HealthyStrokes.com
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Reader questions about masturbation


New quick survey questions for males!

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Do you like to take surveys? While we decide if there will be a new long form survey, we will be posting some quick and fun questions. A new male survey is online and new questions will be posted every few days, so come back repeatedly. Won't you please help us out by answering them? They are completely anonymous. Click here to take this fun and interesting survey. These are different from our earlier, longer surveys.


A Young Man's Guide to Masturbation was written for parents to give to their pre-adolescent (and early adolescent) sons. It's not as frank as it could be, but would parents want to use it then?!


These questions and answers are general ones about masturbation and not specifically about TMS.

Many older questions have been moved to one of these topic pages:


I think my mom caught me masturbating and she isn't okay with it. She told me I need to stop when I was in my own room and left. What do I do? (age 13)

Either get more of the facts or don't do anything. You don't even know for sure that she caught you or what she wants you to stop doing.

My friends keep going on about how big their penises are and how small mine is and I want to prove them wrong. How do I do that? (age 12)

You learn to ignore them.

I have been masturbating since age 13. Lately I have been having some difficulties. Lately when I want to masturbate, I have a lot of trouble getting my penis fully erect. I can masturbate and ejaculate but it seems that I almost need to watch porn. At age 19 I feel like this shouldn't be a problem that worries me. Could this be because of a break up that happened 8 months ago or because I have never stroked my penis? It has always usually been more of a jerking of the skin. Please help! I miss masturbation!

There is nothing wrong with using visual aids. If you can masturbate to orgasm a couple of times a month without them, then I think you're doing fine. It would be better if you used a conventional stroking method and not a jerking of the skin. Abstaining for a week at a time is apt to make it easier for you to learn to masturbate conventionally.

When I was born my meatus (urethral opening) was at the base of my penis so I had an operation and now it is just under the head. Will this affect masturbation? I was told to go back to the hospital to get it moved to the right place but I said that I wasn't going because I felt embarrassed but now I want to get it in the right place but I'm embarrassed talking to my parents. (age 14)

If the meatus is now under the head and not at the tip, that will affect where you ejaculate and could make masturbation less comfortable than if your penis were normal. I would talk to a doctor about what your options are and pay careful attention to his advice. You ought not be embarrassed talking to your parents because they already know about your situation. Just tell them you want to talk to a doctor about revisiting your birth defect. There is no reason to say anything about masturbation or intercourse.

I've been masturbating since I was about 11, and 2 years later I am still unable to ejaculate. I masturbate once or twice a day. (age 13)

It will probably happen before you are 14. There is no reason to be concerned.

You advise uncircumsised males to stay away from the actual glans of the penis. Is this true, because this action turns me on even further. (age 15)

It is generally circumcised males who have to stay away from the glans unless they use artificial lube. Uncircumcised males have their natural lube to help them.

When I was about 12, I used unconventional ways to masturbate (e.g., hot tub jet stream/massager). I can get hard, but right before sex I can't get it up without oral sex. This happens even when I'm alone masturbating. Any advice on how to reverse ED? (age 18)

I doubt that what you did when you were 12 still affects you. To overcome your dysfunction, only masturbate or have sex when you have a good erection. This might mean doing it less than you do now. Try to find ways to have your partner stimulate you (besides oral sex) that will help.

I'm going to college soon, and after reading some of these masturbating at college stories to prepare myself, I keep seeing people worry they are going to be heard. I live in a house with 3 siblings and share a bunk with my younger brother, and so I learned to stop the noise: I cup my scrotum with the hand I'm not masturbating with. It stops the noise and allows you to keep masturbating without worry. (age 17)

That will stop some but not all of the noise. I think your brother knows you masturbate.

My 26 year old sister just got implants and had a tummy tuck. She has been showing everyone. I can't get the image out of my head, and I masturbate thinking about it. (age 18)

Your sister was indiscreet. The best way to get rid of an unwanted fantasy is to replace it with a different fantasy. I suggest acquiring some images of naked breasts. They will probably be implants too.

I masturbated prone for about a year, and I quit about 2 weeks ago after finding your web site. I have noticed immediate improvement. How long will it be until my penis reaches full recovery? (age 16)

Immediate improvement is good! Most guys don't notice a difference for about three months. After a year, you should be fully recovered. It might be quicker in your case because you didn't masturbate prone for very long.

Almost every time I see a hot girl, I get an erection. Is this normal for someone my age? (age 30)

Not really, but it's a good kind of abnormal.

I'm currrently taking 200 mg of caffeine for weight loss which has the effect of restricting the blood flow down to penis. Will it decrease the size of my penis permenantly if I use caffeine in the long run or for a month? (age 20)

200 mg sounds like a lot, but it's about the same amount of caffeine in two cups of coffee. I doubt it's restricting the blood flow to your penis that you would notice it right now. It will not permanently shrink your penis.

I was wondering where my hand should start/stop when sliding it up and down the shaft. (age 14 1/3)

If uncircumcised or using lube, you can comfortably go all the way to the tip. If circumcised and not using lube, you will probably not want to go past the coronal ridge (the widest part of the penis at the base of the head). It doesn't matter how far down you go. Most guys find that the bottom of it isn't that sensitive so they only go down as far as will help.

I have massive crushes on girls, but there is no sexual attraction. Sexually, I am only attracted to men, but I really like these girls. Am I gay? (age 17)

If you are only sexually attracted to men at your age, I would say you are gay. If you are not sexually attracted to girls, why do you have massive crushes on them?

I just found your site. It is amazing. I use a pillow when I masturbate lying on my stomach. I have a lot of sexual problems. Last week a sexual medicine doctor measured my penile numbness as moderate on a sensation meter. Is this from prone masturbation using a pillow? Do I have nerve damage? Will it heal with time if I change to conventional masturbation? (age 53)

I suspect your lack of sensitivity is caused by prone masturbation. You probably don't have physical damage to your nerves, but you have desensitized them due to the enormous pressure from masturbating prone. I recommend you give up prone masturbation immediately and work at learning to masturbate conventionally. You ought to notice a difference in your erections within three months. I would be very interested to hear about the results of your future penile numbness tests.

I masturbate 1-2 times a day. I can ejaculate fast like 2-5 minutes. Is it possible to be too sensitive? I am afraid to be with someone as I want to have sex for 30 minutes. Sometimes I can go 45-1 hour if I am drinking, and that is not what I want. It feels so god when I am inside a woman that it is like my penis can't take it. I ejaculate soon after (like 20 penetrations). I am sick of this. I am embarrassed to have sex and feel like a letdown. I tried masturbating before sex, used numbing things but to no avail. I am doomed and feel depressed about it because I can't satisfy a woman.

I can pop my penis like cracking knuckles on your hands. It feels good. This is how I can make an erection go away. I get them 10+ times a day. (age 26)

I think your problems are related. There is no possible way popping your penis is good for you. You also have the wrong attitude toward erections. Erections are never bad. Learn to enjoy them. There are techniques you can use to overcome premature ejaculation. Learning to use the squeeze technique is one of them. Also, using a tight condom can help.

I masturbate on my back or sitting down, but one thing I do that I know is atypical is that I prefer to stretch my legs so that they're completely straight and flex my quadriceps. This helps me reach orgasm more quickly. I can reach orgasm without doing this, especially if I haven't masturbated in a few days, but it takes a bit longer (maybe 5 minutes instead of 2-3). Is this practice unhealthy? Should I retrain myself by not using my legs anymore? Also, I recently began sleeping with a girl, and she is my first. The problem is that I hardly feel anything during intercourse with her, with or without a condom. The rubbing sensation simply isn't there, and there's hardly any pressure on my penis. Penetration is easy right from the beginning. She apparently climaxes several times during sex, but the only way that I can reach climax is with her on top, and me using the leg flexing technique. The problem could be psychological I guess, but I come close to orgasm when she uses her hand on me, or performs oral sex (neither of which she seems to know how to do very well). Could it be that she is simply too wide, or has poor muscle tone down there? (age 25)

Your leg flexing technique is not atypical. According to a survey of more than 10,000 males by the web site HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, 19.3 percent of males always stretch out their legs tense while masturbating, another 20.6 percent do it most of the time. So that's almost 40 percent who do it the majority of the time they masturbate. More than half of males -- 50.4 percent -- do it some of the time. Only 9.7 percent of males say they never do it. You also report that you don't have to do it in order to masturbate to orgasm. The second thing is that you're new to sex at a fairly advanced age. It also seems that your partner is relatively inexperienced. I doubt that there is anything atypical with her anatomy. Older virgins frequently report that vaginas seem bigger than they expected. Dr. Eva Margolies calls this "floppy vagina syndrome." I think you just need to change your expectations. It would be a good idea to abstain from masturbating for 5-7 days before a planned sexual encounter. As you get more experienced at intercourse, you can reduce the interval. Practice makes perfect.

I'm 15 and I haven't had sex yet. People I know my age have. Am I normal?

You're more normal than they are. The average age for a male to have sex for the first time is 18.

When I masturbate, I picture my male friend naked and me giving him oral sex, because it makes me excited. Does this mean I'm gay? (age 13)

One fantasy doesn't mean you're gay. Wait a few years and see what the total of all your fantasies is.

I've been sleeping naked since the past summer. Recently my family found out and they're OK with it. Is it OK to sleep naked? It feels better when I get an erection because it's not all contained in my pants. (age 15)

Yes, perfectly OK.

I have been masturbating since I was 13. When I masturbate, I seem to have a pain on my lower left kidney. It doesn't really hurt but it just irritates me. I only masturbate 2-3 times a week and sometimes even less. I don't use lube so I would like to ask if there are any probable causes. (age 17)

Most people don't even know where their kidneys are, much less able to pinpoint feelings in them. If you are really having kidney trouble, you need a doctor. You can show the doctor where the pain is and they can tell you what is under that spot. I highly doubt that masturbating affects your kidneys, although it can certainly affect feelings you get from your abdominal and back muscles.

My mom nurses my little brother in front of me. She will just take her top off and let him feed. I really like seeing her like that. I like looking at her boobs, and I get hard-ons when I watch. Is there a way to not get turned on while watching? (age 13)

Not watching is the best way. Why don't you give your mom some privacy?

Why does it takes longer to orgasm when in water? When I masturbate in the shower, it takes me at least 10 minutes longer and I hardly feel anything as I masturbate. I tried masturbating in the pool and I couldn't orgasm at all. (age 15)

It is definitely a feeling that needs getting used to. In the shower, you are feeling a lot from the water and that makes it harder to focus on the feeling in your privates. In the pool, you are dealing with much colder water that inhibits erections and sexual arousal. This is why males who have a choice prefer to masturbate in bed.

I masturbate daily. My friend masturbates about as much as I do, but he has wet dreams every few nights (or so he says). Am I doing anything wrong? (age 13)

It is normal to not have wet dreams if you masturbate daily. You suspect your friend is not being truthful about how often he has wet dreams; perhaps he is also not being truthful about how often he masturbates.

I am 26 and married. I am more involved in masturbation than intercourse, but I am really getting eager and anxious about sex so I am masturbating too much. I am losing control by watching porn and I can't perform for my wife. Will it be OK to be more anxious?

You are better off being less anxious and focusing more on having sex with your wife. A lot of men give up masturbating altogether when they're in a relationship or at least cut back so it isn't all that often. As you get more experienced with intercourse, you can masturbate more and not have it affect your sexual relations. You seem to be on the low end of the experience scale, so I have to say your masturbatory frequency isn't working for you. I suggest you give it up for a couple of months and see if the sex with your wife gets better.

I live at a boarding school where everyone masturbates openly and somtimes during lectures under the desk. I have joined in sometimes but now some of them are into having oral sex with each other, but I don't want to. But I don't want to feel left out either. What do I do? (age 14)

You are not the only one who doesn't want to take part in this charade of exhibitionism. Take a stand and say you won't do it. Others will be relieved and look up to you. Don't be bullied into being like the most libertine person.

When you say don't masturbate more than twice a day, do you mean physically masturbating and/or reaching orgasm, or masturbating sessions? (age 13)

When did I say not to masturbate more than twice a day? A lot depends on the day. You count masturbating sessions by the ones that end in orgasm.

Is it normal that I want to masturbate and ejaculate up to 7 times a week, fantasizing about this girl I fancy while doing so? (age 16)

That is extremely normal, but you ought to have more than one girl that you fantasize about.

I've been with my girlfriend for 7 months now. Though I have often stimulated her manually and orally I have never been able to give her an orgasm. She writhes about and moans but always stops me. She gets the feeling of needing to wet herself. I've read this is normal. Even though we talk very openly about it, she still stops me saying it`s too nice. This bothers me as I love her and want her to be able to climax. (age 16)

You have to wait until she's ready to go any further. It would help if she masturbates and has orgasms by herself. It would be easier for her to have orgasms with you if she does. If she doesn't, then I think you just do what makes her feel good as much as she allows.

Sometimes I show my mom or dad a video on the Internet. Some have hot girls showing lots of skin. Sometimes they say I'm watching naked girls in front of me to each other. What do they mean by this? Are they proud? They also say it teasingly. (age 15)

They're probably embarrassed to see those videos themselves. I think they're signalling that they'd rather not know about these videos.

I have been masturbating for about 3 years and am now having trouble. Afterward I usually have to urinate but I have a burning sensation in my penis head. Also, my penis head is too sensitive I tried lube but I'm 15 and it isn't readily available.

Assuming you don't have a sexually transmitted disease, the burning sensation is probably a matter of not urinating enough. Drink a lot more water the next few weeks and see if it makes a difference. If you can't get a hold of suitable lube, then I advise not touching the head.

I'm uncircumcised and still can't touch my glans or the tip of my penis because it is too sensitive. What can I do? (age 28)

I suggest using lube.

I feel very bad having to confess after reading this that all I have are wet dreams. I do not know to masturbate. I heard from a friend that masturbation may lead to problems in married life. I don't want wet dreams anymore but I don't want to masturbate. Please help me! (age 20)

Masturbating does not usually cause problems for married life, and for nearly everyone, it helps them be sexually more functional in marriage and otherwise. I highly recommend you learn to masturbate. Please start with the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.

After I have an orgasm, my penis becomes very sensitive to pressure; sometimes for hours after the orgasm. If I have several orgasms within a few hours, it becomes even more sensitive. I especially feel the sensitivity when I get an erection. Is this normal, and if not, what could be a possible cause? (age 19)

It is normal for the penis to be sensitive after an orgasm. It helps to get it back to its usual state if you urinate soon after ejaculating. I notice your penis is not so sensitive that you are prevented from having more orgasms, at least some of the time.

I've been with my girlfriend for four years, and we've been living together for 6 months. Since then she has been less interested in sex. We used to have sex twice a day and now we have it twice weekly. I work from home and kiss and touch her a lot all day long. Is that making me undesirable? (age 27)

Twice a day is very often and I suspect you did that because of the novelty of being together. Twice a week is not a bad frequency, but most sexually active people your age have intercourse 3.5 times per week, according to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 122 males between 25 and 29 inclusive who are currently cohabitating. Married men in that age group (N=182) only have sex 2.9 times per week. It might be that you're making sex less special by being around her so often. A good idea would be to make a point of consciously asking to have sex at certain times.

I masturbated to orgasm but didn't ejaculate. No precum or ejaculation. Then about 10 minutes later, without an erection, the tip of my penis was really wet with a sticky clear fluid. I'm confused. What's happening? (age 13)

That was pre-cum. It comes out when you're aroused for a long time whether you have an erection or not. It sounds like you're making pre-cum but not semen yet. You will be ejaculating soon.

My girlfriend and I have had oral sex. Does that make me a non-virgin? (age 13)

According to a survey of over 5000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in 2008, about 32 percent say you are not a virgin anymore. 68 percent say you oral sex for a male does not make him become a non-virgin.

At the town pool where I swim, I often see a boy who obviously has special needs. He's very friendly and verbal but has odd speech patterns and unusual-looking facial features. He talks to everyone and knows everyone by name! He repeatedly asks me repetitive questions, often, "are you mad at me?" He seems to spend a lot of time there without supervision, usually in the shared boys' and men's locker room and open shower area, and usually he's not wearing trunks in there. I've seen other kids making fun of him for being naked, and calling him retard and the like. I have never seen him with a parent or any supervision, although the staff will sometimes talk to him and tell him to get dressed. My guess is that he has a single mother who dumps him there. My kids are college-aged or older now but the parent in me wants to respond when he asks me things because he clearly needs more parenting than he is getting. Most of the other men ignore him.

I would guess he is in his early teens, and he has recently entered puberty. He has started to grow pubic hair and his genitals are too big for him to be a pre-teen. He openly stares at me and the other men when we are showering or changing. Recently he asked me if I thought his "privates" were normal-sized, and then asked if they would keep getting bigger. I've walked into the locker room or shower room on more than one occasion to find him masturbating. I don't know how to respond. When he asked me about his genitals, I just told him he was normal looking for his age, but I am not confortable being naked in a shower room with a naked adolescent masturbating. Is it OK for me to tell him it's OK to masturbate but only in private? I know it's going to lead to more questions from this kid. What should I say? Nothing? Talk to the staff? And say what? I feel like the kid needs guidance but I don't think it's my place to provide it. But he keeps asking me questions! (age 45)

I think this is a dangerous situation. You should report his behavior to the authorities (perhaps the local police or at least the manager of the pool -- not the counter staff). You would not be as much getting him into trouble as you would be documenting his behavior in case some question should ever arise as to your contact with him. As you point out, he is essentially being neglected by being left at the pool, and it is not the job of the pool staff (or patrons) to act as social workers. I agree that discussing masturbating with him would only lead to greater engagement with him. Let the proper authorities know and let them deal with it. And never, ever touch this kid under any circumstances.

I have masturbated about 15 times over the past year but I have never ejaculated. Could I still get a wet dream? (age 13)

Yes, I think you could get a wet dream in the next year if you stopped masturbating. Keep in mind if you start masturbating to orgasm regularly, you will probably never have a wet dream.

When I masturbate I grip my penis as if I was holding a pen or a pencil, I have since I started masturbating and I was wondering whether this could cause TMS? (age 13)

That is not TMS but a looser grip is probably in order. Your penis is bigger than a pen or pencil.

I've been masturbating for about a year now, and I haven't been seen. I think my parents are suspicious though, as I spend all my time at my computer. I don't usually masturbate there, but sometimes I watch a video. Do you think they know? (age 12)

I don't think they know, but they could probably guess.

Today I finally asked my girlfriend if she masturbates, and she said no and that she thought it was disgusting. Is this weird? (age 17)

No, but I think she protests too much. If she doesn't masturbate, all she had to say was "no." By adding that she thinks it's disgusting, she's trying to convince you that she really doesn't masturbate. And if she truthfully didn't, she would have no reason to try to convince you. However, she obviously didn't enjoy being asked, so I suggest you leave the matter alone.

Can masturbating cause sterility? (age 13)

No. Masturbating is good for your fertility.

I love masturbating. I feel like it's the best thing to do when you're bored and need to have some fun, plus the feeling is great. I'm terribly scared of one of my brothers or my parents walking in on me when I'm masturbating in my bedroom. Usually I do it lying down in the shower but it always feels better in my bed. What should I do? (age 13)

I highly discourage masturbating while lying face down. Maybe that isn't what you meant. Your parents and brothers (if they're older) certainly masturbate too, so I doubt there would be any consequences if they were to walk in on you. I would advise you to do it in bed where it feels better.

I masturbate regularly and I still have wet dreams. Do you think that I will continue to have them or will they fade away? (age 13)

I'm guessing you haven't been experiencing either for very long. The usual experience in your situation is for the wet dreams to stop. I suppose you could prolong them if you only masturbated once a week or so, but most guys your age make masturbation a daily habit fairly quickly once they learn to fire the gun.

Sometimes I have fantasies about raping a girl I know who is 16. Also, my reactions about different things are often over the top (for example, I wish to stab someone who is just annoying). Do I have a serious psychological problem? (age 16)

Lots of males and females have rape fantasies. It is a very common fantasy. It is not illegal to dream about raping someone, only to do it. Thinking about stabbing someone, or shooting them, or killing them, is also not illegal. If you think you are really going to be compelled to do those things, then I think you should seek psychological help. Same if you are constantly being tormented by those thoughts. If it's just occasional fantasies, then I wouldn't let them bother me.

I am virgin and I like girls, and my masturbatory fantasies are exclusively heterosexual, but I get aroused from watching gay porn, and it's becoming a habit. Will this make me gay? I also had a "gay erotic nightmare" (once) and I'm disgusted. Why is this happening to me? (age 22)

A single erotic dream/nightmare is practically meaningless. Watching gay porn will not make someone gay, and watching straight porn will not make someone straight. If it's becoming a habit, then I have to ask why you're not using straight porn, and if that is somehow connected to your preferences. Saying you "like girls" is a fairly weak way of claiming to be heterosexual. Not only are you a virgin, but I also have a feeling that your experience with women is very low. I would suggest a greater engagement with women as a way of testing how high your sexual desire for them is.

I would like to see some pornographic images of people my age, but would that make me a pedophile? (age 15)

According to mental health practitioners, no. Pedophilia is attraction to prepubescent children. But according to the law, pornography of persons under 18 is child pornography whether the person is 3 or 17 3/4. I advise you that being attracted to people your age is very good, but if you must use visual aids, get by with images of adults.

I masturbate by spitting into my hand and then rubbing the head of my circumcised penis. Is that safe/normal? I used to be very careful about where and when I masturbated, but recently I have not been taking much precaution. I sometimes do not care if I am caught. Do you have any advice? I think HealthyStrokes.com is great, and it has realy helped me. (age 15)

Your method is normal. It is also good to be less worried about being discovered as you get older. That all sounds good.

I have found that it is impossible for me to go to sleep without masturbating. When I try, I get an erection and keep having erotic thoughts. I almost always break down and go masturbate, and then come back and find it easier to go to sleep. Lately though, after I masturbate, I start feeling horny again in a matter of minutes! Would this be helped if I tried to stop masturbating for a week or two? (age 14)

Bedtime is the favorite time for males to masturbate. A major part of this is because orgasm is soporific (sleep-inducing). However, it is certainly not "impossible" for you to sleep without masturbating. I don't see how anything would be helped by quitting masturbation for a week or two. You would be better off working at accepting masturbating as normal, healthy, fun, and even necessary for males to do. It is also nature's sleeping pill! If you were more accepting of masturbation, you would not regard yourself as "breaking down" in order to masturbate.

I've been abstaining for 160 days. I've already had 7 wet dreams. You wrote that this will do damage to my body. Can you explain in more detail, because I'm fine. Do I have to stop this? I quit cold turkey 160 days ago and I'm not lying. (age 25)

Male sexual health is helped by frequent and consistent ejaculation. In the short term, sharply reduced (or sharply increased) ejaculatory frequency can lead to prostate pain. In the long term, a team of doctors led by Dr. Graham Giles found that males who masturbated most often when they were young had the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week. Most men your age masturbate a little less than once a day. However, the reason I believe your story is a lie is because you never used the word masturbate in your message. By writing to me about quitting masturbating without mentioning what you quit, I believe you have an issue with masturbation. It's OK if you don't want to say the word out loud, but I urge you to accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun and to at least admit to yourself that you do it frequently.

Follow-up: I started masturbating at 15 (2-3 times daily) but 162 days ago I made a bet with my friend about who could go longer without masturbating or having sex, and he lost almost immediately, but I did go on to see how much I can resist the urge, and now 162 days later I have stopped thinking about masturbation or sex, and my life is much better. I have more energy, my focus is much greater, my sleep improved, my urination is better, and my social life expanded. I know that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. I did it all the time and I admit it. I only wanted to know the risks.

I think you're better off if you ejaculate frequently. I would really like to know how quitting masturbation changed all those things for you. Anyway, you haven't stopped thinking about masturbation or sex, because you're reading a masturbation web site and are corresponding with the author for the purpose of bragging about how long you've gone without doing it. I kind of think you're thinking about it more often than males who do it at a typical frequency.

I've been masturbating since I was at least 2. I can remember doing it as my earliest memory. All I knew was that I enjoyed it and I only found out at 10 what it was. Is this natural? (age 12)

Yes, that all sounds normal. Now that you know what it is, I hope you enjoy it even more.

For a month last summer, I was wondering whether or not I was gay. I would discreetly see if any of my friends had erections while we were in the pool, to see if my penis compared to theirs in length, and other various things like that. Soon I realized I wasn't gay. Is it normal to have gone through a phase like that? (age 15)

Yes, I think it is. You don't have to be a gay male to appreciate the natural beauty of the penis. Some authors have said that all men -- even if unconsciously -- compare every penis they ever see to theirs. Politeness dictates that you don't stare at your friends'. In the locker room, a good rule is to either look at faces or look at bodies but don't move your eyes up and down between the two.

Every time I masturbate, liquid comes out. It doesn't actually squirt; it just comes out. Would this be considered squirting? (age 13)

You're the one who said it doesn't squirt. I don't know how something that doesn't squirt could be considered squirting. You are ejaculating, and that ought to be good enough. Your pressure will increase with experience.

I have been masturbating for over a year. I don't know if I should tell my parents or not. Do you think it is possible that they know I've been doing it? (age 14)

Someone can know something only if it's impossible for them to be mistaken about it. I've been masturbating for over 25 years, and I've never told my parents. If they don't know -- your parents and mine -- they would be correct to suspect so.

I can keep an erection for a few minutes after I have finished masturbating. Does that mean I am multi-orgasmic? (age 15)

No, but there is no reason you couldn't work at being multi-orgasmic. It more likely means you aren't completely satisfied when you stop masturbating. Keep stroking for a few seconds after you think you're done (if you can stand to) and see if you have a few more waves of orgasm.

My girlfriend and I are trying to be intimate and sexual together but we can't find any privacy. She doesn't have a room at her house and we can't do it at my house or a car and we have little to no money. Do you have any suggestions on what to do? (age 19)

Like the song says, "we'd hide from the lights on the village green when I was seventeen." People in your situation used to "make out" (as it was called then) in the back row of the balcony at the theater or in any unused area of a public building. Keep in mind that you are an adult and ought to be more assertive about your right to privacy.

I have a sister and two brothers ages 12, 14, 16, and we all read and enjoy your web site. (age 18)

That's great! I never knew HealthyStrokes.com was a family thing.

I have a number of adult magazines and I'm not sure what to do with them. Should I hide them? Should I leave them in plain sight? Perhaps put most of them in a drawer in my room and leave one under a different magazine so someone will find it when cleaning and my parents will know I have porn magazines but also know I'm not ashamed/embarrassed by it -- which I am not; I love masturbating!

You don't say how old you are, but if your parents still clean your room, I'm guessing you're under 18. If you have younger siblings, it would be a good idea to hide them from them. When I was young, I was always careful to leave them with the back cover facing out. I could always tell when my little brother had been in my magazines when he left them with the front cover facing out. Anyway, it's to your advantage to be discreet.

What is the earliest age a man should start masturbating? (age 17)

Your question confuses me because almost all males start before they are men. I don't think there is an age that's too early.

Why do some girls fake orgasm to end sex faster? (age 15)

You answered your own question. They don't think they will have an orgasm from coitus so they fake an orgasm so that the man will bring on his own orgasm and the sex can be over.

Every time I masturbate I ejaculate different amounts with different power, from a trickle down my penis to a squirt reaching my face. What is the typical amount and power of ejaculation? After I have finished masturbating and am lying there with semen on my chest, I always feel disgusted with myself. I feel I am abnormal and have done something terrible, and never want to masturbate again or get involved with any sexual acts. I have heard that you can masturbate with a condom on. Is that any more pleasureable/beneficial, or are there any risks involved? I have an aunt who is in her early 20s, and when I was at my grandparents' I slept in her room while she was away. I looked through her cupboards and found lingerie and pink fluffy handcuffs. I then masturbated. Is it normal to masturbate over sexual objects of family members? I think that what you are doing is amazing. (age 15)

You are learning about the varying force of ejaculation. You can train yourself to put more force on it by exercising your PC muscle. You might also notice that the volume of ejaculate varies, and it is influenced heavily by the time since your last ejaculation. You can have a bigger ejaculation by abstaining for a few days. There is nothing abnormal or terrible about masturbating, but it is normal for people to feel guilty about it occasionally. Many (not most) males have tried masturbating with a condom, but according to a survey of over 8000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the first half of 2007, only 9 percent use one regularly and only 1.4 percent use one most of the time. They are useful when you want to go out afterward and not run the risk of smelling like semen. It is normal to get the urge to masturbate when you see a sexual object for the first time, but it is also very good to respect the privacy of your aunt who lets you use her bedroom.

I have masturbated before but never reached an orgasm. I masturbate a few times a month, and I am in a long distance relationship. I've given her oral sex and was very aroused by her, but when I got too aroused I had a lot of pain down there, and it was very frustrating. We have had a lot of physical contact but never sexual intercourse. I have tremendous pain when I am aroused by her for a long time, and I've never had an orgasm by masturbation nor by intercourse. I cannot see a doctor. I have difficult financial problems. (age 19)

I suggest reading my page for males who are just learning to masturbate. When you masturbate and feel very aroused, stroke as hard and fast as you can until you have an orgasm. When you have learned how, work at doing it more slowly and with less force.

I read somewhere that the average male orgasm lasts roughly 6 to 7 seconds, but mine often take 30 seconds or more. Is this normal, even remotely? (age 17)

No, but I hope you're not complaining. Any guy would take a 30-second orgasm over a usual 8-second one any day!

I masturbate about every other day. When I do I like to picture naked girls. But when I have crushes on girls, all I really want is to hug them all the time; I don't get the desire to see them naked or even kiss them at all! It actually seems quite disturbing to me. Is this weird? It seems like it would be more fun to masturbate as a girl. Why is this? Would a girl think the same for a boy? (age 14)

You are young and inexperienced, and it is normal for your interactions with females to be less sexual than would be the case for an older male. It is nice that there are girls who let you hug them! Maybe in the next year you will start kissing them. Just see where it leads. Males and females often believe that the other gender has a better deal when it comes to masturbating. Males do it more and according to surveys by HealthyStrokes.com, give it higher ratings.

What is the normal time for ejaculation in intercourse? How can someone prevent premature ejaculation? (age 20)

According to a survey of over 4800 sexually experienced males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, the average male takes 15.6 minutes to reach orgasm in intercourse. One way to take longer in intercourse is to masturbate to orgasm beforehand.

I'm 19 and have been masturbating for about 3 years now. After masturbating, I need to urinate and afterward, I still feel like urinating. I get horny easily and feel like masturbating more. I now masturbate twice a day.

I suggest drinking more water, especially in the hour before masturbating. A larger volume of urine will make you feel more like you've emptied yourself out. Twice a day is a high frequency at your age, but not particularly unusual. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 453 men your age, 23.7 percent masturbate 10 times a week or more and 11.4 percent masturbate 14 times a week or more. The average is 7.1 times per week, or just over once a day.

Why do I have a strong urge to eat my load before I come but not afterward? I've done it once because I promised myself I would, but I didn't really enjoy it. (age 18)

According to a survey of over 7000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in 2009-10, more than half of males have eaten their semen. Eight percent do it most of the time when they masturbate. It's a ready way to clean up, but if you don't like it, then don't do it.

I have been timing my self and I take around 15 minutes to masturbate to orgasm. Is this normal? (age 14)

Only 22 percent of guys your age take longer than 10 minutes on average. You will probably get faster with practice. The important thing is how long you want it to last.

I have been masturbating once a day on average for the past 7 years. I am circumcised and never use lube. This has not been a problem before, but now when I have sex and my penis gets lubricated from saliva or other things, I have trouble maintaining an erection. What should I do? (age 21)

You don't say how much experience you have with intercourse. If you are new to it, then you should expect to need to get used to it. I would suggest learning to masturbate with lube as a way of making the feeling of intercourse more normal to you.

My girlfriend really wants me to last longer in bed, but I can't seem to go longer than about 5 minutes. I want to last longer too, but I don't know how to do it. Any tips? (age 25)

I would suggest masturbating to orgasm a few hours before having intercourse.

If I masturbate to orgasm before sex, wouldn't I also have to urinate too to make sure all the semen is out before having sex? (age 23)

It would be a good idea but is not a necessity.

Why do girls never seem to want to do anything sexually with anybody but guys always want to at my age? (age 14)

You are wrong about both. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 700 14-year-old boys, 51 percent are waiting for a special partner before having sex, and only 32.6 percent are ready to jump at the first opportunity. A survey of over 3000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08 found that 57.2 percent of them are waiting for a special partner but 22 percent are looking for an early opportunity. There were 236 girls aged 14 in the survey.

What is K-Y Jelly? (age 13)

K-Y Jelly is a lube made especially for sexual purposes. The jelly form is quite sticky, and males tend to find its sister product K-Y Liquid better for masturbating.

I recently fingered a girl with a cut on my hand. Is it possible to get an STD? (age 18)

It is possible but unlikely to pick up an STD that way. HIV (the virus that causes AIDS) can be spread by both blood and sexual fluids.

Whenever I make out with a girl, I get an erection. Is this a normal occurrence? (age 15)

Yes. That is the most normal thing I've heard all day.

When I masturbate, I get pre-cum, and go on a bit longer, but I don't ejaculate. Is there anything wrong? (age 13)

You sound fine. You are doing what you are supposed to in order to produce orgasm. I suspect your body is just not ready to ejaculate yet. It will soon.

I just bought some tingling jelly in a 6 ounce container. It's not cheap. For $30 I expected a decent product, however, when I tried it out, I felt no tingling. Warming jelly won't work on me either. Is there something I'm doing wrong? (age 15)

I would have suggested starting with something cheaper before you knew what you liked. I suggest taking your time and maybe using the tingling jelly or warming jelly fresh out of the shower and see if you notice a difference. You really ought to feel them doing something. Being relaxed and sensitive to your body is the key.

Follow-up: I took your advice, and I also applied a much more generous amount of the lube. At first I didn't notice anything, however in about 15 or so seconds I noticed a familiar feeling, particularly in my scrotum. It felt like mint tasted! It was a soft spicy feeling. Is this the tingling that is advertised? During orgasm, it was great! It was like my genital area was being stabbed by numerous needles, except they were good needles! It's hard to explain, but I do very much like the product. Thanks for everything.


I don't see how all these people get caught masturbating. I've done it for four years and I've never been caught. I do it in the bathroom with the door locked. (age 14)

You have privacy of the bathroom lock, but you give up the comfort and freedom of motion in your bedroom. If you think it through, you'll understand why some people get caught. Only about half of males ever will be.

I'm back in my hometown after about two years in different places and a girl who I like still lives here. I would definately love to go out with her now that I'm back. However, she recently told me that she hates anybody who drinks or does any drugs. Technically the drinking part makes her a hypocrite, because last halloween, she got drunk. I recently took up smoking pot. I don't want to tell her about it because I'm afraid she'll hate me, but at the same time I want to be honest. I don't want to give her up. If you understand what I'm asking, please help me out. (age 17)

I think you should go for her and then see if those things are really issues. If she is a hypocrite about alcohol, then she would probably not be so rigid. See if she feels differently after going out with you or if she still wants to be firm on her chemical issues.

When I lie on my stomach, sometimes I get an erection, but I don't feel the need to masturbate. Should I turn on to my back anyway? (age 15)

No. There is nothing wrong with having an erection while lying prone.

I'm am 13 and I get erections from both females and males but I'm straight. Is this normal?

Yes, it is.

I masturbate about once a day and am fairly experienced sexually. However, more often than not, when I am about to have sex (particularly on one night stands), I cannot get an erection, and when I do it is difficult to maintain. It has happened enough where I worry about it and I am not sure if it is physical or mental. Am I masturbating too often or could I have a more serious issue? (age 21)

Masturbating once a day is pretty often if you are also having sex. I would suggest abstaining for a few days in advance of an expected sexual encounter. Also keep in mind that you are more likely to get an erection easily with a partner you are experienced and comfortable with than a new partner. I doubt that you have a physical problem. Just keep these pointers in mind and don't worry so much about having an erection.

Is it bad to have sex when you have a cold or flu? (age 20)

Only if your partner is worried about catching it. Having sex might be the most fun way to catch a cold.

I started masturbating about 2 years ago. You say it is better to not watch porn at this age for the sake of developing our imaginations, but I love watching hentai porn vids. Is it better than common porn or is it the same? It really turns me on! I really want to have sex! I can't wait! By the way, your site is wonderful! Thank you! (age 14)

Hentai is animation and not real people, so I say it is better (i.e., less exploitative) than "common porn." I still think you are better off exercising your imagination.

Is porn illegal to watch if you are under 18? I haven't watched it in about a year because of the warnings I have seen. (age 17)

I'm not a lawyer, but my understanding is that it is not illegal to watch it as a minor, even though it might be illegal in some places to sell it to a minor.

I work on cars a lot and get lots of grease and motor oil on my hands, and I have recently read on the back of some motor oil cans that in some lab tests it had caused skin cancer. If I wash my hands well, can I masturbate a couple of hours after the work I do or should I wait a couple of days because there is still oil soaked into my hands? (age 17)

I'm not sure how real that cancer risk is. It could be the manufacturer put the warning there to protect themselves in case of the rare eventuality of someone getting cancer from it. I would be much more worried about having the oil on my hands for a long period of time than any trivial risk from having some residual oil on my hands when I masturbate later. I think the lesson here is to wash your hands frequently while working on cars and not just have a massive scrubbing session at the end.

When I get an erection and get more sexual thoughts, I notice that it gets really wet even when I haven't done any jerking. It's a clear liquid with a slight filmy texture and has no smell and there is a lot. Is this normal? (age 16)

Yes, that is normal. The fluid is known popularly as pre-cum although its correct name is bulbourethral fluid. Males produce it when they are sexually aroused. If a male is aroused for a long period of time without ejaculating, he can produce a large amount of pre-cum. It can even leak through his pants and make a sticky spot.

I am wondering about compulsive masturbation. You state on HealthyStrokes.com that it's probably compulsive if it gets in the way of your daily routine, but what if you don't have school, work, or other appointments to go to? The only thing I could be late for is dinner, and that only happens if I am already busy when I get called for dinner, which then scares me because I'm afraid they'll come up and that causes me to be even later. Would this be considered compulsive?

If you know that dinner is at a certain time and you start masturbating before then knowing you won't be finished and ready for dinner when they call, then it would point toward being compulsive.

The other day my 12-year-old sister admitted to looking up online whether girls can masturbate. I never got a chance to ask her what she found (she had friends over), but now I'm wondering what she found. It would definitely be awkward to ask now because it happened a week ago, so I started thinking about printing out the Young Girl's Guide on HealthyStrokes.com, but she'd definitely go to my parents and I'd get into some trouble. What should I do? (age 16)

I'm having trouble understanding what your question is. You seem to already know that girls can masturbate, and if your sister was researching the topic online, surely she knows too. The only thing you seem genuinely interested in is what your sister knows. Why don't you respect her privacy and leave the matter alone.

My female friend and I have been best friends forever, but one day I walked in on her masturbating. When I apologized and turned to leave, she said to stop and asked me to join her. She convinced me and since then we've had sex A LOT. Is that OK? (age 17)

It's OK with me if it's OK with both of you. You don't say how old she is, but you might check the age of consent for your state to see if it's OK with the law. Also, I don't think she's your "female friend" anymore. You might talk about what word to use when it comes to each other.

