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Female masturbation

This page is for questions from females about masturbation and other issues related to sexuality. A few rare questions from males about the female experience are also posted here.

Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:

Questions from female readers

These questions and answers pertain specifically to the experience of female masturbation. Of course, a lot of the questions on the main masturbation page, although posed by males, can address the experience of both genders. Answers marked with have been critically reviewed by an anonymous female correspondent.

I'm 16 and female and I really love masturbating. I want to talk about it with my best friend who's a guy, but I don't know how to bring it up. What suggestions do you have?

Why do you want to talk about it with him? Are you interested in him being more than just a friend? There is a good chance he would think you're signalling that you're interested in being sexual with him. If you've talked about other sexual things with him before now, you ought to be able to talk about masturbating. If you haven't talked about sexual things before, then masturbating is a bad choice for your first conversation about sex. And if you really do want to signal that you're interested in him sexually, then just dropping into conversation, "I really love masturbating" is apt to do the job.

I have experimented touching myself on and off since I was about 10. I never gave myself enough practice to reach an orgasm. As I didn't feel anything nor did I get turned on, I gave up. I'm now almost 31 and I don't masturbate, After reading this site, I feel like I'm not normal for not doing this.

I have had many sexual partners and only one long-term relationship, and I have only ever had three guys be able to make me orgasm through fingering me. When this has happened, its explosive and I squirt and it feels AMAZING!!! With my long term partner, I would sometimes cum if I were on top but that was only sometimes and also the only way. I would have body shaking and euphoric feelings sometimes during sex or him from him touching me. Is this still having an orgasm?

I'm always shy when guys ask me what I like; I don't really know. I just wish they could learn whatever it was that those other three guys could do. I also wish I could do this myself. And believe me I have tried. I just think when I masturbate I can't get into it enough.

I am sure going to try more after reading this site, but I'm 31 and I really feel like I'm missing out. I can't believe 10-12 year olds are having a better time sexually than I am! How can I fix this? (age 31)

You report having orgasms in intercourse only when you're on top. When a woman is on top, she has the most control. So you are somehow able to pivot your organs so they receive maximum contact from your sexual partner. When masturbating, you can stimulate those same parts. Some women prefer external (clitoral) stimulation, while others prefer internal (vaginal) stimulation. I suspect that you prefer vaginal stimulation. You can pursue G-spot stimulation when masturbating privately. Just relax and find what feels good for you. Don't be obsessed with having an orgasm. There are toys that can help you reach your G Spot more easily than you can with your fingers.

If your body is shaking and you have a feeling of euphoria, then you had an orgasm, even if it wasn't as amazing as other ones you described.

When I masturbate, I tend to urinate. It's uncontrollable. And this means I have to do my masturbating at the toilet bowl. How do I stop this? (age 17)

I advise you to put down a heavy towel underneath yourself when you masturbate in bed. It will absorb any urine. You can teach yourself to keep from urinating while you masturbate in bed, which is obviously more comfortable and enjoyable than doing it on the toilet. It also helps to urinate beforehand so your bladder will be empty.

You say that although it is usually very difficult (if not impossible) for males to quit masturbating, females can quit without a problem. But I have been trying to quit masturbating for 10 years (almost since I started) and find I can never make it past a week or so. Whenever I go a few days without masturbating I start getting randomly horny all day long. My clitoris throbs and I feel like I'm going to explode. I can't think about anything but sex and it drives me crazy! If females don't really need to masturbate, why do I feel like this? (age 25)

I didn't say females can quit without a problem, and I didn't say they don't need to masturbate. I said it's generally easier for females to quit (relative to males, for whom it's somewhere between very difficult and impossible to quit masturbating). That doesn't mean any female can quit whenever she wants to; but she might only feel the urge after two weeks or a month rather than within a few days as is the case for a male. It is a biological necessity for a male to ejaculate, but this is not true for females. But that doesn't mean that individual females who have come to enjoy frequent orgasms don't get similar urges when they have gone a certain time without one.

So you enjoy masturbating and do so frequently. That's a good thing. But then I have to ask, why have you been trying to quit masturbating for 10 years? Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. It is good for you and your body. Please see this page for a graphic of the health benefits of female masturbation.

I am a virgin. I like men as friends and some are nice to look at, but I've never found one I wanted to date or have sex with. I masturbate 2-4 times a week, with several orgasms each time and often while enjoying gay (male/male) porn or erotica. I also fantasize a lot, but my fantasies are always about men together and I am not in them. I know this is extremely abnormal but I'm content with my sex life, I don't want kids, and I'm alright with never marrying (but the companionship would be nice). Is there some good way to seek out a man who would be alright with no intercourse? I definitely don't want to date heterosexual men; that would obviously cause problems. (age 28)

There are more forms of personal relationships available these days than was true in the past. You seem to want a gay or bisexual man for companionship (and perhaps marriage) but no sex. And you would be OK with him having sex with other men (and/or women) outside of your relationship? I think there are web sites where you could post a personals ad describing what you want and find something.

I was wondering if it's a good idea to leave a carrot in my vagina to stretch my hymen (age 14)

Hmm... I'm thinking I could ask a million people that question and not one of them would think it's a good idea.

I feel too horny when I masturbate and I think that I had an orgasm. Is this bad if my periods have not started yet? (age 13)

No, many girls start masturbating before they have their first menstruation.

I've recently started masturbating. I do external masturbation by clitoral stimulation, by rubbing the area very quickly. After about 45-60 seconds, I feel an amazing feeling, like the best feeling I've ever had, but the problem is that my arms get tired extremely quickly and I have to stop. If I continue, that feeling just goes away. My nipples didn't erect and the feeling was not strong enough to be an orgasm. But why did that amazing feeling go away? And how can I masturbate without getting tired after less than a minute? And how can I achieve an orgasm I really want one? I've never had one yet. (age 25)

You are obviously using a very fast and forceful stroke, which is both tiring your arm and bringing you close to orgasm in less than a minute. A slower and less forceful stroke will not tire your arm so fast (most males and females masturbate for 5-15 minutes before orgasm) but still let you concentrate on bringing yourself to orgasm. If you really need that jackhammer arm, then switch hands, and if necessary, use your other arm to move the hand you're used to masturbating with.

I have become a masturbation addict and did it 10 times a day for a few months and then when I had intercourse with my partner, I couldn't have an orgasm and just faked it. If I stop masturbating now,can my body become normal and can I have an orgasm?? Please help! (age 21)

10 times a day is an extreme frequency for anyone at any age. You don't need to give up masturbating, but it would be easier to have orgasms with your partner if you cut back to about once a day. If you're having trouble doing that, you might need the help of a competent sex therapist.

My boyfriend doesn't ejaculate when we have sex and he claims to masturbate a lot of times in a week! He has ejaculated into me just once. Is it normal if he doesn't ejaculate while we have sex? How can I make him ejaculate with me while having sex rather than in masturbating, because I feel he isn't satisfied by me!

Most males masturbate about once a day (sometimes more) before they become sexually active. Some guys can masturbate daily and still enjoy sex to ejaculation several times a week. But some guys find that frequent masturbation interferes with having intercourse and so cut down on their masturbating. If your boyfriend is having trouble reaching orgasm in intercourse, it would be a good idea for him to abstain from masturbating for the two days before your intercourse. You can tell him this, but it is more important that you tell him how it is affecting you. It is good that he is open about masturbating.

Sometimes I like to masturbate against objects like pillows to make it feel like I am with another person. I was once in the mood for masturbating and my younger brother was lying asleep next to me. I had the urge to rub my breasts up against his back to see if it would feel good, because his back was more stable than a pillow. Because he was asleep, I knew he would not know what I was doing, and I felt like it would be OK because I am not attracted to him in any way and so I felt like my sexual arousal would not be directed at him. Is this wrong or a crime? (age 21)

It is definitely wrong to stimulate yourself sexually with another person without their consent. Rubbing your sexual organs against him while he sleeps would be a crime, but I'm not sure the female breasts count. It would all depend on how the laws are worded where you live. You can avoid all this wrongness and crime by respecting your brother and leaving him alone while he sleeps.

