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Reader questions about masturbation

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A Young Man's Guide to Masturbation was written for parents to give to their pre-adolescent (and early adolescent) sons. It's not as frank as it could be, but would parents want to use it then?!

These questions and answers are general ones about masturbation and not specifically about TMS.

Many older questions have been moved to one of these topic pages:

I read your site, and I don't have TMS. What I really want is to quit masturbating altogether. How can I do this?

Quitting masturbation will be quite a challenge, at least until you have a regular sex partner. One person who's done it is best-selling author John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus), who had to give up the habit when he became a monk. He said that giving up masturbating took him seven years, and was the hardest part of becoming a monk. (He also had to give up talking to people.)

If you've read my TMS page, you know I take the position that masturbating is normal and healthy and fun, and I don't think you should quit. And I don't think quitting is easy. However, if you really want to change, I suggest cutting back to once a week. Masturbating only once a week will keep you sexually healthy, and you'll probably be able to do it without sexual fantasy. Try doing it once a week for a month or so and then decide if you really want to stop masturbating.

Why do males masturbate more than females?

As discussed elsewhere on this site, masturbation is universal among males past puberty, while only three quarters of females have done so by their 18th birthday. Remember why males masturbate:

They enjoy it
To release built-up sexual fluids; and
To keep their sperm in good condition for fertilization.

These last two reasons amount to a biological imperative for males to masturbate. Females don't share this biological imperative. So the only reason they do it is because they enjoy it. Considered in this light, it's understandable that (1) more males masturbate; and (2) males are more likely to make a regular habit of it.

What are blue balls?

"Blue balls," which is properly called vasocongestion, is a discomfort in the male pelvic area caused by sexual arousal going unrelieved by ejaculation. The cure for "blue balls," obviously, is to ejaculate. Your body doesn't care whether you ejaculate through vaginal intercourse, manual intercourse (i.e., your partner's hands), or masturbation. It is quite unethical to use "blue balls" to pressure your partner into intercourse. If not relieved by ejaculation, the congestion will go away within a few hours.

How much masturbating is too much?

Physically, if your penis starts to hurt, you're masturbating too much. Or, if you're finding it takes you a lot longer to reach orgasm than usual, that's another sign. If you can't have orgasm during intercourse, that frequently means you masturbate too much. More practically, the question of how much is too much is determined by averages -- "normal" is a statistical term. As mentioned elsewhere on this site, eight times a week is the response heard most frequently as to how often young males (without partners) masturbate. It's not unusual to hear teenage boys (like those who've just discovered masturbation) doing it twice a day. It's probably safe to say that most people would agree that masturbating more than twice a day is not normal. For males older than 16, even 10 times a week is higher than normal.

What's so special about eight times a week? A lot of males make a point of masturbating every day and then do it a second time once a week or so. Remember, normal doesn't necessarily mean healthy or unhealthy. It might not be unhealthy to masturbate more than twice a day, although it certainly isn't normal. If you masturbate once a day, you're normal in terms of the statistics available about masturbatory frequency.

Another way of considering if you're masturbating too much is if the habit is keeping you from pursuing other sexual outlets. If you find you'd rather masturbate than have sex with a partner, that's a sign you're doing it too much. (Of course, some people have moral reservations about casual sex and it shouldn't be surprising that they masturbate more often than those who are also having sexual intercourse.)

I'm a boxer, and I'm planning to abstain from ejaculation for a month to preserve my energy for the big fight. Your site says males have to ejaculate every two weeks to avoid damage to their prostate gland. Am I causing trouble for myself here?

Are you talking about doing this just once or making a regular habit of it? I don't think abstaining from ejaculation for a month (if such a thing is even possible) one time only would do any damage.

On the other hand, if you're talking about ejaculating only once a month as a regular thing, then you're setting yourself up for a painful condition called prostatitis. It normally occurs mostly in older men who start having less sex than before, but it's also been noted in people (like sailors) who abstain from ejaculation for a long time (like while they're at sea) and then have lots of sex after those periods (like shore leave).

I really question whether "saving it up" for as long a period of time as a month will do your fighting performance any good. The idea behind abstaining from ejaculation before an athletic event is not to do it right before the event. An optimum time might be five to six days. That's when most guys really feel the tension of not having had an orgasm.

What is compulsive masturbation?

The key definition of a compulsion is that the activity is performed not for pleasure or gratification but to reduce anxiety or distress. The practice of the compulsion must also cause its own distress, be time consuming (more than an hour a day), or significantly interfere with the individuals normal routine, occupational functioning, or usual social activities or relationships with others. [Paraphrased from The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV)]

What does this mean for masturbation? If you're doing it for fun, you're OK. If you're doing it and you don't really enjoy it, that's a sign of compulsion. If it's causing you stress, making you late for work, appointments, or classes, or other scheduled activity, or interfering with your interaction with people, those are signs of compulsion.

So is there any particular frequency of masturbation that means one is masturbating compulsively?

Maybe. Maybe not. The diagnostic criteria don't refer to frequency. But it's hard to believe that masturbating three times a day, every day, could be fun. So there's a certain frequency that points toward compulsivity. At the same time, masturbating only once a day could be compulsive if the activity causes the problems described above.

Here are some questions to consider if you think you might be masturbating compulsively:

Is masturbation your favorite kind of sex? (Ignore this question if you're a virgin.)
Do you masturbate mainly because you often masturbate at such a time of day?
Do you masturbate when you know that doing so will make you late for something?
Do you feel a need to masturbate after having sex with a partner?
Do you masturbate without sexual fantasy? (Nearly all males fantasize.)
Do you masturbate in inappropriate places? (While driving, at work, in school, etc.)
Do you get up right after you ejaculate? (Most people like to relax after an orgasm.)
Do you feel like you're cheating yourself if you "miss a day"?
Do you have more erotic material than you have room for?

Answering yes to more than one of these questions is a sign that you're masturbating compulsively.

The head of my penis is a little blue (violet) and does it influence my sexual abilities?

Well, now you know why some people call it the "purple-helmeted love nazi." As long as it has sensitivity and isn't downright cyanotic, you have nothing to worry about.

Is it good to not release semen during masturbation?

No, it isn't. The goal of masturbation should be ejaculation. Stopping before ejaculation is apt to cause "blue balls." (See above)

Can doctors tell if a person has been masturbating?

That's not an easy question. The official answer is "no," but masturbation in both males and females leaves telltale patterns on the skin. The penis of someone who hasn't masturbated for a few days is apt to have less redness than someone who has, kind of like a "halo" around the head. Sexual intercourse won't leave the same pattern but might leave a different one that is less symmetrical (more pressure on the underside of the penis and less on the top). I suspect that most doctors who take the time to look over the genitals will notice these things.

Of course, doctors are aware that most people masturbate, including nearly all males past puberty. This might be more useful information than observation of the genitals.

Will I ever be asked to masturbate in a doctor's office?

Yes, if they ever need to analyze your semen. You can use the same bathroom where you give the urine specimen, but most doctor's offices would let you produce the specimen at home, if you can get the sample to their lab ASAP. (That's another drawback of TMS: can't produce the sample in the doctor's bathroom.) I'd guess 25% of men will have a semen analysis sometime.

I am 20 years old and in the past week I haven't masturbated, but before that I masturbated at least once a day. I am wondering if I keep not masturbating, will I be able to get a wet dream, being 20 years old. Can you please let me know if I can have a wet dream and if so, about how long would it take with me not masturbating?

You don't say if you've ever had a wet dream (like before you started masturbating), but in either case, I think it's unlikely you'll have one. You've gotten used to the stimulation of doing it yourself. There are some older males who have wet dreams, but that is kind of rare. I've heard of guys abstaining from intercourse and masturbation for as long as a month in an effort to induce a wet dream and they haven't been successful. I've heard of other experienced guys having a wet dream after only 2 nights without an ejaculation. I can imagine the appeal of trying to have a wet dream if you've never had one before, but if you get to about 25 days and then give up, you'll probably decide you've wasted a lot of time. Are you really abstaining from masturbation or just from ejaculation? If you're masturbating short of orgasm, that might be enough to inhibit a wet dream. Good luck.

I have been trying to keep my masturbation a secret. It is hard, though, because my bed is over a hundred years old (honestly), and whenever I move at all, it creaks and groans and yells. I am home alone a lot, but have a lot of things to do. I do not have time to masturbate at night, and my parents are up usually until 1:00 in the morning working, doing taxes, etc. I can't wait until everyone is asleep, because I will wind up being a sleepless zombie. How can I find time to masturbate, or keep the noise of my bed below 10000000 decibels?

I don't blame you one bit. I'm not ashamed of masturbating, but I don't want the people who live near me to know whenever I do it. You don't mention TMS, but I'm suspecting you have it and that's why bed is the only place. Guys have been having trouble finding privacy to masturbate for millennia, and the usual solution is to do it in the bathroom. If your bed is over 100 years old, I suspect your floors are not carpeted, and maybe that's why you're not doing it there. If I had your bed, I think I'd find a quieter place to do it.

How old should you be to begin masturbating?

That's a tough question. If you're old enough to ask, I think you're old enough to masturbate. When your pubic hair grows in, you're old enough. If you've had a wet dream, you're definitely old enough to masturbate. Half of males start before their 13th birthday. Nearly all have started by their 15th birthday. If you start after that (like I did), I think you'll regret being a late bloomer when you find out that almost everyone else has already been masturbating for several years.

Some males start in childhood, before they're able to ejaculate or even have a real erection. For most of them, it's only an occasional thing until they reach puberty and start to ejaculate. Then it becomes a daily (or more) activity.

I'm 13 and I masturbate every so often. I have noticed a very mild odor that comes from the semen. Is this normal? Can other people smell it too?

Yes, that's normal. The smell comes from prostate fluid, which most of the time contributes most of the volume of semen as well. Other people can smell it if they get close enough. It's always a good idea to clean up and/or shower after ejaculating.

Hi, I have been masturbating a couple of months (I'm 13) but I do not know how to grasp my penis. I know that I should lay on my back though; I just don't know how to grasp it.

Try to use a loose fist. No tighter than a medium handshake. As you become more experienced, try to use less pressure and see if it's still as effective.

Hi, I am 16 years old. I was just looking for a clarification on whether masturbation does help and/or lead to weight loss? It seems like I get skinnier after masturbating.

Weight loss is one of the great mysteries of life. Burning calories in excess of caloric intake is what really does it. Masturbation burns calories, but I doubt it burns enough that you're losing weight as a result of it.

I read your Young Man's Guide to Masturbation and I think you're a homophobe and a pedophobe. Telling guys not to masturbate with their friends and to alert authorities if someone older approaches them about masturbation is old-fashioned and irresponsible. You should be ashamed.

Whatever is a pedophobe? If it's someone who's opposed to adults engaging in sexual activity with children, then I'm happy to be one. I don't think I'm a homophobe. I'm not against adults engaging in consensual activity with other adults. But I think more circumspection is necessary where young people are concerned. I wrote that article to warn young people about TMS and inform them about other aspects of masturbation. I also wrote it for parents to use to educate their sons. I think parents in particular want to see warnings against pedophilia and homosexual experimentation.

So why don't I warn against heterosexual experimentation too? Because this isn't a two-way street; many females would reject a male for having engaged in homosexual activity, but no gay men would reject one for having experimented heterosexually. So it's rational for a male to postpone homosexual experimentation until he's certain he's gay.

Does it hurt to masturbate for the first time? And if it does, if you do it a second time will it still hurt?

Masturbation is not supposed to hurt. If it hurts, you're doing something wrong. Perhaps you're confusing it with something you've heard about sexual intercourse. Some females find that their first intercourse hurts, especially if their partner is not careful.

I often feel the need to urinate after ejaculation. I have pondered possible reasons, but no solution comes to mind. Is this a normal thing? (age 20)

That's very normal. The urine cleans the urethra of residual semen that didn't get ejaculated. If the semen dries in there, it plugs the urethra and urinating later can be very uncomfortable.

How do girls masturbate? (age 13)

Females have more variety in how they can masturbate than males. The typical way for a girl to masturbate is to rub her clitoris or the skin around it. Some girls stick fingers or objects into their vaginas.

I do not masturbate excessively, but I don't usually use lubricant. About a year ago I developed two small finger bruises on the sides of my penis where I usually grip. I stopped masturbating temporarily at times, but the bruises did not go away. Should I stop masturbating permanently until they go away? What should I do? (age 17)

You need to start using lube. You can make the bruises go away (often the same day) by applying medicated lotion, like Vaseline Dermatology Formula.

Follow-up: Would any type of lotion with vitamin E work, or is there a certain ingredient that I should look for? Is it possible that since the bruises have been there for over a year they may be permanent, or will time heal them?

The ingredient you want is dimethicone. The bruises will go away when the irritant causing them has ceased and proper healing aids have been applied.

What are some good masturbating techniques? I'm female. (age 14)

I'm male, so I only have hearsay when it comes to female masturbation. Girls generally stroke their clitoris (sometimes indirectly, because the organ is very sensitive) and some also stick fingers inside their vagina. The important thing is to relax and take your time.

How does masturbation affect you if you're trying to work out, gain mass, build muscle, and eat protein bars at the same time?

Masturbation has little effect on your weight and caloric consumption. Of course, any activity burns calories, but masturbation burns only a few compared to the number you would be burning through weightlifting, running, swimming, etc., as part of your program. It is estimated we burn 6 to 7 calories per minute during sexual activity. This compares to 8 to 10 per minute while jogging. People typically exercise longer than they masturbate, so a half hour jog would burn 240-300 calories while seven minutes spent in sexual activity would burn fewer than 50. (Thanks to Phyllis Cooper RN and McKesson for supplying those figures.)

I have had a crush on one of my favorite TV stars for about 3 years and I sometimes dream that she is with me in the room when I try to sleep. Is it normal to have sexual fantasies about this kind of person? I feel kind of guilty because she is someone that I really look up to. Is this a bad thing? (age 19)

Your fantasies are very normal. But don't pass up the girls around you because you'd rather have your Hollywood hottie. It's unlikely you'll ever get a date with her. Local girls are so much more attainable. You shouldn't feel guilty. There are probably millions or even tens of millions of guys who have the same fantasies about her.

What are the techniques in masturbating in the bathroom? (age 15)

The technique should be the same as in the bedroom. This is why I tell guys they should learn in bed and then try other places. The challenge in the bathroom is to stimulate yourself the same way as in bed but without the comfort and with less space. For example, you might be used to pressing your legs or head against the bed, something you can't do when you're sitting or standing in the bathroom. You'll have an easier time in the bathroom when you're experienced in masturbating in bed.

My boyfriend says that he has stopped masturbating (not at any request from me) and I didn't believe him at first, but now when we have sex he is unable to keep going for longer than about 10 minutes. When we first started he lasted much longer. Is this because of the lack of masturbation? (age 17)

As a rule, it takes guys longer to reach orgasm the less time it's been since their last one. If he really has quit masturbating -- something I find doubtful unless you're having very frequent intercourse -- that would tend to make his orgasms with you more "urgent," so to speak. Another rule of thumb is that guys generally take longer to reach orgasm as they become sexually experienced. So maybe he really did give up masturbating. You might tell him if you liked his technique better before.

My church and ecclesiastical leaders say it? not good to masturbate. That the sexual fantasies create lustrous images in my mind that damage my spirit. However, reading many of your thoughts you sound like masturbating is in some ways a necessity. That the pressure builds up inside and needs to be released and that the older the sperm isn? as potent as newly replenished sperm. How do I balance both? How do I relieve my physical needs and not go against my leaders? Is masturbating really that important? Do I need to do it to stay healthy? (age 20)

Ejaculation is a necessary part of male sexual health. If you don't have a partner, then masturbation is necessary. You can balance the concerns of your church leaders by limiting masturbation to once a week. After a week's abstinence, you can probably reach orgasm without sexual fantasy, by stroking alone. Most guys your age masturbate much more often than that. This is true for many different religions. You might also want to keep in mind a study released just last week that found that males who masturbated most often when they were in their 20s had the least occurrence of prostate cancer in their 60s. Thanks for your question. I'd like at some point to put up a page that addresses masturbation from a Christian viewpoint.

I'm 15 years old and I masturbate about 3 times a day. Sometimes my chest and other parts of my body go red. After about 5 to 10 minutes it is back to the normal colour. I've never had sex so it can't be an STD. Is this normal?

Yes, that is called sex flush. At least 25% of people get it. It's nothing to worry about, but people can figure out what you've been doing if they see you with it. Someone we know complained to his mother that the house was too hot. She offered to lower the thermostat. Meanwhile, he went to his bedroom and masturbated. When he emerged, his face was flushed, and his mother said, "Oh, it is too hot in there. Your face is all red."

I would have to say that any figure that claims 100% of men masturbate is most likely untrue. Men with cystic fibrosis are frequently unable to masturbate. I myself have gone for 18 years without not because of any physical defect, but simply because I have never enjoyed it enough to bring myself to orgasm. I'm confident that I am not alone in this. (age 18)

But you say you have masturbated, only not to orgasm. Men in vegetative conditions don't masturbate either, but rare exceptions like this don't falsify the generality that it is normal, even necessary, for men to masturbate. I suspect that you wouldn't be reading a masturbation website if you didn't want to practice it. There are masturbation machines that are administered to men (e.g., quadriplegics) who can't do it themselves. Perhaps this type of therapy would be appropriate for you? Might ask your doctor or physical therapist. Don't be embarrassed to ask. They masturbate too.

Thanks for your informative site. I'm wondering - you have a formula for frequency of masturbation for guys 30 and under. Could you send me a similar formula for single/ married guys under 40, under 50, under 60?

I've thought about that, but there's much greater variance in men over 30 than in those under, which makes a neat formula more elusive. A lot of older men reduce their sexual output greatly and in some cases cease altogether. For a lot of men even in their 40s, masturbation becomes a sporadic thing. Also, most of what I hear from males is from those under 30.

Hi, I'm a girl, and I recently heard two people on a dating show talking about women masturbating internally or externally. I'm not entirely sure what they were talking about. Can you help? (age 16)

Yes, for females, internal masturbation means inserting fingers or objects into the vagina, and external masturbation means masturbating without doing this. Of women who masturbate, informal research says only 20 percent masturbate internally. 84 percent masturbate externally by stimulating their clitorises and/or labia, 11 percent mount or rub against objects -- the female equivalent of TMS, 11 percent stimulate their breasts, 10 percent squeeze their thighs, 5 percent masturbate by contracting their PC muscles, and a lucky 2 percent can achieve orgasm by fantasy alone. (The numbers don't add to 100 because some women masturbate more than one way.) [These stats courtesy of SexTV.]

I have been going with my girlfriend for a long, long, long time and we want to take our relationship to the next level. We want to have intercourse and we were going to do it yesterday but I wanted to ask you first. So is it OK for us to do it? (age 13)

I think you're much too young to be sexually active. And I think you believe that too. If you had really wanted to have intercourse, you would not have waited to see what I think. The "next level" doesn't have to involve sexual intercourse. If you must copulate, at least consider the consequences and use protection.

Follow-up: What kinds of consequences?

The big ones:

Pregnancy
Sexually transmitted diseases
Emotional damage to the partners when the relationship ends
Getting caught by parents, etc.
Getting a reputation among your classmates as an "easy" sex partner

These things are hard to deal with at any age and are especially devastating at age 13.

You're a sick puppy! You need to get a hobby. Better yet a life! These kids will grow up healthy on their own. If they make mistakes, that's healthy too! You did, I did, grandpa did. You can't save the world. Put your efforts into your own family life where you can benefit from your work. Treat each day like it was your last. Breathe deep and suck in life. Savor today! There is no infinity. Just try to deal with it as best as you can. Best Regards! P.S: Sorry if I seem a little hard! Just think about what you're doing. This Net is a powerful thing! If there happens to be infinity you will have to pay your dues! Safe or Sorry? Check or Mate? It's for sure up to you!

I happen to be a good Christian. Every day I get mail from people thanking me for the advice I give. I'd like to save young people (and others) from decades of sexual inadequacy. Most of the people who criticize me say I'm too conservative and call me a puritan. (Which I am.) Someday I'd like to put up a page addressing masturbation from a Christian perspective.

If a guy doesn't want to masturbate, is that bad? (age 13)

In an older male, it might indicate some level of maladjustment. I think most younger guys sometimes wish they didn't have to masturbate. Masturbation is a lot of fun, and that's the reason most guys in your age group do it at least once a day. But many guys feel guilty or embarrassed about masturbating from time to time on some level, and that's OK too. Nearly half of males have tried to quit masturbating at some point. With maturity, they accept that masturbation is normal, even necessary, and think it's silly that they once wanted to quit.

What is the depth and width of a woman's vagina? (age 16)

The average vagina is three inches long and four-fifths of an inch in diameter when not aroused. Like the penis, it expands during arousal. Then the average is about four inches long and close to two and a half inches in diameter. (This information is found on a number of websites although none cite a scientific study.)

I heard that masturbation can cause prostate cancer. Is this true?

Exactly the opposite! A study published in the British Journal of Urology International this summer found that men who had masturbated most frequently when they were in their 20s had the smallest chance of getting prostate cancer later.

How can I get a semen stain out of fabric? (age 17)

I've heard that shaving cream gets the stain out.

Congratulations on having one of the most frank, honest, open, and unembarrassing pages I have ever seen on masturbation. And thank you for encouraging questions. I happen to have one.

I'm a 22-year-old circumcised male, and I've been masturbating since I was about 14. Since I'm circumcised I have difficulty achieving orgasm bare-handed, and have to masturbate with something, usually something soft like a thick blanket or fleece (in the normal position). Having masturbated like this 2-3 times a week for the last six to eight years, I'm starting to build calluses on the head of my penis. My sensitivity seems to be markedly decreased. I know the only way a callus will leave is if the area is free of abrasion (like masturbation), but as you mention, it's tough to DO that. Is there something else I can do to substitute for masturbation (or some better technique I can use) for long enough for the calluses to leave and to help them stay gone? Is there anything I can do to help thin them down faster?

Your problem is not being circumcised. Most guys your age are circumcised and do not masturbate like you do. What you really need to do is learn to masturbate bare-handed. The abstinence program on the main page should help you achieve that. As a rule, try to touch the head of your penis as little as possible, and try to vary the places on the head that you touch.

I masturbate 3-4 times a day. I wonder if it's okay to eat my semen? Also, is masturbating 3-4 times a day too much? Are there any suggestions you have for males, as far as different ways to masturbate?

It's OK to eat your semen (but don't be a guzzler). I think 3-4 times a day is too much. My emphasis is on getting males to masturbate the normal way, but variations are OK as long as they involve stroking the penis by hand and never thrusting the penis into or against something.

Do girls masturbate? How often? How? Where and when? (age 16)

Yes, most do. You can learn more in the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation and the female page. Who knows where or when? (Wasn't that a Rodgers & Hart song?)

I love to masturbate and I do all the time. It feels so good. Is that normal? (female, age 13)

Yes, very.

For sexual intercourse, are there any good techniques to physically last longer without obtaining an orgasm? I've heard that contracting muscles when urinating helps make them stronger, and allows you to last longer. (age 19)

The techniques I recommend to make yourself longer masturbating will also work during intercourse. Exercising the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle will help you obtain greater control of your orgasms. This is the muscle you use to stop the flow of urine.

Do you masturbate, and how often do you do it? (age 23)

That is a very rude question. Besides the obvious, since I state on my site that all men masturbate, by asking you are questioning my masculinity. I don't ask anyone to tell me how often except in an anonymous survey.

What exactly is a clitoris? (age 11)

The clitoris is the key female sex organ. It corresponds to the penis somewhat in terms of its sexual function. It is very sensitive and erects when touched. The clitoris is the only organ whose only function is sexual; all the other sex organs have urinary or reproductive functions.

I am curious to why masturbation is such a "bad" topic. I have a lot of girl friends, and once or twice we have stumbled upon the question of whether or not we have masturbated before, and the subject is always changed as soon as posible. We all say that we have done it, but all seemed ashamed. Even I've done it, and I can talk about it to other girls. (age 15, female)

Your group isn't the only one where masturbation is a taboo subject. Sex researchers have frequently found that subjects will talk to them about about adultery, sexual fantasies, intercourse positions, and even rape, but the questions about masturbation have to be asked in writing. Masturbation's long history of ignomy stems from it being a non-procreative activity. There is a biological purpose to masturbatory guilt. If everyone were satisfied masturbating, there would be less reason to make love and procreate. So you shouldn't be surprised when people don't want to talk about it.

I want to masturbate but I don't know how. I've had a wet dream but I'm confused. (age 12)

Don't worry about it. You'll be able to in time. You might read my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.

I am a 17 year old male, and I thrust my penis against my forearms. It feels like a soft crack, and I can vary the tightness to the point it feels like a girl's vagina. I can't stop doing this, it feels so good. Is this a normal way of masturbating? Have you ever heard of this?

I have more than heard of it. It's a form of TMS. You really need to quit this. It's pretty easy to quit TMS at your age.

I stumbled across your website and I am interested in learning more about TMS. I did not see any references to medical or psychological research or any information about your credentials on the website.

You must have missed the abstract of Dr. Sank's article, which is near the bottom of the main page. As I say on this page umpteen times, I'm not a doctor or health professional, only a recovering TMS sufferer trying to help others.

You said that strengthening the PC muscle is a good way to last longer when having sex. What is the correct way to make this muscle stronger? (age 16)

The PC (pubococcygeal) muscle contributes the key motions in orgasm. Controlling it is key to controlling your orgasms. It's also the muscle you use to start and stop the flow of urine. Contract it as if you're stopping urine, hold for a second and release. Do this 10 times a day (no more). Once you've been doing this for a week or so, contract the muscle and hold it for 10-15 seconds. Do this 2 or 3 times a day. And stop these exercises if anything starts to hurt.

In your Young Man's Guide to Masturbation, you state, "the correct way for a male to masturbate is to form a loose fist around his erect penis and stroke in an up and down motion." THERE IS NOT A CORRECT WAY, NO WAY IS THE RIGHT AWAY. THERE IS NO LAW ON MASTURBATION, AND IT WILL NOT ALWAYS LEAD TO SEXUAL DIFFICULTIES IF ITS DONE A DIFFERENT WAY TO HOW YOU STATED IT. (age 15)

I follow Dr. Sank on that point. In his article he states firmly that there is a "proper masturbatory technique" (p. 41), and that the "inability to masturbate correctly" seems to lead to sexual dysfunction (p. 37, emphasis original). Other research finds that approximately 90 percent of males masturbate in the manner I describe as correct. These males have fewer problems adjusting to intercourse than males who masturbate in other ways, especially TMS.

I am 17 years old and I have never masturbated. I understand that this is abnormal. I suppose it is because I just never "discovered" it in my early pubescent years, and when I became aware of its prevalence among my peers, I abstained from it because it seemed dirty as well as unnecessary. I just never felt the urge to masturbate. I do, however, have frequent wet dreams. Lately I have noticed that when I get an erection, it is only semi-hard, whereas in the past they have been very firm. I am concerned that this may inhibit my sexual abilities in the future. I suspect that sleeping on my stomach and experiencing nocturnal erections/ejaculation may apply the same sort of pressure that causes problems in TMS sufferers.

The most instructive thing in your message is what you didn't say. If I were 17 and had never masturbated, I would be screaming for someone to tell me how. You need to accept masturbation as a normal, even necessary, part of being male. It's curious that someone who claims to have never masturbated would notice his erections aren't what they used to be. You should have felt the urge to masturbate if you're having regular erections and frequent wet dreams. They're all part of the same cycle. Sleeping on your stomach will only cause a fraction of the pressure on your penis that thrusting it into something will.

I've heard that you're not supposed to masturbate lying face down. Is this true? Why not? (age 14)

You've come to the right place to ask! The habit of masturbating face down is known as Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome. It causes severe sexual problems in most males who practice it. You can learn more here.

Where did you find all of your knowledge about masturbation? (age 15)

I've been practicing it since I was your age and studying it almost as long.

I'm not so clear at your definition of TMS. I usually masturbate at my computer. I occasionally look down at my penis but I don't stare. Do I have TMS? (age 15)

No. TMS is masturbating in the face-down position. Lying face-down and rubbing the penis and frequently the entire body against something, like a mattress, pillow, or hand.

What if I had started masturbating the proper way but still can't get a proper hard-on? How long does it take usually? (age 16)

It's not possible to will an erection. Sexual activity is apt to be more enjoyable when the erection results from pleasurable activity than from trying to bring one on. At your age, erections come fairly frequently. Even so, you're better off masturbating when you have a spontaneous erection than trying to get an erection when you feel like masturbating. Most guys look at something erotic when they want an erection.

I'm curious as to what most guys ejaculate into during masturbation? I personally use a paper towel but I get the feeling that some just catch it whith their hands or something?? I enjoyed the site! Very interesting. (age 19)

I think most guys let it go where it will and then clean it up afterward. Some catch it in their hand. One of the TMS cases I heard of, for the first year he ejaculated directly into his sheets and comforter. Then he worried about all the stains, so he started catching it with his hand. Many TMS guys flip over right before they ejaculate so they don't make a mess.

Is it healthy to masturbate? (age 30)

Yes, very.

I started masturbating on the age of 11. The second time I did it I felt guilty and made a promise to God I would never do it again but sometimes I can't help myself so I masturbate. Is this wrong? Will God forgive me? (age 14)

I'd like to put up a page with various religious views on masturbation. Here are some of mine: I don't think God will hold you to your promise. I think it's normal, even necessary, to masturbate. God made it this way. He made people feel guilty about it sometimes so they would seek sexual partners and the species could go on.

Is there any way you can tell if someone masturbates? (female, age 14)

I doubt it. Even after a physical examination of the genitals, I doubt even a trained medical professional could say with even 50% accuracy.

First, I want to say thank you very much for your site that has answered many of my questions. Second, when I first started masturbating I did it in the TMS way. I don't do that anymore but I've noticed that my penis is crooked, not sharply bent or deformed but just a nice curve. Could this have been caused by TMS? (age 16)

Yes, but guys who masturbate normally also get curves like that. It's probably just the way it is. If it functions OK, you don't have anything to worry about. You might do a web search on "Peyronie's Disease" to decide when to seek help.

I started masturbating at the age of 14,and I am still doing it. I couldn't stop. But after seeing your site I got confidence and enjoyed it. I used to masturbate daily from my 14th age; I have masturbated nearly 4000 times in 10 years. I will not get married for five years, so I will masturbate another 2000 times before having sex with my spouse. Can I father children or will I became impotent soon? I am masturbating only in face-up position. (age 24)

I'm sorry you had to do it 4000 times before my site let you enjoy it! You can't deplete your sperm by masturbating. Your body is constantly producing sperm. Men can father children into their 70s, at least. Masturbation also will not make you impotent, especially if you do it face-up, as I recommend throughout this site.

I started masturbating at age 8 is this healthy? (age 14)

Yes. Lots of guys start before puberty.

What is the appropriate time for masturbation?

You don't say whether you mean time of day or duration, so I'll answer both. Any time of day is good! A recent survey conducted for this site found that guys do 23 percent of their masturbating upon waking up, 43 percent at bedtime and 38 percent at other times.

As to duration, I think it should take at least five minutes. Most guys take about 10 minutes. If it's regularly taking 20 minutes or longer, you might be doing it too often or something might be distracting you. You'll probably enjoy it most if you plan to take 10-15 minutes.

Hello, I was just wondering if it is normal to masturbate using lotion. (Age 13)

Yes, very. Especially by guys who are too embarrassed to use a lube made especially for sex.

I know my boyfriend masturbates with porn. Is this normal? Should I say anything? Is there any way to get him to stop using pornography?

The starting point for a discussion should be how you are affected. If he masturbates regularly, with or without pictures, but is still able to have a successful sex life with you, there shouldn't be a problem. All men masturbate, and around 80 percent use pictures or videos when they do. My research suggests that men with a regular partner masturbate once or twice a week on average. That much masturbation is normal. If he's doing it more than that, then I'd say he's headed for a problem and you'd be justified in trying to discuss it. If he can't masturbate without pictures, that's a problem too.

The key thing to understand is that men regard masturbation as different from intercourse, not better, and they don't think about giving it up completely just because they have a partner. Kind of like not giving up eating burgers just because you can afford steak.

I don't know that trying to get him to stop should be a goal. Most men never go beyond Playboy-type pictures with simple nudity and the kind of tacky videos available in any video rental store. If he's using those, then I wouldn't worry. On the other hand, if he's mail-ordering hard-core, violent, or really bizarre stuff, or making regular trips to adult bookstores, then I'd worry. If he's spending a lot of time masturbating to online porn, I'd worry about that too.

On a positive note, you might see if he'd be interested in finding some material that the two of you could enjoy together.

I masturbate sitting down and use a backhand grip and slide in and out of it without moving my hand. Is this safe? (age 19)

It's atypical. For some reasons guys who masturbate typically (i.e. face-up with their hands) have the fewest sexual problems.

What does masturbation help during puberty? (age 14)

Masturbation is a normal part of life that usually begins in puberty. In males, it serves the function of eliminating sexual fluids and keeping the sperm in healthy condition. And it helps most people because they enjoy it.

