HealthyStrokes.com
... a site about masturbation and you!

This page is for older questions. For the newest questions, see the main female page

I'm 15, and I have already gotten my period, and I use Slimfits tampons. I masturbate with my hand but it hurts when I put my finger into my vagina. Is that normal? Will it get bigger so that when I try to have sex, I won't tear or anything? I know you don't normally answer girls' questions but I was wondering if you could help me out. Thanks.

There was a time it was recommended females didn't use tampons until they were older. I don't know if that's part of your problem. Sexually, females normally need some "warming up" before penetration of the vagina is comfortable, and I imagine that would be even more true of a virgin. You should masturbate in a way that is comfortable for you. Don't worry about your sensitive vagina for now. It would take a huge amount of force to tear your vaginal walls. Just be sure to take it slow when you're ready for sex and find a partner who isn't a brute.

What are some good masturbating techniques? I'm female. (age 14)

I'm male, so I only have hearsay when it comes to female masturbation. Girls generally stroke their clitoris (sometimes indirectly, because the organ is very sensitive) and some also stick fingers inside their vagina. The important thing is to relax and take your time.

Hi, I'm a girl. What is the correct way of masturbation for us? (age 16)

Girls have more variety in how they can masturbate. Ninety percent of guys do it the same way, and as is the main thrust of this site, doing it any other way can lead to problems. Most girls also lie on their backs, same as guys, and rub the area around their clitorises. Some insert their fingers or objects into their vaginas, usually in addition to clitoral stimulation. Some girls masturbate with streams of water, although this is not a sensation that can be replicated in sexual intercourse. Some girls also practice a female equivalent of TMS (there's a case study on this page), although this has fewer implications for them than for males because males have the burden of sexual performance in intercourse.

Masturbation is useful to bring people in touch with their sexuality. Many men believe that women who masturbate make better lovers.

Hi, I'm a girl, and I recently heard two people on a dating show talking about women masturbating internally or externally. I'm not entirely sure what they were talking about. Can you help? (age 16)

Yes, for females, internal masturbation means inserting fingers or objects into the vagina, and external masturbation means masturbating without doing this. Of women who masturbate, informal research says only 20 percent masturbate internally. 84 percent masturbate externally by stimulating their clitorises and/or labia, 11 percent mount or rub against objects -- the female equivalent of TMS, 11 percent stimulate their breasts, 10 percent squeeze their thighs, 5 percent masturbate by contracting their PC muscles, and a lucky 2 percent can achieve orgasm by fantasy alone. (The numbers don't add to 100 because some women masturbate more than one way.) [These stats courtesy of SexTV, although they reflect a web survey, not a scientific one.]

Can chicks have TMS? (age 18)

That's what we're trying to learn. You might help us if you and some of your female friends can fill out our survey of female masturbation. As of now, we've only heard one or two cases of female sexual dysfunction from masturbating prone.

Is it common for females to masturbate more than twice a day? (age 18)

No. Only one female in 20 masturbates even once a day.

I have never had sex. During an episode of my boyfriend pleasuring me with his hand, I bled a seemingly large amount. My boyfriend, who I am very close with, and I are worried and curious about this. Can you please tell me what happened? (age 16)

It sounds like your hymen was broken. The hymen, as you probably know, is a membrane that covers the vaginal opening. It breaks upon a female's first sexual contact, although most girls probably break it themselves before then. You probably don't have anything to worry about.

I am used to masturbating twice a day since my divorce 5 years ago. Now my need seems to increase and I am starting to use porn and a vibrator. Is this a normal behaviour? (age 46)

Your frequency seems to be on the high side of normal, but not so high that I'd call it a problem. A lot of women find they want to masturbate or engage in intercourse more frequently at your age.

How old should I be to have sex? I can't stop masturbating. (age 12, female)

I think you should wait until you've graduated from high school. Intercourse is apt to be less satisfying than masturbating at your age.

I KNOW YOU ARE A MAN AND MAYBE YOU WON'T KNOW THE ANSWER, BUT I HAVEN'T HAD MY PERIOD FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS NOW. I MASTURBATE ALMOST EVERY DAY. IS THAT CAUSING IT? OR SHOULD I SEE A DOCTOR? (age 15)

Sorry ladies, masturbating will not make your period go away. It's normal at your age for your period to be abnormal. I assume you haven't been sexually active, because certainly you would have mentioned that. I don't think you need to see a doctor, but you could mention it to your mother. You don't need to tell her you masturbate.

Can women get TMS? (female, age 16)

That's what we're trying to learn in a new survey. Results will be available on this site by the end of the year.

When my girlfriend masturbates, she sometimes starts to bleed like she's on her period and then she starts her period. It's happened more then once, and she's worried about it. She and I haven't ever had sex. I'm just concerned about her and am trying to find an answer. (age 17)

Bleeding is not a normal or healthy consequence of masturbation in either females or males. She should find out what's causing the bleeding. If it's due to objects being inserted, she should masturbate without them a few times to see if it makes a difference. She might also experiment with different kinds of objects to see if that's the key.

I am a female and I masturbate about once a week but I'm worried because I can fit both my hands into my vagina. Is this normal? (age 12)

I don't think that's a healthy practice at your age. Most girls masturbate by focusing on their external genitalia and only stimulate the vagina a little (with something small, like a candle or two fingers) to add to the experience. Stretching your vagina out regularly with two hands is apt to make adjustment to intercourse more difficult when that time comes.

I'm 14 and I love to think about sex. It makes me feel so good. I masturbate with the end of a paint brush. When I achieve an orgasm, a whole bunch of clear grayish liqud comes out. If that were to happen during sex, where does it go? I make such a mess in my bathroom I masturbate on towels. What am I supposed to do with it?

I'm sure you've heard of the law of gravity. You know where it will go. Probably mixed with your partner's fluids. All guys have the problem of what to do with their ejaculate. I tell them to mop up with a clean rag, like an old shirt.

I've been sexually active for 2 1/2 years but I've never had an orgasm in intercourse. I worry that I'll never be able to orgasm through intercourse. I've heard that using a vibrator over the course of time "numbs" your clitoris; although I know this sounds dubious I still wish I knew whether using it actually has some sort of detrimental effect on being able to have an orgasm WITHOUT a vibrator? Is it normal to not be able to achieve orgasm through intercourse while having no difficulty alone? I've masturbated 1500 times and have only had an orgasm twice when not using a vibrator. (age 23)

It's normal in the sense that most women have an easier time reaching orgasm masturbating than in intercourse. It is apt to be easier when you have a partner who's used to you. Habituation to a vibrator might be a female problem similar to the male problem TMS, the focus of this site. You might use the same techniques I recommend for males to quit TMS to teach yourself to masturbate without a vibrator.

I am a 12 year old girl and I was wondering how girls masturbate? What are some things they use and where do you buy vibrators and other things to masturbate with?

A girl usually starts by stroking her clitoris or the area around it. Later she might insert fingers or objects like candles or carrots into her vagina. Females don't usually use dildos or vibrators until they're old enough to buy them or get someone to buy them.

I am 14 years old and I want to have sex but it hurts when I put my finger in. Should I try putting three fingers in?

I think you're too young to have sex. And if one finger hurts, three will hurt more. You just need time to get used to what you're doing and be more relaxed about it.

I love to masturbate and I do all the time. Is that normal? It feels so good. (female, age 13)

Yes, very.

I go over to my mom's friend's house, and when I'm over there I like to wrestle with her son who is 14, but he always has something hard in his pants. When I feel this up against me I get wet down there, and then I use their bathroom and touch myself there. Is this normal? (age 12)

All of that sounds normal from a health standpoint, but you've obviously gotten too old to be engaging in non-sexual physical play with boys. Your getting wet means it's affecting you in a sexual way. It's a sexual thing for him too, because a guy wouldn't get hard wrestling with someone who didn't turn him on. It's a bad idea to masturbate anyplace other than your own home. If you were to be caught, word might get around and you would be severely embarrassed.

That girl can fit both hands in her vagina and I'm worried because I can only fit 3 fingers. Is this normal? Plus, where can I get a dildo? (age 14)

Three fingers is a lot. It's better to try to use fewer instead of more. Dildos aren't age restricted but most places don't sell to young people. You might ask a friend's older sister.

Guys always ask me to have sex but I say no even though I really want to. They say how pretty I am and stuff etc., but I haven't had sex and I don't know how to tell if my hymen is still there because I don't feel anything. How far in is it? Can guys tell if you've had sex? (age 15)

There's no reason to be self-conscious. Your whole message is about your unfamiliarity with your body. Guys know 1/1000 of what you know. Your hymen would be just past both sets of labia, before your vaginal opening. If you've been masturbating regularly for a while, it's unlikely there's much left.

I masturbate by stimulating my clitoris. I'm interested in trying vaginal stimulation, but I am afraid I will hurt myself. I also don't know what to use. (age 16)

Start with your fingers. You would have a hard time hurting yourself with your fingers. As you get more comfortable with internal masturbation, you might try smooth objects like markers, candles, etc.

I am not into the whole masturbation thing. But I hear it feels so good, and I want to feel it. I kinda think it is gross. I really want to try it. Help me please. (age 12, female)

You need to stop thinking of it as gross. Your vulva is no grosser than your mouth. You don't need to put your fingers into your vagina at first. Start by touching the area around your clitoris. I think you'll figure it out soon.

I'm a 20 year old woman who had her first sexual intercourse at the age of 15. Since then I've been having sex with men. Is it normal that I'm getting so wet whenever I see naked women? I get this crave to have them, but I'm not lesbian but I want to try having sex with a girl. What can I do?

I don't think many straight women get so wet when they see naked women. You might have to consider the possibility you're not straight. One way to satisfy your crave might be to have sex with a woman.

Follow-up from another reader:

I do not agree that being turned on by a naked woman makes a female bisexual or even gay. A woman's body is a beautiful thing and woman exploring different ideas is very healthy for her sexuality. My boyfriend and I watch lesbian porn during sex to spice things up from time to time and it gets both of us very excited. However, the thought of ever having sexual relations with another girl is not something I would ever do. It is a different thing. If you're going to continue to generate your comments to young people such as these who have yet to discover their sexuality, I suggest you do a little bit more research before you imply that someone is one thing or another. (age 20)

I didn't say it made her bisexual or lesbian, only that she'd have to consider the possibility. Furthermore, her case is different from yours in that she not only gets wet but also craves sex with women. My experience hearing from lots of people about masturbation is that same-sex fantasy is normal for gays and bisexuals and rare for straights. Given what she told me, what else could I tell her?


I can't stop masturbating. I've really tried, but know it's almost impossible to stop. What are some items I could use to stimulate myself? I know I'm young, but I know I won't be able to stop. (age 12)

It's curious that you want to quit masturbating but at the same time want to learn how to masturbate with objects. It's almost impossible for males to stop, but I've heard credible cases of females quitting. Most girls try smooth objects like markers or candles when they're ready to try internal stimulation.

I am curious to why masturbation is such a "bad" topic. I have a lot of girl friends, and once or twice we have stumbled upon the question of whether or not we have masturbated before, and the subject is always changed as soon as posible. We all say that we have done it, but all seemed ashamed. Even I've done it, and I can talk about it to other girls. (age 15, female)

Your group isn't the only one where masturbation is a taboo subject. Sex researchers have frequently found that subjects will talk to them about about adultery, sexual fantasies, intercourse positions, and even rape, but the questions about masturbation have to be asked in writing. Masturbation's long history of ignomy stems from it being a non-procreative activity. There is a biological purpose to masturbatory guilt. If everyone were satisfied masturbating, there would be less reason to make love and procreate. So you shouldn't be surprised when people don't want to talk about it.

Is it OK to put my vulva under running water while I have my period? (age 15)

Females are advised not to swim while menstruating because some flow may be released into the water, causing them embarrassment. A tampon will fix this. Since you needn't worry about being embarrassed while masturbating in the bathtub, I don't think you need to worry. However, by masturbating that way, you're raising the bar for any male who wants to satisfy you someday. The "high pressure hose" between our legs just can't compete with your faucet.

How can I know when I've reached orgasm? (age 15)

Your nipples will erect if they weren't already. (That's how guys check to see if a woman is faking orgasm.) Once you have your first one, you'll know. Other signs include a shock to your breathing (imagine jumping into a cold pool), your private parts suddenly becoming too sensitive to touch, and an urge to have a body spasm (or several). Good luck.

Hello. I started masturbating about 8 months ago and do it about 20 times a month. Is it normal for girls to masturbate as much as guys? (age 15, female)

I hear all the time from girls who masturbate with the frequency you'd expect from a guy, and from guys who masturbate with the frequency you'd expect from a girl. This is only abnormal in the statistical sense. Both are healthy.

I have a 14 year old girlfriend, and I was wondering if she masturbates? (female, age 14)

It's very rude to ask, but a lot of people your age do. You might start by telling her that you masturbate and see if she takes the bait.

Sometimes in the shower, I wash my genitals and massage them. Is this normal for girls my age and is it called masturbation? Am I hurting myself? (age 13)

It's masturbation if you're doing it to bring sexual pleasure. I think it's normal, and you're not hurting yourself.

Why do people masturbate and is it right for girls to do so? (age 20)

People masturbate because it's fun. Males also masturbate because they have to relieve themselves of sexual fluids that have built up. Some scientists believe that masturbation also keeps sperm in healthy condition. You'll have to decide for yourself if it's right. I think it is.

CAN YOU GIVE ME A LIST OF OBJECTS AROUND THE HOUSE TO MASTURBATE WITH? LATELY I'M HORNY ALL THE TIME AND CAN'T SEEM TO PLEASURE MYSELF ENOUGH. (age 15)

Some objects popular among girls your age: Markers, candles, brush handles, toothbrush handles, doll parts, and if you feel like a snack afterward, carrots, cucumbers, and bananas.

I masturbate every month. Am I still a virgin? (age 18)

Masturbating does not make you not a virgin.

I sometimes masturbate with a Jacuzzi jet. You say that that kind of feeling can't be replicated with a man. What do you mean? (age 14)

A man brings a woman to orgasm in intercourse by his penis stimulating her clitoris and/or her vaginal walls. This is nothing like the feeling of a bathroom faucet, let alone a powerful water jet, against a woman's clitoris. A woman who's used to stimulation by running water is unlikely to be satisfied by sexual intercouse. The pressure from a man rubbing his penis against and inside her is simply no comparison to water pressure.

Can you give me any examples of water based lubricant we can use? (female, age 18)

Some of the popular ones are K-Y Liquid, K-Y Jelly, and Astroglide. Most drug and discount stores carry these next to the condoms.

I found your site today, and wanted to share that I think it is a wonderfully educating site for young men and women. I wish the Internet had existed when I was that age. It took me years to realize that masturbation was normal. I am married, my kids are in school, and I have a home office. My husband and I have sex once or twice a week usually, and I still regularly masturbate three to four times a week during the day. Most of my girlfriends do as well. Keep letting the young women know it is not only normal, but it is a healthy part of life. (age 38)

Thanks for your comments.

I have a lot of questions about masturbation. I feel like I always want to masturbate, even if nothing is stimulating it. The only kind of masturbation I have ever tried is vaginal masturbation. What else can I do? What is a hymen and how do you make it break? I like to look at porn on the web. Is that normal for a girl at age 12? How do you achieve an orgasm with masturbation? I KNOW for a fact that I am not a lesbian, but I am interested in trying having sex with a woman sometime in the future. Is that normal? And what is a good postion to masturbate in? (age 12)

Lots of people always want to masturbate, especially at your age. Most girls practice external masturbation by stimulating their external genitalia, specifically the clitoris and labia minora. The hymen is a thin piece of skin that covers the vaginal opening. If you've been masturbating vaginally, it's almost certainly been broken already. Most boys and girls your age are curious about porn on the net, but I don't recommend watching. There's a lot of awful stuff out there you can't handle, and amoral people are behind it. If you're relaxed and enjoying masturbation, you're likely to have your first orgasm when you don't expect it. Don't worry about not having one. Lots of people your age are curious about different kinds of sex, but you shouldn't be obsessed with having sex with a woman (or anyone else) at your age. Most people learn to masturbate reclining on their backs.

I masturbate with objects in the prone position daily. Can it harm me? (age 22)

You might be habituating to a form of stimulation that you can't get in intercourse. The results of my female masturbation survey suggest that masturbating prone causes problems in women, in addition to the previously documented problems it causes for men.

I was wondering who came up with the word vagina and why and the word masturbate. Why don't they just call it playing with yourself? (female, age 15)

Most of our sexual words evolved in medieval times based on how monks talked. In its original form, penis meant the tail of an animal and vagina meant sheath, something that was used inside out, like the holster for a gun. Masturbate comes from the Latin words manus, meaning hand and turbare, meaning to disturb. So masturbation means "to disturb with the hand." Many people indeed call it "playing with yourself," but one of the main functions of language is to replace 3-word colloquial phrases with single words that sound better. Remember the conjugation: I play with myself (first person), you masturbate (second person), he jerks off (third person).

I was wondering if it was possible for girls to have TMS. I squeeze my legs together tightly. Is this bad? It feels good. But I am not sure if it is healthy.

I discuss the issue of female TMS along with the results of my recent female masturbation survey. Lots of women masturbate by squeezing the proper muscles. I think it's bad if they can't masturbate to orgasm any other way, and especially if they can't have an orgasm from any kind of sex. If you're not sure it's healthy, why not explore more conventional ways of bringing yourself to orgasm?

Last month, three girls at school asked me if I polish my pearl. When I told them I didn't understand they all laughed and left. I think this must be some kind of slang. Was I right that they were talking about something sexual? Thank you for your site. You know a lot so maybe you can answer my question. By the way, I don't play with myself but maybe I will sometime. (age 13)

"Polish the pearl" is slang for female masturbation; specifically, rubbing the clitoris. You might read the glossary for this site.

Although having sites of this nature accessible for people of all ages is wonderful, being too judgmental is not. I have read the responses to the questions in the "Female Masturbation" section of your site, and you usually give good advice, but you also make comments that can be detrimental to a person's self-esteem. When the questions were asked about brothers and sisters masturbating together was brought up, the comment "You and your brother need to stop this before you get put into institutions" was out of line. The children in question were 10 and 12, and making a comment to them implying they could be institutionalized is wrong. Though incest is wrong, they are at a young and vulnerable age, and any comments made to them, online or off, could have long time effects on their self-esteem and mental-health. How would you feel, if the little girl that asked that question went on with her life, forever questioning whether she is crazy, and if she should be institutionalized. Even at my age, children are very impressionable, and should be handled with care.

In response to the girls and women who asked questions about their sexuality, you told one, "I don't think many straight women get so wet when they see naked women." This is untrue. At any age, exploring all your sexual options is not abnormal. Feeling physical responses to naked women, or the thought of naked women is in no way rare. These feelings can be kept for masturbation, or explored in any way they wish to pursue.

I am not, however encouraging sexual contact between people under the age of consent. In response to the 12 year old girl asking about wrestling with the 14 year old friend of the family, all I can say is that those feelings are natural, and you should not discourage them. She should not, however, act on those feelings with him. Masturbating about them is normal. Guys can be turned on by almost anything; who's to say the 14 year old mentioned above is necessarily being turned on by her? Apparently you think you have the ability to read his mind. I'm very sorry if it sounds like I am against your site. I'm not. I believe it is a very good idea, but maybe more thought needs to be taken when you answer questions. Thank you for reading this. Signed, Apple (female, age 15)

Hi Apple! Thanks for writing. I'm glad you care so much. I try to empathize with my correspondents, but some need more firm guidance. The 10-year-old girl was in that group. I needed to tell her to cut out that behavior because of how a government bureaucrat would react to what she wrote. I know because I used to be a government bureaucrat. I never suggested she was crazy. The woman I advised might be a lesbian was 20 and had described a long-term pattern of erotic thoughts. I frequently tell younger writers that such thoughts in isolation do not mean they are gay. Having them often over a period of years suggests just the opposite. I told the wrestler her behavior was normal. I don't read minds but I was 14 once and know the impact of wrestling with a girl. I hope you will keep reading.

Every time I go to my friend's house we talk about sex or ways we masturbate. I feel totally comfortable saying things like this and it always makes me want to masturbate afterward. Is this normal? When I masturbate (about every 1-2 days) I always have to urinate afterwards. Do you know the cause of this? (age 12)

It's normal to talk about sex with your friends and to feel like masturbating when talking about sex. (I wonder if people masturbate after reading my site.) Urine helps clean the urethra of sexual fluids. This is very usual in males but it happens to females too.

Should I masturbate daily? (age 16, female)

If I were you, I would.

I love to masturbate! I've been doing it for about 2 years now! Do you think I am too young? (age 10)

No. We're all on different pages. You just got to this one ahead of most people. Congratulations!

I don't get why you give advice for females when you are a male. Why do you do it? (age 13)

Because females want my advice! There is a definite need for information out there. Being female never stopped Dear Abby, Ann Landers, Dr. Ruth, Dr. Laura, or Dr. Joyce Brothers from giving advice to males, did it?

I have recently tried to start masturbating. But when I feel my body start to really get into it and like I'm almost reaching something, I lose the feeling completely. I think I'm in the right area, but I don't think I've really touched my clitoris. Can you help? Also, can I do it when I have my period? (If I stick to the clitoris area?) (age 23)

Of course I can help! It's important to maintain a mental focus and just enjoy what you're doing. An orgasm is apt to happen when you least expect it. It's not necessary to touch the clitoris. The clitoris is near the top inside your outer labia. And many women enjoy masturbating, both internally and externally, when menstruating.

Is masturbating an addiction? I've been masturbating since I was 13 and feel a bit ashamed. Should I stop? It feels so good. (age 15)

It isn't an addiction, but there's such a thing as compulsive masturbation. The definition is on my page of male questions. You shouldn't be ashamed or try to stop.

I do not understand why you said you'd recommend against using a pillow to masturbate and use a more conventional method. I think pillow thrusting is a great way to masturbate. I've been masturbating since I was about 7 and I love finding new ways to do it. I study sexuality and masturbation too. The conventional way can get boring, and everyone has her own way of doing things, and I don't think you should tell someone what they're doing is wrong as long as it's not hurting them. Sweet site by the way. (age 16)

If you've read my site, you know that masturbating in the prone position causes severe sexual problems in most males who practice it and is implicated in female sexuality too.

How quickly do you check your email? Do YOU have the option of posting the mail on your website? Your site is the best! (age 12)

I try to answer questions every day, but I'm sometimes out of town. Yes, I have sole discretion as to what gets answered.

Do girls have more pleasure than boys during masturbation? (female, age 15)

That's a really interesting question! I'd be inclined to say boys do, based on the percentage of male masturbation that results in orgasm (more than 99%) versus a smaller level for females. There are also many females who only masturbate once a month or less, as opposed to the average unattached male masturbating daily. However, it is common for females to be multi-orgasmic, something that is extremely rare among males. Those females probably have more pleasure than males.

I was watching this girl on a school trip, and she put her hands in her pants and I could see that he was moving her hands. She pretended to sleep during all of this. Is this normal?? (age 14)

Yes, both her masturbating and her pretending to sleep. If you read this page, you will find stories of many little girls who think no one sees their hands when they pretend to be sleeping.

Just to point out irony: it seems that the male section is all about how to stop masturbation while the female side is about encouraging it. I just thought that was funny. (age 15)

I don't think you read the site very carefully. I have never advocated that anyone stop masturbating. I tell both males and females to masturbate and have a good time doing it. I advocate strongly against a particularly harmful form of masturbation called TMS.

When are you not a virgin? I heard it's when the boy gets all of the head in and I've heard that it's when the boy busts your hymen. I can't tell whether or not I am because he got all of the head in, but not much else. I really enjoy your site, and I've learned a lot from it.

I'm inclined to say you're not a virgin if you've had even a penile head inside you. The hymen is irrelevant, since most girls have already broken theirs before they have intercourse for the first time.

I masturbate TMS style. I usually rest on my pubic bone, and this gets me the pleasure I am aiming for. Is there anything wrong with this in females? I can't find much information on female TMS and I want to know if I have to quit cold turkey, or if its ok. (age 14)

I think TMS is bad for females but not as harmful as it is for males. It would be a good idea to quit and learn a new way. The youngest males have the easiest time switching.

I masturbate at least once a day. I inserted a finger inside my vagina. Am I still a virgin? (age 15)

Masturbating does not make you not a virgin. You have to have sexual intercourse for that. Might read the glossary.

What exactly is "pillow masturbating"? (age 15)

It's thrusting against or into a pillow. It's a form of TMS which I highly caution against.

Is is possible to lose your virginity while masturbating, using water or plain clitoral stimulation (rubbing)? (age 21)

You cannot lose your virginity by masturbating, only by having sexual intercourse with another person.

I'm still a virgin and last night my boyfriend used his fingers to pleasure me. I've had this done to me before but ever since last night every time I go to the toilet my vagina hurts and it won't stop bleeding. Does this mean that I am no longer a virgin? (age 16)

Most people say that having someone's fingers in your vagina (manual intercourse) does not make you not a virgin. Most people believe you have to have penis-in-vagina intercourse (vaginal intercourse) or at least penis-in-anus (anal intercourse) or penis-in-mouth intercourse (oral intercourse) to lose your virginity. He probably broke your hymen more than it had ever been before, but that doesn't make you a non-virgin.

I would like to point out that every single time I come to your site I end up masturbating. I guess there's just something about talking about masturbating that gets me wet. Is that normal? (age 17)

Yes, very normal. I'm glad you enjoy your visits here!

How many times do boys and girls masturbate in a week? And who has stronger orgasm feelings, girls or boys? (Lisa, age 14)

The average girl your age (12 1/2 to 16 1/2) who masturbates does it about five times a week, but only about half of them do at all. Almost all the boys your age do, and the average for boys in that age group is about 10 times a week. (These numbers are from the surveys I have done for this site.) I suspect boys have stronger orgasm feelings, since most adult men say the feelings they had in orgasms when they were new to masturbation are about the same as they still have, while many women say they didn't even have a real orgasm until they had been masturbating and/or having sex for many years.

I've always had a large pubic bone. It juts out and makes it embarrassing to wear a bathing suit. It's not really the fat over it that makes it big; the bone itself just comes out farther than other girls. Can you tell me why this is? (age 19)

Some people have ears that stick out, some people have very noticeable elbows, and you have a prominent pubic bone. Although it sounds shallow for me to say it, you shouldn't be embarrassed. Lots of males think a prominent pubis is sexy. Why not try showing it off this summer instead of hiding it?

I've been masturbating for about two years, but I don't know how to stop. Sometimes I think it ruins my life. I masturbate at least 3-4 times a week. (female, age 13)

I don't think you need to stop. Your frequency isn't so high that you should be worried. Try to enjoy masturbating more, and in a few years you'll think it's funny that you ever wanted to quit.

I don't masturbate, but I'm wondering if I can lose my virginity by using a tampon. I've only used the smaller sizes twice before getting scared that I broke my hymen, so is it intact, damaged, or gone? (age 15)

Someone would have to look to say for sure, but if you've used any tampons at all, it's unlikely your hymen is still intact. Having or not having a hymen has little to do with virginity. Most older virgins (18+) have little or no hymen left. And a few women have had sexual intercourse but for whatever reason, the hymen remains intact. You can't lose your virginity by using tampons.

I would like to offer a suggestion to all of the age-appropriate sexually active women out there. From my experience, I used to rarely be able to reach orgasm through sexual intercourse. I am in a serious relationship and am very attracted to my partner. He is very attentive to my sexual needs. However, I was still rarely able to reach orgasm through sexual intercourse. I am able to reach multiple orgasms through clitoral stimulation when masturbating (especially with a vibrator). The more orgasms I have, the easier it is to reach orgasm. Basically, the first orgasm is the challenge. I have discovered that by masturbating prior to sexual intercourse, I am able to reach orgasm during intercourse more easily.

Masturbating prior to intercourse has many advantages: 1) after masturbating, my vagina produces a wonderful lubricant that does wonders during intercourse 2) after reaching a couple of orgasms through masturbation, my genitals are slightly swollen and my boyfriend loves the way I feel when he's inside of me (warm, wet, and tight) 3) I usually can reach an orgasm during intercourse in a matter of minutes. This means my boyfriend is not holding off forever (like he used to) to wait for me to reach orgasm So, the next time your partner tells you he masturbates, you be sure to do the same! (age 33)

Sounds good, but couldn't manual stimulation by your partner as foreplay accomplish the same thing?

I have been using pillows to masturbate for about 4 years now. I don't thrust against them, I just push (while fully clothed), but face down (more to the side). I can't reach orgasm with my hands and have tried many times. I have also tried fingering myself but am too tight and it hurts to put one finger in. Is it OK to rock back and forth on the seam of your pants while reading things that turn you on? After hearing about TMS, I am very scared. Do you think I have it? (age 14)

You have a borderline case, at least. I don't think TMS is as dangerous for females as it is for males. You might try abstaining from masturbation until you can do it with your hands, the same as I recommend for males. See the main page for strategies. I don't know how long to tell you to abstain for since no female has tried the program that I know of. Better plan on two weeks. Good luck.

I often masturbate with a doll. I lie on my back and rub the doll against my clitoris. I use saliva as a lubricant and it's like the doll is humping me. It feels really great! Is this normal and will grinding the doll give me TMS? (age 18)

TMS is masturbating prone. I don't think what you're doing is exactly normal -- I often hear of younger girls doing that, and older females have generally switched to their hands or vibrators or dildos. I don't think it's harmful either. You'd probably have an easier time having an orgasm with a partner if you masturbated more conventionally.

I have been masturbating since I was young (externally), but not very frequently. And now barely ever. But I just recently found out that the way I do it is called TMS. I did not know this was "unconventional." Why do you think this is harmful? And also upon finding out about this, I read that it affects having good orgasms during sex. I am a virgin and am now worried that I won't have a good orgasm when I have sex later. Has TMS "done its damage" on me, or can I stop the TMS way and still have good orgasms when I start having sex? Thanks for this site, it's very informative. (age 18)

You answer your own question. TMS is harmful because it makes its practitioners unable to have orgasms any other way. Males who quit TMS find themselves becoming sexually normal and able to have orgasms with partners very soon. I suspect the experience would be the same for females.

I discovered masturbation about a year ago and I do it more than twice a day. Is this normal for a girl my age? Also, the only way I can ever reach orgasm is when I rub myself on the corner of my bed or rub up on anything. I would like to find other ways to reach an orgasm if you could help me with that. (age 15)

You might follow the abstinence program for males I recommend on the main page to make yourself sensitive enough to masturbate using only your hands. Your frequency is a little high but not abnormal.

I love to masturbate. It feels so good! I feel like I'm in my own world and no one can stop me! I use a brush handle! But I want to use something more exciting. Where can you get dildos and what is a vibrator? Can you help me? I love masturbating! (age 12)

Yes, you mentioned. I don't know that anyone would sell a dildo to a 12 year old. A vibrator is generally used externally for a female to masturbate by its vibration. I suggest using your hands (and the brush handle) for a while longer.

This is sooooo embarrassing to ask and has nothing to do with masturbation. I started to develop breasts at about 9 years old. I am now 15 and my breasts are not as big as some of my friends. They are actually kind of small (34 A). Will they start to grow soon? Guys at my school make fun of me!

I bet those guys will regret they made fun of you one day! There is nothing wrong with small breasts. Many quality men, including me, prefer them to large ones. Some women's breasts don't stop growing until age 25, and there are other changes to the breasts as part of childbearing that might make them bigger yet.

I am so glad to have come across this site. It is great! It has answered many questions of mine that I can't ask my parents. (They are ministers and have strict rules about sex and masturbation, or rather they just don't talk about it.) Despite what they have said, I started exploring myself around puberty like any other normal kid and have had boyfriends. I am still a virgin. But I can't seem to get an orgasm on my own. I think I have had a few, but they all have been when I am making out and rolling around with guys. I have been trying to find my G spot but still have had no success. My girlfriends at college all are cheering me on in my pursuit but I just can't get it. When I am alone and am trying, I get tired and just give up. Can you give me any tips or words of encouragement? (age 18)

I'm cheering you on too! You should focus on your external genitalia and not on your vagina at this point. The most important thing is to relax and maintain a mental focus. Many women don't have orgasms until later. Just try to enjoy masturbating and perhaps an orgasm will happen when you least expect it. It's good that you can discuss masturbation with your friends.

I just found out about TMS. I masturbate face down 60 percent of the time. My hands are side by side over my mons veneris. I get tense and push myself toward the lower part of the palms of my hands, and maybe shake them a little and do this until I get excited. Does this deform or affect my mons pubis or vagina in a bad way? Is TMS bad? (age 18)

TMS doesn't deform your anatomy (as far as I know) but it conditions you to a kind of sensation that you can't get in sexual intercourse. I think you should stop the face-down part and do it like you do the other 40 percent of the time.

Is masturbating against the Catholic religion? (female, age 17)

The official position of the Roman Catholic church is that it is wrong, but a lot of Catholics privately disagree and practice it anyway. You can learn about some other Christian perspectives on this page.

This site is REALLY helpful and it gives a lot of answers and not-to-dos to me. I really thank you because good sites like these are hard to find. (age 12)

You are very welcome!

Somebody in my school asked me if I've got a "clean pussy." What does that mean? (age 14)

It means they have a dirty mouth.

When you masturbate internally, does your hymen always break? I masturbate about twice a day and my hymen hasn't broken yet. (age 13)

The hymen won't necessarily break the first time you masturbate internally, but as you increase force and the number of fingers, it is likely to. If you get to the point of inserting objects, your hymen is almost certain to break rapidly. "Breaking" doesn't mean the hymen is completely gone; that process generally takes months or even years. But as the opening in the hymen erodes, it resembles a circle less.

I recently walked in on my thirteen year old daughter humping the spine of a book to masturbate. I read up on TMS, and I was wondering if this would be hurtful to her in someway. And how would it be? (age 32)

TMS is a documented cause of sexual dysfunction in males, and we're just starting to learn about the possible ill-effects of TMS in females. Based on surveys done on this site, there seems to be a pattern of women having less orgasmic capacity if they masturbate prone. More research needs to be done. Beyond that, however, the spine of a book is a much more brutal object for masturbation and could cause trauma all by itself. Most females who masturbate prone thrust against a pillow or stuffed animal or their hands. I suggest you talk to your daughter and tell her that the vast majority of females and almost all males masturbate with their hands. If such a conversation would be too uncomfortable, perhaps you could print out my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation for her to read.

I can't believe what you're telling these young girls. Ask your mom for a vibrator? Telling them to use candles and vegetables! This is very unhygienic and unsafe, as the wall of the vagina can be damaged. I am a Christian and am saving myself for a lifelong partner. I think that the use of sex toys is not a good idea, as you are training you body to react in a certain way, and it can be harder for your partner to please you. No offense, but your male opinion is not especially helpful to these young girls, as you have no frame of reference. I suggest you refrain from answering questions you cannot know the answer to. (age 17)

Most of the girls who write me have no one else to ask about masturbation. Their friends don't know anything, the schools don't teach anything about it, and they can't ask their mothers. I think it would be a very positive step if a girl could ask her mother for a vibrator, and that's why I suggest it. I advise against the use of candles and vegetables, but females continue to use them. I always say to clean them before and after use and to be gentle. I applaud your decision to wait, but you might read the letter not too far above this from a newlywed woman whose abstaining from masturbation has caused her honeymoon to be underhappy. Masturbation is healthy, fun, and very beneficial. It does not detract from saving yourself for a partner.

I have female correspondents to whom I refer especially challenging questions. I will cease giving advice to women when Dear Abby, Dr. Laura, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Dr. Ruth, and their ilk stop giving advice to men.

Is it a sin? (age 16, female)

I don't think so, but many religions that put an emphasis on sin do. I think it's a normal part of sexual functioning that God devised for people to stay healthy sexually. I suspect you're struggling greatly with this, since you couldn't even type the word masturbation in your question.

I masturbate face down. I heard this is bad, but it's the only way I can reach an orgasm. Should I stop? I've tried it on my back but no orgasm. Please help. (age 13)

TMS is very bad for males, and some early research on this site says it's bad for females too. I think you should stop. Be persistent with masturbating on your back. You're ahead of most girls, who haven't had an orgasm at your age. You already know what one feels like, and that will make it easier for you to find as you try it on your back. Some of the tips I have for males to quit TMS on the main page will work for you too. Good luck.

It's nice to see a site with such useful and benefical answers for everyone! Good Job! (age 21)


My mother and I are very open about things like this but I haven't told her I masturbate yet because she didn't like the idea of me using tampons but I want to tell her because I don't like keeping things from her. What can I do? (age 13)

I don't know why you need to, but if you want to tell her, then tell her. I think she'll understand.

A lot of times when I get aroused it's because I'm thinking of being with an older man, like a guest at work. I don't always think about sex, just the thought of an older man's attention sometimes arouses me. Is this normal? I also blush a lot when older men talk to me. Is there any way I can control that? (age 18)

It's normal, and it's good that you can become aroused by non-sexual things. That suggests you'll be a responsive partner to some lucky man someday. Blushing is pretty much an uncontrollable reaction, but it's probably not as noticeable as you think. And if the older man notices, he probably likes it. I'm older than you, and I do. I still remember being flattered by girls in junior high blushing when I talked to them. Hey, you're getting my attention!

I'm 14 and I masturbate on the phone with my boyfriend. When I'm done, I feel tired. Is this normal?

Orgasm ordinarily leads to sleep. That's why so many people masturbate or have sex before bed. I hope your boyfriend knows what you're doing.

I have been masturbating since I was about 4 years old. I know from your site it's not that normal for such a young age. I also can masturbate by sitting in one place and not moving or touching myself and just contracting my muscles. I did it one time in class just to see if I could, but a guy friend asked me what I was doing and being very surprised, I just blurted out that I was masturbating, and now he won't leave me alone. Every time I sit still, he asks me if I need help with that or something dumb. How can I tell him to leave me alone? (age 14)

You really pushed that guy's button. Almost all the guys your age masturbate, and for most males, nothing is more erotic than the thought of a female masturbating. And it was you who put that image in his head. I've corresponded with a guy who continued to date a woman he wasn't interested in, only because she talked to him on their first date about masturbating. Although almost all guys your age masturbate, they're also petrified at the idea of someone finding out they do. What you need to do is tell this guy that if he doesn't stop teasing you about it, that you will stand up in front of the class and tell everyone that he keeps asking you to masturbate with him. (Don't do this, just threaten to.) Don't ever tell anyone again what you're doing. It might also be a good idea not to masturbate that way in public.

Also, there is nothing wrong with you for masturbating at a young age. It's only abnormal in the statistical sense. Girls who masturbate young tend to be more sexually responsive as they grow older. What you can do simply by flexing your muscles is something nearly everyone envies you for.

I have masturbated since 5 or 6 years old and still do. I masturbate about 2 or 3 times a day, but sometimes I just do it once or twice. About a month ago I found this other web site that blamed overmasturbation for memory loss, backaches, sleeping problems and other scary symptoms. I'm really terrified. Can you tell me is it true or not? How many times a week to masturbate is normal? (age 13)

None of that is true. You should beware of web sites selling a remedy they claim cures what they say something causes. There's really no such thing as "overmasturbation." You masturbate more often than most girls your age, but I don't think you have anything to worry about.

You give some really bad advice. Like that question about the 4 friends that like to have oral sex with each other. There's nothing wrong with that, but that's not what you say. They're 14 years old and that's plenty old enough to experiment. That's what you should be telling them. (age 18)

That question was probably fake anyway, but 14 is much too young to be having any kind of sex. Any reasonable person would believe that. That's why the age of consent for sex is higher than 14 in most places.

I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember. However, I never knew the dangers masturbating on your stomach could cause. Why don't we learn more about masturbation in school? (age 15)

If you hear about masturbation in sex ed at all, you're ahead of most. Masturbation is one of those topics that the kind of parents who serve on the school board don't want kids to hear about in school. Be glad this site is here for you. I didn't find out the dangers of prone masturbation until I had been doing it for 18 years.

Is it right at my age to just kiss a boy because I really want to kiss but be abstinent. (age 13)

Yes, I think that's a very good plan for your age.

I masturbate all the time but I feel guilty afterward. I think I'm too young to masturbate but sometimes I just have to. Should I be afraid to tell my mom about it? (age 12)

Everyone feels guilty occasionally. It's normal and good for you, because it tells you to find a partner when the time comes and not to spend your whole life masturbating. You're not too young. Some girls start at 12 and some at 15 and some at 6. Some girls never do. It's up to you whether you tell your mom. She probably masturbates herself, and she doesn't need to know that you do. You can read some comments from mothers (and fathers) on my parents page.

First of all, I love your site! I masturbate with my mom's vibrator (I know you tell the other girls to wash it before and after, so I do.) Do you think it would be OK to masturbate with veggies? What can I do to make sure my parents don't catch me masturbating? (age 16)

I think learning to please yourself with your hands would be better than using vegetables, but a lot of females use them. To keep from being discovered, the most important thing is to put a lock on your bedroom door. Also try to keep the noise level down.

This site is really really helpful. I know so much more about masturbation. Thank you for answering my questions. It's hard to find a good site these days. Once my mom came in and asked to check what I was doing on my computer. Feeling a bit guilty, I showed her this site. She said there is no reason to be guilty and it's a good site with good information and that I could still come back to visit HealthyStrokes.com. So anyway, thanks. (age 13)

Can I use your mom as a reference?

When do our questions show up on this page once we've submitted them? I can't find the one I just submitted. (age 15)

I answer questions every day I'm home. (But I'm away from home a lot.) Look for the date at the bottom of the questions and answers. Questions that appear to be fake or that duplicate other questions already answered are generally not answered. New questions are only posted on the main male page, the main female page, or the TMS comments page. The other pages are filled with questions that have been moved there.

The thought of guys masturbating really turns me on. I'd like my boyfriend to masturbate in front of me, but I am too embarrassed to ask. What can I do? (age 19)

You should tell him, "the thought of guys masturbating really turns me on."

Whenever I read about sex or reproduction, I tighten up down there. What causes that? (age 21)

It's just a bad habit. When you realize you're clenching your muscles "down there," relax them.

I am still a virgin and I want to have sex with my boyfriend but I get nervous. How can I break my hymen or erode it so that I can be comfortable? Does a Pap smear hurt, I heard they do? I never had one but I have to get one now that I am 18.

You shouldn't have to do anything to your hymen. Just tell your boyfriend to be gentle and to stop if you are feeling pain. I don't think Pap smears hurt, but they can be uncomfortable. You might discuss it with your mother.

My friend said that guys get an erection every 90 to 100 minutes and they don't even have to be aroused. She also said this happens until age 18. Is this true? (age 13)

Your friend is very well informed. Yes, that is all true. The frequent erections can stop anytime from 17-21, but 18 is probably average.

I started masturbating at the age of 6 after watching a porn movie that my mother had on. I figured out the prone style to please myself and I used to have orgasms that way. Nothing was wrong until I was 17 and I figured out that my privates look different from normal and that I have a huge clitoris and also that I have completely lost my hymen. I am now very scared to get married and just don't know what to do to get myself back in shape. Can you suggest anything please? I'm very depressed. (age 19)

I think prone masturbation is bad for females too, so you should try to cut that out. You shouldn't worry about the size of your clitoris -- it probably isn't as big as you think -- and every sexually active woman's hymen is on its way to gone. You should be happy that you know yourself sexually better than most women and you can more successfully have sex with a partner.

I've tried to masturbate but it never felt good. I'm embarrased because I don't know how. I get horny and need to satisfy myself when I get excited. I need major help or instructions. Your web site has given me help and made me feel normal about wanting this. (age 15)

You might start with my Young Woman's Guide and then read through the pages for females.

I masturbate about 3-4 times a week when I'm in the shower. I use the shower spray against my clit and I get amazing oragasms. I am great with my hands but the shower is so amazing. Is this dangerous? Should I stop doing it? (age 14)

I think you're better off if you don't. It's not a feeling you'll ever have with a partner. It's good that you're great with your hands. Why don't you make a pledge to only masturbate that way from now on.

Some of my friends who have been having sex for a while now say that it hurts when the penis goes in even if you have been using tampons. Is this true? (age 15)

Yes, it is apt to hurt a little. The penis is firmer than tampons, and the male uses more force to insert it (which you cannot control precisely) than you use to insert a tampon. Don't worry about it so much and try to enjoy it. And try to find a partner who will be gentle.

I read a question about a girl who stopped masturbating for 2-3 months. How is that possible? I can't even last 3 days!! (age 16)

Your experience is closer to that of a male. Most feel tremendous pressure to masturbate after more than a few days. Females don't usually have the same urge (no fluids that need to be eliminated) and can generally go much longer.

I totally disagree with your comments to the 13 year old who wanted to get her labia pierced. I do agree with you that she is too young to be thinking about getting any piercings yet. I am glad that you are trying to help and give advice, but find it a bit funny that you are giving advice to girls (about certain topics) when you are a guy. A lot of the advice you are giving these girls seems quite comical and not right. Why don't you get a girl to answer the girl's questions? Make sure that these YOUNG girls know that masturbating is healthy but sex is not at their age. I believe that girls should not have sex until AT LEAST 15-17 yrs old. I do applaud you for helping these girls and giving them someone to talk to about sex without making them feel embarrassed, etc. Keep up the good work! (age 18)

I only answer the questions I am asked, and if girls would rather ask me than a woman, I'm flattered and eager to help. I refer certain questions to female correspondents for them to answer. These answers are marked with the female logo. The comical answers are generally in response to questions which I wonder are really serious. (I get a lot of fake questions.) I think 19 is old enough to be sexually active. But I don't preach this at every young person who is obviously already active at a younger age and in need of advice.

I masturbate about 5 or 6 times a day and I just started doing this for a few days. I'm constantly horny. It doesn't go away and it's kind of scary, actually. It's all I can think about and even right after I orgasm I want more. I've noticed these red bumps around my clitoris and I want to know if that's healthy. I need to keep masturbating but should I cut down to maybe 2 or 3 times a day? (age 17)

Even 2 or 3 times a day is an extreme frequency for a female and would be quite high even for a male your age. You might have to stop masturbating for a week to see if the bumps go away and if it's your masturbating that's causing them.

I have never had sex before. I want to know the color of my hymen, and can I see it by using a mirror? Where is the location of it exactly, and can I insert a thin object without hurting it? (age 20)

You might start by browsing the hymen gallery on this site and the other illustrations, which are linked from the bottom of the left side menu. The hymen is usually pink, although it can also be clear. You would see it with a mirror as you held your labia apart with your hands, just before the vaginal opening. If you're interested in preserving your hymen, I advise against inserting any kind of object.

I have learned recently that I have come into the habit of masturbating my sleep. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now, and this first came about maybe six months ago. I was shocked to hear about it. How can I do something that I have no recollection of? My sex drive has become quite low, and I think because I have become self-conscious about it. I know my boyfriend is quite frustrated because he sees me having pleasure and he wants to be a part of it. I wonder if this has something to do with my being raped ten years ago. I feel that I have overcome it, but could my new problem be because of that? I am curious what I can do to overcome it, get my sex drive back, and stop doing things in my sleep that I get no pleasure or recollection from doing? (age 27)

I think you need professional help. Your sleep masturbation is akin to sleepwalking. It would be useful if your boyfriend could wake you up when he sees you doing it. If your body gets satisfaction from sleep masturbating, even if you have no recollection, that could interfere with your sex drive. I think it would be helpful to talk to a counselor about the relation of the problem to the rape.

Follow-up: Where would you suggest I go for professional help? I went to a therapist after the rape, but I didn?t feel that she helped me. How can I find someone that I can trust, and feel comfortable telling such intimate thoughts?

If you have health insurance, just call the mental health unit of your clinic and make an appointment. The therapist is there to help you, and you should trust her as you would any professional. They will probably just treat you as they would a sleepwalker and probably go into the past trauma to figure out if it brought the sleep masturbation on. Another way to deal with it would be to make sure you're satisfied sexually when you go to bed, and then you'd be less likely to masturbate in your sleep.

I had sex last night but I wasn't a virgin. I experienced a lot of bleeding, and I decided that it was just my hymen tearing all the way. Now I am just concerned because I have a tab of skin that is just hanging now. Will this eventually go away? (age 19)

What you say is consistent with that. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I am 14 and I've been masturbating since I was 10. I used to just go back and forth in a sitting position and now have to thrust against a blanket or pillow. I have tried to use my hands but I feel nothing when touching my clitoris. Is it bad for me to do that this way? Why does my mons veneris have more skin on it than all my friends? I can't even wear a bathing suit because it's like fat.

It would be better if you could masturbate with your hands. You might go a week or so without masturbating and see if your clitoris gets more sensitive. Everyone's body is different. You shouldn't be self-conscious about your mons veneris. Many guys admire prominent ones.

I'm 14 and I've recently begun masturbating, and I can almost always reach an orgasm with just my fingers. Except it only lasts a second or two. Any tips to make it longer or better?

You might focus at the point of orgasm and repeat whatever got you to that point.

Is it normal to masturbate with a removable shower head? I hold the shower head close to me, and within a minute I get a tingling sensation when I put it on the right place. Is this an orgasm? (age 16)

An orgasm is more than a tingling sensation, but I think you're getting closer. The trouble with masturbating using a shower head is that you might find it hard to masturbate without one.

When I was 5 or 6, a family friend would touch my privates; I can't remember if he would go under my panties, but I guess he was basically just massaging my clitoris. I told my mom, and he stopped, but he was still welcome in my house. I grew up with him always staring at me. Anyway, I have a boyfriend that I've been with for 3 years. He's the only guy I've ever had sexual activity with. I'm confused because I'm not sure that I've ever orgasmed and for about the first 2 years sex hurt. When I climax, it usually happens pretty quickly. I generally have little sexual desire although I have sex fairly frequently. I would like to have desire and drive, and wonder what is wrong. Is what happened to me when I was younger considered a traumatic experience? Or do I perhaps just naturally have a low libido? (age 21)

I suspect the incident with the pedophile has impacted you more than it should have; undoubtedly his being around and staring at you didn't help. You might talk to a professional about this and also about your low desire. I think your problems are fixable with the right help.

When I masturbate I can never get a really good orgasm that makes me want to scream. I use an electric toothbrush and it seems to feel good, but I really haven't had that mind-blowing orgasm yet. Is there any way that you can help? (age 14)

It would be better if you didn't use the toothbrush and concentrated on feelings you like with your hands. Lots of girls don't have full orgasms at your age.

I can only orgasm by inserting one or two fingers inside, not by just rubbing the outside. Is there something wrong with me there that I can't? Am I doing something wrong? (age 20)

You probably just need to relax more and focus on having an orgasm by masturbating externally. A lot of women your age can only masturbate one way. You should enjoy what you can do, and if you can't diversify your style, that's OK too.

I just wanted to thank you for your site. I made myself bleed the other night masturbating, and I was scared that meant I wasn't a virgin anymore. It doesn't matter to my boyfriend, but it's important to me that I am a virgin when I get married, and your site stopped me from freaking out about it when I read that breaking the hymen doesn't change your virginity. Will using lube while masturbating make my hymen erode less or erode slower? (age 20)

Glad to be of service! I doubt the lube will make much difference in preserving your hymen. If that's your goal, you should masturbate externally.

Thanks for sharing this site with the world. I have a daughter who will be needing this kind of information in a few years. I appreciate your efforts and the dedication it takes to answer what must be a large volume of mail. (age 36)

Thanks! And I'm sure your daughter appreciates your dedication too.

I'm a virgin. Sometimes, though, when I think about having sex with boyfriend, I get the same feeling I get when I masturbate. Is it possible to get an orgasm without actually touching myself? (age 20)

Possible, but not very likely, especially if you're sexually inexperienced. It occurs to me that your orgasms might not be very intense even when you masturbate, which is why you think the feeling you get from mere fantasy is similar. You might concentrate on having a stronger orgasm.

I can only achieve an orgasm when I'm with a guy when I'm on top and he is sitting up. Is that normal? (age 18)

The position you describe gives you a lot of control, which makes it easier for someone to reach orgasm. You'd enjoy it more if you could learn to reach orgasm in other positions.

I am a single and in college and not sexually active. I experienced sexual intercourse during early adolescence at age 16. Because of defense mechanisms, my memory of my first experience is unclear. I recall being unsure about having sexual intercourse and felt that my first encounter was rape since I asked for it to be stopped during the intercourse but it was not. I did not express emotions of anger toward my ex-boyfriend afterward since I was ashamed and confused and he had expressed anger when I asked him to stop and carried on with a sexual relationship for over 2 years after the encounter. I still have unresolved conflicts when I think back to this matter. I still have doubts as to if it were rape or not since I took so long to come to this conclusion. I still don't understand why or how I could have let this go on and hope that the many adolescents visiting this site would consider carefully their decision in partaking in this activity. You may have regrets when you are older and wish you would have been wiser then and possess more self respect. (age 20)

You should talk to a crisis counselor, which your campus probably has. You obviously have unresolved fear and anger over being raped. You should know that most men would stop when you asked them to. Thank you for your words of caution to others.

You've told girls of 13 that you would strongly suggest they don't use a vibrator when they ask you where to get one, but when a 12 year old girl tells you she's used her mother's that she should ask for one for Christmas. I don't get why your opinions change from one person to the next. (age 17)

The response is tailored to each individual. The 13 year old had never used a vibrator, and I advised her against trying one. The 12 year old had already used one and really wanted one of her own, so I suggested she ask her mother. It's the same thing with sexual intercourse. I advise young people against it, but if it's clear they're going to try it or are already engaging in it, I tell them what they need to know.

Why do you make it sound like a bad thing if other people presume that you're lesbian or bisexual? (age 23)

It's a bad thing if you're not a lesbian or bisexual and people presume you are, but it might be a good thing if people presume it when you actually are lesbian or bisexual.

Do women have an urge to have sex like men do? If so, what triggers this? (Good looks, like it is with men, or personality traits?) (age 14, male)

The female urge to merge is most easily produced by the touch of a partner. I don't believe this to be a complete answer, so I ask my female readers, what gives you the urge to have sex?

My clitoris is very sensitive, I think it is because the hood is broken. The hood doesn't cover the whole clitoris and there is like a "split." It hurts when I touch it by itself, but when it is wet, it doesn't hurt. Do I need to make my clitoris wet when I have sex with my boyfriend? Because we are thinking about doing it soon, I'm scared there will be too much pain on my clitoris. (age 18)

You could see a doctor about an anatomic abnormality. There often isn't contact with the clitoris in intercourse, especially with an inexperienced lover. You could try it and see if it hurts. If it does, it might help to cover it with some goopy lube before having sex.

I would really like to masturbate with my best friend. I don't know how to bring up the subject. I don't even know if she masturbates. What can I do? I'd like us to be naked on opposite ends of a bed so we each get the full view of what the other is doing with her vulva. (age 17)

I think masturbating with someone is for lovers, not for friends. Your friend might be repulsed by the suggestion and it could affect your friendship. You might start talking about your own masturbating, and see if she joins the conversation. If not, just drop it.

I have something about four inches inside my vagina that stops anything from going any farther. What is this as no one else has said they have one! (age 15)

It's your cervix, which connects the vagina to the uterus.

I'm fed up. Is there anyone who is happy talking about sex openly if it does arise? People my age I've talked to don't seem shocked when we were talking about a film 40 Days and 40 Nights and how I said it's impossible to talk sex together as in the film. He stops solo sex too and they got shocked by me saying "solo sex." I didn't even say masturbation. (age 16)

Young people usually think it's cool to talk about sexual intercourse but are completely tongue-tied when masturbation is mentioned. More than a few teens are embarrassed about masturbating and scared to death someone will find out they practice it. When I was younger, I knew a guy who was about 17 who would talk about every sexual practice in the book without blushing, as if he was a cook sharing recipes, but he never said a word about the most popular sex act of all. So you shouldn't be surprised if your friends are all laughing and chatty about sex acts that none of them have ever tried (or aren't sure what they are) but start staring at their shoes when someone mentions the one sex act that all of them have probably practiced.

I did masturbation just this week, in the night and in the day, and I felt guilty after I was done. Is masturbation a sin? Anyway, in my second masturbation my vagina got dry and I had a hard time producing fluid again. Is this normal? When my fiance visited me from America, he touched me with his fingers and I missed it much and that's why I masturbate now. Thank you for this site. (age 20)

I don't think masturbation is a sin, but some people do. You should warm up a little with your fingers before you go inside so your vagina has a chance to get lubricated.

Hi! I have read the messages from parents about their children that are 2-6yrs old and already started to masturbate, and I also saw that some of them were worried that their child might be getting molested. I was like this when I was 5 and now that I'm 18, I can't remember what might have happened, but I think about it and I wish my mom talked to me about it (my mom ignored it), and I still masturbate (of course) but I'm still a virgin, so I'm not saying that just because I didn't have sexual intercourse at a young age with my own consent that another child may or may not have had sexual intercourse, but I think that their parents should talk to them about it, especially if something did happen to the child.

Your site is so great! Is it OK for a girl to watch male porn and gay porn to get aroused and masturbate? (I do that.) Will you define me as a pervert for looking at such things? (age 15)

No, although gay porn is a little extreme for your age. According to surveys of females I've done for this site, 56 percent use pictures at least sometimes when they masturbate (compared with 80 percent of males.)

My nipples erect when my boyfriend hugs me. They get painful in few minutes. What can I do? (age 12)

Keep them from being touched as much as possible. With any luck, they won't be so sensitive when you're older.

I have been masturbating for 5 years and internally for about 2, but I've never bled which causes me to think that my hymen hasn't broken. Where is the hymen? I've never bled out of my vagina except for my period. Also, most of my friends that masturbate can use things like their phones and small deodorant cans but the biggest thing I can use is a glue stick. Is my vagina too small? (age 13)

I imagine it's just right. You ought to avoid objects for now and not believe everything your friends say. The hymen partially covers the vaginal opening. Yours might have broken more than two years ago, and it's possible you never had one. You could look with a mirror to know for sure.

I have never reached an orgasm internally, only externally (stimulating the clitoris). I am still a virgin, and I am worried that when my boyfriend and I start having sex that I will never orgasm and he will blame himself. Is there something wrong with me? (age 17)

No. Lots of girls your age have never had an orgasm at all. You're ahead of them. Most women have an easier time achieving an orgasm internally than externally. In fact, the usual way to bring a woman to orgasm in intercourse is to angle the penis so that it makes contact with the clitoris. So those are mostly external orgasms too.

Follow up: Really? Most girls my age have never had an orgasm? Wow ... what I experience is an orgasm I think, because it is really intense and enjoyable. So if most girls never have had one yet (around my age), then why do they masturbate? Is it not just to achieve an orgasm?

I don't know about most, but many have not had a true orgasm at your age. Women have written to me saying they didn't have real orgasms until they were in their 20s (or later) and what they felt when they were younger was just a peak of feeling approaching an orgasm, but they didn't put the ball through the goal posts.

I constantly fantasize about performing oral sex on my husband. When I try to act it out with him, it's less exciting and I'm not sure I like giving up control. (age 30)

Real life often doesn't live up to fantasies. You might try to turn your real life into a fantasy instead of vice versa.

I gave my boyfriend manual intercourse and washed my hands thoroughly afterwards with anti-bacterial soap and cold water. I masturbated the next night, after having showered again, and one of my friends seems to think that I could still get pregnant. I think this is ridiculous, but I'm still concerned. I haven't had sex -- with him or with anyone else. (age 19)

Sperm can only live briefly outside a warm body. You don't have to worry. Just keep his fluid away from your privates while it's still warm.

Is it OK to have sex while on my period? This would probably creep most people out, right? (age 19)

It won't hurt you or your partner if you use protection. I think most women would only have sex during their period with a partner they're experienced with.

Hi I have a question, I've started to masturbate but I never seem to release myself. I know where the G-spot is but it's not working. I've tried all the techniques except for using a vibrator/dildo. Is there something wrong with my body? (age 17)

No. A lot of girls your age have trouble masturbating to orgasm. Just be patient and relax more. Try to enjoy the feelings you get even if they're not orgasmic. You might have an orgasm when you least expect it.

I'm a female virgin and I can't even put one finger into my vagina. I'm the only one who can't do it among my friends and I've been trying on and off for years. There's a big node of really sensitive skin right above the vaginal opening on the outside (it's not my hymen and by sensitive I mean it hurts if I try to put anything into my vagina), so the opening is only like a thin silver - I can have my periods just fine but it's torture if I try to put in a tampon (I've never been able to use one) or a finger. I made sure I'm all relaxed or turned on before, in many positions, but it still hurts and stays sore for days after the failed attempt. So I've never been able to get anything inside my vagina and I'm scared because I don't think I can have normal sex with men. Do I need to get surgery or something? I don't know what to do. I've looked at medical photos and porn and none of the women's genitals look like mine. (age 19)

I think you should see a doctor, who would probably reassure you that you're normal. Many women enjoy masturbating externally without putting anything into their vaginas.

When my boyfriend orgasmed, he continued to thrust into me for about 30 seconds. We were using a condom and when he came, some fluid leaked from either him or me. He thinks it was mine but I think it was his since I didn't climax. I'm concerned that semen leaked out of the open end of the condom. He still had an erection when he removed his penis and the condom was intact. Is it possible for semen to leak out of condoms though the penis has not gone soft? (age 23)

It's possible, which is why many people supplement a condom with vaginal jelly or another form of birth control. It's a good idea to withdraw before going soft.

Why exactly is masturbating with a pillow so bad? I lie on my side, not prone. I've been doing it this way since I was about 5. It feels great, and touching myself on my own does nothing for me. (It's way too intense, so having fabric in the way helps.) I have no problem getting turned on from my boyfriend touching me and absolutely no problems reaching orgasm by myself on my side with a pillow (about 3 minutes on a good day), or through fingering, oral sex, or intercourse. I find G-spot orgasms much much better than simply playing with my clit, and I can get multiples much easier that way. So would you please explain why you are so against pillows? (age 19)

Because masturbating by thrusting is very bad for males and I hear more and more from females who think their orgasmic capacity is reduced by doing it too. It's good that you're very sexually responsive, but most women don't need to use fabric as a buffer. If I were you, I'd wean off using the pillow.

I've been sexually active for a while now and have never suffered major pain. I noticed the other day that I had a sort of lasso from the top of my vagina to the bottom. We looked it up and came to the conclusion that I have a septate hymen. The other night during sex my vagina became very uncomfortable and we stopped. I went to the toilet and blood was gushing out! What can I do? Can they be cut off? I can't tell anyone because we're having a secret relationship. (age 17)

You can trust a doctor not to tell because of confidentiality. That's better than doing your own diagnosis and surgery. I think it's doubtful your hymen was just now breaking after you've been sexually active for a while. Better see a doctor.

During sex, I always find myself over-lubricated, even before the point of orgasm. Sometimes it gets so wet, it isn't pleasureable. Is there anything I can do about this? (age 22)

You might talk to a doctor about it. Some women treat it with antihistamines, and you might not even need a prescription for them, although a doctor's opinion would be good.

Ever since I can remember, I have sat on the floor or a footstool or a pillow and rub my crotch on it. I can remember doing it even at after 4 or 5. Does this have any of the effects that TMS has on a man since it puts pressure on the clitoris? I have never actually reached a full orgasm that way but I also can't lying on my back. Also, my little brother is two years my junior. I remember frequently going to his room and he'd be lying on the floor with his hands on his crotch or a pillow there (much like I would do). I don't know if he'd actually ejaculate, or if he ever lies down or sits up to masturbate, but I'd like him to stop doing this if it's so bad for him. How should I go about telling him to stop? (age 18)

If you haven't quit the crotch-rubbing yet, I think you should now. It really serves no purpose and might be inhibiting your orgasmic development. I don't think there's any easy way for a 16 year old boy to discuss masturbation with his 18 year old sister. You'll have to distance yourself from the discussion. One way might be to print up the main page of my web site and ask him if he's ever heard anyone mention this.

I have been masturbating for about 3 years and I have decided over the past months that I want to experience sex with another female. I want the experience because I want to know what it is like. Is there any way I can find girls who will just "fool around" with other girls or would that be like prostitution? By the way, I love your site. I think it's the best thing ever! (age 17)

It's only prostitution if you're doing it for money. I advise against homosexual experimentation at your age. If you still want to experience lesbian sex in three years, then you might get involved with some lesbian or bisexual groups at a college to meet like-minded women.

I'm so tight. Why does it hurt to stick a tampon in? (age 19)

You just need more practice. Your muscles will relax more as you get accustomed to things being inserted in your vagina.

What kind of smell is supposed to come from your vagina? (age 15)

It should be a very mild smell. It should smell like a bodily fluid. Men and women are very sensitive to each other's smells. That's why people at your age start bathing or showering daily and why males should never leave dried semen on them when around others, especially females.

After doing some research, I came to the conclusion I had a septate hymen. I have been having sex for about 6 months, but just last night my boyfriend and I did the rear entry position for the first time and it broke. I bled for about an hour and it was a bit sore. Is this normal? How common are septate hymens? Will the remnants erode? (age 19)

Your experience is normal. You should expect more bleeding but not much pain as the rest of the hymen erodes. About 1 in 1000 girls is born with a septate hymen.

What do you mean by telling everyone that there cannot be much left of the hymen at my age? What does age have to do with the hymen if the person never had sex? Sometimes you say that external masturbation doesn't hurt the hymen and sometimes you say that it does. Can you please tell me, does it or not? (age 22)

I wish you would tell me where I said that external masturbation can damage the hymen. It does not. It's simply a fact that by age 22 most virgin women have lost most of their hymens by internal masturbation, use of tampons, sexual activity short of intercourse, and even physical fitness exercise. It does not make them any less virginal. Only sexual intercourse can do that.

Is it okay to masturbate by rubbing on a pillow until it feels good? And also can you do this on your period? (age 17)

I advise against masturbating that way since it's harder to get the same kind of stimulation from a partner. It's your pillow, so you can decide what happens to it.

I've heard lots of things about masturbating. Is it true that masturbating makes you feel sleepy? Why? I don't masturbate a lot, but I never feel sleepy after masturbating. Is it normal? (age 15)

Yes, it's true. Sexual activity is a soporific -- sleep inducing -- activity. Some theorize that the sleepiness that results from orgasm helps partners to bond better and for the woman to remain horizontal so that the semen doesn't run out and therefore has a better chance of leading to pregnancy. Not everyone feels sleepy after masturbating, especially people who don't do it often.

A year ago when I watched a sex movie, I got aroused and started masturbation. I inserted my middle finger into my vagina. It was the 4th day of my period. When I saw my finger, there was blood on it Was my hymen damaged at that moment or was it the blood of my period? Can a hymen tear by inserting just one finger? Is the hymen outside the vagina or inside? Can 3 inches of a finger damage it? Please reply to me because on your response I will decide to get married or not. In our society, if the girl has a torn hymen and gets married, she gets divorced the next day. (age 26)

I think it was menstrual blood. One finger would have to be pretty rough to tear the hymen, but in the right conditions, 3 inches could do it. The hymen is outside the vagina but inside the labia.

I've been having sex since I was 16 and before that I used to mastrubate constantly and still do, where I can make myself orgasm always face down and always in a certain way. I have never achieved orgasm during sex despite many attempts. Am I suffering from the female version of TMS? After so long I have gotten used to not having an orgasm, and it doesn't stop my enjoyment but I have always wanted to know if the reason was due to the habit. (age 19)

I think you do have female TMS. You would probably be more responsive during sex if you didn't masturbate face down. Why not cut that out for a week or two and then try masturbating with your hand? It is apt to make a difference in your intercourse.

Does masturbating using a pillow affect the hymen?

It's not likely, but not impossible.

I started masturbating with a candle at first but now I use a beer bottle. Is that normal? (age 13)

It would be better if you used your hands instead of objects at your age. Most girls your age also work on masturbating externally.

I have to say this site is wonderful. It was really helpful seeing all these questions from younger girls. I've always known young teens masturbate, but I still felt alone because I did. Now that I'm older, it's nice to see that I was not alone. I'm in a same-sex relationship with my best friend of 7 years. She is almost 24 and very body shy and has never masturbated. We both don't want to have sex until we have a commitment ceremony, but I would still like to help her become less shy about herself. I'm very shy also, but I've been masturbating since I was 11 or 12. I have only been able to orgasm once or twice that I'm sure of, and it's really hard for me to relax sometimes. I know it's a mental thing, but I hate my fingers feeling sticky or wet, even though the sensation turns me on. Is there anything I can do to get myself over that, so that I can be a responsive lover? (age 22)

You might try a latex glove or a condom over your fingers. I doubt you'd be able to perform manual intercourse on a partner in a satisfactory manner if you have an issue making contact with even your own fluids. You might find just talking about sexual things makes her more open to them.

I am a 17 year old girl and I fingered myself for the first time today. I only did it because I was told that if a girl knew her body better, she would be better able to be pleased by her boyfriend. (I have never done anything with a guy, but plan on it.) HOWEVER, I did not feel any pleasure whatsoever. Supposedly there is a g-spot. So I tried to find that. It took me forever, but I eventually found a spot that might be it. But still no response. It was more my fingers feeling my insides than it was my insides feeling my finger. I'm worried. What can I do? Now I'm scared that I'll have to fake whenever my boyfriend tries to pleasure me. I don't understand why so many other girls seem reach orgasm (or even just have a little pleasure) naturally, but I try and try and can't feel any pleasure whatsoever. Does actual sex feel any different than having your finger inside of you?

Don't worry so much! You shouldn't expect results the first time you masturbate. It takes many females years before they have a true orgasm. Even males don't necessarily have an orgasm their first time. You need to relax more and concentrate on your external genitalia, which is a much more reliable source of orgasm than the G spot. Intercourse is a lot different from masturbation.

I have the flu right now and I noticed that I produced more vaginal fluids now than I normally do (even though I did get aroused once in a while). I just wanted to know if this is normal. (age 18)

I've never heard it mentioned as a flu symptom, but it's possible. Most people urinate much more than usual when they're sick. I hope you feel better soon!

I am 13 years old and I haven't gotten my period yet. I have pubic hair (and lots of it) but I don't have any breasts yet. Can I masturbate? I have tried several times but I haven't gotten any pleasure. I need to masturbate.

I think you're moving a little too fast. You shouldn't be in such a rush to have an orgasm. Be more relaxed the next time you try. You might have an orgasm when you least expect it.

If a virgin has a pap test then is her hymen most likely broken? (age 22)

If the hymen is present -- and remember that lack of previous sexual intercourse does not guarantee the presence of a hymen -- the examination does not necessarily break the hymen. The swab used in the Pap smear, most certainly, does not break the hymen. Bleeding after the Pap may occur because the cervix may be in a delicate state, but you should not expect bleeding from the hymen rupturing.

Hi! I've been masturbating externally since I was 11, and I can't seem to stop! I do it usually once a day, but afterward I feel guilty and it seems as if the next day, I get bad luck - arguments, lost homework, etc. I'm Catholic, so is it wrong to God? It seems like I'm overly horny and I love touching myself. Whenever I look at a cute guy, watch porn, or go to your web site, I get really wet down there and feel like masturbating. I've tried to stop because I feel guilty, but after a week, I get back to it. Should I try to stop, or should I just keep on pleasuring myself? I love the feeling! I just get into bed, lie on my back, and rub my clitoris, and I think about sex and imagine people doing it. Is it bad? Please help me! By the way, I love your site! (age 12)

I don't think it's wrong to God, but many Catholics do. You should avoid porn at your age. I don't think what you do is bad.

I know that some females may experience pain when they first have sex but how much pain is it? Also, when the hymen breaks, how much blood do you actually lose? (age 20)

Some women don't notice it but some feel a lot of pain. You shouldn't worry about it. It can also be uncomfortable if the vagina hasn't had anything that large in it before or if the woman isn't properly aroused when penetration happens. The amount of blood is generally small, less than one loses when menstruating.

I'm an arabic woman and here they think if you haven't got a hymen you are not a virgin. I lost my hymen in accident. How can I hide that? (age 23)

A doctor can put in some temporary stitching and a fake blood capsule that you can use on your wedding night to fool your husband into thinking you still have a hymen. That's a necessity in some Middle Eastern countries where women can be killed if they're believed to have engaged in pre-marital sex.

What is the function of the hymen? (age 20)

It can be useful in determining if a young girl (12 or younger) has been sexually abused.

How long will the bleeding from the breaking of the hymen go on (days vs. months), what is a normal amount of blood, and what other causes might there be for non-period vaginal bleeding, and when is it appropriate to bring this up as a concern with a doctor? (age 22)

You can bring any question that concerns you to a doctor. The bleeding is apt to be limited to a few days. It would be less blood than you would have with your period although some women have more. Many women have bleeding between menstrual flows so a small amount is not necessarily a cause for concern. Insertion of objects, especially when done roughly, can cause vaginal bleeding.

My clitoris hangs down low and is embarrassing. To double that, my pubic bone sticks out kinda far. It makes me sad. (age 13)

Don't worry about those things. You might look a lot different when you finish puberty, and even if you don't, those things aren't very important to anyone.

I have been masturbating since around 4 years old. I masturbate about 3-4 times a week and lately I feel these orgasms aren't enough or that masturbating is getting boring. Is there anything I can do to make it more interesting? (age 15)

You might try doing it less often and see if you enjoy it more.

I am 13 years old and I have masturbated about 20 times, but I can never get an orgasm!!! It is so frustrating. I get them in dreams, but never in real life. Is there anything you can tell me that will help me achieve an orgasm?

Just be patient. You're apt to have one when you least expect it. Be glad you're already masturbating. A lot of girls your age haven't even figured out how.

I am married and we have a 9 month old daughter. I can't ever have an orgasm without making myself. My husband only lasts 5 minutes AT MOST and can't go again until another day. we I was just wondering if you had any suggestion. (age 20)

It would be good if he could bring you to orgasm manually or orally before having vaginal intercourse.

how much does it bleed when you break your hymen? Will it be enough for my mom to notice? (age 14)

Probably less than your period. It would be easy for your mom to miss the blood.

I've been masturbating since I was very young (can't remember exact age, but I was way under 10), and after reading some of the young girls' questions on this page I think I might have something to contribute. First of all, don't be afraid to explore your body, both by touch and by viewing (try using a mirror). Try to find your sensual areas, such as the breasts, neck, stomach and thighs. Close your eyes and touch yourself the way you want a partner to touch you. If you like someone in particular, try imagining that person doing it, and you'll immediately feel more relaxed.

I would advise to only masturbate externally until you feel secure in that area. Then you could gently start to explore internal masturbation, but don't rush by inserting objects. It can be very painful if done wrong. Start with a finger and find out what feels good and what doesn't. Carefully caressing the area around the vagina can be very erotic and prepares you for penetration. Then, when you find out what feels best that way you can start exploring with objects. Start small and work your way up. It took me about 10 years to feel comfortable with penetration. So when you finally get a partner you'll know what you want him to do, and it will be good and not awkward and uncomfortable. Don't rush into sex because "everyone else is doing it"; do it when you feel ready for it. But most of all, take your time! Find a place and time you feel comfortable with, if you're scared that can make your horniness go away and you won't achieve orgasm, but only feel frustration. (age 22)

Thanks for your disquisition. I'd be interested in referring certain female questions to you. E-mail me if you're interested in being one of my female correspondents.

I was lying in bed last night and my privates just went mad! My vagina started twitching and my clitoris was hard. I felt some kind of weird tickling feeling in my lower abdomen. What could be going on? (age 18)

Sounds like arousal. Congratulations on having spontaneous arousal!

I am 13 years old and sometimes when I masturbate I touch a certain part of my vagina that feels good but kind of tickles. It is more on the upper part. Is this my clitoris?

Probably, although it's part of your vulva and not your vagina. The vagina is inside.

You caution against pillow/blanket masturbation, which you say is a form of TMS. Why/how is it bad for a woman? What negative effects can it have on her later sex life with her husband? And can she overcome them? If so, how can she do so and how long will it take before she can have a good sex life with her spouse? I am speaking of pillow/blanket masturbation while lying on her sides. And also of squeezing her thighs and muscles for pleasure. (age 16)

TMS for males is a pretty new area of interest and we are just starting to learn about TMS in women. Basically, any unusual or atypical masturbation style is bad for either males or females. It makes it harder to adjust to sex with a partner. Once a person quits their atypical style and learns to masturbate typically (i.e., with his or her hands), he or she can be sexually normal within a few months.

What is the G spot and why can't I find it? (age 17)

The Grafenberg, or G spot, is a sensitive area on the top of the vagina about a third of the way in. Lots of females your age haven't found theirs yet. In fact, most only masturbate externally. Just enjoy what you're doing and don't worry about the G spot.

I had my first orgasm when I was in the 1st grade. I figured it out on playground poles then started using my fingers shortly after but for a couple years I did it prone. I was always ashamed. I'm still weirded out by sex. I lost my virginity at 15. It only took a few times having sex to have an orgasm. Usually I get off in a short time and before my partner. After I get off I tighten up and it begins to hurt really bad where I have to stop. After that I couldn't care less about sex and can't even believe I wanted to do it. I would like to have multiple orgasms but I don't see how that can happen if I can't stand it after the first one. What do I need to do? (age 17)

You could be trying too hard. You're forcing the orgasm on, causing the quenching and pain. Try to relax and enjoy yourself instead of trying to achieve orgasm. Relaxation could take away the shame too. And don't go chasing the multiple orgasm; it will happen in due time. Many women don't get to that point for many years.

You told a 12 year old girl she'd have to decide if she masturbated with her female friend but you advised a 14 year old girl not to have oral sex with three female friends. Why is it OK for the 12 year old but not the 14 year old? (age 17)

Because the 12 year old was asking about masturbating and the 14 year old was asking about oral sex. There's a difference.

How long is too long to be masturbating? I can masturbate for up to an hour! My friend only masturbates for around 5 minutes. Does she do this because she knows something that I don't? (age 13)

She obviously knows how to get to orgasm efficiently. I don't think an hour is necessarily too long, but you are probably feeling frustrated after 20 minutes. You'll probably get better at it and it will take less time.

I can get a pen 3 inches inside my vagina, but I'm scared to go any farther because it starts to feel different. How far in is "too far"? Is there a "too far"? (age 13)

You should be able to feel it when you touch your cervix. Four inches is the average depth. It would be better if you learned with your hands and didn't use objects until you are more comfortable with them.

What about masturbating standing up? I get big orgasms but then I feel weak and kind of shaky. Is it a normal thing to feel like you have to sit down? Is it okay for a girl to do it standing up? I like it. (age 15)

Yes, that's fine. It's normal to feel like sitting down when you have an orgasm.

I've heard so many people talk about having sex when they're 17 and 18. But my parents say you shouldn't until after your married. Would having oral sex with a girl be dangerous? And do you approve of having sex with someone when you're not married to them or even engaged? (age 12)

Lots of people have sex when they're 17 and 18, but I don't think you should at your age, even oral sex. I don't think sex has to wait until marriage, but I admire some of those who wait.

When I masturbate, it will sometimes take me 30-50 minutes to actually orgasm. I'll get really close, then I'll calm down. Is this normal? What am I doing wrong? (age 17)

You should only masturbate when you can focus mentally on what you're doing. I think that's why you're losing your concentration and the orgasm slips away.

Does masturbation make you gain weight? (age 17)

No.

I've been masturbating for about 1 year now and when I masturbate after about 3 or 4 minutes it starts to hurt. I've tried new ways of masturbating but I dont get any pleasure! I don't want to ask a doctor or my mother because this is embarrassing. (age 13)

You need to find ways of masturbating that don't hurt. It might take some practice before you learn them and then become orgasmic.

How do you use lube? Does masturbation feel better with it, or without it? (age 13)

Most females apply a few drops to their fingers and/or those private parts that receive the friction from masturbating. It might feel different at first, but most people find that lube makes for a better overall experience in the long run.

How do you know when is the right time to masturbate? I'm not sure when I get turned on. (female, age 13)

When they're new to masturbation, most people masturbate when they somehow get aroused, but once they're more experienced, people work to get themselves aroused so they can masturbate. This might make more sense in a year or two. There's no right time to masturbate, but it's better to be aroused when you do it.

The main reason I want to wait longer to have sex is that I am very scared it will hurt. Are there any exercises I can do to stretch the hymen so it won't hurt as much? (age 15)

Most girls stretch or break their hymens through tampon use or masturbating with objects. You shouldn't worry about it hurting so much. When the time is right, make sure you have a partner you can trust to be gentle.

I have had a problem with masturbation for a long time and this is something I battle with inside. I have never told anybody about my problem and I feel guilty every time I masturbate. It has probably been a year since I have done it. I was molested at the age of 7 and ever since then I have carried this secret inside and have struggled with masturbation. I want to be able to speak to somebody about this but I am so ashamed of myself. I feel that I need help. What do you think I should do? (age 28)

You shouldn't be guilty. Masturbating is normal and healthy and fun. I'd be happy to chat with you about it online, but you might be better off in a support group for those recovering from sexual abuse.

When I insert my finger into my vagina, I encounter an obstruction. Could this be my cervix? (age 17)

Yes.

I have masturbating inside my vagina for a very long time with my fingers. It felt sooo good so I started using a brush handle and going very fast too. My vagina used to be so smooth on the inside and now it feels rough and covered with bumps. Is using a brush bad? Will the inside of my vagina ever feel wet and smooth again? (age 13)

Using an object to masturbate can affect the surface of your vagina. It is better to be lubricated at the time you start masturbating, or to coat the object with some lube. If you cease masturbating with objects in a dry vagina, your vaginal walls will probably go back to normal.

How can you tell if you have a sensitive cervix? About how far up is it in the vagina? My boyfriend and I hugged and I noticed that he was twitching down there and right after that, I got wet. Is his twitching normal? Can spontaneous arousal lead to G-spot orgasms? Can women spontaneously ejaculate? I thought I did once or twice when I was aroused and I even orgasmed twice without having to masturbate. (age 18)

If you're aware of your cervix (about 4 inches past the opening of the vagina), it's sensitive. Males can flex their erections a little. They use the same muscles that start and stop the flow of urine. That's probably what he was doing. If you could feel it, it was probably very arousing to you and that's why you got wet. By definition, a "G-spot orgasm" could only happen through stimulation of the G spot. Most sex scientists don't believe women can ejaculate at all, much less spontaneously. You seem to be very much in touch with your sexual feelings. That will serve you well.

I have recently begun masturbating by inserting objects inside me. Today I stupidly and embarrassingly inserted the handle of a brush to masturbate. Since I don't have a vibrator or anything of that sort, this is the closest thing I have to replicate a penis. When I was done, I noticed a light, almost orange-red blood was on the brush. It was thick and somewhat globby as well. I went to the the bathroom and the bleeding did not continue, giving me reason to believe that the bleeding is internal. I am very scared as to what I might have damaged. (age 17)

Don't worry about it if you weren't bleeding. It might be old menstrual blood.

If I choose not to masturbate, will my hymen disappear by itself? Will it be noticeable if it breaks the first time I engage in intercourse? (age 15)

Those are tough questions. They hymen will not "disappear by itself," but it might break through normal activity, including tampon use and exercise. Some females find their hymen breaks quite easily on first intercourse and others have much pain and bleeding. Of course, most don't still have an intact hymen when they first have intercourse. Preservation of the hymen is not the main issue for most females when taking up masturbation. You can enjoy it externally, as most females do, and not make contact with your hymen or vagina at all.

My boyfriend and I want to have sex. The problem is he has a huge penis. What do I do? (age 16)

You can either try sex with him or wait for someone with a smaller penis.

I came across your web site and found it quite illuminating. I'm a single parent of a 15-year old daughter. She appears to be quite active with her masturbating. I want to ask your advice. About 6 months ago I happened to walk past my daughter's bedroom late at night and heard a buzzing sound. I stopped and stood silently close to her door to try to figure out what it was, and soon I realized that she was probably masturbating with a vibrator. I have absolutely no sexual desires toward my daughter, but I was very surprised and somehow spellbound to just stand there listening to her. I could hear soft moans and occasionally more audible sounds that indicated she was orgasming. I was shocked and amazed at how long she went on; probably for close to an hour (with numerous apparent orgasms).

The next day when she went to school I stayed home to look around in the room, and eventually I found a box with several sexual aids behind a pile of sweaters in a closet. I was just stunned at how seriously she seemed to be experimenting with masturbation. The massager I had heard had several different attachments for clitoris massage. There were also several dildos of different shapes and sizes and various oils and lotions. But the most disturbing was a big pile of e-mail printouts, correspondence between her and a married man in his 40s in Canada. I spent some time going through this material, and the bottom line is that she had posted an ad for a sexual pen-pal a year ago and started an e-mail relationship with this guy. She writes about being constantly turned on and describes in detail how she masturbates and what her orgasms feel like. The guy encourages her to try new ways to make herself come stronger and more easily. It turns out he sent her all these things that she uses on herself. I got the impression that they guy is not really attempting to meet her, but who knows what it may yet turn into.

Anyway, I'm really mostly worried about her sexuality being so strong at an early age. Apparently she feels the need for orgasm multiple times a day (starting at age 11!) and often has these long sessions with herself when she completely indulges. I had not even imagined that my daughter had any sexual interests before all this. She does very well in school, has quite normal friends, and is overall a very normal girl. Although she is very cute and boys seem to be interested in her, she always appears shy around them. Her letters indicate that she has kissed and done some light touching with boys but that she has not yet had intercourse. She seems mainly interested in the strong physical sensations that she can create on her own, and her letters indicate that she is happy with the way she is learning more about her body and the increasing pleasures she is experiencing; evidently the guy has really had an effect on how she can indulge in masturbation. My feelings about this are of course mixed. I feel bad that I have uncovered her secrets like this, but I also feel that I need to know what is going on with her in case something goes bad. I now enter her room about once a week to look at her correspondence and occasionally I also listen to her activities at night. I repeat that I have no sexual interest in her. I have a girlfriend who occasionally spends time here and I have told her about this. She doesn't share my worry but instead seems impressed (almost admiringly so) by her capacity for pleasure. We are thinking about her somehow approaching my daughter about her sexuality, but we haven't decided how to do that without disclosing that we know what she is up to. It would be nice to know what other people think about all this.

I am horrified that you would stand there eavesdropping on your daughter masturbating "for close to an hour." I think most people would get far away when they realized what they were hearing, to respect the other person's privacy. There is nothing wrong with masturbating, and nothing wrong with a girl that age experimenting with different ways of masturbating. (Although if she had asked me, I would have advised her to learn her body better with her hands before acquiring that much hardware.) The only thing that seems potentially dangerous is her correspondence with the older man. You could discuss that without embarrassment and without revealing what you learned from your repeated and frequent snooping. All you have to do is tell her you know she uses the Internet and to warn her about dealing with people online. You seem to have already concluded the chances of her meeting him are low (and I suspect you have his e-mail address anyway). Although your daughter's discussing masturbation with him (and placing the ad) are unusual, I think she's less likely to get into trouble that way than by experimenting sexually with local males.

I can never get myself wet no matter what I try. What am I doing wrong? What can I do to make myself get wet? (age 14)

I think you're trying to hard. It might also be your body isn't producing enough of those fluids yet. Wait another year. You might start lubricating when you least expect it.

I use Vaseline Petroleum Jelly as a lube. It obviously gets inside my vagina. Is this bad? Should I use something else? (age 13)

I think it's fine for now. You might want to try a water-based lube someday.

What is the fluid that comes out of my vagina when I masturbate? (age 13)

It's primarily vaginal lubricant.

Can I have sex if I haven't gotten my period yet? (age 13)

Yes.

Des a fluid come out of your vagina when you mastubate and orgasm and can this make you pregnant? (age 14)

Some females have an emission of fluid during masturbation but it can definitely not make anyone pregnant.

I know a lot of girls moan when they get an orgasm because it's always more intense than what guys get. I've been masturbating since age 10. I've never moaned or screamed. It's never been THAT intense. How can I get a more intense orgasm? (age 13)

I doubt the female orgasm is more intense than the male orgasm. Many females don't have scream-inducing orgasms until they're much older than you are. Try to enjoy the orgasms you have now (which many girls your age don't have at all). I'm sure your orgasms will get more intense as you mature.

My vagina has little tiny bumps on it. What does that mean? When I masturbate I can feel that my vagina is lumpy. (age 14)

If it doesn't hurt, it's probably not anything dangerous; it's not abnormal for a vagina to have lumps. But if it's painful or itchy, you should tell a doctor just in case. It could be just acne, but only a doctor can tell for sure.

Can I see my hymen if I look in the mirror? (age 13)

Yes.

Is masturbating on your side considered prone or supine? Can a tampon easily break my hymen? (age 13)

On your side is neither prone nor supine. Not easily, but a hymen is apt to be reduced by years of tampon use.

When I'm doing martial arts, I get aroused really easily and the back of my martial arts pants become wet. It's very annoying. Please tell me why this is happening. (age 13)

Your body seems to find the physical contact in martial arts arousing. It's probably not as noticeable as you think. It might help to wear heavier underwear or even a sanitary pad.

I am scared to put my fingers in my vagina because I will bleed. Will I always bleed? (age 12)

No, but I think you're better off keeping them out. You won't enjoy yourself if you're worried about bleeding. You might feel differently in a couple of years and then you can explore the inside.

What percentage of girls 10-17 masturbate? (age 12)

That's a pretty broad range. At 10, probably about 10 percent. At 17, almost three quarters. That leaves a lot in between. Overall, probably 40 percent in that age range masturbate regularly.

I feel like getting pregnant all the time. I think about pregnancy when I masturbate. I read about Britney Spears and Julia Roberts getting pregnant, I go to pregnancy sites, and I fantasize a lot. I think about a guy getting me pregnant. I'm a virgin, but all I can think about is having sex and getting pregnant. What can I do to stop thinking so dirty like that? (age 14)

I wouldn't call it dirty. Lots of girls your age dream about motherhood. It would be a good idea to finish your education before getting pregnant. Spears and Roberts are a lot older than you, and they're both established in their careers.

Is it safe to masturbate before I go to bed and once a day or more? Like many other people, I feel guilty for masturbating. One time my mom came into my room when I was doing it and I covered myself with a blanket and said that I had a stomachache. Girls at school are always asking me things like, "Have you ever fingered your pussy?" I feel ashamed to admit it, so I just say no. (age 13)

It's safe. You don't need to feel so guilty. I'm pretty sure your mom already knew what you were doing when she asked. You should just tell those girls it's not their business.

I'm 13 and female and have been masturbating since I was 11, on and off again. When I started, I couldn't reach orgasm, but at 12 years I got orgasms so quickly and intensely I have to moan. I hide it from my parents, because it is against our religion. I get aroused so easily by seeing a kissing scene on TV, and I'm often wet in my pants. This doesn't happen to my friends, so I'm wondering if I'm normal. I have no idea how to stop, because I feel guilty and it seems as if the day is ruined after those five seconds of orgsam. I have it really fast, and it goes away really fast. I quit for two weeks, but then I was back at it, and so far I've quit for a week but I feel like doing it so badly. I have no idea why I feel like this. I'm a straight A student, and I don't want this to keep me distracted from my studies. My Christmas break is in three days, so I'm wondering if it's safe to masturbate during it, but I'm afraid I'll get hooked on it again. One site said masturbating is an addiction that will continue for the rest of my life. I don't want to do it, yet I feel the need to do it so badly. Why is this happening to me? Please help!

You're very normal. Masturbating is normal and healthy and lots of fun. It's not an addiction. You should relax and try to enjoy it more. It is unlikely to interfere with your school work. Some of the best students I know have admitted to taking a masturbation break from long study sessions, and it helps them stay focused longer.

I've recently started masturbating internally and always find that once I put about two inches in diagonally I find I can't go in farther. I thought this was because I hadn't actually gotten into my vaginal opening, so I took a look in a mirror. I found that past my labia minora there was a piece of pinkish skin. It appeared to be a lump, and I couldn't find a hole. I was too freaked out to touch it and see if I had an opening to the side. (age 12)

I think you're jumping to conclusions. You might show the lump to your mother or a doctor.

I had surgery recently because I had an imperforate hymen and vaginal septum. Right now my gynecologist is making me use a dilator that's a little bigger than a quarter. It's been two months and I no longer have any stiches but it still hurts. Will it hurt when I have intercourse in later life? Will I still bleed even though I don't have a hymen? (age 15)

Those are things to ask your doctor. I doubt it will still hurt. It will bleed if your doctor left some of the hymen in place. There would have been no need to remove it completely.

What do girls mean when they say they have an orgasm by using running water? (age 15)

A female can masturbate by directing water from a shower head or bathtub faucet at her vulva. I discourage this method of masturbation because it provides more stimulation than a female can get by masturbating with her hands or from a male in intercourse.

What does TMS do to you? Why is it bad? (age 12)

TMS does a poor job of simulating the feelings one gets in intercourse. As a result, most males and some females who practice TMS have trouble obtaining orgasm in intercourse. Some males also have trouble becoming erect in a satisfactory manner to have intercourse.

The last two times my boyfriend has performed manual intercourse on me, I have bled. The first time it bled a little, the second time a lot. I have only had sex once before and I never masturbate, so I think that it is because my hymen has broken, but the amount of blood lost concerns me. (age 21)

It probably is from your hymen. You might inspect with a mirror to see how much, if any, you have left of your hymen.

I'm a sexual assault nurse examiner in a hospital. I had a case come in that a 6 year old female was found to be masturbating by rubbing. Today I did a genital exam to look at her hymen. When I spread her labia, I didn't see much of a hymen and could see the vaginal vault wide open. Could this be because of the rubbing type of masturbation? (age 37)

If by rubbing, you mean thrusting (TMS), I don't think it would do much damage to the hymen. Masturbating with objects or inserting fingers is what would do that. It's hard to believe a six year old could masturbate roughly enough to eliminate so much of her hymen. If I were you, I would keep looking for evidence of sexual abuse.

Will masturbating with breadsticks give me a yeast infection? Which kinds are safer than others? Are frozen hot dogs safe or will I get salmonella from them? Can I transmit salmonella to my boyfriend? (age 19)

This is the fakest-sounding question I've answered all month. Breadsticks are cooked and the yeast in them should not be active. The dry, hard ones have less yeast than the soft ones and are easier to masturbate with anyway. (I can't believe I really said that.) Almost all the hot dogs you buy at the store are fully cooked and are not sources of salmonella. Make sure it says "fully cooked" on the package. I've never heard of salmonella being sexually transmitted, but if you have it, you might be able to transmit it through oral contact, like kissing.

Is it normal for females to watch porn? (female, age 18)

In the survey of females done for this web site, 100 of 171, or 58 percent, said they use pictures when they masturbate.

Can you get pregnant if you haven't had your first period yet? (age 12)

Yes. What females call their "period" comes at the end of the cycle. When the menstrual flow happens, the female ovulated about 14 days earlier. This means there is no way of knowing when your very first one happens.

I heard you can clean out a Windex bottle and put water into it and put the nozzle on stream and spray it against your clitoris. Is this safe? I want to find new ways to masturbate because I have been having trouble reaching orgasms. (age 13)

I advise against the use of running water. Your method also has an element of danger because of the possibility of a cleaning chemical remaining in that bottle. At your age, you should work on being more effective at conventional ways of masturbating.