When I am masturbating I don't seem to get wet a lot, and I don't know why. I hardly get a orgasm. Can you give me any tips on how to make this work? I'm in a dorm room so I don't want to have a vibrator, because someone might find it. Can you please help me? (age 18)

You are an adult, and if you want to have a vibrator in your dorm room, and masturbate with it, that is your business. I suggest getting more aroused than you are before you start masturbating. Generally, the longer time you are aroused, the wetter you will get. If you can be aroused for 15 minutes before you start masturbating, that is better than if you are only aroused for one minute. Some people look at arousing photos to get aroused, some people watch videos, some people read stories, some people just do whatever has gotten them aroused in the past, even if it's thinking about somebody brushing their teeth. I suggest you try a variety of things and find out what gets you aroused and then make that work for you before you masturbate.

I've been masturbating since I was 10, and I've been sexually active since I was 17. My orgasms are not how most people describe them. I only feel the contraction but not the pleasure. I have only reached a pleasuring orgasm once, while I was having cybersex with my boyfriend. Is that normal? Am I anorgasmic? (age 21)

I would hesitate to call you anorgasmic since you're pretty young and still learning. You also report having orgasms, but not pleasurable ones (except once). Technically that's orgasmic anhedonia. Instead of seeking a diagnosis, I would keep working on experiencing pleasure in orgasm. Try to do again what you did that time masturbating over the Internet with your boyfriend. Try to feel the pleasure in your orgasms. Let the good feeling spread all over your body.

I'm a 12-year-old girl and I love masturbating but only once touched my insides. My friend is just like me and once told me that she loves the feeling of sex and once asked me if I've ever wanted to feel sex or if I ever would engage in masturbational sex with her somewhere. Is it OK if I tell her yes?

It is not OK because you are below the age of consent. Every place has a law that says how old you have to be to consent to sex. If your friend is older than you, she could be charged with a crime if you have sex together. If you're older, then you could be charged with a crime, even though your friend is the one who is initiating the sex. I would urge you to save sex with anyone -- male or female -- until you're older and for now just talk with your friend about sex and masturbation.

I masturbate and I realize that my labia are starting to hang. I'm really scared about this because I think when I do start having real sex, a guy won't want to do it with me. Can you explain why my labia are hanging? (age 14)

Like other parts of your body, your labia change as you get older. These changes are not caused by masturbating. No male will ever reject you because of the look of your labia. Most males are very, very grateful whenever a woman lets him see her private parts. Many males worry about the look of their private parts too (and more of them are on the outside!)

I read an interview with a celebrity whose nude photos got posted on the Internet. She said she took the photos so her boyfriend would fantasize about her when they were apart and not look at women in porn. Would giving a man nude photos really keep him from looking at porn? (age 23)

No. They would become just one part of whatever collection of visual aids the man looks at. No male who is in the habit of using visual aids to masturbate is going to use photos of only one person.

I'm 23 and have been masturbating since I was 13. All by hand with no outside stimulation (dildo, porn, spankbank). My problem is that I feel absoluely no desire to have intercourse. I just don't want to. I'm not a lesbian and I feel strong attraction to men. Is this normal?

You don't say anything about dating or having any kind of contact with men. I think if you got into a relationship with a man, you would want to have sex with him. I don't think there's anything abnormal about not wanting to have intercourse when you have no opportunity to do so.

My brother keeps watching me masturbate and then comes in jiggling his penis at me. He is 6. (age 13)

Make sure he doesn't get to see you masturbate anymore. A lock on your bedroom door will help.

Why is it that it's more pleasurable and I orgasm faster using my fingers than with an object? Also, when I masturbate and aim my thrust toward the roof of my vagina, I can orgasm in like 2-3 minutes. Am I hitting my G spot? (age 15)

Your body likes the feeling of your own fingers better than objects. That is very good. The G Spot is on the upper surface of your vagina within reach of most fingers. I think that's what's happening. You should be pleased to be so orgasmic.

Does masturbating make me sexually active? (age 12)

No. Sexually active means having sex with a partner.

I've been feeling aroused here and there and I want to masturbate but like you said, I should start with my hands, but I'm scared to because I think it will hurt. What do I do? (age 14)

Masturbating does not hurt. Nearly everyone says it feels very, very good. You should try masturbating and do what feels good and very, very good, and not do what hurts. You'll be glad you did.

I have been masturbating since I was 13 and I've been doing it prone. I just now discovered that prone is bad for you. I don't get horny by touching myself in the normal way (rubbing my clitoris), and I don't have orgasms when my boyfriend touches me either. What should I do to recover? (age 18)

The abstinence method for males that I present on the main page of will work for females too. Basically, abstain from masturbation and intercourse for long enough to allow you to learn to masturbate by hand. Most females can do it after a week off. Some take longer. If you give up prone masturbation forever, you can be masturbating conventionally within a few weeks, and you will get better at responding to your partner's touch also.

I just started masturbating about a week ago and I'm getting no pleasure out of it. I have no idea what I'm doing. I want to masturbate but I'm not sure how. (age 12)

Not everyone gets good at something in only a week. Keep trying, and see what feels good. You might continue to read the female pages here on for ideas.

I started touching myself when I was 12, and I watched a lot of porn too. I used to put a powder brush inside and push it in and out roughly. When I put the brush inside of me I always make sure that I need to urinate. If I don't need the toilet I can never feel any good. When I have the brush inside of me, I go onto my back and squeeze my stomach and thigh muscles and that's what feels good. After what I think is an orgasm my clitoris is really sensitive. And by pushing the brush in and out, sometimes afterward a thick white liquid pours out. Is it an orgasm? Will masturbating this way destroy my hymen? I've done the tightness test, and I can barely move two fingers inside of me. I cannot fit in three. I've looked at it a mirror and it's whitish where I think my hymen is. I've also tried masturbating externally, and nothing works. What can I do? I just want to have an orgasm. (age 15 1/2)

Wow, you made me realize that when I was 15 1/2, I hadn't even started masturbating yet. And my private parts are on the outside! You are really trying too desperately to have an orgasm. You seem to be straining like you are doing calisthenics or trying to win a marathon. It isn't like that. Just relax and make yourself feel good, and enjoy the good feelings whether or not they are orgasmic. Eventually you should have an orgasm. Most girls your age learn to masturbate externally first and then try internal masturbation. Don't expect fireworks right away. Just try for good feelings, and follow those feelings where they go. I doubt you have any hymen left after three years of aggressive internal masturbation.

Is it bad that I'm 13 and I use feminine cleansing washes for my vagina and I sometimes masturbate in the shower (or bath when I'm too tired after track to stand) and my clitoris throbs after an orgasm. I'm very good with my hands, but afterward I sometimes feel guilty because I live with my father and I don't want to weird him out. And whenever I need to buy things like feminine wash or lube, I have to go shopping alone because I don't think he'll understand or he might say something against what I do.

Your sexual interests seem to be advanced for 13. I'm not weirded out by it, and I suspect your father wouldn't be either, but what you wrote would make more sense coming from someone who is 20 or older. A young vagina does an excellent job of cleaning itself. You shouldn't need feminine cleansing washes. That you think you do suggests that you don't accept having a changing vagina and masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun. I suggest giving up the vaginal washes.

I started masturbating three months ago and I'm really enjoying it so far. But what I want is to have multiple orgasms. How can I do this?

When you masturbate to orgasm, see if you can keep stimulating yourself during and after your orgasm. Many people find their private parts are too sensitive to keep stroking. But if you can do it and maintain your arousal, work at bringing yourself to a second orgasm. Not all women can do it. I recommend your hands over sex toys any day.

A couple of weeks ago, I gave one of my ex-childhood friends oral sex, and he reciprocated. After this, I said goodbye and rejected his texts and Facebook messages. I have not spoken to him again and frankly I'm embarrassed. I also worried that it might have been unsafe because he had previously had sex with other girls and had never bothered to get checked out. Was this safe? Was it rude of me to reject him after we had a sexual experience? Is this considered a one night stand? And finally, was it inappropriate for me to have given oral sex purely out of curiosity and experimentation? Does this mean I used him even though he approved of it? (age 18)

You are feeling very guilty about the way you treated your friend. Even if you don't want to have sex with him again, you should continue to be his friend as you were before. I have no doubt that he regards your behavior as rude. By definition, sexual relations that people have on exactly one occasion is a one-night stand. I think you did use him because he seems to want a relationship but all you wanted was for him to satisfy your curiosity.

