I've been having sex since I was 16 and before that I used to mastrubate constantly and still do, where I can make myself orgasm always face down and always in a certain way. I have never achieved orgasm during sex despite many attempts. Am I suffering from the female version of TMS? After so long I have gotten used to not having an orgasm, and it doesn't stop my enjoyment but I have always wanted to know if the reason was due to the habit. (age 19)

I think you do have female TMS. You would probably be more responsive during sex if you didn't masturbate face down. Why not cut that out for a week or two and then try masturbating with your hand? It is apt to make a difference in your intercourse.

Does masturbating using a pillow affect the hymen?

It's not likely, but not impossible.

I started masturbating with a candle at first but now I use a beer bottle. Is that normal? (age 13)

It would be better if you used your hands instead of objects at your age. Most girls your age also work on masturbating externally.

I have to say this site is wonderful. It was really helpful seeing all these questions from younger girls. I've always known young teens masturbate, but I still felt alone because I did. Now that I'm older, it's nice to see that I was not alone. I'm in a same-sex relationship with my best friend of 7 years. She is almost 24 and very body shy and has never masturbated. We both don't want to have sex until we have a commitment ceremony, but I would still like to help her become less shy about herself. I'm very shy also, but I've been masturbating since I was 11 or 12. I have only been able to orgasm once or twice that I'm sure of, and it's really hard for me to relax sometimes. I know it's a mental thing, but I hate my fingers feeling sticky or wet, even though the sensation turns me on. Is there anything I can do to get myself over that, so that I can be a responsive lover? (age 22)

You might try a latex glove or a condom over your fingers. I doubt you'd be able to perform manual intercourse on a partner in a satisfactory manner if you have an issue making contact with even your own fluids. You might find just talking about sexual things makes her more open to them.

I am a 17 year old girl and I fingered myself for the first time today. I only did it because I was told that if a girl knew her body better, she would be better able to be pleased by her boyfriend. (I have never done anything with a guy, but plan on it.) HOWEVER, I did not feel any pleasure whatsoever. Supposedly there is a g-spot. So I tried to find that. It took me forever, but I eventually found a spot that might be it. But still no response. It was more my fingers feeling my insides than it was my insides feeling my finger. I'm worried. What can I do? Now I'm scared that I'll have to fake whenever my boyfriend tries to pleasure me. I don't understand why so many other girls seem reach orgasm (or even just have a little pleasure) naturally, but I try and try and can't feel any pleasure whatsoever. Does actual sex feel any different than having your finger inside of you?

Don't worry so much! You shouldn't expect results the first time you masturbate. It takes many females years before they have a true orgasm. Even males don't necessarily have an orgasm their first time. You need to relax more and concentrate on your external genitalia, which is a much more reliable source of orgasm than the G spot. Intercourse is a lot different from masturbation.

I have the flu right now and I noticed that I produced more vaginal fluids now than I normally do (even though I did get aroused once in a while). I just wanted to know if this is normal. (age 18)

I've never heard it mentioned as a flu symptom, but it's possible. Most people urinate much more than usual when they're sick. I hope you feel better soon!

I am 13 years old and I haven't gotten my period yet. I have pubic hair (and lots of it) but I don't have any breasts yet. Can I masturbate? I have tried several times but I haven't gotten any pleasure. I need to masturbate.

I think you're moving a little too fast. You shouldn't be in such a rush to have an orgasm. Be more relaxed the next time you try. You might have an orgasm when you least expect it.

If a virgin has a pap test then is her hymen most likely broken? (age 22)

If the hymen is present -- and remember that lack of previous sexual intercourse does not guarantee the presence of a hymen -- the examination does not necessarily break the hymen. The swab used in the Pap smear, most certainly, does not break the hymen. Bleeding after the Pap may occur because the cervix may be in a delicate state, but you should not expect bleeding from the hymen rupturing.

