Reader questions about masturbation
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A Young Man's Guide to Masturbation was written for parents to give to their pre-adolescent (and early adolescent) sons. It's not as frank as it could be, but would parents want to use it then?!
These questions and answers are general ones about masturbation and not specifically about TMS.
Many older questions have been moved to one of these topic pages:
- Penis and anatomy
- Sexual response & puberty
- Fantasies, fetishes & unusual practices
- Sexual problems, aches & pains
- Sex with partners
I read your site, and I don't have TMS. What I really want is to quit masturbating altogether. How can I do this?
Quitting masturbation will be quite a challenge, at least until you have a regular sex partner. One person who's done it is best-selling author John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus), who had to give up the habit when he became a monk. He said that giving up masturbating took him seven years, and was the hardest part of becoming a monk. (He also had to give up talking to people.)
If you've read my TMS page, you know I take the position that masturbating is normal and healthy and fun, and I don't think you should quit. And I don't think quitting is easy. However, if you really want to change, I suggest cutting back to once a week. Masturbating only once a week will keep you sexually healthy, and you'll probably be able to do it without sexual fantasy. Try doing it once a week for a month or so and then decide if you really want to stop masturbating.
Why do males masturbate more than females?
As discussed elsewhere on this site, masturbation is universal among males past puberty, while only three quarters of females have done so by their 18th birthday. Remember why males masturbate:
- They enjoy it
- To release built-up sexual fluids; and
- To keep their sperm in good condition for fertilization.
I suspect my 13-year-old son is masturbating. Should I discourage him?
You shouldn't discourage him. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and all guys do it. It's just part of being male. Lots of normal, healthy, intelligent women have somehow failed to learn what all men understand: Puberty is going to leave your son bigger, stronger, deeper-voiced, and with two new habits that will be practiced regularly: shaving and masturbating.
How can I stop my husband from masturbating?
If you and he have an enjoyable sex life, there's no problem if he masturbates on the side (or if you do). Men typically have more sexual desire than women. Also, most women take a break from sex once (or twice) a month. These differences are made up in part by masturbating. Also, men enjoy masturbating for reasons that have nothing to do with intercourse. It's normal for men who have regular partners to masturbate once or twice a week. On the other hand, if it's keeping him from being sexual with his partner, then it's a problem and the two of you should discuss it. In such a discussion, you'll earn points if you accept masturbation as a normal part of male sexuality rather than a habit to be eradicated.
Why do guys relieve stress by masturbating?
Because it's fun, free -- and effective. Masturbation is one of the most effective ways to relieve stress.
What are blue balls?
"Blue balls," which is properly called vasocongestion, is a discomfort in the male pelvic area caused by sexual arousal going unrelieved by ejaculation. The cure for "blue balls," obviously, is to ejaculate. Your body doesn't care whether you ejaculate through vaginal intercourse, manual intercourse (i.e., your partner's hands), or masturbation. It is quite unethical to use "blue balls" to pressure your partner into intercourse. If not relieved by ejaculation, the congestion will go away within a few hours.
How much masturbating is too much?
Physically, if your penis starts to hurt, you're masturbating too much. Or, if you're finding it takes you a lot longer to reach orgasm than usual, that's another sign. If you can't have orgasm during intercourse, that frequently means you masturbate too much. More practically, the question of how much is too much is determined by averages -- "normal" is a statistical term. As mentioned elsewhere on this site, eight times a week is the response heard most frequently as to how often young males (without partners) masturbate. It's not unusual to hear teenage boys (like those who've just discovered masturbation) doing it twice a day. It's probably safe to say that most people would agree that masturbating more than twice a day is not normal. For males older than 16, even 10 times a week is higher than normal.
What's so special about eight times a week? A lot of males make a point of masturbating every day and then do it a second time once a week or so. Remember, normal doesn't necessarily mean healthy or unhealthy. It might not be unhealthy to masturbate more than twice a day, although it certainly isn't normal. If you masturbate once a day, you're normal in terms of the statistics available about masturbatory frequency.
Another way of considering if you're masturbating too much is if the habit is keeping you from pursuing other sexual outlets. If you find you'd rather masturbate than have sex with a partner, that's a sign you're doing it too much. (Of course, some people have moral reservations about casual sex and it shouldn't be surprising that they masturbate more often than those who are also having sexual intercourse.)
I'm a boxer, and I'm planning to abstain from ejaculation for a month to preserve my energy for the big fight. Your site says males have to ejaculate every two weeks to avoid damage to their prostate gland. Am I causing trouble for myself here?
Are you talking about doing this just once or making a regular habit of it? I don't think abstaining from ejaculation for a month (if such a thing is even possible) one time only would do any damage.
On the other hand, if you're talking about ejaculating only once a month as a regular thing, then you're setting yourself up for a painful condition called prostatitis. It normally occurs mostly in older men who start having less sex than before, but it's also been noted in people (like sailors) who abstain from ejaculation for a long time (like while they're at sea) and then have lots of sex after those periods (like shore leave).
I really question whether "saving it up" for as long a period of time as a month will do your fighting performance any good. The idea behind abstaining from ejaculation before an athletic event is not to do it right before the event. An optimum time might be five to six days. That's when most guys really feel the tension of not having had an orgasm.
What is compulsive masturbation?
The key definition of a compulsion is that the activity is performed not for pleasure or gratification but to reduce anxiety or distress. The practice of the compulsion must also cause its own distress, be time consuming (more than an hour a day), or significantly interfere with the individuals normal routine, occupational functioning, or usual social activities or relationships with others. [Paraphrased from The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV)]
What does this mean for masturbation? If you're doing it for fun, you're OK. If you're doing it and you don't really enjoy it, that's a sign of compulsion. If it's causing you stress, making you late for work, appointments, or classes, or other scheduled activity, or interfering with your interaction with people, those are signs of compulsion.
So is there any particular frequency of masturbation that means one is masturbating compulsively?
Maybe. Maybe not. The diagnostic criteria don't refer to frequency. But it's hard to believe that masturbating three times a day, every day, could be fun. So there's a certain frequency that points toward compulsivity. At the same time, masturbating only once a day could be compulsive if the activity causes the problems described above.
Here are some questions to consider if you think you might be masturbating compulsively:
- Is masturbation your favorite kind of sex? (Ignore this question if you're a virgin.)
- Do you masturbate mainly because you often masturbate at such a time of day?
- Do you masturbate when you know that doing so will make you late for something?
- Do you feel a need to masturbate after having sex with a partner?
- Do you masturbate without sexual fantasy? (Nearly all males fantasize.)
- Do you masturbate in inappropriate places? (While driving, at work, in school, etc.)
- Do you get up right after you ejaculate? (Most people like to relax after an orgasm.)
- Do you feel like you're cheating yourself if you "miss a day"?
- Do you have more erotic material than you have room for?
Answering yes to more than one of these questions is a sign that you're masturbating compulsively.
The head of my penis is a little blue (violet) and does it influence my sexual abilities?
Well, now you know why some people call it the "purple-helmeted love nazi." As long as it has sensitivity and isn't downright cyanotic, you have nothing to worry about.
Is it good to not release semen during masturbation?
No, it isn't. The goal of masturbation should be ejaculation. Stopping before ejaculation is apt to cause "blue balls." (See above)
Can doctors tell if a person has been masturbating?
That's not an easy question. The official answer is "no," but masturbation in both males and females leaves telltale patterns on the skin. The penis of someone who hasn't masturbated for a few days is apt to have less redness than someone who has, kind of like a "halo" around the head. Sexual intercourse won't leave the same pattern but might leave a different one that is less symmetrical (more pressure on the underside of the penis and less on the top). I suspect that most doctors who take the time to look over the genitals will notice these things.
Of course, doctors are aware that most people masturbate, including nearly all males past puberty. This might be more useful information than observation of the genitals.
Will I ever be asked to masturbate in a doctor's office?
Yes, if they ever need to analyze your semen. You can use the same bathroom where you give the urine specimen, but most doctor's offices would let you produce the specimen at home, if you can get the sample to their lab ASAP. (That's another drawback of TMS: can't produce the sample in the doctor's bathroom.) I'd guess 25% of men will have a semen analysis sometime.
I am 20 years old and in the past week I haven't masturbated, but before that I masturbated at least once a day. I am wondering if I keep not masturbating, will I be able to get a wet dream, being 20 years old. Can you please let me know if I can have a wet dream and if so, about how long would it take with me not masturbating?
You don't say if you've ever had a wet dream (like before you started masturbating), but in either case, I think it's unlikely you'll have one. You've gotten used to the stimulation of doing it yourself. There are some older males who have wet dreams, but that is kind of rare. I've heard of guys abstaining from intercourse and masturbation for as long as a month in an effort to induce a wet dream and they haven't been successful. I've heard of other experienced guys having a wet dream after only 2 nights without an ejaculation. I can imagine the appeal of trying to have a wet dream if you've never had one before, but if you get to about 25 days and then give up, you'll probably decide you've wasted a lot of time. Are you really abstaining from masturbation or just from ejaculation? If you're masturbating short of orgasm, that might be enough to inhibit a wet dream. Good luck.
I have been trying to keep my masturbation a secret. It is hard, though, because my bed is over a hundred years old (honestly), and whenever I move at all, it creaks and groans and yells. I am home alone a lot, but have a lot of things to do. I do not have time to masturbate at night, and my parents are up usually until 1:00 in the morning working, doing taxes, etc. I can't wait until everyone is asleep, because I will wind up being a sleepless zombie. How can I find time to masturbate, or keep the noise of my bed below 10000000 decibels?
I don't blame you one bit. I'm not ashamed of masturbating, but I don't want the people who live near me to know whenever I do it. You don't mention TMS, but I'm suspecting you have it and that's why bed is the only place. Guys have been having trouble finding privacy to masturbate for millennia, and the usual solution is to do it in the bathroom. If your bed is over 100 years old, I suspect your floors are not carpeted, and maybe that's why you're not doing it there. If I had your bed, I think I'd find a quieter place to do it.
How old should you be to begin masturbating?
That's a tough question. If you're old enough to ask, I think you're old enough to masturbate. When your pubic hair grows in, you're old enough. If you've had a wet dream, you're definitely old enough to masturbate. Half of males start before their 13th birthday. Nearly all have started by their 15th birthday. If you start after that (like I did), I think you'll regret being a late bloomer when you find out that almost everyone else has already been masturbating for several years.
Some males start in childhood, before they're able to ejaculate or even have a real erection. For most of them, it's only an occasional thing until they reach puberty and start to ejaculate. Then it becomes a daily (or more) activity.
I'm 13 and I masturbate every so often. I have noticed a very mild odor that comes from the semen. Is this normal? Can other people smell it too?
Yes, that's normal. The smell comes from prostate fluid, which most of the time contributes most of the volume of semen as well. Other people can smell it if they get close enough. It's always a good idea to clean up and/or shower after ejaculating.
Hi, I have been masturbating a couple of months (I'm 13) but I do not know how to grasp my penis. I know that I should lay on my back though; I just don't know how to grasp it.
Try to use a loose fist. No tighter than a medium handshake. As you become more experienced, try to use less pressure and see if it's still as effective.
Hi, I am 16 years old. I was just looking for a clarification on whether masturbation does help and/or lead to weight loss? It seems like I get skinnier after masturbating.