How can you tell if a girl likes you? Is it bad to stick your penis in the vacuum cleaner hose or that long thing you use to get in cracks and corners? (age 13)

If she smiles at you, she probably likes you. And you already know the answer to your second question.

Hi, I'm 12, and I am constantly thinking about sex when I see a beautiful girl around me. If I am not thinking about sex it is about French kissing or kissing her. Is this normal? I like to masturbate but my penis is only about 1-2 inches in length. Is this normal? Also are there any other websites about masturbation? Thank you for your time.

Yes, it is very normal to think about sex and kissing beautiful girls. I think you're very normal. I'll bet your penis is bigger than you think it is, and it will grow very soon. There are other masturbation websites, but you've already found the best one.

Oof, this is embarrassing. I'm 16 years old and Roman Catholic. I can't get anything but the vaguest answers about the morality of masturbation from anyone. I'd give up trying to find out about the morality of the issue, but every time I masturbate, I feel horribly guilty afterwords. Is this normal? I suffer from some anxiety problems. And another question: Is it normal for my penis to barely be six inches with an erection? It seems that every one else my age is many times larger. I realize a lot of it is macho-talk, but it is unsettling.

First the easy part: Your penis is normal size. No one's is "many times larger" than yours. The guilt thing is more difficult. You need to accept masturbating as a normal part of life. Many guys feel guilty about their sexual fantasies. If you cut down to only once a week, you can probably do it without fantasy.

Have you any good tips for masturbation like how to do it properly because I am not really experienced. (age 14)

This whole site is full of them. Might start with the Young Man's Guide.

Hi, I'm 16, and I have a pretty average-high sex drive. I masturbate about 8-10 times a week. In about a month, my family and I are going on vacation and my parents and I will be sharing the same room. I have tried to stop masturbating for a week, and I lasted 6 days before I really had the urge to jerk. Our vacation will last 2 weeks, so what should I do?

Can't you masturbate in the bathroom? If not, I can't imagine that in two weeks there won't be times when you can't have the room to yourself. The direct approach would be just to tell your parents you'd like to be alone in the room for a bit, but I can understand why you wouldn't want to do that.

If I bed masturbate will I get TMS? (age 14)

Masturbating by thrusting into something (like the bed, pillow, hand, etc.) IS TMS. Most guys who do this develop severe sexual problems.

Is it dangerous to masturbate before puberty? (age 12)

No. Just don't do it face down.

Masturbation is a first for me. This is embarrassing to ask, but can you explain what to do? (age 18)

You might start by reading my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation. As a late bloomer, it's important that you avoid idiosyncratic methods.

Where can I find other sites about TMS? (age 15)

This is the only one focused on TMS. There are a few others that merely mention TMS, if only to parody our problem. You might consider joining the Yahoo! group for TMS (click "support group" in the banner), where there are a few files not found on this site and a discussion board.

Thank you for all the information. You have really helped me out with my masturbation. (age 13)

Always glad to help!

Is it wrong to look at girls' crotches? (age 14)

It's not wrong if they give you permission to look. Otherwise I think it is.

At my school, the girls sometimes use the boys' changing rooms. I walked in on a couple of them using a vibrator. One of the girls I really liked and she was naked, but she didn't seem to care. I got out as fast as I could but I am afraid that they will tell people about it. What should I do? (age 14)

I think you should start by asking that girl out to the movies. I don't think girls who would masturbate openly in the boys' locker room will tell anyone about it. If anyone asks, just say you walked in and saw girls in there and were embarrassed and walked right out. Everyone will understand because of the shared locker room arrangement. No need to mention the vibrator. And don't even think about telling other guys who you saw naked. Because that will come back and haunt you.

Is there anything wrong with masturbation? (age 12)

As long as it's done in a healthy fashion, I don't think so.

How can you convince your friend to tell you if they masturbate or not? (age 12)

Why is it your business to know? You might start by telling them about your masturbation experiences.

I masturbate but I want to know if girls my age masturbate also? (age 15)

Yes, many of them do.

I like to masturbate but what should I do if my parents ever caught me masturbating? (age 18)

What an unusual question from an adult! You should assert your right to privacy and they should be thoroughly embarrassed for walking in on you.

I have a girlfriend that's 13. How can I tell if she masturbates? (age 13)

I think you'll have to ask.

I just wanted to say Thank You for your kind, compassionate, and thoughtful support. You are truly one of God's great gifts on this planet!

Best wishes,
Steven

May I use you as a reference?

Your site seems pretty informative. Sometimes you seem a little closed-minded (or overeager to shout "TMS!"), but your site is still a valuable resource. (female, age 15)

Thanks. I hope you don't mistake my sexual conservatism for closed-mindedness. My sexual philosophy is guided by concern for healthy sexuality rather than the "if-it-feels-good-do-it" mentality that is so common. And of course, TMS is the focus of this site. The other stuff is a sideline.

I commend you, and appreciate you making this information available. I think there are many misconceptions out there, mostly caused by the religious, that cause much harm. I am a spiritual, God-seeking person, and I find it difficult to believe God would condemn men for fulfilling a need and enjoying it. (age 48)

Yes, I think you're within the normal range.

Is masturbating healthy or not healthy? (age 17)

It's healthy. A study released in 2003 found that males who masturbated most often in their 20s had the least incidence of prostate cancer in their 50s and 60s.

I was wondering who came up with the word vagina and why and the word masturbate. Why don't they just call it playing with yourself? (female, age 15)

Most of our sexual words evolved in medieval times based on how monks talked. In its original form, penis meant the tail of an animal and vagina meant sheath, something that was used inside out, like a holster. Masturbate comes from the Latin words manus, meaning hand and turbare, meaning to disturb. So masturbation means "to disturb with the hand." Many people indeed call it "playing with yourself," but one of the main functions of language is to replace 3-word colloquial phrases with single words that sound better. Remember the conjugation: I play with myself (first person), you masturbate (second person), he jerks off (third person).

I have masturbated since before I was 13 and I have never had pre-cum or a wet dream. I have ejaculated for about 11 months. Is this normal to have never pre-cummed or had a wet dream at my age? If I were to go a long period of time like a week or 10 days would I have a wet dream because my body's need to get rid of the semen and prostate fluids? (age 14)

Everyone who ejaculates has pre-cum. You must be masturbating so fast that you can't distinguish the pre-cum from the semen. Maybe slow down a little. Most males never have a wet dream, because they started masturbating before they had one. I doubt you would have a wet dream, because your body is used to masturbating. I've heard of guys who have abstained for as long as a month and not had one. (If anyone has a story about trying to bring on a wet dream, please share it with me.)

When my girlfriend and I spent a week together in Hawaii, I became hard 4 times when I was around her. She felt all 4 and now she's wondering about "everything" going on... like if I masturbate, when I masturbate, etc. What do I tell her? If she starts feeling uncomfortable, what should I do? (age 14)

You might tell her that masturbation is a private activity, and you choose not to discuss it. I suggest you not discuss it with a girl your age, since she might not be able to deal with that information properly.

I am 14 and can't get a girl to like me. I like one girl but I don't think she likes me. How can I tell?

Be friendly to all the girls. The ones who are friendly back probably like you.

I never masturbate prone, but I have all the symptoms of TMS sufferers including inorgasmia during intercourse, weak erections and lack of erection occasionally. When I masturbate I almost always use a sock or something else over my penis because it feels better and there is less cleanup. I usually masturbate while looking at pictures and videos. Is this method similar to someone who masturbates TMS style in terms of sensations? I can achieve orgasm when masturbating normally but typically I have a weaker erection until near climax. What should I do to repair myself and achieve orgasm during intercourse? (age 24)

Lose the sock and see if that makes things better. If using only your hand feels too strange, might try a condom for a few weeks and then go to using only your hand.

Is twice a week too often to masturbate? (age 35)

I don't think any man thinks so.

I masturbate with both hands. Is it normal? (age 26)

Most males (and females) masturbate with only one hand. More switch hands than use both at once.

Do you know that the Bible considers masturbation sinful? What do you think about that? (age 21)

The Bible doesn't say a word about masturbation. If you have specific verse references, I'll be happy to look. I now have a page of masturbation advice for Christians.

I am paranoid about my mom finding me masturbate. Is it normal to masturbate in the shower. I tried it before but it didn't work too well. I find it hard to masturbate standing, so I lie down in the shower. Is all of this normal? (age 13)

Yes, it's normal. Most people worry about being discovered masturbating, and most eventually get discovered at least once. Oops! Most guys masturbate in the shower sometimes. If you lie down, at least make it on your back.

I'm confused on how to masturbate, and I don't know if I'm doing it correctly. How tight should my grip be, and should I move the foreskin up and down, or peel it back slightly? (age 14)

The grip should be like a medium handshake. Enough so that you can stop moving and the penis stays in place. Don't worry about the foreskin. Just stroke the shaft and do what feels right.

How do I know you know what your talking about? (age 15)

It's good that you're skeptical. Perhaps you'll do some of your own research on the subject and decide that I do know my stuff.

I would like to know what you think about masturbation in Christians. I feel very guilty doing it. I will not have sex until I'm married so I masturbate. Is there a way of quitting masturbation? (age 23)

You're in luck! I just recently put up a page about masturbation for Christians. I don't think efforts to quit masturbating would be successful. You might also consider that abstaining from sex until marriage might make it less likely that you'll get married.

I discovered this site yesterday and it's superb! Congratulations to you! I have masturbated since 13-14 years old. I do it twice a week and I wonder if it's normal. Do you think that any men don't masturbate? Especially famous or intelligent ones? If not, what kind of people don't do it? Sherman (age 22)

I'm glad you like my site, Sherman! Your frequency is normal. I don't think there are men who haven't ever masturbated. Famous and/or intelligent men probably masturbate more than average. The sex drive is correlated with other drives, like the drive for fame and power. It's generally less educated men who claim they don't masturbate.

Hi! This site is fantastic. I love masturbation and I would like to know if there's any reason to stop doing it, any at all. And why do we have so afraid to talk about it with others? (age 19)

The only reasons to stop (more likely cut back) is if it's interfering in your relationships with others or causing you unnecessary stress. Most people don't talk about it because it's a private thing, and some people think that masturbating means they're not having enough sex with partners.

I just want to thank you because I only masturbated once a week before I found your site (because I felt weird , bad and guilty after masturbating) but thanks to your advice I do it once a day and feel a lot better with it! (age 22)

I must say its unbelievable how you?e created this site thinking in other persons! You do this only for help us! Thank you in the name of all! How do you know all this things and want to share it? You must have experience in a way, right? How old are you? (age 16)

I'm 38. I'm happy if I can help others avoid the problems I've had.

If you don't masturbate, can you get cancer, or can you get cancer when you masturbate?

A study published in the British Journal of Urology International in August 2003 found that males who masturbated daily in their 20s had the least chance of getting prostate cancer when they're older. More here:

http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/07/16/1058035072239.html
http://www.bjui.org/92/3/abstract/bju_4319.asp

I talk about masturbation a lot with my friends. I have a friend that is about a year younger then me and he said he masturbates once a week. Do you think that he was telling the truth? I ask my friends because I feel that I am the only one who masturbates. Do you know of a way to tell if someone is lying about whether they masturbate or not? In regards to my younger friend I am planning to have him over and tell him to try a lube that I use. If he does masturbate do you think it is ok if I suggest that we masturbate together just so that I know that he does? Should I do this with my other friends who I am not sure if they masturbate or not? (age 14)

You illustrate why it's a bad idea for friends to masturbate together. You're not interested in sharing something fun and exciting with him; you only want to exploit him to satisfy your curiousity. You're not the only one who masturbates. I think you'll have to learn on your own how to tell when people are lying to you. Asking about masturbation is perhaps the best way to get people to lie.

Does it matter if you masturbate standing up, if that is the way you have sexual intercourse? (age 22)

Lots of people (males, anyway) masturbate standing up but it's a rather uncommon position for intercourse. Masturbating while standing does not have the same implications for sexuality that masturbating face-down has. The reason for most upright masturbation is that the practitioner is doing it in the shower. This is not an unhealthy practice.

This isn't really to do with masturbating at all, but my girlfriend says she wants to pull me. What is this? (age 12)

It means she'd like to do to you what you do to yourself when you masturbate. Might read the glossary to learn its correct name.

I am in high school right now and people say that they can tell if one masturbates if the veins on the forearms show most of the time even when one has his arms at his side. Another way is by the size of the forearms. Are either of these rumors true? (age 15)

No. (Readers, you can stop looking at your forearms now.)

I've heard that if you push on a certain spot when you masturbate, it will cause the semen to go into the bladder instead of come out to avoid the cleanup afterwards. Is this true? If so, where is the spot? (age 15)

You don't want to do that, because besides diverting the semen into your bladder, you can damage the nerves and vascular structure that serve the penis.

I want to know if masturbation is known as safe sex. (age 21)

It's the safest sex there is.

Thank you for this site.I have masturbated for about five years and I masturbate once every 2 to 3 days. I am 25 now, and every time I masturbate I have premature ejaculation. Do I have to worry about it? Is more ejaculation a threat to health?

No, there's no health risk. Premature ejaculation is a disorder of intercourse, not masturbation. Of course, you want to last for at least 2 minutes and preferably 5 or more.

Can you tell me the best thing to say or do to get a girl to have sex with me? Of course, I would use a condom. (age 13)

I think if you risked your life to save her from a ferocious tiger, she would pretty much have to have sex with you.

I have been masturbating for 2 years now and was wondering whether or not using a lube will harm me in any way? What is the best brand to use? (age 16)

I don't know how using a lube could hurt, but not using one could if you start bruising your penis. I don't recommend any brand, but one made for sex is best. You might check out the web sites for K-Y Liquid and Astroglide, where they mail out free samples.

You are all retarded. There is no real disease called TMS. Never has it been posted in any books or other sites. This is just a site for sad old men that can't get an erection and won't admit it so they made up a fake disease so that they can say it's not their fault. Your all LOSERS! (age ?)

Would you like to be the keynote speaker at our next convention?

I'm a male and I was wondering if it's okay to be in love with a cartoon character. (age 10)

Sure. I've always had a crush on Meg from "Family Guy" (especially when she was voiced by Nicole Sullivan!) But don't let your attraction to a fictional character keep you from pursuing real girls, when the time comes for that.

I've heard that masturbation causes your brain to work slower. Is this right? (age 17)

No. The people with the quickest brains are apt to masturbate more than average.

I have found your website to be very informative and interesting. I'm a Christian and I have been given two different viewpoints about masturbation, like many Christians coming to your site. Some Christians say that it is sexually immoral and others, like you, believe it is natural. I sometimes see masturbation as a completely selfish act and the Bible says, for instance, in I Corinthians 10:24 that "nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. (NIV)" Is there a way of justifying masturbating in light of this or should I not consider it so much a selfish act, but rather a necessity like food? The only way I have seen to justify it so far is that I am really thinking of my future wife by masturbating to be a blessing to her when we finally unite as one. But, then I fall into the trap of, if I don't masturbate then I am truly saving myself only for her and she will be the only one to bring me pleasure. I know that the Devil is the master of deception, but I don't feel like God has clearly revealed the truth to me, one way or the other. I may already know what you will say, but maybe this will help others as well that may be having the same question. (age 21)

I think you'll be better off sexually if you masturbate frequently than if you don't. It's not selfish. It's keeping your body fit for your mate and your offspring. Males who masturbate daily in their 20s have the least prostate cancer later. God invented masturbation and never condemned it.

How long does it take for your semen to refill? (age 13)

After you ejaculate, it takes about 24 hours to replenish the semen. If you ejaculate three or more times in a day, you will probably notice there's not much semen coming out.

I just want to say, YOUR SITE IS THE BEST INFO SITE EVER!!! (age 12)

And you are the best reader ever!

How quickly do you check your email? Do YOU have the option of posting the mail on your website? Your site is the best! (age 12)

I try to answer questions every day, but I'm sometimes out of town. Yes, I have sole discretion as to what gets answered.

Will masturbation cause any cancers? (age 22)

No. There's even some evidence that masturbation can help prevent prostate cancer.

Your site is educational. I just started masturbating about 2 months ago. I think my mom might think it's unhealthy and I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught one of these days. How should I go about telling her it is normal? (age 13)

You might be surprised to learn she thinks it's normal. That's what most mothers think. She probably does it too. In two years of answering these questions, I have never been asked about getting caught, so I wonder if that doesn't happen as much as it used to. Readers, have you ever been discovered masturbating?

I am bodybuilder and I masturbate everyday. I feel that I am weaker the next day when I workout and feel skinnier. Can you please tell me how does masturbation affect the way you look and your strength levels and would masturbating every night affect my chances of going out and meeting a girl? Do ephedrine and caffeine make you climax quicker? By the way I found your site very informative and honest. (age 22)

Masturbating does not make you weaker or skinnier, but it uses some energy. Much less than intercourse, however. I think if either of those made you orgasm more quickly, someone would have said so. Some guys find it easier to meet women and/or beg them for sex when they abstain from masturbating for a few days beforehand. On the other hand, most guys masturbate daily when unattached and still make new attachments.

I'm a Christian. Is it OK to look at pornography while I masturbate? (age 15)

You'll have to come up with your own philosophy about that. You might consult clergy and other strong Christians for ideas. My personal viewpoint is it's not wrong if and only if the subjects aren't being exploited, are of legal age, and are being compensated, and the photos are tasteful (e.g., simple nudity only; no sex acts).

Do girls have more pleasure than boys during masturbation? (female, age 15)

That's a really interesting question! I'd be inclined to say boys do, based on the percentage of male masturbation that results in orgasm (more than 99%) versus a smaller level for females. There are also many females who only masturbate once a month or less, as opposed to the average unattached male masturbating daily. However, it is common for females to be multi-orgasmic, something that is extremely rare among males. Those females probably have more pleasure than males.

I'm 13 and I rub my penis against a soft rug. Is that bad? I do that because when I use my hand I don't have an orgasm. When my girlfriend gives me a hand job, what do I do?

It is very bad. You can learn more about the dangers of Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome and how to cure it on this site. You need to teach yourself how to have an orgasm using only your hand. Your girlfriend's hand would be even less likely to bring you to orgasm.

I am a Christian. Masturbation is my greatest obstacle to God. I tried to overcome it but to no avail. I'm weak and without fire. (age 18)

God obviously wants males to ejaculate regularly. If you don't have a partner, you have to masturbate. God also wants people to feel guilty about masturbating sometimes so they will seek a partner and the species can continue to exist. (Readers, if you don't believe in God, change it to "nature" or "Darwin," etc.)

I have been masturbating for about 9 months. At first I used to thrust on my mattress but now I rub my penis with my hand. Does this cause any sexual problems? I want to stop masturbating but I can't! I can't get out of the habit. How do I stop? (age 12)

Thrusting causes problems, but rubbing with your hand doesn't. It's good that you switched! Congratulations. I don't think you can quit masturbating. It's a waste of time to try. You're better off enjoying it.

I am trying to quit masturbating. Today I looked at pornography and ejaculated after a while. Does this mean I've broken down my "no masturbation" cycle? If I look at porn for long times and ejaculate, is that masturbation? I'm trying to quit because I feel EXTREMELY guilty and don't know why. I've actually cried after masturbating. Have I just masturbated again? (age 15)

I don't think you should quit. You need to feel less guilty. I think if you're touching your penis in any way while looking at porn, including flexing it or rubbing your pants against it, you're masturbating. If you cry after masturbating, it should be because it felt so great.

Just to point out irony: it seems that the male section is all about how to stop masturbation while the female side is about encouraging it. I just thought that was funny. (age 15)

I don't think you read the site very carefully. I have never advocated that anyone stop masturbating. I tell both males and females to masturbate and have a good time doing it. I advocate strongly against a particularly harmful form of masturbation called TMS.

Why do many people ejaculate more easily when having sexual fantasies while they masturbate? (age 16)

Sexual fantasies are how you engage your brain in masturbation. The brain is the most important organ for sexual response and the more you get the brain involved, the better the sexual response will be.

Your site is very nice. In one trip here, I nearly doubled or tripled my knowledge on masturbation. (age 13)

Why, thank you!

What is the worst thing about masturbating 7 times a week? (age 19)

Having to wait until tomorrow?

Do all of the questions get answered? I have sent a few and have yet to see a reply. (age 13)

Well, here's one! I don't answer the ones that duplicate ones already answered. It's a good idea to look through the topics pages first.

Is it OK to masturbate without an erection by pressing on your penis with your hands? (age 15)

I think that's a bad idea. You want to be erect when you masturbate, or at least within 30 seconds of when you start masturbating. You have to be erect to have intercourse, so you defeat your body's natural sexual abilities if you teach yourself to have an orgasm without an erection.

When I masturbate, I stretch my legs. Is this normal?

Many guys stretch their legs out as stiff as they can.

Is there a difference between the stuff that comes out when you masturbate and when you have sex? (age 17)

No. The sperm cell in Woody Allen's movie Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex But Were Afraid to Ask couldn't tell. As his owner engaged in intercourse, he worried, "What if he's masturbating? I'm liable to wind up on the ceiling!"

I masturbated against a pillow for many years but now I stopped 9 months ago. Will the problems go away? (age 14)

Yes. If you have been free of TMS for 9 months, you should be cured. Congratulations!

What does the word orgasm mean? (age 15)

Might read the glossary.

I read your TMS section on this website. I don't do any of the listed things, except for sometimes masturbating while closing my hand and simulating a vagina. I am worried I have TMS. (age 13)

TMS is masturbating by thrusting into or against something while in a prone position rather than by stroking with your hand. It's a bad habit to grip too tightly or to "close" your hand while stroking, but that isn't the same as TMS. Try to use as little force as possible. For some reason, a medium handshake grip does the best job of simulating the feel of an actual vagina.

If jacking off is such a good thing, then why does everyone around me makes fun of it and think it is nasty whenever someone says they do it? When I told my friends I jack off, they just started to think I was sick and disgusting. (age 14)

At your age, most people are embarrassed about masturbating, even though almost all the guys and as many as half of the girls do it. Making fun of someone or putting it down spares them of having to discuss it. It will be easier to talk about it when you're older.

Your site is very helpful for growing teenagers. Your method of masturbating is healthy. But some of the guys are not able to understand your method. So can you show pictures of masturbating, so that the less intelligent guys can clearly understand your opinion? (age 20)

For now, this is a picture-free site, but I am considering adding some medical-textbook-type illustrations of masturbation similar to the ones recently added about anatomy. (See the bottom of the left bar.)

When I study I always play with my penis. Is this harmful? (age 15)

Not to your penis, but probably to your studying.

Do girls my age masturbate as often as boys do? (age 13)

No. Fewer girls than boys masturbate, and the ones who do masturbate a lot less often on average.

Why haven't they said anything about TMS during sex ed at school when they mentioned masturbation? (age 12)

You're lucky they mentioned it at all. A lot of people get through sex ed without ever hearing the word. TMS is a relatively new discovery, and it hasn't been added to sex ed curricula yet. But you could mention it in class!

I masturbate with my clothes on. Is this normal? (female, age not specified)

Presumably you bare enough to touch the right places? I don't think it matters. Most people remove enough clothes that they feel comfortable. Taking your pants off makes it easier to move your legs. Teenage boys are known to jump into bed right after school and masturbate quickly, removing little if any clothing (or shoes).

I masturbate about 1-2 times a week, but for about 3 weeks I didn't masturbate because I didn't have the time and now I don't really care of masturbating like before. Is it normal? (age 15)

I think it's normal for your interest in masturbating to wax and wane a little over the course of your life. Wait another couple of weeks and you might wonder how you made it through those three weeks.

You say wet dreams feel good but at the same time does masturbating feel better? I never had a wet dream so I need to know. How can I make a wet dream happen? (age 13)

You don't have a choice unless you've never masturbated. Once you start masturbating, you'll probably never have a wet dream again. I think most guys prefer masturbating to wet dreams.

How come I don't have any wet dreams anymore? (age 12)

If you've started masturbating, you'll probably never have a wet dream again.

Follow-up: I didn't just start, but I did start to ejaculate. Is this the cause of no wet dreams?

Yes.

I'm just giving a suggestion. You should have a chat session where all of us can talk about masturbation and if that's not possible you should maybe let us write stories that will get us excited, if you know what I mean. (age 17)

I know what you mean, and this site is for education, not pornography. In the Yahoo! support group I run for guys with TMS, we have frequent chat sessions, but they are focused on getting cured from TMS. There are plenty of places on the Internet where you can chat about masturbation in a lewd manner.

Are there any safe sex simulations out there? (age 13)

Your hand is the safest one I know, and also the best.

When did humans first masturbate?

Interesting question. Masturbation has been observed in every species of mammal, so it's reasonable to believe that humans were masturbating from the very beginning.

You have TMS or have had TMS, right? (age 23)

You are right about my being a cured TMS sufferer.

Your web site is great. It tackles many embarrassing issues with maturity and dignity. Thank you. (age 17)

Thank you for reading and for your nice comments!

I'm right handed but I get more stimulation from my left hand. But my left hand gets tired. What should I do. Is this normal? (age 14)

Very normal. According to the survey I've done on this site, 18 percent of guys masturbate exclusively with their non-dominant hand, and many more use both or switch. The best solution would be to learn to use your other hand, but here's a simple solution: You're used to the feeling of your left hand on your penis. When your left arm is tired of stroking, use your right arm to move your left hand. That way you get the stimulation you're used to and your left arm gets a break.

This site has made me more comfortable about masturbation. All my friends and I admit it and humor about it. I like your site. (age 16)

Thanks!

Should I try masturbating prone until I almost get an orgasm and then switch to my hand? Then make the switch earlier and earlier? (age 13)

No. Masturbating prone is very bad. It's better you don't masturbate at all until you can masturbate with your hand.

Hi, great site! Your info on TMS was interesting, as I have often wondered why the sensation is different if I masturbate on my knees facing forward or standing up into a sink. It bothers me though to see two things: 1.) this constant reference to every guy masturbates. This is just wrong/untrue. Just because the majority of people do it and they think everyone else does it, is not a fact that everyone does it. I didn't start until I was 19. Now I am compulsive and answered yes to a number of your questions in particular being late and feeling like I missed an opportunity. This has been a major issue between my girlfriend and me, but one that I am growing more control over. It is not so much the masturbation that is the issue, but looking at porn. Anyway, for other young men this statement is untrue especially for really devout Mormons who are explicitly forbidden to masturbate. 2.) In response to someone else you say that no one maintains an erection for 3-6 hours. On a binge I can easily masturbate for 6 or more hours before orgasm. The orgasm is very strong and the only reason I have one is usually needing to finish because of needing to do something else. (age 25)

1) Many authorities on male sexuality assert that every male masturbates, and some say there are no exceptions. You (and I) started later than average, but you note that you are trying to make up for lost time. I suspect that the prohibition by certain religions doesn't lead to less masturbation but rather to more guilt. Mormons (and Baptists and Catholics and Muslims) are biologically the same as other males and have the same sexual fluids that need to be emptied and the same urge to release their semen as Methodists (and Lutherans and Jews and atheists.)

2) I suspect you did not have an erection during that entire 6 hour binge.

I have been masturbating since I was 15. People say I look older than my age. Does regular masturbation makes you look older than your age? (age 30)

No. A lot of people tell me I look 10 years younger than I am. (You finish the syllogism.)

My brother and dad walked in on me when I was masturbating on the couch. I'm so embarrassed that I have trouble looking at their faces. (age 14)

They didn't say anything about it, and you don't have to either. Your dad masturbates too, and if your brother is older, so does he. They have probably been discovered at some time themselves. Don't worry about it. But you might make a point of masturbating only in private.

Is masturbating demonic? (age 14)

No, it's mammalian. Masturbation has been observed in the male of every species of mammal.

How do I tell my girlfriend I want to have sex with her without offending her? (age 15)

You have to do a lot of other things first, like hold her hand, and kiss her, and give her soft, gentle touches that she likes. Somewhere along the line, she'll figure out that you want to have sex. If it's OK with her, you probably will. It might be better if you wait until you're older.

You shouldn't have told that guy not to tell the girl he thinks about her when he masturbates. Of course, you shouldn't go around telling people you fantasize about them, but that goes out the window if somebody asks you. If they ask, and you want them to know, you should tell them. Maybe they fantasize about you too and want to experiment. (age 15)

Never, ever tell a female you fantasize about her when you masturbate. The chances are extremely low that she will find this appealing, and the chances are extremely high that she'll regard you as a pervert and tell a lot of her friends, acquaintences, and enemies what you said.

I'm quite sure that you've gotten about a million of these messages and don't need any more, but I just can't thank you enough for your extremely informative site and quick response to my questions. I am so happy I came across your site and will try very hard to avoid this behavior in the future. I'm not a religious man by any stretch of the imagination, but you're definately going to heaven without question. Keep up the great work!!! (age 18)

Why, thank you! But you're wrong about my not needing more messages like yours.

I'd actually just like to thank you. It wasn't until I read your web site that I made some serious changes in my life. You put the fear of death into me, and I decided to try changing how I masturbate. Honestly, I'd tried "standard" masturbation, but I found it unsatisfying. However, it turns out that I'd been doing it wrong! Best orgasm ever! You may want to add that "normal" masturbation feels much, much better! Thanks a million! (age 18)

A million and one!

The other day we had company. It was my mom's friend, a man, and my stepfather likes to make fun of people. At the dinner table he told him that I spend a lot of time in the bathroom. He told him that he suspects that I'm masturbating a lot. (age 16)

I bet your stepfather has masturbated a lot more than you have. Might point that out next time company comes.

I don't think I quite understand female sexuality. Males are aroused by physical qualities. Are females also like that? Does a female need to be aroused for sexual processes to take place in her body? How do you tell if a female is aroused? (age 16)

Males are primarily aroused by what they see, and secondarily other senses. Females are primarily (some say almost exclusively) aroused by the sense of touch. A female needs to be aroused to have an orgasm, but in terms of reproduction, no. Conception is helped if the woman has an orgasm, but the vast majority of conceptions take place without the woman having one. Some of the key signs for telling if a woman is aroused are the lubrication of her vagina, the erection of her nipples, and the engorgement of her vulva.

Follow-up: So a female can't be turned on without being touched? Does the touch has to come from a guy she finds attractive? Is there a liquid released in a female that makes her emotionally attached to her partner? When does this happen and does it have to be with a guy she finds attractive? (age 16)

Touch isn't a necessity for female arousal, but it's the best way. Females (and males) can be brought to orgasm by people they don't find attractive. I think the "liquid" you're talking about is endorphins, which are released at various states, including orgasm. They don't necessarily make someone emotionally attached to their partner, but they help.

Follow-up: So a female can be aroused by a male she isn't attracted to? How is that? (age 16)

Because it is mostly a function of touch. You can also be aroused by a female you're not attracted to.

Follow-up: I can't be aroused by an old lady. Is it the same for a female? Does it make a difference how attractive the male is for sex to be enjoyable for them? (age 16)

Maybe not thinking about an old lady, but her touch might have the same effect on you that a young, attractive girl's would have. Of course it makes a difference, but the point is that touch is much more important for a female, and sight is much more important for a male.

Circumcision was not invented to prevent masturbation but as an oath to God. (age 14)

And why circumcision, as opposed to dipping the head in water, which many religions practice as an oath to God? It has something to do with the penis being a source of sexual pleasure. Circumcision persists among many people who do not have religious convictions about it. It was justified by its proponents in earlier times as a remedy for masturbation, and it is justified by its proponents today as a way of making less work for the mother in keeping her son clean. If there are people who really believe they are honoring God by mutilating their infant sons' genitals, then perhaps this is the best evidence in support of those (atheists) who claim that religion is irrational.

I am Roman Catholic, and in theology class, my priest was talking about adultery, and he started talking about masturbation. This of course woke everyone up who was sleeping, and he said that he doesn't believe masturbation is a sin when you are young, because you are simply exploring your body and trying to figure out how everything works, but he did say that if we continue to do it as we grow older, without trying to stop at all, that he does think it's a sin. But from what I've read on this site, it's something we guys have to do to stay sexually healthy. I still plan to masturbate in my later years simply because it's healthy, and I enjoy it! And if it is a sin, so be it. God forgives sins. (age 16)

I'm not Catholic, so I can't offer any guidance from a spiritual perspective. You might tell your priest what you just told me.

I love masturbating! Its such a release and pleasure. Thanks for your great site! (age 14)

Thanks for reading.

I use lotion while masturbating. After I'm done, would it be harmful to leave it all on and shower the next day, or should I wash off what I can immediately? (age 21)

Lotion isn't going to harm you. But there might be people who can smell it and dried semen, so you're better off washing right away.

What exactly arouses girls? Guys are aroused mostly by good looking girls. Are girls aroused by good looking guys, personality traits, or just being touched? Does how attractive the guy is affect sex with them? How much? Also, when they masturbate, do they normally fantasize like guys do? (male, age 16)

As I stated earlier, the main path to arousal for females is touch. Being attractive or personality traits don't make that much difference in female sexual response; however, they might make it more likely a female will let a particular male arouse her by touching her. Most females fantasize when they masturbate, but not all of them do. Almost all males fantasize when they masturbate.