Hi! I've been masturbating externally since I was 11, and I can't seem to stop! I do it usually once a day, but afterward I feel guilty and it seems as if the next day, I get bad luck - arguments, lost homework, etc. I'm Catholic, so is it wrong to God? It seems like I'm overly horny and I love touching myself. Whenever I look at a cute guy, watch porn, or go to your web site, I get really wet down there and feel like masturbating. I've tried to stop because I feel guilty, but after a week, I get back to it. Should I try to stop, or should I just keep on pleasuring myself? I love the feeling! I just get into bed, lie on my back, and rub my clitoris, and I think about sex and imagine people doing it. Is it bad? Please help me! By the way, I love your site! (age 12)

I don't think it's wrong to God, but many Catholics do. You should avoid porn at your age. I don't think what you do is bad.

I know that some females may experience pain when they first have sex but how much pain is it? Also, when the hymen breaks, how much blood do you actually lose? (age 20)

Some women don't notice it but some feel a lot of pain. You shouldn't worry about it. It can also be uncomfortable if the vagina hasn't had anything that large in it before or if the woman isn't properly aroused when penetration happens. The amount of blood is generally small, less than one loses when menstruating.

I'm an arabic woman and here they think if you haven't got a hymen you are not a virgin. I lost my hymen in accident. How can I hide that? (age 23)

A doctor can put in some temporary stitching and a fake blood capsule that you can use on your wedding night to fool your husband into thinking you still have a hymen. That's a necessity in some Middle Eastern countries where women can be killed if they're believed to have engaged in pre-marital sex.

What is the function of the hymen? (age 20)

It can be useful in determining if a young girl (12 or younger) has been sexually abused.

How long will the bleeding from the breaking of the hymen go on (days vs. months), what is a normal amount of blood, and what other causes might there be for non-period vaginal bleeding, and when is it appropriate to bring this up as a concern with a doctor? (age 22)

You can bring any question that concerns you to a doctor. The bleeding is apt to be limited to a few days. It would be less blood than you would have with your period although some women have more. Many women have bleeding between menstrual flows so a small amount is not necessarily a cause for concern. Insertion of objects, especially when done roughly, can cause vaginal bleeding.

My clitoris hangs down low and is embarrassing. To double that, my pubic bone sticks out kinda far. It makes me sad. (age 13)

Don't worry about those things. You might look a lot different when you finish puberty, and even if you don't, those things aren't very important to anyone.

I have been masturbating since around 4 years old. I masturbate about 3-4 times a week and lately I feel these orgasms aren't enough or that masturbating is getting boring. Is there anything I can do to make it more interesting? (age 15)

You might try doing it less often and see if you enjoy it more.

I am 13 years old and I have masturbated about 20 times, but I can never get an orgasm!!! It is so frustrating. I get them in dreams, but never in real life. Is there anything you can tell me that will help me achieve an orgasm?

Just be patient. You're apt to have one when you least expect it. Be glad you're already masturbating. A lot of girls your age haven't even figured out how.

I am married and we have a 9 month old daughter. I can't ever have an orgasm without making myself. My husband only lasts 5 minutes AT MOST and can't go again until another day. we I was just wondering if you had any suggestion. (age 20)

It would be good if he could bring you to orgasm manually or orally before having vaginal intercourse.

how much does it bleed when you break your hymen? Will it be enough for my mom to notice? (age 14)

Probably less than your period. It would be easy for your mom to miss the blood.

I've been masturbating since I was very young (can't remember exact age, but I was way under 10), and after reading some of the young girls' questions on this page I think I might have something to contribute. First of all, don't be afraid to explore your body, both by touch and by viewing (try using a mirror). Try to find your sensual areas, such as the breasts, neck, stomach and thighs. Close your eyes and touch yourself the way you want a partner to touch you. If you like someone in particular, try imagining that person doing it, and you'll immediately feel more relaxed.