I masturbate daily and enjoy it a lot. I found that I enjoy putting a rubber band around my testicles. Can I hurt myself doing this? (age 14)

That is a dangerous practice. Between your scrotum and the rest of your body are some important blood vessels and nerves, to say nothing of the vas deferens -- the tiny tube that carries your sperm into your body. You want to keep all of those delicate parts working correctly for another 80 or 90 years. The rubber band won't help.

I have been masturbating for many years now and I have come to realize that I suffer from premature ejaculation. When I am not horny and masturbate, I usually ejaculate in 1 or 2 minutes. When I watch pornography, I ejaculate in 10 to 30 seconds. I fear that when I have sex with a woman, I will ejaculate before or immediately after penetration. How can I fix this? (age 16)

It is by no means certain that you'll ejaculate prematurely with a female just because you usually masturbate to orgasm in a short time. Still, most males like masturbating sessions to last longer than yours do. When you feel yourself about to orgasm, try to hold off for 10 or 15 seconds. Keep working on this so you can continue masturbating but not ejaculate. Then try going another 10-15 seconds and so on.

I seem to have mixed feelings about masturbation. Some days I'll just do it without thought and other days I'll do it and feel terrible afterward, like it's disrespectful to the girls I fantasize about. Is this normal? (age 16)

I think a lot of people have conflicted feelings like that. Just remember it's normal, healthy, and fun to masturbate. It's also normal to fantasize. Whatever or whomever you fantasize about, remember it's only happening in your head.

If it takes the average woman longer than the average man to reach orgasm, how do women reach orgasm in intercourse?

There are different strategies couples use to get both partners to orgasm. Sometimes the man reaches orgasm first and then brings the woman to orgasm manually or orally. Sometimes the man holds off his orgasm until the woman has hers. Sometimes the man brings the woman to orgasm orally or manually before having vaginal intercourse. And sometimes one or both don't have orgasms.

I plan to donate blood when I'm older; does donating blood affect sperm count? (age 13)

I've never heard that it does.

I'll be 16 soon. I'm still attracted to younger girls (12 and 13) and I've read that 16 is the minimum age to be considered a pedophile. Is this normal or am I going to outgrow it? (age 15)

It doesn't make you a pedophile to like girls who are 2-3 years younger than you, but be aware of the laws pertaining to age of consent in your state before doing anything sexual. I hope you will still be interested in those girls when they are of legal age, but in the meantime, why not work on being attracted to girls your own age.

Recently I took to a new way to masturbate and I really love it. I sit down and take long slow and soft BACKHANDED strokes up the entire penis. I also rub it softly on my stomach and sometimes inner thighs. Is this a form of TMS? (age 18)

There is nothing wrong with using a backhanded stroke. I think it is one of the more popular ways to do it. I don't see the harm in rubbing softly on your stomach as an accompaniment, but be careful you're not bending your erect penis to reach your inner thighs.

I have had sex with two women when they are on top but when I get on top I don't know where to put my legs. I need help. (age 22)

I really find it hard to believe you don't know where to put your legs. Usually the woman spreads her legs and the man lies in between them.

If I break both wrists, how do I masturbate? (age 17)

That could be a bad situation. Be sure to try extra hard not to break both wrists at the same time. If you are really in this situation, sometimes the hospital or rehab center will use a masturbation machine, but I'm only familiar with this happening with permanently paralyzed men (e.g., veterans) and not with short-term cases.

I masturbate nearly once per day. Is it healthy for me to stop unexpectedly or will something bad happen to me? (age 14)

Masturbating and ejaculating are good for your body. It is better to do them than to stop. Even so, I doubt anything bad would happen to you if you stopped unexpectedly. However, I doubt you could stop unexpectedly, or at all, once you're at the frequency of masturbating daily.

I am a 22 year old male virgin. You say that men who remain virgins past the age of 21 are much more likely to develop "severe sexual dysfunctions." Like what?

Specifically I mean erectile and orgasmic dysfunctions, particularly anorgasmia. I suggest that you read Undressing the American Male by Eva Margolies.

Does pornography make masturbation better? Would you recommend it for someone my age? (age 14)

Pornography tends to make masturbating go faster. I'm not certain it's better. At your age, you ought to be learning to exercise your imagination, and therefore I think porn is not good for you.

Your site is really cool. I really feel better for finding this site for info. When someone has a wet dream, does ejaculation during the night mean that I had a wet dream? What if I had a "good" dream and nothing happened? (age 17)

A wet dream means ejaculating in one's sleep. If you wake up and find you ejaculated during the night, it means you had a wet dream or possibly masturbated in your sleep. Most "good" dreams are dry. Strangely enough, wet dreams are not usually sexual in nature.

I have been masturbating prone for 2 years. It horrifies me when I do it the conventional way and I've never tried it that way for long, but usually when I try it, when I go to urinate afterward, my penis hurts like fire burning inside. What is the problem? Also, can I just masturbate using a vibrator? (age 14)

I think you have larger issues with masturbation that you might need to work through with a mental health practitioner. You fail to accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun. You masturbate prone (which you now know is dysfunctional) because it lets you avoid what you describe as the horror of the conventional method. You also express an interest in using a vibrator to avoid having to masturbate conventionally. I suspect the burning is caused by not urinating soon enough after ejaculating. I also think reading HealthyStrokes.com more regularly will help you adjust to the idea of masturbating. Good luck.

I have been masturbating for about two years now and usually twice a day. My glans looks like it has little lines on it as if it were dry and cracked. I assume this was caused by overly rough masturbation. Is there is a way to get rid of them? (age 16)

Using lube when you masturbate will do the job. Lube can also function as a moisturizer. If you don't want to use lube, just apply a regular moisturizer to the penile head twice a day.

I have been having a serious sexual attraction to my uncle's wife. She has a very large chest and I masturbate thinking of her. Is this normal? (age 17)

Yes, but it would be a good idea if you decided never to act on this attraction and also a good idea to pursue girls your age who aren't married.

I am thinking of asking my mom for some lube. I think I will ask her tomorrow straightforwardly. I honestly don't think she'll mind because she already knows I masturbate. Do you think I should? (age 12)

Yes, go for it.

I masturbate approximately 8 times a week and I seem to not enjoy focusing on the vulva of a woman. I seem to only like the breasts and posterior of females although I am not attracted to males in any way. What are your thoughts on this? (age 15)

You are pretty young and are developing your sexual interests. It is OK to like breasts and posteriors, but I hope you appreciate that women have other parts too. It's good if you can be attracted to the whole person instead of just parts. Keep working on it.

Why is it a problem to masturbate to anime and cartoons? I've been doing it for 9 years and I don't feel any less different. In fact, I can switch between 2D and 3D. (age 21)

It isn't a problem, but it's good if you can masturbate at least some of the time without visual aids. What does it mean to not feel "less different"?

Is it true that if you have a bigger penis you can last longer during sex? (age 17)

A survey of over 5000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in 2008 found that males with longer penises tend to take longer in sex, but I don't understand the mechanism. I think more study is needed before we can say for sure.

Often I hear that the head of the penis is the most sensitive part. (On mine, it's the little bump on the underside about an inch down from the cleft.) however, ANY stimulation of the head gives me no pleasure. Rather, I feel the immediate need to urinate. This happened recently when my new girlfriend gave me oral sex and then vaginal sex. (age 21)

Yes, the head is most sensitive. It's too sensitive for most males to touch without lubrication. If you already know what the best spot to touch is, then work on that one. There is nothing wrong with your penis head.

Can a 17 year old do Kegel exercises?

Yes. They are healthy at any age.

Is it a sin to have a wet dream? (age 14)

I don't know any religion that thinks so. Even the pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey remarked that wet dreams were the form of sexual expression that attracted the least amount of moral condemnation.

I recently started going out with a girl I've liked for a while; she is my first girlfriend. Whenever we sit next to each other or we kiss or something, I get erect. I'm worried that she will find out and it would be really embarrassing. Will I stop getting hard or will it always be like this? I don't want her to think I am dating her just for sex. (age 16)

Erections are a good thing. You want to have them. If it really bothers you, you can align your bodies so that she won't be aware you're erect. It helps if you're wearing heavier clothing, like heavy pants on top of underwear. (Wearing sweats makes it harder to hide.) You are also assuming she will be shocked that you have an erection; I think it's more likely she'd be impressed or maybe even flattered. She is probably getting aroused herself and her nipples might be erecting too. I doubt she would think you're only after sex if she noticed an erection. Your other behavior would provide more information on that point.

I masturbate kind of in a prone position. I lie on my stomach and massage my penis against the bed and massage my stomach with my hands. I would like to know what physical problems can come from this? (age 16)

Prone masturbation is bad for your sexual health. It can lead to erectile dysfunction and orgasmic dysfunction. I've never heard of a case of physical damage from masturbating prone, but it's possible that some males who masturbate prone have caused physical damage. I would advise you strongly to use your hands for your daily massages.

I have a slight sexual fetish, which I'm fine with. It works for me. But I find that when girls I know do this thing that turns me on (unknowingly, of course), I find myself masturbating to them. Is it healthy psychologically and socially to be masturbating over girls I know? It hasn't impacted my social life and I've been doing it for about 4 years, but I just wanted to get your opinion. (age 20)

Whatever you fantasize about is up to you. It's only happening in your head. I would suggest that you work at developing other things that turn you on besides the slight sexual fetish.

I've been worried about having premature ejaculation ever since I heard of it. I usually last about 5 minutes while masturbating WITHOUT lube, although when I use lube, I rub the head of my penis a lot and I reach orgasm very quickly (about 30 seconds). Can you give me some tips on how to last longer? (age 15)

There is no good reason to worry in advance about premature ejaculation. Five minutes is pretty good. I suspect you don't use lube as often, and that makes it a novelty. As you get more experienced using lube, you will regress to the mean (a scientific phrase meaning lubed will start taking you as long as non-lubed). You can also work at consciously making it take longer, but my best advice is to enjoy what you're doing and not worry about it.

I started masturbating around 12, usually sitting down. I recently started doing it lying down. When I orgasm it doesn't feel quite as good as when I do it sitting. Is this because I'm just not used to it or what? Does lube make masturbating feel better? I am uncircumcised. Thanks again for making such a great site! (age 14)

Most males can masturbate either sitting or lying down. Males usually do it sitting either for privacy reasons (toilet) or because they're doing it at the computer. Most males find it more comfortable to do lying down. This leads me to believe lying down is simply not what you're used to. You should notice a difference after a while. Of course, sitting is a perfectly good position so there's no reason to give it up. Most males say lube makes masturbating a better experience, but this is more true for circumcised than uncircumcised males.

I like my cousin. I really want her to see me masturbating, and it makes me horny just thinking about it. Any ideas? (age 13)

I think you should enjoy the horniness and decide to really show your cousin how much you like her by never, ever letting her see you masturbating.

Thanks to your site, yesterday I ejaculated for the first time. I've always had clear stuff come out of my penis. But yesterday, the clear stuff came out first, then later this yellowy liquid came out of my penis. What is that? Is it bad? (age 13)

The clear liquid is bulbourethral fluid, also called pre-cum. The yellowy liquid is semen. It is very, very good. As you start to ejaculate more often, the semen will be more white than yellow.

Do you think a masturbation sleeve is a good way to make my penis more sensitive to a woman's vagina? I feel that my normal tight-grip and fast masturbation may be the culprit. (age 19)

No. A masturbation sleeve is a dysfunctional way of masturbating. If you already know your grip is too tight and your stroke is too fast, then work at loosening your grip and reducing your stroke speed. It might be necessary to masturbate less often for a while in order to learn that. Also, keep in mind that nearly all males reduce their masturbation frequency (some nearly give it up) when they're working at being sexual with a partner. If you think your masturbating is dysfunctional, you want to make it more functional and not simply switch to a different dysfunctional method.

When I have particularly enjoyed sex or masturbation, my erection doesn't go away after ejaculating. It lingers for about ten extra minutes, as hard as it was before. Is this a cause for concern, and (though I can't do it yet) do you think I should try to learn to orgasm twice? (age 21)

There is nothing wrong with having a lingering erection. Is it too sensitive to touch after orgasm? (Most men can't touch their penis after orgasm.) You might be a candidate for learning how to achieve multiple orgasms as described in the book Any Man Can by Hartmann & Fithian.

I used to masturbate about 2 or 3 times a week when my parents were out on scheduled things, but recently they are staying in, and I'm afraid that I might get caught. I know my mom hates masturbation because my 13 year old cousin got caught by her accidentally when we were staying there and he got in real trouble for it. I get the urge because sometimes my erection is uncomfortable and it takes quite a while for it to go back down, and now the only time I get to masturbate is when I'm in the shower or bath. What should I do if I get caught? (age 15)

I highly doubt that your mom chewed your cousin out for masturbating. Although you didn't provide details, I suspect he was doing it in a place where his privacy was compromised. Ultimately you will have to accept that it's your body and there's nothing your parents can do about it even if they are opposed to masturbation. I would suggest talking to your dad about the situation.

I'm a lacrosse player and I want to know if masturbation will affect my speed, power, and stamina during a game. If it does, how much time in advance should I stop masturbating before a game? (age 14)

I've never seen any proof that masturbating is bad for athletic performance. We know that some of the greatest professional athletes in history were sexually compulsive. I am always startled to hear how many condoms Olympic athletes go through -- they were supplied with more than 14 each at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver -- and they still ran out and had to order more. And that doesn't count any condoms the athletes brought with them. I would say to be your own judge. You can decide how well you are holding up at each game or practice. You can evaluate what you've done in the past 24 hours that might affect your performance: diet, exercise, study, sleep, video games, masturbation. Maybe you'll be like most males and decide masturbating doesn't hurt. Or maybe you'll be one of about 20 percent of athletes who thinks masturbating hurts their performance.

I know that lying on my stomach is TMS. Is it safe if I can do it both ways and it takes the same amount of time? (age 21)

No. Even males who masturbate prone as little as 3 percent of the time have a higher than average rate of sexual dysfunction.

How do you know if a girl masturbates to you? (age 18)

I don't think you do unless she tells you.

About a year ago, I started playing with my nipples before I masturbate because it made my penis harder. Now, I like playing with my nipples so much, I generally do that instead of playing with my penis. Is this unhealthy? (age 14)

It's healthy to masturbate to orgasm frequently. There's nothing wrong with stimulating your nipples, but if it's keeping you from healthy masturbation, then it's not good.

I'm 14 and I don't masturbate, and I don't want to talk to my parents about it. I don't feel the need to masturbate, even though I get erections frequently. I've considered trying it after I get home from school, but I just don't feel right about it, like I'd be going against my parents' trust. Should I just try one day?

You're assuming that your parents are against it. But you don't know that, and you don't want to talk to them about it. I very much think you should try it. It might only take one experience to convince yourself that you've been worrying over nothing. Have you read my Young Man's Guide?

I'm sexually experienced, but when I masturbate within 24 hours before I engage in intercourse, I cannot finish or it takes hours to do so. What might be causing this? (age 16)

You just said it: Masturbating within 24 hours keeps you from orgasm in intercourse. This is not true for every male, but you know to abstain from masturbating a day or so before intercourse.

I have recently developed premature ejaculation. I have been with my girlfriend for the past 4 months. Everything is great except I finish within minutes. She doesn't like it which is obvious. I'm seeking some tips on what I can do to last longer. She's the first girl I have this problem with. Every other woman I lasted over an hour.

Technically, lasting for minutes isn't premature ejaculation (that's reaching orgasm within seconds) but I understand that you and she both want to last longer. Most males engage in mental distraction when they're nearing orgasm. Some also modify their intercourse so that they're less likely to reach orgasm. Another solution, although less obvious, is for you to take as much or little time as you need to in order to reach orgasm and to satisfy her either manually or orally before or after your vaginal intercourse. Personally, if I were used to lasting an hour, I think finishing within minutes would be nice!

In the past, I've often capped my meatus (penile opening) with my thumb upon climax to contain my ejaculate (until I could find a proper burial ground). I realize this isn't healthy and have almost completely stopped the practice, but I've never been able to find out if doing that is dangerous or not.I am sexually inactive for the past 6 year and have no interest in becoming a father. Should I be concerned about lasting health effects? I had epididymitis a few years back. Is it possible my capping could have led to that condition? (age 25)

I can't say with authority that it didn't cause epididymitis. Epididymitis is usually caused by bacteria, and it seems possible for bacteria to be introduced into your genitals through the force of capping. It is a dangerous sexual practice that you should give up altogether. Your ejaculate is designed to flow freely. Let it out! Let it flow! And I wish you wouldn't give up on being a father at such a young age.

In my school they were showing a video. In the video it said women produce only one egg. Is this true? (age 14)

One egg per month.

I've been friends with this girl since we were 3. Whenever I say the word "masturbate," no matter how it should come up in conversation, she always ends up saying it back to me somehow. Why does she have to repeat the word "masturbate" to me? (age 17)

Why do you have to utter it to her in the first place? I can only conclude it's a word you both like to say. Why not find a private time and space for sharing it together?

Why does it take longer to reach orgasm in intercourse than masturbating? It's so much easier to masturbate to orgasm. If you prefer sex, shouldn't you like it more? Shouldn't you orgasm faster when you like something more? (age 14)

Intercourse complicates masturbation by adding an additional person with his or her own sexual wants and desires to be satisfied or at least addressed. With masturbation it's just you. Plan on intercourse taking 50 percent longer than a comparable act of masturbation.

Even after reading your page, I am really guilty of masturbation. Should I quit? If yes, how? (age 15)

You can be guilty of masturbating (having committed it) but not feel guilty about it. That is what you should work on. You should work at accepting masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for a male to do. Reading HealthyStrokes.com is apt to help a lot.

I've noticed that when I masturbate that the more intense the orgasm the more I ejaculate. And if I have a less intense one I ejaculate very little. What is the reasoning behind this? (age 21)

I think you're on the right track, but there isn't a perfect correlation between intensity of orgasm and ejaculate volume. There is also no consensus as to the mechanism for that. Some might say that orgasming more intensely (longer?) will cause a greater volume of ejaculation; others would say that ejaculating a greater volume will cause more intensity and a longer duration. Most males say they have a more intense orgasm when they go longer than usual without ejaculating, but most also say it is better to have several average orgasms instead of waiting for one big one.

What are the side effects of a wet dream? (age 13)

None, really. Most males are only aware they're having one for 10 seconds before they ejaculate and then immediately go back to sleep afterward. Some males don't even have that level of awareness and only know they had one when they find their semen when they wake up.

I am saving it for marriage so I won't be having sex for a while. I have always wanted to know, what does it feel like for a girl when a guy ejaculates inside her vagina? (age 21)

Keep in mind I'm male, but females can feel the semen being ejaculated and the buildup before it. A female who really knows her partner can tell when he's about to ejaculate, about the same moment he's aware. It feels like something warm being squirted insider her. Many females dislike what happens next: the semen running out.

Follow-up: Why don't they like the semen running out? When I stop masturbating for a few days then start again, I notice my orgasms are a lot more intense and I ejaculate a lot more and for longer. It is a lot more intense and pleasurable.

It's an uncomfortable feeling to have fluid running out, and it makes a mess. I guess you have to balance your need for quality orgasms vs. your need for quantity.

I go the washroom 2 or 3 times a day to masturbate. I wonder what my mom thinks about it. (age 15)

She probably doesn't have a problem with it.

I masturbate about once a day. I want to quit for a while because it seems that the longer I wait the, better it feels, but I can't seem to stop. What do I do? (age 14)

I suggest waiting only after you can stop.

I masturbate twice a day on average. Depending on the circumstances and how private I am during the day, I can sometimes do it 6 to 8 times. Is this healthy? How often should I do it so that I'm still meeting my needs but still keeping it healthy sexually? (age 15)

You ask a forked question. I don't think 6-8 times in one day is healthy. Once a day is healthy sexually, and perhaps a little more than that. However, you're the only one who can decide if you're meeting your needs. If twice a day isn't often enough for you, then I have the feeling that your needs are too high. You might want to figure out why you're feeling compelled to do it so often some days.

I started masturbating at 18. I think it's kind of late. At what age do most boys start masturbating? (age 20)

You're right about 18 being late. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007 that asked for ages in whole years, the average male started masturbating at age 12 1/4. According to a survey of over 5,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in 2008 that asked for ages in years and months, the average male started masturbating at age 12 1/3. Either way, you and I (15 3/4) were well above average. But there's no changing the past. Just be glad that you can do it now.

When I finish masturbating, I feel I don't want to do it again. Is there hope for me to stop later in life (before I get married)? (age 15)

I don't think you're ever going to stop. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for a male to do. You ought to work on your attitude and learn to accept that. There is a small chance you will stop masturbating for a time after you are sexually active, but I don't think there's any chance of you stopping before you're sexually active. Until then, masturbation is your sexual activity.

In a lot of your answers, you state that if you masturbate, you won't be able to have a wet dream. I'm 15 and I'm determined to get one. What are some tips to get one faster or how to stop the need for masturbation?

I don't think you'll ever have one, and I think trying to quit masturbating is a waste of time. Ejaculation is a basic need for a male past puberty. Males whose first ejaculation is from masturbating tend to never have wet dreams. Males whose first ejaculation is from a wet dream tend to stop having wet dreams once they make masturbation a daily habit. I wish you would instead work on accepting masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and necessary for a male to do.

Sometimes my friend and I go on a photo share messenger session and share pics of girls (models, actors, etc.) and we masturbate and at times mention what we're doing and discuss how we would have sex with these women. Is it normal to masturbate looking at the same pictures with your friend on the other end and talking about it? (age 18)

I think in this high-tech world a lot of males (and females) do that. It's certainly less involved than watching a video with another male in the room with you and each masturbating.

I used to masturbate every day several times a day. Some years ago, there were just a couple of occasions where I did it more than 3 times a day. Now I have a girlfriend and masturbate less frequently, like once or twice a week. The problem is when I am receiving oral sex, or doing any foreplay, I cannot reach orgasm. I think it is weird that I cannot orgasm during foreplay because I am a virgin and before this girl I never had oral sex or any stimulation other than my own. I masturbate conventionally with my hand.

Just a technical thing here: Foreplay is what you call genital play before having sex. If you don't have vaginal intercourse, then what you call foreplay is really manual intercourse. Since you are sexually inexperienced, it is not unusual that you are not reaching orgasm. I suggest relaxing more and not being so worried about having an orgasm. Just try to show your partner what you like and let her know you're having a good time. Orgasms are apt to happen soon. It might also help to stop masturbating for a week before your next encounter.

I seem to remember you saying that pornography can be harmful because it is made by people who do not have our interests in mind and yet I see you recommending it to several of your readers. What gives? Did I misread something? (age 20)

Generally I discourage pornography but I understand that the majority of males are going to use it in some form. I personally don't consider simple nudity to be pornography. Tasteful nude photos are excluded from any recommendation I make against porn. For males (and females) who are going to use less tasteful material anyway, I advise they take into consideration how necessary it is and to be able to masturbate to orgasm at least twice a month without it.

Can I have multiple orgasms while masturbating? (age 16)

Most males don't, but according to two authors, "Any Man Can." I suggest reading that book and giving it a try.

I masturbate 2-3 times a week. Should I try to do it more often? (age 13)

I would if I were you.

My girlfriend went to give me oral sex and she said that she had never seen a penis like mine before. I am uncircumcised and during an erection the head of my penis does not come out of the foreskin. Is this normal? She's been with a lot of guys and has never encountered it before. (age 17)

Yes, that looks normal. I hope your girlfriend is willing to learn about different kinds of penises.

What do you mean by eating your semen? (age 19)

Putting your ejaculate in your mouth and swallowing.

My friend says that if you masturbate, then you're not normal, and he doesn't do it. He's 14. What should I tell him, because I know that that's not true. I suggested HealthyStrokes.com to him.

You're already doing what I would have suggested. As you already know, masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for sexual health. There is a very high chance that he masturbates, and if he really doesn't, he will soon.

When I masturbate, at the time of ejaculation, I pinch the head of my penis to not let the fluids out so that I won't mess my bed. I then go to the bathroom so I can release the fluids and flush them down the drain. Is this unhealthy or could it be harmful or cause problems? (age 14)

That is a very dangerous practice. It is bad for the delicate blood vessels in your penis and worse for your internal organs that send your ejaculate shooting out of your body. You can pretty much point where the ejaculate goes and then clean up with tissue or a rag (an old shirt works well).

I've noticed that I get a better, harder erection after I've masturbated earlier the same day. How does that work? (age 20)

Masturbating to orgasm is better for the penis than when the erection simply subsides on its own. With an orgasm, the blood vessels in your genitalia drain more thoroughly than they do otherwise. That might be part of it.

My girlfriend's sister has made it very obvious she likes me. Two nights ago I was staying over at their house and I had gone a few days without masturbating because my girlfriend had told me that she was going to perform manual intercourse on me for the first time. It turned out she was still afraid so that night I slept in the spare room. I masturbated before bed. Just as I was about to ejaculate, her sister opened the door and smiled. I stopped masturbating and was trying to cover up and she said, "don't stop just for me, I don't mind." She left after I didn't say anything and just rolled over onto my stomach. I don't know if I should tell my girlfriend about this or not. Can you tell me what I should do? Thanks in advance. (age 17)

She is probably going to tell your girlfriend, so I think it is better if your girlfriend hears about it from you. Just tell her what you told me, and your girlfriend will be pleased to now that you resisted temptation and thwarted her sister. Her sister is apt to tell a different version that puts you in a less favorable light.

I started masturbating when I was 12 and I do it once or twice every other day, but I'm deathly afraid of being caught by my mom who has made it crystal clear that she doesn't want me to do it. She also doesn't like me spending too much time in the bathroom or locking my door, and she's almost always at home and so is my sister who shares similar views. What can I do? (age 17)

What you can do and ought to do is masturbate as often as you want and be damned proud of it. There is nothing your mom or sister can do about it. You get to vote next year, remember.

Is there any way a girl can get pregnant by you giving her oral sex? (age 16)

That is extremely unlikely, although I won't call it impossible. You would have to have semen with live sperm in your mouth. Sperm couldn't live in your mouth for more than a few minutes. You would also have to get the sperm into her vagina. When performing cunnilingus on a female, a male doesn't usually introduce fluid into her vagina, let alone expel them far enough into the vagina that they could cause pregnancy.

Can masturbation or sex hurt the frenulum? I remember feeling a lot of discomfort there when I first started masturbating when I was 14, but now I rarely feel anything there. (age 20)

The frenulum is skin, and any human skin can be hurt by something. You obviously learned how not to irritate your frenulum while masturbating. It is even less likely to be irritated by sexual intercourse.

Dear you, I want to say I find some stuff on HealthyStrokes.com very strange. Like you saying to a 16 year old girl that it's unusual for her age to masturbate on lesbian pictures. I know girls who knew they were gay by age 13. You seem to be rather old fashioned. Sex during puberty is rather normal. In fact, it has always been normal, untill the puritans took over after the 1860s. (age 23)

If she has already decided she's a lesbian, then it is not unusual for her to masturbate to lesbian pictures at age 16. However, most 16-year-old females don't masturbate to lesbian pictures -- only 16 percent masturbate to pictures at all most of the time -- and that makes it unusual. Sex during puberty is not normal. Only 12 percent of my non-virgin male readers had sex before their 15th birthdays, and only 13 percent of my non-virgin female readers had sex before their 14th birthdays (puberty generally happens a year earlier for girls). Thanks for calling me old fashioned. That was the only thing in your message that I liked.

Is it bad to hold your breath and masturbate? (age 20)

I have to say it is. The average 20-year-old male takes 11 minutes to masturbate to orgasm. It's bad to hold your breath for 11 minutes, and it's even worse to be able to masturbate to orgasm in the time you can hold your breath.

My girlfriend takes her birth control regularly. When we have sex, she still wants me to pull out. I have no problem doing that because it gives her peace of mind. Does ejaculating inside her increase the chance of pregnancy? (age 20)

The withdrawal method does about nothing to reduce the chance of pregnancy. If she is taking her birth control properly, you shouldn't need that, but if you want to truly reduce your chances of pregnancy, use a condom.

I had to tell my parents that I am sexually active. Do you think they know I masturbate? (age 16)

If your parents know that every sexually active male masturbates, then they have absolutely no doubt.

I find myself unable to hold an erection to masturbate. I can do it for a few seconds, but I become bored and lose the erection. I'm not able to masturbate at all because I cannot hold an erection. I have wet dreams every few weeks, but I'm starting to worry about possible ED, or something similar. What should I do about this? (age 20)

You don't need an erection to masturbate, but it is better if you are erect. I suggest seeing a doctor and working on this. He might prescribe an erection aid for a brief time to help you get better erections. He will also do tests to rule out physical causes of your erectile dysfunction. If boredom is the only cause, then I suggest being less bored when you masturbate.

My girlfriend told me that her ex "forced her" to give him oral sex. I have confided in a very close friend about this, and he thinks it is a load of crap. Thoughts? (age 16)

Your girlfriend's version of the event is that she was forced. Your friend believes she consented. Taking a prosecutorial approach to your girlfriend will not bring her any closer to you. Since you can't change the past, I suggest letting this matter drop.

I'm going on a month long trip about with about ten other kids my age that will include backpacking and camping. What are your suggestions concerning masturbation? Should I abstain for a month? What are other options? (age 15)

I don't think you can or should abstain for a month. Therefore, you will be masturbating on the trip. The questions are when and where. You say the trip "will include backpacking and camping," telling me the whole month will not be backpacking and camping. Presumably you will have more freedom to masturbate on days other than on the camping days. In which case you might just abstain on the camping days. But even so, you will have some private or semi-private latrine, and maybe you could do it there. I also suspect some people will be masturbating in their sleeping bags after dark. So I don't think the situation is as grim as you foresee. It might help if you could discuss it with some of the other males you will be traveling with. Reading my page about masturbating in college dorms might help you.

I'd like to be a sex therapist. Will a degree in Pre Physical Therapy be sufficient to get me into a sexual therapy graduate program? (age 18)

Please read this page from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) about the process of becoming a sex therapist: http://www.aasect.org/profession.asp You might want to contact one or more of the graduate programs that you would apply to and find out what they suggest for you to study in college. You're doing well by inquiring this early.

I woke up at about 3 AM after a very sexual dream. I had a raging erection. I've never had a wet dream, but do you think that I would've had one had I not woken up? If so, do you think I might be able to have one ever? (age 16)

If you haven't had a wet dream by your age, I doubt you ever will. I'm also inclined to believe you would not have had a wet dream if you had remained asleep. Males ejaculate in wet dreams at the point where their penis touches something in the dream. If your penis touched anything in the dream, that is where you would have ejaculated if you were able to have wet dreams.

Almost every night, I suffer from a wet dream, which is called nightfall in India. How can I stop this? (age 23)

Males who masturbate more than four times a week can generally put an end to wet dreams forever. I'm sorry you think of it as suffering. Most males who have wet dreams think they're fun and pleasant.

I LOVE this site. I'm a strong believer in God. I started masturbating early, and I used to enjoy it, and I would always look forward to the next session. Will this affect my sexuality in the future? My parents have caught me masturbating (they just made wisecracks) and I'm always nervous about doing it again. I also have the urge to do it at my friends, grandparents, and others' houses, but I am afraid I will get caught. Is this natural?

God is also a strong believer in you. Masturbation is a gift from God. You should continue to enjoy it. Masturbating is good for your future sexuality. It keeps your sexual organs in good functioning condition. You should not have to worry about being discovered masturbating at home, since both your parents have seen you already. They are OK with it. However, I strongly believe that if you masturbate at other people's houses (where the occupants don't regard you as having much privacy, as opposed to a place you live), you will eventually get caught. Their reaction might be less positive than your parents'. I think your concerns are all natural. You seem to be on your way to accepting masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun.

I like to masturbate while imagining pretty girls masturbating themselves. It feels good while I masturbate, but after I ejaculate, I feel like I did something wrong. Is this wrong to do? (age 13)

No. What you fantasize about is completely up to you. There is nothing wrong with it. Unlike a lot of fantasies that people share, you will almost certainly get to see yours for real someday.

I live in Wisconsin and I WANK!!! (age 15)

Thanks. Always nice to hear from people in Wisconsin.

I've just started to get sexually active, and I'm having a hard time having sex with my partner because I'm having a hard time finding her vaginal opening and pressing myself in. (age 20)

That's not your job. When you're ready to enter her vagina, let her take your penis and guide it in herself. That's how men and women have sex. It's the female's vagina, so she is the one who decides what goes in.

I have a girlfriend, and she tells me she used to masturbate, but she says she stopped doing it because it feels "fake" and that only I can make her feel not fake. Why is this? (age 18)

Sometimes people quit masturbating when they become sexually active. Many people don't quit altogether but masturbate less than they did before. Your girlfriend seems to have a negative attitude toward masturbating. You should be glad that you please her more fully than she does herself, but you might also encourage her to be more positive about the sexual pleasure she can give herself.

What advice do you give to people who do not intend to marry or even have sexual relations with women? Is it OK for them to keep masturbating prone if that is what they like doing? What drawbacks would TMS have for such people? (age 25)

Masturbating prone is harmful to a male's erectile function, and even if all you're going to do is masturbate, it helps to have an erection. Some males sought help for TMS not because they were having trouble with partners, but because they noticed it was getting harder for them to erect before masturbating. Also, I make the obvious point that you cannot know at age 25 what your sexual future will be.

Does putting off masturbation for a short period of time make your next masturbation more enjoyable? If I skip two days and masturbate on the third, will it be feel better than if I had masturbated each day?

According to a survey by HealthyStrokes.com, 86 percent say they have a better orgasm when they haven't had one in an extra-long time. The most frequently cited answer for how many days make a difference is three. However, only a slim majority, 55 percent, say it's worth it to abstain from orgasms in order to have a better one; 44 percent would rather have a bunch of ordinary orgasms than a single superior one. Try it yourself and see.

I masturbate once or twice a day, and I don't usually use lube. I have not developed bruises, but dark spots on the places where I grip the penis. I have started to use lube and I'm wondering how to fix this problem? (age 15)

Skin will heal soon. Using lube will make a difference.

I have at least 6 wet dreams a month. Have I lost my health or will it have any effect on my health? (age 21)

There is nothing unhealthy about wet dreams. They are just unusual for males who have learned other ways of ejaculating. If you want to be done with the wet dreams, all you have to do is masturbate more often. For most males, getting into the habit of masturbating daily or nearly so will put an end to the wet dreams forever.

I read on here that a 16 year old male masturbates about 8 times a week. I masturbate about 14 times a week, in other words twice a day. Is this bad?

It's not bad, but it's just higher than average. At your age, 15 percent of males masturbate more than 10 times a week. You're a long way from being the only one.

Yesterday I dry-humped my girlfriend and squirted semen on her panties. Then she put her hand down in her soggy underwear and masturbated. Can she get pregnant this way? (age 14)

Yes. The way to avoid pregnancy is to keep semen out of her vagina.

I masturbate around 6 to 8 times a week. I have only one testis. Will I have any problem becoming a father and will I have less sex pleasure than others? (age 19)

Many men have become fathers with only one testicle. Your masturbatory frequency is right on the average for your age, meaning that your one testicle delivers enough testosterone for you to have the most common sex drive for your age. I think you will be just fine.

In my whole life I have masturbated only twice. I am suffering from wet dreams for three years now, but at the age of 16, I suffered wet dreams twice a week. I am not taking a lot of water in the evening and I have hot milk before bed. How can I stop having wet dreams? (age 17)

The key is that you have only masturbated twice. If you masturbate at least four times a week, your wet dreams will stop forever.

How many married men use pornography and masturbate? (age 22)

According to a survey of over 8000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the first half of 2007, 86 percent of males use pictures when they masturbate at least some of the time. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, only 1.5 percent of married men claim to not currently masturbate. Although neither of these surveys asked both about being married and using pictures, it is fairly safe to assume that an overwhelming majority of married men use pictures when they masturbate.

I have been masturbating for over a year now and it only takes me 1 minute to ejaculate. Does this mean I have premature ejaculation? (age 13)

No. Premature ejaculation refers to intercourse. I hope you won't be having intercourse for many years. You will have plenty of time to learn to take longer while masturbating. And just because you can masturbate to orgasm quickly doesn't mean you will reach orgasm quickly in intercourse.

I masturbate prone. Is it enough to stop or must I immediately learn to do it correctly to be cured? (age 14)

As a practical matter, they are one and the same. Since you have to have orgasms, the only way you will be able to give up prone masturbation is by learning to masturbate a different way.

I just started masturbating a couple days ago, and I have trouble masturbating. If you could be kind to tell me some tips that would be great. (age 12)

I don't think you have trouble. I think you're just learning. This site is full of information about masturbating. Please start with my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.

What's the ideal masturbation frequency in 1 week? (age 20)

I doubt there is an ideal, but the most common answer around your age is seven times.

I'm straight, but sometimes while masturbating (depending on the girl I'm fantasizing about) I get a strong desire to consume my own semen after I ejaculate, but when I do I can't bring myself to do it. I feel guilty for trying to do it but I actually want to try. Is it normal even for a straight guy? How can I bring myself to try? (age 18)

More than half of males have eaten their own semen. About 11 percent of males do so regularly as their way of cleaning up. However, this means that a little less than half of males have never eaten their own semen. There is no reason for you to do it if you don't want to. And if you want to try it, don't think about it so much. Just do it.

Recently I have noticed that I am not ejaculating my norm. It has decreased. Any suggestions? (age 14)

I find it marvelous and mildly amusing that you think you have a norm at your age. Norms are in great flux at age 14. In fact, many boys start out by masturbating 2-3 times a day and then drop to once a day or so at age 14 or 15. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

How many orgasms will a girl have before she is satisfied in bed and before the man reaches his orgasm? (age 19)

That is a very complicated question and one that sex therapists and experts don't agree on. It is usually understood that in a coital session, the man will have exactly one orgasm. The woman might have none, or 10. If you had merely asked how many she would have, I still couldn't answer that precisely. Your question makes it even more difficult by asking how many she will need to be satisfied. It will vary a lot from woman to woman. It generally takes females longer to reach orgasm than males. Some sex therapists suggest this be addressed by the male performing cunnilingus or finger stimulation on the woman as foreplay, thus getting her closer to orgasm before penile intercourse begins. Other sex therapists suggest the man engage in penile intercourse until he is satisfied and then work on the woman orally or manually. As you can see, there are a lot of variables here and no clear answers. It is something all sex partners have to work out according to their own needs.

My mom thinks masturbation is bad and is always asking what I'm doing if I go up to my room. (age 15)

Make sure you have a lot of things to do in your room. Read, work on models, do homework, study, clean your dresser, play games, listen to music, listen to talk radio, perform weather experiments. Then you can tell your mom you're doing one of those things. And you're not going to quit masturbating because your mother doesn't like it, so what does it matter what she thinks?

I just attempted to have sex for the 2nd time. Both girls have been very attractive, but each time I have only been able to get partially up and never enough to penetrate. I masturbate once a day, or every other day. What's going on? (age 16)

I suggest taking 3-4 days off from masturbating in advance of your next intercourse. Once you get used to it, you can try to reduce the interval.