I was worried reading about dangers of masturbating in the prone position as I enjoy that frequently together with a silicone dildo inside the vagina (basically like having sex with me on top of a pillow with dildo inside). I like to make myself very excited like this and then use fingers on my clitoris to have orgasms. I also use a vibrator when I am very excited and need to come more after I have done with fingers several times. I would like a man in my life. I am seeing someone who is 35, but I'm very shy and although I liked it, I told him to stop when he touched my breast. We only kiss but I would like to have sex. When I masturbate I think that I should just tell him to undress me and touch my body, but I'm afraid that he will think it is strange. Will he think I'm strange looking like a girl but wanting much sex? (age 18)

Masturbating prone is probably not as bad for females as for males, but you describe a pattern of using a lot of stimulation to get to orgasm. It would be better if you could learn to reach orgasm with less. You should communicate to your partner what you want and not tell him no when you mean yes. He will not think it's strange because he appears to be interested in having sex with you.

I'd like to know more about you. You hear about tons of girls and boys every day, but we never hear about you. Tell me something about the person giving me such good advice please. Great site by the way! (female, age 16)

I have overcome my history of TMS and started this site to help others. There were also times when I was younger that I would have liked to have a site like this to answer my questions. I'm very busy trying to get tenure at a major research university, but I answer questions on this site about two or three times a week.

Thanks for your advice - I'll look more carefully at things before putting two and two together next time. How rare is a labial hymen, anyway? (age 12)

A labial hymen is an extreme rarity. Much less than 1 in 2000. Probably 1 in 10,000.

Is it normal to get an orgasm - or, at the very least, aroused - by reading a book that says something vaguely sexual? (age 12)

Getting aroused that way would be normal but getting an orgasm would be abnormal in a good way.

When my boyfriend fingers my clitoris, I vibrate and shudder. Is that normal? (age 18)

Yes.

My boyfriend said he didnt come and there wasn't any ejaculate, but his penis did enter my vagina. Will that make me pregnant? (age 18)

It is rare for a male your age to penetrate a female and not have an orgasm. Even if he didn't, there could be tiny amounts of sperm on his penis, which could make you pregnant. It would be better for you to use birth control.

I touched my bf's penis while it was erect. It was too dark to see it so I just touched and played with it. Is it possible to get an STD by just touching him? Could there be a wound/sore around his genitals caused by any STD and if I touched it, am I going to have an STD too? (age 20)

I can't say it's impossible, but what you describe makes transmission of an STD extremely unlikely. No man could tolerate the stroking of an open sore on his penis. I think you would know if you felt one. And it is pretty unlikely you would be stroking him with an open sore on your hand. Perhaps you ought not be engaging in sexual behavior with someone you obviously don't trust.

What is "cum" or "come" and what is "horny"? I'm new to all this. Can you fill me in? (age 13)

It's good to be new. Orgasm is referred to informally as coming or cumming, and the fluid the male ejaculates is called come or cum. Horny means sexually aroused. You might want to read the glossary on this site, although it uses normal words and not slang.

Recently I have tried to have sex for the first time. It hurts when the penis is barely even in. By this time I am fully aroused and I just cant see why it isn't working for me. What can I do? (age 17)

It would be good to get through the time where it hurts. It often hurts less when the penis is fully in. It's kind of like how being a little bit in a cold pool (or thinking about being in one) is worse than being fully immersed in one. Your body gets used to it.

I masturbated with a removable shower head for the first time, and when I was done, my clitoris was much bigger than usual, and more sensitive. Is this normal? (age 13)

It's an expected consequence of masturbating that way.

Some girls I know find the concept of male and female maturbation to both be disgusting. Why might this be?

It's probably because they're not comfortable with the idea of playing with bodily fluids. Many people have this idea at some point in life but overcome it when they find out how much fun it can be. Males overcome it through wet dreams, if they haven't started masturbating already by that point. Or it could be she's embarrassed about her own masturbating and says it's disgusting to avoid having to discuss it.

I have never orgasmed when I masturbate; usually I masturbate every day. I get really wet, then I start to rhythmically rub my clitoris and grind my pelvis and moan as I am told this helps to orgasm. I recently rubbed a felt tip up and down my clitoris and it felt great. It lasted for about 5 seconds and then stopped. I don't think it was an orgasm because it felt nice but not that amazing. How can I orgasm? Please help I really REALLY want it! (age 13)

I think you're trying too hard. The nice feeling for 5 seconds might have been your first orgasm. They get better as you get more experienced at having them. Try to be more patient and just enjoy what you're doing even if you don't think you're having an orgasm.

I've been masturbating since I was 18 years old. I'm still a virgin. I can't seem to stop masturbating. I'm afraid that my future husband will know that I masturbated. Please tell me if a guy has a way of knowing if a girl masturbates. I feel extremely guilty of masturbating but I can't seem to stop. Please advise me on ways that I can stop masturbating. Thank you. (age 23)

Masturbation is normal and healthy and fun. You shouldn't want to stop. All males and most females do it. Females who masturbate have more orgasms in intercourse than those who don't. Your future partner will not be able to tell by looking that you masturbate.

Will swallowing semen make you pregnant? (age 20)

No, but it might make you very popular.

My sister taught me how to masturbate a couple of years ago. She's had sex and I am a virgin. She has a dildo and it's really big and she wants me to try it. I want to but I don't want to lose my virginity to a piece of plastic. She says that she'll do it for me. Should I do it? (age 14)

Masturbating with a dildo does not make you not a virgin. You should not let your sister use it on you. That's manual intercourse and it's homosexual activity and incestuous. If you want to do it yourself, that's another thing.

I will be 18 in four months. My breasts still don't even fill an A cup. My period is often irregular (I skip a couple of months or it will last for up to eleven days). Could these two things might be related? Most other females in my family have large B to C cup sizes. Is there something that might be medically wrong with me?

It would be worth talking to a doctor about. If your period is still irregular, there's a good chance your breasts haven't finished developing. You should learn to like your breasts even if they're small. Many men also like small breasts.

Sometimes I masturbate with a massager. It feels great and I always have multiple orgasms. But the next few days, I have pain in my pelvic and upper thigh area. Am I doing this too much??? Why do I have pain later on? I also orgasm so strongly that I urinate. Is this normal? (age 37)

You urinate because you don't have adequate control of your pelvic muscles. You feel pain because you are overdoing the massager masturbation. You ought to concentrate on masturbating with your hands and doing Kegel exercises to get control of your pelvic muscles.

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a year or so but he thought it would be sexy to stick a large object into my vagina and have me move around. I did but then it hurt unbelievably bad for a second until I got it out. There was some blood on the object but not much. It has been 10 hours and if I stick my finger inside there is a small amount of blood and it is not my period. Did I scratch my insides? Is this a problem? Will it hurt our chances of kids someday? (age 22)

Only a doctor could answer that after an examination, but I am amazed you let him do that on the basis of what HE thought would be sexy. Anything that goes into your vagina should be as a result of what YOU find arousing.

I have a septate hymen. If I keep masturbating, will it finally break down the center and will I then have a normal entrance? (age 21)

If you are masturbating internally, especially with objects, I think that is pretty likely.

I have had orgasms externally, but I heard that G spot orgasms are even more intense. How do I reach those orgasm? (age 18)

You have to find your G spot, which is about halfway up your vagina on the top surface. Then you have to stimulate it while masturbating or having intercourse.

I haven't gotten my period yet, and I was wondering if it is OK to masturbate? Can someone who has not gotten her period yet have orgasms? (age 12)

Yes, it is OK. Some girls can have orgasms before they have their periods.

My boyfriend masturbates every chance he gets when I am asleep or not home or even just out of the room. I think that I am not pleasing him sexually, but I really try. This is really hurting the little confidence that I had with my body. He says he has always done it any chance he could get even while with other girlfriends. It is really bothering me. And does the fact that he puts something in his butt while he does this say that he is really bisexual? (age 28)

I think your boyfriend masturbates compulsively. That is a problem he might need professional help to deal with. It borders on emotional abuse that he's doing it when you're aware of it, and he knows it's hurtful to you. You could threaten to leave him if he doesn't cut down on masturbating or at least not do it when you're aware of it. I don't think use of the butt plug necessarily means he is gay or bisexual.

Sometimes if I hold my urine I can get an orgasm. I heard if you hold your urine it makes it harder for you to have an orgasm. (age 14)

Actually, the muscles you use to hold your urine are the same ones you need to gain control of an orgasm. These are the muscles females are urged to train with Kegel exercises. So holding your urine and having an orgasm are closely related skills.

I've never dated anyone before, or been kissed, mostly because I'm kind of shy. Recently, I've noticed some guys that go to my school have taken an interest in me. I have so much sexual energy that I'm afraid if I date one and we kiss, we won't be able to stop and it will escalate to something more before I really get to know the guy. What should I do? (age 17)

Don't be alone with the guy until you really get to know him. Most guys will stop when you tell them to, but some won't, and you have to be careful you're not with one of them.

I've been masturbating for long time but only externally by stimulating my clitoris. I've NEVER inserted anything inside. I used a mirror to see my hymen; all I found was very small opening. Is my hymen still there intact? Would the use of lubes hurt it? I get so wet before an orgasm. Is this normal? (age 23)

The small opening might be in the middle of your hymen. Lubes would not hurt the hymen. It's normal, and in fact, very good, to be wet before an orgasm.

While I'm at school, I might not be horny or anything, but I just feel a need to masturbate so in the middle of class I pull my arm inside my sweatshirt and finger myself. Is this compulsive masturbation? (age 15)

I think so. You're masturbating when you don't feel "horny," and that points to compulsion, and you're doing it where you stand a good chance of being caught. You might work at cutting that behavior out.

Every day my mom drives a bunch of us to and from school in our mini-van. Two days ago one of my friends was in the rear seat with her boyfriend and she performed manual intercourse on him. That night at home I heard Mom telling my dad she smelled semen in the car on the way home. Do you think she could really smell it? (age 14)

Yes, I do.

My boyfriend masturbates while reading stories about incest. Is this normal? (age 18)

People are known to read a variety of stories while masturbating. Some like to read about incest. I'd be more inclined to think of it as paraphilia instead of normal. It would be good if your boyfriend had other erotic interests.

I am a virgin and I have not masturbated before. I get very throbby down below when I think about sex or read erotic stories. I want to have sex but want to wait for the right person but all I can think about is sex. Will masturbating release the tension? (age 23)

Yes, it will. Good luck.

I have been masturbating externally since was about 6 or 7. Just recently I tried masturbating internally and it wasn't the same; I had no orgasm at all. Could you tell me why? What else could I use other than a vibrator internally? I LOVE YOUR SITE!!! (age 17)

Vibrators are normally used externally. If you are going inside, you should try to supplement what are you doing externally rather than replace it. It's just new feelings to get used to. If you decide to keep masturbating internally, you will find feelings you like and get used to them.

I am scared to put things in my vagina, I think it might hurt. I haven't even used a tampon yet. How can I get over this? Will it hurt to have something in my vagina? (age 14)

I think you'll get over your fear as you get older. It might be uncomfortable at first but you'll get used to it.

My breasts have grown too much. Their size is 40DD. I don't wear a bra because I can't find one for my breasts. My nipples can clearly be seen through my shirt. I can't even hug my boyfriend because of them. Is there any method to decrease the size? Also, my vagina is too narrow. (age 16)

First, the easy part: All you have to do is relax a little and it will be easier for your vagina to expand. Don't have sex unless you are very comfortable. Your boyfriend should get you ready with his hand before he penetrates you. The oversize breasts are a more difficult problem. It shouldn't be too much trouble to find the correct size bra through mail or Internet order. A permanent solution would be breast-reduction surgery, which is very complicated and expensive. If you have health insurance, there's a chance they would cover such surgery if you could show the breasts are causing you a disability.

I've been masturbating for a while now, but I only stick to rubbing. I get a sore feeling after I orgasm. Does this mean that I have broken my hymen? (age 17)

Not necessarily. If you're masturbating externally, your hymen isn't involved. If you're sore, you're probably doing something wrong. Perhaps try using less force.

I am afraid that I am too tight for a dildo, and I am scared of using one. Am I too young? (age 14)

I see no reason for you to use one at your age, or to masturbate internally at all. Why not get more experienced with your external parts and the feelings you can get from them?

I am sexually active and am due for my period to start soon. I really haven't been worrying, but I'm still wondering if I may be pregnant. Does masturbation make your period come sooner? I have been experiencing breast soreness and light cramps, but I still haven't started. (age 15)

Masturbation won't make your period come sooner (or at all), but it might ease the stress caused by the worrying (that you haven't been doing.)

I had sex recently for the first time. My partner entered almost his entire penis but I didn't bleed at all. I've read that not all women do so. I don't remember having any accident that hurt my hymen. How is this possible? (age 25)

There doesn't have to be a single accident that does away with the hymen. It can erode slowly through masturbation, tampon use, gynecological examination, and even vigorous exercise. Very few women at 25, even virgins, would have intact hymens. Also, the amount of bleeding a female does upon breaking of the hymen is dependent on the blood flow in the hymen. Some have more dense networks of blood vessels and therefore bleed heavily while others have poor circulation in the hymen and bleed only a little or not at all.

It is normal for a female to release bodily fluids when masturbating or during intercourse, but I frequently have a discharge in the crotch of my panties. Is there something wrong with me? Or do plenty of girls get like this? Its embarrassing and makes me self conscious not knowing if its normal.

A lot of females have a discharge like you describe. It doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong. You could mention it to your doctor next time, but it might just be a matter of changing underwear when it happens. You don't need to be self-conscious.

I have been masturbating for years without success, without orgasm. I have reached orgasm in intercourse. I believe masturbation is healthy for both sexes and yet I don't seem to be able to follow through on my own. Please help me! (age 32)

It is usually easier for women to reach orgasm in masturbation than in intercourse. The thing to do is to relax and focus on what you enjoy at the same time. Do it when you can take your time.

My labia appear to be long and have a hanging effect. Is this normal? (age 19)

That is normal.

I fingered myself the other day and when I removed my finger, there was white thicker discharge on it. Could you tell me if this is some sort of vaginal infection? (age 17)

This is a medical question. If you are afraid to speak with an adult about it, you should keep an eye on it to see if the substance becomes a problem (irritating, itchy, odorous, etc.) If so, you need to see a doctor. If it comes and goes depending on fingering activity, without anything else happening, it's probably just normal excretions.

I have just started to masturbate internally but I can't seem to get an orgasm without stimulating my clit. How can I correct? Am I not using something big enough? (age 18)

You should expect to have to stimulate your clitoris, since that is how you are accustomed to having orgasms. Internal masturbation is best when it supplements, rather than replaces, external masturbation.

I want to give my boyfriend oral sex. I know I'm young, but many teens now have sex at my age. Many of my friends have already had some form of sex. My boyfriend and I have a very strong relationship, respect each other and are very supportive of each other. Please tell me more about this act. Knowing more about it might make me change my mind and I may not want to do it anymore. (age 15)

I think you're better off waiting. If you're so apt to change your mind about it, I think actually engaging in oral sex would trigger some unhappy thoughts and feelings for you. Why not wait until you're absolutely certain it's what you want to do?

I am scared to put things in my vagina. I think it might hurt. I haven't even used a tampon yet. How can I get over this? Will it hurt to have something in my vagina? (age 14)

It won't hurt to put something in your vagina. But if you're uptight, it could be slightly uncomfortable. Get a package of beginner tampons and follow the instructions carefully. That will get you used to putting something in.

I have had sex three times and it was very painful every time. I never bleed from masturbation or from sex. Does that mean my hymen isn't broken? I have a bit of skin covering my vagina, but I can move it out of the way and see my vaginal opening. Is that flap of skin my hymen? (age 16)

That flap could be part of your hymen. You ought to get used to the feeling of intercourse. It would help to relax more. If intercourse continues to be painful, you might see a doctor about a possible anatomic problem or surgical removal of your hymen remnant.

What is the vagina supposed to smell like, before you replied with a body fluid smell, but what do you mean by this? Is there any other way you can describe the smell? A lot of my friends have had sex or been fingered, but I'm nervous to let my boyfriend finger me, because I have heard of guys saying their fingers came out smelling bad, or were covered in some gross layer. What should actually happen, and will the fingers be wet, or have an odor? What age would you recommend to have sex at? How old are you? (age 15)

I'm the age Jack Benny frequently claimed to be. I don't know that any single age is old enough to have sex, but I know that 15 is too young. Why not wait until you're able to deal with the consequences of having sex? If you're self-conscious about the smell, you're less likely to enjoy the experience. Males generally enjoy sex enough that they're willing to endure smells and textures that they might otherwise regard as unpleasant. A classy guy would never bad-mouth the experience of sex he had with a female in any way. If you really want to know what your vagina smells or tastes like, well, the answer is a little bit below your navel.

I'm in a long distance relationship in which I see my boyfriend every 4 months. I expect him to masturbate in the interim. I was curious what he uses to masturbate and he says he masturbates 1-2 times a week using Internet porn. I find this disturbing as if he's a porn addict or something. He claims on average he masturbates 3 times a week. I don't believe him. I think its more. Does that sound normal to you? My main issue is his obsession with the Internet porn. (age 20)

I really think you are the one obsessed with Internet porn. If what he is saying is true, I don't think he has any kind of problem. I don't think your relationship will last if you don't trust his answers to questions that weren't any of your business in the first place.

My husband of six years and I used to have a healthy sex life but now he masturbates frequently and we rarely have sex. Does masturbating daily interfere with normal ejaculation when having sex with a female partner? (age 47)

Yes, it does. You might need to see a professional together to work this out. Your husband seems to have consciously gone from intercourse with you to masturbation. The reasons for that are important.

For a girl to not be a virgin, does she have to have had vaginal intercourse with a guy? My girlfriend and I fooled around, touched each other and stuff. I am a lesbian. (Yes, I'm sure!) Does that count as sex, as I know it is a broad term. Am I still a virgin? (age 13)

I must say 13 is a young age to be sure you're a lesbian. Most adult lesbians weren't sure until they were much older. Everyone agrees that someone who has had vaginal intercourse is not a virgin. Everyone agrees that someone who has done nothing genitally with another person is a virgin. There are a lot of opinions in between those two. Different people will have different opinions as to whether you're a virgin. What you describe is sex, but not everyone agrees it constitutes virginity-vacating sexual intercourse.

Is there a reason you encourage women to masturbate externally rather than internally? Is it usually better, more intense, or something else? Also, when I orgasm, my nipples don't erect. (age 20)

It is better for females to learn to masturbate externally because the external parts (specifically the clitoris) are more attuned to orgasm than the vagina is. Perhaps you're not having true orgasms or the reaction is very minute. Don't worry about it.

I am a virgin and I have read some of the comments from younger girls having trouble feeling pleasure or much of anything when they masturbate. I had the same problem until I was probably 19 years old. Now I enjoy great orgasms; I bet it will happen in time for those other girls too! (age 20)

Thank you for sharing your nice story!

Why is it a good idea for men to withdraw their penises before they become soft? (age 20)

Because the condom is only effective if it clings to the erect penis. Once the penis goes limp, the condom comes loose and can leak over the top into the vagina.

I'm a virgin but I'm into masturbation! How does a girl know how many orgasms she has had? Is it the breathing? Is it the contractions? How do I know how many times I come in one session? How do I know when one starts and another begins? (age 18)

That is an unresolved question, but I look at it this way: Separate orgasms involve the person going back to a state of equilibrium in between. So if a person has several orgasmic feelings in a short space, I think they are waves in a single orgasm.

I try to masturbate externally sometimes and some of my muscles contract, but I don't really feel anything. If it isn't normal, would you suggest something else? (age 19)

It's possible you just need to relax and concentrate more. Try to make it feel good even if you're not having an orgasm. Lots of women start masturbating internally when they're not being satisfied by external masturbation.

I'm a survivor of sexual abuse as a child and I worry that it caused damage over time. I've also ridden horses weekly since I was 4, and I've heard that too can cause damage. Though I've been masturbating since 4, I've never been able to orgasm. I've read numerous sites on techniques, but nothing seems to work! Even when very aroused, my clitoris just doesn't feel as sensitive when rubbed as other women describe. How can I find out if my problem is because of nerve damage, psychological damage, or just poor skills? Is there a way for me to tell, or a test my doctor could do? (age 18)

The chances that you were damaged by either sexual abuse or horse riding are low. You should stop worrying about those things and just concentrate on enjoying masturbation. Once you're not focused on those troubles, I think you'll start feeling more sensitive.

When I masturbate and reach orgasm, it feels much more intense than when I have sex. Is there a different orgasm from clitoral stimulation than vaginal stimulation? (age 17)

Most females have an easier time reaching orgasm through masturbation than intercourse. It's not really a function of anatomy. It's more about you focusing on your own feelings and doing what you like. It's just easier for a person to bring his or herself to orgasm instead of a partner doing it.

I've been fingered more than a few times. Does this mean that my hymen has more than likely already been penetrated? It didn't hurt the first time and I've never bled during. I also masturbated before I was ever fingered. Could this have eroded my hymen? (age 18)

Your hymen has definitely been penetrated. Masturbating could indeed have eroded your hymen. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I have heard others say that when a guy has sexual intercourse with a girl, he "pops her cherry." What exactly does this term mean? (age 18)

The cherry is a slang term for the hymen, and "popping her cherry" refers to being her first sexual partner.

I keep reading about how masturbation relieves menstral cramps. For some weird reason, I get cramps almost every day of my cycle, and masturbation makes it hurt worse. Should I talk to an OB/Gyn? What is a pelvic exam like? I haven't had one yet; I'm too nervous. (age 19)

I don't think you need an OB/GYN to deal with your menstrual cramps or why masturbation makes it worse. That's a better topic to deal with in a women's group online. The pelvic exam makes a a lot of people uncomfortable (as do many medical exams) but make sure the doctor knows you're nervous and he or she can work at making you more comfortable.

I noticed some little whitish dots on the tips of my nipples. Could they be milk ducts or something else? (age 19)

You should have them checked out by a gynecologist. They're probably normal. Many women have white bumps on their nipples; they could be anything from skin condition, to small pimples, to ducts.

Another female reader responds:

Those "white bumps" are most likely Montgomery's Tubercules. These are small glands that secrete a waxy substance which helps keep the skin of the areolas and nipples soft and moisturized. All women have them, although they are more prominent in some women than others. These glands will also become larger after childbirth to help keep the nipples from drying out due to breastfeeding.


I love your site! It's really useful and has taught me not to be ashamed of masturbating. I don't really get pleasure from fingering, and I cant get my fingers up far anyway, I've been told its because I haven't broken my hymen, so how can I break it? Will it feel better if I do? When I rub my clitoris, if I do it for more than a few seconds, it starts to get a little bit painful. I don't know how to get an orgasm. Any advice? (age 14)

You should work at stimulating the area around the clitoris and not the clitoris directly. That's how most girls your age masturbate. Don't worry about your hymen or internal masturbation for now. That might happen later.

I started masturbating when I was 11. I just love pleasuring myself! I do it as soon as I wake up and also before I fall asleep. I also love looking at my body. I have a full length mirror in my room and have often watched myself as I bring myself to orgasm. Recently I have been masturbating in front of my mirror, and tasting myself on my fingers. I will switch hands so I can always have one between my legs and one in my mouth. Do a lot of girls do this? Am I normal? (age 15)

I think a lot of females do that occasionally, but it's not good for you to be doing it constantly. Try to have more than one thing that turns you on.

I have been masturbating for many years, and I have had two partners. During one intercourse last year, I had bleeding and it continued for a week; I think my hymen was septate, but now the lower part of the hymen is torn and it is like throat with uvula. Could you please tell me whether I am still a virgin and whether this period of bleeding is normal and how can I restore it and after restoring is it take a long time to be torn again?

You are not a virgin because you have had intercourse. It does not matter if all or part of your hymen is left. A doctor could remove the hymen remnants, but there is really no need for this. The hymen will eventually go away through continued intercourse.

My boyfriend keeps asking me if I'd like to be fisted before we have sex. Can you please explain this and is it safe? (age 19)

Fisting is the insertion of a fist into the vagina. It probably wouldn't be comfortable unless you're used to having multiple fingers inside at once. It's not much less safe than fingering.

Can masturbating with a vibrator prevent breasts from growing?

No.

If you have oral sex performed on you, will you lose your virginity? I was thinking about this for a few weeks and I needed an honest but impartial source for the answer. I've asked many questions here before and I'm grateful to you for your answers since they made me feel better about an important part of my life. (age 19)

Some people think if you have had oral sex, you are not a virgin. There are different standards for virginity. The only way you can be sure that everyone regards you as a virgin is to do nothing at all "below the waist," either yours or your partner's.

I am 17 years old, and my boyfriend of a year admitted to me his way of masturbating. I told him I had read about it and it was called TMS. He is embarrassed by it and says he knows it isn't good (he says he does it an average of once a week), but he says the conventional way takes too much effort and does nothing for him. I realize now that his masturbating technique is the reason he can never reach orgasm when I perform oral sex on him or try to please him with my own hand. He reaches orgasm during sexual intercourse. What can I do to help him? I feel bad for making a big deal of it, but I want to be able to please him. Please help!

There really isn't anything you can do besides let him know what you've learned about TMS. He has to want to change himself. It's good that he can reach orgasm in intercourse, but that also takes away most of his motivation to change. Also, he can't do the TMS-cure program recommended on this site while he is sexually active in any way. So you can understand why it would be difficult for him to go through with it. I think he'd be better off if he tried, even if it means a month or so with no sex.

I've always masturbated prone. It feels good and ends with a small peak of pleasure, but I don't think I'm having orgasms. Trying it other ways doesn't bring me anywhere near what little I do feel prone. I've never had sex, and I have only had oral sex once, with no orgasm. The experience felt "nice," but that's it. Is it because I'm used to the much stronger pressure I use with my hand while masturbating face down? In trying to masturbate laying on my back, should I not use so much pressure? Will I be able to "unlearn" doing it prone after 6 or 7 years, and how? (age 19)

A lot of females lack notable orgasms at your age. Women who masturbate prone tend to have fewer orgasms in sex than women who masturbate supine. I don't know that you can conclude based on one unsatisfactory experience of cunnilingus that prone masturbation is to blame. I think it would be better for you if you quit and learned to masturbate on your back. Using less and less pressure is to be desired. Others have quit, and you can too. The cure program I recommend for males on this site is apt to help you too.

How does a woman know if she's aroused? (age 19)

The main signs are her vagina will lubricate and her nipples will erect.

I've been masturbating a while now find myself fantasizing about giving birth to a baby, like rubbing while pushing or an "examination." I also get turned on by women giving birth. Is this normal and why does it turn me on? (age 16)

Many women want to give birth someday, and it's normal to think about it. However, fantasizing about it sexually makes it a paraphilia, an unusual stimulus. A paraphilia is probably not harmful unless it's the only thing that turns you on. Try to have more than one erotic interest.

Is it easier for women who masturbate internally to have orgasms during intercourse? (age 20)

It's easier for women who masturbate to have orgasms during intercourse that women who don't masturbate, but I don't know of any research that says it's easier for women who masturbate internally as opposed to externally.

Recently, during intercourse, I bled. Could he have have punctured something even though nothing looked abnormal and the bleeding stopped? This has only happened once also. Anyway, I love your informative site. (age 23)

Only an internal exam could tell if something was punctured. If it hasn't bled since, you probably don't have anything to worry about.

Can a doctor know you are no longer a virgin by using that device used to verify the fetus in a uterus? Can a doctor know whether you masturbate or not? How can you see your hymen in a mirror? (age 15)

A doctor can't tell if you're a virgin that way and I doubt a doctor could tell with more than 50 percent accuracy whether or not a female masturbates. The hymen can be seen easily if you position yourself correctly and part your labia sufficiently.

I feel sexually turned on by another Christian friend of mine who is married and eight years older than I am. I don't want to have sex with her anymore, but I'd like to get naked with her sometime just so we can look at and explore each other's bodies and private body parts (more out of curiosity than for sexual reasons). This friend of mine used to be a lesbian. If she consented to it or made it her own idea, would it be OK for us to see each other naked, even explore each other's bodies and private body parts, or would the two of us be treading dangerous waters if we did so, concerning our religious beliefs? (age 37)

I don't think any of that is a good idea. If you want to explore lesbian sex, you can find a lesbian woman who isn't married without jeopardizing an existing friendship. I don't think religious beliefs are as much an issue as that.

My boyfriend is unable to orgasm in front of anyone and it bothers me that I am unable to see it when it's easy for me to do it in front of him. I've even asked him to tape it since I can't be in the same room when it happens. Is there something he could try to help him get off with me, or is there some way I can get over this and get it through my head I may never get to see that side of him? (age 31)

If he is unable to orgasm in sexual intercourse, then you have something to work on. If you are only interested in watching him masturbate, I think you are out of luck. I would be prepared to dump any woman who expected me to tape it for her.

I'm a 20 year old girl who is still a virgin. I am dating someone and think that I might have sex with him because I like him. What do people who are going out do if they're not having sex? Can we only engage in oral sex and masturbation? Also, what is a right time to have sex? Please help!

People do a lot of things, like go to movies, and walk in the park, and the camper and RV show. There are a lot of sexual activities people can do when they don't want to engage in vaginal intercourse. A lot of people find manual intercourse (what some people call mutual masturbation) a lot of fun. I don't know that there's a right time to have sex, but I think there's more of it going on after sunset.

My boyfriend has what I believe to be a callus on his penis just below the head. He says it is from masturbating. Could one get a callus this way, or is he in denial about it being something else?

Thanks for your web site, I just read through it and is the most informative one I?e seen. (age 32)

Yes, it is possible to get a callus from masturbating. It should go away within a few days if one changed the motion that was causing it. Lube is apt to help. If it would ease your mind, he should get it checked by a doctor.

I've been using tampons since I first got my period (but I only wear them when I feel I need to, such as for certain sports). It hurts a little when I insert them, and it's kind of hard, but I usually don't have much of a problem, but when I take out the tampons it's quite painful. I'm pretty sure it's my hymen (not positive, but I know it's there from masturbation, etc.). Is there something wrong with me? Is there any way to fix this? (age 15)

You're most likely inserting the tampon wrong. You're supposed to insert it slightly tilted back, because that is the shape of the vagina. It takes some practice to get it right. And the tampon is probably tilted when you pull it out, which causes you additional pain. You could try feeling the inside with a finger first, just make sure it's clean. It might also be a good idea to try a smaller tampon. So don't worry and keep practicing.

I want to have oral sex with my b/f of 1 year and I'm ready and everything, but I saw a discussion of oral sex on TV and after the guy gave her oral sex, she referred to her fluids being "all over his face." Is that normal? Is it normal to get vaginal discharge throughout the day? It's white or clear but it just doesn't smell right. Also, I get really wet when I'm aroused. Is this normal? (age 17)

It's normal to get very wet, but that means your partner who performs cunnilingus on you is apt to get some on his face. You should try not to be self-conscious of this, and if you are, it suggests you're not "ready and everything." Only a doctor can tell you if your vaginal discharge is normal or not. If it bothers you, you should get it checked out.

Just in response to those girls worried about their chests not growing, I didn't reach my full cup size (DD) until I was 24. (age 29)

Thanks for your help.

My boyfriend and I started having sex 6 months ago. He has trouble getting erect, but once it happens he can stay hard for a long time. He wants me to dress provocatively and dance in front of him for 15 minutes before he gets hard. I sometimes have my orgasm before he does and he just can't seem to finish inside my vagina. I think he's masturbated too much in his life so my vagina just doesn't give him the sensation he wants. I'm not sure I want to be with him because our sex life is too strange. I don't like that our sex life is dictated by his fantasies. His body is not the greatest. I don't make him work out in the gym for hours in order to turn me on. Do you think this is normal? (age 29)

Your boyfriend has several troublesome problems. He has erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia and a narrow range of erotic interests. The pattern you describe is often caused by TMS. If you don't want to put in the time needed to arouse him, and he doesn't want help, you should move on. One stopgap solution might be for him to use visual aids to get aroused so you don't have to try so hard. Most men are horrified at the thought of using visual aids when having intercourse, so you will have to assure him it's what you want.

I have been having sex now for 3-4 years with the same partner. After we have intercourse, I have a burning sensation in the inner wall of my vagina and sometimes the outer part. I have been to the doctors, and we ruled out being allergic to his semen, condoms, a yeast infection and a bladder infection. I have been to an Ob/Gyn and she couldn't find anything. I don't know what else could be wrong, but it is a big concern for me especially since this hasn't always been this way. It started 2 years ago, and it comes and goes. (age 23)

If those doctors couldn't establish anything, I don't know that I would know anything different. But if any of my female readers have an idea, please pass it along.

I heard that oral sex is illegal in some states. Is this true? (age 12)

The Supreme Court of the United States recently ruled that laws prohibiting sodomy are unconstitutional. Thus, states cannot prohibit oral sex among consenting adults. However, it might be possible for states to prohibit oral sex involving minors.

I love to masturbate, but I can only reach orgasm by sticking my clitoris under the faucet in the bathtub. When I get an orgasm (usually after 5 minutes), it usually isn't very big. I want to learn how to do it with my hands but it doesn't feel good when I try it.

You ought to stay away from masturbating for a week or so, and then try it again with your hands. Just focus on what feels good.

I lost my virginity yesterday at 11:00 a.m., today it is 9:45 p.m. and I still have blood coming out. Is this normal? And when it stops, if I have sex again within a couple of hours, will I start bleeding again? (age 16)

It's normal to have some bleeding with the breaking of the hymen. There is apt to be a small amount of bleeding for your next few sexual experiences since it is likely there is still some hymen left.

In the bath yesterday, I put my vulva under the faucet and it felt really good. About a minute later, I started to shake. Is that normal? I read in your site that doing that is not very good. Could this possibly break the hymen? And am I still a virgin? I've only done that about 3 times. Will I be still be safe if I quit doing it, or is it too late? And do you know any ways to masturbate without coming near the hymen? (age 13)

Masturbating does not make you not a virgin. It's unlikely what you did broke your hymen. The response you had is normal. It's better if you could masturbate by stroking your external genitalia (clitoris and labia) which is what most women and nearly all girls your age do.

I want to let you know how good I think your site is. If there were something like this available when I was growing up, it would have helped me a lot.


I just can't get an orgasm and touching myself is getting boring. What do I do? (age 12)

Just keep up the touches when it feels good, and better feelings and orgasms will come in time.

Why do you discourage masturbation face down? (age 17)

Because face-down masturbation in males has been implicated in some serious sexual issues. It is also suspected of causing sexual troubles for women.

I have had sex only a few times and I have had an orgasm sex yet. I have never reached orgasm without external masturbation. When I was younger I running water to masturbate. Do you have any sugestions on how I can reach orgasm during sex? (age 16)

A few times isn't a good indicator. As you become more experienced, you're apt to relax more and that will make it easier for you to have an orgasm. Many females masturbate while having sex in order to have an orgasm.

I am 18 years old and haven't had my period in seven months. Is there a problem? I have always been abnormal, but never this abnormal. Will this hinder me from having children? Should I see a doctor?

I think you should. Your problem is really beyond the scope of this site.

I am a 32B now and wondering if my breasts will get any bigger. I have often thought about breast implants. Will I continue to grow or should I consider implants? (age 18)

You might get a little bigger, but 32B is a very nice size! It might be best if you could learn to like your breasts the way they are.

I want to have sex with one of my former high school teachers. We flirt all the time and sometimes he comes to my house, but we always sort of "chicken" out. But I want him so bad, how can I let him know without scaring him off? (age 21)

I think you're there. Next time he's at your house, give him a really nice kiss. Then things should fall into place.

I am married and although I love my husband, I try to avoid sex. I have never had an orgasm with a partner and although I used to be able to successfully masturbate, I am now always unsuccessful and have stopped even trying. When we do have sex, I try to concentrate on feeling good but mostly I feel nothing. My husband is aware of the situation but after numerous unsuccessful attempts at me showing him how I like to be touched or me initiating the sex, we have both let the issue lie. My sexuality is definitely on a back burner and I don't think I have a physical problem. I am now tired of it and would like to avoid the whole experience because I know he feels guilty when I don't feel pleasure, and I feel guilty when I know he feels badly. I have gone back to my old trick of pretending I like it. Any suggestions? (age 26)

I think there are support groups for women in your situation. You might join one. You might also decide to let your husband enjoy his sexuality with you. Just tell him to do what feels good for him and not worry about satisfying you. It will probably be over in 3-5 minutes and your marriage will not feel as much of a strain. Then you can work on enjoying it when you decide to take your sexuality off the back burner.

I have a dildo, and I put a sheet around the dildo and put it inside my vagina that way. It feels so much better. Is this way of masturbation wrong or unhealthy? (age 13)

I think the dildo being too uncomfortable means you're too young for it. It would be more healthy for you to learn to use your hands.

I'm short for my age and small. My boyfriend is tall and large. I think his penis might be too big for me. We're new to sex and it doesn't feel right. I love your site! (age 17)

Lots of females feel too small for the penis when they're new to sex. In you, it is compounded due to the difference in size. Try to relax and see if it gets more comfortable. It probably will. If not, you might be better suited to someone smaller.

I masturbate, and I skipped my period. Is it because of masturbating? (age 13)

It's because you're young.

My clit looks like a very, very small penis. Is this normal? (age 13)

Yes.

I just recently had sex with my boyfriend without a condom. When I was younger my dad always told me to come and tell him if I was sexually active. So I went and told my dad. I asked him if he would take me to get a pregnancy test. He said he wouldn't unless my mom agreed with the idea of having me tested. So, naturally he wants me to dicuss it with my mom. If my mom finds out that I had sex, she won't let me see my boyfriend anymore. My dad won't take me to get a pregnancy test. I don't want my mom to know. Is there any way that I could get one without parental consent? (age 15)

In most states, you can get one from a doctor without parental consent, and then there are home pregnancy tests, which I don't believe are age-restricted.

I have woken up several times in the past couple of weeks to find my boyfriend masturbating in his sleep. Is this normal for guys or should I be concerned? (age 25)

It's kind of unusual, like sleepwalking. Your boyfriend would probably be horrified at first if you told him he was doing it, but I think he would want you to help him stop it, so he can save his sexuality for when he's awake.

I masturbate by using a pillow and pretending to have sex with it. Then I have an urge to go faster. After a while I feel a great pleasure and I slow down. After that I can't do it again. Was that an orgasm? Why can't I do it again? I don't have my period, but I want to try and use my finger to masturbate. Can I do it even though I haven't gotten my period? (age 13)

It could very well have been an orgasm. You can't masturbate again right away because your body needs time to recover from the orgasm. You don't have to have your period in order to masturbate with your hand.

If you've masturbated externaly for a long time will your hymen get looser? I'm afraid to insert my fingers when I masturbate. Will it hurt if I do? (age 21)

Masturbating externally is apt to have no effect on the hymen. It shouldn't hurt to insert your fingers, and you can always adjust your movements if it does.

I was just wondering if you have a faith, and if you do what is it? Because it doesn't seem to be Christian. And if you are Christian, how do you feel about premarital sex? (age 22)

You must have missed my page for Christians, where I specifically state that I am one. Many Christians want to wait for marriage, and I respect that. But most Chistians do not wait for marriage. I think it is useful if individual Christians can decide in advance under what circumstances they will engage in premarital sex.

Follow-up: I question you because handing out sexual advice to children and unmarried adults does not follow the teachings of the Christian bible, which you cannot possibly be studying from. In order to rightfully say that you are a good Christian, it would seemingly follow that you would answer your messages in a way that conveyed Christ's teachings. All in all, if people have to guess or wonder if you're a Christian, then you must not be as a good a Christian as you say you are. One side of the fence or the other, make a decision.

Oh, get off your high horse. This is not specifically a Christian site. This site is based on tenets of sexual health, and I occasionally give Christian-based replies to people who ask for them. Not all Christians share your narrow view of sexuality. In fact, not very many do. You would seem to have me tell every unmarried person who asks about sexual intercourse, "wait until you're married." I don't think I've ever told anyone that, although I frequently tell people under 18 to wait until they're older. Most of the Christians I know didn't wait for marriage, and for me, waiting that long was a recipe for sexual disaster. Is it your place to judge the faith of another?


You've given me so much help and I'd just like to thank you for this wonderful web site. (age 13)


My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months. We waited to have sex until a month and a half ago. He has only been able to reach orgasm during sex once. It is starting to cause a lot of stress in our relationship. Before we had intercourse, I gave him oral sex and he was able to orgasm the first 4 times and now he can't reach orgasm that way either. He says that he can reach orgasm during masturbation and that he used to be able to reach orgasm during sex, only not with me. He does get erections and says that I turn him on. It's just that he cant finish. What could possibly be the problem? If I sexually stimulate him, why cant he reach orgasm? (age 24)

It might have been too soon since his last ejaculation. He should abstain from ejaculating for 3-4 days before your next encounter. Once you're sexually successful, he can reduce that interval.

Is it true if you masturbate too much it's possible to lose your eggs that way? This has been bothering me lately because when you have an orgasm does the female release one of her eggs? Is it possible you release an egg even when you masturbate? (age 13)

Release of ova is not related to orgasm. Masturbating will not cause you to lose ova.

My boyfriend asked me to give him a hand job sometime. Can you tell me how? (age 16)

It's better if you ask him. He's the one who knows what he likes. Tell him to take your hand and show you what to do with it.

This site has been really interesting and helpful. While I struggle with the fact that my fianc masturbates daily, he is able to perform fine during intercourse nightly. I usually masturbate daily as well, but since I was very young 8 or 9 years old, I started masturbating by rubbing my clitoris on the corner edge of a bed or something hard like that. I discovered recently that this is a prone position and isn't normal or healthy. I have always wondered why I could not orgasm during sex like I do when I masturbate. I have found that my partner can produce a response short of orgasm in certain positions, but it is not the same as I get masturbating. I can also reach orgasm on top of him only by grinding my clit on his pubic bone. I stopped masturbating about 5 days ago following the advice for guys on your site, although we have still been having sex, but I haven't had an orgasm yet. I am afraid to get myself turned on alone because I know I will revert to the old methods. I tried once to do it in the traditional style with a dildo while I rubbed my clit, but it took 20 minutes and nothing came of it. I am a mother of 2, and have not a whole lot of alone time. Help! (age 28)

Although it is not clear that there is a female equivalent of TMS, you have one of the strongest potential cases I've seen. It is good that you want to give up prone masturbation, but you have to give up intercourse too during the abstention period. It might take you much longer than 20 minutes the first few times you try to masturbate conventionally. Don't give up, and don't worry too much if you wind up masturbating prone along the way. Most males who have been cured of TMS still cheat occasionally with a session of prone masturbation.

At least I know that I'm not alone in this issue. I am 29 years old, have been sexually active for 13 years and have never had an orgasm in any way other than in a derivative of the prone position. I began masturbating at the age of 3 years old by rubbing against the floor or a bed (never used pillows, blankets, etc.) It was very tiring and took approximately 5-7 minutes. At the age of 8 years old I self-discovered the following way and have been practicing in this fashion for 21 years. I roll a bathroom towel and place it between myself and a piece of furniture and then mount and hump the edge of furniture (the edge of a desk or a bathroom sink exclusively) for approximately 1 minute, resulting in a 3 second orgasm. I rub my pubic bone and mons.

I have never had an orgasm by touching my own clitoris, by oral sex, or by penetration. I've tried your techniques but they haven't worked (I've abstained for WEEKS to no avail) Has doing this so frequently for 26 years resulted in some permanent damage? While perusing your site, I notice you are even more opposed to humping furniture than a bed or floor. Since I am masturbating "standing up" against furniture, is it damaging in the same way? I have read that many women do not have orgasms through penetration, so is my inability to have orgasms in any way due to that, masturbating prone or both? It is horrible to not be able to come to orgasm via my hand, vibrator, oral sex or penetration.

I have never heard of a case of TMS that was intractable, although some males take longer to be cured than others. The question of whether there is a female TMS is still up in the air, but you have obviously been habituated to an idiosyncratic method of masturbating. I would encourage you to try the abstinence routine again. I doubt you have physical damage, but since it is so worrisome to you, it might be worthwhile to tell your OB/GYN and ask him or her to do a more thorough than usual examination of your genitalia for signs of trauma. Don't worry about not orgasming through penetration right now. Just focus on developing orgasmic ability through conventional masturbation.

Thanks for answering all my questions! Because of your help, I now know more about a vital part of my life. I was wondering about the G-spot. Specifically, how do I know I've found it and if I can actually stimulate it sufficiently during masturbation? I thought I found it earlier this week; it was about the size of a small walnut and very ridged and firm. Is this it? (age 19)

The G-spot doesn't have any particular feel. That's why it's so hard to find. It's merely a very sensitive spot on the upper surface of the vagina. You'll know you've found it when it stroking it consistently gives you more intense orgasms. It's most likely to be active right after an orgasm has begun.

Should females do something with their breasts while masturbating? (age 12)

Many females touch or fondle their breasts while masturbating, but this is not something essential to producing a sexual response.

Is there really a such thing as a 10 inch penis? My friend was telling me that some men have 10, 11, 12 and even 13" penises. (age 21)

Yes. The longest penis on record was 13 1/2 inches. But only 2.8 percent of men exceed 7.5 inches. 85 percent of men are between 5 and 7 inches.

I have never experienced orgasm even though I enjoy foreplay. How I can achieve this? I recently got a sex toy but it is strange to use. Any advice? (age 29)

It's better if you can learn with your hands. They shouldn't feel strange. You can try touching in the same places you like being touched in foreplay. Find what you like and do it over and over.

In my culture, I'm expected to stay a virgin until I get married, and I'm happy to comply, but I've been masturbating internally for a while now and I'm worried that my vagina will expand so much that my future husband will think I'm not a virgin. I would really like to avoid this as it would be considered a great shame and embarrassment. Is it possible for a man to tell if a woman has been masturbating? Is the width of 2 fingers anywhere near the width of the average penis? (age 16)

I doubt that a man could tell, especially if he is supposed to be a virgin too. There is variation in the feel of vaginas. Two fingers is about the same width as an average penis.

My boyfriend masturbates every day. The only reason I know is because I checked his Internet history. I don't care that he masturbates, but it takes him too long to finish when we have sex that night. He doesn't seem as excited as he does when he hasn't masturbated that day, I can tell the difference. He doesn't seem as hard, and he doesn't cum as fast. Does it seem strange to you that he still masturbates daily? He says he does it during the day if he's horny. But then he doesn't seem as horny for me. I hate feeling like sex is becoming such a chore, and I enjoy having sex last longer than 15 minutes, but this doesn't seem normal. What do you think? (age 28)

Men need to balance intercourse and masturbation. It's unusual for someone having frequent intercourse to masturbate daily. I suspect he (and you) would enjoy it more if he masturbated less. I don't know how to get him to change. Perhaps you could suggest he abstain for 24-48 hours and see if he notices the difference in the sex.

I've been masturbating since I was about 8 using my electric toothbrush and the shower head. My labia are very meaty on top and hang down. If I stop masturbating with my toothbrush, will my labia shrink? (age 14)

I doubt it. Females have different kinds of labia, just like they have different kinds of arms and ears.

Last weekend after having sex, the opening of my vagina really hurt and it was all red. Could this be because of the condom? (age 18)

It's possible. Some people are allergic to latex. You probably shouldn't judge on the basis of one incident. If you have a reaction next time, perhaps switch to a non-latex condom, although they are not as good at preventing disease.

My labia are very large and do not look like my friends'. My friends' are largely invisible and mine are very noticeable. What should I do? (age 17)

I think you should learn to like the ones you have. They come in different types, like ears or hands. No one will judge you on the basis of labia.

I have a comment about your remarks regarding virginity. I'm a lesbian and realized that quite early in my teens. I didn't act on it until I was 21 and had my first sexual relationship. I've only ever had sex with women and have no desire to have sex with men. It's a curious idea that a female can only lose her virginity by having a penis involved in the act. I certainly don't think of myself as a virgin. (age 26)

I define the outer limits of virginity, not the complete limits. I say that everyone would agree that someone who has never done anything "below the waist" is a virgin. Thus, people who have engaged in gay or lesbian activity "below the waist" would fall outside the scope of what everyone would agree is a virgin.

I'm 13 and have been masturbating ever since I can remember. When I was 5 or so I used to move my private part back and forth in a strange way I can't explain it. Now I use my fingers on the hood of my clitoris. I have used a shower head maybe 3-4 times and it feels good but I love my fingers better. I use them all the time because I love to masturbate. I was sitting here at my computer the other day and I usually go through a spell after I masturbate and my vagina sorta contracts and stuff but its nothing big. I usually stop but instead I started to use my fingers on my clitoris and all of a sudden for like 2 seconds I sort of went in a daze and everything got blurry. Then I reached down to see if I got wet and there was extra wetness. Was this my first orgasm?

I also really want to ask my best friend if she masturbates but I'm scared out of my wits. What is your input?

Also, after I masturbate, I get guilty feelings for like a minute or so. I stop masturbating when I get them but then I get the desire to do it again. Is this normal? I'm Catholic and sometimes it bugs me a lot.

I love the feeling of a vibrator on my clitoris but then I think my parents found out and they either hid their stuff again (I found it in the top of their bathroom closet) or they threw it away. I was wondering if there was a way I can get some high pleasure from my fingers. Could you give me some great tips? I LOVE YOUR SITE!!!!!!

Yes, I think it was an orgasm. Congratulations. I suggest you respect your best friend's privacy. A little guilt is normal, and so is the desire to do it again. And you should respect your parents' privacy too. Anyway, it's better if you don't use a vibrator at your age.

I recently started masturbating but I'm not having orgasms yet. I don't want to use a dildo. What should I do? (age 13)

Don't worry about that. Orgasms will happen in time. Just keep up what you're doing.

A little while ago my boyfriend, who is 16, went up my shirt. I live in Canada and I want to know if that was okay? (age 13)

If it's OK with you. I've never heard of anyone getting in trouble on age of consent laws for breast fondling.

I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My ex and I have been broken up for quite some time now. He began dating another girl who happens to be a member of my church (we're Christian). Now he has joined also. I feel he still has feelings for me, because every Sunday he finds a way to say hi or to hug me; anything to be near me and to talk to me. He stares at me constantly. When we get a chance to chat, he stares into my eyes like he wants to ask or say something, and we're left with awkward silences. So I try to leave by saying "Well, see you around" or something, and he doesn't seem to want me to go. He'll actually watch me walk away until I'm out of sight! I know that I still have STRONG feelings for him. How can I let him know, without coming off too strong, and still be a lady and a good Christian? Is there any way to find out how he feels about me without compromising myself by letting my feelings be known to him? (age 21)

I'm having trouble figuring out your problem. You spend over half your message complaining about how you think he is obsessed with you and stalking you at church, yet the punch line is you want him interested in you. I don't have any doubt that he's interested in you. And here I was thinking of what to say to the pastor to get him to leave you alone. Well, instead of brushing him off, try the S.O.F.T.E.N. approach:

  1. S - SMILE
  2. O - OPEN POSTURE
  3. F - FORWARD LEAN
  4. T - TOUCH
  5. E - EYE CONTACT
  6. N - NOD

If you want someone interested, do those things. If you don't want them interested, do the opposite. Capiche? But even so, trying to get him to take the initiative only gets you so far. You might have to to tell him you're still interested. If he isn't, move on to someone else.

Follow-up: I still want him to like me, yet I'm even more confused. This past Sunday, he hugged me, and started rubbing on my back, which he's NEVER done. Can you please tell me what you think is going on, and what he's really trying to convey, being as you're a male also. I can't take much more of this.

I don't think it means anything. I suspect he learned the rubbing maneuver from someone else. If you want him back, you ought to declare your intentions before he gets in too deep with this other woman.


I know I am not a lesbian, but I love thinking about and looking at my female biology teacher. When I fantasize about her, it gets me excited, as does looking at her. Why?

People who are not gay occasionally have crushes on people of the same sex. A good way to stop obsessing about her would be to form an attachment to some person your age.

I had sex for the first time a week ago. For the past 2 days, I've been dry. Is this normal? What should I do? (age 23)

Vaginal dryness is common and not a cause for concern after only two days. You might try some vaginal moisturizer, located next to the condoms in most drug and discount stores.

I'm new to the site but I think so far it's wonderful. I had been masturbating prone most of the time up until now, and I'm working to fix it. When I try to masturbate normally, I use the end of a hairbrush, and it works really well. But I'm not sure I've ever masturbated to orgasm with it, or any other time without being on my stomach. Sometimes when I get really excited, I squirt a clear liquid, but I'm not sure if it's from actually masturbating. I've never felt the tingling sensation I get from masturbating on my stomach when I masturbate supine, but after I'm done (or just tired) my urge to masturbate is gone. Can you tell if I have ever masturbated to orgasm supine? Sometimes I try for nearly an hour and get really excited, but I've never had the same feeling that I get in the prone position. Thanks for the wonderful site! I appreciate any help you can give! (age 16)

You are the only one who can tell what the feeling is. It's possible you just haven't found the combination of touch and mental state that can produce an orgasm. Just keep trying and enjoy what you're doing in the meantime.

I had sex one time and never again because it felt kind of weird. When he first inserted his penis, it hurt really bad, but then he got deeper and I could hardly feel anything. It's as if I went numb. I felt his penis slightly rubbing against what felt like the ridges of my vagina. I didn't feel pain or pleasure. He tried to go deeper and it started to hurt again and that's when I told him to stop. I didn't feel like I had an orgasm but I had some white discharge, the same discharge that I get when I masturbate, except when I masturbate, it feels good and I get really wet. I just want to know if there's a reason why I didn't feel anything when I had sex, and if there's something wrong with me. (age 19)

You shouldn't judge based on one time. By your own description, you were feeling things but they weren't good feelings. You ought to try again with a patient partner who will take the time to warm you up first. Good luck.

I love your web site. I feel much better now. I thought I was the only one masturbating on the clitoris. I want to try the vagina way, but when I stick my fingers up there, it feels weird, and when I move my finger, my nail rubs against my vaginal wall. I thought it might do damage, so I cut my nail short, but I still think my nail is going to hurt. Will it? (age 15)

Don't forget to file the nail too. Just take it slow and you'll be able to stop if it starts to hurt.

Something is wrong. You don't seem to believe that he only masturbates a few times a week. If that is all he did, he should still be eager for sex several times a week. If he's masturbating more often, then he's not being honest with you, and he's not conserving his sexual energy for intercourse. It's possible for someone to masturbate to the point that they have no interest in sexual intercourse, but I'm not convinced that's his problem. I think you might need to find a new partner, because this one doesn't seem as engaged in having a sexual relationship as you are.

My friend asked me if I masturbate because she says she does, I say yes and we start a conversation about this. Soon, another friend comes, and we ask her the same question and she says yes. My point is there are a lot of people you know, even most of them, who masturbate but never talk about it so don't feel like you are alone in this. (age 13)

You are right, but you should consider that some people don't want to talk about masturbating or even admit to themselves that you do, and just asking them could alienate them from you.

How do you pronounce "clitoris"? (age 13)

The most common pronunciation is KLIT-er-is, but some people say kli-TOR-is.

Will my future husband be able to tell I've been masturbating? (age 16)

I highly doubt it. If you masturbate externally (without sticking fingers or objects inside), it would be close to impossible.

I recently went on vacation without my boyfriend. When I got back, I was so happy to see him that I couldn't wait to have sex with him. We were messing around and I felt a place on his penis that felt like a genital wart. But it went away the next day. When I asked him what it was, he said it was from masturbating too hard. Is it possible for it to happen? (age 19)

Yes. And if it was a genital wart, it couldn't have disappeared overnight.

Hi. It's my first time to visit your site, and it's really helpful. At 23, I'm still a virgin, for I believe that sex should only be done when married, but that doesn't mean I don't masturbate, and I've been doing it for more than 10 years now. But I have been doing the same thing every time, and it pleasures me, so I have no problem with that, but I do it with my panties on, and I only do it externally. Do you think that it will affect me in some ways? Is it OK to do that? Is it a clean thing? When I masturbate, I don't have the "liquid dripping" (as what they call it sometimes) as much as others do. Is it because I'm a virgin? Is it also bad to masturbate at this age, but be a virgin? I am scared of the thought of putting something into my vagina. Maybe that's why I do it with panties on, and I'm not comfortable touching my clit with my hands. It seems like I'm gonna tear it apart. Also, I like the thought of having sex, but when I think of me actually having it, the penetration and all other stuff, I get scared and it feels like I don't wanna get married anymore. Still, I'm encouraging myself that I'll get over it.

You have a lot of hangups about sex and masturbation. You would be better off sexually if you were more comfortable with your own body. It isn't hurting you physically or being "unclean" to masturbate through your panties, but I think you would become more comfortable with your own body if you were to do it with the panties down. Most women masturbate externally. You also shouldn't worry about the lack of fluids. Some women produce a lot and others don't. I also think it would be good for you to talk about sexuality with a sexually experienced woman around your age, someone whose reassurance you could trust about what sex is really like.

Just out of curiosity, what is your race?

I'm white.

A guy told me I had a "fat pussy." I'm not very experienced, when it comes to guys and sexual slang. It hurt my feelings. I didn't think you could tell something like that while someone was fully clothed. What was he trying to say? (age 22)

I think he was trying to say that he's a creep.

How can you feel you are an authority over masturbation? How can you answer young girls' questions without having any idea what it's like to have a vagina or clitoris. I think maybe you need a female recruit and some more education. (age 32)

I have female recruits and seek their counsel often. I will stop giving advice to females when Dr. Laura, Dear Abby, etc. stop giving advice to men.

You have said that a lot of people don't like to talk about masturbating, but with my friends, it's the total opposite. Is this okay? (age 14)

Sure.

My boyfriend is serving in Iraq and he wrote me an e-mail the other day and told me he needs somthing to masturbate to. I packed up an artificial vagina and some erotic pictures of myself and thought it was illegal to send it through the US Mail. FedEx and UPS don't have places in Baghdad so how do I send it to him? (age 24)

Don't send him that stuff. You don't want pictures of yourself falling into the wrong, um, hands. Just buy him one or two of Playboy's special editions. For more protection, wrap them in fake covers so the military censors can pretend they're something else. You can look up his zip code on this list at the post office's web site. If it's not marked E2, then the military censors won't care if there's nudity in it. Look for the Overseas Military Mail Postal Bulletin at http://ribbs.usps.gov/files/IntCustomsForms/

I love to masturbate, but how do I know when I've had an orgasm? (age 19)

Better read this:

To anyone who is wondering if they had an orgasm, I now realize that if you've had one, you probably won't have to wonder whether you have or not. I bought a vibrator recently to enhance the experience, and it ended up giving me my first real orgasm. I'm trying to wean away from using it, per your advice here, but, just sharing my experience, as it seems a lot of girls here aren't sure about orgasms. I also practiced internal masturbation, so any girls who do that, I'd recommend trying external since this happened. It seems you DO know what you are talking about, author! (age 21)

I'm flattered.

Why do you make a bigger deal about guys have finding privacy to masturbate than for girls. We have issues with it too just the same as guys and I would like to know what other girls do. (age 19)

First, there are two pages on this site about being discovered masturbating and about masturbating in dorms. Both of these pages address both male and female readers. Second, I suspect that this is more of an issue for males than females because (1) females can usually masturbate beneath the covers, whereas males usually cannot; (2) male masturbation generally involves more motion than female masturbation and is therefore harder to do inconspicuously; and (3) males generally masturbate more often than females.

On the results of the survey, it says something about prone and supine. What do they mean? (age 15)

Prone means lying on one's stomach and supine means lying on one's back.

You say that guys need to ejaculate with some frequency to be healthy. Is it necessary for women to have sexual response, masturbate or orgasms in order to be healthy or to let out sexual fluids now and then? (age 20)

No, it isn't. Females don't accumulate fluids similar to semen that have to be released. It is healthy for women to have orgasms or to not have orgasms at all.

The author of this site is biased about a few of the issues on here. He also makes some very wide generalizations which I think may be unbeneficial to the young people reading. As an example, "once a person starts masturbating they will do it for the rest of their lives whether or not they also have sex with partners." I think this is a rather false statement to be making, among countless others. (age 15)

I have been studying sex since before you were born and have read all of the major studies. That statement was based on survey research, which finds that only a couple dozen people out of thousands in a sex survey will claim to have stopped masturbating when they got married. Authorities have also written that masturbation is universal among widows. If you think something is wrong, can you cite some authority that says so?

Who typically gives oral sex first? The male or the female? (age 16)

I don't know. And as you might've noticed, I don't say that very often.

I'm a psychologist specializing in pre-teen and teenage sexuality. You seem to think that girls 12-15 are too immature to masturbate and you want teen girls to masturbate as little as possible. Any girl who can menstruate should be masturbating. You warn against inserting objects into the vagina and even physical exercise! You should be advising girls to wash hands before and after masturbating and to wash the vulva after masturbating, or at least use wipes to clean off vaginal secretions. It would be good to go into details on cleaning the clitoris/hood to avoid build-up of smegma and, in severe cases, clitoral adhesion; to only insert washed items without sharp edges or tips; and to use different items for vaginal and rectal stimulation.

I don't think those girls are too immature to masturbate. I daily give them advice on masturbating. I simply cite statistics that females of that age are much less likely to masturbate, and to masturbate less frequently, than males of the same age. I also don't agree with you that any girl who is menstruating ought to be masturbating. I think females should save vaginal insertion for after they have mastered stimulating themselves externally by hand, since they might never be able to do that if they start taking shortcuts first. I don't warn against physical exercise; I simply state that it can be a cause of damage to the hymen. I don't know that your long list of hygiene activities is necessary for everyone.

I've gone over the pages of your site regarding whether there really is a female equivalent for TMS. I want you to know that there is and I suffer from it. I don't exactly remember when the whole thing started, only that when I was about 10 or so, I woke up feeling tingly all over down there and the slightest contact from a sheet or pillow would set me off. Of course I didn't know what it was then, only that I felt so sensitive down there that once it started, I would have multiples of that tingly feeling every time I squeezed my legs, even when standing up or walking! I have noticed though that over the years, I need more pressure to achieve that same feeling, so I would lie face down, squeeze my legs together, and rub myself with the bedsheet or a pillow clumped thickly and tightly between my legs, moving myself up and down similar to how a man would thrust himself inside a woman when he has sex.

I love sex, but what really despairs me is that I have never achieved orgasm from it. Whenever I have intercourse, I always feel the pressure isn't enough, so I usually end up finishing myself off with a blanket and my partner would end up masturbating himself. I have tried masturbating using my fingers but I just can't achieve that similar feeling I would if I do it with a blanket so I usually just give up and finish off that way. I think I have lost sensitivity in my clitoris or something. Is there any way I could rid myself off this problem? Even though my boyfriend is understanding about this, I still can't help feeling insecure knowing that he has made all the women he's had sex with before orgasm and that the feeling of them orgasmimg is incomparably hot for him. I would love to give him pleasure and experience the same kind of pleasure he's given his past girlfriends, but I just don't see how I can enjoy sex if I always have to jerk off with a blanket. (age 23)

You might consider joining the online TMS support group, and there is one for women too, although it only has a few members. I suggest following the same kind of cure regimen that works for males. The people in those groups would be able to help you along. Keep in mind that even if you can't reach orgasm in intercourse, there's no reason to make your boyfriend masturbate when he could reach orgasm through intercourse.

I am an engaged virgin and I will be marrying a non-virgin. In one of your earlier answers, you told a male virgin that he had better step on it and get married or give up his virginity is absolutely inaccurate and neglectful of your duty as a self-proclaimed author. (female, age 21)

A female virgin your age suffers much less in terms of both societal stigma and sexual dysfunction than a male virgin your age. That is one reason why it is better for males to become sexually experienced before they get too far into their 20s than it is for a female. I don't know that he has to "step on it," but it would be good for him to develop a strategy for finding a marital and/or sexual partner. I don't believe remaining a male virgin past the age of 21 is all that rational unless one already has a partner lined up (just waiting for the wedding) or is in some social situation that makes finding a marital partner easy (e.g., student at a Bible college aka "bridal college"). Being a male virgin and trying to compete in the regular dating world with sexually experienced males is very tough.

I'm a female about to turn 17. I don't really like to finger myself or rub myself much, but I do like to twirl my fingers in my pubic hairs. It's very calming and I do it often without even thinking about it. Is this masturbation?

I don't think so. I hope you don't start doing it without thinking about it when you're not alone.

Lately I find that as soon as I get home from school, I have to go to my room and masturbate. Is this normal? (female, age 15)

Yes, it is. I think that's very common for males your age, and more than a few females are in the habit of doing that too.

You're truly a genius, and you have such an interesting site; why don't you write some book about masturbation. (age 22)

Thank you! I just might do that someday.

A couple of your questions show clear indications of child abuse. In particular, there is a day care teacher who inspects the vagina of one of her female students that masturbates in her class during nap time. She should be arrested and not be allowed near children. It is your responsibility to report such abuse. (age 32)

What am I supposed to say, and to whom? I have no way of knowing who sends me these questions and comments, or whether any of them are true.

My best friend walked in my room to find me masturbating. She said the way I do it was weird. (I lie on my front and thrust against my hands.) I don't know what to do. Why is it weird? (age 16)

The form of masturbation you practice is called masturbating prone, or TMS -- Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome. This has been shown to be a cause of sexual dysfunction in men, and there is a growing number of cases pointing to it being a cause of sexual dysfunction in women too. Your friend is correct; relatively few women and even fewer men masturbate prone. Instead of merely being shocked that your friend walked in on you masturbating, you ought to thank her for worrying about your sexual functioning.

I share a house with 3 other girls and one night I was masturbating. I lie face down and basically hump my vibrator. I was caught by a housemate and now I'm a laughing stock because they say that isn't how to masturbate. Surely its up to the individual? (age 18)

Again, most females (and males) masturbate lying on their backs. Many women have found that masturbating prone limits their orgasmic capacity in intercourse. You illustrate that is valuable to discuss masturbation and sexuality with others in your age cohort to learn what people think about sexual practices.

Do you have a degree in psychology? I would not object to your obsession with masturbation if you were dealing only with adults. Imparting wisdom from your twisted psyche to children is as inappropriate as the incest you describe. MOST homosexuals realize they are gay at very young ages and they are just as wonderful as straight children. Most women fantasize about a penis that is large, not small, and it feels good! Humans do not commit to a sexual preference as you suggest. Our daughter asked for permission to access this site (apparently considered a hoot with her friends) and after reading your potentially devastating replies to impressionable and sometimes troubled kids, we declined and directed her toward more balanced research. My husband and I have medical degrees and just want to point out that your motives for operating this site are suspect at best. Calm reason and understanding in the stead of threatening institutionalization would be in order if you were serious about helping young people. We can't help wondering if you are or were a priest of the Catholic faith? (age 31)

My degrees are not in psychology and I am not a cleric.

Follow-up: I have written here before and just wanted to say thank you so much for your advice. I have definitely calmed down a bit since talking to you and I have learned a lot by reading your site. To the 31 year old asking if you were a Catholic priest and accused you of being obsessed with masturbation, I say I hope you didn't get down about that rude comment. This site is actually educational and the kids who write these things here obviously have no other resource. Reading comments like that will not help those kids to continue asking questions to this site if it is the only thing they trust when it comes to questions on sexuality-based material. Thirteen is kind of young to decide if you are homosexual or hetero, because your sexual hormones are just developing. This is a really good site. (age 15)


I masturbate once in a while. I'm single with no boyfriend and I'm still a virgin.. When I masturbate, I have orgams and it's great, but after I come, I seem to get too moody and emotional at the moment about all the things I don't have, and I feel sorry for myself for being so pathetic to have to give myself pleasure because I can't get someone else to do it, and I end up crying and depressed. What can I do? (age 19)

You ought to think of masturbation as pleasure you can give to yourself and not as a substitute for a partner. Almost every day, I hear from a woman your age or older who cannot reach orgasm at all. You should be thankful that you have accomplished that. You might also try harder to find a partner. There's no reason to be or act desperate. Just be more available socially, and I think you will find interested men in a short while.

What percentage of the general population of females masturbate? Also, do you think more females masturbate than males? (age 30)

I'm certain more males than females masturbate. The estimates of female masturbation vary greatly, but most experts believe it's around 75 percent of adult women.

I was reading your site, and I was wondering what PC excercises are?

The pubococcygeus muscle is the one that contracts when you have an orgasm. Strengthening it usually means better orgasms. The PC muscle is also the one used to stop and start the flow of urine and to control bowel evacuation.

There are three basic PC muscle exercises:

  1. Contract the front of your PC muscle repeatedly as if you were stopping the flow of urine. Do this 10 times at first and gradually increase the number of repititions to 24 times.
  2. Once you have done the first exercise for a few days, try contracting the PC muscle and holding it for up to 10 seconds.
  3. Next, contract the back of your PC muscle as if you were trying to prevent a bowel movement. Work at this exercise until you can do it five times in quick succession.

Doing these exercises daily can increase the orgasmic capacity of both genders and make it easier for men to prevent premature ejaculation.

I overheard my brother's friend saying that he thought I was hot and that later that night he was going to spy on me through the window. So when I saw that he was outside my window (which was conveniently left open) I started to undress, and when I was fully naked, I stuck an object inside my vagina, and when I glanced outside, I saw him masturbating. Was it wrong of me to reveal myself to a 13-year-old? (age 19)

It was very wrong and perhaps criminal. If you ever get caught doing that, you would get arrested and wind up with a record as a sex offender. It would not be merely your word against his if he could accurately describe your private parts and the object you used.

I've been reading your site and it seems like all girls masturbate. Is it wrong if I dont masturbate or never masturbate? Will that make me bad at sex? Am I weird if I don't masturbate? (age 13)

At your age, the majority of girls don't masturbate. It's not wrong if you don't or never do. Keep in mind that people who masturbate do it mostly because they find it a whole lot of fun. Females who have masturbated are more sexually competent than those who haven't. I don't think you're weird. I hope you decide masturbating isn't weird within a few years.

Excellent site. I think it really gets the purpose of educating and bringing healthy information for all the women - especially teenagers. (age 25)

Thank you. I try to help males too, you know.

I masturbate frequently. Is it really that obvious to my mom from my laundry? (age 13)

Probably not.

I masturbated for years face down with a pillow. It's hard, but I will never do that again after reading your research. I tried masturbating with my hand, and there is a very slight arousal, but I can't seem to get any further than that. I think it's like how you can't tickle yourself. How can I get pleasure out of masturbating without doing it face down. Do I have TMS? (age 15)

Masturbating prone is TMS. Any time you start to do something new sexually, there is a learning curve. Don't be discouraged if you can't reach orgasm in the supine position right away. The abstinence method I propose for males on the main page will also work for females. Most girls your age have trouble having orgasms. Since you have already experienced them, I think it will be much easier for you than for a girl who's never masturbated at all. Once you get the conventional method down, I think you will enjoy it a lot more than humping the pillow.

What is that white stuff around my vulva? I'm scared to ask anyone. It's kind of between the folds of skin. Is that normal? (age 11)

That's normal. You can get rid of it by washing more often.

I would like to congratulate you for such an informative site. I learned so much. I masturbated while reading it and I plan to masturbate after this too. More power! (age 15)

What big plans! More power to you too!

I admire your work debunking myths about masturbation, so it annoys me when you turn around and frighten girls with the bogeyman of "female TMS." Fingering my clitoris is a totally different experience from intercourse, so I don't see why girls who masturbate in other ways should change their technique. Isn't it more important for a person's future sexual happiness to learn what works for them, rather than getting all uptight that they're "doing it wrong"? (age 21)

I'm not convinced that prone masturbation is a problem for females either, but there is some preliminary evidence showing that women who masturbate in the manner you describe have an easier time reaching orgasm in intercourse than women who masturbate prone. I would prefer to err on the side of caution.

What is the difference between menstruating and masturbating? (age 11)

Menstruating is the monthly process by which a female sheds her uterine lining in preparation for possibly getting pregnant the next month. (Basically, she bleeds through her vagina for a couple of days.) Masturbating is stimulating one's own private parts in order to become more sexually aroused.

While I agree that masturbation is a healthy and wonderful experience, who are you to tell them if 5 or 15 times a day is wrong? (age 18)

Did I say it was wrong? I think I said it was outside the normal range and apt to cause problems. Someone who has a different opinion of masturbation than you could well ask who you are to tell someone that masturbation is a healthy and wonderful experience. (Of course, I believe that too so I would not be that person.)

Are you married? (age 25)

No. :(

Just thought I would write in and say that I find your site full of useful information. Thanks for doing such a good job! (age 24)

You're too nice!

I wish this HealthyStrokes.com has been around when I was a kid. I have a 16 year old sister and a 12 year old brother. Knowing my mother and her way of communicating, how do you suggest I tell them about your site without embarrassing them? The info you have here is invaluable. Thanks for having a safe place for young people to ask these questions. (age 36)

You probably seem more like a mother to them than an older sister due to the age difference. Why don't you just tell them what you told me? You can tell them you know that people their age have a lot of questions about sex, and give them the address of HealthyStrokes.com. It would be good for you to them they're welcome to ask you if they have any questions too. Thank you in advance for the referrals!

Usually I'm at home by myself when I masturbate. But sometimes when my mom is home, I go in a private room and masturbate. I'm so scared that I'm gonna get caught, and what my mom will say when she finds out. I mostly wonder will she take it the wrong way? (age 13)

She would probably be happy for you. Most mothers masturbate too.

I think your research is rather informal to be able to legitimately conclude that it's problematic for females to masturbate prone. During intercourse, it's easiest for women to have an orgasm when they're on top (thus facing down) so why should it be a problem to masturbate facing that way? Since the main way that females experience sexual pleasure is through clitoral stimulation, it doesn't matter how the body is oriented when that is done. Rubbing against an object is also fine. (age 23)

I don't know that I have concluded that about females. I have definitely concluded that prone masturbation is a problem for males. There is also a tendency for females who masturbate prone to have more difficulty reaching orgasm in intercourse than those who masturbate supine. The problem with masturbating prone is that it puts more pressure on the genitals than they would receive in intercourse. I think it matters how the body is positioned if it results in sexual stimulation that makes the person so habituated to it that they can't have orgasms in intercourse. Some women have urged that I continue to push for a female TMS because they found it to be a cause of their problems.

I understand that men need to masturbate to get rid of old semen but why do women need to masturbate when they regularly menstruate? (age 23)

They masturbate because it's fun. Menstruation doesn't have anything to do with it.

I understand why men must masturbate, but why must women masturbate? (male, age 23)

They don't. Women won't suffer any harm if they never masturbate in their life. Women masturbate because it's fun and some masturbate to relieve menstrual cramps. Men, on the other hand, have to relieve themselves of sexual fluids regularly or they can cause harm to their sexual organs.

What is the youngest age a girl can conceive or become pregnant? (age 17)

The youngest mother on record was 7. For most girls, menarche (the start of menstruation) is at age 12.

You're opposed to the practice of females humping and dry sex to boot. In general, somebody has to be on top in intercourse, which would make their position prone. So what's so wrong with a girl humping the floor? (age 23)

There is nothing wrong with being prone in intercourse. What has been identified as a problem in men and possibly also in women is masturbating prone. Masturbating prone puts much more pressure on the genitals than having intercourse prone.

My dad's girlfriend, soon to be wife, likes talking about her sex life with me and she's 45. It's really nasty, but every time I want to tell her to stop, I get scared. My mom died when I was young. I am afraid to bring it up with my dad. (age 15)

You should tell your dad now. It's bordering on child abuse for her to discuss her sex life with your dad with you. It would also be good for you to learn to express your opinion when you are being intruded upon. This woman has learned that you are not assertive, and if you don't stand up for yourself soon, or get your dad involved, things will only get worse for you after they are married.

I like your site very much. I am the wife of the dictator and I will pay you $850,000 U.S. dollars for your role in helping me with a bank transfer.

I don't even want you reading my site anymore.

I believe this site has helped me greatly. I was wondering what qualifications you have that allow you to give such advice. (age 16)

I have been running this site and an online support group for people with TMS for over four years. I have a master's degree in a field unrelated to sexuality but have been studying the subject for over 20 years.

One of your readers said she leaked urine during intercourse but not during masturbation, and your reply was that she was probably "losing control" during intercourse and that she should practice her Kegels. I disagree and I'm an editor of health and sex books. She's probably a female ejaculator. (age 42)

You may be right. I was just taking her at her word that it was urine. There's no harm in her working on her Kegels anyway. I hope you will include information about TMS in your books. It's something more people should know about.

I am really interested in becoming a sexologist and was just wondering what it involves. Are you a doctor or sexologist? (female, age 17)

What a good question! I know no one has ever asked me that before. I have said many times that I am not a health care professional of any kind, but I occasionally think of becoming a sexologist when I am in danger of quitting or getting thrown out of my field. You might read through these websites: http://www.sexologist.org/ is of more importance for people who want to be practitioners (e.g., sex therapists working with clients) while http://www.sexscience.org is of more importance for people who want to do research.

You've one of the best sites. Thank you so much for it! (age 19)


I've never been discovered masturbating, but I am worried what will happen if I'm caught. Many American adults masturbate, and most consider it normal for teens to do so also. Does that apply to all cultures? Regardless of religions/beliefs? (age 13)

No. Masturbation is generally accepted in the industrialized countries of the West, but in the Third World and most of the Eastern world, it is taboo. You ought not worry so much about being discovered.

Girls should never, ever use lotion or petroleum jelly as lube! Anything not water-based or silicone-based can cause infection and the girl could get very sick! Water-based lubricant can be bought for under $5 at any drug or discount store and many large grocery stores. (age 20)

That's good advice.

I masturbate by putting the corner of a soft object like a pillow or a blanket inside my vulva, lying on my stomach and grinding against it. Is this considered TMS? Could this have caused my hymen to break over time because I think most of mine is gone. (age 18)

What you describe is TMS. TMS means masturbating while lying on your stomach. Your hymen is internal, and I'm not sure that doing anything externally would cause it to break. It's more likely that you would have to insert something into your vagina to break your hymen.


My roommate and I are having an issue. Both of our boyfriends (who are best friends) masturbate frequently. We have all fought about it, and the guys have both lied about it. It's affecting our relationships in that they are LYING and it's weird when we have sex. We connect this to our intimacy, while they say it's two separate things. They know that it hurts us, but say that it's perfectly normal and male instinct. We've been sexually active for about 2 years. What is going on here? (age 21)

You need to grow up. The only reason they are lying is because you are asking about things that are not your business. It ought not be weird when you have sex, because any other man you can have sex with masturbates too. In a 1996 survey of university students in Germany, only four percent of men and five percent of women said masturbation should not occur in steady relationships. Rather, 73 percent of men and 76 percent of women said it's a form of sex in its own right. (Arne Dekker & Gunter Schmidt, "Patterns of Masturbatory Behaviour: Changes Between the Sixties and the Nineties," Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality, 14: 35-48, at 44, 2002.)

Follow-up: But it's Internet porn. The images are very sick and degrading to women. I wouldn't mind if it were a magazine or something.

If these guys are talking to each other and their girlfriends about this, I don't foresee them stopping because you object. If it is really bothersome, you ought to find someone else. There are plenty of men who aren't into Internet porn.

I just wanted to let you know that I think your site is great! I grew up so ashamed of myself because of masturbation. I thought I started too young, and I thought I used weird techniques. It would have been so great if there was this much information available to me when I was younger instead of having to feel like I was different, weird and abnormal. (age 28)

I know lots of younger people who feel the same way.

I'm not sexually active, nor do I have my period. I read in a magazine that you should start seeing a gynecologist once you hit 15 or once you become sexually active, whichever's first. Should I be seeing one? (age 15)

Yes, it's a very good idea, and you can also ask them why you don't have periods yet.

I have been masturbating since I was 9. I have a very large family that has 5 people including me. I never get ANY alone time.. Our bathroom has a lock on it but we only have one bathroom so I can't take up too much time. My door doesn't close all the way and they refuse to fix it as "punishment" for talking back. They have even threatend to take it off. I also do not even have a drawer in my room, I have no privacy or anything to call my own. How can I find SOMEWHERE to go to be alone? I LOVE YOUR SITE SO MUCH!! (age 15)

Your privacy issue seems to be only part of a larger issue of communication you're having with your parents. Why don't you make an extra effort to get along with them and your siblings, and in a few weeks, they'll be more willing to listen to your gripes about privacy.

I recently found out that if I rub my pubic region I get pleasure. No liguid comes out, but is just rubbing it masturbating? (age 15)

Yes. You might read the glossary.

I just had this curiosity. If men have hands and that's how they masturbate, what about male animals that don't have hands? What do they do? What about female animals? Do ones without the chance to please themselves ever orgasm? I can't help but think they couldn't. What do you think? (age 18)

I hope your curiosity will lead you to a library where you can learn about animal sexuality. I don't know a whole lot about it either, but masturbation has been observed in the male of every species of mammal. Obviously those with hands (primates) have an easier time of it than others. Most of the others rub or thrust their penises against something; ask the owner of an unneutered male dog about that sometime. Elephants masturbate with their trunks. Deer masturbate with their antlers. No, they don't touch their penises with them, but the tips of antlers can be very sensitive and rubbing them against something can lead the buck to ejaculate. Of course, it is more difficult for female animals, but the ones who have hands generally know how to use them to produce sexual satisfaction.

I sometimes feel like masturbating in the morning but other times at night. Does this mean anything? (age 17)

It is probably good, but it might mean more in terms of whether you are a morning person or a night person than anything about your sexuality. Some people are such extreme morning persons that they can't conceive of doing anything at night, even something fun, and vice versa.

I have recently been trying to locate my G spot and I think I've found it. Does it feel bumpy? How do I get pleasure from it? I don't know how to make it react. (age 17)

Yes, the area around the G Spot often feels bumpy. I think you're in the right area. Just work with it when you're already close to a peak. Relax and don't try too hard. Good luck.

Do mothers in their 30s masturbate? (age 14)

Yes, most do.

I never really had a boyfriend until now and we have been good friends since my junior year in high school so we know each other pretty well and decided to get together about a year ago. It's been a good relationship but a non-sexual one and every time I am around him, I get more nervous and more aroused. I want to do more than hold hands and kiss. But I have strong moral values and want to wait until I am married, but I also want him to be my first. What should I do? (age 22)

You can do more than you are doing now, but you can still draw the line at actual intercourse if that is what you are worried about. You don't have to decide all at once. I would advise you to take it slowly and see what you feel like as you become more experienced.

I grew up hearing from my mom that losing your virginity is a very, very painful experience (with bleeding, extensive soreness, and unenjoyable due to burning/stinging/general pain during penetration). Due to that, I have never had intercourse or any type of insertion. I masturbate, but only stimulating the clitoris. Is the tearing/stretching of the hymen completely painful? Is there any way to ease the pain of penetration? (age 22)

Only a minority of females describe their first intercourse as painful. About 1 in 6, if I recall those surveys correctly. You ought not anticipate that your first time will be painful. Your advanced age also makes that situation less likely. Just try to relax and enjoy it. It helps to have a gentle partner.

Which gender has better pleasure from masturbation? Is it harder for a girl to reach an orgasm compared to a boy? Will girls sometimes not even reach an orgasm during intercourse? (age 14)

I am inclined to believe boys have it better when it comes to orgasm. However, many women can be multi-orgasmic, which only a few men can do.

Your site is great! My boyfriend's semen comes out very thin and clear, and we know he should see a doctor to find out if he has low sperm count, but he's scared and isn't ready for that step. Do you think that's a sign of abnormal sperm or low sperm count? (age 30)

The only thing to be scared of is the test result. The test consists of masturbating in the doctor's bathroom, and some doctors will let him do it at home. I don't think you should be diagnosing his semen by appearance. Some excellent specimens have a strange appearance, and vice versa.

I've masturbated lying on my stomach 2-3 times a week for the past year or so, and I am afraid that I may be in danger of sexual dysfunction, except when I insert objects inside myself, they are always parallel with my legs so I'm not sure if this still qualifies me as having this disorder, because I feel that nothing would change if I were on my back. I don't press my body down onto the object; I just lie there and push the object inside in the same way as if I were on my back. Am I still at risk for sexual dysfunction? (age 19)

Women who masturbate in that position have a lower rate of orgasmic success in intercourse than women who masturbate exclusively on their backs. I have no information about the specific quirk you describe, except as it relates to what I stated in the last sentence. If nothing would change if you were on your back, then why not do it that way exclusively?

I was wondering why guys are so embarrassed about masturbating when it's something they have to do in order to release their semen. That's like being embarrassed that you have to urinate. (age 12)

You're right that it doesn't make sense on that level, but males, especially younger ones, are very embarrassed, if not by masturbating itself, then at least by anyone making reference to them doing it. Older males become more secure in their sexuality and less likely to use the topic to embarrass someone, but even so it is not a subject often discussed. The same is true of female masturbation.

A few weeks ago I had sex for the first time. I don't masturbate and rarely use tampons. I didn't bleed very much and I could tell that my hymen was still partially intact. This past weekend we had sex again and I started bleeding a lot more and it's obvious that there is little to none of my hymen left. Does this mean that I will probably not bleed again? (age 20)

Perhaps not, although women have some remnants of their hymens left until they give birth. In a situation like yours, it takes a few sessions of intercourse to eliminate most of the hymen. You seem to have a good handle on what is causing the bleeding.

I have tried to stop masturbating because I thought it was a sin, and then I read your masturbation for Christians article and changed my mind but now when I masturbate I get wet too fast and it doesn't feel as good. (age 15)

Lubrication is associated with higher levels of arousal, not lower. So even if the amount seems like a nuisance, it means you are doing something right and your body is responding. Some females lubricate more than others. There's nothing you can do about it, so it's good to get used to it.

Is it possible to have an orgasm while dreaming for a female? If it is, I think I might have had one. I just felt so open and alive, if thats what an orgasm feels like. (age 22)

Yes, it is possible, although they are rare. Perhaps what you learned about orgasms from that happening will help you have one when you're awake.

What's the difference between a dildo and a vibrator? (age 13)

A dildo is an object shaped somewhat like a penis and a vibrator is an electrical appliance that vibrates and may or may not be shaped like a penis.

My aunt has had guardianship of me for a year and a half. She caught me masturbating and got mad at me saying I was too young. Now I feel stupid and like she will never let me have privacy again. (age 16)

Your aunt must be new to dealing with teenagers. You are obviously old enough. You ought not feel stupid and might print out my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation for your aunt to read.

How can I get a closer relationship with my mother about these things? When we used to talk about she seemed very uncomfortable. How can I make it easier to talk? (age 14)

Even if she seemed uncomfortable, she talked with you, so it should not be too difficult for you to bring them up. She certainly wants to help you. Just talk about what is important to you and let her worry about her uncomfortableness.

Can you have an orgasm if you have not yet broken your hymen? (age 14)

Yes.

I masturbate around 2-3 times a day but not every day. Is this bad for me? If I am on my period using a tampon, can I take it out, masturbate, and reinsert the tampon? (age 13)

Your frequency is not bad for you. I advise against putting something soaked with blood back inside you after it has been out of your body.

I have a septate hymen. I never knew until I came onto your site because just recently it ripped. Are there any complications I should be aware of? Should I seek medical attention? (age 17)

You ought not diagnose the condition of your hymen. There is nothing wrong with a septate hymen or having one rip. If you think you have a problem, then see a doctor.

About 3 days after my period, my boyfriend fingered me. I think he had masturbated before, and I am afraid that some of his fluids might have gotten into my vagina. I usually have a regular cycle for my period, but I should have gotten my period about a week ago and I still haven't gotten it. Is there a chance I am pregnant? He didn't ejaculate. Please help me, I am REALLY scared. I can't be pregnant! (age 21)

I can't say for certain that you are not pregnant, but it seems unlikely based on those facts. If you don't know for sure that he had masturbated before, then it was probably far enough in advance that he still wouldn't have live sperm on his fingers. Periods can be irregular at your age, but doing anything that involves sexual contact carries some risk of pregnancy.

I am 51 years old and not sexually active, since I don't want to involve myself in casual sex. I think I have been masturbating compulsively lately. When I masturbate it still feels good and I become aroused, but lately I find it's taking longer to have an orgasm. I know that I should wait for a while and try it again, but every day I feel the urge to masturbate, but I haven't been coming to climax. What should I do? I am extremely horny everyday and not being able to orgasm is just bugging me to no end.

If you're enjoying it, don't worry so much if you're not having an orgasm. Try to enjoy the feelings you have. Although I frequently discourage teenaged girls from using them, at your age, a vibrator might do you a lot of good.

I'm really scared right now because my period has been irregular. I externally masturbate and I think that has something to do with my period being irregular. I'm scared that I may not be able to have a baby. HELP please! (age 13)

You are certainly worried for nothing. Periods are usually irregular at your age, and masturbating externally would not impair your fertility.

If a male does not ejaculate, can a female still get pregnant?

Yes. Sperm can exist in the fluids that seep out of the penis during arousal and only one sperm cell is necessary for conception.

I don't see how the penis can rub the clitoris during sex, because of the angle of the vagina. (age 16)

The vagina is very pliable and can be reached from many different positions. Some positions would result in the penis making contact with the clitoris. This is especially easy to make happen if the female is the one who is moving. Imagine sticking your finger in your ear. There are ways you can do it so that your finger makes contact with the fleshy tip next to your cheek (which is called the tragus, by the way) and there are ways you can do it so that it wouldn't make contact.

Why is it so much easier for guys to orgasm and to learn how to orgasm? How is that fair? (age 16)

It's easier because their private parts are on the outside and because the adolescent penis erects about every 90 minutes. If he didn't notice it before puberty, the male will soon figure out that it feels good to touch it. It might not seem fair to those females who have to struggle to have their first orgasm in their 20s and 30s that about 70 percent of males naturally learn to masturbate at age 12-13 (and the rest have spontaneous orgasms known as wet dreams), but there is some functional significance to it. It is theorized that male mammals have to be able to reach orgasm quickly so they can impregnate a female and be done with it before a predator approaches. That might not be too much comfort to a male human who is trying to overcome premature ejaculation, but it tells him he has company in the animal kingdom.

I masturbate about once a day. I use an elctric toothbrush to massage my clitoris. Now the skin around that area is getting saggy. Is there any way I can tighten it back up? Please help! (age 15)

It is probably not caused by masturbating. If you really think it is, try to avoid the toothbrush for a while and see if it makes a difference.

I always get wet randomly throughout the day, but I can never seem to get wet when I need to, like if I want my boyfriend to touch me. How can I get wet, besides making out? (age 16)

You can no more will yourself to be wet than a male can will himself to have an erection. Making out is truly the best way, because it is real arousal.

I've been masturbating for a few years now, and I'm not sure if I've ever really reached orgasm. My nipples never go erect, but often my body gets rigid and my breathing stops for a few seconds, and I get contractions in my vagina. After a few seconds everything's gone and I feel completely back to normal. Is this an orgasm? It doesn't feel as good as everyone describes it to be. (age 15)

Yes, that is an orgasm. Now that you know when you're having one, you can try to make it better. Good luck.

In response to your general question about what makes females want to have sex, my personal experience is that I am most turned on when I know my boyfriend is also really horny. Obviously, physical contact, kisses and the like contribute greatly, but I really am most sexually aroused after hearing him moan or seeing him get hard. (age 16)

Thanks for contributing!

When I masturbate, lately I notice that every time I orgasm, I don't feel the sensation in my clitoris (but I feel the orgasm everywhere else). Is there anything I can do about it? (age 16)

That is pretty normal. The orgasm is a whole-body experience and is not localized in your clitoris.

Is it better to rub the clit back and forth, as opposed to side to side, so that it replicates the motion of a penis? (age 16)

That doesn't make any difference. It is probably a good idea to use a light touch rather than a hard one.

I masturbate often and I feel abnormal because I'm a girl. My mom has almost caught me several times and I don't want her to know I do it. Does masturbating make a girl a freak? (age 16)

Of course not! Most girls your age do it. Your mom probably does too. She would probably understand, although there's no need to tell her.

I live alone with my mom. Ever since I can remember, she sometimes reads lying on her front with a book between her elbows. Last week I went to her room and the door was open so I could see in. Instead of just lying there, she was sort of balanced on her elbows but holding herself off the bed and moving her butt up and down. I went away but I think she knows I saw her. Do you think she was masturbating and should I say anything? (female, age 15)

There's a good chance she was, but you would probably not want someone to say anything to you if they saw you masturbating, so I don't think you should say anything to her. If you meant about warning her about the hazards of prone masturbation, then you are a very brave young woman.

I dated this guy for a few months and he was really hands on, and we split up. Now I have a new guy and it is something special. Recently I was taking a walk and the other guy came on to me. I got really scared because of his past and called my boyfriend. My boyfriend came and had to get the old guy away from me. Could this be classed as rape? (age 18)

I don't think so. Rape involves sexual penetration or at least sexual contact. If he was just talking to you, that is not rape.

After I masturbate, there is a lot clear liquid on my legs and under me. I usually focus on my G spot. Is this normal after orgasm? Will this happen when I have vaginal sex with a partner? (age 17)

Yes, that is normal, and you can expect it to happen during intercourse. Males expect it and most don't mind it. However, there is often discussion about who has to sleep on the "wet spot."

I was at home and so was my cousin, who normally doesn't come out of her room. So I went in my room and I was sure the door was locked. I did some work on the computer and then I started masturbating to some pictures. I heard the toilet flush and I looked to my door and it was ajar slightly. Although I'm unsure when exactly she peeked in, how do I respond? (female, age 17)

So you weren't sure your door was locked? It is probably better if you say nothing to your cousin. From now on, you can be extra sure the door is locked. At least you have a lock. A lot of my readers don't, as you surely know.

I read that it's not good for you to use water pressure to masturbate. I have been doing it for about 10 months. Has it affected me if I have used the water about 3 times a month plus using my fingers? Will I be able to orgasm with a guy when I'm ready to have sex? (age 15)

It is better if you don't do that, but I doubt you have greatly affected your future orgasmic abilities in only 10 months. Better that you learn some other way.

If I have started masturbating and I stop for a long period of time, will my orgasms get stronger? What if I wait a year or so to start masturbating again? (age 14)

I suspect they will get stronger if you stay in practice. Stopping for a long period of time is apt to make it harder to improve.

I just wanted to thank you! I have been seeing this guy for 4 months now and he has TMS. I found it difficult to deal with at first but now that I found this site, I believe that he can be helped! Thank you so much. (age 18)


Is it possible to ascertain if a guy is virgin or not? (age 33)

The best way would by seeing how comfortable he is with intercourse.

My boyfriend and I have been having sex now for about four months, and every time we have sex he always gets an orgasm, but I never do. It feels really good for me, but I would really like to get an orgasm, especially since I have gotten waves of one just by masturbating. Do you think I haven't been able to orgasm because my boyfriend finishes REALLY fast? Our sex normally lasts only five minutes, because he comes so early. What can I do to get an orgasm, and how can he last longer? (age 16)

It would help if he could work on you manually or orally before he penetrates you. It would be easier for him to bring you to orgasm those ways. Five minutes isn't too bad for his age.