Experimenting with some random guy that you didn't previously know would have probably given you fewer feelings of guilt. However, you knew your friend's sexual history well, and that makes the encounter less unsafe than sex with a stranger. Oral sex without a latex barrier (condom for fellation, dental dam for cunnilingus) is not safe sex; but the chances of contracting an STD through oral sex are extremely low.

I hope you can patch things up with this guy and not leave him feeling resentful toward you, especially since I gather that you have other friends in common.

I had anal sex with my boyfriend. Does that still make me a virgin?

Most people say that a female who has had anal sex is not a virgin.

I've been sexually active since 16. I started masturbating around 17 just because I felt like I needed to get more comfortable with my body and not rely only on another person's stimulation. When I masturbate, I slowly start to touch my vagina so that it can get wetter and wetter and then I'll touch my clitoris. And I'll start rubbing it quicker and quicker and then all of a sudden it starts to feel really good and I have a tingly feeling but I stop. I feel like I should go more but also feel like I can't go more because the feeling is intense. Is that an orgasm? Or am I constantly cutting myself short? (age 18)

I get the impression you're stopping before you fully realize an orgasm. When you have an orgasm, you're sure of it. The tingly feeling is only the beginning. I would urge you to not hold back next time and see how intense your orgasm can actually be.

I am a virgin, and I masturbate often, but whenever I try to masturbate internally, I end up bleeding some. It stops rather quickly. Is this normal? Will it ever stop? I don't want to tell my mom about it and go to a doctor because it would be embarrassing. (age 17)

You should expect to bleed the first few times you masturbate internally. It will not keep bleeding like that forever. Most females are more comfortable with the bleeding when they can put a red towel under them while they masturbate and not worry that bits of blood will get on bedding. Don't let a little bit of bleeding keep you from something that you enjoy. Your mom and the doctor don't need to know.

Can masturbating help when you are sick? Once I was sick and was just about ready to throw up. I lay in bed and masturbated and it helped me take a nap. I woke up and felt better and didn't throw up. Did masturbating make me better? (age 22)

Masturbating won't cure a physical ailment but it will make you feel better for a while.

I was at a sleepover. There were six of us and we were talking about boys. We were talking about a guy I had a HUGE crush on and I got REALLY wet. I was squirming in my seat and pretty uncomfortable. My friend noticed and said if you want, we have another room to go to if I want to go fix that situation. I got really embarrassed and blushed. I have masturbated since I was 11 so it was really no big deal for me to get horny and want to do it. Since I was curious, I accepted, went into the other room and did it and came back. My friends just giggled except for one girl who is religious and sheltered and thought I was being very sinful. All of the other girls admitted to masturbating regularly but she looked at us funnily. I was wondering how I could get her to just be friends again. It's very awkward. (age 14)

You are lucky to have friends who are open about sex and masturbation. Not everyone wants to be as open as you are, and your group crossed the boundaries for the one girl. I think it would be good for you to interact with her one on one and not say anything about sex or masturbation or make reference to the sleepover. I think she will be cool with being your friend if you don't cross that boundary.

When I get wet, it's not sticky, just wet. Is that normal? (age 17)

Yes. Vaginal secretions are not sticky. They are supposed to be lubricating so they should feel slippery.

I have masturbated every so often but I feel like every time I do, I can't really reach my goal. I feel my muscles clenching down there but then I feel like I have to urinating and stop. Was I about to have an orgasm? Plus when I have sex with my boyfriend, I can't really reach an orgasm and here lately he was getting mad about not being able to get me there so I faked one. Is it possible to never have an orgasm? Will I ever be able to? I hated faking it. I just want the real thing to happen. (age 20)

By having a goal, you are defeating some of the enjoyment of your masturbation session. Don't be so focused on having an orgasm. Just do what feels good and see how good you can feel. By relaxing more and simply enjoying whatever happens, you will take pressure off to have an orgasm. To put less worry on yourself about urinating involuntarily, urinate before masturbating and place a towel underneath yourself. Then you will be both less likely to urinate and less likely to worry that you'll damage your bedding if you do. There is a good chance that if you can get past the muscle clenching stage that you'll have an orgasm.

Faking orgasms in intercourse doesn't help either you or your boyfriend. You are signalling him falsely about what gets you to orgasm. I would urge you to masturbate more often, since that is how pre-orgasmic women are more likely to have their first orgasm. Practice makes perfect.

I think I'm starting to have a masturbation problem. I usually masturbate every day and in one hour I can give myself 6 or 7 orgasms. After an hour, I'll usually stop but I'll start again once in a while and have a go at it for another hour. On weekends when there isn't anyone home, I can end up masturbating again and again (usually with an hour of resting periods) for the whole day. Sometimes I don't really even feel that good nor am I aroused but I feel the need to masturbate so I do. I orgasm and my body feels great but my mind is just in a constant state of wanting even more and more and I don't really feel relaxed or all that good afterward. It's been disrupting my studies lately and I've tried not masturbating for two days but I cannot go longer than that without masturbating - my mind goes into overdrive and I just think about sex and masturbation all the time and end up getting reckless over things. (age 15)

That is very unusual for a 15-year-old female. Most girls your age who masturbate don't even practice it daily. After an hour of masturbating and 6-7 orgasms, you should feel like you've had enough and be good for at least another day. You might need help from a sexual professional. It's possible you have something called persistent sexual arousal syndrome. It would be worth discussing this with a doctor or gynecologist.

This guy in my class has been constantly asking me for sex. He's been at it for almost five months and at first, I completely refused in a polite way because I wanted to stay his friend and for him to not feel awkward around me. He was nice about it but he was still persistent and we ended up having phone sex twice and making out in public places. We even got caught the second time by security guards and he was very surprised over how I seemed so playful about making out outside and how I was OK with being caught even though they didn't see our faces. I'm starting to consider having only casual sex with him since he said he just wanted me for that, but I'm worried that he'll just brag about having sex with me. He says he only talks to me when he feels the need to masturbate and he'll try to get some sexting out of me. He said he only chose me because I seemed very OK with the talk of sex. I don't want to have sex before I'm legal but part of me wants to. What should I do? (age 16)

You're sending a very confused message to me and I'm guessing also to him. You started by describing him as "this guy in my class," which makes him sound like a stranger or casual acquaintance, but then we learn that not only is he your friend, he's someone you've had phone sex with and made out in a public place. He seems to have a very high sex drive, and he seems to be very interested in you. You have mixed feelings about him, and I have the impression you're mostly giving him sexual favors to keep from hurting him. I think you should drop this guy. That means no more sexual favors or talk of sexual favors. You should see who else is out there. Getting to know more males will help you decide your sexual future with more confidence.

I am having trouble pacing myself when I masturbate. I go so fast that I sometimes feel sore afterward, and the orgasms I get aren't nearly as good. Any suggestions? (age 16)

If you know the problem is that you're going too fast, then go more slowly, and also use less force. See how good a soft touch can feel. If you can't reach orgasm without going as fast as you are now, perhaps try cutting back on your frequency and see if you can get better orgasms again.

My boyfriend and I have recently engaged in intercourse. He lives far away so when he comes to visit, we sneak to my room and have sex. The first time he couldn't get his penis in, so he pushed really hard. It went in but I really hurt. Then another time we couldn't get it in at all. We don't use protection. Would that help when he tries to put his penis into me? (age 15)

Everything you say tells me that you shouldn't be having intercourse. You don't even understand the mechanics of it, and you aren't using protection. I'm guessing you haven't discussed with each other whether and what kind of sex you've had before. When you get older, not only will you be more comfortable with the mechanics of intercourse, you will be better prepared to deal with pregancy and STDs. If you persist in having intercourse anyway, I suggest you start using condoms at the very least. Condoms are most often lubricated and therefore make it easier to get the penis into an unreceptive vagina.

I'm a virgin who has never orgasmed before. I've tried masturbating with my fingers several times over the years but the most I ever felt was a slight rush. Usually after a few minutes of trying to masturbate, I get bored and distracted and my mind wanders to something else and I stop. I know that you don't recommend vibrators in general, but I want to get one so that I can see what an orgasm is supposed to feel like so that I can try with my fingers again. Are there any vibrators that you would recommend for someone like me? (age 25)

I usually discourage teen girls from using vibrators, but it is more understandable for a woman your age who has never had an orgasm. You might start by getting a small battery-powered one and seeing how it can help you. I think your main problem is that you're not focused on your masturbating sessions. Find a way to focus on your sexual arousal and keep it going. For males, looking at visual aids usually makes the difference (some females also), and for females, reading erotic literature usually helps maintain arousal (for some males also).