I have been masturbating quite regularly for the past few years. I have had intercourse a few times. I had a rough patch in my life for about a year where I engaged in excessive masturbation and my erections lost their hardness and rigidity. I have done Kegel exercises to regain the hardness. Lately I have had many wet dreams due to less masturbation, I suppose. I sense that the pelvic muscles are worked out. I would like to know the sexual health implications of this and if possible, tips on how to avoid it and regain the erections I had when I was 18. (age 23)

Your erections might never be as strong or frequent as when you were 18. That's normal aging. You don't say what excessive masturbation is, but even if you were doing such a thing, your erections would go back to normal when you reduce your masturbatory frequency. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun. Wet dreams won't hurt anything. If you don't like them, then masturbate more and your wet dreams will go away.

I donít have access to any lubes but I masturbate often. Iím also too afraid to talk to my dad about it. Is it OK to masturbate without lube? (age 13)

Yes, fine. Why not get one on your own? You can buy them in drug and discount stores and even some grocery stores.

I've been masturbating and ejaculating since I was 12 but the night before my 13th birthday I had a wet dream. My whole back was soaked. I haven't had any wet dreams since so is that normal? (age 13)

I don't think you know what a wet dream is. Your back doesn't get soaked. It doesn't get wet at all. It's just an ejaculation of semen, less than when you masturbate. It's normal to never have wet dreams again once you start masturbating.

How can I ask my dad or mom to buy me masturbation lube? (age 12)

Next time you're at a store that sells them (CVS, Target, etc.), get a small bottle of Astroglide and say, "would it be OK if we got this?" If they ask what for, mumble something about it being good for skateboard injuries.

I just ejaculated for the first time yesterday and my penis is swollen. I have ejaculated 5 times in a row since then. When will the swelling go down? (age 12)

At that rate, never. It sounds like a pretty good first day, but why not give it a rest for a few days. Most boys your age only masturbate once or twice a day. If you kept up that rate, you will have masturbated over 30,000 times before you're 30.

Is it OK if I ask a girl about her breast when texting? (age 13)

That is a very bad idea. She probably won't like that question. Does she have pets? Ask about them. Girls with pets always want to talk about them.

I am pretty familiar with TMS, but do you think that the pressure on the penis can be correlated to Peyronie's disease, affecting the penis curvature? (age 15)

I've never heard of an epidemic of TMS males having Peyronie's disease. I recently talked to an expert on Peyronie's who wasn't aware of a co-morbidity with TMS. I think it's a good thing that one doesn't cause the other.

I started masturbating by humping my bed when I was around 9. I started to orgasm at this time but didn't ejaculate until I was 11. Starting then I had a wet dream if I didn't ejaculate at least once a week. To this day, over 14 years later, if I skip masturbating for a week, I have a wet dream. So during those family vacations or trip to Grandma's, I have to take care of myself once or twice. I thought I would share my side of having wet dreams if I skip just a week's worth of fun. (age 24)

I hope you read what wrote about masturbating by humping the bed. It would be useful to know how often you have masturbated over the years. Once a week? Twice a week? Daily?

I masturbate twice a week and sometimes I have wet dreams as often as twice a week. Now I work out in a gym. How does ejaculating affect my muscles and stamina, weight and height? (age 18)

Ejaculating, whether by masturbating, intercourse, or wet dreams, will not harm any of those things and is good for your sexual health.

I teach English in China, and today while tutoring 2 students (a boy and a girl, both about 12 years old) the boy put his hand down his pants and started masturbating. We were sitting at a table and I was reading to them while they were following along, and maybe the boy thought I was too focused on reading to notice. But I'm absolutely positive that's what he was doing as I do the same thing, only in private. Thankfully the girl didn't notice, but I don't know how to handle it. The language barrier prevents me from talking to him or his parents about it. Should I just try to redirect his attention if he does it again? (age 25)

Are you saying he's studying English but doesn't understand "NO!" I think that would be a good word to teach him.

After masturbation, something that seems to be pre-ejaculate comes out for 30 or 40 minutes. I know this is not normal. Please help me! (age 14)

Are you masturbating to orgasm? Are you sure? If not, you could easily have drainage of pre-ejaculate for that long. If you are masturbating to ejaculation, some of it could be semen that didn't get ejaculated, but I wouldn't expect that to last a half hour. Perhaps it would be a good idea to urinate right after you finish masturbating.

I really like my best friend's sister, and for many unexplainable reasons, that I don't even know why, I just feel right when I'm with her, like I've never felt before, just right. But she's only 14 and that's why I'm having reservations. I realize that I must wait until she is 18 to try to do anything, but I also don't want to lose my friendship. I text her from time to time and one day my best friend found out that I was texting her and started asking questions about it. They were just regular texts between friends. I have no intention of doing a thing until she's of age, because I care for her enough to not take advantage of her. I really really like her, and when the time comes, how should I handle this situation? Am I a perv since she's only 14 and I'm 18?

I don't think you're a perv. I also don't think you have to wait until she's 18. You could start dating now -- just go to the movies or something -- and sexual things can happen later. It might also be an option for you to not date her exclusively. Just take her out from time to time to make sure you're both still interested, and meanwhile date other females that you may or may not be sexually involved with. If you and she decide to go out, it is something your friend will just have to live with. He doesn't get a vote.

I know you studied sex since you were my age, but how did you do that? Did you read books and articles or ask people questions? Also, how rewarding is this site? (age 13)

When I was your age, I read about sex in medical books (the kind written for consumers that you find in any library). I always found them useful and full of good information. I started reading professional articles about sexuality (at a medical library) when I was 20 or 21. I didn't start asking people questions (other than a few close friends) until after I started HealthyStrokes.com almost 10 years ago. The site is very rewarding to me.

I have trouble with girls. I'm 18 and haven't had a girlfriend yet. I'm afraid to go for it or be aggressive with girls, becasue I feel that I might be seen as a sexual deviant. I'm very outspoken and a powerful public speaker, but when it comes to girls, I just clam up. I've tried to go out with some girls but never got to the point to ask one out. I also always feel like no girls find me attractive or like me. What should I do? Why am I only shy about girls? (age 18)

I think part of it is that you're aiming for a special type of girl, like a seriously good-looking girl or one who will go on to be a doctor or astronaut. If you look around, you will find lots of girls available, many of whom would be interested in getting to know you better and go out with you. You are probably not noticing those girls because you've got your sights set on the knockouts and future astronauts.

Another part of it is that you take possible rejection from girls more personally than that which you encounter as an outspoken public speaker. When people are negative toward you as a speaker or activist, you can rationalize that they're not rejecting you, just your ideas. When it comes from girls, you have to understand that they are rejecting you. But it's not the end of the world. Just as you might have to speak to a large number of people before you can get your ideas accepted by anyone, you have to talk to a lot of girls and ask some out before you can expect one to go out with you. But just work on it every day. You miss all of the shots you don't take.

I am circumcised, so when I masturbate, should I avoid touching my glans? (age 14)

A circumcised male typically avoids touching the head (glans) of his penis because it is so sensitive, but that doesn't mean you have to if it doesn't hurt. Also, you can easily stroke the glans when you use lube.

Is it normal to masturbate to pics of naked girls? (age 13)

Yes, that might be the most normal thing you ever do.

How do I tell my best friend I masturbate, and then ask to masturbate together? I am not gay, though, because I have a girlfriend. (age 13)

If you have to ask me how to tell him, then you're not comfortable telling him you masturbate. If you can't tell him you masturbate, then you're not going to be able to ask him to masturbate with you. I think you should forget the whole thing. Having a girlfriend (or a wife) doesn't mean that a male isn't gay.

I'm 15 and I've never had a girlfriend, been to a party or had any kind of sexual relationship. I know for a fact that a few of my friends of my age have lost their virginity and it kinda weirds me out. Although I would like to have sex, parties and things do not interest me in the slightest. I'm happy, but it is in the back of my mind that I'm a bit strange. Being in a boy's school doesn't help either! Any advice?

You are not strange. Most of the males your age have never done those things, and nearly all of them will grow up sexually healthy. Many of the guys in your school are involved with girls. Learn what you can about what their social life is like. Try to connect with girls and go out with them. I don't think you should be having sex right now.

I masturbate every single night before bed. I usually get on my knees and sit on my heels. Is that normal? Every time I've masturbated, it's women in bikinis. Does this make me creepy? (age 13)

Not the least bit creepy. Sitting on the heels is a masturbatory variation for a lot of males, but most find it more comfortable to lie back and stroke.

What are your thoughts on a male masturbating with a child's toy, like a female doll? As long as the male is keeping the female doll secret, is there any harm in it? (age 44)

What you use to masturbate is up to you. Most men your age masturbate with photos or videos featuring adult women.

One of my housemates used to live in a naturist community, and his birthday is coming up, so the rest of us have been planning a (non-sexual) clothes-free surprise party for him. I'm not being forced to participate -- I want to be naked to support my friend -- and I am not uncomfortable with the idea of being naked around my friends. What I am concerned about is potentially getting an erection while naked (the party is mixed, so there will be several naked women attending), which would likely clash with the explicitly non-sexual nature of the party. Do you have any advice on preventing that from happening? Do you think the other partygoers might take offense? (age 20)

Your question indicates that you are, in fact, uncomfortable being naked around your friends. If your friend is the only one who used to be a naturist, then he is the only one who is used to it. I suspect that experienced naturists would have seen their share of erections, and they would not take offense, but I am unsure about what the others would think or do. I highly doubt that a mixed party of 20-year-old non-naturists will be non-sexual. I remember reading in the book Summerhill (about a radical private boarding school) that even though the school had a clothing-optional policy for recreational time, the post-pubescent boys tended to wear shorts due to their uncontrollable reactions. (I'm writing this at a supermarket, but if I were home, I would look up the exact quote.)

I have been masturbating in the prone postion for many years now and do it at least once a day. I have started the abstaning process and I was wondering how long it would take for me to be cured, and once I am cured, can I masturbate sitting down in my bathroom with a visual aid, or do I have to lie down? (age 15)

Congratulations on deciding to get over prone masturbation. It is perfectly fine to masturbate sitting in your bathroom, although you will probably find it easier to do the first time lying down.

I'm 13 and recently found the joy of masturbating. I have been doing it for quite some time now and was noticing I urinate much more frequently. Is this normal? How do I control it? I feel the problem less and less the longer I go without masturbation (a week, or even a few days).

I highly doubt you are having prostate trouble that would affect your urinating at age 13. If it really bothers you, start urinating into a measuring cup (a special one used only for this purpose!) and see if your volume is reduced at these times of frequent urination. It's more likely just because of the weather. Things will be different once school starts.

I have never had a wet dream but I'm kind of curious about what one feels like. I read about a person who after reading about Pavlov masturbated while listening to a song for 3 months to see if they would have an orgasm when they heard the song without stimulation. I have been curious if I listen to this song while sleeping if it will cause a wet dream. Do you have any thoughts on this? I love what you're doing with this site and how you provide good information to people who need it. (age 14)

You don't say what happened to the person you read about (who read about Pavlov). I am inclined to doubt that listening to that song would bring on a wet dream. Hypnosis doesn't bring on wet dreams. A wet dream is just an ejaculation that happens in your sleep. Ejaculation is much more fun when you're awake.

Occasionally, I hold off masturbating for three or four days so that I can have a more powerful ejaculation when I do. After I do this, I have an ache in my scrotum that lasts for several hours. After looking at the illustrations on your site, I think that the little tubes that carry sperm from the testes to the prostate have been stretched or overloaded, and have become sore. Is this possible? (age 15)

I have never heard of that happening. The pain you describe is called epididymitis, and it is a condition you don't want to have. If abstaining for 3-4 days is really causing epididymitis, then you want to ejaculate more often.

Why do you think is it that once we start masturbation we will likely never have wet dreams again? (age 25)

My theory is that the body gets used to a particular level of physical stimulation and then doesn't respond to whatever (inside the brain) causes a wet dream. Some boys can keep having wet dreams even after they masturbate if they don't make masturbation a daily habit. If they only do it twice or three times a week in some cases, the wet dreams can continue for years.

I have never been caught, but I want my brother's girlfriend to catch me. Is this normal? (age 13)

I don't care; it's a bad idea either way.

I copied the source code of your main page and pasted it into my text editor. When I opened the file in Firefox, I saw a deformed version. The area on the left is a tad too big and the background color isn't there. I don't expect you to respond to this but did you code this site youself? (age 18)

Yes, I did. The site uses cascading style sheets, and if you opened it without them, then you didn't see the formatting contained in them.

I've been masturbating for 2 years and I have had orgasms where it shoots out my penis, but usually it just leaks out and I don't have that shooting ejaculation. Is there something wrong with me? (age 16)

No, it's all about timing. To get the shooting ejaculation, you need to use your PC muscle to hold it in for about one second before you ejaculate. In that one second, force will build up and when you release it, it will shoot your semen out.

I had epididymitis 5 months ago and took the antibiotic treatment. During the treatment I masturbated once; after the treatment, the pain decreased every week but a little pain persists after ejaculation. It is normal? Will it disappear eventually or there is some damage left? (My urologist told me that recovery was long and that I didn't need more antibiotics 2 weeks after the initial treatment.) (age 25)

Antibiotics will only kill bacteria; they will not address any inflammation. You should have been taking ibuprofen along with the antibiotics. They will help with any pain or swelling.

Follow-up: I DID take ibuprofen as part of the treatment along with Ciprofloxacin. Although the pain still decreases every week, a little pain persists before and after ejaculation. Since I was cured, I've had intercourse with my girlfriend once every week. But the pain is still there and my urologist keeps saying that I don't need another course of treatment. After the infection was treated, is there still some damage left enough to have "chronic pain" every time I have intercourse or masturbate? Does it take a long time to recover fully?

Yes, it can take a while for your epididymis to feel completely normal after epididymitis. The antibiotics were to kill a bacterial infection that might have caused the epididymitis. You might continue with a small dose of ibuprofen when you feel the pain. Your doctor should have told you that. Also, at your age, you should be ejaculating more than once a week. Ejaculating too infrequently causes more problems than ejaculating too much.

Follow-up: It's true that the recovery is long. The urologist said that it took 2 months but the pain hasn't dissapeared as he told me. So you recommend to me to ejaculate more than once every week? (How many times?) That's good because one single intercourse each week was causing strains in my relationship, but my girlfriend understands. We're planning to have kids in the future. Does this infection cause enough damage to cause me sterility or flawed sperm? The urologist told us that it doesn't. But another opinion is always welcome.

I don't see the harm in ejaculating three times a week. Epididymitis will not affect your fertility if it is unilateral and there is only a small chance it will if it's bilateral.

It's wrong for you to convince people that getting help from a therapist is unnecessary. TMS is potentially addicting, and most people cannot quit an addiction alone. (age 17)

I don't try to convince people not to hire a therapist. Overwhelmingly, males overcome TMS on their own. A few hire therapists, which may be helpful, but is certainly not necessary for the vast majority of males who masturbate prone. Prone masturbation is not an addiction. It is simply a dysfunction.

Since I have been reading HealthyStrokes.com, I have thought that I should masturbate even more since you said it's healthy. Sometimes I try to get myself horny and masturbate. Is this OK? (age 13)

It's a lot better than OK.

Just want to say thanks for helping me give up prone masturbation! (age 14)

You are welcome!

I usually masturbate by rubbing my penis head on my right leg since I'm left handed. Is this considered TMS? (age 15)

It is not TMS, but it is an atypical form of masturbating that might cause the same sexual dysfunctions that TMS does. Make a point of giving that habit up.

I have retarded ejaculation. I can reach orgasm masturbating (which I do non-TMS) but I cannot reach orgasm inside my girlfriend. What could be causing this problem? We have a great relationship and she is on birth control so it shouldn't be from any worries. (age 16)

Are you taking anti-depressants? They are a frequent cause of retarded ejaculation. If so, ask your doctor to prescribe one that doesn't have sexual side effects. If it isn't the anti-depressants, then I would advise abstaining from masturbation for 3-5 days before having sex.

I'm trying to change my life and move away from sex because my ex was a sex addict. I'm a guy and I'm really religious now and go to church 8 hours a week. I'm 16 and the thing is I've been addicted to porn for years and I want to get away from it but I need it for masturbation and if I don't masturbate for one day, I get aggressive. I need the release of tension but even the lustful thoughts of sex are sin so I don't know how I can masturbate anymore. I'm really Christian. I really need to know what to do. Please help. I'm scared.

Masturbating is good for you. It is a gift from God. Christians and Jews and Hindus and the non-religious all do it. I don't know what kind of porn you're talking about, but maybe if you used simple nude photos instead of videos of sex acts, you would feel less guilty about it.

I have not been erecting well lately. It might be because of the stress I'm having in business. What advice can you give? (age 24)

Unfortunately, stress works against sexual excitement. You are apt to enjoy sex more when you can put some of the stress out of your life. Sex and masturbation can also reduce stress. Maybe you can put that to work for you.

I dont think I have hit puberty but I have lots of pubic hair and semen comes when I masturbate. (age 13)

If you have either pubic hair or semen, you've reached puberty. If you have both, you're well into it.

I am suffering from wet dreams. (age 22)

Wet dreams are not a form of suffering. Anyway, if you really don't want them, just masturbate at least four times a week. That will put an end to them forever.

Do females masturbate more frequently than males? (age 19)

Definitely not. Most research on the subject find that females who masturbate do it about as many times in a month as a male the same age does in a week. Furthermore, all males masturbate by age 18, while only about three fourths of females do. Although masturbation has been observed in all species of mammal, there is no species in which the females masturbate more than the males.

One of my testicles is probably 2 or 3 times the size of the other. Is this normal, or should I see a doctor? How do I go about telling my parents if I need to go the doctor? (age 13)

They are not always the same size, but if they are as different as you say, it should be checked out by a doctor. Do you have your own health insurance card? If so, just go to the doctor by yourself. Or you could tell your parents the truth.

I started masturbating 6 months ago about 7 times a week. If I stop will I get wet dreams? (age 13)

No, I don't think you will. It seems that once you make masturbation a daily habit, it puts an end to your wet dreams forever.

First of all I want to thank you! I love HealthyStrokes.com! It removed my guilt of masturbation completely! Great Job :-)! Yesterday I cleaned my penis with Dettol diluted in water with my foreskin pulled down. Will Dettol affect my penis in any way? (age 14)

Did you have tar on your penis? Whyever would you need something as strong as Dettol (Lysol)? I don't suppose it will hurt your penis, but repeated use of that could present a problem. Next time use a product designed to be used on skin. The most sensitive skin on your body.

Is it possible to desensitize the penis using a sock for masturbation? I always masturbate with a sock. I find a soft one and slide it on, find something online to get aroused to and I masturbate. The few times I've had sex I wasn't able to ejaculate. (age 24)

I always point out that males who masturbate conventionally have the easiest time having orgasms in intercourse. If you're stroking with the sock and not thrusting into it, then I would expect you to be OK, but it makes me wonder why you prefer the sock to your hand. Your hand has muscles and soft skin and flexible fingers. The sock can't compete with that. In your case, I would urge giving up the sock and working at masturbating using only your hand. Try to use as light a touch as you can.

I usually masturbate once or twice a day. I am having school exams these days and feel the urge to masturbate more. (age 14)

That is very typical. Stress causes most guys to masturbate more. Good luck with your exams.

This girl was wearing short shorts and I think she may have noticed I got an erection. It popped up and went down in one twitch. I feel embarrassed to go back to class. (age 19)

One twitch is not very long for a girl to notice. Instead of being embarrassed, you should be proud that you can erect so readily. Go back to class and smile.

My girlfriend recently asked me to "take her." What does she mean? I think I may know but I'm not sure and she isn't telling me. (age 15)

If you don't know, then you're definitely too young to take her.

Is it possible to have wet dreams again after masturbating for about 3 years? (age 15)

It's possible but not likely. I wouldn't waste time and orgasms by abstaining from masturbating in order to find out. The most likely scenario is that you had your last nocturnal orgasm three years ago.

I was away for two weeks at a camp and couldn't masturbate as there was no privacy. When I came back, I masturbated, but afterward my penis almost swelled up, but then the swelling went away the next day. What could it have been? (age 17)

I suspect you were too rough handling your penis while pursuing your first orgasm in over two weeks. Since it was normal again the next day, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I'll bet some of the males (and females) who were with you at camp masturbated during that time.

HealthyStrokes.com basically saved me. Since I started masturbating, I always thought that masturbating prone was completely normal, but now, only a few weeks later, I'm doing it properly. Thank you so, so much for this site. (age 16)


I have been bringing myself to orgasm in the shower almost every day for the past month. I have been using shampoo, body wash, soap, and shaving cream. Could this possibly be bad for my penis? Will masturbating in the shower make me have more endurance? (age 15)

Your long list of lubricants leads me to believe you're not enjoying shower masturbating all that much. None of those are bad for your penis if you wash them off thoroughly. It often takes males longer to masturbate in the shower, so if that's what you mean by endurance, then maybe.

Recently I have become a lot hornier than usual. I used to masturbate 3 times a month and now I am at 5. Why is this? (age 17)

The difference between 3 and 5 times a month is so small that I doubt it means anything. Most males your age masturbate about once a day.

My friend has aked me if I want to masturbate with him sometime. I am straight but I don't know what to say. I've been masturbating for about two years now. (age 15)

If you don't know what to say, then your answer is no. Just tell him you're not interested and you hope it won't affect your friendship.

I usually lie on my side and masturbate using a soft cloth wrapped around my penis. Is anything dangerous in my method for masturbating?

That is an atypical method of masturbating that won't help you become habituated to having sex with a partner. I would advise masturbating with a water-based or silicon-based lube, which would have some of the same effect the soft cloth is giving you but without being an atypical way to masturbate.

I currently have a giant red thing on my penis which has a dot of pus, so I'm very sure it's a huge pimple. How should I deal with it? It hurts if I touch hard, and I masturbate with lube almost always. Should I stop masturbating until it's healed? Thanks for all your help in the past. You're great! (age 14)

I would keep it clean and avoid touching that spot until it's healed. There's no reason to stop masturbating altogether. That will not help it heal faster but will make you very cranky.

I don't have much privacy and I share a room with my brother (16) so where else can I masturbate? (age 14)

Certainly your older brother is in the same situation you are. Why not offer to set aside some time where he can be alone inyour bedroom, if he will do the same for you. You need not mention masturbation specifically.

Is there anything wrong with a 58 year old man still having wet dreams? I have masturbated before, but not for over two years. I have sex weekly and have an orgasm, but I just started having wet dreams again. Is there anything wrong?

No, there is nothing wrong with having wet dreams. If they really bother you, then masturbating or having sex more often would make them go away.

My mom was in my room and asked me about all the little specks on my sheets.She said my brother always had them too. Was she right to be sarcastic? (age 16)

Do you know she was being sarcastic? Maybe she doesn't recognize the specks. If she was being sarcastic, she knows you masturbate in bed, and you don't have to worry about it anymore. If she wasn't being sarcastic, she doesn't know you masturbate in bed, and you don't have to worry about it anymore. Either way, you don't have to worry about it anymore. Oh, and light colored sheets are better at disguising those little specks.

I am going to join the military soon. Will it be possible to masturbate in the barracks or during boot camp? (age 19)

Possible, yes. Likely, no. Comfortable, no. Frequently, no. Some of the restrictions they put on you during boot camp are specifically to keep you from masturbating. They make you use toilets without partitions and showers without curtains. At night, they keep the lights on in the barracks. Some men manage to masturbate in these conditions, but many make it all the way through basic training without an orgasm. During basic training, they want you to understand that you have no control over your life and that includes not being able to masturbate when you want. When basic training is over and you're assigned to a regular unit, you'll have much more ability to masturbate.

This photo of a bathroom (latrine) at an Army training camp shows that recruits have no privacy in the bathroom.

I am curious as to whether frequency of masturbation for males can have have any adverse effects? I usually masturbate once every other day, but sometimes I do once or twice a day. Is there any reason I should do it less frequently at my age? (age 26)

Once every other day is on the low side for your age. Most males your age masturbate daily. I don't think you should do it less frequently. If anything, you should do it more.

Does masturbation with or without porn lead to problems with arousal? (age 20)

You have asked a tricky question, because all men masturbate and some have problems with arousal. In general, masturbating is healthy and good for a male to develop normal arousal habits. Some males will have trouble getting aroused, and for them, using visual aids (pictures or videos) will help them get aroused. Some males will also get so used to using visual aids that they can't get aroused without them. I suppose a more specific question would get at more of what you want, but I should point out that according to a survey of over 8000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the first half of 2007, which included 1582 males age 18-21, inclusive, 69 percent used pictures most of the time when they masturbate.

Why is it so hard to masturbate when you are in love? I have been in love with a girl for a couple of weeks now, and even though we kiss regularly, we haven't had sex yet. However, in those 3 weeks, I've only masturbated thrice. I know you have to masturbate at least once every week or so for health reasons, but I'm used to doing it a lot more often. I found even porn can't get me excited anymore, and it's requiring a lot of effort on my part to get myself to ejaculate. I also don't want to force my girlfriend into sex too early. What do I do? (age 19)

I don't agree with your contention that it's hard to masturbate when you're in love. Most males masturbate frequently even when they're having sexual intercourse. Especially at your age. I agree that you shouldn't ever force someone into sex. I think you're better off accepting masturbation as something normal, healthy, and fun, that you do whether or not you're in a relationship. Just do it often and enjoy it.

I am 14 and have been masturbating for a few months. I can get a clear liquid to come out after a few minutes but I'm not sure if that is semen or just pre-cum. Is there something wrong with me or what?

You are fine. That is pre-cum. If you keep masturbating when the clear liquid comes out, you ought to be able to ejaculate within 3-5 minutes.

After I ejaculated in my most recent masturbating session, my penis didn't shrink to normal size but stayed stiff though not fully erect. However, I don't feel like masturbating again. Is this normal? (age 14)

Yes, an erect penis doesn't always go back to its detumescent size immediately after ejaculation.

I masturbate almost five times a day. I have been doing this for a year. Now I am an addict. I want to get rid of masturbation. I masturbate even when I look at actresses' pictures in newspapers. Please help me. (age 21)

I don't think you'll ever stop masturbating, but that doesn't make you an addict. Most males your age only do it once a day, perhaps twice. I suggest cutting down to 1-2 times a day and seeing if you are still upset. I think it's a good think that newspaper photos turn you on.

I seem to ejaculate more when I masturbate lying on my back rather than standing. Is there an explanation for this? (age 14)

I suspect you're more relaxed on your back and better able to get those last drops out.

Recently, I feel that my sexual desires have been relatively high compared to the past few months. Is it normal or is it because of the fact that I'm in an all-boys school? How can I suppress this desire? I've been masturbating almost a day. (age 14)

Almost once a day is quite normal, perhaps even on the low end of normal, at your age. You are pretty young and really don't have a good baseline on which to measure your sexual desires. Anyway, a lot can happen over the space of a few months. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Most boys your age masturbate often whether they go to a co-ed school or a boys' school.

I'm circumcised but I notice the area under the head of my penis where the foreskin would cover is much more soft and almost sticky than the rest of my penis. Is this normal? (age 19)

If you are talking about the area below your glans, right at the top of the shaft, then yes, that's normal.

I have masturbated about 3 times in the past 2 months. I'm not sure I've started puberty yet. Is this infrequent enough for me to have a wet dream? (age 13)

I would expect if you've only masturbated three times in two months that you could still have a wet dream. Most guys lose their wet dreams when they get up to masturbating to orgasm four times a week or more.

I used to masturbate since puberty but I decided to stop at 15 for religious purposes and I abstained without difficulty for a year, but then I started masturbating again once a month for three months then once each week then every other day to deal with an extreme urge. Is this completely normal? (age 17)

It is very normal to masturbate daily at your age. Masturbating once a month might be in the normal range for a girl your age but not a boy. I am guessing you weren't masturbating very often between puberty and age 15. If you said you were masturbating daily and then decided to quit, I wouldn't believe you.

I woke up one day with red spots on my glans penis. Later that day while I was masturbating, these red spots became more red. After some days, I realized that whenever I wake up and I don't masturbate, these dots are barely visible, but when I masturbate, they get really reddish. I'm still a virgin so it can't be an STD. I masturbate 3-5 times every day. My penis isn't itchy at all. I'm worried because if I have a sexual intercourse in the future my partner may think I'm sick or something. (age 18) (age 18)

I strongly suggest having a doctor examine them. If you really don't want to tell a doctor what you told me, then you might try self-help by cutting your masturbation frequency down to once a day and see if it gets better. Don't be embarrassed to tell the doctor you masturbate. He masturbates too.

I first discovered masturbating when I was 7 years old and have been masturbating ever since. But whenever I masturbate, I always hold my breath and tighten my muscles. I find it hard to reach climax when I don't hold my breath or tighten my muscles. Is that bad? Should I change my masturbating techniques? (age 17)

Most guys hold their bodies tense while they masturbate; it keeps the legs from acting up and interfering with the pleasurable feeling. But you should not have to do it every time. Sometimes the most intense orgasms can happen when a male is kneeling, in which case the legs are not tense at all. I would suggest working on both of those things. They are making your masturbation more ritualized and stereotyped than it needs to be. Work on enjoying different kinds of sensations.

Is it normal for me to be sexually attracted to younger kids of the opposite sex? (age 15)

If they're reached puberty, sure. But I would hesitate to tell you that attraction to prepubescent girls is normal. Nearly all guys your age are attracted to others their age.

I've been dating this girl for 1 1/2 years now and I was wondering when's a good time to ask her to give me oral sex. She already told me that she is willing to, but we are both skeptical about whether it should be before or after high school graduation. (age 17)

If you're both skeptical, then you shouldn't be doing it. I think a better question to ask yourself is if you're ready to give her oral sex? If you aren't ready to do it to her, why would you ask her to do it to you?

When I have a wet dream (about once a week if I don't masturbate) what looks like 1/2 a cup comes out, but when I masturbate, nothing will come out. Is that normal? (age 14)

I'm certain it isn't anywhere near half a cup. Why don't you go measure out a half cup of water in your kitchen and then pour it in your hand? With more practice, you will ejaculate more when you masturbate (and probably lose your wet dreams completely).

Will masturbation affect my muscles? I am a bodybuilder and when I masturbate before exercise, I feel very tired for the gym. (age 18)

It probably doesn't affect your muscles, but masturbating might use up energy that you would otherwise burn at the gym. I also know of men who like to masturbate before an exercise session before it relaxes them. Different people will experience it differently.

To this day I haven't been caught. I am a paranoid person and do it when I am alone. Is this normal to be so paranoid? (age 17)

Since you couldn't bring yourself to say what it is you're afraid of being caught doing, I believe you're more embarrassed than paranoid. Most males who start out embarrassed become less so at age 18. I think you will be less afraid of being caught soon. Also, at your age, only 35 percent of males have been discovered. Not until age 29 has it happened to a majority of males.

I turned 19 and realized that I'm not masturbating as often as I used to when I was 17 or 18. Is it normal for people to masturbate less often when they get older?

Yes, but it's only very slightly less at 19 compared to 17-18. Usually men cut back at that age because they're having more intercourse.

When I am ejaculating, sometimes I pinch the end of my penis to avoid the mess until I can get a tissue. Can this be damaging? (age 22)

Yes, that is bad. When you do that, you cause your ejaculate to be redirected into your urinary bladder. The force you use to stop it can damage your nerves and blood vessels. Don't do that.

Is it normal to sometimes have weak feeling orgasms? (age 14)

Yes, orgasms come with a range of feelings. They will not all feel strong and powerful. The weak ones are also fun.

I want to tell my mom that I masturbate. I also want ask her or my brother (who's 22) to get me condoms, nude mags, and some lube. How do I ask either one of them? And how can I tell my mom that I masturbate? I think she would be OK with it. (age 13)

Your mom is probably OK with masturbating, but she assuredly doesn't want you to tell her you masturbate, so there is no reason to figure out how to tell her. If you can talk to your brother about those kinds of things, I think it would be better. If you want condoms, he will definitely assume you are having sex. Why not ask him how he dealt with these issues and what, if anything, he told your mother.

I have a female friend who told me she masturbates. However, she thinks that it is disgusting and she seems to be ashamed of it. I want to tell her that she shouldn't be ashamed and it's perfectly normal. How should I go about doing this? (age 17)

You're lucky to have a friend you can share that kind of thing with. Maybe she would be interested in being more than a friend. You could start by telling her, "you know that thing you told me about that you thought was disgusting? Well, I happen to know it's normal, healthy, and fun for both males and females. You can learn more at HealthyStrokes.com, which has over a million words of information about masturbation for both males and females."

I have had wet dreams over the past 2 weeks and I don't know if that is any good or not. I masturbate daily. (age 30)

It's unusual to have wet dreams at your age, especially if you masturbate daily, but that doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Just enjoy them and don't let them keep you from anything else you want to do.

I masturbate about once a day. Most days I look at swimsuit pictures of girls while I masturbate. About once a week I masturbate while watching a porn move. Is this OK or normal? (age 14)

Yes, I think that's all OK and normal, but I wish you would just use your imagination at least some of the time. It's good to exercise your imagination when you're young and learning.

I have a pantyhose fetish and I like to masturbate wearing it. When I see girls or even just pictures of girls in pantyhose, I get aroused. Is there something wrong with me? (age 19)

I think that's a fairly common fetish. Whatever you fantasize about is OK, but keep in mind that wearing women's pantyhose is going beyond fantasy. I think it would be better if you worked on being aroused by the girls instead of just their pantyhose.

I really like your site. It's helping me a lot with the whole puberty thing. (age 12)

That's good news! Keep reading!

I recently tried to penetrate my girlfriend but I couldn't find the opening of her vagina. But I realized my mistake and I stopped trying to penetrate her. Both of us are virgins. I would like to know if she can get pregnant from my penis touching the outer part of her vulva? I am unsure if I had precum on my penis. (age 21)

I suspect you are not virgins anymore even if you haven't had full vaginal penetration. Next time try to get her to relax and help you get in. Even experienced partners help each other.

Is it OK to masturbate with the stop and go technique? Does the stop and go technique make it feel better to masturbate? Are there any reasons why it would feel better? (age 24)

The stop and go technique is to help men who experience premature ejaculation learn better control of their orgasms. It does not make the orgasm or the masturbation session feel better. If a male is not experiencing PE, it would probably be counterproductive for him to practice stop and go. By using stop and go when you don't need it to cure PE, you are teaching your body to not respond to sexual stimulation. Of course, all males sometimes stop in the middle of a masturbation session for one reason or another, but regularly stopping will not help you learn proper sexual response.

Would you say soft porn is OK to masturbate to because I sometimes have trouble trying to visualize? (age 14)

I think by soft you mean simple nudity with no sex acts. I'm only OK with that kind of material if it is tasteful and the models are properly compensated. However, I also think it is better for you to learn to exercise your sexual imagination at your age and to only use visual aids (photos, videos) occasionally.

I like to touch myself but I do not like to ejaculate. Is this normal? (age 14)

You make me wonder if you know what ejaculating is. Nearly all males enjoy ejaculating more than anything else they do. If you don't like ejaculating, I suspect you've never ejaculated; and if you really have ejaculated, then no, that is not normal. Try to find out why you don't like it and see how you can fix it.

I really like to masturbate as it is nice and stuff, but I'm so worried my mom is going to walk in on me. I'm so worried. I read so many of your advice articles and they helped but I still feel worried. Why is this? (age 14)

No one wants to be discovered while masturbating, but if it happens (as it eventually does to about half of males), it won't be the end of the world. Your mom (or whoever) is not going to be bothered by knowing you masturbate. It might be she already thinks you do. Most males who are discovered are only ever walked in on once, so it shouldn't affect your enjoyment of all the times that you go undisturbed. I assume you've already read my page about being caught masturbating.

When I masturbated when I was younger, I would shoot a lot more and higher than I do now. I used to regularly hit my chest/face but now I rarely shoot past my belly button. Is this normal? (age 19)

You've probably gotten better at controlling your ejaculation than you used to be. If you really let it fly uncontrolled, you would probably find it really can go farther than your belly button.

Is it normal to have difficulty ejaculating? I have had sex over 10 times with the same person but I was only able to ejaculate once. I masturbate once a day and do it while facing sideways in bed. (age 19)

Orgasmic dysfunction is rare and not common at your age. I've never known the sideways position to be cause of sexual dysfunction (as the prone position is), but most guys masturbate either lying on their backs or sitting up (like at the computer). I would recommend working on one of those positions. Also, masturbating daily makes it more difficult for you to ejaculate in intercourse. I recommend abstaining from masturbation for 3-4 days before having intercourse.

I experience pre-cum but rarely actual cum. I masturbate up and down with my hand. My penis is always a little bit sore after the pre-cum and doesn't feel like I will get any more out. Is there something wrong with me and how can I improve? (age 16)

If your penis is sore, I suspect you're using too much force. I suggest abstaining from masturbating for 5-7 days and then using a very gentle hand pressure when you next masturbate. Try to realize the power of gentle touch.

As far as I know, my friends don't masturbate. Is that a bad thing? (age 13)

Most of your friends masturbate. That's a fact. Masturbating is not a bad thing, and neither is being uncertain about whether your friends masturbate.

I'm from Minnesota and I keep my monkey well polished. (age 17)

So do nearly all males your age in the other 49 states.

Thanks for your interesting and informative web site. I never knew that it was called masturbating. I thought I was weird when I did it. What's the age limit? (age 13)

There isn't one. About three of four males your age have already started masturbating.

I masturbate frequently and ejaculate into my boxers, and then I throw them into my dirty clothes hamper. The few times my mom walks into my room she comments on how it's "stuffy." Is it because she can smell my semen? (age 13)

No, and maybe she'd come into your room more often if you opened a window for a few minutes every day.

I've been masturbating for around a decade now, but my frequency has varied. Some years ago, I began getting hemorrhoids and they most often coincided with my masturbation sessions. I tried Kegels to improve my sexual stamina, but they tended to agitate them so I stopped. My urination, ejaculation, and sexual performance are perfectly normal, but could the pain and hemorrhoids be a sign that I permanently damaged my prostate? (age 22)

I have never heard of hemorrhoids being linked to masturbation. Assuming you've tried the conventional remedies (witch hazel, etc.), you might see a doctor about them. He would assuredly tell you that masturbating is not to blame.

I have OCD/anxiety disorder and due to this my doctor prescribed me an SSRI. However, I have read the possible side effects online and one of the major ones is decreased libido or a total lack of libido. How am I possibly going to have a girlfriend while in college if I have to take an SSRI that causes sexual dysfunction? I don't know any women that would put up with this. It's irritating that I have to sacrifice either one thing for another. I am still a virgin; should I say goodbye to having any chances of getting a girlfriend and having sex in the future now that I'm going to take this med? (age 20)

You don't even know that the pill will cause that. Side effects are by no means universal. Why not give the pill a try and see if it causes sexual dysfunction? If so, ask the doctor to change your prescription to a different SSRI, such as Wellbutrin, that doesn't cause sexual side effects. Keep track of how often you're masturbating before and after starting the pill for a few months so you can prove to yourself that there is a difference.