Is it strange to feel the need to sort of thrash about when having an orgasm? I can't handle it without moving around a lot. (age 16)

Yes, that is normal. The orgasm produces a lot of energy that has to be released somehow, by vocalizing or moving about. I have gotten a couple of messages from women who like to masturbate surreptitiously in public, and they can get away with it except for the convulsion that happens at the point of orgasm, which they cover up by pretending to sneeze, etc.

Can a guy only get precum when he has an erection? (age 16)

No.

I just lost my virginity last night, and it was fine except for the first time my arms really cramped up. During the second and third time they didn't. Was it just because I was nervous? Or should I be worried? (age 19)

I don't think you have anything to worry about. It is good to be able to move your arms.

When you're masturbating, how can you be sure it's your vagina and not your urethra? Can your finger fit in your urethra? (age 15)

No, it couldn't. You would feel irritation if you were stimulating your urethra.

I have recently found out that my 15-year-old daughter has become sexually active. I am very worried about her becoming pregnant. Is it all right to buy her some educational material on masturbation and/or a device to assist with this? Will this help the "urge"? (age 36)

If she has been sexually active, she probably has as much urge for contact with partners as she does for sexual gratification. I doubt that facilitating her masturbation at this point will make her choose to be abstinent. You would do better to teach her about birth control.

When I get really close to orgasm, it gets so intense sometimes that I have to stop touching myself, so I squeeze my legs together to make myself come. How will I be able to stand it when I get close to orgasm in sex? (age 16)

Practice makes perfect. Most people don't have to stop until they actually have an orgasm. I would suggest that instead of stopping touching yourself, you find a way to keep touching and still have the orgasm. It might involve touching a different spot. You can learn to adjust to these feelings.

I'm a 22 year old female and I've never had sex. I've never had an orgasm. I have masturbated before and even have a dildo, a bullet, and this funny shaped G-spot stimulator. Even with these I can't achieve an orgasm. It doesn't even really feel that good. I also don't seem to be all that senstive on my clitoris or breasts. I can rub my clitoris all I want and all I feel is a little tingly and thats it. I get turned on and wet but even then when I attempt it's nothing special. Is there something wrong with me? Will I ever experience an orgasm?

You shouldn't give up. When you feel turned on and wet, just try something else that feels good. Eventually you will figure it out. In the meantime, just try to enjoy the feelings you're getting. I advise against using all that hardware for now.

I'm still a virgin and it hurts to put tampons in. My problem is that my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his fingers and although I've had it done before and it hurt a little, this time he did it with more than one finger and it extremely hurt! Not only that but there was blood everywhere. I'm still bleeding a little but my private area still hurts. It stings when I urinate and sometimes hurts when I sit down. What happened? It's been about 2 days now. (age 20)

He must have been a little rough and touched some places you're not used to having touched. It would be better for you if you could practice introducing things to your vagina when you're alone, so you don't have to be self-conscious on top of feeling sensitive. It will get easier with practice.

Is it bad to get aroused sometimes by the vibrating of the seat on a train or a car, since you say vibrators are a bad habit? (age 16)

I don't think that amount of vibrating is a bad thing. It is good if you are so easily aroused by that. It means you are very sensitive.

I'm almost sixteen and sexually active. Why am I not easily aroused? Sexual things that would normally turn any other person on don't really turn me on at all, just a little. I rarely get horny and when I do it's just at a random time, never in a sexual moment or something that anyone would find arousing. Why is this, and what can I do to get turned on by more sex stuff?

There is no rule that says sex things have to be arousing. If something else turns you on, then by all means, go with it. It would be better if you could find your partner arousing and get turned on by him. It would be better if you were not sexually active while you try to work this out.

I'm not sexually active yet, but I am horny ALL the time and I can't seem to stop thinking about sex. I want to have sex, but I don't have a boyfriend or someone special in my life. I get so horny just thinking about guys. Does this mean that when I start having sex, I will enjoy it more and I'll become a nymphomaniac? (age 15)

Don't worry about that now. Many females your age enjoy sex and are as horny as you, but very few can be legitimately be called nymphomanics. Since you're waiting for someone special, that's a good sign that you will be able to focus your sexual attention on one special guy.

My boyfriend went on vacation with his friends a few months back. They're all bachelors, and I never did trust them together, even though I never let my boyfriend know that. He left his phone at my place a few weeks ago, and I went through it and saw naked pictures of women they met there giving one guy oral sex. My boyfriend was in the picture and naked also, but not engaging in a sexual act, even though there were other females in the room. He claims he was just watching after he tried to deny it even being him. We argued badly because my stand was that he shouldn't have even been in the room, much less naked. He says he didn't do anything. I say he did because he was naked. Do you think he had sex also? And if so, how can he claim to love me if he cheated with a slut? I'm so confused and depressed because we were talking marriage. Should I leave him? (age 23)

I think it would be good for you to try going out with some men who wouldn't treat women that way. I can't prove he did or didn't have sex, but then what was his purpose in being naked in a room where women were performing sex acts on strange men? He might not think of sex with somebody like that as cheating, because it's only sex. You should have found out what he considers cheating before this point.

I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 35. My mother and I had a heated discussion because I heard her tell someone else that "I was just a kid." It made me feel bad beause I think I'm a very mature and responsible adult. But she never would explain what she meant by that. Do you know what she means? Does she really see me as a child? Would you date someone who was 12 years your junior?

Your mother will always see you as a kid on some level. I know people in their 90s who treat their children in their 60s like children. It could be there is some other issue that is keeping your mother from thinking of you as an adult. You suspect she does not approve of your older boyfriend. It does not mean you immature because you prefer an older companion. You ought to find out what issue she has with your man. And yes, I would. Very happily.

I'm a virgin. I usually masturbate about 4 times a week, but sometimes I don't for 2-3 weeks. It is very typical for me to have orgasms during my sleep; sometimes multiple ones at one dream; they feel like real orgasms. When I wake up in the morning, I still feel the orgasm feeling. My dreams usually involve something touching my private area. Sometimes I get those dreams 3 times a week. Is this something normal for a female? (age 21)

It is more orgasmic feeling than a lot of women get. What you describe sounds similar to persistent sexual arousal syndrome. If it isn't bothering you, then there's no reason for you to regard it as a problem.

My husband is not interested in sex. He can go months without it. He says he is very tired. This has been going on for over 10 years! He's seen a doctor and his blood work was fine. I would like to have sex at least once a week. We are both in our late 30's. We love each other very much and every other aspect of our marriage is fine. I feel that I'm doomed to a sexless life. Are there any medications that I can take to dimish my sexual desire? Any ideas? (age 39)

The effort should be on increasing your husband's sexual desire, not decreasing yours. I suggest seeing a competent sex therapist.

If a girl gets wet, does that always mean she is aroused? (age 16)

In general, it does, but not in every single case.

Recently, my orgasms have gotten really weak. I don't know I could even call them orgasms now. I masturbate almost daily. Should I stop masturbating for a while and if so, for how long? (age 16)

It might be related to stress or something else in your life. It might help to cut down to every other day until you think you're back to normal.

If I can orgasm from internal masturbation, how can I orgasm when my boyfriend fingers me? (age 16)

It would help if he could mimic your own movements as closely as possible, and if you could be as relaxed with him as you are alone.

I'm 16 and I've thought of masturbating internally. Is it normal to be grossed out by my vagina, which keeps me from masturbating that way? Whenever I've tried tampons, my muscles get tense. Is there some way to prevent that? Thank you. Your site has been so much help!

For most girls, the prospect of sexual pleasure helps them overcome the gross feeling. I would advise trying it once and seeing if you feel differently about the feeling afterward. The issue with tampons could be related. It takes practice to use them, and it helps greatly if you can overcome the natural inclination of your muscles to keep the tampon out. Learning to relax your vagina will help you sexually as well.

I recently started masturbating a lot, between 3 and 4 times a day. I have a fiance, and when we have sex, I barely feel anything. Am I overstimulating my clitoris? (age 22)

There's a good chance you are. When men report trouble in intercourse, the first thing I suggest is cutting back masturbation. It would probably help you too. I suggest abstaining altogether for 3-4 days before the next time you have sex. See if it makes a difference.

I used to have to stop touching myself right before orgasm because it got too intense. Recently, I've been able to keep going all the way to orgasm, but it seems like my orgasms are weaker now. How can I get intense orgasms again? (age 16)

Practice makes perfect. It's just a matter of figuring out what kind of touching increases your orgasms and what kind takes away.

I don't masturbate internally because I don't wanna lose anything before marriage. I masturbate with running water. After a while it gets sensitive, and I get this extreme tingly feeling, and after a while I can't take it anymore and stop. How do I orgasm? (age 15)

The tingly feeling is the orgasm. I advise against running water. You will probably have a long time until you get married. There is no reason to be so hung up about your hymen.

Your comment on marijuana is completely inaccurate. My boyfriend and myself both smoke marijuana on a daily basis and have done so for several years. We found out a few months ago that I was pregnant so therefore your statement that marijuana kills sperm was completely inaccurate. Do you have any scientific data proving that your statements on this matter are correct, or are you just going by hearsay and trying to scare twelve year old boys into not trying something that comes from the earth? I think that you are just another ignorant bible thumper who is trying to push his worthless, narrow minded, illogical, and basically prehistoric opinions onto the naive. (age 21)

Did I say that marijuana kills all sperm? Why not start by reading this from the BBC.

My boyfriend and I had never had sex before. He tried penetrating me with a condom on and lubricant. It was the kind that creates a warming feeling. He used a lot, and his penis went in about 2 inches, and it was very painful. I felt a really bad burn inside my vagina. I had to tell him to pull it out and it burned for about 5 minutes after. Could this have been too much lube or a reaction to it? (age 18)

It was probably too much of the chemical that causes the warming feeling. A little goes a long way.

I'm so scared. Am I bi? I sometimes look at other women and it kind of makes me feel good. But I still have a boyfriend at the same time. I don't wanna be bi (no offense to other bisexuals), but it's just not me. I'm straight. And I know it. And sometimes when I masturbate, I think about this really pretty girl. If this isn't normal, can you help me? (age 14)

Those thoughts and fantasies in isolation don't mean you have any kind of sexual preference. Just relax. Between now and when you're 18, you will have noticed whether those fantasies are rare or whether they are common, and how you react to various boyfriend(s). However, right now it is more important for you to be more accepting of various sexual preferences, because I think bisexuals and lesbians would be offended by your fear of being bi and the urgency of your concern.

I have been masturbating for about 2 years. Some women are able to release fluid, but I can't. Is this abnormal? Also, I always feel like I'm having an orgasm but the way I feel doesn't match what health web sites say about how it should feel. Am I thinking incorrectly that I've had an orgasm? (age 17)

Most women can't release fluid. Don't worry about that. It's unfortunate that you aren't certain you've had an orgasm, but if you keep doing what you're doing and learn to respond to what your body wants, eventually you will get to the point where you will have no doubt that what you're feeling is an orgasm. Don't be discouraged and keep trying.

I have a heart problem. And I ...well, you know. My heart problem is categorized as high pulse, or arrhythmia. I have medicine to control it, and I have monitored it while ... you know. It didn't seem high or anything. My mom has high blood pressure, and I was reading about something that when you reach orgasm, your blood pressure elevates. I was just wondering if there are any dangers in my case and if I should stop. (age 16)

That is really a question for your doctor. I know it will be incredibly difficult for you to ask because you can't even type the word when writing to a web site that specializes in ... you know. Why not call up a female nurse who works for your doctor. If you can't bring yourself to say the word, then ask about the hazards of "orgasm." She will be able to give you an answer, and it ought to be easier for you to discuss it with her. Don't be embarrassed. Not only does she likely masturbate herself, she has probably dealt with the question from other patients. You will enjoy it more when you know you don't have to be worried about it.

I am still a virgin, so masturbation is my only sexual outlet. I've only ever done it one way, by externally rubbing the clitoris until I reach orgasm. I prefer to have my underwear between my hand and my clitoris. I've never tried using a vibrator or fingering myself internally to reach orgasm, partly because I'm a bit put off by the idea. Is this normal? Also, I'm concerned because I've never gotten wet while masturbating, despite the fact that I get excited and have an orgasm. Does this mean that I won't get wet during actual sex, or is it because I'm masturbating wrong? Should I try a different masturbation technique? (age 21)

Everything you describe sounds normal, although wearing the underwear is a little unusual. It is likely that having a partner present would help you get wetter more than masturbating does. I don't think you have anything to worry about, and you should try a different technique only if you want to.

Is it true that some women don't have the ability to orgasm?

According to Masters & Johnson, the scientists who proved that there is a female orgasm, every female has the ability to have an orgasm. It is indeed true that not all women regularly have orgasms, however. For many, it is simply a matter of becoming more familiar with the body and the process that produces orgasm.

I was masturbating in the shower when my friend surprised me. She said she wouldn't tell and that she did it too. Then she started touching me. Now every time we have a sleepover, she wants to masturbate with me? Is this OK? (age 15)

I don't think so, but if it's what you want, then it's OK with you. If it's not OK with you, then you should tell her. And if she continues, then she's a rapist.

Recently, I've gotten into this habit of tensing up my torso at the point of orgasm, and I think it is limiting the pleasure of orgasm. Could you offer any advice on how to stop myself from doing this? (age 16)

I'm not convinced that is a problem, because 40 percent of males do that with their legs when they masturbate most of the time, according to a recent survey for this site, and only 7 percent never do it. I think it is because doing that tends to minimize any feeling that is coming in from the legs and lets them focus more on their genitals. You might be doing it for the same reason. If you really want to cut it out, just make a conscious effort to not do it. You say it's something that's only started recently. Then it shouldn't be too difficult to eliminate.

I have been masturbating with a very large fast-vibrating back massager since I was 12. There is no way I can reach orgasm with my hand or an object. I am extremely worried my boyfriend will not be be able to bring me to orgasm. What do you suggest I do to start being able to orgasm normally and how long do you think it will take? (age 17)

I don't know how you could expect him to bring you to orgasm when you can't do it yourself (without the back massager). It would be good to quit the back massager and learn to reach orgasm with your hands. It might take a year to get there. With any luck, less time. Try to enjoy what you (and your boyfriend) can do even if you aren't having orgasms.

Often when my boyfriend masturbates, he sometimes likes to take a while even though he can ejaculate in between five to ten minutes. Is this bad? Why is it that early ejaculation during intercourse is a bad thing while you encourage males to last not much longer than 10 minutes when masturbating? (age 15)

It is not bad to take as long as you want to. It is bad when one can't last more than a couple of minutes during intercourse (premature ejaculation) or when one can't come within 10 minutes no matter how hard he tries.

I generally masturbate face down. I've had sex, and TMS hasn't affected this. I sometimes masturbate while lying on my back; however, I feel I get much better orgasms from a face down position. This also means I can reach orgasm more than once. (age 17)

Although the evidence against female prone masturbation isn't as strong as the evidence against male, I advise women against it. Since you can get orgasms other ways, why not work on developing those, and avoiding the potential problems from prone masturbation.

One afternoon I was masturbating in the living room as my computer is there, without the door locked as no one was home. Suddenly, the front door opened and my brother and his friend were staring at me for a second and then closed the door immediately. I was so embarrassed as I was fully nude with a dildo. I felt so violated but my brother came and consoled me and said that it is normal. I was relieved but exposed so fully that I keep thinking of it when I masturbate and I cannot really concentrate! (age 18)

Try to relax and not think about that incident. Be glad you have a sympathetic brother.

I have been on the pill for a month and a half. Is it OK if my partner orgasms inside me? I'm just worried about getting pregnant. (age 16)

Your doctor should have advised you when it was safe to have intercourse after you started the pill. It ought to be safe by now. Keep in mind that no form of birth control is completely effective.

I have been masturbating prone since I was 7 and now I have trouble climaxing. I'm afraid my clitoris isn't sensitive anymore. I have never climaxed with my boyfriend and we've been doing it for 2 years. Is there something wrong with me? Can it be fixed? (age 19)

I would recommend moving away from prone masturbation. Abstaining from masturbating for about a week makes it easier for males to learn to masturbate conventionally, and it would probably help you too. After a few months, you are apt to notice a difference in your sexual functioning.

I've been masturbating prone since I was five. I can't orgasm any other way. I've been trying to masturbate conventionally since I was 19, but for some reason it makes me fall asleep. I've done everything I know how to orgasm another way. Nothing even comes close. I may get aroused by masturbating supine, but nowhere near orgasm. Also, I've tried not to fall asleep while massaging my clitoris, but it almost feels like I've been drugged. What should I do for help? (age 29)

If you have been working at it for 10 years, I would suggest seeing a sex therapist. You can find one in your area at http://www.sexologist.org. There might also be a support group to help you, if you live in a large enough city.

I masturbated on chair close to the balcony in my apartment house. I was alone that day. However, I was caught by the next door man who was on his balcony which is right next to mine. After I finished doing it and still had my hand inside my vagina, I saw that he was looking at me. I was really embarrassed. (age 23)

Everyone should remember that an apartment or hotel balcony is not a private space.

I caught my brother once (he's 15 months younger than me), but I played it off like I saw nothing. I ended up peeking and catching him again. I'm very curious. Is it odd that I'm turned on by this? Also, I'm not certain that he's trying to hide it. (age 14)

You ought to respect your brother's privacy and not spy on him. If you think he wants you to see, then suggest he go into a more private spot. It isn't odd that you're turned on, but you might start feeling very guilty of doing that later.

I haven't been masturbating for too long now, and when I do pleasure builds and then for few seconds I feel sort of like goosebumps all over my body, and my vagina contracts a few times. Is this an orgasm? I'm not sure because it doesn't feel that great. (age 15)

I think it is, or perhaps it's just the beginning of one. Orgasms aren't always earth-shaking, but most people find them very enjoyable. A lot of it is in your head. Be sure you're not distracted when you masturbate. It can make a big difference.

When I masturbate, my orgasms come back to back and usually within the first 3-5 seconds. Is this normal? (age 13)

I don't think those are orgasms. They only happen after more time spent masturbating than that.

I`ve been treated for depression by a psychiatrist. I'm still a virgin and that's one of my issues. My therapist suggested I masturbate to ease the ansiety. I've been doing it and I come, but afterward I just end up crying and feeling worse for having to pleasure myself because I don't have someone to give me pleasure. What do you think? I come and then I feel down, why? (age 20)

It seems to intensify your feelings of loneliness, but there are positive ways to look at it. By masturbating, you'll be more prepared for when you'll be able to have sex with someone. And masturbating can make you more sexually self-sufficient so you won't feel as needy for a partner. Instead of feeling sorry for pleasuring yourself, you should feel confident that you're building your sexual abilities. It will show after a while. Perhaps you should discuss these things with your therapist.

Why can I only reach orgasm doggy style? Nothing else can satisfy me. I want to be able to have an orgasm with me on top or him on top because we will be face to face and it is more romantic. Any tips? (age 18)

A lot of women your age can't have orgasms in intercourse at all, and some can't have orgasms period, so you are one of the lucky ones. It would probably be easier for you to have an orgasm in another position the longer it has been since your last orgasm. Just keep at it and try to enjoy the feelings you are having now.

Why can't I have an orgasm with my boyfriend? When we do it he has to stop a lot and we have tried every position and nothing has worked. Sometimes we can go for a long time and it feels great but I never have an orgasm. What are we doing wrong? I am not on the pill but we use condoms. Would it be better if I were on the pill so it wouldn't matter if he has an orgasm? (age 19)

Being on the pill wouldn't mean it wouldn't matter if your partner had an orgasm. It would not be an enjoyable experience for either of you if he couldn't reach orgasm. However, it would easier for both of you to have orgasms if you weren't using condoms. In that case, being on the pill would make it easier for you to reach orgasm. Also, the pill is more effective than condoms, so you might also be more at ease.

My boyfriend and I are very atttracted to each other sexually. He gets very turned on, very hard, but when we make love, he is unable to cum. Hours can go by, and nothing happens. He said this has gone on for years, and he is used to it but I feel he is losing out. He is 48 years old. Can you help? (age 47)

I can only suggest that he abstain from orgasm for 4-5 days before your next sexual encounter. It would probably be a good idea for him to see a competent sex therapist. He can find one near him at http://www.sexologist.org.

When I think about a guy I like, I get a feeling in my vagina like I have to go to the bathroom, but what comes out isn't urine. What is it? (age 13)

It is probably your vaginal lubricant. Now that you know that sensation doesn't mean you have to use the bathroom, you can look through this site and find out what other girls do when they get it.

I know this sounds insane, but seeing a baby cry gets me excited and makes me want to masturbate. I often masturbate thinking about crying babies. Am I the only one in the world who has this habit? (age 21)

Probably not. There is pretty wide variation in what turns people on. You shouldn't be ashamed of your fetish, but it would serve you well to find other things that also arouse you.

Whenever I try to insert even the tip of my finger into my vagina, it hurts. I wasn't sure I was putting it in the right place so I had a look and saw what I thought must be my hymen. It was like a fleshy pink lump. I had a look at your hymen gallery and now I'm confused. I didn't know that the hymen was supposed to have a hole in it already. When I look at mine, I can't see a hole at all. But I get my period every month, quite heavily. I don't know what to do. (age 16)

It is more important that you relax when you try to insert your finger. Start at the bottom of your vulvar lips. Then you are more likely to find the vagina instead of the urethra (which would hurt if you tried to stick a finger in). Be in a reclining position and take your time.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now and having sex for 2. I've never had an orgasm with him. I have no idea why. He knows I don't have orgasms and sometimes he feels really bad and guilty but I tell him not to worry. I have orgasms only when I'm alone and masturbate. (age 22)

Orgasmic difficulty is common for women in intercourse, even those who can masturbate to orgasm. It might be easier for him to give you an orgasm by hand, especially if you show him how you like to touch yourself. Once you've got that down, it makes sense to experiment with different intercourse positions until you find ones that are optimal for orgasm. It's also worth mentioning that some women masturbate while they're having intercourse.

I am a virgin. I masturbate with a water stream. Does that mean I would not be satisfied with vaginal intercourse? (age 18)

It is less likely you would be able to achieve orgasm in intercourse than a woman who is able to masturbate with her hands.

I have been masturbating since I was 10 and I have had a lot of orgasms. I have been doing it almost a full 2 years. Is this a good time to start inserting objects (markers, toothbrushes, etc.) into my vagina? I have used a highlighter before and there was some blood on it and I didn't have my period. Was that part of my vagina bleeding because I cut it? (age 12)

You might have torn your hymen or scraped your vaginal wall. I don't know that one time is better than any other to start using objects.

I have been masturbating since I was about 13. Unfortunately I began looking at pictures and eventually videos to reach orgasm faster. I realized that this was wrong and stopped around age 14, but still masturbated. The thing that scares me is that it is easier for me to orgasm thinking about women than about men, but I know I'm straight. I like guys, I date guys, and would never think of dating a girl. What's wrong with me? (age 15)

Perhaps you should not reject out of hand the idea that you're something other than straight. A lot of lesbians were dating males at your age. If thinking about women scares you, try thinking only about men, and see if your satisfaction is the same.

I was masturbating in the washroom, and my mom needed to use it. She saw that the door was locked and forced it open in like 2 seconds. She saw me with my pants down and my hand on my vulva and she was horrified. She yelled at me for masturbating and said how ashamed she was at me for doing such a thing and said that I should be ashamed at myself too, to be doing something so sexual at my age. After the incident, she taped the lock on the washroom and removed the lock on my bedroom door, saying that if I she ever caught me masturbating again, there would be consequences. I'm still confused because I thought that masturbating was normal. (age 12)

I usually tell parents of girls your age to print out my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation and give it to their daughters, but in your case, I think you should print it out for your mom. Most parents these days are very understanding and only a small number react the way your mom did.

I've been with my boyfriend for some time now and sometimes in the middle of sex he'll go soft and have to take things into his own hands. I hate this because I dont get anything out of it, but at the same time I want him to reach an orgasm. Is there anything we can do to keep this from happening so often? (age 17)

It is easier to reach orgasm the longer it's been since the last time. I would suggest he increase the interval between his orgasms (the ones with you and the other ones) before your next intercourse.

I have been masturbating for about 6 years now. I usually do it in the shower with a hand-held shower head set on the "jet" setting. I have also been sexually active for about 3 years and have never been able to reach an orgasm in intercourse. I figure it's because of masturbation. I even have a difficult time becoming aroused and getting wet. If I were to stop masturbating (which I did 5 days ago), how long would it take for me to become sensitive to my boyfriend's touch? (age 16)

I advise males who are quitting TMS to make it a two-step process. First learn to masturbate the conventional way, and then learn to have sex with a partner. The solution for females who are used to masturbating with running water is similar. First learn to masturbate using only your hands. This might take a month or more. Once you have been successfully having orgasms by hand for a month, then is the time to try having sex with a partner. I'm not confident that you can get over your water fatigue by skipping the middle step. A good plan would be to be having orgasms through manual masturbation a month from now and to try having sex with your boyfriend a month after that and with luck you might be having orgasms with him six months from now.

I've been using the shower faucet to bring myself to orgasm since I was about 8; I've been doing it for eight years now. Should I stop this because I can't seem to feel anything from my fingers. I'm also afraid that I won't orgasm when I have sexual intercourse. (age 16)

I think those fears are well founded. I would recommend giving up the shower faucet forever. Then try abstaining from masturbating for as long as you can stand, possibly two weeks to a month. Then work on having an orgasm by hand. I think you will notice an increase in sensitivity within six months.

I try to masturbate but the only time I can do it is in bed at 1:00 a.m. There is no privacy in my house during the day and we are never home. Any ideas? (age 15)

Unless you can work out a schedule that would give you some privacy, 1:00 a.m. is it.

Last night when I was masturbating in my bedroom (I do that every night), when my sister came to my room. Randomly, she realized I was naked. She said, "What are you doing naked?" Then I told her that I was touching myself, and she told me that it's not healthy to touch myself, and I'll get a yeast infection. She asked if I wash my hands, and I said yes. She also tried to tell my parents about this as well, I was embarrassed and am afraid to get yeast infection. What should I do? (age 16)

I'm sure your parents were also embarrassed to hear this report. I doubt they'll say anything to you. A yeast infection caused by masturbating would be very rare. It would help if you don't introduce sugar to your vagina. If you get one, they're generally no big deal. You shouldn't let the fear of one interfere with the pleasure of masturbating. And your sister needs to grow up.

Just today I was caught by my little sister who's 11 and all she did was look through part of the door (because i have no lock and my door doesn't close all the way) and ran away. She had been downstairs and I had the whole upstairs to myself. I tried to make it look like I was changing into my pajamas and I'm not sure if she knew what I was doing. (age 11)

You might get the door fixed. Privacy protects not only the person who's masturbating but also the person who might see.

How can I get longer orgasms? Mine aren't 8 seconds, only a few. (age 16)

Practice makes perfect! Lots of girls your age aren't able to orgasm at all, so you are ahead of the game. Keep at it!

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for six months, and it has never been a problem. However, when we started to have sex the other day, it sort of burned, and then afterward when I urinated, it stung and burned really badly. I think this may be a cut inside my vagina but I am not sure. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex with anyone else so I know it is not an STD. What could this be other than a cut, and how long does it take to heal? We tried sex again, and it still hurt, but not nearly as bad as the first time. (age 16)

It is probably either a cut or tear or some kind of irritated skin. I think it would be OK if you left it alone for a few days. It might help to rinse the area off just in case some kind of chemical is involved.

I have not masturbated before. My boyfriend can make me orgasm by using his finger to stimulate my clit, and I have also had an orgasm while having intercourse with him. However, when I tried to masturbate myself, it didn't seem to work. I literally have no feeling when doing it. Is there some problem with me? (age 21)

No, I think you just need practice. Try to simulate as closely as you can what your boyfriend does when he gives you an orgasm.

My boyfriend is uncircumcised and when he retracts his foreskin, the head of his penis is really pink compared to the outer part and the rest of his penis. Is this normal? I just want to make sure he doesn't have an infection. (age 26)

Yes, that is normal.

I have been mastubating for almost 2 years now and I like it, but I feel that I am doing something bad. Is there a certain age you should be when you masturbate? That really worries me. (age 12)

It shouldn't worry you. It is normal and healthy and fun. There is no particular age to start.

Yesterday I barged into my boyfriend's room while he was masturbating. He was ejaculating when I saw him. Though we both know that both of us masturbate, it's the first time that I've actually seen a guy masturbating, so it was kind of a shock. I just turned back and ran home, but I guess I should have been more cool about it. What do you think I should do? As a girlfriend, should I try to act normal, or talk about it with him? By the way, he's normally cool about me just barging into his room; he has told me that there is no necessity to knock. But I don't know what to do. It's embarrassing. (age 15)

You should have stayed to talk about it. You've been open about masturbation before. Maybe he wanted you to catch him. Maybe he wanted it to lead to some other kind of sexual interaction.

My boyfriend sucked really hard and long on my clitoris and three days later it's still swollen red and hurts. I didn't have an orgasm either. Can you help me? (age 18)

One of the key differences between men and women is that men want the same movement over and over while women can become fatigued or even injured if the stimulation is repetitive. Varying the amount and type of stimulation he gives you will not only prevent this type of injury but will make it easier for you to have an orgasm. Let him know when he's worked on one spot long enough.

My friend and her boyfriend haven't been having sexual intercourse, just oral and such. Now they're wanting to put "just the tip" of the penis in her vagina. She says it wouldn't take her virginity away. My friends and I disagree with her though. (age 14)

I disagree too. If any part of the penis goes inside her vulvar lips, she is no longer a virgin. A lot of people also would say that someone who has had oral sex is not a virgin.

I have been masturbating for a very long time, but only by stimulating my clitoris; never by inserting anything into my vagina. When a partner tries to do it, I can't have an orgasm. I have had an orgasm vaginally, but I get a sensation like I need to urinate. Does this feeling mean I'm close to having an orgasm? (age 19)

It's a good sign. Since you are used to orgasms by hand, it might help if your partner tried to give you one that way. If he were successful, he might have a better chance of giving you one vaginally. Don't be discouraged; many women are unable to reach orgasm in intercourse.

I had sex with my boyfriend last night protected. I was on my period. I loved it but now I am not on my period. Should I be worried? (age 15)

I don't think so. When you have your period is when you are least fertile. Also, you used protection. If your period went away, that is only a coincidence.

When I try to finger myself, I only get feeling from jiggling my finger around, but not much of anything from moving it in and out. What will I do when I have sex? Is it because my finger is too small? I tried two and it was uncomfortable. (age 16)

I think you will have better feeling when you get more practice. Don't be self-conscious.

When I am masturbating, should I stop right at the orgasm or keep going during it? And when a guy says how big his penis is, does he mean erect size or normal?(age 16)

It is good if you keep going as long as it feels good. That is how some women have multiple orgasms. Erect size, definitely.

I had sex for the first time last week. I hurt my vagina. I have been masturbating for years. Why would sex hurt so much? Could my vagina be too narrow? (age 18)

Your vagina can stretch to accomodate a baby's head. It will hurt less with practice. It helps if you have a partner who can be slow and gentle.

When I masturbate I imagine I'm having sex with the boy I like. I don't want to have sex for quite a while (when I am 18). But I always think of him when I masturbate. Is that normal? (age 13)

Yes, it is. However, it is good if you can have fantasies about more than one person.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder for someone else, right? Someone I'm with will be going to Washington for a week. We have a close relationship, and by then we will have been together for three months, and we've had sex too. I'll have contact with them, by text, phone, and instant messaging. Do you think everything will be okay? I'm afraid we'll grow apart. (age 14)

A week is not so long to be apart. You can make him respect you more by not constantly texting, calling, or IMing him.

My boyfriend and I recently tried some things and found that he couldnt get much more than an inch of a finger in me without me saying "ow." I looked on your site, and it looks like I have a septate hymen. Should it hurt this much? Should I see a doctor?

A septate hymen shouldn't hurt more than a normal one, but it might be harder to break. If you continue having trouble, it might be worthwhile to see a doctor.

Why do girls have a hymen? And how long does it take for sperm to die after they get on your hand? (age 16)

The hymen is useful in assessing whether young girls have been sexually abused. Sperm can probably not live for an hour outside of a protective environment.

Follow-up: I meant does the hymen serve any function to the body? If not, why is it there if it is just going to break later anyway?

I described a function of the hymen. I don't believe it has any other function.

One time I was lying in bed with my best friend watching a movie. She said she needed to go home for dinner but she would be back to finish the movie later at night. Once she left I couldn't help myself; I ripped ofd my jeans and undies and started masturbating furiously. I was moaning slightly when I heard footsteps. I figured it was my brother going to his room but my best friend opened my door and walked in on me. I was so embarrassed. She never came back to my house again and we barely speak. (age 18)

That's too bad. You might try telling her that you're not ashamed of what you were doing and you're not upset with her for coming in. She is probably embarrassed about it too, but as you've doubtless read on this site, it's a normal thing that the vast majority of women your age do, and it's also pretty common to have someone accidentally walk in on you.

Sometimes after orgasms, I don't feel satisfied. I know they are real orgasms. Should I try to get more orgasms when this happens? (age 16)

It would be worth trying to have multiple orgasms until you're satisfied. If you can't have multiple orgasms, then multiple masturbation sessions in succession will probably not be very satisfying. It might help if you can figure out why your orgasms are not satisfying.

A couple of days ago I had the biggest ogasm I've ever had. I was at the point that I could barely moan or make any sort of noise except gasping for air. Is it normal for girls to have an orgasm that big that causes a person to gasp for air? (age 13)

That is pretty intense. I think it's good that you can have such great orgasms at your age. Congratulations.

I dont know what you believe exacly, but I am a Catholic and my dad told me that masturbating is a mortal sin and that if I have ever done it must confess it to our priest. I have masturbated before; every day recently, in fact. And I dont want to stop! I am too embarrassed to confess it. What do you think I should do? (age 13)

I'm Protestant, so I can't help too much with this conundrum. Perhaps there are some older Catholic girls in your church you could talk to about it?

I recently had sexual intercourse with my boyfriend for the first time. When we were getting ready his penis was hard and fully erect. After he put a condom on, it went soft. This got worse when he tried to enter me. Is there anything I can do that will keep him erect longer? The condoms we were using were natural feel and he thought they may have been too tight. Should I give him oral sex beforehand? (age 16)

That would make it worse. It would be better if he abstained from ejaculation longer before your next attempt. It will probably get easier for him with some experience.

My boyfriend and I are both virgins and we have been talking about having sex but I know that my first time will most likely hurt. If I finger myself or use other objects before actual intercourse will that lessen the pain? Will it make any difference? (age 18)

At this point, it will probably make little difference. If you had started using the objects years ago, then you would likely have an easier time of your first intercourse. A few weeks of practice with objects isn't apt to help and might make things worse. Don't anticipate pain. It will keep you from enjoying the experience.

You have a great site!! Thank you so much for the info! I've always masturbated externally and have used pads, so it scared me what I found out when I started using tampons. I think I might have something abnormal about my hymen or vagina. I looked at the hymen gallery at your site, and I first thought that I had septate hymen. But its not a bridge, it's more like a wall. Almost as if I have two vaginas. Its so hard to explain without using a picture! It's like a tube, that has a wall dividing it in the middle. It's a think wall. It hurts so bad if a tampon pushes against it! I tried to tear it using my hairbrush, but it just hurt too much. And my vaginas are tight. I can put in a tampon or one finger, but it hurts if put in two fingers. Do you think I should see a doctor? Is there some surgery that I should have? (age 15)

It would be a good idea for you to be examined by a doctor or nurse practitioner, who can see if there is anything abnormal about your vagina (I doubt there is) and explain to you about the parts of your anatomy. It is always a bad idea to tear your hymen intentionally. You might not be aiming for the right place.

Ever since I was 11, I've fantasized about being raped. I fantasize about being pinned down and choked. Most of the time it's the only thing that I can masturbate to. I told my best friend this, and she said that I'm weird. What should I do? (age 15)

Rape is a common fantasy for females. You're not weird. It would help if you could develop other fantasies that also work for you. Sometimes reading stories or looking at pictures can help you develop new fantasies.

I'm 17 and I'm straight. I am physically attracted to males but when I masturbate images of females turn me on and when I think of males while I masturbate, I don't really feel anything and they don't excite me. It's almost a turnoff. Is this normal?

It's normal to be aroused by images of people you're physically attracted to.

This is a really embarrassing story. When my parents and my older brother were gone and I had the whole house to myself, I decided to go in my room and masturbate. I started rubbing my clitoris and sticking my hand in my vagina. Right about the time I had and orgasm I heard my parents walk up the stairs. I nearly had a heart attack. I tore out of my bed and went for the door handle but it was too late. My mom walked in, looked terrified, and quickly shut the door. Is it normal for girls my age to masturbate? I have also done it in my pool and in my bathtub. (age 13)

Yes, that is pretty normal.

Before I go to sleep, I usually fantasize about sex with guys. Is this normal? (age 15)

Yes, very.

Is it possible to get pregnant masturbating next to a male? (age 19)

Make sure you don't get any of his sexual fluids on your hands.

I'm very confused about sexual orientation. I like kissing guys, but I find sex with them repulsive. I've never done anything with a girl, but I wouldn't mind kissing one (even though I'd prefer kissing a guy) and I even like the idea of sex with a girl. Is this normal? Am I bi or lesbian? I know I can't be straight. I fantasize about girls frequently. (age 14)

At your age, I would advise against sex even if your preferences were perfectly clear. Perhaps by the time you're 16, everything will make a lot more sense.

Why do I dream about masturbating? It happens a lot and I actually have an orgasm in my dreams. Why does this happen? Sometimes I have really weird dreams about guys masturbating (I don't see their penises but I know that's what they're doing.) And I have dreams about me being naked and people looking at me. Is there something wrong with me? (age 19)

No, I think that's all normal. It might reflect your subconscious belief that you're not having enough orgasms when you're awake. Being naked in front of a large number of strange men is a common female fantasy.

I have masturbated for a while and wondered if using saliva as a lubricant is bad or inserting things deep into my vagina is bad? Also, one of my labia minora is quite large and flaps outside of my outer lips. Could this be a result of too much masturbation? I am still a virgin. (age 19)

Saliva is OK for males but for females you run the risk of introducing something to your vagina that can cause an infection if you have been eating recently. It might be time for you to try a commercial lubricant made especially for sex, like K-Y Liquid or Astroglide. There is a lot of variation in labia, and I don't think you have to worry that masturbation is making yours different.

I really love your site!!! My boyfriend wants to have sex with me but I'm still a virgin and I don't really have any idea about sex. I want to do it with him, but I feel so stupid because of my innocence. What should I do? (age 16)

I think you should wait a while longer, until you can be completely comfortable about it.

I can never reach an orgasm. I try fantasies, videos, pictures, and using my hands. How can I reach an orgasm? (age 16)

Practice and patience. I think you'll be having orgasms soon.

I am 28 and my partner is 30. I don't mind that he masturbates, but I want to make sure that his interest in sex with me is healthy. We both work full time and are in school full time and have been together about a year and a half. Often when our external stresses are lower, we will have sex at least 2-3 times per week, but when work and school get us stressed, we seem to only have sex about once a week, yet he masturbates nearly every day. I think this is probably just a result of stress and has nothing to do with me, really, but I wanted a male opionion regarding whether or not this is normal. I have a healthy sex drive for a female, and I don't want to allow myself to feel insecure that he might prefer masturbation to me.

Many men masturbate when they could be having sex because it allows them to relieve themselves without having to satisfy a partner. However, what you describe (sex once a week while masturbating daily) is extreme. It would be a lot better if it were closer to the other way around. It would help if you could discuss this with your partner and let him know you're willing to have sex more.

My boyfriend and I recently started having sex. We were both virgins. Whenever he penetrates me with a condom on, it burns terribly to the point that I can't take it. He has penetrated me without a condom on and it didn't burn. We've tried different kinds of condoms (all latex) and same thing happens. What could be the problem? (age 18)

It could be a latex allergy. There are condoms available made of PVC (they will be labeled as non-latex), but they don't protect against STDs as well as latex condoms. If you were really both virgins, then I suspect you're using the condoms for contraception. If you're confident that your partner was really a virgin and remains faithful, then trying PVC condoms might be a good plan.

If you masturbate too frequently, can you lose your hymen completely? Do you need your hymen for childbirth? (age 13)

The erosion of the hymen is caused not by frequency but by the amount of contact with it. The hymen is not needed for childbirth; after childbirth, there are not even remnants of it left.

I started masturbating last summer when I was curious. I have felt very guilty about it ever since, but I still do it 2-3 times a week. I told my best friend about it the other night and found out that she had been doing it too!! I use the shower head turned on high.. Will it hurt me? Thanks for having such and informative site! I wish I knew about it long ago!! (age 16)

Now that you can share notes with your friend, I hope you will be less guilty. It is better if you don't use running water. The most sexually successful females use only their hands.

You give really sound, educated, non-sugar-coated advice. I just recently found out that my boyfriend has been unfaithful during our relationship. I really love him, and despite what he's done, I'd love to just move on and forget it and be with him. However, I would also like to be sure that he won't do it again, and based on how long I've known him I know when he's lying, and I believe he's sorry. What's your take? Should I stay with him, or will he look at it as a license to keep cheating?

A lot of women would tell you to drop him and move on. I think you might be able to make the relationship work if you tell him absolutely, positively that you will dump him if he ever cheats again. However, if he does, then that is what you must do, otherwise he has a license to cheat.

I have been masturbating for a few weeks now. After it's over, my legs shake and it's hard to walk. I feel wobbly for a while and wonder if I'm harming myself? (age 16)

I doubt it. You must be lucky to have such intense orgasms! It might help to rest for a few minutes after you're done.

I'm planning to have sex in a few years. I'm nervous because I masturbate using water stimulation Will sex be worse or better if I stop doing water stimulation? How will I know? (age 14)

Females tend to be more responsive in sex if they don't masturbate with running water. If you're not planning to be sexually active for several years, you have plenty of time to change.

I happened to look in the mirror right after I finished masturbating today, and my face was very red. Is this normal, and can anyone else tell? (age 16)

Yes, that is called sex flush, and it happens in about 30 percent of both males and females. If someone sees you before it goes away (usually within 10 minutes), they will have a pretty good clue that you've just have an orgasm.

I only started having sex about a year ago with a guy that I am still dating. He has a very low sex drive. Even though I am very attractive, he would rather spend hours studying for college. It makes me very frustrated that he always tells me sex makes him very tired and he cannot focus on his studying. He accepts fellatio once in a while. Of course I masturbate and I recently bought a vibrator, which made things even worse between us. What should I do? (age 23)

I think you should find a man whose sexual desires are more in line with yours. I suspect he will have a different excuse for not having sex once he is through with college. If sex makes him tired, then why don't you have it at bedtime? Many people do exactly that. I have to believe that there is a deeper problem.

My boyfriend and I broke up unfortunately last year. I never stopped loving him, and I know he feels the same way. Now he has a fianc? whom he doesn't love and doesn't want to marry. I want him back, and I want to make love. What can I do to get him back?

You might be in denial about him never stopping loving you. If he doesn't want to marry her, then why are they engaged? Give him a call and make one last pitch to let him know how you feel, but if he doesn't go for it, move on to somebody else who really wants you.

One day I was masturbating in the living room in front of the computer and was watching a music video on my iPod while I did it. I didn't hear my mom come in the front door. She asked why I was naked and I was so scared I thought I would die. I told her I was itchy. It seemed like she believed me and told me to go upstairs and take a shower. I couldn't tell her the truth! She probably would've disowned me. What should I do if it happens again? (age 15)

You should do what you can to see that it doesn't happen again. I don't think any mother in the Western world would disown her daughter for masturbating. Even so, there is no reason to tell her, and you are very clever to have thought of that.

I just found out that my boyfriend had a threesome with two women behind my back and lied to me when I asked him if he cheated on me. What should I do? (age 28)

I recommend dumping him and getting tested for STDs.

Does being able to vocalize make a huge difference in your orgasms? (age 18)

It's hard to say for sure, but people who have enough privacy that they can vocalize often prefer to. I think this means the vocalizing makes a difference in their orgasms.

I only get a good sensation by masturbating on top of my clothes and I can't stand the feeling of something inside me. Is that normal? Also, once I masturbated standing up, leaning against a wall, and I nearly passed out. Is this normal? (age 18)

There are a lot of different female opinions on how to masturbate, and for a small number of women it is normal to masturbate through clothes. More than a few women don't like having objects inside when they masturbate. Most women, of course, like objects and also masturbate directly rather than through clothes. I have heard of a few women having such an intense orgasm that they passed out. That is extremely rare, and quite dangerous if you masturbate anyplace but bed.

I want to thank you for this site to help me understand that I'm not the only teen who has masturbated and has been curious about the sexual side of me. For other teens out there, thank you for posting things on this site. I once masturbated and bled and was curious and this site is the best for understanding what's going on. Thank you. (age 13)

It's nice of you to write.

I recently switched from masturbating with the shower head to using my hands. It takes longer to reach orgasm with my hands. Is this normal? (age 16)

Yes, it is. You will be able to reach orgasm faster once you are used to the feeling.

I have never been caught but my sister knows I masturbate and when she found out she made me promise never to do it again, or if I do make sure she never finds out. She has never masturbated but is stubborn on saying it's wrong. Now whenever I masturbate I cannot focus and enjoy it as much because I remember her telling me it's not normal. (age 14)

Your sister is immature. Would it help if I told you it's normal? Your sister's problem is in her head. Why not leave it in there and not let it spread to yours.

Do guys have a better orgasm if more ejaculate comes out? (age 16)

I'm inclined to believe a better orgasm makes more ejaculate come out, but yes.

I masturbate very frequently (2-3 times a day). Recently I accidentally slipped this to my friend over the phone. I've liked him for three years and I know he likes me back but I don't know to what extent. When he realized what I said, he asked for all the little details. Do you think he did so because he was excited by it or just curious? (age 15)

Probably both. Don't be surprised if your relationship turns sexual soon.

I've been masturbating for years but I never did it more than twice a week. I used running water and external masturbation. Now above my clitoris I am sagging a lot, so I quit. Will the sagging go away or will it stay forever? Do you know any ways to help it? (age 16)

Masturbating didn't make it that way. It is probably not as noticeable as you think. Other people won't judge you on it anyway.

Sometimes I look at pictures or videos on the Internet to get aroused, because often nothing else can arouse me, not even making out with a guy. Is this bad? I wouldn't do it if there were other ways for me but it's the only way I can masturbate comfortably. (age 15)

Most girls your age are not in touch with their means of arousal, but it is surprising that actual physical contact with a guy doesn't arouse you. There is probably no reason to worry about it for a few years. In the meantime, you ought to feel OK about looking at pictures.

I was giving my boyfriend oral sex. I noticed he had a scab on the underside of his penis. The scab was narrow, running lengthwise along his penis, closer to the head but not quite at the tip. Now, I'm curious. Could this be a scab from sex with someone else? Is this a sign of infidelity? (age 35)

It can obviously have been caused a lot of ways, perhaps even a zipper accident. You obviously don't trust him very much. Why not ask what caused the scab, and then ask some follow-up questions to see if you can tell if he's being deceptive.

Follow-up: I asked him about it while I was about to perform oral sex on him again, so that he couldn't say he didn't have a scab. When I asked "what happened to you right here?," he touched it himself, looked crazy, almost as if he had seen a ghost and shook his head "no," as if he had no idea where it came from, and didn't know it was there. He then pulled up his pants, changed the subject and started acting weird until finally he left.

That sounds like deceptive behavior to me. Would he have noticed the scab when he urinated? If so, then he was definitely lying about something. Even if it was not noticeable through ordinary handling of the penis, I don't think an honest person would have acted as he did. Maybe you are right to be suspicious.

I started masturbating around the age of 10, not knowing what it was. My sister caught me and told my mom, who yelled at me and said it was a sin. I felt so ashamed and confused, since I did not know what I did wrong. I KNOW as a fact it IS a normal thing for girls my age to do, but she just won't accept it. I'm very afraid she will catch me one day. I lightly brought the topic up and eventualy the conversation led on to her saying she would disown me if I masturbated! What should I do? (age 14)

It would be a good idea to avoid talking about it. That might be the most important thing.

My boyfriend has erectile dysfunction, and I was wondering what we can do to fix it. (age 19)

It is inadvisable to diagnose it yourself. HealthyStrokes.com mostly helps people with idiosyncratic masturbatory styles learn to masturbate conventionally. It would be worthwhile to see a doctor to rule out a more serious problem.

I've been masturbating regularly since I was 18 and have had many great orgasms. But when I turned 37, I noticed the quality and strength of my orgasms began to decline. It's as if the nerve endings in my clitoris and the surrounding muscles have weakened or simply burned out. I do Kegels, have checked with my gynecologist, and am physically healthy. Because of the decline in pleasure, I've been masturbating less and have even found that my fantasies don't work as well anymore when I try to masturbate. Now I have little sexual desire and in dating, I'm more willing to give blow jobs than to have intercourse. Even though I'm fine physically, I feel like there's something wrong with me because I don't even feel the desire to masturbate or get any pleasure from it. I even feel less physically attractive since my sexuality took a nose dive and that makes the situation worse. Is it normal for the sex drive to fall off like this? (age 37)

It's been less than a year. Maybe you're making too much of it. It might be worthwhile for you to join an online women's sexuality support group or an in-person one if you live in a large enough place. Try to find a group that will encourage you instead of just depress you with their stories of hopelessness. If you can afford it or your insurance would cover it, you might see a sexologist specializing in female sexuality for a few sessions. You can find listings at http://www.sexologist.org.

I am a 34 year old female. I am not a prude, a virgin or have any super strange fetishes. I have a very good friend who is only just a friend because we live on opposite sides of the planet. We are soon going to be on the same side of the planet and my problem is this: He made me aware through a badly executed joke that he is uncircumcised. I have not the faintest idea what the heck to do with an uncircumcised penis. I have looked up some pictures, read some stuff, but I can't tell what is accurate and what is inaccurate. Also, I would like to find some sort of videos of uncut men engaged in sex that is actually educational. I looked your site over and other than making my stomach churn at how young a lot of these kids are (I have a 12 year old daughter and am I gonna have a talk with her later) but you give good advice, and I was hoping you could steer me in the right direction. I am really hoping that this becomes a physical relationship and I would like it to be a pleasant one if it does.

You ought not be worried. You do the same things with an uncircumcised penis that you do with a circumcised one. He will show you what to do. It's not a puzzle; it's an adventure. Don't worry, be happy.

Once I was masturbating in my room, and my brother barged in and saw me. I was fully naked with a dildo. He smiled and said, "Does your boyfriend do that to you too?" I was mortified, and I have a feeling that he is going to bring it up with my parents. What should I do? (age 15)

He has nothing to say about you. In all likelihood, he masturbates more than twice as often.

I never masturbated while growing up; it never seemed to interest me. I have a very healthy sex life now, and my husband has no problem helping me achieve orgasm, including multiples, both orally and vaginally. However, I have started to experiement with masturbation now and cannot seem to ever reach orgasm masturbating. Why can't I when I can achieve it through sex? (age 32)

Most women report the opposite experience: They can orgasm masturbating but not through sex. I think you will be able to orgasm that way after some more experimenting. Just try to be relaxed and focus on what will increase your arousal.

I masturbate with a lubed up bendy straw. I put the straw in my vagina and gently push down. I also rotate the short part of the straw so it hits my clit. Is that OK to do? (age 14)

I think so, but it would be a good idea to use a fresh straw every time (perhaps buy a box of them), so you don't have to worry about introducing anything organic into your vagina.

I have a weak bladder and when I orgasm I sometimes lose urine. Is there any way to stop this or strengthen my bladder? (age 15)

Kegel exercises can help you maintain control.

My boyfriend and I have had unprotected sex a couple of times, but he says he never ejaculated into my vagina. I think I might be pregnant. I haven't had my period for about a month or two (I think) so could this be a sign of pregnancy? Should there be any other signs that I might be pregnant or should I just get tested? (age 17)

Unprotected sex (and even protected sex) carry with them the risk of pregnancy. I find it extremely unlikely he never ejaculated into your vagina, if he had an orgasm. Even if he didn't have an orgasm, he could still leak sperm-containing fluids into your vagina. Getting tested should be a priority. There are home pregnancy tests that can give you an idea of what the result will be. You also ought to keep track of when you have your periods with a calendar.

I don't always think of my boyfriend when I masturbate. Should I only think of him? (age 22)

There is no reason to feel guilty about that. Think about whatever makes you aroused. I can assure you that your boyfriend doesn't think only of you when he masturbates.

I have fantasies when I masturbate about a teacher I once had. He was one of the most handsome male men I ever knew. I often wonder if I am the only girl that ever thinks about this when she masturbates. Is this normal? (age 17)

Yes, it is very normal.

Is masturbating once a week OK? (age 17)

Yes.

I've had unprotected sex a few times and lately I've been eating more than usual. Could I be pregnant? (age 15)

If you've had unprotected sex, you certainly could be; however, food cravings typically are not one of the first signs.

I was reading your male page and someone mentioned a "mile high club." I'm not familiar with that. Will you please explain? (age 23)

It means having sex in an airplane.

I would like to say thank you because your site has helped a lot with questions I have. I have been masturbating since I was 11 and I have tried to masturbate by putting my fingers into my vagina. It felt weird and I didn't reach orgasm. Is there anything I can do to to make it feel less weird and reach an orgasm? (age 13)

You might continue masturbating externally for now. When you are a little older, I think it will feel less weird.

Did you just decide to make a web site on masturbation and other stuff one day or did you study it in college? (female, age 13)

That's a very good question! I had come across Dr. Sank's article on TMS and was working on overcoming TMS myself. One day I was taking a pretty long car trip by myself and thought it would be worthwhile to put up a couple of pages about TMS and start the online support group on Yahoo. The general questions and topics -- which now make up most of this site -- came later. I never took any sex classes in college or graduate school but I've probably read as much on the subject as Ph.D. sexologists.

I'm a single Christian woman. I've had a hard time getting Christian men attracted to me as more than friends. It's against the rules of my church to dress slutty or flirt with them. How can I be "pretty" and sexy at the same time? How can I get even one Christian guy I am interested in to be sexually interested enough in me to want to date me? (age 32)

You've got me interested! You can flirt with men gently, in a manner that won't raise anyone's eyebrows. It might be just a matter of being friendly and smiling a lot. It can help if you let key people in your church know that you're single and looking. If your church doesn't have a singles group, you could start one, or join a multi-church Christian singles group. Try to give the men who ask you out a chance. To keep them from becoming your friend, don't let them. Don't let them speak to you in a way they would talk to their male friends. If you can't make it past that point, then move on.

I used to get to a point in masturbating when I came close to orgasm, and it would happen no matter what, even if I stopped touching. Now I have to stimulate myself the entire time. I guess it's not really a bad thing, but I feel like the old orgasms were more intense. Can people desensitize themselves over time? (age 16)

I don't think you're desensitized, but you've probably gotten more used to the feeling and it's become more automatic. You are essentially able to control it before where you couldn't before. The orgasms are no less intense. Just keep at it and find out what you like.

Is it possible to be born without a hymen? When I look in the mirror at my genitals, it doesn't look like I have a hymen. I have masturbated internally only a few times, as I usually masturbate externally. Please help. I'm really worried. (age 14)

One girl in a thousand is born without a hymen.

I am a graduate student in psychology and with some quick research I discovered that though Dr. Lawrence Sank hypothesized that TMS is dangerous, no recent medical studies have followed up on his ideas. His ideas are also not widely accepted in the medical community. If, however, there has been further research I would gladly be open to reading it. (age 22)

Congratulations on getting into graduate school at your age! I have some other articles that have been done and will send them to you if you e-mail me privately. Getting things accepted in the medical community is often a matter of publicity.

I have not tried masturbating with my hand, but I use a back massager. I love it and it's the only way I've found I can have an orgasm. Is this bad? Should I just try it with my hand? Also, I find that when I'm trying to have an orgasm, it's easiest when I think about girls masturbating. Does this mean I'm lesbian or bi? I have a boyfriend who I am sexually active with and I feel aroused with him, so I've always thought I'm straight. (age 15)

I suggest giving up the back massager and learning to masturbate with your hand. It does not mean you're lesbian or bi because you sometimes fantasize about women. It's good that there is more than one thing that turns you on.

I came home the other day and heard my 16 year old daughter running around upstairs. When I went into my room, I found the homemade sex tape of my wife and me running in the VCR, and when I put it back in hiding, I found my wife's dildo, still wet and warm. How should I approach my daughter? (age 41)

The issue is not about her masturbating but about her failing to respect your privacy. I suggest you tell her you know what she was doing and that you expect her to respect your privacy in the future. You might offer to get her some of her own equipment. It might also be a good idea to erase the homemade sex tape or at least put a lock on the hiding place.

I need a second opinion concerning performing oral sex on a male. I understand that oral is a normal part of a sexual relationship if both parties consent, but I find that a lot of guys automatically consider girls trashy if they perform oral sex. Even in serious, committed relationships in which sex is a common practice, if a girl gives a guy oral sex, she's automatically considered easy or slutty. I know that it really depends on the individuals, but I have a lot of male friends and it seems that most of them share this idea. They all want oral sex and enjoy it but any girl that will give them one is easy. I'm just unsure about it. If my partner wanted one, I assume I'd give him one, but I wouldn't want to be considered trashy for wanting to please someone I care about. The first time I let a guy finger me, he called me easy the next day. I'm just not sure how most males feel about it. It used to just be sex that made girls easy, but now oral sex is the trashy thing to do. I'm just confused. (age 19)

You ought not do anything you're not comfortable with. Why not see how the male in question speaks of women in general. If he refers to any by words that you don't want used to refer to you, then don't do anything sexual with him. Also, consider your own needs in deciding what you will do sexually and not just what will please the male.

Do most females my age masturbate? Do they prefer internal or external orgasms? (age 17)

Yes, most do. Most prefer external masturbation at your age.

I masturbate externally but I have never masturbated internally before. I have not had intercourse, but when aroused, I feel like I want to masturbate internally, but it's painful. I also feel pain when trying to insert a tampon. What should I do? I'm glad I found this web site! (age 17)

Try to be relaxed when trying to masturbate internally or inserting a tampon. You are probably contracting your vaginal muscles more than necessary. There is nothing wrong with masturbating externally, and you obviously have found it satisfying.

My boyfriend and I are both virgins, but we are planning on having sex when we return to college next week. We plan to use some sort of contraception, but we aren't sure what. We both agreed that we would rather not use condoms our first time because we both want to be able to experience every sensation. I'm not on birth control. He suggested that he pull out before ejaculation, but I don't want him to because I know he'll reach climax before I do and I want to be completely satisfied during my first time. Is there any other way to protect myself from unwanted accidents?

I've heard about a "morning-after pill," but I've also heard that it's a bit controversial. What is it, what does it do, and why is it considered controversial? Also, I know this is a dumb question for someone my age who should know by now but I was never taught or informed of these things. Where can I find this pill (in Texas) and where can I get birth control pills. (I don't have a regular doctor)

I also worry about how pleasurable the experience will be for me. I've been masturbating since I was around 12 or so, both internally and externally, often several times a day. I also first started masturbating using water pressure and continued that way for a while, though I don't do it anymore. I don't masturbate as much as I used to; however, I still masturbate at least once or twice a week, and my boyfriend and I engage in very vigorous foreplay. However, whether I pleasure him manually or orally, he doesn't last very long. Also, when he pleasures me, it takes me an INCREDIBLY long time to reach climax. I have a feeling it's because of all the masturbation and such I've done in the past. I read somewhere on your site that using water pressure to masturbate makes it more difficult for you to reach climax with a partner later. I'm very worried about whether I'll be satisfied our first time. I know that he can stimulate me manually as we're going at it, but I really would rather him not our first time. Also, I just wanted to say this is a really great site you have going. I only wish I could have had such a site to turn to as I was growing up. Thank you, and keep up the great work. (age 19)

You are worried too much about what is not important and not worried enough about what is. If you take birth control and the prevention of STDs seriously, you should use condoms every time. If your long-term plan is to use condoms, then you should not go bare the first time, because it will make it harder for you to use condoms after that. If you plan to be sexually active on a regular basis, birth control pills are your best option. You need to see a doctor for birth control pills. Another option that is less effective than either the pill or condoms is contraceptive jelly. However, it does not protect against STDs. The morning-after pill is used to prevent implantation of the zygote in case of conception. Some people consider it a form of abortion, and that's why it's controversial. It can cause nasty side effects (bleeding, vomiting) so it ought to be taken only as a last resort, if at all.

A history of masturbation will make a woman more sexually responsive her first time, not less. I doubt that your having used water pressure so long ago will make a difference. Most women don't have orgasms during their first intercourse. You should not feel let down if you do not. It would probably be better if he could satisfy you manually before you have vaginal intercourse.

I m 17 and I ve been masturbating for such a long time that I can practically say I have a black belt in masturbating. I often think about sex which usually leads to fantasies and I m worried that this is more of a male behavior. Even though I am a very sexual person, I have decided to wait a few more years before I have sex. My biggest concern is when I have sex that it will be hard for men to satisfy me and that men wouldn't be able to keep up with my sex drive. (age 17)

You are worried about things that you don't even know to be problems. Plenty of girls your age masturbate daily; it is not a "male behavior." There are a lot of good reasons to wait longer before having sex, but I don't think being afraid that you will be insatiable is one of them.

Follow-up from another reader: This behavior is not only for males. I too am a female who at one time considered my amount of masturbation to be too much or abnormal because not many of my friends were even thinking of masturbation at the time. Knowing how you can reach orgasm is better for you when you finally decide to have sex because you are more aware of what you want and need to make it pleasurable. There are people like you and me out there: just remember, it is only "abnormal" as a statistic! (age 16)


Is there any way I can break my hymen with little or no pain? How long does it take to break your hymen if you just get fingered? (age 16)

By fingering yourself (masturbating internally), you would wear it away gradually. It might take a while, but it would be less jarring than to be penetrated in intercourse with no preparatory activities.

I have been masturbating externally for a month or so now. I just found out that I am going to get a pap test done in a couple of weeks. Will the doctor be able to know that I masturbate? (age 16)

Don't worry about that. The doctor won't even notice and could probably only guess with 50 percent accuracy.

I walked in on my sister masturbating. Now she can't even look me in the eye and she keeps apologizing. How do I let her know it's OK to masturbate because I do it too, but I don't want to tell her. (age 13)

You can tell her it's OK to masturbate without telling her you do it too.

My parents are divorced and I live with my dad. The other night I him getting a blow job from his girlfriend. I could not believe how jealous and turned on I got. Since then I have been masturbating thinking about it. Is this wrong? Am I OK? (age 16)

It would be too strong to call it wrong, but I think you are better if you don't fantasize about your dad or any other close relatives.

I'm assuming that when most girls masturbate externally they do it by stimulating the skin around the clitoris. But when I do it, I keep my underwear on, so that the fabric of the underwear is in between my fingers and the my body. Is this bad? (age 18)

I don't think so, but most females don't do that. You would probably be better off if you got used to more direct stimulation.

Are there any signs of masturbation other than being caught red handed? (age 18)

A lot of people flush when they have an orgasm. Someone might be able to guess what you were doing before the redness goes away.

My older step sister and I share a room. I have heard heavy breathing from her side of the room at night. I talked to one my friends at school and she told me what she might be doing. One night, I really thought she was asleep and I started to do it under the covers as quietly as I could. When I finished and was pulling everything back up, I heard her whisper, "Hey, feels AWESOME, doesn't it!" I didn't say anything and pretended to be sleeping. I'm totally scared she'll tell my mom. (age 13)

You have nothing to worry about because you could tell the same thing about her.

I was in the pool a week ago and caught my 7-year-old niece with her legs up on the side of the pool so the water jet was going into her private area. She kept saying how good it felt. What should I do? (age 16)

You should tell her not to put her sensitive body parts up against the jet parts of pools. Of course, it is OK if she masturbates without help from a pool jet. Congress is considering legislation to require additional safety at pools after a 6-year-old girl had her intestines sucked out by a pool drain. http://www.businessweek.com/ap/financialnews/D8QIGE280.htm

What can help you have a stronger orgasm? (age 14)

Kegel exercises are probably the most helpful thing.

I had the equivalent of a wet dream except I didn't come. In the dream, I was at a restaurant that was designed like a Pizza Hut except the colors and tables were wooden like Venice House. I was sitting across the table from an ominous male whose appearance I can't recall. In my dream, I began masturbating across the table. I don't remember why exactly. All I could feel was the rising sensation of an orgasm building really quickly, with no hands. I don't really know how long it was building but it couldn't have been longer than 10 or 20 seconds. Then the guy stood up and I saw his erect penis and I orgasmed, in my dream, and then I woke up. I was confused, because I wondered if I had been masturbating because I felt so good but my hands weren't anywhere near my pants. I am wondering if it's possible for women to have orgasms in dreams without physical contact. I masturbate regularly and don't believe that I'm excessively sexually pent up and can achieve orgasm in some instances as fast as 1 or 2 minutes. (age 18)

Women can have sexual dreams. That is not in dispute. So can males. However, women and mature males are unlikely to have orgasms during dreams. That seems to be restricted to newly sexual males (i.e., young adolescents). It is widely believed that a certain amount of masturbating will inhibit the wet dream reflex permanently. Even if a woman had an orgasm during a dream, it would not be considered a wet dream, because female ejaculation is a disputed point.

I have tried masturbating. Why does it not feel right? Am I not stimulating the right spot? What does it look like when a female has an orgasm? Sometimes I think about hot guys and a clear liquid comes out of my vagina. Is that normal? Does that mean I'm aroused? (age 15)

It might not feel right because you are in need of practice. Just keep at it and be patient, and you will soon discover which places feel the best to touch. I'm not sure what you mean by "what does it look like." A female having an orgasm generally looks tensed up and her body and face might be contorted. If you're asking what it feels like, it is an overall feeling of relief coupled with a series of contractions inside the genitals. Yes, the presence of vaginal lubrication means that you're aroused. Continuing to think of what arouses you while you masturbate is apt to lead to an orgasm.

I masturbate probably every few weeks, and I often have very sexual dreams and, though I'm not actually masturbating during sleep, I wake up after such dreams with my hand in my underwear. Othertimes, in my dreams, it feels like I'm having an orgasm and when I wake up right after the dream, I still feel that way. Am I actually having an orgasm, or is it just the dream? Also, I have very large breasts for my age (the DD bra I currently wear is too small for me), and not because I'm overweight. Is this normal, and is there anything that would either stop my breasts from growing, or to make them smaller? (age 14)

Sexual dreams are not uncommon. It might be worthwhile masturbating more often and see if that makes any difference in these dreams. I doubt that large breasts mean that there is anything wrong with you. You might talk to a doctor about them, but if you really want to make them smaller, breast reduction surgery will have to wait until you are older, because it is considered major surgery.

How likely is it that my hymen is still intact? Does it degenerate as I get older? I have never put anything inside my vagina, but I masturbate externally. (age 21)

You can examine your hymen with help from a mirror or a speculum or ask someone else to describe it for you. It is tough to say if hymens degenerate, since females with non-intact hymens often falsely attribute the deterioration of them to something other than sexual activity. I suspect if what you say is true that your hymen may be quite sturdy for a woman your age, if not perfectly intact.

I'm sexually experienced and I masturbate but I've never had an orgasm. Why not ? How can it be fixed? (age 27)

Lack of orgasm (anorgasmia) in women is unfortunately a common problem. It might help to use a strong vibrator while masturbating. Once you've learned how to have orgasms, you can work at having them without being completely dependent on the vibrator.

I love my boyfriend, and I am sexually aroused by him, but recently, I have been getting extreme sexual thoughts about his brother, and I have been thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend. What can I do to not think about his brother? I feel I can justify this by saying his brother has a better body and is generally more attractive, but I still feel in the wrong. (age 15)

At your age, you ought not be committed to one person exclusively and ought rather be going out with various people in an effort to discover what you like. It would be very painful for him to be dumped in favor of his brother, but less so if you continued to date him as well as other people, and that might include his brother.

Sometimes when I'm at school, I am overcome by the urge to masturbate and I go off and do it in the girls' bathroom. I have read your site and am worried that someone will catch me. What should I do? (age 16)

Is there some reason why waiting until you get home is out of the question? That is what all of the boys in your school do almost all of the time. Keep in mind that boys your age get erections every 90 minutes or so, which last for about 20 minutes each. If they went to the bathroom and masturbated every time, perhaps most of the school would have to be allocated to bathrooms.

Is it illegal if my older female friend (she's 28) manually stimulates me to orgasm? (age 17)

That depends on the age of consent in your state.

Sometimes when I fantasize sexually, I can bring myself to orgasm, but I don't touch my genitals or anything while fantasizing. Does this still count as masturbation? (age 15)

According to the definition of masturbation used by this site, that is not masturbation. Not very many people can bring themselves to orgasm that way. You are very special!

I've not been masturbating that long. But I masturbate only by rubbing my clit and I can't seem to reach orgasm. Can anyone help me? (age 23)

Most females don't have orgasms until they've been masturbating for a while. Your experience is fairly typical. You probably just need more practice.

I masturbate by rubbing on the corner of a chair or the armrest, and I always get a great orgasm out of it, but when I try doing it manually by rubbing my clitoris, I don't enjoy it. It takes too long and it's never very satisfactory. Whats wrong with me? (age 15)

You have gotten used to the extra hard pressure of the way you masturbate. It would be good if you could learn to masturbate conventionally. It would be easiest to do that if you took a break from using your method for a while.

In response to a question in the "Fantasies, fetishes & unusual practices" section, you wrote, "Men who remain virgins past the age of 20 have trouble adjusting sexually." Why do you believe this and do you have examples that don't come from cultural dictates? What about women? Would they then also have trouble adjusting sexually, or is their sexual role so passive that it wouldn't matter? (age 16)

The age of 20 is not an absolute. It is just a pattern that males who remain virgins into their 20s are more likely to have sexual dysfunctions. This is less true for women. I can't give you an answer that completely avoids cultural dictates. One of the most basic is that men are often considered sexual failures unless they can get erect 100 percent of the time and achieve orgasm 100 percent of the time. I call this the "100/100 rule." On the other hand, women can be considered sexually successful even if they only become aroused 50 percent of the time and never have an orgasm. I call this the "50/0 rule." Thus, sexual performance is more important for men than for women. Unfortunately, because a large proportion of women never have orgasms anyway, and because women are roundly more orgasmic in masturbation than in intercourse, it is less of an issue if they are inexperienced at intercourse.

What is wrong with masturbating with a pillow? I can also have an orgasm with my husband. I am pregnant and this gives me pleasure and release. (age 34)

Women who masturbate prone tend to be less orgasmic than women who only masturbate manually. It is less important that you masturbate prone if you can also have orgasms in intercourse.

My boyfriend asks me to do things such as flash him a few times a week. I want to but I'm nervous to because I never have before. I've told him that I'm nervous and he seems to respect it, but he always asks again within the next few days. I'm also afraid of what he would think if I did it. What do you think I should do about that? Also, sometimes after I masturbate, I get a burning/itching feeling on the lips of my vagina. It varies in how long it lasts (from around 15 minutes to until I can ignore it enough to fall asleep, which can take an hour or more.) I only do external masturbation, and I always make sure my hands are clean before I do it. Do you think maybe it's just the skin rubbing skin that bothers it? What do you think it could be and what should I do? (age 14)

You should not do anything with another person that you are not comfortable with. If he persists in asking after you have made it clear you won't do something, then you should no longer be with him. Your labia problem might be solved by using lube. I was going to suggest washing your hands before you masturbate, but you already addressed that issue.

Thank you for your site! I was raised in a very strict and devout Christian family where masturbation is considered sinful. I am still single, but I lost my virginity at 42 and have had only two sex partners. I believe that God made us sexual beings and we need to release our sexual feelings. I hope to find a sexual partner someday and perhaps marriage, but until then I will masturbate without guilt. What toys for women do you recommend? (age 53)

I don't recommend any for women who able to reach orgasm manually, but I recognize the usefulness of a powerful vibrator for those who cannot. Using toys can sometimes make things more interesting, but they often can make a person less responsive to a partner's touch.

I am really sure that I am not a lesbian. I am attracted to guys, but when I masturbate, I think about women stimulating me. Is this normal? (age 16)

Yes, lots of women have fantasies like that.

I have been masturbating since a very young age. Some of my earliest memories revolve around this activity. I've been doing it TMS style the entire time. It gives me powerful, strong orgasms but lately, I've been trying it the traditional way. I've been doing this for about two weeks now and I've felt a small amount of excitement but in the end, I just end up tired and frustrated. Do you think I can make the sucessful transition to the traditional way of masturbating when I've been doing it prone my entire life? (female, age 17)

Yes, absolutely you can. Many, many people have switched when they were much older than you. I've never heard of anyone who was unable to change. You will be very happy when you are successful at it.

Sometimes I have trouble getting wet before masturbating or getting fingered by my boyfriend. How can I make this easier? (age 16)

Relax and take your time. Think about whatever turns you on the most.

How long should someone abstain from masturbating to get more easily aroused for sex? (age 16)

I don't think there is a simple answer to that question. Some practice and your own experience will tell you more. I advise males who are having trouble with erections or orgasms to abstain for 5-7 days and those whose troubles are less specific to abstain for 3-5 days. You might figure out what your average has been. I assume you're not satisfied with your arousal. So you should add a couple of days to your average and see if that makes a difference. If not, try a little longer. If it works well, see if you can reduce the abstinence interval and still have satisfactory intercourse.

Why don't you answer some questions? No disrespect, but I asked you a question that was very important to me, and I asked you because I value your opinion, and you just disregarded it. Why is that?

I don't answer all questions because many duplicate of what is already on this site; sometimes I don't have time to answer questions and they back up; and some submissions are just so long that I get overwhelmed just looking at the amount of text. Also, if you include any HTML links in your question, it will be automatically deleted by the software.

Some of my girlfriends and I have kissed/made out before, but just for fun (nothing serious) but sometimes when I will be having sex with my boyfriend, I have to think about my girlfriends in order to stay in the mood. What does this mean? (age 18)

It means you ought to consider carefully why it was fun to make out with girls, and whether you prefer them to males.

If you say that masturbation can feel physically better for a guy, then why would they want sex so badly? Or wouldn't they at least want a hand job more? (age 16)

That's an interesting question, but there is more to sexual intercourse than just ejaculation. Men crave sex not only so they can ejaculate, but also to feel close to a partner, to lie close to her, to engage in other activities that accompany sexual intercourse (e.g., touching, kissing), and also to engage that person's sexual response (i.e., bring her to orgasm). None of those things are present during masturbation and they are present to a much lesser degree during manual intercourse. So it isn't just about the perfect orgasm and the optimum quality of ejaculation.

Sometimes, after masturbating to orgasm, I'll go to the bathroom right after and sometimes the muscles seem to tense up. What is happening? (age 16)

The same muscles that control the flow of urine also contract during orgasm. Mostly, is it the PC muscle, and this is why women (and men) are encouraged to exercise it, by simulating the stopping and starting of urine flow. It is not unusual for these muscles to tense up right after an orgasm. That is why it is a good idea to relax for a few minutes afterward.

I've been masturbating for about 6 months now, using my fingers both internally and externally. I have to get a physical exam, and I'm really worried about the doctor finding out that I masturbate. Will the doctor know I masturbate when I get my physical exam? I want to be prepared. (age 14)

There is less than a 50 percent chance that the doctor can guess accurately, and he or she wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone else anyway. It is not something to be feared.

Often, before masturbation, I urinate. I will then masturbate as normal, often externally and then later progressing to internally as I near orgasm. However, when I do, I tighten up and feel a sudden urge to urinate. I know the feeling of female ejaculation has been compared to this, although I don't know how I can be sure it's not urine. If I try to hold it back, I tense up, often feeling as though some part of me is contracting, or tightening, and it can sometimes hurt. The orgasm itself is fine, and as I keep getting this feeling only as I am orgasming, I tend to believe it could be sexual fluid. I have tried checking its colour though it varies from transparent to slightly yellow, never as yellow as urine, although I cannot tell what it is from its aroma. I have now progressed to sex, and I am afraid to have a full orgasm, as I need to, in case it is urine. I have tried everything in my power to ensure it's not and I was wondering if you could assure me or help me in finding out if I could have ejaculated. (age 16)

You have already checked the fluid yourself and you decided it was not urine. So you have nothing to worry about. Even if it were, a few drops of urine getting spilled should not be enough to ruin a perfectly enjoyable session of masturbation or intercourse. Your partner would probably not care, or even notice. Go ahead and have those full orgasms. He wants you to and so should you.

I've always masturbated on my stomach. I didn't even know that it was bad until I saw this site and now I think it's TMS. But I'm scared that I won't be able to masturbate the other way! What are some ways to masturbate on your back? (age 13)

At your age, I think you can switch pretty easily. Look through the female pages on this site for lots of ideas other females have shared.

I just started masturbating by rubbing my clitoris and it feels really good for a couple of seconds but then it starts to get sore. What should I do to lengthen the time I can do this? (age 15)

Most girls rub the area around the clitoris but avoid touching the clitoral head directly. It can also help to use lube.

I have been masturbating externally since I was 12 and have orgasmed hundreds of times. I recently inserted my hairbrush handle in my vagina and it felt good but I know I wasn't even close to orgasm. It has only like 3/4 of and inch in diameter and 4 inches long. Should I be using something bigger? And how exactly do I move it for the most pleasure? (age 14)

The hairbrush handle is plenty big. You ought to give it a few more tries. Most females like to stimulate the upper part of the vaginal wall. That's where the G spot is.

I can't seem to get any response when I masturbate externally unless I do it prone, and I want to try internally with my fingers, but I'm afraid of breaking my hymen. I have been using tampons for about two months, so is it gone? Is it possible to do internal masturbation and not break the hymen? (age 16)

Internal masturbation will tend to erode your hymen. The tampons probably have not had much impact on it. You don't need a hymen for anything, so you ought not be so protective of it.

I have been using a pillow to mastubate for a while now, and I have absolutely great orgasms. I know you say that's not good, but when I touch myself with my hands, it doesn't feel good. I know I'm doing it in the right place. Can you help me? (age 16)

You just need more practice. It is easier to do the longer it has been since your last orgasm.

I'm 25 and my husband is 24. We have sex at least 2 or 3 times a week but he is still having wet dreams about once a week. Is this normal? Am I not pleasing him? When asked what the dreams were about he always says he can't remember. Wouldn't you remember a dream that good?

Your sexual frequency is in the normal range. Your husband is just an unusual case for having wet dreams so long after being sexually active. Lots of males can't ever remember their wet dreams.

I have just broken up with my boyfriend of one year. It was an illicit, inappropriate relationship, but the sex was great. When I masturbate, I still only think of him. Do you have any advice on how I can change my thinking so he is no longer in my fantasies? I want to put my focus elsewhere so I can forget about him and find someone new who loves me. (age 24)

A simple solution would be pictures or stories. A more sophisticated solution would be to get involved with more people so that not only will you be in contact with men who can fill your mind with sexual fantasies, but you might also find one or more to date. Good luck.

I often masturbate while looking at images of naked men. Is this normal? (age 17)

Yes. Lots of females do that.

This is so embarrasing! My pubic bone looks different from other girls'. Mine sticks out more. I think it was the same when I was little too. It really annoys me, and I hate going swimming and stuff. I feel like a freak! I seem to be the only person with this problem. What can I do about it? If I lose weight, will it make a difference? (age 14)

You can't control your bones. I've answered this question before, so you're not the only one. Perhaps no one else is paying attention to your pubic bone, and if they are, maybe they like what they see. If you're very self conscious, it might help to wear a swimsuit with more material.

I had my first orgasm when I was about 9 or 10 and have only been masturbating externally since then. I can reach orgasm both lying on my front and on my back. I've tried internal masturbation before but it doesn't excite me at all. I'm worried, because not being able to feel pleasure from internal masturbation will probably mean not being able to feel pleasure during sexual intercourse. Will this change as I get older? I tried internal masturbation again recently by using a candle and the only way I could reach orgasm was by rubbing my clit at the same time. But when I move the candle in and out of my vagina, it kind of hurts in my butt. Am I sliding it in the wrong direction or something? It's not a really really bad pain, but it concerns me. Am I damaging anything? And when I insert the candle a couple of inches in, I encounter some sort of muscle tissue? What's that? Can I damage it by pushing too hard? After and before I masturbate, the muscles in my vagina contract so I'm really tight "down there" and I can just about fit 1 finger in. But when I get into it, I can fit about 3 fingers in. I ask too many questions, I know. Thanks, your site is awesome! (age 14)

You are very worried about all kinds of aspects of internal masturbating. I would suggest sticking with the external masturbation you have been doing for 5 years until you are comfortable enough with your body that internal masturbation doesn't worry you so much. You would certainly enjoy it more if you weren't so worried. Women who masturbate externally and those who do it internally have similar levels of orgasm in intercourse. It is more idiosyncratic forms of masturbation that are associated with a smaller incidence of orgasm.

Follow-up from another reader: I have a similar situation. I have masturbated by stimulating my clit for about 4 years now. Putting my fingers inside has no effect on me and when I had sex I still had to rub my clit because just having the penis in me wasn't enough to get me close to orgasm. I've had sex about 15 times already and each time is same thing. Is there something wrong there? (age 18)

Yours is a fairly common experience. It might help if your partner brought you to orgasm by some other means first, so you don't have to masturbate while he's penetrating you. I suspect you'll get better with practice.

How do you know if you've broken the hymen? I've been masturbating for a while and I've done internal masturbation many times. I love this site, by the way! (age 14)

You could take a look with a mirror or ask a doctor to look for you.

I reached orgasm once but now I can't seem to. Is that normal and does your mental state (whether you're calm or not) also affect whether you reach orgasm? Sometimes I think of what a boy looks like naked. I usually don't mean to (like when I just let my mind wander). Is that normal too and thanks so much this site has been a huge help! (age 14)

You should be able to have more orgasms by relaxing and trying to do what you did before. Your normal state makes a huge difference! It is normal to think of naked boys and also normal to mean to do so. I think you are doing pretty well.

I took a morning after pill ("Plan B"), and then I masturbated. Will that have an effect on what the pill is supposed to do? (age 19)

No.

So masturbation with objects doesn't really count? You could still be a virgin after doing that? (age 16)

Yes. To become a non-virgin, you have to have sex with another person.

I masturbate a lot.. I love it but when I have sex I don't have orgasms except once. I heard that if a girl masturbates a lot she can't have orgasms in intercourse. Is this true and should I stop masturbating? (age 17)

No. Women who masturbate are more likely to have orgasms in intercourse. However, it might be a good idea to abstain from masturbating for a few days before intercourse to help yourself be more receptive, at least until you are able to have orgasms in intercourse more often.

I was masturbating in my room when my boyfriend walked in. He asked to have sex with me and I declined but he keeps asking. I want to wait until I'm married to have sex so what should I do? (age 14)

You ought to find a boyfriend who will respect your wishes.

I am a virgin and have been masturbating since I was 14. Recently, my boyfriend (who is also a virgin) and I tried making out and performing manual intercourse on each other. Although I get very wet, I have difficulty orgasming. A couple of times he tried giving me oral sex but my clitoris hurt so bad that I couldn't climax. Why is it like that and what can I do to lessen the pain? My orgasm problem could be that I'm afraid that I'll freak him out if I make too much noise. I'm also used to masturbating face down. (age 21)

There is no reason to be afraid of making too much noise. He will probably like it. He is inexperienced and irritated your clitoris. It is better to stay away from the clitoris itself as much as possible and to instead work on the area around it. You are apt to be more orgasmic as you become more experienced.

What do you know about blue clit? I have had no success having an orgasm except when my boyfriend uses his hand. After masturbating I have a painful sensation like I have to urinate. This time it has lasted for twelve hours and counting. Last night I could not sleep because of it; right now I am on my period. I am not sexually active with vaginal intercourse but I have had oral sex many months ago. Could this be something more serious? (age 22)

What you call "blue clit" is vasocongestion, the engorgement of the female genitalia with blood from unsatisfied sexual arousal. Vasocongestion in males is often called "blue balls." It can be relieved by masturbating to orgasm. Usually a person knows how to do this and a partner leaves them unsatisfied, but in your case it is the opposite. I would suggest learning to masturbate completely. If this is happening often, I would suggest using a powerful vibrator to finish yourself off, something I usually discourage women from doing.

I've been trying to masturbate for about six months, and haven't really gotten anywhere. Last time I tried it however, I actually felt a little turned on, but before I could really get into it, I urinated. It was really embarrassing and I didn't know what to do. I want to try again but I'm scared I'll wet the bed again. Is this normal? (age 12)

It's more common than you think. There is a talk radio host famous for his filthy program who claims to have done the same thing the first time he masturbated. Keep trying. Make sure you go beforehand, and put a towel under you so you won't worry about that.

I started masturbating when I was 14. I do it on my back by rubbing my thighs and clitoris together. It is a physical activity and I don't use my hands. I have to try four or five times to get the orgasm. Is it a correct method or will I suffer any side effects? This web site is very informative, thanks. (age 25)

Most people learn to masturbate in such a way that they only have to try once. I also suspect that your unusual method will make it more difficult for you to have orgasms in intercourse. I would suggest learning the conventional method.

I live at home with 2 younger sisters, one's only a year and a half younger but the other one's only 12 and a half. I've been masturbating since I was about 11 or 12 and my middle sister and I have been very open about it since she started back when she was about 12 too. Both of my little sisters masturbate, my 12 and 1/2 one is rather shy about it, and since she first asked me a bunch of questions about safety and normality a year ago, she's said next to nothing about it! All three of us have old-fashioned four-poster beds with long ball-topped rods at each post. These rods are perfect for masturbation! They're thin enough and long enough to jam in and out; however, they become painful after prolonged use and lack of excessive lubrication or extended periods of time spent with it in your vagina even if it's not moving. The other night the little one walked in on me masturbating in this fashion. She's not overly careful and always wants what we have though. I'm woried that she'll attempt to masturbate this way and seriously injure herself. She's not one to take no for an answer. What do I do? (age 17)

You are better off not masturbating with rods from your bed. You ought to tell your little sister that she could hurt herself masturbating that way.

Recently my boyfriend and I were in the middle of sex and the condom broke. He didn't ejaculate but I think there was probably some pre-cum. I'm not on the pill and I am very worried that I am pregnant now. Is it highly possible considering it was only a few days after my period had stopped? (age 17)

Yes. You might have gone to talk to a doctor about Plan B right after it happened. I hope you didn't get pregnant and that this experience will teach you to be more careful.

I've just had sex with my boyfriend but I didn't bleed at all. I never masturbate internally and I don't use tampons. Does this mean my hymen is still intact? (age 18)

If you've had sex, you should not expect your hymen to be intact.

If two females have sex together, are they still considered virgins ... or half? (age 14)

I don't think they are still virgins.

I was raped a few years ago and was wondering if a doctor would be able to tell now? (age 22)

A doctor might be able to tell you've had intercourse but would not at this point be able to tell that it was rape.

My parents don't want me to lock my door ever but now when I masturbate with my door unlocked, I can never concentrate. It's already been an entire week without masturbation, and I have been masturbating for a while now and about a week ago I would masturbate twice a day. Now I haven't masturbated for a week and it's frustrating! (age 14)

Just ignore the unlocked door. They are unlikely to barge in on you.

I have been masturbating since I was 6 and I was wondering if TMS includes rubbing against the end a chair? That has been the only way I can get an orgasm, (age 14)

Yes, that is TMS. It would be a good idea to stop that. You are pretty young and many (perhaps most) girls your age are unable to orgasm. You can learn to have orgasms more conventionally.

What is the vagina's depth?

About 4 inches.

I am only able to masturbate to orgasm while sitting in a chair. I can't achieve one when I'm in bed. Is this normal? (age 13)

It is common for females, especially those who are inexperienced at masturbating, to only be able to do it one way. Try to relax and get as close as you can when you're in bed. I think you'll figure it before too long.

How often on average do married couples have sex?

There is a lot of variance from couple to couple, but the statistic usually cited is three times a week.

Can you still get your period when you are pregnant? (age 16)

No. That's how most women notice they are pregnant -- they don't get their period.

I just started masturbating, and I have tried both external and internal. I have not reached an orgasm, even when I push hard. I have tried everything from softly stroking to putting as much pressure I can muster onto my clitoris. Is there something wrong with me? I want to try other things like a dildo, but my mom would kill me if she knew. (age 13)

You are pretty young. A lot of women older than you have never had an orgasm. Just be patient and do what feels good. You will have an orgasm sooner or later.

All I think about is sex. I never felt the need to think about it, but that's all I ever think about lately! I am still a virgin and will remain one until after marriage. Are these normal thoughts? (age 13)

Yes, that is very normal.

I use an electric toothbrush occasionally to masturbate. I always clean it before and after using it. Can I hurt myself by doing this? (age 13)

It is better if you don't do that. The danger isn't of acute injury but of making you so dependent on the toothbrush at your age that you will have trouble learning to reach orgasm any other way.

When my boyfriend and I do it doggy style (the rear entry position), I start to hear this noise that sounds like someone passing wind, although I haven't. It happens many times. It's embarrassing. What is this and how can I stop it? (age 17)

It's air going into your vagina where you don't have a close seal on the penis. It can happen in any position but is most likely to happen in the rear entry position. You can try adjusting your position but it might not be eliminated completely.

How long does sex typically last?

Anywhere from two minutes to a half hour. 10-15 minutes is pretty typical.

I'm a virgin and recently started dating. My boyfriend is a virgin also. When we're together, the only sexual thing that we do is rub against each other. I don't really get much pleasure out of it, but he does. Is this a form of TMS? Can him rubbing against me hurt his penis? (age 22)

I wouldn't call it TMS exactly, but it must be pretty close. It can't be good for his penis. I would suggest doing something else, especially since you don't find it pleasurable.

For the first time, is your partner supposed to put his penis all the way inside of you? (age 23)

That is probably best. It helps if he is gentle and has you aroused first.

I have a boyfriend, but there is this other guy at school that I am pretty sure that I don't like, but I constantly find myself flirting with him. Sometimes when I masturbate, he pops into my mind, even if I don't want it to happen. Is there something wrong with me? (age 16)

I suggest getting to know this other guy better and find out what it is you do or don't like about him. You obviously find him sexually exciting. At your age, you are better off giving a lot of guys a chance instead of focusing exclusively on one.

My boyfriend has recently started fondling me through my clothes, I don't let him go too far, but I enjoy it. I get the feeling he wants me to do something for him, but I don't know how to please him without having sex vaginally or orally. Is it enough for him to be able to fondle me? (age 14)

I have no doubt that your boyfriend wants to be stimulated sexually himself. He could show you how you could bring him to orgasm with your hands (assuming he knows how to do it himself), but I think that would lead you to other sexual things that you don't want to do right now and that you shouldn't be doing at your age.

I want to have sex with one of my former high school teachers. We flirt all the time and sometimes he comes to my house, but we always sort of "chicken" out. But I want him so bad, how can I let him know without scaring him off? (age 21)

I think you're there. Next time he's at your house, give him a really nice kiss. Then things should fall into place.

Follow-up several years later: Well, the day finally arrived and we had amazing sex. Anyway, we cuddled afterward, he gently massaged me, and we shared some passionate kisses - all this happened afterward. But, he left that night and I haven't heard from him since (two nights ago). I texted him and he gave a hasty response. I'm confused. What's the deal? (age 23)

Two nights doesn't mean all that much. He might just be really busy. Or, he might have only been interested in one night of bliss. It might have been a mistake for you to get so wrapped up in him before he was at the same point. Former teachers are no different from other men.

To have an orgasm, I have to pretend I am a gynecologist examining myself. Is this normal? This is the only way I can have an orgasm. (age 12)

It is a fetish I've heard of before. There is nothing wrong with it, but it would be better if you could develop some other things that turn you on. Try to expand your menu and your imagination.

I now have my first boyfriend and we will probably soon have sex, since I really want it. He told me that he will be sweet and he will do it slowly. He doesn't want to hurt me because he knows it can hurt the first time. I would really want to please him, give him pleasure and I don't want to make him pass a bad moment if it hurts. So I tried to masturbate inserting objects and I realized that bigger things just can't enter even if I am totally relaxed. Is it supposed to be hard to enter objects (smaller than normal penis) when I am a virgin, or is my hymen too resistant? I can enter fingers, so I know it is opened but it stops bigger things and the skin seems unbreakable. (age 21)

Don't worry so much about it and just hope it will go well. You seem to have found a partner who is interested in being gentle and pleasing you. That's more than a lot of women in your position have.

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a year now. It doesn't hurt me but doesn't really feel THAT great, and I still haven't had an orgasm. I know this is probably because I have a tough time getting aroused. There is nothing that makes me horny from sexual thoughts to getting fingered or oral stimulation. How can I start getting more turned on by sex stuff? Should I go to a sex therapist? I know if I were turned on, sex would be more pleasurable. Please help.

Arousal difficulties are common in women. You ought to find what turns you on before you can expect your boyfriend to figure it out. You could start by reading some sexually explicit stories or looking at pictures to get a better idea of what can turn you on the most.

I masturbate with a shower nozzle because I could never do it in my room. Is this safe? Also, I have a friend who reads porn comic books and talks about sex a lot. Do you think she masturbates? I'm the only girl I know who masturbates and I feel like I'm the only one. (age 16)

It is better if you can work on using your hands and not the shower nozzle. (You meant the water from it, right?) I'm fairly certain your friend masturbates. You are not the only one.

I'm sexually active, and when I replay things that I've done in my head, I get a sneezing feeling in my vulva. It feels like an orgasm, but it only lasts about 1 second, so it's not an orgasm. What is it? (age 14)

It seems to be some heightened sense of arousal. Keep working on it, and see if you can bring the sneezing feeling under control. You're still just learning.

Like many other girls my age, I love masturbating, but every time I feel like I'm going to orgasm I can't go on because I feel like I might make a loud sound. I have no issue of someone barging in, but I'm a really loud person and what if I moan or scream during an orgasm? Would I scream or make a noise? I really want to experience an orgasm but I don't know how to muffle my sound. (age 13)

Use a pillow and don't hold back. You will learn to control your noise pretty quickly.

I'm 18 and a female, and I was wondering if women can have wet dreams. When I was 12, I would wake up during a climax. At the time, I didn't know what climaxing was. Ever since I started masturbating, I have never woken up by "wet dream." So is this a wet dream or is there a different term for woman?

I would call it sleep arousal. The term wet dream could definitely not be used for a female. The vast majority of men lose their wet dreams when they start masturbating, so you are in good company.