I am 20 years old. I don't understand about what this "face up or face down." Is it about penis positions or real facing positions? Can you help me how I can practice masturbation in bed? I wear underwear during my night sleep. As you said while ejaculating it should be freely ejaculated without stopping it. How I can freely do it? I have to finally ejaculate into my underwear only right. Does this make any disturbance in ejaculation? Please explain me some steps to masturbate in my bed in detail please.

Face up or face down really means stomach up or stomach down. Of course, males who masturbate prone (stomach down) don't have their faces straight down. They turn them to the side so they can breathe (and see pictures). By stopping ejaculation, I don't mean with underwear. It's dangerous to use the force of your hand to stop ejaculation. Merely ejaculating into underwear isn't harmful. Very few guys masturbate into their underwear. They take their underwear down or all th way off and ejaculate onto their abdomens, and then clean up the semen afterward. I'm sorry you had to wait until age 20 to learn that.

I read through your site and have been TMSing for the greater part of my life. I don't know if what you say is true, but I'm going to try your advice anyway and give up TMS, as I find the traditional way is better (although harder to do). When you are TMSing, your "visuals" are that of actual sex and when you masturbate in the normal way, your visuals can just be pictures, is that correct? (age 17)

Why don't you read the case studies and brief comments or join the support group and read the messages there if you want to know if what I say is true? Actual sex is only your visual if you are watching people having sex. Guys who masturbate prone use pictures as visuals the same as guys who masturbate normally (although they can't watch videos or computer images like regular guys can.)

About a month ago, I asked my 14 year old male cousin if he masturbates. He said no, but I think he is lying. Do most boys his age masturbate? (female, age 15)

74 percent of males have masturbated by their 14th birthdays, but I think you should apologize to your cousin for invading his privacy.

I am a proud member of the American Right. I would like to know if the people who say masturbation and Christanity are not mutually exclusive and the ones who say fantasizing isn't lust are part of the new Christian Left movement that says that premarital sex isn't a sin, or do they still believe that premarital sex is a sin but masturbation and fantasizing isn't? (age 17)

I hate political labels, so I can't claim to be part of any political or sexual movement here. I also can't speak for the authors I cite on the Christian page. You might read their books, because some of them address premarital sex and other sexual issues. If you want my opinion, I'll be happy to respond.

You are obviously aware that I don't regard Christianity and masturbation as mutually exclusive. My understanding of lust is that it is focused upon a particular person whereas fantasy is more general (involving perhaps a body type or a celebrity). I advise readers not to fantasize about people in their lives, because the connection to lust becomes so close in that instance. I lean against premarital sex, but there's an age at which it is harmful to one's sexual health (especially for males) to remain a virgin. If you've read this site, you know I frequently urge young people (under 18) to wait longer before engaging in sexual behavior, but I do not tell this to people over 18. I hope that clears things up.

I was wondering what age you think is right to start a relationship in general. (age 13)

Your age is about right for school dances, and perhaps having a girlfriend doing activities with each other's families and groups of others the same age. I don't think you should be solo dating until about 16. At 13, you should be interacting with a lot of people your age.

Generally speaking your site is educational and informative, providing a good forum for frank questions and answers, especially to younger readers. However, some of your answers are contrary to medical and psychological studies. For instance, you told a 37-year-old man that he should seek psychological help since he masturbates twice a day. According to conventional wisdom, the number of times a person masturbates in a day does not matter unless it interferes with daily activities. Regarding oral sex you say that a majority of women disdain it and prefer that a man not come in her mouth. My experience with the 10+ women I've had sex with over the last 25 years is the exact opposite. They got very turned on by the act of fellatio and loved it when I came in their mouths and always swallowed. Finally, you seem to discourage anal sex as an alternative to vaginal sex. Anal sex is steadily becoming part of a normal couple's repertoire. You should change the advice you give about anal sex. (age 40)

Perhaps you should start your own site and give that advice there. The man in question was masturbating three times a day, and I recommended professional help not because of his frequency but because he was convinced that not masturbating that often would cause migraine headaches and baldness. Three times a day is indeed extreme for a married man. "Conventional wisdom" in this area is too often dominated by people I call IIFGDIs. ("If it feels good, do it.") An IIFGDI would be in denial about any sexual practice being unhealthful, and wouldn't say so if they thought so anyway. I said many (not most) women refuse to perform fellatio, and that many (perhaps most) won't swallow. I told this to a 14-year-old girl in letting her know she wasn't alone in her distaste for semen, but advised she might change her mind later. Anal sex is a patently unhealthy activity, and this site's mission is based on sexual health.

I have decided to practice celibacy for personal reasons. I also have been doing TMS for a long time and want to know if there is any harm in continuing it if I am going to remain celibate. (age 37)

I assume you mean chastity, a vow to be sexually inactive, and not celibacy, a vow to remain unmarried. TMS is always harmful. Many of the guys who have quit didn't have partners at the time.

I just started masturbating and when I ejaculate (or so i think) it's like my penis vomited and the head gets extra sensitive. Is is nomal? (age 11)

Yes. You have ejaculated. Congratulations!

I just want to say that I'm REALLY glad to have seen this site. It's so great to see so many young people be assisted with questions that they have. I no longer am ashamed to masturbate, and I used to be very ashamed every time I finished. This site and all the entries have reassured me that I'm not the only one, and that it's not a bad thing to do! So I just wanted to thank you! It's truly great. (age 17)

Why, thank you!

Is all this TMS stuff real, or is it just someone having a joke?

It's real for me, as a former sufferer, and it's real for the hundreds and perhaps even thousands of former TMS practitioners (and their partners) who have been helped by this site. The people who regard it as a joke are lucky enough that they learned to masturbate in the usual way when they were young and don't need a site like this to tell them why they've been having trouble in sexual relations with women for years or even decades.

What is foreplay?

Foreplay is sexual activity, such as manual manipulation of the genitals, leading up to intercourse. When the same activity is done not as a prelude to intercourse, it's called petting.

Sir, today I know about TMS. Since the age of 13 I have masturbated face down, hitting my penis to the bed assuming a girl is there below me. Now I am very afraid after reading your site. I am a virgin. I will masturbate by hand from now on. In the future, can I satisfy my partener? Can I become a father? Can TMS can be cured now? (age 20)

Yes, TMS can be cured very easily, especially when you're a virgin. TMS does not affect your fertility. Your partner can be quite well satisfied when you have TMS. It's YOUR satisfaction that gets impaired. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just switch to masturbating with your hand and everything will be fine.

I would like to see pictures showing how TMS is done. It is not clear enough to me. (age 21)

It is the policy of this site not to have pictures, but we have recently added a series of drawings, which you can see by looking at the bottom of the left-hand navigation bar. If we could find some drawings of TMS, we would consider using them.

Is it harmful to get semen into the bloodstream mistakingly by means of a cut or a scrape? I am pleased with your site and further pleased that you are giving examples from a Christian perspective. I have been an active reader at another masturbation site and I have to hand it to you, your site is much, much better, focusing fairly on both male and female masturbation. I will never rely on that site again, only this site! Keep up the good work and thanks! (age 15)

Thank you for your praise and for handing it to me. Conceivably sexually transmitted diseases could be spread by getting one person's semen on another person's open sore. But your own semen could not harm you. In fact, if you do not ejaculate for a long time, your semen and sperm will be picked up by the lymphatic system and travel throughout your body. Cool, huh?

When do our questions show up on this page once we've submitted them? I can't find the one I just submitted. (age 15)

I answer questions every day I'm home. (But I'm away from home a lot.) Look for the date at the bottom of the questions and answers. Questions that appear to be fake or that duplicate other questions already answered are generally not answered. New questions are only posted on the main male page, the main female page, or the TMS comments page. The other pages are filled with questions that have been moved there.

I am an Indian and I don't think that your stats would apply to Indians. How much semen is normally ejaculated during masturbation? Does it normally shoot out? (age 17)

I don't claim that any of the statistics on my site from my own surveys apply to the population generally, much less to any sub-populations. My surveys are biased heavily because the people who responded them chose to. Of other's people's research I quote, most sex research is conducted among English-speaking people, and the results might vary across cultures. The average ejaculation is one teaspoon (5 ml). The second part of it normally shoots out. It will shoot more effectively if you hold it in for a second right before you ejaculate. Gaining control of those muscles is key to that.

I have been in love with a certain girl since the very first time I saw her when I was 9. We have grown up together but we are not close -- my secret got out when I was 10 or so-- and she STILL seems intimidated that I like her, even though everyone thinks that I have moved on. I have tried dating and experimenting with other girls, but after each unsuccessful try, I realize more and more that I am in love with that same girl. The problem is, she has a steady boyfriend now. What can I do? (age 16)

You're in a tough spot. She seems to not be interested in you even though everyone is supposed to think you've moved on. Telling her openly how you feel is apt to be unproductive, and trying to woo her gradually -- which isn't working -- will likely be a waste of time. When you get older, you will regret wasting one minute longer than necessary on this girl. Try your best to forget her, and find the beauty in all of the other girls who are available and friendly.

Are there any ways to reach orgasm besides grabbing my penis and doing it the old fashioned way? (age 14)

There are, but that's not what this site is about. The vast majority of guys are happy and satisfied doing it the conventional way. That's why it's the conventional way. The risk of doing any idiosyncratic form of masturbation is that it can make you less likely to have intercourse successfully when you get to that point.

Is sperm count in your body limited, and does a person who does not masturbate have a higher sperm count than one who masturbates regularly? (age 21)

The sperm count of a person who does not masturbate might be higher, but his sperm and semen are apt to be of lower quality. Masturbation flushes the body of the old sperm and semen and keeps the sperm and semen that remain in fresher, healthier condition. Kind of like how a person who never throws out old milk is apt to have more milk but a person who cleans the refrigerator is apt to have fresher and better milk on average.

I like to masturbate twice each time I do it. I mean I play with my penis until I ejaculate twice. Is that bad? Does it affect my sex life? (age 28)

You should be satisfied after one time. Your doing it twice exhausts twice the amount of energy and built-up sexual tension (at least) that you need to lead you to a partner. Why not cut back on the amount of masturbating you're doing for a while and see if it brings you better things in bed?

I just wanted to give a big thank you to you and your site. I respect you for answering the questions so quickly and effectively. I also really like how it's anonymous.

You, sir, are welcome!

I've never had sex and I was wondering if masturbating will help me make a really good impression the first time. They say practice makes perfect, but I don't know where to get sex practice! Are there any other ways to make you ready for your first time? (age 18)

Yes, masturbating is good practice for sex. It teaches you about your own body and sexual response. If there are any males who try having sex and don't masturbate, I suspect they would be extremely clumsy and awkward in bed, not knowing how to satisfy themselves, let alone their partners. Don't worry if you're not perfectly smooth your first time.

For the last few days, I have been masturbating compulsively. I just get the urge and start masturbating three times a day. Today I did it even though I knew it would make me late for a meeting with my minister. No fooling! What can I do to stop? (age 23)

You shouldn't worry so much about something that has only happened for a few days out of a decade of frequent masturbating. There are times in your life when you'll do a lot of things more than usual (go to ball games, eat pancakes, do sit-ups) but it's not a problem of compulsion until it lasts for a while. You're probably under a lot of stress right now, aren't you? You should know better than to do something that will make you late, but don't fret -- that would be more stress -- at least not until you find you feel your masturbating has been out of control for a couple of weeks.

I'm fed up. Is there anyone who is happy talking about sex openly if it does arise? People my age I've talked to don't seem shocked when we were talking about a film 40 Days and 40 Nights and how I said it's impossible to talk sex together as in the film. He stops solo sex too and they got shocked by me saying "solo sex." I didn't even say masturbation. (age 16)

Young people usually think it's cool to talk about sex but are completely tongue-tied when masturbation is mentioned. More than a few teens are embarrassed about masturbating and scared to death someone will find out they practice it. When I was younger, I knew a guy who was about 17 who would talk about every sexual practice in the book without blushing, as if he were a cook sharing recipes, but he never said a word about the most popular sex act of all. So you shouldn't be surprised if your friends are all laughing and chatty about sex acts that none of them have ever tried (or aren't sure what they are) but start staring at their shoes when someone mentions the one sex act that all of them have probably practiced. It doesn't stop at high school, in case you haven't read the discussion elsewhere on this site about masturbating in college.

Follow-up: This is for the guy whose friends would talk about sex but not masturbating. I once watched the film Being There with a group of college students. They laughed uproariously throughout this very funny movie. But the room went dead silent when Shirley MacLaine started masturbating. You could slice the discomfort in that room with a knife. I think they all thought it was them who was being filmed masturbating.

Thanks for the illustration.

I found a site that says excessive masturbation is bad. (age 16)

Yes, I know that site. It's a bunch of quackery selling an expensive herbal concoction. Be careful about any site that sells a cure for something only it says is a problem.

Have you ever heard of a hank rag? How about a fifi sack? What's the difference? (age 20)

A hank rag is a piece of cloth used to mop up semen, and a fifi sack is a piece of cloth one ejaculates into directly.

Why do you put up questions that put down your web site? (age 12)

Fortunately, I also put up a lot of questions that praise my site. I'm just trying to be fair to my discontents.

What is the best non-sex lube in your opinion? (age 13)

Just based on what I hear, many guys find ordinary hand lotion very appealing.

I've tried to get K-Y Liquid online but it has to be delivered between 9 and 5 and this is getting me paranoid that they will deliver it in person! I've not used any lube so wanted to try some and I don't want to walk into a shop to get it. Any web sites you can recommend that just mail it? (age 17)

You can always call the customer service number on a web site and find out what their delivery options are. If it makes it easier for you, not all people who buy lube use it to masturbate. Many use it for intercourse. The store clerks will not pay attention.

I'm wondering what age most guys start masturbating and the age most of them start ejaculating. (female, age 16)

And you can bet they're wondering similar things about you. You might start by reading my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.

Do women have different types of hymens? Is it true that some of them never rupture? Is it also true that there is an avascular hymen where after first coitus, no sign of blood appears? (age 26)

All of that is true. If you want to see the different types, check out the hymen gallery.

Is sex very different from masturbation (in terms of pleasure)? (age 14)

I think most who have done both would tell you they are different kinds of pleasure.

I am wondering if sleeping on your stomach itself is a bad thing because it might make you more susceptible to TMS. (age 30)

No.

When you read Leviticus, chapter 15, it says that when a man releases his seed, it makes him unclean. How do you argue that God approves of masturbation? (age 16)

Lev. 15: 16-17 says: "And if a man has an emission of semen, he shall bathe his whole body in water, and be unclean until the evening. And every garment and every skin on which the semen comes shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the evening." I see no prohibition against masturbating here. Only a procedure as to how to clean semen off. The follwing verses say approximately the same thing about women's menstrual flow. So if the chapter is against male masturbation, is it also against menstruation? So these verses are consistent with the idea that masturbation is normal.

Does smoking marijuana play a factor in any sexual way? (age 24)

In the long run, marijuana reduces male sperm count. In the short run, marijuana interferes with the mental concentration that is quite useful at being good in bed.

I've been masturbating since I was 8 years old. Will the sensation of orgasm decrease as I masturbate throughout my life? (age 16)

No. I hear all the time from senior citizens who enjoy it as much as when they were your age.

I was wondering if masturbating for years at least once a day will have an effect on sperm count. (age 27)

Once a day is pretty normal and will lead to normal sperm counts. You should always abstain from ejaculating for 2-3 days before a sperm test or trying to inseminate a woman.

Is it dangerous to masturbate when you live in a house with just girls? (age 15)

No.

My girlfriend and I are close but not sexually active. She asked me if I masturbate and I said yes. She said that's good and then said she thinks it is gross if guys don't masturbate. I was expecting the total opposite. I asked her if she masturbates and she said no. She said she found her sister's dildo and was gonna use it but didn't. But sometimes she can be very, very horny. Is there some way to tell if she masturbates? (age 13)

I think you've found the way. You can be sure that any girl who asks a guy if he masturbates has done it herself.

Does masturbating on your own time make you act differently around girls and your friends?

That's an interesting question. If you hadn't ejaculated in a long time (5 days or more), you might have sex on the brain more than usual, and that might show in the things you say. Then there's the infamous scene in There's Something about Mary where Chris Elliott urges Ben Stiller to masturbate right before his big date with Cameron Diaz so he won't be thinking like a horny guy on the date.

Some girls I know find the concept of male and female masturbation to both be disgusting. Why might this be?

It's probably because they're not comfortable with the idea of playing with bodily fluids. Many people have this idea at some point in life but overcome it when they find out how much fun it can be. Males overcome it through wet dreams, if they haven't started masturbating already by that point. Or it could be she's embarrassed about her own masturbating and says it's disgusting to avoid having to discuss it.

I orgasmed by TMS till I was about 14, then I started a mixture of TMS and regular masturbation. It has been very few times over the last 13 years that I've even engaged in the TMS method. Normal masturbation always felt better and more right. (age 27)

Thanks for sharing your cure story with us!

I only masturbate with my left hand and when I have tried to use my right, I don't seem to get much pleasure, and I can't seem to reach orgasm. Why is this? (age 20)

Like a lot of males, you're habituated to the feeling you get with your main hand. There's nothing wrong with that. If you really want to try your other hand, you will find it easier after a few days without ejaculating. It might also be easy when you're REALLY SUPER aroused over something.

Thank you for showing me the correct way to masturbate. Since I've started using the loose fist, I've had orgasms every time. YOU ROCK!!!! (age 13)

Thank you very much for this site and for answering my questions! It's helped me a lot! Once when I was searching, I came across an e-book which says that masturbation is bad because it damages the nerve endings in the penis due to the intense feeling gotten from an unnatural way. Then it in turn affects the brain's nerves and then affects your intelligence. Is this true? I've been masturbating for 2 years and there has been a decrease in my grades though not that much. (age 12)

It's good that you care about your grades. The only way masturbation will affect your grades is if you do it so much that it's taking time away from your studies. I am aware of a case of someone who took the same standardized test 13 years apart and did much better the second time, and he masturbated almost daily in the interim.

The walls in my house are paper thin, and my parents tend to come in to my room at night without knocking for various reasons, like if my mom did the laundry. I never have time to masturbate, and some days it's all I can think about because I haven't been able to for a long time. What do you suggest? (age 16)

Most guys in your situation masturbate in the bathroom. You might tell your parents you would prefer they knock before entering. That's a normal teenage request that often has nothing to do with sexual privacy.

When a male gets an erection, is the foreskin meant to pull back behind the head of the penis? Mine doesn't. (age 14)

Normally, the skin sticks to the head of the penis like a finger does to a nail, until with time, it becomes retractable. This happens at different times to different guys. Some can do it at 5 or 6, and others not until their late teens. Just give yourself some time. Don't force things. Forcing your skin back can actually be damaging. Just wait until it can slide back with ease.

I am uncircumcised. Is it possible to pull back the foreskin for good and leave it pulled down forever? My head is very sensitive and I have problems having sex with my girlfriend. It hurts too much because it's not used to being outside the foreskin. I never pulled it back until a few months ago. (age 20)

No. Unless a male is circumcised, or is born with a short foreskin to begin with, the foreskin covers the head of the penis, unless it's retracted. When erect, the foreskin can be pulled back, but it goes back onto the head when the penis goes flaccid. You will be less sensitive to the touch as you become experienced.

Because of my religious beliefs, I am trying to quit masturbating. I have been trying for 5 years now, and I don't think I ever will succeed. I manage to go for a week or so without masturbating until I feel like I can't go any longer. Then I will then masturbate a lot in a very short time, like a few times a day. Is this healthy or would it be better to have a regular pattern? I found your site very helpful. (age 21)

I advise males not to try to quit masturbating because it's extremely unlikely they'll succeed. There is something about the urge to masturbate that makes the pattern you describe a typical one: Males will abstain for longer than they'd like and then make up for lost time in one day. If you're going to masturbate three times a week, it would be better if they were evenly spaced throughout the week instead of all in one day. Why not accept masturbation as something necessary, healthy, and fun?

In one of your responses, you mentioned something harmful called "urethral masturbation." Please describe what this is and the harmful effects. (age 34)

Urethral masturbation, practiced by both males and females, is masturbating by inserting objects into the urethra (the opening where urine comes out). The urethra can become inflamed and infected very easily and these infections can spread to the bladder in both males and females and to critical sexual parts in males. It is a dangerous practice.

I have masturbated and produced pre-cum but I have felt a little pain in my left ball. Is this normal? (age 13)

Pain is never normal. Try to find out what's causing it and then do it differently.

When I ejaculate, about 3 teaspoons comes out or sometimes a little more. Is this a bad thing? Also, I have never had a wet dream. I usually masturbate once a day. Is this normal? I have been masturbating for 4 years. (age 14)

I doubt your ejaculate is that big. Don't worry about it. Boys who start masturbating at age 10 will probably never have a wet dream. Don't worry about that either. The guys your age who get by on wet dreams have 30 or so orgasms a year (that they aren't even awake for) but you have 365 or more. They might have more reason to envy you than you do them

I want to quit masturbating. And I'm taking it seriously. I can control myself better every month. Since I'm fighting myself, I find myself masturbating at various frequencies (like 5 times a week, and then no activity for 3 weeks). I know it can lead to diseases. When should I first visit a doctor to check my sexual health? When I turn 25, 30? I know I'm pretty young, but as far as I know getting cancer at an early age is more likely than ever before. (age 19)

You can try cutting back to once a week for a while. That should be no problem. Then see how that feels and decide if you really want to quit. But it's important to limit yourself to ONCE a week if you choose to do that; don't abstain for 6 days and then masturbate 5 times on that 7th day. If you cut back on masturbating, you might have prostate troubles by the time you're 30. The risk is not cancer but inflammation and radiating pain. I think it's better to masturbate at a healthy level than incur that risk. If you practice a low-masturbating diet, you should ask the doctor to do a prostate exam at every visit. Usually they don't do that until men get to be 35.

I have an uncircumcised penis. Is it OK to leave it open for a while? If so, how long? I once left it open a whole day long, and it felt good. I thought it might be nice to get my penis circumcised. (age 16)

It's your penis, and you can retract your foreskin for as long as you wish. Just keep in mind that normally, your foreskin is supposed to cover your head when not erect. Normally, the head of your penis is kept moist, as the inside of your foreskin and the head itself is made up of mucous membrane. (Kind of how your eyes and eyelids work.) This natural lubricating system helps when masturbating, and when you are having sex.

I would advise you to leave your penis the way it is; if it isn't broken, don't fix it. Having your foreskin retracted for a day barely mimics the feeling of being circumcised. Aside from having the vunerable head desensitized, because it's constantly exposed to rigid environments (ie- underwear and water drops from the shower), a significant amount of sensitive tissue is missing in circumcised males . They've also been this way their whole lives, not just a day.

Before considering circumcision, do some research and make an informed decision. Talk to your parents only after you've fully understood the pros and cons. Keep in mind that if keeping your head exposed becomes uncomfortable, you can always fall back on your foreskin. Once you get circumcised, you will have to get used to it if it ever starts to feel uncomfortable to have your head exposed like that, because circumcision is irreversible.

If I can ejaculate does that mean I can get a girl pregnant? (age 14)

If you can ejaculate, it's worth believing you're fertile (can get a girl pregnant).

I would like to THANK YOU for a wonderful site. I have just found it and you have already aswered a lot of my questions. Too bad it isn't required reading for all people, no matter their gender. For years I thought I was weird because I engaged in the practice but now I find I was normal. With other sites that clog the Web, it is so refreshing to find one like yours, that gives straight answers to so many who have questions. I was one of those with a lot of questions but was too embarrassed to ask. Bless you for your efforts to help those who have those questions.

Thanks to you too.

Your site is awesome! You address things in a way no one has to feel uncomfortable reading it. (age 20)

Thanks for reading.

Is it OK to masturbate with a condom on? When I did, I think I had an allergic reaction because my penis started to itch really bad. (age 15)

It's OK, but you might be allergic to latex. In that case, you'll have to be more careful than other guys when having sex someday, because non-latex condoms don't do as much to protect one from AIDS and other diseases.

I'm all good with masturbation and it's great. Is there a way to reduce the number of times you want to masturbate? If you do it 3-4 times a day, which is considered bad, how can you reduce it down to 1-2 which is considered healthy. Is there some exercise, or is it sheer will power and resistance to temptation? (age 20)

I don't know that 3-4 times is bad, but it's quite high for any age and perhaps not conducive to healthy sexuality. By your age, most males have leveled out at once a day with an occasional second time. You will probably also level off as you age and, if nothing else, simply have less time for masturbating. Will power is the best way to control your masturbatory frequency, but I'm not sure you need to worry so much.

I lie face down sometimes and hold my body off the ground with my knees and left hand. I then ejaculate onto a sheet of paper. Is this TMS? It seems to be different from what is described at this web site. (age 15)

It is not TMS, strictly speaking, but it is an idiosyncratic style of masturbation that will not serve you well in the long run.

I masturbate at least twice a day. I lie on my back for my first orgasm and ejaculate. I then sit on the toilet backward and press on the front of the toilet in between my anus and genitals. I then have an orgasm again and sometimes up to 10 orgasms; however, I do not ejaculate. Is this alright? (age 15)

I don't think so. You have three problems: 1) You're using an idiosyncratic method of masturbating that does not translate to healthy sexual relations with a partner; 2) You're using a method that puts pressure on your perineum, which is filled with sensitive nerves and blood vessels and the roots of your penis; 3) You're masturbating without ejaculating. These are all bad things.

God bless the Internet and God bless you! (age 20)

You too!

Can you provide some details about yourself? Are you a doctor yourself? How does one know that the information presented here is authentic? (age 36)

I have said on this site many times that I'm not a doctor or any kind of health care professional. I'm a Ph.D. student in an unrelated field and a former TMS practitioner working at getting better sexually. You can read through the TMS case studies and comments to see that many, many men have benefited from this site. Most of the non-TMS pages of this site provide widely-known basic information about masturbation and other forms of sexuality. I frequently engage the help of other people (some of them health care professionals) when it comes to particularly challenging questions.

Your site is excellent. You mix uncensored and modern insights with subtle wit which probably helps those who feel uncomfortable about masturbation. You're a legend! (age 18)

I told my younger friend that I masturbate. Somehow, he was disgusted about masturbation and me for that matter. We didn't talk for two days, and when we finally talked, no more was said about masturbation. Why is he disgusted about masturbation? I don't even think he knows anything about masturbation. Are all young kids like this when the subject is masturbating? (age 12)

Many are. Until he masturbates to orgasm for the first time, it will seem vague and foreign. He won't be disgusted once he's felt what it really is. There are also people who pretend to be disgusted by masturbation because they're embarrassed about doing it and don't want to talk about it. There are people who make fun of it for the same reason. Since most people younger than you don't masturbate, talking to them about it might not be the best idea.

Some of my friends talk a lot about sex and sometimes masturbation. But when I ask them, they always say they don't masturbate. Is it possible that someone who is so smart when it comes to masturbation doesn't masturbate himself? And is it possible to get pimples on your privates? (age 12)

A rule of thumb is that people who talk a lot about sex aren't having any. But with masturbation, it's kind of the reverse. I doubt that someone who doesn't masturbate would bring up the subject among friends. You can get pimples on any skin that hasn't been washed carefully. And if you've been sexually active, perhaps they aren't pimples but are something more serious.

I'm a virgin and have been masturbating since the age of 9 for about 10 times a week on average. I've been doing this in the face-down position well over half the time, so I'm thinking I might have TMS. I've noticed that I'm not sexually aroused whenever I see a woman, even those most men would consider "hot." However, in the privacy of my home, I can easily get turned on to pictures of fully-clothed women I find attractive by starting to masturbate (not necessarily going through to orgasm.) The reason I'm concerned about this is that I've met lots of women in my life but being unable to be sexually aroused by their presence (even those whom I consider "hot" and a good match), thus I end up being "just friends" with them.

Putting that aside, my main concern is whether or not my condition of not being able to feel sexually aroused by women I meet in public (or bars, parties, etc.) is typical or indicative of some problem (notably TMS)? Thanks. (age 22)

TMS is masturbating prone, so you definitely have that. It would be a good idea to quit that. You shouldn't expect to be sexually aroused just by being in the presence of an attractive woman, although many men are. The real test is when you go out with a woman you find attractive and try to do intimate things with her. Nerves can easily get in the way of sexual arousal the first few times. For best results, try to find a woman who is patient and understanding and willing to help you get over that hurdle. You might also cut down on your masturbation frequency. Men who masturbate as frequently as you often don't feel the desire to go out and find a female companion. Good luck.

Thanks you for posting this site!!!!! Before I found this site, I thought I was sick and perverted because I masturbate. But I know now it's a normal part of life.

I wish to thank you so very much for this article on TMS. I am 40 years old and up until a few years ago, I masturbated almost exclusively in this manner. I no longer masturbate prone and have switched over to conventional masturbation after reading your article. For the most part, I now only masturbate conventionally. I have consistently had problems with intercourse, oral sex, and even with another person stimulating me and I always thought this was due to performance anxiety. Things would improve slightly (such as achieving orgasm during intercourse), but I could never enjoy receiving oral sex or being stimulated by my partner's hand to orgasm. Your article really opened my eyes and explains a lot, and I can't tell you how grateful I am for finding it. I'm going to bookmark this page and return to it as I need to. I'm glad to know that I have overcome these problems and now have a clear understanding of what is behind them.

What is the earliest record that has been found relating to masturbation? (age 14)

There are references to masturbation from the Sumerians, from 2500-3500 BC. Supposedly the Tigris River was filled by the god Enki masturbating. There are a couple of references to ejaculation in the Bible, from as early as 1450 B.C., but none specifically about masturbation.

In the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation, you mention masturbating with other males as a homosexual act. Why is this mentioned?

I also discuss on this site definitions of virginity and what constitutes sexual intercourse between males and females. There is no reason, then, for the site to not discuss what constitutes sexual relations between males.

Why can't you get sexually aroused in a pool? (age 12)

You can and probably will if you spend a lot of time in them. You can't at first because of the temperature of the water. But once your body gets used to it, arousal is quite possible and even likely once you see someone who looks good in a swimsuit. You can see guys bobbing along the wall waiting for their erections to go detumescent.

I don't see what the big deal is about TMS. I have masturbated in the prone position before, on a mattress, and I have found conventional masturbation to be much much better. So I'm surprised to hear that people would develop a preference to the prone position. (age 20)

Most males accustomed to TMS are unable to readily masturbate the conventional way. So they don't have a preference for it; it's simply the only way they can.

My young penis is bigger after I masturbate, so if I masturbate normally, will it get bigger? (age 15)

No. The change in size you notice is only the result of extra blood coming into the penis while you're erect. After an hour or so, your young penis will be back to normal size.

If more semen comes comes out, does that mean a better orgasm? (age 13)

Hmm... I'm inclined to believe a better orgasm causes more semen to come out.

My friend and I were talking the other day and we stumbled across the subject of masturbation. He claimed that he masturbates face-down. I didn't quite understand what he meant so I asked my older sister whom I trust very well (she is 16). She told me to visit this site. He says he discovered masturbation about 3 months ago. Is he in serious danger from TMS already? I have already told him to stop but he is scared this will affect his life in the future. (age 13)

Men have been cured after decades of TMS. I don't think your friend is in such danger after only three months. You've already done the right thing by suggesting he stop. You're lucky you have a sister you can talk to about such things.

Thanks so much for answering my questions! I have an answer to those out there who are feeling guilty. My science teacher says that masturbating is part of a man's life whether he likes it or not. It's as normal as taking a shower. (age 12)

Your science teacher has the same message as this web site, but I work to help men like it.

You described as "fishy" a claim that a guy had quit masturbating after two years of regular practice. I am a 17 year old guy and for eight weeks now, I have not masturbated, and the urge to do so has nearly subsided. I stopped for religious reasons after five years of masturbating normally and an equal amount of time trying to stop. I will say that it is indeed very difficult to quit. It's something I couldn't do until this age, but with enough conviction, it can be stopped. For the first two weeks, I woke up with raging erections every single morning, and could not stop thinking about sex (which, by the way, I have never had). But after about three weeks, the desire to masturbate was decreasing and, like I said before, is now almost gone. I still am very attracted to girls. As for the sexual desire that remains, enough religious conviction can take care of that.

Then the question becomes, why are you reading a web site about masturbation? Another fishy story. Frequent erections won't stop just because you want them to. Masturbating at your age is normal and healthy no matter what your religion.

I read in a low-quality newspaper that males have "significantly more nerve endings in their buttocks than women." Do you believe that this is true or not? But then the article said that women have more nerve endings ("by 15%") in their skin, all over the place. Wouldn't that mean that men could have the same amount, but not likely more than women in their buttocks?

I'm glad you came to a high-quality web site. Men have bigger buttocks (and other parts) but essentially the same nerve structure as women, so therefore their nerves are spread over a greater area. And don't forget that 16 percent of statistics are wrong.

Is it true that your palms will get rough after masturbating for a long time? (age 20)

No. I frequently get compliments on how soft my hands are.