Masturbation was created by man. How do you know it is not sinful? (age 14)

According to both evolution theory and the account of the creation in the Bible, humans were among the last animals to appear. Masturbation has been documented in every species of mammal. Therefore, other animals were masturbating before the first humans appeared on earth. So, masturbation was not created by man.

I am 26 and previously masturbated twice a day and I got pain in my low back and I stopped masturbating at that frequency, but I still am suffering from low back pain. How can I overcome this?

Low back pain can sometimes be caused by excessive masturbation, because pain originating in the prostate gland can radiate outward and be felt throughout the region. If this is the cause of your pain, then I suggest cutting back on your masturbating to no more than three times a week until the pain goes away; also cut out caffeine, and soak in a tub for 30 minutes nightly.

Sometimes when I masturbate, semen goes everywhere and stains my sheets. What is the best way to clean up the semen? (age 15)

Semen washes easily out of sheets. If you don't want to wash them in a washing machine, you might get the affected area wet and dissolve the semen. You might also learn to use your other hand to deflect the semen.

I use saliva as lube for masturbation! Is anything wrong in doing so? One night, I had a wet dream about my aunt! What should I do? (age 14 1/3)

There is no harm in using saliva as lube, but most males prefer something slicker. If the dream is unappealing to you, just don't think about it, and it will soon be forgotten. You will probably not have wet dreams much longer anyway.

I have experienced masturbation since I was 11 and now that I am 17, I have gone for a week not masturbating. Is it possible to achieve a wet dream or should I just masturbate it?

I am concerned that you want wet dreams because you are ashamed of masturbating. You reveal this by saying you "have experienced masturbation" since you were 11, which is a passive and awkward way of saying you masturbate. Masturbation is not something that happens to you; you do it yourself. I find it very unlikely that you will have a wet dream at your age, after 6 years of masturbating, so I suggest that you masturbate, and enjoy it. Masturbating is not only fun, it is normal and healthy, and even necessary for male sexual health.

I have orgasms but I am sometimes still hard. Is that normal. (age 18)

Yes, that happens to a lot of males at your age. As you get older, you will probably deflate immediately after ejaculating.

Is there anything that can affect sperm count? (age 15)

That is a vague question. A lot of things can affect sperm count. If you're looking to improve your sperm count (which is unusual for your age), you might read about male fertility, and avoid carrying your cell phone near your testes. In the long run, masturbating frequently is good for your sperm production.

My penis is swollen after I masturbate. Is this normal? (age 12)

It is normal in younger males for the penis to remain erect for a while after ejaculation. If you mean the skin is affected, then that is not normal, and you are probably using too much force.

I'm 20 and I didn't masturbate at all in my life because I don't like it. I'm having wet dreams from the age of 16 or 17 about once or twice a month. When I masturbate, I'm not able to produce that fluid. Would it be better to have sex to produce it by myself rather than having wet dreams? (age 20)

Your question is full of contradictions. You say you didn't masturbate at all (which I don't believe) and then add that you don't like it. How do you know if you never did it? Then you say "when I masturbate..." indicating that you do, in fact, masturbate. It would be better to produce the fluid by yourself by masturbating frequently rather than either having wet dreams or using a sex partner to do what you should be doing (and I believe you are doing) yourself.

I have been masturbating for 3 years but my penis is still the same size it has been for as long as I can remember. Is this normal? (age 15)

Most guys say their penis has grown between 12 and 15, but if yours hasn't, it isn't because of masturbating. Males of all ages and all penis sizes enjoy masturbating.

Is it weird that pictures showing female private parts do not turn me on that much (I am straight) but swimsuit photos do more OFTEN? (age 15)

No, I don't think that's weird at all. You're used to seeing attractive girls in swimsuits and you're unfamiliar with naked women. Keep enjoying those swimsuit photos. I suspect you'll be wanting to see more soon.

I have been masturbating lately with the use of porn and I found myself ejaculating in around 5 minutes. I tried to masturbate without porn in hot shower but found trouble even achieving an erection. Do I need to seek medical attention? (age 17)

You don't need medical attention. It is normal to masturbate to orgasm at your age in about 5 minutes. It is normal for a male who ordinarily uses visual aids to take longer to masturbate to orgasm without them. And many males who don't often masturbate in the shower have trouble masturbating there.

Are wet dreams good or bad? (age 26)

Wet dreams are neither good nor bad. They're a sign of healthy sexual functioning, but at the same time, they reveal that the person who has them isn't ejaculating often enough. At your age, I would say they are more bad than good and if you have them, you should masturbate frequently and the wet dreams will probably stop forever.

I am 25, I have wet dreams about 3-4 times in a month, I never masturbate. On several occasions I have tried to masturbate, I thought about something sexy and my penis erected, then I pushed and pulled my penis for 3-4 mins but I didn't enter into orgasm! Is there any problem with me?

I am inclined to disbelieve you, but taking what you wrote at face value, the only problem I see is that you are unable to masturbate to orgasm. Nearly all males stroke the penis by loosely holding it with one hand. Most of the time it takes 5-10 minutes of stroking to have an orgasm. Why not work on learning to masturbate?

I am projected to be a late bloomer. How long do you think it will be before I can ejaculate when I masturbate? (age 12)

That would be a good question to ask whoever made this projection. My projection is that you will be ejaculating before age 14.

I am 22 and I have been masturbating for about 7 years. I'm left-handed so by now my penis curves a bit to the left. If I start using my right hand, how long should it take to get my penis more symmetrical? Or is it stuck this way by this point? Any help is greatly appreciated.

I would urge you not to worry about this. It is unlikely to have been curved by masturbating with one hand. Most males masturbate with only one hand. Few are perfectly straight. Not all curve with the angle your theory would predict.

I masturbate at least once a day and I am afraid of getting caught. I haven't got a lock on my door or any privacy. What should I do? (age 12)

Most guys in your situation either masturbate in the bathroom or do most of their masturbating at bedtime, when it's dark. I think as you get experienced, you'll become less worried about being caught. Your chances of getting discovered during any one masturbation session are pretty small.

I have been masturbating since I was 12. I was at a friend's house with 10 guys and only I and another guy admitted to masturbating. Were they telling the truth? Or were they busy lying? (age 14)

You don't say how old the guys were, but I'll assume they were all 14 too. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, 78 percent of males started masturbating by their 14th birthdays, and another 12 percent started at age 14. This means that out of 11 guys, it is most likely that nine masturbate and only two don't. What you report is the exact opposite. So I'm inclined to believe that most of them were lying.

If I go from masturbating every day for the past several years to suddenly going cold turkey on masturbation, will there be any medical risk to my health? (age 17)

I don't think you could quit masturbating if you wanted to, but if you did, you would be putting your prostate at risk. Most prostatitis is caused by not ejaculating often enough. If your prostate has gotten used to emptying every day, then going a few weeks without it will make it quite unhappy. It is better if you accepted masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.

I have like bumps around my meatus. I'm a 14 year old virgin. What could it be and are there any cures?

They could be pearly penile papules, but it would be a good idea to have a doctor check them out. Any unexplained growth could be a sign of something bad.

I gave my boyfriend a hand job for the first time the other day and I couldn't get him to ejaculate. He had to finish himself. I feel so badly about it. Do you think he minds my inexperience? (age 17)

I doubt he minds your inexperience, but it would be good if you could learn how he likes it. I hope you were watching while he finished himself. Perhaps he could take your hand and move it up and down the way he likes it.

I started masturbating at 10. At about 11 or 12 I started using porn to make me more horny when I masturbate. A few months after I started masturbating to porn, my parents found out. We had a very short and extremely embarrassing talk. They are very against me watching it and have threatened to take away my iPhone if I don't stop. I've found ways to keep watching without them knowing. My mom mentioned, "that's just not how it's done when you get into a relationship." Neither of my parents have mentioned any actual reason to stop. So that led to me thinking whether it's actually wrong to watch porn. Whenever I visualize having sex for the first time with someone, I never think of it being like it is in porn videos. I always think of it being more soft and caring. I use porn to make me more horny, really, so that I can masturbate more easily. Also, not just porn really turns me on, really any pic/video of a girl who is naked is what turns me on (or even not fully naked but just with one layer of clothes). (age 13)

You say a lot of confusing things that make me wonder how much of a handle you have on this situation. Your parents have told you they don't approve of porn and have threatened to take away your iPhone. Those are reasons to stop. Probably everything they have said about porn is a reason to stop. They don't have to preface every utterance by saying, "Here is a reason to stop watching porn." Despite all this, including your own reservations about porn, you are still unwilling or unable to give it up. You seem to have an understanding (correctly) that sex is not like porn. Then why the porn? Why fill your mind with other people's sex fantasies when you could be developing your own. If any pic of a girl works, even non-naked (swimsuit or lingerie) photos, then use those. You will feel better about them, and you might even find your parents don't object as strenuously as they do to the videos.

I still have the occasional wet dream. Recently I had sex with my wife before falling asleep. During the night I had a non-sexual dream, I can't remember exactly what it was about, but it was a frustrating dream where I was really stressed. Next thing I know, I'm having a wet dream. But I was not at all erect. Is this weird? It's not the first time I have had similar dreams where I come without an erection. I have no problem getting an erection with my partner but have had issues in the past with other partners. (age 54)

Are you certain you weren't erect (you were asleep)? If you have no problems getting erect with your partner, then I don't think you have a problem. Wet dreams are so unusual at your age that I'm not sure it's feasible to find out how often it happens without an erection.

How many times should a normal person have an orgasm every day? I want to know for when it's my time! (age 12)

Most guys masturbate at least daily when they start and keep up a daily frequency until their mid-20's. For guys who do it two and three times a day, they generally drop down to once a day by the time they're 16. Some do it more and some do it less. It's healthy to do it daily, and that's what most do.

Randomly I'll get an erection multiple times a day. Is this another way of my body saying I'm going through puberty? (age 13)

Yes. Spontaneous erections are frequent from about age 13 to 21. Most males in that age range wake up erect every morning and have an erection for about 20 minutes out of every 90-120 minutes. Masturbating more often doesn't reduce the erection frequency.

I masturbate prone with a soft (flaccid) penis and cannot get an orgasm any other way. What should I do to stop? (age 20)

Please read carefully the main page of HealthyStrokes.com and follow the instructions. Make the change while you're young.

I was recently in a biking accident and I broke both of my arms/wrists. How should I masturbate? I have tried everything, and there is no way to use my hands at all. What do you suggest? (age 15)

Why don't you ask the person who typed your message to me if they have any suggestions?

I used to have wet dreams once a week, but I don't know why since the last 2 weeks or so they have increased to 2-3 times and I don't masturbate. (age 16)

If you really don't masturbate, then after three years or so of regular wet dreams, you know that they happen irregularly. You can have them three days in a row and then not again for a month. So having 4-6 wet dreams in two weeks when you were only expecting two is not so unusual. Most males your age say vigorous daily penile stroking is the most fun thing they do. Why don't you give it a try? If you make it a habit, it is likely to put an end to your wet dreams forever.

If a man masturbates and makes it last as long as possible, does this increase pleasure? Why and how does this increase pleasure? (age 21)

Most males enjoy the whole session of masturbating and not only the orgasm. If you can stretch out your masturbating time, you can enjoy it for that much longer. Many males decide in advance how long they'd like to masturbate for and then do it. Sometimes males just want to have a quick orgasm and get it over in 2-3 minutes. Both strategies are OK. It's a good sign that you have control over your sexual response when you realize your orgasm is coming but decide to delay it for a few minutes so you can masturbate longer.

Dear author of this site, I just wanted to compliment you. This is one of the best sites I've ever been to and I just wanted to say thanks. I am rather reassured that if I get caught, my mom will be cool, and you gave me some ideas on how not to get caught! Thank you! (age 12)


Yours is a really wonderful site!! When I attempt to masturbate a second time within 2 to 4 hours of the first, I experience pain during erection (but not during ejaculation). Why is this so? Is this normal? (age 20)

Pain is a sign that your body is having too much of whatever it is. If it hurts to masturbate within 2-4 hours, then wait longer. You might be able to reduce that pain by urinating soon after you masturbate. That way you flush out any ejaculated semen and you don't have to worry about it drying inside your urethra and the pain it can cause.

If a girl performs manual intercourse on you and swallows the semen, are you still a virgin? (age 13)

Nearly everyone believes that manual intercourse doesn't cause someone to lose their virginity.

I'm glad I found your site. I'm Catholic and masturbation was causing some inner conflict, but now I accept it as a natural thing. Recently, I've found myself to be masturbating quite a lot, almost daily, I'm not sure if its just a habit, or if I'm using it as a stress reliever. Do I have a problem? (age 18)

Most males your age masturbate daily, so I don't think you have a problem. I'm glad HealthyStrokes.com was able to help you accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun.

Sometimes when I masturbate, I rub until I feel the semen coming, and then right before I ejaculate, I stop for a second and then do it again and again and again. I do it because I like how it feels. Is it healthy for my testicles? (age 14)

I wouldn't say it's unhealthy for your testicles, but it might not be best for your overall sexual ability. You're teaching your body not to respond to your stimulation. It would be better if you were able to control your ejaculation internally, so that you can keep masturbating longer but still delay your ejaculation. The thing is that you shouldn't be stopping and restarting. Just practice so that you can keep stroking but still only ejaculate when you want to.

After I masturbate, I find myself completely disgusted. I love doing it but I hate how I feel afterward. Is it normal to feel like this? If not, should I just quit forever? Please help me! (age 12)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It's good that you love doing it. It's also normal to feel guilty about it afterward sometimes. This is because if everyone were satisfied by masturbating, there would be less reason for people to have sex, and the species would die off. As you get older, you'll feel less guilty and have an easier time believing that it's normal, healthy, and fun, and necessary for sexual health. Reading HealthyStrokes.com will make it easier for you to believe that.

At what age will it take longer for men to produce sperm? At that age, should men masturbate less? (age 32)

At any age, it's a good idea to abstain from ejaculation for two days before trying to conceive. There is no good reason to go beyond two days unless you know that you're having trouble conceiving. So it is an individual thing, and therefore there needs to be no blanket prohibition for men to masturbate less at a certain age.

Is it normal that I always get an erection and start masturbating when I read something on HealthyStrokes.com no matter whether it is about females or males? Does that mean I am bi? Needless to say, I enjoy reading your site very much. (age 15)

It is normal for you to get aroused when reading about sex, whether it is about males or females. That does not make you bi. Thank you for reading! You may be interested to learn that traffic to HealthyStrokes.com usually peaks just after school lets out in the afternoon, then again in the early evening.

I have wet dreams twice every week for the past year and it is increasing. I want to stop it because I feel very shy and it disturbs me. Is there any way other than masturbation? (age 16)

Yes, frequent intercourse will also put a stop to your wet dreams, but if you are very shy, you will no doubt want to put off intercourse for a few years. I suggest daily masturbation. It will not only put an end to your wet dreams, but you will enjoy it very much.

I am twelve years old and haven't even had a wet dream. Is this healthy?

Yes. The most common age for a first ejaculation is 12. Your day will come.

I masturbate only a few times a month and I don't last very long, only 2-5 minutes. I feel like my penis is too sensitive. Should I masturbate more or less? (age 18)

I can't believe you could stand to masturbate any less. Most males your age masturbate every day, and a great many only take as long as you do. It is healthy to masturbate frequently. A team of doctors led by Dr. Graham Giles found that males who ejaculated most often when they were younger had the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week.

My next door neighbor is a beautiful twelve year old girl. I would never touch her or say anything suggestive to her, but when I masturbate, I think about seeing her naked body. Is this healthy, or not healthy? (age 15)

I think it's very healthy. I also think you should survey the panorama of beautiful girls, especially the ones who are closer to your age, and date a few of them. In four years, when you're 19 and the beautiful neighbor is 16, then maybe you could start going out. But don't fantasize only about her until then.

I have a fetish for a particular body part, and my girlfriend is disgusted by that part. How should I tell her? I'm worried she might think of me as disgusting because of it. (age 16)

You're young and can find another girlfriend who either shares your fetish or isn't disgusted by it. Might be a good time to move on.

I have masturbated since I was 15. Lately I am masturbating twice or thrice a day. I used to be able to masturbate for 3-5 minutes, but now I ejaculate in less than 1 minute and my penis is not rock hard as it was before. I have never had sexual intercourse. What is the solution? (age 18)

I suspect you're masturbating too often and that is why you're not getting erect for masturbation. Try cutting back to once a day and see if it makes a difference. You ought to be able to get a nice erection once a day.

I have had difficulty achieving an orgasm for about 6 years now. I can only ejaculate once in a blue moon when I have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years. Do I have a mental block or should I go see a doctor? (age 27)

I would definitely see a doctor about that. It's hard to believe you've waited six years. If you take anti-depressants, that's a likely cause.

Occasionally, I have some gay fantasies. It's not all the time but once in a while they appear. I am not gay and consider myself 100% straight. I've had relationships with girls and have had sex with them, and I truly enjoy all this. Sometimes when I masturbate, I have gay fantasies. They are not about anyone in specific. Sometimes when I just watch some porn and come across some gay porn, I start watching it. After I'm done I feel absolutely grossed out! Even seeing gay people acting in any way makes me feel uncomfortable. I do enjoy when two girls get it on, but who doesn't? (age 22)

Gay men? Straight women? It's normal to occasionally have fantasies like that. Don't let it bother you.

Lately I have started masturbating at my computer instead of doing it in bed. Is there any disadvantage to this? (age 17)

The only one I can think of is that your computer keyboard might get clogged with hair and bits of semen and lube. I suggest keeping a can of compressed air on hand and blowing it out every few weeks.

My friend and I masturbate together over the internet where we swap pictures of women. We recently started swapping pictures of each other's penises. We recently also began to discuss masturbating together in person. When I am really aroused when looking at women's pics and talking with my friend about them, sometimes I get the urge to actually perform sexual acts on him and have him perform them on me. But after I ejaculate it's all gone and I never have the urge to do these things unless we are talking online about women and I'm really really aroused. I think it would be cool to masturbate together but if we get so aroused I do not know if it could lead to doing a sexual thing that could be regretted later. I'm not gay and I do not get aroused by guys. Is this normal? What should I do? (age 19)

You seem to be getting on a slippery slope with your friend. You have gone from sharing photos over the Internet (which is completely normal) to masturbating together on the Internet (which I don't think many friends do) to talking about masturbating together in person (which is on the edge of being a sexual act). You also report having the urge to perform sex acts together (which would definitely be homosexual activity). I agree that if you masturbated together it would be easy for you to decide to engage in sex acts. You seem to believe that if this happened you would regret it later. But maybe you wouldn't. It's OK to be gay and lots of men are.

I'm 21, and I have had wet dreams since I was 14 or 15. Is it OK? I masturbated last when I was 14.

I find it very hard to believe that you haven't masturbated since you were 14. Wet dreams are OK, but not much better than that. Most males would rather have orgasms whenever they want instead of waiting for an occasional wet dream. You would be better off if you masturbated frequently.

My female cousin just randomly asked if I masturbate. Is that normal, and how would I respond to that? (age 14)

If you want to tell her, tell her. If you don't want to tell her, don't tell her. Tell her it's none of her business. I've never discussed masturbation with any of my numerous cousins.

I found your site helpful. I used to masturbate prone but now I masturbate on my back. I sometimes fantasize about my best friend (a guy) giving me oral sex when I masturbate. I also fantasize about having sex with my sister, who is 16. Does the first case make me gay? And is the second one normal? (age 14)

Neither of those fantasies is unheard of. You aren't gay just because of one fantasy. I hope you have lots and lots of fantasies and those are only two.

I have never ever masturbated before. What worries me a lot is that I have also never had a wet dream. My penis is small but I have hair around it now. Is there something wrong with me? Maybe gay? (age 16)

If you only recently got pubic hair, then you have late puberty. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, but it couldn't hurt to have your hormones checked by a doctor. It doesn't have anything to do with being gay. If you want to masturbate, now is a very good time to start, and you're reading the best web site to get you ready for it.

Do wet dreams make you lose energy? If yes, how many minutes/days do you have to rest to get back on track? (age 15)

Wet dreams burn hardly any calories. I'm not even sure how they'd be measured. You can wake up feeling perfectly refreshed, and maybe even with a smile.

With a normal habit of sex and masturbation is it possible for the brain to build up a tolerance to sexual pleasure over time? Can one desensitized?

Most males (and females) continue to have sex and masturbate into old age. Males in their 40s and 50s generally masturbate with less intensity than males in their teens. This all suggests that the body does not develop a tolerance to sexual pleasure. If it did, a lot of males would be tired of orgasm by age 14.

I haven't masturbated frequently since I was about 20. I have been having nocturnal emissions rather frequently since I stopped masturbating. I want them to stop but I don't want to begin masturbating again. Other than having sex, is there anything I can do? (age 23)

You might have some deeper problem that could use professional help. You don't want to masturbate, have sex, or have wet dreams. Ejaculation is necessary for male sexual health. You will have to ejaculate through one of those three ways. Masturbation is best because it can happen most often and doesn't lead to sexually transmitted diseases. I am inclined to believe that you have been masturbating about as often since age 20 as you were before that. I think you should keep up the frequent masturbating and enjoy it and be willing to admit it, at least to yourself.

I am turned on by the thought or sight of a woman urinating. I would love to have a girl urinate on me. I am entirely capable of being turned on and achieving orgasms in normal ways so is this strange fetish really a problem? Should I be trying to not have these thoughts? I have only told one person about this and that was my ex-girlfriend. She thought it was weird but not that big of a deal. (age 21)

Urophilia is a common fetish and/or paraphilia. There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about it. If you get to the level of actual paraphilia (sexual stimulation by urinating on someone or her urinating on you), then you run the risk of alienating someone with the suggestion. I think many women would be OK trying it once or twice but would not want to make it a regular activity. Also keep in mind that many women wouldn't even want to discuss it.

I masturbate extremely frequently and recently it hasn't been satisfying me as it used to. I'm having a more and more powerful urge to finally sleep with a woman, but I'm 19 and I havent had a serious girlfriend and I only went out with a girl once and she wanted to be friends only after one date. I get so nervous around girls but I really want a romantic relationship something special and if it leads to sex, I would love it. I cringe at asking girls out and I can't read girls well. What should I do? I always overthink things and I can imagine how a conversation with a particular girl would go but if I ever speak to a girl I am so shy and not as commanding as I should be. What can I do?

Start by lowering your standards. Find a female you can talk to and ask out without being overcome with nervousness. If you're only going for super-good looking girls or really outstanding smart women, your risk of failure is very high. Try talking to and going out with women who don't upset you just by talking to them. If you start going out with them, then maybe sex or at least kissing will fit in. I suspect you will be masturbating frequently for a while yet, so try to find it as satisfying as it used to be.

I keep having wet dreams 3 times every week. How can I make it stop? (age 15)

Masturbate. Masturbate. Masturbate.

I've been masturbating since around 13 regularly, sometimes multiple times a day. I am uncircumcised and I usually do it in a computer chair in my bedroom. Lately I got into a relationship and had sex for the first time, but I had trouble maintaining an erection and reaching orgasm. I have started masturbating with lotion, doing it in different positions, and going slower and only doing it every few days, but we've had sex multiple times since then and I still can't orgasm. I feel lost and helpless. What do you suggest I do? (age 17)

I suggest abstaining from masturbation for 5-7 days before your next intercourse. As you become successful at intercourse, you can reduce the interval.

I just started masturbating 3 months ago and when I stroke, after 2 minutes or so, it feels really, really good but then my head starts to hurt. Is that a problem? (age 12)

Hurting is never good. If it hurts, you're doing something wrong. Most circumcised males avoid touching the head and only stroke the shaft. If you use lube, then you can touch the head.

One day I was in my room alone masturbating and I had just finished and my mom got back home. She walked in and asked why my door was closed. I said I didn't know and she looked at me weird and I don't know if she knew what I was doing. She has almost walked in on me before and most of the time I wait until she is asleep to masturbate and she asks me a lot about why my door is closed at night. I'm nervous she will walk in on me. (age 13)

You might tell her that in case of fire, it's safer to sleep with the door closed because it will keep smoke out. Fire prevention experts recommends sleeping with bedroom doors closed. You might also mention that you're worried that music and other noise from your room might disturb her so you keep it closed in order to keep the noise down. You might also mention that you want privacy to masturbate, but I don't think you're going to do that.

How do males masturbate with a vibrator? (age 17)

Not many males do. A vibrator is primarily to serve the needs of females who use it to stimulate the clitoris. A few males use a vibrator to help produce an erection by using it on their penile head. Others help themselves reach erection by rubbing it to the perineum, the piece of skin between the scrotum and anus. There are also rubber sleeves attachable to large vibrators that a small to average sized erect penis can fit into. Some males masturbate that way, although I don't recommend it at all.

I would like a lock for my room for more privacy, but I'm afraid to ask. What can I do about it? (age 14)

You could install a lock on your own. Maybe no one will notice.

I share a room with my little brother who's 14. We have bunk beds. I sleep on the top. I usually masturbate at night when the TV's off and it's dark, whether he's awake or not, and I try not to moan with him in the room. However, I never hear him masturbate or anything. Maybe it sounds weird, but I'm worried. I know he knows what it is, but do you think he does it? (age 15)

The odds say he does. On their 14th birthdays, 74 percent of males have masturbated to orgasm, and by their 15th birthdays, more than 95 percent have. Perhaps he is more shy about it than you are and masturbates when he knows you're not home or does it in the bathroom.

I saw something strange in a show: A woman became sexually aroused by having her teeth brushed by someone else. Could this really be true? (age 22)

Yes, absolutely. There are many fetishes and paraphilas. Many people are sexually aroused not only by things that most people find non-sexual, but also by things that most people find downright disgusting, like urine and feces.

I go to the gym once or twice a week. I come home sweaty and sore but, every time, without fail, I end up getting a huge erection. No matter what, it comes when I get home. Why is this? Does it have something to do with testosterone? (age 17)

Testosterone production is involved, but it is normal for males your age to have frequent erections. Be glad you have them, and that they're huge. I suspect you have erections on days you don't go to the gym also. I don't know why they bother you.

I have nightfalls (wet dreams) from the age of 11, and still today I have two or more in a week. Can you advise me how to solve this? (age 22)

Masturbate. Masturbate. Masturbate. If you masturbate four times a week or more, you will probably put an end to wet dreams forever.

Thank you for all this information. I am just wondering that if there is any official information source that exists on the topic of prone masturbation/Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome. (age 37)

I don't know what would constitute an official information source. Like a government agency? I suppose if you want to go to the original sources, the articles page here or the section "When was TMS recognized as a problem?" on the main page or here would get you started. There is a link to Dr. Sank's web site in that section.

I masturbate around 5 times a week. I am attracted to women and I like them but I watch gay porn when I masturbate and I check out guys. Could I be homosexual? (age 13)

It's certainly possible. And if substantially more of your fantasies are about males than females, then I would say you are.

I don't understand why guys have to stop having sex when they ejaculate. With my girlfriend, I could ejaculate 2 or 3 times before I would stop. (age 16)

Do you mean you had two or three bursts of semen? That's not the same as ejaculating two or three times. Some males can have orgasms but keep from ejaculating so they can have multiple orgasms, but it's rare. When a male ejaculates, his penile head (glans) becomes very sensitive and stimulation has to stop.

Can I give myself elbow tendinitis from masturbating? How can I masturbate without causing any pain to my arm? (age 16)

Yes, it is possible to get or aggravate tennis elbow by masturbating. Masturbating (for most people) is a repetitive motion. Be glad that most males never get tendinitis. I would advise alternating hands. If that won't work, try using your other hand to move the arm you masturbate with.

If you have sex with a false vagina, does that fall under the category of masturbating? I can hardly believe that would count as losing your virginity. (age 16)

Masturbating is stimulating your own genitals for the purpose of increasing sexual response. If you stimulate your own genitals for the purpose of increasing sexual response using a false vagina, that is masturbating, not having sex. The only way to lose your virginity is to have sex with another person.

Is it OK that I ejaculate on myself and just let it dry when I masturbate at night? While I didn't mention myself in the discussion, my friends and I were talking about masturbating and they all mentioned using tissues. I lied and said I did too, but I don't see the problem because I shower in the morning. (age 17)

Yes, that is perfectly fine. A lot of males don't clean up and let it stay where it lands. That will probably not be a problem for you as long as it is dried semen, but keep in mind that people can smell fresh semen.

I've developed two small lumps on the side of my penis. When I squeeze them a white substance comes out. I'm concerned, and I have visited my doctor, but she said they were perfectly normal. Can you tell me what they are? (age 15)

I think you are circumcised. Males have two small glands that produce lubrication in the penis. When males are circumcised, one of these is removed and the other shrivels up and becomes useless. The remnant of the shriveled-up one might produce a little bit of lube that builds up under the skin but can be squeezed out. It's good that you asked your doctor.

I've felt an odd sensation recently while masturbating. A while ago I started getting really intense headaches halfway through and I thought it was just my position. They went away but recently while close to orgasm (or sometimes mid-orgasm) I've felt an odd feeling in my stomach, like I'm about to vomit (or have diarrhea) and the headaches have started coming back and it's really freaking me out. What could this be? (age 20)

Do a web search for "orgasm headache." Many males have experienced them, but most males only have a few of them in their lives. Only a small number have them regularly. Anticipating them can sometimes bring them on. Try not to think about them, and assume that you'll be able to masturbate without them. Masturbating does not cause vomiting or diarrhea, so I think you should ignore those feelings as best you can.

When is the earliest you can have a wet dream? I had one at the age of 12 and all my friends think that's weird. (age 13)

I've heard credible reports of wet dreams and ejaculation as young as 8. If a male can ejaculate, he can have a wet dream, and if he can have a wet dream, he can masturbate to orgasm. Most males have their first ejaculation at or by age 12. There is nothing at all unusual about you having one at that age. Probably a lot of your friends never had wet dreams at all -- they started masturbating first -- and so they think the whole wet dream is weird.

I just want to let everyone know that I'm 15, I masturbate about 4 times a week, and I still get wet dreams at least once a month. The wet dreams are most unpleasant. I do not like them at all. How can I stop them?

Usually masturbating four times a week or more will put a stop to wet dreams. In your case, at exactly four times a week, you are still having occasional wet dreams. Since most males your age masturbate more than you do, I would suggest masturbating every day, or at least more than four times a week. Most males who are experienced with dreams enjoyed them, and many miss them now that they no longer have them. If you could find a way to enjoy them, that would also help your situation.

I am 16 and would like to know if it is illegal to date a 13 year old. I live in New Jersey.

There are no laws against dating, but states have requirements for having sexual intercourse. In New Jersey, the age of consent is 16, and someone as young as 13 may consent to sex with someone no more than four years older. Despite this, I advise you against having sex with a 13-year-old. It's apt to lead to problems.

I might be bi. My male friend and I masturbate together occasionally. I want a long term relationship with a woman and I prefer women much more, but sometimes when I masturbate with my friend, I wouldn't mind having oral sex and manual stimulation. If I want to do that, how would I go about actually doing it? This person would probably be my only male encounter. (age 20)

If you think you might be bisexual, then by definition, your friend would not be your only male encounter. He would only be the first. If you want to engage further with him, you'll have to ask him and be prepared if he doesn't want to.

I have never masturbated to orgasm. I tried to do it but it didn't work for me. I had my last wet dream a month ago. I have been trying masturbating but I'm neither having orgasms nor ejaculating. Why am I not having any wet dreams? (age 16 1/2)

It is not unusual to go a month between wet dreams even if a male is not masturbating. Usually it is actual masturbating to orgasm that puts an end to wet dreams, but some anecdotal evidence suggests that merely masturbating short of orgasm can also inhibit wet dreams. At your age, I would much more encourage you to learn to masturbate than to try to get wet dreams again. Please read my page for young males and also the main page for masturbating males for suggestions of how to get started.

I masturbate almost every day but I still have wet dreams almost every night. (age 17)

You did not ask a question, but if you want to stop having wet dreams, then masturbate more often. That works for nearly everyone. If you want to continue having wet dreams, then be advised that your masturbation frequency suggests they might stop forever at any time.

How can I cause a wet dream? (age 12)

At your age, if you're not masturbating already, if you don't masturbate, then I suspect you'll be having wet dreams within a year. If you're already masturbating frequently (more than three times a week), then I don't think you'll ever have a wet dream. However, I should point out that frequent ejaculating is better for your sexual health than waiting for an infrequent wet dream.

I think I am very late to puberty because I've been masturbating prone since about 6, but only a few months ago I was able to ejaculate and I'll be 17 in a few months. My penis is only 4.5 inches long, and kind of wide. Is this normal for a late bloomer to puberty? I am going to quit masturbating prone right now. Somehow I knew all along it was probably bad to do, but it got to the point where it was almost addicting. I'm going to abstain for a week and then try the conventional way. (age 16)

Sixteen is very late to ejaculate for the first time, but since you're ejaculating now, then there's nothing to be fixed. If you're late to puberty, your penis is apt to grow more. Congratulations on deciding to give up prone masturbation.

I've been masturbating for a year. My peer group consists of very intellectual guys and I have really good rapport with my teachers, parents, etc. I NEVER NEVER had any talk about sex with anyone. So I don't any if any of my friends masturbate. They don't appear to. It sucks! Do you think I must quit masturbation because of this? Before I discovered masturbation, I was scoring not less than 95-96% at school, but gradually, though my marks remained the same, I personally feel my intellectual ability has come down, and my concentration is reduced too. I have thought about this a lot of times and it appears masturbation is the cause of it. Do you too think so? Should I stop masturbating? (age 15)

You couldn't stop masturbating if you wanted to. Your peer group consists of very intellectual guys who masturbate daily and don't talk about it. Masturbating will not affect your grades in school. It is good for your sexual health. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, the average college graduate (2084 men) masturbates 5.82 times per week. The average man who has been to graduate or professional school (919 men) masturbates 5.58 times per week, and the average medical doctor (25 men) masturbates 5.72 times per week. Masturbating didn't wreck these men's chances of excelling in school. You shouldn't believe it will hurt yours either. There are a lot of changes that males (and females) go through at about the same time they start masturbating. You shouldn't blame what's happening on your life on masturbating. Work at thinking of masturbation as a gift and a joy instead of something that sucks. I promise you will like it better.

Is autofelatio considered a homosexual act? (age 21)

No. Autofellatio, performing oral sex on onesself, is a form of masturbation.

I just discovered my 13 year old brother masturbating. He doesn't know I know about him, and our family is pretty quiet on the topic of sex. What should I say to him? (age 16)

You don't need to say anything. Just respect his privacy. He will probably never bring it up either.

I have been masturbating for about 9 months now. My friends say one should only masturbate if one is horny. I tried that but I would rarely get the chance. I used to watch porn but I stopped because it's too risky and as a Christian, I'm not comfortable with it. My parents are pretty strict and probably won't let me have a Playboy. What should I do?

Most guys your age masturbate daily. It's a normal thing to do. It's healthy too. Research suggests that males who masturbate most often when they're young have the least incidence of prostate cancer later. The doctor who authored that study recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week.

Is it considered homosexual if you ejaculate on yourself or your face and even taste and swallow some of your semen? (age 22)

No. Homosexual means sexually involved or interested in other males. About 10 percent of males regularly eat their semen as a way of cleaning up after masturbating. It is not homosexual.

How long after your first wet dream can you start to masturbate? (age 13)

Immediately. If you can have a wet dream, you can masturbate to orgasm. Most males have their first orgasm from masturbation.

Toward the end of my masturbation, I get red splotches on my chest. What are they? (age 14)

That is sex flush. It's an occasional side effect of orgasm. If you notice the splotches on your chest, they're probably on your face too. Check a mirror. And keep in mind people can figure out what you've been doing if you're unexpectedly flushed.

I do gymnastics. I have to work on splits a lot and I was wondering if they affect my penis in any way. (age 13)

Gymnastics and the splits especially increase your risk of genital injury. But if you don't get injured, gymnastics won't affect your sexuality.

I'm going on a church youth group event. There isn't going to be much privacy. I'm obviously not going to masturbate in front of them, or even if I think they are asleep. What should I do? (age 16)

Can you masturbate in the bathroom? I think that's what most people would do. You might check my page about masturbating in dorms for more ideas.

You said that doctors don't usually ask if you masturbate. A doctor did to me once. He was examining my penis and he asked how often I masturbate. I was shocked but I figured he knew so I said almost every day. He said that's normal. I asked why he needed to ask, and he said he wanted me to get an erection so he could examine my penis better, and it worked. (age 19)

Thank you for sharing that experience. You helped your exam by being truthful with the doctor.

I am very unsure about my sexuality. More unsure about my gender. I was born a male but have often had thoughts that I should be female. I am thinking about getting into therapy so I can have the surgery someday. I really hate masturbating, but I do it anyway. I hate masturbating because it reminds me so much that I'm in a male body. There's no way to sit there stroking your penis without being totally aware that you're in a male body. (age 23)

I urge you to get professional help for your gender issues. A professional can help you decide if surgery or something else is right for you. Keep in mind that females masturbate too, so whether you have the surgery or not, you'll always be a member of a gender that does a lot of masturbating.

I get very turned on by watching girls urinating or thinking about girls urinating. I masturbate with the usual porn that guys use, but fantasies of urination just get me going like nothing else. I feel ashamed about it and wish I could change. (age 18)

I say hooray for you because you can get turned on by something that doesn't arouse most of us, in addition to that which does. Urophilia is a common fetish. I think a lot of people understand it because urination involves the private parts. Most guys are aware of girls urinating through their private parts before they're aware that those parts have another use. Same with girls knowing about boys. They know boys urinate with their penises before they learn all the tricks penises can do. I don't think you should be ashamed

I had a wet dream on an airplane once, almost. I was sitting next to a girl and we slept together. Not in the sexual sense, but we slept on the plane with bodies overlapping. When we woke up and sat normally, I went back to sleep. I was just about to have a wet dream when the girl spotted my penis moving inside my pants and hit me with a pillow to wake me up. (age 17)

Wow, that is a really cool wet dream story, almost. Thanks for sharing it. I hope you got even with that girl for ruining your orgasm.

Follow-up: I got to have some major contact with her breasts while we were sleeping, so I feel like I was ahead even without a wet dream afterward. After the plane landed, I went home and masturbated.

You didn't need to add that last part. I think everybody guessed.

I would like to know what you think about an unusual orgasm I had the other night. I was sleeping and woke up erect. I got up to go to the bathroom, but there was something very strange about my erection. It felt very sensitive, not the way it usually feels when I have to urinate, but almost like it does right before ejaculating. After I finished, the erection did not go down like it usually does when I'm done urinating. I went back to bed and masturbated, but while I was doing it I drifted off into this kind of half-dreaming, half-awake state. I wasn't even fantasizing, but within like a minute, I had one of the most intense orgasms I've ever had. It was like an electric penis. I have not had a wet dream since I started masturbating more than 12 years ago. (age 26)

If you were younger, I would guess you were about to have a wet dream when you woke up, but as you note, your wet dreams are well behind you. Males (and females) can experience arousal in sleep even when it doesn't lead to an orgasm. Not every erection (waking or nocturnal) is accompanied by arousal. You were sufficiently aroused that even urination was not enough to get you out of that arousal. It sounds like a happy experience, and I hope you have more like it. Maybe pay attention to your erections when next you wake up erect.