I'm a woman and I'm comfortable with masturbation. My husband has told me that he never masturbated. This concerns me because I believe masturbation is a very important part of being sexually healthy. We are very open, and he is not religious. I'm just curious if he's massively shy, which isn't like him, or if he is healthy even if he doesn't masturbate. Can lack of masturbation mean you are unhealthy? (age 23)

I simply don't believe him. I wouldn't believe any sexually mature, sexually active male has never masturbated. Dealing with this situation will require you to use some tact. It would be best to not accuse him directly of lying. You might mention that even though nearly all adult males masturbate, many are too embarrassed to admit to it. Since you are comfortable about masturbating, I assume you have already told him that you used to masturbate, or maybe that you currently do? Saying that would help most men open up about it, but I'm not certain that would be effective with a man who strenuously denies ever having masturbated.

When I was looking for something in my mother's closet, I found a box with multiple dildos and handcuffs and I don't know whether to ask her about them. I love so much because I never knew that girls my age masturbate and it made me feel more comfortable doing it. (age 14)

Asking your mother about her closet secrets is a bad idea. She will probably be too embarrassed to tell you anything about them, and she will know you were snooping.

Will the shape of one's hymen cause problems when having sex if it is shaped differently than usual, such as imperforate or septate?

No. The only hymen condition that might require a doctor's intervention before having sex is a sclerotic (hardened) hymen. Of course, an imperforate hymen will have to be punctured at least before a girl's first menstruation. Usually imperforate hymens are discovered at birth or in childhood examinations.

I am a virgin but doubt I am because my boyfriend and I had phone sex and I got wet, and when I told him, he was surprised that I got wet. I want to know if I am actually a virgin or not. (age 18)

Phone sex is just masturbating while talking on the phone with a partner. You cannot lose your virginity by masturbating. You cannot lose your virginity by phone sex. The only way to lose your virginity is by having intercourse with another person. Getting wet during phone sex is a sign that your boyfriend knows how to arouse you over the phone. That is good!

When masturbating with objects, do most girls put condoms or medical gloves over the objects? (age 19)

I have never heard of anyone doing that. If it happens, I think it is very rare.

I am not very self-conscious about my body, in fact I'm pretty comfortable in what I look like. I'm fine with masturbation and all that jazz. The one thing that really gets me about my body is the fact that I have sno-globes. My nipples are the same color as the rest of the skin. It's normal in some women, but I've never seen anyone else who has them, and neither my sister, my mother, or any of my other female family members have them. It makes me feel weird. I've never had any comments from my previous boyfriends (who have all enjoyed my 36Ds) but it still makes me self conscious when I first go topless in front of a new guy. I'm starting college in the fall, and I was wondering what a guy's point of view would be on the subject? (age 16)

Males are generally aroused and fascinated by the female breast and don't make many complaints. If anything, having skin-colored nipples makes you especially interesting. Nipples tend to get darker as women get older, but males enjoy them no matter their color. This is something that ought not worry you at all.

I tried to masturbate for first time. I just rubbed my fingers around my clit but I was wearing undergarments and after some time, something happened to me for just a few seconds. So was that arousal and should I continue masturbating and should I take off my undergarments next time? (age 17)

You would probably enjoy it more if you weren't wearing undergarments. Taking them completely off would not only allow your hands greater access to your genitals but would also let you spread your legs as wide as you need. The something that happened might not have been merely arousal but actual orgasm. Either way, good for you!

I have never climaxed or peaked. I have been with a woman and a guy and I don't believe it has anything to do with who is pleasing me. I honestly think it's my body. Is there something wrong? I have an occasional release of clear maybe white discharge periodically. I feel like that should happen when I climax and want to know if that's linked. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can orgasm? (age 18)

Most females reach their first orgasms by masturbating. You would certainly have an easier time learning when you're alone and when you don't have to worry about a partner. Once you are successful masturbating to orgasm, you can work at reaching orgasm with a partner. I doubt the problem is your body. The vaginal discharge is normal. Keep practicing and enjoy the orgasms that are ahead.

I shave down there and have discovered that I'm starting to get more black hairs and they're growing farther up my body. Is that normal? (age 14)

It is normal for that to change quickly at your age, and it's also typical for hair to change more quickly when it's shaved than when it isn't.

I started masturbating and had my first orgasm when I was thirteen. The first and second time I orgasmed, it felt like this overwhelming pleasurable wave that started in my pelvis and spread throughout my body all the way to the tips of the fingers/toes and head. Because this was my first experience of orgasm, I am led to believe that that's what it's supposed to feel like. But since then, it hasn't been like that when I masturbate. It now feels like my muscles in my pelvis tense up, which isn't really pleasurable, then they contract two or three times, then it stops. No pleasurable feelings are present. Why is it like this? Am I doing something wrong? It's so frustrating. (age 16)

It sounds like you are anticipating an unhappy orgasm and don't let your body respond. It might also be you are worried about making too much noise if you have an unrestrained orgasm. Next time you masturbate, don't anticipate that it will be exactly like the last hundred times you masturbated. Just let loose and don't try to restrain those feelings in your pelvis.

Follow-up: I've tried to relax but it has been very difficult to because I seem to always tense up. I don't make noises when I orgasm. I can't seem to just forget about my surroundings and just enjoy myself. I've tried, believe me. The only way I can feel a little bit good is if I go unexplainably fast then it lasts like 3 seconds then I actually just feel irritated and frustrated. I really appreciate your help.

Just do what feels good. Force your body to relax. Be as relaxed as you can be. If you start to tense up, then stop. If you find it not feeling good, then stop. Try taking a bath or shower beforehand so your muscles are optimally relaxed.

Follow-up: This is driving me crazy! I've now taken 2 weeks off masturbating and I still get the same result! I know that I'm being too rough but I don't know how to stop and relax. I'm doing many things wrong: I'm using a lot of force; I'm doing it very, very fast; I'm anticipating a bad orgasm. And now I stopped for two weeks and I still it isn't any better. I'm just tense and uncomfortable. You've already seen the description of the orgasms in the previous posts, and when I got those orgasms, I only did it until the first one as it was satisfying enough, but now I'm not sure of the exact number but I reach these events five or more times in one session, and it isn't pleasurable at all! Please help me!

Lots of girls your age don't have orgasms at all. You really seem to be trying too hard. Just relax and do what feels good. Don't be despondent to have an orgasm. Enjoy the gentle touch of your own hand or hands and see where the feeling leads. You haven't lost anything if you don't have a mind-numbing orgasm every time. The brain is the most important sex organ. Find out how to properly stimulate it before you stimulate your privates.

I have masturbated for quite a few years now. I have used my hands to rub and finger myself and it's felt great every time. I have been very horny lately but I'm single and a virgin so I bought a Jack Rabbit vibrator. It won't go in all the way like my fingers can and I can't seem to orgasm with it. Even with the rotation and vibration on. It doesn't hurt but it doesn't feel like anything. It just doesn't do anything for me. Why? (age 20)

Probably because your fingers feel great every time. Vibrators are usually used by women who can't get results by hand. If you're doing well with your own digits, why switch to a piece of plastic. Women who use vibrators have more reason to envy you than you to envy them.

My boyfriend and I are both virgins and wish to abstain from intercourse but are OK doing everything else. He has been with a couple of other girls while this is all new to me. When fingering me, he told me that I am big down there and that he isn't going to be able to please me since I haven't been able to orgasm. Is there anything we can do differently? (age 17)

You could use a new boyfriend. The one you have is an insensitive jerk. Since there is very little variation in the size of vaginas, yours is probably the same size as any other. A man who took his time and worked at making you feel good could please you just fine, but I don't think he has much patience for that. The main thing you could do is learn to masturbate to orgasm if you don't already. Once you know how to make yourself orgasm, it is easier to show someone else how to do it.