Can prone masturbation kill off nerve functions? Is it possible to regain sensitivity? (age 18)

Prone masturbation is bad for sexual nerve sensitivity, but I've never known a man who didn't gain sensitivity after quitting prone masturbation.

Is inorgasmia curable?

Yes! Inorgasmia, anorgasmia, delayed orgasm, retarded orgasm, delayed ejaculation, whatever you want to call it, they've all been cured.

If a man were just about to ejaculate but someone knocked on the door and the man stopped and lost his erection, what would happen to his semen? (age 24)

In that situation, I think I would yell "coming!" The semen would stay inside the organs where it is contained prior to ejaculation.

I've heard that drinking one cup of coffee every day can shrink your penis. Is this true? I have better orgasms when I don't masturbate for a day or two. Is this normal? (age 15)

No. Yes.

You have a great web site! The guys at my school aren't exactly the most respectful toward chicks. Usually we just hang out with them because they're particularly easy or are hot or in many cases both. However, I heard from this one girl I know that girls actually enjoy it when guys say they have a nice rack or something along those lines. But they don't want to appear to be sluts so they pretend to be offended. But when you don't comment on a girls appearance, they feel bad deep down. So how is a guy like me supposed to win? And I'm not just trying to know for sexual reasons. (age 14)

Females are offended when you reduce them to sexual objects. You can compliment a lot of things about her that aren't sexual, like her hair or her clothing, or her jewelry or her shoes. (Women usually like it when men notice their shoes!) You might also stay away from other males who aren't respectful toward "chicks," as you put it. If you're going to work at being respectful, you don't need to be associated with people who aren't. (Oh, and stop calling them "chicks.")

Is masturbating detrimental to one's creativity, such as in song or short story writing? (age 16)

I don't know why it would be. You can look through biographies of famous creative people and many of them had pretty high sex drives and I imagine they masturbated frequently. A few famous creative people are known for being undersexed.

Does masturbating kill brain cells? Every since I've been masturbating (almost a full year), I seem to have trouble with my diction. I feel that masturbating is slowing my brain, and consequently I'm unable to think coherently and quickly. (age 16)

No. Don't worry about that. If something is wrong with your brain, it's not due to masturbating. See also the previous question.

Thank you for this very educational web site. I used to think masturbating was bad until I came across this web site. (age 14)

I just want to thank you for creating this web site. It has helped me, and obviously a lot of other people. I can come here and ask anything freely without being embarrassed. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one masturbating! Thanks again! (age 15)

How the heck does TMS affect anything when it's perfectly normal to have sex in that same position? ESPECIALLY for a girl. It doesn't really make sense that you're calling TMS a problem when having sex means that somebody pretty much HAS to be in that position.

Masturbating prone puts much more pressure on the penis than having sex prone. The vagina offers much less resistance than the objects (mattress, bedding, pillow, floor) that males with TMS typically thrust against. Don't worry if you don't understand this right away. Most males who have been masturbating face down for many years don't get it right away either.

My boyfriend is serving in Iraq and he wrote me an e-mail the other day and told me he needs something to masturbate to. I packed up an artificial vagina and some erotic pictures of myself and thought it was illegal to send it through the US Mail. FedEx and UPS don't have places in Baghdad so how do I send it to him? (age 24)

Don't send him that stuff. You don't want pictures of yourself falling into the wrong, um, hands. Just buy him one or two of Playboy's special editions. For more protection, wrap them in fake covers so the military censors can pretend they're something else. You can look up his zip code on this list at the post office's web site. If it's not marked E2, then the military censors won't care if there's nudity in it. Look for the Overseas Military Mail Postal Bulletin at http://ribbs.usps.gov/files/IntCustomsForms/

Where could I buy condoms that people will not think of me as a horny freak? (age 16)

A large discount store like Target or Wal-Mart would be good. You could slip them in with other items and then go to a cashier that you know is not paying attention. Some stores also have self-service checkout.

I always hear my older brother talking about second base. What is it and how do you do it? (age 14)

First base is kissing, second base is breast fondling, third base is fondling below the waist, and home run is intercourse. Keep in mind that people who talk about it a lot are probably not doing it.

Is it OK to masturbate 3 times a day from time to time? Say 3 months apart? (age 14)

Yes, or even more often than that. My point is that 3 times every day (or nearly every day) is more likely to be compulsion than fun. Masturbating three times a day occasionally might be fun.

I'm going to college next year, and I'm wondering what guys do in dorms to masturbate. Do they jack off quietly in bed or do they do it together at the same time? I know it probably varies from dorm to dorm, but what do most guys do? I'm going to be sharing a bathroom with several other people. Masturbating quietly in bed is hard because I'm sort of vocal when I masturbate. Thanks for your time. I appreciate your site. (age 17)

Congratulations on getting admitted to college! First the easy part: Not many do it together. Most guys in dorms and roommate situations never say a word about masturbation and have to do it surreptitiously when their roommates aren't around or learn to do it in the shower or toilet. This means they have to stop when someone comes back to the room and can't do it during sleeping hours, which is most people's favorite time to masturbate. I suspect they are less satisfied than guys who discuss the situation and lay out ground rules. Everyone would be greatly relieved if someone would say, "I propose that it be OK to masturbate whenever it is dark in this room." But these discussions need not mention masturbation specifically, and can instead refer to one roomie "wanting to be alone in the room." As Homer Simpson's college roommates advised him, hang a necktie over the doorknob if he's with a girl, or a sock if he's with a picture of a girl.

Just a comment on the college dorm thing. I went to a small religious college and there was an unwritten rule that when your roommate came back from a date, he got the room to himself for half an hour. Nobody ever said it was because of masturbation, but everyone knew it was. The girls at this college were way too straight and guys would usually be completely turned on with no relief after dates. (age 26)

Interesting concept. It sounds like the dorm administration was in on this plan at your school? I think it's universal for males to masturbate after unsatisfying dates.

My roommate and I used to never speak a word about masturbation. Recently though, we have tried doing it at the same time a couple of times - each person on his own bed concentrating on himself. The only problem so far is it seems to make going to sleep really hard now that we have it in the open. It doesn't seem to affect our friendship. Do you think this is still fairly healthy? We're both straight, of course. (age 20)

I think the only thing roommates have to acknowledge is that they all masturbate and/or "need to be alone in the room" sometimes. Doing it together or simultaneously is a level above that. I don't think it's unhealthy, however, and I think going to sleep will be the same as usual once the novelty of your joint masturbation wears off.

During freshman year, my roommate and I each walked in on the other masturbating at least once. We were both cool about it, and left each other to finish in privacy. Many other times, I heard him masturbating when he thought I was asleep. Usually, I'd wait until he was finished and went to sleep before I starting masturbating. If I had a particularly urgent need to make myself come, I just did it, and he never got uptight about it, and I'm not even sure he was aware of what I was doing. (age 23)

Obviously, it would have put no strain on your relationship if you had recognized aloud what you were doing.

As a rule, guys just wait to masturbate until their roomie is asleep. Every guy knows that they both masturbate in the room quite a bit. And unfortunately, neither of them ever says anything about it. One day I was just in utter need of relief, and I asked my roommate if he would leave me alone so I could masturbate. I was quite shocked that I had said it. I thought we both were, but he told me no problem, and even offered me one of his magazines. It was the first time I had ever used a naked picture, and I still remember it as one of my greatest orgasms ever. He always let me use his collection after that, and I bought a few that I shared with him too. I wouldn't have gotten to experience that at that point if I hadn't said anything. (age 27)

Another triumph of communication, but I don't think you needed to ask him to leave you alone so you could masturbate. As you state, everyone knows that both he and his roommate masturbate in the dorm room, so all you really had to do was ask to be alone and he would have understood what you were going to do.

Hi, great site, and what a great question. I just have a confession to make. I was never in a dorm in college, but I've occasionally stayed in them for retreats, conferences, youth hostels, etc. I would make a practice of never talking with the guys in my room or even make eye contact because I knew I was going to masturbate and I didn't want any of them confronting me about it if they heard anything. I just figured it would be harder for them to say anything if that was the first thing they had ever said to me. I also chose the bed (whenever I had a choice) based on which one had the most privacy to masturbate. (age 32)

OK, I can understand all that. Most guys don't say anything about masturbating to the one guy they live with for a whole school year in a tiny room. I think a lot of guys would think it was strange if you brought that up when it was going to be just one night. I've heard of guys enduring that kind of accomodation for weeks at a time and then masturbating often and furiously when they finally had a bedroom to themselves again.

Why do you have a big feature on the male page about the trouble guys have finding privacy to masturbate at college but nothing at all for girls. We have issues with it too just the same as guys and I would like to know what other girls do. (age 19)

First, there is a series of questions on the female page about dorm masturbation. Just go there and enter control-F and type "dorm." Second, I suspect that this is more of an issue for males than females because (1) females can usually masturbate beneath the covers, whereas males usually cannot; (2) male masturbation generally involves more motion than female masturbation and is therefore harder to do inconspicuously; and (3) males generally masturbate more often than females. Anyway, female readers, please help out with this reader's question. What do you do to ensure privacy when masturbating in a dorm?

I am going on a trip whith my family for nine weeks. I like to masturbate every day, but I can't when I am gone. What should I do? (age 15)

Your situation is similar to that of the dorm residents whose conversation is above. I'm sure you'll find a way to masturbate in private. Necessity is the mother of invention. If you are unaccustomed to masturbating in the bathroom, perhaps your trip will give you a chance to learn. You might also find some excuse to linger in your sleeping quarters for a while after everyone else has gone.

I've never had a girlfriend before. And I don't know what to say to my parents if I did. My younger brother would laugh at me, like he did when I started shaving. You got any advice? (age 15)

I suggest you pursue a girlfriend without worrying about what people will say. Just tell your parents you have a new friend and you're going out with her to the movies. You probably do all kinds of things that your younger brother laughs about. (I know mine do.) Don't worry about him either.

This is a great web site. Masturbation is a misunderstood subject. I think parents need to respect their daughter or son's privacy. My parents didn't and it hurt me. Had they been knowledgeable, it would have been easier on me. I am a male and I masturbate and it is to me a pure joy! I encourage young people and older people to masturbate. If there is no one around all that need is your own permission! Enjoy! (age 60)

Amen!

I masturbate when my penis is soft and I stimulate the glans using my middle and ring fingers of my right hand. I have a tight foreskin that doesn't go back when I'm erect. When I'm finished, my penis is hard. I have never orgasmed with a girl. I have attempted it on numerous occasions. I'm worried I have damaged myself. My ex could never understand why I would never orgasm and she could. It frustrated her but me more. (age 23)

You have two, possibly three, problems. Masturbating when soft teaches your body poor sexual response. You should only masturbate or have intercourse when you are fully erect, even if that means you can't do it as often as you'd like. It might take a month or two of masturbating with an erection to overcome this. You also use an idiosyncratic method of masturbating with two fingers. For whatever reason, using the conventional masturbatory grip illustrated above -- a loose fist fully encircling the penis -- more closely replicates the feeling of intercourse than any other form of masturbation does. It would be a very good idea to change this habit too. Finally, if fixing both of these doesn't solve your problem, then you ought to see a doctor about the tight foreskin.

Do you change the typos of people's questions before you post them for grammar mistakes and such? (male, age 17)

Yes. Would you believe this site gets more hits from "masterbation" than from the correct spelling?

What a great site. I've never seen something like that. There're not many people like you in this world. You helped a lot so THANK YOU! It's the best site for teens I've ever seen. You probably helped many teens. Thanks a lot! (age 16)

Thanks. I need readers like you, so keep up what you're doing.

I masturbate at the normal rate but I am so afraid of getting caught because I live in a house with my parents and an older brother, but I don't feel the necessity to talk to anyone about it and don't really want to either. What can I do about my privacy problem? (age 13)

Most people don't talk about it in your situation. They just do it where and when they know they'll have privacy.

Isn't it healthier if these people who love to masturbate just sleep with each other instead? (age 25)

Only if it's with a monogamous partner. Otherwise masturbating is healthier.

Recently I heard that it is unhealthy to not masturbate. Is that true? If so, why? (age 18)

Males need to ejaculate frequently (twice a month at the absolute minimum) in order to keep their private parts in healthy working condition. If a male cannot ejaculate any other way, then he needs to masturbate.

I'm glad I stumbled across your web site. Thank you for your help. You have probably saved me from TMS or dysfunction in the future. (age 14)

I'm glad you stumbled in too!

Thank you! Your web site has helped me out more than you will ever know. I just have a few questions. Is it healthier to masturbate or not? Are there any permanent mental damages from masturbation? My penis when erect seems to lean a little to the right. Is this normal? If not, can I fix it?

Mate, you're a legend, and by reading some of your responses, I can tell you really know what you are talking about. Thank you for calming many of my fears about masturbation. Mike (age 16)

Mike, it is healthier to masturbate than not; it causes no mental damage; and it is common for penises to be not perfectly straight.

Why does waiting until your twenties to lose your virginity cause sexual problems? Is it just because of the inexperience? I don't think people should have sex just to get rid of virginity.

I don't think they should either. It is better to find a partner that you really want to be with while you're young. It is simply a fact that males who remain virgins past the age of about 21 have more sexual problems than males who become sexually active before then. It is something about getting habituated to the feelings of masturbation rather than learning to interact with a partner and increase your sexuality that way. Men who lose their virginity at later ages can become sexually functional; it just usually takes longer and requires a patient partner. (For more information, you might read Eva Margolies's book Undressing the American Male, which is available very cheaply on Amazon and other sites.)

I am an engaged virgin and I will be marrying a non-virgin. In one of your earlier answers, you told a male virgin that he had better step on it and get married or give up his virginity is absolutely inaccurate and neglectful of your duty as a self-proclaimed author. (female, age 21)

A female virgin your age suffers much less in terms of both societal stigma and sexual dysfunction than a male virgin your age. That is one reason why it is better for males to become sexually experienced before they get too far into their 20s than it is for a female. I don't know that he has to "step on it," but it would be good for him to develop a strategy for finding a marital and/or sexual partner. I don't believe remaining a male virgin past the age of 21 is all that rational unless one already has a partner lined up (just waiting for the wedding) or is in some social situation that makes finding a marital partner easy (e.g., student at a Bible college aka "bridal college"). Being a male virgin and trying to compete in the regular dating world with sexually experienced males is very tough.

Thanks for creating this wonderful resource. I am not circumcised, and I have always masturbated without retracting my foreskin. I have tried to become erect after pulling my foreskin back while flaccid but the foreskin becomes uncomfortably tight and I pull it back up because it hurts so much. Also, when I pull my foreskin back there is a piece of skin that stretches over from the bottom of my head to the opening in my penis, that is where the uncomfortable tightness during a pulled-back erection is coming from, I believe. I haven't read about any other cases like mine. I have no problems masturbating, but I am concerned that this might prove to be a problem during intercourse. Should I be worried, and if so where should I go for help? (age 18)

You might try intercourse before deciding that you will have a problem with it. Using lube might help with the problems you're having masturbating. You can always ask your doctor about it, who might refer you to a urologist.

Even if you don't have a temptation, should you masturbate every day just for the sake of masturbating? (age 16)

No. You should only masturbate when you feel like doing it.

I've been masturbating for 8 years mainly with the use of porn. I have found that if I do not use porn but masturbate in the shower or through a fantasy, there is a slight discomfort in my penis (not my testicles), almost as if I am not aroused enough, and it is kind of uncomfortable (even though I have a full erection). If when I feel this discomfort and turn on porn or think about something very arousing, the ache will go away. If this ache does not go away, I can still ejaculate, but it feels like I forced it and then afterwards my penis might ache. I can perform normally during intercourse and have no STDs. (age 20)

You illustrate why I tell males to be able to masturbate at least once or twice a month using only fantasy and no visual aids. That can serve as a check that you aren't losing your sexual imagination. Since most males use pictures in some form, you shouldn't feel guilty if they help you achieve more and better orgasms. Just try the twice a month diagnostic to make sure you haven't become completely dependent on pictures.

A lot of my friends say they're circumcised, and I'm not. I feel like I'm different and not as open minded about everything. Also,I feel like girls won't like me because I'm not circumcised. (age 13)

I think it's better to be uncircumcised. You have your whole penis and those other guys don't. It doesn't have anything to do with open-mindedness. By the time a girl is ready to have sex with you (which I hope won't be for a few years), she will not care whether you are circumcised or not.

You say that you should only masturbate when you feel like it, but also you should masturbate at least once every 2 weeks. If you haven't masturbated for a while, like a month, then should you masturbate at that time just for the sake of masturbating?

I think you should. You also ought to feel like masturbating more often than that. What I mean by masturbate only when you feel like it is that it's bad to get into the habit of masturbating first thing in the morning or every night before bed whether you feel like it or not, as a few people do.

Why do guys like to play with girls' breasts? And why do girls stare at guys' bottoms? (age 11)

Breasts and buttocks are considered secondary sex characteristics, and they actually come in more variations than primary sex organs. People tend to like body parts that are different from theirs.

Sometimes girls say that they get wet. Is that like pre-cum?

Yes.

Is Doug a doctor? It would be irresponsible to give this advice without having the proper credentials. There are many insufficently answered questions, sometimes with just a simple "yes" or "no." Surely an explanation would help. Another problem is that the surveys are not scientifically conducted, yet are presented as fact. I think this site does have a lot of potential to help young people. (age 33)

As I have said many times, I am not a doctor or other health care professional. I frequently tell people reporting medical problems to see a doctor or nurse practitioner, or to call a nurse line. If you read those questions answered with a simple yes or no -- such as "is it dangerous to masturbate when you live in a house with just girls" and "is it normal to get an erection when I'm making out with a girl" -- you know they have fairly obvious answers, which don't need or even deserve an explanation. These topics, if worthwhile, are discussed in greater length somewhere on the site. The surveys are conducted as scientifically as a low-cost web site will allow.

I was astounded that so many ridiculous questions were asked. I understand that you must take into account that each entry may very well be a confused individual whom is in need of guidance however you MUST get the suspicion that some of these questions are being manufactured by Internet vandals whose deviant thoughts should not be spread to places where young people come for advice. A child or teen can be very impressionable. I am just disheartened to read this. Maybe a screening process is a good idea. (age 39)

And those are only the ones I publish. You should see the ones I delete without a second glance. When I post a suspected fake, I generally think that if it's a legitimate question, then it's from someone who really needs my help. Sometimes I delete these suspected fakes after a couple of days so the questioner has a chance to see it but it doesn't become a permanent part of the site. You could help me by telling specifically which ones you think are fakes.

Why do you think circumcision is a useless surgery when it can reduce the chances of getting an STD? (age 14)

That has not been proven. The way to reduce chances of having an STD is to have only safe sex with uninfected partners.

My girlfriend masturbates by lying face down with her hands under her crotch and wiggling her butt about. Is this TMS? (age 22)

Yes.

This site really has helped me a lot with technique. But the only place I can do it is the shower because my parents are always home. I'd like to do it at night in bed, but I worry about my mom finding semen stains on my sheets. Any suggestions? (age 12)

Just keep a rag (like an old shirt) handy for cleaning up. The little droplets of semen that fly around usually don't make noticeable stains, and the main part of the ejaculate lands on your abdomen when you masturbate on your back. If it really bothers you, you can contain the ejaculate by cupping your other hand over your penis as you ejaculate.

I recently caught my girlfriend on the sofa, face down and moving her butt around. She was fully clothed but red in the face. I'm having trouble deciding what she was doing. (age 17)

She was probably masturbating. The red face could come either from sex flush (blushing after orgasm) or from embarrassment at being discovered.

Why is it better to use your imagination than pictures? (age 13)

Developing your imaginary capacity is a useful skill. Becoming dependent on pictures at your age is not a good thing.

My boyfriend exhibits TMS problems, masturbates daily (in private), and has a couple of scars on the side of his penis near the base. He claims the scars are from a human bite, but I suspect they're from something he masturbated with, considering the TMS. Any thoughts? (age 50)

I think you should discuss it with him. Turn your assumptions into questions.

Is it normal for teenage boys to not masturbate? (age 14)

Not in the statistical sense, since the majority of younger ones and all of the older ones do, but it isn't necessarily unhealthy for them to not masturbate. About a fourth of them haven't started masturbating as of their 14th birthdays, but nearly all will be doing it by their 15th birthdays. The ones who start late usually wish they had found out about it sooner.

Is masturbating while sitting harmless? I started masturbating at the beginning of 2006 and now my genital region stinks. I clean my penis after every masturbating session but dont use lube because nobody bothered explaining it. (age 14)

Sitting is fine. It's a good idea to shower daily beginning at puberty. The stink might also be coming from what you use to clean up.

What does it feel like to be inside a vagina? (age 16)

The pressure is about that of a medium handshake, and if the male managed to get the female properly aroused before penetration, it will feel wet and warm too.

This is weird to admit, but this is my second semester at college. Last semester, I had a different roommate and he would go home frequently on the weekends and I would be able to do what I needed to do. But this semester my roommate (also my best friend) never goes home on the weekends because he's from out of state. I've been fine thus far not masurbating at all since school started, but recently I've been having urges and even tried to do it last night but was worried he would wake up. I would be too embarrassed to even say anything. What do I do? I don't go home often on weekends either because all my friends are here and I get really bored at home. (age 19)

I see your problem. If it's weird to admit to me in an anonymous e-mail, how can you admit it to your best friend? I suggest you follow some of the strategies on the dorm masturbation page people have used, or else learn to do it in the bathroom.

Should circumcised males use lube while masturbating? Will they hurt themselves if they don't? (age 14)

Some uncircumcised males can masturbate without lube because their penises produce a natural lube. It is more likely that circumcised males will need to use a lubricant while masturbating and run the risk of chafing, calluses or tears on their penises if they don't.

I have masturbated regularly (about 2-3 times a week) and I enjoy it greatly. My problem is my youth pastor told us about the sinfulness of masturbation, among other sexual practices. Since then, I have continued to masturbate, but I feel horribly guilty about it. I don't want to talk to anyone about because it is an embarrassing topic, and all my friends and family are religious also. Is masturbation really a sin? Am I going to burn? What do I do? (age 15)

I don't think it's a sin or that you'll burn, but your pastor obviously has a different idea. Your friends are in the same boat. It wouldn't be such a bad idea to talk to them. You might also consider discussing it privately with your pastor sometime.

Is it okay to sleep on my stomach at night (without rubbing up against the bed)? Would it have the same effect on my penis as if I suffered from TMS? (age 16)

Sleeping prone is fine and has no effect on your penis.

I used to masturbate via TMS, and at some point 5-6 years ago I started doing it normally, probably for convenience. But it never has been very pleasurable, even during the TMS days. This caused me to masturbate infrequently, and generally to have little (i.e. almost no) desire for sex. More recently, I was diagnosed with prostatodynia. The doctor's first impulse was gonorrhea -- prostatodynia is not fun. I was encouraged to ejaculate more frequently, but the remedy has become a chore. Do you think this strange dilemma could have been caused by TMS at early stages (ages 15-19)? I stumbled upon your site based on a bet among friends, where the opposing criteria was that I am 1 out of 10,000 for being a virgin at 25 years old.

I think you have a deeper rooted psychological problem for which you should seek professional help. You are supposed to enjoy masturbating and want to seek out a sex partner. I doubt that your early TMS is to blame. Being a virgin at your age is rare, but much more common than 1 in 10,000. Probably more like 8 in 100.

Are you still a virgin if you have had anal sex? (age 18)

I would say no.

I masturbate 2 or 3 times a day the TMS way and I want to stop, but every time I try, I get really aroused 5 or 6 hours later and have to masturbate again. What should I do? (age 15)

You should abstain from masturbating for as long as it takes for you to learn to do it the conventional way.

I just found out a few days ago that I am circumcised and I really feel violated. Is that normal? Will this affect my penis? Will this prevent me from orgasming? My penis head is extremely sensitive when I masturbate. Is it because I am circumcised? (age 14)

A lot of males feel cheated because their foreskins were cut off without their permission, but there is no reason to obsess over it. Yes, everything you do sexually will be affected by your being circumcised. You will learn to have orgasms and enjoy them a great deal. Circumcised males generally have more sensitive glans (penile head) than uncircumcised males and have to learn to masturbate by touching the head as little as necessary.

What is a girl's G spot?

The Grafenberg, or G Spot, is a small area on the anterior surface of the vagina about a third of the way in that is especially sensitive. Many women find stimulating it as conducive to orgasm as stimulating the clitoris.

How do I stop masturbating? I am a Christian so it bothers me much. (age 25)

You might read my page for Christians, where some pro-masturbation views by prominent theologians are aired. If you really want to quit, I suggest cutting back to once a week for a while and deciding if you still want to quit.

I use lotion when I masturbate. I am out and I want some lube but I don't want to get embarrassed. (age 13)

The best brands are K-Y Liquid and Astroglide, which are both sold at major chains like Target, Wal-Mart, CVS. They are not age-restricted and the cashier will not question you for buying it, or probably even notice. Some stores also have self-service checkout lines.

Are you male or female? (age 22)

Male.

I have masturbated prone since I can remember, and I almost never reach orgasm. In fact, I've only reached orgasm three times in my life, and it was always while masturbating the normal way. I masturbate the normal way about once a week while looking at porn or in the shower, but almost never anything happens. When masturbating prone, there only comes some clear, watery stuff out of my penis, but there's never been a real ejaculation. Also, when I masturbate the normal way, most of the time I don't really ejaculate, but produce this clear, watery stuff. And if I ejaculate, I need a very long time to do so (about half an hour or longer). I'm currently trying to stop prone masturbation. Should I stop smoking too? (age 14)

You already know how to masturbate correctly, so all you need to do is cut out the prone masturbation. I think all the rest will fall into place once you do. And quitting smoking will help you be sexually healthy a lot longer.

What causes semen to smell the way it does, like bleach? (age 33)

The distinctive smell of semen comes from prostate fluid.

Why do girls stick tampons into thei vaginas? From a girl, where does urine come out? (age 18)

Most women believe a tampon to be the most efficient way to absorb menstrual blood. Urine comes out the urethra, same as for males. The female urethral opening is just above the vagina.

Follow-up: So women have two openings in their vagina? One for urine and the other for sex? Is it possible to mistake the urethra for the vaginal opening during intercourse? (age 14)

The vagina is one opening and the urethra is another. Both are inside the vulvar lips. The urethra is too small to be penetrated sexually so there is no danger of mistaking them. See this image for a better idea.

How long does it take for the semen in your body to become yellow? (age 15)

About four days.

I tried to give up masturbation for Lent just to see how long I could go. I went one day but then masturbated the day after Ash Wednesday. I masturbated twice in the day and went to sleep. (age 14)

Whatever you give up for Lent, you don't have to give up for the Sundays in Lent. Perhaps knowing that will make it a little easier to go those forty days and forty nights? You can count 40 days from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday if you don't count Sundays.

I'm Catholic. I read in our catechism that masturbation is a mortal sin (the kind that sends you to hell), but society accepts it as a normal activity. I'm confused on whether I should absolutely stop this act or just refute the fact that such an act is a mortal sin. (age 15)

Your choices aren't limited to those. You can accept privately that masturbation is normal without refuting the church in public.

I'm 22 years old and I masturbate 5-6 times a day. I don't have any pain. I don't masturbate because I'm bored. I just see a hot chick on TV or something and boom, I gotta go take care of business. I've been doing this for almost 10 years. It's ridiculous, don't you think?

Not completely, but you might have an easier time finding a partner if you didn't masturbate so much. That frequency will catch up with you in a few years and you will start feeling pain.

I always urinate before I masturbate, but now and then after I am finished masturbating, I have to urniatate again after about 10 minutes. Is this normal? (age 33)

Yes. The urine clears your urethra of unejaculated semen. I wonder if the body can tell that the urethra is congested and signals for urine to come? If you let the semen sit all night, sometimes it dries and then when you urinate in the morning, it takes the urine a second or two to clear the dried semen. Most males find this feeling uncomfortable.

Thanks for this brilliant site which helped me cure my TMS. I have also told my friends to read the site. They too said it was great! I would like to offer my services to improve the site "HealthyStrokes.com" into the modern look of today's web. I'm good in PHP, Photoshop, and XML too. (age 16)

Why don't you e-mail me privately? I maintain the site myself and don't know all that stuff. Perhaps we could talk about some specific suggestions.

Didn't the Bible say something like our body is a temple for Christ and therefore we must keep it clean and pure? How can we keep it clean and pure when most men masturbate with pictures of naked women or fantasies about sex with women? Is masturbation clean at all? (age 29)

The Bible doesn't specifically prohibit masturbation. Some people feel guilty about their fantasies. You might read my page for Christians.

One time I was scratching my leg in the morning and my mom walked past the door, and suspected I was masturbating. I tried to tell her that I was only scratching my leg, but she didn't believe me. (age 15)

I think males are occasionally accused of masturbating when they're not, something that almost never happens to females. When I was about your age, my dad intimated that I was masturbating in the shower every morning and using all the hot water. "You think I don't know what you're doing?" he said. At the time, I was only half sure what masturbating was and never practiced it in the shower. I genuinely protested that I didn't know what he meant. I still like my showers long but I no longer worry about what people might mistakenly assume I'm doing.

Is the missionary position considered TMS? I am home schooled. It makes life hard now. How am I supposed to meet any girls if I'm not walking by them every day to go to school? What would girls think of someone with a life like mine? (age 15)

TMS is masturbating in the prone position. Intercourse with the male in the prone position (the missionary position) is not TMS. There are lots of students who are home-schooled today. You don't have to limit yourself to who you meet at school. You can get involved in church, community, and group activities. There might even be activities at the public schools in your location that are open to everyone, even if they don't go to the public school. Girls will not hold being home-schooled against you. Don't worry about that.

When I was in college, masturbating was not a problem in the dorm. You either did it in your room or went to the bathroom down the hall. Everyone knew what was going on. Some wanted to be left alone and others didn't care. My roommate and I didn't care, and there were times when we caught each other or we both would do it together or go down the hall. There were really no hangups about this subject. It is a fact of life. Maybe we were just lucky. (age 40)

Yes, you were lucky to have a roommate who was as easygoing about it as you are. Not everyone has a roommate like that.

I'm very embarrassed to have to go on a web site to find out how to masturbate, but I need help. I'm 15 and I've never masturbated to orgasm. I'm scared I might rip my foreskin or something. I'm not fully developed yet, but I know people who are smaller than me who have masterbated to orgasm. When hard my penis is about 5 inches long but probably only about 0.75 inches wide. How should I start?

Size doesn't matter. Your skin won't rip easily. Just relax and stroke your erection. You'll find what feels right.

Has an average amount of time for how long it takes without masturbating to have a wet dream ever been decided? If so, what is it? (age 16)

No. If I knew, I would share it with you.

I am 16 and I am circumcised. I don't know why anyone would want their foreskin. I cannot stand wear to wear a jockstrap. They agitate my penis and I only like to wear boxers.

I think a lot of men would like to have their foreskin because then their jockstrap and other clothing would not irritate their penises.

The directions to masturbate says to place your whole hand around your penis gently and stroke. I just use the tips of my fingers. Is using my whole hand better, or going to make me orgasm better? (age 16)

It should. It would involve a greater surface area of your penis which ought to give you stronger or at least faster orgasms. Of course, there is nothing wrong with a lighter touch. In many ways, that's good. Perhaps you could experiment and let us know how it goes.

On your Christians page, you mention the story of Onan, where God instructed Onan to impregnate his sister-in-law. Is it right to do that? (age 15)

As a rule, no, but it's OK if God commands you to do it, or if the brother and sister-in-law agree that you should father their child. Nowadays, artificial insemination rather than intercourse would be used to accomplish this.

I wish I had found a site like this when I was a kid. I had to learn the basics from the library when I was in college. Yes, college! I didn't even know how to do it until I was 21. I resented it when I realized that everyone else had been doing it all the time. I had the desire but not the know-how. If I ever get prostate cancer when I'm older, I could probably sue my religious leaders. (age 38)

I hope you would try to influence your church in a positive direction rather than be angry at them.

I've always masturbated supine, but my method is to rub the head with my fingers up and down to orgasm. Is this harmful? I have never successfully masturbated the conventional way, but I have had manual intercourse mimicking conventional masturbation many times, with different partners. I find it difficult to achieve orgasm in any position with some of my partners when she becomes too wet. Would learning to masturbate the conventional way successfully by myself be able to fix this? It might be worth pointing out I have never orgasmed standing up, either via masturbation or with a partner. I think that if I could bring myself to orgasm standing up with a good technique would be a step in the right direction. (age 24)

I don't think standing up is a big deal. When you masturbate, you ought to stimulate the whole penis and not just the head. You can also experiment with different brands and amounts of lubes.

I masturbate the conventional way but I put my legs in a butterfly position. Could this cause TMS? (age 13)

No.

I am concerned about the fashion in which I masturbate. I normally grip my penis firmly and slide the skin of the penis up and down the shaft as opposed to sliding my hand up and down the shaft. Is this unhealthy? Can it cause damage? (age 20)

I think it would be better to treat the skin more lightly and have more movement in your hand instead of the skin. This is only an inclination, however, and not a certain indictment of your masturbatory technique.