I would advise to only masturbate externally until you feel secure in that area. Then you could gently start to explore internal masturbation, but don't rush by inserting objects. It can be very painful if done wrong. Start with a finger and find out what feels good and what doesn't. Carefully caressing the area around the vagina can be very erotic and prepares you for penetration. Then, when you find out what feels best that way you can start exploring with objects. Start small and work your way up. It took me about 10 years to feel comfortable with penetration. So when you finally get a partner you'll know what you want him to do, and it will be good and not awkward and uncomfortable. Don't rush into sex because "everyone else is doing it"; do it when you feel ready for it. But most of all, take your time! Find a place and time you feel comfortable with, if you're scared that can make your horniness go away and you won't achieve orgasm, but only feel frustration. (age 22)

Thanks for your disquisition. I'd be interested in referring certain female questions to you. E-mail me if you're interested in being one of my female correspondents.

I was lying in bed last night and my privates just went mad! My vagina started twitching and my clitoris was hard. I felt some kind of weird tickling feeling in my lower abdomen. What could be going on? (age 18)

Sounds like arousal. Congratulations on having spontaneous arousal!

I am 13 years old and sometimes when I masturbate I touch a certain part of my vagina that feels good but kind of tickles. It is more on the upper part. Is this my clitoris?

Probably, although it's part of your vulva and not your vagina. The vagina is inside.

You caution against pillow/blanket masturbation, which you say is a form of TMS. Why/how is it bad for a woman? What negative effects can it have on her later sex life with her husband? And can she overcome them? If so, how can she do so and how long will it take before she can have a good sex life with her spouse? I am speaking of pillow/blanket masturbation while lying on her sides. And also of squeezing her thighs and muscles for pleasure. (age 16)

TMS for males is a pretty new area of interest and we are just starting to learn about TMS in women. Basically, any unusual or atypical masturbation style is bad for either males or females. It makes it harder to adjust to sex with a partner. Once a person quits their atypical style and learns to masturbate typically (i.e., with his or her hands), he or she can be sexually normal within a few months.

What is the G spot and why can't I find it? (age 17)

The Grafenberg, or G spot, is a sensitive area on the top of the vagina about a third of the way in. Lots of females your age haven't found theirs yet. In fact, most only masturbate externally. Just enjoy what you're doing and don't worry about the G spot.

I had my first orgasm when I was in the 1st grade. I figured it out on playground poles then started using my fingers shortly after but for a couple years I did it prone. I was always ashamed. I'm still weirded out by sex. I lost my virginity at 15. It only took a few times having sex to have an orgasm. Usually I get off in a short time and before my partner. After I get off I tighten up and it begins to hurt really bad where I have to stop. After that I couldn't care less about sex and can't even believe I wanted to do it. I would like to have multiple orgasms but I don't see how that can happen if I can't stand it after the first one. What do I need to do? (age 17)

You could be trying too hard. You're forcing the orgasm on, causing the quenching and pain. Try to relax and enjoy yourself instead of trying to achieve orgasm. Relaxation could take away the shame too. And don't go chasing the multiple orgasm; it will happen in due time. Many women don't get to that point for many years.

You told a 12 year old girl she'd have to decide if she masturbated with her female friend but you advised a 14 year old girl not to have oral sex with three female friends. Why is it OK for the 12 year old but not the 14 year old? (age 17)

Because the 12 year old was asking about masturbating and the 14 year old was asking about oral sex. There's a difference.

How long is too long to be masturbating? I can masturbate for up to an hour! My friend only masturbates for around 5 minutes. Does she do this because she knows something that I don't? (age 13)

She obviously knows how to get to orgasm efficiently. I don't think an hour is necessarily too long, but you are probably feeling frustrated after 20 minutes. You'll probably get better at it and it will take less time.

I can get a pen 3 inches inside my vagina, but I'm scared to go any farther because it starts to feel different. How far in is "too far"? Is there a "too far"? (age 13)

You should be able to feel it when you touch your cervix. Four inches is the average depth. It would be better if you learned with your hands and didn't use objects until you are more comfortable with them.

What about masturbating standing up? I get big orgasms but then I feel weak and kind of shaky. Is it a normal thing to feel like you have to sit down? Is it okay for a girl to do it standing up? I like it. (age 15)

Yes, that's fine. It's normal to feel like sitting down when you have an orgasm.