I started masturbating in elementary school and still do today. In junior high, after a masturbation session, my vagina changed, almost like it split open. I didn't look at my vagina before so I don't know exactly what changed, but it is a lot more open. What happened? Am I OK? (age 21)

You are asking about something that happened eight years ago. Have you ever had a pelvic exam from a gynecologist? He or she would notice right away if there were anything physically wrong with your vagina. There is probably nothing wrong. The vagina has muscles that surround it, and as you get more experienced at masturbation and intercourse, these muscles get exercised. They can do more than they once did. I suggest having a doctor examine you and reassure you that you're fine.

How far up the vagina is the hymen? (age 15)

The hymen is at the entrance to the vagina. It is not up the vagina at all.

What can I use besides a dildo? (age 19)

Most females are satisfied masturbating with their hands. Whatever you insert into your vagina should be smooth and easy to clean.

my boyfriend wants me to give him fellatio and although I'm OK with that, I've refused. He's offered to give me cunnilingus if I give him fellatio and as much as I really want to, I'm afraid he'll get turned off by the sight of my vulva. I have dark uneven inner thighs and labia, and my pubic hair is all over my genital region, not just above. We're both 16 and each other's first sexual partners so I'm not so sure he's used to it or that it will be of no issue to him.

I think it is better that you discuss it with him and tell him why you're uneasy about oral sex instead of presuming he won't like your looks. He's already seen you and he's coming back for more.

I love your site. It's been very helpful. I've been masturbating since I was 12. When I started masturbating, I reached orgasm pretty quickly, and that was that. I soon was able to have around 20 orgasms in one session. Is this normal? I first thought I might be addicted to masturbating, but could I just be having multiple orgasms? (age 16)

Males typically have exactly one orgasm per sexual session, whether coital or masturbatory, but females can have anywhere from 0 to 100. If you can have 20 orgasms in a single masturbation session, you are doing a lot better than normal. If you're enjoying it and it's not causing problems in other areas of your life (e.g., making you late for work or school), then you are not addicted and simply are excellent at bringing yourself pleasure.

I don't know if I should masturbate. Which is better, external or internal? (age 14)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. Most girls who do it enjoy it greatly and are very happy that they do. Most females learn to masturbate externally (stimulating the clitoris and labia) and eventually learn to masturbate internally (inserting fingers or objects into the vagina) as well. I hesitate to say whether one or the other is better; I think they're different.

I masturbate once or twice a day and always use a dildo. I can orgasm only from it or with clitoral rubbing but I'm worried that maybe I should stop using the dildo and just masturbate with my hand because lately I've been having problems holding my urine. Although I haven't wet myself, I feel like it might happen. Is this because of my masturbating with a dildo? (age 17)

I suggest urinating before masturbating so that you don't need to worry about urinating during your session. For further peace of mind, place a towel underneath yourself so a little urine won't bother you or make you worry about making a mess. I doubt your problem is using the dildo. Twice a day is a high frequency, and maybe your problem would be reduced if you cut back to once a day for a while, at least.

I am a 22-year-old virgin girl. I just felt a lot of pain and stiffness in my breasts after I masturbated just now. Why is this?

The pain and stiffness probably isn't because you masturbated. If it only happened once, it might not be anything to worry about. If it happens regularly when you masturbate, you might try having your breasts uncovered if they aren't already, because your clothing or even your arm might be brushing against them and making them uncomfortable.

For a while, I've been using water masturbation to have orgasms and I usually masturbate this way about three times a week. I also masturbate with my hand on my clitoris when I'm in bed too, but when I'm just about to orgasm I move and lose the feeling. Does water masturbation decrease my chances of having a good sex life in the future? How do I get to orgasm in bed? (age 18)

Running water puts a lot of pressure on your private parts (especially your clitoris and labia minora) that cannot be replicated any other way. This explains part of the reason you're having trouble masturbating to orgasm by hand in bed. It will also make it more difficult for you to have orgasms with a partner later. For best results, you should give up masturbating with running water and instead learn to use the gentle touch of your hand. It's a good thing that you're able to have orgasms; take a week or two off from masturbating with water and then try to masturbate to orgasm by hand. When you've gone that long without an orgasm, that movement of your pelvis that's interfering with your orgasm won't make much of a difference.

When I masturbated, I expelled a large amount of urine-like fluid, and I had an orgasm. Is this normal? (age 12)

Some females claim that they have an ejaculation of fluid when they reach orgasm; many medical authorities deny that there is female ejaculation. If you have it, it does not mean there is anything wrong with you. If it bothers you, then just put a towel down when you masturbate so you won't have to worry.

Is it bad to insert water into your vagina? I have done it while masturbating and I don't know if it will affect my vagina or if it is not bad and there is nothing to worry about. (age 12)

The water itself will not hurt you, but masturbating with running water is bad for your sexual progress. You are better off masturbating with the gentle touch of your hand instead of the brutal force of running water. Girls who learn to masturbate by hand have a much easier time reaching orgasm with a partner than those who are used to running water.

Will an orgasm hurt me? (age 12)

No! It will probably be the most fun you've ever had. Don't worry at all about it hurting.

I did the hymen check you tell other girls, but when I put my legs in the frog position, I still couldn't see my hymen or my vaginal opening. Do you have any more suggestions? (age 16)

You might need one or more mirrors. It would help if you could do the frog legs position directly in front of a large wall-mounted mirror.

My boyfriend age 22 masturbates quite often and has been doing it since his childhood. He told me about but I and my friends never feel the urge to masturbate and never do it. I asked him to quit masturbation as I find it disgusting and wonder why boys do it. He says he can't quit as he often feels a strong urge to do it. What's that urge all about? Why do girls never get any sort of compulsions to masturbate? Please explain. (age 20)

I really feel sorry for you. Most women your age masturbate often and enjoy it. This helps them out later in life. Women who start masturbating early have an easier time getting an orgasm in intercourse than women who don't masturbate. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun for both genders. It is a biological necessity for males. Males produce sexual fluids that have to be eliminated frequently by ejaculation. (Female sexual fluids don't need an orgasm to be eliminated.) If a male doesn't ejaculate for a period of time, these sexual fluids will collect and make him more and more uncomfortable. Most males can't stand it after about a week. You are not being very kind to your boyfriend and are discounting female sexuality too. I suspect that many of your friends masturbate but don't talk about it.

What happens if the skin near the clitoris is starting to look bruised because of masturbation? (age 17)

Like any bruise, it will heal in time. Using a water-based lube while you masturbate can go a long way to prevent bruising.

I am a 21 year old girl. I am cutting down on my masturbating. The last time I masturbated was Monday. I had an orgasm, however I have had a discharge like when I orgasm every day since Monday. But I haven't been actually masturbating or doing anything to arouse myself. It's becoming really annoying. I really want it to stop. What do you think I can do? My friend told me maybe I should masturbate to let it all out. I did and for almost a day there wasn't any discharge but it came back.

The discharge that's happening every day might not have anything to do with masturbating. If it bothers you, then see a doctor or nurse as it could be the symptom of something more serious. Why are you cutting down on masturbating? It is normal, healthy, and fun.

I feel the need to tell my father that I masturbate. It feels hopeless keeping it a secret, and it makes me fear getting caught even more if he doesn't understand. His standing on porn is good, but we've never talked about masturbation.

I don't know how I can go about telling him, especially because I am a girl. He already knows I'm a lesbian, but I need to find a way to tell him I do the deed.

The suspense of anticipating getting caught is hindering my performance. Any way I can solve this? (age 14)

There is no reason to tell your father that you masturbate. He already knows or at least suspects strongly. If you've discussed porn with him, then you've implicitly discussed masturbation. If you are really determined to pursue this, then ask him how he feels about masturbation. Then you'll learn about his standing on that too.

Do females also produce sexual fluids? How do they get released and is their sexual urge as frequent as boys? (female, age 25)

Yes. Females' sexual fluids consist mostly of vaginal lubrication and a fluid produced in Bartholin's gland. These are produced in lesser quantity than male sexual fluids. Sometimes females will find that they've discharged something from their vagina and didn't even feel it happen. Males need to have an orgasm to ejaculate their sexual fluids and most younger males have one daily. Females need to eliminate their fluids much less.