I think you should address questions by just e-mailing people privately rather than posting the questions and answers on the web site for the public to read. I hope you understand that some of these facts you're posting are extreamly explicit, and I really don't think it is suitable for certain people who are gaining access to your site. (age 20)

I answer questions publicly because I want to share sexual health information with everyone. I much like it when people search through my site before asking me a question that has already been answered here. Obviously, I can't be e-mailing minors with sexual information.

Is it OK to masturbate the same day you do Kegel exercises?

Yes.

I don't see any pre-cum during masturbation, whether I masturbate quickly or draw it out for a good 15 minutes. Is this a problem? (age 18)

Sometime when you've been at it for 15 minutes, see what is in your urethra. It should be clear and very sticky.

All I did was grab my penis with my hand and move it up and down while watching a man and woman have sex. After 5 minutes, I felt this great feeling, and when I touched the head it was wet. I did it 4 times today. Do you think I masturbated? (age 12)

You definitely masturbated. Whether you masturbated to orgasm or not, I'm not sure, but if you didn't have orgasms today, you will soon.

I have been mastubating for a few years now and one of my methods has been to put my penis between two couch cushions. Is this this a bad method, because it seems very close to sex in my mind. (age 17)

That is one of the worst forms of TMS. The best masturbation is when you touch your penis as little as possible.

Why shouldn't we touch the head of our penis when we masturbate? (age 16)

It's better to touch the head as little as possible. It's easier to perfect the light touch when you concentrate most of your stroking on the shaft and only brush against the head and coronal ridge. Circumcised males might find it painful to do stroke the head unless they use lube.

I am a 17 year old male and my name is Chris. I was very pleased to stumble across your site this afternoon. I have been masturbating since before puberty, and originally, I never gave it a second thought. Yet now, as I grow both mentally and physically, I feel as though I would like to stop, quite simply. My rationality is this: Rational, sentient human beings should be masters of their own sexual desire. Shouldn? we be able to control this basic instinct? In a documentary-esque manner, I decided to record in a personal journal, my experience kicking the habit and the various physical and mental effects I felt throughout the process. At a week and a half of abstinence, I am, frankly, a nervous wreck. The buildup of sexual tension has been very uncomfortable and I find it harder to focus on things and harder to sleep. I? just really skittish and, more embarrassingly, easily aroused. Much more so, and in circumstances which, in most, I would not be. Overall, I? just really restless, and after only a week I have come to the conclusion that I really can? stop. It just isn? working and I? more miserable for it.

Why exactly are we males such slaves to the sex drive? Obviously I try to pass myself off as sophisticated, tame, etc, in public. but in the back of my mind, these sexual urges, if left unsatisfied, just seem to tear away at me and leave me feeling somewhat primal, almost animalistic in my desire for relief. I get the whole buildup of fluids and whatnot, but why exactly do I have to be a slave to this silly over-reactive sex drive? What is it about teenage males that, without release, we get distracted, skittish, and antsy? In short, why do we NEED masturbation, as through my self-test, I feel as though I do? I would truly appreciate some form of response as I am trying my best not to succumb to the desire just yet. I'm stubborn like that.

Hi Chris. I think it's good that you're experimenting with your urge to masturbate. As a result, you know more fully than men who have never abstained that long how great the urge can be, and how it can affect other parts of your life. For example, a male who is accustomed to daily orgasms might find that after five days without one that his conversation is more peppered with sexual remarks than usual. He might not even mean to be so sexual in his speech. This has been expressed in popular culture in various ways: There is the often-spoken idea that people who talk about sex frequently aren't having it, and there is the infamous subplot in "There's Something about Mary" where a character is urged to masturbate before a date so he won't have sex on his mind.

The urge to ejaculate is very hard to control, even when one has a good reason to do so. For example, men who are working to cure themselves of TMS and learn a new way to masturbate find it a struggle to remain composed after five days or so. There are various theories why males find it difficult to go without orgasm. The most often heard one is that the sex organs become engorged with sexual fluids that need to be released. Bellis and Baker (in their book Human Sperm Competition) maintain that semen needs to be kept in optimum condition for fertilization, and that this calls for ejaculating at least every other day. It is therefore understandable that masturbation is apt to be more of an urgent habit for males rather than females. I think you're looking at masturbation the wrong way. Instead of thinking of it as giving in to sexual desire, you might think of it as a means of managing sexual desire. These charts might illustrate the point, although they are not meant to be precise. The first graph shows the tension level of a person who masturbates every five days, and his sexual tension goes up every day in between, all the way up to 9 and then drops to 1 when he masturbates. The second graph shows the tension level of a person who masturbates daily, and his sexual tension remains constant at 1. This is an oversimplification, but I hope it makes a useful point.

I really want to have sew with my girlfriend. (age 15)

You might wait until you can spell it.

While I can get an erection, and ejaculate fairly far, my orgasms seem to have weakened. Very rarely do I get a very good orgasm that I can actually feel good about. (age 17)

You're worrying too much about it. Woody Allen said he never had the wrong kind of orgasm.

How do you avoid semen leaking when you're aroused? It's really embarrassing. Will it ever stop? (age 21)

Sometimes so much pre-cum (not semen) can leak out when you're aroused that it soaks all the way through your underwear to the outside of your pants. It's a good thing, and it means you're really into whatever is making you that way.

I have been masturbating for about 8 years now, and as far back as I can remember, I have always masturbated with some sort of cloth, usually my boxers. I find it hard sometimes to even be able to achieve an orgasm if I try it with just my bare hand the whole time. I had intercourse 4 times in the last year, and I only was able to last about 30 seconds to a minute. Could these two things be connected? How can I get myself to last longer during intercourse? (age 19)

Masturbating with cloth is an atypical method, and it will not serve you well in the long run. I don't know specifically about the connection to premature ejaculation. I would suggest getting over the cloth thing first and then seeing if it makes any difference in intercourse. You might try masturbating with lube and see if you can more easily achieve what you have been unable to do without the cloth. The lube makes it possible for you to stroke vigorously, including the whole head.

I performed manual intercourse on my girlfriend for the first time. Would she lose her virginty if we kept on doing that? (age 17)

Very few people believe that manual intercourse (what some people call mutual masturbation) makes you lose your virginity. She would have to experience some other form of intercourse (penis in vagina, penis in anus, mouth on vulva, mouth on penis) for her to not be a virgin.

My girlfriend touches my penis through my pants so she is not actually touching it. I'm a Christian and I'm wondering if I can lose my virginity that way. I have never had sex and don't plan to until I'm married but would you consider that intercourse? (age 16)

I wouldn't and most people wouldn't consider stimulation only with the hands to be intercourse that causes loss of virginity. However, it is strictly speaking manual intercourse, one of the four main types of intercourse, and a small number of people regard someone as not being a virgin if they have engaged in it. Touching it through the pants doesn't make it any different from touching it naked. Did you know that someone can be charged with rape for touching the clothing that covers private parts?

Does oral sex make you a non-virgin? (age 21)

Some people think so.

I'm having trouble masturbating lately. It's really hard to get the usual erection. (age 17)

You're probably having a lot of stress in your life right now. It would be a good idea to masturbate only when you really feel like it.

I had a circumcision in first grade and after that I stated practicing TMS every day. I always felt guilty after doing it although I did not know what I was doing. I feel pain in the lower part of my penis and a burning sensation when I urinate. My urine seems to come out in two streams as if my TMS has created an alternate path due to physical damage. I will try to get rid of TMS, but do I have a serious problem? (age 17)

You ought to see a urologist about that, but I suppose it can wait until you're cured of TMS. Most guys your age can overcome TMS in less than two weeks.

I have been masturbating 7 times a week from the age of 16. Does it affect my concentration during studies in any way? (age 22)

It might affect it in a good way. I think most male students masturbate that often.

You say that men must ejaculate at least every two weeks to avoid damage to sexual functioning. Yet I know men who go many months at a time without ejaculating. Can you cite even one doctor who agrees with you on this?

Yes. You might start with "Conservative Treatment of Primary Phimosis in Adolescents," by Michel Beaug? MD, tr. by Dr. J.P. Warren, 1991. On page 10, Beaug says: "Masturbation is in fact advised twice weekly as adjuvant treatment of chronic prostatis in single men." The article is available online at http://www.cirp.org/library/treatment/phimosis/beauge/.

How do you clean semen up? The stuff goes everywhere! (age 14)

As you get more experienced masturbating, you will learn how to contain it. The semen going everywhere isn't caused by ejaculation but by the motion of your hand as you ejaculate. Doing the motion in a manner less likely to spray the semen makes a difference. A lot of males catch the semen in their hand or deflect it with their hand. It always helps to have something to clean up with ready.

If we call masturbating against any objects TMS, is it safer to use toys like fake vagina, etc.? Why is it premature to ejaculate when masturbating while watching a porn movie and not in other situations? I ejaculate sometimes after 20 minutes and sometimes within 5 to 8 minutes. (age 28)

I advise against using toys to masturbate. They are also a form of TMS. I don't think I've ever commented on the time to orgasm while watching a porn movie. There is nothing inherently wrong with the times you mention. I don't think it's bad to take 20 minutes or more if you are enjoying masturbating, but I tell guys to give up after 20 minutes if they are actively trying to have an orgasm and it won't come. It seems 5 to 8 minutes is a typical amount of time spent masturbating. I advise males to aim for that amount of time in order to gain the most from the experience. There is also a time and place for finishing after a minute or two, if you don't want to masturbate at a leisurely pace and just want to get it over with, but masturbating at that speed will not help you become a good lover in intercourse with a woman.

Can compulsive masturbation cause loss of memory? (age 16)

I don't remember. No, it can't.

Follow-up: Can you clarify?

Saying I don't remember was a joke. I guess it wasn't funny. Masturbation will not affect your memory.

I have started practicing multiple orgasm by developing my PC muscle. Is this healthy? (age 13)

Yes, but keep in mind it's possible to overdo not only masturbation but also those PC exercises.

I have heard on the news on a local station that the more orgasms a man has, the younger he looks. Is this true or a myth? (age 33)

I've never heard that before, and I'm not too sure how someone would study that scientifically. I think that smoking, drinking, and exposure to the sun make people look older than they are.

When I was 14, my mom caught me masturbating in my room. I was totally naked. I started ejaculating when she walked in. I couldn't stop myself from ejaculating.

What you describe is the point of ejaculatory inevitability. When you get to that point, you will ejaculate, no matter what happens.

How can I increase my ejaculation, because sometimes it just dribbles out and other times it shoots out. (age 14)

Like the previous questioner, you ought to learn the point of ejaculatory inevitability. It helps if you can contract your PC muscle right before that point. It puts a little more pressure behind the ejaculate and it tends to shoot farther.

Last year I had a roommate that would always take a peek at my crotch and he knew I saw him. Sometimes I could hear him masturbate at night in his bed. I know he wanted me to hear because it was so loud. I haven't talked to him since he moved out. I masturbate to the memories of all this and I want to talk to him but I'm afraid he won't talk to me because I don't know if he likes me in that way. What should I do? (age 18)

Wow! In over four years of writing this web site, I think this is the first time I've been asked for gay dating advice. I don't know that either of the things he did means he's either gay or interested in you. As you probably know from reading this site, many people masturbate with their roommate around because they want to masturbate and don't care if the roommate hears. It's also common for men your age to eyeball other crotches even if they are completely straight. On the plus side, you seem to have nothing to lose by making contact with him. Why not invite him over to watch a movie? Then you can talk about erotic interests.

I masturbate five times a week and sometimes less than that. I had a superstition that masturbating can increase my grades. But sometimes it hurt and I did not like it but I still did it. It never caused any significant effect in my life. I have overcome this habit. Do you think that I was suffering from compulsive masturbation? (age 16)

Perhaps a little. Five times a week is really not enough to be considered compulsive, but continuing after it hurts could be. Just be glad you put this superstition behind you and enjoy yourself now.

I'm 18 years old and, believe it or not, I only started masturbating a few months ago. I have had wet dreams since I was about 13 or 14, and I've tried playing with my penis, but I never experienced orgasm from masturbating until about four to six months ago. The way you described TMS made me wonder if my style was a problem. I sit in front of my computer and rub the underside of my penis (the side that is in contact with the testicles when standing up) back and forth, faster as I get closer, and then ejaculate into my underwear at orgasm. I'm not sure if this qualifies as TMS, since I am not technically facing downward, but I cannot see my penis and I am not doing the "fist method" of pumping up and down. I also tend to push my penis against my abdomen at orgasm, so that my semen is relatively clumped and easy to clean up afterwards. Is this TMS, and is there anything I am doing that is technically wrong?

Congratulations on learning to masturbate! What you do is not TMS, but it is not conventional either. You are putting too much effort into the underside of the penis. I suggest learning the fist method. Just like men trying to quit TMS, you might have to abstain from masturbation for about a week to make your penis sensitive enough to learn the new method. I also suggest trying this in bed, because it makes it easier to control your body when you lie flat.

Is compulsive masturbation curable? (age 16)

Yes. Just try to masturbate less. Sometimes keeping a log (making a check mark on a calendar each time) can inspire you to do it less.

I got on summer break on Friday and I have masturbated 13 times since then. It seems like a lot to me but I'm so horny. Should I back off? (age 16)

Are you truly horny or just bored? Why not find some other things to do?

THANK YOU HEALTHYSTROKES!!! I had been a TMS sufferer before puberty and I didn't even know it. I read this, and found out it was a bad habit. I tried hard to go regular, and succeeded within a month. Thank you so much for all the help and for helping to set me straight! (age 14)

Your site is very informative. Are there any other ways of masturbating apart from the conventional way? My friends say there are but I don't know and I'm too embarrassed to ask. (age 15)

There are variations in position (sitting, standing, lying on side, etc.) and in grip (which hand, position of hand, etc.), but nearly everyone masturbates by stroking in an up and down manner.

I am about to get a physical for cross country training. Will they make me masturbate into a cup? (age 17)

No. Don't worry about that. The only time that would happen is if you were having trouble conceiving.

If my girlfriend and I did mutual oral sex (69), would that make us non-virgins? (age 21)

A lot of people would say so.

I need to use you in a bibliography for my paper on virginity but your name isn't listed anywhere that I've seen. Can you give me the information I would need to cite your site? (age 17)

According to the Chicago Manual of Style, you should cite the article this way: "Virginity," HealthyStrokes.com, 2006, < http://www.healthystrokes.com/virginity.html > (26 May 2006). Thanks for citing me!

You say that a sign of compulsive masturbation is that no sexual fantasies are being played in the mind during masturbation. I seem to masturbate by thinking only of the orgasm; and have never done sexual fantasies while I masturbate. This is the only compulsive sign I have. (age 17)

You need more than one compulsive sign to be compulsive. Thinking about orgasm IS a sexual fantasy. I think you are fine. You might try to find other things that turn you on.

I started masturbating normally, but now it is like an addiction. How can I stop this? (age 14)

Many guys your age do it frequently. Just relax. You'll probably be doing it a lot less at this time next year.

I leave dried ejaculate in my boxers all the time. Does it smell, or are there any other signs that I've masturbated? (age 15)

Some people can smell it. Many people also get flushed faces after they have an orgasm, so someone could guess you'd been masturbating from that.

Does simply doing Kegel exercises alone make us last longer when we masturbate, or do we have to do something while we masturbate to make us last longer with our stronger muscles?

Working your PC muscle with Kegel exercises will help you control your ejaculation but it will not solve the problem by itself. You have to know the right moment to contract the PC muscle in order to delay ejaculating. Practice makes perfect.

Whenever I wear something loose like boxers or very light swimming shorts, I get a lot of erections. Is this normal? (age 22)

Yes. Wearing anything different from what you're used to is apt to be felt as arousing by your genitals.

Is it very common for guys my age to have never dated or kissed anyone? (age 16)

Yes, it is. Why not get some experience while you're young? It will be a lot harder to initiate relationships once you're out of high school.

Hello, I am writing to thank you. Your relaxed and informational answers to confused kids are very helpful and relieving. I was actually inspired by some of the stories about parents being OK with their children masturbating. Even though it was uncomfortable for a while, I told my parents that I needed respect for my room since the door lock was broken. They installed a new lock, and they knock now. They understand what I am doing, and it relieves my stress, making masturbation even better. I showed my parents this site and they both think it is a great site. I told friends about HealthyStrokes.com, and it has helped them. I'm in 9th grade and we are having our last health class, and in my health reproductive units, nothing was said about masturbation. Given it was everyone's last health class, I told my health teacher that she should include something about masturbation and that she should let classmates know about this site. I figured that since I was inspired by this site, I would like to inspire someone to do something helpful to others. I have no questions as the site has answered them for me, but I just wanted to say what a great job you are doing for kids and to tell my story. (age 15)

It's a great story! I'm glad the site has helped you, and thanks for helping to spread the word about HealthyStrokes.com and to tell your teacher what you really wanted to learn in health class.

If a guy has TMS, but does not currently have a girlfriend, or never plans to have one, why should he change his method? (age 23)

I hope he changes his mind about wanting a girlfriend. If not, perhaps he would like to be able to masturbate more than one way, in one place. Once males get over TMS, they don't have to masturbate only in bed. They can do it in chairs, bathrooms, the computer desk, parked cars, etc. Also, TMS tends to bring on other problems like erectile dysfunction and retarded ejaculation that not only interfere with intercourse but masturbation too.

My dorm roommate asked me the other day if he could masturbate me. I'm not into sex with guys and I don't want to. (age 20)

Then you should tell him that.

You said that people masturbate in the bathrooms at the doctor's office. I can't believe this. I can't believe anyone would masturbate there. I couldn't do it in such an uncomfortable space. (age 15)

When doctors want a semen analysis, they ask the patient to produce it in their regular bathroom where people usually produce urine specimens. Then the patient puts the semen cup through the same little door in the wall where the urine cup goes. The bathroom at the doctor's office is obviously not designed for comfort. Commercial sperm banks have facilities that are more comfortable to masturbate in, but only slightly. The patient is always aware that he is in a medical facility. The picture below is a donor room in a sperm bank. This is actually a deluxe donor room. I've been in some that didn't have the bed, only a chair.

Can you do any damage by trying to hold in your semen using only your PC muscle?

No.

I'm at boarding school and share a dorm room with four other guys. I don't enjoy masturbating in bed and usually use the toilet cubicle to relieve myself. If I wanted to, I could do it in bed in the evenings without having to keep the volume down. Everybody in the dorm does it and no one is embarrassed by it. Two of the guys in my room regularly masturbate and often simply ejaculate onto the floor. (age 15)

Wow, suddenly I'm glad I never went to boarding school.

After oral sex, would I still be considered a virgin? (age 23)

A lot of people would say you are not a virgin after oral sex, but a lot would.

I am Protestant, and I believe that there is nothing wrong with masturbating. Do you know which group of Christians discourage masturbation? (age 15)

Traditionally masturbation has been opposed by Catholics, Baptists, Mormons, and fundamentalists. Most Protestants (including Methodists, Episcopalians, Lutherans, Congregationalists and Presbyterians) have never heard a word in church about masturbation.

Will the doctor know if I am masturbating when I go to take my appointment? I'm kind of scared that he might know. (age 14)

Don't worry about that. The doctor could probably not tell by looking at your genitals with even 50 percent accuracy.

Is it OK to have sex at 16 because I feel weird about losing my virginity?

It would be a good idea to wait until the idea doesn't feel weird.

About 3 nights ago, I was masturbating and then I fell asleep, and then the following morning I woke up and looked at my alarm clock and saw a bottle of K-Y Liquid. I'm really confused as to why it is there. (age 14)

I think someone in your household figured out what you were doing and wanted to help.

I am Christian but not very religious. Whenever I masturbate, I feel ashamed. I feel like instead I should have been doing something better. What can I do to overcome this? (age 14)

Those feelings are very common, regardless of your religion. As you get older, you will become more accepting of masturbation.

Thank you for this informative site! I've been masturbating for a few months now but I've had an ongoing problem. It usually takes me at least 50 minutes to orgasm. While masturbating, I think about either the orgasm or a girl that I like. I can recognize when an orgasm is near, but by that time I'm really tired and I really don't care anymore after waiting for so long. Most times, however, I wait until I ejaculate before quitting. Why is it taking me so long to reach orgasm? (age 14)

Probably because you're inexperienced, or because you're doing it too frequently. Give yourself a few days between masturbation sessions until you can get it over with in 20 minutes or less.

As I'm sure many people before me have, I'd like to tell you thanks for being the only reliable source of masturbation info that I could find on the net. I've masturbated for over a year, and have always been conflicted about it. I've always felt ashamed of myself and have tried to stop completely on several occasions. I'd like to offer a huge thank you. It's great that someone cares enough to help people who are having issues with their sexual health. After reading the countless resources at HealthyStrokes.com, I now feel very comfortable with myself, and feel like I can look forward to a happier and healthier life. (age 16)

Are there any common household products that I can use as a personal lubricant for masturbating, because I am too embarrassed to buy one from a store. (age 16)

Petroleum jelly, hand lotion, baby oil, and even cooking oil are popular.

I'll be living in a dorm with another male soon. I'm not gay but I wouldn't mind experimenting with him or masturbating together. I'm fine if he doesn't want to, but what's a good way to bring it up without having him freak out or think I'm gay? (age 18)

If you wish to experiment sexually with other men, I suggest you pick people other than your roommate. Freaking out your roommate or having him think you're gay are apt to cause stress in your home life, but there are many other gay and bi-curious men on campus that you can try things with that won't affect your home life. Of course, the best way to keep your roommate from thinking you're gay is to refrain from doing sexual things with men.

I have a very sensitive penis, especially the tip. I often get aroused too easily by just looking at an attractive female and I ejaculate quickly during masturbation. Is there any medication, cream, etc. to make my penis not so sensitive? (age 21)

Yes. There are sexual anesthetics available. They are sold alongside condoms and lubricants in many stores. The most popular brand is Sta-Erect.

I do not masturbate in a peculiar way, nor do I suffer from performance anxiety. I have absolutely no trouble ejaculating during masturbation, but I have never been able to climax with my partner. What could be the cause? (age 17)

Inexperience is probably the main one. It would be a good idea to abstain from masturbating for 3-5 days before your next sexual encounter and see if it makes any difference. Good luck.

I have had the biggest crush on this girl in my class for some time now. We recently have been talking on the phone nightly and hanging out (and she smiles back at me). I have asked her out a couple of times and she has said no. Should I ask her out to the movies again? (age 13)

I think you should ask her out one more time, and if she says no, don't talk on the phone with her or hang out anymore. Move on to someone who is interested in you. You're just wasting your time on her.

If only you could have sent your site back in time 30-40 years, that would have been great. I almost cried when I read the responses you made for kids writing in. They were so well thought out and not at all condemning or mocking. All people need is a straight answer, not PC gobbledygook some kids are forced to endure. You write so well for kids. I am so glad you do this. (age 49)

What are the effects of using two condoms instead of one? (age 13)

I think the main effect is wasting a condom. Condoms aren't designed to be used that way.

Do you hear or feel a girl's hymen pop when you first have intercourse? (age 17)

Hear it, absolutely not. It is unlikely you would feel anything either.

I understand why men must masturbate, but why must women masturbate? (male, age 23)

They don't. Women won't suffer any harm if they never masturbate in their life. Women masturbate because it's fun and some masturbate to relieve menstrual cramps. Men, on the other hand, have to relieve themselves of sexual fluids regularly or they can cause harm to their sexual organs.

I think you are wrong to characterize all prone masturbation as TMS. (age 38)

When 61 percent of males who masturbate prone already have sexual dysfunctions, I am justified in pathologizing all prone masturbation. This is especially important since many of my readers are younger males who aren't engaged in intercourse and probably wouldn't know the signs of dysfunction if they had them.

Do you recommend Surgilube for masturbating? (age 18)

I think it's a little goopy, like K-Y Jelly, and it has a medicine-like smell. You also have to ask for it behind the counter, usually. If you're going to buy a commercial product, you might as well get something made especially for sex, like K-Y Liquid or Astroglide.

I don't enjoy masturbating, and I don't want to do it. (age 20)

I think you need psychiatric help. You're supposed to enjoy it and want to do it every day that you don't have some other kind of sexual release. That is what I hear from healthy men your age.

I started having wet dreams when I was 16 and since I turned 17 I have them about twice a week. I have never masturbated in my life, and my religion forbids it. I also find it disgusting even though all my friends tell me they do it. Is there any way to get rid of them besides masturbating? (age 19)

Your story is really hard to believe. You should enjoy ejaculating and orgasming from either source. The same religions that forbid masturbating trumpet wet dreams as the guilt-free solution.

My mother discovered me looking at healthystrokes.com 3 weeks ago. She was asking me about the site, and I could not answer them correctly, because she thinks this site is a site that involves sex and porn. I try to view the site when she is not present, but I am still kind of worried that she assumes I masturbate too much. How can I explain to her that this is an educational site, and not a dirty site? (age 13)

Why don't you just show her the web site and she can see for herself?

Is sunscreen an OK lubricant? (age 13)

It is at best OK. You can find some that are a lot better -- and less expensive too.

I'm a 22 year old university student and have never masturbated. Since I was an early teen, I've had wet dreams at least twice weekly, and the dreams have always had to do with either intercourse or intense foreplay.

Like most guys who write me claiming to have never masturbated, your story is suspicious. The wet dreams of sexually inexperienced males are rarely about intercourse or other heavy sexual activity. They're usually pretty non-sexual. If you really have never masturbated to orgasm, why aren't you asking how?

How did the word "ejaculation" get its name? (age 33)

It's from the Latin language. It means "to throw out."

I masturbate once a day, and my acne worsens after I ejaculate. If I don't masturbate for 7 days, I have no breakouts whatsoever and my face clears up. I cannot stop masturbating, and it is ruining my face! Should I do anything to make up for my releases? (age 17)

Masturbating or not masturbating will not affect your acne. There are oral and topical treatments for acne your doctor can give you.

I take many classes with male seniors. They are not virgins, and they keep talking about sex and try to get me to have sex with girls. One time they got a senior girl to flash me. I don't know what to do. (age 14)

They probably are virgins. The best thing to do is ignore them. If it really bothers you, you could talk to the school counselor about it.

Sometimes when I have to urinate in a public restroom, I can't. Is this masturbation related? (age 17)

No. It's called "bashful bladder." As many as 35 percent of men have it. If it's hard for you to use a urinal, go inside a stall. You will have an easier time there.

I was circumcised, but I have foreskin covering approximately 1/2 of the head of the penis when flaccid. Many people say that I wasn't circumcised, but I know I was. (age 32)

The most common type of circumcision performed in your day was partial circumcision, in which case most of the foreskin was not removed but allowed to bunch at the base of the glans. In some males, this covers part of the glans.

I live alone with my dad. Sometimes when we're watching TV in the evening, my dad will get up and go to his bedroom. He comes out again in 15 or 20 minutes and he will be happy and active. Do you think he masturbates when he goes to his bedroom like that? He's 46 years old. How old are men when they stop masturbating? Or do we masturbate forever? (age 15)

Forever sounds pretty good. Or at least he wouldn't stop before age 46. You shouldn't make assumptions about what your dad is doing. He could be doing a lot of things. You wouldn't want someone to assume you're masturbating whenever you leave the room, would you?

I read that the testosterone level can be affected by the time since last ejaculation. There was this experiment where a group of men were held from masturbating up to 8 days and their testosterone level grew until the seventh day. Can this be true? (age 17)

I only know of one study that was done like that, in China. What you report is what that study found, but I wouldn't make too many conclusions based on it. Other studies have found no similar pattern between ejaculating and testosterone levels.

How long does it take to get TMS? How many times? (age 13)

That's an interesting question that I've never been asked before! TMS is simply the habit of masturbating prone, so if you've done it in the prone position even once, you've done TMS. I suspect your question is how many times do you have to do it before it becomes a habit that will require effort to break. I don't know exactly, but if you've only masturbated prone a few times, even if you've never masturbated conventionally, I doubt it would take a serious effort to switch. That's what I think based on what I've heard from males. If I had to pick a time, I'd say if the only way you've ever masturbated is prone, you would need to go through the abstinence regimen to quit if you've been at it for more than three months.

I have been masturbating for a while now by using a pillow. I just learned about TMS from HealthyStrokes.com. I must change to the conventional way, but to me the pillow just feels much better. Is there any way to make the regular way feel better? (age 15)

We all felt that way about TMS before we quit. After you get used to the conventional way, you will like it just fine.

I'm Presbyterian and I really need to know my religion's thoughts on masturbating. I've read the Christian page but it doesn't fully help. Do you know if some Presbyterian churches believe it is OK? (age 13)

Here is what the Presbyterian Church USA says in its 1970 report "Sexuality and the Human Community":

We find no evidence for any theological, psychological or medical strictures against masturbation per se. The medical myths concerning the ominous consequences that might follow masturbation ... have long since been dispelled. On the contrary, there is nearly unanimous medical opinion that no physical harm to the body is produced even by frequent masturbation. There is even some argument for the positive values of masturbation in relieving sexual tension and attendant physical discomfort in the pelvic region, in contributing to psychosexual development, and in providing a satisfactory alternative form of sexual gratification to single persons or to married persons during periods of separation, where intercourse would be inappropriate or impossible. The problems associated with masturbation are, in our opinion, extrinsic rather than intrinsic to the act. Guilt feelings aroused in connection with masturbatory experience are induced either religiously or culturally.

I come from a very conservative and religious family. I started to masturbate when I was 16 but I always feel ashamed and scared that someone will catch me. I have two brothers who are older than me but I've never noticed them masturbating so I think I'm doing something wrong. (age 18)

You are an adult and you don't have to answer to anyone who might "catch" you. I also don't think you should be ashamed. I have no doubt that your brothers are experienced with masturbating. Why not talk to one of them about it?

How long do you have to masturbate prone before you develop TMS? (age 15)

That's a good question. I say that masturbating prone IS TMS so if you do it prone, you have TMS. Your question probably is how long do you have to do it prone before you are habituated to it. I can't say precisely, but from what I know, it is a habit after even a few weeks.

Can masturbation reduce the risk of prostate cancer? (age 15)

Yes! Studies have found that males who masturbate the most in their teens and 20s have the lowest incidence of prostate cancer later.

I am 14, and I have been masturbating 6-7 times a week for 2 months. I usually masturbate in the traumatic position. Is there any way to safely masturbate in the traumatic position? What would you recommend as the best quitting method?

If you think about why it's called the traumatic position, you'll realize that there's no safe way to do it. The main page of this site contains a detailed program for quitting prone masturbation. If prone isn't the only way you masturbate, you'll have a much easier time quitting.

I have just been circumcised. They told me that after 3-5 days the stitches would dissolve though it may take up to 3 weeks. They said it would take 6 weeks to get back to normal sexual activity but after 2 days I found that I had to masturbate. It didnt hurt but worried me. Do you know of any people who have started this early after and does it cause any damage as I really need to continue this! (age 23)

It would have been a good idea for you to wait at least a week or until it could be verified the stitches were gone. I don't know about your situation specifically, but I know that bad things can result if you disrupt stitches -- anywhere on the body -- even one day before the doctors tell you to. I suggest you refrain from masturbating until you are given the go-ahead, and to be honest about what you did when you are in the doctors' office next. You really ought to think about why you were compelled to masturbate after only two days when you knew it could be dangerous.

Follow-up: Just thought I'd let you know that I went for a check up with the doc and he said that my physical state (and stitches) were all OK. I have not continued to masturbate and will be restraining myself from that. I think I lapsed due to the fact I was with my girlfriend and though she said not to, sleeping with her was too much to handle!! Good luck with the web site. It's very informative and I'm sure it's helped many people out.

I'm facing too many problems because of excess masturbation. My eyes and cheeks have become sunken, my face looks very thin and weird, and sometimes I have back and stomach pains. I feel very tired during the day. I masturbate 3 times a day or even more for the last eight months. Will stopping masturbation fully recover me of these effects or will I have to take some kind of pills also? (age 15)

Those are the things people attributed to masturbation in the 19th century. In our day, we know it doesn't cause them. They are often caused by a lack of sleep, however. You might try to get more rest. I also suggest cutting back on masturbation a little, because three times a day, every day, is very often. You might also find you have more time for sleep if you only masturbate once a day!

I am really interested in becoming a sexologist and was just wondering what it involves. Are you a doctor or sexologist? (female, age 17)

What a good question! I know no one has ever asked me that before. I have said many times that I am not a health care professional of any kind, but I occasionally think of becoming a sexologist when I am in danger of quitting or getting thrown out of my field. You might read through these websites: http://www.sexologist.org/ is of more importance for people who want to be practitioners (e.g., sex therapists working with clients) while http://www.sexscience.org is of more importance for people who want to do research.

I entered a girl but nothing actually happened. Have I lost my virginity? (age 21)

Yes.

Thank you for your site. I never knew if masturbation for my age (14) would be OK but now I am relieved. The first information source I visited was Wikipedia but your site is far more exact.

The Wikipedia article, which mentions TMS and this site, is just plain weird.