Weight loss is one of the great mysteries of life. Burning calories in excess of caloric intake is what really does it. Masturbation burns calories, but I doubt it burns enough that you're losing weight as a result of it.
I read your Young Man's Guide to Masturbation and I think you're a homophobe and a pedophobe. Telling guys not to masturbate with their friends and to alert authorities if someone older approaches them about masturbation is old-fashioned and irresponsible. You should be ashamed.
Whatever is a pedophobe? If it's someone who's opposed to adults engaging in sexual activity with children, then I'm happy to be one. I don't think I'm a homophobe. I'm not against adults engaging in consensual activity with other adults. But I think more circumspection is necessary where young people are concerned. I wrote that article to warn young people about TMS and inform them about other aspects of masturbation. I also wrote it for parents to use to educate their sons. I think parents in particular want to see warnings against pedophilia and homosexual experimentation.
So why don't I warn against heterosexual experimentation too? Because this isn't a two-way street; many females would reject a male for having engaged in homosexual activity, but no gay men would reject one for having experimented heterosexually. So it's rational for a male to postpone homosexual experimentation until he's certain he's gay.
Does it hurt to masturbate for the first time? And if it does, if you do it a second time will it still hurt?
Masturbation is not supposed to hurt. If it hurts, you're doing something wrong. Perhaps you're confusing it with something you've heard about sexual intercourse. Some females find that their first intercourse hurts, especially if their partner is not careful.
I often feel the need to urinate after ejaculation. I have pondered possible reasons, but no solution comes to mind. Is this a normal thing? (age 20)
That's very normal. The urine cleans the urethra of residual semen that didn't get ejaculated. If the semen dries in there, it plugs the urethra and urinating later can be very uncomfortable.
How do girls masturbate? (age 13)
Females have more variety in how they can masturbate than males. The typical way for a girl to masturbate is to rub her clitoris or the skin around it. Some girls stick fingers or objects into their vaginas.
I do not masturbate excessively, but I don't usually use lubricant. About a year ago I developed two small finger bruises on the sides of my penis where I usually grip. I stopped masturbating temporarily at times, but the bruises did not go away. Should I stop masturbating permanently until they go away? What should I do? (age 17)
You need to start using lube. You can make the bruises go away (often the same day) by applying medicated lotion, like Vaseline Dermatology Formula.
Follow-up: Would any type of lotion with vitamin E work, or is there a certain ingredient that I should look for? Is it possible that since the bruises have been there for over a year they may be permanent, or will time heal them?
The ingredient you want is dimethicone. The bruises will go away when the irritant causing them has ceased and proper healing aids have been applied.
What are some good masturbating techniques? I'm female. (age 14)
I'm male, so I only have hearsay when it comes to female masturbation. Girls generally stroke their clitoris (sometimes indirectly, because the organ is very sensitive) and some also stick fingers inside their vagina. The important thing is to relax and take your time.
How does masturbation affect you if you're trying to work out, gain mass, build muscle, and eat protein bars at the same time?
Masturbation has little effect on your weight and caloric consumption. Of course, any activity burns calories, but masturbation burns only a few compared to the number you would be burning through weightlifting, running, swimming, etc., as part of your program. It is estimated we burn 6 to 7 calories per minute during sexual activity. This compares to 8 to 10 per minute while jogging. People typically exercise longer than they masturbate, so a half hour jog would burn 240-300 calories while seven minutes spent in sexual activity would burn fewer than 50. (Thanks to Phyllis Cooper RN and McKesson for supplying those figures.)
I have had a crush on one of my favorite TV stars for about 3 years and I sometimes dream that she is with me in the room when I try to sleep. Is it normal to have sexual fantasies about this kind of person? I feel kind of guilty because she is someone that I really look up to. Is this a bad thing? (age 19)
Your fantasies are very normal. But don't pass up the girls around you because you'd rather have your Hollywood hottie. It's unlikely you'll ever get a date with her. Local girls are so much more attainable. You shouldn't feel guilty. There are probably millions or even tens of millions of guys who have the same fantasies about her.
What are the techniques in masturbating in the bathroom? (age 15)
The technique should be the same as in the bedroom. This is why I tell guys they should learn in bed and then try other places. The challenge in the bathroom is to stimulate yourself the same way as in bed but without the comfort and with less space. For example, you might be used to pressing your legs or head against the bed, something you can't do when you're sitting or standing in the bathroom. You'll have an easier time in the bathroom when you're experienced in masturbating in bed.
My boyfriend says that he has stopped masturbating (not at any request from me) and I didn't believe him at first, but now when we have sex he is unable to keep going for longer than about 10 minutes. When we first started he lasted much longer. Is this because of the lack of masturbation? (age 17)
As a rule, it takes guys longer to reach orgasm the less time it's been since their last one. If he really has quit masturbating -- something I find doubtful unless you're having very frequent intercourse -- that would tend to make his orgasms with you more "urgent," so to speak. Another rule of thumb is that guys generally take longer to reach orgasm as they become sexually experienced. So maybe he really did give up masturbating. You might tell him if you liked his technique better before.
My church and ecclesiastical leaders say it’s not good to masturbate. That the sexual fantasies create lustrous images in my mind that damage my spirit. However, reading many of your thoughts you sound like masturbating is in some ways a necessity. That the pressure builds up inside and needs to be released and that the older the sperm isn’t as potent as newly replenished sperm. How do I balance both? How do I relieve my physical needs and not go against my leaders? Is masturbating really that important? Do I need to do it to stay healthy? (age 20)
Ejaculation is a necessary part of male sexual health. If you don't have a partner, then masturbation is necessary. You can balance the concerns of your church leaders by limiting masturbation to once a week. After a week's abstinence, you can probably reach orgasm without sexual fantasy, by stroking alone. Most guys your age masturbate much more often than that. This is true for many different religions. You might also want to keep in mind a study released just last week that found that males who masturbated most often when they were in their 20s had the least occurrence of prostate cancer in their 60s. Thanks for your question. I'd like at some point to put up a page that addresses masturbation from a Christian viewpoint.
I'm 15 years old and I masturbate about 3 times a day. Sometimes my chest and other parts of my body go red. After about 5 to 10 minutes it is back to the normal colour. I've never had sex so it can't be an STD. Is this normal?
Yes, that is called sex flush. At least 25% of people get it. It's nothing to worry about, but people can figure out what you've been doing if they see you with it. Someone we know complained to his mother that the house was too hot. She offered to lower the thermostat. Meanwhile, he went to his bedroom and masturbated. When he emerged, his face was flushed, and his mother said, "Oh, it is too hot in there. Your face is all red."
I would have to say that any figure that claims 100% of men masturbate is most likely untrue. Men with cystic fibrosis are frequently unable to masturbate. I myself have gone for 18 years without not because of any physical defect, but simply because I have never enjoyed it enough to bring myself to orgasm. I'm confident that I am not alone in this. (age 18)
But you say you have masturbated, only not to orgasm. Men in vegetative conditions don't masturbate either, but rare exceptions like this don't falsify the generality that it is normal, even necessary, for men to masturbate. I suspect that you wouldn't be reading a masturbation website if you didn't want to practice it. There are masturbation machines that are administered to men (e.g., quadriplegics) who can't do it themselves. Perhaps this type of therapy would be appropriate for you? Might ask your doctor or physical therapist. Don't be embarrassed to ask. They masturbate too.
Thanks for your informative site. I'm wondering - you have a formula for frequency of masturbation for guys 30 and under. Could you send me a similar formula for single/ married guys under 40, under 50, under 60?
I've thought about that, but there's much greater variance in men over 30 than in those under, which makes a neat formula more elusive. A lot of older men reduce their sexual output greatly and in some cases cease altogether. For a lot of men even in their 40s, masturbation becomes a sporadic thing. Also, most of what I hear from males is from those under 30.
Hi, I'm a girl, and I recently heard two people on a dating show talking about women masturbating internally or externally. I'm not entirely sure what they were talking about. Can you help? (age 16)
Yes, for females, internal masturbation means inserting fingers or objects into the vagina, and external masturbation means masturbating without doing this. Of women who masturbate, informal research says only 20 percent masturbate internally. 84 percent masturbate externally by stimulating their clitorises and/or labia, 11 percent mount or rub against objects -- the female equivalent of TMS, 11 percent stimulate their breasts, 10 percent squeeze their thighs, 5 percent masturbate by contracting their PC muscles, and a lucky 2 percent can achieve orgasm by fantasy alone. (The numbers don't add to 100 because some women masturbate more than one way.) [These stats courtesy of SexTV.]
I have been going with my girlfriend for a long, long, long time and we want to take our relationship to the next level. We want to have intercourse and we were going to do it yesterday but I wanted to ask you first. So is it OK for us to do it? (age 13)
I think you're much too young to be sexually active. And I think you believe that too. If you had really wanted to have intercourse, you would not have waited to see what I think. The "next level" doesn't have to involve sexual intercourse. If you must copulate, at least consider the consequences and use protection.
Follow-up: What kinds of consequences?
The big ones:
- Pregnancy
- Sexually transmitted diseases
- Emotional damage to the partners when the relationship ends
- Getting caught by parents, etc.
- Getting a reputation among your classmates as an "easy" sex partner
These things are hard to deal with at any age and are especially devastating at age 13.
You're a sick puppy! You need to get a hobby. Better yet a life! These kids will grow up healthy on their own. If they make mistakes, that's healthy too! You did, I did, grandpa did. You can't save the world. Put your efforts into your own family life where you can benefit from your work. Treat each day like it was your last. Breathe deep and suck in life. Savor today! There is no infinity. Just try to deal with it as best as you can. Best Regards! P.S: Sorry if I seem a little hard! Just think about what you're doing. This Net is a powerful thing! If there happens to be infinity you will have to pay your dues! Safe or Sorry? Check or Mate? It's for sure up to you!
I happen to be a good Christian. Every day I get mail from people thanking me for the advice I give. I'd like to save young people (and others) from decades of sexual inadequacy. Most of the people who criticize me say I'm too conservative and call me a puritan. (Which I am.) Someday I'd like to put up a page addressing masturbation from a Christian perspective.
If a guy doesn't want to masturbate, is that bad? (age 13)
In an older male, it might indicate some level of maladjustment. I think most younger guys sometimes wish they didn't have to masturbate. Masturbation is a lot of fun, and that's the reason most guys in your age group do it at least once a day. But many guys feel guilty or embarrassed about masturbating from time to time on some level, and that's OK too. Nearly half of males have tried to quit masturbating at some point. With maturity, they accept that masturbation is normal, even necessary, and think it's silly that they once wanted to quit.
What is the depth and width of a woman's vagina? (age 16)
The average vagina is three inches long and four-fifths of an inch in diameter when not aroused. Like the penis, it expands during arousal. Then the average is about four inches long and close to two and a half inches in diameter. (This information is found on a number of websites although none cite a scientific study.)
I heard that masturbation can cause prostate cancer. Is this true?
Exactly the opposite! A study published in the British Journal of Urology International this summer found that men who had masturbated most frequently when they were in their 20s had the smallest chance of getting prostate cancer later.
How can I get a semen stain out of fabric? (age 17)
I've heard that shaving cream gets the stain out.
Congratulations on having one of the most frank, honest, open, and unembarrassing pages I have ever seen on masturbation. And thank you for encouraging questions. I happen to have one.