I've heard so many people talk about having sex when they're 17 and 18. But my parents say you shouldn't until after your married. Would having oral sex with a girl be dangerous? And do you approve of having sex with someone when you're not married to them or even engaged? (age 12)

Lots of people have sex when they're 17 and 18, but I don't think you should at your age, even oral sex. I don't think sex has to wait until marriage, but I admire some of those who wait.

When I masturbate, it will sometimes take me 30-50 minutes to actually orgasm. I'll get really close, then I'll calm down. Is this normal? What am I doing wrong? (age 17)

You should only masturbate when you can focus mentally on what you're doing. I think that's why you're losing your concentration and the orgasm slips away.

Does masturbation make you gain weight? (age 17)

No.

I've been masturbating for about 1 year now and when I masturbate after about 3 or 4 minutes it starts to hurt. I've tried new ways of masturbating but I dont get any pleasure! I don't want to ask a doctor or my mother because this is embarrassing. (age 13)

You need to find ways of masturbating that don't hurt. It might take some practice before you learn them and then become orgasmic.

How do you use lube? Does masturbation feel better with it, or without it? (age 13)

Most females apply a few drops to their fingers and/or those private parts that receive the friction from masturbating. It might feel different at first, but most people find that lube makes for a better overall experience in the long run.

How do you know when is the right time to masturbate? I'm not sure when I get turned on. (female, age 13)

When they're new to masturbation, most people masturbate when they somehow get aroused, but once they're more experienced, people work to get themselves aroused so they can masturbate. This might make more sense in a year or two. There's no right time to masturbate, but it's better to be aroused when you do it.

The main reason I want to wait longer to have sex is that I am very scared it will hurt. Are there any exercises I can do to stretch the hymen so it won't hurt as much? (age 15)

Most girls stretch or break their hymens through tampon use or masturbating with objects. You shouldn't worry about it hurting so much. When the time is right, make sure you have a partner you can trust to be gentle.

I have had a problem with masturbation for a long time and this is something I battle with inside. I have never told anybody about my problem and I feel guilty every time I masturbate. It has probably been a year since I have done it. I was molested at the age of 7 and ever since then I have carried this secret inside and have struggled with masturbation. I want to be able to speak to somebody about this but I am so ashamed of myself. I feel that I need help. What do you think I should do? (age 28)

You shouldn't be guilty. Masturbating is normal and healthy and fun. I'd be happy to chat with you about it online, but you might be better off in a support group for those recovering from sexual abuse.

When I insert my finger into my vagina, I encounter an obstruction. Could this be my cervix? (age 17)

Yes.

I have masturbating inside my vagina for a very long time with my fingers. It felt sooo good so I started using a brush handle and going very fast too. My vagina used to be so smooth on the inside and now it feels rough and covered with bumps. Is using a brush bad? Will the inside of my vagina ever feel wet and smooth again? (age 13)

Using an object to masturbate can affect the surface of your vagina. It is better to be lubricated at the time you start masturbating, or to coat the object with some lube. If you cease masturbating with objects in a dry vagina, your vaginal walls will probably go back to normal.

How can you tell if you have a sensitive cervix? About how far up is it in the vagina? My boyfriend and I hugged and I noticed that he was twitching down there and right after that, I got wet. Is his twitching normal? Can spontaneous arousal lead to G-spot orgasms? Can women spontaneously ejaculate? I thought I did once or twice when I was aroused and I even orgasmed twice without having to masturbate. (age 18)

If you're aware of your cervix (about 4 inches past the opening of the vagina), it's sensitive. Males can flex their erections a little. They use the same muscles that start and stop the flow of urine. That's probably what he was doing. If you could feel it, it was probably very arousing to you and that's why you got wet. By definition, a "G-spot orgasm" could only happen through stimulation of the G spot. Most sex scientists don't believe women can ejaculate at all, much less spontaneously. You seem to be very much in touch with your sexual feelings. That will serve you well.