I'm a female who masturbates prone. This site has just scared me. I insert an object inside my vagina and then lie face down, place a blanket between my legs, and just thrust against it until I have an orgasm. This presses the object deep and I move around to help with the sensation. I have never really reached an orgasm by masturbating on my back. And I am still a virgin. If you are having sex and the female is on top, isn't it basically like what I'm doing? (age 18)

Perhaps. If you were a male and asked if masturbating prone wasn't similar to intercourse, I would say no. The penis definitely gets more pressure when the man is lying on top of it than when it is going inside a woman. The answer for women isn't as clear, but it is fairly obvious that females who masturbate with their hands have a better rate of orgasm in intercourse than those who masturbate the way you do. If I were you, I would work harder at having an orgasm on my back.

My boyfriend and I have intercourse about every other day. I'm on the pill and he wears condoms for extra protection. When we have intercourse, I cannot orgasm. He can make me orgasm only by oral intercourse or by dry humping me naked. Is there anything we can try that might make me be able to orgasm other than different positions? (age 17)

I have no idea why you have rejected the idea of different positions. They can be key for a lot of women to have orgasms in intercourse. You could also find a position that would allow you to masturbate while he thrusts into you. I would suggest learning what it is about dry humping that brings you to orgasm and then seeing if you can find a position where you could replicate that in wet humping.

What does it mean when a female is getting cunnilingus performed on her and her legs are shaking? Not on the outside, like she's doing it herself, but on the inside, kinda like she can't control it? (age 19)

It means she is focusing on having an orgasm. Most males stretch their legs out tense when they are close to having an orgasm. Doing so neutralizes sensations they are getting from their legs and lets them focus on the sensations in their genitals more and keeps the legs from moving. The same would work well for females. If the legs shake, hold them out tense.

I find it really hard to get mentally and physically aroused. Nothing sexual seems to really turn me on. I think it is making sex with my boyfriends less pleasurable for me (obviously) although I do enjoy the feeling. I know it will be hard to orgasm if I am not horny, so how can I start getting attracted to sexual acts and thoughts? We do a lot of foreplay (including oral sex and him fingering me) but I never really get in the mood. I've been having sex for about six months now. Should I talk to a sex therapist? (age 17)

Six months is not so long. You ought to take longer to get to know what works for you sexually. If you masturbate, then try to replicate what you do to get aroused then before intercourse. For most females, arousal results from the stimulating touch of a loving partner.

I want to have sex with my boyfriend but I am scared because any penetration hurts. I am too tight for his penis, so he fingered me and even that hurts. Can you help me? We BOTH really want sex but I am holding us back. (age 16)

It would help if you had more experience fingering yourself. The most important thing is to be very relaxed. Don't be thinking about the possibility of it hurting, because that will cause you to tense up more.

Something has been bothering me for quite some time. When I masturbate, the only way I can achieve orgasm is by thinking or reading about lesbian sex, but I also think about a guy giving a girl oral sex. Does that make me bisexual? (age 16)

Not by itself, but if in a few years, more of your fantasies are about women than men, then I would say it's likely you're bisexual.

How important is it to guys how tight a girl is? And does how tight a girl is vary from person to person? (age 18)

The main variable affecting tightness is whether a females had given birth. There isn't much variation among females who haven't. I don't think it is very important to males.

How much of a difference does childbirth make? And does it do so very noticeably? I had a baby about a year ago and that worries me because I don't want to feel like a loose empty space to my boyfriend. (age 24)

I think men can tell the difference. Don't worry about feeling like a loose, empty space. That's nonsense. If it bothers you, Kegel exercises can tighten your muscles.

Your Site Is AMAZING. Just wanted to say that today my boyfriend and I got a little too horny and he fingered and tongued me. But I think I was too worried about getting caught because I didn't orgasm. I can orgasm fine by myself but struggled when it was him. (age 14)

I suggest not doing that at your age. At the rate you're going, you will be having vaginal intercourse in about five weeks. Most females don't have orgasms the first time they're sexual with other people.

I love your site and I think that it is really useful because you normally can't find good info on vibrators and stuff. This is really embarrassing, but I really love masturbating and have been doing it since I was about 5 or 6. I masturbate up to 4 times a day. Is this normal? I want a vibrator but I can't talk to my mom about it because I get the impression that she thinks it's disgusting. I can't even talk to my friends about it so could you give me some alternatives? (age 13)

Talking about it with your friends might be embarrassing, but they might have some ideas about vibrators you could use. I suggest you work at developing your sexuality without a vibrator for a while longer.

My boyfriend and I are planning on having sex, but he's very nervous about being unable to orgasm or ejaculate (I think he's self-conscious). He's had sex before, and hasn't been able to orgasm a single time during intercourse. It also takes him over an hour to orgasm while he's masturbating and I'm positive he's not a TMS practitioner. I'm worried that he might have some kind of serious physical problem, but I have no idea what it could be! (age 18)

If you think he's self-conscious, then just see what sex is like. He is apt to become less self-conscious as he becomes experienced. If problems persist, he should see a doctor to rule out a physical cause.

I am really nervous about asking my mom if I can have a dildo or vibrator. I have already told her that I masturbate and that went fine, but I don't know what to do. (age 12)

I am against girls using those toys at your age. You ought to get to know yourself better by hand. Your mother would probably tell you the same thing.

I have never had a boyfriend and I've never been asked out or pursued by a guy. I don't have many male friends either. Why do other girls seem more comfortable with guys and how can I make it known that I would want to date someone? (age 16)

I suggest becoming more comfortable with guys and people in general. Just be friendly to people. It helps to smile often. When you're self-conscious or uncomfortable, you probably don't smile much. Being friendly, even without being flirtatious, can lead males to believe you'd be receptive to their advances.

I masturbate once in a while, externally only. I have never had any sexual experiences with men. Is my hymen still intact? How would I know? (age 18)

You could look yourself with a mirror or two, or you could have a health care professional look for you.

I have recently begun using a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate. Can that hurt me? (age 13)

I advise against it because it can habituate you to masturbating with a vibrator. It is better to get the maximum out of just your hands.

I've masturbated for a few years now, but I can't get a cucumber to fit inside my vagina. I'm still a virgin but I want sex so bad, and that's why I use bananas. How can I get the cucumber to fit? (age 14)

You are probably using a cucumber that's too big. A slicing cucumber is much bigger than a penis. A pickling cucumber (called a chub at the supermarket) is more likely to fit. Practice makes perfect!

I've never had any type of sexual contact with a guy, but I've had oral intercourse and manual intercourse with a girl. Am I a virgin? (age 15)

Some people would say you are not a virgin, but I think most would say you are.

On average, how many guys out of one school classroom masturbate? (age 15)

At your age, I would say all but one.

What is lube? Do girls use it? (age 15)

Lube is a substance used to prevent chafing of the genitals during sexual activity, including masturbation. A large percentage of males use it eventually, and many females use it during masturbation too.

When I was young (2-14), I frequently masturbated using the wooden knob on my toy box. I would lift my feet off the ground and place all my weight onto my pelvic bone, then grind around. It felt nice, but I never orgasmed. I found out more about sex and masturbation when I was 14, and I've since stopped doing it that way because I'm afraid it might be damaging. However, I have very little "good" feeling in my clitoris. I've tried doing it slowly, quickly, in a mix, writing the alphabet to see if any strokes feel nice, touching it directly, touching it through clothes, touching it with the clitoral hood over it, using a vibrator, using a vibrator with something inserted, sexual intercourse, oral -- pretty much EVERYTHING. It feels nothing more than "nice," and I absolutely have to tense my legs to get any feeling at all. My gynecologist says that he sees no damage, and I have talked to him about this. He seems to think it's psychological. I've been working on it since I was 18, and still NOTHING. My questions are these: Are some women simply anorgasmic? Should I stop seeking orgasm and just enjoy the feeling of being close with my partner, even though he wants me to orgasm? Do you think I may have caused nerve damage by masturbating in a harmful way so frequently during my developmental stages? (age 21)

You ought not give up on being orgasmic at your age. The report from your doctor that nothing is wrong is a good sign. I suggest you seek a referral to a competent sex therapist. You might start at the "find a therapist" section of the AASECT web site: http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp Find a therapist that you are comfortable with, and call and find out about whether your insurance will cover his or her services.

I was lying on my bed last night talking to one of my male friends on the phone. We were just talking about different things. We got on the subject of phone sex, and we decided to try it. I was masturbating when my mom walked in to turn my TV off because she thought I was asleep. Now she won't even talk to me or look at me and I'm also grounded from the phone. Do you think it's right of her do this? What should I do? (age 17)

She probably wouldn't have objected to you either masturbating or talking on the phone, but doing both at once apparently shocked her. I think you should try to be extra cool around the house until this blows over.

Another web site said that the vagina opens up for sex when you're aroused, but my muscles get a lot tighter when I masturbate. What's up with that? (age 15)

You're probably not feeling calm enough when you masturbate. Your muscles will learn to relax with practice.

I have masturbated externally for 2 years and have always orgasmed. I have also recently started internal masturbation but have not yet orgasmed. When I masturbate, I am not loud, I am worried that when I have a sexual relationship with someone that I will not show pleasure or make him proud of the pleasure he is bringing to me. How can I get in the habit of being more excited? (age 14)

I hope you will not be sexually active for a long time. When you are, I am sure you will figure out how to communicate your satisfaction to your partner. You will probably have more privacy by then and not be as worried about calling attention to yourself by vocalizing.

I can't masturbate internally. I can't even use tampons. I can only get the tip of my finger in before it becomes painful and I can't push anymore. If I insert the tip of my finger and wiggle it around a bit every day, will it gradually become less painful until I can get my whole finger in? What will the impact on my hymen be? (age 17)

Yes, that is a good strategy for becoming less sensitive. Inserting fingers and objects will tend to wear your hymen away.

I haven't been masturbating very long and I'm not sure that I've ever had an orgasm. I've read some of the descriptions of what it should feel like, and I think I've gotten really close, but I'm not sure if I have ever had one. Recently during my masturbation sessions, my body begins to shake, especially my lower body, and my vagina walls tighten and my clitoris gets really sensitive. I get to a point to where I feel like I'm about to explode and then nothing. It's like everything stops cold. There isn't anything that happens afterward, and my clitoris is still somewhat sensitive, but not nearly what it was only moments before. Also nothing happens with my breasts. It feels really weird if I touch them either before or after I began masturbating. Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong? Have I ever actually achieved an orgasm? (age 15)

You are probably pretty close. You are also probably paying too much attention to what you're doing. Try to relax and let your mind wander around things that arouse you. Just enjoy what you are doing even if you aren't having an obvious orgasm. You'll get one before long.

You said that girls probably don't have wet dreams. I've had a few dreams where I felt an orgasm in my dream. Did I really have one, or did I just dream it? It was never as strong as a real one, but it was definately the feeling an orgasm produces. (age 16)

Well, obviously, you can do anything in your dreams. Even fly. The question is not whether you can have an orgasm inside a dream but whether you can have a real orgasm from a dream, like boys can. If you woke up after a dream orgasm and your vagina was wet as if you'd been masturbating, then that would suggest that you had a real dream.

I went on a double date with my brother who is 26 and his girlfriend. We all got very drunk and went to the beach at night. I ended up having sex with my boyfriend right next to my brother while he was having sex with his girlfriend. I was so turned on having him see me and watching him. Now I masturbate thinking about my brother? What should I do? (age 23)

Fantasies are supposed to be fun, so you ought not fantasize about anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It would also be a good idea to avoid sexual situations with your brother.

My best friend and I were housesitting once and found a huge stash of porn, so for the rest of the night we took turns using the living room TV and masturbating to the videos. Sometimes I feel dirty about it. Was it wrong? (age 13)

The masturbating wasn't wrong, but snooping was.

A while ago my ex and I tried to have sex. He stuck his penis in without thrusting, but then he had to take it out because we almost got caught. Would I still be considered a virgin? (age 16)

I don't think many people would consider you a virgin.

I think that boys are really cute and HOT but when I masturbate I sometimes think about naked women. Does that mean I'm a bisexual? (age 12)

No.

I've just recently started having what I think might be female wet dreams. I wake up having an orgasm! It's not quite the same as an orgasm but near enough. The strangest part is it happens when I have a tremendous urge to urinate. Is it weird for these two things to be related? (age 26)

I don't think so. Here's my non-neurologist's take on it: The full bladder sends signals to the brain, and apparently the brain is processing them as it would signals of arousal from the same area. You wake up feeling aroused and nearly having an orgasm. I hope you find them enjoyable!

Someone left the cake out in the rain.

I have been to MacArthur Park many times, and it can be a depressing place. I know why someone would do that with the cake.

I am a mother of a teenaged boy (he's 15) and I also have two younger children. My son tends to stay up way too late, and I will go up there to turn off lights and his TV. I have seen him in there asleep and undressed, but he always wears pajamas. I am worried that I will walk in there sometime and he will either be masturbating or asleep with evidence of masturbating still visible. What should I do? (age 34)

He was obviously doing something when he took his clothes off while leaving lights and the TV on. Half of males in that situation masturbate daily. If you regularly patrol after hours like that, you are inevitably going to see some masturbation and masturbation accessories. Why not protect his privacy by not complaining about the lights and TV being left on or at least knocking first?

When I was 15, my friend, who was also female and 15, invited me to spend a weekend with her and her family at a beach house on Cape Cod. The beach house had only one bedroom, which her parents used. That left me, my friend, and her 16 year old brother to sleep in the living room. *** (long story deleted)

Sadly, they moved to the west coast soon after that vacation. Thanks for listening. (age 25)

Wow, that was quite a story, but it doesn't really belong on this web site. I enjoyed reading it, though, especially since I live a lot closer to Cape Cod than to the west coast. On my last trip to the Cape, I pointed out to my companion that "cod" was a euphemism for penis in the 19th century. She didn't seem to appreciate the comment, so I refrained from pointing out that the Cape is kind of, sort of shaped like one too. Feel free to e-mail me if you have any more stories.

I took the liberty of reading almost all of the questions and I think your answers are GREAT! Some people disagree with complete and total honesty but I think it's the best way to go. For the people who say that you're not a good "source" - they should definitely read your answers because even though you give some funny ones to weird comments, you're very professional when you write. Anyway, if I stop masturbating or having sex for some time, is it possible for my vagina to become smaller on the inside? I talked to a friend and he told me there is nothing better than to have sex with a virgin because it's sooooo tight! I want that. I'm fairly tight myself, but I want it to be smaller! How do you know when you're a nymphomaniac? I love having sex, maybe too much, and when I don't have sex, I have to masturbate at least 3 times a day. Much love. (age 18)

The virginal tightness your friend refers to is a function of muscles not knowing what to do. Now that you are sexually experienced, your muscles will never go back to that state of unreadiness. I think you're a nymphomaniac when no amount of orgasming is ever satisfying to the point that you don't want any more.

I always find myself pressing my vulva with my fingers for sexual pleasure when I'm waking up and still half asleep. Is this normal? I have found myself doing this since I was young.

Sleep masturbation is more common than many people realize. However, only a small minority of people do it. You would probably be better off if you could curb the habit, because it will make you less sexually responsive when you are awake.

Do all females experience a wet feeling when they're sexually excited? Do you have to be going through puberty to experience this feeling? (age 13)

Not all, but the vast majority do. Some girls can have that feeling before puberty.

I think HealthyStrokes.com is really helpful. I really want to ask my boyfriend if he masturbates and if he might like to masturbate with me. We both want to remain chaste and I think doing something like that might cause us to have sex. Also, it might be too awkward and could ruin our relationship. Also, I've only masturbated in the shower. What should I do? (age 14)

I advise against doing any of that at your age. Your boyfriend might be greatly shocked if you asked him that, and it could affect your relationship. A survey for my site found that the average age males are comfortable talking about masturbation is 18. I agree that it would be hard for you to abstain from sex if you started masturbating together. I suggest trying to masturbate outside the shower sometime when you're very comfortable and eager to try it.

I was recently asked if I liked skin to skin sex. What is that? (age 24)

It is sex without latex protection, which is only safe if you and your partner are both monogamous and disease free. It can't have been a serious question, because everyone would rather have sex that way.

I masturbate with my panties on, and they usually get pretty wet. I fear my mother will see them and realize that I've masturbated. What should I do? (age 13)

You might start by taking your panties off, and then think like a guy in terms of not making a mess and cleaning up. It might be as simple as keeping a towel handy to put under yourself.

I have no other means of masturbation then my shower head, and I use it to stimulate my clitoris, which works well. But I have never, and have tried, reached orgasm manually. Is using a shower head dangerous, or can I lose feeling from overuse? I usually do it twice when I shower, and I shower every other day. I am not sexually active. (age 19)

I advise against running water because the feeling can't be simulated in other ways. I suggest abstaining from masturbation for a week or two and then trying by hand. You will enjoy manual orgasms much more than the ones in the shower. You can do them wherever you want.

One of my favourite sexual fantasies is rather odd: I imagine my crush crying into my arms, and I get really horny. I am desperate to know whether or not this fantasy is normal, beacuse it provides me with a lot of sexual pleasure. (age 13)

I think that it is. Your fantasy is that he comes to you and you comfort him. That can be a good role to play.

Ever since I started masturbating about two weeks ago, I've noticed two things: Every time I see a guy, I now think of him sexually, and whenever I'm at home alone, I tend to crave an orgasm and have a constant urge to masturbate. Is there something wrong with me? (age 16)

No. I think those things will settle down when you have more experience.

I have been practicing TMS since I was three, and my parents used to catch me doing this. They took me to the doctor, and the doctor said that I would grow out of it. I have a great sex life, and I can orgasm orally and in vaginal intercourse very easily. But all these years later, I am still masturbating prone. I can't help myself. It feels great! I masturbate lying on my left side, crossing my legs and putting my hand on my vulva and moving back and forth until I orgasm. My boyfriend does not know that I do this, and that's the way that I want to keep it. Is it normal that I am still doing this? (age 20)

It is normal to continue masturbating in a way that gives you pleasure. If you were male, I would tell you to stop masturbating that way, because eventually it would be apt to cause a man severe sexual dysfunction. But the results of TMS in women are not as clear. You obviously have not suffered damage to your orgasmic ability from masturbating that way, so there is no urgent need to do something about that. However, you do not say that you can masturbate to orgasm any other way. I would advise you to work on that, and perhaps you will decide you like conventional masturbation better than what you do anyway.

Your site is fantastic, and so are you. I must say that I find your humour very funny.

Why, thank you! Be sure to check out my very funny answers on the discontents page.

I've never masturbated. I tried once and it made me very scared. I don't understand it how someone can have an orgasm just from touching herself. The fun for me is not knowing what's gonna happen next when I am with someone. I think masturbation is for people who can't get any. There are a bunch of 12 year olds who do this all the time and I haven't ever. I feel like such an outsider. (age 19)

You would enjoy sex with partners more if you were more comfortable with your body. The fun for a lot of people is being able to control what is happening. It is unfair to put someone down for masturbating as "not getting any." People who have a lot of sex tend to masturbate a lot too. A lot of women your age have never masturbated to orgasm. Once you learn how, you won't feel like an outsider.

I've masturbated since I was 8. One day when my parents were away, I printed out some pages from HealthyStrokes.com, but the printer went crazy and printed them again when my mom was using it. She said, "I found something on the computer and we're going to talk." I was so afraid. She never said anything. And now when I go on the computer, she's always checking on me, and I think she knows I've been masturbating. I don't want to say anything to her. What should I do? (age 13)

Masturbating is your own business, but she can dictate what happens with her computer. She is probably more upset that you were looking at material about sex on the Internet than that you masturbate. Perhaps you can show her that this site isn't porn.

I want to know where my clit is, but I don't understand the terms you use. This site is so great. I used to think I was really sex obsessed until I read it! (age 13)

It is at the top where your vaginal lips come together. Right above the place urine comes out.

Though I masturbate many times a week, I don't feel like masturbating immediately after I've done it. Is this a problem? Can I have multiple orgasms and how? Your site is really awesome. Thanks for creating such a useful site. (age 15)

That is normal and nothing to be worried about. You can work on having multiple orgasms sometime when you feel like you can keep going right after an orgasm. Most females who have multiple orgasms don't stop when they are masturbating. If you are satisfied after one orgasm, there is no reason to go for multiple ones.

At what age do most girls start to lubricate? Does this happen spontaneously? (age 11)

Typically around age 12, girls notice themselves becoming wet spontaneously. Some of them are already masturbating so make it happen themselves.

My boyfriend wants me to give him manual intercourse (hand job), and although I am fine with that, I don't know how. A lot of sites advise asking him to tell me how he masturbates. However, he does not masturbate. How else could I learn how to give him a hand job? (age 16)

I don't think you could expect to be successful at that until he's done it to himself. If you tell him that, I think he is likely to be more truthful about his masturbation experience, which I suspect is extensive.

Can people around us smell the fluids released after masturbation? (female, age 23)

It is possible. That is why some males use a condom to masturbate when they are going out afterward without being able to shower or change clothes. Always clean up your sexual fluids promptly and completely. Some people can smell them in minuscule quantities.

Does masturbation lead to PCOD? (age 27)

I've never heard of such a link. The vast majority of women masturbate, but only a tiny fraction will ever develop polycystic ovarian disease (PCOD). And some of the women who develop PCOD claim to not masturbate. I don't think you should be worried about that.

Is it normal to masturbate every day? (age 28)

I will be able to give you a more definitive answer after the new female survey is complete, but daily seems to be on the high side for a woman your age.

Your site is really useful and I've read a lot of the information on how to masturbate, but I still can't get an orgasm when masturbating. It's really frustrating. Please help. (age 13)

Practice makes perfect. It helps to be patient and not be so concerned about having an orgasm.

After I masturbate, I feel rapid contractions and relaxations in the muscles of my vagina. Are these normal? What are these? They are not pleasant. (age 15)

Those are the contractions of an orgasm. You are supposed to enjoy them. Perhaps keep masturbating while they are happening, and you will like the feeling better.

I engaged in sexual relations for 2.5 years with my boyfriend. It has been about 1.5 years. I left him because he was bad to me. I found another very good guy and I want to marry him, but I don't know if he should know about my past. He might leave me. I've never done sex with him. Can my virginity be restored without doing any surgery? (age 28)

Your virginity cannot be restored at all. Once it is gone, it is gone forever. In some societies, there are doctors who can stitch in a false hymen to fool an unsophisticated man into believing that you are a virgin.

I have been doing clitoral stimulation for a few years now. I'm wanting to start experimenting with my G-spot and my fingers are long enough to reach it. What other methods are there for G-spot stimulation? (age 18)

Some women use dildoes or other objects to reach it, but it is better if you can learn to stimulate it with your fingers.

When I was at the beach with this guy I knew, he playfully tackled me and started tickling me. In the process, my top fell off and he took it and started feeling my chest and down below. I know he was kidding but I felt violated. Now at school he acts like nothing happened. How should I tell him that what he did was wrong or should I? (age 14)

Did you object strenuously at the time and tell him to stop? You might be able to talk to the police about bringing charges against him. I suspect that all you want is an apology. If so, you might tell him that you felt violated and see if he offers.

Do TMS orgasms feel better than normal orgasms?

I remember them being very intense.

My boyfriend doesn't have as high a sex drive as I do. When I hint at having sex, he turns me down almost every time. He also doesn't like me groping him when he isn't turned on. Is this normal? We have a very healthy relationship and there are no problems except for a few sexual ones. I feel really sad when he doesn't want to have sex with me. What should I do? (age 19)

I suspect there are more serious issues involved here, such as a physical problem that is inhibiting his sexual desire or erection troubles that make it difficult for him to get erect except when he initiates sex. It also could be he isn't truly attracted to you.

Would you decribe that tingly feeling down there as being horny? I very rarely feel my clit pounding with arousal; sometimes it's just tingling. What does it signal when you feel like collapsing when you think of something sexy? (age 15)

I would describe the tingly feeling as arousal and use horny to mean having sexual desire. The feeling like collapsing might mean you have low blood pressure.

I was kissing someone in a sitting position but leaning toward them, and I felt, liquid going toward my butt. Does that mean that I had an orgasm? (age 15)

You could have had a release of fluid in conjunction with an orgasm. Yes, it is possible.

I don't think I ever had a hymen. I rarely masturbate internally, but after looking at the diagrams on this site and then looking at my privates, I have nothing that resembles a hymen. Are some girls born without one? (age 14)

Yes, about 1 girl in 1000 is born without a hymen.

At a birthday party, everyone dared me and my friend, who's a girl, to kiss. The moment we kissed, I felt a pounding in my genitals more than it has when I've ever kissed a boy. Will I become lesbian now? (age 12)

I doubt it. The feeling was intensified by your kissing in public on a dare.

When I was about 8 or 9, I was sitting on a vertical tennis raquet, in a position that the top of the grip was on my vulva. I had clothes on. My mom said I shouldn't do that because it will damage those parts down there. What did she mean by this? I wasn't masturbating with it in any way.

She was just being protective. What you were doing wouldn't hurt you through clothes, but there are some objects that you could sit on (especially if with all your weight) that could do harm. It's a good idea to save those parts for things that really feel fun.

I've done it in places where I could have gotten caught but I never have. I don't make any sounds and the riskiest place was in a double bed with my younger sister beside me, but I don't think she knew. One day we talked about masturbation and I think she is curious about it and has maybe done it, but she doesn't know that I do it. My mom mentioned it once and said it was bad and for boys, but I don't know what she would do if she caught me. (age 16)

Probably nothing, but it's good that you've decided to influence your sister in a positive direction (by discussing sex with her) rather than negative directions (like masturbating furtively in bed with her).

Found your site by chance while researching something for my class. Bravo! The site has great content and frankly discusses a lot of subjects that I could never have spoken to my mother about! I will bookmark your page so when my 3 kids are old enough, they can read about it in addition to speaking with me about it. Thanks and keep up the good work. (age 43)


I've read a lot on your site about boys masturbating at school, and I just thought you should know that girls do it too. It's a good way to relieve stress when you've been in an awful class. (age 16)

Your experience is noted, but I think the reason I hear more from boys than girls on this topic is that it's so much easier for girls to do it discreetly. Boys have to use more force, and that means they make more noise, and then there's the matter of the resulting ejaculation which has to be contained or dealt with. Congratulations on dealing successfully with stress.

I'm quite confused about my sexuality. I've only been with one man (I say that because boy sounds quite stupid) but I've had "fantasies" if you will about girls. One of my friends I've heard is bisexual and I almost feel attracted to her. I'm not sure how to figure out who I am. (age 14)

Deciding between "boy" and "man" is quite simple; was he over 18? This is the distinction that all of the newspapers use and is quite mechanical. If you are uncomfortable with either word, you can always say "male." If your thinking is as confused about your sexuality as this minor point, I can understand why you are having trouble. You might take some more time to think about your feelings before you act on them. It would also be a good idea to get some definitive information about whether your friend is bisexual so you don't have to make decisions based on rumors.

I am a brunette from the Middle East. I am pretty outside and ugly down there! I have masturbated externally since I was a little baby. The whole area down there is ugly. It looks like dead skin and it's wrinkled! I wish I could cut it off!! It's such an embarrassment! (age 20 1/2)

You are pretty obsessed with your looks, both with your outward appearance and by what your vulva looks like. I doubt that any man would tell you it's ugly. You ought to believe that women's genitals are beautiful, including yours. All you have to do is carry the confidence you have about your looks to your genitals, and I think you will be a lot happier about them. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

I first started masturbating with my hands and fingers, and then with objects such as lip gloss tubes, bottles, and hairbrush handles. I currently use my sister's (who is age 16) vibrator every night, and I just realized that she must have found it, because I saw it in her room this morning. I was shocked that she didn't say anything. Should I explain this to her or should I just forget about it like it never happened? (age 14)

Since it is her vibrator, she would be the one to say something if it were an issue. The next time you see it in her room, perhaps you could ask her where she got it and if she'd get you one.

Does sex flush mean a better orgasm?

What an interesting question! I've never seen that studied anyplace. It could be theorized a couple of different ways, but I am inclined to believe that sex flush does not mean a better orgasm.

I've seen some porn where the women are squirting some fluid out of their vaginas. I've masturbated about 2 years now. Why can't I do that? (age 14)

I have occasionally gotten this question from males about men's copious ejaculations in porn. Those men are shooting liquid soap, not semen, and of course it doesn't come from their penises. Some women claim they can ejaculate, but what they produce is nowhere near the volume seen in porn. Porn is just a bunch of lies and special effects. It isn't real.

I've been masturbating for about 7 years, and I have typically masturbated with massagers and running water. When I went through your web site, I realized that the way I typically masturbate was probably why I could never orgasm from manual stimulation. So I decided to practice with my hands, and I must say that I had a stronger and longer orgasm using my hands than any other method before. I just had to get the hang of it. Thank you so much!!! (age 17)

I like having satisfied customers.

I take issue with something you say on this site. Ever since I was 7, I've been masturbating using the shower head method (though I had no idea that's what I was doing back then). In the last year or two, I discovered masturbating with my hands -- and I definitely prefer it over the shower head. Nevertheless, I still use the shower head method when I feel like it. In short, I think it's perfectly fine for females to use BOTH the shower head and manual method, in whichever way they prefer. Also, I've been using my fingers for the past two years or so, and I've recently tried inserting objects. I tried a marker and also a large pen but all I got was discomfort, even when I tried to stimulate my clitoris. Is this normal? (age 16)

I find it quite remarkable that you criticize my discouraging females from masturbating with running water and then ask my advice about your inability to reach orgasm from a more conventional method of masturbating. Did you consider that perhaps this is a byproduct of your habit of masturbating with the shower head? The very reason I advise females not to do that is just the thing you are complaining about -- that they might not be able to reach orgasm from other means. I advise you to keep practicing with the objects. Be gentle, and only use them when you think you are really in a good state for having an orgasm. Might I also suggest you give up masturbating with the shower head, at least until you are successful with the objects.

Will girls' sex drives go up if they haven't masturbated for a while? (age 16)

Yes.

I have been masturbating with an electric toothbrush on my clit for about a year, but I read that it is better for your sex life later on the use your hands. I have tried but I don't get any arousal AT ALL. Can you help? (age 16)

You don't say if you were able to masturbate to orgasm before a year ago when you started the toothbrush. If so, then you are suffering from "vibrator fatigue," and you can overcome it just by quitting the toothbrush. If not, then you more likely have had ongoing trouble reaching orgasm. In either case, I would suggest taking time away from the toothbrush and just relaxing and letting your fingers do what you need. It takes patience and will power.

I have a 10-year-old sister, and I'm well liked and respected by her group of friends. I'm worried that I would be the person that her friends might come to talk to about masturbation, sexuality and the like. I wouldn't mind answering their questions if this happens, but I would be afraid of getting in trouble if word got to their parents that I was talking to young children about stuff like that. Any advice? (age 19)

If you are not comfortable talking to children about sex, then don't. If you really get asked questions by them, try to confine your answers to the less controversial areas (e.g., anatomy, menstruation) rather than controversial ones (e.g., intercourse, birth control). It always helps if you remember the number one rule of sex education: Never talk about yourself.

My boyfriend gave me a DVD of the pornography he masturbates to. I was disturbed by the abundance of mother-son incest and pedophilia. I tried discussing this with him and his friends but they only laughed. They have stashes of incest, hard-core, pedophilic material plus memberships to adult video and book stores. Every excuse (and they are ridiculous and plentiful) my boyfriend makes is regarding his mother. I've heard of the phrase 'mama's boy' but his obsession with incest and children is creepy. Are all males like this? (age 16)

No, and that's a rather rare sexual interest. It also sounds like his paraphilia is intruding onto other areas of his life (such as how he relates to you). It might be better if you moved on.

I have been masturbating for less than half a year now. I've noticed that no matter what I do or how aroused I am, my fingers do NOTHING. I use a back massager and the shower head. It takes me anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to orgasm. Is it something to worry about how I just can't seem to get anything out of my hands? Is there a way to get the orgasm stronger? (age 17)

You need more practice, and I strongly recommend that it come from your hands and not the machines you're using now. Since it's taking 30 minutes to an hour, they are not magic bullets anyway. The important thing is to be both focused and relaxed while masturbating. Just enjoy what you're doing, and sometime when you least expect it, you'll have an orgasm.

How do you clean a sex toy? I usually just use warm water and soap. Also, when using any sex toy or object internally/externally, is it OK not to use a condom with it? (age 14)

What you do sounds good. It is probably more than most people use. There is no need to use a condom unless you are using it while exchanging bodily fluids with other people.

In a question way back, you said it was a bad thing to not be lesbian or bisexual, but a good thing if you are. I'm not homophobic, but why do you think this? (age 16)

I was not commenting on being lesbian or bisexual being either good or bad. The person asked why I thought it was bad if people presumed someone was lesbian or bisexual. I responded that it's bad if people presume that when you're not lesbian or bisexual, but it can be a good thing if people presume that when you are. In a better situation, people would reserve their judgment until they had more information.

I looked at my vulva in a small mirror today, and I'm really freaked out because when I opened my inner lips, there was this weird circular lump near my hymen and a few lumps inside. Is this serious or normal? Should I see a doctor? (age 13)

You might check with your mother before seeing a doctor. It could be anatomically normal or even part of your hymen. However, "lumps" can be a sign of cancer or serious disease, so they should always be checked out. With any luck, what you are seeing is normal and not a true lump.

If I watch a movie with sex in it, I get really aroused and I always fantasize about having sex with someone and think about what it feels like to have vaginal sex. What is the best way to pleasure myself when I get that feeling? Today for the first time I masturbated internally and I felt bumps in my vagina. What are those? Is it normal to feel a little pain? (age 12)

I hesitate to tell you a best way to pleasure yourself, but most girls your age start by masturbating externally (stimulating the clitoris and other external genitalia). Internal masturbation (inserting things) seems to be a more advanced move. The bumps could be a lot of things, including your hymen. The vagina is not perfectly smooth. Pain is a sign of something going wrong, but it is common to feel a little the first time you insert something into your vagina.

I don't use tampons because I cannot insert them. It is uncomfortable and painful, even the smallest ones. Does this mean that when I have sex for the first time it will hurt me more than it would hurt someone who does use tampons because they would be used to inserting them? (age 17)

It's very possible. A lot of females find tampons good practice for reducing the tendency of the vaginal muscles to resist something being inserted. It would be good to keep at it and be relaxed. Remember that no harm will come if you can't insert a tampon on any particular day.

I have in the past week started to masturbate. But I don't ever get a good feeling. I have no idea where my clitoris is, and I don't know what I'm doing. My boyfriend has told me he gets excited when I masturbate. I want to keep him happy but I don't really know how. (age 17)

I can imagine how excited he is. I think it would have been better if you had started masturbating to enjoy it rather than to entertain your boyfriend. The illustrations on the site and the stories posted by readers can give you some ideas. It is less important that you seek out the clitoris specifically than you touch someplace that makes you feel good. Try doing it when you're alone and can enjoy yourself and not feel self-conscious about doing it in front of your boyfriend.

I started masturbating at a pretty young age and my brother caught me and he pointed at me and told me I was dirty and disgusting. Then he proceeded to tell everybody he knew (including my parents and friends) while doing these impersonations of me. From them on he would sneak into my room and try to catch me in the act on a nightly basis in order to be able to humiliate me the next day. Sometimes he was successful and sometimes not. If he wasn't, he would hit me across my head instead. I just cannot understand why he wanted to do that to me? I get these awful flashbacks on a daily basis where he's impersonating me to my mother and the intense feeling of shame comes over me and it makes me want to throw up. I cringe all the time involuntarily. I have no issues with masturbation now and am able to do so in front of my husband with no problem but after we have sex and I orgasm, I always have these intense feeling of sadness right afterward. Perhaps that's connected? What should I do? (age 29)

I suggest working these issues out with a competent psychologist. It ought to be of some comfort that your mother was apparently not put off by what your brother told her. Perhaps she would also be understanding if you talked to her about it.

Does anyone know where the fluid from the vagina comes from? Why do some people question whether the G spot really exists? (age 14)

There are glands adjacent to the vagina, including Bartholin's gland, that produce fluid. The existence of the G spot is a fact, but some people don't like the idea that there is one particular spot inside the vagina that has to be stimulated. They would rather people worked on all kinds of different places instead of making a big deal about one spot.

What's the difference between semen and sperm? (age 24)

Sperm are the microscopic cells that carry DNA and impregnate a female. Semen is the fluid in which sperm travel. It is like the difference between white blood cells and whole blood.

I turn 14 in a couple days. I?e been masturbating since the beginning of summer. I? afraid of being walked in on, but not that freaked out. I want to talk to my mother about it, but I happen to be really nervous about it. She said I could talk to her about anything. How should I bring it up and what should I say?

Unless you have questions you want to ask, there is no reason to say anything. If you want to say something, how about, "I'd like to talk to you about masturbating."

I have never had an orgasm while having sexual intercourse with my one and only boyfriend. I fake it but I am tired of that. What can I do? I have been masturbating since I was about 9, and for some reason with a pillow. I have learned it is bad and I can stop. I have tried hand masturbating and it usually works. Have I caused permanent damage that cannot be fixed? I am worried about my future sex life. If I get cured from TMS, will all my problems go away in particular being able to have an orgasm while having sex? (age 17)

Faking orgasm is counterproductive, because it makes your boyfriend think he's doing a good job at whatever he's doing when he's really not. TMS is very unlikely to have caused permanent damage and quitting it is apt to make you more orgasmic in sex. Why not let your boyfriend know so that he can work on what will give you a real orgasm?

I gave my virgin boyfriend oral sex. He did not ejaculate, but is there still any way of me getting an infection? Your site is amazing, by the way.

If you trust that he has never had sex before, then you cannot get infected. It is still a good idea to use a condom for oral sex. They make flavored and unlubricated condoms specially for it.

I have been masturbating for a few years now, but I've always done it on my front rubbing my vulva. I've read its dangerous doing it face down, but it's the only way I enjoy it so much. Should I stop? (age 16)

I highly recommend it. If you learn to masturbate in more conventional ways, it can lead you to all kinds of sexual things you'll enjoy better than prone masturbation.

What does TMS actually mean? Is it really bad for femlales? I've been masturbating face down for so long I'm really scared that I won't be able to stop. I know it's bad. I've tried other ways and I'm just not getting the pleasure like I did when I was masturbating lying down. Please help me! P.S Love this site! (age 16)

TMS -- Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome -- is probably not as bad for females as for males, but it is fairly obvious that women who masturbate on their backs with their hands have greater orgasmic ability in intercourse. You can switch and learn to be orgasmic in other ways. Many, many women have switched.

I am a virgin who desparately wants to have sex! I have masturbated since I was 11. I find myself having great urges to have a real sexual experience. There is no special guy in the picture right now and while I am able to orgasm alone, I want to have sex! Should I find someone to have a one-night stand with? (age 26)

You would be settling for less than you want if you did that. It ought not be too much trouble to find a relationship. It is so much easier for women. All you have to do is go out and be approachable, and you will meet oodles of men. Surely you can find someone within a few weeks who you would want to get to know better. Have you tried personals ads?

I masturbate every day in the bathtub running my clit under the water. I catch an orgasm in less than 5 minutes. This been happening since I was 13. Is there something wrong with me? (age 16)

It would be better if you did not masturbate that way. You've had some great orgasms, but they come at the expense of your not being able to orgasm every other way. Wouldn't it be nice if you could have an orgasm wherever and whenever you wanted to, without anyone wondering why you run the bathtub so much?

I have a friend who hates to have an orgasm. Why is that? She knows it's an orgasm but it is very unpleasurable for her. She is about 16. (age 15)

There is a rare condition where people don't enjoy their orgasms -- it's called anhedonia, but I would be more inclined to believe she's guilty or embarrassed about masturbating and wants you to think she doesn't do it.

In school, there is this fellow that I really like but my friends think I'm crazy. He's 17 years old and not afraid to talk about awkward things in front of me. (He talks about how he masturbates and gets all the guys around him to talk about it. Once he asked a group of guys if they're circumcised during band.) He thinks it amusing to see me squrim. I'm not quite sure what to do about him, for there is a dance coming up and I want to go with him, yet he doesn't seemed inclined to go. What should I do? I don't have a clue if he likes me. I can't talk about this with my family or friends for they think its weird for me to fancy anyone. (age 14)

You could ask him to the dance (which would be rather bold given the difference in your ages), or you could drop hints that you will be at the dance and you'd like him to be there too. You ought to go to the dance with some female friends. You will have a lot of fun no matter how many boys show up. You might also give a chance to some guys whose main interest is not making you uncomfortable.

I'm really scared. I had some girlfriends over and we checked each other out, and I couldn't find my hymen. Theirs were really obvious, but I just can't find mine!! What should I do? (age 15)

Don't worry about it and just ask your doctor to show it to you on your next visit. Some are more obvious than others.

Can you lose your virginity by using a dildo? (age 13)

No.

My ex and I broke up about 1 1/2 years ago. I have not gotten over it. I pretend I have to my family and friends, and I've even had a child since then. But inside I'm depressed and sad all the time. He was my best friend, and now I feel lost and confused all the time. And I'm like a black sheep in my family. I'm beginning to think I should seek therapy. Can you please tell me how I go about doing that? (age 24)

If you have health insurance, just call the mental health hotline of your provider. If not, there are online sources where you can find free or low-cost support groups. The book How to Survive the Loss of a Love might also be helpful.

I recently switched from masturbating with one finger to masturbating with two. I don't get any feeling with only one anymore. Is something wrong? (age 14)

No, I think you're just learning. Don't focus on how many fingers you're using.

Do girls "come"? Is it the same as an orgasm? (age 15)

Yes. Yes.

I have trouble getting an orgasm while masturbating. Is it necessary to flex your pelvic muscles? Does that make it easier? (age 13)

No, that is not necessary. It will not necessarily make it easier either. I suggest you be patient and keep trying.

Is fingering the same as stimulating the clitoris? Or is it just internally? (age 15)

Most people who use the term mean it to insert a finger in the vagina. Technically it is correct to refer to any touching with the finger.

I don't know if this is considered masturbation, but I sit on an exercise ball and thrust forward and sometimes watch porn. Is that masturbation? Is it wrong to watch porn? I never have an orgasm if I just use my hands. (age 12)

If you are trying to increase your sexual response, it is masturbation. It is an idiosyncratic form of masturbation that should be avoided. It would be better for you to improve your skills with your hands.

I have been masturbating prone since age 5. I do this by rubbing against a blanket, and I sometimes use a lot of pressure. I realize that there is a small tear on what I think is my labia. It's not too painful or anything, but I am concerned about it. Is there any way to get it to heal without seeing a gynecologist? (age 18)

I doubt it is a tear if it isn't painful, because a tear there ought to hurt like nobody's business. Your regular doctor could examine it. You wouldn't necessarily need a gynecologist. Of course, if it is to heal, it will be necessary for you to avoid the behavior that caused it in the first place.

Why do females experience sexual tension? What is the physical explanation? Is it real or just in our imaginations? (age 19)

Most females believe it is real. They can feel a physical longing when they haven't had an orgasm for a long time. The orgasm is good for clearing up a congested feeling that can happen to both male and female genital areas. The feeling of tension is also useful for getting people who otherwise wouldn't to have sexual relations so the species can continue.

Follow-up: Is there actually a physical event occuring inside a girl's body when she feels tension? How does it build up? Like for guys, it's because they have to eliminate seminal fluids and sperm. But what about girls? Where does the horny longing feeling come from?

A lot of sexual tension for both males and females is the flow of blood into the pelvis. This congestion is most readily reduced by orgasm. If not, it can produce a feeling well known in males as "blue balls" and also present in females. You might enjoy some of Masters & Johnson's books about sexual response that describe this process in greater detail. Any large library would have them.

My boyfriend doesn't seem to enjoy his orgasms and I'm wondering why. He says they don't feel like anything special and that the best part of sexual activity is the emotions and closeness he feels. He also never masturbates. I believe this, because I have never caught him, and I live with him, sleep with him, wake up with him, go to sleep with him, and shower with him, and he wants to spend all his time with me, more than I even want to spend with him. I also really believe he doesn't enjoy his orgasms because sometimes he doesn't ejaculate when I decide to end the session because I don't feel it going anywhere, and he doesn't pressure me to put up with him if it's going wrong. He says it doesn't feel that good to come. He just says it can hurt if he doesn't and that is the only motive he has to orgasm. Why isn't he enjoying his orgasms? Do you think this is why he doesn't masturbate? (age 19)

I am always suspicious of males who claim they don't masturbate. He has at least two problems: anhedonic orgasms (orgasms without pleasure) and anorgasmia. As frequently discussed on this site, an atypical or idiosyncratic method of masturbating is often to blame for anorgasmia. But if his claim of non-masturbating is to be taken seriously, this is not his problem. The next most obvious cause is side effects from prescription drugs. A third explanation, which would also explain his anhedonia, is drug or alcohol abuse. Beyond these obvious sexual problems, you also have the problem that he is especially needy -- wanting to spend every minute with you. Healthy men masturbate, they enjoy both masturbating and sex with their partners, and they have a life apart from their partners. Some exploration of the causes of his sexual problems are needed before he can try to solve them. And that's the overarching thing -- he, not you, has to be the one to want to solve these problems.

When I have sex, I can feel my G spot inside me, except sometimes it hurts when my boyfriend fingers me. I don't think I've ever had a G spot orgasm, although when it's being touched, I find it a very stimulating experience. It seems to stir emotions and motives in me, but I don't get a release from it. Afterward I usually feel a strange emotion lingering that feels like longing and a bit of desperation, but while I'm being stimulated, it's almost like I feel too stubborn to let go. What should I do to resolve this feeling? I believe that "blue balls" is not only a problem for guys; I believe it can happen to girls as well, and that if you don't get release, tension and swelling can hurt in those areas. It also can make someone feel sad. (age 19)

You are analyzing too much and are too focused on having a G Spot orgasm (or not having one). You would be better off to just let your mind wander to something that helps you feel good, and if it leads you to an orgasm, HOORAY! And if it doesn't, well, at least it felt good to have that stimulation while you were thinking happy thoughts. If you feel unrelieved after a G Spot session, then by go ahead and masturbate in a way that you can have an orgasm. You are correct that females can have congestion in the pelvis just like males; your body doesn't care how the orgasm that puts an end to it is brought about.

I'm afraid to insert my fingers, so I want to buy a vibrator. There's a store at the mall I go to that sells them. I'm 14 in less than a month, but I believe I can pass off as older than that. Do you think they would sell it to me? (age 13)

I guess there's no harm in trying. You ought to be less afraid of inserting your fingers than a foreign object. Why not put off this whole exploratory mission until you're more comfortable with it?

I tried to fit a dildo into my vagina but I couldn't without it hurting. How do I relax my vagina so I can fit more than one finger in? (age 16)

Practice. It helps to be as relaxed as you can. You might also need to make a conscious effort to relax the muscles in that area. There is no reason to be in a hurry to do that. Just work it in on a schedule that you can enjoy.

Until two nights ago, I was scared of talking to my mom about masturbating. I told her everything and she told me it was perfectly normal. I even asked her get me a vibrator. Was I wrong to ask my mom to buy me a vibrator? (age 12)

No, but I hope you'll understand if she has reasons for not getting you one. First among those is that you should be trying to learn with your own hands first.

If I masturbate once a day but reach orgasm several times, is that considered masturbating more than once? And how far in exactly is the hymen? Some people say it's a couple of inches in, and some say it's right at the surface. Would I be able to see mine with a little handheld mirror? (age 13)

You count times masturbating by the number of sessions, not by the number of orgasms. The hymen is probably about an inch and a half in. The problem in seeing it isn't its depth but the narrowness of your vagina. You could probably see it with a handheld mirror, but I think you would have a better chance if you could lie close to a wall-sized mirror.

one of my inner lips is a lot bigger than the other one, and it is kind of dark grey on the edge. Is this bad? (age 11)

Don't even think about that. You will go through puberty shortly, and after that you won't even recognize your vulva from what it used to be.

There's this guy I really like. The thought of him masturbating is so arousing. Sometimes I wonder if he does. For some reason, he seems like the type of guy who wouldn't, especially since he's sexually active. He just turned 15. Also, he smokes marijuana. Does that affect how often he masturbates? Do 15 year old guys masturbate daily? (age 14)

A male who is sexually active is more likely to masturbate than one who isn't. According to surveys done on this site, 90 percent of males had masturbated by their 15th birthdays and 96 percent by their 16th birthdays. The average 15 year old masturbates 8.17 times a week. I have never surveyed about marijuana use and don't know how it affects masturbation.

How do I bring masturbation up with my friends? I love doing it, and I'm sure I can't be the only one. (age 15)

You would probably have more luck one on one than you would bringing it up in a group. You might try making a little joke about it and seeing if your friend responds.

Do women all have the same arrangement of nerves in their genitals? Why or why not? Do men? (age 19)

The basic anatomical pattern is the same. I don't know anything about variation from person to person. Lots of things vary, so why wouldn't nerves? This is really a question for a neurologist or something.

I was at home and thought I was alone. I started masturbating with a banana in the kitchen and I was nearing climax when the phone rang. My brother quickly ran to pick up the phone and he saw the banana. He said it was OK and to forget about it but I feel really weird around him. Should I talk to him about it again? (age 16)

He said it was OK. It's OK. You don't need to talk about it. It's possible he said it was OK just so you wouldn't try to talk about it.

Do most guys think about the age difference when they're dating a younger girl? As long as she is of legal age, would he mind the age difference?

Yes, I suspect the age difference is one of the appeals of dating a younger girl. If he is the one initiating the relationship, and he is aware of the age difference, then there should be no reason to believe he minds.

I really enjoy sex with my boyfriend, and I have been sexually active for a year. However, I can only have sex with him once a day, otherwise it hurts me. The first time is great, but the second time, even though I am aroused and wet, still hurts. It sort of feels like something is tearing, which I know is not the case because whenever we do it the second time he is careful. It hurts on the outside my vagina, not inside. It only hurts directly under the vaginal opening. The skin almost feels raw. What can I do to help this? (age 17)

That might be a skin problem more than a sexual one. It would help to have a doctor look at it. I'm not clear what you mean by "outside" your vagina. If you mean outside your entire vulva, then the skin you are talking about would be more readily treatable than skin that is inside your vulva but outside the vagina proper. This is all the more reason to have a doctor or nurse look at it before trying to self-medicate. P.S. Once a day is not such a bad frequency.

Once I put my middle finger all the way into my vagina. About 3 inches. It bled a tiny bit, and it didn't hurt. Is my hymen broken? (age 12)

There's a good chance it is, but there would still be a lot of it left.

Is it normal for a girl to like porn? (age 15)

More than a few do. If you do, you aren't the only one.

Just wanted to commend you on an excellent and informative site. It's great that young people have a place where they can ask questions and learn from others about a topic that is often still difficult for them to discuss with friends. And I learned a thing or two myself, so it's not only the kids who are benefitting from your hard work. (age 51)

Thanks a lot!

I just had sex with my boyfriend and I feel really loose. Will it go back? I cant stand feeling loose. (age 16)

The vagina is very pliable and will go back to normal fairly quickly. If it really bothers you, you can try to exercise your PC muscle and see if it makes a difference.

Me boyfriend fingered me but I got nothing out of it. I'm too nervous to tell him how to do it right so that I orgasm. What tips have you got for being subtle about telling him what's he's doing wrong?

Just tell him. He's doing it for you. There is no reason for him to do it if it isn't pleasing you. You are being unfair if you know how to be touched so that you orgasm and you don't tell him.

Does an erection feel good? (age 15)

Yes.

Can AIDS/HIV be created or only passed on? If you've had oral sex with a guy and then have sex with another guy and then another guy, if none of them had HIV/AIDS, could it be created anyway? (age 15)

You can't create HIV by yourself. Someone has to have the virus before they can pass it to someone else. I also recommend against your hypothetical sex with multiple partners.

When I was masturbating (externally), I felt the need to squeeze my thighs together to reach orgasm. Is this normal? Could I do that in intercourse? (age 14)

It is OK to squeeze your thighs together. Some women do it rhythmically. However, if you have do it that way in order to have orgasm, then it is bad. In which case, you ought to train yourself to reach orgasm without squeezing. There are some intercourse positions in which that would be possible (rear entry, for example), but it is even worse if you are limited in intercourse to a non-standard position. You have a lot of time to practice.

I often masturbate on the toilet here at college because the fact that there are others very close excites me. Do you think this a normal place for a girl to do it? (age 19)

I don't think many do. You are very much risking people figuring out what you're doing by masturbating at times when others are so close.

I visit your site often. But with such a sexual site, some closed-minded people are bound to get offended. Have you ever received threatening messages or just downright verbally abusive ones? And if so, can you track them down or is this a truly an anonymous site? (age 28)

I get more screechy messages from people who think I'm not libertine enough! I've never had a truly threatening message, but I put the ones that really complain on their own special page. I have no way of tracking anyone down.

I read that boys in high school get erections every 90 minutes. That's hard to believe. Wouldn't someone notice? I'm a freshman and I've never noticed it in the boys I attend school with. (age 14)

It is true. Males from puberty to around age 20 are erect for 20 minutes out of every 90. It's fairly easy to cover up, because the fly in pants is right where the penis points up (well, duh). That means there is extra fabric to cover. It would be hard to notice unless the boy were wearing very thin material. Also, you don't stare at guys' crotches, do you? If you're trying to spot the guys with erections, look at who is walking in the halls with a windbreaker or notebook blocking the view of his privates. I think I was only caught with one once. I had just woken up on a plane while on a school trip and decided to flex it a little. The girl sitting next to me was apparently staring right at it, because she freaked out and told me to wake up and hit me with one of those little pillows.

I don't feel guilty about masturbating, but I feel guilty about watching gay porn while I masturbate sometimes. After I come, I feel that people would be ashamed of me if they found out what I do when I masturbate. Can you help me? (age 15)

People might be surprised at a girl your age watching gay porn, but I doubt they would be ashamed. If it turns you on and you only use it some of the time, then there's nothing wrong with it. Most girls your age still feel guilty about masturbating. You will soon overcome your guilt about porn too.

I've recently started masturbating. Last time, I found the place on my clitoris that pleases me most, and I felt a feeling that made my whole body sort of spasm for a few seconds. It was really pleasureable. Is this an orgasm? (age 15)

Yes, a good one. Keep working on that spot and try to find a few others.

I started masturbating a year ago but I was wondering if using the same object every time can get me infected or anything? (age 12)

It is a good idea to clean your objects before inserting them and after using them.

I am new to masturbating so I tried to have fun in the shower with a bar of soap, but it burned so badly that I had to tell my parents to help me. They told me I should never stick soap in my vagina or anything else for that matter. What do I do? (age 10)

It would be good to you to listen to them about soap. Not every beauty product can safely be used in the vagina. However, they are wrong to deny you some toys which could help you explore your sexual pleasure while at the same time posing no chemical threat to your body. I think you will have to work most of this out on your own.

When I have oral sex with a male, I sometimes swallow the semen. Is this bad? And will it harm me in any way? (age 15)

It is unsafe sex. It is possible to catch a sexually transmitted disease that way. You should only perform unprotected oral sex on a male whom you trust to be uninfected and monogamous. Other than that, the semen cannot hurt you and is a good source of protein.

Can I only squirt if the G spot is hit right? Or can it happen with the clitoris? (age 16)

Squirting by females is a controversial area. If a particular woman can do it, it does not matter how the orgasm is brought about. You ought to seek the best way that you can have an orgasm and not worry about whether you can squirt or not. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, then at least you had a nice orgasm.

I'm a 17 year old female, and I have been sexually active since I was about 13. I have this discharge coming out of my vagina for a while now, but I'm afraid to go to the doctor or tell my parents about it. The smell is not pleasant. What could this be? An STD? Is it able to be fixed? I'm scared to go get tested for stuff, because I don't want to know the answer.

Ignore it, and it is apt to get worse. It could very well be an STD. When it is treated early, there are likely to be no long-term consequences. When you let it go too long, it can affect your fertility and sexual functioning. You need to go see a doctor now. They will not tell your parents.

I just started to masturbate this week, and when I do it, it feels like I am urinating. Is this normal or is something wrong with me? (age 21)

That is a common feeling in both males and females. It is a good idea to urinate beforehand so you don't get that sensation. Also, it is more comfortable to masturbate or have sex when your bladder is empty.

After I have an intense orgasm, I feel the need to urinate. Why is this? (age 14)

For a lot of people, the activity in the genitals causes an increased awareness of the urine in the bladder and stimulates the urge to go.

When I'm fingered by a partner, I can orgasm within 20 seconds and then have multiple orgasms. Is this odd, and how can I stop being so sensitive? (age 18)

That is an unusual problem, and one that a lot of my female readers would want to have. It just takes practice. I tell males who are coming too quickly to try to extend their time a little bit every week. That approach would serve you well too. So work on getting to 30 seconds, and then 40, and so on. It might also help for your partner to heavily lubricate their finger. Lubrication can reduce sensitivity in some ways even as it enhances it in others.

I tried masturbating and enjoy it. But I'm not reaching orgasm. Can you tell me how? While masturbating, I reach a stage where I feel very aroused and something runs through my whole body, but there is no orgasm. (age 17)

You are pretty close. When you get that very aroused feeling, I suggest stroking however you are doing it only faster and more intensely.

Follow-up: Do I have to do it more intensely?

That is best. Once you have learned how to have an orgasm, you can slow down and be less intense.

My friends say that if I touch my breasts or pull on my nipples it will feel really good, like masturbating, but I don't feel anything yet. (age 13)

It might not. Not all girls enjoy doing that and most of the ones that do practice it while they are masturbating.

When having oral sex with a male, can I still get an STI if he doesn't ejaculate in my mouth? (age 17)

It is possible. In order to have safe oral sex, you either need a disease-free, monogamous partner or a condom.

I'm a virgin and I just started to masturbate by touching my clit. I wanted to finger myself, but every time I do it, it hurts. Why is that? (age 21)

You are not used to the feeling. Just take your time and gradually work at fingering yourself. Try it when you are feeling really good after masturbating or are otherwise relaxed.

Can you get pregnant by being fingered? My boyfriend's hands were clean. (age 13)

It is extremely unlikely, but I would hesitate to rule out getting pregnant altogether.

While exploring my vagina, my fingers went as far as they could and I felt a hard lump. What is this? (age 14)

It is probably your cervix, but if you think it's a lump and not something anatomical, it is urgent to get it checked.

Is it to normal to fantasize about being raped, murdered and then devoured by your lover while you masturbate? (age 17)

That is kind of unusual, but lots of women have rape fantasies. I don't know that any fantasy is a problem unless it is the only thing you can fantasize about.

Ever since I started puberty, I began to like and even love girls. Before that, I had very mild sexual feelings for boys. Is this a phase? (age 13)

Probably. You're very young. It would be a good idea to be friendly but not too affectionate to both until you sort things out.

I can only get an orgasm by masturbating (externally only). I never can climax while having sex with my boyfriend (which we have been doing for a year) or even when he fingers me. It's a completely different feeling from how I masturbate, and sex feels good, but not as good as when I pleasure myself. What can I do to get an orgasm during sex? The feeling is completely different, and I never get even close, even after we've been doing it for thirty minutes. (age 19)

Being more relaxed would make a difference. A different position, where he makes better contact with your clitoris would also help. You might also find a position where one of you could stimulate your clitoris by hand. It would also help if you could learn to masturbate to orgasm internally.

I saw a question about squeezing thigh muscles while masturbating. I was wondering if I can get an orgasm without tightening, squeezing or flexing any muscles in that region. All I have to do is use my hands? (age 13)

Yes, that is how most girls masturbate. Just work on feeling good with your hands.

I've been masturbating every night for about a week now and when I reach orgasm, I get the feelings and the contractions but not the pleasure. Will leaving it for a while help? (age 14)

A week is not very long to practice. Most females had to wait a lot longer than that before they had orgasms. If you are enjoying it, then keep it up. If you are not enjoying it, then waiting a week or so before trying again is a very good idea.

I've been masturbating internally for about 2 years. If I pushed my finger against my cervix hard enough, could it go up into my uterus? (age 18)

That is very unlikely. Your cervix is a natural barrier between your vagina and uterus. It is also normally too small to accommodate your finger.

I have a friend who always says that masturbating is for 12 year olds. He is 18. His father died when he was 3 years old and his mother says masturbation is bad. I don't really know if he masturbates and I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't. He is very feminine and has never had a girlfriend. He never shows interest in sexual things, straight or gay. Could it be that the lack of masturbation (or repression of the urge to masturbate) has somehow affected his sexual development? (age 16)

I doubt it. I am more inclined to believe, if you are correct, that his sexual development has interfered with his interest in masturbation. But I don't think you are correct. He probably masturbates as much as a typical 18 year old. Gays masturbate as much as straights. It is much more likely that he puts down masturbation because he is ashamed of it than because he is asexual.

Do most females reach orgasm the first time they have intercourse?

No. According to an informal survey on a web site (not this one), ten women answered this question yes or no, and only one of the ten had an orgasm her first time. Five males also answered the question yes or no, and all of them had an orgasm. The average age of the respondents was 35.7.

Can girls still masturbate internally with fingernail polish on? What if they just used nail polish remover? (age 13)

There ought to be no issue with dry nail polish. It would be a good idea to wash your hands after using nail polish remover. But you should do that anyway.

I've been masturbating for about 3 years externally and internally just with my fingers and have achieved orgasm. But I think I'm ready to try an object like carrot or cucumber. Do I have to cover it with something first like a condom? Are you gay or straight? (age 15)

No, but I suggest you wash whatever object you use first (and probably afterward too). I am straight. You are the first person to have asked in the nearly 6 years I've been writing this site.

If a policeman were in your house when you didn't know, and walked into your room while you were masturbating, would he arrest you? (age 12)

In the civilized world, absolutely not. Masturbating is not a crime.

How long should it take me to orgasm? (age 15)

It can vary a lot more for females than males, especially at your age. If you can have orgasms at all, you're doing better than a lot of girls your age. I will know more after the female survey is finished, but I would say that 15-30 minutes is fairly typical.

Follow-up: I can orgasm in less than a minute with about 10 orgasms or more in 30 minutes. Will it be easier for me to orgasm during sex becuase of this? Do you have any idea how bad it hurts the first time for a girl because I am extremely worried!

Your orgasmic capacity is very good, and I suspect you will have an easy time of it in intercourse. Being experienced masturbating, especially internally, makes it less likely you will experience pain the first time.

Is it normal to only be able to have an orgasm if I'm thinking of doing something sexual while I'm externally masturbating? (age 33)

Yes, and that is even more true for males than for females. For most people, sexual fantasy is the key to orgasm.

Can masturbating with other things like cucumbers or other objects be damaging to a person?

Use appropriate judgment about the size and shape of the object and how much force you use. Avoid anything that could be sharp. I squeezed a cucumber tonight at the grocery store and it squirted me. I didn't buy that one.

I've noticed that masturbating and even sex are based upon the mind more than the physical part of it. Without the correct state of mind it's close to impossible to reach orgasm. Would you say that's accurate? (age 17)

Yes, very. The brain is the most important sex organ.

I've been masturbating for about 6 months and I use a hair brush and rub my clitoris. I was wondering if there's anything wrong with that. I've tried to use my hands but it just doesn't work. (age 13)

It would be better if you could learn to use your hands. You already have an idea what the best place to touch is, so go with that. You are also probably using more force with the hairbrush than would be necessary with your hands. Having an orgasm from light pressure is very awesome! Why not work on it some more.

Follow-up: Thank you sooo much!! I had my best orgasm yet last night just by using my fingers! No hairbrush! How come in sex stories and even in porn the guys are always saying how sweet the girl tastes but mine doesn't taste/smell sweet at all? (age 13)

Porn and sex stories aren't real and you shouldn't put much stock in them. Perhaps your fluids will smell sweeter to someone who thinks you're very, very special.

I had been masturbating for months, then I just stopped. I'm in 8th grade now and I see a lot of arousing things almost every day, but since I haven't masturbated since 6th grade, I don't even remember how. I tried but I don't orgasm. I concentrate on a specific thing and nothing happens. I would like to get a vibrator but I never have any money and I don't have anyone older to ask, and my mom and I aren't close. Is there any way I could get a vibrator or any masturbating toys? (age 13)

You really sound like you've lost all hope. The best toys are your own hands. They don't cost anything, and you don't have to worry about buying them or having anyone catch you with them. I don't recommend anything else until you've had success with your hands or are a lot older.

I have been masturbating for 5 years now and I have used pens and brushes to masturbate but I was wondering about using bananas. I really want to try but I don't want them to break while in my vagina. (age 15)

You're not supposed to peel them! An unpeeled banana won't break. Really.

I have a slight discomfort in my lower abdomen after I masturbate (externally). I orgasm every time. Is it from orgasming and the contractions? (age 13)

It could be. It might just be something to get used to. It might also be in your head because you anticipate it happening. Just keep doing what you like and the problem might go away by itself.

I recently broke my fingers on my right hand and I am in a cast. I don't know how to get pleasure from my left hand, and I keep practicing but nothing is working. I don't think I can wait 6 weeks. Please help! (age 14)

This must be a terribly frustrating situation. I suggest keeping it at. It is good if you can learn to masturbate with more than one hand anyway. The cast has given you an involuntary abstinence period during which your private parts are apt to become more sensitive. It might help if you wait 4-5 days and do nothing in that time instead of "practicing" every single day. Please let me know how it goes.

Follow-up: Hi! you helped me out a lot with my problem. I took your advice and I waited 5 days and with a little more effort, I can now get orgasms from my left hand! THANK YOU!! I still have a few more weeks with a cast but now I am MUCH happier! YOU ARE AMAZING!

Spread the word! Thanks for letting me know how it went. Sorry you had to break your hand to learn to masturbate with the other one.

Last night, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. When I woke up this morning, I felt really sick. I had a horrible stomacheache. My vagina was also very sore. I hope I am not pregnant, but if i am, how do I explain this to my parents? They don't even know I have a boyfriend. How can you tell you're pregnant without going to the doctor or using a pregnancy test? (age 18)

You couldn't know the next day anyway. The two ways you mentioned are the ones. There are symptoms of pregnancy, but they could easily be mistaken for other conditions. You are still within the time frame for using a controversial birth control known as the morning after pill. Talk to a pharmacist about it. You are a woman of legal age, and explaining things to your parents ought not be the first thing that comes to mind.

I have never seen a gynecologist, and I am not sure how the procedure goes. Anyway, will being touched by one make me lose my virginity? I have been in the dark about this for a while. (age 13)

No. In order to lose your virginity, you have to have sex with another person.

I have been masturbating since I was around 13 and have had orgasms, but they weren't big ones. Once my boyfriend and I were rubbing up against each other with our clothes on and I had the best orgasm. Is this a good way to tell that sex will be good? I am a virgin and I don't want it to hurt, but if I have amazing orgasms with just rubbing up against him I would hope sex would be even better. (age 17)

Yes, I think that is a good sign that you will be orgasmic in sex.

I want to masturbate using an object like a marker, but I know that objects around the house are dirty. How would I wash it safely? Are there certain products I shouldn't use? (age 15)

I would suggest buying something new from a store, preferably something made for children by a reputable company. Then you don't have to worry about where it's been. You can just wash it with ordinary dish soap. I advise against anything too small or anything with sharp edges.

Can a septate hymen be broken when a penis is inserted? (age 17)

Yes.

Do guys notice or care about labia appearance or size?

Not that anyone has ever told me.

I understand why I feel like urinating when I masturbate internally, but why is it the same when I masturbate externally? (age 15)

Males feel the same way. It is perhaps a natural reflex after sexual activity so that sexual fluids can be flushed out. This makes more sense for males than for females because the same tube (the urethra) is used for both purposes in the male.

Do you need to have a certain level of hormones to fall in love? (age 13)

That is one of the great unsolved questions. Scientists don't agree as to what constitutes falling in love or what the biological process is, if there is one. Some say it's all a state of mind. Others point to levels of endorphins and brain synapses, etc. Some people have memories of feeling great emotion toward other people at a time when their bodies were obviously not producing hormones at adult or even adolescent levels, so I would tend to believe that hormones are not the principal agent involved. Perhaps you could take up the scientific study of this and one day come up with the answer!

I masturbate with a battery powered flosser. It feels awesome but I dont know if I'm having an orgasm. My feet get hot and then it spreads to the rest of my body. The heat is so intense that it's almost uncomfortable. Is this an orgasm? Why does it feels this way? Is there any way to make it feel different? (age 13)

The sensation you describe is familiar, but the center of it is generally your genitals rather than your feet. It might be easier to locate the feeling if you kept your feet either covered or uncovered (you might have to experiment) and concentrated on your genitals rather than them.

For as long as I can remember, my labia minora have been almost stretched out, wrinkly and oversized. They stick out far from my labia majora. I've never had a boyfriend and worry that if I do, he will find it gross or weird. Why is it like this and is it unusual? (age 19)

A man will not complain about that. Labia, like eyes and ears and facial lips, come in different shapes, sizes, and hues. They are nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of.

My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past two months. We have sex regularly and are happy. Recently I caught him mastrubating watching porn. I really don't mind that he likes the women in porn, but why does he masturbate when he can have sex with me? Does this mean he isn't satisfied with me? (age 23)

That is a dangerous thing to assume. Men regard masturbation as different from intercourse, not better. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you.

I would like to know whether it is OK to masturbate using a pillow. Will it lead to female TMS? (age 16)

Masturbating face down is TMS. It would be much better if you didn't use the pillow. The women who are most sexually responsive in intercourse are the ones who make the most use of their hands in masturbation.

Does it hurt if the male breaks the hymen during the woman's first vaginal intercourse? Is it hard to break? (age 17)

Some females experience pain with their first intercourse, but this is not usually because of the hymen. The hymen is a very thin membrane which usually breaks without the woman even feeling it.

I feel really guilty after masturbating and wish I had never started doing it. What can I do for this and will I be able to stop masturbating? Does masturbating make you thin? (age 17)

There is no reason to feel guilty about masturbating. It is healthy and fun. Girls can quit more easily than boys. In fact, some authorities say it's impossible for males to quit. Masturbating has little or no impact on your weight.

Is the skin on the penis supposed to be able to move (like up and down the shaft)during manual stimulation? Would it have anything to do with circumcision or how turned on he is? (age 16)

It should move a little whether he is circumcised or not. It would be a lot easier to stimulate him manually if he is turned on (i.e., erect).

When a molester forces intercourse with a prepubescent girl, don't they rip the vagina? (age 29)

It has happened although it is unlikely. The vagina is very stretchable. A rape like that would be very painful and frightening for a little girl. Let's wish that that never happens again.

A friend of mine told me that the vibrations from the game Operation gameboard can be very satisfying. However, I tried using the game the other day, and not only was it uncomfortable, but my 12-year-old brother saw me! How should I approach him about this and is it safe? (age 15)

There is less than a 50 percent chance that your brother masturbates, but I don't think you need to say anything. Was his nose red? I doubt that would be very satisfying, because the game board is kind of big and not the right shape.

Is it harmful to masturbate with fruit or vegetables? (age 33)

It would be a good idea to keep anything with sugar from making contact with your sugar walls. I mean, your vaginal walls. It could cause a yeast infection. Using a vegetable that is covered and/or waxed, like a cucumber, is probably OK.

I've never really thought about masturbating before, and I know I'm going to be virgin until I get married, and I always thought that not masturbating would be a good thing. But recently, I just can't help it, I feel like I have to, and I just broke up with my boyfriend, so it's even more confusing, and I feel like I'm too old to start but I tried anyway, and I just felt so weird that I had to stop after a couple of minutes. Is this normal? (age 22)

You are going through a lot right now. Many females who don't have your history of revulsion toward masturbation have trouble reaching orgasm for the first time. Just relax and do what feels good for you. If you don't have an orgasm, don't worry. Just keep it up and eventually you will find what works for you.

I'm 13 and I masturbate 25 times a week. Is that bad?

It's an extreme frequency for a girl your age. You might enjoy it more if you cut down.

If masturbating in public were culturally OK, would you do it? (age 14)

What a good question! I usually don't answer personal ones, but this one I like. No, I wouldn't masturbate in public. I'm a very private person, and there are a lot of things I don't do in public. I'm even self-conscious eating outside of a dining area.

Would you recommend that I tell my same-sex crush that I like her? (age 13)

I doubt that would lead to good things at your age. You are more likely to wind up ostracized.

Thank you so much for this site. I've been ashamed to even look this stuff up for years. My concern is that my labia minora are kind of long, maybe an inch, and wrinkly. My doctor said "curly." Does this sound like something that would disgust a man? Should I have a surgery for it? I thought at first that it looked like that because I masturbated (I noticed it around the time I started, at 12), and that scared me into not masturbating, but it didn't change. I'm afraid to ever have a sexual partner until I know that he won't be disgusted by my body. (age 18)

You don't have to worry about that. I promise that when you let a man see you like that, he will be very happy and not paying attention to what your pubis looks like. Your labia are more interesting than ordinary ones. There are men who would be more attracted to them.

I've always masturbated internally because it seemed like it never worked externally. Recently I haven't been getting any orgasms from internal stimulation, so I'm trying it again with my clitoris, but then I feel really uncomfortable and don't get any sexual pleasure out of it. My clitoral hood is pretty thick, but I'm not sure if that is the problem. It's as if my clitoris is numb. What do you think about this situation? (age 16)

You are giving up on both of the most popular forms of masturbation fairly young. Your recent lack of orgasms could be from stress or all kinds of things. Just relax and keep doing what you know.

I have a boyfriend who is 21 years old and doesn't masturbate very much. We've already come to the conclusion that we are in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together. That also means we want to have kids, but I'm worried he might be infertile due to his lack of masturbation. He has no problem being aroused; he just doesn't masturbate, and from what he has told me, he has only masturbated about 30 times in his life. Should I be concerned that this might lead to sexual problems later on or problems with reproducing? (age 17)

I think you should. Most males his age, particularly sexually inexperienced ones, masturbate daily. If his story about not masturbating is to be believed, he doesn't really know his own body very well, so how can you expect him to be able to satisfy either one of you sexually? If his story is not to be believed, then you should not be planning to spend your life with him. I strongly suggest you get to know some other men before you commit to this one. You are very young to be deciding you don't want to look around any longer.

What does semen taste like? (age 13)

What makes you think I know?

I enjoy giving oral sex to my boyfriend; however, after he has ejaculated, he tends to feel awkward. Could you please make a suggestion? (age 18)

He should be grateful to you! It could be he feels he should reciprocate (by performing oral sex on you) but he is uncomfortable about doing that. Most males would prefer to relax after an orgasm, so he would probably be less awkward if you didn't make any kind of demand on him at that moment.

I can only insert a 4 inch object inside my vagina. After that I hit my cervix. But my boyfriend is saying his penis will be 6 to 7 inches long while we are having sex. How he will fully insert his penis? (age 21)

He won't. The average vagina is four inches deep. You are normal. It wouldn't be comfortable if he could insert it all the way.

I have been on birth control for almost 2 months now. Today my boyfriend and I had sex, and he ejaculated inside me. Should I worry about pregnancy, even though I've been on the pill for a month and a half? (age 16)

No form of birth control is completely effective, so pregnancy is always worth worrying about. If you have used birth control safely for 1 3/4 months, you ought to feel pretty safe.

Let's say I give oral sex to my boyfriend. If he ejaculates and gets some semen on his hands, but washes them with water and soap before he fingers me, is there a chance of me getting pregnant? (age 21)

It would be extremely unlikely, and probably unheard of, for you to get pregnant in those circumstances. But don't forget about your hands too.

I masturbate tons and I'm really scared my mom will catch me, but now I've started doing it in the shower or at night when everyone is sleeping. Thanks for the great site! (age 13)

I don't think you need to masturbate so furtively. She will probably be happy for you. Find the place where you can masturbate best and then pick a time when your expected privacy is highest.

I recently cleaned my vulva with a lot of soap in the shower. Now when I masturbate, I'll usually feel a sudden pain in my clitoris and outer labia before I can climax. (age 13)

It would be a good idea to clean yourself thoroughly with regular soap and warm water the next few times to see if it makes a difference.

Is it possible to have decreased sexual stimulation when you use a vibrator? What if you place the vibrator directly on your clitoris? (age 17)

Yes, many women have noted something called "vibrator fatigue." I think you are better off if you don't use a vibrator or use one as little as possible.

When I get my period, I act cocky and wacky, yet nicer than I normally am. When I'm not on my period, I'm often sad and mean. Can anything explain this? I have no sex drive while on my period either. (age 15)

A lot of females -- perhaps most -- experience mood changes along with their periods. You might want to discuss it with someone more familiar with issues of PMS than I am.

I was sitting on a public bus, and as we were waiting at one of the stops, I began to get aroused by the vibrations of my seat. Is that normal? (age 15)

Yes. Lots of females are aroused by vibration. It is a good thing. It is a sign that you are sexually responsive to touch.

I masturbate about 4-5 times a week. Is that compulsive? How do I masturbate while on my period? It seems when I'm on my period, I have the greatest urge to do it. (age 14)

Your frequency does not point to compulsivity at all. It sounds very normal. If you are worried about getting menstrual flow on your hands or other accessories, you might find a way of doing it that doesn't involve inserting anything into your vagina. Otherwise, it should be about the same.

I want to tear my hymen becase I have one of those that makes a bridge, and it bugs me when I remove my tampon. What should I do? (age 15)

You describe a septate hymen. A lot of girls your age would work the tampon or something in and out until the hymen becomes less obtrusive.

Sometimes when I am watching a movie that is getting really hot or if I am imagining myself having sex (not while I am masturbating), I get this thumping in my private parts. I have had an orgasm before so I know it isn't that, but what is it? (age 16)

It is your body being in a high state of arousal. When you get the thumping feeling, your body could really use an orgasm.

Do your religious views condone oral sex between a married heterosexual couple? (age 17)

Yes!

Do girls pull back the clitoral hood when they masturbate? I'm still learning how to masturbate. (age 13)

That would be an unusual practice. The head of the clitoris is usually too sensitive to stimulate directly, so most girls stimulate it through the clitoral hood.

I know that women have very different orgasms, but I'm always disappointed in mine. I stimulate myself externally on the inside of my labia (my clit is too sensitive to be enjoyable) and when I orgasm, I breathe heavier and feel warm over my entire body, but I do not find myself in a state of bliss afterward no matter what the situation. How can I increase the intensity and/or enjoyment of masturbation? (age 17)

You are lucky to be orgasmic; many females your age are not. Practice will help you enjoy them more. Being relaxed before and after will also help you bring on a more soothing, blissful state. Using lube might also help you stimulate your clitoris more directly.

When I masturbate, I get the most powerful orgasms not when I think about sexual things, but when I think about problems I'm facing in life. For example, if something bad happens, I go and masturbate (while still thinking about that problem), and it temporarily makes me feel better. Is this OK? Or am I using masturbation to push aside bad feelings (like a drug)? (age 19)

What you describe is unusual, but I don't believe it's bad to use masturbation to help with an anxious situation. I only think it's a problem when you are using masturbation as an escape rather than an immediate stress reliever. Males use masturbation as an anxiety reducer all the time. It's a good drug, and a safe one.

Is it OK to masturbate with underwear on? Would I get more pleasure if I did it without underwear on? (age 20)

I would have an easier time answering if I knew why you used underwear. For privacy? To reduce sensitivity? As a fetish? In general, I think it's OK, but you would probably find it more pleasurable without underwear. If nothing else, taking your underwear off lets you move around more freely.

I've been masturbating since I can remember and it's always felt good. I've always been face down while doing it, and I'm not sure how to do it lying on my back. Every time I try to masturbate while lying on my back, I don't feel any excitement. I've tried doing it the same way I would if I were laying on my stomach (rubbing back and forth) but it doesn't work. What is the best way to masturbate if I lay on my back? (age 22)

As I frequently tell males trying to overcome TMS, you can masturbate most readily in a new situation by abstaining from masturbation for a week or so beforehand. It's just something new to get used to. You can do it. Look above this for the story of the girl who broke her hand and used my advice to learn to masturbate with her other hand.

Last year I was spread out on my parents' bed, and nobody was home. I didn't hear my dad come home from work, and he walked in on me naked as I was orgasming. I opened my eyes to see him watching me. Afterward he talked to me about masturbation and how to be more careful. I was so embarrassed. (age 14)

It's good that he's on your side.

Sometimes if I'm really horny and just masterbating isn't enough, I go into chat rooms and cyber with guys. When we role play having sex I get SO excited like I'm really having sex and I get this burning sensation down there and I rock back and forth on my chair and I orgasm. Is this bad? (age 17)

It would be better if you used your hands.

Is masturbating every day considered chronic masturbation? (age 17)

No. It's considered healthy and normal.

Would getting punched in the breasts in puberty stunt their growth? (age 13)

No, but it is a lot better if that doesn't happen.

I wrote before about how I can't use tampons and can't insert even the tip of my finger without it hurting. How will a penis fit in there when I have sex for the first time? Will it just happen naturally? If he pushes despite the fact that it's uncomfortable for me, will he be able to fit? And will it only hurt the first time? Is it normal for a virgin to be this sensitive using tampons for the first time? (age 17)

If tampons and fingers hurt, a penis would cause great pain. Obviously he can fit, but it would be very insensitive of him to force it in while it is hurting you. I would suggest ignoring your pain as much as you can when you are alone and practicing getting the finger in. Pretty soon you will feel comfortable about having other things inserted.

I have been masturbating for almost a year, and after my last session, I found that that the bottom half of one of my labia swelled up to four times its normal size. I cannot ever recall my labia differing, and it feels odd. What should I do? Have I done something wrong? (age 12)

It is probably just a routine irritation. It might help to avoid the affected area for a while or to use lube while masturbating.

My boyfriend is 19 and he is a virgin (both of us are). I've read a few things on your site that worry me. He used to masturbate by lying on his bed and humping it (as he said) and I told him not to do that! After reading things on here, he stopped but then he started getting into other things. Do you think it's normal that he is 19 and hasn't had sex and that he masturbates a lot? Also do you think phone sex is weird/abnormal? (age 15)

You ought to take a careful look at the statutory rape laws in your state before doing anything sexual with him. He could be charged with a crime in most states for having sex with you. Maybe that is why he is still a virgin. That would be a good plan, at least until you are 16, 17, or 18, depending on the laws in your state. It is good that you are encouraging him to quit masturbating prone, but he has to want to overcome it himself. I think it is very normal for a man his age who isn't sexually active to masturbate frequently. Phone sex is just a form of masturbating, and I think it is neither weird nor abnormal, and it doesn't lead to pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases either.

My male friend and I were talking on the phone and I had told him that I had an orgasm the other day. It was just part of the conversation; it wasn't random. Did this probably arouse him, or freak him out? Also, he said that he hadn't masturbated for 3 months or so. Is he probably lying? (age 15)

It probably aroused him greatly. If he had been freaked out, he wouldn't have volunteered the bit about three months ago. The average male at your age masturbates more than once a day; about 8.2 times per week. A small percentage of males aren't masturbating yet. He might be one of them, so it isn't fair to accuse him of lying. (I didn't start until I was 15 3/4.)

Can masturbating delay periods? (age 15)

No.

I was wondering who I should contact for this sort of problem. I cannot get turned on by ANYTHING sexual whatsoever, only a couple of random actions that have nothing to do with sex. Obviously, this greatly affects my sex life, for I am never turned on, and thus never reach orgasm! I just want to be able to get aroused easily by sexual stuff, which I never have been able to. Would I contact a sex therapist or a psychologist, or what? PLEASE help. Thanks so much great site. (age 18)

I disagree that those things have nothing to do with sex, because they get you aroused. You might start by consulting your mental health provider through your insurance, if you have insurance. They would probably screen you and try to help you in-house before referring you to a sex therapist. Arousal disorder is fairly common, and a regular psychologist or marriage and family therapist would probably be able to get you started.

My boyfriend masturbates with a very tight grip. Is this bad for him? When I give him oral sex, he sometimes asks me to use my teeth and even bite down on his penis. Is this normal? I thought that most guys were too sensitive for teeth. (age 22)

A tight grip is bad and it would be better if he could learn to use as little force as necessary. However, he has to want to do this himself. It is very unusual that he wants you to bite his penis.

I've always preferred being on top when having intercourse and since getting divorced a year ago, I've started masturbating again, but I only enjoy it when I'm face down and humping the bed. Can that be so wrong? (age 52)

You describe a habituation to two atypical ways of being sexual: The female superior intercourse position, and prone masturbation. These are related. Females who avoid prone masturbation do better in sexual intercourse. You can work at moving away from prone masturbation, to reaching orgasm through other, more typical masturbatory positions, and this would result in you becoming more orgasmic in intercourse.

Great site, but I saw a question where a girl asked if she could see her hymen in a hand held mirror. Your response was that it is located one and a half inches in. That is false; it is located right at the entrance of the vagina, and a hand held mirror is an excellent way to view the hymen. (age 19)

The hymen is at the entrance of the vagina, and the entrance of the vagina is about an inch and half past the outer labia. I stand happily uncorrected.

I walked in on my 15 year old female cousin masturbating, and I talked with her awhile and she asked me to buy her a dildo. I want to tell her yes because we're very close, and I think something like that might help her hold off from sex for a while. Would there be any physical problem with her age for her to have one? (age 21)

No. I think you're being a good cousin by helping guide her sexual development.

I have chosen to remain a virgin until I find a special partner. While I am perfectly capable of experiencing sexual sensation, I feel no particular desire for it. Will my prolonged virginity potentially cause me to experience less pleasure when I finally find a partner, and does my lack of sexual appetite foreshadow any difficulties with a potential future partner? (age 24)

The body is designed for sexual functioning and not for abstinence. It is better for you to masturbate while you don't have a partner. The average male enjoys being sexual with a female partner quite often (3-4 times per week, at least), and masturbation would make it easier for you to adjust to a partner's sex drive, as opposed to starting "cold turkey" when the opportunity finally arises.

Does puberty make your face prettier?

I am inclined to say that it does.

I'm normally quite loud when I orgasm and I never get headaches from orgasming. But tonight I had to be quiet because my parents were in the house, and I noticed my head was really sore afterward. Is this from forcing myself to be quiet? (age 15)

That is very unlikely. Everyone gets orgasm headaches from time to time.

Can precum get you pregnant? (age 15)

Yes. It can contain live sperm. Always be careful around it.

I am a sexually active 19 year old female. I have had orgasms during intercourse but am unable to give myself an orgasms. I just cannot arouse myself. Do you have any suggestions? Is this unusual?

It is very unusual. There is a whole industry built around teaching women to masturbate, which then serves to make them more orgasmic in intercourse. There are probably 1000 women who can masturbate but can't reach orgasm in intercourse for every woman in your situation. But like those women, you are halfway there, and you have already achieved the more difficult half. I suggest looking at some of the online resources for women learning to masturbate (including some of the female pages on HealthyStrokes.com) and use that advice to help you achieve what you want.

I have wanted to masturbate for some time. I have tried my fingers in before, but it doesn't bring any sensation. Am I putting them in the wrong place? Where exactly is my clitoris? I share a room with my twin sister. How can I masturbate without her noticing? Whenever I try to masturbate, I can't seem to get relaxed. When I try to masturbate, I always urinate. What am I doing wrong? (age 17)

Being relaxed is key. Unless you can do that, you won't succeed. You also might familiarize yourself with the anatomy illustrations on this site.

I am straight but recently had a dream where I was a guy who had sex with girls from my school. Is there a reason? Could I be a lesbian? (age 17)

Some women are lesbians, but your opening statement to me was "I am straight." A single dream does not necessarily mean anything. Some dreams are just random thoughts.

Follow-up: Do you think that the dream meant anything? I am pretty sure I am straight, but I have had thoughts about some of my friends sometimes. Just random thoughts once in a while.

Hmm, I told you, "some dreams are just random thoughts," and now you say you have random lesbian thoughts about some of your friends once in a while. It is worth asking yourself what your normal sexual fantasy thoughts are about and which gender you desire most often to have sex with, or actually have sex with. Those will explain your sexuality better than occasional dreams, random thoughts, or even conscious sexual fantasies.

Can you orgasm with a tampon in? (age 15)

Yes. A female who normally masturbates internally might find it trouble to masturbate with a tampon in, but a female who normally masturbates externally ought to be able to reach orgasm even then.

I am thinking about inserting something into my vagina while masturbating. Will there be blood or pain? (age 13)

Probably not, but it happens sometime. You can always stop if you're uncomfortable.

I like to masturbate in front of a mirror. It turns me on to watch myself do it. Have you ever heard of this? (age 17)

Yes, all kinds of people like to mirrorbate. Some people have mirrors mounted over their beds because it not only enhances for them the experience of sexual intercourse, but also mirrorbating.

Whenever I get really turned on, my nipples never erect. Is this a bad thing? (age 15)

No. Some do and some don't. They are more likely to become erect from stimulation of them, but it is also common for them to erect when a female has an orgasm.

Will using tampons break your hymen? (age 18)

Using tampons will tend to stretch the hymen and/or erode it over time.

I have never masturbated or had an orgasm before, but sometimes when I start feeling like I need to masturbate, I try to do something about it and the urge to masturbate just goes away. Is there anything I can do about that? (age 18)

I don't quite understand what you're asking. If you're trying to make the urge go away, it appears that what you are doing is working. On the other hand, if you want to masturbate and have an orgasm, then it would be advisable to try even if you don't have a particular urge lasting for more than a minute or so. I am also curious about how you know when you are having an urge to masturbate if you have never masturbated before.

I use tampons, masturbate internally regularly, and even use objects at times, but I haven't noticed any bleeding. Is this normal? I thought that at least one of these things would have broken my hymen after reading, but I've been masturbating this way since I was 11, and using tampons since I was 14. I'm not yet sexually active, and have talked about this with my boyfriend, but is it normal for me not to bleed? (age 15)

I hear from a lot more girls worried because of bleeding. You might be the first non-bleeder. There is no guarantee that objects will break your hymen, and tampons, if they break it at all, would probably do so very gradually. Some hymens don't have much to them in terms of blood vessels, so even if they get broken all at once, there is no or only a little bleeding. You shouldn't worry about any of this.

I'm dating this wonderful boy who never ever seems to degrade woman and defends them as well when other boys at school talk sexually of them or harass them in any form. In his room, though, there's one poster above his bed with a girl in a bikini that his parents gave him for Christmas. If a boy is clueless of his sexual desires and chooses not to think of girls that way, and still isn't gay, then does he surely masturbate? (age 16)

You're looking at this the wrong way. If he's your age, then he almost surely masturbates. If he has a girlfriend, he almost surely masturbates. If he likes looking at bikini girls (to say nothing in bed), then he almost surely masturbates. That's three pieces of information that all point to him masturbating. Just because a male is vocal in opposition to other males trash talking women and degrading them doesn't mean he's clueless of his sexual desires.

When a girl rides a bike, can she get turned on when the hard seat is touching her clitoris? (age 19)

It has been known to happen, but bicycle seats as a group are not very good for sexual stimulation. They don't make contact well with the good parts and make too much with some other ones.

Whatever I do I can't seem to orgasm or even get a pleasurable feeling out of mastubating internally. I'm absolutely fine externally but I wanna be able to do both. Any advice? (age 14)

You ought to be more patient. A lot of girls your age can't even have orgasms yet. Just be patient at it and practice when you are most relaxed, and I think you will be getting a response by masturbating internally within a few months.

Sometimes I masturbate listening to music. I tend to go to the beat and tempo of the song, and I'm wondering if I could hurt myself by rubbing my clit hard (not so hard that it hurts) then start listening to a slow song, and just stroke it gently. Is it danergous to switch from going fast to slow? Should I wait a while? (age 12)

You ought to feel free to switch the speed of your masturbating as your feelings dictate. Usually people masturbate with greater intensity as their orgasm approaches. You are doing something different, reacting to the speed of the music and not your feelings. I think masturbating that way would be bad for you in the long run. Try to get a better sense of what you want.

I don't have any sexual fantasies and rarely get aroused by anything sexual. However, I can orgasm through masturbation. In order to be able to get aroused easier, I think of sexual things right before I orgasm. If I keep this up, will the things I fantasize about come easier to me? Will I be able to get turned on just by thinking about sex? (age 18)

Your questions don't make a whole lot of sense. You say you don't have fantasies but then tell about the things you fantasize about. It takes practice to be able to get aroused, and it helps if there are a lot of things that turn you on instead of just one or two. Thinking about sex is usually one of them. It might help to look at pictures or read erotic stories.

I have a septate hymen and I've had sex. Once the hymen has completely torn, what happens to the extra piece of skin forming the septum? Does it hang there? How can I get rid of it? (age 17)

It will go away completely after not too much sex. It will just tear off like a piece of dead skin. There is no reason to be worried about it.

I read a woman's magazine article encouraging women to have orgasms. One of their selling points was that orgasms enlarge a woman's breasts. While this may be desired by some women, it is not a desirable outcome for me and now I am afraid to have an orgasm in fear that it will me make me bigger busted than I already am. Is this true? Are the effects of enlarged breast temporary or permanent? (age 35)

Orgasms will not increase the size of your breasts.

Is body cream an OK lubricant? (age 16)

Yes, but only OK. Why not try something made especially for sex?

I like to masturbate with a vibrator on my clitoris but find that I have stronger orgasms if I also have an object in my vagina. The more full I feel, the more intense the orgasm. Is it normal to insert large objects (e.g., water bottle approx. 2.5" in diameter) into my vagina? I use lube so that the objects can be inserted more easily. (age 24)

You are not the only one who does that, but I have to believe you are overdoing it. I advise people to use as little stimulation as necessary to produce orgasm. That policy helps them when they have sex with a partner and are not as able to control everything. Generally, people who are used to a lot of stimulation are unable to be sexually successful under such circumstances, while those who are used to only a small amount of stimulation can. It would be a good idea to try to get away from using both the bottle and the vibrator at once. Surely you would rather have an orgasm that involves barely touching your privates.

I'd just like to give some balance to your opinions on female prone masturbation. I've been masturbating since I was 14, continuing during relationships and my present marriage. When I start masturbating, I'm always in the prone position supported on my elbows because I like reading pornography or erotica when I'm masturbating. I roll onto my back and stroke myself when I'm ready to come. I've never had any difficulty with normal intercourse or achieving orgasm through intercourse, and the only effect I think prone masturbation may have had is that I prefer to be on top in the dominant position during intercourse and get more pleasure in that position. I just think that prone masturbation is much less of an issue for women and that maybe you should stress that a little more. (age 36)

It is good that you have learned to balance prone masturbation and intercourse, but my latest survey on female masturbation (for which results are not completely available) shows that frequency of prone masturbation and frequency of orgasm in intercourse are inversely related. Being high on prone means a woman is low on intercourse orgasms. It isn't true for every woman; your story attests to that. But in general, I wish to caution women that prone masturbation detracts from success in intercourse, while conventional (supine) masturbation not only doesn't detract but actually enhances her success in intercourse.

Is it normal to just fantasize about a guy's personality when I masturbate? Not doing seuxal stuff with him. (age 13)

Yes, that is fine. I suspect you will have more fantasies about specifically sexual things in a little while.