I barely remember my first wet dream. It happened right after we moved house and I was in a sleeping bag on the floor because the beds were not yet installed. I had a few more that fall that I don't remember anymore, but the first memorable one was about two months after the first one. I was dreaming about my sister's hot new friend and I dreamed that I chased her down and tackled her. Right when I tackled her, I ejaculated. I had many more wet dreams between then and when I started masturbating, but that one stands out as the most memorable. (age 24)

That is how wet dreams work. You ejaculate when your penis touches something in the dream. Males I hear from always report that the ones involving actual contact with girls are the most memorable.

Do you have to have an orgasm to ejaculate? (age 12)

No. You can have an orgasm without ejaculating or ejaculate without having an orgasm, but they are most fun when they happen together.

In your "What is TMS" section, you say that even the most avid practitioner of prone masturbation can ejaculate by hand in within 1-2 weeks, but in your male masturbation section you say most guys don't notice results for 3 months and aren't completely cured until about a year later. Which one is the truth? (age 20)

They are all the truth. A male who has only masturbated prone can masturbate to orgasm by hand after a week or so of abstaining from masturbation. A male who gives up prone masturbation will notice his erections are different after about three months, and he may not even remember what prone masturbation was like after a year of conventional masturbation.

I have been masturbating for 2-3 years now and I always have done it the same way. I rub the shaft and the head of my penis against my abdomen until I reach orgasm and ejaculate. I have tried a few times to masturbate conventionally by stroking up and down my penis with my hand, but it always feels weird and unstimulating. Is my way an OK way to masturbate or will I have to change to conventional? (age 15)

I highly recommend that you change. At least try conventional for a month so that you're sure you can do it. All males should be able to masturbate by stroking their penis with their hand. It's a basic sexual skill. The way you're doing it is an atypical way of masturbating, but I don't think it's as harmful as doing it prone. Abstaining from masturbation for 5-7 days will let you masturbate conventionally much more easily than you've experienced.

I have masturbated daily since I was 16. Will it affect my health and fertility? (age 21)

Masturbating is good for your health and fertility. It keeps your sex organs in good functioning condition. Masturbating helps your fertility by getting rid of the oldest sperm. A male who's masturbated recently has a better chance of impregnating a woman than a male who hasn't.

Did you hear about the kid who died from masturbating 42 times? How is this possible? (age 14)

He didn't die specifically from masturbating. He died from overexerting himself. You can die by overdoing any physical activity. If you know how to masturbate, you stop when you have an orgasm and then you relax until you can do it again. After a few masturbation sessions in series, your penis will hurt and you won't be able to do it anymore. Thus, you take a break after each orgasm, and you stop when you've had enough. As long as you do that, you won't die in a masturbating session.

I've been masturbating since I was about 13. I always seem to get erections at everything. I get them maybe 10 times probably even more a day. I lost my virginity when I was 14 and since have had sex with only two people. I masturbate maybe 3 or 4 times a week. Why is it I still get erections for no reason? And at the littlest of things? (age 15)

Erections are good. They are a sign of sexual health. They exercise your penis and its blood vessels. An erection is never bad. When you're young, you have them frequently, most often every 90-120 minutes, and they last 20 minutes each. As you get older, you won't have spontaneous erections like that anymore, and you will miss them. So enjoy them while you still have them. When you get older, you'll only have erections when you want them, and sometimes not even then.

I have Fordyce spots on the base of my penis, both on the top and bottom. Do girls notice these things? How should I explain that it's not an STD if my new (first) girlfriend sees them? (age 17)

Fordyce spots are pretty small and hard to detect. I also doubt your girlfriend has seen many penises, and when (if) she sees yours, she might not even be paying attention to the skin pattern. If she really asks, just tell her that they're normal and many males have them. They are actually a skin variation similar to freckles. Don't be self-conscious of yours.

I'm a virgin. I've never really even considered masturbating, and the only times I've ever ejaculated was through wet dreams, which I get about twice a month. I was pretty much horrified when I looked around this site and saw how "far behind" I am. I read through everything on this site, especially on how to masturbate, and I tried it out. I was at it for over 20 minutes and barely anything happened. I also want to emphasize the fact that I have been taking Zoloft and generic versions of it since I was 12 because of a chemical imbalance leading to high anxiety, which I've had pretty much since I was born. I'm very well aware of the side effects involving ejaculatory problems using Zoloft, and in fact, that's how I stumbled upon this site.

I really don't even want to think about talking about this with my parents (I live at home) because of how much they push Christianity. The're not really crazy with it, but to put some perspective on my situation, my mom works at a Lutheran church as a pre-school teacher, and I was also circumcised at birth.

I'm very reluctant about the idea of having to go to a doctor about this, but I will if it seems necessary. I just really need some help on what I can do about this. Please help, I REALLY want to ejaculate!! (I don't know if this will help either, but I also want to mention that I was born prematurely by one month and I'm curious if this has anything to do with my problem). (age 19)

The doctor is there to help and serve you. He has heard many times before from people who are suffering from sexual side effects due to antidepressants. He will be willing to prescribe you a different antidepressant (perhaps Wellbutrin) to help you get over it. Don't be afraid to tell the doctor you masturbate (even though you probably won't have to use that word). He masturbates too. He also knows that if he doesn't fix the problem, you will be likely to discontinue the Zoloft and not replace it with something else.

So get a new prescription and practice masturbating. You will enjoy it and be glad you did. You won't have to discuss it with your parents at all. And I doubt your premature birth has anything to do with it.

I'm a 24 year old virgin, Asian, 5'4", with an athletic build. I'm currently abstaining from masturbation. It was last week that I had a wet dream. I had it after almost 2 1/2 weeks or like a month of not masturbating. I immediately woke up after ejaculating, pulled my underwear down and witnessed my penis slowly pumping out semen after the initial ejaculation. I watched it feeling dumbstruck because I was only mildly aroused/erect. I usually shoot when I ejaculate during masturbation. I had clothes on when all this happened. My semen did not have its usual odor.

You did not ask a question, but I have to say I don't believe you. You start by volunteering a lot of information that isn't relevant. You report the wet dream by starting with the awkward, "It was last week that..." You don't seem to know whether it was "almost 2 1/2 weeks" or "like a month" since you had masturbated last. What you describe about waking up does not ring true. A male would be done expelling semen by the time he woke up and got his underwear down. He would not be aroused or erect at all in that moment. After 2 1/2 weeks or a month, the semen would be very yellow and smell much more intense than it usually does. I have to conclude that you neither had a wet dream nor stopped masturbating for a month and have made up this story to lead people to believe that you did. Why not accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.

I've never seen a site as helpful as this one! Thank you! I have been masturbating for a long time now and my technique is getting old. It is the "common one" I'd say. Do you have any tips or new techniques I can try? (age 14)

Scientists agree that "the common one" is so standard for males that many authors don't bother to mention any other techniques. If you want variety, I suggest using lube. There are oil-based, water-based, and silicon-based lubes. They each feel different. Different brands of the same kind of lube also feel different. Lubes can feel more intense when you warm them up (like by dipping the bottle in a mug of hot water) before masturbating. And for a really different sensation, try masturbating to orgasm while kneeling.

I am having problems ejaculating when my girlfriend gives me oral sex or when she gives me a hand job. Could it be due to masturbation? (I masturbate once or twice a day.) Should I abstain from masturbation for a while? (age 19)

Yes, that is a very good idea. Masturbating twice a day is incompatible with being sexually active with a partner for most people. I suggest you abstain from masturbating for a day or two before your next encounter and see if it makes a difference. If not, abstain longer. As you get better with having sex, you can reduce the interval and see how long you optimally need to wait.

I live with my mom and younger brother (he's 14). We're really close and we used to share a bedroom until about two years ago. He's recently been asking me increasingly invasive questions about sex: At first it was just the usual "what is it? how does it happen?" kind of thing but lately he's been asking me questions about myself and my body, like how hairy is it and how big is my penis. He wants me to actually show him how to masturbate and for me to check if he's "growing properly." I feel really uncomfortable with this and I've been trying my best to dance around the subject but he's just getting more persistent and I don't want to ruin our relationship. What should I do? (age 17)

The first rule of sex education is to never talk about yourself. Let him know you're willing to answer his general questions about sex but you won't talk about yourself. How much have you volunteered about yourself over the years? If you've been in the habit of saying things like, "When I was your age, I ..." he might just be responding to that. I don't think your relationship will be harmed if you're firm about not talking about yourself but cool about telling him general information. Also, he must see boys in the locker room, so he knows how big and hairy post-pubescent genitals are.

Where can you buy lubricant for a low price preferably in a large size? (age 16)

Target and Walmart sell K-Y Liquid and Astroglide both in small sized (2.5 oz) bottles and large sized (5 oz) bottles. The large bottle of Astroglide is only about $8.

When I masturbate it does not feel that good and after a while my penis just starts to hurt. Why is this? (age 13)

I suspect you are using too much force. Take a few days off from masturbating and wait until you have a firm, natural erection. Stroke your penis with as little force as will make a difference. Doing that for 10-15 minutes should produce an enjoyable orgasm and ejaculation.

Occasionally after masturbation I still have the clear fluid coming out slowly and experience irritation on urinating. The irritation lasts for a while. Other times, when something arouses me to the point of clear liquid just sneaking out, I feel the same irritation for some time. It mostly happens after some clear liquid has just come out, and I become conscious of it. Other times, it's perfectly normal. I don't masturbate regularly. (age 24)

It would be better if you masturbated or ejaculated some other way regularly. If you are sexually aroused without ejaculation, or if you ejaculate, it is good to urinate soon after to flush out any unejaculated semen or pre-cum. It's a good thing that you can get so aroused that pre-cum flows. Good for you!

I hit puberty 1 1/2 years ago and my penis hasn't grown. I also realize that my penis isn't actually hard at 5.5 inches so how do I get compeletely hard and has my penis stopped growing? (age 15)

5.5 inches is an adult size, so obviously your penis has grown. It might grow another inch, or it might have stopped. When your penis is 5.5 inches, it should be pretty hard. I think the problem might be with your perspective.

Does anyone get tummy fat if they masturbate? I see an increase in my tummy size after masturbation, even though I work out at the gym and swim. (age 25)

You're at the age where abdominal fat starts to creep up on you, but I promise you it isn't from masturbating. If anything, masturbating will help you burn fat. Keep up with the gym and swimming and also the masturbating.

I need some of your expertise on a matter. I'm straight but when I watch lesbian porn, I enjoy it but find it harder to orgasm when watching that instead of straight porn. I also get turned on when the woman gives the man fellatio. It's almost like my brain hates the idea of penises but my penis doesn't (if that makes sense). I do not ever watch gay porn. Would you consider me bi? I feel no attraction to guys but get turned on in porn by them. Please this has been bothering me! (age 17)

There is really no such thing as "lesbian porn." What you are watching was made by straight men for straight men. There is nothing wrong with you if you enjoy it. I would not consider you bi because you watch "lesbian porn." In straight porn, you're watching a man have a good time, and that's what you're reacting to. I think it would be better if you reduced your porn intake and instead used your imagination more to help you masturbate.

I was 7 the first time I masturbated. Do you think it is normal? (age 12)

You were earlier than average, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it.

I masturbate a lot and I love everything about it but is it wrong if I like to taste my own semen after I'm done and ejaculate? (age 13)

No, not at all. At least half of males have tried that and about one in ten regularly cleans up that way.

I have been masturbating since I was 13 years old. When I stops it then within 10 days I get nightfall. What should I do? I want to stop masturbating. (age 25)

I don't think you will ever stop masturbating. If you manage to give it up for 10 days at a time, you will have nightfall (wet dreams). You have to ejaculate one way or the other. I think it is better if you masturbate and masturbate often. Then you will not have wet dreams.

Is edging frequently harmful to my penis, because I've had pain and swelling recently around where I grip and this has never happened before. (age 19)

Edging means masturbating short of ejaculation. When you masturbate, it is better if you ejaculate. You will enjoy ejaculation, and your private parts will flush out the fluids that have accumulated inside them. When you edge, you don't relieve your glands, and you wind up producing more fluid that makes them ache. Also, when you masturbate for a long time, you run the risk of hurting your penis. It is better if you have a quick (10-15 minute) masturbation session and then ejaculate.

I usually masturbate in bed by pulling down on the skin at the base of my penis. Is this TMS and is it dangerous to do it this way? (age 16)

That is not TMS, but it is better if you stroke the length of your penis or at least the length of your shaft. If you use lube, you can stroke up and down the entire penis. You will enjoy it more if you stimulate the entire penis or shaft and not just the base.

Most times when I masturbate, I use my right hand while lying down, and then if I think I am going to be able to climax, I sit on my knees and jack off with my left hand. Sometimes, this is the only way that I am able to achieve an orgasm. Is this normal? (age 17)

There is nothing wrong with masturbating in either position you describe, but you ought to be able to reach orgasm every time. Also, when a male is masturbating lying down and realizes he's going to orgasm, he just finishes in that position. He doesn't switch to a kneeling position. I think you ought to figure out why reaching orgasm is a challenge for you.

I still have wet dreams occasionally; is this normal to still have wet dreams at the age of 20?

Most males who have wet dreams stop having them shortly after they learn to masturbate, but a few males continue to have them into adulthood. There is nothing wrong with them. I suspect if you masturbated more often than you do now that they would stop completely.

I know that alcohol can cause a tingling burning sensation on the penis and your other extremities, but is it normal for it to cause red spots to appear on your penis? If so, how long would the effect last? (age 22)

You are correct about the warming sensation that alcohol can produce, but I am unaware of it producing red spots on the penis. If they don't go away quickly, they could be a sign of a medical problem and should be seen by a doctor. I think a lot of red spots on the penis are caused by masturbating or having sex without proper lubrication.

Is rubbing against my undies a form of TMS? (age 14)

Yes. You want to masturbate by rubbing your penis with your hand, not by rubbing your penis against something.

I forced my semen in once. Will I be OK or have I damaged the vessels/nerves? (age 14)

I doubt you would have caused a permanent problem by doing that only once. Just don't make it a habit. It is better for your private parts to let your semen shoot out as it wants to.

What does an orgasm feel like? I haven't found this information for males on your site, and I think it would be a good idea to add it to the "Young Man's Guide to Masturbation." (age 12)

An orgasm starts with a pumping feeling inside the pelvis. That's the prostate gland contracting. It feels really nice to touch the penis in the seconds before an orgasm. Then comes ejaculation, and semen squirts out from the penis in a series of waves. Most people relax and let the pleasurable feeling spread throughout the body. Within a few seconds, the penis becomes too sensitive to touch.

I have nothing that arouses me. I have tried thinking of girls, guys (reluctantly), and everything in between. I can get myself up by just by starting to masturbate soft, then I get harder quickly. But is there a point if I can't think of anything? I don't want to try visual stimulus (or whatever it's called, basically porn.) because I find it gross. Is this normal? What can I do about it? (age 12)

You are pretty young. Many boys your age aren't masturbating yet. You sound like you're trying to force something to happen that your body isn't ready for. Keep your eyes open when you're at school or out in public and take notice about what things about girls (or guys) you want to look at more. I suspect that within a year, you'll have figured out how to masturbate to orgasm without any problem.

I masturbate in the shower, and every time I do, I have the urge to urinate, even if I really don't have to. I try to rub harder and then the feeling passes. I haven't ejaculated yet. When will this change? (age 12)

You are trying too hard. When you are really in the mood for masturbating, you will not need to rub so hard. Do it when you are very aroused and relaxed. The shower is a tough place to start. It's easier to relax in bed.

My penis is small in comparision to my friends' penises. They tease me that I cannot satisfy my girlfriend and she will leave me because of this, because girls like big and hard penises. (age 15)

Your "friends" are jerks. They have never seen your penis erect, so they don't know how big it really is. Most penises are between 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 inches when erect. They don't know anything about satisfying women. Girls don't care as much about penises as you think; they for the whole guy. Your penis is fine, but you need better friends.

I started masturbating at age 12 and don't recall having a wet dream. Is it possible to never have a wet dream? (age 14)

Yes. Only 60 percent of males ever have wet dreams. The other 40 percent started masturbating before they could have one.

Is sleeping nude unhealthy? (age 14)

Not at all.

Can masturbation cause irritation on uncircumcised men? (age 20)

Masturbation is rubbing against sensitive skin, and it can irritate anyone. Uncircumcised men have more protection of their glans from their foreskin and the natural lube produced under it, but this might not be enough to keep vigorous masturbation from irritating. I suggest using a water-based lube to supplement your natural lube.

I have masturbated twice a day for the past 8 years. Is there any problem I can face in long run by masturbating this often? Sometimes I dont get a good erection while having sex. Is it healthy to do masturbation that often? (age 25)

Twice a day every day is very high for your age. Most men your age masturbate about once a day. Since you're already having problems, it would be a good idea to cut down to once a day or so and abstain from masturbating for 3-5 days before having intercourse.

I'm a 14 year old male and I have been masturbating for about 6 months now and can't ejaculate. Is that bad?

Keep at it. You're new. Keep your mind focused on something that arouses you. Eventually you will reach orgasm and enjoy it greatly.

How do I get rid of wet dreams? (age 22)

Masturbate. Masturbate. Masturbate.

What are the hazards of masturbating? What is the best rate for masturbating per week? (age 23)

Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It has remarkably few hazards. To learn more, read my page for young males. Most men your age masturbate once a day.

Can you get an STD through masturbating with dirty hands, or forgetting to wash them from coming home from the shops or school? (age 14)

No.

How many babies can be produced by one sexual intercourse? If we want to have sons/daughters is there a need to do sex 2 times and 3 times for 3 children? (I do not mean twins)(age 14)

Each birth will need its own act of intercourse. As a practical matter, married couples have sex over 100 times a year no matter how many or few babies they have.

I want to remove my wet dream problem. Please help me. (age 23)

You need to help yourself. Help yourself daily by masturbating to orgasm and your wet dream problem will stop forever.

Is a dental dam for performing cunnilingus the same as one a dentist would use? I looked them up online and it looks like something Hannibal Lector would wear, and I can't imagine how a woman would be turned on when her partner is wearing one. (age 15)

A dental dam is just a sheet of latex. The ones used for cunnilingus are often flavored, while the ones dentists use are not. A male does not "wear" a dental dam to perform cunnilingus; he holds a sheet of latex over the female's vulva and stimulates her orally through the latex.

I have dark circles. Some say it's due to masturbation. Is there any truth in this? I masturbate only about 2-5 times a month. I also have wet dreams. I kind of assumed (before reading your site) that masturbation is causing wet dreams. Where did I go wrong? (age 24)

Masturbation does not cause dark circles under your eyes, unless it's keeping you from getting enough sleep. Most men your age masturbate around 30 times a month. You're having wet dreams because you masturbate so little.

I had my first masturbation session and ejaculation yesterday. It felt so amazing that I wanted to do it again so today I did it again but I went overboard and did it three times in one day. Do you have any advice to control it a little and how many times is best? (age 14)

Congratulations on your new discovery. Your pattern is a common one. I think a lot of males masturbate many times the second day they do it. Most males masturbate about once a day, but at your age, many boys do it twice a day. I think after a few weeks of doing it you'll have a better idea what your average frequency will be.

About a month ago I started going out with my first girlfriend ever, and so naturally I have been getting erections every time we have physical contact. Kissing, hugging, you name it, it gets me hard. If she knows that I'm constantly erect when I'm with her, I know that she will think I'm some kind of pervert, that I'm always thinking about sex or something. Of course, I'm not thinking about sex. It's just that the whole physical contact thing is really new and so I have very little control over my erections. If she brings it up, I want to know how I can explain it to her. I don't want her to think that I'm some kind of pervert, and that it's simply a matter of biology. (age 18)

You don't seem to think your girlfriend is very understanding. She would probably be flattered to know she gives you erections. I wouldn't be surprised if she has already noticed them, or at least noticed the way you squirm in your pants when you're physical with her. I think if you tell her what you just wrote to me, it will be an adequate explanation.

I've heard that masturbation can reduce testosterone in males but there's also a lot of people that say it increases testosterone levels. Which is it? (age 13)

Masturbation neither increases nor decreases testosterone levels. Testosterone affects masturbation, not the other way around.

Is it bad for real sex if you use a masturbation toy (Fleshlight) all the time? (age 20)

Males who masturbate conventionally have the easiest time being successful in intercourse. The Fleshlight and its competitors have not been on the market for long enough that we know the long-term effects of them, but I discourage their use. Masturbating by hand is good enough for 90 percent of men.

I'm a junior in college and during class I end up looking at girls and as the professor is lecturing, I start fantasizing having sex with these girls in a good deal of detail and I end up getting erections. Is this normal? (age 20)

Yes, that is very normal. Now you understand why guys like to sit in the back in class. But as a professor, I think students who pay attention to me do better than students who daydream.

Follow-up: While guys look at girls and imagine having sex with them in the class, do girls in the class do the same about the guys?

Yes. I knew a female student in college who told me she was moving to the back of the room where she could stare at the teaching assistants. I remembered that when I was a TA myself. It's good to be a TA.

I masturbated for the first time last night. Some semen squirted onto my forehead. Is that normal? (age 13)

It's a good thing. Congratulations to you.

When I was about 7 years old, my dad caught me touching myself in the shower. He immediately scolded me and told me never to do that again. He doesn't have a problem with me seeing him naked, as he often calls me to get stuff for him after he gets out of the shower, and it kinda freaks me out. Now, I am in the midst of puberty, and my parents haven't addressed the subject of sex. I have explored HealthyStrokes.com, and I have found it much more informative than other Internet sites. Showing this to my mom won't get me anywhere. Showing it my dad is out of the question entirely. If you get what I'm asking, could you please help me? (age 14)

No, I don't get what you're asking. Do you want me to tell you it's OK to masturbate? You've already read my site. Your dad won't scold you now. Anyway, what will you do differently if he does? Do you not want to help your dad when he's naked? Just tell him that.

I don't masturbate very often but when I do I picture one of my friends and I think how disappointed it would make them if they knew I masturbate and then I get guilty. This has made me not masturbate. Why do I feel guilty?

Everyone feels guilty about masturbating occasionally. If they didn't, then they would have less reason to mate with other people and make babies, and the species would die off. So a little guilt about masturbation occasionally is good for you. Your friends would not be disappointed in you for masturbating. They would probably be disappointed if you didn't masturbate. They probably all masturbate themselves. I think you should enjoy it and do it more often.

Why shouldn't I masturbate with other people?

You shouldn't do it when you're young. Save it for when you're older and better able to deal with it. At a young age, it is easy for someone to exploit you sexually by inviting you to masturbate with them. When you are older, you will better be able to tell the difference between being exploited and sharing a positive sexual relationship with someone.

Ever since my 14th birthday I get a small amount of clear liquid in my hand after masturbating. Usually I wipe it on my leg. Recently, I see the clear liquid is white when in a small puddle. What does this mean? (age 14)

You weren't producing all the components of semen before but now you probably are. Your semen will now come out white and turn clear within a minute. It will also be stickier, and I bet you've already noticed.

I discovered I had TMS last night. Thank you for writing this site. I thought I was alone. (age 18)


I'm bipolar and I have Asperger's syndrome. So does my older brother. He's 25 and virgin, and he's never had a girlfriend. I realize that there is a large possibility I'll die a virgin. My other problem is that I'm into BDSM and I'm a furry, and I can only get hard on furries (either male or female) who are participating in BDSM. Humans and normal sex don't interest me. Any ideas how to lose my virginity and how do I deal with my sexual impotence and is this normal? (age 16)

Nothing you mentioned is normal. I would suggest doing more with male friends your age. Try to diversify your interests beyond furries and BDSM. Most people aren't into those things. You would be better off finding ways to become sexually active with a female (or male) at the age it's appropriate for you. You are only 16 and might live another 85 years. How can you conclude it is a large possibility of dying a virgin? Stop thinking about that and work on being friends with many people and eventually being sexually active with one or more of them. Try to be a good example for your older brother. Don't follow the path he's taken.

I am 40. I still masturbate once a day. Is it good for my health?

Yes, very. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.

I've been masturbating for about half a year. I'm worried, because I think my family is getting suspicious. I am scared about this. Is that normal? I have trained myself to be quiet, is that good? (age 13)

When you say your family is getting suspicious, do you mean they're getting correct? That is nothing to be scared of. It is normal to masturbate beginning at puberty, and your family members certainly know that. Being quiet can be a good idea when you live with other people, and I suspect that someday you'll learn the value of not being quiet all the time.

Sometimes the skin on my scrotum gets crackly and peels (rarely). Could this be serious? My penis head has a bumpy texture. Could this also be serious? (age 13)

I doubt that either of those are serious. Both could be addressed by using lube to masturabte. Water-based lube also functions as a moisturizer.

How would you advise having a basic relationship with a girl that could eventually become sexual? (age 13)

I hope you aren't sexually active for several years, but you could start by saying hi to girls who are friendly to you and inviting one or more of them to come over and watch a movie or play a game or something.

I've been masturbating for abor a year and a half. About three months ago when my right arm would be bent during daily strokings, I would straighten my arm and my elbow would make a cracking noise and I could feel it. Recently the cracking has been causing sharp pains. It's also happening in my left elbow. (age 14)

I recommend seeing a doctor about that. That is neither normal nor caused by masturbating. You could probably describe the problem to your doctor without mentioning masturbation. You would probably experience the same if you lifted weights. Even so, don't be embarrassed to tell the doctor you masturbate. He masturbates too.

Is sex always supposed to feel good for women? I've been having sex with my girlfriend for a few months now but she only feels good when I do it oral with her! Inserting my penis into her does not always turn her on! What could be the reasons and what's the solution? (age 21)

Women tend to have an easier time reaching orgasm through masturbation, manual intercourse, or cunnilingus than through coitus. It might be she's sexually inexperienced. Until she can have orgasms regularly in intercourse, it would be a good idea for you to give her cunnilingus beforehand. You will also enjoy sex with her more after she's had an orgasm through oral stimulation.

My girlfriend and I do not engage in sexual activity and we are not planning on it. She had oral sex on one occasion in the past, and I want her to get a blood test for any STDs. Also, what are the risks for STDs when it comes to manual intercourse? (age 21)

There is almost no risk at all to STDs from manual intercourse. It is safe sex. It is also extremely unlikely your girlfriend caught an STD by having oral sex only once.

I used to masturbate a lot but now I do it only once a week. I have a girlfriend and when we make out for a long period of time, I produce a lot of pre-cum. It's pretty embarrassing and I just want to know if it's possible to cut some of that back. Is it normal? (age 16)

No, that is perfectly normal, and there's no way to produce less pre-cum. It flows automatically, like tears.

I am 22, a virgin. I have a chance right now to have sex with a perfect girl. I used to masturbate daily, usually more than once a day, and almost always to porn. I took a break for a few weeks a few months ago but I got hooked on masturbating again.

I think I've always had a bad masturbation technique. I flex my buttocks and my quads and point my toes downward while masturbating, and perhaps this has created a crutch that I rely on. I always have morning wood, and I can get erections on my own, maybe not just by thinking about stuff.

When I am making out with and fingering and performing oral sex on a girl, I don't get an erection at all. I am extremely attracted to especially this most recent girl and I don't understand why that doesn't get me rock hard because it should.

Why haven't I ever gotten an erection just making out with a girl, and cant get one when with a girl? Even getting them on my own I have to grip my penis and rub it a bit and it'll come. Have I screwed my head up with all the porn over the years?

My first thought is that you are having first-time jitters, but from your message, you seem to have had a lot of sexual play with females. Try to relax more and just enjoy whatever it is you're doing with the girls. It would certainly help if you could give up the strenuous method of masturbating and learn to masturbate with only the gentle touch of your hand. It would also be a good idea to abstain from masturbating for 5-7 days before your next expected sexual encounter. It would be worth getting checked out by a doctor to rule out a physical problem. While there, you might also ask the doctor for a prescription for an erection drug. That could take care of the erection so you could learn to have sex with a female.

I found that if you masturbate to orgasm with your legs apart (about a 45 degree angle) it produces a more intense orgasm. What are your thoughts? (age 12)

Yes, that is different and is apt to feel different. You might also enjoy masturbating while kneeling so that your legs are unable to move. That can produce a very intense feeling at orgasm.

I am 13 and masturbate 5 times a week. I can last around 5 minutes before I ejaculate, but when I masturbate to porn I barely last 30 seconds. Will this affect my sex life?

No. I hope it's a while before you have a sex life, and in the meantime, you can work at making the masturbation sessions with pictures last longer.

When I see some of the girls in my school I get horny and I don't want to get a boner especially in gym class. Is there any way to prevent it? (age 13)

Yes, just bring on an erection 20 minutes before your gym class. It will be gone before gym class and you will not get another one until it is over.

Does masturbation if done once a day have any mental side effects such as a loss of concentration? (age 15)

Most males masturbate daily until about age 24, and then the frequency only drops slightly. I think masturbation is good for your mental abilities. More intelligent males tend to masturbate more often than duller males.

How do boys discover masturbation? (female, age 15)

Starting about age 12, males get more powerful erections than they've ever had before. They start to touch their penises during these erections. Eventually they find out it feels good to touch an erect penis and then they learn to stroke it until they ejaculate.

When I'm in the shower, I obsess with washing my penis. I usually use very hot water and Aveeno and wash it for 20 minutes. Is this unnecessary? I think it sometimes causes my head and foreskin to feel sticky. I am uncircumcised. (age 21)

It is extremely unnecessary. A lot of guys don't even wash their penises specifically but let it get cleaned by the soapy water flowing down.

I have been masturbating for the past 7 years. Suddenly one day my penis feels cold after masturbating. (age 23)

I have never heard of that. I don't think you have to worry if it only happens once.

I masturbate almost daily. Is it normal that when I masturbate, I stop after 3-5 orgasms? (age 13)

I don't think you know what an orgasm is. Males have to stop masturbating when they ejaculate once.

I have been masturbating since the age of 13, sometimes daily, sometimes weekly; but recently it has been once a day. I ejaculate within 2 minutes while masturbating and I don't think that this is good at all. I feel that I won't be able to satisfy my partner. I am a virgin. (age 19)

You should not assume you will ejaculate prematurely when you have never had intercourse. Just because you masturbate quickly doesn't mean you will reach orgasm quickly in intercourse.

I usually masturbate the morning after sex. What causes this urge? (age 63)

Do you abstain from masturbation for a few days before sex? That would explain why you want to masturbate the morning after sex. It is a good thing.

My penis felt cold after my last time masturbating. I have been masturbating regularly for seven years. (age 23)

I doubt there is anything wrong with your penis. It's January and most of the English-speaking world is cold.

When my friend and I stay at each other's house, we talk about sexual stuff and girls. Is this normal? (age 16)

Yes, very.

I used to masturbate regularly or with at most 1 or 2 days gap between masturbations, but I am not masturbating much the last 30 days. Now I am regularly feeling sexually excited and sexual dreams are coming when I am sleeping. What should I do? It's becoming difficult for me to stop masturbating. (age 22)

You're not supposed to stop masturbating. You're supposed to masturbate regularly (as you were up till 30 days ago) and enjoy it. When you feel sexually excited, that's a very good time to masturbate.

When I masturbate my balls suck upside and if I masturbate intensely, my balls completely disappear. I am not sure if this is the right way of doing it. Could this be dangerous? (age 26)

It is better if your testes don't retract into your abdomen. You can easily prevent this from happening by elevating your butt (keeping it higher at the tailbone and leaving a space below your scrotum). Your testes might not be retracting and only pulling up toward your body at the point of ejaculation, which is completely normal.

On larger guys, is pubic fat (that accumulates above the base of the penis) supposed to/meant to add to the fun or enjoyment of masturbation? (age 21)

I don't think accumulation of fat is ever good. It probably doesn't make much difference in your masturbating. I think you would be better off losing the fat instead of justifying it as some kind of sex toy.

On the base ridge of my head, it's all purple or pinkish at times especially after a wash, and my tip is often pinkish; however, after a few hours of not washing, the head gets a little shiny looking. I am uncircumcised. Is this normal? (age 19)

You're really paying too much attention to the color of your penis. All that is normal.

How much longer does the average male last during sex compared to masturbation? (age 12)

A survey of more than 10,000 males by the web site HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007 asked them to estimate how long they take on average to masturbate and have intercourse to orgasm. 4745 sexually experienced males provided a time for both. 18.5 percent say they take exactly the same time for both acts. 23.9 percent say they take less time to have intercourse than to masturbate, but 57.6 percent say they take longer to have intercourse than to masturbate.

Overall, the average ratio is 2.03. Thus, the average male takes just about twice as long to reach orgasm in intercourse as it takes him to masturbate. Among those males who take longer to reach orgasm in intercourse, the ratio is 2.98, or almost three times as long.

The median is not as different. That is because some males take much, much longer to reach orgasm in intercourse. Those males bring the average way up. The median male -- the one in the very middle -- takes 1.4 times as long. So if he takes 10 minutes on average to masturbate, then he takes 14 minutes on average in intercourse. The ratio for the median male among those who take longer is 2.

I hope this does not have you drowing in statistics. I think the bottom line is that you should expect intercourse to take you 1.5x what you now spend masturbating, but as you get better at controlling your ejaculation in intercourse, it will take more like 2x or 3x. It's mostly up to you!

Is an erection bigger when actually faced with a female in front of you and during sex than it is during masturbation? (age 17)

No. An erection is an erection no matter what is stimulating you.

I like to read. I have read quite a lot of your answers partially for the answer as to why I seem to be uninterested in pictures and more interested and aroused by words, rhythms, patterns, and concepts that have little or nothing to do with sex! It makes masturbating seem odd when I compare what I'm thinking/imagining/actually looking at, with that of those whom you've answered. Could this be some kind of rare/odd dysfunction? I can't seem to explain or get an explanation of if this is good/bad or just rare. I suppose one could say it's paraphiliac logophilia, but I don't need the actual book or such to get the same result. i think about them. What does this mean? (age 18)

I'm not convinced it's a dysfunction. Most men can get turned on by phone sex, and the biggest part of it is hearing the other person say certain trigger words and phrases over and over again. I think it's good if more than one thing can turn you on. Most males get turned on by looking at pictures of females; some by pictures of males; and some by both. I hope you've tried that method. If you can aroused by reading ordinary text, poetry, etc., then I think you're better off than most men. However, it is bad if that's the only thing that turns you on. The best thing to arouse you is the partner who's in front of you.

A friend of mine said that when he masturbates, his erections come out firmer if he holds it for 10 minutes before orgasm. He says that by doing that for 6 to 8 months the penis size will grow. Is this true? (age 15)

It's good if a male can masturbate for 10 minutes before ejaculating, but doing so will not make the penis size any different.

I have been using lotion to masturbate. It causes a slight burning sensation in my penis and testicles. It actually feels kind of good, but I want to make sure that I am not damaging anything. Is it OK to keep using the lotion or should I find an alternative? (age 16)

Burning is not good. I would suggest finding another lube that feels good but does not cause a problem. You would probably enjoy a lube made especially for sex.

I'm 13 and I don't masturbate much, and if I do I just bring the masturbation process up to the plateau, and then leave it so I don't ejaculate. Should I be masturbating and going through the sexual process every month? The last thing is sometimes after I "half masturbate" I feel like I need to urinate.

There is no benefit to you for what you're doing. When you masturbate, you should try to reach orgasm. Instead you're teaching your body not to respond to sexual stimulation. You should be masturbating and "going through the sexual process" every day, not every month.

I feel a kind of numbness and tingling in feet and hands after getting sexually aroused. What can be the cause? (age 16)

I suggest seeing a doctor about that. It could be a sign of a serious condition. However, I'm not sure how it's connected to sexual arousal.

Is drawing your own pornography considered the use of visual stimulus, and be avoided? You mention that visual stimulus shouldn't be used, and that the imagination should be used instead. (age 16)

I discourage visual stimuli in younger males and females to help them develop their sexual imaginations. You're at about the age where it's OK to become a regular thing. Certainly drawing your own is exercising your imagination, so I don't see a problem.

Is K-Y Warming Liquid OK to use or should I stick to Astroglide? (age 15)

They are both good. You're kind of asking whether you should drink Coke or Pepsi. It's completely up to you.

When a girl masturbates, how many orgasms does she go through before she is satisfied and stops masturbating? (age 20)

That varies a lot. Females are more OK with masturbating or having sex and not having an orgasm than males are. Some females masturbate just for fun and not necessarily to have an orgasm. Most females stop after one orgasm but more than a few keep going as long as they can.

I have only had two partners sexually and with both of them on multiple occasions, I haven't been capable of ejaculating. I get excited and get an erection but my penis seems to go numb and I can't reach a climax. This is causing a huge problem for me because my current girlfriend finds herself responsible and I can't convince her otherwise. Now this applies not only to standard sex but when she gives me manual or oral intercourse, I just can't get the sensation. I masturbate quite often, and I was blessed with a partner who after her climax will rev me up as I finish myself. I need advice on this, I have looked into many reasons why I'm like this. I plan on seeing my doctor next week about this issue but would love to hear your input. Should I try not masturbating for a week and building up that urge?

If they're going to be sexually active, most males greatly reduce their masturbating frequency. Abstaining for a week is not a bad idea at all. Even at the point that you're functional in intercourse, you will want to abstain from masturbating for at least 3-5 days before a sexual encounter. You also might be using too much pressure to masturbate. It is a good idea to use only as much force as necessary to produce orgasm. I'm not sure the doctor is the place to go at this point. Keep working on it on your own.

Thank you for this web site. You helped me find out that it's normal and OK to masturbate once a day. (I thought it was weird.) You are a great help. Thank you so much!

Lots of people masturbate even more than once a day, and they're OK too.

I have completely lost all hope and desire to masturbate and it does not affect my everyday life. What's wrong with me? (age 17)

I suspect your problem is not masturbation but more deeply-seated issues, possibly involving depression or anxiety. It might be a good idea to talk to a doctor or mental health professional. Or maybe you're just going through a tough time right now, which is not unusual at your age. Maybe you will find your hope and desire in a few days and forget there was ever a time you didn't feel like masturbating.

Usually I don't masturbate but when I wake up from my bed my penis becomes so stiff that for 5-10 min I am in that position only. Please help me. (age 18)

I think you're having trouble because you don't usually masturbate or claim you don't. If you accepted masturbation as a normal and usually a daily habit for men your age, you would find a much easier solution for your morning erections.

How many pre-cums does someone normally experience before reaching orgasm? You mentioned that it is easy to smell fresh semen. How long does this smell linger around before it cannot be smelled at all? (age 13)

With a brief sexual session, there is usually only one release of pre-cum, often immediately before ejaculation. The longer you're aroused, the more pre-cum you will produce. Not many people would be able to smell semen after it dries; however, if it gets absorbed by some fabrics, it can continue to be noticeable for a long time, especially if those fabrics are worn next to the body.

Thanks for all your help. I went from prone to hand just like that because of you. Is it OK to prone masturbate occasionally after you've mastered hand masturbation? (age 16)

No, that's a bad idea. You will make the most progress by banishing prone masturbation from your life forever. Doing it only occasionally is keeping it in your life and letting it interfere with your regular enjoyment of other causes of ejaculation.