I have recently begun masturbating by inserting objects inside me. Today I stupidly and embarrassingly inserted the handle of a brush to masturbate. Since I don't have a vibrator or anything of that sort, this is the closest thing I have to replicate a penis. When I was done, I noticed a light, almost orange-red blood was on the brush. It was thick and somewhat globby as well. I went to the the bathroom and the bleeding did not continue, giving me reason to believe that the bleeding is internal. I am very scared as to what I might have damaged. (age 17)

Don't worry about it if you weren't bleeding. It might be old menstrual blood.

If I choose not to masturbate, will my hymen disappear by itself? Will it be noticeable if it breaks the first time I engage in intercourse? (age 15)

Those are tough questions. They hymen will not "disappear by itself," but it might break through normal activity, including tampon use and exercise. Some females find their hymen breaks quite easily on first intercourse and others have much pain and bleeding. Of course, most don't still have an intact hymen when they first have intercourse. Preservation of the hymen is not the main issue for most females when taking up masturbation. You can enjoy it externally, as most females do, and not make contact with your hymen or vagina at all.

My boyfriend and I want to have sex. The problem is he has a huge penis. What do I do? (age 16)

You can either try sex with him or wait for someone with a smaller penis.

I came across your web site and found it quite illuminating. I'm a single parent of a 15-year old daughter. She appears to be quite active with her masturbating. I want to ask your advice. About 6 months ago I happened to walk past my daughter's bedroom late at night and heard a buzzing sound. I stopped and stood silently close to her door to try to figure out what it was, and soon I realized that she was probably masturbating with a vibrator. I have absolutely no sexual desires toward my daughter, but I was very surprised and somehow spellbound to just stand there listening to her. I could hear soft moans and occasionally more audible sounds that indicated she was orgasming. I was shocked and amazed at how long she went on; probably for close to an hour (with numerous apparent orgasms).

The next day when she went to school I stayed home to look around in the room, and eventually I found a box with several sexual aids behind a pile of sweaters in a closet. I was just stunned at how seriously she seemed to be experimenting with masturbation. The massager I had heard had several different attachments for clitoris massage. There were also several dildos of different shapes and sizes and various oils and lotions. But the most disturbing was a big pile of e-mail printouts, correspondence between her and a married man in his 40s in Canada. I spent some time going through this material, and the bottom line is that she had posted an ad for a sexual pen-pal a year ago and started an e-mail relationship with this guy. She writes about being constantly turned on and describes in detail how she masturbates and what her orgasms feel like. The guy encourages her to try new ways to make herself come stronger and more easily. It turns out he sent her all these things that she uses on herself. I got the impression that they guy is not really attempting to meet her, but who knows what it may yet turn into.

Anyway, I'm really mostly worried about her sexuality being so strong at an early age. Apparently she feels the need for orgasm multiple times a day (starting at age 11!) and often has these long sessions with herself when she completely indulges. I had not even imagined that my daughter had any sexual interests before all this. She does very well in school, has quite normal friends, and is overall a very normal girl. Although she is very cute and boys seem to be interested in her, she always appears shy around them. Her letters indicate that she has kissed and done some light touching with boys but that she has not yet had intercourse. She seems mainly interested in the strong physical sensations that she can create on her own, and her letters indicate that she is happy with the way she is learning more about her body and the increasing pleasures she is experiencing; evidently the guy has really had an effect on how she can indulge in masturbation. My feelings about this are of course mixed. I feel bad that I have uncovered her secrets like this, but I also feel that I need to know what is going on with her in case something goes bad. I now enter her room about once a week to look at her correspondence and occasionally I also listen to her activities at night. I repeat that I have no sexual interest in her. I have a girlfriend who occasionally spends time here and I have told her about this. She doesn't share my worry but instead seems impressed (almost admiringly so) by her capacity for pleasure. We are thinking about her somehow approaching my daughter about her sexuality, but we haven't decided how to do that without disclosing that we know what she is up to. It would be nice to know what other people think about all this.