I'm a 22-year-old circumcised male, and I've been masturbating since I was about 14. Since I'm circumcised I have difficulty achieving orgasm bare-handed, and have to masturbate with something, usually something soft like a thick blanket or fleece (in the normal position). Having masturbated like this 2-3 times a week for the last six to eight years, I'm starting to build calluses on the head of my penis. My sensitivity seems to be markedly decreased. I know the only way a callus will leave is if the area is free of abrasion (like masturbation), but as you mention, it's tough to DO that. Is there something else I can do to substitute for masturbation (or some better technique I can use) for long enough for the calluses to leave and to help them stay gone? Is there anything I can do to help thin them down faster?
Your problem is not being circumcised. Most guys your age are circumcised and do not masturbate like you do. What you really need to do is learn to masturbate bare-handed. The abstinence program on the main page should help you achieve that. As a rule, try to touch the head of your penis as little as possible, and try to vary the places on the head that you touch.
I masturbate 3-4 times a day. I wonder if it's okay to eat my semen? Also, is masturbating 3-4 times a day too much? Are there any suggestions you have for males, as far as different ways to masturbate?
It's OK to eat your semen (but don't be a guzzler). I think 3-4 times a day is too much. My emphasis is on getting males to masturbate the normal way, but variations are OK as long as they involve stroking the penis by hand and never thrusting the penis into or against something.
Do girls masturbate? How often? How? Where and when? (age 16)
Yes, most do. You can learn more in the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation and the female page. Who knows where or when? (Wasn't that a Rodgers & Hart song?)
I love to masturbate and I do all the time. It feels so good. Is that normal? (female, age 13)
Yes, very.
For sexual intercourse, are there any good techniques to physically last longer without obtaining an orgasm? I've heard that contracting muscles when urinating helps make them stronger, and allows you to last longer. (age 19)
The techniques I recommend to make yourself longer masturbating will also work during intercourse. Exercising the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle will help you obtain greater control of your orgasms. This is the muscle you use to stop the flow of urine.
Do you masturbate, and how often do you do it? (age 23)
That is a very rude question. Besides the obvious, since I state on my site that all men masturbate, by asking you are questioning my masculinity. I don't ask anyone to tell me how often except in an anonymous survey.
What exactly is a clitoris? (age 11)
The clitoris is the key female sex organ. It corresponds to the penis somewhat in terms of its sexual function. It is very sensitive and erects when touched. The clitoris is the only organ whose only function is sexual; all the other sex organs have urinary or reproductive functions.
I am curious to why masturbation is such a "bad" topic. I have a lot of girl friends, and once or twice we have stumbled upon the question of whether or not we have masturbated before, and the subject is always changed as soon as posible. We all say that we have done it, but all seemed ashamed. Even I've done it, and I can talk about it to other girls. (age 15, female)
Your group isn't the only one where masturbation is a taboo subject. Sex researchers have frequently found that subjects will talk to them about about adultery, sexual fantasies, intercourse positions, and even rape, but the questions about masturbation have to be asked in writing. Masturbation's long history of ignomy stems from it being a non-procreative activity. There is a biological purpose to masturbatory guilt. If everyone were satisfied masturbating, there would be less reason to make love and procreate. So you shouldn't be surprised when people don't want to talk about it.
I want to masturbate but I don't know how. I've had a wet dream but I'm confused. (age 12)
Don't worry about it. You'll be able to in time. You might read my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.
I am a 17 year old male, and I thrust my penis against my forearms. It feels like a soft crack, and I can vary the tightness to the point it feels like a girl's vagina. I can't stop doing this, it feels so good. Is this a normal way of masturbating? Have you ever heard of this?
I have more than heard of it. It's a form of TMS. You really need to quit this. It's pretty easy to quit TMS at your age.
I stumbled across your website and I am interested in learning more about TMS. I did not see any references to medical or psychological research or any information about your credentials on the website.
You must have missed the abstract of Dr. Sank's article, which is near the bottom of the main page. As I say on this page umpteen times, I'm not a doctor or health professional, only a recovering TMS sufferer trying to help others.
You said that strengthening the PC muscle is a good way to last longer when having sex. What is the correct way to make this muscle stronger? (age 16)
The PC (pubococcygeal) muscle contributes the key motions in orgasm. Controlling it is key to controlling your orgasms. It's also the muscle you use to start and stop the flow of urine. Contract it as if you're stopping urine, hold for a second and release. Do this 10 times a day (no more). Once you've been doing this for a week or so, contract the muscle and hold it for 10-15 seconds. Do this 2 or 3 times a day. And stop these exercises if anything starts to hurt.
In your Young Man's Guide to Masturbation, you state, "the correct way for a male to masturbate is to form a loose fist around his erect penis and stroke in an up and down motion." THERE IS NOT A CORRECT WAY, NO WAY IS THE RIGHT AWAY. THERE IS NO LAW ON MASTURBATION, AND IT WILL NOT ALWAYS LEAD TO SEXUAL DIFFICULTIES IF ITS DONE A DIFFERENT WAY TO HOW YOU STATED IT. (age 15)
I follow Dr. Sank on that point. In his article he states firmly that there is a "proper masturbatory technique" (p. 41), and that the "inability to masturbate correctly" seems to lead to sexual dysfunction (p. 37, emphasis original). Other research finds that approximately 90 percent of males masturbate in the manner I describe as correct. These males have fewer problems adjusting to intercourse than males who masturbate in other ways, especially TMS.
I am 17 years old and I have never masturbated. I understand that this is abnormal. I suppose it is because I just never "discovered" it in my early pubescent years, and when I became aware of its prevalence among my peers, I abstained from it because it seemed dirty as well as unnecessary. I just never felt the urge to masturbate. I do, however, have frequent wet dreams. Lately I have noticed that when I get an erection, it is only semi-hard, whereas in the past they have been very firm. I am concerned that this may inhibit my sexual abilities in the future. I suspect that sleeping on my stomach and experiencing nocturnal erections/ejaculation may apply the same sort of pressure that causes problems in TMS sufferers.
The most instructive thing in your message is what you didn't say. If I were 17 and had never masturbated, I would be screaming for someone to tell me how. You need to accept masturbation as a normal, even necessary, part of being male. It's curious that someone who claims to have never masturbated would notice his erections aren't what they used to be. You should have felt the urge to masturbate if you're having regular erections and frequent wet dreams. They're all part of the same cycle. Sleeping on your stomach will only cause a fraction of the pressure on your penis that thrusting it into something will.
I've heard that you're not supposed to masturbate lying face down. Is this true? Why not? (age 14)
You've come to the right place to ask! The habit of masturbating face down is known as Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome. It causes severe sexual problems in most males who practice it. You can learn more here.
Where did you find all of your knowledge about masturbation? (age 15)
I've been practicing it since I was your age and studying it almost as long.
I'm not so clear at your definition of TMS. I usually masturbate at my computer. I occasionally look down at my penis but I don't stare. Do I have TMS? (age 15)
No. TMS is masturbating in the face-down position. Lying face-down and rubbing the penis and frequently the entire body against something, like a mattress, pillow, or hand.
What if I had started masturbating the proper way but still can't get a proper hard-on? How long does it take usually? (age 16)
It's not possible to will an erection. Sexual activity is apt to be more enjoyable when the erection results from pleasurable activity than from trying to bring one on. At your age, erections come fairly frequently. Even so, you're better off masturbating when you have a spontaneous erection than trying to get an erection when you feel like masturbating. Most guys look at something erotic when they want an erection.
I'm curious as to what most guys ejaculate into during masturbation? I personally use a paper towel but I get the feeling that some just catch it whith their hands or something?? I enjoyed the site! Very interesting. (age 19)
I think most guys let it go where it will and then clean it up afterward. Some catch it in their hand. One of the TMS cases I heard of, for the first year he ejaculated directly into his sheets and comforter. Then he worried about all the stains, so he started catching it with his hand. Many TMS guys flip over right before they ejaculate so they don't make a mess.
Is it healthy to masturbate? (age 30)
Yes, very.
I started masturbating on the age of 11. The second time I did it I felt guilty and made a promise to God I would never do it again but sometimes I can't help myself so I masturbate. Is this wrong? Will God forgive me? (age 14)
I'd like to put up a page with various religious views on masturbation. Here are some of mine: I don't think God will hold you to your promise. I think it's normal, even necessary, to masturbate. God made it this way. He made people feel guilty about it sometimes so they would seek sexual partners and the species could go on.
Is there any way you can tell if someone masturbates? (female, age 14)
I doubt it. Even after a physical examination of the genitals, I doubt even a trained medical professional could say with even 50% accuracy.
First, I want to say thank you very much for your site that has answered many of my questions. Second, when I first started masturbating I did it in the TMS way. I don't do that anymore but I've noticed that my penis is crooked, not sharply bent or deformed but just a nice curve. Could this have been caused by TMS? (age 16)
Yes, but guys who masturbate normally also get curves like that. It's probably just the way it is. If it functions OK, you don't have anything to worry about. You might do a web search on "Peyronie's Disease" to decide when to seek help.
I started masturbating at the age of 14,and I am still doing it. I couldn't stop. But after seeing your site I got confidence and enjoyed it. I used to masturbate daily from my 14th age; I have masturbated nearly 4000 times in 10 years. I will not get married for five years, so I will masturbate another 2000 times before having sex with my spouse. Can I father children or will I became impotent soon? I am masturbating only in face-up position. (age 24)
I'm sorry you had to do it 4000 times before my site let you enjoy it! You can't deplete your sperm by masturbating. Your body is constantly producing sperm. Men can father children into their 70s, at least. Masturbation also will not make you impotent, especially if you do it face-up, as I recommend throughout this site.
I started masturbating at age 8 is this healthy? (age 14)
Yes. Lots of guys start before puberty.
What is the appropriate time for masturbation?
You don't say whether you mean time of day or duration, so I'll answer both. Any time of day is good! A recent survey conducted for this site found that guys do 23 percent of their masturbating upon waking up, 43 percent at bedtime and 38 percent at other times.
As to duration, I think it should take at least five minutes. Most guys take about 10 minutes. If it's regularly taking 20 minutes or longer, you might be doing it too often or something might be distracting you. You'll probably enjoy it most if you plan to take 10-15 minutes.
Hello, I was just wondering if it is normal to masturbate using lotion. (Age 13)
Yes, very. Especially by guys who are too embarrassed to use a lube made especially for sex.
I know my boyfriend masturbates with porn. Is this normal? Should I say anything? Is there any way to get him to stop using pornography?
The starting point for a discussion should be how you are affected. If he masturbates regularly, with or without pictures, but is still able to have a successful sex life with you, there shouldn't be a problem. All men masturbate, and around 80 percent use pictures or videos when they do. My research suggests that men with a regular partner masturbate once or twice a week on average. That much masturbation is normal. If he's doing it more than that, then I'd say he's headed for a problem and you'd be justified in trying to discuss it. If he can't masturbate without pictures, that's a problem too.
The key thing to understand is that men regard masturbation as different from intercourse, not better, and they don't think about giving it up completely just because they have a partner. Kind of like not giving up eating burgers just because you can afford steak.