I masturbate regularly sometimes multiple times a day. When doing so I have no problem ejaculating but when having sex the story is different. I have only had sex twice but each time I was unable to ejaculate and after quite some time I gave up. Why can't I ejaculate during sex? (age 18)

It is probably a bad idea to judge yourself based on only two incidents. Nevertheless, most males ejaculate their first time having sex. Try abstaining from masturbation for two days before your next intercourse.

I have been taking psychotic medications for several years now due to my schizophrenia. I cannot reach orgasm when I masturbate and it feels very depressing. Please help. (age 29)

Anorgasmia is a side effect of some psych medications. Tell your doctor about the problem and possibly he or she can prescribe an alternative with a less chance of sexual side effects. Don't be ashamed to tell the doctor you masturbate. The doctor masturbates too.

I have been married for over 25 years and still masturbate quite regularly. Every time I masturbate I fantasize my beautiful wife having sex with another man. It has been like this for a long time. I tried stopping but I cannot. Is this normal? (age 50)

Most men don't fantasize about that, but whatever you fantasize about is up to you. If it bothers you, fantasize about something different. The only way to get rid of an unwanted fantasy is to replace it with a wanted fantasy. Pictures or videos might help you come up with a new fantasy.

For some reason I seem to be finding it hard to reach orgasm. I will get to a peak then it will be like I've fallen asleep. It's almost like I've become bored. (age 16)

Adding some variety, like fantasies or lube, can make a difference. You also might enjoy it more if you did it at a different rate -- either more or less often -- than you are now.

It was on this day that I first masturbated. Have you ever heard of anyone celebrating their masturbaversary? What should I do to celebrate? (age 19)

No, I never have. I think the most important thing is that you remember the date. That means it's significant to you. Maybe knowing that is all the celebration you need.

When I first started masturbating, I used to finish in under a minute. Now I give myself time until I get an erection and use slow strokes or even stop for a few seconds so the erection isn't gone and I continue. Using this technique I reach 6-7 minutes. But I'm still afraid I won't satisfy my partner during sex because of my bad endurance. (age 17)

I don't think you have a problem. 6-7 minutes is pretty typical at your age. The point is to enjoy what you're doing, not to satisfy the clock. I suspect you don't even have a partner yet, so you needn't worry that you're not satisfying her.

If I stop prone masturbation for a few months and just do it supine will I be totally cured and ready for sex? I stopped for about 1 1/2 weeks now. (age 26)

Giving up prone masturbation is the first step. After a week and a half, you ought to be able to masturbate supine using only your hand. You will notice an improvement in your erections within a few months. It is hard to say when you will be ready for sex. It would be good to try after a month from now, if you have a partner. I think you're implying you're a virgin. If so, it's good that you're overcoming prone masturbation before you need to deal with a partner.

For a long time now when I masturbate I have no feeling in my penis. Even when I ejaculate I don't feel an orgasm. I've tried to obtain from masturbating for 5-6 days numerous times but I still have no feeling. I think it might be that I have gotten used to this interval. Should I try 2 weeks or a month of no masturbaing and see if feeling returns? (age 18)

No, I think you ought to see a doctor right away and see if an explanation can be found for your not having a feeling in your penis or enjoying your orgasms. It might be a sign of a serious condition, or it might be that you're just being dramatic for me. I don't see how abstaining from masturbation will help anything. Most men your age masturbate daily.

I have quit masturbation for religious reasons and have gone without it for about three weeks now. For the past few days, I have gotten very serious urges to masturbate but I didn't. However, at one point, I felt a burning sensation in the tip of my penis and as I was urinating, there was a decent amount of semen present in my urine. Is this normal? (age 19)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Men of all religions do it often. I don't believe you've quit masturbating for three weeks. I think you might have kept masturbating but stopped before ejaculating. Masturbating without ejaculation is still masturbating. When a male does that, he produces a lot of bulbourethral fluid (also called pre-cum) that comes out when he urinates next. I think it would be better for you to masturbate to orgasm frequently and enjoy it, and stop pretending that you're going to quit masturbating forever.

Follow up: I have not masturbated for four weeks now. I have not stroked or done anything of the sort. I do not believe masturbation is essential for male health, as the body gets rid of excess semen through wet dreams. In me, it has also released excess semen during urination. I think you ought to reconsider the idea that every male participates in masturbation, because there are those who don't. I don't think I benefit from masturbating and I don't think it honors my religious convictions. There isn't a question here, but I just want to let you know that I am not going to be a slave to my body.

It is unlikely that you will have wet dreams after years of frequent masturbation. Even if you did, you would not have them as often as most men your age masturbate. Masturbating is good for your sexual health and has even been shown to prevent prostate cancer. The doctor who led that research says that younger males should masturbate at least six times a week. Masturbating doesn't make you a slave to your body any more than eating or urinating does.

Does masturbation in any way affect growth of hair on palms, arms and legs? (age 19)

Not directly, but if any of those parts have friction against them while you're masturbating, it will tend to inhibit hair growth there.

Is it normal to have gay fantasies during puberty? I do not want to be gay, but I was also aroused by gay pornography when I got kinda curious. (age 13)

Lots of males and females who are not gay have occasional gay fantasies. Keep an eye out for what turns you on, and by age 16 you'll have a better idea of what your permanent orientation is.

Why do I feel tired after masturbating and want to go to bed and why does my scrotum become itchy? (age 16)

Orgasm is a soporific; it leads naturally to sleep for people, especially males. If you can stay awake during that especially intense five-minute period after your orgasm, you probably won't feel sleepy at all. Scrotum itching is probably caused by something in your laundry detergent or whatever other chemical you're getting on it. Changing to a different brand might make a difference.

I'm masturbating 2-3 times a week. Is this normal? And will too much masturbating affect my sperm quality to become a father? (age 22)

Most men your age masturbate about once a day. Two to three times a week is not satisfying for most. Masturbating will not affect your sperm count unless you're planning to conceive in the coming week.

If you move your hips while masturbating, is that as bad as prone masturbation? (age 16)

No. Prone masturbation is lying on your stomach and thrusting your penis into or against something. It is a cause of sexual dysfunction in males. Moving your hips while sitting or lying on your back is not the same thing. However, not very many males do that regularly. You might question whether it's essential to your sexual pleasure.

When I was sleeping one night, I had a dream in which I was having intercourse with a girl and after 3 or 4 seconds, I felt like ejaculating, but I had never masturbated before that. When I inspected myself in the morning, there was no sign of semen or anything else. What exactly was it? (age 14)

You said you felt like ejaculating, but you didn't say you did, and you didn't find any evidence of it in the morning. So you didn't ejaculate. You also say you felt like ejaculating after 3 or 4 seconds of intercourse. In the real world, intercourse takes a lot longer than that, and in dreams, it is very hard to have a correct sense of time. So I think all it was was a dream. A sexual dream, of course, but not a wet one.

Iím having some ED problems. Do you think it can be related to the way I usually masturbate? I like to ejaculate inside a Fleshlight even though it sometimes feels uncomfortable because the head gets too sensitive during the ejaculation, so I donít want to pull out, but have to stay inside. Do you think it causes any problems? (age 31)

Sexual problems can definitely be related to the way you masturbate. I advise against the Fleshlight. Males who masturbate using their hands have the best chance of success in intercourse. You admit yourself that the Fleshlight makes your head uncomfortable and restricts the way you want to masturbate. So why use it?

I've heard that testosterone helps make the penis grow during the growing phase. Is this true? Does masturbating less increase your testosterone? (age 21)

Even if penis size is related to testosterone (which I tend to doubt), your penis has already reached full size, so what does it matter? Masturbating neither increases nor decreases your testosterone, but I suspect that males with higher testosterone masturbate more often than males with lower testosterone.

I am 22 and my girlfriend really enjoys giving me oral sex, and she even likes receiving my ejaculation in her mouth and that kind of stuff. I am really enjoying this and it is part of my imagination when I masturbate, so here comes the weird thing. When I am having my orgasm, I feel a kind of need to take the semen with my hand to my mouth or when I am in bed I almost would like that my semen enter my mouth, but then I ejaculate and that feeling disappears almost immediately. I think this happens due to the new sensations I get now when I see my girlfriend enjoying so much doing oral sex. Is it a common situation that should pass in some moment? A couple of times I have tasted my semen and I am wondering if maybe this would make me like those guys that eat their semen.

I don't think that is weird at all. You like oral sex and you like fantasizing about oral sex when you masturbate. About half of males have eaten their semen at least once, and about 11 percent do it regularly. All is good.

I have some hair growing on the shaft of my penis. Is this normal? (age 13)

Yes, it is. That hair tends not to grow much as its growth is inhibited by the friction of masturbating and later intercourse.

I like your web site as it gives a lot of insight into some things that other web sites don't. I am somewhat overweight and already know that some of my fat covers up part of my penis, so I don't worry about that. I'm not sure whether or not I'm circumcised. Sometimes when I'm not erect, I can see the complete tip but sometimes when it's really cold or I'm swimming, I can barely see the tip. Whenever I have an erection though I can always see the tip. I read somewhere that its possible to be partly circumcised but I'm not sure. Can you please clarify this? (age 14)

I really think you are circumcised. Sometimes the penises of overweight males retract into their remaining foreskins so it looks like they're uncircumcised. You would be able to see your penis better if you lost weight.

Ever since the age of 13 I have been watching porn. When I was 10, a friend showed me some porn videos and and ever since I got my first iPod Touch with Internet, I seem to watch porn all the time. And I don't seem to be able to get an erection without porn. What should I do? (age 19)

At your age, you should get erections bountifully. I advise younger people against using porn because it keeps them from developing their sexual imagination. Try to find things that turn you on in the world around you. Every day, take note of some sexy females (or males) and try to remember later what you liked about them. I urge males who use porn to masturbate without it at least twice a month.

I'm not sure if I've had a wet dream yet. Would I be sure to know when it happens? Is it likely to get a girl pregnant from this if I don't know about it and it stays on my skin? (age 14)

You would know if you had a wet dream. Most likely you would wake up briefly when it happened, and if you didn't, you would find wet semen in your pajamas or underwear in the morning. Boys who start masturbating early and have their first ejaculation that way often never have wet dreams. You could not get a girl pregnant from a wet dream.

When I am sleeping and then my penis has a wet dream, I get very nervous. (age 16)

Most boys are done with wet dreams by your age. Frequent masturbating will put a stop to them forever. If wet dreams make you nervous, I suggest you masturbate at least five times a week.

I find masturbatuon extremely hard to talk about. One of my main concerns is the subject of my sexual fantasies. I tend to fantasize about girls much younger than me, even pre-pubescent ones. This worries me greatly, as I know that any acts of this nature are highly illegal and morally wrong. I've never acted upon my sexual fantasies, but I'm afraid of myself because of my pedophilic sexual preference. How can I break myself free of my socially and morally unacceptable fantasies and transition into having a normal sexual preference? (age 17)

The only way to get rid of an unwanted fantasy is to replace it with a different one. If you spent more time around girls your own age, and took note of things you find sexy about them, you could fantasize about that later. Many males your age have started masturbating with pictures, even swimsuit pictures. Those age-appropriate fantasies can replace the ones of younger girls. Most likely as you get older, you will forget about the pre-pubescent girls.

I masturbate every day and I have never been caught masturbating but many times I think that my parents know that I'm masturbating. (age 15)

They could probably guess correctly even if they don't know. So don't worry about them.

2 years ago I was playing soccer and got hit in the balls, and it left a brownish ring around my penis. (age 12)

That is your circumcision scar. You have had it since you were a baby but just never noticed it before.

Is it possible that prone masturbation runs in the family? I am currently trying to stop prone masturbation but I just learned that BOTH my father and brother masturbate the prone way. (age 17)

Prone masturbation is not hereditary. You can give it up as easily as any other male. May I ask how you learned that your father and brother masturbate prone?

I love this site. Any of the questions I had have been asked and answered but are you a boy or girl and how do you keep up with all the questions? If you're a guy then how do you know so much? And the other way around. You don't sound old but.

I am a man and I keep up with the questions by only updating HealthyStrokes.com a few times a month. I have been studying sexuality since before my own puberty, and that was not recently. I have a Ph.D. in a field unrelated to sexuality.

I am uncircumcised and have been masturbating every day for the past 16 years. Is it OK to pinch my the tip of my foreskin when I ejaculate and walk over to the toilet to prevent semen from going all over the place and making a mess? (age 27)

That is a very dangerous practice. You want to treat your penis, especially the tip, gently. Any kind of pinching is eventually going to be bad for you. And you want to let your semen flow freely. Do not obstruct its exit.

I am a straight 27 year old male and have never had sex or even kissed a girl. What is wrong with me? I just want to meet a nice, good girl that would like me for who I am and that I can marry and spend my life with. Where and how can I meet such a person?

I'm not sure how hard you've tried. I would recommend getting out there and being in situations where you can meet women and get to know them. Eventually you will find one or more women who will be interested in going out with you. That is a good way to start.

Is it bad that I always stand up to ejaculate when I masturbate on my back? (age 16)

I hesitate to say it's bad, but I don't think there's anything good about it. I have never heard of anyone doing that. You ought to be able to ejaculate while lying on your back.

I am nearly 16. I have never masturbated. I have never had a wet dream. I have touched my penis several times and gotten erections. How can I get a wet dream?

You ought to have ejaculated by wet dream at your age if you have never masturbated. If you really have never masturbated, then you should definitely start. I suggest you start by reading my page about masturbating for boys.

What is the maximum number of times I can masturbate each day? (age 12)

There is no maximum, but most males say the most they have ever masturbated in one day is five. Not very many males regularly masturbate more than twice a day.

I always imagine myself having sex with my crush while masturbating. Is that normal? (age 14)

Yes.

I have wet dreams twice weekly. Is it normal and will it affect my body? (age 24)

Most men your age have been done with wet dreams for 10 years. Most ejaculate regularly through sex or masturbation. It is unusual to still have wet dreams, especially that often, at your age. Wet dreams are not harmful, but frequent ejaculation is better than only ejaculating twice a week.

I want to masturbate for the first time. I feel like I'm ready but I'm somewhat uneasy about it. I have plenty of time on my own, so I'm not worried about being caught. Is feeling like this normal, or is it telling me something? (age 13)

Most people don't think about it. They just do it. Most males are masturbating by your age, and most boys your age masturbate daily. You ought to try it and enjoy it and do it often and not feel at all uneasy.

I am having wet dreams every other day. I last masturbated on May 8. Before that I used to masturbate frequently like every day or sometimes twice a day. I got wet dreams on May 21, then 27, then 28, then June 1, 3, 5, 7, 9. I know wet dreams are pretty normal but that frequent is what I'm concerned for. (age 22)

Most males your age enjoy masturbating daily. You don't explain why you stopped masturbating on May 8. If you masturbated more often, you would have fewer wet dreams or probably none. I'm not sure why you're asking since you seem to already know that.

My penis gets hard very easily, like when I even think about anything sexually related, and I can't hide it. This would be very awkward in a locker room or something and I'm afraid that I would be called names. Is there any way to stop it? I'm not perverted or anything and I masturbate about 5 times a week. (age 13)

That is all very normal. Every male your age experiences that. There is one trick you can use. If you have to get naked in the locker room at 10:00, you can bring on an erection at 9:45, and by 10 your erection will be gone and you won't get another one for an hour or so.

After stroking for about ten seconds, I get this weird feeling in my penis and I just stop masturbating. When the feeling goes away, I start again. Why does this happen? (age 15)

You're assigning too much weight to the weird feeling. Just plan on keeping going and you will be fine.

I usually do masturbation watching porns. My penis usually remain in big size whenever I don't want to masturbate, even at school, it remains big. What am I supposed to do? (age 19)

Erections are supposed to be enjoyed. You don't have to masturbate every time you get one, but you can enjoy the feeling of it anyway. In a few years, you won't get erections as often and you will miss them.

I masturbate regularly (5-6 times a week) and sometimes I get wet dreams where I will be having sex in the dream and then during the orgasm I wake up to myself ejaculating in my underwear. This has happened 4 or 5 times I think (last one was this past week). I am a virgin but I have gotten oral sex a bunch of times before. I was just wondering if you think this was probably due to the fact that I'm a virgin and want to have sex so i think about it a lot? I masturbate regularly and you say in a bunch of other answers that it happens when one does not masturbate enough. (age 19)

Most males who masturbate as often as you do stop having wet dreams forever, but not all of them. We don't know much about the causes of wet dreams. I doubt that thinking about sex a lot brings them on. There is nothing wrong with having wet dreams, and I hope you enjoy them.

Have you ever heard of a boy using a feminine pad to keep his wet dream ejaculate from getting everywhere? (age 16)

No, I never have. Most males who are sensitive about that wear underwear to bed.


In July-August 2012, this discussion took place here:

For the past year and a half, I have kept track of the date and time of all my sex and masturbating. I have compiled this bar chart for the hour of the day I masturbated. Here it is. (age 31)

That's quite a chart. Apparently you masturbated 200 times in 18 months, or about 11 times per month, which I guess is typical for someone your age who's also having sex. I am surprised by the hourly pattern, though. The masturbation is pretty evenly distributed over the day except only a little in the 4 AM-10 AM hours and then peaks at the 2 PM (1400) and 11 PM (2300) hours. The pattern looks kind of like what I would expect for a high school student, except the 2 PM peak should be later in the afternoon, and there's too much in the middle of the night. But maybe I'm being too critical. I've never seen a chart like this before. Readers, do you have any feedback?

Follow-up from another reader: I am surprised that it is so spread out. Personally, I masturbate almost exclusively in the early morning right before I go to bed. This is when nobody is awake -- I am unlikely to be interrupted. If I were to make such a chart, it would probably spike at three AM and have no entries during any of the daylight hours. Based upon the last two weeks, I masturbate 20 times per month. Now I want to make such a chart. (age 22)

Go for it. And when you make the chart, I will be happy to display it here.

Follow-up from the same reader, June 2013: I made the chart you suggested. I have kept track of my masturbating from August 15, 2012 until June 28, 2013. I masturbated 146 times in this period and recorded the hour of 140 of them. (I fell asleep after my ejaculation and forgot to record the time six times.) It turns out my daily peak is at 4 AM instead of 3 AM as I estimated, and instead of 20 times per month, I masturbate about 14 times per month. I didn't keep track of sexual intercourse as accurately. I have sex a bit less than twice a week on average. This was an interesting exercise. Others should try it! It is useful in that I now know just how bad my insomnia is. (age 23)

You also did a good job on your chart. Of course, I think masturbating 146 times is a lot more fun than making a chart. My surprise at the first chart was how his masturbation was spread out over the day. I'm surprised at yours by how compressed it is into the middle of the night. I think you would enjoy it if you could have a relaxing masturbation session in the evening instead of waiting until 3 a.m. because you're afraid of being discovered.

I have just begun masturbating ever since I found out two weeks ago. I haven't had any wet dreams and I'm wondering if a wet dream is still a possibility for me. (age 12)

It seems to make a difference how often you masturbate when you first start. If you only masturbate 2-3 times a week, you might be able to have wet dreams. If you get to masturbating four or more times a week, it tends to kill your wet dreams forever.

When I was 12 I started to do masturbation. Now I have had frequent wet dreams the past six months. One and half years ago I thought that when I do masturbation, the semen that comes out is full of nutrition and I will regain my energy by swallowing it. I did it at most 10-15 times. Is this harmful? (age 15)

No, eating your semen is not harmful. About half of males have eaten their semen at least once, and around 11 percent of males do so regularly as their way of cleaning up.

When I was 13 I decided to see if I could suck my penis. I could, and it felt really good and I have been doing it ever since. Is this normal? (age 14)

According to Wardell Pomeroy, only one boy in 1000 can suck his own penis. I think everyone who can does. As you grow more, don't be surprised if you can't do it anymore.

I really like this girl, and I want to have a relationship with her (nothing sexual yet though), but I don't know if it would be OK with my mom. So before I ask the girl, do you think I am old enough to ask her out? (age 12)

Yes, I think there are plenty of things you could do together or in groups that would be OK with your mom. Some parents don't approve of coupled dating until you're older, but I don't think too many parents would object if you and this girl went to the movies or roller-skating, especially with a group.

I have masturbated a few times just to try it but not to the point of ejaculating. I have never had a wet dream. Is it still possible? (age 13)

Yes, if you have never ejaculated, then I think it is possible and even likely that you will have a wet dream soon. I also think it is even more likely that you will masturbate to the point of ejaculating soon. Either way, you will like it.

In July 2009, I suffered a stomach problem and vomited 4-5 times at night. When I finished throwing up, I decided to masturbate before going to sleep. I was finding it very difficult to reach orgasm, so I forced myself by rubbing my penis against a side pillow. Finally when I ejaculated it hurt in my stomach (mid-abdomen area) a lot. In the morning when I urinated, a little blood came out. Now there doesn't seem to be much problem with my penis, but my stomach is not that efficient in digesting food. Before this incident I had very healthy digestion. By forcefully ejaculating, have I hurt any organ related to digestion? (age 22)

Masturbating will not interfere with your digestion. I suspect the reason your abdomen hurt was because you taxed your abs with all that vomiting and then put more pressure on them with your unusual masturbation session. I hope you will see a doctor if there is really a problem with your digestion, but that masturbation act four years ago has nothing to do with it.

I normally masturbate 1-2 times a day. Some weeks I masturbate every day, and sometimes with intervals to make my load bigger. I sometimes even masturbate with a condom on. I also masturbate to porn, in a very passionate way. I moan, make amazing facial expressions and rub it slowly, but strong with some moisturizing cream in between. Am I addicted to masturbating, or am I going to wild when I do so? (age 14)

What you describe is normal. I hope you enjoy masturbation as much as you indicate. It is normal, healthy, and fun.

I was a late-starter on masturbating compared to others, but that was OK because I used to have the best wet dreams. When you are 17 or 18, wet dreams are powerful. I am married and have great sex, but I sure miss those wet dreams. (age 50)


I masturbate daily, every two days sometimes. When I orgasm when masturbating, this sticky, clear liquid comes out kind of like pre-cum (which I have anyways before the orgasm). What is this, and what does this mean? (age 13)

I am confused. You describe pre-cum but then say the fluid isn't pre-cum? It is normal for pre-cum (bulbourethral fluid) to start flowing as soon as you are aroused. Its purpose is to neutralize any remnants of urine that might be in your urethra.

Your web site has helped me throughout my adolescence to help me feel more comfortable with myself and masturbation. I've had wet dreams in the past but they usually just played like pornos. Recently I had one about a specific girl that I have known for a while and always considered a friend. I woke up hot, sweaty and a lot more depleted than usual. Do you think this means anything or is it just my imagination playing with me? (age 17)

Wet dreams about a specific girl are always more memorable than ones about random girls. Maybe your body is telling you to stop thinking of that girl as just a friend.

Can you explain the "conventional method" for men? I broadly know what it is, but want to get this spot-on given I've been doing it the wrong way all these years. Is there any specific, step by step guide that you can give us?

  1. Lie on your back or sit slightly up
  2. Obtain an erection
  3. Masturbate by stroking one hand up and down the penis until you have an orgasm

When I masturbate, my legs get very sweaty. It does not happen to any other body part. My heart starts beating really hard but there's no pain. What could be the reason for it? (age 18)

Both of those things are normal. Masturbation is good exercise for your heart, and that's why it beats faster. Air conditioning is good for those sweaty legs.

I am right handed but have always masturbated with my left hand since I started 7 years ago. Now if I try to masturbate with my right hand, I find it much harder to orgasm. I have also noticed that the left side of my penis is much more sensitive than my right. When I masturbate with my left hand it rubs the left side much more, and the opposite happens with my right. Is this sensitivity difference a result of masturbation and will it get fixed if I masturbate with my right hand from now on? (age 18)

Most males have a preference for one hand or the other. About 38 percent of males switch hands. 61 percent use either the left or right. I don't know why you have a sensitivity difference, but it helps explain why you masturbate that way. It would be OK but not necessary if you masturbated with your right hand more often. You might enjoy a masturbation sleeve like the Super Head Honcho.

I don't masturbate, but I have wet dreams. I am sexually attracted to most girls my age (sometimes desperately so). I am horny all the time. What should I do? (age 16)

I think you should masturbate at least once a day. Most guys your age do. You will like it more than the wet dreams.

My sister and I are 14 months apart and have always had a good relationship. Last week she slipped a note under my door and asked me if she could watch me do "the deed." I told her about a web site that has males 18 or older doing it, but I still am thinking it would be cool to do it just once. What do you think? (age 15)

Do not let her watch. It won't be long before she has boyfriends and one of them will let her watch.

I'm still a virgin, and I'm new to college. I've already met a girl in my dorm, and gone crazy over her, and she's been dropping some strong hints that she may be into me. I'm worried that if we ever got to sex she would be disappointed in my lack of experience. How should I feel? (age 18)

Just go with it. At least half of college freshman males are sexually inexperienced. If it goes well, she can help you remedy that.

I am a 25-year-old male who has never had sexual intercourse. I don't have a girlfriend now (though I did have a girlfriend in the past for quite some time), so it is likely that the YOUNGEST age I'll be married is 27. I can't have sex before marriage as that would be too great of a disappointment to other people such as my parents and would hurt my other relationships and other aspects of my life. My question is, what can I do to be best prepared for minimizing the sexual performance challenges related to late virginity when I do get married? Masturbate at a certain frequency? Can you recommend any written resources to help me with this?

For most men, being sexual opens the door to getting married, so you are making it harder to get married by foreclosing sexuality. You should worry more about your own sexual future and less about what other people think. You might find the book Undressing the American Male by Eva Margolies eye-opening.

Follow-up: If I choose not to have sex before I'm married (regardless of whether that's the best choice), what is the best way or frequency to masturbate in order to minimize sexual problems related to adjusting to marriage when I finally marry?

You don't seem to want my advice on remaining a virgin, but you're willing to take it when it comes to masturbating? Most men your age masturbate a little less than once a day. The ones who aren't sexually active masturbate more than average. I would urge you to work harder at getting involved with women. Don't let any more of your sexually best years get away from you. You seem to look down on people who are sexual outside of marriage, or you assume that others will look down on you if you are. Don't worry about them. Trying to be sexually active is more likely to lead you to marriage than sitting around your house being a virgin will.

Most of my family and friends would think just as poorly of me for having sex before marriage as if I committed a serious crime. They would basically wish they hadn't wasted all those years raising me and investing in me. I would rather get married and please everyone that way. I have been so severely conditioned against premarital sex and am in such a social environment (and family, which is unavoidable) that I truly believe the negative consequences (socially and psychologically) would outweigh any benefits or the value of any pleasure. I need to somehow place less importance on who/what kind of woman they want me to marry. According to the Bible, any other believer is OK to marry. My mom might have a certain kind of lady in mind, but when she starts nagging me about the person's entertainment choices and so forth (arbitrary personal standards), I just need to say "thanks for your input" and look out for myself and the other person. To me, it's hard enough just to keep my virginity and find a spouse; I don't need it further complicated by limiting the field down to a level where it's nearly impossible.

Let's assume that I will take your advice and not wait until marriage. In that case, in what manner should I masturbate in order to minimize the problems related to late virginity, when I do have sex? (No matter if I wait until marriage or not, I still am a late virgin and my first intercourse will not happen immediately.)

I already told you that most men your age masturbate just under once a day; the sexually inactive ones more than that. I don't know how you expect to be married in two years when you don't have a path for finding a mate. Many men find their wives while they are out looking for sex. It's very hard to change course at your age. The book I recommended for you is on sale for one cent + $3.99 shipping. Please order it.

For the past several months, I have been masturbating anywhere from 5 to 8 times a week. Iíve read a bunch of stuff saying itís OK but I canít help but feel a little ashamed. Is this normal, or should I try to do it less? (age 14)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary to male sexual health. It is also normal to feel guilty or embarrassed about it occasionally. If everyone were perfectly satisfied with masturbating, there would be no need to meet and have sex with partners, and the species would die off. So occasional masturbatory guilt is normal and even good for the species.

I masturbate quite often. I live alone but have a girlfriend. I was masturbating and she walked in. I was done stroking by then and had ejaculated but she saw my magazine and the puddle of semen on my stomach. She was very angry about this and continued to ask me how I could do that to her, I don't know what to say to her. I told her to look up reasons why and she said it made her feel like she isn't good enough. I hope you can help. (age 18)

You have every right to be embarrassed, but there is no reason for your girlfriend to be angry. Masturbation is not cheating. Most men continue to masturbate throughout their lives even when they have partners or wives. Maybe you could have your girlfriend read HealthyStrokes.com and understand it better.

I've been having conflicting feelings. Recently, I've noticed that my penis has been looking full grown, especially in erection. I don't want a grown (full-sized) penis yet, NOT because I want it huge, but because of what it suggests, and other things. I feel really bothered by possibly ending growth, and thus being grown-up , for lack of a better phrase. In one instance, I'm not sure I made the most of it (particularly my penis) while growing. I deeply dislike the thought of growing up. This is complicated. Do you have advice or thoughts that could help me? (age 17)

You might not be finished growing, or you might. Most males have a full-sized penis at your age. No one who is 17 wants a boy-sized penis. Your body will do what it's going to do, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. I suspect you have some psychological issues when it comes to growing up that you should talk about with a psychologist. You are never going back to being a little boy.

I started masturbating when I was 11 when I pulled down my boxers to take a shower. My penis felt good, so I played with it until I ejaculated. I felt guilty and I never knew of anything like it. I didn't know what it was but ever since then I have been masturbating 3 times a week in the bathroom but never in my bed. I want to try it on my bed but I feel like the bed is for sleeping. Why is this so? (age 14)

You feel that because you have not accepted masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Males masturbate wherever it is convenient and some places it isn't. Your bed is yours to enjoy as you please. You probably read and listen to music and do homework on it, don't you? You don't object to those things because the bed is for sleeping.

I masturbate 3 times a week but still have wet dreams occasionally. I was wondering if you go through the refractory period when you have a wet dream because I feel like masturbating right when I wake up. (age 14)

Yes, a male has a refractory period every time he ejaculates for whatever reason. At your age, the refractory period is very low, but you might wake up every day with an erection EXCEPT when you've just had a wet dream. Your penis probably feels very good after a wet dream, but it isn't erect.

If you dont ejaculate after masturbation, is it still called masturbation? I'm 15 and I have never masturbated to orgasm. Is it still classified as masturbation?

Yes. Masturbation is stimulating one's own genitals for the purpose of increasing sexual excitement. There is no requirement that you have to masturbate to orgasm. So you have been masturbating.

When I masturbate, I start off by lying on my back, but then I lift my legs up in the air and bend them (which is how I have seen women masturbate in porn), which makes me feel more aroused. Then, with my free hand, I rub my legs, hands and even the area above my penis. It feels so much better than normal masturbating. Is this normal? (age 16)

I have never heard of a male assuming that position. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Keep in mind that most men and almost as many women prefer to keep their legs stretched out while they masturbate.

I started masturbating about 4 months ago. I guess I was a late starter. I love your site! One method I like is to just stroke the bottom half of my penis,even though the head is begging for attention. The semen flies everywhere, so I lie on a towel. (age 13)

You started right on time. If you start to use lube, you will find it easier and more fun to stimulate your glans (penile head). It is also possible to control your ejaculate better than you are. Keep practicing!

My boyfriend is 23 and has never once used his hands to masturbate, always a blanket or pillow, face-up, since he started 10 years ago. He never even knew you were supposed to use your bare hands to masturbate because his penis is so incredibly sensitive, it hurts to touch. It hurts him every time I barely touch him there, so I don't. He cannot fathom stroking himself bare-handed, because it would be blinding pain. We are both virgins, waiting to get married, and he is also afraid that sex will hurt, but he will not try masturbating any other way than with something soft. He also has a very difficult time getting and maintaining an erection, or reaching orgasm in general. He is circumcised, and he has a perfectly normal-looking penis. It is just incredibly sensitive. What can he do to enjoy alternate masturbatory methods (and ultimately sex)? Is this is a sign of anything to be worried about?

I would recommend he try a variety of lubricants and see if they would help him to masturbate with his hands. I suspect that sex would be a serious issue for him if he cannot masturbate with his hands or let you touch his penis. There are also anesthetic preparations that will deaden the penis slightly. The are usually sold as "delay creams" or something to that effect. They contain a diluted version of the anesthetic sold as Oragel or Anbesol.

I always have a lot of sexual fantasies. I mostly think about girls. Every night when I go to bed, I masturbate until I have an orgasm. When I walk by girls, I always look at their breasts and butt. Is this normal for a teenager like me? (age 14)

Yes, everything you said is normal. Good for you. However, be discreet about looking at girls' breasts and butts. They are more aware of when you are looking than you realize.

I masturbate on occasion. I have a girlfriend but many times she's not in the mood for sex or people are around us all the time. I was at her house and she was nervous of her parents waking up and catching us, so we had no intercourse. Later on I couldn't go to sleep so I decided to masturbate. I wasn't paying attention around me even though the door was closed because I had headphones on. Her little sister came in and saw me masturbating. Before I noticed she was right behind me, I ejaculated in my lap. She said, "Are you really doing that?!" I was so embarrassed. She wanted me to explain what happens when guys masturbate. I freaked out and told her to go to bed and forget that this ever happened. What should I do if she calls me out to my girlfriend or her parents? Should I confront her little sister about it and just talk to her or would that be too creepy? (age 20)

I think you should tell your girlfriend before her sister does. I don't think you should confront the sister, but you should tell her that masturbating is a private thing and you thought you had privacy with the door closed. There is no need to answer questions to satisfy her curiosity. For that, kindly refer her to HealthyStrokes.com. P.S. I nearly deleted your question when I read "I masturbate on occasion."

What are some ways to make my parents think I don't masturbate? How can I purposely do things that a boy who doesn't masturbate would do to trick them into thinking I don't masturbate? My school yearbook had a lot of hot pictures in it of girls from my class. Do they think I masturbate to that or something? (age 14)

Masturbation is supposed to happen in private, so parents probably have very little knowledge when it comes to who's masturbating and a lot of guesses. Every day you get older makes people more likely to guess that you masturbate. In your case, it is a correct guess. I think it would be better if you stopped worrying about your parents and instead accepted masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.

Why do guys masturbate more than girls? Do guys feel more pleasure? I think girls feel more pleasure because they moan. Can a guy moan? (age 12)

Guys can moan, and how. I don't think guys feel more pleasure than girls, but males have a biological imperative to masturbate. It flushes out sexual fluids that have accumulated. It keeps sperm and semen in good condition for reproduction. Females don't share these reasons, and I think it's why males masturbate more.

I heard from a friend that short people are more horny or sexually active than tall people. Is that correct? (age 28)

No. Height makes no difference in either masturbatory or intercourse frequency, according to a survey of over 5000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in 2008, when age is controlled for.

I've been masturbating prone since I was a child, and after discovering the dangers of prone masturbation, I haven't been able to masturbate conventionally. I know how, but I don't feel arousal when doing it. What can I do to make it easier? (age 16)

Most males view arousing images while they masturbate. If you choose not to, find some other way to put your mind into a state where you become erect and crave an orgasm.

I'm 16 years old and I have been masturbating since I was 13. I'm not sure if I've gone through puberty yet. I have facial and public hair but I don't have an adam's apple. At one time my voice was crackly and afterward it got deeper. There are freshman who have bigger penises then mine. I masturbate about 5 times a week. Is my size just because maybe I haven't finished going through puberty or because of something else?

At random times I'll get erections and it's really bothersome because they will be at awkward times, like when I'm in class and might have to stand up fast. I don't have the urge or want to masturbate when it happens but I still get the erection. Also, I have an erection when I wake up in the morning.

All of that sounds normal. You know you've finished puberty because 1) you have facial and pubic hair; 2) your voice has changed; 3) you have masturbated almost 1000 times. There will probably always be others with bigger penises. Many of them also have bigger noses. It's nothing to worry about. Erections are good. They are not a bother. Be glad for every erection you have. Waking up with an erection daily and having them at random times during the day is a good thing.

I've got a really really close female friend and we've both told each other we masturbate and stuff and it's fine. But I was wondering if talking about masturbating encourages sex because masturbating is the closest you can get to sex at our age. (age 15)

It's nice that you have a female friend you can confide in, but many, many people get closer to sex than merely talking about masturbating.

Just last night I had a wet dream, the first one I've had since I was 12. I had a few wet dreams right when I started puberty, but my older brother told me that when my pubic hair came in that it meant I could masturbate. I've been masturbating ever since and that's why I was surprised at having a wet dream now, because I am very adept at masturbating. I usually masturbate once daily but I stopped for a period of 4 or 5 days before last night for the reason of being pretty busy every night. Should I be worried about having a wet dream? Is it a sign of anything bad? (age 18)

No, a wet dream does not mean anything is wrong with you. As you mention, most males who have them stop having them when they learn to masturbate. Sometimes when a male gets up to masturbating daily, the wet dreams stop forever. I have heard from many men over the years who stopped masturbating for a month or longer and couldn't have a wet dream, so those men are very jealous that you had one after only four or five days with no ejaculation.

I've been masturbating since I was 12 years old. I never leaned how to stop roughing myself up because I do it every time I masturbate. Do I need to apply a thick amount of lube to prevent this? Is circumcision the answer? I feel the need to go rough and rub the head because just the shaft won't make me orgasm. By the time I cum the inside of my foreskin and the head are usually red and burning. What should I do? (age 25)

I don't recommend circumcision but I think it would be good for you to use a lube made especially for sex. Most men prefer water-based lubes like Astroglide and K-Y Liquid that are the cheapest and most widely available anyway. There are also silicon and oil-based lubes.

I am kept busy studying at the moment, and I sometimes feel an urge to masturbate during the day. I worry that this will make me tired and affect my studying and/or exams. Is this likely? (age 17)

I honestly believe that the best students masturbate more than the poorer students, and if you're not taking a masturbation break, you will take a break to do something else that won't be as good at relieving your anxiety.

As a Christian, I'm curious about God's approval of masturbation and other sexual activities. I've decided (in part, thanks to HealthyStrokes.com) that masturbation is perfectly OK, but I don't know how I feel about sex acts with a partner. I think premarital vaginal intercourse is definitely a no-go. I want to wait until I'm married to do it. What are your thoughts on other sex acts with a partner? Is it OK in God's eyes? (age 17)

If you can make a plan to develop a sex life with a partner sooner rather than later, these questions are not as important. There was a time when most young people married within 4-5 years of finishing high school, but nowadays that is rare, and many people don't marry until their 30s. The idea of waiting 15-20 years might be a different one for you than waiting a year or two. So unless you have a plan to get married soon, I think you're going to have to decide that you will perform some sexual acts (and possibly vaginal intercourse) before you get married. I hesitate to speak on behalf of God, and I suggest you get answers like that from a young adult or youth ministry at your own church. The answers might be different from what you expect.

Sometimes these days, when I start to get aroused or masturbate (even after I urinate), I feel urine (I think) creeping up into my penis and I feel a really annoying warm sensation. Sometimes this happens when I'm trying to sleep and I can't because it's annoying. When I stop being aroused and try to urinate, it comes out just like urine. One time just before orgasm I got liquid (urine?) spraying from my penis. I don't masturbate prone. This problem didn't happen until recently.