If you have anal sex, do you lose your virginity? If you have oral sex, do you lose your virginity? (age 15)

I think if you do either, you are not a virgin.

I have TMS, and so do both of my twin brothers who are 24, and so do a few of my younger cousins. We all learned how to masturbate when we were toddlers, using fists to rub while lying on a couch, floor, or bed. Each of us is uncircumcised. One of my cousins masturbates properly, but he is the only one who's circumcised. Is TMS more common among circumcised males than uncircumcised ones? (age 25)

I have not gotten around to analyzing my survey research on that point. (I have 6796 surveys from males waiting to be tabulated.) It is curious that you know so much about the masturbation habits of your brothers and cousins. How do you know all that? I hope you are working at overcoming TMS and helping them to do so too.

I love your web site. Before I found out about it, I felt alone that I was the only person in the world that masturbated. Now I feel comfortable that it is a usual event in everyone's life. Thanks so much! (age 13)

Is fantasizing lusting? I need to be a good Christian and have a good sex life in the future. I really don't want to quit masturbating. (age 12)

Theologians generally make a distinction between lusting and ordinary fantasy. I don't think you should be worried.

Are you a doctor or just someone who has done his research? (age 16)

Not a doctor. But I do my research quite well, thanks!

I am a virgin and I just started college. I have had a few relationships. Most people I know have already lost their virginity and I'm nervous about having sex. I have masturbated daily in the past but slowed down to only once a week. I think I come too easily. I need some sort of way to build my sexual confidence and extend the time before I have an orgasm. Have you got any ideas? (age 16)

You are young for college, and undoubtedly you've noticed most of the other students are older than you and have been living there for a while. Don't feel like you need to compete with them. Try not to focus so much on virginity. Masturbating is a better way for you to gain sexual confidence and control over your time to orgasm than are furtive sexual contacts with girls, especially if you're worried about performance. Try to be more relaxed about this whole business.

Thought you might like to know that the page in the Mark Foley sex scandal has TMS. According to the transcripts of instant messages published on ABCnews.com, he masturbates lying face down.

You raise a good point. Here is an edited excerpt of that message:

Foley: [Do you masturbate] in the shower[?]
Page: actually usually i dont do it in the shower
Foley: in the bed[?]
Page: eh ya
Foley: on your back[?]
Page: no face down
Foley: really
Foley: do you really do it face down
Page: ya
Foley: kneeling[?]
Page: well i dont use my hand? use the bed itself

P.S. A page is a high school student who works as a messenger in the U.S. Congress. Congressman Mark Foley resigned after being exposed for having solicited former pages for sex.

I would just like to say that I wish I had discovered this page years ago. I am uncircumcised and masturbation is a heck of a lot easier for me than it is for circumcised friends. To all you younger boys who are uncircumcised, you have nothing to worry about. IT'S BETTER. I last longer in bed with my girlfriend than my friends do with theirs. Just keep it clean!!! Its all natural, the way God made you. (age 18)

When I am about to come, my body gets red patches all over like a heat rash. It could be quite embarrassing. Do you know how to prevent it? I masturbate once a day. (age 15)

It is called sex flush, and I don't know any way to prevent it. The thing to be careful about is that someone could figure out what you've been doing.

I'm 14 and I have masturbated since about 11 and I have always considered getting circumcised, because I have heard it's easier that way. What do you think I should do?

I'm opposed to circumcision to begin with, and I think having it done to make masturbating easier is a very bad idea. Surveys show that uncircumcised males masturbate more often, which might mean they enjoy it more.

Would I look like a little pervert if I walked into a store and bought lube? (age 13)

No. Drug store clerks see everything. Also, you don't have to buy it from a clerk. There are a lot of grocery and discount stores that have self-service checkout now. You could also pick a line with a cashier who looks like they absolutely don't care about anything.

Excellent web site! I can appreciate your reasons for being anonymous, but if you listed your experience/qualifications, wouldn't that make the advice you give more credible? Do you agree that masturbation may have a role to play in male psychogenic sexual dysfunction (masturbation dependence leading to problems during sex with a partner) as suggested by Lipsith et al? (age 30)

My experience consists of running this web site and the accompanying Yahoo group for almost five years now and being a recovering TMS practitioner myself. I agree with Lipsith and her co-authors and cited their article in an article I wrote on Wikipedia (which has since been deleted) about TMS. If you look through this site, you will find that many times I encourage people to diversify their sexual practices beyond masturbation and to look for a partner before they are past 21.

If you masturbate are you still a virgin? (age 14)

Yes.

On your site you state: "The graph shows that 80 percent of males who masturbate face-up say that intercourse is more fun than masturbation, but only 57 percent of males who masturbate face-down agree. This indicates that males with TMS don't enjoy intercourse as much as other males." That conclusion is irrational. You're suggesting that if somebody varies A, and they find that A is better than B, then the variation to A has made B worse. If you want to enjoy sex more, or enjoy anything more, then keeping it special is obviously the way to go. When it comes down to it the advice you're giving appears to direct people to not give themselves too much pleasure, with the result that what they get with a partner is more enjoyable in contrast. All of the data you present can be interpreted in that way, but you've put an alarmist spin on it. Your advice is good, and I will follow it myself, but I'm concerned that your presentation is misleading and may actually put some people off as it comes across as crackpot. (age 29)

I don't agree with you. Psychologists and sex therapists have often used the yardstick that a sexually healthy person is one who prefers vaginal intercourse to other sex acts. This is what they have used for straight people, at least. It is no surprise that 80 percent of males prefer intercourse to masturbation. That only 57 percent of TMS males do is a statistically significant deviation from what is normal. There are other statistics on this site that lend support to the idea that TMS males don't enjoy intercourse as much as non-TMS males.

I masturbate the TMS way. I only learned about it because my pal sent me a link to this site as a joke but WOW. I have been doing it like this since I was 8 or 9, perhaps earlier. I never learned how to do it the conventional way. I had a buddy tell me (after he walked in on me) that what I was doing was strange and that most people did it a differrnt way. I tried it, but it never worked. I learned more about it in a college human sexuality class and then more in the past hour reading your site. I had thought that it might make me lose sensitivity but I had never put two and two together. When I was with women, I always thought that lasting for a long time was great, but I have only once ejaculated with a women. Bad news, huh? Thank you for putting so much information into your site; it's been incredibly educational.

As for the college dorm thing, my roommate and I were really quiet about the masturbation issue. Both of us knew that we did it (who doesn't) and just joking around, we made a schedule of our work, school, and off time and then made "JACK OFF TIME" when we knew one another would not be around. We did it as a joke to begin with, but we both respected it most of the time. It really worked out well to be totally open and honest and laugh about it a bit. It also helped that we were both in sexuality class together.

Thanks for your comments. It just goes to show that sometimes sending people a web link as a joke can help them out. Good luck at giving up TMS.

I have been using the TMS method since I was 13. I have been masturbating around 3 times a day. Is it possible I won't be cured? Oral sex has gotten me erect but I couldn't ejaculate. Do I have anything to be worried about? (age 18)

I've never known anyone who couldn't overcome TMS. It is good that you've recognized the problem at your age when you haven't even tried vaginal intercourse. I imagine if you masturbate thrice daily it will take some effort for you to give up masturbating for the days needed to switch, but you can do it. Think of how much better it will be once you're cured.

Is it normal to be turned on when you either hear or read about masturbation? (age 15)

Yes.

Is watching yourself masturbating on a camera a sin? I wouldn't record it or show it to anyone else. (age 14)

I don't think it's a sin, but I would discourage that. Eventually you will forget and accidentally webcast it.

If a female doesn't masturbate for several years, how does it affect her sex drive? (age 22)

Women probably have an easier time getting restarted after not masturbating than men do. They don't have fluids that need to be released by ejaculating, and their sexual response is not as critical to successful intercourse as it is for a man. Women are better off if they masturbate, but they can regain their sexual functioning rather quickly even if they don't.

I have been masturbating for 4 years. I want to stop masturbating because after the orgasm I don't have energy for anything and only want to sleep. When I awake it is night. The whole day has passed and I didn't make do anything useful. How can I stop masturbating? (age 14)

Masturbating is useful for a lot of people because it helps them sleep. If you did it at bedtime instead of whenever you're doing it, you probably wouldn't feel like you were wasting time. If you really want to quit, I suggest you start by cutting back to once a week.

I'm 19 and have been masturbating since I was 14. Since age 9, I have lain on the carpet or ground and rocked back and forth. The doctors told me it was because I had tight hamstrings and that was the way my body worked to stretch them out. One day around the age of 14 after doing my normal procedure, I found I I had ejaculated by doing it. The weirdest part is my penis was not erect when I did it. Even today I still do the same method, while looking at a picture or video, and lay on the carpeted floor, rock back and forth for a couple minutes, and masturbate with all the rocking into a Kleenex. I experience difficulty during hand jobs and oral sex to ejaculate but I remain hard and it feels great. Only once have I orgasmed during oral sex, so I still have hope. Why do I continue having orgasms even when I'm not erect? What is the best way to break this habit? I'm still a virgin, in terms of vaginal intercourse, and when I get married one day I don't want to suffer from not getting an erection and ejaculating with my wife. Please help me, and thank you for all that you've done.

Erection is not necessary for orgasm or ejaculation. However, it is necessary for successful intercourse. You have trained yourself to masturbate without having an erection. It would be a good idea for you to unlearn that as soon as possible. Something similar to my method for overcoming TMS would help you. If you aren't successful overcoming that habit on your own, it would be worthwhile to have a sex therapist help you. Good luck.

Is there a way to delay ejaculation to have a bigger orgasm? (age 16)

Yes. Many males put off their orgasms for a few minutes so they can enjoy masturbating longer. They are apt to have more copious ejaculations. It is also a quick trick to squeeze the PC muscle for a second right before ejaculation. This increases the pressure in it.

Is it normal for a 36 year old male to still have wet dreams? I do not masturbate often, only once a month if I am lucky. My wife and I only make love once every two months. We both work a lot and have conflicting schedules. When I have a wet dream it feels fantastic, but my wife gets very angry with me. We actually got into a huge fight over this. What should I do? Is there something wrong with me?

Wet dreams at your age are unusual. They result from your small orgasmic output. Most couples in your situation find time to have sex more often than you do. You might consider that there is some deeper cause of your lack of sex than merely conflicting schedules. If you're not having sex, you ought to masturbate much more often than you do. This is not something your wife should be upset about.

I sometimes read erotic stories before I masturbate as a warm up. Is this OK? (age 14)

I think it's better than using pictures, but it would be better still if you could develop your imagination at your age.

I started masturbating about 2 years ago, about 9 times a week, and I've gradually cut back to 4 times a week. About six months ago, I wrote here because I'd had a wet dream. You said that it was unusual and that I might have another random one again. Last night, I had another one. I feel lucky that I can have the best of both worlds, because I've seen here that people who give up masturbation for years can't get a wet dream. Do you think this will continue? (age 13)

No, I think the wet dreams will stop eventually, because that is the experience of most males. You might be looking at it the wrong way. Wet dreams are a way of ejaculating by chance while masturbation is by choice. You get more and better feelings from your orgasms when you are fully awake for them. There is no reason to feel you are missing something if your wet dreams stop.

After seeing your site and having experienced some of the problems with intercourse and fellatio that are described, I've ceased TMS and begun masturbating conventionally about two weeks ago. I didn't do an abstention period, but I'm still able to ejaculate every time, although it takes 10-20 minutes. Should I abstain for a few days or a week to try to cut down that time, or should I just keep masturbating conventionally daily? (age 21)

The abstention period is not essential at this point since its purpose is to help you masturbate conventionally. However, 20 minutes is too long. If you can't get into the 10-12 minute range soon, perhaps abstaining for a few days would make it easier. Once they get used to masturbating conventionally, most males find it only takes them 3-5 minutes. Good luck, and let me know how it goes.

How often do you think the average married couple makes love in a month or year? (age 32)

The conventional answer is three times a week, but studies have shown that the frequency drops over the first decade a couple is together. By six years, the average is down to about seven times a month, and after seven years, the average man masturbates more than he has intercourse.

I found a bottle of Viagra in my dad's car. What should I think? (age 16)

It's reasonable to believe he's sexually active. But it doesn't mean he's having erectile dysfunction necessarily. Lots of men take it to boost their sexual abilities.

Yesterday, my mom was tidying up in my room and she found my tube of lube. It was moved from where I had hidden it. I am really embarrassed but she hasn't said anything about it and I don't know whether to talk to her about it. (age 16)

She is probably respecting your privacy. You don't need to say anything either. Some people use it for dry lips this time of year, you know.

I get a terrible headache when I masturbate and only when I masturbate. (age 12)

Those are called orgasm headaches. Here is a site that talks about them: http://www.drdaveanddee.com/headache.html

Follow-up: I checked the site and they said I might have a brain hemhorrage and I'm quite worried. Should I tell my parents?

The chances of a brain hemhorrage are quite low, especially if you are still alive. Just see if the headaches go away, and if not, see a doctor. You can tell only the doctor and not your parents what is causing the headaches.

Hi, I'm the happiest 12 year old in the world. Your web site is the best. I read every page in the boys' section and found out I was doing it wrong! My glans was getting tender and uncomfortable to touch and then I read not to squeeze so tightly while masturbating. Thanks a lot and I'll always be reading your site.

Does more semen come out when you have intercourse than when you masturbate? (age 14)

That's an interesting question! I've seen studies of this topic, but they don't agree. It might be that more semen comes out in masturbation, but ejaculations resulting from intercourse have a higher concentration of semen. Of course, those studies were all done using condoms. And that might mean they aren't replicating real-world conditions. So the world may never know. In any case, the differences in volume between ejaculations produced by masturbation and those produced by intercourse are a milliliter or two.

On occasion I have difficulty sleeping, with my mind running around in circles from one subject to another. From time to time those thoughts stray to someone I'm dating but am not intimate with. On those nights, I masturbate to the point of ejeculation and when head on my shoulders hits the pillow, I'm out like a light. Is there a connection? (age 28)

Yes, very much. As many as half of men masturbate at bedtime to go to sleep. Some say that when a really satisfying orgasm leads to sleep, one's first thought after the orgasm is something completely off the wall. So if you find yourself helplessly thinking about the rising cost of staple removers just as you're cleaning yourself up, it means you'll be asleep in about a minute.

I am a stepfather and my stepson has learned about wet dreams in private school. He is 10 years old. Is that an appropriate age to learn about wet dreams? (age 38)

Yes, I think it is. It could probably wait another year, but they probably want the boys to know about them before they start happening.

I dont have a "caught in the act" story yet although the stories posted here have helped me to be cool about it in advance if I ever get caught! (age 23)

LOL.

Is it OK to make an ice dildo? (age 17)

That is very dangerous. Ice can cause burns on tissue that is not accustomed to it.

I'm really worried about this particular fantasy I have; I imagine that I have sex with a teacher of mine. I fantasize about this 95% of the time that I masturbate. Is this normal? (age 14)

It's pretty common to have fantasies about teachers. But it would be a good idea to find other people who turn you on.

Should you stop masturbating if you get orgasm headaches? (age 12)

I don't think so. The problem is the headaches, not the orgasms. You ought to search for a solution to them.

Can I get a wet dream I have masturbated only a couple of times? (age 12)

Probably.

I have a friend who is my age, 14 1/2, who masturbated every day. About six weeks ago, he decided to only masturbate once or twice a week. Now my friend has been having wet dreams since then. If I do the same thing as him, will I get any wet dreams? (age 14 1/2)

It's possible, but you will have to decide if it is worth giving up more than 20 orgasms a month to have a couple of wet dreams. Most would say it isn't.

I can't seem to get a girl to like me. I really like this girl and I've known her for 2 years but we've never been friends, and she used to laugh at me. I can't talk to her because I'm afraid I'll get nervous and stutter a lot. (age 12)

You are putting too much importance on this one girl. Go to school dances and things and work on a lot of girls, and this one will seem less important, and it will be easier for you to talk to her.

I have gotten used to masturbating before bed and now I cannot fall asleep until I masturbate. But that is not my problem. Every time I masturbate, I get extremely sleepy. Is this normal, and can it go away? (age 16)

That is fairly typical, but you can will yourself to stay awake. The easiest way is by getting up and doing things afterward instead of just lying in bed.

I really enjoy masturbating, mostly in the nude. I'm constantly afraid that my mom will walk in and see me. I can't cover myself up immediately when I hear her because my pants are down. What should I do? I enjoy masturbating and don't want to stop. Putting a lock on the bedroom door is not possible because I share a room. (age 16)

It's just a fact of life that people with less privacy have less luxury about how they masturbate. Guys who share a room often learn to masturbate in the bathroom. The only solution is that you demand that people knock before they come in, but I understand that you would be reluctant to suggest that because doing so would call attention to your desire for privacy.

I read a web page that said that some circumcised males experienced hardening of the glans, called keritinization, and didn't enjoy orgasms as much. Is this true or simply scare-mongering? (age 14)

The part of keritinization is true. The glans of a circumcised male is exposed 24 hours a day and is more like ordinary skin, while the glans of an uncircumcised male, protected by foreskin, is more like the skin inside the mouth or nose. It is more sensitive, to be sure, and some surveys have shown that uncircumcised males masturbate more, but I'm not convinced they enjoy orgasms more.

When I ejaculate, my scrotum shrinks up, like when it's cold. Is this normal? (age 14)

Yes. The scrotum not only shrinks but also draws closer to the body so that sperm cells can be transferred for ejaculation.

Recently my dad died and I was really depressed and unable to sleep. After 2 days of no sleep, I had a wet dream. Is that OK? (age 39)

There's nothing wrong with it. Too bad your first wet dream in a long time couldn't happen under better conditions.

I am having wet dreams for the last 10 days every night. I have also been involved in sports for the last 10 days. Are they related? I masturbate once every week. (age 21)

I've never heard of sports causing wet dreams. They are more likely caused by your infrequent masturbation. Most men your age masturbate much more often.

I masturbate once daily on average. Lately I've been freaking out because the skin on my glans is for some reason cracked and crinkled, like old leather or a more intense version of the distressed skin often seen on knuckles or elbows. I try not to touch the head when I masturbate but the problem persists even after weeks of staying away from the area. Is there anything I can do? (age 14)

I suggest using lotion until the problem is cleared up and after that masturbating only with lube.

I never had a wet dream in my younger years but now at 39 I've had two of them two nights apart. I'm married for 19 years with 2 children. The wet dreams felt GREAT.

I don't have an explanation. A lot of later wet dreams just seem to be random.

I have observed that I have wet dreams in two situations. First, when I haven't masturbated in some time and second, when my stomach is fully loaded. When I sleep face down they are more frequent. I have had wet dreams twice in the same night and three nights in a row maximum. (age 22)

Thanks for your details, but I don't know why having a full stomach would make a difference. It's not good to go to bed full, you know.

I was masturbating at the computer in my room when my dad walked in. He said "I'm sorry, Buddy" and then walked out. When I came back home that evening, there was a stack of men's magazines from my dad. (age 15)

Some people benefit from being discovered.

I had a wet dream a few weeks ago involving my 22-year-old sister. Is this normal? At first I was disgusted because this is incest. Why did I have this dream involving her? Does it have any meaning or signify anything? I try to abstain from masturbating as I think it to be degrading, gross and wrong. Did I have the dream due to abstaining? (age 15)

You probably would not have wet dreams if you masturbated more often. There is no significance to the dream. Don't think of it as incest. It only happened in your head.

Earlier today I was masturbating in the shower with the door locked. Suddenly my dad started yelling about the water bill. He said that I shouldn't have the door locked because it meant I was doing something I wasnt supposed to be doing. It seemed as if he was trying to say I shouldn't masturbate. (age 12)

Maybe he was just mad about the water bill. There are plenty of reasons people lock doors that don't involve masturbating and plenty of things people do illicitly behind locked doors that aren't masturbating. Why not just try to conserve water for now until he calms down? It will also help your cause if you can stop toilets from leaking. Strangely enough, my dad used to complain about me using all the hot water. I'm pretty sure he thought I was masturbating in there, although because of TMS, I never did.

One year ago, I could have sworn my mom caught me. While I was doing the deed, I looked to my left and saw her walk past quickly. It almost seems like she is trying to catch me because every time I do it, I always hear her footsteps, so I have just enough time to put it away before she sees anything. This happens 90% of the time.

I really think you are paranoid. Be glad she has loud footsteps.

I am virginal from being extremely shy of girls. Is this the result of the intense shame and guilt I have of masturbation and sex ever since age 3? Or just a simple psychological issue? (age 45)

I suggest professional help to untangle all of that. It doesn't sound at all simple.

I find that wearing boxers irritates my penis and also makes it harder for me to conceal my erections. (age 14)

Those are both good reasons to wear briefs.

I usually clean up with my underwear and throw it in the laundry. Will my parents know once they do the laundry? (age 13)

If they look at the soiled underwear, they will almost certainly notice. Semen and semen stains are hard to miss. Also, if you use the underwear for that purpose over a period of time, it will become permanently discolored -- and that will be one more way for someone to notice.

Do you have to masturbate to get rid of wet dreams? I don't think it's allowed in my religion, so what should I do? (age 15)

If you don't masturbate, you will almost certainly continue to have wet dreams. There are other good reasons for masturbating, including that it's fun and that males who do it most often at your age have the least prostate cancer later. I would guess that only a few of the men of your religious group don't masturbate at all.

I'm a skateboarder and my friends say that I can't do certain tricks because I masturbate so much. They say that masturbation causes your legs to become weak. Are they right about that? (age 17)

No. Don't worry about that.

Is it normal for me to have a wet dream? Sex has slowed down because my wife is pregnant but we just had sex 3 days ago. Should I expect more? (age 32)

It is unusual to have wet dreams at your age, but your reduced intercourse frequency is the obvious cause. There is nothing wrong with them.

I discovered masturbation when I was 15. I would twist and squeeze the testes past pain and into numbness and then had an amazing orgasm. I stopped after about a week of this due to discoloration and pain. Will this affect my future childeren? (age 19)

That's hard to say. Testicular injury is bad for your fertility. It's good that you stopped that. Only a semen analysis could reveal if you have any permanent damage. You could ask your doctor for one.

My mom once told me that I was partially circumcised. Is such a thing possible? Should I still lube up to masturbate? (age 15)

Most boys who are circumcised for non-religious reasons are only partially circumcised, in which case the foreskin isn't completely removed. It is still good to use lube.

I masturbate around 8 times a week. It takes me around 15 minutes to ejaculate. When my girlfriend performs manual intercourse on me, it can take 2-3 times longer than that. Is that normal? Should I not masturbate so much? (age 16)

Fifteen minutes is a long time to masturbate on average at your age. I doubt being stroked for 30-45 minutes is that enjoyable, so you ought to find a way to make that take less time. It should be easier to reach orgasm the longer you've had without one, so I suggest masturbating less and seeing if the remaining times are more enjoyable and more timely.

Thank you for this site. Your information and manner of communication ring very true to me despite what I'd consider a healthy amount of skepticism on my part with playing 'web MD' and the surprising lack of information on this topic elsewhere. I believe I developed a variation of TMS over several years in lying supine and using quick vibrations against myself with my comforter. For the past few years I have mostly been less than fully erect while masturbating. Just trying to satisfy my body's urge as quickly as possible and go to sleep. I'm fascinated that it took me till researching and finding HealthyStrokes.com to realize that I should not expect my functionality to be uninfluenced by this behavior.

In being with a new partner after a very long time of being single, I'm realizing it has indeed affected my sexual performance. I can still achieve normal erections, though their duration seems to have been compromised, as have their rigidity at times. I also have performance anxiety, and the net result is that we have frequent oral sex (with success) but have not yet had intercourse (I lose my erection quickly). Thank you again so much for all this information and a roadmap to successful change. This can be such a nervewracking and lonely thing, even more so with a girlfriend! Are there any other tricks you can recommend to improve stamina, staying power, rigidity, etc? Is it possible this could take many months to nurse back to full functionality? (age 30)

It could be. You again make the case that any idiosyncratic method of masturbating is bad for people. Most of the recovery comes from abandoning the idiosyncratic practice and doing common-sense things like only masturbating when fully erect. Good luck to you. Be sure to involve your partner in your recovery.

Does excessive masturbation affect one's resistance to colds, etc?

No.

I used shampoo as a lubricant, and I believe it dried in my urethra. Now I have a slight burning sensation. What should I do? (age 14)

It might help to drink 8 glasses of water a day for the next few days and see if you can put an end to the burning sensation. If it persists, it would be a good idea to see a doctor.

I have a tip for you. You can warm up lube and it is like nothing else! Here is how to do it. First, fill a mug about halfway with hot water. Then put your bottle of lube in it and let it sit for a couple of minutes. (age 22)

Not bad. Make sure the water is no hotter than you could stand to touch.

My brother walked in on me just as I was about to get started. He didn't say anything. He just looked up and left. I feel ashamed! What can I do? (age 16)

He was probably as embarrassed as you. There is nothing you need to do.

I'm uncircumcised and after sex I find dried semen on my penis. I have tried different ways to get it off, but it's too sensitive. Is this a problem or does it go away in time? (age 22)

I suspect you'll always have to deal with that. You don't need to clean up immediately after sex. It can wait until the next shower.

My mom and dad think that I'm a really disciplined boy and I always think as I'm betraying them by masturbating. They are very strict and I don't think they would like the idea of this thing. (age 14)

You are probably assuming too much. They probably want you to be normal and it is normal to masturbate at your age.

Do males also pre-cum when they have sex or only when they masturbate? (age 14)

Yes. If they've been doing other sexual things before intercourse, they will notice it. It is not a very good indicator of when orgasm is about to happen in intercourse, and you wouldn't be able to tell anyway.

What could this lump on my right testicle be? I must have had it since I reached puberty. Just tell me it doesn't have to be cancer. What else could it be? (age 16)

It could be non-cancerous, but it needs to be checked by a doctor right away.

My girlfriend wants me to stop masturbating, but we aren't having sex. I haven't masturbated for nine days and I want to do it now more than ever. What can I do to convince my girlfriend to have sex or let me masturbate again? (age 14)

You are a free and equal person and ought to masturbate whenever you desire. Your girlfriend does not own you. She sounds like a horrible control freak that you should not be with.

Can pre-cum get a woman pregnant? (age 32)

Yes. It can contain sperm.

I see young male missionaries around here all the time and wonder if they masturbate. (age 16)

Of course they do. They probably wonder the same about you.

Can 2 penises that are the same length when erect be different lengths when they aren't erect? (age 17)

Yes. In fact, about 90 percent of penises are about six inches long when erect.

I masturbated a lot when I was 13 and 14 and never had a wet dream, but now I haven't masturbated for a few weeks and I'm getting wet dreams. Is that normal? (age 15)

It's kind of unusual, but there's nothing wrong with it.

I am 14 and my doctor says I'm in stage 2 of puberty. She says it is not harmful to masturbate right now. I just want to double check with you!

Because you already know what I'll say?

My girlfriend says she's ready for oral sex but is afraid she'll do badly her first time. What should I tell her? (age 15)

Tell her it's OK with you if she doesn't want to do it but if she does, however she does it is OK because it's your first time too.

During my freshman year I stayed in an apartment style dorm. Even though I had my own room, I could still hear my roomate masturbating. He was very loud and did it extremely late at night which would wake me up. He denied the whole situation and still woke me up at night. I eventually got a new room but now my younger cousin has the same person as a roommate and is going through the same thing. What advice should I give my cousin? (age 21)

The problem is not masturbating but noise. Your cousin should knock on his door whenever he's too loud and tell him to quiet down. It will work.

How come if I masturbate when watching "movies," I ejaculate after maybe 10 seconds of pumping? I don't masturbate very often. Does this mean I have PE? (age 16)

You ought not think of that as PE. It could be a normal reaction to either your unusual visual stimulus or the length of time since your last ejaculation.

I have been masturbating since age 12 and think of it as a daily routine. One day out of the ordinary I recorded myself ejaculating and my cousin (3 years younger than me, male) found the video file on my computer and said that I was gay. Does recording/watching yourself engage in sexual activities mean that you're gay? (age 14)

No, but it's a good idea not to record yourself because those videos can fall into the wrong hands and get posted all over cyberspace.

I am thinking of giving up masturbation altogether; just to see how long I can last. Could you give me any tips to help me NOT want to masturbate? (age 14)

The first suggestion would be to not read this site...

How long should a normal 14 year old last while masturbating?

Over 2 minutes is pretty good.

When you say use a water-based lube for masturbation, what can you suggest that is around the house? (age 13)

Unfortunately, anything you have around the house -- like petroleum jelly, baby oil, lotion -- is oil based. To get a water-based lube, you will have to buy one specifically, like K-Y Liquid or Astroglide.

Can we see the sperm swimming in our ejaculate with our own eyes? Or only with microscopes? (age 18)

Sperm are the smallest human cells and can only be seen with microscopes.

I have had sex about a dozen times and am really bothered by not being able to last very long. I masturbate very frequently, often once every 2 hours when I have the dorm to myself. Would masturbating face down once in a while help? If not, what? (age 19)

Masturbating face down has the potential to make you unable to succeed at intercourse for a long time. You shouldn't worry so much about your performance as a beginner. You are learning. Masturbating sporadically (when you have to share the dorm) and them masturbating furiously when you have it to yourself is also a bad habit. You seem to realize that frequent masturbation detracts from your success at intercourse. I advise abstaining from masturbation for 3-5 days before your next sexual encounter and see if that makes a difference. I believe it will.

A few weeks ago, I masturbated when I had some guests over (privately in my bathroom). When I went back to in the living room, some of the girls saw me and laughed at me. I went back to the bathroom to see if anything was wrong, and I was a little red in the face. What does this mean? (age 14)

It is sex flush. If you have it, you should wait at least 10 minutes after an orgasm before letting anyone see you. I'm surprised those girls were able to pick up on it.

I'm a strong Catholic and it is against my religon to masturbate and I have a very bad addiction. I'm very good at basketball and hope to get to the NBA one day. I pray every day to help me stop but I'm still having a problem. (age 14)

It's not an addiction. It's not a problem. It's normal. Good, bad, all kinds of Catholics do it, and so do NBA players. Probably more than anyone else, too.

I've found that if I increase the frequency I masturbate, sometimes it feels like my urethra gets stressed or something. It can become very irritating throughout the day. Is this normal? (age 18)

It is part of the pain one feels when masturbating too much. It might help to urinate after each session, but it might help more to cut back to a frequency that does not irritate.

I have seen online as well as heard about guys who, when ejaculating, can shoot their semen 2 or 3 feet. I never really manage to get that to happen. (age 18)

Don't worry about that. It only needs to shoot a few inches to do the job. Some of what you have seen might be video work.

Recently, I've had wet dreams almost every week even though I masturbate about once a week. Some of the dreams are enjoyable but most of them barely have anything to do with sexually pleasing situations. I almost never orgasm during this dream but rather just ejaculate (usually within a few seconds after being aroused). I would much rather masturbate than have wet dreams because wet dreams are messy and much shorter. Are there ways to prevent them other than masturbating, which I already do? (age 20)

In your situation, it sounds like you will have to masturbate more than once a week to inhibit them.

My girlfriend and I recently been practicing manual and oral sex, but I get nervous and my breathing and pulse get really fast, and I shake a little bit. I probably look like an idiot, and my girlfriend probably thinks this too, because she always seems quite relaxed when we do this. (age 16)

Rapid breathing and pulse are normal reactions, and lot of males shake. I think that's why males often stretch their legs out straight while they masturbate. You ought not assume your girlfriend thinks that. The nervousness and some of the shaking are due to inexperience and you will feel less of that as you get more comfortable.

I've never been able to masturbate in any other position than lying on my side, but I don't think I suffer from TMS. Why is it so? (age 21)

Lying on your side is not TMS, strictly speaking, but it is an idiosyncratic form of masturbating that you ought not do exclusively. The abstinence regimen recommended on this site for TMS males ought to help you learn to masturbate the conventional way too.

I have a habit of tensing my leg muscles when masturbating, and now I can't seem to do it through penile stimulation alone. What can I do? (age 21)

That is not such a bad thing. I'm just now combing through the results of the latest survey done on this site, which asks about that specifically, and it seems that a large share of males (perhaps most) tense their legs while masturbating. This is not a substitute for penile stimulation; rather, it seems to neutralize feelings coming from the legs so that one can focus more on the penile sensations. You ought not be worried because of this. It might be worthwhile to try repositioning your legs just before orgasm and see if you can still have it.

Follow-up: I masturbated last night, and at the very last second, I tried relaxing my legs, and I had the best orgasm I've had in years! It was very difficult to do though, because it only worked at the very last minute. When I relaxed halfway through, I just didn't feel any pleasure at all. I'll have to teach myself to relax more often. Thanks for the advice!

I saw an older woman's breasts recently and couldn't help but notice that her nipples were very long and large, not like normal ones. Is this normal? (age 13)

Older breasts tend to sag more, and bigger ones change shape more than smaller ones. What you describe is normal for an older woman with large breasts.