I don't know that trying to get him to stop should be a goal. Most men never go beyond Playboy-type pictures with simple nudity and the kind of tacky videos available in any video rental store. If he's using those, then I wouldn't worry. On the other hand, if he's mail-ordering hard-core, violent, or really bizarre stuff, or making regular trips to adult bookstores, then I'd worry. If he's spending a lot of time masturbating to online porn, I'd worry about that too.
On a positive note, you might see if he'd be interested in finding some material that the two of you could enjoy together.
I masturbate sitting down and use a backhand grip and slide in and out of it without moving my hand. Is this safe? (age 19)
It's atypical. For some reasons guys who masturbate typically (i.e. face-up with their hands) have the fewest sexual problems.
What does masturbation help during puberty? (age 14)
Masturbation is a normal part of life that usually begins in puberty. In males, it serves the function of eliminating sexual fluids and keeping the sperm in healthy condition. And it helps most people because they enjoy it.
How can you tell if a girl likes you? Is it bad to stick your penis in the vacuum cleaner hose or that long thing you use to get in cracks and corners? (age 13)
If she smiles at you, she probably likes you. And you already know the answer to your second question.
Hi, I'm 12, and I am constantly thinking about sex when I see a beautiful girl around me. If I am not thinking about sex it is about French kissing or kissing her. Is this normal? I like to masturbate but my penis is only about 1-2 inches in length. Is this normal? Also are there any other websites about masturbation? Thank you for your time.
Yes, it is very normal to think about sex and kissing beautiful girls. I think you're very normal. I'll bet your penis is bigger than you think it is, and it will grow very soon. There are other masturbation websites, but you've already found the best one.
Oof, this is embarrassing. I'm 16 years old and Roman Catholic. I can't get anything but the vaguest answers about the morality of masturbation from anyone. I'd give up trying to find out about the morality of the issue, but every time I masturbate, I feel horribly guilty afterwords. Is this normal? I suffer from some anxiety problems. And another question: Is it normal for my penis to barely be six inches with an erection? It seems that every one else my age is many times larger. I realize a lot of it is macho-talk, but it is unsettling.
First the easy part: Your penis is normal size. No one's is "many times larger" than yours. The guilt thing is more difficult. You need to accept masturbating as a normal part of life. Many guys feel guilty about their sexual fantasies. If you cut down to only once a week, you can probably do it without fantasy.
Have you any good tips for masturbation like how to do it properly because I am not really experienced. (age 14)
This whole site is full of them. Might start with the Young Man's Guide.
Hi, I'm 16, and I have a pretty average-high sex drive. I masturbate about 8-10 times a week. In about a month, my family and I are going on vacation and my parents and I will be sharing the same room. I have tried to stop masturbating for a week, and I lasted 6 days before I really had the urge to jerk. Our vacation will last 2 weeks, so what should I do?
Can't you masturbate in the bathroom? If not, I can't imagine that in two weeks there won't be times when you can't have the room to yourself. The direct approach would be just to tell your parents you'd like to be alone in the room for a bit, but I can understand why you wouldn't want to do that.
If I bed masturbate will I get TMS? (age 14)
Masturbating by thrusting into something (like the bed, pillow, hand, etc.) IS TMS. Most guys who do this develop severe sexual problems.
Is it dangerous to masturbate before puberty? (age 12)
No. Just don't do it face down.
Masturbation is a first for me. This is embarrassing to ask, but can you explain what to do? (age 18)
You might start by reading my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation. As a late bloomer, it's important that you avoid idiosyncratic methods.
Where can I find other sites about TMS? (age 15)
This is the only one focused on TMS. There are a few others that merely mention TMS, if only to parody our problem. You might consider joining the Yahoo! group for TMS (click "support group" in the banner), where there are a few files not found on this site and a discussion board.
Thank you for all the information. You have really helped me out with my masturbation. (age 13)
Always glad to help!
Is it wrong to look at girls' crotches? (age 14)
It's not wrong if they give you permission to look. Otherwise I think it is.
At my school, the girls sometimes use the boys' changing rooms. I walked in on a couple of them using a vibrator. One of the girls I really liked and she was naked, but she didn't seem to care. I got out as fast as I could but I am afraid that they will tell people about it. What should I do? (age 14)
I think you should start by asking that girl out to the movies. I don't think girls who would masturbate openly in the boys' locker room will tell anyone about it. If anyone asks, just say you walked in and saw girls in there and were embarrassed and walked right out. Everyone will understand because of the shared locker room arrangement. No need to mention the vibrator. And don't even think about telling other guys who you saw naked. Because that will come back and haunt you.
Is there anything wrong with masturbation? (age 12)
As long as it's done in a healthy fashion, I don't think so.
How can you convince your friend to tell you if they masturbate or not? (age 12)
Why is it your business to know? You might start by telling them about your masturbation experiences.
I masturbate but I want to know if girls my age masturbate also? (age 15)
Yes, many of them do.
I like to masturbate but what should I do if my parents ever caught me masturbating? (age 18)
What an unusual question from an adult! You should assert your right to privacy and they should be thoroughly embarrassed for walking in on you.
I have a girlfriend that's 13. How can I tell if she masturbates? (age 13)
I think you'll have to ask.
I just wanted to say Thank You for your kind, compassionate, and thoughtful support. You are truly one of God's great gifts on this planet!
Best wishes,
Steven
May I use you as a reference?
Your site seems pretty informative. Sometimes you seem a little closed-minded (or overeager to shout "TMS!"), but your site is still a valuable resource. (female, age 15)
Thanks. I hope you don't mistake my sexual conservatism for closed-mindedness. My sexual philosophy is guided by concern for healthy sexuality rather than the "if-it-feels-good-do-it" mentality that is so common. And of course, TMS is the focus of this site. The other stuff is a sideline.
I commend you, and appreciate you making this information available. I think there are many misconceptions out there, mostly caused by the religious, that cause much harm. I am a spiritual, God-seeking person, and I find it difficult to believe God would condemn men for fulfilling a need and enjoying it. (age 48)
Yes, I think you're within the normal range.
Is masturbating healthy or not healthy? (age 17)
It's healthy. A study released in 2003 found that males who masturbated most often in their 20s had the least incidence of prostate cancer in their 50s and 60s.
I was wondering who came up with the word vagina and why and the word masturbate. Why don't they just call it playing with yourself? (female, age 15)
Most of our sexual words evolved in medieval times based on how monks talked. In its original form, penis meant the tail of an animal and vagina meant sheath, something that was used inside out, like a holster. Masturbate comes from the Latin words manus, meaning hand and turbare, meaning to disturb. So masturbation means "to disturb with the hand." Many people indeed call it "playing with yourself," but one of the main functions of language is to replace 3-word colloquial phrases with single words that sound better. Remember the conjugation: I play with myself (first person), you masturbate (second person), he jerks off (third person).
I have masturbated since before I was 13 and I have never had pre-cum or a wet dream. I have ejaculated for about 11 months. Is this normal to have never pre-cummed or had a wet dream at my age? If I were to go a long period of time like a week or 10 days would I have a wet dream because my body's need to get rid of the semen and prostate fluids? (age 14)
Everyone who ejaculates has pre-cum. You must be masturbating so fast that you can't distinguish the pre-cum from the semen. Maybe slow down a little. Most males never have a wet dream, because they started masturbating before they had one. I doubt you would have a wet dream, because your body is used to masturbating. I've heard of guys who have abstained for as long as a month and not had one. (If anyone has a story about trying to bring on a wet dream, please share it with me.)
When my girlfriend and I spent a week together in Hawaii, I became hard 4 times when I was around her. She felt all 4 and now she's wondering about "everything" going on... like if I masturbate, when I masturbate, etc. What do I tell her? If she starts feeling uncomfortable, what should I do? (age 14)
You might tell her that masturbation is a private activity, and you choose not to discuss it. I suggest you not discuss it with a girl your age, since she might not be able to deal with that information properly.
I am 14 and can't get a girl to like me. I like one girl but I don't think she likes me. How can I tell?
Be friendly to all the girls. The ones who are friendly back probably like you.
I never masturbate prone, but I have all the symptoms of TMS sufferers including inorgasmia during intercourse, weak erections and lack of erection occasionally. When I masturbate I almost always use a sock or something else over my penis because it feels better and there is less cleanup. I usually masturbate while looking at pictures and videos. Is this method similar to someone who masturbates TMS style in terms of sensations? I can achieve orgasm when masturbating normally but typically I have a weaker erection until near climax. What should I do to repair myself and achieve orgasm during intercourse? (age 24)
Lose the sock and see if that makes things better. If using only your hand feels too strange, might try a condom for a few weeks and then go to using only your hand.
Is twice a week too often to masturbate? (age 35)
I don't think any man thinks so.
I masturbate with both hands. Is it normal? (age 26)
Most males (and females) masturbate with only one hand. More switch hands than use both at once.
Do you know that the Bible considers masturbation sinful? What do you think about that? (age 21)
The Bible doesn't say a word about masturbation. If you have specific verse references, I'll be happy to look. I now have a page of masturbation advice for Christians.
I am paranoid about my mom finding me masturbate. Is it normal to masturbate in the shower. I tried it before but it didn't work too well. I find it hard to masturbate standing, so I lie down in the shower. Is all of this normal? (age 13)
Yes, it's normal. Most people worry about being discovered masturbating, and most eventually get discovered at least once. Oops! Most guys masturbate in the shower sometimes. If you lie down, at least make it on your back.
I'm confused on how to masturbate, and I don't know if I'm doing it correctly. How tight should my grip be, and should I move the foreskin up and down, or peel it back slightly? (age 14)
The grip should be like a medium handshake. Enough so that you can stop moving and the penis stays in place. Don't worry about the foreskin. Just stroke the shaft and do what feels right.
How do I know you know what your talking about? (age 15)
It's good that you're skeptical. Perhaps you'll do some of your own research on the subject and decide that I do know my stuff.
I would like to know what you think about masturbation in Christians. I feel very guilty doing it. I will not have sex until I'm married so I masturbate. Is there a way of quitting masturbation? (age 23)
You're in luck! I just recently put up a page about masturbation for Christians. I don't think efforts to quit masturbating would be successful. You might also consider that abstaining from sex until marriage might make it less likely that you'll get married.
I discovered this site yesterday and it's superb! Congratulations to you! I have masturbated since 13-14 years old. I do it twice a week and I wonder if it's normal. Do you think that any men don't masturbate? Especially famous or intelligent ones? If not, what kind of people don't do it? Sherman (age 22)
I'm glad you like my site, Sherman! Your frequency is normal. I don't think there are men who haven't ever masturbated. Famous and/or intelligent men probably masturbate more than average. The sex drive is correlated with other drives, like the drive for fame and power. It's generally less educated men who claim they don't masturbate.
Hi! This site is fantastic. I love masturbation and I would like to know if there's any reason to stop doing it, any at all. And why do we have so afraid to talk about it with others? (age 19)
The only reasons to stop (more likely cut back) is if it's interfering in your relationships with others or causing you unnecessary stress. Most people don't talk about it because it's a private thing, and some people think that masturbating means they're not having enough sex with partners.
I just want to thank you because I only masturbated once a week before I found your site (because I felt weird , bad and guilty after masturbating) but thanks to your advice I do it once a day and feel a lot better with it! (age 22)
I must say its unbelievable how you’ve created this site thinking in other persons! You do this only for help us! Thank you in the name of all! How do you know all this things and want to share it? You must have experience in a way, right? How old are you? (age 16)
I'm 38. I'm happy if I can help others avoid the problems I've had.