I'm constantly scared of being caught masturbating by my mother. I am worried about what she would say since I always think that when boys get caught masturbating, mothers chalk it up to "boys will be boys" but when girls do it, I feel it's a little more complicated, since as you said we don't need to do it. Also, I don't want her to think that I am sexually active or anything and I want to avoid talking to her about the subject, because it's extremely awkward. (age 14)

There is no reason to be constantly scared. Your mother probably masturbates herself and would be very happy for you for doing it too. The point I made is that masturbation is a biological necessity for males, but that doesn't mean it isn't an important habit for females too. Most of the time when males masturbate, it isn't a necessity. They mostly do it because it's fun, and to relieve stress, and to help get to sleep. Females usually masturbate for these same reasons, and also to relieve menstrual cramps. You ought not think of male masturbation as being any more legitimate than female masturbation.

Whenever I masturbate, I think about guy friends and having sex with them, but I don't find them physically attractive at all. It just seems kind of strange to me. What do you think? (age 13)

I think you're normal, and I also think you find your friends more attractive than you admit.

I am married and have a child. I have a very hard time having an orgasm. No matter what I do or try I cannot orgasm when having sex or masturbating. Masturbating does not appeal to me very much either. I can have orgasms when I have sex anally. This is frustrating, though. Is there anything that I can do to make sex more satisfying without having to have anal sex? Can anal sex and stimulation cause any long-lasting ill effects? (age 19)

You might work at developing a more positive attitude toward masturbating. Women who like it better are more likely to be successful at it. It is unusual that you can reach orgasm through anal sex but not through vaginal sex. Are you sure you're not touching yourself in a particular way while having anal sex that you might not even be consciously aware of? Anal sex in the long run is very bad for your rectal health. It can only keep from hurting you if you take an elaborate series of precautions that most people don't do.

What is a skin bridge?

In the case of the hymen, it's a little piece of useless skin that connects from one side of the vaginal opening to the other. Sometimes you can also see a skin bridge in your mouth when your gum gets torn (like when a new tooth is breaking through).

I am a virgin and I have been masturbating since I was 16. I masturbate around 4 times a week and I almost always have an orgasm when I masturbate. I am worried that once I start having sex, I will not feel as sexually satisfied with him as I do when I masturbate. Is this a normal concern? Do you think that I will feel just as satisfied? (age 20)

It is good that you're thinking ahead to what your future sexuality will be like. Women who are experienced at masturbating are more orgasmically responsive than women who are not. With that in mind, I suspect you need not worry right now that a man will not satisfy you. You're probably ahead of most women your age.

Would it hurt to pour alcohol on your vulva? (age 15)

Yes. You don't want to get any inside your body where it could sting terribly.

I've been masturbating for years but have never put anything into my vagina. I've only ever masturbated by rubbing my clitoris. Is that normal? Also, are vibrators only for external stimulation or can you use them to masturbate inside too? (age 16)

Some are designed to be used internally, although I find it hard to believe you'd find that comfortable if you've never done internal masturbation at all. I would say that in general, few women primarily use them internally. It is very normal at your age to have only masturbated externally.

Thanks for your advice. I just wanted to say that it has helped me a lot. :) (age 18)

Your comment has helped me a lot too!

I love your site. I have been masturbating for about a year. I have been able to reach an orgasm (or 2) only using my hands. A couple months ago I started using a marker. 2 days ago the clear-ish liquid, what is it called?, turned pink, like there was blood. Should I worry? I've masturbated with markers and carrots before, but there wasn't any blood. (age 13)

It's called Bartholin's gland fluid. A little bit of pink suggests there's only a tiny amount of blood, which is probably nothing to worry about. I would be more cautious if you saw obvious red blood.

I'm a 24-year-old female and I first starting experimenting with masturbation when I was 11. My mother came into the bathroom while I was taking a bath and remarked that since I was so developed, I would probably be getting my first period any time. She was right; I began menstruating a few months later. I was curious about this change in my body and so later that night when I was lying there in bed in the dark, I put my hands into my panties and kind of exploratorily felt around to see what my new-and-improved genitals felt like. Oddly, it never occurred to me to look at my naked self in the mirror, possibly because I intuitively knew it was considered taboo. (Somehow it seemed that anything you did under cover of darkness in the middle of the night all by yourself didn't really count).

By this age I knew about masturbation, that people touched themselves to bring themselves pleasure. I was curious about how that felt, so I started trying to see if I could hit upon anything that felt good, but since I really didn't know what I was doing, I didn't really get anywhere. When I was 15 I finally heard about the clitoris and I think maybe I subconsciously decided I would like to have a go at finding mine.

One day I started trying to masturbate again, this time armed with the knowledge of the exact area I was looking for. I put my hands down my pants and started feeling around, with a direction and purpose this time. I have no idea why I picked this particular day to try, but it is now a day I'll cherish forever. I was able to find my clit surprisingly quickly and started rubbing it with my left middle finger, in a circular motion. It was really amazing how unawkward and almost automatic it was, like all of a sudden I just knew what to do. I did this kneeling, which is my usual position, even though I can do it lying on my back, but I have more muscle tension when I do it lying down, making it less comfortable. I think part of that is because I have cerebral palsy. When that first orgasm came, it took me by surprise and I actually fell over right onto my face! It could, in fact have turned out very badly, since I was facing a low table and I would have whacked my head on it had I fallen an inch or two farther forward, but just in front of it was this big pillow I liked to sit on on the floor when I worked at this table, and I happened to land right on that pillow, as if God was looking out for me, even though I had now taken up the habit of masturbation. I remember I just lay there and laughed. I was so exhilarated by those profoundly pleasurable contractions and the amazement that I could do this wonderful thing for myself. For the rest of that day and for the next couple of days, I walked around in a sort of daze, with this feeling that I must be really different now, somehow and wondered if anyone could tell.

Now I do it about every other day, except sometimes I get to feeling guilty and think I should stop, but I never make it past a week before I go totally bonkers and give in to my urges. Since that first time I succeeded in having an orgasm, I have been able to every time I masturbate. Does this mean that if I ever start having sex, I'll have an easy time coming during it?

Is a woman having a spontaneous orgasm like a once in a lifetime sort of thing or is it something that if you have one it probably means you're likely to have more in the future? I ask because I had one three years ago when I was 21 (by spontaneous orgasm I mean one that happened while I was up and around.) and while it was quite a nice surprise, I'm torn between looking forward to it happening again and worrying that it will. This happened to be one of my milder orgasms and I was leaning against a wall and by myself when it happened (actually, I had just stepped into the bathtub), but the orgasms I have when I masturbate are sometimes pretty intense to the point that my body jerks uncontrollably and I completely lose awareness of my surroundings. This can last as long as nearly half a minute. So since the spontaneous orgasm I had hit me completely with no warning, I'm afraid if one of those monster orgasms hits me like that, I could end up falling and getting hurt or at least embarrassing myself in public.

I keep hearing all these stories about people having sex for hours on end, all night long, trying different things in different positions, etc., but then at the same time I hear all these other stories about how sex is just "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am," basically just guy puts it in, guy comes, guy pulls out and starts snoring, all in the space of a TV commercial break! Which is closer to the truth? (I'm a virgin.)

Because of my CP, I'm always in a wheelchair when I go out, so since I'm always sitting, my friends often find it convienient to sit on my lap. The problem with that is that it tends to arouse me, especially if both I and the person in my lap are wearing tight jeans and the person moves around a lot. I'm glad I'm a girl so I don't have to worry about getting an erection that makes my feelings obvious, but I still feel a little pervy about it and wonder if this is a normal thing to get turned on over (It might be I'm just really sensitive, since I get all tingly watching people kiss, too.) Is it wrong to let people sit in my lap if it does this to me? And if it is, how do I tell them to stop when I have always let them before, without saying why?

I see you tell guys that doing the stop-and-start thing to try to make masturbating last longer is a bad idea. I like to do that sometimes, so I wonder, is it bad for girls, too? I guess guys do it because they think it will teach them to last longer having sex and women have the opposite problem usually, so I guess I should be trying to come faster instead of making it last longer, but sometimes it feels really good to draw it out but other times I find I don't have the self-control to stop at the right moment, which makes me feel kind of bad, and sometimes it feels really good to just go right through from beginning to end really fast (maybe masturbating just feels good no matter what speed you do it at?).

You're a good writer! You have a high orgasmic capacity and I suspect you would be very responsive in sexual intercourse too. Spontaneous orgasms are extremely rare for both males and females. I doubt that you have to worry about having one in public or that you would lose control and hurt yourself. Sexual intercourse comes in a lot of sizes. The average male takes 15 minutes to reach orgasm in intercourse. There is a small group of men with premature ejaculation who come in less than a minute. Most of those long sessions you have heard about are multiple sessions of intercourse in which the couple stops in between and does various things (clean up, change bedding, sleep, etc.) There is room for both extremes. Sometimes sex can be really good when it only lasts a minute or so, and I suspect there would be a lot less sex going on if every session had to last hours. You don't need to offer any explanations if you don't want people sitting in your lap. Most people would only let a lover (or child) sit there. You can just say that you don't like people sitting with you in the chair anymore. The start and stop technique is not as bad for females as for males because the male has the burden of having to maintain an erection, which stopping and starting certainly interferes with. I don't think it will cause you any problems.


I have been trying to masturbate for a couple of months. I can never seem to reach an orgasm. I am too afraid that I am going to hurt myself if I masturbate internally, so I masturbate externally. Do you have any suggestions on how to reach an orgasm. By the way, I love your site sooooooooooo much. (age 13)

Masturbating externally is what most girls your age do. Just keep at it, and remember to be relaxed. Strange as it seems, it's harder to discover new feelings when you're looking for them. You might get surprised when you don't expect it.

When I use water from the faucet on my clitoris, it feels really good and then I start shaking. I get a feeling that is too intense that I have to stop. Is this an orgasm? (age 14)

Yes, it is. However, I advise against using running water and instead suggest learning to cause those same feeling with your hands.

What do you mean by females who masturbate supine "do better" in intercourse? (age 19)

They are more likely to have orgasms in intercourse.

I started masturbating at age 11. It took me years to finally have an orgasm and when I did I had a gush of liquid come out. It freaked me out and I haven't been able to orgasm since. I am still a virgin, mainly because I am embarrassed by it. Is this normal? Is this female ejaculation? Do guys like it? (age 20)

I think it was the female equivalent of ejaculation. It happens to a lot of women, and they are usually happy it happens. Guys don't mind or even notice it. You ought not be embarrassed.

I've been using tampons for about 1.5 years, but often when the tampon is in about 2 inches, it doesn't go in any farther so I have to force it, which hurts. I am a virgin, and I don't masturbate internally or use objects, but I thought the walls were supposed to stretch. Is this normal at my age? Why does it hurt? (age 21)

Inexperience could be part of it, or you could have some issue that would be worth discussing with your gynecologist at your annual visit. It ought to hurt when you force it. The way to get better at it is to not force it and instead relax your muscles so it goes in more easily and doesn't hurt.

Is there any way I can make my orgasms last longer? (age 16)

8 seconds is pretty good. With practice, you can make them last a few seconds longer. Some females can be multiply orgasmic, so that they can have orgasm after orgasm. (That makes their sessions longer but doesn't technically make their orgasms last longer.)

I have been masturbating for about 2 months and only exernally. After a while of rubbing my clitoris, my legs start shaking and I can't control them. Then my entire body goes rigid but I don't think I get an orgasm. I still feel like I need more stimulation but I don't know how to make it more intense. How will I know when I get an orgasm, and do I have to keep masturbating while experiencing it? I love your site!! (age 14)

A lot of people, both male and female, stretch their legs out tense when they believe orgasm to be approaching. This keeps the legs under control. If you kept stroking at that point, you would be very likely to get an orgasm. You will have no doubt when an orgasm finally happens. It is good to keep masturbating throughout it so it doesn't stop. You will probably be very good at orgasms in a month or two and think it silly that you ever asked this question.

I've recently turned 16 and I've never been kissed or anything else, although I've been asked out a few times. Is that normal?

A lot of girls your age are in that situation. Others have more experience. It would be a good idea for you to accept some of these invitations from boys. You don't have to kiss or anything else if you don't want to.

My clitoral hood and shaft are really big. You can see them from the front when I'm just standing normally. My inner labia also hang down. Are these considered ugly? (age 16)

No. I have never heard a male complain about what a clitoris looks like. The important thing is that you learn to like your private parts. They are the only ones you will ever have.

I think you provide insubstantial and vague advice mostly consisting of "I think so" or "I don't think so" without backing anything up with any sort of evidence. You're no more useful than a person with common sense, which these fools seem to lack. (age 22)

I often cite survey research and experts. Saying "I think so" is better than shoving my opinion down someone's throat and merely helps to guide them in shaping their own sexual philosophy. Sometimes guidance from someone with common sense is all a person needs.

I often masturbate when nobody's home. Is this normal? Is there a limit to how much you can masturbate? I'm extremely shy about this but can't stop. I want to talk to my mom about it but she's always busy, and I just can't make myself ask her my questions. I can always look them up but it's not the same; the answers vary and it's hard to tell which are accurate and which aren't. Is is it normal for girls my age to masturbate and feel guilty about it like I do? (age 13)

Yes, that is very normal. Part of the reason people feel guilty about masturbating, even when no one has ever told them not to, is that if people were completely satisfied by masturbating, there would be less reason for them to mate with other people, and the species would die off. There is no limit, but few girls your age masturbate more than twice a day. I think it is likely that your mom would be willing to talk to you about this.

I'm a normal girl, but sometimes I fantasize about being a guy so I could experience a male orgasm. Also, watching hentai (Japanese anime porn) makes me really stimulated. I even get crushes on anime guys!! I know some of my friends do too, but it my sister says I'm weird for it. Are these things even slightly normal? (age 13)

Yes, I think they are. I think you're a normal girl too. I've heard many males say that if they were female, all they would do is sit in front of a mirror and masturbate (mirrorbate). It's OK to like cartoon guys, but don't let them keep you from being interested in real guys. Your sister could stand to be more open minded.

Last weekend my boyfriend and I pleasured each other with our hands. I have never achieved orgasm, but I have come very close. When he touched certain spots, my entire body shook uncontrollably, and I read on here that if you tighten your leg muscles, sometimes that can help with orgasm. All I achieved was getting sore for three days. I worry that I may have grasped him too tightly. He didn't say anything about it. He lasted about an hour before coming and stayed hard the whole time. How long does it normally take? (age 17)

You might have gotten even more sore if you hadn't tightened your leg muscles. Practice makes perfect. You might ask him to work on those spots that made you shake. They are the ones that are apt to lead you to orgasm next time. If you had grasped him too tightly, he would have told you. An hour is pretty long. He ought to have been able to reach orgasm within ten minutes. The most likely scenario is that he only takes five minutes to masturbate.

This morning I woke up to find that I was wet, and I noticed my panties had quite a bit of clear fluid on them. Is this normal in women? (age 21)

Yes. You became aroused during a dream. It is the female equivalent of a wet dream. In the survey that is currently being conducted on this site, I am hoping to learn how common this is.

Thanks a lot for putting up this site and answering all these questions. It's really helped me a lot and made me feel a lot better about masturbating. (age 16)

I'm always glad to help!

I just found your page today and I am thrilled!! I just wanted to say that the people who have taken issue with you giving girls and women advice are ridiculous. Just because you are not part of a certain group does not mean you don't have insight or information to offer. If everyone thought that way, then art, literature, and the world would be highly limited. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your doing this and not being put off by zealots or people disagreeing with you. (age 22)

But I don't do it for them; I do it for YOU!

Is it hard for females to orgasm in intercourse? When I start having sex, will it be hard to have an orgasm? Are guys disappointed if the female doesn't orgasm? (age 14)

Most females are capable of orgasm in intercourse, although some have trouble having orgasms in intercourse. That doesn't mean you should or shouldn't expect orgasms. You ought to work on getting to know yourself sexually and not worry about that right now. When you have sex, you should not be obsessed with having an orgasm. Males like it very much when females have orgasms with them, but they should not express disappointment with the female if she does not.

I recently realized that when I had been fantasizing about stuff, I was actually masturbating. However, in all those cases, I used to squeeze my legs together to get a pleasurable sensation, and rarely stroke my clitoris. I don't seem to be able to get aroused when I spread my legs apart, nor when I try to stroke the clitoris. I don't know whether what I am doing is wrong, or if there is something wrong with me. I generally get very wet when I'm making out, or if I watch pics/videos etc. I have never had sex nor tried masturbating internally, and when I try it seems as if I can barely fit one finger in, and it burns or causes pain when I try that. I hope you can help. (age 21)

I think you need more practice. As you become more accustomed to the idea of masturbating, as opposed to doing it for all those years without realizing what you were doing, it ought to become more obvious what you can do that will work. Try to follow the feelings that get you wet or from pictures and videos that you like.

Whenever my boyfriend and I have sex, it always hurts a little on the skin underneath my vaginal opening, like in between that and the perineum. It feels raw after sex, and when he is first entering me as well. What can I do to stop this pain? What do you think it's from? (age 18)

Perhaps he is being a little rough in entry. It would be better for you if he focused his energy on the other side of your vaginal opening, where the clitoris and labia minora, sensitive parts, are located. A little bit of lube on the affected spot could make all the difference.

Today my boyfriend was lightly biting down on my nipples. I loved this as it sent pleasureable tingles through me, but after lots of that, my hands felt like they had pins and needles in them, which got quite severe as I could hardly move my hands. Even after he stopped and was externally stimulating my clit, I wasn't regaining feeling in my forearms and hands. After we totally stopped, the feeling came back. Why was this? Should I be worried? (age 16)

While you were fooling around, you pinched off the nerve from your arm, and it went to sleep.

I just wanted to say that I think your answers to questions about sexuality are great! When girls on here say that they take an interest in other girls, I can relate. And you're right, it doesn't always mean that they're lesbian or bisexual. I've caught myself thinking about my girl friends and realize that I think about them that way because I admire them. Keep up the awesome site. (age 13)

And please keep reading it!

I need help for a father falsely accused and wrongfully convicted for caring for his daughter. My husband was father of a teen girl (my stepdaughter) who has mental issues (severe ODD but possibly more) and was charged with a sex crime for helping her with her sex education. She asked what a clitoris is and he pointed and touched it. He found out that she was masturbating and decided to give her a sex education talk, to clarify what she was doing because she has a history of being injured and not saying anything, and to inform her that she is not to use adult DVDs. He was facing 5 counts of aggravated sexual battery and 4 counts of indecent liberties with a child. Some of the charges were related to the child's lies because she was upset at him for asking that she be removed from our home due to her dangerous and violent behavior after her false allegations of physical abuse. Three were dismissed and the others, except for one, he was found not guilty of.

The judge gave improper jury instructions for indecent liberties with a a child. One of the jurors is willing to provide a statement that the jury didn't have a correct understanding of the charge. My stepdaughter's testimony was coached by people from child protective services and social services.

My husband has been treated unfairly through this whole process. Our funds are exhausted, and I am trying to save our home, one of my own children is going through therapy, and my husband is now a registered sex offender. My husband did not go through with an appeal because we have no more money to hire a lawyer and have no trust for a public defender who may be influenced by the prosecutor or too overworked to do a good job, and if he is given a new trial and still found guilty, he may get more time, and he is so hurt by his child that he doesn't want to face her again. The time for appeal has expired. I am preparing a package to send out to all who may be able to get him removed from the registry. It will include statements from medical professionals and experts in the field. If you can give me a statement or even just point me to some experts or their books which support my husband, please let me know as soon as possible.

If I were called as an expert witness, I would support the prosecution. No father should touch the clitoris of any girl who is toilet trained. Your husband is a sex offender, and he belongs on the registry. He made a calculated risk to forego his appeal. Being on the registry is one of the points of that calculation. Your stepdaughter also suffers from having a stepmother to whom she matters little. Your husband got sent to prison for a reason. Why don't you think about that before you blithely try to involve innocent parties in your crusade.

Hello, I teach sex education to 6th through 10th graders at a boarding school. I came across your site recently in my seach for a better teaching aid to educate my students about masturbation. I have since read nearly every Q&A on each page - I'm in love with your site!

I was wondering if you would mind if I used your site in my class. My headmaster is in favor of this. The students also could use some way to contact you. They can't send e-mail to your site because of our security program. Masturbation is a common, yet taboo, subject among the student body, as each student shares a room with two others. This is a great educational opportunity. Thank you for such a great site and resource! And especially for your time. (age 38)

It is fine with me if you use HealthyStrokes.com as a resource in your class. The students could contact me like everyone else does, through the "contact author" link on the left-hand menu. That opens up a page where they can use either e-mail or a contact form like you just used. If e-mail to doug@healthystrokes.com is not allowed, the contact form should still work. Please send me an e-mail to let me know how it goes!

Is it normal not to make any sounds while masturbating? (age 17)

Yes, especially at your age, when many people are doing their best to keep others from hearing. It can often be gratifying to use a pillow to muffle your vocalizing.

What does a woman call her child if she bore it due to her father? (age 13)

Probably a son or a daughter, but he or she is technically her brother or sister too.

I lead a very busy life with very little time to spend with guys and I'm very inexperienced for my age. I'm a virgin and very scared to get started in a relationship as I don't know what to do and I find it very embarrassing. I would like some advice on what to do as I'm very confused (age 18)

You aren't the only one. Spend some time with same-sex friends who are in the same boat, and look for some opportunities to start solo dating while out in these groups. Don't worry about being sexually inexperienced right now. Experience will come with age. You are more normal than you think.

My husband masturbates almost every night under the covers. Why does he feel he has to do this when I am right beside him? (age 27)

Have you asked him? He might think that sex is a bother for you. Most husbands masturbate, but usually when no one is there to see them. It would be a good idea to let him know you're aware of it and would be willing to satisfy him coitally.

One of my nipples stick inwards. It's been bothering me for quite a while. I have a ring of bumps going around each nipple and they are quite sensitive. Are they cancer? I think that most women or girls feel more confortable talking about this with a boy because if I were to tell a girl I would be even more self-conscious. If I were to go to a woman doctor I would wonder what she is thinking and is she grossed out, but if I were being examined by a man I would know that they like what they are doing no matter what they feel. You're such a help and I love your site. (age 14)

I don't know that much about nipples, but they will probably even out within a couple of years. The bumps are not cancer. Cancer would be inert tissue and not be sensitive. You ought to learn to trust women doctors and your female friends more. Doctors are focused on helping you and not on judging your body or feeling in a sexual manner about you.

I came upon your site while researching some anatomical information and was able to find it quickly. Thanks for that. But I have to say, after perusing your site and noticing the answers you gave to some of the females, I was upset. I don't expect you to post this, given the fact that it's in opposition to some of your replies, but I think your responses for the young ladies who want to stop masturbating are dismissive. If a person, especially someone you don't know personally, says he or she wants to stop a habit and is having some type of internal turmoil and struggling with his or her self esteem, I feel you should take their comments into account. I don t think it's enough to say "ignore your feelings, keep at it, and it'll all be OK." Regardless of what your site may talk about, I think you can serve these young people better by listening to them and responding to what they're asking about even if you don't know the answer. (age 25)

Most adult women masturbate. I use this to inform my answer that if a girl feels like quitting, it is probably something she will not be successful at nor want to do. It is nearly impossible for males to quit. I tell males who really want to quit to cut back to once a week for a month or so and then decide if they really want to quit. A lot of teenagers of both genders come up with impractical ideas, and it's good when someone is dismissive of those ideas.

My friend all of a sudden started liking girls out of the blue, and she also just got a girlfriend. Does her having a girlfriend anything to do with it? Before, she loved guys. Is this probably a phase? She claims that she has stronger feelings for this girl than she's had for any guy. I'm starting to think it's a phase, because it happened all of a sudden. What do you think? (age 16)

If she is being open about her affection for this girlfriend, then my first thought is she doesn't think of it as a phase. You can show you're a true friend to her by sticking with her even if her sexual preference isn't the same as yours anymore.

I find it weird when people strive for quick sex just for pleasure. I'm a virgin, but when I think of sex, I think that when I'd have it, it'd be more of an emotional connection. To me, masturbation seems more appropriate for quick pleasure. During sexual intercourse, I'd be thinking about my partner the whole time. To make sure they get pleasure, and how they feel. (age 15)

I think you're right about casual sex. It doesn't make you selfish to seek your own pleasure in intercourse even as you try to please your partner. They're both important.

A friend of mine told me that if I use ice on my vagina it will become tight like a virgin. Is this true? I have never had sex with a guy but I use a dildo and I'm afraid that my boyfriend would think I'm not a virgin because it might be loose. Would he be able to tell if I'm really a virgin? (age 23)

The ice could do more harm than good. It's very cold, you know. Could cause a burn-like feeling. He probably could not tell, but if asks, you could tell him about the dildo. You ought to find a man who would be willing to trust you on something as important as that.

I'm 22 and married. I masturbate 4 to 5 times a day when my husband is not around. Is that normal?

It seems quite high.

I think it's funny that religious people lie about the fact that they masturbate. Masturbation isn't a sin. Lying is. (age 21)

Is it really? The commandment is against bearing false witness against another, not about all lying. I don't think someone saying they don't masturbate when they do is a sin, especially when it is not the asker's business.

I really love HealthyStrokes.com!! It's been very helpful and interesting! I masturbate with my wonderful boyfriend; he presses down on me while I hump a rock with something really cushiony around it. Then he fingers and strokes my vagina and clitoris. Is this really masturbating? Should I masturbate with my boyfriend? Is this a form of TMS? (age 17)

I would call it manual intercourse, but some of what you describe is masturbating. If you want to do these things, then you should. They are not putting you at risk for VD and pregnancy. Humping the cushioned rock is TMS, yes.

I can only reach an orgasm through stimulating my clitoris, not through penetration (object or fingers), which doesn't feel good and sometimes hurts. I've been stimulating my clit for longer than I've been penetrating. I also sometimes use vibrators or running water. What's wrong? (age 15)

Probably nothing is wrong. More females are able to reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation than through vaginal stimulation. What you describe is fairly common. If you can reach orgasm manually, then the vibrator and running water might not have affected you negatively, although I would suggest giving both of those up. If penetration doesn't feel good and sometimes hurts, then why do you do it?

I masturbate by humping the corner of my bed. Is this normal? (age 12)

It is TMS and probably not good for you. You would be better off to learn to do it using your hands.

Whenever I try to masturbate I get going in like 15 seconds and get the the urge to go faster but when I do the feeling fades away and it's so frustrating. What am I doing wrong? PLEASE HELP ME!! (age 12)

You are probably trying too hard. Just relax and don't worry so much about having an orgasm. You are likely to discover all kinds of ways you like to be touched.

Whenever I stimulate my clitoris couple of mintues later I get this intense sensation that lasts for a couple of seconds. My muscles don't contract, my breathing doesn't gets hard and neither do my nipples erect. Is this what you call orgasm or is it close to being orgasm? I've also tried vaginal stimulation but that doesn't help at all. It just makes me sore afterward. (age 20)

You describe an orgasm. The signs you mention that don't happen to you don't happen to every woman with every orgasm. Just relax and try to enjoy that feeling and make it happen again the next time.

My mother bought me my first vibrator about a year ago, and I've only used that to have an orgasm. I'm afraid that when it is the right time for me to have sex that I won't be able to reach an orgasm because I've rarely ever used my fingers. Do you think I will still be able to have an orgasm without a vibrator? (age 15)

It would be good if you could learn to masturbate primarily with your hands and only use the vibrator occasionally. Females who are best at producing orgasms manually are also best at having orgasms in intercourse. You might have an easier time learning to orgasm with your hands if you abstained from masturbation for a week or so.

I always hated masturbating until one day I stuck my hands in my pants because I had an itch. As I was taking my hand out of my pants, it rubbed my clitoris and it felt good. Then I got fully naked and masturbated, and I had an amazing orgasm. (age 15)

I'm happy for you.

I've been having intercourse with my partner of 2 years. He doesn't like wearing condoms but I'm afraid I will get pregnant. He said if he withdraws his penis just as he's about to ejaculate, I won't get pregnant. Is this true? (age 16)

No, it isn't. Tell him no balloon, no party.

When I masturbate, I get about 7 orgasms in a 5 minute period. Is this normal? I've been told that I'm multi-orgasmic when I masturbate and that I'm lucky because some women can't reach even a single orgasm when they have intercourse or masturbate. Is this true? (age 14)

You are doing much better than normal. I'm certain from your description that you're multi-orgasmic and very, very lucky. A lot of women indeed can't reach orgasm, so be glad you've gotten past that, and at a pretty young age too.

Whenever I hug my boyfriend, my breasts feel hard, like the muscles tighten. Is this from arousal? (age 15)

Yes. That is your nipples erecting.

What is a hymen? (age 13)

It is a thin fold of skin that partially covers the vaginal opening. You can learn more by looking at the hymen gallery of HealthyStrokes.com.

My boyfriend says he's 7.5 to 8 inches when he's really aroused. I can only fit 5 inches into my vaginia. Will I not be able to pleasure him? (age 19)

I think he might be exaggerating. 6 inches is average. If you can fit 5 inches in, you're above average too, because the average vagina is only 4 inches deep. It isn't necessary for the penis to be completely immersed. I think you will be fine.

My fiance recently told me that he has never masturbated and he also says he has never had a nightfall/wet dream. Is something wrong with him? Should we consult the doctor? (age 23)

I doubt that he is telling the truth. You might try to get at the truth before dragging him to the doctor. The doctor won't be able to help him with that story anyway.

If a guy has an uncircumcised penis, does that mean he can't reach orgasm? (age 17)

No. It means he has all of his penile foreskin. He is apt to reach orgasm more often than a circumcised male.

I've masturbated on and off since I was 10 and would like to try a vibrator, but I'm not sure how to approach anyone in my family about it and I'm not sure they'd be able to keep it a secret. I know you generally advise against any toys for girls my age, but could you please help me? (age 14)

You're right. I advise against the vibrator at your age. If you can't find someone to buy you one in person, you could try mail order.

I hear about women that fake orgasms. Why do they do that? (age 14)

Generally it is because their partners are not able to bring them to orgasm in intercourse, and they have had enough intercourse, so they fake an orgasm and then hope their partner will have a real orgasm and then be done having sex. This is far from an ideal situation, but these women think it is better if their partner thinks he gave her an orgasm than if she merely tells him to hurry up and finish in a frustrated tone of voice.

I'm just wondering about how many erections does a guy get in a day? (age 14)

I'm doing a survey on this question right now. You might ask me again in a few months. For now, I can tell you that males your age typically get an erection about every 90 minutes to two hours, which lasts for about 20 minutes.

I've tried to look in the mirror to see if my hymen is broken but I either have a super weird vagina or I'm just stupid and can't tell. I've never had sex but I've masturbated a lot, mostly externally but sometimes internally. Recently I have begun sticking a brush inside of me and pushing. The brush handle is five inches and kind of thick in circumference. I'm not bleeding when I pull it out. If my hymen were still there, would I be bleeding from putting the entire brush handle inside me? Do you think my hymen is present from the information I've presented? (age 18)

If you had any hymen left after your occasional internal masturbation, I suspect the brush handle would have taken care of the rest of it. Your hymen doesn't bleed because it is gone.

I haven't masturbated but I really want to. I get horny a lot but I don't know if I'm doing everything right to masturbate. I been to a lot of sites saying how but I still can't get it right. (age 14)

You've come to the right one. Just read what other females have written here. You can do it!

A week ago my boyfriend and I had sex (it was my first time), and there was a little bleeding. Just yesterday we did it for the second time and there was a larger amount that lasted 12 hours after. I've read up on the topic online, and practically everything I read says this ISN'T normal. All I know for certain is my hymen wasn't completely broken the first time, and I was hoping this could explain the blood. (I've also read a small amount of blood a week after sex could mean I'm pregnant, although we did use a condom, which did not break or come off.) (age 17)

That is all true. There is apt to be less bleeding (or none) next time, but of course, I can't say for certain that you're not pregnant.

My boyfriend and I have had sex and today is the day that my period is supposed to start and it hasn't. Could I be pregnant? (age 13)

Absolutely you could be. However, your period is apt to be irregular at your age.

I just wanted to say that your site is amazing. My religon (catholic) and my parents are against premarital sex, but when I am older, even if I am not married, if I find a good person who I can commit to, I think I would want to have sex. I want to remain abstinent until my wedding night, but I find it hard. I have lots of sexual fantasies and wish to one day fall in love and have sex with that person even if we are not married. I am confused on which path to follow. (age 13)

For right now, it would be very good for you to follow any path that includes not having sex. Don't be obsessed about waiting until you're married right now. I think if you plan to wait until you're 18, that's good for now, and won't make you as hopeless as waiting until you're married. Then when you're getting close to 18, you can decide if you want to wait still longer.

When I masturbate, I only use one finger. When I try two it hurts. Why is that? Is it OK to push two? (age 14)

Your body is young and you're just getting started masturbating. If two fingers hurts, then I suggest using only one until two doesn't hurt anymore.

I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't engage in casual, random sex. So, while I'm waiting for that special someone, I need to entertain myself. Is it ok to masturbate (internally) using a tampon (applicator still intact, and lubricated)? It feels great. (age 26)

Most women your age use either their hands or a toy made especially for the purpose. What you describes seems unusual. But if you like it, I say go for it.

R U A VIRGIN ONCE YOU HAVE USED AN OBJECT INSIDE YOUR VAGINA? (age 15)

Having an object in your vagina doesn't make you a non-virgin. It takes a penis to do that.

Does using a dildo make you a non-virgin?

No. Only sexual activity with another person can change that.

Me and this guy were making out in hot weather. He was touching my breasts under my shirt. Do you think he got an erection? Also, does hot weather tend to give guys erections? (age 16)

At your age, I'm very certain your guy had an erection. Touching breasts through shirts is good for males no matter what the weather is.

I have a very low appetite for sex. I have been with my boyfriend for a few years and when we first got together, I had much more of a sex drive. Now I don't feel like having sex much and when we have sex, it sometimes hurts and I'm never self-lubricated. We always have to use K-Y. Certain lubricants also make it hurt, so I always have to use K-Y. Sometimes we have great sex and I wonder why we don't do it more often, but I think because of the pain and times we've had to flat-out stop mid-sex it has killed my sex drive. It's been a multiple effect that has led to a downward spiral of our sex life. How do I get my sex drive back and how do I make it not hurt anymore? (age 27)

I think you're right about it being a downward spiral. There is nothing wrong with using a particular brand of lubricant. If it works for you, then insist on it. It might also work to try a female condom. Maybe your partner is the problem. You could talk about what would make it more enjoyable for both of you.

What is a dildo? (age 14)

It is an artificial penis that some females use to masturbate with. Some of them are really shaped like a penis, while others are more perfectly cylindrical.

I like this guy and I keep having fantasies of us having sex. It's hard to stop thinking about. I am not ready for sex yet, but is it normal to have these types of thoughts at my age? (age 14)

Yes, that is very normal.

What is the difference between a circumcised and uncircumcised penis? Does this affect sexual activities or ejaculation? (age 13)

A circumcised penis has had all or part of its foreskin removed. The foreskin is a fold of skin that mostly covers the head of a penis. You can see the difference in this illustration of circumcised and uncircumcised penis types. Some of the survey research about masturbation for this sites points to some differences between the sex lives of circumcised and uncircumcised males -- uncircumcised males tend to masturbate more, for example -- but they are small differences.

I enjoy your site and how it helps people explore masturbation! In my family, sex is some sort of forbidden joke, and no one really explained it to me. They only told me that it causes babies. They laughed and teased me when I didn't understand sexual slang or terms. And one cousin slapped me one whole day when she thought I was "playing with myself." I just REALLY need to know how to masturbate without them hearing a vibrator. The way the room is that there's only a door between my room and my parents' room and my mother is the type that LOVES to overreact and embarrass me and would tell her friends everything, and my dad loves to make perverse jokes, and I know how everything would end if they found out that I was masturbating with a vibrator and watching an adult program while doing it. It doesn't help that they love to barge in anytime. (age 21)

I can empathize with your being tormented about your non-understanding of sexual slang, because acquaintances of mine used to do the same thing to me. Although I was very well read in sexual matters from the age of 11, I didn't know the slang terms. Even for the main subject of HealthyStrokes.com. I always knew that if someone baffled me with a word, that it had something to do with either sex or drugs. Now the Internet has made it easier for people like us.

I would have an easier time sympathizing with your main predicament if you weren't an adult woman. It's your business whether you masturbate in your own private space with or without any appliances. If your mother really told her friends about her adult daughter's masturbating habits, those friends would be completely shocked that your privacy and the trust that is supposed to happen in a parent-child relationship is being violated. You're worried about nothing. Instead of finding ways to hide the vibrator, why don't you work at getting your own place where you can masturbate (and do other sexual things) to your heart's content.

What is the definition of sexually active? Does it include oral and hand stimulation? (age 14)

I am inclined to say that sexually active is doing anything with the genitals with another person. That would include oral and hand stimulation. The definition of penetration, of course, would be more specific.

I have been able to use three fingers when I masturbate, and when my boyfriend fingers me, he is able to use 4 fingers. I use tampons. Is my hymen still intact? (age 15)

It would be a miracle for it to be intact. There might be shreds of it left.

I have a HUGE crush on two celebs who are 38 years older than me. I think about having sex with them A LOT. Obviously that will never actually happen, but is it still wrong to think about that when they are so much older than me? Do I need help or anything? (age 12)

No, I don't think it's wrong, and if celebrities admitted it, they would probably say they like fans fantasizing about them. Don't your crush on those 50 year old celebrities keep you from dating boys your age when the right time comes for that.

I was masturbating once, and I was using a marker and my hand. I accidentally pushed the marker a bit too far, and I didn't think anything of it, but then I realized there was blood in my underwear. I thought it was my period, but it has been two weeks has never happened again. Could it have been the hymen, or is it just an irregular period? (age12)

My first thought would be that it was part of the hymen going away.

I'm 12 and I masturbate usually twice a day, but sometimes up to 4 times and sometimes I go a few days without masturbating.. Is twice a day too much?

No, I don't think masturbating twice a day is so bad at your age. Twice a day isn't too much but you ought to be careful when it comes to overdoing it.

After using the vibrator on my clitoris for months, the battery ran out. So I decided to use my hands on my clitoris. I actually managed to have an orgasm! It took longer, but I'm actually proud and satisfied :) (age 15)

Good, You;re learning lots of useful skills for times when the flow of sexuality us interrupted.

I have been masturbating for a long time, and I do it often (about 4 times per week). I want to tell my mom, because I feel bad about being secret, and I want a vibrator. I'm scared that she will be mad, but I want to tell her. What should I do? (age 12)

You are no doubt giving your mother more than she is ready for at this point. It might be best for you to blurt out that you masturbate know when you're alone, but don't expect her to be very warm about it right away. If she's even a little cool, then ask her for the vibrator.

Thank you for this web site. I'm not sure if I am bisexual or not. I've found myself attracted to women as well as men. I currently have a boyfriend (whom I love completely), but I'm still confused. What do you think? (age 15)

It might be too soon to tell. If you're still strongly attracted to women in two or three years, then you probably are bisexual or something else other than straight. Don't obsess about it right now.

I used a banana to masturbate the other day and my dad walked in and asked where all of the bananas were. Do you think this is weird? (age 15)

It might be better if I didn't say.

Is it normal for a girl of 13 to masturbate? I use my fingers, and I have been doing it for a year now. Is it normal for me to use tampons? Most of my friends think it's weird that I don't use a pad. I think pads feel weird and tampons aren't that bad. I have had my period since I was 10 years old, so I think I've had it long enough to use tampons.

Both of those things are normal and neither of them are weird.

I use an electric toothbrush to stimulate my clitoris before I masturbate, and I just started this practice, but I get to a point where I feel that I might orgasm, like my legs spread out wide, and I start to lose my breath, and my thighs tingle. I don't know if this is an orgasm, or close to one. (age 15)

I recommend warming up with your hands rather than an electric toothbrush at your age. The point you describe is perhaps on the edge of orgasm. Keep at it.

When I was about 6, I started drawing pictures of men and women doing sex. I of course, had never heard or seen sex. Then, I stated having dreams about it. At,7, I started to touch myself down there and rubbing it with shampoo. When I was 9, I started humping the bed. Now, I masturbate with my fingers and I am able to reach orgasm. I just need to know whether it is normal to have sexual thoughts at such a young age. (age 14)

You seem to have had a healthy progression. Some of your thoughts were precocious, but they seem to have gotten you to a good place.

I just wanted you know that your site is has been really helpful. My boyfriend could not ejaculate through manual, oral or vaginal intercourse, and recently he told me that it might be caused by him masturbating face down. I never thought masturbating prone would be such a serious problem until I came across your site, and all the descriptions you have made about TMS fit my boyfriend's condition perfectly. So I would like to thank you for making such a helpful site, with practical solutions. It's greatly appreciated. (age 17)

Thanks for writing!

I just took the survey and want to say that my embarrassment about masturbating would be not only what my family/roommates would think but I'm a virgin and holding out for a while, and I'm worried about what my future partner will think if/when he knows I masturbate. (age 21)

I find it extremely unlikely to believe he would think less of you for that. You don't even have to tell him. Females can get away with being coy about whether they masturbate. Males can't.

My boyfriend recently started fingering me internally. He says I'm really tight and he just used one finger but it did feel good. The other day he used two fingers and it felt really good then too. I was wondering if I'm ready for sex considering that 2 fingers feels good even though I'm still tight. I'm definitely ready mentally, and I know I found the perfect partner. I don't know if my hymen is broken. I tried looking but it's really hard to tell. (age 23)

Not too many women your age have intact hymens. I think it will be completely gone soon. If you're ready for sex, then a little pain isn't going to stop you. It might not even hurt.

Although I started masturbating at a fairly normal age, it was vaginally, not clitorally. I don't even think I knew where my clit was until I was nearly 16. Despite having boyfriends and girlfriends and being externally stimulated, I never orgasmed. I finally brought myself to orgasm with a vibrator on my clit at 19. I was 22 before I was able to manually make myself have a clitoral orgasm. No one else can do it, and it's very frustrating. I've been with my husband for 3 and half years, and we have a very healthy sexual relationship. There are plenty of nights when we are tired and I just perform manual intercourse on him so we can go to bed. I would love it if I could have the favor returned, but no matter how hard he tries, I just can't orgasm. It feels better when I do it, and I can feel I am on the edge and am shaking all over, but I just can't orgasm. Is that normal or is it a mental thing? (age 23)

Have you tried doing it together? Perhaps if you started and he tried to mimic your movements by watching you it would help. Would it work if he used a vibrator on you? I assume you've tried a lot of things. It might be you have some kind of psychological block that a sex therapist could help you with.

Is it weird that I think male genitals are not attractive at all? I am definitely attracted to guys. I love how masculine they are and the way they feel and the way they touch me. I always fantasize about hving sex with guys but I just think penises are gross. Do you think I will get over this? (age 15)

Yes, I think you will. Try not to think about what you find gross about them and instead think about what you could like. You might browse through the penis illustrations on this site.

My mom got pregnant and gave birth to me when she was 17. She is 31 now and we are really close. She and I always laugh about sex jokes, and she says if you do it very well, you get twins. But she actually did have twin girls last month. Is this for real?? (age 14)

No, but be careful that you don't get pregnant. There is no reason for your baby sisters to become aunts at such a young age.

I've been masturbating by rubbing my body on my bed for a while now, and after reading this site, I want to try doing it with my fingers, but when I try, it doesn't feel as good and sometimes it hurts a little and my leg starts twitching. I use lube so I don't exactly know what I'm doing wrong. (age 14)

Stretching your legs out tense will prevent the twitching. Just try to relax and enjoy your fingers. It will feel better once you've gotten used to it. Perhaps try it sometime when you're very relaxed and/or aroused, or use the abstinence method on the main page.

I was at a sleepover with a few friends. Two of my friends started seriously fooling around (they were drunk). This made me scarily horny and I had to go to the bathroom and silently masturbate. Was it wrong to get so turned on my two of my friends? And was it wrong to masturbate in my friend's bathroom?

It is always a risk to masturbate other than in your own private space, but I wouldn't call it wrong. It also isn't wrong to get aroused by your friends. They are the ones who put on a show.

My boyfriend and I have been exploring each others' bodies recently, and we have talked extensively on the subject of safe sex (we both believe in using condoms). He respects my decision to abstain until we've been going out longer, and so instead we masturbate. He is circumcised, and it takes him ages to reach orgasm. He gets frustrated by this, and I must admit it that it drags on. Why is he so unresponsive? Why does he take so long? (age 16)

I doubt that it has anything to do with him being circumcised. You might ask him how long it takes him when he's alone. If he's taking longer with you, then it is probably performance anxiety because of you being with him. He is apt to reach orgasm more quickly as he gets used to masturbating in front of you.

Would you call it kinky if I love it when my boyfriend bites my nipples affectionately and gives me hickeys me everywhere above the waist? I also get really turned on when he sucks and bites while giving me hickeys. I don't like them on my neck because they're too noticeable. Would it be an erogenous zone when he just strokes an area and it's really sensitive to his touch? (age 24)

That is a good sign of an erogenous zone. It ought to be more than merely sensitive, though. It should cause you to get aroused. I wouldn't call your playful fun kinky, and I don't think too many people would. I once had a girlfriend who was worried about hickeys on her neck, and I offered to give her one where no one would see it.

Does it mean fingering if your boyfriend just rests his hand on your vulva because he was about to go inside and I said no thinking that I was going to be a non virgin. Does that not make you a virgin anymore? I'm really nervous about trying to keep it pure. I've just started masturbating. I like using a vibrating dildo and it's used to find the G spot but I don't know if I have one or not. I don't feel anything really and I'm coming to the conclusion that I dont have one. Any thoughts on a better way to locate it because I've read all about it and still havent found it. (age 24)

What you describe is not fingering, and very few people believe that only fingering causes you to not be a virgin. I suggest waiting longer if you've only recently started masturbating. Don't give up on your G spot so soon. Be patient and keep believing you'll get pleasure by stimulating it someday.

What is the biological necessity of the hymen? (male, age 21)

Its purpose is to serve as an indicator of whether or not a young girl has been sexually violated. This is most useful in girls under 10 and becomes less relevant as the girl learns ways to damage the hymen on her own.

At what age will sexual hormones be most raging? (age 13)

Probably from about 13 to 17.

I am paranoid about being caught masturbating. Is 11 too young? I have a thing where I just CANNOT keep these kinds of things from my mom. How can I bring it up to her? (age 11)

11 is not too young to masturbate. There is no reason to tell your mom. You ought not be so paranoid. Less than half of girls are ever caught, and they seem to deal with it quite well.

I have a very healthy sex life with my partner. We usually have intercourse 6-10 times a week. We talk to each other about what we like and dislike. I also masturbate often. I don't usually have an orgasm from penetration, and I often have to stimulate my clitoris while he is inside me. I have noticed recently that when I feel his semen inside me I feel more aroused than during actual intercourse and feel the need to masturbate after we have finished. He calls me a nympho. Is this true? What makes someone a 'nympho'? (age 21)

A nymphomaniac is someone who is never satisfied with sex. He would like it better if you could reach orgasm from what he does than from doing it on your own. Some studies have found that semen is a natural antidepressant. Perhaps you could try just taking care of him during intercourse (not stimulating your clitoris manually) and then having him work on you afterward.

I saw the movie Wanted and during the kissing scene of James McAvoy and Angelina Jolie, I felt a pounding in my vagina. Does that mean I was aroused? I wanted to kiss the girl and not the boy. Does this mean I am lesbian or bisexual? (age 13)

Yes, you were definitely aroused. You ought not decide you're lesbian or bisexual on the basis of that one instance. Keep an eye out for other things that cause pounding.

I am a newlywed. I am wondering if my husband has a form of TMS because one of the only ways he can come is for me to rub up against him in the female superior position. It seems to take a lot of pressure. Thanks for your information! (age 19)

You would have to ask him. It does not follow with necessity that he practices TMS because he has a sexual dysfunction.

Thank you for putting up such an informative site. It has really put me at ease. I only started masturbating a couple of months ago. I had penetrated myself before with objects and fingers but I felt disgusted. Now I often stimulate my clit, and I think I've had orgasms because my muscles contract like you've described, and I feel a release. I still move so much that I lose my arousal in the process. Is there any way to prevent the movement? I've tried vocalizing intead of moving but then I'm just noisy and uncontrollable. Please help me. (age 17)

You probably just need practice. It's only been a couple of months. Many people stretch their legs out tense in order to minimize movement. That strategy might work for you too.

I've only learned what TMS was since I started reading your web site. I still don't really understand it. I've been masturbating for a while now, a couple of years, and it's generally always with a pillow. I haven't tried using my fingers for masturbation, but my boyfriend has on me, and I haven't had an orgasm with him. I feel badly. What should I do? Should I stop using a pillow and do it with my hands? How long will it take for me to have an orgasm with him? I'm getting really scared now. (age 17)

It is better to use your hands than a pillow. You ought not feel ashamed of not having had an orgasm with a partner. A lot of females your age are in that situation, and it doesn't make much difference how they masturbate. You have a lot more control over your body with your hands than with a pillow. Give it a try, but don't judge yourself by your inability to have an orgasm with a partner.

I really love your site. I've learned so much helpful stuff. Thanks! I masturbated for the first time when I was five. I had my first orgasm at about six or seven. You say some girls don't get theirs until they're 18. Did I maybe not actually have an orgasm? If I did, is that bad? I think you're doing a great thing helping all these people. Keep it up! (age 12)

Yes, some girls have orgasms as young as you claim, and some women never have orgasms. There is nothing wrong with learning to orgasm at a young age.

I've been on vacation for 3 weeks now out of a 4-week vacation and I told my boyfriend of almost 6 months (we're sexually active), that I was going to try not to masturbate the entire vacation so that when I got back I would be more sensitive and his touch would be more sexually stimulating. However, I only lasted 3 weeks and now he is mad because he thinks the foreplay and sex won't be as good for me. Is it true that if I had waited the whole month that the foreplay and sex would have been more sexually stimulating? And if so, to what extent? (age 16)

It might be better after 5-7 days of abstinence. That is advice I gave to numerous people who are having trouble being orgasmic in intercourse, and in fact it is the basis of the program I use on this web site for curing Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome. But there is really nothing to be gained by going a whole month. I promise that your boyfriend hasn't been abstaining this whole time. You will probably be just as sensitive if you wait from now until you get back as you would have if you'd gone the whole month. Oh, and congratulations on making it three weeks. Not too many people can do that.

I've always rubbed my clit for pleasure, and I have recently used my fingers. I want to use a cucumber or another object but I don't have any condoms and am too shy to buy them. What else can I use instead of a condom? (age 16)

There is fairly little risk to using a cucumber without a condom. Most cucumbers that you buy in the store are wax-coated, which makes them ideal for the purpose you mention. It is important to keep sugar out of your vagina, however, because it can cause a yeast infection. Cucumbers are not apt to introduce sugar to your vagina, waxed or not.

I let my boyfriend finger me sometime. Could a doctor tell? Am I still a virgin? (age 16)

The overwhelming majority of people believe that manual intercourse (including fingering) doesn't make you a non-virgin. A doctor would probably be able to guess that something has been in your vagina, but he would have no way of knowing whether it was a finger or a penis or a marker.

My boyfriend is 15 and says that he has never masturbated in his life. He seems to think that it's only for losers and freaks, and that it's dirty or something. This is so annoying. He takes pride in not ever masturbating. Can I let him know the benefits? I want him to know that there's nothing wrong with it. He also knows very little about sex, or even his own body. He did not know what circumcision was and did not even know that he was circumcised. I sent him pics of a circumcised and uncircumcised penis to show the difference. He asked, "which one's normal?" then he asked if being circumcised was bad. He is so uninformed on these topics and it's frustrating. He didn't know what an orgasm was. Or what semen was! I was shocked. (age 16)

Your boyfriend seems to protest masturbating too much for it to believed that he doesn't masturbate. When I was 15 and didn't masturbate (the first 9 months I was 15, LOL), I had only a vague idea what it was and no particular opinion about people who did it. You certainly ought to be part of his sex education, and I would welcome him perusing this site and looking at the anatomy illustrations and learning more about the topics discussed here. However, you might be happier having a more worldly boyfriend, and this one might not be up to speed in time for you.

I use the end of a toothbrush and put it into my vagina (not the same toothbrush that I use on my mouth). The last time I used it, I don't know what happened, but when I took it out I saw some blood on it (I have not had my period yet) and when I wiped myself I saw more blood. I have stopped masturbating with it because I am very scared about getting hurt, and I feel I'm too young to be doing this. I still feel urges to keep using my toothbrush and I don't know what to do. I have not told my mom that I was doing this or about the blood, but I'm very scared. HELP!!! (age 12)

It is normal for some bleeding to occur when you first start masturbating internally. It will probably get to be less over time. There is no reason for panic.

I have been thinking of fingering myself but I have sharp nails. Do you think I can or just cut my nails? Would I have to cut them below the skin, like people who bite their nails? (age 13)

I think you would enjoy it more if you didn't have to worry about your nails being short, but it is not essential that you cut them.

Can dry sex break the hymen? If the guy pushes too hard against my underwear could it break? (age 20)

It is unlikely that anything happening outside your body will break your hymen, but it is also unlikely that you have an intact hymen at your age.

I have been having sex for two years but I have never orgasmed during it unless I stimulated my clitoris. I masturbated prone from age 6 to 14. I quit it 4 years ago. Could that be why I can't orgasm during sex? (age 18)

I can't say with any certainty. A lot of women your age have trouble having orgasm in intercourse. Masturbating prone didn't help, but I would think it would be behind you if you masturbated successfully in conventional fashion for two years before becoming sexually active. It might help to abstain from orgasms and masturbating for 7-10 days before your next act of intercourse and see if it makes any difference.

Is acne on the face a sign of masturbation? My friends at school said it means you masturbate a lot if you have acne. (age 17)

No. That is not true. That rumor got started because people tend to get acne and start masturbating at the same time. They are both caused by puberty, but it is erroneous to say that one causes the other.

Is it normal that when I masturbate that I have to squeeze my thigh and leg muscles to orgasm? (age 19)

A lot of people, both male and female, stretch their legs tight. It helps to reduce sensations coming from the legs. However, it would be good if you didn't have to do that every time. You might work at not doing that.

Can masturbating cause you to skip a month or two of your period? (age 17)

No.

My boyfriend broke up with me recently and since then when I've mastubated I've imagined myself fooling around with my female best friend. I'm not bi but the thoughts really turn me on. Is this wrong because she's my best friend? (age 15)

I don't think it's wrong, but if you want to keep her as your best friend, it is better that you don't tell her about these fantasies.

In an earlier question, someone asked if a doctor would be able to tell that they'd been fingered, and you replied that a doctor wouldn't know if the object had been a marker, penis, or finger. You didn't mention tampons. Couldn't someone who has been fingered be mistaken for someone who has used a tampon? If not, why? (age 16)

A tampon is much softer than those other things, and if the doctor is even paying attention to whether something has been entering the vagina at all -- which he or she probably isn't -- a tampon would leave less evidence.

Is it normal to masturbate as much as I do? I usually do once every day and have to orgasm 2-4 times. I never hear that any of my friends do that, and it makes me feel kind of weird. (age 13)

According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, which included 156 current 13-year-old girls, 42 percent of 13 year olds masturbate at least once a day (25 times per month or more). Probably almost half of your friends masturbate that often too. Most people do not talk about it, because they find the topic to be extremely embarrassing. The survey did not ask about the number of orgasms per session, but if you are capable of having multiple orgasms, anyone would be able to understand your trying to have them.

Just under 2 months ago I started questioning my sexuality. I have always liked men, but recently I have been liking women too. I met this girl online and we are together now (in a long-distance relationship). She is really beautiful, smart, funny, adventurous (likes outdoor activities) and I really enjoy talking to her. The problem is that yesterday and the day before I tried masturbating to the thought of her and I could not orgasm! Today, I masturbated to the thought of a man (which is what I usually do) and I did orgasm (using same technique)! Those two times were the only two times I have ever been unsuccessful at bringing myself to orgasm, so now I am really concerned because shouldnt the thought of my girlfriend along with touching myself make me orgasm?! I can masturbate to the thought of several guys or none in particular and get a great orgasm! Maybe I should try masturbating to the thought of another woman and see if I can orgasm? I don't get it, though, because when she talks about having sex (jokingly since we're both virgins) or making out I get very aroused! So, that would mean I am sexually attracted to her, no? So, why wouldn't I be able to orgasm with the thought of her? Any thoughts? (age 21)

I am inclined to believe you are really straight. You might just be curious about sex with a woman. Why don't you try to see what it's like being out with men (or women) locally before you get too involved with this online girlfriend? It could save you a lot of trouble.

I've been masturbating since I was 12. I used to use an electric toothbrush on my clitoris. I stopped that and now when I masturbate it doesn't feel as good. My orgasms are really weak. Was the electric toothbrush bad for my clit's sensitivity? (age 17)

Probably, but once you get used to the masturbation you're doing now, it will feel just as good. Focus on the power of just a little bit of touch. You can have powerful orgasms again.

I have masturbated before lying down with my vulva against my bed and have been rubbing it on my bed. It feels good, but I also read that I can have problems later and I'm really scared. What should I do? (age 14)

It would be advisable to give up that method of masturbating and to learn to use only your hands. You are pretty young and ought to be able to change pretty quickly.

I have masturbated and reached orgasm almost daily since I was about 18 years old. I feel an uncomfortable nagging feeling when I go over a day. My question is why the nagging feeling? I now fear being uncomfortable, so I make sure it is taken care of every day. There is no fantasizing, just the achieving orgasm. I just want to know why I feel the uncomfortable feeling nagging at me. Is there a fluid that builds up in me that I don't realize is released? It is compared to something leaving my body at the time of orgasm and then a feeling of peaceful, happy, and clean comes over me. I would like to be normal. I feel every day is not normal along with the fear of uncomfortableness that I know will come. It has been hard for my husband to keep up with me, even though he tries. Is there a way to get over the fear of uncomfortableness and to not having an orgasm every day? I don't know if my body has been conditioned to all of this over the years. I hope I have made sense. Also, I notice the older I get the longer and harder it is to achieve orgasm. Why? (age 48)

You have obviously made masturbation a daily habit, but you ought to be able to go a few days without a sense of nagging that you report. Even younger males, whose bodies in fact produce sexual fluids that need frequent release, can frequently go three or four days before they feel anything physical as a result. The discomfort you describe is apt to be in your head. It is not surprising that it takes you longer to achieve orgasm at your age than it used to. I think it would help if you masturbated less compulsively than you do now.

Is it possible to damage your clit if you masturbate too hard facing down or if you are rubbing? Can you orgasm while having sex if you ever used a vibrator? (age 16)

The clitoris can be irritated by too much force, but I have never heard of one being permanently damaged by masturbating. It is certainly possible to have orgasm in intercourse if you are experienced masturbating with a vibrator, but on average your chances of being orgasmic in intercourse are better if you only use your hands.

I masturbate mostly in bed at night. I usually orgasm and afterward I feel this feeling of relaxation and release and fall right asleep. Is this normal? (age 13)

Yes, very normal. I know that a lot of my female readers would like to be just like you.

Does directly stimulating the clitoris (by hand) desensitize it? (age 20)

Females who stimulate the clitoral area directly seem to have the easiest time reaching orgasm. However, most don't stimulate the clitoris directly but the area around it.

I just started my period and I swim a lot so I need to learn how to use a tampon. I tried to put my finger in my vagina, and I got it in about halfway and it felt really weird and kind of hurt. Is there something wrong with me or is it just that I'm not used to it? (age 12)

You're not used to it. That was a normal reaction for your age. You will have an easier time with practice.

I was in the shower today and was overcome by an urge to masturbate. I pulled the head from the tub into the shower just before my mom walked in to tell me she was going for a walk. I don't know if she knew what I was doing but I think she did. The door was only open a bit though. She hasn't said anything yet, but I'm scared she will. What should I do? (age 15)

She was focused on her walk and didn't notice. If she did, she won't say anything. If she does, she will be supportive of you. If she isn't, then you can take strength in being a reader of this web site and knowing more about teenage female masturbation than your mother does. Good for you and keep the door locked the next time the urge hits. P.S. I advise against masturbating with running water.

I masturbate almost every day, and about 4 times each month when I masturbate internally with my fingers or an object, I get an amazing feeling in the walls of my vagina. It happens within seconds but what I instantly start crying, and I dont know why. It doesnt hurt. It feels really good. Why do I only feel that once in a while, and why do I start crying? How can I control the crying because it's a really big turn off. (age 16)

It sounds like happy crying. You are probably describing a very intense orgasm. It might be worth trying to substitute some other emotional outlet for the crying, like moaning or screaming. You could always muffle those with a pillow in case you don't have enough privacy. Some orgasms are just more intense than others, and if you can have such intense orgasms four times a month, that's pretty good.

I really don't think it's a good idea for girls to experiment with candles or carrots. It just doesn't sound like a good thing to put into a vagina. (age 26)

I don't either, but both of those are more sensible than a lot of things I hear about getting stuck into vaginas.

Cribriform hymens freak me out. How do girls deal with them? (age 15)

Less than one in a thousand girls has one, and who knows how many of them never even find out what their hymen looks like? If you have one, it will be going away soon, and if you don't, then why get freaked out about it?

When I masturbate, I have to use something that vibrates. I'm too impatient to use my hands since that way takes too long. Is that a good thing or should I start using my hands? (age 16)

I suspect you already know the answer. It is better to use your hands and get better at using them. There is a lot to be gained by doing that. There is very little value from using a vibrator unless that is the only way you can reach orgasm. You admit that you can masturbate to orgasm with your hands, but it takes too long. Instead of the vibrator shortcut, you will be better served in the long run by learning to speed things up with your hands.

Are there any support groups for females with TMS? (age 44)

Yes. There is a Yahoo group for females with TMS and the female partners of males with TMS. You are welcome to join it and start a discussion.

Follow-up: What is involved in being a case study as a female affected with TMS? I can achieve orgasm in under 30 seconds through masturbation when in the prone position. I have never been able to achieve it in other positions, or through regular intercourse (without me masturbating while being entered in the rear entry position). I would like to be able to experience more variations, in orgasm positions. By the way, my husband is 38 and has never masturbated in his life! His sex drive is not nearly as strong as mine, but he says he is willing to do anything I request. We seem to be quite an abnormal pair. I am interested in trying to follow a plan to cure my TMS.

All you have to do be a case study is write up your case and keep track of your progress. Then you can send it to me and I will post it on HealthyStrokes.com as a case study. You would be a good candidate for using an abstinence approach to be cured of TMS, because you are very orgasmic and because your husband apparently would not demand sex during your abstinence period. Of course, I don't believe that he has never masturbated, but that is a question for another day.

You keep saying that most girls masturbate when they're my age, but my friends don't seem like they masturbate (they don't act interested in sex or anything like that) and once when masturbation was brought up, my two of my friends didn't know what it was and one was disgusted by it. I always feel weird because I feel like I'm the only girl my age that does it. (age 12)

According to preliminary results of a survey of more than 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, 18 percent of females started masturbating with sexual pleasure in mind before their 11th birthdays, and another 9.6 percent started this while they were 11. Another 18.3 percent started while they were 12. So most girls don't masturbate for the purpose of seeking an orgasm at your age, but they if they don't already, there's a very high probability that they will soon. If you had this discussion again in a year, you would be apt to reach a different conclusion.

I used to think that masturbation is only done internally, but after reading your site, I found out that you can also masturbate externally. Thanks for that info.:) I've been masturbating externally 3-5 times a month. I want to keep my hymen intact and I want to bleed when I have my first sexual intercourse after I get married. Do you think I'll bleed if I masturbate externally now? Can external masturbating break my hymen? (age 14)

External masturbation will not break your hymen. If you are as careful as you talk about, you can keep your hymen nearly intact for a long time. Even if your hymen has broken a little, you should still expect to bleed some when you first have intercourse. This would not be the case if your hymen has broken a lot.

One night I had a very sexual dream that I was getting fingered by an older man in school. When I was waking up, I was still having the dream and moaning and my mom was in and out of the room. Is it normal to wake up sexually moaning from a dream? (age 18)

It can happen, just like any other dream, although it is rare. Your mom might not have noticed or thought anything about it.

My first masturbating experience was when I was only 10. My brother who was 12 at that time taught me. We started showing our genitals to each other and then started to touch our bodies. Mostly I didn't feel much pleasure doing that, but I allowed some time to pass. I took some time to realize how to stop that and until today I have felt really bad for having done that and I?ve never told anyone what happened. How bad could it be for me emotionally? What can I do to feel better about that? (age 24)

I suggest seeing a competent mental help practitioner to help you work through those issues.

Are hymens supposed to break fairly easily? I can get a finger into my vagina but I can only push it so far before it feels like a dead end. I push as hard as I can without causing myself too much pain, but it feels like it's really tough. Is this normal, or is there something wrong with me? I know that I don't have an imperforate hymen (even though when I look, I can't see a hole in it) because I get my period every month no bother. (age 18)

What you describes sounds more like your cervix than your hymen. If you can't see a hole in the hymen, then you might not be seeing a hymen at all. There is probably nothing to worry about.

Follow-up: This can't be right because my finger only goes about halfway in. I'm really confused. Is it OK to go to a gynecologist with a question like this? I'm really worried.

Yes, that would be a good idea. A gynecologist examines vaginas all day long. He or she could answer your question in less than a minute.

I am in college and my psychology professor while talking about sexuality showed us a video. It was a female orgasm but it was taken from the inside of a woman (no penis shown, only her internal walls contracting and kind of shaking). I tried to look for it but all I find is porn, do you have any idea where I could get this clip? (age 21)

I have seen that kind of clip on TV sex education shows, but could not find one for you on YouTube when I looked just now. Why not ask the professor? Maybe he or she would send you the clip via e-mail or lend you the video.

I have been masturbating for YEARS. I remember touching myself before I knew what was even going on. Anyway, I only stimulate my clit when I do it and my boyfriend can't do it right. I don't think he is doing anything wrong because it feels good, but he can't get me to climax. I read on your site that I can change my masturbation style by abstaining for a while and then starting again. Is this so? I would REALLY like my boyfriend to be able to get me to climax. Should I start masturbating with objects so that I will feel more comfortable when we start to have sex regularly? I love your site! (age 18)

Yes, abstaining from stimulation for a week or so will make you more sensitive when you try something new. It would be worth abstaining from masturbation and other forms of genital touching to see if it would be easier to reach orgasm with someone else's touch. I don't know how using objects is necessary. You already seem to know what to do.

My boyfriend is really turned on by performing oral on me, but I don't enjoy it. I know he is doing it right and everything, but I just don't find it arousing at all (which probably prevents me from liking the feeling of it). Is there anything I can do to make myself find him giving me oral arousing? He knows I don't really like it and would rather do other things, but from time to time he really enjoys giving it to me, and I would like to enjoy it if I could. (age 18)

It isn't like eating a few bites of spinach because you know it's good for you. If you don't like it, then it isn't going to help you get aroused. I am surprised that he persists in giving it to you when he knows you don't like it.

I caught my 26 year old brother, who has Downs Syndrome masturbating while spying on me tanning. I told him it was all right to get "excited" over women, but he should only touch himself in the privacy of his own room. He let me know that he has never seen or touched real breasts before. I felt bad for him and allowed him to see me nude and touch my breasts. This proceeded to a conversation about sex and how to actually do it. I did not allow him to touch me, but I showed him where his penis would go, etc. Is there a better way to get this info across? (age 32)

Yes. I think you would have been better off showing him in a book or with a doll rather than on your body.

Follow-up from another reader: I am a mother of a Downs Syndrome 31 year old son, and have been in a similar situation. My son was masturbating to me while I was showering. I too allowed him to see me nude. I allowed him to explore, and I tried to answer as many questions for him as I could. He was fascinated with my vagina and how a penis would actually fit inside. Knowing that this type of sexual activity is nothing he will ever experience, I allowed him to masturbate in my presence. (age 53)

I restate my answer to the previous questioner.

I've been masturbating externally for 2 years and internally for 1 year. I have been wanting a dildo instead of the makeshift objects I normally use (screwdriver handles, cucumbers). My mom is VERY open about sex. Up until a while ago I was a complete prude and I still act that way around my mom even though I'm the exact opposite. I'm afraid of asking her for one. What should I do? (age 14)

If she is very open about sex, she would certainly want you to talk to her about it. She would certainly prefer your using a dildo to using hand tools (LOL, that is really what they're called, you know.) I think you should ask her about it.

I am able to achieve orgasm without masturbating. If I concentrate hard enough in my mind on my fantasies I become more stimulated than if I use my fingers. I have been able to do this since I was 13. Have you heard of many people being able to do this and is this normal? (age 15)

I have heard of it, but it is very rare. You are definitely one of the lucky ones!

I am a 15 year old girl and I have masturbated prone for about 3 years. I was reading on your web site that some females have problems having an orgasm in sexual intercourse because they have masturbated prone. I am still a virgin and when its my first time I really want it to be pleasuring. So I have two questions: Is it possible for me to have an orgasm if I have masturbated prone? Do you have any advice on how to stop masturbating, because I really want to.

Yes, you can certainly have an orgasm if you have masturbated prone, but some evidence suggests that it may be harder for females who are in the habit of masturbating prone. There is definitely evidence that this is a serious problem for males. Girls can certainly stop masturbating more readily than boys can, but you might consider if you really want to. Most females enjoy masturbating a great deal.

Follow-up from the original writer: "Is it possible for me to have an orgasm if I have masturbated prone? I meant is it possible for me to have an orgasm in sexual intercourse if I have masturbated prone?

Yes, it is possible for you to have an orgasm in intercourse after a history of masturbating prone, but you would be better off getting away from prone masturbation and learning to do it the conventional way.

When I masturbate, I usually orgasm, and when I orgasm, I ALWAYS make too much noise. I just can't help it. I'm very loud! My sister who is 22 once said that I sound like a porn star who makes too much noise, but I'm not trying to! Usually it's just loud moaning, heavy breathing, and panting, however sometimes I'll even say things from whatever situation I'm fantasizing about, or even scream. This means I can only masturbate when I am home alone, or when it's just me and my sister (since she knows... but even still, I feel awkward when she knocks on my door and tells me to shut up.) I'm definately of an age where I should be masturbating, so my mom shouldn't be taken aback. Should I explain my situation to her so that I can masturbate when she's home (she's home a lot more often than my dad or brothers)? (age 17)

I think you should learn to control yourself so you don't bother others in your household. Why do you suppose your sister tells you to shut up? It might help to muffle your noise with a pillow.

Why do I tense my legs while getting close to orgasm? Why does it feel so much better to use my fingers than the showerhead? (age 15)

I have a theory that leg tensing is to minimize sensations coming from the legs thereby making it easier to concentrate on your genitals. Also, tensing the legs keeps charley horses from forming. Fingers feel better because you have more control over them. The water just shoots from one direction.

My husband and I are both in our 20s and just got married in June. We just moved to another state due to his military orders. Ever since he got home from Iraq in April, there are a lot of times that he goes limp while we're having sex.. I feel that I'm doing something wrong, but he's telling me I'm not. I don't know what to do. This has never happened before.

Your problem is mostly outside my knowledge. If there is some issue pertaining to his military service, then I would suggest seeing a doctor or psychologist. If it is due to his masturbating more than usual when you were apart, then I suspect it would have gotten back to normal by now. Perhaps an erection drug would help for now. In the meantime, just try to enjoy what you can do without an erection. Don't make a big deal about the erection not being there.

I have been putting a blanket between my legs and pretending to have sex with it, lying on my stomach and moving up and down. I remember doing this when I was little, too. After a while, I come to a stage where I need to go faster, and then I stop for about 15 seconds. Lately it's been taking longer and longer for that to happen, and now it's not happening at all. What is happening here? (age 13)

Your way of masturbating is atypical. You would be better off if you cut out the blanket thing and learned to masturbate the way most girls do. It would be easier to grow from a state of being like that.

When I was younger I humped a teddy and didn't do it again because I felt weird. Then when I got a little older I found my mother's vibrator and used it. I was about 11. I only ever used it on my clitoris and I'm still a virgin. I masturbate daily and use arousing pictures or erotic stories. Is this bad? (age 15)

No, it all sounds pretty good.

You said that women always have nipples erected when they have an orgasm, and guys usually use it to see if they are faking. That is not true, I have many orgasms and my nipples rarely are erected. (age 20)

I did not mean for it to be true in every case. I will revisit my work on that point and see if I can come up with anything beter.

How can I talk to a guy if I like him? Do guys get turned off if a girl doesn't talk to them? Or if she does talk to them, do they get turned off if the girl is really nervous? How can you know if a guy likes you? Your advice would be greatly helpful to me. (age 14)

It is easiest to just smile and say hi. If he likes you, he will also smile and say hi back. Guys often get turned off by girls who don't talk to them, especially if he is trying to initiate the conversation. The girl being nervous is often a turn-on because it means their conversation is very important to her. You can know a guy likes you if he smiles back when you smile at him.

Follow up: The whole problem is that I really can't talk to the guy that I like because I'm really scared, but I know if I don't then it would be really bad and also I have never talked to this guy before, and I know that sounds dumb. One day I was in gym class and I was talking to one of my friends and I looked over at the guy I like for a second just to notice that he was staring at me, and also when I looked over to him, he didn't turn away like most guys.. That worries me because either he might like me or he thinks I'm weird. What do you think it is? And also I see his twin looking at me sometimes but I don't like both of them; I only like the one I have been telling you about. What does initiate mean?

Initiate means start. He might like you, since you caught him peeking at you, but it seems like you will have to be the one to initiate the conversation.

I am about to turn 18 in 6 days and I want to get a dildo. I have been masturbating for about 6 years,1-2 times a week. I am a Chrisitan and I have read your page for Christians but am still uncertain. Is it morally wrong for females? What about looking at porn? Is it wrong against God? Will he forgive me, or is this a natural thing for Christians and everbody?

Happy birthday! I generally advise against toys, but I think you should be able to get a dildo on your 18th birthday if you really want one. God wants you to enjoy your body and to keep it in good shape for creating new life someday. Masturbating is safer than having sex with people. You ought not feel that you have sinned by enjoying your body.

I am a Christian and am saving myself for my husband. Is it bad to masturbate? At church they talked about it and said that we are defrauding ourselves by stirring up desires that cannot be rightfully fulfilled. So I am stirring up desires in myself, but are they being rightfully fulfilled? I really enjoy it. I feel like I am a hypocrite for wanting to save myself and for masturbating. Is masturbating taking away some of my purity or taking away from what I should give my husband one day? (age 20)

I don't think so. Have you read my page for Christians? It is taking care of your body too. Many males and females think of it as daily maintenance.

I have been reading your site and have seen girls as young as 13 say they have been masturbating for YEARS, while I, who am older have not even considered the idea until now. The few attempts I have made have been fruitless. I have read your earlier responses and know you will most likely tell me to keep at it and that with practice it will get easier and more effective, but the thing is, the idea of screwing myself is far less appealing than having intercourse with an actual person. But I do not feel that I am ready for intercourse. What do you suggest? (age 16)

I suggest you keep at it and with practice it will get easier and more effective. And you will enjoy it too! You also need to work on your attitude. Masturbation is supposed to be fun, not screwing yourself. You may have read these pages, but you seem to not have absorbed the idea that the girls who write to me masturbate because they truly enjoy it. That is what you are missing.

I am 16, and I get wet often when I am not sexually aroused, but then when my boyfriend and I engage in foreplay, I don't get wet and I am very confused.

It is about nerves. You get wet when you are relaxed, even if you are not consciously aroused sexually. You don't get aroused when you are with your boyfriend because you are uptight about something and can't relax. Instead of trying furiously to get you aroused, perhaps you could do something relaxing (like watching a relaxing movie) and he could work on you in a leisurely manner. What you are doing now is not working.

I frequently have fantasies about masturbating in front of boys. And I mean boys as in plural. I think it would be really sexy to have a multi-person audience. I have a friend, who is very cute, and a boy, but he has never been my boyfriend (although there is some very blatant sexual tension). I was thinking about masturbating in front of him and one of his brothers who is 14. I know that they would both enjoy watching it. Do you think I should? (age 17)

That sounds like a really bad idea. Whatever you do with your friend, make sure his younger brother stays out of it.

I don't masturbate a lot but today and today only I haven't been able to stop. Is there something wrong with me? (age 14)

No. We all have days like that.

Can masturbating prone prevent you from getting pregnant? (age 16)

No.

Can females have TMS? And if they do, how long does it take to overcome TMS? (age 13)

Females can obviously masturbate prone, and in fact more females than males masturbate that way. The question of whether prone masturbation is always hazardous for females is not as clear as whether it is for males. Females who masturbate prone have less orgasmic ability in intercourse, but since females overall are less orgasmic in intercourse, it is harder to say whether the prone masturbation is key. I always advise females to quit masturbating prone and learn to masturbate with their hands. I have heard of females overcoming TMS in less than a week.

What's foreplay? (age 12)

Foreplay is sexual activity such as touching and fondling that people engage in before intercourse. If the people are not planning on having intercourse, it used to be called petting, but that is an old-fashioned word that is not used much anymore.

I masturbate a couple of times per month and I feel my vagina is getting looser. I only had one boyfriend and I would like to keep my vagina as tight as it used to be. Any advice on how to do that? (age 22)

I think it is mostly your imagination. You ought not worry about stretching your vagina out by masturbating so infrequently. No man can tell the difference between the vagina of a woman who masturbates often and one who doesn't.

I have been masturbating for nearly 2 years and I have never masturbated without having an orgasm and now it only takes me about a minute before I have the orgasm. Is this normal? (age 14)

No. Many girls your age and a lot older are still trying furiously to have their first orgasms. You are way ahead of the game. Good for you.

I'm an eighteen year old girl who masturbates on a daily basis. I can't bear the thought of inserting my fingers inside myself. I've tried relaxing and trying to ease my finger inside but I always seem to chicken out, and then I end up feeling slightly down at the fact I'm not able to go through with it. My boyfriend and I usually talk about having sexual intercourse but only when we're ready since we're both virgins. Why is it that I'm not able to insert my fingers inside myself?

You have some kind of mental block about it. There is no reason for you to masturbate internally if you don't think you're ready for it. You obviously have learned to enjoy external masturbation, since you practice it daily. Just keep up what you're doing, and perhaps internal masturbation will make sense for you in about a year.

I have been masturbating for about 1 year. My favorite thing is to spread my legs out in front of a large mirror and watch as I penetrate my vagina. Is that normal? (age 14)

A lot of people who have large mirrors do that. I call it mirrorbating. You are not the only one.

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a while now, but I have never felt pleasure from it. We've tried everything to solve the problem but nothing works. My friend told me that it is probably because I am not fully developed (she says that it takes 3 years after you start having your period to feel pleasure). I'm starting to agree with her, because I just started last year. Have any ideas? (age 17)

Practice makes perfect. Lots of females don't have orgasms in intercourse until later. You aren't unusual. It would be better if he worked on you by hand or mouth first instead of expecting you to have orgasms from vaginal intercourse.

Is it really bad for females to do TMS? It feels so good! I'll miss it if I have to stop. (age 20)

Surveys done by HealthyStrokes.com have found that females who masturbate prone are less likely to have orgasms in intercourse. Think of it as a way of diversifying your masturbatory repertoire. Once you learn to masturbate supine, you might not want to go back to prone.

I can orgasm in less than a minute, with my hands and/or my shower head, but I am really worried about not being able to orgasm during sex. I am really self-conscious and I don't want it to affect me while having sex.. What should I do? (age 16)

I suggest quitting the shower head. It is good that you can orgasm in less than a minute with your hands. There is no reason to risk that great orgasmic ability to subjecting it to a dulling, desensitizing device like a shower head.

If the average vagina is only four inches deep, but the average penis is six inches or longer, then how can a man thrust so hard without causing a lot of pain to the female? Wouldn't it hurt to have something continuously hitting the cervix, and isn't that dangerous? I just don't get how he can fit? (age 18)

The cervix is fairly insensitive and most males cannot get all the way in anyway, due to the position of the vagina. It isn't like inserting something into a holster that is designed to fit it snugly. It's more like sticking a funnel into something. Because of the width of the funnel, the tip can never go in very far. (This isn't a perfect analogy, but it's pretty close. The point is, when the penis is attached to the man's body, it is limited as to where it can go.)

I have been masturbating for many years but only externally. I mostly rub against an armrest of a couch. I get an orgasm very quickly and I sometimes go back for more but this seems to be the only way I can get an orgasm. I don't feel it when I touch myself. What should I do? (age 17)

I recommend giving up the armrest forever and learning to masturbate with your hands. The abstinence program on the main page of this site, although written for males, can also help you get more sensitized for easier masturbation. You will feel a lot better about the whole thing after you switch.

I asked a few questions over a month ago but I noticed that no new questions have been answered. Why? (age 16)

New questions are answered at least several times a week on the male, female, and TMS comments pages and usually a couple of the others. If I didn't answer yours, you aren't the only one. I answer what I have time to and some of the rest pile up in an inbox.

How long will it take to be on birth control before a girl will be able to have sex safely without using a condom? I always thought a month,but the person at the clinic said it took only a week. (age 16)

Undoubtedly that person knows more about it than I do.

Can I know I'm a virgin or not using a mirror? Please tell me. Thanks. (age 20)

You can see the condition of your hymen with one or perhaps several mirrors, but its condition does not mean you are or are not a virgin. That is determined by whether you have had sexual intercourse.

I've heard that sports such as horse riding and gymnastics can cause the hymen to break I do both. Is this true? (age 18)

Yes.

Is it normal for a girl to have an unshaved vulva? (age 16)

Yes. That is the natural state. It only gets unshaved if she shaves it.

In honor of halloween I was upstairs in the attic the other day looking for pieces to my halloween costume. In the halloween box, I found a vibrating Harry Potter broomstick I'd used for trick or treating years ago. Needless to say, it now serves a very diffrent purpose. I've never used any sort of vibrator other than my cell phone on my clit. It was an intense experience! As I was finishing up, my older sister walked in (she's caught me once before so it was more uncomfortable than anything else) and was overjoyed to see I'd found the broomstick! I was confused, but she'd used it for the very same purpouses when it was my costume about five or six years ago! (age 16)

You are growing up...

Is it possible to have less feeling during sex because of hurting your pelvic area by landing on it doing gymnastics? (age 17)

I suspect that it is possible. It would be good for you to discuss it with a doctor. Better to have this checked out sooner rather than later.

When I was much younger (about 8 or 9) I used water jets in a bathtub to get an orgasm (I had no idea what I was doing at the time). I never do this anymore because I now know it's dangerous, but is it possible that I injured myself while doing it? And would that have broken my hymen? Will a doctor be able to tell? (age 13)

I doubt you would have sustained a permanent injury. It also seems to be an unlikely way to break your hymen, although not necessarily an impossible one. A doctor could easily evaluate the condition of your private parts, but he or she would not know you were masturbating with water jets five years ago unless you said so.

Starting at age 12, using my hand to masturbate, I have to force myself to orgasm by tensing my body. Using a vibrator, my orgasms come while I'm totally relaxed and they come sporadically. With my partner, I also have to tense up in order to orgasm. Why is this? (age 25)

Orgasms don't seem to come easily to you unless they're with your vibrator. However, you are able to reach orgasm by tensing your body, which is a very normal thing to do. Be glad you have found this shortcut that lets you have orgasms. It is a fairly small thing to do in order to reach great pleasure.

What would you suggest as a suitable lube that I can find around the house? (age 14)

That is a trickier question for a girl than for a boy, because you are apt to use it internally, where a makeshift lube can cause problems. It would be better if you used something made especially for sex.

I'm reading here that girls as young as 12 have been sexual for a time and I never even thought about it before. I didn't show much interest in the opposite sex either, other than seeing them as attractive. But ever since I turned 18, almost every guy I see turns me on. What on earth happened? Is it some sort of very delayed development? (age 18)

Maybe, but it isn't something to complain about. Just be glad you've arrived. Now you can enjoy your sexuality without having to worry about the complications of the precocious sexuality of those young girls.

Many girls seem to ask how "normal" it is to fantasize about women when they masturbate. I agonized for years over this. I felt so guilty about the fantasies I had about women when I masturbated and I was horrified to think I was a lesbian. Now that I am a few years older, I have realized a few things. First, no need to be "horrified" if you discover you are a lesbian. If the thought is so incredibly unappealing to you, chances are you are not gay. If you ARE a lesbian, then be thankful you are realizing it at such a young age. Many people spend years struggling with their sexual identity. Second, I have noticed that the frequency of these fantasies has dramatically decreased for me in the last few years. I am in a wonderful heterosexual relationship with a man I love very much now. I feel very confident in my heterosexuality. The more that I accepted these fantasies as part of my sexuality, the more I noticed that they became less and less of a turn on. I am not saying that they were taboo desires that needed to be decreased - I just want to make the point that sometimes a fantasy that feels "forbidden" can monopolize your thoughts for just that reason alone. One last point- women's sexuality is thrust upon us all constantly. We are sort of conditioned to have sexual responses to the female form through advertisements, television shows, etc! For goodness sake, do not think that a masturbatory fantasy you have at 13 will define your sexuality for your whole life! (age 26)

Thanks for sharing!

After I orgasm I always feel really hyper and it becomes easier to insert things in my vagina even though no liquid gushes out or anything like that. Is this considered normal? (age 15)

Yes, that sounds pretty good.

I am very scared because I have masturbated prone for years. I would wear my underwear and masturbate thrusting my vulva down or on a pillow with my underwear still on. And also do you have any advice besides using your hands because I have tried. Please help me! (age 17)

I suggest abstaining from masturbation for a week or so and trying your hands again. Be patient and persistent. This approach really works. Once you learn to be orgasmic using your hands, you will have a much easier time being orgasmic with a partner.

Do you consider masturbating with a pillow or a blanket to be masturbating prone or something else? And is it bad to masturbate this way? If you ever masturbated prone, how can you tell you have offically overcome masturbating prone? (age 13)

Prone refers to lying with your body facing downward. If you are thrusting downward onto the blanket or pillow, it is prone masturbation. If you are using the pillow or blanket while facing upward, it is not prone masturbation. You are better off masturbating with your hands and not with the pillow or blanket, whether you are thrusting onto them in prone position or not. You have overcome prone masturbation when you have given it up for at least a month and are able to masturbate with your hands daily.

I've been masturbating externally for about 3 years, but during a recent masturbation session, I decided to keep going after my orgasm, and I had another orgasm a couple minutes later. Is that considered multiple orgasms? Do you think there is a limit or if I kept doing it I could do it many times?

Also, I'm a virgin and I find that I am very easily aroused. For instance, just thinking about kissing makes me really wet and seeing it makes me even wetter! Compared to my friends (who are more experienced) I am much more easily aroused. Is there anything that suggests that virgins are more easily aroused or is this just a coincidence?

One final question, usually I masturbate externally with my hands, but I also use the handheld shower stream thing on my clitoris/inner labia. I know you are against this but if I can also do it with my hands and reach orgasm 99% of the time, do you still think I should try to stop? It just feels so good!! Plus, it takes like 1/3 of the time (15 minutes with hands, 5 or fewer with the stream). Thanks in advance for your advice! (age 21)

Yes, what you did is a multiple orgasm. Basically, it is having more than one discrete orgasm in a single session. Congratulations! It is up to you to find out how many you could have. I doubt that being a virgin makes much difference in your arousal. You are very sexually responsive. That is a good thing. I also doubt that your friends whom you believe to be less arousable were more arousable when they were virgins (or if they are still virgins, that they will become less arousable when they become sexually active). I suspect you will also be responsive when you finally let some lucky partner enjoy your charms. Yes, I disapprove of masturbating with running water, but you seem to be orgasmic enough in conventional (manual) masturbation that I am less concerned about you than I am the typical female who writes about this, who cannot orgasm any other way. However, a more difficult test of your orgasmic ability is whether you can reach orgasm with a partner, and with that being untested, I would urge you to be cautious in using your watery shortcut.

We tried sex, but it didn't work. He only entered me with the tip of his penis. Am I still a virgin?

No. A virgin is someone who has never tried sex.

Is it normal that the hymen is irregular on the top part while the lower part is ring shaped although I didn`t have sex yet or have anything inserted?

Yes, that is normal. Few hymens are perfectly symmetrical.

I have a question about the hymen illustrations. In what position are these hymens supposed to be seen when the womb is relaxed? Mine could be labial (almost closed) but I can make it wider with my muscles and then it?s irregular in shape.

Doctors generally tell people to relax when they examine them.

I masturbate at least once a day. I come to the peak in which my vaginal contract involuntarily at the peak of sexual feeling. Is that the orgasm? If it is, is it really such a short time? About 10 seconds? (age 20)

Yes, that is what an orgasm is like and how long it lasts.

I masturbate quite often and have tried sticking fingers and objects into me. It doesn't look like I have a hymen but I think I might since it hurts. If I do not chicken out and actually put the object all of the way in, will bleeding occur? (age 14)

That is hard to say. It is your vaginal walls that hurt, not your hymen. The hymen is fairly inert. They hurt because they are contracting in resistance to your insertion. If you relax and take your time, it will be less likely to hurt.

Does a girl always feel when the hymen is broken? (age 13)

No. The hymen usually doesn't have nerves and the girl doesn't notice.

I masturbate, and a couple of times I have found blood on my underwear after masturbating. I'm still a virgin and would like to know whether I'd bleed the first time I have sex even though I've been masturbating externally on a regular basis for the past 8 years. Do you think my hymen would've become completely eroded from all my masturbating by now? (age 23)

External masturbation has little or no impact on your hymen. If you haven't masturbated internally, I would expect your hymen would still be there, in which case it would bleed the first time you have sex.

Does having your period break your hymen? Is it possible to have an intact hymen while having a regular menstrual cycle? (age 12)

The period does not tear it. Hymen deterioration does not result from having a menstrual cycle. The use of tampons can contribute to erosion of the hymen.

Recently my 9 year old cousin and I were hanging out with my friend and he asked my friend if she would flash him and let him feel her. Does this mean he is going to be a pervert or something? He is my favorite cousin. Should I tell his mom? I am so worried that he's been doing this to girls at school. (age 13)

You might start by telling him that it's not nice to ask girls that. For now, it might be better to keep it between the two of you. I think he is just a rambunctious 9 year old, and I doubt that it means he will become a pervert. He is lucky he has a cousin who cares.

I've masturbated for many years. Could I break the hymen by myself? Would it hurt? (age 15)

The hymen is pretty free of nerves and vascular structure. It usually does not hurt to break it. You can obviously break it yourself, and most girls do.

What do you do when your mom is against masturbation? (age 15)

I would be inclined to masturbate anyway.

I've been masturbating for a couple of years now and when I masturbate I get this sensation that I have to urinate, and I usually end up urinating a little. I usually get it when I masturbate internally and get extremely horny. Is it normal for me to feel this way when I masturbate? (age 15)

Yes, it is normal. I often answer this question from males. I advise them to urinate before masturbating so they won't feel the urge in the middle. It is also typical to need to urinate after masturbating too.

Is it OK or normal to masturbate while thinking about my best friend who is male? Should I talk to my friend about it? Should I stop? If so, what is OK to fantasize about? Please help me because I am uncomfortable about bringing this up to him! (age 17)

You very well should be. Many times I have told guys to never, ever tell an acquaintance that you fantasize about her. The same ought to apply for females. The question needs to be asked: Do you want him to be more than a friend? If so, then you should try to increase the level of intimacy in your relationship, perhaps by being more physically affectionate with him. But I doubt that telling him about your sexual fantasies would be helpful. Whatever you want to fantasize about is OK, but a fantasy shouldn't be a source of anxiety. If it bothers you, then you should fantasize about something else, or work at being less bothered.

I wonder if my boyfriend is circumcised. I've never seen his penis flaccid, and I know there is virtually no way of telling when it is erect. However, I'm very curious to know if it is, and how he feels about circumcision. I don't want to blatantly ask him if he's circumcised. Do you have any advice as to how I should bring up the issue? I'm most interested in how he feels about it rather than whether he is. Either way, it could be an awkward subject, since he is very shy and a little insecure about issues relating to sexual health. (age 19)

You ought to have seen his penis flaccid by now. It is not impossible to tell from an erect penis. Perhaps you need more familiarity with what penises look like. There are plenty of places you can see illustrations of the different types. Perhaps you could bring up the issue of circumcision of females in Africa and see if he is willing to open the door to discussing himself. Yes, it could be awkward, but I don't think you're going to find out how he feels unless you ask.

I use a back massager to masturbate. I have tried using my hands but I achieve absolutely nothing. Should I continue using the back massager? (I really love this site. It really helped me more than anything.) (age 13)

I would urge you to wean off the back massager. It would be good if you could go 5-10 days without masturbating. After that time, your genitals are apt to be more sensitive to the touch of your hands.

I've been masturbating for a couple of months now. It's great, but when I orgasm, my head violently and suddenly jerks backward, leaving my neck aching for the rest of the night. It's a small and bearable nuisance, but is there any way to stop myself doing this? (female, age 13)

Yes. You need to take greater control over your head as you orgasm. One way is to have it already backward so it can't jerk any farther that way. Another way is to hold it forward so it is kind of locked into position. You will figure it out. Certainly you can scream without wrenching your neck. Pillows are also good for muffling orgasmic screams.

My boyfriend masturbates and has had sex since he was 12 a couple of times. He is 16 now. And 2 weeks ago he masturbated and came I think 2 times, I know because we had phone sex, and when we were done he said that he wanted to have a wet dream that night. So when I talked to him the next morning and asked and he said that he did. I know he masturbates frequently.

Phone sex typically makes it much harder for a male to have a wet dream. It is more intense for him and more satisfying than masturbating. I think you need a perfect mix of things going on.

I have a subseptate hymen, and I'm positive about that. Can this cause any difficulties when I decide to become sexually active? (age 14)

It is probably nothing to worry about. You are talking about the shape of the hymen. It does not necessarily mean your hymen will function differently from anyone else's.

I just had sex with my partner and I think it was too rough for me. My private part is burning like he tore some tissue down there. What do I do to help stop the pain? (age 18)

Applying a little bit of lube is apt to help. It is best to use something formulated for use in the vagina. It would have been better still to put that lube in before he penetrated you.

When I'm masturbating (externally), I have to tense my PC muscle from the start to reach an orgasm. When the orgasm comes, it relaxes. Is this normal? Am I damaging myself in any way? (age 14)

It would be better if you could train yourself not to have to do that every time, but it is not causing any kind of physical damage.

I just started masturbating. I really enjoy it! The last time I masturbated (yesterday), my legs started to twitch and kick. It was actually a quite nice feeling but afterward my private parts stinged quite a bit, and when I urinated I got a burning sensation. (age 11)

I wonder how all of those things could be related. The twitching in the legs can be cured by holding your legs tense. About 40 percent of both males and females do that the majority of the time when they masturbate. The burning feeling could more easily be explained by what was on your hands. It might have also helped to have urinated before you masturbated. If it only happens once, then it is probably not something to worry about.