I have been masturbating ever since I can remember. I only rub my clit and have never tried vaginal because I am scared that I might break my hymen. I also heard that you will go to the doctor when you're 16 to check if your hymen is gone and I don't want my mom to find out I broke it. Is that true? Should I just try vaginal anyway? (age 14)

Most girls your age don't like vaginal masturbation, and it sounds like you would be extremely anxious about your hymen. I would suggest putting off internal masturbation for a few years. I don't know what country you're in, but I've never heard of a mandatory hymen check at age 16. If you're in a country where that's a real thing, then I'm not the man to ask.

I have done masturbation with a carrot and I want to know whether it has broken my hymen and if I'm still a virgin. (age 19)

You cannot lose your virginity by masturbating. The only way to lose your virginity is by having sex with another person. Masturbating with a carrot can easily break your hymen and yours probably has.

Is it safe to guess that my close friend who is a boy my age thinks of me sexually and masturbates to the thought of me? We have openly told each other that we find one another physically attractive, and he is comfortable making lighthearted jokes about sex from time to time. Is it wrong to want to discuss this with him, just to know? I have fantasized about him, and I wouldn't mind experimenting with him in the future, but I also don't want to cramp our friendship, since I don't see us becoming more than friends. I've never talked about sex/masturbation with a boy. Could our talking about this be good for us both, or are there drawbacks to consider more thoroughly? (age 17)

It is never safe to assume what someone's sexual fantasies are. He might have a personal ethic that he doesn't fantasize about his friends. Strange as it sounds, some people don't fantasize about anyone they actually want to pursue a relationship with and only fantasize about people they know they never will or just flat aren't interested in. Certainly you ought to be able to talk about sex or masturbating with him, but keeping it general or technical will do less to interfere with your friendship than telling him you fantasize about him or asking him who he fantasizes about.

I was planning to buy a sex toy behind my mom's back, but my sister did the same thing and our mom was very surprised and upset when she found it. Is it OK to buy things like that behind her back?

You will have to decide for yourself, but your mom doesn't seem to think it's OK. Keep in mind your mom will be less surprised and upset when she finds your sex toy because she's already been through it with your sister. Older siblings have to break trail like that.

When I masturbate by clitoral stimulation, I always unintentionally pull away when it feels like I'm just starting to climax. Is there a way to end this frustration I'm feeling? (age 18)

Can you try consciously not to pull away? You might be afraid of a little bit of pain. Try to endure that pain or discomfort for just a few extra seconds and see what happens.

Are you male or female? I'm asking because you said you haven't had a menstrual cycle. (age 15)

And I never will. I'm a man. How dreadfully delicious that you found that one line on and none of the other places where I said straight out that I'm male.

I've been masturbating for about a year now, but I've never had an orgasm. Some of the answers you gave others convinced me that it was because I have no privacy. My dad took the lock off my door years ago and barges in whenever he wants; sometimes, I'm even changing clothes. I decided to tell my mom what I've been doing, and she promised me privacy. That was a few weeks ago, but I still haven't been able to reach an orgasm. Is there a reason for that? I'm not concerned with being interrupted anymore, and I've never used toys or any methods other than my own hands. Am I just doing something wrong? (age 17)

Practice makes perfect. If the feeling of limited privacy was interfering with your having an orgasm, it will not necessarily go away overnight just because you have more privacy now. Take time to go slowly and relax. Put your mind in a place where you are easily aroused and aware of things (touches, thoughts) that impact your arousal.

Recently I cut down on masturbating. However, I still feel the urge every day. It is this way even when I have masturbated the day before. What should I do? (age 21)

Why did you cut down on masturbating? Your body seems to want it every day.

I don't know what's been going on lately, but I've been insanely horny. I'm an extremely private person and always under watch by my parents since I'm an only child. I've never thought of myself as a sexual person, even though I've been masturbating for a long time, and neither does anyone else. I'm not completely sure what an orgasm feels like because I always stopped rubbing when I couldn't take it anymore. It was like at some kind of peak but I'm not sure whether I could go longer. Then I read somewhere about using an electric toothbrush and since using it I've gotten the most pleasure I've ever felt. I think it's an orgasm. I've tried with my hands, but I just can't get anything that way. I read somewhere that masturbating with an electric toothbrush can result in infertility and various other bad sexual consequences. I don't understand this, especially since I'm just using it on my clitoris. Is this really true? I'm scared I won't be able to turn back from using it. I also think your page about masturbating in dorms is super. (age 17)

Masturbating with an electric toothbrush or other vibrator will not cause infertility. But it might make it less likely that you'll ever reach orgasm with a partner. Women who masturbate with their hands are more likely to have orgasms in intercourse. If you masturbate until you can't take it anymore, you're probably using more force and a greater intensity than is needed. Try taking it more slowly and feel your arousal building gradually. Then you will be more comfortable pushing yourself over to orgasm.

Is it harder to get aroused or orgasm when you masturbate with ice cold fingers? Mine are always cold, so I was just wondering.

Ice cold fingers are a definite problem. You can warm them pretty quickly by holding them against your warm abdomen.

I masturbate 1-6 times a day. But not internally. Not inserting fingers in my vagina but rubbing my clit. Is it bad? Thanks! (age 17)

Masturbating is quite good. Most younger females prefer to masturbate clitorally rather than vaginally. The only thing that concerns me is your frequency. Six times a day is an extreme frequency. Most girls your age masturbate once a day or less.

I've been using a vibrator for about two years now and I'm worried I might be getting over-attached to it. My clitoris starts to throb whenever I see my vibrator or even think about it. I first started masturbating with just my hands and still use them more often than I do the vibrator but I don't throb when I look at my hands. I don't think my vibrator is numbing out my nerves or anything, because I can still reach orgasm using just my hand with no problem, but I'm wondering if it's normal to get so excited from just thinking about it. I'm also wondering if I'm going to have that reaction to my partner's penis when I start having sex. (age 19)

If you think you're getting over-attached, then you probably are. A throbbing clitoris is a lot better than one that doesn't respond at all. If you can reach orgasm by hand, then I would encourage you to do it that way more often. You will be able to judge whether your naked partner is aroused more easily than he can tell if you are.

I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember and I got caught many times and my mom didn't look kindly upon it. She even threw out my magazine (when I was 16) and it wasn't even pictures, it was just text. It made it really hard for me to enjoy and learn. I spent a lot of time disgusted at myself. Now I have a partner who has encouraged me beyond belief. I just want to say thank you. I stumbled upon and it made me realize that just because I started young (at 5) it wasn't wrong. And if I ever have a girl (I have a boy) I'm going to buy her a dildo and encourage her natural behaviors. (age 20)

Thanks for your thanks!

I have masturbated for a few years. Recently I have been using bigger objects. I've also been using a bubble stick in the shower. Today I imagined a guy I like and masturbated in the shower. I also did it yesterday. Now my privates are sore. Is all this OK? (age 15)

You are better off using your hands instead of objects and a bubble stick. (I think a bubble stick is a shower sprayer, but if you mean the thing kids blow bubbles with, that's even worse.) Something you've done lately has made you sore. If you had masturbated using the gentle touch of your hands yesterday and today, I doubt you'd be sore right now.

I live alone in an apartment. I recently discovered that my neighbor's teen boy, age 16 or so, has been using binoculars to peep into my room at regular intervals. He is otherwise a very nice kid and I share very cordial relations with him and his parents. Since I discovered this, I use the room without closing the blinds to dress and masturbate. I get hugely turned on when I realize that he is watching me from his window. Can I continue with this, as he has never brought up this topic and continues to behave very normally with me? (age 29)

It's your privacy that is being violated. Technically, if you know someone is peeping at you, it's not against the law. I think it would be better if you conducted private activity in private and kept your blinds closed.

I've masturbated since I was about 6. Lately I've been trying with my fingers. Tonight I fit two in but I don't like the feeling. Fingering, or having objects in my vagina doesn't feel good like people describe it should. It's sort of uncomfortable having an item go in and out of my vaginal opening. Is this normal? Shouldn't I be feeling pleasure from this? (age 13)

You are still pretty young. Most girls your age masturbate by stimulating the clitoris and the area around it. Most girls don't like vaginal stimulation until they're older.