If you don't masturbate, can you get cancer, or can you get cancer when you masturbate?
A study published in the British Journal of Urology International in August 2003 found that males who masturbated daily in their 20s had the least chance of getting prostate cancer when they're older. More here:
- http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/07/16/1058035072239.html
- http://www.bjui.org/92/3/abstract/bju_4319.asp
I talk about masturbation a lot with my friends. I have a friend that is about a year younger then me and he said he masturbates once a week. Do you think that he was telling the truth? I ask my friends because I feel that I am the only one who masturbates. Do you know of a way to tell if someone is lying about whether they masturbate or not? In regards to my younger friend I am planning to have him over and tell him to try a lube that I use. If he does masturbate do you think it is ok if I suggest that we masturbate together just so that I know that he does? Should I do this with my other friends who I am not sure if they masturbate or not? (age 14)
You illustrate why it's a bad idea for friends to masturbate together. You're not interested in sharing something fun and exciting with him; you only want to exploit him to satisfy your curiousity. You're not the only one who masturbates. I think you'll have to learn on your own how to tell when people are lying to you. Asking about masturbation is perhaps the best way to get people to lie.
Does it matter if you masturbate standing up, if that is the way you have sexual intercourse? (age 22)
Lots of people (males, anyway) masturbate standing up but it's a rather uncommon position for intercourse. Masturbating while standing does not have the same implications for sexuality that masturbating face-down has. The reason for most upright masturbation is that the practitioner is doing it in the shower. This is not an unhealthy practice.
This isn't really to do with masturbating at all, but my girlfriend says she wants to pull me. What is this? (age 12)
It means she'd like to do to you what you do to yourself when you masturbate. Might read the glossary to learn its correct name.
I am in high school right now and people say that they can tell if one masturbates if the veins on the forearms show most of the time even when one has his arms at his side. Another way is by the size of the forearms. Are either of these rumors true? (age 15)
No. (Readers, you can stop looking at your forearms now.)
I've heard that if you push on a certain spot when you masturbate, it will cause the semen to go into the bladder instead of come out to avoid the cleanup afterwards. Is this true? If so, where is the spot? (age 15)
You don't want to do that, because besides diverting the semen into your bladder, you can damage the nerves and vascular structure that serve the penis.
I want to know if masturbation is known as safe sex. (age 21)
It's the safest sex there is.
Thank you for this site.I have masturbated for about five years and I masturbate once every 2 to 3 days. I am 25 now, and every time I masturbate I have premature ejaculation. Do I have to worry about it? Is more ejaculation a threat to health?
No, there's no health risk. Premature ejaculation is a disorder of intercourse, not masturbation. Of course, you want to last for at least 2 minutes and preferably 5 or more.
Can you tell me the best thing to say or do to get a girl to have sex with me? Of course, I would use a condom. (age 13)
I think if you risked your life to save her from a ferocious tiger, she would pretty much have to have sex with you.
I have been masturbating for 2 years now and was wondering whether or not using a lube will harm me in any way? What is the best brand to use? (age 16)
I don't know how using a lube could hurt, but not using one could if you start bruising your penis. I don't recommend any brand, but one made for sex is best. You might check out the web sites for K-Y Liquid and Astroglide, where they mail out free samples.
You are all retarded. There is no real disease called TMS. Never has it been posted in any books or other sites. This is just a site for sad old men that can't get an erection and won't admit it so they made up a fake disease so that they can say it's not their fault. Your all LOSERS! (age ?)
Would you like to be the keynote speaker at our next convention?
I'm a male and I was wondering if it's okay to be in love with a cartoon character. (age 10)
Sure. I've always had a crush on Meg from "Family Guy" (especially when she was voiced by Nicole Sullivan!) But don't let your attraction to a fictional character keep you from pursuing real girls, when the time comes for that.
I've heard that masturbation causes your brain to work slower. Is this right? (age 17)
No. The people with the quickest brains are apt to masturbate more than average.
I have found your website to be very informative and interesting. I'm a Christian and I have been given two different viewpoints about masturbation, like many Christians coming to your site. Some Christians say that it is sexually immoral and others, like you, believe it is natural. I sometimes see masturbation as a completely selfish act and the Bible says, for instance, in I Corinthians 10:24 that "nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. (NIV)" Is there a way of justifying masturbating in light of this or should I not consider it so much a selfish act, but rather a necessity like food? The only way I have seen to justify it so far is that I am really thinking of my future wife by masturbating to be a blessing to her when we finally unite as one. But, then I fall into the trap of, if I don't masturbate then I am truly saving myself only for her and she will be the only one to bring me pleasure. I know that the Devil is the master of deception, but I don't feel like God has clearly revealed the truth to me, one way or the other. I may already know what you will say, but maybe this will help others as well that may be having the same question. (age 21)
I think you'll be better off sexually if you masturbate frequently than if you don't. It's not selfish. It's keeping your body fit for your mate and your offspring. Males who masturbate daily in their 20s have the least prostate cancer later. God invented masturbation and never condemned it.
How long does it take for your semen to refill? (age 13)
After you ejaculate, it takes about 24 hours to replenish the semen. If you ejaculate three or more times in a day, you will probably notice there's not much semen coming out.
I just want to say, YOUR SITE IS THE BEST INFO SITE EVER!!! (age 12)
And you are the best reader ever!
How quickly do you check your email? Do YOU have the option of posting the mail on your website? Your site is the best! (age 12)
I try to answer questions every day, but I'm sometimes out of town. Yes, I have sole discretion as to what gets answered.
Will masturbation cause any cancers? (age 22)
No. There's even some evidence that masturbation can help prevent prostate cancer.
Your site is educational. I just started masturbating about 2 months ago. I think my mom might think it's unhealthy and I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught one of these days. How should I go about telling her it is normal? (age 13)
You might be surprised to learn she thinks it's normal. That's what most mothers think. She probably does it too. In two years of answering these questions, I have never been asked about getting caught, so I wonder if that doesn't happen as much as it used to. Readers, have you ever been discovered masturbating?
I am bodybuilder and I masturbate everyday. I feel that I am weaker the next day when I workout and feel skinnier. Can you please tell me how does masturbation affect the way you look and your strength levels and would masturbating every night affect my chances of going out and meeting a girl? Do ephedrine and caffeine make you climax quicker? By the way I found your site very informative and honest. (age 22)
Masturbating does not make you weaker or skinnier, but it uses some energy. Much less than intercourse, however. I think if either of those made you orgasm more quickly, someone would have said so. Some guys find it easier to meet women and/or beg them for sex when they abstain from masturbating for a few days beforehand. On the other hand, most guys masturbate daily when unattached and still make new attachments.
I'm a Christian. Is it OK to look at pornography while I masturbate? (age 15)
You'll have to come up with your own philosophy about that. You might consult clergy and other strong Christians for ideas. My personal viewpoint is it's not wrong if and only if the subjects aren't being exploited, are of legal age, and are being compensated, and the photos are tasteful (e.g., simple nudity only; no sex acts).
Do girls have more pleasure than boys during masturbation? (female, age 15)
That's a really interesting question! I'd be inclined to say boys do, based on the percentage of male masturbation that results in orgasm (more than 99%) versus a smaller level for females. There are also many females who only masturbate once a month or less, as opposed to the average unattached male masturbating daily. However, it is common for females to be multi-orgasmic, something that is extremely rare among males. Those females probably have more pleasure than males.
I'm 13 and I rub my penis against a soft rug. Is that bad? I do that because when I use my hand I don't have an orgasm. When my girlfriend gives me a hand job, what do I do?
It is very bad. You can learn more about the dangers of Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome and how to cure it on this site. You need to teach yourself how to have an orgasm using only your hand. Your girlfriend's hand would be even less likely to bring you to orgasm.
I am a Christian. Masturbation is my greatest obstacle to God. I tried to overcome it but to no avail. I'm weak and without fire. (age 18)
God obviously wants males to ejaculate regularly. If you don't have a partner, you have to masturbate. God also wants people to feel guilty about masturbating sometimes so they will seek a partner and the species can continue to exist. (Readers, if you don't believe in God, change it to "nature" or "Darwin," etc.)
I have been masturbating for about 9 months. At first I used to thrust on my mattress but now I rub my penis with my hand. Does this cause any sexual problems? I want to stop masturbating but I can't! I can't get out of the habit. How do I stop? (age 12)
Thrusting causes problems, but rubbing with your hand doesn't. It's good that you switched! Congratulations. I don't think you can quit masturbating. It's a waste of time to try. You're better off enjoying it.
I am trying to quit masturbating. Today I looked at pornography and ejaculated after a while. Does this mean I've broken down my "no masturbation" cycle? If I look at porn for long times and ejaculate, is that masturbation? I'm trying to quit because I feel EXTREMELY guilty and don't know why. I've actually cried after masturbating. Have I just masturbated again? (age 15)
I don't think you should quit. You need to feel less guilty. I think if you're touching your penis in any way while looking at porn, including flexing it or rubbing your pants against it, you're masturbating. If you cry after masturbating, it should be because it felt so great.
Just to point out irony: it seems that the male section is all about how to stop masturbation while the female side is about encouraging it. I just thought that was funny. (age 15)
I don't think you read the site very carefully. I have never advocated that anyone stop masturbating. I tell both males and females to masturbate and have a good time doing it. I advocate strongly against a particularly harmful form of masturbation called TMS.
Why do many people ejaculate more easily when having sexual fantasies while they masturbate? (age 16)
Sexual fantasies are how you engage your brain in masturbation. The brain is the most important organ for sexual response and the more you get the brain involved, the better the sexual response will be.
Your site is very nice. In one trip here, I nearly doubled or tripled my knowledge on masturbation. (age 13)
Why, thank you!
What is the worst thing about masturbating 7 times a week? (age 19)
Having to wait until tomorrow?
Do all of the questions get answered? I have sent a few and have yet to see a reply. (age 13)
Well, here's one! I don't answer the ones that duplicate ones already answered. It's a good idea to look through the topics pages first.
Is it OK to masturbate without an erection by pressing on your penis with your hands? (age 15)
I think that's a bad idea. You want to be erect when you masturbate, or at least within 30 seconds of when you start masturbating. You have to be erect to have intercourse, so you defeat your body's natural sexual abilities if you teach yourself to have an orgasm without an erection.
When I masturbate, I stretch my legs. Is this normal?
Many guys stretch their legs out as stiff as they can.
Is there a difference between the stuff that comes out when you masturbate and when you have sex? (age 17)
No. The sperm cell in Woody Allen's movie Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex But Were Afraid to Ask couldn't tell. As his owner engaged in intercourse, he worried, "What if he's masturbating? I'm liable to wind up on the ceiling!"
I masturbated against a pillow for many years but now I stopped 9 months ago. Will the problems go away? (age 14)
Yes. If you have been free of TMS for 9 months, you should be cured. Congratulations!
What does the word orgasm mean? (age 15)
Might read the glossary.
I read your TMS section on this website. I don't do any of the listed things, except for sometimes masturbating while closing my hand and simulating a vagina. I am worried I have TMS. (age 13)
TMS is masturbating by thrusting into or against something while in a prone position rather than by stroking with your hand. It's a bad habit to grip too tightly or to "close" your hand while stroking, but that isn't the same as TMS. Try to use as little force as possible. For some reason, a medium handshake grip does the best job of simulating the feel of an actual vagina.