I want to masturbate and have pleasure out of it, but I feel nothing touching my clitoris. It hurts when I put my finger in my vagina too. Is there anything else I can try? (age 11)

You are giving up awfully easily. The two moves you mentioned are the two most basic female masturbation moves. I suggest trying them again when you are able to be more relaxed about it.

I would just like to thank you for creating such an excellent health resource. I learned more here than in health class. The TMS page was really helpful because I just recently started masturbating prone, but I managed to quickly break the habit. I think HealthyStrokes.com should listed as a health resource in schools. Keep up the great work! (age 15)

Thank you for writing in!

I love to use shaving cream while masturbating. Is it OK? (age 14)

It is not a very popular lube, but I don't see any reason to say that it is not OK.

I love your site. It makes me feel better about masturbating. I feel horrible about masturbating but I'm addicted. I'm afraid I might be a lesbian because I am made horny by both girls and guys. I think about doing it with a guy when I masturbate and I orgasm, but seeing girls' private parts makes me feel tingly just like when I think of men. Is that normal? (age 13)

My site is supposed to make you feel better than horrible! I hope you keep reading. It is good that you are turned on by a lot of different things. Your sexual fantasies suggest that you are straight, but you might have a different idea by the time you're 16 or so. Don't be obsessed about whether you are a lesbian or not. It will make more sense when you're older.

Does masturbation hurt your chances of having children in the future? (age 14)

No, not at all.

I've masturbated internally for years because I never felt anything with my clitoris. I've always felt good, but I don't think I ever had a real orgasm. So I tried masturbating externally recently, and I think I might have had my first orgasm. I just felt something REALLY building, and then I kept having to touch myself until I felt my abs contract. But I'm not sure if they contracted because I had an orgasm, or because I was buckling away from how sensitive my clitoris became. It felt almost unbearable, almost painful (but not entirely), so I wasn't sure if I was just contracting because it kind of hurt, or if I really had an orgasm. Will you enlighten me about this? (age 17)

You had an orgasm. Congratulations. If it had been true pain, you would not have been able to continue. What you experienced is what Bob Seger sang about when he exhorted his partner to make it "hurt so good."

I have masturbated with a shower head for about 8 years now, sometimes on a daily basis because it is the quickest way after a long day. I can still orgasm very quickly with my hands, but do you think i could have done permanent damage? I have been trying to wean off the shower head but do you have any tips to help me? THIS SITE IS AMAZING! (age 17)

The damage from the shower head is not physical, but it makes it harder for you to be orgasmic in other circumstances. If you are working away from the shower head, then you are on the right track. You can orgasm quickly with your hands, so I doubt that you have done any damage.

I don't know if my friends masturbate, but I do, and whenever I bring it up, they squirm. I'm past that stage, but they're so uncomfortable talking about it. I want them to be as open and fine with it as I am. I showed them your site (which is awesome, by the way) but they didn't like it. Do they just need more time? (age 13)

Most people are extremely embarrassed about masturbation at your age. You ought not make your friends uncomfortable, and it sounds like you're doing it on purpose. I suspect they will be less embarrassed about it soon, but on average people aren't less embarrassed about masturbating until about 17 or 18, and some people are never comfortable talking about it. Maybe you should think about becoming a sex educator.

I haven't had my first period yet but I've started masturbating and now I can't stop. I also felt moderately sick after my latest time masturbating. Is it all right if I masturbate without having my first period? Is it normal to feel sick when I have been masturbating? (age 12)

Yes, it is OK to masturbate if you haven't gotten your period yet. I don't know why you would feel sick after masturbating. Maybe it was just that one time.

Follow-up from another reader: Sometimes if I masturbate a couple of days before my period is due, I get a sick feeling in my stomach. It's because of all the activity in that area of your body. It causes your body to almost simulate a mentrual cramp. That's most likely what the feeling was -- she's around the age that her periods may be about to start.


I recently awoke in the middle of the night to catch my boyfriend masturbating. He had drawn the covers off me and was facing me while masturbating. When he saw I was awake he quickly put his penis back and lay down. I kinda felt violated, and grossed out even though I masturbate too, but I would never do it with someone else in the room, and certainly not the way he did. Is there something wrong with him sexually? What would cause a guy to do that? (age 24)

He is normal. He just wanted to masturbate. Guys like both masturbating and having intercourse. It does not mean he doesn't want you any less because he masturbates. Just like you don't want him less when you masturbate. He probably just felt like an orgasm and didn't want to wake you. I might have been better to ask him instead of me.

Whenever I masturbate externally, I always orgasm. However, I tried fingering myself, and I didn't like it at all. It's not that it hurt, but it felt weird, and it didn't feel good at all like external masturbation does. Any advice? (age 18)

I suggest you give internal masturbation another try when you're really turned on and open to a new feeling. It might also help to take a break from orgasms for an extra-long time. You will be more attuned to a new form of stimulation then.

Sometimes when I wake up I find that I have my hands down my panties, even when I haven't been masturbating the previous night. Is that normal? It's kinda worrying since I share a bed with my sister, and I really don't want her to see me like that. (age 15)

It is known to happen. It might be your hands were cold. I suspect your sister has seen more of you than that. She probably wouldn't think anything about it.

I've been masturbating since I was 13 or 14, typically once a day and always to orgasm, although the frequency has varied depending on my living situation (like shared dorm rooms). Now that I have my own room, I'm masturbating about twice a day, frequently more. I know that's high for both men and women my age. I'm not sexually active, but do you think it's still too much? I don't masturbate in public or miss classes because of it, but it does sometimes cut into sleep. I'm not sure that I compulsively masturbate, but I do sometimes use it to relieve stress. Is this/will it become a problem? (age 23)

I don't think it's a problem, but it seems to be bothering you. You can work on masturbating less, but that won't solve your problem. It might be easier to simply accept that your masturbation frequency is on the high end of normal for your gender and age. I think you are already there. Another question that comes to mind is why you are not sexually active. Could it be that you're masturbating to avoid becoming sexually active?

In one of the questions I noticed a person saying that horseback riding is hard on the hymen and you said that it wasn't that hard on it. Does that mean that riding does affect it? (age 12)

The ride itself does not stress the hymen, but spreading your legs to mount the horse might. If stretching your legs results in your hymen being pulled in directions it hasn't been previously, this can affect its shape.

Why is that when I really need to urinate I also feel insanely horny? Is that connected in some way? (age 15)

A full bladder can put pressure on your private parts. There is also the matter of holding your sphincter more tightly than usual and this can also cause a sensation in your privates. In younger males, a full bladder almost always results in an erect penis, but this kind of erection feels different from one brought on by sexual arousal.

I started masturbating when I was 11 and haven't stopped. I like to go to the gym and work out then after I'm done, I take a long shower, and I like knowing strangers can see me naked. I then get really wet and horny. Is this normal?

It is a common female fantasy to be naked in front of strangers, but you are taking it a step further and acting your fantasy out with women in the locker room. I think this is only OK as long as you are not masturbating in public.

I'm a virgin, and when I think of sex, my vagina hurts and feels tight. Is this normal? (age 19)

Yes, it is, but it would be better if you used a different word instead of "hurts." It isn't really pain, is it? I suspect you mean you are feeling congested or perhaps merely have an awareness of your vagina.

For over a year now I have gotten to really know my best guy friend and I realized that I am falling in love with him and so I kissed him last night and I don't know what will happen. How would you react to a girl making the first move? (age 17)

I and every other guy are very excited when that happens, but it doesn't necessarily mean we are interested in coupling with that particular female. Good luck to you, and you are very brave to take the initiative!

I masturbate at least once a day. These guys I sit by in school were talking about masturbation one day and said something about a slapping noise they make while masturbating. What is that from? Is it normal to breathe heavily and feel a need to let out a moan while masturbating because I very often do. Do males also moan during orgasms like I do? (age 14)

Your frequency is normal. The slapping sound a male makes (not all do) is not from touching his penis but from his wrist making contact with his abdomen. It makes a noise that sounds like "fap," and this is why masturbation is sometimes called "fapping." It is normal to vocalize at the point of orgasm, and both males and females do so.

About once a day, I masturbate. I started months ago. I discovered it by lying in my bed on my stomach and getting a sensation when I accidentally rubbed my vulva against my sheets. Now to pleasure myself, I lie on my stomach and put both hands under me, with underwear or pants on, and I hump my hands but it's more of me pushing down to create pleasure. I reach orgasm every time. I'm not too sure what TMS is and I'm really scared that what I'm doing might be it, but doesn't it have to do with being sexually traumatized at a young age? (age 14)

TMS is masturbating in the face down (prone) position, that is, lying on your stomach and masturbating. What you describe is TMS exactly. It has nothing to do with being sexually traumatized at a young age. All you have to do to overcome it is stop masturbating that way and learn to masturbate conventionally, with your hands. The main page of this site has a program for males to overcome TMS, and the same principles will work for females. Just quit masturbating for long enough that your private parts become more sensitive so that you can reach orgasm from a different kind of stimulation.

I almost always masturbate in the bathroom, but I can be in there for an extra 10 minutes, and I'm afraid that my parents know what I'm up to. They've never said anything, but I'm worried that they think it's inappropriate. What should I do? (age 17)

I think you should worry less about what your parents think. You're almost a grown woman. There can be umpteen bazillion reasons why a teenage girl would spend an extra 10 minutes in the bathroom. It does not follow with necessity that you're masturbating.

My boyfriend practices TMS as a way to fall asleep. I didn't think anything of it, but I always felt that he didn't seem to crave or enjoy sex as much as other men I have been with. Our relationship is good in all other respects but this troubles me. After reading your site, I think TMS might be the root of the problem. How could I help him realise that without being too invasive? (age 30)

How do you know he masturbates in TMS fashion? If he let you observe him doing that, then it is not being invasive to tell him you are aware that his practice can be dangerous.

I am recently engaged and in a year and a half of dating my fiance I have not had an orgasm with him. I think if I masturbate in front of him it might help. What is the best way to bring this up? We are both kind of shy. I was also wondering what is the best sexual position with me on my back still allowing space for him or myself to stimulate my clitoris? (age 28)

If you don't feel comfortable telling him about your sexual issues, then you shouldn't be getting married. You might start by telling him that you haven't been having orgasms. Keep in mind that masturbating in front of him is apt to get him more turned on than educated. Any sexual position with you on your back makes manual stimulation during intercourse more difficult. You would have much more flexibility to masturbate during intercourse using a rear-entry (doggie) position.

I am a 14 year old girl and I have been reading your site for a while but find some stuff very questionable. I go to two other sites and both say that masturbation should strictly be about pleasuring yourself and not worrying about anything else. I know you said that your philosophy is that we should each develop a healthy sexuality.

I read on the guy section about a guy being walked in on by his brother and his brother offered him a Playboy and a fake vagina and you said to say yes to the Playboy but not the fake vagina. But you tell girls to use toys but not pictures. Why can't everybody just use both?

I would like to say again that I love your site and am not saying anything bad but I feel some of the stuff you say is not agreeable.

You already know the answer to your first question. Those two sites have the philosophy, "if it feels good, do it," whereas HealthyStrokes.com has the philosophy that sexual practices should only be practiced that contribute to healthy sexuality. A fake vagina is a very bad thing for a male to use. It does not contribute to healthy sexuality. On the other hand, sex toys are often the only way females can learn to reach orgasm. So for a male, a sex toy is unnecessary and distracting from his sexual ability, while for a female, a sex toy often improves her sexual ability. I discourage young people of both genders from becoming habituated to visual aids at a young age, but have never treated males and females differently in that respect. I hope you will keep reading and grow into a healthy sexuality.

I've been masturbating since I was about 9 and I've always used pillows. Then I came across your site so I tried masturbating with only my hands that and now I'm worried about my future sex life because I can't orgasm at all using my hands only. Have I totally ruined it for myself or is it not too late to stop using a pillow and start using my hands? (age 14)

You are very young, and a lot of females your age and even older are not having orgasms yet. Since you already have, it should be easier for you to learn to masturbate with your hands than a lot of your friends. I suggest being more patient and abstaining from masturbation for at least 5-7 days before you try again. There is plenty of time for you to relearn masturbation. It is not too late.

I have a boyfriend who is 3 1/2 yrs older then me. He tells me that age shouldn't matter and that I shouldn't worry about it. I am worried about it because he will be turning 18 soon. He also tells me that he would want to marry me and have kids with me right now. I always change the subject but I think he is getting mad at me for not responding and wants to know my thougts about it. I don't know what to say. I love him so much and I know he loves me too. What he says about that freaks me out. What should I do about this? Is it wrong that I might want the same thing just minus the kids, but wanting to have intercourse with the guy?

Age makes a big difference at your age. You are below the age of consent in most of the United States, and he is sufficiently older than you that he could be charged with a serious crime, statutory rape, if he had intercourse with you. If you must be with this guy, don't be sexual with him. If you want to be sexual, find a guy about your own age, and use proper protection to keep you from these kids you are emphatic about not wanting.

I masturbate, and a couple of times I have found blood on my underwear. I'm still a virgin and would like to know whether I'd bleed the first time I have sex even though I've been masturbating externally on a regular basis for the past 8 years. Do you think my hymen would've completely eroded by now? (age 23)

Since you are still finding blood, that suggests there is something left to bleed, and that means you would probably bleed at your first intercourse. External masturbation doesn't do much to erode the hymen.

You told a 21 year old girl it`s abnormal she still has her hymen. I still have mine, although I use tampons. My fianc used his finger once and penetrated me with the tip. The hymen is still there since it stretches. (age 27)

Yes, some women still have fairly intact hymens, but the typical 21 year old woman does not have much hymen left.

I plan on losing my virginity with a man who is uncircumcised. Will it hurt both of us? (age 21)

It is more likely to hurt you than him. Very few males say their first intercourse hurt, and you do not state that it will be his first. However, only a minority of females say that their first time hurt too, so you ought not expect it to hurt.

When the hymen is not broken but erodes over time, does it bleed?

Yes, but it happens over time and not all at once. Also, the parts of the hymen that erode tend to not have a lot of blood vessels in them so there is less blood to emerge.

I absolutely love your site. When I try masturbating on my back, I can never seem to orgasm. I then have to flip onto my stomach to finish. Is this bad? Am I in the prone position? (age 14)

Yes, on your stomach is the prone position. I suggest working harder to have an orgasm on your back.

Reading your web site, there seem to be a lot more people with negative comments and rants toward female issues than male issues. Is there sexist thinking when it comes to female pleasure, I wonder?

That could be. Sex researchers have always attracted more hostility when analyzing female sexuality than male sexuality.

I've been reading the girls' questions and some of them complain about their small breasts and guys making fun of them, and others complain about guys criticizing their bodies. To those girls I say: Don't care about them, personally, because I prefer small breasts over bigger ones (scientifically, they are more sensitive, so cheer up). If a guy says anything bad about your body, you should just break up with him and not think about it! He's not worthy of you.

I know this is exactly what you tell them, but I just wanted to add another vote to this. (male, age 18)

Yes, but I would be careful about expressing a preference for one size over another, because then you are doing the same thing to large-breasted females that the guys you complain about are doing to small-breasted females.

Is it possible to reach orgasm just by external masturbation? My boyfriend and I were fooling around last night and although he didn't go inside me with his finger, it felt really good. I've never done anything with anybody before last night. Is there any possbile way that he could have done any damage without me knowing? Could I have reached orgasm and not even realized it? (age 17)

It is very possible to have an orgasm by external masturbation, and that is how most females have their first orgasms. An orgasm is a very intense feeling that can be felt throughout your body and includes contractions within your private parts. You would know if you had one. I also think you would know if there were damage. It would be better for you to learn how to have orgasms on your own. Then you would know better how you will respond when with a partner. Of course, on this site, what you did last night is not called masturbation but manual intercourse.

The other day I was performing oral sex on my boyfriend, and he started to shake but he wasn't coming. We couldn't finish because we got interrupted. He said that he felt all these tingling feelings that he's never felt before. Is "coming" different from an orgasm when it comes to males? (age 16)

No. Coming (or cumming) is a synonym for reaching orgasm. He was probably very close to an orgasm but just couldn't get over the plateau. It will probably be easier for him next time, if you aren't interrupted again.

I've been masturbating on and off, externally, since I was 18, and I feel great every time. I love it! My legs shake, I toss my head back, my breathing picks up, my hips rock, and I sweat. Problem is I've never orgasmed. Not once! I never gave up because I still enjoy it so. But every single time is the same. I start feeling like something's about to happen, I lose momentum, and then stop completely, as though my hands just quit on me. Is there something I'm not doing right, because this is STOMPIN' ON MY LAST NERVES! (age 19 & 10 months)

You seem to be on the verge of a breakthrough. Perhaps the next time you think you are close, you could try masturbating as fast and hard as you can. I frequently give this advice to males who are trying to overcome prone masturbation and learn to masturbate supine. Perhaps it would work for you too.

I think you're very intelligent. I know you said that by about sixteen, most people know if they are gay, straight, or bi, but I've had a some weird feelings and obsessions with a few girls since I was about seven. I started liking guys when I was eleven and when I got my period at fifteen, I was really crazy about guys for a while until I got involved with a sexual predator in his forties. I just wanted to be friends with him, and my father had been more and more absent in my life. The man took advantage of that and tried to get me to meet him alone in the middle of the woods or in his house so that he could coerce me into sex, even though I made it clear I didn't want sex, and he came by my house once uninvited, among many other inappropriate things. I broke off the relationship and threatened a restraining order.

Ever since then, males seem disgusting to me. I still want to be friends with males in general, but all my romantic and sexual feelings are for individual women, particularly rock star Joan Jett. She really turns me on in some of her videos. She's so manly! My mother said that while same-sex attractions are natural, some women get involved with other women because they've been abused a lot by men and figure women might be more gentle. Back when I had feelings for guys, they seemed stronger than the feelings for girls, so could the aftereffects of the sexual predator have caused me to want girls more? I've never dated, and I sort of would like a (non-religiously) celibate life where touching myself is all there is to my sex life, but I still want to be sure of what gender(s) is causing my private feelings and why. (age 17)

I suggest working through these issues with a competent counselor. Obviously you are aware that not all men are sexual predators. Your sexual orientation seemed to be straight until the incident with the predator. (You describe the pre-teen fantasies as weird and obsessional.) Think about whether you would be interested in a manly female who is not Joan Jett -- a regular female your age or a little older than you who leads a life more traditionally associated with a man, perhaps a cop or a blue-collar worker, but who is not a famous rock star. If you are less interested in such a woman, then you are probably only going through a phase of idolizing Joan Jett and are not lesbian or bisexual. I suggest professional help to work through these issues.

I am 21 and engaged. I am a virgin and while talking to my fianc? he mentioned he wants to try anal sex. I told him I don't ever want to try it as it seems wrong and somehow degrading to me. He said we wouldn't do it if I didn't want to. What are good arguments as to why not to have it other than one of the partners being against it?

The case against anal sex is very easy to make. Anal sex is bad for your anus and rectum. Skin and tissue are often torn from it. Not only is this extremely painful, but people who have it frequently lose functioning of their anal sphincter, which means they are not as successful in keeping their feces inside them until they get to the toilet. According to Dr. Drew, people tend to lose some of this ability anyway as they get old, and people with a history of anal sex are that much worse off. Anal sex is also the easiest way to transmit AIDS/HIV and other STDs. Studies have found that males who are on the receiving end in anal sex are more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction. This suggests that there are nerve pathways that are disaffected by anal sex. Women have these same nerve pathways, so presumably a lot of anal sex could be as bad for them as for the gay men who have been studied. Taken together, this seems to suggest that a female takes an inordinate amount of risk when she goes along with anal sex just to satisfy a man's curiosity.

Can masturbating prone prevent you from getting pregnant? (age 16)

No.

My hymen feels impenetrable. When I try to masturbate internally, it feels much thicker than just a thin layer of skin. No matter how hard I push (within reason, as it hurts) it won't break. Should I go to a gynecologist? (age 18)

I think seeing a gynecologist would be a good idea. It is possible that you have a sclerotic hymen, which would have to be removed by a doctor.

Follow-up: What is a sclerotic hymen?

One that has gotten hard and non-pliable.

I just returned home from the grand opening of a store where they were giving out 3 footed massagers, and my family took home four. While we were in the car on the way home, my brother in the back seat (our parents couldn't see what he was doing) placed it on his pants and pretended like he was using it as a vibrator. Of course, that was the first thing I thought about when the freebie woman gave it to me, but now I'm afraid he'll be a jerk about it if I bring it to my room. (age 16)

I suspect that's a chance you're willing to take.

Can you tell me exactly what the phrase figure eight is referred to when a female is masturbating? A friend said to me that she like to do that sometimes instead of the circular way. Is it something to do with what you do with your fingers when masturbating? If so, can you explain to me how it is done?

It means making a figure eight pattern over your clitoris instead of a circle. You can get a better idea by looking at this image of the vulva anatomy.

I have developed a system of sorts and I wanted you ask you about it. I'm really tight and I can't even use tampons. I had a look but I don't understand anything I see, even though I know where everything should be and what it should look like. So I've started doing this thing where I masturbate externally (like I always have) but right when I climax, I push my finger in as far as it will go. It hurts a little, but because I'm having an orgasm, it's not as bad as it usually would be. If I do this every time I masturbate, will I eventually loosen up to the point that intercourse won't be too painful? Also, when I push my finger in, it gets to the point that I can't tell which direction to push it in further -- it feels like my vagina just sort of rounds off and comes to a dead end. It can't be my cervix or anything, because surely that is further in. So is it just my hymen? If it is, it feels much thicker that I assumed a hymen would feel. (age 18)

I am inclined to believe that it is your cervix. I think you would be better off trying to get your finger in when you can relax and do it slowly than to hurry to get it in at the point of orgasm.

Am I more likely to orgasm with my boyfriend if I masturbate the night before?

You are more likely to reach orgasm in intercourse the longer it's been since your last orgasm.

Certain songs make me turned on. It doesn't matter how the words are sung, but they just make me need to touch my love button. Is this normal?

Yes, I think it is. It also means you are very sexually responsive. That is good.

I have never admitted to masturbation before. I don't even like to admit it to myself. But the older I get, the more I do it. My husband is much older and cannot perform so in desperation I do it and feel guilty for doing it and enjoying more each time. I have read much in your site tonight and though I see it is not just me, I will still feel guilty. Perhaps now that I know so many others do it, I will not feel so bad. Thanks for bringing it out into the open and allowing me to tell you, tell the world that I masturbate frequently, and I love the feeling. I orgasm each time and very quickly but I hate myself for doing it. I will try to feel more proud of myself after this. I still do not see myself discusing this with anyone face to face. I hope I can come up with a happy ending. (age 50)

Take a look at the correspondence I get from girls 1/4 your age, and try to capture some of their exuberance for making themselves aroused.

When guys around my age get random erections, how do they keep it hidden? Wouldn't it be noticeable? If they get one every 90 minutes, how do they ignore it? (age 14)

They get used to them. They are pretty easy to hide if they keep them centered behind the front of their pants. It is harder to hide when the bulge is asymmetrical. They are easy ignore at school or work where they can't do anything about it but harder to ignore when they have the option of masturbating or having sex.

My boyfriend and I help each other masturbate. When I masturbate, he fingers my clitoris and massages my mons veneris, resulting in my having an orgasm. Sometimes he licks my clitoris and/or labia. Is this more oral sex than masturbation? Is his licking my vulva harmful to him? Is this safe? (age 17)

Using the mouth is oral sex. When he fingers you, it is not masturbation but manual intercourse. Masturbation is what you do to yourself. Unprotected oral sex is only safe if you are both disease free and monogamous. It is very unlikely to be harmful to him.

I have a tear on my labia minora. It is not too painful, but it is uncomfortable. Will it heal? If so, how can I make it heal faster? (age 18)

Yes, absolutely it will heal. It would help to put some vaginal-safe lube on it (or some other lotion designed for use in the vagina) and to avoid touching it until it is healed.

If you're riding a bike, and suddenly you hurt yourself, and your private area starts to bleed and burn, does that mean your hymen broke? If so, how would you know? (age 16)

An injury to the hymen would be one possibility but not the only one. You could have it examined by a doctor or possibly make your own examination using one or more mirrors.

I went into my brother's room to look for a CD I thought he'd borrowed. He's 2 years younger than me. When I was moving the stuff on his desk, his PC screen lit up and he'd left his emails open at one he was sending to his best friend. It was about me and started "I watched (my name) doing it with her hairbrush again last night. She did it for about an hour," and he went on to describe in detail how I masturbate. I don't know what to do about this and I'm really confused. By saying "again," it means he's watched me before, and I'm embarrassed to think he's told all his friends about me. I can't even work out how he watches me. I want to talk to my mother but I can't bring myself to because I'm sure she thinks I don't do that sort of thing and if I confront my brother I feel I'll make it worse. (age 17)

The only way to solve this problem is to confront your brother. It might be worse for the short term, but in the long term I think it will improve communication between you and help him respect you more. At his age, and given the amount of time he's spent spying on you, he obviously masturbates quite frequently. You might allude to that as a way of making him recognize his audacity.

I'm going to my doctor soon for a Pap Smear for what I'm thinking is just a yeast infection. I've tried all different products to help over the past few months but nothing has worked. What exactly is a Pap smear? What should I expect? (age 16)

It is a test where they gather cells from your cervix to look for signs of serious problems. You ought not expect them to find anything abnormal at your age. They will examine you to find a solution for your yeast infection while they are doing it.

Last night I had a ridiculous need to orgasm over and over. It takes anywhere from 6-20 minutes for me to reach one. I ended up orgasming about 5 times. Today, my clitoral hood is really swollen and I'm sore. I can't even try to masturbate because it's sore, and I don't think I'd even make it through 10 seconds. Can I ice it? (age 17)

It is more common for males to masturbate until their penises are too sore to do it any more, but occasionally females can masturbate so much that they are in pain too. Time is a better healer than ice. Ice would basically cause a burn on your private parts. Just leave the area alone until you can masturbate without pain. And in the future, using lube will keep this from happening.

Lately when my boyfriend fingers me, I have to tell him to stop because the sensitivity is so strong. It never used to be this way. I can't even orgasm from masturbating anymore.

I used to always masturbate prone and then I read that this can cause you to be unable to orgasm. I switched to supine masturbation and would orgasm just fine. But for some reason I can't masturbate at all anymore because it hurts to touch my clitoris. I took a long break from masturbation and nothing got better.

How can I orgasm again!?! What is wrong with me!?! (age 18)

It might be a restoration of your original sensitivity after years of prone masturbation. I suggest working on finding places that are less painful when you touch and learning to reach orgasm by stimulating them. It would also be a good idea to use lube.

When I have phone sex with my boyfriend, he asks how much fluid I've while orgasming, but I've never actually had any white fluid come out, although I reach an orgasm and everything FEELS right. Is this normal? (age 15)

Yes, it is rare for girls to produce fluid during orgasm. You are probably better off than most females your age. I don't think you need to worry about this. I also advise against making up stories about the volumes of your fluid for your boyfriend's benefit. He might be disappointed if he ever tries to satisfy you in person and there is not as much as you said you get when you masturbate.

I have a boyfriend who is 17. When he leaves my house he usually has blue balls due to our hand games. And we had intercourse for the second time and he reached orgasm. Then on the third try, we had to cut it short almost when he reached his orgasm. But he never got blue balls. Then another situation like this occured where he would typically get blue balls, but didn't. He obviously did not ask anyone, but I on the other hand am extremely curious and concerned! (age 15)

Blue balls is fairly common when a male is sexually aroused but does not get to have an orgasm. Blue balls ought not happen when a male gets to ejaculate. If it does, then he is rushing through it. It is good for you to be concerned, but if he does not say anything about it himself, then there is no need for you to do anything about it.

I can bring myself to orgasm by fantasising alone without ANY genital/bodily stimulation. Does this still count as masturbation? (age 16)

According to the glossary of this site, it does not.

My friend is 10, and I am 12. Whenever I sleep over at her house, she makes me sleep on the floor (I think it's so I cant tell she is masturbating), then she masturbates under the blankets. Then after a while, she goes in the bathroom and does it some more. Only once we slept on the same bed, and in her sleep, she talked dirty. After a while I started to masturbate too, but she doesn't know it. Is this normal?

Probably, but you might be assuming too much. She might not be masturbating either in bed or the bathroom.

I am a college student who masturbates infrequently. I enjoy doing it, but I would like to learn some new techniques. Currently, I prefer to masturbate lying down. I rub my index finger left and right along my clitoris. While doing this, I gradually push my palm against my vulva until I reach an orgasm. This eventually leads to the stroking index finger entering my vagina. I love the feel of this, but am not sure whether it's safe to do so. Do you have any advice? (age 20)

Your technique is safe and more varied than most that I hear of. You might experiment with your G spot. It sounds like you're coming pretty close to it with your index finger using your technique.

Last year I skipped swimming practice when I had my period and used pads. Swimming season is coming up and I don't want to skip any practices. So I want to use a tampon but I've heard if you use one, you lose your virginity and this bothers me. Is this true? (age 13)

No. The only way you can lose your virginity is by having sex with another person. Many virgins use tampons every month.

I cannot get an orgasm when I finger myself. I do not know what I am doing wrong. I get orgasms by rubbing and under running water but never fingering myself. Can you help me? (age 16)

If you get them by rubbing, then you are doing fine. The clitoris is generally more sensitive than the vagina and is a more common source of orgasm in girls your age. I suggest giving up masturbating with running water as that can make you less sexually responsive to your own touch and that of others. It also might be easier to reach orgasm vaginally if you abstain from masturbating for a week or so.

I have been masturbating since I was 16 mostly externally. I stay mostly outside of the labia. Recently I tried having sex and I can't stay aroused and I lose my interest. Even when I'm receiving oral sex. My partner can't get it in because I'm too tight even when there is lubrication. We've tried 4 times but still the same things happen. Thankfully for me, he stops whenever he notices that I'm feeling uncomfortable. I bought this vibrator and I've tried putting it on just to stretch my vagina. I'm kind of confused about how these things can possibly be. What is wrong with me? (age 22)

I doubt there is anything wrong with you. You are only inexperienced. I would recommend getting your patient partner to help you enjoy sex more instead of using the vibrator. Just be patient and relax. Once you have overcome your discomfort, you can focus on being aroused and enjoying sex more.

I think I recently just got cured from TMS. Ever since I was little, I masturbated prone, and that's probably why I never orgasmed in any other situation (sex, oral, fingered). However, lately I have been orgasming by inserting objects for the first time ever. At the same time, I stimulate my clitoris. Do you think this is a good new practice? I don't want to get into anything harmful again. But I don't like masturbating with my hands. I much prefer objects. (age 18)

The real question is whether you will be able to be orgasmic with a partner now that you have quit masturbating prone. I am inclined to say that a preference for objects over hands is bad in someone who is working to be orgasmic, but your methods are now very similar to other females your age.

I recently read an erotic story which I enjoyed. In the story one of the characters masturbates by means of chocolate chip cookie dough. I found it arousing, which didn't seem like a bad thing. But now, whenever I smell or see chocolate chip cookie dough I become aroused. What should I do? (age 16)

You could keep cookie dough frozen for when it would be useful.

When my boyfriend and I have sex, his penis does not stay hard and he tells me to wait and he has to masturbate to make it hard again. Is that normal? He also does not cum fast. Is that normal? (age 16)

It is not normal to have to go to so much trouble to get erect at your age. Guys your age also tend to reach orgasm quickly in intercourse, so if one doesn't, it by definition isn't normal, although it usually isn't a problem. It's usually a good thing to not reach orgasm quickly.

I started stimulating myself when I was 10 by sitting on my legs and rubbing my hands against my clitoris. Is this unhealthy? (age 14)

No, I would say that is pretty healthy. It is very similar to how most females masturbate.

I feel so unbelieveably guilty as I've lost my virginity but realized it all means nothing to the person I will in the future marry. I'm not religious, but I have a good understanding, and I just WISH I had a better education before I was so stupid. I regret it completely, and I would say guys take complete advantage of young stupid girls. People have just lost the concept of it all nowadays. Your site is excellent. I stumbled across it while researching college homework. (age 16)

Researching homework is one way people find this site. Many more get here by searching on terms like "how can I make myself cum" and "teenage female masturbation" (or as they often spell it, masterbation). You can't become a virgin again, but you can exercise more seasoned judgment next time you are sexual with a partner.

My mom recently bought me an abstinence ring and I love it and wear it all the time but I masturbate all the time too. I'm afraid if I stick my fingers in my vagina while masturbating, I won't be a virgin anymore and I will feel like a liar wearing the ring. If anything except a penis goes inside my vagina, am I still a virgin? (age 14)

Masturbating does not make you not a virgin. In order to lose your virginity, you have to have sex with a partner.

I watch Internet porn and use it to get aroused so I can masturbate externally. No one knows. Is this OK, and is it widely practiced? (female, age 14)

It is OK, but I advise people your age to avoid using visual aids every time they masturbate. You ought to be developing your imagination when you're young. Yes, it is also very common among boys your age, and a large percentage of girls your age have also tried Internet porn.

If I use an object like a brush handle or something instead of a dildo and it has semen on it could I get pregnant? (age 14)

The semen would have to be very fresh. If you know there is no chance someone has gotten their semen on it in the past hour, you should be safe.

Is it possible for something to get something stuck in my vagina? What are the possible health risks? I masturbated for the first time and I used a Q-Tip. When I pulled it out, the tip was gone. I'm really freaked out. (age 12)

I imagine that has happened to a lot of girls. I suggest you call a nurse line for a more definitive answer. They will know exactly what to tell you.

Have you ever heard that a person's stomach can get fat and/or develop cells, as a result of masturbation? Although, I am an older adult, someone told me that when I was younger and I have wondered for years. (female)

No, that cannot happen. If anything, masturbating would burn calories and make those fat cells less likely to settle.

Whenever I masturbate I manage to find a good spot and begin to rub it, but after a while the spot just vanishes entirely and I can't find it again for a few minutes. Naturally, this is very frustrating for me. I've always heard that orgasms are supposed to be some wonderful thing but when I masturbate I've only felt a bit of pleasure, nothing mind-blowing. Is there a reason I can't? (age 18)

You give the impression that you are in a frantic hurry to find that spot and get it over with. That is the wrong way to approach the task. Just relax and enjoy finding the spots you can find. Don't worry about whether you will have an orgasm or not. When you get more accustomed to the rhythm of why particular spots come in and out of favor, you will have an easier time responding to your body. The orgasm is apt to happen when you least expect it.

If my boyfriend and I take a romantic bath or swim in a pool and he ejaculates in the water, can I get pregnant? I like your web site. (age 20)

No. Sperm could not live in the water unless the temperature was just right, and even if they could, the chances of them swimming through water and up your vagina and into your uterus and up your fallopian tubes are astronomically small. I would go so far as to say it could not happen.

My boyfriend has inserted at least 2/3 of two fingers inside my vagina. Is this far enough to have ruptured my hymen? I'm not really concerned with my virginity, but more with the pain that may result due to an intact hymen during my first time having vaginal intercourse. (age 16)

Two-thirds of two fingers ought to have ruptured the hymen, if it was not already. Of course, you seem to know that having fingers in your vagina does not make you a non-virgin, as far as most people say.

When I was 9 I used to like climbing a pole. When I pressed hard on the pole against my vulva, I got a wonderfully strange feeling, which I figure is an orgasm. I still do it now. Is that a safe way to masturbate? (age 15)

Lots of boys and girls discover masturbation serendipitously like climbing poles and ropes and sliding down banisters that feel just right. But they learn quickly that they can have more control over orgasms by using their hands instead. Through this site, we've also found out that people who masturbate most conventionally have the highest orgasmic capability in intercourse. I would recommend leaving the poles for the little kids.

I'm 30 years old and lately I've been dating with a guy who's 28 years old. I've noticed that when we tried to have sex he had an erection but not for too long and he loses it suddenly. He told me that he's a virgin and that he masturbates often usually sitting in a chair or bending on his knees. He said that when he masturbates he doesn't take longer than 1 minute to ejaculate. He told me that he can't stay erect for too long. I don't know what to do. Do we need a doctor?

He is sexually inexperienced at a late age. He also has a slightly atypical masturbatory style although not so atypical that I would advise immediate professional help. You could probably worth through this without professional help. It would help if he could abstain from masturbating for about a week before your next sexual encounter. He could work through his other issues with masturbation later, but I suspect that he would be able to stay erect long enough to penetrate you after abstaining for a week.

I don't orgasm when I masturbate internally. I use my fingers and other medium sized objects. Will I orgasm when I have sex or am I just a dud? (age 15)

That's a harsh way to describe yourself. A lot of girls your age have not achieved orgasm yet. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or them. You just need more practice. You don't say you never orgasm when you masturbate externally, if you do, but I'm assuming from the tone of your message that you don't.

I'm a virgin, and I'm very tight. Will I get looser permanently from sex? Or will it be tight again after sex? I masturbate semi-often, usually by using the water faucet. And I have done internal masturbating very few times. I haven't bled at all after internal masterbation. Has my hymen already been broken? (age 15)

It isn't the sex that makes you looser directly but your own increased ability to control your muscles as you get more experienced. From what you say, your hymen is probably not intact but not completely gone either.

I tend to masturbate twice a day, in the morning and at night. Sometimes I masturbate more. Is this too much? (age 14)

It is on the high side of normal, but I don't think very many would say it is too much, especially at your age.

I'm 99.99% sure I have a subseptate hymen. I've masturbated and can use two fingers but it's still there. I want it to go away before I become sexually active. How do I break a subseptate hymen? (age 15)

You are agonizing over nothing. It is just a piece of skin that will go away through ordinary use. There is no reason to get all worked up about it.

I've never seen my boyfriend ejaculate in the 4 months we've been sexually active, so I'm afraid I'm giving him "blue balls" whenever we mess around. Can you tell me the likelihood of this? (age 20)

You would be better to ask him if he has an orgasm. If he doesn't, he would probably give you tips on how to better make one happen. If he doesn't do that either, then he probably gets rid of the blue balls by himself by masturbating after you separate.

This guy wants to finger me, but I'm nervous that he would hurt me, because I don't have control. I'm ready, and I want him to, but how can I be calm and just relax about it? (age 13)

You are much too young for that. You will truly be ready for it when you are older and confident that you have control. Only then will you be able to be calm and relax.

Is it wrong to have sexual contact with someone 19 years older than me? We met though a friend and now I can't go a day without talking sexually with him, but I can't help but think it's wrong.

If you're both consenting adults, it's fine.

I masturbate in what I've just learned to be the prone position by rubbing my genitalia on a corner of a chair or table (wooden, which I clean after). Is this healthy? Should I find another way of masturbating? Will it interfere with my later sex life? I like the way I masturbate and I've had some very pleasurable experiences. I don't want to give it up if I don't have to, but I will if it's in my best interests. (age 13)

Aside from any prone masturbation being bad for your sexual well being, I don't know how you could possibly think masturbating with a wooden table as safe. If it is a sharp corner, you could cause serious injury to your genitalia if you didn't hit it in the right way. As I repeatedly and frequently say on this web site, people who masturbate most conventionally have the greatest chance of success in intercourse. Now that you are years from having to deal with a partner is a good time to learn to masturbate with your hands.

Is it true that you dont have to go to the gyno if you're not sexually active? (age 24)

It is a good idea to go at least once a year. Not all things that can go wrong with your genitalia are caused by sexual activity. Many problems can easily be detected with an annual examination.

I hear about guys using Vaseline as a masturbation lubricant, but is it OK for girl to use it too? (age 15)

Yes, but it is advisable to keep it out of your vagina. It is more suitable for masturbating externally. Keep in mind that girls produce their own lubricant when aroused and few need to use a product as greasy as Vaseline. Most females who use lube use something more subtle, like K-Y Liquid.

Is it safe to masturbate when you are sick with the flu, fever, etc.? (age 14)

Yes, sure. It relaxes you and helps take your mind off being sick.

For personal reasons, my boyfriend does not masturbate. He's soon to be 20. Could this cause any kind of health problems? We're abstaining until marriage. (age 20)

I don't believe that he doesn't masturbate, especially if he has a girlfriend that he's not sexually active with. It would be good for him to accept masturbation as something normal, healthy, fun, and even necessary for males to do. A lot of guys his age will lie about it. To answer your question, Dr. Graham Giles, who has studied the relationship between youthful masturbation and prostate cancer later in life recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week to prevent prostate cancer.

All but one of my friends are fine with talking about sex and masturbation and stuff, but there's one who refused to even look at a package of condoms in sex ed. We understand that she's embarrassed about it, and that's fine, but sometimes we just start talking about it without thinking and she runs away. Obviously there's not much we can do, but is there any way we can show her that this stuff is normal? (age 14)

The best thing for you to do is respect her feelings, and then when her attitude toward sex changes (as it almost certainly will in the next four years), she will feel comfortable talking to you about it.

I masturbate on an occasional basis with my hands. I have not had sex yet as I'm afraid it will hurt but I want to practice what a penis would feel like. Can you tell me what would be better to use, a dildo or a vibrator? (age 17)

A dildo is more like a penis although cheap ones are much harder than penises, and ones that more closely resemble the feel of an actual penis probably cost more than you want to spend. Most females who become successful sexual partners never do what you're talking about with a practice penis. If you are able to be orgasmic with only your hands, you are ahead of a lot of girls your age.

Happy anniversary! HealthyStrokes.com has made me more aware of my body. I woke up one morning and was just resting before getting out of my bed for the day. I didn't masturbate but next thing I know, it felt like I was having an orgasm without rubbing or touching. I just all of a sudden felt really good. Is this an orgasm and how is it possible to have one without touching? (age 24)

Thanks for the anniversary wishes. Spontaneous orgasm is rare, but those who have it happen to them describe it as very nice. Somehow something just activated the pathways in your brain that made it happen. Perhaps you were having an intense dream akin to a wet dream right before you woke up, that you might not even remember.

My husband and I have been married a year. I've only been able to have orgasms with him a couple times on bottom although I can always have one on top. He's afraid of me being on top because I go wild to achieve orgasm, and he's afraid that his penis is going to slip out and end up hurting us both (which has never happened). I want to have an orgasm on top because they're so intense and last the longest, but he's afraid. Are there any specific positions on bottom that can help me achieve more and longer orgasms? Could wanting an orgasm while we're having sex hinder my ability to have one? (age 21)

The danger for a male having female-superior intercourse with a wild female is that you will rupture his penis. This is not unfounded. His penis is very important to your husband, and he doesn't want you to do anything that will damage it. He would probably be more inclined to let you be on top if he knew you were going to control yourself and not "go wild." If you can have orgasms that way, then I think he would go along with it. Most women can be more orgasmic in a male-superior position if they can masturbate during intercourse. A position that lets you slip your hand in would be more likely to let you be orgasmic. Rear-entry positions are also good for women who like to masturbate during intercourse (and sometimes the male can stimulate you manually in that position too.)

I've been masturbating since I was 12, but I've never been able to reach orgasm through vaginal stimulation. My friends and I talk about sex and masturbation all the time and they think this is weird. I don't know how I'll react during intercourse because I'm waiting for marriage, but I'm worried I'll never enjoy intercourse because of this. Is there anything I can do to make this area more receptive? (age 24)

Women have an easier time reaching orgasm through external masturbation (clitoral and labial stimulation) than by internal (vaginal) masturbation. If you can orgasm successfully externally, then it ought not be a great source of concern that you can't orgasm internally. You might find intercourse is completely different and easier for you to reach orgasm vaginally. If not, then you can look for a solution when you get to that point.

I am multi-orgasmic, but it's a problem because I'll have a few orgasms then be too tired to have any more, and about half an hour later, I will be horny again, and it's annoying to be constantly feeling horny. How can I get rid of this problem that I've always had? (age 14)

Have you really always had it? It might be persistent sexual arousal syndrome. If so, I would highly recommend professional help.

What are the chances of getting caught masturbating? (male, age 17)

There are different ways to measure that. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, 46 percent of males have been caught. According to a preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3,000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, 43 percent of females have been caught. However, this includes people of all ages, and the nature of the question is cumulative. The chances of an individual having ever been caught masturbating only increases from year to year. A spike in the percent ever been caught occurs from age 18-25, because of people becoming sexually active and also by living in common settings in college and the like. Far fewer teenagers have been caught than adutlts. At your age, 35 percent of males and 40 percent of females have been discovered masturbating. I don't have a ready explanation for why more females than males have been caught by age 17. To answer your question, you have a 35 percent of being caught by your age. Another way to look at it is how many times caught as a percentage of total acts of masturbation. I think for most guys it's about once every 3000 times.

I read the questions asked by females on this site. Several answers about dildos were "you're a little young," even to those that are 15. I'm 16 and have been masturbating for 3 years. Is the advice you gave these girls for medical reasons?

It is guided by concern for their sexual health. Young girls ought to spend more time learning how to satisfy themselves with their hands before they use a toy. Also, girls that age are apt to acquire an unrealistic dildo. The ones that more closely resemble actual anatomy are more expensive than teenage girls are apt to buy.

I want to know if a boy at 13 can really love me. We have been dating for 4 months and have snuggled. We have kissed on the cheek and want to do more. I know he masturbates to me and thinks I'm really sexy. Is it possible he really cares for me or does he want to score because I've never kissed before and know a lot of guys want to kiss me from what I'm told. We were friends first but seem to talk less now than we did before. What do you think? (age 12)

If he's told you he masturbates to you, he's talking more out of lust than love. Whatever you do, don't count on him loving you forever as a reason. There is nothing wrong with a little kissing, but save anything sexual for later.

Just to make it clear, is fingering also called manual intercourse? Also, does it mean to have someone penetrate you with their fingers? (age 24)

Yes, that is all correct. You might visit the glossary of this site.

I went to the gynecologist today because I thought my hymen might be thicker than it should be. She inserted her finger, which really, really hurt, and she told me that the problem isn't medical, it's psychological. Apparently I tense up as soon as anything goes inside me, which makes insertion difficult. What can I do about this? Please don't just tell me to relax, it's much easier to say that it is to do. I try really hard to relax, but it still hurts. (age 18)

Work at it slowly. Remember, someone who knows has told you there's nothing physically wrong with you. You can insert into your vagina what you want to insert.

I gave my boyfriend oral sex and he ejaculated in my mouth and I didn't swallow. Is that considered unsafe to do? (age 14)

Unprotected oral sex is unsafe. HIV can live in semen and be transmitted that way. Not swallowing doesn't make it more safe because the likely route of empty is your mouth, not your stomach. It is advisable to use a condom unless you know that your partner is disease free.

I noticed a sore kinda bumpy spot on the inside of my labia minora and I was wondering what it is? I'm not sexually active, and don't masturbate internally. Is it just irritated for some reason? And will it go away? (age 15)

You should put some healing product on it specially designed for the inside of the vagina. If it doesn't go away within a few days, see a doctor. A sore that doesn't heal is one of the warning signs of cancer.

Is it possible for a guy to ejaculate when he is not completely fully hard, like only partially? Can a lot of marijuana use affect guys' erections? (age 18)

Yes, a male does not need an erection in order to ejaculate. Any smoking is bad for erections. Marijuana is more heavily implicated in reducing sperm count than in affecting erections.

Can you get pregnant from masturbating? (age 13)

No.

My husband loves cunnilingus. However, sometimes he says I taste really really good, and other times I'm bitter tasting. I really want him to like the taste because it feels so good, but I don't want him to have to deal with the taste if it's bad. Is there anything I can do to maintain a good taste? I shower religiously every day and try to eat healthy foods that are sweet (fruit), but it doesn't seem to help. (age 21)

Your husband is a jerk. He is a little boy who complains about your taste when there is nothing you can do about it, and his complaints only serve to make you self-conscious and enjoy sex less. He should keep a dental dam handy for times when he doesn't like your taste and preferably use it all the time so you aren't aware when he has taste issues.

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and have not practiced any sexual activity other than dry humping. At some point during the session his erection would rub against my fully clothed vulva. My breathing would get very tight and my whole lower body would go numb and tingly. Is this an orgasm? Do you have to have sex or masturbate to have an orgasm? (age 17)

Some people would say that what you're doing is having sex. No, you don't have to have sex or masturbate to have an orgasm, but what you're doing is very conducive to having an orgasm.

I discovered that I really enjoy masturbating outdoors. It's not really in public but on a beach where I know people rearly visit at a lake near where I live. The thrill is amazing and although I don't really want to get caught, the thought of it is what makes me enjoy it so much. I was caught one day at the lake. I had been swimming in the nude, and had been playing with myself on and off for hours. I was naked on my blanket and used my hairbrush handle vaginally and reached orgasm. I looked around and saw a girl my age trying to hide behind a tree a few yards away. I'm afraid I will get in trouble one day. (age 15)

You absolutely will get in trouble some day. "Public" means anyplace where you don't have an expectation of privacy. If you frequent the same place, someone is going to notice and alert the authorities and at that point, they will be looking for you on their regular patrols.

I love to masturbate. It feels so nice! I do it 5 times a day if I have the time but at least once. Is that too much? I get horny just seeing people kiss. Also I get really tingly and it feels so good but it goes away in 3 seconds and it doesn't make me moan or scream. Is it an orgasm? I really want one because I love the feeling! (age 13)

That is all normal. I doubt you will doing it five times a day once you get to having orgasms, which will probably be very soon.

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and I see him every couple of weeks. When we see each other the sex is amazing, but when we're away from each other I masturbate a lot. I've always used my hands but want to try something new. I was wondering if I used a dildo, would sex be less pleasurable because I would be used to a dildo?

No. You will know the difference. I would advise not using the dildo exclusively. Keep up with your hands.

I've been masturbating since I was 12. I can bring myself to orgasm multiple times with my hands. I recently got a vibrator and put it in me and I can only feel it a tiny bit. Not even enough to give me pleasure. When my boyfriend and I have sex its the same, and what I can feel doesn't feel good. Can the penis get at the G-Spot? And what am I don't wrong to not feel it? Oral sex is the only thing that gets me to orgasm besides my own hands. (age 17)

I doubt that oral sex is getting at your G-Spot. A vibrator is a defective way to have an orgasm anyway. I usually only encourage it for females who are anorgasmic by any other method of masturbating. If you can have multiple orgasms with your hands, you are ahead of any girl who uses a vibrator. There are vibrator attachments (for high-end massagers) specifically designed to stimulate the G-Spot. I would advise you to teach your boyfriend how you like to be touched with his hands. You might also experiment with intercourse positions (e.g., rear entry) that let you masturbate at the same time.

I used to have regular sex, but since my boyfriend and I broke up, I haven't been sexually active. I used to practice TMS all my life, which is why I never came with intercourse, oral, or internal masturbation. Since my boyfriend and I broke up, I decided to stop TMS and try to get myself to orgasm internally, which I succeeded in doing. I can come with a marker, because I dont like inserting my fingers into my vagina. However, since I've been single, I have found a drastic change in my libido. I'm way more horny than I used to be, and I get turned on with sexual situations that I never used to. Since I'm not planning on having sex yet with the guy I am currently seeing, would you think its a bad idea for me to use a dildo? I can know come with masturbation with the marker, and rubbing my clitoris (which I never used to be able to). I think I am cured of TMS, but I don't want to get hooked on a dildo and not be able to orgasm with sexual partners. I don't know yet if I'll be able to since I haven't had sex for months. I dont know if I will be able to or not. I have been reading your site for years and have referred many friends to it! (age 18)

You are better off learning to be orgasmic with partners after TMS than getting a dildo. However, you are using a marker as a dildo, so I'm not certain it will be much different either way. I would suggest joining the Yahoo support group for females with TMS and getting a discussion going there. I think your story would inspire a lot of women!

I'm a 17 year old virgin, but I haven't gotten my period in about 3 1/2 months now. I know I'm irregular, but it's normally about 1-2 months off. (I've been getting my period since I was 11.) Should I be worried? I really don't want to talk to my mother about it because she freaks out with any mention of stuff like this.

You should be willing to freak your mother out if it will help you get the information you need. She's been dealing with your period for six years. She will probably be relieved to know you aren't pregnant. If you absolutely can't talk to her, then I suggest seeing a doctor about it.

What's an orgasm feel like? (age 14)

It is a series of involuntary contractions that happen in your sex organs, and it usually involves a feeling that happens throughout your body. The feeling you get when you jump into a cold pool is a similar feeling in terms of how it affects you all over.

When I try to masturbate I don't really feel anything, It feels like my vagina is sorta numb. I can feel my nails and it feels sorta good to rub my clitoris but other than that, nothing. Is there any good way to get out into the dating crowd? I feel lonely and never had a boyfriend. I'm feeling restless because I have been homeschooled since 6th grade. (age 17)

I would urge you to follow the sorta good feeling from your clitoris. Just relax and don't be too eager for something to happen. There are plenty of ways to meet males your age even if you're not in a traditional school. There are churches and all sorts of other groups to get involved in. You could also try taking a job in a place where you would be visible to a lot of people. And of course you can enroll in college in the fall.

Can two women have sex each other by rubbing their vaginas together? If so, how do they do this if a vagina is inside the body? (age 21)

You are correct that the vagina is an internal organ and it can't be rubbed against anything (unless it can go inside it). However, the practice of rubbing two vulvas (the female external sex organs) against each other is called tribadism.

Do you consider it impossible for a couple to be mature enough at 16 and 17 to know that they want to get married (obviously not until after college) and have a life together? My family finds it ridiculous, but my boyfriend's family thinks that it is just fine. My boyfriend and I are sexually active, and we know everything about each other. We can pretty much finish each other's sentences. (age 17)

Strange as it seems, by telling me you're going to college, I am more inclined to tell you to stop planning to get married than if you weren't. It's true. People who don't go to college often get married right out of high school, and a surprising percentage of those marriages last. But if you won't be getting married for at least six years, and if you're going to live through a whole different set of experiences in that time, then I think it is more prudent to not plan to marry right now. It would even be a good idea for each of you to go out with other people. If you're still feeling the same way about your boyfriend when you're halfway through college, then that is the time to plan to get married. So not impossible, but perhaps unlikely at your age.

I am going to have sex for the first time. My hymen is fully intact and I believe it would break once I have intercourse. How long does it take to heal and how much time should I wait before having intercouse again. (age 25)

The hymen is a consumable piece of skin. It will not heal, and no time need be spent waiting after it breaks.

Does a man still ejaculate if he has had a vasectomy? (age 18)

Yes. All the vasectomy does is keep sperm out of the semen. Sperm are the smallest human cells and they make up only a tiny percentage of the ejaculation.

I've been noticing that when I am sexually aroused, I will experience some spasms in my legs and kinda in my hip area sometimes. It's not constant, but is this normal? I've never had sex or been touched by anyone sexually so I am also wondering if this could cause sexual problems when it comes time to do those things. (age 21)

That is very common. Lots of people hold their legs tense when they masturbate (or at least when they are approaching orgasm) to minimize the likelihood of that happening. For some reason it is less important to do that in intercourse. I doubt that it is a cause of sexual problems.

I was wondering if it's normal to keep your legs together or squeeze them together when masturbating? It seems like the orgasm is stronger when I do that. And also is it normal for the upper part of the inner labia to get a little bigger when stimulated? (age 14)

The labia get engorged with blood when they are stimulated, making them briefly bigger. It is inadvisable to only be able to have an orgasm with your legs squeezed because you probably wouldn't be able to have an orgasm in intercourse then. So I would suggest working on having an orgasm without the leg squeezing.

I masturbate regurlary (with my fingers) but I haven't started my period yet. Could masturbating stop me from having it in some way? (age 13)

No. Don't worry about that at all. It is typical for people your age to think like that but it makes no difference. You will be fine in a few years.

I masturbate daily or every two days and often feel guilty or dirty about it. I want to talk to my mom about it, but I'm scared.

There is no reason to tell your mother if you're scared about it. She almost certainly masturbates too and would understand. You will feel less guilty and dirty about is as you get older. Reading messages from other girls on this site is apt to help.

Why are there so many stigmas on females to not masturbate and to not have sex because it's not what nice girls do, but its all right for males to do it? (age 24)

Female sexuality has generally been considered more valuable (and therefore more worthy of conserving) than male sexuality. Virginity has often been especially prized because once it has been given, it cannot be gotten back. However, these prohibitions are more relevant in places that are considered backward. Modern, educated societies regard women as being in control of their own sexuality and prohibitions on premarital intercourse are much diminished. Very few people regard female masturbation as more stigmatized than male masturbation. If you live in the Western world, you probably don't have to worry about them at all.

How do you know when you're ready for sex? I know for a fact that my body is ready but every time it's mentioned I feel embarrassed. My boyfriend has stated that he will wait until I'm ready. Is that good marriage advice? I'm ambivalent. I want to wait until marriage but I don't because everyone else around me is having sex. My biological clock is ticking and telling me to do it. What advice would you give? (age 24)

If you aren't sure you're ready then you might not be. Biological clocks are more about having children. If you're not ready to have children out of wedlock, then don't have sex out of wedlock. I am inclined to believe that it would be better for you to have sex than to wait until marriage at your age. Your feelings about your boyfriend might be changed after you have sex, and at that point, you might feel trapped if you were already married. I don't think everyone else being sexually active is a good reason for you to be, but at least you know that your friends would not hold a moral grudge against you if you engaged in premarital sex.

I am a virgin. I used to masturbate the prone way for about 5 years by thrusting my vulva against pillows and bedding. I have stopped for about 6 months. I still masturbate to orgasm externally, and I have never inserted anything into my vagina. I am just wondering if I will be able to reach an orgasm when I have intercourse? (age 19)

That's a tough question because many females are not orgasmic in intercourse. If you are asking the simpler question of whether having masturbated prone will prevent you from reaching orgasm in intercourse, then I lean toward saying it will not make a difference because you were able to overcome it successfully and masturbate to orgasm in the conventional manner.

I have a painful nerve from my outer labia to my ankle. It's sort of a tingling and irritating pain. What is it? I've had it for a while. (age 14)

I would suggest talking to a doctor about that soon, and perhaps even getting a referral to a neurologist. It could be the beginning of multiple sclerosis.

I'm a virgin and only masturbate externally (I do it in TMS fashion by humping the floor). However, I recently decided to masturbate internally but wanted to find my vaginal opening first. When I looked there with the aid of a mirror I saw that my opening looked like that of a pre-teen girl and my hymen felt hard, as if it were sclerotic. Do you think I may need to have a doctor cut it before I try inserting anything? Does this have to do with TMS? (age 21)

I don't know anything about what causes a hymen to become sclerotic, but I think if it were caused by masturbating prone, I would have heard about it by now. If your hymen is in fact sclerotic, it will have to be surgically removed, but you are going too far by diagnosing it yourself based only on how it looks and feels with your fingers. I don't think there would be any harm from inserting objects. Many females only find out their hymens are sclerotic when they are unsuccessful at intercourse. I also don't think you need to worry about looking like a pre-teen. It's good that you're trying to move past prone masturbation and learn some more conventional methods. I think you'll like them.

I've been masturbating for about 5 years now and I always get myself to orgasm. I thought my clitoris was just above my vagina because this was what I have always rubbed and it led me to a climax. My boyfriend told me otherwise, that my clitoris is at the top of my vulva. I looked it up and he was right! I can't believe that I didn't know my own anatomy. Can you tell me what on earth I was rubbing? (age 19)

You were probably rubbing your labia minora, which are very sensitive in females. They are the equivalent of the penile shaft in males. Of course, for most, the clitoris is where the real orgasms come from. You are lucky to have a boyfriend who apparently reads useful sex education materials. Did you look it up here?

When a man ejaculates, is he having an orgasm as he is ejaculating? or does he have an orgasm before or after? Also, can a man have an orgasm and not ejaculate? (age 13)

Orgasm and ejaculation generally go together for males. A few rare males have one without the other. A man who can have an orgasm and not ejaculate is capable of multiple orgasms because he can keep going whereas other men stop with their ejaculation.

What does masturbating prone mean? I thought it was masterbating externally, but I wasn't sure.

This man is lying prone. Masturbating prone would be thrusting his private parts against his hand, bedding, or mattress in roughly this position. Masturbating externally means that a girl is stimulating her outer vuvla, including the clitoris. Masturbating internally means that a girl is stimulating her vagina, perhaps by inserting fingers or objects.

My boyfriend and I have a very intimate relationship, however we have not engaged in sex. I know it is very normal for him to have erections when we are kissing, etc. But I have noticed he always seems to have an erection around me, even when we are not being intimate. I feel flattered that he is sexually aroused by me, but I feel like I'm only giving him half of me, by abstaining from sex. Are we ready for sex? Do you feel we are too young? (age 16)

I think you are too young. You seem to have missed one of the most basic lessons about males that age. They are erect for 20 minutes out of every 90. It is not necessarily caused by you. It would happen anyway if you weren't around. You definitely want to get him to think of you as something other than someone to satisfy his sexual needs. Be the kind of couple that enjoy being together and doing things together.

Why do women put their fingers in their vagina when they masturbate? How should you position the fingers? (age 15)

They masturbate internally because it gives them a better feeling than they would get if they only masturbated externally. Most position the fingers so that they can stimulate themselves externally as they move the fingers in and out. Some position the fingers more obtusely so that they are not making contact with the clitoris. This is a more awkward position, so these females are more likely to use an object instead of repeatedly assuming that position with their hands.

I have not masturbated in quite a while, mostly because I felt guilty afterward and I wanted to practice some abstinance. I used to masturbate regularly (2 or 3 times a week) and eventually was able to insert three fingers into my vagina.

I'm quite a romanticist, and being a virgin, the whole symbolism of the breaking of the hymen with pain is something I reflect upon regularly. While I know it often hurts for a virgin their first time at sexual intercourse, because I've been able to insert three fingers, I'm not sure if I'd still be tight enough to receive the same experience. What is your take on my situation? (age 16)

If you can get three fingers in, you ought not worry about being too tight at your first intercourse. Certainly more females would prefer to experience pain and discomfort, if there is to be any, in private than in front of a lover. You can rejoice as a romanticist that you will enjoy your first intercourse more than the woman who feels pain.

I recently got fingered, and didn't enjoy it as much as internal masturbation with objects. The technique was very different, which was probably the reason why, but when we were doing it,my partner said he was hitting my G-spot, and I definitely knew he was because I got a really intense feeling. However, it was almost too intense, not really in a good way like an orgasm, and it felt like he was doing it too soon and should have worked up to it. Do you think that was the reason it wasn't so pleasurable? (age 18)

I suspect it was your first time being fingered. You are inexperienced and are relying on your partner to do everything. It is your job, especially when being fingered, to let him know what you want. If it was too much, you should have said so. Most females enjoy manual intercourse more when the partner works on stimulating her outside parts instead of going for the G-spot. You also describe your partner as a casual one and not a regular one. When you get a regular partner, you will be able to communicate better what you want.

I think it is so unfair that boys are able to have orgasms while they sleep. I have always been jealous of boys and their ability to have wet dreams. A lot of my friends and I have to struggle just to have orgasms and all and boys can get them anytime they want and sometimes when they don't! It's not fair! (age 16)

A lot more boys are jealous of your ability to grow a baby inside you. A lot of boys never have wet dreams. For the ones who do, most lose their ability to have them when they start masturbating. Some of the ones who still have them write me and ask me to tell them how to make them stop. Females can have orgasms in their dreams too, and for many, it continues throughout life and doesn't stop just because they learned to masturbate. The grass is always greener on the other side, it seems.

Follow-up from a male: I just read how that girl envies guys for how they can achieve orgasms when, in fact, if there's anything good about being a girl it's the sex part of it. Girls go through painful birth giving and periods, but when it comes to sex, they definitely have the better deal. They have longer orgasms, multiple orgasms, easier to masturbate (they just slip their hands down there and start rubbing, guys can't do that), more ways to masturbate (fingers, big/small objects, ben wa, external, both, etc... they can even cum with sound!), they've got breasts, and the list goes on and on.

As for the guys, first of all, it's not that easy to have a wet dream. If ever a masturbating guy wants to have one, he has to stop masturbating which is really hard to do and gets slightly painful at times and it's not as enjoyable as normal orgasms. It's true that girls can't have orgasms easily but that's just 'cause they don't know how to. Once they get used to it, they have nothing to complain about.

PS: I like your new icon. (age 19)

Thank you for commenting on the icon. I was hoping someone would notice. We should probably get a debate going about male sexuality vs. female sexuality here. I will think about how to approach that in the next weeks.

Why do my panties get wet whenever my boyfriend kisses me. Are they related? (age 13)

Yes, they are. When people are sexually aroused, their bodies produce lubricating fluids in anticipation for the sexual union that might be happening. Females produce more, because the sexual union takes place inside their bodies. The fluids males produce often don't come out until right before ejaculation.

When I was younger, I had a cousin who would hit me whenever I would touch my breasts and say that I was playing with myself. My family explained to me about anything and whenever I asked family about sex they would just give me an blunt answer as if I was asking something that was disgusting. I'm a virgin and when I masturbate I usually squeeze my legs together for the pressure on my clitoris but I just can't seem to keep from feeling ashamed while I'm masturbating and I think I'm doing something wrong. Is this because of childhood trauma and shame in a sense or just something I'm doing wrong? And how can I cure this? (age 21)

It would help you a lot to read through this site and see how very accepting and unashamed most people are about masturbation. There is nothing wrong with masturbating. I wonder if squeezing your legs together is a way of hiding what you're doing. You can learn some other ways to do it that celebrate your openness. If you can't do even that (masturbating with your legs apart), then I think you need to get professional help from someone experienced with overcoming sexual guilt and shame.

Do you get paid to write this, and if so, how much? (age 13)

I get $200 for every question I answer. Go look in your mailbox and see if my bill has arrived yet.

Really?

No.

I lost my virginity at 15, but I have a septate hymen that didn't break when I first had sex, then yesterday I had sex again and it broke. It didn't hurt but I bled a little. But now the two little broken pieces of my hymen hang down from my vaginal entrance. Will it get smaller or erode? (age 15)

Those pieces will wear away rather quickly now. Don't be surprised if you don't even notice when they're gone.

I have been sexually active since I was 13 and my sister who is 9 knows that I masturbate and has peeked in on me several times. She asked me if I could teach her how to masturbate. She told me she has tried but wants to have an orgasm. I am perfectly fine with it. Do you think it a good idea for me to show her how to masturbate? (age 17)

No, I don't. It is reasonable for you to talk to her about it or give her textual materials like my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation. It is quite another thing to show her hands-on or use your bodies. Another thing that makes this important is your age difference. It is a more serious situation with 8 years between you than if it were only a year or two. A reasonable person could be quite shocked at your showing her, and it could get you in big trouble.

Is it OK to masturbate in the middle of the woods? I find it the most relaxing and the most fun this way. Is it normal? (age 15)

No, not at all. For most people, relaxing is proportional to privacy. You have no privacy in the woods. Someone could be watching you with binoculars. It would be better if you could learn to replicate your woods experience indoors.

I feel like I'm not fit enough for masturbation. After I have an orgasm, I'll feel like another one but I'll be too tired or puffed out. Even if I have about ten I'll still feel like one when I get my breath back. I don't have this problem when I don't masturbate because I'm not aroused. When I'm too aroused after an orgasm I'll feel irritable. (age 15)

Masturbation doesn't need the person who's practicing it to conform to any level of fitness or body type. Athletic, lazy, overweight, underweight, tall, short, slow, fast, weak, strong all practice it. I think your problem is better addressed by your statement that after an orgasm, you feel like another one. There should be a point when you feel satisfied. Just because you are lucky enough to be multi-orgasmic doesn't mean you have to go for multiple orgasms every time.

I have been thinking about wearing a promise ring (which means that I won't have sex until I'm married) but I don't want to make a promise and then break it. (age 13)

Then maybe just promise not to have sex until you finish high school.

What is the point of having a hymen? (age 13)

It is useful in assessing whether young girls have been sexually assaulted.

I am a virgin and when I was younger I was able to masturbate almost daily and easily with amazing orgasms each time. Recently I haven't been able to reach that peak as easily if that at all. I've never needed to use other objects or insert my fingers (although I have once or twice) but I am now ready to explore myself more before I have sex with my boyfriend. It seems like every time I warm myself up, I can't seem to get hot enough, which makes fingering myself or getting fingered hurt. Any answer as to why that is? (age 18)

You are probably anticipating sex too much and that is interfering with your concentration. Just relax and work at enjoying what you can do and feel. You've done it before and you can do it again.

I share a bed with one of my younger sisters, and a couple of nights in the past month I have been woken up by her either touching my breasts or panties or by her doing the same things to herself. I have been shrugging it off. Do you think I'm doing the right thing? (age 17)

No. It is your job to set boundaries. Tell her to keep her hands off you, and agree on rules about masturbating in your bed.

I caught my friend masturbating in my school locker room. Should I say something? (age 16)

What would you say, and to whom?

I have just began to masturbate internally for the first time and I don't like it! It feels weird when I had objects inside me, yet if I use a vibrator on my clitoris, I can't get enough. Is this normal? If I continue to use objects, will it get better? My boyfriend wants sex and we've been going out for almost a year and he's been very patient with me but I'm terrified that I won't like sex either. What should I do? (age 19)

Just because you don't like objects doesn't mean you won't like intercourse. Most girls use their hands when they start masturbating internally. You should try that and see if you like it better. You could grow into it. You are obviously enjoying external masturbation very much, which makes experimenting internally less necessary. Don't worry that you won't like sex. Nearly everyone likes it.

I'm a Christian girl and sometimes I really feel guilty when I masturbate. Is it good or bad to masturbate? Sometimes it's really weird. (age 15)

I think it's good, and so do many Christian theologians. You can learn more on my page about masturbation for Christians.

I have orgasms when I masturbate but can't reach them during sexual intercourse. I've only had one partner. Is this normal? How can I increase the chances of reaching an orgasm during intercourse? (age 19)

You are fairly young and inexperienced. You are perhaps being too hasty to rule yourself unable to reach orgasm in intercourse. There are several things that might make a difference. Your future partners might be better at bringing you to orgasm; the position you use can make a difference in both your ability to reach orgasm from the intercourse itself and your ability to masturbate during intercourse; and the time since your last orgasm.

My boyfriend and I like to masturbate together and always try to finish at the same time. In addition, I perform oral sex on him and he fingers me. We alternate a lot. I'm always careful to keep his fluids away from my vagina. We're monogamous and disease free. Is this normal? We decided not to have sex because we know we're not ready. Is this a safe alternative? Or is it wrong to do this together? (age 17)

You are asking two questions, about safe sex and wrongness. What you describe is "safer sex," and from your statements, you seem to be very careful about it. However, the opposite of "safe" is not "wrong." If you're asking about what you're doing being morally wrong, I think you'll have to decide that for yourself in conjunction with your own values.

I wonder if my boyfriend is circumcised. I looked it up and it appears that he was. But his penis doesn't look ordinary. I'm too afraid to ask him.

It is a bad sign for your relationship if you're afraid to ask him such an innocuous question, since you've obviously already seen and (I'm guessing) experienced his penis. You might get a better idea from the penis illustrations here on HealthyStrokes.com.

I am aroused by envisioning myself as having a penis and having sexual intercourse with a woman. I've wanted a penis for many years and think having one would be more pleasurable and allow me to be in control. I was raped when I was 7 and 8 and molested several other times. Do you think this is a fantasy about regaining my control? (age 30)

It well could be, but I would advise you to work through those issues with a competent psychologist or sex therapist, particularly one who is experienced dealing with rape and abuse victims and issues of gender identity.

I'm 23 and have always been attracted to much older men. I have a 46-year-old boyfriend who masturbates every time we're together sexually. He has never been able to have an orgasm by having sexual intercourse with me. I find what he's doing disgusting, and it makes me feel useless. What's the point of having me there if he's just going to use his hand anyway?

And I like younger women who are attracted to much older men! Isn't that a nice coincidence? I think you're there because he wants to be with you, even if the sex is less than cosmic. You might start by letting him know how you feel and offering to help him with your own hand when he can't cum in intercourse. You ought to know that men feel that masturbation is necessary, not disgusting. Women do it too. And I hope you've pointed him to the main page of HealthyStrokes.com when it comes to his anorgasmia

I started masturbating at 13, and I learned to have multiple orgasms (up to 10-13 at a time) but now I do only about 4-6 max. I just feel too tired to go on. I also feel like it's harder to get in the mood for masturbating and sustain it after a few orgasms. A friend said I have worn myself out from doing too much and now I'm less sexual. Ever since, I can't stop thinking about that. The orgasms still feel really good. I do 5-18 per week and they're pretty much a necessity for me. Still it's not like it was at 13-14. Why? (age 16)

You have not worn yourself out, so just put out of your head whatever that friend told you. Keep up what you're doing. I have a feeling it will get better in the next few months. .

I started masturbating when I was 5 years old. I still have the urge from time to time, but my Heavenly Father has helped me to stop. I'm now just looking for some answers as to how I could get into a habit like that so young if I wasn't sexually assulted? (age 31)

Many females start that young and only a few of them are victims of sexual abuse. It is merely a process of self-discovery that happens over a much broader range of time in females than in males.

Why is it that women masturbate less frequently then men? (male, age 16)

I answered that in the Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation. Perhaps I should put the same answer in the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation..

I used to have masturbation with my ex boyfriend and I used to always cum. Now with my new boyfriend I love him more but when we masturbate I don't cum at all anymore. What do you think is the problem?? (age 23)

You're probably not used to the new guy yet. Give him a chance and teach him how you like things done.

I've had experiences where I've tightened my buttock muscles, pushed my legs together tightly and stretched out my legs (usually because I was falling asleep and stretching has always helped me wake up a little) and within seconds found myself having an orgasm. In a way, this weirded me out as I was in class, slouching in my desk the first time it happened... but I was wondering what was going on. I've tried it again lying down and it still happens. I'm not really complaining but how am I having orgasms from simply stretching? And I can have multiple occurrences in one sitting. What's going on down there? (age 22)

Most would say you are very lucky. You can cause orgasms without even touching yourself with your hands. They are probably being caused by something rubbing something a certain way when you are in that position. Congratulations to you. However, I would avoid stretching your legs out like that in public, particularly in a class, because many males would recognize that as a sign of sexual arousal. When you see a young male doing it, he probably has an erection.

I am a virgin because I have been waiting for love, but I'm sick of waiting. I only use slim or regular sized tampons. I've only masturbated externally, and I was fingered briefly once, but the guy was too rough, and it was painful. So I probably have most of my hymen. How much is my first time going to hurt? If I took something like Tylenol before, would it ease the pain a little? (age 22)

You ought not assume in advance that it will hurt. You might enjoy it an awful lot. Better to look forward to that than a painful experience. Unfortunately, no pain killer can prevent pain. They only work once you already have pain.

I am concerned about my vagina. I have looked at models and the hymen gallery but my vaginal opening seems to be different. It has almost petal-like folds rather than a smooth surface. They are also thicker than a normal hymen. I've researched and I can't seem to see if this is abnormal or not. Should I be concerned about my strange anatomy?

Probably not. Surely a doctor has seen it and would say something if you were anatomically unique. Anatomical models and the illustrations in the hymen gallery on HealthyStrokes.com do not reflect the wide variation in anatomy found among females. If you could look at some actual photographs of vulvas, I think you might be more inclined to believe your own is normal.

Over the holiday break, I was home alone taking a shower, and I decided to masturbate. About 5 minutes into it, my 18 year old brother and two of his friends walked in. I came in front of all three of them (and I kinda liked being watched actually, not that I'd tell my brother that) but he threw me a towel, sent his friends out of the room, and 2 days later he bought me a vibrator! (age 15)

What a great brother. And to think the best I ever did for my sister was install a phone in her room.

I have an orgasm only when I masturbate externally, but when I have sex with my boyfriend, I don't have an orgasm at all. Is this normal? (age 18)

It is fairly common. It takes women longer to learn to reach orgasm in intercourse, and some never do. Since you can orgasm by masturbating, it is a good sign. You might experiment with intercourse positions that make it easier for you to get stimulated in orgasm or to masturbate.

I am really thankful that you have this site, as so many young people (including me) aren't sure whom to talk to about this kind of topic. I recently started masturbating, and I have reached orgasm on multiple occasions. Oddly enough, the person whom I feel most comfortable talking to about masturbation is a close male friend, and he's the one who explained to me how to do it (much like what you are doing here). I like how you stress hand stimulation, especially because that is exclusively what I can do comfortably as I have a septate hymen (I realized this about 2 months ago when I got curious about if I was the only one who "looked like that"). I do have to ask, though: do you know of any suggestions for progressing to internal stimulation for those of us with a septate hymen? (age 16)

A septate hymen should tear as easily as any other. You might not even be very aware of it. Just do what feels good and not worry about the hymen.

Why would the doctor be examining my genitals anyway unless there's something wrong down there? Also, I have not had sex yet, but I'm pretty sure my hymen is broken completely. I masturbate regularly, but my boyfriend and I are planning on having sex. I understand that I might be too young, but we have been together for a year (not saying that that really matters) and I trust him and I know what the consequences are, but I am wondering if it will still hurt a lot the first time even if my hymen is already broken. (age 14)

Doctors look at normal private parts too, not only diseased ones. A broken hymen will not hurt at first intercourse. The other issue is whether your vaginal walls will resist. If you can stick several fingers in without a problem, they I anticipate no pain on your first intercourse. Don't worry about it so much. If it is too painful to continue, find something else fun to do together.

will masturbating too often make sex with a partner less enjoyable? (age 14)

No. It will probably help you appreciate sexual intercourse more.

I've been masturbating for quite a long time, since I was about 5, or at least I used to play with myself, and since I went through puberty, it's become a daily thing. I only rarely use objects, but I'm starting to consider doing it because althoughg clitoral stimulation is still nice, I want to experiment more. Would it be unreasonable to ask my mother or older sister (whom I trust with such topics) to buy me a dildo or vibrator? (age 16)

They are the best people to ask if you are comfortable asking them, but I'm surprised you can't get one on your own. They are not age-restricted in most places.

After reading your advice on circumcision, I highly disagree with what junk you are putting into people's heads. What you are telling these boys is biased and non-informative or factual. These conclusions are based on your opinions only which is a terrible thing. I only hope that people who ask you for advice don't take you too seriously. I am literally sickened by this. (female, age 18)

And how is it that you are better informed about male circumcision than I am?

First of all, I'd like to say thank you for making this site. Two years ago I looked at it, and read all about TMS, realizing that I, even being female, could not have my unconventional masturbation replicated by a lover. For two years I tried to switch, being a teenager with no sexual experience and hypersexuality. This habit was one not easily broken. But today, I think I reached my first orgasm from conventional masturbation. I felt an intense feeling rip through my body, my body trembled heavily, and my vagina pulsed softly for awhile. Do you think this was an orgasm? I haven't felt anything like this one. (age 15)

That was definitely an orgasm. Congratulations! I'm glad my site could help.

I love this site being so informative and you're so good to start this initiative. Please tell me, is sex necessary for existence? (age 17)

Sex is necessary for the species to continue, but it is not necessary for any particular individual.

I'm not sure if I have had an orgasm or not. I lie on my stomach and rub my clit and after a minute or two I start breathing heavily, and my whole body gets tingly, and the odd thing is that I have to have my mouth open, and I sort of drool. Is this normal? Also I have never had muscle contractions or anything. This is why I question if I have had an orgasm or not. Do you think I have had an orgasm? (age 15)

Yes, I think you are having orgasms. The muscle contractions might feel subtle. Try to pay attention to your vaginal area and see if you sense them. Having to keep your mouth open is a sign of an altered state of consciousness, which means you are probably having an intense orgasm. Good for you.

I find that I get very aroused by things I see in movies and TV. If I am home alone watching, it feels natural for me to work my hands down into my waist where they can be of use. I usually don't do this when I am not the only one home, but lately I have been covering myself with a heavy blanket in order to let myself masturbate even when there are others in the room. We usually keep the lights pretty low when we're watching and I don't need to stroke so much that someone would notice. My clit is powerful that way. I'm also good about concealing orgasm noises. I worry that my little brother and sister will eventually figure out what's going on. Am I doing wrong? (age 15)

I think you have a duty to not masturbate surreptitiously in front of your younger siblings.

Last night I had a dream about my crush and I woke up with this feeling that I needed to masturbate. Is this normal? It felt like a female version of a wet dream. (age 13)

That sounds like a lot of fun. I hope you had a good time. In addition to all of the wet dreams I had when I was a teen, I had one experience where I woke up in the middle of the night with my penis feeling very sensitive, like it was ready to go. I knew I had to masturbate. I did it in the dark while I was half asleep and didn't even fantasize. It was one of the fastest and most intense masturbations I had done up to that time.

I have never once been aroused my the thought of having sex in public. The other night I had a dream that I was having sex with someone who in real life I am really attracted to, in a public place. I'm pretty sure I got an orgasm in my sleep. I've heard people say dreams are your subconcious fantasies and desires. Do you think this is true with the whole sex in public thing for me? (age 18)

Hard to say. I would be more inclined to say it means you should pursue your attraction to that person. If you really want to try sex in public sometime, pick a spot where you would likely not be caught and regarded at worst as a nuisance if you did.

What is the biological purpose of the hymen? (age 14)

It is useful in determining if a young girl (<10 or so) has been sexually abused.

Follow-up: I understand that it is helpful with that, but what is the purpose of it? I mean, the human body probably didn't develop if it was just to determine if someone had been sexually assaulted.

I don't know. It's worth believing that every part of the body has some purpose, whether you are religious or whether you believe in evolution. Perhaps the hymen served as a protective covering at one point. Perhaps at one point it did not break easily.

When I masturbate I get HORRIBLE throbbing headaches perhaps even migraines that last for two days. Why is this and is there something I can do to stop it? (age 12)

Orgasm headaches are of unknown origin. Sometimes they come on because you anticipate them. It is better if you don't assume in advance that you will get one. Like an ice cream headache, you can often manage it by varying what you are doing in terms of masturbating at the point where they usually come on.

My boyfriend and I are planning on having sex, and a while ago I was scared about it, but I asked some questions on HealthyStrokes.com and your responses made me feel a lot better. Now HE is more scared than I am. He really worries about me a lot and is scared that he's going to hurt me. How can I get him to relax? (age 14)

You might be assuming too much that he is only afraid of hurting you. Guys are often afraid of sex too when they're young. You can keep reassuring him that he won't hurt you, but you might keep in mind that perhaps he doesn't want to be sexually active at your young age.

Follow-up: No, he really wants to have sex! It was originally his idea (not that I'm pressured in any way) and I want to have sex too. I'm pretty sure that I'm not assuming anything, because he and I have a really open relationship and we tell each other everything on our minds. Is there anything else that I could do to convince him he wont hurt me?

A: I think you should let him know that you don't expect sex to hurt, but if it does, you will be cool about it and try to deal with it.

I can't become sexually stimulated by guys the way I used to. I am not really turned on by women either. But every time I rub my nipples, my clitoris throbs and I become lubricated. Is there any specific reason that I am no longer stimulated visually? (age 15)

Females are usually much more sexually responsive to touch rather than visual stimulation. Perhaps find a warm and loving partner and see if he is able to touch your heart in places you never even knew. And expect visual stimulation to serve as secondary, rather than primary erotic material.

I want to try masturbating internally, and you suggest starting with your fingers, but I am not comfortable using my fingers. What should I do? (age 22)

I suspect you would be even less comfortable with objects. The middle ground might be the fingers of a male partner who could get your insides nice and warm. Then you could give your hands a try.

I only use a vibrator externally, and I don't use it as frequently as I used to. When I start having sex, will it be less enjoyable because of masturbating with a vibrator? Should I stop using it?

Vibrator fatigue is a real problem. You seem to be less at risk because you don't use it every time you masturbate. I would advise you to work at using the vibrator even less. Have some sessions where you only use fingers. It might be it won't have made any difference and you will be able to have sex just how you want to.

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 8 months. He is 18. We have done everything except for vaginal sexual intercourse. He is not a virgin but I am. We have talked about having sex and he says that he will wait until I am ready. I don't know if he really means it. I really like him but there have been some trust issues and I'm scared he will cheat on me even though he says he won't. I don't know what to do! (age 17)

If there are trust issues, then now is not the time to become sexually involved. Either wait until those issues are resolved to your satisfaction, or until you find a different partner with whom there are no serious issues.

The only time I use my fingers and touch my vagina is to find out if I am wet or not to change my panties. I usually just tighten my muscles or scratch the labia majora when it itches. Is that masturbating? (age 23)

No. Masturbating is stimulating your own genitals for the purpose of increasing sexual arousal. Those things don't count, but you might try some things that do.

My best friend is a guy and our relationship is often referred to as being sibling-like. He has a girlfriend, but he often sleeps in my bed and sometimes rubs my back, stomach and legs under my shirt or pants, but never my vulva. This turns me on, and I'm not sure if this is a bad thing or not since he's in a relationship, and I also don't know if this means he's attracted to me sexually. What do you think?

You are crossing a lot of boundaries. You ought not be "sleeping together" as friends at your age, and many people would say that boys and girls should not do that at any age. If he is faithful to his girlfriend, then he obviously should not be in your bed, and if you are sexually attracted to him, as you obviously are, then you should not be leading him to thing you are just in bed together as friends. Keep in mind that finding out if he's sexually attracted to you might mean the end of your friendship if he isn't. For now, I suggest you tell him that you can't be in bed together anymore because he has a girlfriend.

What can I use as lube that will stimulate my clitoris when I masturbate? I've tried some soaps and things that don't work. I also like the smell of Axe cologne because it makes me think of having sex with a guy. (age 15)

Soaps have to be washed off thoroughly afterward, which makes them very inconvenient to use as lubes. Lots of household products are OK for males to masturbate with but can cause problems for females if they get inside the vagina. That makes it more important for females to try a lube made especially for sex. If you won't buy one, then perhaps a lotion or harid conditioner product would do the job, if you can keep it outside your vagina. You can have the smell of cologne around without using it on your privates.

Is it possible, at my age, to train myself to have an orgasm using only erotic thoughts? In the past year, I've gotten (usually one or maybe two) pleasant contractions when thinking about certain things. They are pretty intense and I just have to hold my breath while experiencing one of them. I have not, however, been driven to the point of orgasm yet. Anyway, am I too old to be able to teach myself this? Or is it a gift you are born with? I'm almost 21.

I have never heard of anyone learning that, but I won't say it's impossible. I think it's on about the same level as males trying to learn how to have a wet dream.

I am a virgin, but I have been masturbating for a long time. I started out with my hands, and after a while I started using a marker. (Cap on, of course!) Recently I inserted a ball (about 1.75 inches in diameter) into my vagina and pushed it in deep. Then I used my vaginal muscles to push it out. It felt very good so I did it a few times, but afterward my hymen hurt and there was a bit of blood. Is the blood normal? (age 16)

Yes, it is normal to bleed when you expand the limits of your vagina. But hymens don't hurt. Be careful that you're not hurting anything important. 1.75 inches is a lot bigger in diameter than a marker or a penis.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months and we care about each other a lot. We are thinking about having sex but not yet. He had a drug problem and I'm not sure if he still has the drugs in his system. How do I ask him to get tested to see if something is might be wrong? And also do you think we are too young to be having sex? (age 15)

If you can't ask someone about getting drug tested, then you don't know him well enough and are not comfortable enough to have sex with him. I also think you're too young to be having sex. The consequences could be severe if you get pregnant or infected and the responsible person is a drug user. Try to think about what it would be to have a life with someone before having sex with them.

I always seem to get wet. No matter when or where I am! Sometimes it gets annoying, but then again I like it. I am a virgin, but I masturbate quite often, possibly 2 times a day. Will this affect me when I get older? And when this happens does this mean that the girl is doing some type of cleansing in her body? (age 15)

The wetness is a result of sexual arousal, and it is to prepare your body for sexual penetration. It is not specifically a cleansing function, although it might work that way too. If it is happening to you all the time when you are not consciously being aroused sexually, then you might have something called persistent sexual arousal syndrome. I would wait to see if the arousal and/or wetness gets bad enough to distract you from your normal daily functioning before asking a doctor or nurse about it.

Is it harmful if you let your partner cum in your mouth? (age 16)

It is unsafe sex. If you are not certain about your partner being monogamous and disease-free, then you should make him wear a condom. They make flavored ones and unlubricated ones especially for oral sex.

I'm sexually active and have been masturbating for years, but I have never been able to reach orgasm. I seriously don't have a clit. I tried to research it online but apparently no one else has this problem. I've looked at your illustrations and others, and I know what it is supposed to look and feel like but it just isn't there. I get aroused and wet very easily, and I shake a lot when I get fingered but never orgasm. (age 18)

I suspect you are anatomically normal but just need a teacher. A doctor or nurse would be best, but a friend who knows her body very well would also be good for showing you where your parts are.

I masturbate about 2 times a day, but when I'm at school, every time one of my friends talks dirty, I act like I'm holding my skirt down, but in truth, I'm actually gently stroking my clit. Is this normal? Do these letters from girls turn you on? (age 13)

A lot of girls find it exciting to mastubate surreptitiously. Be careful you don't get caught. It takes a letter from a girl older than you to turn me on.

I have a very faithful boyfriend and whenever we get the chance, we have manual intercourse. It feels good but never, ever as good as when I masturbate on my own. When I masturbate in the shower, my fingers on my clit is the equivalent of 5 days' sex. I have a very amazing orgasm, to the point where I have trouble standing up, but with my boyfriend my orgasms aren't as body shaking. Is something wrong with me? Will I have problems with sex in the future? (age 16)

There is nothing wrong with you, and I suspect you'll be fine with sex. You can do better to yourself than anyone can. You know exactly what you want and how to vary pressure, location, etc. You have more trouble with a partner because it's not what you're used to. Over time, your partner can learn better to respond to what you want. The more information you can give him, the better it will be for you.

I recently masturbated with a tube of face cream. The edges were rough and when I finished orgasming and pulled it out, I was bleeding. Not a lot, just a little trace of blood and it also dully hurts. I know I'm NEVER using that again to masturbate, but is this one time really bad for my vagina? (age 16)

A little trace of blood and a dull ache suggests that you inflicted on your vagina the equivalent of a small nick or cut that you would get elsewhere on your body. I doubt that any long-term harm will result from that. I think you learned how most females prefer smooth objects. Try rubbing an object against your arm to get an idea how it will feel before you insert it vaginally.

I have been trying to lay off porn for a while but I can't seem to stop. I used to do the real stuff but now I'm hooked on anime. My mom caught me with the parental controls and we had a super awkward conversation that I NEVER want to repeat. But I found a way around the filters. I have been off it for like 2 days and I feel OK. Is looking at porn OK for somone my age? (female, age 12 1/2)

At your age, you are better off developing your imagination instead of using anime as a crutch. You also have the issue that your mom has taken notice of this and it could get you into trouble again with her. You have made it two days, so now try for another day, and then another, et cetera.

I have three problems. One is that I can't have an orgasm without having an urge to have another one, and no matter how many more orgasms I have after that I still won't feel satisfied. Another problem is that I have a painful area on my left inner and outer labia which I can feel in my ankle. And I have a weird bump in my vagina that feels weird to touch. (age 14)

It is good for a girl to be satisfied with orgasms. Just resist your desire for a while and see if it makes you less horny. Have a two-day waiting period between orgasms. Your second problem needs an gynecologist to explain it. While you are there ask the gynecologist about the other two situations.

why do are some women able to squirt liquid when masturbating and some can't? (age 14)

Individual control over their emissions of fluids. It's not for men only. It takes practice and determination.

Can you get an std from having oral sex with a female? Could having anal sex lead to hepatitis? Also I am diabetic and when I masturbate, I have problems the next day with itching all over my body? (age 38)

Yes, it is possible to get an STD from oral sex with a female. Dental dams are available for just this purpose. Some come in a variety of flavors. It is a good idea to use one unless you know your partner is monogamous and uninfected. Yes, anal sex is implicated in hepatitis. Those who practice it frequently get feces and anal matter all over. Some don't always wash their hands properly and then go to work handling food. This is how outbreaks of hepatitis often get started. Many have been traced to young gay food workers. For prevention, get the Hepatitis A and B inoculations before you travel. Then be careful about where you eat. Hotel restaurants are better than non-hotel restaurants are better than casual dining are better than street vendors. I have no idea how diabetes could cause your bodily itching. Don't be afraid to ask the person who counsels you about your diabetes. He or she masturbates too.

I am a 21 year old female and I often find myself wanting to give oral sex and have sex with young boys, like 13-17 years old. I find them sexy. I also like to fantasize about girls, about receiving oral from girls, but I've never done anything sexual with a girl before. I know these are only fantasies but if I could really do it I would. What do you think about this?

I think you ought to get ahold of the statutory rape law and age of consent schedule for your state and learn all of the fine print. If you have sex with people who are not of the age of consent, you will be in big trouble.

I find that clitoral stimulation makes me bleed vaginally, even if I'm only using my finger and everything is lubricated enough. I have the same problem with vaginal stimulation even if it's not rough or anything. I then have a really bad ache in the vaginal wall that's really painful. Is this normal? I'm a virgin. (age 21)

I don't know why clitoral stimulation would make you bleed vaginally. Could you identify a different cause? Menstruation? It is sometimes normal to ache vaginally after sex, but most females find ways to masturbate that don't hurt. It might be worth talking to a gynecologist about if the problem persists.

When I masturbate, I lie on my stomach and rub my vulva as I am squeezing my pelvic muscles (at least I think that's what they are). The only way so far I can have an orgasm is to squeeze those muscles, but every time I squeeze them, I urinate. I know this is not a good way. How do I stop this? Do you think I will have long term problems? (age 13)

As you know, I recommend highly against masturbating on your stomach. Squeezing your pelvic muscles is supposed to be good for maintaining urinary control. I suspect part of your problem is that you're inexperienced. It would help to urinate before you masturbate. I also recommend quitting prone masturbation. Kegel exercises would help you have greater control over your bladder, and also help you have better orgasms.

Hey, dude, what is with your answers lately? They contain a lot of typos and nonsense like "anal sex is implicated in anal sex." I think you meant to say "implicated in hepatitis." I have always liked your site, but it has gone right downhill in the last week. Please check your copy more closely before you post it. (female, age 22)

My bad. I do a lot of my work on Healthy Strokes at bedtime. I try to check my work, but at that hour, I'm often not coherent. I will work at being more diligent.

I used to masturbate using a pillow but then I tried it lying on my back and rubbing my clit, and I had an amazing orgasm. But every time I've tried since, I haven't been able to reach orgasm. I don't know what's up. Also, what happens if water gets inside the vagina? (age 14)

You are pretty young, and if you've had orgasms at all, you're ahead of many others. Just keep up what you enjoy, and when things are right, you will have another orgasm. With each one, you will learn more about how to produce them whenever you want them. Water is not hazardous to the vagina. The reason I advise females against masturbating with running water is not because of water getting in, but because the force of it cannot be replicated in any other way.