Every time I masturbate, after I'm done, I usually just go to sleep but then after I change clothes, I can still smell my vagina pretty strongly. I shower regularly and change clothes regularly, but it still smells strong and I'm afraid people around me can smell it, so I always close my legs tightly and try to mask it. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me? (age 13)

I doubt there's something wrong with you. You seem hyper-sensitive to an imagined smell from your vagina. The chances that anyone else can smell it are very small. If it really bothers you, put some mentholated rub (like Vick's) on your neck or arms (you can always say allergies or an impending cold are bothering you). Then the only thing anyone who comes near you will smell is that.

I have been wondering if stopping my urinary flow can cause a problem to the urinary system. (age 19)

No, in fact stopping and restarting urine flow is one of the Kegel exercises, which are encouraged for both males and females as a way of improving control over one's orgasms. You are not causing a problem but are exercising your PC muscle.

I've been caught masturbating a few times by my mother in multiple situations. Fortunately, she has never made a big deal about it, so being caught has just encouraged me to masturbate more freely and without fear of getting caught. (female, age 17)

Hooray for you! Please see the page about being caught masturbating to understand how others have handled it.

I started masturbating just today after reading for a couple of days. Ny vagina started squeezing and then relaxing. Was that an orgasm? Is it normal? (age 14)

Yes, that is an orgasm. It's either very normal or a lot better than normal. Keep up what you're doing and the orgasms are likely to get better.

While tidying my 14 year old daughter's bedroom, I found a slim-type deodorant bottle under her pillow. It was obvious that she has been using it to masturbate. I expected her to start exploring her sexuality around this time, but should I be worried that she may be penetrating herself when masturbating? I don't know how to raise my concern with her. (age 39)

It is better for a girl to masturbate using her hands instead of objects. If she insists on using objects, it is good if she washes them both before and after use. If you are worried about her causing damage with the bottle, it might be useful to offer to get her a toy made especially for masturbation. You are the parent and it is your job to tell her what she needs to know.

I haven't ever masturbated before (I never felt the desire to) but now I've started. I rub my clitoris and it gets really instense for like a minute or two but then stops. Any help? (age 14)

I think you're helping yourself just fine. A minute or two is a pretty long climax. A typical orgasm lasts about eight seconds. Just keep up what you're doing and I suspect you will be having obvious orgasms soon.

I have masturbated the same way since I was probably 5, and I never even thought twice about it being a problem honestly, until I came across I lie flat on my back and use pressure from my palm on my clitoris and it works every time. I had sex for the first time a few times recently, and even though it felt great, I could never orgasm. Does this sound like prone masturbation, or that I may have a problem? Do I need to change something? (age 19)

That is not prone masturbation, obviously, but it would be better if you used less force to masturbate. Try using fingers instead of your palm and see if you can still bring yourself to orgasm. Most females don't have orgasms within the first few times they have sex. You probably just need more experience.

When I was 5-6 years old my sister who was a year older and I would play do sexual things with our enormous toys after the shower naked. I don't feel great about that but I want to talk about masturbation because I think she knows I do it since we have a bunk bed. I just need advice on this. (age 13)

I'm not sure if you want to talk about masturbation or about what you used to do with the toys. It is fine if you want to bring up either with your sister. Maybe you could open the conversation by asking, "Do you think we need a rule about masturbating in our bedroom?"

I have been masturbating for a while now, but when I reach my climax, I never orgasm. I just feel a nice sensation, and then I'm turned off. Is there something wrong with me? (age 13)

No, you're just young and inexperienced. Work at making the nice sensation last a few seconds longer. You are closer to reaching a true orgasm (if you haven't already) than most girls your age.

What's the best time to masturbate? How long should it go on? How can I make sure that people don't come to know about it? I feel porn makes it faster. What do you suggest? How can I cover my vulva if I have to? Don't boys feel ashamed about that long penis being seen? (age 16)

About half of masturbation takes place at bedtime. It helps people sleep and is the time of day that people have the most privacy. Most girls your age masturbate to orgasm in 15-20 minutes. I advise against porn at your age. Try to use your imagination as much as you can. Masturbating under the covers is quite popular with girls. It means your genitals are covered. (That method doesn't work for males as well.) Boys aren't ashamed of their long penises being seen, but they are as embarrassed as girls are when they get caught masturbating.

I started masturbating when I was 10 but then I stopped until this summer when I accidentally brushed up against a water jet. Ever since then I've been masturbating nightly under the water faucet and I freeze up for a few seconds and it feels REALLY good. What is that? We moved out of that house and now the faucet isn't as strong. How can I masturbate similar to that without water? I love your site! (age 12)

Masturbating with running water, especially something as powerful as a jet, is dangerous for your sexual progress. Females can get so used to the force of the water that they can't reach orgasm any other way. The feeling you describe is most likely orgasm. You are very young and ought to give up water masturbation and go back to masturbating with your hands ASAP.

There is something irritating my labia minora. I initially thought it was my pubic hair rubbing on it, so I trimmed the area around it (not shaved), but this didn't help at all. I eventually figured that it might be something on the actual labia minora that's bothering me. It feels like something's scratching it. It's very irritating and uncomfortable in such a sensitive area. I toughed it a bit and I found that the flesh inside surrounding my urethra is very rough and uncomfortable. I tried adding some coconut oil (which I use as lube, but only externally) and that didn't help much. I'm a virgin and have only ever masturbated externally rubbing my clitoris and surrounds. This is really bothering me and interfering with my masturbation. I'm not completely sure what it is that is creating the scratching feeling, but it's very unpleasant. Is the flesh around the urethra supposed to be rough? And is coconut oil safe to use as lube? (age 17)

No, there should be nothing sharp or scratching there. Have you eliminated your clothing as a source of irritation? I advise against using tropical oils internally. It would be better if you tried a water-based lube made especially for vaginal use (like K-Y Liquid or Sliquid). If the problem is contained to the area around your urethra, it could be a urinary tract infection, which you'd need to see a doctor about.

I always insist on protection for sex but my boyfriend keeps telling me that sex feels so much better without a condom. Is this true? (age 19)

Yes, it is. If you are sure that you're both faithful and disease free, you might consider other methods of contraception, like the pill, spermicidal jelly, or Nuva-Ring.

During sleep, I have sexual dreams pertaining to my crush. My dreams are usually about stimulating others' genitals, but I haven't had any sexual experiences with him. While I'm dreaing about these things, I experience lots of pleasure around my vagina. I've never masturbated before. Should I be concerned? (age 13)

There is nothing to be concerned about in your report. It is all normal. When girls wake up feeling pleasure around their genitals, it often leads them to masturbate. That is very normal too, and very good.

When I'm on my period, I have to masturbate furiously several times a day. I don't do this any other time of the month. In fact, when I'm not on my period, I hardly ever masturbate at all. Why is this? (age 17)

It's likely because of your hormone flow and/or the feeling in your privates when you have your period. Masturbation is excellent for stress relief and has some use for pain relief too.

Does doing clitoral masturbation with fingers or water make me fat? (age 19)

No, not at all.

I've started to masturbate but I'm confused about where to stroke to get an orgasm. Can you explain it to me?

At the top of your vaginal opening is your clitoris. When a female is sexually aroused, her clitoris and the whole area around it become very sensitive to touch. Some females are able to stroke the clitoris itself successfully (some find it too sensitive to touch) while others masturbate by stroking the area around the clitoris. Practice touching a bunch of areas and see what makes you more aroused. Keep working on the areas that arouse you.

I have an excessively high interest in sex for a female. I am not sure if I have a sex addiction, something like peristent genital arousal disorder (PGAD), or just a high sex drive. When I try to control how much I masturbate, I'm horny (physically and mentally) almost all of the time, dream of sex often, and wake up every morning feeling aroused. I have sexual fantasies as well as physical sensations several times a day, and yes, I do use porn, but only a couple of times a week. It actually seems like the more I masturbate, the less trouble I have with random intrusive sexual thoughts and feelings of arousal. If I do it 2-3 times a day, every day, on a steady basis, I can get to a point where I mostly stop thinking about sex outside of those sessions and actually feel kind of normal, apart from the knowledge that I'm a person who masturbates 2-3 times every day. I'm not sure which approach is better/healthier.

When I'm trying to stop or cut back on masturbating, I feel like I'm addicted to it because the constant horniness interferes with my ability to function. I become tense, irritable and easily distracted. I can't concentrate on anything except my throbbing genitals and what I want to do with them. I start thinking about doing things I know are wrong and would never consider if I were masturbating every day.