I'd just like to say there's a lot of garbage on the Internet, whether written by cranks or so-called experts. Your web site is the best resource available on masturbation. What you say is true and correlates to my personal experience. It is a great service you provide. Thank you. (age 30)

Is it wrong to masturbate standing up in the shower? (age 14)

It's not wrong, it's not harmful, and a lot of guys think it's fun!

Is it normal for me to have fantasies with my teachers and my best friend's mom? (age 16)

With them, no. About them, probably.

I masturbate about three times a day. I would love to experience a wet dream. Do you think that this would be possible? (age 17)

If you haven't had one by now, you probably never will.

I am married, but I am not satisfied sexually with my wife. I feel like doing somebody who's really sexy and hot. What should I do? (age 28)

If you don't want to be faithful, you shouldn't have gotten married.

You say wet dreams normally start at 12-14 years of age. I didn't start masturbating until I was 15 1/2. Why did I never have a wet dream? Can I still have one? I masturbate three times a week. (age 16)

Your pattern was not typical. I tell males who write me at 13 and 14 years old because they are not ejaculating to see a doctor if you get to be 15 and are still not. That is what I would have told you. Your story has a happy ending because you are now able to ejaculate. I suspect you will not have wet dreams now because you been masturbating frequently for a while.

I see the negative effects of TMS. When I masturbate I do so in the conventional method. I have sex once or twice a week, and almost all the time I ejaculate prematurely. Would you ever recommend masturbating in the prone position as a cure for premature ejaculation? (age 22)

Never. Prone masturbation is too risky. It might not even help and would probably make your situation worse. There are plenty of treatments for premature ejaculation that do not put your sexual health at risk.

I can't masturbate without watching porn. It is extra hard to masturbate because I can only do it sliding on the pillow. How do I solve these problems? (age 14)

I suggest quitting the prone masturbation first since it is the most harmful, and because having the porn will make it easier for you to switch. See the main page of HealthyStrokes.com for information about how to stop masturbating prone. Once you have gotten over that, I suggest easing off of the picture habit by concentrating on other things that turn you on.

I have recently switched to masturbating the conventional way but notice that I don't get hard until right before I come. I still suffer from not being able to get and keep an erection. I masturbate without getting hard. Would I be better off refraining from masturbating? (age 30)

It's good that you switch. You can also switch to only masturbating erect. That is best.

I am 16, I feel I am getting to be around the age and maturity level where I think I should start getting involved with girls. I feel very insecure about my penis size. I am circumsized, and you can clearly see on my penis where the foreskin was removed. Is this unusual? My question isn't so much about how my penis should look, but about how much it will matter to a girl. Should I be worried? Also, do you know any good pick up lines?

I think the more you are involved with the girl before you show her your penis, the less it will matter to her. I've never heard of anyone being rejected because of a particular penis, but I've known lots of men get rejected because they used lousy pickup lines. Just say hi.

My girlfriend just informed me that I was masturbating in my sleep last night. I have no recollection of this whatsoever, nor is there in any indication that I orgasmed. Is involuntary masturbation while asleep, similiar to the acts of walking your sleep, something that is common? (age 22)

I hear about it quite often but don't know about the prevalence in the population. It is similar to other things that happen in your sleep, like snoring. People will often deny that they were snoring within a second of it happening. Since sleep masturbation usually doesn't result in orgasm, it is not surprising that you found no evidence. So you have to decide if your girlfriend has any reason to make it up.

Is it bad to stop masturbating if you are near the climax and you hear someone coming? (age 12)

That is a very good thing to do in that situation! You might be made uncomfortable as a result, but it will not hurt you. You can just pick up again when the person leaves.

Is masturbating with an artificial vagina dangerous in any way? (age 17)

Yes. Doing that will not help you adapt to sex with a partner. It is much better if you don't use something like that.

Is it actually possible to turn gay, or is that some kind of joke? (age 16)

That is a controversial question, and one that is mostly beyond the purview of this site, but in short, it is possible to live a gay lifestyle without being gay. Some people who are now heterosexual admit that for a time, they lived a gay lifestyle but were not really gay or lesbian. However, the vast majority of people who claim to be gay or lesbian will be that way for the rest of their lives.

Why is it so much easier for guys to orgasm and to learn how to orgasm? How is that fair? (female, age 16)

It's easier because their private parts are on the outside and because the adolescent penis erects about every 90 minutes. If he didn't notice it before puberty, the male will soon figure out that it feels good to touch it. It might not seem fair to those females who have to struggle to have their first orgasm in their 20s and 30s that about 70 percent of males naturally learn to masturbate at age 12-13 (and the rest have spontaneous orgasms known as wet dreams), but there is some functional significance to it. It is theorized that male mammals have to be able to reach orgasm quickly so they can impregnate a female and be done with it before a predator approaches. That might not be too much comfort to a male human who is trying to overcome premature ejaculation, but it tells him he has company in the animal kingdom.

I really want to have sex with my 28-year-old cousin. Aside from the age difference, I would like to know if my aspirations are legal, because she was adopted when she was younger. (age 17)

If you can get her to think you as a potential partner rather than someone who was still a baby when she already thought of herself as grown up, you ought not have legal problems. It's legal in almost half the states for first cousins to marry. Her being adopted makes no difference in terms of the law.

I'm 18 and I masturbate and have wet dreams too. Is this a problem?

No. It sounds like fun.

How are wet dreams caused if there is no friction involved? When masturbating, it takes quite a bit of friction to orgasm, so why not in a wet dream? (age 16)

That's a good question, and one to which I don't have the answer. I don't know of anyone who does. Obviously, something is happening in the brain that causes the orgasm. It greatly underscores the often-heard assertion that the brain is the most important sex organ. Wouldn't it be something if we could consciously activate that orgasm trigger? Of course, national productivity would decline tremendously.

I go to a military boarding school, but I have a girlfriend in the area. Our relationship is good, but it's rather strange because we've been going out now for about two months and I've only been with her in person about 7 times. We talk almost every day, but our relationship seems to go nowhere. I made the move to kiss her and now we do that every time we see each other. I would like to spice our relationship up, and I think that sex might help. How do I do this without being a typical sex-oriented guy? I really like her and need some help. (age 17)

It's too late to be a typical sex-oriented guy because one of those would have tried to be sexual on the first or second date. If your kissing is perfunctory and doesn't naturally lead to anything else, then you probably are wrong for each other. Why not pursue some other girls and see if the feeling is better?

Follow-up from another reader: I disagree with your response If the kisses he gives her are indeed perfunctory and he has no real desire to be more physical other than to make things more interesting, then he may want to find another partner. However, he may simply be trying not to move too fast and being cautious respecting her boundaries. Here is my recommendation to him: I would start by trying to hold her more closely and kissing longer. After this, ask if she wants to move to a more private location, and then progress to touching and kissing more of the body. At all steps you should pay attention to her response and if she does not seem to be into what you are doing (or if YOU are not really interested) then it may be time to consider that you are not sexually right for each other, or just to slow down again for a while. However if you are considerate of her reaction at each step then you will definitely NOT seem like "a typical sex-oriented guy." The key is to find out if she wants to go somewhere you can be more physical after your dates, so you can let things progress naturally from there. I do not agree that you should immediately give up on a physical relationship just because you have not been able to be together in private yet; it takes some guys several times to become comfortable asking a girl if she wants to go back to a bedroom, especially if they are shy like me. It sounds like you already have a great emotional connection; congratulations and good luck! (age 21)

If you give up masturbating to a fetish stimulus, will you stop getting erect when you see the thing in question? (age 17)

I don't know much about that, but I think if you learn to become stimulated by more than one thing, the fetish stimulus will become less important and I think less likely to give you an erection. Also, in a few years, you'll be having a lot fewer erections than you do now.

Is masturbating 1-2 times daily bad? I don't seem to have any problems and I switch between lotion and non-lotion stroking. (age 17)

I think that is fine.

I've been masturbating at least 1-2 times a week for years. This past weekend I kissed a girl I've been extremely attracted to. We almost went further but decided not to for the time being. The next night I had a wet dream. The following day I masturbated and then that night I had another wet dream. These are the only wet dreams I've ever had. Do these consecutive nights of wet dreams have anything to do with my feelings for this girl? (age 21)

I can't say for certain that they're not, but most men your age have gotten involved with women and not had unusual wet dream activity as a result. Good luck to you and her.

I masturbate quite frequently, and when I arrived at university last year, my psychology professor said that men develop premature ejaculation problems when masturbating at home because of the rush to get to the orgasm without getting caught. I think that may have happened to me, so I took my time in my dorm room, sometimes taking up to an hour. I have developed a callus on my foreskin that hurts when I try to pull it back. I can still masturbate, but sometimes the callus splits and there is a painful cut. Will this go away if I abstain for a long period of time, or is there anything I can get from a doctor? I'm getting kind of worried. (age 18)

I think you took the psychology professor too literally. A lot of men who have premature ejaculation got it as a result of masturbating furtively, but that does not mean that all men who masturbate quickly will develop PE, or that it will be a long-term problem for them. Probably less PE is caused that way than in the past because males have more privacy to masturbate than they once did and because fewer are worried about being discovered. If you're taking longer than five minutes, you're doing fine. Your callus will heal fairly quickly with some good lotion. There is no need to abstain from masturbating altogether, but it would be a good idea to keep off the callus. You also might consider using lube permanently.

I started masturbating when I was 11. My penis is not yet big enough for me to make a loose fist and masturbate. I can do it that way, but it doesn't feel very good. Instead I put all my fingers on the near bottom of the base, while my palm is barely touching my head (it's very sensitive). Is this normal? (age 12)

It's normal to find an adaptive way to masturbate when you can't do it in conventional fashion. I suspect you will be OK when everything grows but you might try the loose fist method every couple of weeks just so you can get used to it.

I am 20 and masturbate quite frequently. Before going to bed last night I masturbated twice. I woke up around noon today after having a very sexual dream. I was face down, the way I prefer to sleep. Is it possible I was rubbing unintentionally against my bed or something? I dont have any want for waking up with semen in my shorts, and the dream was really messed up.

Did you ejaculate? If so, what were you wearing? It is much easier to masturbate in your sleep when you are naked.

I am afraid of going to the doctor because he will be able to figure out that I masturbate. (age 14)

Nearly all males your age masturbate. You ought not be embarrassed about it. The doctor masturbates too.

When I masturbate to orgasm, the very bottom of my penis bleeds a little. It gets very uncomfortable, that I can hardly walk. I do not masturbate the TMS way. This has been happening for just over a month. Should I abstain from masturbating? (age 14)

Bleeding is not to be expected from masturbating. You ought to pinpoint the cause of the bleeding and then eliminate it. Lube is apt to help.

Is TMS safe if I only do it twice a week? (age 14)

No. TMS is never safe.

I just turned 18 last month. I have been very anxious to contact someone about the problem on my penis as soon as I turned 18. I am circumcised and have been masturbating since my penis would allow it. I was sort of bullied into doing it and never received any masturbating information like your web site provides. Since I started I have masturbated 3-4 times a week and sometimes more than once a day and I never have used lubrication. About 6 months ago I noticed one section of my penis starting to become darker then the rest. It stretches from right below the head to the base, stretching as it goes down. I need to know what I can do to make it go away. Do I just stop masturbating for a while? Do I have a serious problem on my hands?

I would advise using lube and seeing if the problem clears up. It might not be as noticeable as you think.

From the time that I started masturbating in November 2002 until October 2006, I had what I would consider a high sex drive. I viewed pornography often, masturbated multiple times a day, and got horny all the time. Ever since November 2006, my sex drive has basically been dead. I rarely get erections now, and they are not as firm and do not last as long as they used to. I almost always have to touch my penis in order to get an erection to masturbate. I rarely get sexual urges, and I never experience that real drive to have sex anymore. I have a girlfriend and we can't have sex because of my problem. When we do stuff I do not get an erection that is hard enough or lasts long enough to have sex. I am not nervous or anything. I wonder if I have ED or if I am too young, if I will ever be able to have sex naturally, and about the relation between my previous high sex drive and my current almost non-existant one. What do you think? (age 16)

It is not so unusual that you have to touch your penis to get an erection. That is quite normal. You ought to see your doctor to rule out a physical problem such as diabetes that could be responsible for your decreased sexual drive.

Every time I masturbate and am about to orgasm, I feel it coming but suddenly my semen shoots but I have no sensation at all. I never had this problem until 3 months ago! (age 18)

What you describe is ejaculatory anhedonia, ejaculating without orgasm. Most males will probably have that happen to them at least once, and all agree it isn't any fun. It is unusual for that to happen every time for 3 months. I suggest seeing a doctor to rule out a physical problem. In the meantime, don't anticipate that you will not have an orgasm. That can make it harder to have one.

My brother who is 21 saw me masturbating in my room. He laughed and went away. The next day he came to my room and said that I can speak with him whenewer i want. Is it ok to talk to him because I am really scared that he could make fun of me? (age 15)

I don't think you have to worry about that. He probably wants to help. He has masturbated many times more than you have.

I haven't masturbated in 7 days. I woke up this morning to a wet dream. This is the first time. You mentioned that REM can cause this. I wasn't having an erotic dream but I'm pretty sure it was a REM dream. I was wondering if there was something wrong with me. (age 19)

REM doesn't cause wet dreams, but wet dreams only occur during REM sleep. There is nothing wrong with you.

I masturbate regularly, maybe 2-3 times a day. Two weeks back I had a kidney stone removed. The ultrasound indicates that it's gone. But my lower back pain still hurts and I'm not masturbating as I fear this back pain and now my legs trouble me. (age 23)

I doubt that masturbation will make much of a difference in terms of recovery from your kidney stone, but when you do it as often as you usually do, masturbating can cause back pain all by itself. I suggest talking to your doctor about all this.

My sister takes almost an hour in the bathroom. Does this mean she is masturbating? She says she doesn't do that stuff. (age 14)

It is unfair to suspect someone of something just because they take a long time in the bathroom. Girls typically take longer than boys in there no matter what they're doing. Strangely enough, boys are more likely than girls to be accused of masturbating. Go figure.

I am engaged, and have been with my fiancee for nine years. We have a healthy sex life, and when I'm with her everything is great. However, when I am alone and masturbating, all I can think about is a mutual friend of ours. I'd say that 90% of the time I masturbate alone I'm fantasizing about her. This doesn't interfere with me and my fiancee, but I still feel guilty about having these fantasies. (age 23)

Don't worry about the occasional fantasy about this woman, but don't fantasize about her exclusively. You would feel less guilty if you fantasized about a large number of women, particularly ones you don't know. Male-oriented magazines are useful at providing fantasy material.

When I masturbate I look at pictures of woman and their sexy legs in pantyhose. I focus mainly on the woman's legs in pantyhose. I am only interested in their legs. Is this normal?

It would be more normal if you were turned on by the whole woman instead of just the parts. It is not too unusual to have a leg fetish, however. Why not find some other parts that interest you?

I have been masturbating chronically for a long time now, and I decided to quit cold turkey. It's been 1-2 weeks now and my groin has been tender. Is that bad? Someone told me it was bad to quit suddenly.

Perhaps all men could claim to have been masturbating chronically. If you took even a quick look at HealthyStrokes.com, you would know I think that's a good thing. I advise males who want to quit to cut back to once a week for a month or so and then decide if they really want to quit. That advice is informed both by the difficulty in quitting cold turkey and by the possibility of a sudden change in ejaculatory habits causing a problem. Much prostate trouble is caused by an inconsistent amount of ejaculation. Your tenderness could be a result. There are also rare males who experience testicular swelling as a result of suddenly ejaculating less frequently. I once read a case of an emergency room doctor who was confronted with such a case and immediately thought the patient had testicular torsion, a medical emergency. Upon further examination, he inquired and learned the patient hadn't ejaculated in several weeks. He decided the recommended treatment would be for the patient to masturbate. And the treatment for torsion is surgery.

I have a bathroom in my room. My mom always comes in while I'm using it to get the wet towels and wash cloth. I often have an erection. She sometimes just stands there and talks to me about school and stuff. How do I politely tell her it embarrasses me without making a big deal about it? (age 14)

I suggest either making a big deal about it or treating the bathroom as if it's a public place and dressing accordingly.

I keep hearing about guys having their sexual peak meaning they can have sex more frequently. When I masturbate, after I reach orgasm, I usually lose the urge for at least an hour. Are guys my age normally able to go more frequently than that? Would I be able to go more frequently if I were having sex with a partner instead of masturbating? (age 19)

The sexual peak at 19 is a myth. It's good to lose the urge to masturbate after you just masturbated, like it's good to lose the urge to eat after a big meal. If you really tried, you could probably do it again in half an hour. There's nothing wrong with either 30 minutes or an hour. Intercourse wears you out more than masturbation. You shouldn't worry about that. Your intervals sound very normal.

I like this girl, but she doesn't show any signs of liking me. She even runs away. Has she reached the age of maturity that she starts to like boys? (age 12)

Probably not. It's always a challenge to find girls who won't run away.

I prefer to masturbate in bed, in fact I find masturbating anywhere else futile (can't reach orgasm). However, because I am worried about getting semen on my bedding, I change my sheets daily. My mom is getting really annoyed. Is it OK to get semen on bedding without changing the sheets constantly? I masturbate on my back, not my stomach. (age 15)

On your back, it ought to be pretty easy to keep all but a few drops off the bedding. Most guys either catch it or deflect it somehow. A little bit of semen won't hurt anything. You ought to figure out why you can't masturbate anyplace else. You ought to be able to.

I am the father of a 13 year old boy and I just talked to him about sex and masturbation. I am open with him about everything and want to help out as much as I can. Would it be prudent to buy him a pack of condoms and a bottle of lubricant? Do you think it would be healthy to let him look at pics of naked women ( I remember that age very well ) or could that screw him up somehow?

Giving him lubricant would be a very good idea. Giving him condoms would be a good idea if you think he is apt to become sexually active but it might confuse him if he has no such plans. I have answered the question about nude pictures before on my page for parents and in that instance, the boy was already pursuing online porn. I recommended that the father pick out some tame pictures for the son, but question whether that is necessary in your case, because your son hasn't expressed interest in them yet.

I've noticed that after lifting weights (about 2 to 3 hours later) I often masturbate. Usually once or twice but sometimes three times. I've heard from friends that doing this, I won't gain muscle. And that I just wasted time lifting weights. Is this true? (age 26)

No, but masturbating consumes energy. The only way it could detract from your weightlifting regimen is if you did it right before you lifted the weights.

I'd like to commend you for your site. It gives people the information they need and the confidence that some are looking for. I've noticed that sometimes, after ejaculation, I get a heat rush all over my body that can from 15 minutes to a couple of hours. Is this normal? If it is, is there some way to make it less uncomfortable? (college age)

It is common for sex flush to last a few minutes, even 15, but two hours is quite rare. I don't know how you would alter it. Most people like to avoid it because it can signal to other people what they've been doing. Yours seems to be worse because it comes with a heat feeling that makes you uncomfortable.

If I don't masturbate for a week, I almost always have a wet dream. Which is better, masturbating or letting the wet dream come? (age 21)

It is much better to masturbate. Then you can decide when you have an orgasm. In a recent survey for this site, 64 percent of males prefer masturbating and only 9 precent prefer wet dreams. (27 percent like them equally well.) Also, masturbating frequently when you're young seems to prevent prostate cancer when you're older. The author of that study recommends masturbating six times a week. Ejaculating once a week through a wet dream isn't the same. However, you are lucky, because you can have wet dreams if you want. I hear from males every week who are frustrated because they have never had one.

How does a person know if he has an enlarged prostate? Is there a way to tell? (age 32)

The most likely symptom is decreased flow of urine. A man complaining of that would be given a prostate exam by the doctor, and the diagnosis would be pretty instant.

I only started masturbating a month ago and I'm surprised I didn't start sooner. When I do it I go until I'm right on the edge of orgasm and then I stop for a about 10 seconds, then I start again and continue stopping and starting until I finally ejaculate. Is this the right way to make sessions last longer, or is there a better way? (age 18)

I don't think that's the best way. It is better if you can control it with your mind so you can keep stroking but still put off your orgasm. Pretty soon your start and stop method is going to interfere with your erections. There is no shame in being a late bloomer.

When I'm tired, usually when I pull an all-nighter, or only get 3 or 4 hours of sleep, I find that I am much hornier than usual and masturbate much more. I also find that my orgasms are much better. I have great orgasms when I'm rested, and masturbate regularly, but fatigue really seems to positively enhance my sex drive. Why? (age 21)

It's probably that you're less inhibited when you're sleep deprived and you express it by masturbating more frequently. Unfortunately, for most men, lack of sleep impedes erections. It's good for you that yours aren't.

Just wanted to know that the string or whatever it's called, the long scar, under my penis is crooked or curved. I've been masturbating since I was 11, and I'm 16 now, always using my left hand. Maybe I've manipulated it by masturbating too much? I jerk off about 5 times a day.

It is called the raphe (pronounced "raf'-fay") and it's not a scar in the usual sense. Back when you were an embryo, you had female anatomy. All embryos do. When you developed into a male, what used to be your vaginal labia formed into a penis, and the raphe is the seam. It runs from the penile opening to the anus. It is not caused by masturbating, although like any other piece of skin, it can be irritated by contact.

If you masturbate too much, will that mean one side of the body is being exercised more than the other?

The amount of muscular involvement in masturbation is pretty small. I've never heard of anyone develop muscles asymmetrically as a result. Look at how much more you use your strong arm for everything. But it isn't overdeveloped, is it?

1)How long has homosexuality been around? 2) Do animals exhibit homosexual behavior? (age 17)

Homosexuality was known in the earliest cultures, so presumably it has existed in people as long as there have been people. Yes, homosexuality has been observed in over 1000 species.

I reached orgasm three times today. The first two were normal, but the third one was quite painful and I'm still sore. I know that grasping your penis too tightly can make you sore, but are there any other reasons I would be in pain right now? (age 15)

The pain is probably not from grasping too tightly. It is probably that your prostate is overworked. It might be a good idea to give it a rest for a couple of days when that happens and to limit your frequency if a third round tends to cause that to happen.

I have never masturbated and am wondering why I can't. I never get an erection, maybe once or twice a month I will get one. Plus nothing really turns me on anyway. I know I am young and should be able to. The erections I am getting now aren't firm, used to they would be. But anytime I would try to masturbate, I could never reach ejaculation or orgasm, and I didn't like it. I didn't like the feel of it. I am just wondering why I can't. (age 15)

You describe everything that could go wrong with your penis as happening. If what you say is true, then you should seek professional help. However, I am more inclined to believe your message is a bunch of lies. I think you masturbate quite regularly and are guilty or embarrassed about it. It is good if you can learn to accept it as a normal part of life.

When I masturbate in the bath, I like to use the shower head to spray water on the head of my penis. I know that its a bit weird but for some reason it makes masturbation better. Is this healthy or not? (age 13)

I would say it is not. Your penile head is a sensitive spot, and spraying that water is apt to cause it to become desensitized in the long run.

Will masturbation help cure an enlarged prostate? (age 32)

That is a question for the doctor who diagnoses the enlarged prostate. Ejaculation is not specifically mentioned in treatment regimens I have seen for the condition.

Why do wet dreams feel so good? (age 15)

They are orgasms, and all orgasms feel good. It was probably intended to be this way so people would want to have sex and reproduce and the species could continue.

I can't orgasm or ejaculate when masturbating. I'm afraid I have a medical problem. When I try to masturbate, I usually go for about 5 minutes at the most because my hands get sore and I give up. I also have wet dreams all the time. (age 19)

Perhaps you have arthritis or some similar condition. If you have wet dreams, then it doubtful there is anything wrong with your sex organs. Most males find that the penis gets sore a lot sooner than their hands. Five minutes is not such a long time. You should be able to go for at least 20 at your age.

I had a wet dream the other night and it made my girlfriend very uncomfortable. I understand they are normal but what can I do to not have wet dreams? (age 32)

For most men your age, they are very rare. Your girlfriend does not have a right to be comfortable.

You claim that masturbating prone for males is bad. But is that based on the assumption that they are having erections while prone as well? I've always masturbated prone, but I've always done it with a soft penis. I can see it hurting an erect one, but not a soft one. I'm also capable of having proper erections and masturbating the normal way. (age 25)

Then you have two problems. Prone is bad with or without an erection, and masturbating without an erection is bad in any position. They both teach you to respond sexually in ways that can't be simulated in intercourse. I suggest you give up both of those practices. You should not have much trouble, because you already do it the conventional way.

I masturbate on average once a day, but sometimes every two weeks or so I will masturbate 5-6 times in a day. Is this dangerous or medically harming in any way? (age 16)

It is better if you are consistent. It is strange, but masturbating 5 times every day seems to cause fewer problems than what you're doing. For now, you probably don't need to worry, but once you are an adult, it is probably better if you avoid those "busy" days.

I would like to thank you for setting up this site. I have found it incredibly helpful! I masturbate roughly twice a day since the age of 13. I just wondered if this is compulsive and if masturbating causes mental illness. Please help. I am confused. Jason (age 17)

Jason, I hope by roughly you mean approximately and not harshly. Twice a day is on the high end of normal, but a lot of guys your age do it that often. I doubt it is compulsive. Masturbating does not cause mental illness.

I was alone in a common room at school and really needed to masturbate, so I thought I'd do it really quickly. I was having an orgasm (it was the best one I've ever had) and ejaculating when the head teacher walked in! I was so embarrassed. She shouted at me for getting semen on the carpet and "being obscene in a public place." She told my parents and I was grounded for three weeks, made to scrub the carpet and given the "masturbation is a private thing" talk. SO TAKE MY ADVICE: MASTURBATE ONLY IN YOUR BEDROOM OR A LOCKED BATHROOM. (age 13)

Wow.

I masturbated prone for about a third of my masturbating life. For the past 12 I've been able to do it normally. Problem is, I see porn where guys masturbate very slowly, with not a lot of muscles tensing or legs cramping etc. They just seem to slowly go up and down and have a great finish. I feel like I always have to masturbate really hard and it's all very tense. After reading your site I knew that this TMS obviously affected my technique. You said that you were a one time practitioner. Is it possible to have a way more laid back experience masturbating? I do it often, but would love to enjoy it more. (age 30)

Porn isn't real. It's a production. Those guys might not even be masturbating for real. It is certainly not a good indicator of how real men masturbate. It is better if you don't stroke like a jackhammer, but there is no requirement that you have to stroke very slowly. The majority of males tense their legs to enhance the experience and prevent leg cramps. If you have been over TMS for 12 years, I doubt you are still feeling the effects of it. If you want to practice taking your time, it might be easier if you haven't ejaculated for a few days. Try to use as little force as necessary.

Will a man who has never had sex or masturbated have a bigger scrotum than those that have? (age 33)

No, and I don't believe you will find a man who has never masturbated.

Can I have wet dreams when I'm awake? (age 15)

No.

I am 23 years old, and last night I experienced my first nocturnal emission. I've masturbated fairly reguarly since I was twelve years old, and I often have sexually oriented dreams which do not produce an orgasm. The dream I had which produced this emission involved an attractive woman spitting on my penis, and I proceeded to masturbate (in the dream). I actually ejaculated in the dream, and when I woke up (much later after the dream), I discovered the semen in my bed. I just thought it was highly unsual for a 23 year old to experience a wet dream especially when masturbating frequently.

It is rare, you are correct, but you also provide proof that it can happen.

I'm a 21 year old male, and like many of the other people that have asked questions, I masturbate a lot: once or twice a day. I've been dating this guy who I'm super attracted to but I can't ejaculate (this has been common in the past as well with 3 other people). I can go just fine masturbating but not from oral sex or any other form of intercourse involving another person. This has made my partner very concerned and looking at himself as the problem and I can't bear to see him like this. I thought this may be performance anxiety but it might be anorgasmia. I could use any advice that you can give.

I would advise you to abstain from masturbating for 3-5 days before your next sexual encounter. If that doesn't help, then write me back and I will try to figure something else out.

When I sleep, I sometimes wear tight briefs under my shorts, tight enough that if I have an erection, pull it out, and stick it back in, it gets uncomfortable. In the morning, my penis sometimes isn't hard. Can my briefs cause a long-term damage to my erections? I've noticed that if I have an erection and stop check my mail for a few minutes, my erection goes away. (age 15)

Erections are supposed to go away when you're distracted. That is normal. You should be able to have erections inside your clothes. Excessively tight clothing could inhibit your erections after a while. If you're uncomfortable, you are better off changing to a larger size.

Is it normal to use masturbation as a way to get to sleep? Usually I am unable to sleep until I masturbate, which leads me to doing it every night. (age 18)

Yes, about half of younger males masturbate at bedtime. That is very normal.

I know for sure I'm not gay. When I masturbate, I only fantasize about females and I've never been attracted sexually to the same sex but I don't like how vulvas look. I'm still a virgin but the thought of inserting my penis into a vagina turns me off and I'm not gay because the thought of anal sex disgusts me even more. Do I have some sort of severe mental problem? (age 15)

You might feel differently by the time you're 18. I advise against having sex at your age anyway. I suspect you'll get involved with a girl and do sexual things short of intercourse, and at that point, you won't be thinking about what the genitalia look like. If it really bothers you, it might help if you talked to a psychologist about it.

My sister has finished college and is always at home when I get in from school (which is normally when I masturbate). Since she has been home I've found it very hard to get the privacy to masturbate. Could you give me some advice? Thanks, and this site is great! (age 15)

Most people do it in the privacy of their bedrooms. I'm sure you don't share a bedroom with her. I suspect you've gotten into the habit of doing it at the computer. You had better learn to adapt to her being around. I suppose she will get a job soon and not be home as much.

How often or how much online porn is normal and reasonable? What would you consider excessive? How do people find a balance between downloading images and keeping them vs. deleting them and continuing to download? It seems like a double-edged sword in that the more you keep, the more you seem like some kind of fetishistic pervert while the more you download, the more digital records there are of your surfing and also more chances you'll accidentally download something illegal. If porn is normal and OK, what are the safest ways/methods of viewing? How can you know that the models are of age?

Those are tough questions, and I don't have a philosophy about them. I've said in the past that the only pictures that are OK are those where the pictures are tasteful and the models are of age, not exploited, and properly compensated. Once those conditions are met, I'm not sure it matters whether you only look at them once and delete them or save them. You have the least chance of accidentally finding underage models if you stick with reputable publications that verify the age of their models.

You make it sound like masturbation is a necessary habit for one to be normal. In every response you give, you encourage readers to masturbate, giving the strong argument (a totally false one, however) that everyone they know does it. Your surveys say that 100% of men who are potent masturbate regularly. How false can that be. I started masturbating when I was about 11. When I was about 14 I had an Internet connection. It didn't take long before I became a porn addict and spent hours in front of the PC searching for more porn. My relationship with others soon deteriorated. It was the darkest period of my entire life. About two years ago, after I made a bond with God, and I succeded in overcoming my addiction. It was easier to stop looking at porn, but it took a great exercise of strong will to stop masturbating. But I was soon over with it. It took me about two weeks to completely stop masturbating. I've been clear for two years now and everything is going just great. I have excellent school results, lots of friends, and so much spare time to spend on useful activities. Also, medically speaking, I'm OK. Nothing happened with me after I stopped masturbating. I still have regular erections, every morning, and I have a wet dream about every 2 months. That's something I can't control. If I could, I would. So please tell me, what's abnormal with me, if I don't masturbate at all? (age 19)

I think your whole story is a bunch of lies. A male can't quit masturbating in two weeks. I've heard stories of monks who said it took them years, and it required a full-time effort. Anyway, if you've put masturbation behind you, why are you reading HealthyStrokes.com? But to answer your question, a 19-year-old male who doesn't masturbate is abnormal in the statistical sense because all the other males that age masturbate and also abnormal in the medical sense because most prostate trouble in younger men is caused by not ejaculating often enough.

Can someone have a wet dream when he is dreaming of his legs in the water? (age 29)

Yes.

I am on vacation, and I will be gone from home for about 5 weeks. I told myself before I left that I would not masturbate on this trip whatsoever. One and a half weeks into the trip, I am suffering. I really want to pleasure myself and but I feel I would be letting myself down. I don't want to be a slave to masturbation. I want to be in control of my urges. Any advice? (age 19)

You ought to enjoy masturbating on vacation. The different surroundings might make it a different and more pleasurable experience. You aren't a slave to masturbation. You're responding to your normal sex drive. You're no less in control when you masturbate than when you eat.

Is it unhealthy to spray a high-pressure shower on my penis? It feels good. (age 16)

It is better if you don't do that. It is good when you can reach orgasm with as little force as necessary.

I was walking down into the basement to get a book I left in there and I saw my 18 year old brother masturbating TMS style. Should I tell him about the dangers of that? (age 13)

You would be a very good brother if you did. Perhaps it would be easier to just let him know about this site.

Does your penis size effect your chances of having a wet dream at a young age? (age 12)

No.

When I have sex, I can barely keep going for more than a minute. Is that normal for a guy who has only done it a couple times? (age 15)

Yes, very. You will get better with practice. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just make sure you satisfy your partner some other way.