If jacking off is such a good thing, then why does everyone around me makes fun of it and think it is nasty whenever someone says they do it? When I told my friends I jack off, they just started to think I was sick and disgusting. (age 14)
At your age, most people are embarrassed about masturbating, even though almost all the guys and as many as half of the girls do it. Making fun of someone or putting it down spares them of having to discuss it. It will be easier to talk about it when you're older.
Your site is very helpful for growing teenagers. Your method of masturbating is healthy. But some of the guys are not able to understand your method. So can you show pictures of masturbating, so that the less intelligent guys can clearly understand your opinion? (age 20)
For now, this is a picture-free site, but I am considering adding some medical-textbook-type illustrations of masturbation similar to the ones recently added about anatomy. (See the bottom of the left bar.)
When I study I always play with my penis. Is this harmful? (age 15)
Not to your penis, but probably to your studying.
Do girls my age masturbate as often as boys do? (age 13)
No. Fewer girls than boys masturbate, and the ones who do masturbate a lot less often on average.
Why haven't they said anything about TMS during sex ed at school when they mentioned masturbation? (age 12)
You're lucky they mentioned it at all. A lot of people get through sex ed without ever hearing the word. TMS is a relatively new discovery, and it hasn't been added to sex ed curricula yet. But you could mention it in class!
I masturbate with my clothes on. Is this normal? (female, age not specified)
Presumably you bare enough to touch the right places? I don't think it matters. Most people remove enough clothes that they feel comfortable. Taking your pants off makes it easier to move your legs. Teenage boys are known to jump into bed right after school and masturbate quickly, removing little if any clothing (or shoes).
I masturbate about 1-2 times a week, but for about 3 weeks I didn't masturbate because I didn't have the time and now I don't really care of masturbating like before. Is it normal? (age 15)
I think it's normal for your interest in masturbating to wax and wane a little over the course of your life. Wait another couple of weeks and you might wonder how you made it through those three weeks.
You say wet dreams feel good but at the same time does masturbating feel better? I never had a wet dream so I need to know. How can I make a wet dream happen? (age 13)
You don't have a choice unless you've never masturbated. Once you start masturbating, you'll probably never have a wet dream again. I think most guys prefer masturbating to wet dreams.
How come I don't have any wet dreams anymore? (age 12)
If you've started masturbating, you'll probably never have a wet dream again.
Follow-up: I didn't just start, but I did start to ejaculate. Is this the cause of no wet dreams?
Yes.
I'm just giving a suggestion. You should have a chat session where all of us can talk about masturbation and if that's not possible you should maybe let us write stories that will get us excited, if you know what I mean. (age 17)
I know what you mean, and this site is for education, not pornography. In the Yahoo! support group I run for guys with TMS, we have frequent chat sessions, but they are focused on getting cured from TMS. There are plenty of places on the Internet where you can chat about masturbation in a lewd manner.
Are there any safe sex simulations out there? (age 13)
Your hand is the safest one I know, and also the best.
When did humans first masturbate?
Interesting question. Masturbation has been observed in every species of mammal, so it's reasonable to believe that humans were masturbating from the very beginning.
You have TMS or have had TMS, right? (age 23)
You are right about my being a cured TMS sufferer.
Your web site is great. It tackles many embarrassing issues with maturity and dignity. Thank you. (age 17)
Thank you for reading and for your nice comments!
I'm right handed but I get more stimulation from my left hand. But my left hand gets tired. What should I do. Is this normal? (age 14)
Very normal. According to the survey I've done on this site, 18 percent of guys masturbate exclusively with their non-dominant hand, and many more use both or switch. The best solution would be to learn to use your other hand, but here's a simple solution: You're used to the feeling of your left hand on your penis. When your left arm is tired of stroking, use your right arm to move your left hand. That way you get the stimulation you're used to and your left arm gets a break.
This site has made me more comfortable about masturbation. All my friends and I admit it and humor about it. I like your site. (age 16)
Thanks!
Should I try masturbating prone until I almost get an orgasm and then switch to my hand? Then make the switch earlier and earlier? (age 13)
No. Masturbating prone is very bad. It's better you don't masturbate at all until you can masturbate with your hand.
Hi, great site! Your info on TMS was interesting, as I have often wondered why the sensation is different if I masturbate on my knees facing forward or standing up into a sink. It bothers me though to see two things: 1.) this constant reference to every guy masturbates. This is just wrong/untrue. Just because the majority of people do it and they think everyone else does it, is not a fact that everyone does it. I didn't start until I was 19. Now I am compulsive and answered yes to a number of your questions in particular being late and feeling like I missed an opportunity. This has been a major issue between my girlfriend and me, but one that I am growing more control over. It is not so much the masturbation that is the issue, but looking at porn. Anyway, for other young men this statement is untrue especially for really devout Mormons who are explicitly forbidden to masturbate. 2.) In response to someone else you say that no one maintains an erection for 3-6 hours. On a binge I can easily masturbate for 6 or more hours before orgasm. The orgasm is very strong and the only reason I have one is usually needing to finish because of needing to do something else. (age 25)
I have been masturbating since I was 15. People say I look older than my age. Does regular masturbation makes you look older than your age? (age 30)
No. A lot of people tell me I look 10 years younger than I am. (You finish the syllogism.)
My brother and dad walked in on me when I was masturbating on the couch. I'm so embarrassed that I have trouble looking at their faces. (age 14)
They didn't say anything about it, and you don't have to either. Your dad masturbates too, and if your brother is older, so does he. They have probably been discovered at some time themselves. Don't worry about it. But you might make a point of masturbating only in private.
Is masturbating demonic? (age 14)
No, it's mammalian. Masturbation has been observed in the male of every species of mammal.
How do I tell my girlfriend I want to have sex with her without offending her? (age 15)
You have to do a lot of other things first, like hold her hand, and kiss her, and give her soft, gentle touches that she likes. Somewhere along the line, she'll figure out that you want to have sex. If it's OK with her, you probably will. It might be better if you wait until you're older.
You shouldn't have told that guy not to tell the girl he thinks about her when he masturbates. Of course, you shouldn't go around telling people you fantasize about them, but that goes out the window if somebody asks you. If they ask, and you want them to know, you should tell them. Maybe they fantasize about you too and want to experiment. (age 15)
Never, ever tell a female you fantasize about her when you masturbate. The chances are extremely low that she will find this appealing, and the chances are extremely high that she'll regard you as a pervert and tell a lot of her friends, acquaintences, and enemies what you said.
I'm quite sure that you've gotten about a million of these messages and don't need any more, but I just can't thank you enough for your extremely informative site and quick response to my questions. I am so happy I came across your site and will try very hard to avoid this behavior in the future. I'm not a religious man by any stretch of the imagination, but you're definately going to heaven without question. Keep up the great work!!! (age 18)
Why, thank you! But you're wrong about my not needing more messages like yours.
I'd actually just like to thank you. It wasn't until I read your web site that I made some serious changes in my life. You put the fear of death into me, and I decided to try changing how I masturbate. Honestly, I'd tried "standard" masturbation, but I found it unsatisfying. However, it turns out that I'd been doing it wrong! Best orgasm ever! You may want to add that "normal" masturbation feels much, much better! Thanks a million! (age 18)
A million and one!
The other day we had company. It was my mom's friend, a man, and my stepfather likes to make fun of people. At the dinner table he told him that I spend a lot of time in the bathroom. He told him that he suspects that I'm masturbating a lot. (age 16)
I bet your stepfather has masturbated a lot more than you have. Might point that out next time company comes.
I don't think I quite understand female sexuality. Males are aroused by physical qualities. Are females also like that? Does a female need to be aroused for sexual processes to take place in her body? How do you tell if a female is aroused? (age 16)
Males are primarily aroused by what they see, and secondarily other senses. Females are primarily (some say almost exclusively) aroused by the sense of touch. A female needs to be aroused to have an orgasm, but in terms of reproduction, no. Conception is helped if the woman has an orgasm, but the vast majority of conceptions take place without the woman having one. Some of the key signs for telling if a woman is aroused are the lubrication of her vagina, the erection of her nipples, and the engorgement of her vulva.
Follow-up: So a female can't be turned on without being touched? Does the touch has to come from a guy she finds attractive? Is there a liquid released in a female that makes her emotionally attached to her partner? When does this happen and does it have to be with a guy she finds attractive? (age 16)
Touch isn't a necessity for female arousal, but it's the best way. Females (and males) can be brought to orgasm by people they don't find attractive. I think the "liquid" you're talking about is endorphins, which are released at various states, including orgasm. They don't necessarily make someone emotionally attached to their partner, but they help.
Follow-up: So a female can be aroused by a male she isn't attracted to? How is that? (age 16)
Because it is mostly a function of touch. You can also be aroused by a female you're not attracted to.
Follow-up: I can't be aroused by an old lady. Is it the same for a female? Does it make a difference how attractive the male is for sex to be enjoyable for them? (age 16)
Maybe not thinking about an old lady, but her touch might have the same effect on you that a young, attractive girl's would have. Of course it makes a difference, but the point is that touch is much more important for a female, and sight is much more important for a male.
Circumcision was not invented to prevent masturbation but as an oath to God. (age 14)
And why circumcision, as opposed to dipping the head in water, which many religions practice as an oath to God? It has something to do with the penis being a source of sexual pleasure. Circumcision persists among many people who do not have religious convictions about it. It was justified by its proponents in earlier times as a remedy for masturbation, and it is justified by its proponents today as a way of making less work for the mother in keeping her son clean. If there are people who really believe they are honoring God by mutilating their infant sons' genitals, then perhaps this is the best evidence in support of those (atheists) who claim that religion is irrational.
I am Roman Catholic, and in theology class, my priest was talking about adultery, and he started talking about masturbation. This of course woke everyone up who was sleeping, and he said that he doesn't believe masturbation is a sin when you are young, because you are simply exploring your body and trying to figure out how everything works, but he did say that if we continue to do it as we grow older, without trying to stop at all, that he does think it's a sin. But from what I've read on this site, it's something we guys have to do to stay sexually healthy. I still plan to masturbate in my later years simply because it's healthy, and I enjoy it! And if it is a sin, so be it. God forgives sins. (age 16)
I'm not Catholic, so I can't offer any guidance from a spiritual perspective. You might tell your priest what you just told me.
I love masturbating! Its such a release and pleasure. Thanks for your great site! (age 14)
Thanks for reading.
I use lotion while masturbating. After I'm done, would it be harmful to leave it all on and shower the next day, or should I wash off what I can immediately? (age 21)
Lotion isn't going to harm you. But there might be people who can smell it and dried semen, so you're better off washing right away.
What exactly arouses girls? Guys are aroused mostly by good looking girls. Are girls aroused by good looking guys, personality traits, or just being touched? Does how attractive the guy is affect sex with them? How much? Also, when they masturbate, do they normally fantasize like guys do? (male, age 16)
As I stated earlier, the main path to arousal for females is touch. Being attractive or personality traits don't make that much difference in female sexual response; however, they might make it more likely a female will let a particular male arouse her by touching her. Most females fantasize when they masturbate, but not all of them do. Almost all males fantasize when they masturbate.