I've been masturbating since I was about 11. I went from a back massager to fingers to makeup brush to hairbrush. I broke my hymen with the hairbrush. I recently discovered that if I hold an ice cube by the entry, I get extremely aroused. Is this safe? When I lose my virginity, what do I tell the guy when he doesn't see blood on the sheets? (age 14)

If the ice cube is OK with you, then I think it's OK. It seems unusual, though. I don't think most guys would expect to see blood on the sheets. If he comments, tell him you've never had sex before.

I have been having sexual fanasties about my MALE TEACHER! (age 15)

You're not the only one. That's very normal.

Is it normal to be able to have direct clitoral stimulation and have it not be sensitive during masturbation? (age 25)

Many females find the clitoris too sensitive to stimulate directly, but if you have been doing it since puberty, you might have become accustomed to it.

I usually masturbate once every other day. But when I have my period it sucks, cause I feel like I need to masturbate. I get so crazy. What should I do?

If you feel like you need to masturbate, then masturbate. There is no rule that says you can only do it every other day.

Is Vaseline safe to use on my finger when I masturbate? (age 14)

Yes, but be mindful of possible sensitivity issues if you get it inside your vagina.

Your site has informed me of things I didn't know and is a really cool site. I am 16, and I've been masturbating for not a long time, but I love it. It makes me feel on top of the world. I lied about losing my virginity, and I told everyone that I had lost it. I want to lose my virginity so badly, but I just don't think I'm ready yet. How do I deal with the fact that I told such a big lie? I feel so guilty. When masturbating, I am able to reach climax within 10-15 minutes. Is that a normal time?

If you are not ready, then don't have sex. It is your business whom you tell about your sex life, and the only person you owe a truthful explanation to is your sex partners. So you have no reason to feel guilty about lying to those people, and you have no need to tell them the truth now. Your masturbating time is quite normal.

Is it normal to smell after masturbation? I wear cotton panties. Could this be a bacterial infection? (age 25)

Females release fluids when they masturbate too. If they get into your clothing, you or someone could smell them later. It is not necessarily an infection, but keep a lookout for other signs.

I am just curious if you are a Christian or a Republican by chance? You say a lot of the same things to your readers over and over. I am not saying I don't agree with some of your opinions. However, I think some of them using the word normal or abnormal, who are you to judge anyone. (age 25)

I am a free man, an American, a Christian, and a Democrat, in no particular order, to paraphrase Lyndon Johnson. My readers ask a lot of the same questions over and over. Normal and abnormal are statistical terms. If most people do a thing, it is normal. If only 2 percent of people do a thing, it is abnormal.

I've been masturbating for almost three years now, for some reason, and when I reach my climax, I shake a lot and I still shake a little afterward, and I also get tired. Is this normal? (age 15)

Yes, that is all very normal. Be glad you can shake like that. A lot of girls would like to have orgasms as intense as yours.

When I masturbate, I sometimes like to put clothespins or clips on my clit. Is this bad? (age 17)

I have never heard of anyone doing that. I can't imagine it's good.

Can a woman get used to clit stimulation after a few years and not get turned on by it anymore? (male, age 19)

It is possible for a woman to irritate her clitoris from too much stimulation that she won't want it stimulated for a while, just like a man can irritate his penis head to the point that he won't want to engage in his favorite sport for a while. But I have never heard of a woman (or a man) developing a permanent dislike for that kind of stimulation.

I masturbate by crossing my legs tightly and clenching the muscles in my legs, creating pressure on my genitals while lying on my back. Is that bad?

No, I think it is good that you are able to masturbate with such little stimulation. What you describe is an atypical form of masturbating, but I think it is a good kind of atypical. Some women can even do that in public, without anyone figuring out that they are masturbating. I know that a lot of my male readers are jealous of that. Of course, I think you should also learn how to masturbate in conventional ways, using manual stimulation.

My boyfriend and I masturbated together. He started having stuff come out of his crotch and he got on top of me. We didn't have sex but he might have gotten fluids in me. I haven't started to have my period yet. Do you think I could be pregnant?

It is unlikely you got pregnant from that, but I won't say it's impossible. If his fluids get in you, you could get pregnant. You won't get your first period until after you have ovulated for the first time, meaning it's possible to get pregnant even before you have your first period. Be more careful at keeping his fluids away from your privates.

Is it illegal to masturbate with a sibling? My brother and I have performed manual intercourse on each other. Is this a crime? (female, age 13)

There are laws in the books about incest in some places, but in the U.S., it is questionable how enforceable they are in light of recent Supreme Court decisions about sodomy. Usually what happens instead of criminal charges in brother-sister incest, they remove one or the other from the home and place them in foster care. The danger in your situation is not incest laws but the older one being charged with statutory rape due to your ages. I highly recommend against sexual involvement at your age, especially with a relative. However, it is much less likely that the authorities would care if you didn't touch each other sexually and only masturbated yourselves separately.

This is a great site and it has given me guidance, and even some wonderful advice and tips. I masturbate pretty often, and I love it. I finger myself, stroke my G-spot and I use a vibrator. The thing I'm most concerned with is that when I masturbate with my fingers not using a vibrator, it takes me a lot longer to reach an orgasm. It doesn't take that long if I finger myself while watching porn. After I reach orgasm with porn (fingering) I feel really guilty like I've done something wrong. I think it's because I like lesbian porn. I'm not a lesbian, and the thought of my even touching a girl that way makes me sick. Why does it turn me on? (age 16)

You certainly have a well-rounded masturbatory life. It is a common experience for masturbation to take less time when visual aids are used. I suspect that part of the reason you like lesbian porn is because you think it is more forbidden than straight porn. If this is so, then you would be less turned on by it as you come to think of it as less taboo. If straight porn doesn't turn you on at all, then you might have to consider the possibility that you really are a lesbian. Keeping in mind you're not legally old enough to consume this material, you might look at some different kinds of straight images before you decide you don't like them at all.

My boyfriend and I were both virgins when we started dating and have now had intercourse about six times using a condom and once without (I had starting taking oral contraceptives just over a month ago). My boyfriend has been unable to orgasm during sex. At first he complained that he could not orgasm because of the condoms and then, when he could not achieve orgasm without a condom either, we wondered if maybe a tight foreskin (he's uncircumcised) had something to do with it. He has no problem getting aroused and is able to achieve orgasm within about 5 minutes through masturbation. We are very much in love, and we have managed to pleasure ourselves in other ways (oral sex and fingering), but I feel discouraged that he can't orgasm during intercourse. We are both beginners when it comes to sex (which may have something to do with it), but I was wondering if there's anything we could do to help him orgasm during intercourse? Could lube help? (age 18)

My inclination is to say that lube isn't the problem. It would help if he abstained from orgasm for 5-7 days before having sex with you. Once he is successful in intercourse, this interval may be reduced. It would also help if he didn't penetrate you as soon as he gets aroused; if you could keep him waiting until he can't stand it anymore, that would lead to a higher likelihood of orgasm in intercourse.

I use my hands but I recently acquired one of those vibration machines that supposedly tones your muscles. I like to take it into my bedroom and lie down on my back, wrap my legs around the base of the machine and use it for masturbation. I find it is more effective than my hands. Am I doing something wrong or harmful? (age 13)

I think it is better if you don't do that, especially if you are already successful with your hands. Lots of adult females have discovered they have "vibrator fatigue" and can't orgasm through sexual intercourse. It would be sad if you started developing that condition at your age.

I am a lesbian for sure and for some reason I am most turned on by young girls age 13-15. There are a few that I just can't stop thinking about, and they also don't live around here. Is there something wrong with me? (age 19)

I don't think so, and whatever you want to think about is OK. It's acting on your fantasies that can be dangerous, and you are too old to be having sex with girls that age. In most states, it would be statutory rape. I suggest getting involved with the lesbian group at a nearby college and meeting some age-appropriate women. If your fantasy, on the other hand, is for girls 4-6 years younger than you and not specifically the 13-15 age range, then you will be able to pursue those fantasies with impunity in a couple of years.

When I masturbate, I feel the need to go faster, and when I do this, I try to carry on, but I have to stop. My clitoris gets too sensitive to touch for about 20 seconds and then I can continue. Is this normal? (age 14)

Yes. Most girls (and boys) develop ways of masturbating that don't irritate their privates and make them have to stop. For most this means not touching the sensitive clitoral or penile heads directly but rather stimulating the skin around them that lets those parts be stimulated indirectly.

I have been masturbating for a while now using only my vibrator, and I was wondering how long will it take me to resensitize my genitals if I stop using my vibrator altogether? (age 21)

Based on the experience of other women, you should expect to notice a difference within a month.

I always thought I was the only one who masturbates. Before I knew about this site I didn't even know what I was doing. Thank you sooo much for the site. It told me that I'm not a freak.


My best guy friend (who is hot) walked in on me masturbating. He said sorry and walked out. The next day I went over to study at his house, and he asked me out! Sometimes getting caught isn't so bad. (age 13)

I guess not!

I LOVE masturbating. I was reading your site to my friends and they think masturbation is disgusting. I feel like I'm alone.

You are definitely not alone. In a few years, nearly all of your friends will admit they masturbate. It's also very likely that some of them masturbate now but say it's disgusting so you will think they don't do it. You are ahead of them!

I am a gymnast and I have sliced the beam on the bar several times. Could this have broken my hymen? If it did, how can I tell? (age 14)

Yes, that kind of rough activity can break the hymen. You could tell by looking at it with a mirror. Sometimes it takes more than one mirror and a lot of patience.

I masturbate face down, and I'm trying to break this habit. I set up an area in my closet with Vaseline (I live in an extremely dry climate which can make my skin so dry it's painful to masturbate), water and a washcloth. I've never ever had an orgasm with my hands. Are there any other tips other than setting up a relaxing area and trying? (age 13)

I don't know why you would want to masturbate in a closet. You masturbate face down now, so why don't you do it where you do it now? You can overcome the face down habit pretty easily at your age.

When I masturbate I rub my clit. When I rub it it tickles. It tickles so much I have to stop. Is there something wrong with me?

No, most girls touch the area around the clitoris and don't stimulate the clitoral head itself. Practice makes perfect.

my husband and I have been having sex since before we were married. It has always been good, but lately I haven't been able to stop. Sex and masturbation have been so intense that I want more. I find myself wanting sex more and more and out in public. I have also been masturbating more and even though I have always done it in private but lately I have been doing it more in public. One day my husband and I were out driving when I just undid my bottoms and masturbated. My husband loved it and I was really turned on. Is this just a phase? (age 24)

I don't see a problem with masturbating in your car with your husband, but I advise against masturbating in public. Only time will tell if it's a phase. If it gets worse, I suggest getting professional help.

IM 14 and just started masturbating. When I masturbate, after a minute or two, my legs start to shake and my vision get blurred. Is that OK? I masturbate by putting a tampon applicator into my vagina and use my fingers to rub; for some reason I cannot put anything bigger than that in. Why is that? (age 14)

The leg shaking is normal and can be controlled by holding your legs tense. I have never heard of anyone getting blurred vision from masturbating. You will be able to get more into your vagina with practice.

I have been masturbating for about 2 years now and for the past year I have been relying on vibrators. The main reason is that when I try to masturbate manually, it takes an hour and I have pain afterwards. I've even had sores before! I've tried taking the advice of being gentler but then I don't reach orgasm and it usually doesn't feel like anything. Also, I don't feel much pleasure during sex. I try using lube, because it hurts when (not if) I dry up, but it's still usually painful. And don't get me started on the number of times I've gotten horny around a guy, had sex, and then didn't have an orgasm because I'm not going to make him wait around for an hour, even WITH foreplay and oral. What's my problem? Could it be that my testosterone levels are extremely low? (age 18)

Testosterone is mostly a male hormone. Your ovaries only produce a small drop of it. I think a hormonal problem would manifest itself in an inability to get aroused, not to reach orgasm. I would recommend masturbating less often. Then you would be more able to have an orgasm by hand and be less dependent on the vibrator. Once you are better at masturbating by hand, you could do it more often.

I am writing because I am concerned about my sister. She is 18 (I am 21) and she tells me she has never masturbated nor has any desire to do so. She also will not use tampons and seems quite adamant that there is nowhere for them to go, anyway, which suggests to me that she does not yet know her own body. I have always been very open with her about the fact that I masturbate, and I answer any questions she has. I tell her that it is healthy and a good idea to get to know her own body before she enters any kind of sexual relationship, but she refuses to try. She shows little interest in guys but I know she is straight. I know it is her life, but I worry about her.

There is no reason to focus on her not masturbating. Some women never do and go on to lead fulfilling sex lives. It is more troubling that she is not interested in guys. You would be better off helping her get a boyfriend now, before she finishes high school. She will have a lot more trouble starting from scratch in college or university. I hope you have a boyfriend or at least a casual male acquaintance that you can ask out, and have him find someone to come along double for your sister. After this first date (which does not have to be very involved), she will probably have a lot of questions about sex that you can help with.

Follow-up: I am not really in a position to help her find a boyfriend as I have enough trouble with that myself. I'm not sure how useful it would be, anyway, because she has a lot of self-confidence issues and hang-ups about her body. She is likely to shy away from sex rather than pursue it. She will talk to me about sex, and she has quizzed me at length about masturbation, so I don't think interest is the problem. She just doesn't seem to have a sex drive. I'm not sure what I can do. (age 21)

Perhaps you can help each other. Not all women are automatically interested in sex. Males are very easily stimulated by things they see, but for women, the most sexually stimulating thing is the touch of another person. Maybe you could go out together and it would help both of you meet interested males. Perhaps contact with a guy would make her more interested in sex than you telling her about your solo escapades.

Follow-up from another reader: Do you mean because of her age? Why would it be difficult to only start dating when you're over eighteen? I'm almost nineteen, and I've never had a boyfriend, but I don't worry about it, because things happen in their own time. I don't mean to sound hostile or defensive, but I'm just curious what you meant by that. Surely it would be easier when you're at college -- you're meeting people who have similar interests, and you're old enough to be mature about it. (age 18)

It is better if you get started in high school. No one in high school is married, and you are all the same age. That is not true in college. It is tougher to learn how to get attached in the stiffer social atmosphere of a college (or even worse, the workplace) than it is in high school. You are better off taking those baby steps in high school.

When I masturbate (only ever externally), after I climax, I have to do it again and again. After the first one, the second one is easy, and then I want more and more. I don't have to try for long either. I just wait a few seconds and go again. It only takes another few seconds for me to reach another orgasm. The problem is, I can't stop. It's not like I'm addicted to masturbation -- I only do it about once a week. But when I start it's hard to stop because it feels so amazing and intense, and it's very easy for me to make myself climax again and again. I could lie there for hours doing it. Is this abnormal? It's not a problem or anything is it? Do you ever get aroused when reading so many sex-related questions? (age 18)

You are basically describing multiple orgasms. It is not unusual for women who can have them (and those few men) to do it over and over. But like anything else, there is too much of a good thing. You just have to decide at the outset how much time you want to spend masturbating just like you set aside time for any other fun activity. It is surprising that you only masturbate weekly. I recently did a mini-survey of males that found that even though they have better orgasms after abstaining for a few days, they would rather have average daily orgasms than a single outstanding one every 3-4 days. In your situation, that would translate to masturbating for 15 minutes every day instead of spending hours having multiple orgasms once a week. I wonder if I have gotten desensitized to dealing with sexual questions as often as I do.

I started masturbating when I was nine. I discovered it by accident. I had an orgasm and I've been doing it since then. Is that an abnormal age to start? It's not too young, is it? Over the years I started using various vibrating objects and I couldn't orgasm with my hands anymore. But when I was about fifteen I stopped and now it's the other way around -- I'm better with my hands. Does this sound OK to you? I won't have any problems due to the excessive vibrator use will I? (age 18)

According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, 27.5 percent of females started masturbating before their 10th birthdays. This is more than three times the percentage of males who had started by that age. In response to a separate question as to when they started masturbating for the purpose of giving themselves sexual gratification, 11.2 percent said they started before their 10th birthdays. So it isn't especially abnormal that you started when you did. It is good that you prevailed over your use of objects and now enjoy masturbating with your hands better. I don't think the use of vibrators will affect you in the long run. You are an inspiration to others!

I like to masturbate! Sometimes I do it while my boyfriend is on the phone. He gets an orgasm but I don't. Most of the time I get mad because I lie to him and tell him I'm having an orgasm when I'm not. Do you have any tips about how I can make myself have an orgasm more often? I love your site!

Your boyfriend seems kind of selfish. It would be better if he helped you have an orgasm over the phone first because it takes females longer to reach orgasm. Then once you've gotten yours, you can work on his. Try to get him to try it this way.

I've been trying to get an orgasm for over a year now. Every time I masturbate (externally) I get to a certain point and then I can't seem to go any further and then it all of a sudden starts to feel uncomfortable. Is there something wrong with me? Am I doing something wrong? (age 17)

The key thing is to be both relaxed and focused. When you get to that certain point, stroke as hard and fast as you can and see if that gets you over the hump (known as the plateau phase in sexual science).

Is it normal if I encounter stomach pain and feeling tired after masturbating? It's my first time doing it. (age 18)

That doesn't sound too usual. It is very normal to feel tired. You are probably just straining your abdominal muscles. You will get used to it and learn not to hurt.

When I masturbate, I close my eyes and pretend that the one pleasuring me is my boyfriend. Is this normal? (age 14)

Yes, that is one of the most normal things I've heard lately.

I've had sex twice, and both times I've gotten a pain in my lower abdomen. Both times my boyfriend fingered me a lot beforehand. The second time we had to stop because it hurt too much. Is this normal? Will it stop? (age 17)

Some pain is typical for a female's first intercourse, but it is not normal for you to pinpoint the pain in the lower abdomen. (Most say that only the vagina hurts.) I would advise keeping your sexual activity briefer next time and seeing if it makes a difference.

I heard that a girl's hymen can be broken gently and she could do it herself so that when she has sex for the first time she shouldn't have to go through pain. Have you heard of that and is it true? (age 16)

Yes, I have heard that from many, many females, and it is certainly true that if a girl is experienced masturbating with a dildo, she will not have pain at first intercourse. However, it is not necessary to use one frequently to accomplish this. As a rule of thumb, if an object that is bigger than a penis doesn't hurt to be repeatedly and speedily inserted (about one repetition per second), then intercourse won't hurt either.

I masturbate with the bathtub faucet. I am not only unable to have an orgasm from my hands but I don't get any pleasure at all. How can I learn to masturbate with my hands? (age 14)

I suggest abstaining from masturbating for a week or so and then trying your hands. Masturbating with running water is the problem for you, not the solution.

I was on holiday with my family and staying in a hotel. My mom was in the same bed but it was about 3 am and she was utterly asleep and on the other end of the bed. Is it wrong that I masturbated? (female, age 14)

No, I don't think so.

I do not believe doing anything above the waist makes you lose your virginity, so I allowed my boyfriend to take my top and bra off and stimulate me with his tongue. He made my head reel and it felt soooo good. It was hard to keep things above the waist and it make me feel horny, but we were both strong enough to keep it at that.

We are very open with each other. We can make extremely dirty jokes, talk about periods and masturbation, and he even knows that I use erotica to get turned on. He isn't grossed out by any sexual talk between us, and I know he gets erect when he sees me Daisy Duke my top or take off my bra. He has done something for me, and I really want to do something for him. I know oral is OUT, especially since I have a purity ring and am keeping to my virginity pledge.

He is constantly reassuring me that he doesn't want anything and that he wants to pleasure me and I don't need to pleasure him, but I feel as if I am taking advantage of him and should reward him for doing a good job. What do I do? (age 13)

You are certainly exceeding the limits of passion for your age in terms of wanting to remain a virgin. If you were only into kissing at your age, you could save breast fondling (first through the clothes, and then underneath, and then top off, and then bra off) for later, but you have already rushed to that point. If your goal is to wait to do anything below the waist until you are married or at least over 18, then you have a long way to wait with nothing much to progress to in the meantime. If chastity is a goal of yours, you would be better off not being as sexually explicit with future boyfriends in terms of dirty jokes, sex talk, etc. If you know he gets erect when you go Daisy Duke, then you must want to make it happen when you do it. Be glad you have a patient boyfriend who isn't pushing you for sexual engagement. It might not always be that way.

Is there any safe way to break your hymen without having sex? (age 14)

There is hardly any way to break a hymen that isn't safe. The hymen is a fairly unnecessary piece of tissue, kind of like those pieces of film that are on the front of electronics when you buy them. It doesn't matter how you remove them or if you do. Many girls like to break theirs with their hands or a masturbatory object. That way they don't have to be self-conscious about bleeding in front of a partner.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months. I give him a hand job and he fingers me. But when he fingers me it hurts. Is this a bad thing? Can you get an STD from fingering? (age 15)

You ought to teach him how to touch you so that it feels good for you and doesn't hurt. Manual intercourse (hand jobs, fingering) is considered safe sex. You don't need to worry about STDs.

Do guys care how girls look down there? One of my labia minora is bigger and darker than the other. Do guys care about a lady's pubic hair? Are you just supposed to keep it trimmed or wax it? (age 15)

I have never heard a male comment about a female's labia. I don't think it is important to very many guys. It is girls who make a big deal about trimming their pubic hair. Guys are usually happy enough that a female is willing to let him see that they don't express an opinion about how it looks.

What is the prone position?

It means lying with the stomach down.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years. We've had sex many times, but I've never orgasmed. In fact, I don't think I've ever orgasmed at all. It makes me really worried that I will never be able to. He has tried almost everything and I feel terrible that I can't. I used to have a habit of masturbating with a shower head. I read on your site that this could be hurting my ability to orgasm. I am stopping that; however, I still feel like I'll never get there. I get a lot of pleasure out of sex and other foreplay, but I'm frustrated. I need an orgasm! (age 19)

You ought not be so worried; a lot of women your age have never had an orgasm either, and many of them have no history of masturbating with running water. You are apt to have an easier time becoming orgasmic by masturbating than with your boyfriend. I would suggest working on it on your own. Although I advise against the use of vibrators in general, it might be worthwhile for you to use one at least until you're able to have orgasms. Then work on having them without the vibrator.

I'm a virgin, and I've been masturbating for years, always externally, because whenever I try to put something in there, it hurts very badly. I can't get more than two fingers in because it hurts so much. I've checked myself in the mirror and my hymen is still completely covering the opening, with just a little slit in the middle. Is this normal? Should I see a doctor? (age 19)

I'm inclined to believe that the hymen is not your problem. It is usually resistance from the vaginal wall muscles that causes pain in inexperienced females. I doubt that your problem needs a doctor, but it wouldn't hurt to point it out at your next exam. In the meantime, I suggest working on moving past two fingers. Be prepared to endure a little bit of discomfort. It will get easier every time.

I'm really scared because I masturbate prone. I really want to stop but i don't know how. And I'm also afraid that I won't ever have an orgasm. Can you please give me advice? (age 14)

Please see the main page about prone masturbation for a program to help you quit and learn conventional masturbation. You are pretty young and can overcome it easily. Many girls your age have never had an orgasm and you need not fear it because of your prone masturbation.

I really like your site and I believe it is important for girls to understand the kind of world we live in. I'm a virgin and want to remain so until marriage. I think that masturbation is OK. We need to understand and love our bodies, and know that it's not just an object of physical pleasure for men. (age 24)


I am a very sexual person. I like to wear super short skirts and shorts and wear tanktops with no bra. I ignore my school's dress code and people have been calling me a slut behind my back. I have never even had a boyfriend (but I have been asked out several times). I like to expose myself in swimming class and pretend it was an accident. I masturbate a lot (2-3 times a day). Do you think this is why I do these things? Sometimes I wish I could just do everything naked. Is that weird and does it make me a nudist? (age 14)

It is not weird to wish for that, but to act on those wishes when everyone else not only remains clothed but is compelled to do so by a dress code is indeed weird. Your continual flouting of the school dress code is undoubtedly stirring resentments among your classmates who adhere to the dress code even as they might want to do what you do. You are doubtless also making people uncomfortable with your frequent swimming incidents. People have figured out by now that they are not accidents. Being called names is a consequence of expressing your sexuality precociously. You have one meaning for the word they use (i.e., promiscuous) but they are using it to mean something else (i.e., overtly sexual). If one wants to be a non-conformist, one must be prepared to suffer the consequences of being a non-conformist. Junior high is a particularly painful time to be a non-conformist. It gets (somewhat) easier as you get older.

Is is normal to not be able to see your vagina? I haven't had my period yet, but there's something pink where my vagina is supposed to be. (age 13)

The vagina is an internal organ that is not readily visible. A doctor uses an instrument called a speculum in order to open it and see inside. The pink you are seeing might be your hymen or the vaginal opening, called the os.

I used to feel guilty about masturbating, but I came to terms with it a long time ago, and I'm really comfortable with myself. The thing is, I live with my grandmother, and she's insinuated, twice, that she knows that I do it. Usually I use the water tap in the bathroom, and regularly. The bathroom door lock is kind of broken, and she used to just barge in whenever she wanted to (doesn't do it anymore). I never actually thought she caught me, but yesterday she got really angry at me and she started yelling about how much time I take to bathe, and that she knows where most of that water is going, and that I love it. I was so disgusted by this invasion of privacy, and the fact that she would use something like that against me, and in such a crude way. (She's a very mean person sometimes. I'm used to her cruelty, but this was just too private a matter.)

If she does know, then she's never actually tried to stop me. But she talks about getting me married off fast (I think she's afraid I'm going to fool around with some guy and get pregnant.) Today she's not angry anymore, and she's acting normal and cheerful. But I don't want to be around her, really.

I also wanted to point out how unfair it is that everyone just assumes that guys will masturbate eventually, and accept it as their right. But it is still rather taboo for a girl. I have friends who look down on girls who masturbate. Boys seem OK with girls who do it though. My ex-boyfriend was thrilled when he found out about me. I hate these double standards. Women are just as sexual as men, and it is our right as much as it is the right of any man. Sex is a normal and wonderful thing, and I just wish my grandmother would bug off and stop trying to control me.

There was no question in there, but I am happy to put your epistle on HealthyStrokes.com. Just ignore your grandmother as much as you can. She has been masturbating for two generations longer than you. Your friends might be condemning masturbation so they don't have to admit that they do it too. HealthyStrokes.com celebrates the legitimacy of female masturbation.

What is another reason a girl gets wet besides being aroused? By the way, GREAT SITE!!! (age 16)

It is normal for there to be some wetness that doesn't correspond to sexual arousal. It is normal for the glands to release their excess from time to time.

I've heard that during sex sometimes the girl is on top. Can that cause TMS for them? (age 12)

No. Being in the prone position in vaginal intercourse, for either males or females, is not a cause of sexual dysfunction. The body of the partner is much more gentle on the private parts than thrusting into or against a pillow or mattress is.

I have a bunk bed, and I masturbate by pressing myself against the post that sticks out of the top. Is this healthy? (age 13)

No, not at all. It sounds dangerous too. You could easily fall off. You are better off using your hands rather than any piece of furniture.

I love to masturbate but when I'm on my period I hate even the thought that I masturbate, I almost feel very ashamed. But when I'm off my period I end up doing it once a day. Have you heard of this? (age 16)

Yes, I think that's pretty common. Lots of females are self-conscious about getting menstrual blood on their hands, but there is no reason to be ashamed about it.

Recently I've been wishing I had a penis. I want that because I wonder how guys feel when they masturbate. Is there something wrong with me?

No, it's pretty normal. I see wishes like that from both males and females. Nearly everyone is happy with what they've got but has wishes like that occasionally.

I do not get turned on by the act of having sex or my partner touching me or me touching him or even being in a sexual situation. I can only reach orgasm through unwanted fantasies about watching men masturbate, and I have been like this since I was about 16. I want to be able to feel turned on and reach orgasm through a sexual act with the man I love, but I just have no desire or response to that and always have to use the unwanted fantasy. It's driving me crazy. I read somewhere that unwanted fantasies where you can't reach orgasm without them are because of childhood abuse. Is this true? (age 28)

I don't think it is true, at least not for very many people. Everyone has orgasmic triggers, but not everyone has been abused. Just about all people have some fantasies that are out of the ordinary that they would rather not have. However, I don't think your fantasy is at all out of the ordinary. Most people are very aroused by the thought of the gender they are attracted to masturbating. I certainly see a lot of comments about it by writing this site. Perhaps it would help if you told your partner about your fantasy and he worked to integrate your fantasy with your sex acts by masturbating in front of you or talking about his masturbating while you are having sex. If you feel you couldn't do this, then I suggest you seek help from a sex therapist who can help you work through this issue.

I am a virgin. What are the risks of me going on birth control? Could there be long term consequences? What are your views on it? My boyfriend and I have came very close to having sex but both agree we can't let it happen unless we use a condom and I am on the pill. (age 16)

Those are questions to ask the doctor who might prescribe birth control pills for you. I think the pill is on balance a safe choice and definitely the most effective one. Condoms are fairly redundant when the pill is used correctly (assuming you're not worried about sexually transmitted diseases).

I vomited tonight about two hours after taking my birth control pill. I didn't see the pill. Does this mean it got absorbed before I threw up and am I safe to have sex this weekend? (age 22)

The rule of thumb is that if you vomit within two hours of taking the pill that it's the same as missing the pill. Your incident happened right on the borderline. You should take a spare as soon as you think you won't be vomiting again. It would be advisable to use extra protection for the next week to be on the safe side. Of course you didn't see the pill because the pill itself dissolves rapidly after swallowing, but the medication in the pill takes time to be absorbed.

I started masturbating at age 9. I can't seem to stop. I tried to have sex with my boyfriend but he could not enter my vagina. Is something wrong? I do external masturbation. (age 17)

That all sounds normal. Few people can stop, and most don't even try. It is fairly common for a vagina to resist penile entry when a females is just starting to be sexual. External masturbation does little to make your vagina ready for penetration. Internal masturbation might get you more used to the feeling of vaginal penetration.

I get no pleasure whatsoever from masturbating with my hands. I have tried everything that you have suggested. I have tried skipping up to a month without masturbating, tried "using my imagination more," and tried inserting objects (which you didn't suggest). I asked my mother if I could have a vibrator and she said no. She said there was an age restrictions in stores, but your site said there wasn't. I have seen some vibrators in stores, so I know there are not age restrictions. I really think I need one, and she doesn't seem to get that. What should I do? By the way, thank you for this great site!!!(age 13)

It may seem very frustrating to you, but you seem to be in a very big rush to have an orgasm. Just keep up what feels good and orgasms are apt to happen soon. If you are still anorgasmic at age 16 or so, then I would suggest trying a vibrator. Your mother is looking out for your sexual health by not getting you one so soon. If it's any consolation, it didn't happen to me until I was 15 3/4 -- which is a very late age for a male. For a female view, read the next one:

Orgasm was not such a big deal for me. It was built up to be something more important than I thought it actually was. I'd like to advise anyone who feels they are yet to experience orgasm, to not expect so much and perhaps it will come sooner, (and then in time, when you have improved your technique, it will get better). External masturbation has proved most successful for me but I have been working up to successful internal masturbation. I feel like I can't reach orgasm from internal masturbation, and I find it very uncomfortable to keep relaxed and self-penetrate at the same time. Are there any particular techniques or tips you can offer me to help me on my way? (age 17)

Internal masturbation is not a must. Paralleling your advice to anorgasmic young females, less might be more. If you are hurting your wrists, you are using too much force. Try to use less force and enjoy it more. Using internal masturbation in conjunction with external masturbation, not in place of it, is apt to yield the best results.

Sometimes I masturbate about certain celebrities, is that OK? But afterward I feel guilty because I think it would be weird if someone masturbated about me. (age 15)

It is OK, but you don't get to have it both ways. Everyone fantasizes about celebrities, and all celebrities are aware that a lot of people fantasize about them. Many of them even like it. Most people are also aware that people around them also fantasize about them. It might be weird, but would you like it better if no one ever fantasized about you?

I don't wear panties unless I have my period, and I like the way it feels. Is it possible to get a yeast infection from not wearing them? Also, will other people be able to tell if I'm not wearing underwear? (age 15)

You can't get an infection from not wearing underwear, but keep in mind the purpose of underwear is to keep your regular clothes clean. Some people can tell when someone isn't wearing underwear. But people like that often suspect all kinds of things that aren't their business.

Is 11 too young to know if you are lesbian? When I masturbate I fantasize about girls. I have no feelings for boys and they don't turn me on at all, and I have a fantasy about my best friend when we're older. How many women are lesbians?

11 is a little young to know your orientation for certain. It would be a good idea to live for a few more years before ruling attraction to boys out completely. About one and a half percent of women are lesbians.

Am I too young to be masturbating? I don't get to an orgasm, but I touch myself in bed. I haven't gone through puberty. Do you think I should talk to my mom about this? What should I do if my parents catch me masturbating? I don't think they would approve. (age 11)

You are not too young. A lot of people started at your age or younger. There is no reason to tell your mother. Your parents are apt to be understanding if they find out.

After some problems I've had with a male stalker/predator, I've concluded that men are animals. Why else are most sex offenders male? Why do people try to hide that fact? I've grown increasingly bi-curious. I've always had occasional crushes on girls, but my urges for boys were much stronger. I never dated, so some people accused me of being a lesbian, but still, I really liked boys until the 50-year-old savage I mentioned above came into my life. Since then, I've grown to hate men and think more about women. I masturbate to lesbian thoughts about celebrity women I will never have. Why don't I masturbate to women I can be with? I'm rather afraid of ever having a relationship and would kind of like to be abstinent for as long as I live. Am I truly bisexual, or a bi-curious who is reacting to a problem I've had with a predator? (age 18)

You are correct that most sex offenders are male, and I make no effort to hide that fact. But you are wrong in generalizing from these sex offenders that all men are animals. Nearly everyone masturbates to celebrities they will never have. It is entirely within your control who you think about when you masturbate. If you are unable to fantasize to women that you actually know, that suggests to me that you aren't a lesbian. Your questions about the cause of your curiousness are outside of my expertise, and I encourage you to seek professional help in dealing with the fallout from your bad experience.

There's a guy who sits in front of me in one of my classes that I really like. We haven't really talked before, because he's kinda shy and I'm kinda shy. But we started talking a few days ago, and then today in class he decided to sit by me. I want him to ask for my number or something, because I don't want to make the first move. I want him to like me, but I don't know what to do. What do you think? Is it OK to get his number or will he eventually ask me? (age 15)

Guys love it when females make the first move! If you think asking for his phone number is too forward, you could ask for his e-mail address, which might be just as good. He might not answer a call from a number he doesn't know, but he will almost certainly read an e-mail from a girl he knows. If he chose to sit by you, it's a sign that he likes you.

My husband is very large and when he tries to go deep and hard it hurts. There are times we want to just get after it and I can't handle it. Is there anything I can do to be able to play rough? (age 29)

According to you, it hurts when he does that. Since you ought not endure that kind of pain, it would be good if he would know better than to "go deep and hard."

I live with my dad and 3 older brothers. My dad talked to me about masturbating and said if I had any questions I could ask him or my brothers. I want to ask some questions, but I'm embarrassed because they are not girls and so it would be creepy. Should I them anyway? (age 11)

If you don't want to ask, then don't ask. But you are asking me, and I'm not now and never was a girl.

I'm still scared of fully masturbating and prefer to rub myself with my panties on; I experience small orgasms from this pretty quickly. But when I tried going third base with my boyfriend, nothing he did (no full intercourse) aroused me. Is there anything wrong with me? (age 14)

No. It is fairly typical for a girl to be anorgasmic from stimulation by a partner at your age. I would suggest having bigger orgasms on your own before trying it with a partner. I also believe that if you are so inhibited that you can't masturbate with your panties off, that you won't be able to have orgasms with a partner. You will almost certainly be a lot different when it comes to this in a few years.

How can you tell whether breasts are real or implants? (age 16)

That is a tricky one. The people who design them and those who install them and those who spend lots of money on them want them to be as close to real breasts as possible. So it is difficult to tell under normal conditions. A lot of implants (especially older ones) will collapse when the woman lies on her back in a way that natural breasts won't. One can tell the difference by touching them, but with some sophisticated modern ones, even that method is getting less accurate.

I was wondering what you thought about people losing their virginity at a late age. I'll be 19 this year, and I'm a virgin. I've never done anything sexual with anyone else before. I'm not religious, so I don't want to wait until after I'm married, but I want to wait until I'm with someone special that I fully trust. However, I don't see that happening any time soon. I'm worried about what the effects of waiting until later in life to have sex are. If I lose my virginity in my early twenties as opposed to losing it in my mid-to-late teens, will I suffer any kind of difficulties? Is it different for men and women?

You are not so old to be a virgin at your age. According to a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, only 39 percent of current 18 year old women have had vaginal intercourse. There were 296 women age 18 in the survey. Late virginity causes fewer problems in women than in men. I don't think you have to worry.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three years now and we have a great sex life. We talk about masturbation with each other once in a while, and he told me that he masturbates up to five times a week and almost always watches porn. I know it is normal for men to masturbate, but I feel like this is a lot for having an active sex life and steady girlfriend. I don't understand why it bothers me so much; should I not worry about it or tell him that I wish he wouldn't masturbate as often? (age 19)

If it is up to five times a week, the average is probably more like three. That isn't so much for your age. Men regard masturbation as different from intercourse, not better. You ought to accept masturbation as something normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for males to do. Be glad he is open about it.

My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months and we started living together about a year ago. Both of us had very bad relationships in the past, but we are happy now. Unfortunately, even though we have each had sex before with our previous partners, we can't seem to do it with each other. We want it, but we just can't have intercourse. Every time I pleasure him, he gets it up, but when we try to do anything else he just comes down. It makes my boyfriend depressed, and even though we spend a significant amount of time talking about it, nothing helps. We have a normal relationship and we never fight, but what do you think can be happening? (age 23)

It would be good to figure out the cause of his erectile dysfunction. It would also be good not to say anything about it when it happens. Just enjoy whatever you can do together. Perhaps he can work on your arousal until he is ready. Using Viagra or Cialis might help for a while until he can get used to having sex again.

I have this friend and we are really close. Every time I go for a sleepover with her ,I get the urge to have sex with her. I don't know if I'm a lesbian or not and I'm not sure whether to tell her that I want to do things with her. I also get wet around her. Would it be OK if she said yes to have vaginal sex with her? (age 14)

You shouldn't be having vaginal sex your age with either males or females. I would also advise you against telling your friend about your feelings. The chances are low that she would be happy that you're sexually attracted to her and even lower that she'd want to have sex with you.

I masturbate every night. Sometimes at school if I feel the need to masturbate, I just put my hand under my desk like I'm scratching something but I just run my fingers on my thighs and it makes me feel better. (age 13)

That doesn't sound too bad, but if you get too comfortable with it, someone will notice. Better to resist temptation until you can get to a private place.

I get aroused easily by using my shower head. I put it on a vibrating setting. Is this a bad idea and could it hurt me in any way? (age 20)

It is better if you don't get habituated to using running water. It is also better if you don't get habituated to any kind of vibrator. It would be better if you were only using the shower to help you get aroused and then finished by hand, and better still if you didn't use the shower at all for sexual stimulation.

How can I find out if my boyfriend is a virgin or not? (age 25)

The best way is to ask him. If you have sex with him, then you can get an idea of how experienced he is at it. If he is good in bed, he is probably not a virgin. You can't tell by examining his genitals if he's ever been inside a woman (or man) before.

What exactly is oral sex? (age 16)

Oral sex is contact between the mouth of one person and the genitals of another. Oral sex performed on a male is called fellatio. Oral sex performed on a female is called cunnilingus.

I like to masturbate about once every three days, because the longer I go without it the better the orgasms are. But trying to get alone time in this house is hard (it's just Mum, me and our cat) with my mum constantly coming to report to me her latest "findings" on the computer.

My bedroom has a lock on the door but my cat is a very timid and dependent but loving to Mum and I and she likes to be in my bedroom whenever I am in there. She hates being locked out of my bedroom and yowls pitifully.

She likes to stare. And I mean REALLY stare. Her golden eyes can just be locked on you for ten minutes and its unnerving masturbating in front of her. One, I don't want her to see it, and two, I do not have a fetish for people or animals watching me. How can I masturbate in private without Mum barging in on me and without upsetting my cat by locking her out? I love her and I spoil her to the point that whatever she wants, I give it to her. How can I enjoy masturbating when I have her staring at me? (age 13)

Your story reminds me of a movie where a male was having trouble masturbating because his dog was yowling. I think it will be easier for you to get used to the cat staring at you than the cat yowling outside the room. The cat is non-judgmental and at least won't tell what you're doing. Masturbation has been observed in every species of mammal. Maybe the cat does it too.

I masturbate on my back with my legs bent, down and to the side, with my hands pressing and rubbing on my clitoris and vulva. Is that TMS? I think I might be bisexual. I've had a sexual experience with a friend the same age where we intertwined our legs and rubbed our vulvas together, both of us wearing pants. But I also like guys a lot, and I'm scared because I don't want to be bi. Please help me! (age 13)

What you describe is not TMS. A single event of tribadism does not make you bi. You have a lot of time to figure out what your sexuality is. Don't be so upset about it now.

What does it mean by being "wet"? Is it urinating a little? (age 12)

It means producing vaginal secretions by being sexually aroused.

My mom dosn't think masturbating is right, but I masturbate every day. How do I tell her? Also, can masturbating with a Crayola marker damage my vagina?

I don't think you need to tell her. Markers are very popular and will not damage your vagina. Make sure the cap stays on.

I have been masturbating with my fingers since I was about 7 years old and have enjoyed myself every time. Recently I purchased a small vibrator, but it just makes my clit get numb and doesn't provide much pleasure. Is it normal to prefer your hand to a vibrator? When I first look at my vagina with a mirror, all I see is a membrane with a small hole in it. It hurts to penetrate my vagina at this time. If I bear down as if trying to push something out of my vagina, though, the hole in the membrane gets wider and the inside of my vagina is visible. I have masturbated internally a few times and tried to insert a vibrator that was 3" in circumference, but the vibrator hurt a lot. Is this normal? (age 19)

It is always better to prefer your hand, but you are probably just inexperienced with the vibrator. You don't want to overdo it on your clitoris. Think of yourself as sneaking up on your clitoris and applying the vibrator lightly instead of holding it in place. Find what you like, and I think you will appreciate the vibrator more. It can hurt to insert something into your vagina when you are not used to doing so. I would say if you want to keep up with internal masturbation to just work at it slowly with the vibrator. You will get more used to the feeling and learn to relax.

I really want to thank you for the page entitled "Masturbation for Christians". I'm a really devout Roman Catholic who was really worried about religious views on masturbating. I was so worried that I thought that I was giving in to one of the seven deadly sins, which was lust. But after reading the content on that page, I was relieved that I was only fantasizing and not committing a sin [insert sigh of relief here]. I have been masturbating for a year now and I've felt a bit ashamed because of my age (according to the mentality of my country's people, the ages of twelve to fifteen are considered young) and what other people will think (most of the people I know are Roman Catholics who don't really approve of masturbating at an age like mine). Once again, I would really like to thank you for sharing the content on your site. You are my hero, in a sense. (female, age 12)


Sometimes while masturbating my vulva starts to feel really hot. Is that normal? (age 14)

Yes. It can because of friction but also because it's physical activity, any of which warms you up.

My brother and I are fraternal twins and have shared a bedroom since birth. Lately I've noticed him peeping at me and stealing my underwear. I can hear him masturbating in his bed at night. How do I go about confronting him or my parents about this without embarrassing him? (age 14)

Opposite-gender siblings your age ought not be sharing a bedroom. In fact, opposite-gender siblings over five should not be sharing a bedroom. I would suggest talking to your brother about it first. He should want to join you in making a plea for a different living arrangement. Whether he agrees or not, you should tell your parents you want more privacy. They should understand. It would be a good idea to not specifically mention your brother's masturbating or taking your underwear unless it's necessary.

I masturbate irregularly and externally. I would masturbate more, but I lose feeling in my lower legs at the point of orgasm and can't get the feeling completely back until a couple of days later. I don't think this is normal. There is multiple sclerosis in my family. Is it possible that I might have that? I am certain my numbness arrives upon orgasm. (age 17)

MS doesn't usually run in families. The vast majority of people who are diagnosed with it have no family members with it at all. Even so, I would see a doctor in your situation. You are correct that what is happening to you is not normal. You might try masturbating in some different positions (sitting in a chair, soaking in a bathtub, etc.) and see if it makes a difference.

I am a virgin and just started to masturbate. I've done it 6-7 times. I haven't felt pleasure from it. My mood comes and goes but it doesn't really come close to what they described as sexual excitement/orgasm/climax/arousal.

I have irregular menstruation and I usually skip a period. When I masturbated, I bled the day after. It was somewhat like a period but lasted 3-4 days (my normal is 5). This happened twice. Is it possible that I broke my hymen and that's why I bled? (age 21)

Most females don't describe their first time masturbating as earth-shaking. You need more practice before you can expect to have tremendous feelings. Keep at it and work at enjoying it. I think it was just a coincidence that you masturbated right before you got your period. If you had broken your hymen, it would not have bled for 3-4 days.

I've been masturbating for a while and I recently started fitting 2 fingers in my vagina. It didn't hurt, but it did feel tight. Afterward, it was a little red on the inside (like if I spread the lips it looks pink/reddish). Is this an infection or just because of my stretching it out more?

It is highly unlikely to be infected. You would have to break the skin for it to get infected.

I caught one of my female co-workers masturbating at work. Every time we see each other, she just looks pale and can't look me in the face. I have no plan to tell but I don't know to confront her either. What should I do? (age 24)

I think you should tell her, "I wish I hadn't seen what I did, but I'm not going to tell anyone so you can relax."

You talk about the dangers of the prone position, but I don't understand what that is. Can you explain?

Supine means lying on the back, and prone means lying on the stomach. Prone masturbation means masturbating in a position similar to the prone position pictured above. (Image courtesy medtrng.com)

I've been trying to masturbate less because it seems unhealthy, but when I stop for a few days I start developing a rash on my vulva. I shower daily and try to keep it as clean and dry as possible but at the end of the day it starts itching and burning. I leak this clear fluid that makes it irritated. (age 12)

I don't know why masturbating or not masturbating could cause that. I suspect that masturbating is not your problem. However, if masturbating makes the problem go away, then you have found a solution and a reason to masturbate too.

I have only recently begun masturbating as I rarely had orgasms from sexual relations with my boyfriends. I have learned how to orgasm and generally use a vibrator or my fingers on my clitoris. Most of my orgasms now are very powerful and leave me with tingling all through my arms and hands and my fingers become rigid and curled and I cannot use them for a few minutes afterward to pick up or hold anything. This has been happening when I masturbate or when my boyfriend uses his fingers on me. Is it normal for my hands/fingers to do that when I orgasm? (age 31)

I have never heard a woman (or man) report that before, but I'm not certain it's a bad thing. If it bothers you, it would be an idea to see a doctor. Or you might just need practice learning how to deal with an orgasm.

I feel awful right now (headache, sore throat, temperature, etc.) and I'm sick with a cold. I tried masturbating but it just makes my headache worse and then my muscles hurt and it's not pleasurable at all (plus, my sinuses leak worse when I become aroused). How can I still masturbate during my cold but not have the cold affect it? (age 13)

You are pretty young and might experiment with different levels of intensity, etc., but I don't think it will feel completely the same as when you are well. Get well soon!

I am currently engaged, have had four sex partners total, and I enjoy having sex and masturbating and believe both to be perfectly normal. My best friend, married for two years, has told me she has never had an orgasm. What do you suggest I discuss with her to help her achieve this? (age 24)

You could tell her about your experience and let her know that anorgasmia is common in younger women. HealthyStrokes.com and many others have resources for women learning to be orgasmic.

I can't masturbate with my hands, because it doesn't feel good at all. I never reach orgasm even after 20 minutes. I just get tired & bored. I have tried many ways that I saw on the Internet and on your site. None of them work. So I tried a pillow. I just put it between my legs and hump it. I orgasm easily after about 5 minutes. It feels so good. I was just wondering if this could hurt me. I know on your site that you don't approve of it, but I'm worried if it will affect my sex life in the future, like not being about to orgasm during sex. (age 13)

Your suspicions are correct. Females who masturbate with their hands are more able to have orgasms during sex than other females. Now that you know what an orgasm feels like, and what your body feels like when one is about to happen, it ought to be easier for you to produce one with the methods that you tried earlier that didn't work.

Does using a vibrator help achieve a better orgasm than just using your fingers? I don't know anyone who uses one, so I don't know how to or what it feels like. (age 15)

Some females think so, but I only recommend vibrators for females who are unable to reach orgasm any other way. For females who merely want a variation, it is a big risk to get used to masturbating electrically. Females who masturbate manually have the easiest time reaching orgasm in intercourse.

I am a 13 year old girl who has been masturbating for about a year (just externally). I once tried using Vaseline and it really prolonged my time (from 10 minutes to about 16 minutes). I was wondering if that was normal and OK to use as a lube.

Yes, Vaseline is a popular lube among people your age. It is safe.

I can only orgasm if I'm on top. I have always masturbated prone until recently. Now I can orgasm by lying on my back but I can't have an orgasm when my boyfriend is on top. How do I fix this? (age 21)

Practice makes perfect. I think you have done the right thing by giving up prone masturbation. Just work at enjoying yourself more during sex. A lot of women masturbate while they're having sex. A lot of men like it too or at least don't mind. Tell your boyfriend you're working at being more orgasmic in intercourse. He will like it.

My best friend is dating my older brother. She always tells me all of the details of her dates with him. Even about them having sex, what he does to her, and even about his penis. At first I passed it off, but now I am interested, and have been masturbating to the the ideas. Do I need help? (age 16)

I would suggest telling your friend that what she is telling you about your brother makes you uncomfortable. I would also suggest transferring your fantasies to a male who doesn't make you feel uncomfortable about those thoughts.

Is masturbating with a sibling a crime? I have an 11 year old brother whom I share a room with, and we have this game where we masturbate one another, and whoever comes first loses. Is it still incest if we're not really having sexual intercourse? And I'm the older one, so I am the one responsible if it is. (age 13)

The police or a court or child protection agency could decide that what you are doing is statutory rape or child abuse. As the older one, it is your responsibility to stop this activity. You also should not be sharing a bedroom at your age.

Please stop telling girls to masturbate with objects such as vegetables, markers, and candles. That's really just unsanitary and potentially dangerous depending on what it is, especially if they're young and their vaginas are really small. They can do serious damage with big objects such as cucumbers and bananas, no matter how far their walls are supposed to stretch. I'm all for masturbation and stuff, especially when you're young and you don't need to be having sex yet. But, at least for internal masturbation, there are some things you just shouldn't stick up there. Personally, I don't think that anything besides your fingers or an object designed for the purpose of being inserted inside you should be inserted inside you when you're masturbating. (age 17)

I encourage females to masturbate with their hands as often as they can, but for some it's just not satisfying. Most minor girls are afraid to even try to buy a masturbation toy. A marker or candle is no more dangerous than a vibrator. A vegetable is reasonably safe as long as it isn't falling apart. A girl will feel pain before she puts something too big inside. I really think you are overreacting.

I masturbate regularly but it's become a problem because my mom barges into my room at every hour of the day to get something or to get me to do a chor. She has almost caught me masturbating multiple times and I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it secret. I've tried telling her to please PLEASE knock before she comes in, but she just tells me that in her house she doesn't have to knock. I also tried locking the door, but she just bangs on the door and wiggles the knob until I open the door. I've considered telling her that I masturbate and that's why I ask her to knock, but I think it might be awkward. I know she masturbates because I've found her vibrators but I'd still feel weird telling her. Do you think that I should tell her or find another way to masturbate where I'm definitely not going to get caught? (age 13)

I suspect she suspects you're masturbating and that's why she barges in on you. It might be better if she just walked in on you. Then she would be more likely to respect your privacy after that.

I only started masturbating internally very recently. I've masturbated externally since I was nine. I can't climax by internal masturbation alone, only when I do both at the same time. The result is better than if I was just doing it externally. Problem is, it hurts at first as I'm very tight. I have to put my finger in slowly, and build up to it being all the way in. Once it is, and it doesn't hurt anymore, I still feel really really tight. I can't imagine anything more than one finger fitting in there. And it feels like bone -- I mean, it doesn't feel like just flesh and muscle, more like my pelvis or whatever bone is under there only has a tiny gap in it and I can't imagine it getting any bigger to allow anything else access. Will this small tight gap get bigger if I continue? (age 18)

Yes, I think you just need practice. Don't worry about it feeling good right away. In your case, it will take some time and effort before you are able to masturbate to orgasm internally. There is more room in there than you think. Room enough for a baby's head.

I am confused about what I am. I have crushes on female celebrities like Pink and others. I am very addicted to her and fantasize about her a lot. So I told some of my friends that I'm bi. Was that the right thing to do? (age 12)

I think you would have been better off not telling them that. Just because you fantasize about a same-sex celebrity does not make you bi. Take a while longer to decide.

Today after reading your site I decided to masturbate. When I masturbate, I start slowly and gradually go to medium and then I get an urge to go faster and faster. My legs shake and I try to close them. Today I kept going and it was amazing. Was this an orgasam? (age 13)

It's hard to tell from your description, but I'm inclined to believe it wasn't. Keep at it. Someday soon you'll know for sure what an orgasm is.

I've been masturbating regularly since age 11. In the last year, I've developed an intense desire to masturbate several times a day when I'm having my period. Is this normal? (age 15)

Yes, it is. I've heard that from many women.

I masturbate externally about 3-5 times almost every day, except when I have my periods, and I always orgasm. But is this too much masturbation? (age 16)

According to a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, the average 16 year old females masturbates 23.7 times a month, or less than once a day. Only 2.8 percent masturbate as often as 100 times a month. Your frequency is extreme, but I wouldn't tell you it's too much.

I saw this item at the store the other day and bought it for masturbating with the handle. Do you think that's OK? (age 16)

Yes, but it seems kind of heavy duty. Please read this question and answer:

When I first masturbated using a certain object, I remember it feeling so good, but now (after 2 years) I can't get the same feeling as I did before with that object. What should I do to achieve the same sensation? (age 16)

You should use the object to help you get used to internal stimulation. You are obviously at that point. It would be worthwhile to make better use of your hands or perhaps a different object.

I have been masturbating for about 5 years now. I started out using my fingers and now use markers and other household items. It feels really good but lately I have had trouble reaching an orgasm. Can you tell me why I can't get an orgasm? (age 17)

It seems to be correlated with using the objects. Perhaps you could go back to using your much more pliable hands and see if it makes any difference.

I recently read that many women don't start masturbating until their teens, and the earliest age I read was seven, but I started when I was four or five. I was wondering if that is normal and decent. (age 15)

It is only abnormal in the statistical sense, and it is very decent. Good for you!

On an attempt to masturbate internally, I tried to look for my vaginal opening. Yet, I found it really hard to find: My labia minora don't open so easily, my hymen seems too big and hard, and my opening is really small and it actually looks strange. It looks as if it hit a wall and then as if it was curved upward, out of my sight. Is this normal? Do I need surgery? (age 21)

That is all normal except for the hymen being hard. If you have a sclerotic hymen -- and if you did, surely your gynecologist would have noticed it by now -- it can be removed easily in a doctor's office. The other things will seem more normal with more experience in vaginal pleasure.

I was doing it in front of my brothers when we were watching TV when I was 8 or 9 years old but I did not know what I was doing at the time and till this day I am VERY embarrassed and think they remember too! They didn't tell me anything and I am a girl! (age 19)

They might not have known either. It is nothing to be embarrassed about after a whole decade. Someday only good memories will remain.

Recently I caught my boyfriend of over a year masturbating to porn. But every single time I've ever tried to watch porn with him, he doesn't want to. I dont understand. This is something that I would love to share with him. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he either gets defensive, or doesn't see what the big deal is. It's almost like a slap in the face to me that he isn't comfortable enough with me after all this time to share masturbation with me. Am I being paranoid? Am I making something out of nothing? Please help! (age 22)

A lot of males (and females) are embarrassed about masturbating even at your age. Although many people enjoy sharing that aspect of their sexuality with their partners, others do not. I would suggest leaving the issue alone for a while. If your relationship is otherwise healthy, his reluctance to watch porn with you need not be an issue. If you want to push it subtly, you might suggest a visit to a video store together. (Do they still make video porn? Or is it all on the Internet now?)

Is it wrong to become aroused from the subject of rape? I know it's a horrible thing, but I can't help becoming wet whenever I think about it. (age 15)

It is a common fantasy item for both females and males. It is not wrong to fantasize.

I had a dream I was masturbating and that my mom came in and asked what I was doing. Was this a dream or was I actually masturbating in my sleep and did my mom come in? (age 15)

It would be better if you asked her.

I've been masturbating for a while now and last December I have been fantasizing about a much older man. Is this OK? (age 16)

Yes, but it would be good if you could fantasize about a variety of people.

I was masturbating the other night and my whole upper body started to tingle, my hands especially, and my body kind of spasmed. Was it an orgasm? (age 14)

Yes, that was an orgasm. Good for you!

Sometimes I imagine myself as a man having sex with an anonymous woman or at least I try to imagine the feeling of sex as a male. Is this normal? (age 16)

I have heard of that fantasy from others, but it is certainly not a very common fantasy.

I'm really careful about not getting caught so I masturate at 2 AM. But a couple of days ago, I was using my vibrator and I got pretty vocal so I covered myself in my bed sheets. When I finished I heard my mom walk by and a door close. Do you think she found out? The next morning she didn't say anything or act weird around me but I wasn't able to even make eye contact with her because I felt like she knew. Am I being too paranoid? (age 17)

Yes, I think you are. She might not have heard you and if she had she might not have known what you were doing. And if she did, she would probably approve. Just be yourself and don't worry about other people so much.

I've read that it feels good to masturbate with ice, like putting it in the vagina and letting it melt inside. Is that true? Is it homosexual to be masturbating in spas with (next to, no contact) my friends? I feel more open when I do it with friends. (age 19)

You could get a nasty burn from ice. I advise against trying that. It is definitely homosexual to masturbate with other women. It is very bad if you are doing it surreptitiously. If you and they are all OK with it, then it's OK.

I'm really worried about myelf. I'm not sexually active, but when I masturbate I always imagine myself being restrained and forced. When I watch pornography, I love watching rape scenarios -- obviously they're totally fake and there's no violence, just women being restrained and forced. I am disgusted by the idea of rape in real life, obviously it's awful, and I know that I would hate it being done to me, but I get so turned on when thinking about it. Is something wrong with me? Why do some people find this arousing whilst simultaneously recognizing that it's morally wrong? (age 19)

Whatever you fantasize about is OK. Fantasy is something that's just happening in your mind, like a daydream. It doesn't hurt anyone. Rape fantasies are very common for both women and men. It is one of the most common female fantasies. You understand that rape is wrong in the real world, and that's what's important. Just enjoy your fantasies and don't worry about yourself.

HealthyStrokes has been a lot of help considering I come from a family where I never heard anyone even speak of masturbation in a good or bad way. I didn't even know what it was until my friend in tenth grade suggested I look at Japanese porn and surprised the heck out of me. I originally only thought it was something that was done when someone was raped or something but I actually tried it and achieved an orgasm pretty quickly my first time. I've tried a few more times this past month and usually orgasm but it takes longer though it happens most times I try. It's kind of embarrassing to ask, but how can I make it happen more successfully and longer? (age 17)

Practice makes perfect. You'll be in better shape when you can just do it automatically and not have to think about it so much. It might help to continue to work on a positive attitude toward masturbation. Some of your hesitation might stem from your unfamiliarity with it and belief that it was connected to rape.

Your site is great. My boyfriend and I (both 16) have been together for 9 months, and sexually active for 5 months. He doesn't masturbate very often anymore, maybe a few times a week, but he used to do it daily, in conventional fashion, before we were together. The sex is great and he has been able to reach orgasm a few times, but the main problem is when we have oral or manual sex. I try to stimulate him with my mouth or hands and I have no problem getting him hard, but I can never seem to get him to orgasm, although he says he has felt close before. If he masturbates while I'm there he can reach orgasm as well. He says it feels better when I do it than when he does, but I don't understand why he wouldn't be able to reach orgasm if that's true. Do you think it may be because the amount he used to masturbate, or is it my performance that's preventing it? He thinks his masturbation history is the reason, but I know that the amount he used to masturbate isn't abnormal for guys so I'm not so sure.

Masturbating a few times a week can be enough to inhibit his ability to learn new ways of responding sexually. I would suggest having a 4-5 period of no orgasms for him before you attempt to try one of those techniques again. Once you are successful, he wouldn't need to abstain as long in the future. I doubt that your performance is the problem, but it would help if he could assist you with what you're doing.

I am unable to achieve an orgasm with my hands. I place a blanket bunched up between my vulva and the balls of my heel. I pull the blanket up and down while rubbing with the right heel in a circular way against my pubic bone and clitoris. At the same time, I contract my vaginal walls. The orgasm is so intense, and lasts 5 to 10 seconds. I can't get an orgasm during sex. I've been masturbating this way since 2 years old. I feel ashamed. (age 42)

There is no reason to be ashamed. It is an atypical form of masturbation that undoubtedly contributes to your anorgasmia in intercourse. I suggest giving up your unusual form of masturbation and learning to masturbate conventionally. Once you can reach orgasm with your hands, you will be on the path to reaching orgasm in intercourse. You might consider joining the online support group for females.

I'm having problems with penetration. I can get turned on and the guy I'm seeing can finger me with at least 2 fingers. But when it comes to him penetrating me with his penis I seem to tighten up and it's impossible for him to enter me. I never used to have this problem and I don't feel nervous but it seems involuntary. If we try to gradually force it then it hurts me a lot. He can enter me if he penetrates me from behind though and it hurts a little less and I seem to open up. Can you offer any suggestions on what it could be? (age 30)

Since this represents a change in your sexual function, it would be a good idea to consult your gynecologist to rule out any possible organic problem. In the meantime, it would be worthwhile to do Kegel exercises.

I am female and I just had my first wet dream the other night. I spent the night a few weeks ago with one of my family members and we were going to sleep on the floor. She fell asleep before I had a chance to lie down, and a few minutes later I saw her legs moving side to side. I was wondering if she had a wet dream. She seemed to be enjoying her dream too much. In my dream, I was stroking a penis vigorously and it seemed as though it was mine, because I was feeling the pleasure build up and then as soon as the penis ejaculated, I did too, and I woke up feeling the orgasm. Could you explain to me about that dream? Do you masturbate during the dream? I was sleeping in the living room and my mom was in the living room when I woke up, and I'm very frightened that she saw me masturbate if I did during the wet dream. (age 16)

Females don't have wet dreams, but they can have orgasms while they're sleeping. I am not able to read your family member's mind. It is no more fair for someone to assume she was having a sexual dream because of her leg motions than for someone to assume you were masturbating when you had a sexual dream. In a true wet dream, a male does not masturbate. It is REM sleep and the body is immobilized. There is also such a thing as sleep masturbation, where a male or female can stimulate their genitals while sleeping, sometimes to the point of orgasm. Since you remember your dream so vividly, I suspect it was an REM dream and you were not masturbating during it.

I see many other girls say they masturbate pretty frequently, like 2 or 3 times a day. If I don't feel a need to do so more than once a day or a few times a week, does it mean I have a low libido? (age 17)

No. I think yours is more normal than those girls who masturbate more than once a day.

My gay brother is a photographer. My boyfriend is a soldier in Iraq. So I sent him a care package, which contained nude pictures of me taken by my brother. I was masturbating with a dildo. Is this incest? Do you think my boyfriend will be mad? I was so turned on by the actual shoot. Should I do it again? (age 34)

It is not incest to masturbate in front of your brother. However, if you did it again for reasons of getting turned on, then it is being sexual. I think your boyfriend will understand. He would probably prefer your gay brother to a heterosexual photographer from the Yellow Pages.
Follow-up from another reader: I have photographed my 20 year old gay son. I used him as a nude study where he is generally covered and his penis is unexposed. The last time I used him as a model, he was nude, and during the shoot, he turned to where he was completely exposed to me. He asked me to shoot him up close for his boyfriend. I didn't really mind until he got aroused. I let him do whatever as I shot, but afterward I told him I would never do it again. He got upset and embarrassed. Was I wrong? (age 42)

I don't think you should have used your own son, gay or not, as the subject for your nude study. It was probably OK until his privates got exposed. When he asked you to make porn for his boyfriend, that was definitely crossing a line that mothers should never cross. You were not wrong to tell him you wouldn't do it again, but I think you were wrong to let it get that far in the first place. I think the difference between your case and the woman with the soldier boyfriend is that she was making photos of a specific person (herself) for a specific recipient, whereas you could have used anyone as a model.

Why are guys so insecure and sensitive talking about the size of their penises even if you are in a secure and trusting relationship? (age 25)

Because he has seen some that are bigger and perhaps a lot that are bigger, at least flaccid. It makes him wonder if his partner thinks his size is inadequate. At the very least, a male who is insecure about his size will not want to talk about it. A lot of people feel the same way about their weight.

I am getting a physical where they examine my breasts but I am afraid that the doctor might accidentally feel my nipples when they are hard and say something and that would be completly awkward especially if my mother is in the room while they do this. Is there any way to unharden your nipples or should I put bandages on them or something so they don't stick out? (age 13)

It is normal for the nipple to erect when stimulated. This is perfectly normal and something the doctor expects. He or she sees many females in your situation every day. There is no reason to worry about the doctor saying something impertinent. If it makes you more comfortable, ask to have your mother wait outside.

Today I was at the beach and then I went back to my boyfriend's house and then he fingered me and I think he got sand up there. Will something bad happen to my vagina? (age 17)

It would have been better if your boyfriend had washed his hands first, but I doubt that anything terrible would have survived from the beach to your boyfriend's house. Your vagina is capable of guarding itself against a lot of things. He wouldn't have liked the feeling of sand on his fingers, so if there was any, it would have just been a tiny bit. I don't think you need to worry.

I was looking in my mother's bathroom and found some lube and sex toys. I casually asked what they were for, and she said "intimacy." I knew what they were, so the next day I bluntly told her so, and that I had an awkward feeling. She asked me if it was because my mother used them, and I agreed. She doesn't know that I masturbate with my hands, and I'm in an awkward situation. She's been acting like nothing happened for a week, and I'm confused. Is it normal for a 43-year-old single mother to masturbate, and have her daughter know about it? (age 12)

It is very normal for a single adult woman to masturbate. Probably all of the single mothers her age do so. Not all of them are open with their daughters, but would you have rather she lied? She is accepting of it (and your knowledge) and you should be too. I think she strongly suspects you masturbate now. This discovery, therefore, ought to make it easier for you to talk about it, if you want to.

How often do men in their 20s masturbate?

According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, the average man in his 20s masturbates 6.8 times per week, or about once a day.

Here is the survey broken down by ages:
20, 7.2 times per week, (number of men in survey=344)
21, 7.0, (N=387)
22, 7.1, (N=294)
23, 7.2, (N=282)
24, 6.2, (N=246)
25, 6.1, (N=260)
26, 6.7, (N=176)
27, 7.0, (N=194)
28, 6.9, (N=154)
29, 6.4, (N=125)

I'm a virgin, and I'm planning to stay that way for a while, but I'm ready to let my boyfriend finger me. However, when I masterbate I only use one finger, and my best friend says that usually her bf uses either 2 or 3. I don't think I could fit 3 fingers in my vagina. Any advice? (age 15)

If one feels good for you, then go with that. You will be ready for more with more practice.
Follow-up: But that doesn't help with my boyfriend! How romantic is it to tell him to take his fingers out because they're hurting?

Worry less about what is romantic and more about communicating what you want.

Is it normal that my nipples rarely get hard when I'm sexually aroused or have an orgasm? It feels good for them to be played with but they only get hard when I'm cold or in pain or something brushes against them. (age 19)

Not all nipples are the same. The important thing is that they feel good. It isn't so important that they don't get erect. Some women's nipples are just more responsive in that way than others.

My boyfriend, also 19, and I have been having sex for about a year now and he keeps telling me that it is abnormal for me to want to have sex at least once a day. He says I'm sex crazed and that sex twice a week or so is all he wants. I've offered to change things up, asked him what he wants to try to make sex more interesting for him but he still doesn't want to have sex more often. Is there something wrong with me? Something wrong with him? It makes me really insecure, so I end up worrying about it quite a bit. (age 19)

Not everyone has the same sex schedule. At age 19, it is certainly more abnormal to only want sex twice a week than to want it every day. I don't think you're sex crazed, but I think you need a new boyfriend. This problem will only get worse.

I am a lesbian. But when the middle of the year comes, say June or July, I get unusually horny. I really want to experience an orgasm, so I fantasize about guys. I really don't know how lesbian sex works. I'm still somewhat uneasy about my sexual orientation. I just got a job and started to go out of my comfort zone and the walls of my house after six years. I only have two friends. So aside from my psychiatrist, I have no support system. Anyway, I told him about this, and honestly if there is a way to find out how two women do it and achieve that orgasm I would like to find out. I really want to have a girlfriend and I have no interest in guys. I am really turned on by women yet I am slightly apprehensive because I see that if I were to find qualities I might find primarily in men that are solely interesting for they are that way, I'm afraid I might abandon my lesbianism. I am at a loss. I am what you consider femme, and according to my co-workers I'm better off straight because they say I'm pretty and it will only be wasted. But if I will be straight, in a way I might consider myself plain because there are a lot of women prettier than me, and for me it only gives more appeal to my appearance when they find out I'm gay. I really want to express my sexual drives. But if I were to choose, I really want to be lesbian. I've never had feelings for men and I feel different with women but even with them, I'm also anxious. I have difficulty talking and even looking at girls I consider pretty because I'm afraid they might think I'm hitting on them or checking them out. Can you please give me some insight into this? Am I really a lesbian, or am I only feeling this because of my anxieties over my sexual orientation? What annoys me even more is that even a masculine female co-worker of mine, possibly the one scoring highest on the gay meter in the Kinsey scale, contested my position when I told her I am a lesbian yet I never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. (age 26)

You might consider stepping back from your certitude about being a lesbian, because you express a lot of ambivalence. Real lesbians don't fear they might "abandon" their lesbianism. There are any number of basic books about lesbian sex available: The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, to name just one. Seaching a book web site might help you find one you could learn from. Spending some time with a book like that would help you decide if it's what you want to engage in. (I advise against a video, because most of the ones you would find would be porn produced for heterosexual males and not depict real lesbians.) You might be saying that you would like to have sex with men but would only want to have a relationship with a woman. You would encounter less of your perceived hostility from women if you "checked them out" in a lesbian environment, like a bar. I would put more stock in the opinions of people who actually interact with you on a personal level and less in the masculine lesbian co-worker.

Is it possible for women to have wet dreams? (age 18)

Women don't have wet dreams, but it is possible for women to have orgasms while they're dreaming.

Is it bad to use petroleum jelly as a lubricant? (age 17)

No. It's a popular lube, especially among teenage boys.

My 14 year old brother tries to spy on me when I'm in my room. I don't think he has seen me masturbate, but he has seen me in my bra and panties. What should I do? (age 16)

Use this information to make the case for a lock on your door.

One time at band camp, I was masturbating on the beach when a squirrel came up and surprised me. (age 15)

That can be embarrassing.


I'm always wet down there. It feels sorty of slimy. Is this normal? What does it mean and why am I doing it so much? (age 15)

You are just finished with puberty, and your frequent wetness isn't necessarily a sign of how it will be when you are an adult. I suspect it will moderate over the next couple of years. If it doesn't, it would be worth bringing up with a gynecologist.

Why would a guy my age get an erection from just a simple kiss on the lips? Was he thinking sexual thoughts? (age 16)

A kiss on the lips might give a guy your age the strongest erection he's ever had. A guy your age can get an erection just from sitting next to a girl on the bus. He was not necessarily thinking sexual thoughts.

I want to thank you for this site. My ex-husband had TMS. Until recently, I didn't even know there was a name for this problem. He had difficulty ejaculating during intercourse and I always thought it was me. He did tell me he masturbated on his stomach. I thought it was odd but thought nothing more of it.

We managed to work on the problem and had a son as a result, but it was difficult! Eventually we divorced. He passed away recently and all these thoughts about our life together came back. Thanks for the site and keep putting that info out there for the young people. TMS is real and it does have an adverse effect on sex and relationships. This wasn't the only reason for our divorce but it had a big, big impact. (age 50)


Normally when I masturbate I have spasms in my back, sometimes also in my vagina, and my clitoris gets super sensitive. Is this an orgasm? (age 15)

Yes, it is. Good for you!

I can't ask my doctor this because I am too embarrassed. I suffer from extrememly painful and heavy periods and I heard that masturbating can relieve some pain. Is this true? (age 14)

Yes, it is, but it it won't necessarily work for every female. You don't have anything to lose by trying; either way, you'll be doing something fun and relaxing.

How long can sperm survive after ejaculation? (age 16)

Outside of the body, only about an hour, and then only if kept at an optimum temperature. Inside a woman's body, they can last for days.

What is the difference between the hymen and virginity? I have used the water as a kind of masturbation so I want to know how could I know if I'm a virgin or not and still have my hymen or not. I never had sexual intercourse. In my country the girl should be a virgin until marriage. (age 19)

Virginity means never having had sexual intercourse. The hymen is a tissue that erodes with sexual intercourse and some other activities. Since you have never had intercourse, you are a virgin. If all you have done internally is water masturbation, then your hymen should be pretty well intact.

I recently started going to the junior high school, and I joined the soccer team. After practice a lot of the older girls take showers. I see that almost all of them have their vulvas shaved. Is this normal for 8th and 9th graders to shave their vulvas or is this only at my school? I like the way it looks and they say it's more comfortable if you do it right. Should I start shaving my pubis, and how do I shave it? (age 12)

This is not a trend confined to your school. Lots of females shave their pubises. However, I suspect you have only had pubic hair briefly and should see how you like having it before you start shaving. You could ask some of those older girls for their shaving tips. Not all females shave everything; you have probably noticed that some leave a strip above the labia and some keep the whole patch but cut it shorter. It's up to you.

Is it normal for the clitoris to become erect? (age 15)

Yes, that is a normal happening when a female is aroused.

What's the number of times a female typically masturbates before she has sex for the first time? (age 15)

According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, the median female masturbates 1235 times before having sexual intercourse.

I've never been sexually active. I just recently started masturbating, and I'm not sure I've ever reached orgasm. I recently got fingered. When I was fingered, I bled (and continued to do so for the next few days) which I believe was my hymen being broken, but I was in pain at times during the fingering. Is that normal? When I masturbated a few days later, I think I might have reached orgasm. I felt a tingly sensation especially in the face. Does that happen if you reach orgasm? I didn't feel extremely sensitive like you said most women do but I did have a hard time trying to masturbate again (no energy). I feel like I did reach it but I guess I am not 100% sure. (age 21)

That was probably not an orgasm. You would have felt the tingly sensation closer to your privates than your face. Keep trying and don't be discouraged. The bleeding at first penetration happens quite often (although probably not most of the time.)

I always hear that guys are only thinking about one thing at my age, sex, making out, you know, the works. But I think like that pretty often now that I've recently discovered masturbation (Thanks to stumbling upon your amazing site; it has helped me so much with my questions, and I find it impossible to talk with my mom about anything involving how my body works.) I'm always able to make myself orgasm. I'm just wondering, because I've never heard of any parent saying to their sons to watch out for girls because all they want is one thing at their age (I am not saying I'm ready for sex, by the way, I plan on waiting a good while until I meet someone I trust and love completely). So I'm just wondering if it's normal for me to have sexual thoughts so often? I know I'm not the only girl who thinks sexually, I mean come on, I'm in high school. I just don't understand why everyone generalizes guys as the culprit. It sort of makes me feel like I'm not supposed to think in sexual ways, or try to make the first move on guys, because it's the guys who are supposed to be like that. Haha, I'm sorry if what I'm saying doesn't make much sense, I've just always wondered about that certain stereotype and if I shouldn't be thinking like that so often. (age 15)

You aren't the only one who's thought that. From about age 11 to 15, I think girls are more often the aggressive ones when it comes to relationships. I frequently hear about girls that age actively pursuing boys, who are more often than not indifferent at those ages. The warning is given to girls instead of boys as part of a general paternalism toward females (i.e., treating them like they can't take care of themselves) and also because girls suffer greater consequences than boys if they're not sexually careful (they can get raped and/or pregnant).

I've had a boyfriend for a long time and we're still together. We had sex when I was 18 and he'd just turned 19. I made him wait too much time, more than you can imagine, because I was very afraid. I thought once we got started it would be OK. I have parents who are religious and I convinced myself I shouldn't have sex until I was mature, and stuff like that. Truth is I realized how wrong I was to wait for so long, how badly I've hurt him and and his sexuality, and now he's depressed and we can't enjoy sex together. Maybe there's some book/author/website you'd recommend. I really need to do something. I don't want him to be sexually frustrated forever. Can you help me in any way? (age 20)

I think you are overreacting. The average age of first intercourse for a male is 18. He is certainly not unusual for waiting until he was 19. I don't know why you think he isn't normal. Be glad you waited and avoided all of the problems that those who have sex early encounter.

I've been reading your site and others and nobody masturbates how I do. I lie on my side and the use my thumb knuckle on my clitoris and use my hand to move around and I squeeze my legs tightly together. I orgasm quickly. Is this normal? I can't masturbate any other way I've tried and I don't want to stick anything up there! Please help! (age 13)

That is not a common way of masturbating, but you are absolutely not the only girl who does it that way. You are pretty young; I think all you need to do is be patient and work at learning to masturbate conventionally.

I masturbate by holding open my outer labia and twisting the length of a hairbrush, changing pressure on my clitoris (directly). I open and close my legs on the buildup to orgasm. I has my first orgasm recently and thought it was amazing. I love your site! (age 14)

I'm happy for you, but I wish you'd work on using less force. Try to appreciate the power of just a little touch.

How long can a man age 20 (almost 21) last until he reaches an orgasm? How many times can he have sex at that age? (age 20)

I don't have any information about specific men. If you have a particular man you want to know about, you might get to know him well enough that you can ask him. I can give you some information gathered from a lot of men. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 121 current 20-year-old men who reported an average intercourse time, the average is 20 minutes. It is not at all unusual for men that age to be able to have sex four times in one night.

Lately when I take a shower, I find that I can use the force of the water in the shower to masturbate. It really gives me a strong feeling. If the force of the water is too strong, will it hurt my clitoris and other parts near it when I masturbate? (age 19)

The danger from masturbating with running water is not damage to your private parts physically; you would notice that right away. The danger is that you will become habituated to that very strong feeling and nothing else will ever be able to give you an orgasm. It is best if you masturbate with as little force as necessary, and that means not using running water.

Do orgasms get better if you abstain from masturbating for a while? Is the natural lube vaginas make semen or is that strictly a male thing? (age 12)

Semen is made exclusively in the male body. Vaginal lubricant is produced by Bartholin's gland. According to a survey of over 500 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2009, 76 percent said that the orgasm feels better after a few days of abstaining. Of these, the average time for feeling a difference is 6.5 days and the median is 4 days. (By contrast, among 2500 males who answered the same survey, 92 percent agreed that orgasm feels better after waiting and that the average time for feeling a difference is 4.2 days and the median is 3 days.)

Thank you for providing this interesting site. I have a suggestion for making it much more interesting. I am female, and would like to compare my responses with those of other girls. The survey results seem to be jumbled up male and female responses. I think the mixed gender survey results are misleading at best, and probably altogether worthless. Please break out the survey results by male and female. (age 15)

I don't think you've read the survey results very carefully. All the surveys around here are broken out by gender. Most of the surveys are either of all males or all females. Please try to read the results more closely.

If my boyfriend pleasures me with his fingers when my clothes are off but he's still wearing two layers of pants, will his sperm come through and make contact with my sensitive parts when we hold each other? (age 19)

It seems very unlikely, but I can't say it's impossible. If he gets really turned on, his pre-cum can soak through both pants and underwear, and pre-cum can contain sperm. It is always a good idea to make sure he washes his hands before touching your privates.

Why is it that you shouldn't keep simulating someone after they orgasm? I find that if my boyfriend keeps going, I will climax for a good 20 seconds. Is this bad for me or him if we continue after orgasm? (age 15)

I think I was talking about males. It gets very painful for a male to touch his penile head (and even worse when someone else does it) after he's ejaculated. Females can often keep going and going until they've had enough. Just stop when it's no longer fun and you'll be fine.

I masturbate a lot but I can never reach orgasm. The only time I can have an orgasm is when I see a glimpse of porn or more. I don't like the thought of watching it but I heard there was nothing wrong with it! Is this true? My boyfriend and I have phone sex. He always has an orgasm but I usually have to fake one. How can I have an orgasm, because I rarely ever have one. I want to be able to have one without looking at porn, but while I'm on the phone with my boyfriend, or just have one when I'm doing it alone. (age 16)

You are asking an awful lot. You claim that looking at arousing material is the key to having an orgasm, but you don't want to do it. I think you have to decide whether you want the orgasms more than you are ashamed at using visual aids. 60 percent of females and nearly all males use them at least some of the time when they masturbate. You don't need to find an extreme in hard-core pornography; there is plenty of reasonably tasteful material out there. It might be just underwear photos of models. When having phone sex, it almost always takes the male less time to reach orgasm than the female, so it would be better if he helped you first before starting on himself.

Do wet dreams usually only happen in males? It seems that I have them quite often, and I'm female. I know what an orgasm is. I masturbate quite well (sometimes up to five times a day). Sometimes when I'm sleeping, I will have a very arousing dream, and it will be very realistic. I normally wake up when I'm orgasming. It feels like I have been masturbating. Everything is the same as when I do it manually. Is this normal?

Wet dreams only happen in males. Many women report having become aroused in their dreams. You just seem to experience it more fully than others. That is a good thing. Good for you!

I masturbate sometimes and I don't think any of the other girls I hang out with do. Is this weird? I have been wanting to have sex a lot lately but I'm still a virgin. Is that weird too? (age 13)

None of that is weird. You are very normal. I doubt you are the only of of those girls who masturbates. By the time you are 16, most of them will be masturbating regularly. It's OK if you don't talk about it with them, but it is also OK if you want to bring it up sometime. Just remember that most people your age are embarrassed about it and quite a few also feel guilty about it. That's why they might not want to talk about it or will change the subject.

Do guys care about breast size and shape and nipples? I am in a relationship with a guy who is very loving and very considerate and I trust him immensely. I have a pretty high sex drive; I masturbate about twice a day on average. Things have been heating up. A couple of days ago, we were lying on the couch, and he asked me if I would let him take my bra off. I said no, so he didn't. I said no because I'm ashamed of my breasts as they're barely a 14B, which is basically the volume of a cupped hand and my nipples are hugely puffy. They're dome-like, and the areola haven't separated from the papilla, and I also get quite a few pimples on the papilla. When they're cold or stimulated, they contract, but then they puff up again. This all makes me hugely embarrassed. I've researched it and it's III on the breast part of the Tanner Scale. I have to wear a bra all the time because otherwise my nipples push the material out and it looks weird. I've asked two of my friends (who are my age and both double Ds) and they said that the areola and the papilla will separate in the next year or so. Is this true? Is there anything I can do in the meantime to stop my nipples being so puffy? (age 14)

There are plenty of good reasons to say no to breast fondling or any other intimate activity. You don't even have to have a reason to say no. If you are self-conscious about your breasts, then that is a perfectly good reason. However, I think you are all worked up about nothing. Your boyfriend wants to touch your breasts not only out of curiosity but also as an expression of feeling. The chances that he will make judgments about your breasts are very low. Some guys are obsessed with size and shape, but you already know that this guy isn't with you because of your breasts.

I have a boyfriend and we're sexually active. I don't know how to tell him, but I would find it completely arousing if he would masturbate in front of me. How can I bring this up? (age 22)

Sometime when you're getting sexually active, I suggest you say, "I would find it completely arousing if you would masturbate in front of me." There is a high probability that he would not only do it for you, but he would be very turned on too.

I've been masturbating since I was very young. I'm a virgin & I use my hands & stroke my clit & always come to orgasm. Lately, I've been trying small objects like markers. I haven't been able to achieve orgasm with them yet. How fast should I thrust it? Should I try something bigger? (age 19)

My first question is why you want to change? You state you always reach orgasm with your hands. Now you have added objects to the mix and are completely unable to reach orgasm. This suggests to me that hands alone is the way to go.

One time I used the shower head for masturbation, and I found that my labia expanded twice their size and also became more red. Why is this? (age 14)

Could have been from the temperature of the water, but they'd get even more exposed in a bath. I don't know much about properties of skin.

I just had sex for the first time and there was a fair amount of blood. Will there be more blood when we do it again? (age 17)

Perhaps, but it would probably be a lot less than the first time.

This site is not only informative, it turns me on! I want to thank you for all the help you've given me when it comes to masturbating. (age 19)

Always glad to help.

Hi, I love what you do here and I wanted to ask your opinion on something. A couple of friends and I argued with some boys in our school who have basically laid with everything on two legs. My friends and I hated their attitudes but their reply at one point was that they assume that we female virgins masturbate a lot. I didn't deny it but only said something like whatever. Is it strange, at my age, that I masturbate rather than being sexually active? (age 17)

I hope you don't believe these boys have a lot of sexual experience only because they say so. Perhaps they are denigrating female masturbation so you'll be more likely to sleep with them. It is easier for them to find a partner the more females are in the pool. It is not at all strange that you are not sexually active at your age. According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, which included 226 current 17 year olds, only 33 percent of 17-year-old females are experienced in sexual intercourse. 97 percent of them claim to currently masturbate. Females who will go on to college are even more likely to be virgins at your age. I suggest you and your friends not feed the boy-trolls and go on being happy with your sexuality.

Who the %^* are you? None of this seems based on anything other than your personal opinion. I have been doing my own share of research because a friend has asked for help to stop his wet dreams. He is 33 and has a wet dream 2-3 times a week. He does not want to find a way to enjoy it; he wants them to stop. He masturbates sometimes 3-4 times a day. He hasn't had sex in 18 months. Do you have any real advice for him? (age 22)

I am the person who has surveyed tens of thousands of males about their wet dream experiences. It is curious that you know so much about the ejaculatory habits of this man 50 percent older than you. I am inclined to believe his reports are not true. He might be hoping you will have sex with him as a way of making the wet dreams stop.

When with my boyfriend, I sometimes orgasm when he is kissing my neck or sucking on my nipples. Is this normal? (age 19)

It is a lot better than normal!

I've only been fingered once and it was less than half his middle finger, and it hurt a little and it only lasted for around 20-30 seconds. Since then, it has been a year and that is the only sexual activity I have had in my life. I have masturbated rubbing my clitoris 7-8 times but just to get wet. I am unable to put a tampon in as it is way too painful. What is the likelihood that my hymen has been streched by this event? Would my hymen have recovered in the year since then? Will my new boyfriend really feel a difference if he inserts his penis with my slightly streched hymen? (age 16)

The hymen could have been stretched or broken from what you describe. If so, it would not heal. Hymens don't heal. I doubt your new boyfriend would be able to tell that your hymen is not perfect.

My boyfriend is 19 years old and I love him and he loves me. He wants to have sex with me but I am afraid of what my parents will think. Sometimes I want to do it with him but sometimes I just really don't want to. He understands why I am so nervous but I just feel like I will regret it if I have sex with him. He just wants to know if I want to do it. I have doubts about it a lot. (age 14)

It would be a crime for him to have sex with you. It's called statutory rape. Check the laws in your state to be sure, but in most places, sex between a 19 year old and a 14 year old is statutory rape. If you have doubts, then don't do it.

I am feeling very conflicted at the moment. This morning, I went over to my boyfriend's house. His parents told me I could just go inside and wake him up, since it was almost eleven. I walked up to his room and very quietly opened the door. I saw him masturbating! He had his eyes closed and his back was turned to me, but I knew what he was doing. Anyway, he heard me and turned around and started apologizing and covering up. I ran out, and back home. Now I'm upset. I know I should drop it, but it feels wrong just to let him worry that I'm mad or something.

So tell him you hoped to surprise him but not that way and that you're sorry you came into his room without knocking. Tell him you're not mad and that you understand why guys like to have privacy.

My boyfriend and I recently tried to have sex. It was going fine until he tried to enter me. I'm a virgin and have never been penetrated by anything, but just when he was about to enter me, his erection went down. Was this just nerves? Or is it that he didn't find my naked body attractive? We both really don't know what went wrong. (age 19)

I think nerves is the most likely explanation. He was nice and hard when he saw your naked body, wasn't he? Give it another try and be relaxed. Don't worry about his erection. Just enjoy what you can do.

My boyfriend has tiny bumps underneath the head of his penis. He says he's a virgin so I don't think it's an STD. Can you help me understand what this is? I wouldn't feel comfortable asking him. (age 16)

If you aren't comfortable talking about STDs and their signs with him, then you shouldn't be doing sexual things with him. The most likely thing they would be is pearly penile papules. Pearly penile papules are harmless.

I just started masturbating about 2 months ago, and I love it. It really makes me feel good, and every once in a while, I get what I think is an orgasm! YAY! Do you think that it is fine for a girl of my age to masturbate? Also, I have a great relationship wth my mother and we have open conversations about masturbation, sex, etc. I have not yet told her about my masturbation habits. I am nervous to tell her. Any suggestions? (age 11)

There is no reason to tell her. But you should feel free to ask her if you have any questions. That is why she has the open conversations -- so you will feel free to talk. That doesn't mean you have to share every detail with her.

While masturbating externally, my legs and hand eventually start getting shaky, and my abdomen tenses up to the point where I have to stop. I try to relax, but as soon as I touch myself again, I tense up. It's been like this for a few years now. Recently I bought a small vibrator for clitoral stimulation, but when I use it, the tensing up happens almost immediately. Is there anything I can do to stop it? (age 20)

About 40 percent of both males and females hold their legs tense while masturbating to keep them from shaking or otherwise provide stimulation that detracts from the experience of masturbating. I suspect doing this would help with your legs. If your hand is getting tense, then perhaps you are overdoing it or should at least be able to switch hands. Some people use their other hand to move their active hand when it gets tired. You could try that. If you can get your legs and hand under control, then maybe your abdomen wouldn't tense up either. I think being more relaxed and not anticipating the involuntary tensing might make a difference.

When I get really turned on by my boyfriend, I always need the toilet. Is that normal? Also, I love my boyfriend touching me and doing oral sex on me, but I feel horrible and selfish because I am so grossed out at the thought of even seeing his penis. How do I get over that? (age 16)

Sexual arousal causes a lot of people to need to urinate. It's a good idea to go before you start getting aroused. You might take some time to explore his penis (without trying to get aroused) as a way of getting acclimated to it. Perhaps it would be easier for you to deal with it if he wore a condom.

When I become sexually aroused, I tend to fantasize about young girls, like 9-12 years old. I don't want to, but I can't help it. That kind of thing turns me on. When I am not aroused, I have straight thoughts about guys my age or close to it. Sometimes the feelings are so strong I write stories about young girls having sex with each other, or I'll try to find a picture of a naked girl to masturbate to. I don't want to think this way, but I just can't help it. Despite my best efforts to stop, I simply can't. What can I do? I don't want to become a pedophile! (female, age 16)

You aren't a pedophile just because you have fantasies like those. As long as you don't act on them, you're OK. Whatever you fantasize about is completely up to you. The way to get rid of fantasies you don't like is to replace them with other fantasies. Find something else to fantasize about and see where it leads you.

Do you think my friends masturbate? They all seem like "good girls." I guess I'm considered a good girl, too, and I do it. But do they? (age 13)

You know of at least one good girl that masturbates. Perhaps your mistake is a belief that good girls don't masturbate. According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, the median age at which females started to masturbate is 12. This suggests that at least half of your same-age friends are already masturbating. Nearly all of the rest will be soon. All kinds of girls masturbate. Masturbating doesn't make anyone a particular kind of girl.

When I masturbate, I find it really difficult to fantasize about people. I don't know what to fantasize about because I feel weird about celebrities and it is wrong, in my opinion, to use pictures because of my age. Can you give some advice? Also, I just broke up with a guy I used to think about and I hate it so I need something else to replace it. I love HealthyStrokes.com and I think you are brilliant and I recommend your site to my friends. (age 14)

Continuing to fantasize about the guy who broke your heart can be painful, or it can help make the pain heal. You'll have to figure that one out. You obviously know how to fantasize about someone. Just pick someone different. There are guys all around you every day. There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about celebrities. I bet most of them even enjoy knowing that millions of people fantasize about them. You will probably never meet any of them anyway, so what is the problem there? Pictures can be useful, but I advise against constant use of them at your age.

I have just recently started to finger myself. I always curve my finger until I feel this soft spot. I stroke it until my back arches. Then I start to hump my finger faster and faster. It usually lasts about 15 seconds and I love the feeling. Is the spot I'm touching my G-Spot? And am I having an orgasm? I've done this twice. (age 14)

Yes, you are masturbating with your G Spot and having orgasms. Congratulations!

When masturbating I imagine I'm having sex with a boy. But I want to wait until I'm married to have sex. Is there something wrong with me? (age 16)

No, that all sounds very normal.

I was raped when I was 11 years old and again when I was 13. It's extremely hard to for me to talk about topics like virginity and masturbation. Recently, my boyfriend of two months asked me if I was a virgin. I lied and told him yes. I know that at my age and in my psychiatric fear of all things sexual, we won't be having sex for a long time, possibly not ever considering the length of a relationship for our age, but I can't help but feel guilty for lying to him. Do you think that it would be good for me to tell him the truth or just consider myself to be a virgin in the category of consensual sex? (age 14)

Your untruthfulness helps you keep something you don't want talk about in the past. I think that is a good reason to lie. However, if you ever get to the point of being sexual with this boy -- which I hope you won't do for a long time -- then I think you should tell him the truth before you have sex. He's very likely to understand why you wouldn't be completely honest about that. Someday you'll have consensual sex and after that you won't have to lie about the virginity question.

I am a female and have been masturbating on and off since I was four. I did it a lot when I was young, and I had no idea what I was doing. I am from a very religious background, and my mom would always catch me and spank me for masturbating, then tell me in an angry voice to clean my hands. I grew up thinking it was bad. I stopped masturbating for a few years until I realized that it is a healthy, normal activity. Thanks for your web site. Do you think it is weird for a girl to start at such a young age? (age 18)

According to preliminary results of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, 8.1 percent of females started masturbating at age five or younger. That's one in twelve. I don't think it's weird.

I am 14 and have recently started masturbating. My friends don't talk about that stuff; however, I was away with them and we started poking each others' breasts (not sexually, just randomly) then we got a text from the boys asking what we were doing. Is this OK? How can I tell them I masturbate? Do you think they masturbate? (age 14)

I don't know why you want to tell them (and I'm not sure if you're talking about your friends or the boys.) If you have a group of 14-year-olds, it's reasonable to believe that 90 percent of the boys and 75 percent of the girls are already masturbating. If you really want to tell them, you might just drop into conversation something like your orgasm was ruined last night because your brother was making noise.