Could it be that somehow I got my body into the habit of trying to urinate when I am aroused or in certain positions? It is especially bad if I have an erection with my shaft pressing against my underwear and not so bad if it isn't in contact with anything. Thanks in advance. (age 16)

You might try cutting down your masturbation to 3-4 times a week and see if it makes a difference. If it does, then you've probably been taxing your prostate gland, which wraps around your urethra and can constrict the flow of urine. To learn more about prostate care, see my page about prostatodynia. It could also help to keep a towel handy so you won't worry so much if you accidentally urinate.

Why do guys like to see girls masturbate?

My theory is that girl-on-girl and female solo porn are popular because the men watching them don't want to see other men. Also, seeing a woman masturbate might be more intimate than having sex with her. Most sexually active women have had sex with more men than they've masturbated in front of.

I have never masturbated in my life and I have had many wet dreams. But now I am having a wet dream like every month and a half. Is that normal? I'm scared that there is something wrong. (age 15)

Most males your age masturbate daily or more. So they are having 45-50 orgasms in the time you're having one. Masturbating frequently is not only fun, it's good for your sexual health. I suggest you read my page for young males and start masturbating. You will like it very much and perhaps feel sad that you have waited so long to begin.

I'm 32; I need to ejaculate at least once daily (with or without being with my mate). If I had more time in the day, I wouldn't mind ejaculating 2 or 3 times a day. My girlfriend lives with me and we have sex 4-6 times a week (usually at night before sleep). I always watch porn on the Internet when I masturbate on my own. She doesn't care for porn so I don't watch it with her (and don't need to). I don't think that I NEED to watch porn when I'm alone either. It's just so much more fun and stimulating when I do. I think i am addicted to masturbation! Is this bad?

Most males your age who are having sex as often as you do don't masturbate very much. I don't think it's bad for you but it's not an addiction either unless it's really taking time away from things you should be doing. You seem to balance it with sex OK.

I masturbate not by sliding my hand up and down my penis, but more like grabbing it with my hand and dragging it up and down. (My hand touches the same patch of skin throughout.) I am circumcised and so I have no foreskin to slide with. Is that normal? I can't seem to be able to orgasm if I use lube. (age 18)

I think it's normal. Don't worry about that. However, you ought to enjoy using lube. It ought to make masturbation easier and more fun and not harder. I suggest taking 3-4 days off from masturbating and then trying a liquid water-based lube like K-Y Liquid or Astroglide. You can learn more about sexual lubricant here.

I would like to tell you about my own experiences of masturbating prone as a child but in an unusual way, without an erection, and how I have been more or less sexually dysfunctional all my life as a result. If I write this up (probably it will take 2-3 pages) may I send it to you? I'm not looking for advice; it's too late for that now! I wish I had discovered your web site 60 years ago! (age 76)

I would welcome your 2-3 pages. Please write it up and send it along. And you're never too old to take advice.

I'm a 14 year old boy who has been masturbating in the prone position for as long as I can remember. I first came across HealthyStrokes.com exactly 1 week ago. Much to my surprise, this site dealt with the exact problem I had. After reading about the problems associated with prone masturbation, I decided I would completely give it up. I went a week without any form of masturbation, and tonight I managed to reach orgasm using the conventional method! I will never return to prone masturbation, and I would like to thank you for telling me of the dangers of it.

I am legitimately worried about the size of my penis. My penis is more than 7 inches long while erect. I know that the average adult erect penis is around 6, so I'm concerned that I'm only 14, and I have already surpassed the adult male average. If I continue to grow, will I become a freak of nature? Is it possible that I won't grow any more?

Congratulations on giving up prone masturbation. You will enjoy conventional masturbation a lot better. Good for you. Your penis size is above average, but only slightly. Most adult penises are between 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 inches when erect. You probably won't grow any more, and there is nothing you can do about it if you do. Enjoy whatever length you have.

How can I convince people that I don't masturbate. Guys at school, upperclassmen, keep asking me if I REALLY don't masturbate. I don't. I say so but they don't believe me. I think masturbating is retarded and I don't do it. How do I convince them? They make fun of me saying I lie or I'm gay. They all think masturbation is really something.

Well, I think it's really something too. I even have a web site about masturbating. But since you asked, and didn't state your age, I'm guessing you're a freshman or sophomore. Some guys (not many) really don't masturbate at your age. I didn't until late in sophomore year. But the thing is, I wasn't even completely sure what masturbating was until the day I started. My not knowing let me deny it plausibly. The more you say, the more you protest, the more you reveal you know about masturbation, the less likely someone is to believe you don't do it. So just say no and move on. At the same time, I think you will be masturbating in a year or so and enjoying it. It will be easier for you to enjoy if you accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Please read my page about reasons masturbation is good for you.

Is it safe to masturbate my penis head if I use lube? (age 25)

Yes, very safe, and a lot of fun too. You can learn more on my page about sex lubes.

I easily get attracted to girls with long nails (especially painted with red polish). It makes me feel horny and I fantasize about them often when I masturbate. Is this fetish unusual? Why do girls keep long nails? Do they serve any purpose? I am a virgin and often feel nervous talking with girls! (age 25)

It's a common fetish. It's better if you're attracted to whole girls and not just their nails. Some theorize that long nails signal that a female is not of the working class. Women who have to do manual work can't have long nails; only women who don't work or who have jobs that don't involve heavy manual work can have them. I suggest coming up with a plan to become sexually active soon.

I have had wet dreams 3 days in a row. Does it make me slim? (age 13)

No. Wet dreams burn almost zero calories. Most boys your age masturbate daily or more. And even if you were masturbating frequently, masturbating consumes only a small portion of the total energy you expend daily. Masturbating and wet dreams will not affect your weight.

I am an average looking virgin man. I belong to a conservative family and I want to lose my virginity but I don't have a girlfriend and often I feel nervous around beautiful girls. Do I have any chance of getting a beautiful girl? I am really depressed. (age 26)

You seem to be very obsessed with how girls look. If you are average looking, then your best chance to have sex is with a girl who is also average looking. Stop focusing on how girls look and instead look for someone who seems genuinely interested or curious about you.

I just had my first orgasm. It was unreal. I have been reading your site for three weeks. I use baby oil as lube. I was about ready to give up for tonight when I got kind of a crampy feeling in my gut. Then I started feeling really really good all over and began squirting small drops. After that I felt even better and creamy stuff came out. I don't know if I can wait a whole day to do this again. Maybe in the morning. (age 13)

Hooray!

What can I do to pleasure my girlfriend but still manage to avoid any form of intercourse? (age 15)

That is a difficult question. It depends on what kind of intercourse you want to avoid. Fingering her is manual intercourse. Performing oral sex on her is oral intercourse. Making love to her is vaginal intercourse. If you want to avoid all forms of intercourse, then you're left with masturbating together, where you each work on your own bodies. This can be great fun for people who want to avoid making sexual contact.

Kudos to you for answering the questions of these young men as they explore their bodies and the gift of sexual pleasure. (age 64)


I like my penis very much and sometimes get the urge to masturbate by just seeing it. Obviously I stroke it often, about 5 times a week. I have been masturbating for several years now and until recently had been using just my hand. I tried using lotion for the first time and it felt sooo good that now I don't masturbate without it. I have the liberty of masturbating in private. I usually apply lotion on the head and stroke away. Do you think lubricant would feel better than lotion? I want to enjoy it as much as I can. (age 24)

Yes, males enjoy lube made especially for sex better than improvised lubes like lotion. Please read my page about lube for more tips.

I have recently started masturbating (your site is great for this, by the way) and from what I understand, the best way to go about this is stroking the shaft, but no matter what I do with it, I cannot get any pleasure or even much sensation from it. I've experimented with the glans too, and the only thing that works is lightly pinching the foreskin, which hurts after a few minutes. What should I do? (age 12)

You are young and new to masturbation and need practice. The most important thing is to get your mind into a place that will make orgasm easy. You might not understand what that means. Just take note of things that you see or think of that cause you to get erections, and keep those things in your mind when you masturbate. I think you will be successful sooner rather than later.

I've recently been contemplating the fact that my foreskin is probably shorter than others but I haven't been circumcised. Sometimes my glans has been unprotected, like when I've been in the sea. Will this affect later my sex life making it rough for my glans? (age 13)

You are awfully young to be worrying about your future sex life. Take these coming years to get to know your body. If swimming in the ocean hurts your penis, you might wear a condom in the ocean, but I don't know how you would keep it on without an erection. I have never heard of anyone being unable to have sex because of what you describe.

While on vacation with my family, I went a few days without masturbating. When I finally decided to, I realized I was having trouble getting an erection. This has continued over the past few days. I have been able to finally get an erection and masturbate to orgasm, but it has been more difficult. I also have not been waking up with morning wood. I have NEVER had trouble getting an erection before a few days ago. The slightest thing would give me a boner, almost all the time! (age 17)

I doubt there is anything wrong with you. You just got out of your favorite habit while you were on vacation. Just spend the next week getting back to normal, and I suspect everything will be fine and you will forget these erection difficulties.

Why do girls get less urge to masturbate than boys? (age 23)

Males have to eliminate sexual fluids frequently, a process that also exercises their sex organs. It is also hypothesized that frequent masturbation helps keep semen and sperm cells in good condition for fertilization. These reasons amount to a biological imperative for males to masturbate frequently. Females don't share this biological imperative. They mostly do it because it's fun. So it's not surprising that more males than females masturbate and are more likely to make it a daily habit.

I masturbate 3 to 4 times daily. I am a God-fearing boy. To stop doing this, for the first few days I will practice control and then I will masturbate. When I am successful, I will never masturbate. I read the Bible every day, pray 7 times, and when I get temptation, I eat toffee and jog outside my house, chat with someone and whatever will make me avoid this habit. (age 16)

Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is good for you and eating toffee is bad. God-fearing males (and females) of all ages practice it frequently. Please read my page for Christians for some theological views on masturbation. I hope you will jog, pray, chat, and masturbate daily.

How deep is the vagina? (male, age 18)

About four inches.

  1. How you would define how I started masturbating. I heard my friends talking about it and how they did it every night and how it was healthy for you and I got curious. I had a rough idea of what it was but was not sure on how to do it. So after school I went online and researched it. Then at night, in the bathroom, I masturbated. I've been doing it ever since. So, in your survey- what should I enter - playing/experimenting or friends?
  2. Lately I've been having fantasies of fingering a very close (girl)friend of mine and her giving me a hand job. She's left the country but she visits every 2-3 years. So when she comes back we'll be 17-18. I dont have feelings for her, but lately I've been visualizing masturbating her and even having sex/oral sex with her. What would you consider the right age to lose your virginity? I'm fairly religious, so I would not dream of doing so until I'm in college. Is this normal?
  3. I've not had a wet dream yet and I'm turning 15 shortly. I ejaculate and have not masturbated for 12 days.
  4. I've been masturbating mostly in my toilet. Whenever I get the chance, I do it in bed. I'm afraid of getting caught, and what my parents will say. What should I say if I'm caught? (age 14)

  1. You learned to masturbate through self-discovery. No one showed you.
  2. I strongly advise against focusing on this girl who has moved out of the country. See how thinking about the girls around you can help you get aroused. The average age of male first intercourse is 18, and I think your plans to wait are good ones.
  3. You will probably never have a wet dream if you haven't by now since you have a history of frequent masturbation.
  4. Don't worry about what your parents will say. See my page about being caught masturbating for strategies about what to do.

My brother masturbates in the prone manner. I know because I have accidentally walked in on him a few times. We don't have such an open relationship that we can talk about this kind of stuff. Is there any sly way I can let him know about the problems masturbating prone causes without having to actually tell him myself or let him know that it came from me? I really don't want to openly talk to him about it but I'm quite paranoid about any harm he might be doing to himself. (age 19)

You could set up an e-mail account on one of the free services that he wouldn't recognize and then e-mail him with a link to HealthyStrokes.com. Or you could print out the brochure about prone masturbation and leave it where he will find it, or even mail it to him anonymously.

My mom says if she ever catches my watching porn I will be in lots of trouble but I can masturbate without it. What do I do? (age 13)

Don't use porn and work at developing your sexual imagination. That's what I would want you to do anyway.

I'm straight and I sometimes masturbate to porn. I like normal sex scenes between a man and a woman. Does it make me gay when I masturbate to a video showing a penis? (age 15)

The penis is a beautiful part of the body and it does not make you gay to admire your own, one in a video, or even someone else's.

How deep must the penis go inside the vagina to give a girl an orgasm? (age 18)

It's most enjoyable for both partners if the penis goes the full length. When fingering, it might be satisfying for the female to go only as far as the G spot (about halfway in), but that would not be suitable for either party for vaginal intercourse.

I always feel guilty after masturbation but I am unable to quit it. I am losing concentration on my studies. (age 24)

Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. By your age, you should have accepted that. You should not try to quit. Men (and women) who are most successful at their studies also masturbate a lot. Men and women who are highly educated masturbate more often than those with less education.

Why it is easier for girls to quit masturbation than boys? (male, age 25)

Masturbation is a biological necessity for males. They have to eliminate sexual fluids frequently; and masturbating is also good exercise for their genitals. It also is theorized to keep semen and sperm in fresh condition for fertilization. Females don't share these reasons for masturbating. So it is not a biological necessity for them. They mostly do it for fun. So it is not surprising that more males masturbate and masturbate more regularly. It is very difficult for a male to stop masturbating, but a female can generally do it without any problem.

Though I don't masturbate prone, I don't masturbate the conventional way either. While lying face up on my bed, I use a pillow to stroke myself instead of my fist. Is this still harmful and should it be corrected? (age 18)

That is an atypical form of masturbation that you should vow to put behind you forever. I recommend taking a week off from any sexual activity including masturbation and then working at stroking with your hand. See the main page for more details.

How many times would you need to masturbate a week for it to become unhealthy? I masturbate 2-3 times a week and sometimes I don't for 8-9 days. Also, every time I start to masturbate, I climax really fast, but then I get a full erection back in a couple of seconds and it takes much much longer than the previous time. Is it healthy? (age 14)

The upper end of healthy frequency is determined by symptoms rather than a number. If your penis hurts, you're doing it too much. If your testes ache, you're doing it too much. In your case, you're masturbating too little. Frequent masturbation is good for your body. An 8-9 day break is not good for you. If you're going to masturbate 2-3 times a week, they should be evenly spaced apart. A team of doctors led by Dr. Graham Giles found that males who ejaculated most often when they were younger had the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week.

My girlfriend is forcing me to quit masturbation or otherwise she will end our relationship. Can males quit masturbation? (age 20)

The only way you can quit masturbating is by replacing it with sexual intercourse that is as frequent. Your problem is not masturbation but an overbearing, demanding girlfriend. Why don't you let this one walk away and then you can find a new girlfriend who accepts masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun.

When I masturbate I feel that my penis isn't smooth and it's rough. What should I do? (age 20)

Masturbating with lube will make it feel smoother.

I'll be a freshman in college next year. When I masturbate in my dorm, what do I do to clean my hands? I wash my hands a few times after masturbating (I'm a bit OCD) and my dorm will have a bathroom in the hallway instead of in the room. How do I get to the bathroom to wash my hands without touching anything? (age 18)

I have never had that question before. Most males and females who are entering college are wondering how they will get privacy to masturbate when having a roommate for the first time. Switching to a water-based lube will help, and you might also keep an old shirt handy for wiping your hands on. Also, a lot of dorm rooms have sinks even though they don't have any other plumbing fixtures.

I love your site and masturbate daily. I wish to acquire lube but my dad won't give me any saying I'm too young. Can I buy it at my age or are there alternatives? (age 13)

You can buy it and I tell you your options on the lube page. Most males your age get by with household products like petroleum jelly, lotion, or best of all, hair conditioner.

When I masturbate, my penis hurts just before I ejaculate. Is that weird? (age 16)

It is not good. I suspect you're using too much force.

You say that if one masturbates daily, that limiting may not be a good idea. Is this true? I wish to cut back, for the sake of practicing self control, but also to increase the experience for when I do get to it. What is a good balance? Once a week perhaps? I've also never had a wet dream, so I thought that would be something new to experience. I've never had relations with anybody if this is relevant. I'm also rather unsure of whether to accept such practices as normal and such of which to not be ashamed. Though any advice is appreciated, thank you. (age 18)

If you've not had a wet dream by your age, I don't think you ever will. Most men your age masturbate daily. It is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. I don't think you should cut down to as little as once a week. You can take a few days off from time to time to enjoy the orgasm that you have after three days, but there is no reason to do this all the time. Your problem is not the frequency of your masturbating but that you haven't accepted it as normal, healthy, and fun. Please work on that.

I love masturbating. At school, I watch all the girls with nice bodies. When someone is wearing tight yoga pants, I try to walk by her and brush my hands across her cheeks. I fantasize about them giving me sex, and I have gone into their locker room trying to catch them. I even want to find a way to have sex with someone. Is there a way for me to have sex at my age? (age 13)

I advise against sex until you're older, and I definitely urge you to stop the unwanted touching. That will cause you serious problems. Touching someone's butt without permission is sexual assault in most places. You can get on the sex offender registry for doing that. And stay out of the girls' locker room!

All guys remember the first time they masturbated and ejaculated. Please start a web page allowing guys to describe their first time, like what room they were in, how great did it feel, what caused them to start the first time, did anyone see their ejaculate before they could clean it up, etc.

I don't have a page especially for that, but feel free to submit such reminiscences and I will find a place for them.

I have visited your site which was very helpful to me. I have heard about the "death grip" concerning masturbation. How do I know if I'm doing this?

Males should masturbate with as little pressure as necessary. If you're seriously squeezing, you're using too much. Masturbatory pressure should be no more than a medium handshake. If you can get by with less, all the better.

I haven't masturbated in 15 days and I'm trying to go for a month without it. I get erections a lot easier and think about sex more often. Is this unhealthy or unsafe? When I masturbate or watch porn, a clear sticky liquid comes out before I ejaculate. Is this premature ejaculation and could it get a woman pregnant? (age 14)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. There is no reason to go a month without it, and it is not healthy to abstain that long. Most males your age masturbate daily and enjoy it greatly. The frequent erections and sex thoughts are signs that your body it missing its ejaculation. The clear liquid is called bulbourethral fluid, also called pre-cum, and it's normal to have it when you're sexually aroused. It is not premature ejaculation. It might contain sperm that could get a woman pregnant.

My girlfriend is a virgin and we want to have sex but we can't have complete intercourse before marriage, and I can't get enough fun without getting close to her vagina with my penis. I'm afraid of breaking her hymen because of my excessive excitement. Any suggestions about having good fun without losing our virginities? (age 20)

Most people believe you can have oral sex and still be a virgin. Performing manual intercourse on each other will not damage her hymen. You can do basically anything but put something into her vagina.

I don't think I have ever been caught but it's possible. How often do 15 year olds get caught? Only once or twice? (age 15)

According to surveys here on HealthyStrokes.com in 2007 and 2008, at age 15, 35 percent of boys and 41 percent of girls have been caught masturbating. The survey didn't ask how many times. Please look near the bottom of the page about being caught masturbating for a graph showing the percent of males and females caught by a particular age.

Since I was very young, I have been jealous of female sexuality, mainly from things I have heard about female orgasms being much more intense and pleasurable, and it is getting to the point where I am almost thinking why I should even bother trying to reach a high level of sexual pleasure when I know I will never be able to experience something as intense as a female orgasm. I feel if I don't resolve this, it could end up really affecting my future relationships. (age 14)

I am open to the idea that the female orgasm is more intense, but there is plenty of evidence that says the male orgasm is the more intense one. Usually when a female has an orgasm during intercourse, intercourse can keep going, but when a male has an orgasm, intercourse has to stop. That suggests that the male orgasm is the more intense one. Another is that once males start masturbating, it usually becomes a daily habit for them within a month. But many females who masturbate only do it once or twice a month, sometimes less. The best evidence that the female orgasm is more intense is that more females are able to be multi-orgasmic. (Some males can, and a pair of doctors who wrote a book about multiple male orgasms claim "Any Man Can.") There is no reason for you to be down on your sexuality because of a possibly faulty perception that your orgasms are not as good as those of a female. And even if female orgasms are better, what of it? There are all kinds of things that one gender can do better than the other, but it doesn't mean that people of the other gender can't do them or enjoy them any less.

Sometimes while masturbating, I'll get a really bad headache. Once I've stopped for a couple of minutes, it goes away. What does this mean? (age 13)

It could be an orgasm headache (search on that term) or merely a muscle tension headache caused by how you're holding your head and neck. If you relax your neck and don't strain it, you ought not get a muscle tension headache while masturbating.

When I reach plateau, and I accidentally let go of my penis even for a second, I find it nearly impossible to continue masturbating. Is this going to be a problem later? Does precum always exist, or does it develop with the semen because once, clear liquid came out and nothing more, though I continued masturbating for a while afterward. (age 12)

You seem awfully worried for age 12. Being able to stop masturbating and keep your erection comes with practice. I don't think you have much practice. The worst that could happen is that you'll have to take a few minutes to reacquire an erection. Lots of boys your age aren't producing either pre-cum or semen yet, so don't worry if you don't have one or either.

I have been masturbating for at least 6 years now, mainly in the bathroom as originally I was nervous about getting caught. This led to a form of prone masturbation where I was not so much thrusting but masturbating by stroking my penis in a face down position. Can sleeping on your front affect your penile health, in terms of masturbating/thrusting in your sleep? I cannot actually ejaculate inside a girl. I have more recently switched to the more typical style of masturbating that you promote on this site. (age 18)

I advise against any prone masturbation. You seem to have felt the effects of prone since you're experiencing lack of orgasms in intercourse. You have done the right thing by changing to regular masturbation. I hope you will be able to reach orgasm in intercourse within a few months.

About 2 years, ago one of my good friends (who happens to be my neighbour) caught me jerking off. He came over and my mom told him to go up to my room. He walked in and saw me stroking my hand up and down my penis. He was totally cool about it. A few weeks later, we watched porn online together. I had no problem with it. Everything was cool until a few weeks later when I confided in him that I'm bisexual, and he was fine with it, but he asked if we could meet up to jerk off together regularly. I said no and he was cool, but every time I've spoken to him since, he's been wanting the same thing. It's ruined our friendship. I can't even say hi when he signs in online because all he does is go on about seeing me jerk off. I miss our friendship but it's gotten to the point where it's interfering with my relationship with my boyfriend. (age 19)

I would tell your friend in no uncertain terms that you're not at all interested in masturbating with him, but you'd like it if you could still be friends like you were before.

Will having sexual fantasies while masturbating cause problems? (age 16)

No. Having sexual fantasies while masturbating will cause many happy orgasms.

I learned how to masturbate in the conventional way, but I still want to masturbate lying face down occasionally; sometimes I cannot resist. This situation stresses me a lot. What should I do? (age 18)

If you know how to masturbate conventionally, there is no need to be stressed. Conventional masturbation is a great stress reliever. Most men your age practice it daily. I strenuously recommend against prone masturbation, even occasionally.

I have recently been enjoying masturbating more than sex. When I have sex with my significant other, it is usually pretty fantastic, but we have sex less than once a week and for the past few weeks I have found been looking forward to masturbating more than having sex. Should I be concerned, or is this perhaps something that is normal and that will pass on its own? I haven't told my partner since it would probably make her feel inadequate. (age 24)

Men of all ages enjoy both intercourse and masturbation. You don't have to trade one for the other. Can you suggest to your girlfriend having sex more often? I really think the infrequent intercourse is the problem more than your enjoyment of masturbation. I think most guys in your situation would masturbate five days a week and then take a day off before the intercourse.

I lost my wife 3 years ago and have only ejaculated a few times since. I feel guilty masturbating. I have not had a wet dream since my teen years. I still have many sex thoughts. Am I hurting myself physically by not having frequent ejaculations? (age 80)

Having frequent ejaculations is better than not having them. Masturbating is good exercise for your prostate and other private parts. As you know, your prostate can cause many problems at your age, and frequent ejaculation is good for it. Nearly everyone feels guilty about masturbating occasionally, but for most males, it doesn't stop them from doing it.

Will holding the penis like a pencil create problems? (age 16)

I don't know. When holding a pencil (gripping with your fingers), it is easy to use a tight grip. Nearly all males masturbate by making a loose fist around the penis. You're better off doing that.

I masturbate about 1-2 times a day, then stop for 2-3 days and then do it again. For the past few days I have had anxiety that I will have problems by doing it at this frequency. My biology teacher told me about HealthyStrokes.com. I started masturbating when I was 13. Is this normal? (age 16)

Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health, and most males start at 12-13. Your erratic frequency would probably cause problems in the long run if you keep it up. If you're going to masturbate 5-7 times a week, it's better to do it daily or almost daily instead of twice on Monday, twice on Thursday, once on Sunday, etc. It's not going to matter at your age but in your 20s an erratic frequency is bad for your prostate gland.

I've only recently started masturbating and was wondering how frequently you recommend that I masturbate. At the moment, it's around once per week. (age 18)

Most men your age masturbate about once a day. Once a week is a very rare frequency unless you're also sexually active. If you only started recently, I'm surprised you're not masturbating more than once a day to make up for lost time. The important thing is to enjoy what you're doing.

I'm 18 and I haven't had sex yet. I'm pretty sure you've stated that most people have sex at around my age. Should I try harder to engage in intercourse?

The median age for first intercourse in a male is age 18, so half of the men your age have had intercourse and half have not. There certainly doesn't need to be a rush, but it would be a good thing if you pursued partners and then engaged in intercourse them when you mutually feel the time is right.

After a year and a half of playing the field, I have been seeing one girl for two months now and things are getting serious. We finally had the sex talk and I admitted that I masturbate daily. She was totally put off by this, even calling me immature. How should I respond to this? (age 25)

You should point out that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health, and that most men your age who aren't sexually active masturbate daily. Most younger females also masturbate often. I think your girlfriend is the immature one, but don't tell her that. I think you could quite honestly tell her you'd do it less if you were sexually active.

Follow-up: I not only told her, I showed her a clip from the Dr. Oz show where he recommends that men masturbate at least 6-9 times a month. She doesn't have a problem with my masturbating any more.

Hooray!

Is there a method of producing more semen or sperm during intercourse or masturbation? (age 18)

Some men say they have a bigger ejaculation when they masturbate and stop short of ejaculating a few hours before having intercourse (or having a different masturbation session). Sperm counts are trickier, but it might help to get sexually aroused the day before you're planning to have intercourse.

I really want to lose my virginity but don't know how to transcend to that point of relationship with a girl? (age 13)

Most males don't transcend to that point until age 18. I hope you will spend some time between now and then thinking of the dangers of early sexuality and how you can protect yourself.

I have masturbated for 10 years every week 3 to 4 times. Is it good or not? How can someone can stop doing this? (age 24)

Most men your age masturbate daily. Masturbating is very, very good. It is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. You shouldn't want to stop and probably never will, at least not until you're having regular sex with a partner.

I am single and easily get turned on by looking at girls but can't muster the courage to approach one. I feel intimidated. Any advice? (age 26)

Work on younger women. An 18 or 19 year old woman should not be too intimidating for you. Also, go for the average looking ones and don't only focus on the really hot ones. Start by talking to them about casual things and don't be in such a hurry to take them home.

I'm 14 and 4 months and have had pre-cum once and one wet dream in the past year. I have been masturbating since I was 12 and usually last 11 minutes. (I've timed myself.) Is this normal?

All except the part about timing yourself.

I am going to CVS alone after school tomorrow to get some lube. What kind would you recommend? Is it illegal to buy lube at my age and wouldn't it be awkward? (age 14)

There is no age requirement for buying lube. Please see my page about lube for my answers to your other questions.

I started masturbating about a year ago but I don't know if I should be masturbating at this age. I haven't told anybody and I just want to know if I should tell someone and if it is right to masturbate at this age. (age 13)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Most males start masturbating at 12 or 13. Just about all the boys you know masturbate frequently. There is no need to tell anyone, but most guys your age who want to talk about it do so with close friends.

Last summer my scout troop went to camp. At the end of the day, we had to shower together. Some of the boys made fun of me because I have pubic hair. They say it's not normal. Some of the boys were a year older than me. (age 12)

Pubic hair is indeed normal after puberty. You simply reached puberty before those other scouts and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Follow-up from another reader: That brought back a flood of memories from my years in the Scouts. You bring together a group of boys just entering puberty and things will happen! We were ages 11 to 15. Comparing erections at Scout camp was almost a given. I can't remember a single camp-out where it didn't happen in our cabins or tents. Games of "truth or dare" seemed to always include one kid masturbating or streaking across the campground naked. And my troop was sponsored by a church! I dare say many, many boys learned about masturbating thanks to the Boy Scouts of America. I certainly did! (age 25)

Thanks for sharing. For many years, the Boy Scouts were officially anti-masturbation and had something negative about it in the scouting handbook. Times have changed.

Follow-up from a third reader: I am a boy scout and when I went to summer camp my first year, I had to share a tent with another boy. I tried not to masturbate for the the whole week but by the third night I had to relieve myself. I tried to do it when the other guy was asleep but it turns out he wasn't. He understood and was cool with it. Lucky enough for me, it wasn't too embarrassing. (age 21)


Follow-up from yet another reader: At 14 I became a patrol leader and attended Leaders' Camp. The six of us leaders all shared a large, old-fashioned tent. The nightly conversation in the tent was always about girls. As things progressed, someone dared me, as the youngest leader, to masturbate in front of everyone. One of the boys shined a flashlight on my crotch and everyone was whispering for me to do it and I finally caved in and started. I was at it no more than 20 seconds when the scoutmaster shouted, "IF I HEAR ONE MORE WHISPER COMING OUT OF THAT TENT THERE WILL BE A FIVE MILE HIKE BEFORE BREAKFAST IN THE MORNING!" We were all quiet right away and we never got back to the dare. (age 25)

Three cheers for the scoutmaster. You were lucky because you technically fulfilled the dare but didn't have to ejaculate in front of everyone.

I find many of your answers and your advice to be slanted to encourage young males to be straight. Why is that? If you really wish to help these young men asking about gay tendencies, and are not comfortable answering such questions, then you should be directing them to other sources of information and help. I could be very specific about some of the questions/answers that I have read, but there are so many I would not know where to start. You are doing these young men a disservice at best. (age 52)

I am eager to provide help and information to males and females of all orientations. I am dismayed that you think I am encouraging gay boys to be straight. I usually tell boys (and girls) who are unsure of their orientation to take time to gather more information and see if they are less unsure a year or two later. I wish you would point me to specific examples where you think my advice is unhelpful.

I have been experiencing nightfall recently. This is new to me. I have never experienced it before. Does it have anything to do with the fact that I started masturbating at the age of 16? I do keep myself active as I have sex regularly, about once a week. I masturbate 2 or 3 times a week. I am confused why I am getting nocturnal emissions at this age even though I have a healthy sex life. Does it mean anything that its the first time it's happening? (age 22)

It is unusual to start having wet dreams at your age, or to have them at all, but it doesn't mean anything's wrong with you. You report ejaculating 3-4 times per week. Most men your age ejaculate about 7 times per week, once per day. I would suggest masturbating more often and see if makes the wet dreams go away.

I've been masturbating for nearly 15 years. It used to be twice a day, and now it's once every two days. I have severe pain in my right testicle and the doctor checked and everything was OK but she gave me antibiotics and ibuprofen painkiller. It hides the pain but I am still aware of it.I haven't masturbated in over a week and I am afraid to in case it worsens. I'm thinking of going to a sex clinic or seeing the doctor again. (age 33)

Did she diagnose an infection? That is what the antibiotics are for. You might have unexplained prostate pain. Please see my page about that for suggestions.

Iím a 17 year old boy who has never masturbated and probably never will. While browsing the Internet trying to find out if anyone else doesn't masturbate (and realizing that the Web is basically a pro-masturbation pressure group), I stumbled across HealthyStrokes.com. I am impressed by the advice and concern you give to each person who asks you questions. It nevertheless feels extremely one sided. Please add a paragraph somewhere that reassures people like me that weíre not somehow broken, or need to see a psychologist. (One friend of mine is surprisingly verbose about this.) I feel left out and that it would be an opportunity to make HealthyStrokes.com comprehensive, and you might even have people like me looking for reassurance and finding none.

I donít think masturbation is bad. My brother does it (I have not caught him) and I am not religious. I have just never felt the inclination to engage in the activity.

I would have no problems answering any questions you might want me to answer.

Thanks for offering to answer questions. Would you please take an online test and tell me your score? (I will send you the link.) Do you have wet dreams? How often? How do you feel about them?

Reply: I scored 51 on the test. I have wet dreams, but since I donít have any dreams that I can remember, I call them nocturnal emissions. Iíll just wake up and try to rush to the toilet in time if itís not too late, or just accept the consequences and put my pajamas in the wash after cleaning up a bit. They annoy me because they get my pajamas dirty and often the bed sheet, but as far as I can tell, Iíve never had an orgasm. They occur once every two months or so, but Iíve had periods when it was several times in the same month, and then nothing for a while; or even several times in the same week and then nothing for a while.

I'm very torn about your situation. I'm perplexed that you think everyone (your friend(s), your brother, me) should be validating your message when you're not paying attention to ours. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Not masturbating at your age is not normal, healthy, or fun, and you are putting your sexual health at risk, assuming you really don't masturbate. You report talking to your brother and at least one friend about masturbating. (I know you talked to your brother about it because you know he masturbates, but you don't know this from catching him.) Your friend is concerned enough about you -- you've gotten him agitated enough about the topic -- that he thinks you might need a psychologist.

The reason I describe myself as torn is because part of me doesn't want to believe you; part of me thinks that you really masturbate, and masturbate frequently, and for some reason you are going to a bunch of effort to make people (your friend(s), your brother, me, my readers) think you don't.

I think you are lying, because the score of 51 you reported on the test is very low. The average score is about 100. The lowest score I've seen before yours is 76. It is a test of self-deception. The lower your score, the more you're lying to yourself. I think you're lying to yourself and everyone else about masturbating. This is confirmed by your wet dream experience, which doesn't ring true. An older teenaged boy who doesn't masturbate would have wet dreams several times a month, not "every two months or so." If you woke up fully during a wet dream, you would definitely remember it. There is no possible way a male could make it to the toilet before ejaculating from a wet dream. You are also in denial about having orgasms from wet dreams.

Whether or not you are lying, you ought to accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Most males your age masturbate daily and enjoy it greatly. I think you do too, but I don't think you're enjoying it as much as you could. You need to give yourself permission to masturbate and enjoy it.

Abridged version of 862 word follow-up: Quite honestly, the idea of rubbing my penis until sticky white stuff comes out is not particularly appealing to me. The friend I talked to was a girl. I think sheís very sexual and really can't understand. She can understand this other guy because he's very religious. I donít have any such beliefs. I think she got angry at me.

Iím sorry you think Iím lying. I can totally see your point of view. I canít really tell you any more clearly than I already have, or any more believably than I already have that I donít masturbate. I would have scored higher on the self-deception test if there weren't so many strong words in there, like "hate."

I can see why my story might appear far-fetched and I can understand why you doubt me. That my experience of wet dreams differs from what youíre used to doesnít do much for my credibility, but Iíve never found a wet dream to be particularly pleasant. And your own web site says knowledge of wet dreams is hazy.

I contacted you to ask you to mention that some people donít masturbate and that it doesnít matter if they donít. It might not be ďnormal,Ē but I donít see why it would be unhealthy or anything to be discouraged.

But it does matter. Frequent ejaculation is good for the sex organs. Infrequent ejaculation is bad for them. Please see my page about the health benefits of frequent masturbation. If you really don't masturbate, you should; and if you really do, you should accept it as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.

You have written the equivalent of a 4 page paper to me explaining why you don't masturbate. Some of my college students don't write as much when I assign them a 4 page paper. You're really trying too hard to convince me. You doth protest too much, methinks.


I recently saw my best friend naked and his scrotum hangs way below the end of his penis and it looks like he has only one testicle. I wanted to ask him about it but I didn't. Are some males born with just one testicle? Does it mean he can't father children? (age 15)

Not all scrotums look alike. They also look different depending on both the room temperature and the male's body temperature, but you already know that. It is typical for one testicle to hang lower than the other (so they don't bang into each other). Some males are born with only one testicle, and some males have an undescended testicle, which often doesn't come down until around your age. Even if he has only one testicle, he can still father children.

Is it normal to make wild animal noises while ejaculating? What is the percentage of males who do? (age 19)

According to a survey of over 9000 by HealthyStrokes.com launched in 2008, the majority of people find they have a more pleasurable orgasm if they make vocal sounds. Another quarter have tried vocal sounds but don't think it makes any difference. 63 percent moan, 10 percent scream, 29 percent utter words, and 23 percent make other vocal sounds, which might include the animal noises you reference.

Does a longer penis mean you have a longer orgasm? (age 15)

No, not at all. Males of all penis sizes have orgasms of about the same duration. Eight seconds is pretty good.

I just want to say the biggest thank you anyone can give toward your web site, research and data. This is the first time I have uncovered my longstanding issue in sex and masturbation and can hopefully be set free to enjoy them just like every other man and it's all thanks to HealthyStrokes.com!

I just typed in on Google, cannot ejaculate during sex and I found a Yahoo Answers page that mentioned in the bottom to look at HealthyStrokes.com, and when I read the first few paragraphs I started to feel like I wasn't alone.

I need some help. I first started wanking when I was 14 and I always hold my penis gripped softly but without my thumb touching the penis at all and pointing in the same direction as the penis itself so completely linear. And my first finger isn't really gripped round the penis at all, so really it's the last three fingers of my left hand, middle finger, marriage finger, and baby finger, but with thumb pointing well away.

I have masturbated like this for years, and when I first had sex at age 19, I had exactly the same symptoms as men who do prone masturbation! I HAVE NEVER used the bed or pillow as an aid in helping me to masturbate. I have done it in all places, always leaned straight up while kneeling or leaning down, and my masturbating has always generated super fast orgasms and ejaculations. I only laid on my back once and it took ages to ejaculate but felt nice when I did, because I really had to work for it! When I had sex at age 19, I felt almost nothing inside this girl's vagina. It was boring and I had no pleasurable feelings whatsoever. We tried different positions but still I had no success. But every time I masturbated I could finish within 2 minutes. Whereas in sex I can go 30-40 minutes and feel nothing at all. I used to wank a lot, about 3 times a day for years. It always felt nice and I was always able to have a nice orgasm. This girl thought I didn't find her sexually attractive, but I really, really did. Then when I turned 22 I started having sex again with a new woman but nothing!!! Same again. It took many tries for me to first finally ejaculate inside and it was so boring and I felt like it was a chore to have sex. But when I masturbate it feels heavenly and so very nice and I always think sexual thoughts and nice visions. Just a few weeks ago I started masturbating the way you suggest with the thumb wrapped around the penis touching the index finger and forming a solid grip and I let out a nice groan on climax because it felt very different but nice. I have had sex many times and it's been only missionary in which I can finish inside and I really had to work for it almost it being a chore.