I am 20 years old. I don't understand about what this "face up or face down." Is it about penis positions or real facing positions? Can you help me how I can practice masturbation in bed? I wear underwear during my night sleep. As you said while ejaculating it should be freely ejaculated without stopping it. How I can freely do it? I have to finally ejaculate into my underwear only right. Does this make any disturbance in ejaculation? Please explain me some steps to masturbate in my bed in detail please.
Face up or face down really means stomach up or stomach down. Of course, males who masturbate prone (stomach down) don't have their faces straight down. They turn them to the side so they can breathe (and see pictures). By stopping ejaculation, I don't mean with underwear. It's dangerous to use the force of your hand to stop ejaculation. Merely ejaculating into underwear isn't harmful. Very few guys masturbate into their underwear. They take their underwear down or all th way off and ejaculate onto their abdomens, and then clean up the semen afterward. I'm sorry you had to wait until age 20 to learn that.
I read through your site and have been TMSing for the greater part of my life. I don't know if what you say is true, but I'm going to try your advice anyway and give up TMS, as I find the traditional way is better (although harder to do). When you are TMSing, your "visuals" are that of actual sex and when you masturbate in the normal way, your visuals can just be pictures, is that correct? (age 17)
Why don't you read the case studies and brief comments or join the support group and read the messages there if you want to know if what I say is true? Actual sex is only your visual if you are watching people having sex. Guys who masturbate prone use pictures as visuals the same as guys who masturbate normally (although they can't watch videos or computer images like regular guys can.)
About a month ago, I asked my 14 year old male cousin if he masturbates. He said no, but I think he is lying. Do most boys his age masturbate? (female, age 15)
74 percent of males have masturbated by their 14th birthdays, but I think you should apologize to your cousin for invading his privacy.
I am a proud member of the American Right. I would like to know if the people who say masturbation and Christanity are not mutually exclusive and the ones who say fantasizing isn't lust are part of the new Christian Left movement that says that premarital sex isn't a sin, or do they still believe that premarital sex is a sin but masturbation and fantasizing isn't? (age 17)
I hate political labels, so I can't claim to be part of any political or sexual movement here. I also can't speak for the authors I cite on the Christian page. You might read their books, because some of them address premarital sex and other sexual issues. If you want my opinion, I'll be happy to respond.
You are obviously aware that I don't regard Christianity and masturbation as mutually exclusive. My understanding of lust is that it is focused upon a particular person whereas fantasy is more general (involving perhaps a body type or a celebrity). I advise readers not to fantasize about people in their lives, because the connection to lust becomes so close in that instance. I lean against premarital sex, but there's an age at which it is harmful to one's sexual health (especially for males) to remain a virgin. If you've read this site, you know I frequently urge young people (under 18) to wait longer before engaging in sexual behavior, but I do not tell this to people over 18. I hope that clears things up.
I was wondering what age you think is right to start a relationship in general. (age 13)
Your age is about right for school dances, and perhaps having a girlfriend doing activities with each other's families and groups of others the same age. I don't think you should be solo dating until about 16. At 13, you should be interacting with a lot of people your age.
Generally speaking your site is educational and informative, providing a good forum for frank questions and answers, especially to younger readers. However, some of your answers are contrary to medical and psychological studies. For instance, you told a 37-year-old man that he should seek psychological help since he masturbates twice a day. According to conventional wisdom, the number of times a person masturbates in a day does not matter unless it interferes with daily activities. Regarding oral sex you say that a majority of women disdain it and prefer that a man not come in her mouth. My experience with the 10+ women I've had sex with over the last 25 years is the exact opposite. They got very turned on by the act of fellatio and loved it when I came in their mouths and always swallowed. Finally, you seem to discourage anal sex as an alternative to vaginal sex. Anal sex is steadily becoming part of a normal couple's repertoire. You should change the advice you give about anal sex. (age 40)
Perhaps you should start your own site and give that advice there. The man in question was masturbating three times a day, and I recommended professional help not because of his frequency but because he was convinced that not masturbating that often would cause migraine headaches and baldness. Three times a day is indeed extreme for a married man. "Conventional wisdom" in this area is too often dominated by people I call IIFGDIs. ("If it feels good, do it.") An IIFGDI would be in denial about any sexual practice being unhealthful, and wouldn't say so if they thought so anyway. I said many (not most) women refuse to perform fellatio, and that many (perhaps most) won't swallow. I told this to a 14-year-old girl in letting her know she wasn't alone in her distaste for semen, but advised she might change her mind later. Anal sex is a patently unhealthy activity, and this site's mission is based on sexual health.
I have decided to practice celibacy for personal reasons. I also have been doing TMS for a long time and want to know if there is any harm in continuing it if I am going to remain celibate. (age 37)
I assume you mean chastity, a vow to be sexually inactive, and not celibacy, a vow to remain unmarried. TMS is always harmful. Many of the guys who have quit didn't have partners at the time.
I just started masturbating and when I ejaculate (or so i think) it's like my penis vomited and the head gets extra sensitive. Is is nomal? (age 11)
Yes. You have ejaculated. Congratulations!
I just want to say that I'm REALLY glad to have seen this site. It's so great to see so many young people be assisted with questions that they have. I no longer am ashamed to masturbate, and I used to be very ashamed every time I finished. This site and all the entries have reassured me that I'm not the only one, and that it's not a bad thing to do! So I just wanted to thank you! It's truly great. (age 17)
Why, thank you!
Is all this TMS stuff real, or is it just someone having a joke?
It's real for me, as a former sufferer, and it's real for the hundreds and perhaps even thousands of former TMS practitioners (and their partners) who have been helped by this site. The people who regard it as a joke are lucky enough that they learned to masturbate in the usual way when they were young and don't need a site like this to tell them why they've been having trouble in sexual relations with women for years or even decades.
What is foreplay?
Foreplay is sexual activity, such as manual manipulation of the genitals, leading up to intercourse. When the same activity is done not as a prelude to intercourse, it's called petting.
Sir, today I know about TMS. Since the age of 13 I have masturbated face down, hitting my penis to the bed assuming a girl is there below me. Now I am very afraid after reading your site. I am a virgin. I will masturbate by hand from now on. In the future, can I satisfy my partener? Can I become a father? Can TMS can be cured now? (age 20)
Yes, TMS can be cured very easily, especially when you're a virgin. TMS does not affect your fertility. Your partner can be quite well satisfied when you have TMS. It's YOUR satisfaction that gets impaired. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just switch to masturbating with your hand and everything will be fine.
I would like to see pictures showing how TMS is done. It is not clear enough to me. (age 21)
It is the policy of this site not to have pictures, but we have recently added a series of drawings, which you can see by looking at the bottom of the left-hand navigation bar. If we could find some drawings of TMS, we would consider using them.
Is it harmful to get semen into the bloodstream mistakingly by means of a cut or a scrape? I am pleased with your site and further pleased that you are giving examples from a Christian perspective. I have been an active reader at another masturbation site and I have to hand it to you, your site is much, much better, focusing fairly on both male and female masturbation. I will never rely on that site again, only this site! Keep up the good work and thanks! (age 15)
Thank you for your praise and for handing it to me. Conceivably sexually transmitted diseases could be spread by getting one person's semen on another person's open sore. But your own semen could not harm you. In fact, if you do not ejaculate for a long time, your semen and sperm will be picked up by the lymphatic system and travel throughout your body. Cool, huh?
When do our questions show up on this page once we've submitted them? I can't find the one I just submitted. (age 15)
I answer questions every day I'm home. (But I'm away from home a lot.) Look for the date at the bottom of the questions and answers. Questions that appear to be fake or that duplicate other questions already answered are generally not answered. New questions are only posted on the main male page, the main female page, or the TMS comments page. The other pages are filled with questions that have been moved there.
I am an Indian and I don't think that your stats would apply to Indians. How much semen is normally ejaculated during masturbation? Does it normally shoot out? (age 17)
I don't claim that any of the statistics on my site from my own surveys apply to the population generally, much less to any sub-populations. My surveys are biased heavily because the people who responded them chose to. Of other's people's research I quote, most sex research is conducted among English-speaking people, and the results might vary across cultures. The average ejaculation is one teaspoon (5 ml). The second part of it normally shoots out. It will shoot more effectively if you hold it in for a second right before you ejaculate. Gaining control of those muscles is key to that.
I have been in love with a certain girl since the very first time I saw her when I was 9. We have grown up together but we are not close -- my secret got out when I was 10 or so-- and she STILL seems intimidated that I like her, even though everyone thinks that I have moved on. I have tried dating and experimenting with other girls, but after each unsuccessful try, I realize more and more that I am in love with that same girl. The problem is, she has a steady boyfriend now. What can I do? (age 16)
You're in a tough spot. She seems to not be interested in you even though everyone is supposed to think you've moved on. Telling her openly how you feel is apt to be unproductive, and trying to woo her gradually -- which isn't working -- will likely be a waste of time. When you get older, you will regret wasting one minute longer than necessary on this girl. Try your best to forget her, and find the beauty in all of the other girls who are available and friendly.
Are there any ways to reach orgasm besides grabbing my penis and doing it the old fashioned way? (age 14)
There are, but that's not what this site is about. The vast majority of guys are happy and satisfied doing it the conventional way. That's why it's the conventional way. The risk of doing any idiosyncratic form of masturbation is that it can make you less likely to have intercourse successfully when you get to that point.
Is sperm count in your body limited, and does a person who does not masturbate have a higher sperm count than one who masturbates regularly? (age 21)
The sperm count of a person who does not masturbate might be higher, but his sperm and semen are apt to be of lower quality. Masturbation flushes the body of the old sperm and semen and keeps the sperm and semen that remain in fresher, healthier condition. Kind of like how a person who never throws out old milk is apt to have more milk but a person who cleans the refrigerator is apt to have fresher and better milk on average.
I like to masturbate twice each time I do it. I mean I play with my penis until I ejaculate twice. Is that bad? Does it affect my sex life? (age 28)
You should be satisfied after one time. Your doing it twice exhausts twice the amount of energy and built-up sexual tension (at least) that you need to lead you to a partner. Why not cut back on the amount of masturbating you're doing for a while and see if it brings you better things in bed?
I just wanted to give a big thank you to you and your site. I respect you for answering the questions so quickly and effectively. I also really like how it's anonymous.
You, sir, are welcome!
I've never had sex and I was wondering if masturbating will help me make a really good impression the first time. They say practice makes perfect, but I don't know where to get sex practice! Are there any other ways to make you ready for your first time? (age 18)
Yes, masturbating is good practice for sex. It teaches you about your own body and sexual response. If there are any males who try having sex and don't masturbate, I suspect they would be extremely clumsy and awkward in bed, not knowing how to satisfy themselves, let alone their partners. Don't worry if you're not perfectly smooth your first time.
For the last few days, I have been masturbating compulsively. I just get the urge and start masturbating three times a day. Today I did it even though I knew it would make me late for a meeting with my minister. No fooling! What can I do to stop? (age 23)
You shouldn't worry so much about something that has only happened for a few days out of a decade of frequent masturbating. There are times in your life when you'll do a lot of things more than usual (go to ball games, eat pancakes, do sit-ups) but it's not a problem of compulsion until it lasts for a while. You're probably under a lot of stress right now, aren't you? You should know better than to do something that will make you late, but don't fret -- that would be more stress -- at least not until you find you feel your masturbating has been out of control for a couple of weeks.