Am I masturbating too much? I feel like I'm going way over board, I masturbate every chance I get, on average I like it at least 2 times a day. When I go to bed I cannot sleep unless I achieve an orgasm! I cannot orgasm with my fingers. I have to use the blanket, and I have to be on my stomach. I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember. Even in my memory of my birthday party at age 5, I couldn't wait for it to be over so I could be alone and masturbate. I'm still a virgin. Anyway, is it too much? (age 19)

Twice a day is not too much in itself, but given what else you've said, you seem to be doing it compulsively. I greatly recommend against using the blanket. As you admit, you can't do it only with your fingers. I suggest learning some other ways of doing it that you might enjoy even more. If I ever get invited to your birthday party, I will make sure you had a really nice time and won't wish to be alone.

I'm 18 and a virgin. I've been waiting for the right person but now all of a sudden I have the urge to masturbate and I so I have recently started. Is this normal? I masturbate externally but when I try masturbating internally nothing happens. Why is this?

It is normal to have the urge to masturbate, especially at your age. According to a preliminary results of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, the average female doesn't masturbate internally until she has been masturbating externally for 3.5 years. If you have only recently started masturbating externally, it is not unusual that you don't get results from internal stimulation. This doesn't mean you have to wait 3 1/2 years, but understand that for most females, there's a learning curve.

The other day my mom gave my little brother a bottle of lotion when she was unpacking groceries. I didn't know he used lotion and asked my mom why he needs his own bottle of lotion when the rest of us use a common one in the bathroom. My mom said boys have to masturbate a lot at that age. I just said "oh" because it makes sense that's what he'd use the lotion for. I was wondering why she said boys "have to masturbate." When I asked her, she said to drop the subject because it was my little brother's business. I masturbate too and my mom knows this, but I do it for fun and not because I have to. What didn't my mom want me to know? (age 17)

I understand your mom feeling she'd already said more than she should have about your brother. One difference between males and females is that females masturbate mostly for fun but it's a necessity for males. Boys mostly do it for fun, but they also have to eliminate the sexual fluids that build up in their bodies frequently. It gets to be a daily habit very quickly for most males. A girl can go weeks without masturbating or even longer if she's too busy or it just slips her mind, but after a few days without ejaculating, a male starts getting uncomfortable feelings in his privates and before long he can find it hard to think about anything else.

Do your nipples always erect when you have a orgasm? (age 16)

Not always, but for most females, it's a definite sign.

If you masturbate a lot, does it make it easier to have orgasms when having sexual intercourse with someone? (age 16)

According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, women who masturbate more tend to be more orgasmic in intercourse. Developing your orgasmic capacity on your own helps you be orgasmic with another person.

Is it common or not common for females to have wet dreams? (age 16)

The term "wet dream" refers to a male ejaculating while having a REM dream, so by definition, females don't have them. According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, in response to the question, "Have you ever awakened to find you became sexually aroused while you were sleeping," 16 percent of females said often, 38.4 percent said sometimes, 26.6 percent said once or twice, and 19.1 percent said never.

I've masturbated 8 times in one day before. Is that normal? (age 16)

If you had a lot of days like that, I would say it is unusual. For a daily record, it's also higher than usual. More power to you!

I'm a 12 year old girl and my mom is completely against masturbation. I'm afraid she will catch me because she just walks into a room without knocking. HELP!!!

Perhaps some of the strategies recommended on the afraid of being caught masturbating page will help you.

I have masturbated 3 times before and never found it interesting. Was it because I was doing it wrong or do some girls not find it interesting? (age 14)

Three times is a pretty small number on which to make a judgment. I suggest reading through the female pages here and having a fuller understanding of what you're doing before trying it again.

Is it OK to rub your clitoris while lying face down or is it TMS? Also, is closing your legs before an orgasm normal? (age 16)

I would say that if you're lying face down but rubbing with your hand instead of rubbing your clitoris against something, it is not TMS. Lots of females close their legs before an orgasm.

Thanks for the site! I recently told my boyfriend of a year that he isn't the only one who masturbates and he was totally turned on! Since then he likes when I let him watch and he lets me watch sometimes too. I wouldn't have told him if it weren't for the site! You've said before that guys shouldn't focus on the tip when masturbating but that seems to be what feels best for him. Is it bad if I keep stimulating him there? (age 17)

If he doesn't like it, he will tell you. It can be uncomfortable and even painful to rub the head of the penis without lube.

What happens if a female climaxes too quickly during sex? Wouldn't that be embarrassing? The male would have to continue, but the female would be totally done, so she'd just be lying there waiting for him to finish. I imagine it would be very awkward. I'm scared that when I have sex I'll climax too quickly. Also, what happens when the female doesn't climax at all? When the male is done, does he just stop and that's it? Should she pretend so that he isn't offended and doesn't feel obligated to please her further? I can't see how either of these situations can be avoided. In movies, people always finish at the same time. How is that possible? (age 19)

Porn isn't real. You ought not take it as a representation of how sex really happens. People are different. Some couple like to bring the female to orgasm first and some like to bring the male to orgasm first. It is typical for the male to have an orgasm close to 100% of the time. Most females don't reach orgasm as often as their male partners. For some females, this is OK. Other females insist on masturbating or have their partner bring them to orgasm orally or manually after vaginal intercourse. Often it is helpful if the male rests for a moment after his orgasm before working on the female. It is up to the couple. It is very rare that an inexperienced female reaches orgasm in intercourse before an inexperienced male does. I doubt you need to worry about that. Anyway, if it really did happen, your partner would doubtless find it very arousing and it would help him finish even if he wasn't planning to at that moment.

I have masturbated for as long as I remember. My mom even knows that I do it and is open about it. I think masturbation is normal and healthy yet I often feel guilty when I'm done. Why is this? What can I do to stop feeling guilty? (age 14)

According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, 7 percent of females almost always feel guilty when they masturbate, 6.7 percent feel guilty most of the time (for a total of 13.7 percent who feel guilty most of the time), 22 percent sometimes. That's 35.7 percent of females who feel guilty about masturbating some of the time. At your age, the percentages are even higher. So you can see some guilt is normal. Perhaps it's the body's way of telling you not to plan to masturbate forever and instead to seek out a partner. That way the species can continue. I think you're doing all right.

Is it illegal to watch underage porn if you are underage? (age 13)

In the United States, possession of any underage porn is a crime.

I've never had a boyfriend before. Is this normal at my age? (age 16)

Lots of girls your age have never had boyfriends. Many of them are working on making themselves better and are not preoccupied with dating and boys. Many girls your age still go out only in groups and get to know guys that way.

I started having sex about 3 months ago. My boyfriend (age 28) told me that I was not a virgin because when he inserted his penis into me, I was not tight. But I have never had sex before. Whenever I have sex I have a pain in my abdomen and vagina for some days. The pain feels like period pains but my period is always far from the day I have sex and the sex is not rough. We always use a condom. Is it normal or safe to have pains after sex? Or does that mean that the condoms are not going with me? (age 18)

Your main problem is that you have a boyfriend who does not believe you. He obviously cannot tell the difference between a virgin and non-virgin. Most gynecologists couldn't even say so with more than 50 percent accuracy. It is good to use condoms, but I don't think they are the cause of your pain. I would find a new boyfriend, and failing that, try a different intercourse position and see if it makes a difference.

My mother and I a talk after I got my first sex toy. She got mad after I told her I tried to use it anally, and then she told me to give it to her. She doesn't want me to have it around, but I'm afraid she'll throw it away. She also told me that she wants me to open the box and show her what I got to her face, and I personally don't want to, since I think this is an invasion of privacy and I consider masturbation a personal thing. She doesn't, apparently. Any tips/suggestions on how I could tell her why I feel embarrassed and how I could convince her that when I say it's personal that I don't want to open it in front of her anymore, and that it's better not to ask what it is or something? (age 15)

I think you would be better off not having the sex toys delivered to her house. I advise against the use of toys at your age anyway so I don't know that I have anything in my arsenal that would be useful at getting her to let you have the toy.
Follow-up from another reader: If you want a good argument, tell your mom that girls your age are just as horny as the boys and it's better if you relieve yourself with a vibrator than a boyfriend.

OK, but I doubt the mother will go for the girls are just as horny as boys part of the argument. The last part is more persuasive.

I only get an orgasm by rubbing my clitoris and and don't at all by inserting something into my vagina. Why is this? Also, when I masturbate I feel as though I need something more to happen, like I need to ejaculate. (age 15)

Lots of females find the clitoris more stimulating than the vagina, especially at your age. There is nothing wrong with preferring one or the other. Although some females claim to ejaculate, medical science in general believes there is no female ejaculation. So you might have to be satisfied with what is happening now.

I masturbate almost every day. I do it with running water. I know this is not encouraged but why exactly? Also, if I masturbate as often as I do (once a day usually), is my hymen gone? My boyfriend and I have had oral sex a few times but I've never had an orgasm during it. I think it wasn't long enough. What can I do? (age 16)

Females who use running water to masturbate are less likely to be orgasmic in intercourse than females who use only their hands. Masturbating with running water ought not make much difference for your hymen. Practice makes perfect for oral sex. You ought to encourage your boyfriend to do what feels good for you or show him with your hands.

I've never had a boyfriend before. I've been somewhat withdrawn from people for a long time since I have a bad anxiety disorder. This makes meeting new people difficult. However, I've started college and have my life back in order. I just worry that people will judge me for never having had any experience. Even if I hadn't been withdrawn from society, I don't think I would have had boyfriends anyway. I feel like I would rather wait and get to know someone first, so that I end up in a satisfying relationship with someone I care about, than just date around and kiss people at parties because it would make me seem normal. Will other people understand this? Or will they judge me and think that the reason I haven't had any experience is that I'm naive and childish? (age 19)

You seem to be too worried about what others will think. Plenty of women your age have never been in relationships. Some who claim they have are exaggerating how deep those relationships were. It is better if you go out in groups and get to know larger numbers of people. You are increasing the chances one of the men from the group will ask you out if you do that. Some women in your situation use personals or online ads so they can screen the men who are interested in them before they talk to them.

I'm a virgin who newly pays more attention to her vulva since getting a yeast infection. I have a little piece of flesh that resemples a pistil from a lily adjacent to my vagina. It's really small but worries me a great deal! I don't know what it is. (age 21)

It is most likely a piece of your hymen, in which case it would dry up and disappear rather quickly. A piece of hymen should not be sensitive. If the piece of tissue seems to have nerves in it, then it might be more serious and you should see a doctor.

I usually masturbate locked in my room on the floor. How should I masturbate because I don't know if I am doing it right? (age 13)

If you are on the floor, I suspect you are doing something wrong. The vast majority of females prefer to masturbate on their beds. Since you have a lock on your door, you have as much privacy there as you do on the floor.

If I have had fantasies of unwilling sex or masturbation since I was young, should I see a therapist? (age 17)

Those fantasies are very common. Fantasies only happen in your mind. They are nothing to feel guilty about.

I share a room with my older sister (she's 32). Last night I really needed to masturbate and went outside our room (it was 3 am) Everyone else was sleeping, but a few minutes into my session, she had opened the door and found me with my hands between my legs. I was mortified. She told me my mom would think I'm weird and she had this creeped out look on her face. I don't think I'll be able to look her in the face again. (age 18)

That was embarrassing, but I think everyone would agree that you're the normal one of the two. Hold your head high as you look her right in the eyes.

Where is the G spot? Can you get an orgasm without stimulating the clitoris? And how can kissing/breast stimulation cause one to get aroused? Are there nerve endings there or what? (age 15)

There are nerve endings everywhere. The key thing to remember is that the most important sex organ is the brain. The brain is what needs to be sexually stimulated. Once you have mastered that, where you touch on the private parts becomes less important. The G spot is about two inches up the vagina on the outside surface. Many females can have orgasms without stimulating the clitoris.

Do girls need to masturbate? And if a guy doesn't, what would happen?

Female masturbation is not driven by a biological needs as male masturbation is. Females don't need to masturbate to eliminate fluids. If a male doesn't ejaculate for a long time (or infrequently over a long period of time), he is apt to develop prostate trouble.

Could a 9 inch penis go inside a woman's uterus, because the woman had no hymen left because she gave birth. (age 30)

No. The hymen is not a barrier to the uterus. The cervix is the organ that keeps the penis out of the uterus.

When I masturbate, I start spazzing in my abdomen and legs, and my feet get really warm. Is this an orgasm? (age 17)

Yes, I think it is.

I masturbate about once or twice a day. It only takes me 6-8 seconds to orgasm, but I keep the orgasm for 9-12 seconds. Also, I can only orgasm in the prone position. Is this normal? I never use objects. I just rub my clitoris. (age 12)

Are you sure you don't mean 6-8 minutes? It is better if you don't use the prone position. Females who masturbate with their hands are more orgasmic in intercourse than females who masturbate prone.

My boyfriend and I have just recently started having sex. We have done it two times and he was able to reach orgasm but I have not felt anything close to an orgasm yet. Are we doing something wrong or is it the kind of thing that just takes some time? (age 17)

For most females, it takes a lot of time. You can't expect to reach orgasm in intercourse the second time you do it. A lot of males reach orgasm first and then work on their partner orally or manually. Some also help their partners reach orgasm orally or manually first before engaging in vaginal intercourse. See what works best for you.

I am a 12 year old girl and I have been masturbating for a few months. I am sure my mom never masturbated and that she would be dissapointed if she knew I did. I asked her for a lock on my door because she always barges into a room without knocking. She immediately assumed I was doing something bad because I told her it was for personal reasons. Also, I get a tingly feeling about 6-10 seconds after I start and I don't know if that is an orgasm.

I don't know how you can be sure your mother never masturbated. You can be sure of something only if it's impossible for you to be mistaken about it. You might tell her you want the lock because you want privacy from your little brothers and sisters. (This request is more reasonable if you have younger siblings.) You would definitely not have an orgasm within 6-10 seconds of starting. That feeling is heightening arousal.

This guy and I were making out in the back of his car. We both became topless. I started to undo his pants but by the time I got them undone and exposed his penis, he came. He said that has never happened to him before, which I believed. Why would that have happened? Also, he had just smoked marijuana a few hours earlier. Would that have affected him? (age 21)

You apparently got him well stimulated through the pants. Marijuana is bad for sperm counts, but I am not aware of it making a male reach orgasm quickly.

I masturbate at least once a day, sometimes more. My 15-year-old brother has told me he knows what I'm doing. He always tells me how disgusting I am, but I've walked in on him masturbating, so how is it any different? Why are girls usually told that masturbation is wrong but guys aren't? (age 14)

According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, 80.3 percent of females say their parents told them nothing about masturbation, 14 percent told them it was normal, 2.2 percent told them myths, and 3.5 percent told them it was normal for boys but not for girls. According to a survey of over 8000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the first half of 2007, 84 percent of parents told them nothing, 12.4 percent said it was normal, and 3.6 percent told them myths. So over 90 percent of parents treat boys and girls the same when it comes to masturbation. Only 1 girl in 29 has parents who have a double standard for boys and girls. Your brother is obviously very embarrassed about his own masturbating. Why not show him HealthyStrokes.com?

My boyfriend and I are both virgins and we plan on having our first time with each other when we have a place of our own and protection. The other day we got some alone time and were messing around and decided to try it out, meaning he'd just stick it in for a few seconds or so. It was dark, and embarrassingly enough, we couldn't get his penis into my vagina. Is that normal? Am I too tight? And he said that he kept getting soft, probably from embarrassment. What's going on? We both feel awkward about the situation.

It seems to me more likely that he wasn't too hard than you were too tight. Try it again when you're not feeling rushed or awkward or worried about conception.

Is there something wrong, dangerous, or unhealthy about anal sex? (age 17)

Anal sex is patently unhealthy for your anal and rectal functioning. You want those parts to be working well when you're in your 90s. People who have a lot of anal sex find they start to lose functioning in their 50s, sometimes earlier.

I am a devout Christian, and I masturbate. A lot. I get reeeaaallllyy horny at times, and lately, I've found that some kinky things turn me on. I believe in abstinence, so obviously I'm a virgin, but I want your opinion, as your site is informative, unbiased, and interesting: Is this normal? I like strange, kinky ideas sometime (I feel guilt about this weather you say I should or shouldn't) and I would very much like to be 'rough' once I get married, perhaps involving someone being tied up and helpless. Forgive my awkward subject matter, but it is the truth. Also, I would love a vibrator and lube, but I'm too young to buy some, I think, and I am a private person who isn't an advocate for talking about sex or masturbating with others (so I'm not going to ask a family member, or friend). I've learned masturbating techniques all by myself. Since this site is dedicated to TMS, I was shocked to find this a bad practice, as I am guilty of it. Should I be worried? And lastly, how is a good way to start internal masturbation? (age 16)

It's fairly common for people to some fantasies that aren't what most imagine as ordinary. You should not be ashamed of them. I hope when you are ready to be sexually involved with someone that you get to try them. You are not too young to buy vibrators and lube in most places. Lube is sold in every drug and discount store, like Target or Walmart. I advise giving up prone masturbation and enjoying your hands more. All you have to do to start internal masturbation is to stick a finger or two inside.

When I was younger, I masturbated excessively. Now as a sexually active adult, I find it almost impossible to orgasm unless I am in the masturbatory state of mind and stimulate my clitoris. Is this normal, and if not, is there anything I can do to resolve this problem? (age 20)

Lots of people masturbate frequently when they are new, but very few people could be said to do it to excess. For nearly everyone, it is normal and healthy and fun. The most important sex organ is the brain, and for most women, the second most important one is the clitoris. It is not surprising that those two would need to be stimulated for you to reach orgasm. I think you are quite normal.

I'm a virgin and instead of having to worry about first timer's pain, I've decided to slowly and gently get rid of my hymen. Usually while masturbating, I insert one finger and stretch all the way around like a clock face. It's working, because I can finally get two fingers in. However, I'd like to speed up the process. Is there something I can do that won't hurt too bad? (age 21)

You're the one who's doing it. Just find what makes it easier for you to insert more fingers and doesn't exceed your threshhold of pain.

I put my hands in between my legs all the time but I only do it when I'm sitting down. It's just a habit but my mom looks at me funny when I have my hands there. Do you think she thinks I'm doing something when I have my hands there? I have gotten into masturbating but I only rub it. I'm really scared to stick anything up my vagina. I'm thinking I should just wait until I'm comfortable. (age 13)

When you put your hands there, you are apt to be suspected of masturbating even if you're not. It's a good idea to save internal masturbation for when you feel ready for it. I think you will be OK.

I often masturbate by crossing my legs (one over the other) and I think of something that turns me on. Then I start squeezing my legs together then before you know it, I get muscle contractions up there. I also get really hot, and I sorta get wet also. But it feels soooooo goood!! It lasts about 10 seconds. I can even do it in the middle of class, but I usually have to fake a cough or something when I orgasm so people don't notice. I've also done other masturbation things, like fingering. (age 15)

You are very talented and apparently very sensitive.

Follow-up from another reader: That is so cool that another girl can masturbate that way. I thought I was the only one who did it that way. I even do it in church in the choir section. I can stare right at the man I'm fantasizing about and he doesn't suspect what I'm doing.

At least not unless he reads HealthyStrokes.com.

I've come across this site and didn't even know about TMS before. The site is interesting! I use my shower head about once a week to masturbate, and it's fantastic. The problem is, I have a very narrow tub and the shower head neck doesn't extend to the tub floor, so I always have to sit on the inside edge of the tub while using the showerhead. It doesn't bother me at first, but then later on when I'm getting really close to climaxing, the stength in my legs starts leaving and I start slipping down off the edge. It's so annoying! Because then, it's hard for me to keep my legs propped up enough to keep the showerhead in the right place and it drives me crazy how long it takes to climax. (and not the good kind of crazy either!) And afterward, my legs are sore and very shaky. Is there any way I could ease this? I've considered using a step-stool but that would just be too weird. I'm not THAT desperate. (age 17)

There is nothing weird about using a step-stool (or getting a longer hose on the shower head), but if you've read much of HealthyStrokes.com, you know I advise against using running water to masturbate. I would urge you to give that up or at least diversify your masturbatory practices by using your hands some of the time.

I am not interested in sex yet but I am very horny. My boyfriend touches me and kisses me down there and I get dizzy and I breathe really hard and get really turned on. I get tingly all over and it feels great. My boyfriend is always dissapointed because he doesn't make me orgasm. He told me to try masturbating to see if I can achieve orgasm but I don't really know whether I am getting orgasms with him or not. I can't even get the tingly sensation when I masturbate. How will I know when I have had an orgasm because I really want one? (age 16)

At any age, you don't have to have an orgasm. Just enjoy what you're doing and try what will make it feel better. If you have an orgasm, great. If you don't have one, there's no reason to feel dejected.

Normally when I try to masturbate (externally), there is very little sensation but instead I just get wet. I decided to go at it with more fervor and finally I got a feeling. My legs and stomach spasmed a bit and a light feeling of warmth went through me. Was that an orgasm? It wasn't particularly pleasant (it wasn't bad). If it was an orgasm, I don't get what the big deal is. (age 16)

There are mild orgasms and there are powerful ones. You might have had a mild one. But you did the right thing to make an orgasm happen. I suggest doing it some more. You will like orgasms better if you don't already.

My boyfriend and I just lost our virginities last night and had sex for the first time. We had a problem. He finished like 30 seconds after we started and now he's all embarrassed about it. I know that isn't normal but what could I do to help him out and make him feel better? (age 17)

I wouldn't say it isn't normal. It might even be pretty common for his age, for the first time. Practice makes perfect. He can work at taking longer in the future. There is no reason to mention what happened the first time again.

I have been masturbating since I was 11 years old. I usually stimulate my clitoris, and I always acheive orgasm. I have been wanting to stimulate my G-spot, and I do it for a couple of seconds (about 30 at the most?) and it feels really good, but then it gets tiring and sometimes hurts a little bit. It's also kind of hard to reach with just my fingers, and my arm gets sore. I have never had an orgasm from stimulating my G spot, but I want to. Any ideas on what I can do? Also, I'm 50 pounds overweight. (age 16)

Weight has little to do with it except it makes it harder for you to reach. If you always have an orgasm when you masturbate, you're in better shape than most girls your age and even older. Lots of females use dildos or other objects to reach their G spots. It might be worth abstaining from masturbation for a week or so and see if it makes your G spot more sensitive.

I have a very good relationship with my boyfriend and we are both monogamous and disease free. I regularly perform oral sex on him, but he has a weak stomach (he can't handle strong gore in movies or strong odors, etc.) and is reluctant to give me oral. I have told him that I am hurt that he cannot reciprocate and he is apologetic about it. He really wants to get over his personal hangup about giving oral. Is there anything we could do to make it easier for him? (age 17)

A dental dam is a piece of latex used for isolating teeth in dental work, but it is also used as a barrier for performing oral sex safely on a female. Its purpose is to keep your sexual fluids out of his mouth (and his saliva out of your private parts). They sell them at sex toy shops. They even have flavored ones. It might be easier for you to make your own dental dam from a non-lubricated or flavored condom. Basically just unroll the condom and cut it so it's flat.

I have been masturbating externaly since I was 10 and internally since I was 12 and recently (over the past 6 months) I have felt the urge to masturbate with larger and larger objects. Is this normal? Right now I usually use a cucumber. This still doesn't feel big enough though. I recently heard of girls putting their hands in their vaginas. Can I do this? (age 14)

The cucumbers I see at the store are much bigger than penises. It is OK if you want to put more than a few fingers in, but keep in mind you're stimulating yourself in a way that will be impossible with a partner.

If I give my boyfriend oral sex, and he has never had vaginal intercourse, is he still a virgin? And if I have never had intercourse, am I still a virgin? (age 17)

People overwhelmingly say that having oral sex or giving oral sex does not cause you to lose your virginity. The average person believes it has to take either vaginal or anal intercourse to do that.

I started masturbating about three weeks ago and I have noticed these quarter sized rashes and small red dots scattered around my stomach. I have no other symptoms and masturbating is the only thing I've changed in my lifestyle. I don't have allergies to anything. Is masturbating related at all? (age 14)

If you were a boy, I'd say it was a rare reaction to your own semen. In your case, I don't have a ready answer, but I would suggest washing that area more thoroughly after masturbating and see if it makes a difference.

I've recently started doing internal masturbation using the handle of a broken skipping rope (it's plastic and shaped like a penis, so it doesn't hurt at all). I reached an amazing orgasm, way better than external, but I did notice a tiny bit of blood. Did I accidentally hurt myself inside? (age 13)

It is normal to bleed a little when you first start masturbating internally.

I masturbate by stimulating my clitoris and I can achieve orgasm that way or when I get oral. However, I cannot achieve orgasm when I have manual intercourse, and I have never reached orgasm during vaginal intercourse, not even with my husband. I know he wants me to, but I seem to barely even feel sex. Is this normal? Is there a way to reach orgasm during intercourse? (age 22)

It is harder to reach orgasm in intercourse than in masturbation because less of it is under your control. It might make a difference if you abstain from orgasm for about a week to 10 days. You will be more sensitive by then and might have an easier time reaching orgasm from the same amount of stimulation.

My boyfriend doesn't have nearly as much fun as I do having sex, and I think it has something to do with the condom. I gave him oral once with a flavored condom and he said without is 80 times better. So after I'm on the pill and we dont have to use them, will it be much better? (age 16)

Yes, he will like it better without a condom.

I read somewhere that masturbating frequently makes you lose concentration in your studies and stuff like that. Is that true? I have kinda realized that this year in school I've been slacking. But tomorrow I will definitely start all my work with a fresh start and I really have to cut back on the masturbating. Is 3-5 times a week too much? (female, age 14)

Your question is one I have often gotten from males. Masturbation does not impair your concentration. According to a preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3,000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, the average college graduate (501 women) masturbates 17.1 times per month. The average woman who has been to graduate or professional school (197 women) masturbates 17.7 times per month. Masturbating didn't wreck these women's chances of excelling in school. You shouldn't believe it will hurt yours either. It is true that if you're going to waste time, masturbating might be one thing you might choose to do instead of your work. I am pained that you said you will change tomorrow. Slackers are always talking about tomorrow. If you're serious about making a change, change today. But I don't think your masturbatory frequency is too much. Masturbating is not the cause of your procrastinating.

I have not started my period but I masturbate with my mom's vibrator. Am I hurting myself? Should I stop? (age 13)

Masturbation will not make a difference as to when you start your period. You are not hurting yourself, but I think you would be better off if you learned to use your hands.

I am 16 and have a boyfriend who is 15. I masturbate frequently because masturbation is a normal part of sexual health, but my boyfriend does not masturbate because he feels it is "gay" for him to do so and he says he doesn't feel the need to. I believe he is telling the truth about not masturbating because we are open with each other about everything and he has told me everything else about himself. He hasn't ejaculated in several months, since the last time he had sexual intercourse. I have tried to explain the importance of males masturbating to him but he won't listen. When we have tried to have sex, he cannot ejaculate. He cannot even ejaculate through oral sex. I was wondering if this was related to the absence of masturbation in his life? I don't even know how to bring this topic up. I am afraid he is damaging his body and I can't seem to do anything about it.

You say two different things. First you say that you are open with each about everything, but then you say you don't know how to bring the topic up. Some 15 year old boys don't masturbate (which means they haven't started yet), but I am inclined to believe that all of the sexually experienced ones do. That includes your boyfriend. Which leaves the question of why he is not reaching orgasm in intercourse. I think his problem is related to masturbation. Either he is doing it too close to when you are attempting intercourse, or he is doing it in an atypical manner, such as the prone position, which is making him unable to reach orgasm in intercourse. If he is unwilling to admit he masturbates, I don't know how you can reach him on this issue. Perhaps you could get him to read HealthyStrokes.com.
Follow-up: We talked again about the problem that was going on, and we're open and honest with each other. I mentioned that I believed he may have some physical condition, and he then admitted that he did in fact masturbate one night because he had a case of "blue balls" from when I was with him, so there cannot be a physical condition present. I honestly do not believe he masturbates often because we have talked before and he has admitted to doing other things that would be considered very embarrassing and he has admitted that he has masturbated once before. I don't think this is healthy but I'm still not sure how to bring up this web site to him. I think it might benefit his sexual performance during intercourse though.

Just give him the URL http://www.healthystrokes.com/mast.html and tell him you think it would help him to read it. It is not as important what he admits to you as what he learns about himself.

I love your site! I can orgasm quickly and easily. It's never been a problem for me, but sometimes I like to look at erotic material, such as porn, and afterward I always feel really guilty. I know males do it, but I feel wrong as a female doing it. (age 16)

You are not the only one. According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, 7.6 percent of females who masturbate almost always use pictures, and another 7.1 percent use them most of the time (a total of 14.7 percent who use them most or all of the time), and 45 percent use them some of the time. 22.2 percent use them rarely, and only 18.1 percent say they never use pictures.

I masturbate frequently, and recently I had to move into a one room apartment because of my mom's money troubles. My mom is always home now. I don't have any privacy and I really need some release. It's been 14 days now since my last orgasm and I can't think of anything but sex and boys. What would you suggest I do? (age 15)

I suggest you learn to masturbate in the bathroom. Or perhaps you could read the page about masturbating in college dorms. It has some suggestions that would work in your situation too.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I played with each other almost all day, and today I'm uncomfortably dry down there. I've heard that putting Vaseline on it and even eating yogurt every day could help. Is this true? (age 16)

Eating yogurt will not do anything for your vaginal dryness. Vaseline is oil-based and not recommended for vaginal use. A water-based lube, like K-Y or Astroglide, would be useful.

The only way I can masturbate is in the shower with an adjustable shower head. I am home for about 2-3 hours before my mom gets home. Sometimes she gets home while I'm in the shower and opens the door to tell me to hurry up. I always manage to stop by the time she sees me but the water makes a weird noise when I'm doing it and sometimes she asks me what's taking me so long. Does she know I'm masturbating? Is there any way I can tell her that I don't need her to open the door? (age 13)

I advise against masturbating with running water. You are better off in the long run by learning to use your hands. I think your mother suspects you're masturbating. I don't think very many people use the shower after school. Perhaps you could take up jogging or something so you have an excuse to use the shower then? You might mention that opening the door lets cold air in and then you need to stay in the shower longer to warm up. Yeah, that's it!

Wet dreams usually happen in males correct? It seems that I have them quite often, and I'm female. I know what an orgasm is. I masturbate quite well, perhaps too much (sometimes four to five times a day). Sometimes when I'm sleeping, I will have a very arousing dream, and it will be very lifelike. I normally wake up when I'm orgasming, and it feels like I just masturbated to orgasm. Everything is the same as when I masturbate while awake. Is this normal? (age 17)

What you describe is very rare for females. It sounds just like the male wet dream, although officially at least, wet dreams only happen to males. Nearly all males who have wet dreams (and only about 60 percent ever do) stop having wet dreams when they learn to masturbate. While I don't think anyone would authoritatively call your experience a wet dream, it means you are very responsive orgasmically. And that is a good thing!
Follow-up from another reader: I noticed there have been quite a few girls writing in about how they have "female wet dreams." I find this interesting because it happens to me occasionally as well, and I didn't know what to think of it. I'm a heavy sleeper, and when I'm asleep I don't move around at all so I'm definitely not touching myself. However, I always have very vivid dreams, and sometimes when they are sexual, I'll wake up having an intense orgasm, even though I haven't touched myself at all. It's an interesting phenomenon and I wish we knew more about it. (age 19)

Thanks to your report, now we do. I will continue to collect stories like yours.

What does the male orgasm feel like? (age 27)

After a few minutes of sexual activity, there is a point at which the male becomes aware that any further friction against his penis will make him have an orgasm. At this point, the male can hold back and let his arousal subside (if he wants to continue what he's doing longer) or he can keep going and proceed to orgasm. The male then feels contractions in and around his prostate gland and then he ejaculates. His penis gets very sensitive after ejaculation and it then hurts to touch it. The male then gets very relaxed and/or cleans up his ejaculate.

My psychology teacher said 8th graders have lower grades because it's the age when most are thinking about sex more than school; but that year was one of my best and the only year I got straight A's. I have never really thought as much about sex until now. My problem is that most people I know are convinced that I'll most likely lose my virginity in college, and I go next year. And since I sometimes really think about sex, I'm worried they may be right. I've never had a boyfriend because I don't seem to attract the right guys, so if I found someone I thought I might like in college, I don't what I'll do. What do you think? (age 17)

I'm glad you're not sexually active now. Your teacher made a general statement about 8th graders which certainly isn't true for all. Instead of doing what most people are convinced you'll do, you should do what's right for you. If you want to wait for the right man before becoming sexually active, that can be a very wise choice. I think when you find someone you really like, you'll know what to do.

What percent of girls my age masturbate? (age 13)

According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, 58.2 percent of women 20 and over had masturbated by their 13th birthdays and another 9.9 percent started when they were 13.

How many sexual partners does an average woman have in her lifetime? (age 18)

According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, the median woman age 30 and up has had seven male sex partners. This means half have had 7 or more and half have had 7 or fewer. At any age, the most common answer is one.

My 9 year old daughter started masturbating about 6 months ago. She wants me to show her the proper way to do it. How should I go about showing her? By letting her watch me or by me using my hands on her? (age 38)

I would not be in favor of either of those methods. You might show her using the diagrams available on HealthyStrokes.com. Look toward the bottom of the left side menu.

I gave my first serious boyfriend a hand job last night, and when he started to go, he sprayed me like a waterhose nozzle set on fan spray, and he produced a lot of semen in little droplets. I've only seen guys do that sort of stuff in porno and what happens looks completely different. Is my boyfriend normal? Thank you for putting up what you did about it being normal for girls to masturbate. It helped me out a lot with guilty feeling. (age 16)

You ought not judge real life based on porn. It is normal for guys to ejaculate as you describe, especially if he has never had an orgasm with a girl before. The beginning of an ejaculation usually looks like that. A male will typically shoot more liquid and with more force as they become more experienced. No doubt he is very grateful to you for helping the little droplets come out.
Follow-up: You are right. The men in porn are as fake as the women. And yes, my boyfriend does enjoy me making those droplets come out.


My boyfriend and I, who are both sixteen, have been going out for a eight months. Last night I was staying at his place. Just before we were about to get into bed, he asked me if I would masturbate in front of him. I was quite shocked and rather embarrassed by this request. I just sat on the end of the bed and looked at the floor. He said he should have never asked and then he kissed me on the head and got into bed and turned away from me. Nothing else was said until the morning. Should I have said yes? I feel like I should have. A few people I know have done this for their partners. I feel guilty that I didn't and kind of abnormal. I love your site, by the way. It's great for many teenagers and adults across the world.

You are certainly justified in not wanting to, and you have nothing to be guilty about. You can always decide you want to do it in front of him tomorrow. I think you were wise to not make a big deal out of the request. It seems to me you're already fairly advanced in terms of intimacy by sleeping in the same bed at your age.

Do females ejaculate? Do they have wet dreams? Are these the result of not masturbating? (age 16)

Conventional wisdom is that females neither ejaculate nor have wet dreams. However, many females produce liquid at the point of orgasm that they insist is tantamount to ejaculating, and many females also claim to have orgasms while they are sleeping. I am not aware of any research linking either of these happenings to not masturbating.

I am 17 and will be 18 in a couple of months. I've masturbated for a while now and I really, really want to try using a sex toy. But my mom would freak with every reason from it being gross to "religiously wrong." No one in my house knows I masturbate. I don't have a credit or debit card of my own so I can't order online. Do you know any stores that might sell them?

At 18, you can go into a sex toy shop and buy them. Even at your age, some stores might not care. You can get a prepaid credit card at all kinds of stores that you can use online. You can also get a debit card from a Coinstar machine. It would be better still if you had a friend of legal age who could buy you one. If you're too embarrassed to talk to someone, keep in mind that she probably masturbates too.
Follow-up: I actually asked my mom -- indirectly at first -- and she said she masturbates too and has even thought about using toys herself. She's thinking of getting me one, so thanks.


I'm still a virgin but all my other friends aren't and I really want to lose my viginity but I'm scared. (age 14)

I seriously doubt that none of your friends are virgins. According to a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, only 21 percent of 14 and 15 year old girls have had intercourse. There were 503 current 14 or 15 year old girls in the survey. If you only want to have intercourse because your friends have, you shouldn't, and you have even leff reason if you're wrong about your friends having intercourse. If you're scared, you shouldn't.

I've masturbated with the bathtub faucet for years. I used to think I was reaching orgasm with this method, but I wasn't. My clitoris would just get really sensitive and that would be it. I looked up what an orgasm was supposed to feel like and realized I wasn't having them. HealthyStrokes.com has taught me about the dangers of using this method. So I will stop. I never had an orgasm anyway.

I've tried various times to masturbate, and sometimes for even an hour, but to no avail. I've tried both external and internal masturbation using my fingers. I've tried relaxing, thinking arousing thoughts, and looking at arousing art (not photos). When I tried external masturbation, I tried touching various areas, but the only place that seems to feel anything interesting is my clitoris. It's kind of difficult to stimulate it too much. If I force myself to, I only end up having to urinate, even if I go beforehand. I thought it might be the verge of an orgasm, but I just ended up urinating. I have tried stimulating other areas, but I don't feel stimulated anywhere but the clitoris.

I've tried internal masturbation but that doesn't work either. I've touched various areas inside, but it only feels weird. I only feel like I'm rubbing my bladder. What am I doing wrong? Will I ever have an orgasm? (age 18)

You are really trying too hard to have an orgasm. Just find ways of touching yourself that you enjoy and don't worry about having an orgasm. Eventually you will be in just the right state of mind and it will happen. You might also figure out why you're opposed to masturbating with photos, since you emphatically said you haven't used them. A vibrator might also help you find the places that feel best to stimulate.

I still don't understand why it is bad to masturbate a certain way face down, but not to masturbate the same way face up. For example, in the surveys a lot of females reported lying face down and thrusting into something, or rubbing an object hard on the vulva. I used to do that for years, only I did it always on my back. I'm worried about TMS now, because I don't see how something like being on your back or being on your stomach can make such a big difference. I don't masturbate that way now. I've become really good at doing it the conventional way, but I'm worried that I've ruined myself by masturbating in such a harsh way. (age 19)

You are talking about two different things. There is prone masturbation, which is lying face down, and there is masturbating with a harsh amount of force. Both of those are bad for sexual performance. Masturbating prone puts more pressure on the private parts than would be experienced with supine masturbation, the way most people do it. Some people also use too much force, even if they are not masturbating prone. This is another atypical way of masturbating that undermines sexual function. Thrusting upward into something isn't nearly as bad as thrusting downward into it. Lots of women rub hard objects against their vulvas. So if this is all you are doing, then I don't think you've "ruined yourself." You make no mention of anorgasmia in intercourse. I suspect you're inexperienced at intercourse. If so, then perhaps you have nothing to worry about.

Is it normal that when I have intercourse with my boyfriend that my legs shake uncontrollably? It's not an orgasm because it's not satisfying me; it's in fact terrifying. Most of the time we have to stop because of my fear of what this may be a result of.

I would advise holding your legs as straight as possible and see if it makes a difference. According to preliminary results of a survey of over 3000 females by the web site HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, 21.3 percent of females do this almost every time when they masturbate, another 18 percent do it most of the time (or a total of 39.3 percent who do it most of the time), and 47.9 percent do it some of the time. Only 12.9 percent say they never hold their legs tense while they masturbate. According to a survey of more than 10,000 males by the web site HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, 19.3 percent of males almost always stretch out their legs tense while masturbating, and another 20.6 percent do it most of the time, or almost 40 percent who do it the majority of the time they masturbate. More than half of males -- 50.4 percent -- do it some of the time. Only 9.7 percent of males say they never do it. So for both males and females, stretching the legs tense is a way of gaining sexual control.

I have seen that you are against using pillows and things to masturbate facing downward but I always lie on my back and squeeze my labia together with a soft blanket while still wearing underwear and I have achieved orgasm. Is that OK? I have been doing this for years and I wanna make sure I'm not damaging myself in the future sexually. (age 14)

Both masturbating with the blanket and masturbating through underwear are atypical ways of masturbating. I don't think they're as harmful as masturbating prone, but most girls your age are learning to masturbate with their naked hands on their naked genitals. You might try to understand why you don't want to do it that way.

My dad frequently masturbates, which I don't have a problem with. It's just that he does it at the computer while looking at porn, which is in a common area of the house. If I want to go to the kitchen or outside I have to pass by this area. I've accidentally caught him a few times, and other times I know he's out there masturbating and I sort of feel like a prisoner and I can't leave my room. I don't think my mom knows since I'm pretty sure he only does it when she's gone and she's always considered pornography as an objectification of women, so I'd feel uncomfortable bringing it up with her. How can I let him know that I feel uncomfortable that he's masturbating where he is and I would appreciate if he did it somewhere more private? (age 17)

I suggest you tell him that you're uncomfortable walking through the room when he's using the computer because you worry that you're intruding on his privacy and ask him if there might be somewhere else he could set up the computer where you wouldn't feel that way about it.

I want to thank you so much for your site. It's great and has provided me and millions of others I'm sure with tons of info! How you get rid of paraphilias? I think I might have a few, and I want to be able to get turned on by normal, sexual type things. How can I do this? Also, what age do most girls and guys lose their virginity? (age 18)

Paraphilia is not something I know much about, but the way to get rid of fantasies you don't want is to replace them with other fantasies. I don't think there's anything wrong with fantasizing about non-standard things, but if it bothers you, I would work on developing other sexual interests. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, the average age of first intercourse is 18.3. There were 5009 sexually experienced males in the survey. According to preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, the average age of first intercourse is 16.6. There were 1520 sexually experienced females in the survey.

At my friend's last sleepover, my friends and I played dares. By the end, we had all masturbated together. It was fun, and we did it again last week. Is this wrong? (age 13)

I would hesitate to call it wrong. Only you can decide what is wrong for you. Nevertheless, I would not encourage girls your age to do that together.

My friend (girl) and I went on spring break with my 21 year old brother. She kept talking about how hot my brother was. I have agreed he is good looking. The last night she brought him to our room. I passed out on our bed and awoke to them doing 69 next to me. I could see her doing it to him. I can't get the vision of his penis in her mouth out of my head. What can I do? (age 19)

I would start by telling your friend and your brother that what they did was insensitive to you and you would have preferred them asking you to leave (a practice known on college campuses as being "sexiled") to doing it next to you. I think such a discussion will help you overcome the thoughts.

I am a doctor and I am very interested in masturbation. I have paid attention to my masturbation habits over the years and also the habits of my children. Some of my earliest memories were of prone masturbation. I began masturbating with my hand while lying on my back when I was about 18. I was masturbating so much, however, that I wore holes through the part above my panties directly above my clitoris. I channeled my academic frustrations--frustrations into masturbation. I would be in the midst of a tremendously difficult problem, and I would go off to the bathroom to masturbate, maybe more than once if I wasn't able to solve the problem quickly. If I didn't do this, I wasn't able to concentrate, the tingling and aching of my genitalia would be too distracting.

In med school, during first year courses like physiology, my studying marathons were punctuated by masturbation. It was not enjoyable, it was masturbation that had to be gotten out of the way so I could get back to my studying.

My husband tires of me pestering him for sex, or even me begging him to masturbate with me. He just could not keep up. I have three daughters from five to nine. My eldest daughter looks like me physically, hair and eyes, and her vulva looks like mine. She has masturbated from age eleven months on. As early as age four -- when she masturbated excessively, an hour a day or more. My middle daughter looks nothing like me, and I remember being surprised the first time I changed her diaper. Her vulva looked so foreign to me. The size and shape of the labia were different, and the clitoris was smaller. She thus far has not masturbated. She asked me recently why her sister masturbates -- we are open with the children about this kind of thing; the word 'masturbate' was part of their vocabulary from the time they could speak.

The third daughter is a mix of me and my husband. Her vulva looks exactly like mine. This child is very laid back and sweet, sometimes we almost forget she's in the house because she's so quiet and undemanding. She does not yet masturbate.

Before my third daughter was born, I suspected that my masturbating more than the average female was due to an anatomical difference. Now that I have all three daughters, I think it is due to physiological reasons--excessive or deficient amounts of neurotransmitters, perhaps slightly different 'wiring' if you will, of the brain itself. (age 32)

You seem to be preoccupied with the masturbation of your daughters. The shape of the vulva does not cause early or excessive masturbation. I sense that you are proud that the eldest daughter takes after you.

I have recently stopped having contact with a guy I was in love with. He loved me too, unfortunately for a number of reasons it wouldn't work. I masturbated often about him. But now I find that when I masturbate I can't reach orgasm, and it isn't as enjoyable. Is there something wrong with me? (age 18)

No, I think your response is normal. You are conflicted by your relationship ending. I would suggest finding something else to think about while you masturbate for the next period. Time will heal all wounds.

When I masturbate, I think about males having intercourse together. This is one of the only ways that I can get aroused. (age 15)

You might diversify your fantasies. Surely there are other situations that would get you aroused and possibly all the way to orgasm.

I'm able to orgasm at most three times every night by masturbating. Is this unhealthy? (age 15)

No, I think it's very healthy. Masturbatorily active girls your age usually go for it once a day.

I still consider myself a virgin because only the guy's tip was inserted but when it was, I didn't feel anything pleasurable. I want to know what to expect from sex when it actually happens. Are my expectations too high? (age 17)

I have to say your expectations are unrealistic when you expect people to accept you as a virgin when you've had a penis (even a tip) inserted into your vagina. It won't necessarily feel pleasurable the first time. For a lot of males and females, much of the pleasure the first time comes from being with the partner. For maximum pleasure, do it with a partner you really want to be with. Beyond that, it tends to get better for females with practice.

My boyfriend often complains of headaches after he has masturbated. Is this common? (age 16)

According to a survey of over 2700 males by HealthyStrokes.com in 2008-09, 24 percent have experienced orgasm headache, but it only happens more than occasionally to 2 percent of males. He could start by watching how much pressure he puts on his neck when he masturbates.

I have recently started having sex with a guy I'm dating who is 20. When we first started getting intimate, he told me he can rarely reach orgasm from hand jobs or oral sex. However, when we had sex, both times he came in 5-10 minutes. He later told me he can't reach orgasm often from masturbation. Why is this? When a guy has a lot of sex, does it make other stuff not as enjoyable and hard to obtain? (age 18)

No, that isn't true. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the first half of 2007, the average male who has never had sexual intercourse rates masturbation 7.8 on a scale of 1 to 10. But the average sexually experienced male rates masturbation 8.0. This tells me that males come to like masturbating even better once they have experienced sexual intercourse. It is rare for a man not to be able to reach orgasm. Perhaps he has some kind of health issue he has not told you about, or perhaps he uses anti-depressants. Most anti-depressants cause sexual side effects.

My younger brother (who is 11) recently told me he masturbates quite often. I know this isn't unusual, but it made me wonder, at what age does ejaculation begin in boys? (age 23)

According to a survey of over 5000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in 2008, the average male first ejaculated at age 12.8. Almost one in five was ejaculating by his 12th birthday.

I've been masturbating for about a year now but only by rubbing my clitoris. When I put a finger in my vagina, I don't feel any type of sensation. Is there something wrong with me? (age 13)

No, that is normal. Most girls your age only masturbate externally. You might enjoy trying internal masturbation sometime when you're almost to the point of orgasm.

I was at my cousin's house and I was lying in bed with him and I started getting wet from the thought of him. Then I started masturbating in the bed and he saw me. He didn't say anything but he started doing it too. We never talk about it. What should I say to him? (age 12)

Nothing. But I think it would be good if you didn't lie in the same bed anymore. You are both obviously too old for that.

When I masturbate, I feel this intense pleasure. It feels like an orgasm. My whole body fills whith this warm feeling and my muscles go rigid. I put my head into my pillow and scream until it's over. This happens up to 8 times when I masturbate. Don't orgasms only happen once? (age 13)

Orgasms can happen repeatedly. You are one of the lucky girls who has multiple orgasms without even having to work at it. Congratulations! A lot of women much older than you are envious of you.

I have been masturbating since I was about 6 or 7. I didn't do it much until the past few years and now I do it about 5-7 times a week. When I masturbate, I lie on my stomach and thrust my vulva onto my fist. I know about TMS and I know what I'm doing is TMS. I want to start masturbating the conventional way because I don't want to ruin my sexual life when I'm older but I'm not sure how to get out of the habit of doing it on my stomach. Have I already ruined my future sexual life? (age 13)

No, there is plenty of time to save your sexual life. You can look at the main page of this site for the program for overcoming TMS. It was written for males but many females have used it too. Basically you abstain from masturbating for long enough that you can reach orgasm easily by masturbating the conventional way. A week of abstaining is usually good enough.

I have been masturbating for more than 8 years now, with a hand shower (only external masturbation). My hymen is still there. Lately I have noticed that my stomach seems to swell after masturbating and now it's a big bulge. Do you think I did some damage? (age 18)

Masturbating will not make your stomach swell. If it bothers you, eat less and get more exercise. I also recommend against masturbating with the shower.

Should I masturbate with my dog in the room It's not really like he has anything to do with it but he tends to stare at me or try to be close to me whenever we're in the same room. He's not allowed on my bed. (age 18)

If it bothers you, then the dog should not be there. It will not bother him at all to watch you.

Can I masturbate during my period, because I really want to. Or is it unhealthy? (age 16)

It is not at all unhealthy; in fact, many females masturbate more than usual during their periods because it helps relieve cramps and muscle tension.

I masturbated 2 nights ago by sticking the handle of a hair brush up my vagina. I got my period today. I have only ever gotten my period every other month and I am not due until next month. Did my masturbating have anything to do with that? This was the first time I used an object in my vagina to masturbate other than my fingers. It felt amazing! It didn't hurt at all. I didn't orgasm. I pulled it out after about 3 minutes of in and out. If I had kept masturbating, would I have orgasmed? I love your site! (age 16)

Masturbating will not bring on your period nor delay it. You are apt to become more regular as you get older, so it might be you've now started monthly periods. I guess the only way to know if you will have an orgasm is to try it again and stay in longer than three minutes.

I am pretty sure I am bisexual. In the locker room I get very turned on by other girls. A couple noticed and asked if I wanted to "have some fun." I gave it a long, hard think for a couple of days and I finaly said yes. I am still attracted to guys and I will only go out with guys but I am sexually atracted to both. I think I am old enough to make the decision to be sexual with other girls but I want to know what you think. (age 16)

I generally advise against sexual experimentation at your age. You are apt to get hurt if someone in your threesome decides they want more than just fun. Keep in mind there are two of them and only one of you. If you must experiment, I would advise doing it with only one other person at a time, not a couple.

I have really big boobs compared to all my friends. They are 28D and the only other girls that big are seniors, while I am a freshman. I know it's not normal, but could that be a sign of breast cancer or something bad? Also, I am pretty much constantly turned on because when they jiggle as I walk, it turns me on. When I see other girls' boobs jiggle, it also turns me on, even though I'm not a lesbian. Is that weird? (age 15)

I don't think it's weird. People are aroused by a wide variety of things, some of them very ordinary. If your own jiggling bothers you, you can try special bras that will reduce the movement. You might have to experiment and see what feels best for you. Large breasts are not by themselves sources of breast cancer, but it can be more of a challenge for a large-breasted woman to find a lump on her own. Do the monthly self-exam and have a mammogram yearly.

Follow-up: You said do a self exam but how would I do that? I know it is feeling my boobs but I don't know specifically what to do.

Please refer to this instruction guide for a monthly breast exam from the American Cancer Society.

One day I was using my mom's vibrator and I accidentally broke a wire in it because the orgasm was sosososooo good and so now it doesn't work. What will she do if she finds out it was me?

I should tell you to admit to breaking it and offer to help replace it, but I don't think you are going to do that.

I have never had urges to see a penis. I know from brief glimses of my brother's that they aren't pretty like breasts are. For a while I thought I was a lesbian. But then when we were swimming in P.E., a guy dived off the board and his suit fell off completely. I was underwater so I saw it all clearly. It turned me on a lot and now I'm not sure if I'm a lesbian or bisexual or what? (age 15)

I think you are making too big a deal about aesthetics. Many women don't care for the look of a penis but enjoy them anyway. Many men are the same way when it comes to vulvas. It doesn't make you a lesbian because you like breasts better than penises. Take some more time to figure out what turns you on. The underwater guy seemed to. With any luck, you will find penises that you like better than your brother's. And if you find you want to eschew penises altogether, that's OK too. You're young and have a lot to find out.

I'm still a virgin and have tried external masturbation. I read that it doesn't hurt the hymen, but I also read that because of my age I probably don't have it anymore. I checked your hymen gallery and mine looks like the lunar one but upside down. The thing is, when I tried to look at mine and I saw this pink wall under the urethra and the hole was way down and it looked like an oval, not round. What is that wall? Is it normal that when I spread my lips, it's not round either? Why do I have a hurting feeling after spreading my lips? Thanks for answering. (age 22)

As it says on the hymen gallery page, the crescentic hymen may be larger either above or below the vaginal opening. The orifice will only look round if the pressure around it is perfectly even, like you might experience in a doctor's office. When you are holding your own labia apart, you are undoubtedly making compromises with regard to the pressure and your own comfort. It is perfectly normal for it to look something other than round. The wall is the septum between your urethra and vagina. The hurting feeling is probably just from exerting pressure to spread your labia. It is probably nothing to worry about. Thanks for letting my female readers know a woman who masturbates externally can still have an intact hymen at your age.

I had my first orgasm around age six; I more than likely stumbled upon the sensation by accident, but I do not understand how a six year old can a. have an orgasm, and b. self stimulate. Can you help? (age 21)

You are living proof that a six year old can do both. Orgasm has been noted in girls as young as 6 months old. Obviously you figured it out by yourself.

I love your site! It has helped me fully understand a bunch of things! When I masturbate, I think about two guys (that I like) doing each other. Is this fantasy wrong? Or should I just think about me having sex with a guy? (age 13)

What you fantasize about is up to you. You ought to be developing a repertoire of fantasies that work for you.

I had a hysterectomy after a pre-existing medical condition. Can I still orgasm? (age 17)

Yes, women continue to have orgasms after hysterectomies. Keep working on it.

Female groans and moans turn me on. I get good orgasms if I listen to them. Male moans don't do the same. I am straight. Is this OK? (age 12)

Yes, but it is good if more than one thing turns you on.

I've recently just become a sexual person. I had no interest or even thoughts about it before because of the antidepressants that I was on that suppressed my sex drive. I tried masturbating with my hands many times but nothing ever happened or felt any different. Now that I am coming off the medication and am beginning to feel more sexual and want more sexual pleasure, I still find that I am unable to do anything with my hands. Am I doing something wrong? (age 20)

You say both that you never had thoughts about masturbating before and that you have tried it many times. This leads me to suspect you are confusing sexual desire with sexual response. Antidepressants (and the depression that leads one to take them) can mess up both. You seem to have overcome your lack of sexual desire, but you need to work on sexual response. Most women find they have to be patient when trying to be orgasmic for the first time. Just relax and find pleasant ways to touch instead of being singlemindedly focused on an orgasm.

If you have such a huge number of questions to answer, why do you only answer two at a time? Sorry if that sounded hostile. I'm genuinely curious. (female, age 19)

Two is the minimum I answer. Depending on how much time I have, I answer more. Questions that are short and to the point are most likely to be answered soon. Long questions tend to be put off.

I have a good friend named Hannah and recently I have started imagining me and her kissing. It's a turn on and I think I'm straight, but I'm not so sure anymore. The other day, we were wrestling at a slumber party and when she pinned me down (or vice versa) I wanted to kiss her, and I was getting turned on by the contact. I really need help. (age 12)

I would avoid situations like that until you are more sure about things. Regardless of your sexual preference, it is important that you respect the sexual boundaries of other people, especially your friends.

Is it OK not to tell anyone when you're masturbating?

Yes, most people do it privately, and some people never tell anyone that they do it.

Is it OK to like really older men in their 40s because I do. I don't like any boys at my school but I have a lot of friends that are boys. I don't like girls in sexual ways. I often masturbate at night and fantasize about older men. Is that OK? (age 13)

It is OK to like whomever or whatever you want and to fantasize about whomever or whatever you want, but I think it would be good if you gave some of the boys in your school a chance before you started dating men in their 40s. Men that old would not be able to date you until you're 18 (and even then might attract some dirty looks), so you should use those five years to see if you could be happy with guys your age (or about your age). Maybe some of the boys you're friends with would be interested in you.

Is it safe to externally masturbate with an electric toothbrush minus the head? A while ago, I fell asleep while doing it and when my dad came in to wake me up I rolled over and accidentally switched it on. I think he knew what it was, because he said 'what's that?' and looked around my bed. What do you think he thought? (age 12)

He thought you were masturbating with the toothbrush. He was correct.

What's your opinion on "sexting"? I've heard about people doing it when they're my age. I'm curious as to if you think it's wrong or not. (male, age 15)

Don't text anything you wouldn't say in person, and don't text anything you wouldn't want to see posted in your local newspaper.

I have a gigantic crush on a guy who was EXTREMELY sexy in the 1970's, but he is really old now. I don't like the older him, just the younger 20-year-old him when it was still in the days of black and white photos (haha). But my mom says it's icky and weird, even though I'm not crushing on the older guy. Is it really weird and odd? Should I stop liking him? (age 13)

There have been color photos since the early 20th century. There is nothing wrong with liking a younger version of a celebrity, but don't let your crush keep you from interacting with people your own age.

I masturbate externally and can acheive orgasm. My boyfriend and I have started talking about having sex and I'm really worried that he physically won't be able to fit. I have never been able to get more than one finger into my vagina and even then it hurts. How can I stretch it so that by the time we do have sex I can avoid humiliation? (age 15)

Masturbating internally with more fingers (and possibly objects) can help. You need to be able to withstand a little pain to make speedy progress. You would likely be better able to do this alone than with your boyfriend present.

If I were in a hot tub with a guy and he ejaculated, can his sperm travel and get me pregnant? (age 15)

No. Sperm could not survive in a hot tub for 2 seconds, let alone swim inside you and impregnate you. They probably couldn't make it through any water.

I masturbate face-down by forcing my clitoris against my fingers (I've been doing this for 10 years or so once a week). Is the best thing for me to do at this point to stop masturbating (and if so for how long?)? I've tried to masturbate by rubbing my fingers against my clitoris but I've found that directly touching my clitoris doesn't feel pleasurable at all. What are your recommendations? (age 19)

Many females don't stimulate the (head of) clitoris directly, but rather the area around it, including the hood and the shaft. Doing this might make it more pleasurable for you. As you know, I advise heavily against prone masturbation. Females who masturbate prone are less orgasmic in intercourse than other females. Since you only masturbate once a week, you would probably need to stop for at least two weeks before you are sensitive enough to masturbate to orgasm with only your hands while lying on your back. It should not be expected that every instance of masturbation will end in an orgasm; it might be enough just that you learn to enjoy the feeling and become orgasmic later.

I was really horny and tried to get my cat to lick my vulva. I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself. Is there something wrong with me? Am I sick? (age 15)

More people than you would guess have had sexual contact with animals. In your case it was only a one-time occurrence and I don't think anyone would say you are sick. I also don't think it would hurt the cat. You would have a problem if you preferred animal contact to humans. There is no reason to be ashamed.

I've been masturbating for about 7 months and always have an orgasm when I masturbate, sometimes multiple ones. Usually I just masturbate with my fingers and I masturbate about 4 times a week. Will it be harder in the future for my partner to make me orgasm if I'm used to making myself orgasm by masturbating? Do you think I should stop masturbating if my partner won't be able to make me orgasm? (age 17)

If anything, masturbating will make it easier for you to be orgasmic with a partner. In any event, there is no reason to worry about it now. If you were actually having sex with a partner and were having trouble orgasming, I might suggest you abstain from masturbating for a few days ahead of time but since you aren't having such an issue, there is no problem.

I masturbate every night. I know it's perfectly normal and I know everyone is different. I have done everything with a boy except sex. I don't feel any pleasure when I insert my fingers into my vagina. I have never orgasmed but I really want to. It feels good when I masturbate externally but there's like a small climax, and then I have to stop. So my first question is, why is this? Secondly, my best friend told me about how she ejaculates and stuff, but all I really get is a sweaty crotch. Thirdly, I have inserted the end of an old toothbrush in my vagina, and I don't feel anything. I can put it in, take it out, move it around, and I don't feel a thing. Why is this? I just really want someone to tell me what to do to make things better and so that i feel more normal. (age 15)

I think you're pretty normal. Many girls your age don't feel anything good from internal masturbation and so they don't do it. It is more usual to start masturbating internally only after a few years of external masturbation. You might be having orgasms even though you describe them as small climaxes. They are intense enough that you have to stop. Work on finding out what you like about them and try to make those parts more intense. Female ejaculation is rare. Your friend might be exaggerating. There is no reason to feel abnormal because you don't have female ejaculation.

My daughter (age 15) and I don't talk much about sex/masturbation but she asked me if I could buy her a vibrator. I was a little shocked because we never have spoken about it before even though she knows we can talk about anything together. I don't know if I should get her one. What do you think? (age 40)

I discourage the use of vibrators in girls your daughters age but it is better if you get her a small one that runs on batteries instead of taking the chance that she will acquire a powerful one that plugs into the wall. It might be difficult for you to say, but you should tell her she's better off using her hands and that the vibrator should be used only as a last resort.

I have a boyfriend who is also 19. We are both virgins. I want to have sex with him really badly. How can I tell him? (age 19)

Why not say, "I think it's time that we became sexually active. I want to have sex with you really badly."

Is it wrong of me to try to tear or break my hymen because if I have sex for the first time it won't hurt as bad. Would it hurt? (age 15)

It wouldn't be wrong, but it also probably isn't necessary. There is no reason to worry if it will hurt. If it hurts to break via intercourse, it will also hurt to break the way you're describing. If it doesn't hurt, then there is no problem. A middle course might be to start masturbating internally. Then by the time you're sexually active, you will have broken the hymen enough that it won't hurt even if it would if you had sex right now.

A girl asked about why she tightens up down there when she reads about sex or reproduction. What did you mean when you said that her clenching was "just a bad habit"? You responded that she should relax. I often tighten the way she does, and I think it is because I feel uncomfortable about sexual (vaginal) intercourse. Is it wrong for me to clench? How can I relax? I have tried vaginal stimulation with my fingers, and objects for four years, and nothing relaxes my vagina. What should I do? (age 19)

As a rule, clenching is bad for you whether it is your jaw or your PC muscle or any other muscle. If you are aware that you are clenching, then make a conscious effort not to do it. In addition to being a bad form of nervous tension, clenching does nothing to make you more comfortable about intercourse. I would suggest a program of Kegel (PC muscle) exercises.

I've been masturbating since I was 6. I figured it out when I was on the swim team and the jets hit me just right. Since then I've used a pool, my shower, and my fingers to masturbate externally. I have never had an orgasm internally, and it doesn't do anything when my boyfriend fingers me. Is this normal? I feel bad because my boyfriend's not doing much for me. (age 16)

Masturbation with running water is bad for the reason you describe: Females who become habituated to it have trouble reaching orgasm any other way. The first thing to do is quit masturbating with running water and getting more used to the light touch of your own hands. You are young and are learning. Most girls your age with no history of pool jets don't have orgasms with their boyfriends. Give it more time.

Last night, I had a dream that 2 characters from a movie were making out, then my mom woke me up from the dream for school and I was really turned on. Was that a wet dream? (age 12)

Girls don't have wet dreams, but they can get aroused from them, and it looks like you were. Good for you!

I'm young but I know that I'm bi. I often think about this one woman that turns me on and use that to masturbate over. Is imagining that the person you fantasize about is doing it to you wrong? (age 13)

Whatever you fantasize about is OK. It's only happening in your head and doesn't hurt anyone. It's OK to be bi, but you're kind of young to say you are with such certainty. Better to take a few years to find out what you really like about females and/or males.

I am a 12 year old girl and sometimes I'll have a dream that I am rubbing against something (not usually a person) and when I wake up, I'm really horny. I am worried because my mom doesn't know I masturbate or have these dreams, but I talk in my sleep and she listens in on what I say when she can't sleep.

Your mom almost certainly knows you masturbate, so you have nothing to fear from her listening. She is probably happy for you.

I've read a couple of times on here about people who were thinking of telling their parents they masturbate. How do these situations tend to work out?

I don't know, but I'll ask. Readers, do you have any answers? Please pass them along.

I told my mom that I masturbate only because I wanted to talk to her about giving me some more privacy. For me, it went well. She was very understanding and now she always knocks on my door when it is closed. (female, age 14)


My mom seemed like someone who would never have and wouldn't think it was good. This evening, I brought up the topic by starting with something else that I knew would lead to the topic with her bringing it up. After we talked a minute, I asked if she ever had masturbated, and she said yes, and eventually that it was fine and normal. I am really surprised so to any of you others who feel that your parents wont understand, just try another way. I still didn't have the courage to tell her yet though, but I will soon. (age 12)

I'm glad it worked for you, but you put your mom in an uncomfortable spot. She didn't like you asking her any more than you would have liked her asking you. You can talk about sex without quizzing each other.


I understand that most people would rather not have their parents know. But I'm a Hindu girl and my parents are the strict type who are absolutely firm about not having boyfriends; marrying within the caste; and remaining a virgin till marriage. I don't desire marriage or sex, but I find that masturbating every other day makes me relaxed and comfortable with myself. I do very well in school, and it's an expectation my parents will always have. What my parents say mean everything to me, and I'd hate to disappoint them. So, feeling guilty about my masturbation, I sat them down one day and talked to them about how what we're taught in school about relationships being OK is in such great conflict with what I'm taught at home, and I'd like to follow what they say. I sneaked masturbation in, asking about "the twelve letter m-word that isn't menstruation" and told her I did it. She remained silent for a moment, and simply said, "Nothing in Hinduism about it, and there's nothing inherently wrong, but you shouldn't think about sex so much. I've got a feeling you do." So her essential qualm was that if I masturbate, I'm horny and I shouldn't be. So I made every move not to get caught, and I make sure I continue doing well in school. I wouldn't want to disappoint my parents. I know that it's natural for teenagers to be horny, but I shouldn't masturbate because it's distracting. What do you think? (age 16)

Ah, she didn't say you shouldn't think about sex at all. She said you shouldn't think about sex so much. Remember, there's nothing in Hindu about it, and it's not inherently wrong. I think your mom is OK with what you do.


Should I masturbate with nail polish on my nails or after using something like hand sanitizer on my nails? (age 18)

I doubt that either one of those could hurt you in the quantity you would use on your hands. You certainly don't want wet nail polish on your private parts.

This site is amazing! I have learned so many things and I was thinking you should have like some sort of breast diagram for people to learn from because there's lot of stuff I would like to know about mine and you should have a page for breast questions. (age 16)

Thanks for your praise. Originally this site was all about Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome, but all of the other pages have been created in response to general and specific questions about other facets of masturbation. I think questions about breasts would take the site even farther afield of its original purpose. There haven't been many breast questions over the years anyway.

Before sex ends, about how many orgasms will a woman get from the man? When a woman masturbates, about how many orgasms does she get before she stops? (male, age 21)

That is a tough question. It varies a lot from woman to woman. Many women, unfortunately, have 0 orgasms. Some match the man with exactly one. Others have multiple orgasms. When masturbating, women who are capable of multiple orgasms tend to make them happen, while many others struggle to have even a single orgasm. All of these things are more easily done while masturbating than while performing for a partner.

I was wondering if using Vaseline externally is OK and if it'll cause any harm? I am a virgin and can only insert one finger. Will it hurt to use a dildo? (age 21)

Vaseline is fine for external use. If you are inexperienced with objects, a dildo is apt to hurt when you are new to it. You would have an easier time if you worked at getting a couple more fingers in before you tried.

I'm so worried about being caught. I love to do it, though I would be mortified if my mom caught me. We have health class this year. Will they talk about masturbating? (age 11)

It's very likely your mother would understand. She is on your side, isn't she? Unfortunately, most young people hear nothing about masturbating in health class.

I wanted to wait to have sex until I was married. I've kinda changed my mind though. I'm not about to just have sex with anybody, but I could see myself doing it with a serious boyfriend. I'm afraid he might tell somebody though, then word would get around and people would call me names. Am I stupid for thinking word might get around? (age 14)

No, that isn't stupid. It's a common reason for not having sex. Forty or more years ago, it was the MAIN reason women didn't engage in premarital sex. Your views seem to be very much in flux. You might refrain from doing anything sexual until you've figured out what you want.

I used masturbate a lot but I don't do it as much because I can't seem to reach an orgasm. I know how to masturbate but I need to ask how long you recommend me to masturbate and if I need to push my fingers in harder. Any other advice to reach an orgasm? (age 16)

You seem to be trying awfully hard. You would be more likely to have an orgasm if you worked on massaging your clitoris or the area around it instead of inserting fingers in your vagina. You also would be more likely to have an orgasm if you just relaxed and enjoyed the feelings you were having instead of being focused on having an orgasm.

Is it bad to bleed every time you masturbate? Am I doing something wrong? (age 13)

I suspect you are masturbating internally. It is very normal to bleed the first few times you masturbate internally. Most girls your age masturbate externally by stimulating the clitoris and surrounding area.

I have been masturbating since I was 8, and in a steady sexual relationship with a guy for the past 4 years. In these last 11 years, no matter what method I use, I have never orgasmed. I have tried every sex toy I could get, as well as every sexual position I could think of, all to no avail. Is this the sign of a medical problem? (age 19)

There is probably nothing seriously wrong with you, but some women regard anorgasmia as a medical problem. You might find a support group online for anorgasmic women. Since you are so experienced at sex and masturbating, I will not recommend anything specific, but I think other women who have been through the same thing could be a better resource.

I was reading your circumcision page and I read that if you have a son, you would let him wait till he was a teenager to decide whether or not he wanted to be circumcised. I think you should do it when he is a baby for a couple reasons. It would hurt really badly as a teen and when you're a baby, you wouldn't remember it; and he would think he is different down there than his friends, and if it's expensive for a baby, imagine being older. (female, age 15)

Certainly there are practical reasons to do it as an infant, but these reasons only make sense when you've decided in advance to have him circumcised. My point is that he is the one who should decide.

Thanks to your site I now know a lot about female masturbation. I masturbate internally and externally a few times a week. I have had an orgasm before and I don't seem to have any problem having one. My boyfriend also masturbates. He had some problems but he's OK now. One day we were talking about it and I told him that I masturbate and he said he never did so that night he tried it. When I masturbate, to get turned on, I usually start talking about "stuff" with my boyfriend and then I masturbate. Your site is awesome. (age 15)

I didn't see a question in there, but I'm sure your boyfriend thanks you for helping him get started.

I'm 19 and I am a virgin. I am worried that I may suffer from TMS. I started masturbating when I was about 6 and it was always face down. I masturbate by grinding my vulva against something. Within the past two years I have tried it the conventional way, but even with vibrators, it's just not the same. I have had an orgasm on my back but I still grind against my hands and maybe do a little penetration. I'm afraid when I start having sex soon I won't enjoy it.

You have taken the first step of overcoming TMS, but you gave up because it wasn't the same. Masturbating a new way won't be the same. With a little practice, you are apt to decide it's different, but in a good way. I strongly encourage you to stop masturbating prone. It will be much easier for you to deal with it now than it will be when you have a partner to deal with. You might consider joining the Yahoo group for females with TMS.

You said once that females are aroused by touch and males are aroused by sight. I am very worried because for years I have been using visual stimuli to arouse myself and now I find it very difficult to become aroused without looking at something sexy. I started masturbating when I was nine, and I used to look at pornographic picures and videos, etc. They weren't too explicit, because back then virtually anything even slightly related to sex would turn me on. I watched porn for years, because I thought it was normal and didn't know there was anything wrong with it at all. But since discovering this site, I have read about how bad it is for you in that it can almost desensitize you. It now takes a lot for me to become aroused. By that I mean physically aroused -- I can have the desire to masturbate, but my body does not respond as quickly as it used to; in fact, it takes a lot for this to happen. I don't get wet, and my clitoris does not erect unless I watch something. If I don't watch something, it really takes a LOT of effort to get anywere close to climax. Because I watched porn for so many years, even that sometimes doesn't do it.

I am so worried that I've ruined myself and now I don't know how to get back to normal. I know that with guys, because masturbation is an essential activity, you would tell them to abstain, which would make it easier for them the next time, but I'm a girl, and it's not necessary, so I don't know if abstaining would do any good. Do you think that if I keep masturbating without visual stimuli I will get better? I used to masturbate with a vibrator, and I couldn't use my hands, but after reading it was bad for me, I practiced repeatedly with my hands and now that is what I'm best at. (age 19)

What I said about male and female arousal was a generality and is not totally descriptive of sexuality, either male or female. Most sex therapists would say it is good that visual aids arouse you, because for many women it is a problem that they can't be aroused easily. What I tell people is that they should be able to masturbate at least once or twice a month without visual aids. Since you can't do even that, it is bothering you. Masturbating is not essential for female sexual health, but for many females it is an essential. Nearly everyone will be more sexually responsive after a period of abstinence. Since you have already put changes into your masturbatory regimen through practice, I think you could also make yourself more sensitized to your own (or a lover's) touch and less dependent on visual aids. Try abstaining for 5-7 days and see if it makes you more responsive to your own touch. But keep in mind it's not necessarily bad if you want visual stimulation; that might be just how you are.

Every weekend I like to get a bottle of organic honey and completely cover myself in it. I do this in the bathroom. It feels really cool and refreshing. Just the feel of it turns me on and a while ago I figured out it makes a good lube. To masturbate I just rub my clit and ocasionaly insert fingers but not all the time. Usualy at least a little honey gets inside my vagina. Could this be dangerous? It doesn't sting or anything. (age 15)

Mmm, the honey doesn't ... sting? That's good. That's really good. Better be careful, because if the bees catch you with their honey, they just might. It is advisable to keep honey and anything else containing sugar out of your vagina.

I have masturbated in various ways for a couple of years now. I have masturbated in the penetrative sort of way since I was 11. In the past year or so I have gotten more and more desperate for a real sex toy. I am willing to wait for real sex until I'm older and can be with my online boyfriend in actual life. I have used brushes, small things, plastic-pipe like things and all kinds of things. I desperately need a real dildo but my mom isn't the type that would permit me to buy such a thing. (age 15)

A "real dildo" is just a different kind of improvisational toy like you're using now. I think you would be very disappointed at how it feels. Perhaps your online boyfriend could come up with an online solution. I agree you're too young for sex, but I hope you haven't completely given up on IRL boys of the kind you're around every day.

When I masturbate, it feels good to rub the area around my clitoris, and sometimes I use a vibrating back massager to help me achieve orgasm, and it feels really good. But oftentimes it takes a long time to get an orgasm, and sometimes I just give up when my hand gets too tired. How can I make orgasms come more quickly? Also, when my boyfriend tries to rub me, it doesn't really feel that great and I also don't want him to get tired either. (age 16)

I suggest working harder on your own and eschewing the back massager altogether. Be patient with your boyfriend, and let him tell you if he's getting tired. You might just work at enjoying the touches and not worry so much about having an orgasm.

I'm a girl and I walked by my dad's room the other day. His door was partially open and I saw him changing. I saw him completely naked. I couldn't help myself. I haven't seen a penis like that before, so I watched. My dad's penis was huge!!! I went back to my room and masturbated , thinking about my dad. (age 14)

Your dad should have known better than to get naked with his door not closed all the way. Even so, you should have had more respect for his privacy and made a point not to look.

I know I am kind of young to masturbate, but I just started. Does humping pillows and similar objects have the same effect as water? I do that sometimes but I don't want to ruin sex when it comes. Thanks! (age 11)

I can't give you a number that humping a pillow (TMS) is so much percent better or worse than using water, but they are both bad for you when you are trying to make yourself sexually competent. Girls who learn to use their hands do better at intercourse than those who use objects or running water. You are very young and ought not get sidetracked by dangerous forms of masturbation so soon.

Where do STDs originate? If two people who don't have any STDs have sex, it's considered safe. And if everyone is born without STDs, where do they come from? Someone at some point must have caught the very first one. So how did that happen? Like AIDS for example -- who was the very first person to get AIDS and how did they get it? If they were the first, where did the disease come from? Or do STDs just sort of come out of nowhere if you have a lot of sex with a lot of different people? (age 19)

You are correct that if two people have no STDS, they can only have safe sex. It's not true that everyone is born without STDS; many babies are born with syphilis and even AIDS acquired from their mothers. Most STDs are transmitted from person to person. Betty is infected and passes it along to Bob, who transmits it to Dora, who transmits it to Ed and Tom, and so on. You ask the question about the first human case. It is not always clear how the first human case arose. Some theories maintain that a disease like AIDS jumped from animals to humans via sexual transmission; other theories claim that it happened as a result of human consumption of animal blood products. We know that the first human to have AIDS was a Dutch flight attendant for Air Canada named Gaetan Dugas. He was exposed to AIDS in Haiti and spread it to Europe and North America by means of his frequent and promiscuous sexual escapades all over the world. I think Dugas died of AIDS before they determined that he was in fact Patient Zero.

Can a doctor be always correct in determining the virginity of a person?

A long way from always. If a female has a completely intact hymen, the doctor would be correct 100 percent of the time; if her hymen is completely gone, the doctor would be correct 100 percent of the time. If her hymen is somewhere in between, the doctor would have to guess.

I have masturbated since before elementary school. I would masturbate every day and orgasm every time. Some days I would make myself orgasm multiple times. I masturbated daily until my second year at university. I experienced a sharp decline in my sex drive then. It is almost as if I got bored in the sensation of orgasm! I am just wondering, given my intense history of masturbation, is it possible that I killed my interest in orgasm completely? If so, it is possible to bring it back somehow? (age 21)

You don't have to masturbate to orgasm every day. A lot of women your age do it only once a week, or even less. Some don't masturbate at all. You would probably anticipate your orgasms and enjoy them more if you didn't feel compelled to masturbate so often. Try doing it only once a week for a while and see if that old feeling comes back.

A 16-year-old girl has admitted to me, as a counselor, her sexual habits. Since she was 11 she pictured extreme S&M, and carried out sadistic fantasies. Would you categorize beating to the point of visible injury (she described black eyes and a little blood) a masochistic partner as being sexually deviant? (age 32)

You seem to be asking about two different things. If she is actually doing that to a masochistic partner, then I would call it deviance. At her age, that would be very dangerous to experiment with because of the risk of statutory rape and assault charges. (When it involves consenting adults, there is no danger of statutory rape charges, and the chances of being charged with assault are much less.) You started by talking about fantasies. If they are only fantasies, then they are only a problem if they are causing her concern. Since she told them to a counselor, I am inclined to believe they are. Helping her seems to be beyond your abilities, so I would suggest you help her find a competent psychologist.

How can I increase the number of fingers I can insert into my vagina? I've only been able insert one and it seems impossible to fit 2 inside though I've been trying to do it gently. Will I bleed if I try harder? (age 22)

It is possible that you will bleed. Doing PC muscle exercises will make it easier for you to control the muscle action that is making it difficult for you to insert more fingers. Being able to relax is very important.

I was playing with my boyfriend's penis trying to make him orgasm last night and he said I was too rough and hurt him. Is that possible? (age 15)

It is very possible. The penis is a delicate and very sensitive organ. When they masturbate, males are very careful to do it in a manner that doesn't cause pain. It would be good for your relationship if you believe your boyfriend when he tells you something about his body.

My cousin gave me a vibrator. When I go to her house, we masturbate on separate sides of the bed. Is that considered lesbian? We don't use them on each other. Is this OK? (age 13)

Masturbating with someone is being sexual. If the two people are both female, then it is indeed considered lesbian, although it doesn't necessarily mean that the two females are lesbians or will be in the future. You will have to decide if it is OK to engage in sexual activity with your cousin.

I have been having sex for almost a year now. I cannot orgasm or even get to a build up through sex or internal stimulation. What's wrong with me? (age 16)

Lots of girls your age are not able to reach orgasm in intercourse. You don't say if you have orgasms through external stimulation. I would say you're more likely to have orgasms internally if you have already had them externally, and you are more likely to have orgasms in intercourse if you have already had them masturbating internally. If you have not had orgasms externally, then work on those, and if you have, then work on being able to masturbate to orgasm internally.

I am 13 and my boyfriend and I have sex about once a week. Since I have a disease that makes me infertile, we don't use protection and we have both been checked for diseases and we are both clean. We also have been having oral sex since my twelfth birthday. Is this safe?

I hesitate to describe any sex a 12 year old has as safe. If he is really disease-free and monogamous, then you don't have to worry about catching an STD. However, part of the reason the age of consent is higher is that you probably don't have enough judgment at your age to figure out whether someone is telling the truth about being monogamous and disease-free.

Is it possible that a female with intact hymen is a non-virgin? (age 16)

A hymen is not proof of virginity and the absence of one is not proof of non-virginity.

If the vas deferens in the male is blocked, would he be able to ejaculate? What effect does it have on the male? (age 16)

The procedure you refer to is called a vasectomy. When a male has a vasectomy (which are now reversible), his sperm no longer make it into his semen. This means he can not impregnate a woman. However, sperm are a very small percentage of semen volume, and the man can still ejaculate the same as he could before and not even feel the difference.

If the hymen of a women is completely gone through masturbation, then would a doctor guess she is not virgin? (age 16)

You're asking what's in a doctor's head. There are probably as many answers as doctors. Some would guess that she is not a virgin, but most doctors are aware that many females masturbate with objects that cause the same damage to their hymens that penises do. I should also point out that the hymen will not disappear completely by masturbating; in fact, most women have remnants of their hymens left until they give birth.

Can a hymen ever hang down out of the vulva?

No. That is like asking if your gums could hang down outside your lips. They are not long enough to reach, either hymens or gums.

Is TMS a concern for those who are not sexually active? (age 16)

Yes, absolutely. Even if you are a virgin, you are teaching your body to respond sexually to the wrong stimulus. Before you are sexually active is a good time to switch. You are young and don't have to worry about explaining yourself to a partner.

If a women has sex after her ovulation will she get pregnant?

Not necessarily, but the time right around ovulation is the easiest to get pregnant.

EVERYTHING turns me on and I always feel the need to rub myself in public (but I don't) and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I masturbate when I'm in private. Could this mean I'm obsessed? (age 13)

Lots of girls your age find that they get aroused by a lot of stimuli. However, if you find you're actually getting physically aroused all the time when you don't want to be, you could have a rare condition called persistent sexual arousal syndrome(PSAS). You can do a web search to find out more about PSAS.

Today at school my best friend told me she's had sex three times with the same boy. I know him too and don't believe her. What should I do? (age 13)

You might ask some follow-up questions and see if her answers sound consistent and believeable. At your age, it is hard to know if someone is telling the truth about having sex. I don't think you should ask the boy. That is apt to get back to your best friend and cause you trouble. You might tell your best friend that sex is dangerous at your age and at the very least she should use protection.

I'm 25 and still a virgin, but for the past few years I've been feeling like I'm tired of being a virgin. There really isn't anybody special that I'm thinking of having my first time with, but I just feel like I'm ready to do it in general. Like I want to just go out and find some random guy and do it. I guess it's partly peer pressure, partly curiosity. But also it's hard to explain, but I sort of feel like it's past the time that I should have started having sex so I'd better start now before it's too late. It's like I have a biological clock for losing my virginity. Do you think it's normal to feel this way and is this something you would recommend doing? It just seems like kind of a strange way for a girl to lose her virginity, just to some random guy, not a boyfriend or anything. But I don't really have any moral reason or anything like that for waiting. I know you tell guys it's not a good idea for them to go too far into their 20s as virgins.

Survey research done by HealthyStrokes.com finds that males who remain virgins past age 21 increase their chances of developing sexual dysfunctions, but this is not true for females. It ought to be pretty easy for you to find a boyfriend just by getting involved with activities or going out to bars. You would enjoy sex more with someone you cared about. But failing that, lots of women lost their virginity by just sleeping with a random partner. You wouldn't be so unusual if you did.

For about 3 years or so, about once or twice a month, I would masturbate while my younger sister was sleeping. I would make sure she was asleep and rub my vulva as quietly as possible without much movement. We shared a bed, and there always space between us. Was this wrong/harmful to do while she was asleep? I never thought about it until now.

No, that wasn't wrong or harmful. Lots of siblings who share a bed do that. Your sister would understand.

I am not ready to have sex, but my hormones go wild when I'm with my boyfriend. Will masturbating help me? Is it OK? (age 15)

It is much better than OK. Masturbating is the best outlet for wild hormones at your age.

Your site is very helpful, especially for us girls that feel sort-of guilty. Do you agree that schools should be more helpful to kids about masturbation instead of, like at my school, no mention at all? (age 13)

Very much so. Most school sex-education programs say nothing at all about masturbation; same with 80 percent of parents. That's too bad, but it does mean that sites like HealthyStrokes.com are more necessary.

I had my period 3 days earlier than normal January 26th. The last time my boyfriend and I met each other was January 16th. If I have a period, does it mean that I'm not pregnant? (age 20)

You were not pregnant on January 26 when your period came. The only time females get a menstrual flow is when they're not pregnant. I have a feeling you and your boyfriend did more than just meet on January 16th.

I recently started having sex with my boyfriend of almost a year. It hurt a little the first time but I didn't bleed. It seems like almost every time we have sex, it still hurts but never bleeds, and the pain stops once we get going. I used a mirror to see if it was a hymen problem. I looked at the hymen illustrations on this site, and I'm confused. Near my urethra (like almost covering it) it looks cribriform, but in the center it appears as if there is no gap, but when manipulated it looks fimbriated. Is this normal, and will it stop hurting when we have sex? (age 18)

You are new to sex and your body is slowly adjusting to the new feeling. Your hymen is in the process of disappearing. Both hymen variations you mentioned are extremely rare, and the chances of you having either of them is very unlikely. Pain is more often caused by resistance from your muscles than by your hymen. As you learn to relax and enjoy intercourse more, you will find it hurts less.

I am pretty sure I am a lesbian or at least bisexual. I have had sexual encounters with both genders. Recently, I went to the gym with my mom. After our workouts we usually shower. Most times I shower by myself (it's an open shower). This time for whatever reason, my mom occupied the shower next to me. I got wet seeing her and then being naked next to her. Once she left I masturbated. I feel upset. (age 16)

If your mother knows that you have an issue with being attracted to women, she would understand that it upsets you to see her naked. Even if she doesn't know about your sexuality, she should understand if you don't want to be naked with her. If you don't want to bring it up, then just don't go in the locker room with her. You can make an excuse and continue your workout while she's in there.

I need to know if I should seek professional help. I am attracted to older men - 35 and up, especially in their 40s. 70% of the attraction is sexual. It is hard for me to become aroused by men my own age. I also seem to be equating sex with love. Is this normal? Am I subconsciously looking for a void to fill? (age 26)

There is nothing wrong with being attracted to older men. I'm much older than you but date women your age, so I'm in the same boat. That it's mostly sexual shouldn't be an issue. If you were attracted to guys your own age, it would almost certainly be mostly sexual too. You're more conscious of the sexual nature because of the age difference; the sexual nature of the relationship isn't caused by the age difference. To help keep sex and love packaged together, only pursue relationships with men who are interested in a long-term relationship, no matter how old or young they are. If you were with them for more than just sex, you would be less likely to believe it's mostly sexual. At the very least, avoid married men who are obviously only in it for sex.

I have developed a sexual fantasy crush that I'm literally aching to act out with my superior. I want him really badly and he has no idea. Should I or shouldn't I proceed? Also, being that you're a professional, would you have sexual relations with a subordinate? (age 30)

I have always firmly believed that you shouldn't fish off the company pier, and I have never even had sexual relations with a co-worker, to say nothing of a subordinate. You are asking for trouble if you pursue a relationship with your superior. Some companies even have policies specifically prohibiting such relationships. You don't even know if he's interested. That makes it very troublesome for you to even find out. You would be better off forgetting about this man and setting your sights on a less problematic coupling.

You told a girl whose hymen seemed to still be there that she just wasn't used to sex yet, but I'm confused. I thought the hymen was broken or gone after your first time. Does it really take time, even when sexually active, for it to go away. (age 18)

Most women have traces of their hymen left until they give birth. It does not magically disappear with the first intercourse.

What is the natural way of avoiding pregnancy?

Abstinence from sexual intercourse.

Happy birthday! May God bless this site and you.

Well, thank you! And same to you!

I'm 15 and I do not think about sex very often, but physically I get horny feelings. Is that normal? It gets really uncomfortable sometimes, but I am really scared to masturbate. I don't know why. Can I do it over my clothes?

I suggest reading the Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation. Your first step is understanding that horny feelings and thinking about sex and masturbating are all normal and healthy at your age. Once you accept masturbation as normal and healthy and fun, you won't want to do it through your clothes.

I am too young and not ready to be sexually active, but I rubbed over my clothes with my boyfriend about a month ago. We have done it 5 times altogether, not planning to but because our kissing went too far. We need to wait to do that so we are going to have another friend with us whenever we hang out. My problem is that I get horny a lot now. I don't think about it but my vagina throbs a lot and gets really warm. It is really uncomfortable and I want to know if that's normal and will masturbating help me? Am I a pervert because I feel this? (age 15)

You are not a pervert. You are very normal. Masturbating will relieve that feeling, especially if you are able to do it to orgasm.

I use the Neutrogena wave and just let it vibrate on my vulva and nipples. (age 14)

Thanks for the tip.

I am a virgin, and my boyfriend and I have tried to have sex at least 6 times and every time we try, it hurts so much that he just stops because he doesn't want to hurt me. I've been reading that you can go to a gyn and have them remove the hymen. If I were to get my hymen removed, would it still hurt when we first have sex? (age 19)

I suspect that the problem isn't your hymen but your muscles, but only a doctor could say for sure. A sclerotic hymen is fairly uncommon. It might help if you just decide to endure a little pain to see if he can penetrate you. Try to relax your pelvic muscles as much as you can while it's happening. If you can examine your vulva with a mirror and/or speculum, you could judge the state of your hymen. If you can insert several fingers into your vagina, then your hymen is not the problem.

Is baby oil safe to be used internally? (age 19)

No. Baby oil is oil-based and clog pores. This can make it harder to recover from a yeast infection. Also, baby oil cannot be used with condoms, so you ought not get used to a product you can't use during intercourse.

When you masturbate externally, does your hymen always break? How about internally? (age 18)

Masturbating externally is apt to make no difference for your hymen. Masturbating internally is apt to break your hymen.

I have been doing gymnastics since I was 4, and I can bend over enough to lick my vulva. It feels realy good, and since I thought I'd ask you if it's safe? Can sticking a highlighter in be harmful? Sometimes I can have an orgasm just from my clothes rubbing against my nipples or crotch. I have had orgasms in class this way. (age 16)

Masturbating by autocunnilingus is very rare, and if you can do it to the point of orgasm, then you are a very special girl. Your second question tells me that you only do autocunnilingus for variety and not as a primary method of masturbation. Highlighters and markers are very commonly used for masturbating and pose no problem. If you can really reach orgasm just from that little amount of stimulation, then you are very sexually responsive and are apt to have a lot of fun in that department when you get older.

Last night I masturbated and orgasmed to thoughts of a threesome. I'm not lesbian or attracted to girls, and I have only been sexually active with guys. In my fantasy, the other girl and I were on the guy, and she would occasionally do things to me (but never me to her). What was it that made these thoughts arousing, if I never performed any actions on her, and hers on me were fairly tame. Do a lot of girls have threesomes? Are these fantasies normal? (age 19)

Fantasies about threesomes are very common; much more common than actual threesomes. Threesome fantasies are nearly universal among males, but lots of females have them too. I suspect the thought of someone else performing sexual favors to you is more arousing than the thought of you performing sexual favors on someone else. That's all there is to that.

I have been masturbating for a while now and after I reach what I think is an orgasm, immediately afterward, I feel my vagina beating like when my heart beats. It doesn't last longer than a minute. Is this normal? (age 23)

Increased heart rate is normal at the point of orgasm, and when your heart is really going, you can feel it in other pulse points in your body, including your vagina. You should be glad you have such strong orgasms.

Recently I was masturbating with a plastic drumstick. Since it is longer than I am used to, I was careful, but a few times I got a little enthusiastic. It felt fine while I was doing it, no pain or anything, but when I was done there was blood on it. There was still no pain, but while I was cleaning up I began to feel dizzy and a little nauseated. Is it possible I injured myself? (age 23)

I can't rule out that you injured yourself. A drumstick is much bigger than any object you should have in your vagina. You want to always be careful when using something that can hurt you, and that is why a smaller object would give you less reason to fear. If your symptoms persist, I would have a doctor's exam.

When I think about my boyfriend in a sexual way, I sometimes think about him as a girl. I told him about it and it doesn't bother him. I've even gone as far as talking dirty to him as if he were a girl. Am I bisexual? I don't think about girls in a sexual way. I just really wouldn't mind a female version of HIM. If I imagine doing sexual stuff with a random girl or one of my friends I get turned off, but if it's a girl version of him, I'm all for it. It that normal? (age 16)

I've never heard of that, and personally I wouldn't want a woman talking to me that way. I suspect that a psychologist would say that your case raises psychological issues that are beyond my knowledge, but I feel confident enough to say that you want to emasculate your boyfriend. I am less inclined to believe sexual preference has anything to do with it.

Follow-up from another reader: Sometimes when I masturbate, I like to fantasize that I'm doing it as a guy, like I have a penis and everything. I also like to imagine that I'm having sex with a girl as a guy. Apart from this, I am fairly certain that I'm bisexual. Do you think this is something I should see a psychologist about? (age 26)

No, you seem to be comfortable with those fantasies and your sexuality. You probably don't need a psychologist to tell you that.

I recently lost my virginity. I love my boyfriend very much and did something very stupid by asking him to do it without a condom. I just wanted to make him feel good because he's feeling guilty because I don't enjoy sex yet and stop being aroused half way through. I am protected against pregnancy and I'm very sure he doesn't have an STD. But I'm worrying and am not able to enjoy sex. It still hurts. Is something wrong? (age 17)

If your first time at sex hurts, the next few times will also hurt. There is nothing abnormal about that. If you are feeling very guilty about having sex, then you probably shouldn't be having sex yet.

When my boyfriend turns me on, out of instinct sometimes I contract muscles in my lower area. Is this normal? Is it dangerous? I don't do it to orgasm. I just do it 5-6 times per day, usually not in a row. (age 14)

You don't say what you're doing. If you are contracting your PC muscle as if to do a Kegel exercise, that is probably OK, but there is a specific way to do Kegel exercises. You don't want to just clench your muscle in a random way. Clenching any muscles tends to be bad for its function. I doubt that what you're doing is dangerous, but it's possible it's not productive.

I have been masturbating prone for over 25 years, using my hands--clitoral and vaginal stimulation. I have never has a problem with orgasming during intercourse, or through other various forms of manual or mechanical stimulation. The only comment my husband has made is that slightly more pressure is required for me to reac