I am horrified that you would stand there eavesdropping on your daughter masturbating "for close to an hour." I think most people would get far away when they realized what they were hearing, to respect the other person's privacy. There is nothing wrong with masturbating, and nothing wrong with a girl that age experimenting with different ways of masturbating. (Although if she had asked me, I would have advised her to learn her body better with her hands before acquiring that much hardware.) The only thing that seems potentially dangerous is her correspondence with the older man. You could discuss that without embarrassment and without revealing what you learned from your repeated and frequent snooping. All you have to do is tell her you know she uses the Internet and to warn her about dealing with people online. You seem to have already concluded the chances of her meeting him are low (and I suspect you have his e-mail address anyway). Although your daughter's discussing masturbation with him (and placing the ad) are unusual, I think she's less likely to get into trouble that way than by experimenting sexually with local males.

I can never get myself wet no matter what I try. What am I doing wrong? What can I do to make myself get wet? (age 14)

I think you're trying to hard. It might also be your body isn't producing enough of those fluids yet. Wait another year. You might start lubricating when you least expect it.

I use Vaseline Petroleum Jelly as a lube. It obviously gets inside my vagina. Is this bad? Should I use something else? (age 13)

I think it's fine for now. You might want to try a water-based lube someday.

What is the fluid that comes out of my vagina when I masturbate? (age 13)

It's primarily vaginal lubricant.

Can I have sex if I haven't gotten my period yet? (age 13)

Yes.

Des a fluid come out of your vagina when you mastubate and orgasm and can this make you pregnant? (age 14)

Some females have an emission of fluid during masturbation but it can definitely not make anyone pregnant.

I know a lot of girls moan when they get an orgasm because it's always more intense than what guys get. I've been masturbating since age 10. I've never moaned or screamed. It's never been THAT intense. How can I get a more intense orgasm? (age 13)

I doubt the female orgasm is more intense than the male orgasm. Many females don't have scream-inducing orgasms until they're much older than you are. Try to enjoy the orgasms you have now (which many girls your age don't have at all). I'm sure your orgasms will get more intense as you mature.

My vagina has little tiny bumps on it. What does that mean? When I masturbate I can feel that my vagina is lumpy. (age 14)

If it doesn't hurt, it's probably not anything dangerous; it's not abnormal for a vagina to have lumps. But if it's painful or itchy, you should tell a doctor just in case. It could be just acne, but only a doctor can tell for sure.

Can I see my hymen if I look in the mirror? (age 13)

Yes.

Is masturbating on your side considered prone or supine? Can a tampon easily break my hymen? (age 13)

On your side is neither prone nor supine. Not easily, but a hymen is apt to be reduced by years of tampon use.

When I'm doing martial arts, I get aroused really easily and the back of my martial arts pants become wet. It's very annoying. Please tell me why this is happening. (age 13)

Your body seems to find the physical contact in martial arts arousing. It's probably not as noticeable as you think. It might help to wear heavier underwear or even a sanitary pad.

I am scared to put my fingers in my vagina because I will bleed. Will I always bleed? (age 12)

No, but I think you're better off keeping them out. You won't enjoy yourself if you're worried about bleeding. You might feel differently in a couple of years and then you can explore the inside.

What percentage of girls 10-17 masturbate? (age 12)

That's a pretty broad range. At 10, probably about 10 percent. At 17, almost three quarters. That leaves a lot in between. Overall, probably 40 percent in that age range masturbate regularly.

I feel like getting pregnant all the time. I think about pregnancy when I masturbate. I read about Britney Spears and Julia Roberts getting pregnant, I go to pregnancy sites, and I fantasize a lot. I think about a guy getting me pregnant. I'm a virgin, but all I can think about is having sex and getting pregnant. What can I do to stop thinking so dirty like that? (age 14)

I wouldn't call it dirty. Lots of girls your age dream about motherhood. It would be a good idea to finish your education before getting pregnant. Spears and Roberts are a lot older than you, and they're both established in their careers.

Is it safe to masturbate before I go to bed and once a day or more? Like many other people, I feel guilty for masturbating. One time my mom came into my room when I was doing it and I covered myself wit