When I let myself masturbate as much as I like I feel better in between sessions, but I keep thinking what is wrong with me that I need to do it so much. I think I'm unusually sensitive as well. I've had orgasms from dreams, and the slightest thing can get me excited (like driving over a bumpy road or seeing a guy with a nice butt in tight pants) and I can often masturbate to orgasm in less than a minute, especially if I haven't masturbated for several days. (age 22)

You don't say anything about having sex with partners. I doubt anyone would consider you a sex addict just because you masturbate often. There is nothing wrong with masturbating 2-3 times a day, especially if you would be having negative happenings if you didn't. If you think you have PGAD, you should see a doctor, or maybe join an Internet support group.

Some of my friends shave their pubes and some don't. I'm trying to decide. What are the benefits of having pubic hair for girls? (age 16)

The function of pubic hair is (1) to reduce friction during intercourse, when the mons pubis of the male brushes forcefully against the mons veneris of the female; (2) to retain the pheromone scent which can be useful in attracting a partner; (3) to reduce the amount of moisture loose outside the vulva; (4) many people find it attractive to the eye. It's up to you.

If I let my boyfriend suck my nipples, will my breasts get bigger? (age 17)


When I touch myself, I usually fantasize about attractive girls in my class or I start by looking at completely non-sexual images of such girls and then go from there. Is this wrong or bad?

Also, I've found that I can't masturbate to fantasies about guys and myself. I find them attractive going by looks in real life, but have no physical or emotional attraction. Does this mean I am a lesbian or bisexual, or is it just hormones? (age 13)

I think it means you're young and learning. There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about girls in your class or looking at non-sexual images. Keep up with what you're doing, and you will probably find you will develop new fantasies as you progress.

If a girl doesn't have orgasms, how does she know when she's done masturbating? (male, age 16)

It's like any other activity that doesn't end in an orgasm. You stop when you've had enough running, roller-skating, bouncing on the trampoline...

I am babysitting my 7 year old nephew. For the past two weeks I have noticed him masturbating with glee whenever I leave the room to let him play alone with his toys. From his expressions as I observed him from start to finish twice, I can say he is experiencing orgasm and having a good time. He covers up as soon as he hears my footsteps or I make some noise before entering his room, and he has not realized so far that I have caught him. I don't want to report this to my sister as she and her husband are very conservative and might punish him. Should I just let him be or have a talk with him regading this? On one of two occasions when I peeped on him, I noticed a white semi-solid stuff coming from his penis. I am not sure but it did not look like semen or ejaculation. Is there anything to be checked? (female, age 22)

I think you've already seen too much. You wouldn't want anyone spying on you while you masturbate. Show your nephew the same respect. There is no need to say anything to either him or your sister.

When I was masturbating, it abruptly felt like my pelvic muscles tightened a lot. My clitoris seemed to get smaller when I was touching it. This startled me, and I stopped masturbating. A few seconds later, I felt something on my face and neck like the feeling you get when you are relieved after you get scared and then realize that there is nothing there. Did I have an orgasm? (age 17)

Yes, you did. Hooray! Mark this date on your calendar. And then go for that feeling again and again.

I've been masturbating regularly for a few years now. I'm not old enough to have sex toys, I think, and I would be too embarrassed anyway. I have a wooden doll that is not really lumpy or anything. I often use this to help achieve orgasm. I wonder if it's safe?

I doubt that it's anything close to safe. You ought not be embarrassed to use something that is designed to help you achieve a satisfying orgasm safely and conveniently. I think you'd be better off still using your hands exclusively.

Is every vibrator a dildo, or is every dildo a vibrator? (age 22)

Neither. A vibrator, obviously, is something that vibrates. If it is shaped like a dildo (i.e, can fit into the vagina), then we can call it a vibrating dildo. Most dildos don't vibrate at all, and many vibrators can't enter the vagina.

I can only get wet from a certain kink of mine and I only feel good when I put my fingers around my clitoral hood and rock back and forth on my hand/fingers. I'm scared I'm not normal or this will cause me issues. Is this the case? (age 14)

If you are lying on your back, you are fine. If you are lying on your stomach and rocking on your hand that way, then that is prone masturbation, which is a proven cause of sexual dysfunctions in males and a suggested cause of them in females. I am more concerned about your only getting aroused from a particular kink. Try to find more things that arouse you. You are pretty young to get pigeonholed into one source of arousal.

I'm a varsity athlete and recently my teammates pranked me by putting heat rub inside my uniform. It made me really warm and uncomfortable, including in my private parts. Now I have sexual fantasies about this being done to me. Is this normal? (age 20)

It's not a bit unusual that you have sexual feelings stemming from that incident. Lots of people have sexual feelings pertaining to things that are unpleasant, or that they were afraid of as children.

The heat balm was uncomfortable, obviously, but it created a sensation in your genitals. Anything that creates a sensation in your genitals might someday be recalled to bring on a sexual feeling, even if it was unpleasant. A common fetish involves sitting on paper. This comes from people having to sit on the paper covering at the doctor's. Often a person will connect this to being touched in the genital area.

I don't think you should incorporate heat balm into your sexual practices, but it's perfectly OK to have fantasies pertaining to the time your teammates pranked you with heat balm.

Also keep in mind that some sexual lubes have heat in them as a means of enhancing their sensation. Kind of like heat balm only not as strong. Maybe you'd enjoy trying some of those heat lubes now!

I have recently been having fantasies about urination. There is a recurring fantasy I have where I am grinding against a pretty girl through clothing and I urinate through my clothing and hers. When I am in the washroom and a pretty girl I know is there, I get excited to hear her urinate. I also like the pressure feeling of having to urinate. Is this bad, wrong, or disgusting? I don't feel guilty from my fantasies, but sometimes I feel like I'm invading on the girl's personal space by listening to her urinate. (age 14)

Those are common fantasies. Don't worry that they're bad, wrong, or disgusting. The girls in the washroom are letting you hear them by not doing anything to mask the noise, like flushing the toilet. (Males have it easier because they can usually aim above the waterline for silent emptying.) You may be interested to know that when people go beyond fantasies and seek to become involved in the urination of other people (or vice versa), it is called urophilia.

I'm a virgin, and I sometimes masturbate. Does masturbating externally break the hymen? (age 19)


What is the difference between virginity and chastity? (age 16)

Chastity means not being sexually active. Virginity means never having been sexually active. You can always become not sexually active, but you can't become never having been sexually active again once you have been.

As the songwriter wrote, "once you pass its border, you can ne'er return again."

My question is not about myself but is about boys. When I start masturbating, my vagina gets all wet. It's more fun to masturbate when my vagina is wet than when it's still dry. Since boys don't produce wetness, when they use lube on their penis, does it make it more fun for them to masturbate? (age 17)

I must point out that uncircumcised males in fact produce lube when they get aroused. Many of them can masturbate without lube. To answer your question, yes, males who use lube do so because it's more fun that way, and also less likely to cause pain or chafing.

Is it normal to be a girl my age and not be in the mood for sex? Is something wrong with me? (age 16)

Many girls your age are not sexually active. There is nothing wrong with you if you don't want to be sexually active right now.

I've been masturbating but immediately afterward I go into a deep sleep. Is it normal? (female, age 18)

Yes, that is very normal, and part of the reason why about half of both male and female masturbation takes place at bedtime.

I masturbate by crossing my legs and flexing my muscles until I have an orgasm. I'm also a virgin. Is this bad for me? Should I switch to masturbating with my hands through direct clitoral or vaginal stimulation? (age 21)

There's nothing wrong with masturbating by crossing your legs and flexing. That causes less stimulation than masturbating with your hands. If anything, you would have an easier time reaching orgasm in intercourse when your main way of masturbating is what you do.

Having said that, I recommend that you learn those other ways (clitoral and vaginal stimulation) anyway. Because then you will have three ways.

Dear readers: I am getting short of stories to put on the caught masturbating page. Why not go over there and share your stories or things you've done to keep from getting caught.

Tell the story of your first orgasm

Attention females!

We are doing a new page where females share the stories of their first orgasms. How long did it take? How did that first orgasm happen? By sharing your story, you can help younger females and other pre-orgasmic women have their first orgasm. Please go to the first orgasms page and share your story.

Older questions from females

This page updated May 22, 2016.

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