But I haven't lain on my back at all in the nearly 10 years I have masturbated. But I can ejaculate anywhere very fast only knelt down legs apart sitting up as this feels very comfortable.

Do I HAVE to learn to masturbate lying on my back as you say and then over a month begin to enjoy sex like normal men? I'm having the EXACT symptoms as prone masturbation (sex I feel nothing at all, only finish in missionary, masturbating feels much much better, losing erections). The only difference is I do not lie down completely on my stomach; I sit up but kneel down and have this weird grip with thumb pointing out and last three fingers curled around my shaft.

I doubt the grip you describe is the problem. I also don't think your position is of any significance. Although most male masturbation is practiced lying on the back (or close to lying), neither sitting nor kneeling are positions that cause the trouble that prone does. I am more inclined to believe your frequency of masturbation, especially if practiced close to having intercourse, is keeping you from fully enjoying sex. Most males cut back on their masturbation when they are sexually active, and some even give up masturbating altogether. I would suggest that for the next few months, you abstain from masturbating for 3-5 days before having intercourse. As you get better at intercourse, you can reduce the interval and see if it makes any difference.

Is it weird that for as long as I have been masturbating, I have done everything right even with no information on it? I've been masturbating since 11 and never had a wet dream. Is this normal? Is it weird that I have never felt guilty about masturbating even with no one to talk to about it even though I was told it was wrong? (age 15)

You say some contradictory things. You say you had no information about it, but someone told you it was wrong. Apparently you were talking to that person about it. It's good that you've done everything right, and it's good that you've never felt guilty about masturbating. And it's very normal to never have had a wet dream when you started masturbating at age 11. Maybe you can discuss masturbating with friends. It's safe to believe that all your same-age male friends masturbate.

I'm an attractive guy, smart, educated, and professional, but I almost always get the feeling that women close off the sexual part of themselves around me. (age 39)

Then you're not making them comfortable. Work at making women feel comfortable around you -- when they laugh, you know you've succeeded. Then work at getting them sexually interested.

I masturbate 1.6 times a day on average and I am curious if other people in my grade also masturbate, but I cannot picture it. Is it normal to try and picture the girls in my grade doing it? (age 12)

According to surveys I've done for HealthyStrokes.com, by their 12th birthdays, 27 percent of males have masturbated to orgasm, and another 28 percent start when they're 12. So probably between 30 percent and 55 percent of your male friends already masturbate and the rest will start in the next few years. Only slightly fewer girls your age have already started masturbating, so there is nothing at all wrong with trying to picture them doing it. You can bet they think similar things about you. And I find it interesting that you keep statistics so well you can report 1.6 times a day as your frequency. Good for you!

Please don't laugh; I am actually 90 years old and masturbate when I can do it. I had a prostatectomy 10 years ago but it was nerve-sparing surgery. It might be of interest to your younger readers that sex does not stop at an advanced age! BUT you definitely can't have wet orgasms or dry orgasms (as in my case) simply when you "feel like it." I have to wait about a week between masturbations. But I am horny more frequently than that. There seems to be nothing I can do about the frequency of reaching orgasm despite my use of injections into my penis, which work very well. I also have a very high testosterone reading for my age -- over 700! Do you have any suggestions for increasing frequency? (age 90)

I am not laughing. I hope to God that I will still be alive and having orgasms at your age. If your problem is getting erect, keep in mind that you donít need to have an erection to masturbate, even to orgasm. A penis pump might help you get erect more easily. A toy called the Super Head Honcho, available on Drugstore.com and Amazon.com (among other sites), can let a male masturbate if he gets erect enough to enter it, even if he loses the erection during the session. I regret that my expertise is primarily about the sexuality of younger males and males who are having difficulty due to psychological rather than physical problems.

Can the five finger technique be used as an alternative to the fist technique in order to masturbate? Will it be harmful to masturbate with the five finger technique? (age 21)

The five figure technique is merely using a looser grip than a fist. I encourage people to use as little force as necessary to masturbate. So using less of a grip is A-OK.

Is it normal for me to watch pregnant porn? I also don't want to masturbate because I won't always be able to. It keeps me from being the best I can be. If I wanted to, I could have made all 100s this year but instead of studying to get a 100 I masturbated and got a 96. You say masturbating is healthy but I am confused. I cannot break my habit. (age 12)

I discourage guys your age from using porn of any kind. It's better if you can build your imagination while you're young. Pregnant porn is out of the ordinary and should be avoided even more so. There is a lot you can like about females (and males); don't get straightjacketed into a narrow fetish when you should be exploring your options and your imagination. People of all achievement levels masturbate frequently, and most research shows that higher achievers masturbate and have sex more often than lower achievers. Masturbating won't hurt your achievement. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It's a good habit and not one that needs breaking. If it's taking time from your studies, then you just need to find out how to balance masturbating with everything else in your life. The way most younger males do this is by masturbating at bedtime so it only takes time from sleep and not from anything else. 96 is an excellent grade, by the way.

I masturbate regularly, twice a day usually. I've been with a girl for about a year now and a couple of months ago we started having sex. I haven't been able to achieve orgasm at all in intercourse with her, but I can get myself off every time. Why is this? (age 20)

Twice a day is a very high frequency for your age. Most men your age masturbate about once a day and they usually reduce that frequency when they're sexually active. I recommend that you abstain from masturbating for 5-7 days before you have sex next. As you get to be successful in intercourse, you can reduce that interval. Most likely you will wind up skipping masturbation for a day before intercourse.

Whenever I masturbate, I'm always worried I will get caught. Sometimes when I can't fantasize, I watch porn on my computer but the computer is only 5 feet from the front door. Are there any precautions I could take if I have to watch porn you could recommend? Can this comment be traced back to me by e-mail or other people using this computer? (age 14)

The NSA is watching everyone these days. I advise people your age against using porn. You should be developing your imagination. Please see my page about getting caught masturbating for strategies that males and females have used to maximize their privacy.

I was going to masturbate the other night when I was brushing my teeth because I had a really good erection. I couldn't find any lube so I just spit toothpaste foam into my hand and used that. It worked really well but afterward I wondered if it might have been bad to use. Is it OK? (age 13)

I'm surprised that worked. Toothpaste has no lubricating ability. And the mint flavoring can cause pain on your sensitive genitals. Toothpaste will cause you no harm, but you would no doubt be happier with water-based lube that can cost less than $1 a tube. See more on the lube page.

My mom told me when I was 13 that masturbation was normal, healthy and fun. She has privately given me lube, and a girlie mag on each of my birthdays since. I have told a couple of my male friends and they think this is too weird, and they make fun of me for talking about masturbation using non-vulgar terms. Is my mother out of line in what she does? (age 18)

Many males (and females) have written to me over the years telling me how grateful they are that their mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers have given them products (and privacy) that enhanced their masturbation experience. Now that you are an adult, you can decide if your mother's private gifts are unwanted. I don't see that it's a problem. It's your friends who seem to have a problem with it. Since you read HealthyStrokes.com, you know that I always refer to masturbation in non-vulgar ways (although I occasionally allow readers to relate their experiences using vulgar terms). If your friends don't like the way you talk about masturbating, I would suggest not discussing it with them.

I had sex with my partner yesterday and last night I had a wet dream about a girl I don't know. Is this normal for a grown man? (age 28)

Wet dreams are unusual for your age but there is nothing wrong with them, and having them doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Learn more on my page about wet dreams.

I hate when I am have a stupid wet dream. I have wet dreams about four times a week. I think they're killing me. Do you think that's normal? Is there something I can do to put an end to them? I am dying! (age 26)

Would you please read my page about wet dreams and then take this fun quiz? Just fill in the blanks. The answers can all be found on the wet dreams page.

  1. Most boys who have wet dreams stop having them when they learn to _______________.
  2. If you _______________ at least five times a week, it will probably put an end to your wet dreams forever.
  3. If a male is still having wet dreams at age 26, it probably means he doesn't ______________ very often, and the wet dreams will stop forever if he makes a regular habit of ____________ .
  4. ______________________ is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.
  5. At age 26, most males who are not sexually active __________________ daily or close to it.

I've been masturbating since 16 and I do it regularly twice a day. Is it normal? I'm really enjoying this activity. (age 20)

Is it ever normal! You're not the only one who enjoys it. Read what this fellow has to say:

I've been masturbating since June 1, 1961. Now I let the Mrs. stroke and massage me, while I play with her beautiful body. Life is good. (age 65)

Happy 53rd anniversary!

Is it OK to not mind getting caught masturbating? Last year, I wound up living in a non-relative's household (long story), and this woman was very open about sex and masturbation. She was perfectly cool with both, and she encouraged me to use masturbation as a way of sexual relief, and to have fun. In our discussions, the woman told me she would often reach down and climax in whatever she had on, since she couldn't always take it off. Is it OK that I'm this open about masturbation, or do I need to be more private? I want to have fun, but not be a pervert. What do you think? (age 18)

I think it is creepy that an adult woman took a non-relative minor into her house and had a lot of discussion with him about masturbating and other private things, and (I'm guessing) did it in front of him. Most men and women, boys and girls, are absolutely mortified about being caught masturbating, and write to me frequently to tell me so. That you're wondering if it's OK to NOT mind tells me that the situation is anything but OK. It's OK to be open about masturbating, but not with your landlady/guardian/whatever she was.

My 16-year-old girlfriend told me in a love letter that she gets aroused when I satisfy myself.

But when she watches me, she backs away if she's close enough to get hit when I ejaculate. The other day she watched me in total concentration, then said "whoa" as I ejaculated. That simple "whoa" turned me on, because in the aftermath of ejaculating, I felt guilty and vile for doing that. But the fact that she was approving of it by "whoa-ing" in amazement made me feel good.

Sometimes her reactions throw me off. Another time, she lightly screeched out of fear when I told her I was about to ejaculate, as if she had better hurry and get out of the way. We always cuddle afterward. Why is that? (age 17)

Your girlfriend is curious and probably aroused about your masturbating but she is still uptight about semen. Sometimes her reactions arouse you further and sometimes they turn you off. I suspect that as she gets more accustomed to seeing you masturbate, she will be less likely to get turned off and turn you off. You're lucky to be so comfortable that you can masturbate in front of her. Does she ever do the same for you?

I use a foam tube to masturbate. I still use my hand and I am in the normal position. Do you think this is bad? (age 16)

I don't know why you would want to use a foam tube, especially at your age. I hope you are lubed up inside the tube. Males who masturbate using only their hands and as little force as necessary have the most success at intercourse.

Will I go to Hell if I watch porn and masturbate? Is it OK to masturbate without porn? I'm Christian. (age 14)

I recommend that people your age avoid porn, although doing so will not result in Hell. Masturbating without porn is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Most boys your age do it daily or more. Please see my page for Christians for more advice.

How many times per week is it healthy for someone in their 40's to ejaculate? (age 42)

Frequent masturbation or intercourse is good for your sexual health. I recommend keeping up a daily schedule as long as you're able to. Males who ejaculate most often when they're younger have the least incidence of prostate cancer later. On the upper end, males your age tend to run into trouble when they're ejaculating more than 8-9 times per week.

I have been reviewing your site and think I have a problem. I don't masturbate prone, but I kind of push down on my penis and sandwich it between my hand and my leg. It seems akin to prone masturbation. (age 33)

I agree that your method could cause the same sexual dysfunctions as prone masturbation and that you should give it up. Can you masturbate by hand? If not, the abstinence and retraining regimen that I recommend for men who masturbate prone would also work for you.

One day in social studies I got an erection and on the way out the door one of my good female friends brushed against my pants and winked at me. What should I do? (age 12)

I would move her up on the list of your friends. Why not give her a call and see what she's doing over the summer?

I love masturbating it feels really really good but I have an older sister and parents and I'm afraid they'll walk in on me and I need to find some new masturbation techniques for better arousal. (age 12)

It takes until age 29 until the majority of males have been caught masturbating. Even if it happens to you, there are rarely any consequences from it. Learn more on my page about the experience of being caught masturbating. How sad you think your arousal is already suffering at 12. Please have a look at my page on adding variety to your masturbating sessions.

I have some questions about self-pleasure finishing vs. intercourse finishing.

I lost my virginity (vaginal intercourse) about a year ago. Most of the sex I have is oral, both receiving and performing. I masturbate probably 3 or 4 times a week before I go to bed I only sleep 4-5 hours a night and my doctor tells me that for me it is healthy because I have a lower sleep requirement.

Am I masturbating a healthy amount? When I masturbate, I last around 15 minutes depending on if I am looking at pornography or if I'm just doing it with my imagination. I finish almost every time, but whenever I have sexual intercourse, I've been unable to finish, with the exception of losing my virginity and a couple of times after that, even after spending some time at it. I'm able to maintain an erection, but despite what my partner does, I just can't finish. Is there something medically wrong or am I just going about doing this the wrong way? (age 20)

You don't describe how you masturbate. If you're doing it prone or some other atypical way, that would explain your anorgasmia in intercourse. If you masturbate conventionally (stroking up and down your penis with one hand), then I'd be inclined to believe you're using too much force. Masturbating with a silicone sleeve called the Super Head Honcho can help you learn to use a lesser amount of force. Also, 15 minutes is long for a nightly masturbation session. Most males your age masturbate to orgasm in 5-10 minutes.

I'm abstaining from masturbating prone so that I can learn how to masturbate the normal and healthy way. Is it bad if I get a wet dream during my abstinence period? Will that cause any setbacks or is that completely unrelated to my path to being cured of prone? (age 26)

I have never heard of a male having a wet dream while abstaining prior to switching to conventional masturbation. I suspect youíre asking a hypothetical question. The time since last orgasm is what makes it easier for a male to try a new way of masturbating, so I suspect a wet dream during that period would ruin the abstinence and require resetting the clock to the time of the wet dream.

I am a footballer. Can masturbation or having wet dreams be bad for me? I have wet dreams sometimes once a week or in 10 days when I don't masturbate. Normally I don't masturbate more than once a week. Should I reduce my frequency? (age 22)

You should increase your frequency. Most men your age masturbate about once a day. That will probably take care of your wet dreams. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and will not make you any better or worse at football, whether soccer or American football.

How many times a day is good to masturbate at my age? (age 13)

Once or twice is pretty typical. A lot of guys don't even masturbate daily and think in terms of times per week. Five to ten is pretty common at your age.

Whenever I masturbate in bed, I never feel comfortable afterward until I wash the sheets, even if I notice little to no semen on the sheets. I don't masturbate as often as I would like to for this reason. I don't want to wash my sheets every day. How common is this? Is there a possible solution? (age 21)

That is not at all common. I have never heard of that before. Most males say masturbation is one of their favorite things to do. You don't let a little thing like spatter on the sheets keep you from one of your favorite things. The best solution is to decide you don't care if a little semen gets on the sheets. Another solution is to masturbate with condoms. A majority of males have masturbated with condoms at least once. Many males do so when they're masturbating someplace (e.g., a friend's house) where they don't want to worry about flying semen. Do you have a lot of quirks like that? It occurs to me that someone who is worried about ejaculating would have a lot of issues with other stuff that might need professional help.

I am a 68 year old widower. I have masturbated frequently since I was 13, but I did not do it much when I was married as my wife wanted to have sex all the time. Sadly, she died over four years ago. Since I was 59, I have kept track of how often I masturbate. I noticed a chart on HealthyStrokes.com from someone who was 31. I have not got a chart. I frequently get an erection during the day. I don't record short "dry" sessions when no more than pre-cum comes out. These are the number of times I have masturbated to ejaculation since I was 59. Notice the big increase at age 66 when my son gave me a computer. I find HealthyStrokes.com very useful and very informing.

You have a chart now. Thanks for keeping track and sharing with my readers and me. I think sometimes my younger readers don't believe me when I tell them they'll be masturbating all life long.

Why are oil-based and silicone-based lubes for males only? Do oil-based lubes promote yeast infections?

A woman has to be careful about what gets inside her vagina. Oil-based lubes can disaffect the acid balance in the vagina. Water-based lubes are designed with the vagina in mind. (Luckily, men enjoy using them too!) Silicone lubes don't evaporate, so they stay on the penis until the man washes them off. You can imagine how much trouble they are to get out of the vagina.

I've been masturbating about ten times a week since I was 14 and recently I have started having sex with my girlfriend. The first time we did it, I came before I could even get inside her, then the next couple of times I lasted only a few seconds. If I stopped masturbating, would it help me last longer? (age 19)

Typically premature ejaculation reacts better to increased masturbation rather than decreased. But since your masturbation rate is already very high, I hesitate to tell you masturbate more. I think that right now practice at sexual intercourse will be the best thing to help you learn to slow down.

I'm a virgin. I want to buy condoms (just to try them on) and a male masturbation toy, but I'm afraid of what the store clerks would think. What should I do? How do I overcome this? (age 18)

You are an adult. Unless you live in a small town, store clerks don't know you. Store clerks at large stores like Target and CVS don't remember sales from one customer to the next. Anyone who works at a store that sells masturbation toys knows to be discreet. What are they going to say, and to whom? Plenty of stores have self-service checkout.

I'm 23, and I'm still a virgin! And I don't intend to have sex anytime soon. How do you feel about that?

Sad.

I love girls and I masturbate to girls. But I find the vagina disgusting. Everything else about the girl I love. Is this normal? (age 13)

You are young and I doubt you have much experience with vaginas (probably none). Keep loving girls and masturbating to girls and I have a feeling that in a few years when a girl lets you close to her vagina, you will like it.

The door to my room is a French door that one can see though. It also does not have a lock. How do I get my parents to get me a new door that they cannot see through that also has a lock? (age 13)

I suggest talking to your dad about it. Tell him you're getting to an age where you'd like to have more privacy, and the French door has to go. You need not specifically mention masturbating. (Of course, you didn't in your message to me.)

I started masturbating when I was 5. I didn't know it was masturbation but it felt good and I continued doing it. Until third grade, I did it in school during free time. A few of my close buddies knew since they had caught me doing it but they did not say anything as they were too young to understand what i was up to. Two or three times, two of my female classmates stumbled upon me and broke out giggling and laughing. I sometimes got so engrossed in my act that I did not realize that I was being watched. In third grade, I realized masturbation needed to be done in absolute privacy, and since then I have never masturbated anywhere except my own room. But my classmates still refer to my earlier days and make fun of me at school. What can I do to make them stop poking fun at me? (age 13)

I suggest you enlist one or more of your friends to help you fight back. Tell the friends about your situation. Surely some of your friends now masturbate themselves. It would help if one of them would say, "You're being a child for making fun of someone for masturbating." Even if you don't do this, I suspect it will blow over within a year or so as more and more of your classmates start masturbating.

Last time when I went to the doctor he asked me to pull down my pants so he could check my pubic hair. Since then, I have started shaving my pubic area. What will my doctor think next time he asks to check my pubic hair and he sees that there is none? (age 15)

If it is the same doctor, he will not even look for pubic hair. He did it last time because he wanted to see if you had started puberty. Pubic hair is usually the first or second step in puberty. Since this doctor already knows, he will not need to look. I suspect he also palpated your testes. If he looks again, he will find razor stubble and know that you shave. Shaving is fairly common in males these days.

I've always masturbated by simply applying pressure to a flaccid penis. It normally only takes a few minutes. I've done this from a young age. I don't masturbate conventionally (i.e., rubbing up and down an erect penis with one hand) as it takes much longer. The other way is quicker and easier. Is this a bad idea? (age 20)

That is very bad. You've taught your body to not get erect. You need to get erect if you ever want to have sex with a partner. At your age, you ought to be having very frequent erections, so it ought not take longer to masturbate the conventional way. I urge you to give up flaccid masturbation and to only masturbate when you're erect.

I masturbate once in while but every time I do it, I get really worried about someone catching me and what would happen. Last time I was in the middle of an orgasm and my mother suddenly knocked at the door. I quickly put my penis away and I think she saw I had an erection. Ever since, I only masturbate in my bedroom when everyone is sleeping or when I'm home alone. I'm still feeling awkward ever since that moment. What should I do? (age 13)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. You should do it often and enjoy it. The bedroom is the favorite place to masturbate. Most younger males are not caught masturbating, but when it happens, it is not usually a big deal for either party. Please read the stories at the link to learn more.

When I masturbate, I usually masturbate up and down with my hand but when I'm about to ejaculate, I put a sock over my penis and masturbate with it until I ejaculate. Is that a bad thing to do? (age 16)

It is not a good way to masturbate. Your penis is probably getting uncomfortably sensitive at the moment you switch, or you are worried about ejaculating all over. I suggest you use lube to help with the sensitivity and do away with the sock, and keep a cloth handy for cleaning up. Nearly all males find masturbating with lube fun and exciting.

Does putting off masturbation for a short period of time make your next masturbation more enjoyable? If I skip two days and masturbate on the third will it feel better then if I had masturbated each day?

Yes, according to a survey of over 6000 males by HealthyStrokes.com launched in 2008, an orgasm feels better after three days of abstinence. But males are divided on whether they would rather wait for one excellent orgasm or have three ordinary ones.

Is it healthy to masturbate until just before the point of ejaculation, stop for a few seconds, and continue (eventually reaching ejaculation)? (age 14)

There is no harm in that. But it's not good to get to that point and then stop for hours.

I have masturbated since age 15 and I always wanted to stop it but I can't. I mastubate prone and my lower legs start hurting. I am really worried about it. Please tell me how can I stop myself? (age 18)

You will not stop masturbating until you are having sex frequently, and perhaps not even then. I urge you to give up prone masturbation and abstain from all masturbation for a week and then start doing it with your hand. You will like it a lot better and your legs will feel better too.

I recently turned 15 and regularly get erections. I have tried to masturbate several times, with or without lube (I am circumcised) but I have never ejaculated, orgasmed or experienced any pleasure. I often fantasize. This often excites me sexually, but I still can't orgasm. Is this because I am circumcised? Should I be worried?

Do you have wet dreams? You shouldn't need to use lube to get started. When you are aroused from your fantasies, that is a good time to try. Just stroke as hard and fast as you can until you reach orgasm. Once you've learned how, work at being slower and using less force. Circumcision is not to blame. Just keep trying until you get it right.

I sometimes like to masturbate lying on my back and I usually take it slow until I am about to orgasm. Right before climax I elevate my abdominal area along with my legs. This seems to enhance the duration and intensity of my orgasm. The only problem with this method is during ejaculation, because it gets on you sometimes. Is this a safe practice? (age 19)

Yes, very safe. Getting semen on yourself is not a problem. Stop thinking that it is.

Since I started, I've been using both visual aids and my thoughts to masturbate. Over the last few years using video or pictures has gotten me very excited and I would be able to ejaculate very quickly and get a nice orgasm.

The last few months I am no longer really aroused by porn. I can still use it but instead of getting nice, hard erections I now get weak ones. I didn't overuse it, as I would only use it two to three times a week and masturbate with my imagination on the other days. How could I go from being super excited to barely even being interested in it? Is there something wrong with me?

I have never had a real-life sexual experience so this has me worried. What happens if I try to have sex with a girl and there's a lack of interest so I do not get highly aroused? I have been worrying that I may not ever be able to have sex. I used to also get hard erections when I would just talk to a hot girl, but that unfortunately doesn't seem to be the case anymore either. I do occasionally still wake up with erections but it is no longer a daily occurrence. (age 19)

It is typical for your erections to start declining at your age. Wake-up erections go from being daily to being rare. As you get more accustomed to females, it will not be arousing enough simply to talk to them. I suggest you start pursuing relationships with females. I also think that you've become habituated to porn so that it no longer arouses you automatically. Instead of going for harder and harder porn, which some men do in your situation, I suggest you work at finding more things that arouse you imaginatively. Write them down even (or use a password-protected computer file) so that you can recall them easily when you need them.

I used to masturbate against a stuffed animal with the bottom of my penis against its surface. Is that unusual? (age 13)

That is prone masturbation, which is practiced by less than 10 percent of males, so it is unusual. Not only is it unusual, prone masturbation is dangerous because it causes sexual dysfunctions in most males who practice it. I'm glad to hear you "used to" do it that way, suggesting that you're now masturbating by stroking with your hand, which is very, very usual. If you give up prone masturbation forever, I think you will be just fine.

I am completely mortified. My neighbor boy is friends with my 10-year-old nephew. My nephew is on vacation, and the neighbor boy knows this. One day I was masturbating at my computer and someone knocked on the door. I turned and the neighbor kid was looking through the glass at the top of the door at me. I don't know what he saw. I haven't mentioned it. I don't know if he told his parents. What if he tells my nephew? What if he isn't allowed to come over and play with my nephew? The neighbor kid could be 11. His parents haven't said anything to me yet. What do I do if this affects my nephew's relationship with his friend? I feel terrible and I don't even know for sure, but he'd have to be blind if he didn't see something. I went to the door and looked through the glass at the angle he looked and I can see the monitor clearly but I'm not sure he was able to see me sitting in the chair. I am not a pervert and would never intrude on the innocence of a youngster. (age 42)

The neighbor boy might have seen what you were watching on the screen but he probably didn't see you masturbating. In any case, you were within the privacy of your own home and he was peeping at you through the window. I don't know that you need to do anything, except maybe masturbate only where the windows are completely covered.

In my school there are lots of beautiful girls and I always end up thinking about them, and it's affecting my studies. What should I do? (age 24)

You should set aside serious study time at a time and place where there are no girls or pictures of girls in view. That might rule out a public place like the library or anywhere with a window.

I love this site for its knowledge of masturbation. You have said to masturbate with a loose fist around the penis. I do that but I also take the back of my hand and rub around the bundle of nerves. Is that a bad way to masturbate? (age 13)

It's fine. It's also the best bundle of nerves to soothe when you feel like a bundle of nerves.

Is lying on your back with your body curled up (like a "C") to ejaculate into your mouth safe? Is it similar to prone masturbation? (age 15)

That doesn't sound at all like prone masturbation. You don't say how you're masturbating. Masturbating by stroking up and down your penis with a gentle hand is OK no matter what you're ejaculating into. Keep in mind that as you get bigger, you won't be able to curl up like that anymore.

I started masturbating when I was 12 and when I was 13 I thought it was wrong and I managed to not masturbate for a month. Do you think it is a good thing to not masturbate at all if you can restrain yourself from doing it? (age 14)

No. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. You were only able to restrain yourself for a month. You have gotten a lot more experience since that month. You should accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health, and not try quitting again.

I have a female friend who's afraid to masturbate. She was uncomfortable with the idea, but she is getting used to it now that I have told her about all the benefits. I referred her to HealthyStrokes.com and answered her questions as best I could. Did I handle this well? (age 15)

Yes, she is lucky to have a friend like you. Let your female friends know about this page about the health benefits of female masturbation.

With help from your site, I gave up prone masturbation and learned to I masturbate normally. Perhaps once a month, I like to masturbate prone just for the sake of it. Will this affect me in the future?

It's affecting you now. When you give up prone, give it up forever. Cheating, even once a month, will keep you from making the progress you want.

Today I was masturbating with my friend while watching porn. My head hurt a little before I began. I got a tingling feeling all over my body, so I stopped for a little. I tried again and got the same thing. Then I had a huge urge to urinate, while my whole body just began to bother me. I was like the feeling I get when I'm sick and just about to throw up, that feeling of being really hot. My head hurt more and I just got a horrible queasy feeling. I stood up and ejaculated a lot of semen. I've had the tip of my penis become damp/drip a little but I never actually shot out a lot like that! I freaked out while laughing hysterically. My body still feels nasty just thinking of the feeling I got when I was ejaculating and about to ejaculate. I'm freaked out and am starting to frown upon erections. What if I'm masturbating or having sexual intercourse and I go into cardiac arrest or something? I refuse to ask my dad, doctor, or teacher about this. I just feel really uncomfortable talking about it. I only masturbate 1-2 times a week. (age 13)

I'm sorry your first ejaculation was not a happy experience. Can you talk to your friend about it? Nearly all males and females find sexual arousal and the buildup to orgasm to be very exciting and would never compare it to being sick. Your symptoms make you think you really are sick and you just picked a bad day for your first ejaculation. Why don't you forget what today felt like as best you can and then masturbate to orgasm another 1000 times over the next three years and then let me know if it's still a horrible feeling.

Is it normal to masturbate to pictures of girls from my school? They post sexy pictures of themselves on social media. Is it normal to masturbate to these? (age 16)

Yes, that is very normal. Go for it!

I was a very hyper kid and used to get into a lot of fights. For some time I was given Ritalin. Now that I'm 23 years old, I have a problem with my sexual life. I have no sex drive. I get erections, but not automatically (my fiancee has to give me oral for it to get erect, and yet it can easily go away within seconds). I've been having this problem since I was a teen, but when I had just started to have sex with my fiancee, at first it was good and I got erect more easily (except I still needed oral). Now I dont even feel like having sex, even though my fiancee is highly attractive. I just dont get erections so easily and if I do they last not long enough. I am 5'8" and weigh 265 pounds, and I have been VERY addicted to masturbation. Did Ritalin, weight, stress kill my sex drive? I've lost relationships because of this, and I don't want to lose my fiancee over it. (age 23)

You need to talk to your doctor about this. You are severely obese and I have to believe that's part of it. Are you still taking Ritalin? Your wording suggests you don't. Your doctor should know about your sexual problems. Perhaps he will give you something for it or adjust the dose of your Ritalin. If you're sexually active with your fiancee, you might need to be masturbating less often. Some men even give up masturbating when they're having intercourse four or more times a week.

My group of friends (both male and female) feel open to talking about sexual things, but nothing personal. Someone in our group may spontaneously ask a question like "Who would Chad do, me or Kennedy?" but with no thought of it ever happening, like in a joking way. Is this sort of talk healthy or is it unhealthy or neutral? (age 12)

You are young and have a right to be naive. You are naive to believe that when 12 year olds discuss sex that they mean nothing personal by it. I suspect that some in your group have already done some sexual experimentation and most of you will within four years. Sex talk is healthy, but joking as you describe is going to cause someone to get hurt.

I have forcefully held back my semen while masturbating at least 30 times before. After reading about how it can have negative physical effects, I'm worried I've done something wrong. I'm too embarrassed to talk to my parents or to a doctor. Do you know any next steps I could take? (age 15)

Forcefully holding back your ejaculation sends it into your bladder instead of out of your penis, and the force you use to do it can cause damage. You are young and I doubt having done it about 30 times will make a difference. I advise you to give up that bad habit and to instead let your ejaculate flow out normally when you masturbate. If you can ejaculate normally, then it's unlikely you have a problem.

My father died when I was ten and my mother remarried five years later. We moved in with my new stepfather and I had to share a room with my 17-year-old stepbrother until they finished remodeling the basement so I could have my own room. My stepbrother didn't care if I was in the room or not when he masturbated and he did it a lot. He was addicted to online porn. He was very messy about masturbating and if his semen got on the floor, his desk or his bed sheets, he didn't care. I asked him not to do it with me in the room and he said it was his room and he would do what he wanted to. I asked him to at least clean up after himself and I won't type what he told me to do when I did. He really creeped me out because he masturbated so much. I was sharing his room for three months and very happy to get out of there. (age 24)

I'm glad you learned to appreciate your privacy. But you could have just gone to another room when he started masturbating.

Is there a normal amount you should be masturbating per day? How many times a day is too much? (age 13)

Most boys your age masturbate about once a day. Sometimes twice a day, maybe three times. It isn't unheard of at age 13 to masturbate 14 times a week. And a lot of boys your age haven't started yet. I think too much is when your penis starts to hurt, or you're taking time away from stuff you're supposed to be doing.

I just want to know if masturbation is a win, because I am Christian and I don't wanna be sinful. I just started yesterday, and I'm worried that mom will find me and not understand it's natural.

That's quite a typo you made! I think you meant to ask if masturbation is a SIN. No, I don't think it is, and if you read my page about masturbation for Christians, you will find that many ministers don't think so either. And to answer your literal question, yes, masturbation is definitely a WIN. Congratulations to you for winning! I hope yesterday is a day you will always remember happily.

Hello and thank you for all the useful information. I was wondering whether or not it is normal that my balls and pelvic area get very tingly when I have thoughts about giving up masturbating? I plan on doing so. (age 13)

Yes, that is normal. And it tells me that you're excited when you think about masturbating. And that tells me that you will never, ever give up masturbating. So why bother to try?

I love swimming, but every time I go to the pool, I get a strong urge to masturbate. Fortunately, my local pool has individual changing cubicles so I can do it in private. As soon as I take my Speedos off, my penis goes hard and I have to masturbate. It feels great, of course, but I feel guilty as soon as I finish ejaculating, and my friends are starting to ask why I'm always last out of the changing rooms. (age 14)

Swimming and masturbating are very enjoyable things, and both are good for your body, but they don't go together. You don't need to masturbate every time you get an erection. It is very dangerous to masturbate anywhere you don't have privacy. Your friends are already suspecting something is up. It will not be long before someone sends the pool staff to investigate. Just enjoy being in the pool and save your masturbating until you get home.

Thank you so much. This site made me feel so much better. Thank you thank you thank you. (age 29)


I'm not sure my mom knows I masturbate but some lotion I had under my bed appeared on the dresser next to my bed and a box of tissues is now on my dresser. Do you think one or both of my parents know? (age 13)

Yes, they know, and if they don't know, they suspect. And according to you, they suspect correctly. So you don't have to be as careful as you have been.

When I masturbate while watching porn, I reach orgasm very fast, about 1-2 minutes. But if I masturbate without porn, I can last for 10 minutes. I'm worried that I won't lasting when I'm having sex. (age 20)

You are a virgin, because you don't say anything about how long you actually last in sex. Your times while masturbating are pretty normal. You need not worry about premature ejaculation in future intercourse. If you want to last longer, I would suggest masturbating without pictures and then looking at them when you're ready to finish. That will let you have the best of both worlds.

I have been masturbating for the past four years twice a day, and I recently moved on to oral sex with my girlfriend. During oral, it takes about 10 minutes before I orgasm. Is this average? If it is not, could this be because I have masturbated for so long and so often? (age 17)

Most males start masturbating at age 12 or 13. Your frequency has been high, but most males have masturbated about 2000 times at the point they first have intercourse with a partner. 10 minutes is about the average time to reach orgasm in intercourse. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

When I masturbate, I feel a nice sensation, and near the end of climax, pre-cum leaves my penis. I achieve this by jerking the skin up and down (I'm circumcised). Since there is only pre-cum, I don't know if this is an orgasm, or just a nice feeling. To see if there is a different effect, I stroked my penis with conditioner. The sensation didn't feel nearly as good as the jerking of the skin masturbaion, and there was no pre-cum. Am I doing something wrong, or is that just not the proper way to masturbate? Should I jerk the skin or stroke? (age 13)

Either way is good. If you are not masturbating to orgasm yet (and it sounds like you're not), then it is probably not a good idea to add something new (like the conditioner) that you have to get used to. When you get the nice feeling and have what you call pre-cum, keep stroking and see if you can produce more than just the pre-cum.

I have rubbed my hands on my flaccid penis to masturbate (lying on my back not stomach) for years. Is this considered prone masterbation? (age 24)

No, that is not prone masturbation, but it is a bad habit that can cause you sexual troubles. You should always be erect when you masturbate. If you're not, then you're teaching your body not to get erect.

I masturbate on average twice daily and have for a while. Recently I had to have surgery on my back which caused a lot of discomfort and made me lose a lot of desire to masturbate. I took almost 2 weeks off from masturbation post-surgery. I noticed the skin on my penis started peeling a little, almost like calluses. When I was comfortable enough to masturbate again, I noticed that a sore had opened under the head of my penis and there were a couple of sore spots on the shaft as well the day after. I want to chalk this up to fresh skin, however I'm worried because I stupidly had unprotected sex with a girl I don't know well the day before my surgery. I'm sorry for the lengthy message but I would just like to know if this sounds normal given the time between. I know I need to get tested but I'm worried about having that on my medical record, and private tests can be so expensive. (age 25)

I really doubt that abstaining from masturbation would cause your penis to peel. Sores are the penis are often caused by STDs. I would have tests done ASAP. Don't worry about your medical record. Worry about getting free of STDs.

Can I masturbate twice a day? (age 16)

Of course you can, and like most males, you probably do occasionally. But as a daily thing, that frequency is high for your age and I suspect you would find twice a day every day rather tiresome before long and would cut down.

I am a virgin with pretty bad social anxiety. Would being a virgin make it harder for me to find a partner? (age 23)

Your social anxiety will do more to keep you from finding a partner than virginity will. I would work on that first. Get out into the world and start meeting people.

I am nervous about masturbating to orgasm, and I want to know if climaxes are painful. I have had wet dreams, and they feel good. I also want to know if spanking fetishes are common and healthy. Also, what is the best part to stroke? (age 14)

If you have had wet dreams, then you have experienced orgasm. Orgasms from masturbation feel the same, only you are awake for them. There is no reason to be nervous about that. Spanking is a common fetish for both males and females. You should enjoy stroking the whole penis, although the most sensitive part is on the underside of the shaft just below the head.

I just started having wet dreams. During sleep they feel really good, but I can't handle the mess when waking up. I am too embarrassed that my mom should find out. Some mornings she comes to wake me. I would hate for her to see the mess. (age 13)

You might tell your mom that you can get up by yourself and don't need her to wake you up anymore. Then get yourself up so she won't need to. Wearing more clothing to bed (e.g., underwear) would help you control the mess. There is also a way to put an end to your wet dreams forever.

I have been keeping my masturbation to about once a week or two weeks for personal reasons, and I think it has highlighted a problem. I flex my penis every couple of seconds when masturbating and when ejaculating. After reading up, I think this is causing pain and a feeling of congestion after masturbating by forcing some semen back. Does this sound like an apt analysis and how do I go about stopping it? (age 18)

I don't think the flexing is your problem. Flexing the penis is part of what's called Kegel exercises, and it's supposed to be good for you. The problem is your low frequency of masturbation. Most males your age ejaculate about once a day. I think if you masturbated four times per week or more, the pain would go away.

Does masturbation lower your energy? It really feels like I am more tired on the days that I masturbate compared to the days that I don't. (age 17)

Masturbation is good for you and burns a lot less energy than exercise or physical work. For most males your age, it is their favorite way to burn energy and get tired.

Dear readers: I am getting short of stories to put on the caught masturbating page. Why not go over there and share your stories or things you've done to keep from getting caught.

Older questions from males

ANNOUNCEMENT

It will be a while before there is a long survey for males. In the meantime, I have posted some quick surveys (no more than 4-5 questions) and these will be changed every few days. Click the link on the male survey page and come back frequently to take new quick surveys.

This page updated December 11, 2014. The author has a large backlog of older questions that are not yet answered.


New quick survey questions for males!

Attention guys!

Do you like to take surveys? While we decide if there will be a new long form survey, we will be posting some quick and fun questions. A new male survey is online and new questions will be posted every few days, so come back repeatedly. Won't you please help us out by answering them? They are completely anonymous. Click here to take this fun and interesting survey. These are different from our earlier, longer surveys.



If the question you asked isn't answered here, it might be on the TMS comments page

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HealthyStrokes.com is not designed to provide medical advice and does not provide medical advice. All material is for information only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional or medical advice, diagnosis, and treatment. Please review the information contained on HealthyStrokes.com carefully and confer with your doctor, psychologist, or other health care professional as needed.