I'm fed up. Is there anyone who is happy talking about sex openly if it does arise? People my age I've talked to don't seem shocked when we were talking about a film 40 Days and 40 Nights and how I said it's impossible to talk sex together as in the film. He stops solo sex too and they got shocked by me saying "solo sex." I didn't even say masturbation. (age 16)
Young people usually think it's cool to talk about sex but are completely tongue-tied when masturbation is mentioned. More than a few teens are embarrassed about masturbating and scared to death someone will find out they practice it. When I was younger, I knew a guy who was about 17 who would talk about every sexual practice in the book without blushing, as if he were a cook sharing recipes, but he never said a word about the most popular sex act of all. So you shouldn't be surprised if your friends are all laughing and chatty about sex acts that none of them have ever tried (or aren't sure what they are) but start staring at their shoes when someone mentions the one sex act that all of them have probably practiced. It doesn't stop at high school, in case you haven't read the discussion elsewhere on this site about masturbating in college.
Follow-up: This is for the guy whose friends would talk about sex but not masturbating. I once watched the film Being There with a group of college students. They laughed uproariously throughout this very funny movie. But the room went dead silent when Shirley MacLaine started masturbating. You could slice the discomfort in that room with a knife. I think they all thought it was them who was being filmed masturbating.
Thanks for the illustration.
I found a site that says excessive masturbation is bad. (age 16)
Yes, I know that site. It's a bunch of quackery selling an expensive herbal concoction. Be careful about any site that sells a cure for something only it says is a problem.
Have you ever heard of a hank rag? How about a fifi sack? What's the difference? (age 20)
A hank rag is a piece of cloth used to mop up semen, and a fifi sack is a piece of cloth one ejaculates into directly.
Why do you put up questions that put down your web site? (age 12)
Fortunately, I also put up a lot of questions that praise my site. I'm just trying to be fair to my discontents.
What is the best non-sex lube in your opinion? (age 13)
Just based on what I hear, many guys find ordinary hand lotion very appealing.
I've tried to get K-Y Liquid online but it has to be delivered between 9 and 5 and this is getting me paranoid that they will deliver it in person! I've not used any lube so wanted to try some and I don't want to walk into a shop to get it. Any web sites you can recommend that just mail it? (age 17)
You can always call the customer service number on a web site and find out what their delivery options are. If it makes it easier for you, not all people who buy lube use it to masturbate. Many use it for intercourse. The store clerks will not pay attention.
I'm wondering what age most guys start masturbating and the age most of them start ejaculating. (female, age 16)
And you can bet they're wondering similar things about you. You might start by reading my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.
Do women have different types of hymens? Is it true that some of them never rupture? Is it also true that there is an avascular hymen where after first coitus, no sign of blood appears? (age 26)
All of that is true. If you want to see the different types, check out the hymen gallery.
Is sex very different from masturbation (in terms of pleasure)? (age 14)
I think most who have done both would tell you they are different kinds of pleasure.
I am wondering if sleeping on your stomach itself is a bad thing because it might make you more susceptible to TMS. (age 30)
No.
When you read Leviticus, chapter 15, it says that when a man releases his seed, it makes him unclean. How do you argue that God approves of masturbation? (age 16)
Lev. 15: 16-17 says: "And if a man has an emission of semen, he shall bathe his whole body in water, and be unclean until the evening. And every garment and every skin on which the semen comes shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the evening." I see no prohibition against masturbating here. Only a procedure as to how to clean semen off. The follwing verses say approximately the same thing about women's menstrual flow. So if the chapter is against male masturbation, is it also against menstruation? So these verses are consistent with the idea that masturbation is normal.
Does smoking marijuana play a factor in any sexual way? (age 24)
In the long run, marijuana reduces male sperm count. In the short run, marijuana interferes with the mental concentration that is quite useful at being good in bed.
I've been masturbating since I was 8 years old. Will the sensation of orgasm decrease as I masturbate throughout my life? (age 16)
No. I hear all the time from senior citizens who enjoy it as much as when they were your age.
I was wondering if masturbating for years at least once a day will have an effect on sperm count. (age 27)
Once a day is pretty normal and will lead to normal sperm counts. You should always abstain from ejaculating for 2-3 days before a sperm test or trying to inseminate a woman.
Is it dangerous to masturbate when you live in a house with just girls? (age 15)
No.
My girlfriend and I are close but not sexually active. She asked me if I masturbate and I said yes. She said that's good and then said she thinks it is gross if guys don't masturbate. I was expecting the total opposite. I asked her if she masturbates and she said no. She said she found her sister's dildo and was gonna use it but didn't. But sometimes she can be very, very horny. Is there some way to tell if she masturbates? (age 13)
I think you've found the way. You can be sure that any girl who asks a guy if he masturbates has done it herself.
Does masturbating on your own time make you act differently around girls and your friends?
That's an interesting question. If you hadn't ejaculated in a long time (5 days or more), you might have sex on the brain more than usual, and that might show in the things you say. Then there's the infamous scene in There's Something about Mary where Chris Elliott urges Ben Stiller to masturbate right before his big date with Cameron Diaz so he won't be thinking like a horny guy on the date.
Some girls I know find the concept of male and female masturbation to both be disgusting. Why might this be?
It's probably because they're not comfortable with the idea of playing with bodily fluids. Many people have this idea at some point in life but overcome it when they find out how much fun it can be. Males overcome it through wet dreams, if they haven't started masturbating already by that point. Or it could be she's embarrassed about her own masturbating and says it's disgusting to avoid having to discuss it.
I orgasmed by TMS till I was about 14, then I started a mixture of TMS and regular masturbation. It has been very few times over the last 13 years that I've even engaged in the TMS method. Normal masturbation always felt better and more right. (age 27)
Thanks for sharing your cure story with us!
I only masturbate with my left hand and when I have tried to use my right, I don't seem to get much pleasure, and I can't seem to reach orgasm. Why is this? (age 20)
Like a lot of males, you're habituated to the feeling you get with your main hand. There's nothing wrong with that. If you really want to try your other hand, you will find it easier after a few days without ejaculating. It might also be easy when you're REALLY SUPER aroused over something.
Thank you for showing me the correct way to masturbate. Since I've started using the loose fist, I've had orgasms every time. YOU ROCK!!!! (age 13)
Thank you very much for this site and for answering my questions! It's helped me a lot! Once when I was searching, I came across an e-book which says that masturbation is bad because it damages the nerve endings in the penis due to the intense feeling gotten from an unnatural way. Then it in turn affects the brain's nerves and then affects your intelligence. Is this true? I've been masturbating for 2 years and there has been a decrease in my grades though not that much. (age 12)
It's good that you care about your grades. The only way masturbation will affect your grades is if you do it so much that it's taking time away from your studies. I am aware of a case of someone who took the same standardized test 13 years apart and did much better the second time, and he masturbated almost daily in the interim.
The walls in my house are paper thin, and my parents tend to come in to my room at night without knocking for various reasons, like if my mom did the laundry. I never have time to masturbate, and some days it's all I can think about because I haven't been able to for a long time. What do you suggest? (age 16)
Most guys in your situation masturbate in the bathroom. You might tell your parents you would prefer they knock before entering. That's a normal teenage request that often has nothing to do with sexual privacy.
When a male gets an erection, is the foreskin meant to pull back behind the head of the penis? Mine doesn't. (age 14)
Normally, the skin sticks to the head of the penis like a finger does to a nail, until with time, it becomes retractable. This happens at different times to different guys. Some can do it at 5 or 6, and others not until their late teens. Just give yourself some time. Don't force things. Forcing your skin back can actually be damaging. Just wait until it can slide back with ease.
I am uncircumcised. Is it possible to pull back the foreskin for good and leave it pulled down forever? My head is very sensitive and I have problems having sex with my girlfriend. It hurts too much because it's not used to being outside the foreskin. I never pulled it back until a few months ago. (age 20)
No. Unless a male is circumcised, or is born with a short foreskin to begin with, the foreskin covers the head of the penis, unless it's retracted. When erect, the foreskin can be pulled back, but it goes back onto the head when the penis goes flaccid. You will be less sensitive to the touch as you become experienced.
Because of my religious beliefs, I am trying to quit masturbating. I have been trying for 5 years now, and I don't think I ever will succeed. I manage to go for a week or so without masturbating until I feel like I can't go any longer. Then I will then masturbate a lot in a very short time, like a few times a day. Is this healthy or would it be better to have a regular pattern? I found your site very helpful. (age 21)
I advise males not to try to quit masturbating because it's extremely unlikely they'll succeed. There is something about the urge to masturbate that makes the pattern you describe a typical one: Males will abstain for longer than they'd like and then make up for lost time in one day. If you're going to masturbate three times a week, it would be better if they were evenly spaced throughout the week instead of all in one day. Why not accept masturbation as something necessary, healthy, and fun?
In one of your responses, you mentioned something harmful called "urethral masturbation." Please describe what this is and the harmful effects. (age 34)
Urethral masturbation, practiced by both males and females, is masturbating by inserting objects into the urethra (the opening where urine comes out). The urethra can become inflamed and infected very easily and these infections can spread to the bladder in both males and females and to critical sexual parts in males. It is a dangerous practice.
I have masturbated and produced pre-cum but I have felt a little pain in my left ball. Is this normal? (age 13)
Pain is never normal. Try to find out what's causing it and then do it differently.
When I ejaculate, about 3 teaspoons comes out or sometimes a little more. Is this a bad thing? Also, I have never had a wet dream. I usually masturbate once a day. Is this normal? I have been masturbating for 4 years. (age 14)
I doubt your ejaculate is that big. Don't worry about it. Boys who start masturbating at age 10 will probably never have a wet dream. Don't worry about that either. The guys your age who get by on wet dreams have 30 or so orgasms a year (that they aren't even awake for) but you have 365 or more. They might have more reason to envy you than you do them
I want to quit masturbating. And I'm taking it seriously. I can control myself better every month. Since I'm fighting myself, I find myself masturbating at various frequencies (like 5 times a week, and then no activity for 3 weeks). I know it can lead to diseases. When should I first visit a doctor to check my sexual health? When I turn 25, 30? I know I'm pretty young, but as far as I know getting cancer at an early age is more likely than ever before. (age 19)
You can try cutting back to once a week for a while. That should be no problem. Then see how that feels and decide if you really want to quit. But it's important to limit yourself to ONCE a week if you choose to do that; don't abstain for 6 days and then masturbate 5 times on that 7th day. If you cut back on masturbating, you might have prostate troubles by the time you're 30. The risk is not cancer but inflammation and radiating pain. I think it's better to masturbate at a healthy level than incur that risk. If you practice a low-masturbating diet, you should ask the doctor to do a prostate exam at every visit. Usually they don't do that until men get to be 35.
I have an uncircumcised penis. Is it OK to leave it open for a while? If so, how long? I once left it open a whole day long, and it felt good. I thought it might be nice to get my penis circumcised. (age 16)
It's your penis, and you can retract your foreskin for as long as you wish. Just keep in mind that normally, your foreskin is supposed to cover your head when not erect. Normally, the head of your penis is kept moist, as the inside of your foreskin and the head itself is made up of mucous membrane. (Kind of how your eyes and eyelids work.) This natural lubricating system helps when masturbating, and when you are having sex. <