I have a girlfriend who is 17 who has never masturbated. Will she still be able to have an orgasm? (age 18)

Probably, but it is apt to take her longer than a girl who is more experienced with them. Be patient with her.

Follow-up: Do you think she should masturbate alone or should she try to achieve an orgasm through intercourse? She thinks that masturbation is dirty and unhealthy so she doesn't want to do it that way. She wants to have an orgasm but doesn't know whether she needs to or not.

Your girlfriend is not thinking like an adult. She wants an orgasm, but she doesn't want to do the preliminary work that would make it much more possible. I think it would be better for her to masturbate alone. If she won't do that, I wouldn't hold out a lot of hope that she'll be having orgasms in intercourse anytime soon.

I don't have a normal frequency in which I masturbate. I just masturbate when I get the urge. Sometimes I'll masturbate twice a day and other times I won't masturbate for a week. Is it bad for me to be so inconsistent? (age 16)

At your age, I don't think it needs to be an issue, but I would tell an older male to be more consistent. I have a feeling you will be more regular with your practice before too long.

I'm 21 and have been masturbating for a number of years. Since I have been masturbating, I have had very few wet dreams. I am now trying to cut down on masturbation and I'm having frequent wet dreams which I don't like. Is there a way to stop them? I sleep in a room that gets very hot in the mornings. Could this be a cause of the wet dreams? I heard holding urine in mid-flow was bad for males but I've seen it as a tip for strengthening PC muscles. Is this true?

You can simulate the stopping and starting of urine without actually doing it. That is probably better for your body, but I don't know that exercising the PC muscles "wet" would hurt anything either. You answered your own question about the room heat: It is your change in masturbatory frequency and not the room temperature that is causing your wet dreams. I think you have to decide whether you would rather cut down on your cutting down or have the wet dreams. (Most men would rather masturbate.)

I've had wet dreams since turning 14 and I'm about to turn 16 now and wet dreams annoy me. If I masturbate twice a week, will they stop forever or just for a while? I just started to masturbate two weeks ago and I've only done it once a week. (age 15)

If you masturbate daily, as most males your age do, the wet dreams will likely stop forever. It's more difficult to say what will happen if you only masturbate twice a week. If you're still having a lot of wet dreams, then I think masturbating only twice a week would not eliminate them completely. Glad to hear you're having a good month!

I am 14, uncircumcised, and somewhat worried. I live in Canada and can tell most of my friends are circumcised. My girlfriend has offered me a blow job and I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty embarrassed because I don't know if I should tell her or not. I don't know what she'll expect. It seems most females prefer circumcised penises. If she tells people, that could be the end of my social life.

You are too hung up about this. You haven't even talked with your girlfriend about these things. Maybe she doesn't have a preference or prefers uncircumcised males. If you're self-conscious, just make sure to be very clean when it happens, and your girlfriend will have nothing to complain about.

My sister caught me masturbating while I was looking out the window at her sunning by the pool about a month ago. She was very interested and wanted me to finish while she watched. She said she never saw a guy do it before. I told her I was scared, and she lifted her top for me so I would get hard again. She and I have been doing this daily. I love the butterflies I get. She is 18 and going to college in the fall. She is very pretty, and I don't want it to stop. (age 16)

It's a good thing you're not touching each other. You are supposed to be doing these things with other people besides your sister. You should know better at your age. Masturbating while looking out the window at someone like that could get you branded a sex offender. Why not cut this out before she leaves for college so you can both work on forgetting about this before school starts.

I'm 37 and still have wet dreams. I don't know if I should go to a doctor or not. I'm married, but I have noticed that it occurs more frequently (1-2 times a week) when we've not had intercourse for a month or so. I masturbate very infrequently. Is this normal?

None of that seems normal. Very few men your age have wet dreams; most married people have a lot more sex than you do; and men who aren't having sex masturbate frequently. I don't know that you need a doctor, but a marriage counselor might help you relate better sexually with your wife. In the meantime, I suspect that masturbating several times a week would put an end to the wet dreams.

From around 13 to 15 1/2 I masturbated every day. During the summer usually twice a day and on the weekends. After 15 1/2 I cut back to once or twice a week. I thought it was going to cause problems and I don't have many spontaneous erections anymore. Sometimes I go a whole day without one. Can my mind thinking I caused a problem from masturbating a lot make it harder to achieve erctions? When that's not on my mind it seems I can get erections without much of a problem. but sometimes the thought bothers me and seems to affect me. (age 16)

You are worrying too much. Your frequency before a year ago was healthy and normal. You ought to go back to that frequency if that's what you really want. Try to worry less about erections. According to your own statement, that is what is inhibiting them.

Follow-up: When I was masturbating at that rate, I still had erections without a problem. Then I cut down because I thought I was doing it too much. And now it's a year later and that thought still bothers me. I don't think I have a physical problem because I always masturbated the common way. A few weeks ago I was talking to a girl on the phone about sex and had 5 hard ons and the thought wasn't really bothering me. It would seem similar to anxiety. I don't want to masturbate at the old rate. I like once a week. Sometimes I've thought about stopping but am not sure it would be a good idea.

If you can have five erections just by talking about sex, there's nothing wrong with you. Don't worry about your erections.

I have been liking guys since I was about 13. Does that mean I am gay or it is just a phase? Once when I went to camp, all the boys slept together and when my friend (a quite cute one) slept, I couldn't sleep. Can I masturbate with my roommate when I discover he masturbates? Is gay sex safe? I feel like trying it but that it is wrong to do. I am trying to figure out why I like guys more than girls (which I also like sometimes). (age 16)

If you have been liking guys for that long, I am inclined to believe that you are gay. You also seem more interested in getting inside your male friends' pants than those of the girls at the neighboring camp, which also makes me think you're gay. I wouldn't advise jumping into gay sex at your age, but it might be useful this summer if you went out with a girl or two. See how it makes you feel even sitting close to her and touching her (in a friendly way) and see if you would rather be with girls or boys.

I have had sex with my girlfriend about 6 or 7 times. The first time I failed to ejaculate, and I think i have ejaculated only 3 times out of the 6-7 times. Is it a psychological problem? Could it be related to stress because I get very worried about it. I don't think she knows. We have oral sex quite reguarly and I ejacualte in her mouth. I read that this is unsafe. How safe is it? (age 17)

It is easier to reach orgasm with a partner the longer it has been since your last orgasm. So perhaps abstain for a couple of days before your next expected sexual encounter. Oral sex is only safe with a monogamous partner and both of you are free from diseases.

Lately I've been confused, because I want to lose my virginity but I'm not willing to wait much longer. I don't like the idea of hookers or sleazy girls. I want to be in a relationship, but I also hate the idea of being a virgin. Things have never gotten further than first base, and that was only because she was drunk and I didn't know, which made me feel terrible because I'm not that kinda guy. I wish had sex last year so I'd have one less thing to worry about, but I want more than that before I'm old. This choice is tearing me apart mentally. (age 17)

You are not on the verge of hopelessness. You have a lot of time to lose your virginity. I don't think male virginity is a problem until you're at least 21. It is definitely better if you find someone to have a relationship with than to just sleep with someone for the hell of it. (Yes, I said hell.) Why not ask some nice girl out to the movies and see where it goes? Just concentrate on having a good time and don't worry about sex. Better yet, date two or three girls, and you can find which one you are best with and which relationship will get you to sex sooner.

You've said masturbating does not affect penis size but can you tell me how you know that? (age 14)

Observation of the human condition has been going on for millennia and formal sex research has taken place since the 1920s. Masturbation and penis size are both large-scale obsessions, so if one of them affected the other, we would have found out by now.

I masturbate with my underwear on using three fingers to stimulate myself through my underwear. I do this supine, and get orgasms with normal ejaculations. Is this practice unhealthy for me, or can I stick with this method? (age 15)

It is an idiosyncratic and unusual practice, which should be avoided. It would actually not be that much different for you to masturbate conventionally, especially if you used lube or a condom to get started.

When a boy has a wet dream, does he ejaculate any semen? (age 13)

Yes.

On the top of each of my testicles, there is a small, defineable, but loose structure. I am not sure what it is but ever since I began masturbating I have noticed them. (age 16)

You are describing your epididymis (plural, epididymides).

I just had my first wet dream last night after going a week without masturbating. It was a very strange and graphic dream but I enjoyed it. I learned how to masturbate over a year and I did it quite a lot but in the last few months I have cut down to once a week or once every 2 weeks as I aways feel guilty afterward. Could you please tell me if I'm normal or a freak? (age 15)

Everything you said sounds normal. Congratulations on the wet dream!

I'm 16, sexually active, and I masturbate. Yet, in the last couple of weeks, I've had two wet dreams. What's going on? (age 16)

Your body had some excess semen to eliminate. Try to enjoy the wet dreams while they last. Most males do.

My parents are divorced, and my dad is extremely religious. Last week, he caught me masturbating when he walked into my room and just walked out, and did not even bother to say goodbye when he left about half an hour later. I know he is against masturbating, because he told me in the past and was still upset toward me when he came over on Sunday. What should I do? I don't want my dad disappointed at me for doing something that's normal for guys to do.

He might not be as upset as you think. Just try to be cool. If it really bothers you, talk to him about it. It might help if you print out my Young Man's Guide and share it with him.

I want to congratulate you on the best web site there is for masturbation. I have been masturbating about 2-3 times a day for a couple of months. Is this too much? I am not sure if I should use lube. If I should, what are the best types, where can I buy them, and is there any way I can do this confidentially? Thank you so much for all of your help! (age 12 and 10 months)

Your frequency is typical for someone your age who has just learned to masturbate, but I suspect you will do it less frequently in the near future. Don't worry about that. Lube is a good idea, and you should try it to see if you like it. Water-based lubes made for sex are the best, and they are sold next to the condoms at drugstores and stores like Target and Wal-Mart. Most of the time, the cashiers in those stores have no idea who you are, but if you want more confidentiality, you can go to a store that has self-service checkout.

I've heard that men are subconsciously more attracted to females who are fertile at the time. Is the reverse also true? Will a girl be less attracted to me if I've masturbated that morning or the day before? (age 17)

No. It's also a serious question whether human males are more attracted to females who are at their most fertile.

I was wondering if this is a form of TMS: I often masturbate by lying in bed on my back (never prone) and moving part of a comforter or blanket up and down around my penis. However, I can easily do it the normal way as well, as that is how I learned. What should I do? (age 15)

What you describe is not TMS, but it is an atypical and unusual form of masturbation that will not help you in the long run. I think you should quit it.

I recently visited the doctor and was told that there is a build-up of smegma near the head of my penis and that circumcision may be necessary. I'm worried about masturbating after circumcision. Is it harder and less pleasant? The thought of no longer enjoying masturbation scares me to death! (age 14)

The doctor is probably overreacting. His training is to use surgery as a solution to problems, but there are other solutions that are apt to work and be less drastic. You can keep smegma from building up just by washing daily. Why not ask your doctor if this would work for you? You ought to have a chance to try it. Undoubtedly you will find a way to adapt if you get circumcised. It will probably be different but as much fun. Circumcised males usually need artificial lube. I don't have a clear answer as to whether or not it's more pleasant. Uncircumcised males tend to masturbate more. I don't know if that means they enjoy it more, but they probably do.

I am a normal heterosexual male and I have been divorced and now have a girl friend. I masturbate every day. I have a fantasy about masturbating with another heterosexual male while looking at pictures or videos. I don't want to do other homosexual activities. Could this be a healthy thing to do? (age 40)

I have always thought that men advertising for other straight men to masturbate with was a cover for gaining an entree into other activities. If that is what you want, then do it. However, if you do, then I don't think you ought to call yourself a normal heterosexual male. Also, it would be much easier for you to find a gay or bisexual man to masturbate with.

I am 12 years old and I have been masturbating for 6-7 months but I am scared about reaching an orgasm. I am scared that I will moan or scream and my parents will find me masturbating. What should I do?

Don't worry about that. People are very good at being silent when they have an orgasm and someone is around that they don't want to know. You will not be uncontrollably noisy. Once you've had an orgasm, you can try it again when they're not home and see what difference being able to vocalize makes.

I masturbate sitting up rather than on my back. I have sex with my girlfriend and have no problems. Would masturbating sitting up most of the time cause problems in the future in any way? (age 19)

No. That is fine.

How come you never answer my questions? (age 18)

They are probably already answered here or pertain to a topic I don't address. It's not personal.

I have a friend that has lived near me all my life and we wrestle. Lately I have been getting erections when I wrestle with her and I have to go to her bathroom and wait for the erections to go down. I don't know what to do because she is my best friend and I like her but I don't wanna tell her that. What should I do? (age 15)

You're too old to be wrestling with girls in a non-sexual way. I think you ought to ask her out and then go on a real date.

Follow-up from another reader: Tell her before she feels your erection herself.

You say not to masturbate until you have an erection. Is it OK to for me to rub my penis and fantasize to bring about a firm erection so I can masturbate? (age 16)

Yes, that sounds very good.

I just had my first wet dream two days before my 44th birthday. I was very surprised that it would happen this late in life. I haven't been sexually active for many years. Could this be the cause? (age 43)

Having wet dreams is very rare at your age, but they are most likely to happen at any age when no ejaculation has occurred for a while.

If I masturbated once just to try it and haven't done it since, is there a good chance I'll have a wet dream? (age 13)

Yes, I think masturbating only once would not inhibit wet dreams.

When I masturbated as a teenager, I remember shooting 12 to 18 inches. Now the semen just oozes out. Is this a sign of a problem? (age 25)

No. It probably shoots a couple of inches. You might be remembering it going farther than it did. It's also possible you're controlling you're splatter better. I don't think you have a problem.

Yesterday I was masturbating with a marker, but I reach orgasm by rubbing my clit. I've never orgasmed with something inside me, as I can never seem to be able to keep my finger in when I orgasm. But the contractions felt different because of the marker and I'm not sure if I liked it. Is it just because I'm not used to it, or will it be different when I have sex? (age 16)

Once is too soon to be sure whether you liked something. It's OK if you would rather masturbate externally than internally. When the time comes for sex, you'll probably like it just fine.

I was making out with a girl and she started to give me a hand job. I ejaculated on the third stroke. Is this normal? (age 15)

It's pretty fast, but a lot of guys your age have a similar experience. You must have been very aroused. It will probably last longer next time.

I have masturbated on a regular basis since the age of 15. At times I have averaged 4 to 5 times a day. Recently I have not been able to become erect when attempting intercourse. I have even tried not masturbating a few days before with little success. I'm concerned about my ability to have sex with women. Would you recommend stopping masturbation altogether? I have been slipped Viagra as a practical joke and the result was an erection simply at the sight of an attractive woman. Would that have caused any physical problems for me? (age 20)

Only a doctor can decide if Viagra is appropriate for you, but my first thought is that it wouldn't have caused that problem. Your problem is more likely psychological than physical. I doubt that quitting masturbation altogether will be productive. Stopping for a week beforehand should be more than enough.

I love your site. I think it is absolutely unbelievable that people would criticize you by telling you that you're homophobic. If any of those people ever found out their son was doing the same, they surely wouldn't take it well. Keep up the good work! (age 14)

Is it abnormal to NOT have a daily morning erection? (age 19)

No. In fact, starting about your age, most men don't awaken with one every day. In a few years, you will only wake up with an erection rarely.

I usually masturbate 2-3 times a day. Recently I have been having pain in my lower back and I either don't get a good erection or am not able to hold it. Do you think my back pain has got to do something to my erection problem? I also cycle 10 km per day and am a vegetarian. (age 28)

Lower back pain can originate in the prostate gland, and excessive ejaculation (or not enough, surprisingly) can cause prostate pain. It would be worth cutting down to three times a week and seeing if that makes a difference.

I woke up with a wet dream the other day! I will be 54 soon. Many people often comment that I appear years younger (usually 10-years) than my actual age. Could the same healthy lifestyle that makes me look so young play a role in the occurrence of wet dreams? This was the first one since I was 40. Are there other men who can relate and identify with such an anomaly?

Wet dreams are so rare at your age, that it's tough to pinpoint a cause. I suspect that leading a healthy lifestyle is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for having wet dreams at your age.

A few days ago I found my dad's lubricant by accident. He uses K-Y. After reading this site I wasn't surprised to know that he has and uses it. So I decided to try the lubricant when I masturbated. It was the best masturbation I ever had. Now I'd like to use it more often but am afraid he will notice that it is disappearing. What should I do? (age 14)

I would advise getting your own bottle at the store.

My girlfriend had a birthday party and her friends came over and my girlfriend wore a really SEXY dress. That turned me on so I went up to the attic to masturbate since her friends were there.When they were about to cut the cake, my girlfriend noticed I was missing and came looking for me. She searched everywhere and thought I might be in the attic and the attic door opened just as I was about to cum. I was so embarrassed. (age 14)

I think this is the fakest getting caught story I have ever posted.

I've never been caught but I'm always scared that my parents will walk in on me and not be so cool about it. I'm alone most of the day but our neighbor across the street is really nosy so when I have an orgasm I'm always scared someone will know. Once during truth or dare with my sister (18) and friend (20), my friend asked me if I touched myself. I don't usually lie and considering she told me she masturbated, I told her the truth. After my friend left my sister told me how mad she is and said I should never do it again and it's not normal. It made me feel really bad even though I know it's normal. (age 14)

Your sister is the one who isn't normal. Don't worry so much about what people might hear or see. You'll enjoy it more.

I think my parents know I masturbate because they have found semen stains on blankets and pillows. I've decided not to use those anymore, but now I don't know what to wipe on. (age 15)

Most guys use tissue or socks or an old shirt.

I am going to be 23 soon and I still have wet dreams. I really don? like it because I always have to change the sheets and I don? think it? good for my mattress. I want to know how to stop them. I want to try to not be so dependant on getting an orgasm. I masturbate usually once every third day. If I am unable to do so, usually because it is inconvenient, I am at risk of having a wet dream. And sometimes, even if I do keep to the schedule, they still happen. Is it because I am just sleeping too much? And am I get too much REM sleep? I always thought that was the best kind of sleep to get, but I don? want it to be causing me problems. Please help me to take steps to having orgasms maybe once a week.

You ought to accept masturbation and wet dreams as normal and healthy things. If you really want to put an end to those wet dreams, then you should masturbate daily. If they really bother you, wearing underwear to bed will prevent damage to your sheets and mattress.

This site is by far the best web site out there for information on masturbation. I was wondering how fake vaginas are a form of TMS because they are almost perfect copies of a real vagina. (age 12)

Irrational as it seems, trying to replicate in intercourse during masturbation makes it harder to function during real intercourse. The penis does not receive the same stimulation from a fake vagina as from a real one. Men who are sexually successful do not use fake vaginas. The most successful men sexually masturbate using only their hands, with a minimal amount of pressure.

My girlfriend is 27 and like a lot of girls, she started masturbating when she was 5 with stuffed animals in the prone position. Around 12 she switched to normal manual stimulation lying on her back. She says she always had orgasms and got wet, even at 5. After reading the female questions, it seems there are a lot of girls who masturbate but don't orgasm. Why would they continue masturbating if they dont climax?

Masturbating can be fun for both males and females even if they don't have an orgasm. However, for males, the need for orgasm can be urgent due to the amount and different types of fluids that build up as a result of sexual stimulation. Thus, a male who doesn't reach orgasm is apt to find masturbating makes him feel worse, but a female can feel better even without an orgasm.

I've heard that men get their sex drive back after 7 minutes, so I tested it. I masturbated, waited for 7 minutes, then masturbated again. Is that OK? (age 16)

Yes. The time you refer to is called the refractory period. It is apt to get longer as you age.

I do not want to to masturbate and I am refraining myself as best I can from doing it but wet dreams are becoming a problem as I am having them about 2-3 times a week. I do not want wet dreams and do not want to masturbate either. Is there a way to stop wet dreams without masturbating? (age 13)

I don't think so. The religious groups that preach against masturbating advocate in favor of wet dreams as "nature's way" of releasing the semen. The few credible cases I've heard of someone stopping all ejaculation involved training themselves to be aware when a wet dream was about to happen and waking up and stopping it. I think you would be better off if you enjoyed both and practiced them without guilt.

I have greatly enjoyed masturbation and wet dreams but I want to put a stop to both because in my experience they interfere with my athletic ability. I masturbated 13-14 times a week and even 4 times a day sometimes. I really want all this to stop and I really need your help. (age 14)

Ejaculation will not interfere with your athletic ability. Some of the world's greatest athletes are sexually compulsive and have sex and/or masturbate many times a day. The Olympic athletes go through an astounding number of condoms during the games. However, 13-14 times a week is a lot of energy expended for anyone. Why not cut down to three times a week? You will still be able to enjoy it and you will be less inclined to think it is affecting your game.

When I masturbate I normally last 5-10 minutes but lately I have been ejaculating in under 2 minutes. I don't know why this is but it leaves me unsatisfied and worried. I have read you mention strengthening the PC muscle and I was wondering if this could solve my problem. (age 15)

I doubt what you describe is the result of poor ejaculatory control. It is a good idea to exercise your PC muscle, but I suspect you are just experiencing a temporary period of quick orgasms. It would probably help to relax more before masturbating and decide in advance approximately how long you want to go.

Sometimes when I masturbate my left testicle pulls in and totally disappears and I get the feeling like I am pulling my groin as I orgasm. This doesn't happen all the time. (age 28)

It is normal for the testes to retract close to the body right before ejaculation, but the testis shouldn't completely retract into the body. If you can verify that's what happening, then you should see a doctor. You could also experiement with different ways of holding your legs and see if it still happens.

I'm 18 and I masturbate about once a day. How do I know when puberty is over?

Puberty only lasts for about a year and a half and is generally over when you're 14 or 15.

I masturbate in a diferent technique. I sit in a face-up position and place my right leg over my left leg and stroke my erect penis. I have been doing this for 3 years. Is this safe and will it have any bad effect in the future for sexual intercourse? (age 17)

What you describe is safe, but you might consider why you have to do it that way with your legs in a set position. It would be better if you could be more flexible and not worry about where your legs are.

Have you heard of anyone who masturbated before puberty or before they had a wet dream and had one anyway? (age 14)

It is very rare, but it happens.

I lost my virginity when I was 11 to a friend of mine who was also 11. She and I did it 6 or 7 times with no birth control. I moved out of the area a month or so after we tried it. I sometimes worry that I made her pregnant. Is that possible at that age? (age 14)

It is quite unlikely but nevertheless possible. I think you would have heard about it if you had made her pregnant. Why not keep in touch? You could probably still be friends.

Does it make a difference whether you sleep naked or in boxer shorts for having a wet dream? (age 13)

The boxer shorts won't make it any more or less likely to happen, but they will help contain your ejaculate if it does.

There is a girl in my neighborhood who looks at me whenever I pass by. She has a boyfriend but I want to know what's in her mind about me. I want to know what will be her reaction if ask her for a kiss. Here in India a kiss is not common so will she accept? (age 18)

She might be wondering what it would be like to have a better boyfriend. I don't know about India, but here in America, we ask girls like that out for lunch or ice cream or something. It would be bad if you asked for a kiss.

I'm 19, and I have a girlfriend who is 19 as well. She has never masturbated, nor used tampons. She wants me to finger her, but every time I try to put a finger in her, it's uncomfortable for her. She is always sufficiently wet (usually I perform cunnilingus first), and we've even used K-Y. I assume the problem is the hymen. We both really want this, and we also want to have sex.

I doubt the hymen is the problem. She is not relaxed enough and she is tensing her vaginal muscles. It would be better if she could learn to introduce her own fingers first.

How can you become a non-virgin through oral sex (just licking of the penis)? (age 13)

Different people have different conceptions of what it means to be a virgin. The literal definition is "a person who has not experienced sexual intercourse." Some people understand oral sex to be sexual intercourse, in which case a person who has had oral sex is not a virgin. Other people have a strict definition that in order to become a non-virgin, you have to engage in vaginal intercourse; however, this would mean that a gay man who has had sex with hundreds of men but has never had sex with a woman is a virgin.

If I get dependent on pornography, will I not get orgasms any other way? (age 14)

Being dependent on pictures can make it difficult to have orgasms without it. That's why I encourage people who use pictures regularly to have at least one session every two weeks without them.

I was trying to masturbate in the shower the other day. As hard as tried I never got close. About 2 days later I tried to masturbate and it worked like a charm. For some reason it's easier to masturbate while my penis is dry than when it's soaked. Is this unusual? (age 13)

No. Now try it with lube.

I heard that if you try to masturbate your morning erection, you're more likely to have premature ejaculation. Do you know if this is true, and if it is, why? (age 17)

I've never heard that. A morning erection (and a lot of spontaneous teenage erections) are caused not by sexual arousal but by hormones. I would speculate that it would take longer to reach orgasm when the erection was not connected to sexual arousal.

You state, "Males have a much tougher time adjusting to a partner (or even finding one) if they remain virgins past [20]." And elsewhere you state, "Men who remain virgins past the age of 20 have trouble adjusting sexually." While I can understand the difficulty in finding a partner, could you explain the two other statements? What's the issue and what's so special about the age of twenty?

Based on survey research and my general experience writing this web site for over five years, I have noticed that men who remain virgins past the age of 21 are much more likely to develop severe sexual dysfunctions. Eva Margolies says approximately the same thing in her book Undressing the American Male.

When I masturbate, I start having an orgasm, the most pleasurable part. The problem is I start to ejaculate after the pleasurable part. Is this normal? How do you know when ejaculation is over? (age 13)

What you describe is normal. The entire orgasm lasts about eight seconds, but ejaculation may only take place for part of it. Most males keep stroking for as long as they can stand it. I think you'll learn to time it more precisely with practice.

I'm homophobic but I sometimes get random flashes of men while I masturbate. I'm worried about that. Should I be or is that normal? (age 17)

I think only a tiny fraction of people only fantasize exclusively about the opposite sex. It would help you to be less worried and also less homophobic.

My son told me this morning that he has had to change his underwear when he gets up because they are wet. He said that his bed was not wet, just his underwear. Is is possible that at the age of 7 he is starting to have wet dreams? I don't want to say too much and scare him by telling him something that is going on when it is not.

I have never heard of wet dreams happening that early. I would be more inclined to suspect some sort of wetting accident.

For 2 years now, I get a spontaneous erection when I sit down for a couple of minutes. It only happens if I masturbate more than once every 2 to 3 days and I can combat it by not masturbating for about a week, and not masturbating any more than once every 3 or so days. It is rather annoying to get it in class. I never get spontaneous erections when I stand up but they seem to come lots when I sit down. A friend suggested it could be when I sit down it stimulates my prostate? (age 15)

Spontaneous erections are common and quite frequent at your age. They are not related to masturbation or stimulation of the prostate. If anything, not masturbating would make them happen more often. It is true they happen less when you are standing than when you are sitting. That is simply due to physiology. It is often tough to get or sustain an erection while standing. You ought to enjoy your erections, not try to "combat" them by abstaining from something you certainly enjoy.

I'm 19, and I masturbate 3-4 times a week, and for the past year or so I have been having wet dreams frequently. Some months I haven't had any, but sometimes I have 2 in a week. I am sick of them, and I don't understand why I still have wet dreams even though I masturbate frequently. Please help me rid myself of the wet dreams.

Like the last questioner, you want to be rid of something you should enjoy and will someday miss. I hear every week from males who have never had a wet dream and are desperate to have them. Try to be grateful for them and think of it as being young for your age. Being young for your age is good!

My mom has walked in on me twice while I was masturbating, but she just acts like she never saw it and never says anything about. I feel like she is either mad or she is just doesn't want to talk about it. I'm confused. (age 13)

Don't be confused. I can promise you she isn't mad and doesn't want to talk about it.

I have been masturbating for 6 years, and I feel bad after words like I have done something wrong. I would like to know what to do about this feeling. How often is normal? I masturbate 4 times a month. Is more or less better? I am single and very sexually frustrated. (age 22)

Dr. Graham Giles says males need to ejaculate at least six times a week. You ought to accept masturbation as something normal and healthy.

I think I'm a late bloomer. I've only masturbated 4 times, once a week and so far I can only have an orgasm by watching videos of girls stripping or exposing their breasts. Is this normal? (age 16)

I was a late bloomer too. You're pretty normal, but it would be a good idea to be able to do it without the videos. Try to expand your imagination.

My girlfriend and I were always honest about everything, and once I brought up the subject of masturbation, we both liked it and continued talking about it, but it turned out that she wasn`t to happy about being so honest, and we haven't talked to each other much for two weeks now. What should I do?

Try talking about what you used to talk about.

My ex-girlfriend gave me oral sex but I was wearing my pants. Can I still get an STD? (age 19)

Yes.

How do you get orgasms to feel really good all the time, not just sometimes? (age 15)

Experience helps, and your mental state is key. Try to be relaxed and able to focus.

What is the best way to ask a girl out? I have been friends with this one girl forever and now I like her. Do you think I should ask her out or not? (age 14)

Yes! Just ask her if she'd like to join you for a movie on Saturday night.

Is it possible for a male to get a urinary tract infection from anal sex? (age 15)

Yes, absolutely it is.

I am 12 and when you are older like 34 do you still have wet dreams?

Wet dreams are fairly common at 12 and almost unheard of at 34. All of the 12 year old will have more wet dreams tonight than all of the 34 year olds will have all year.

Does masturbation stop a boy from having wet dreams? (age 14)

The most likely case is that once a boy starts masturbating regularly, he will never have another wet dream.

I can't stop thinking about masturbation. Its almost taking over my life, I mean when I come home from school all I can think about is when I am going to masturbate. Is this normal? (age 12)

At your age, I think it is.

My pastor says that masturbation is not necessary because wet dreams will relieve any excess fluid. Is this true or do we still need to masturbate regularly to stay healthy sexually? (age 18)

I don't think wet dreams are adequate. Most males only have wet dreams a few times a month, but some recent research says that males need to ejaculate at least six times a week to be sexually healthy.

Does a wet dream have the same intensity of a regular orgasm? (age 17)

No. A wet dream is kind of a pure ejaculation without as much of the full-body response that accompanies a wakeful orgasm.

I have been masturbating for about 6 years. I have tried to stop. Now I masturbate once every 3 days. I am single and sexually frustrated. I would like to know how often should I masturbate? How can I release sexual frustration? (age 22)

Most men your age who don't have partners masturbate daily. Some authorities say males need to ejaculate at least six times a week to prevent prostate cancer. You don't seem to be happy with every three days, so why not try every day for a while and see if you are less frustrated?

A couple of years ago I was in the hospital for about a week. One morning my doctor came in to discuss something, and I awoke rather aroused. He quickly noticed, and said he would give me time to "take care of that." He left the room, telling me to open the door when I was ready. Once I finished, I opened the door, finding him leaning against the wall reading a chart. He came in, spoke to me, and left. (age 37)

I'm glad you had fun, but he might have meant for you to urinate, which would also cause a tumescent penis to go down.

I love when I get wet dreams, but I also love to masturbate. Is there anything I can do so I can get both? (age 13)

If you masturbate no more than twice a week, you might get to have wet dreams for a long time to come.

Are a female's sexual fluids anything like the same substance a male's semen is made of (obviously without sperm), or is it entirely different? (age 16)

The fluids are produced by completely different organs. Female fluids are mostly produced in her Bartholin's glands. Male fluids are mostly produced in the prostate and the Cowper's gland. They are as different as saliva is different from bile.

I don't really remember having wet dreams when I was younger. I masturbated from a young age, but now if I go a week sometimes I can have a wet dream. Is this normal for someone who's 23? I masturbated on Sunday and I had a wet dream on Wednesday.

It's kind of unusual, but I don't think it's anything to worry about. If it really bothers you, you can always make sure you don't accidentally go a whole week without masturbating.

My orgasms come in just 2-3 minutes. How can I lessen the time so that I'll enjoy it better? (age 17)

I think you would be better off if you increased the time. Just work at making it a little longer each time. Five minutes is pretty good, and 10 minutes is better.

I am 17 and I do not masturbate. I have wet dream 2 to 3 times a week? Is it normal?

No. It is normal to masturbate at your age and to be finished with wet dreams.

Does it do any damage if I masturbate face up and flip over prone just for the orgasm? I ramdomly do that. (age 15)

Why take a chance? It can't do any good to do that.

Ever since I started masturbating I've done it in the standard way (supine, fist around my penis), but recently I've been lying on the floor and pulling my legs past my head trying to fellate myself so that I can ejaculate directly into my mouth. I still can masturbate the standard way without problems. However, I am concerned that this position might put excessive pressure on my penis and have most of the same consequences as TMS. Is this harmful? If I were one of the lucky 0.1% and could fellate myself, would it be harmful? (age 21)

It might be a lot less than 0.1 percent. That would be 112,500 adult males in the United States, and I've never heard a credible case that someone could. 112,500 is a lot more than most things we hear about. It would only be speculation as to the sexual functioning of someone like that; however, I don't know how what you describe could lead to increased sexual functioning with a partner.

I have a 16 year old girlfriend, and neither of us believes in in pre-martial sex, Recently I bought her a small bullet vibrator. The whole thought of having it anywhere makes her unconfortable. I have asked if she was ready to use it a number of times, about once a month, and she always says maybe someday. She knows that it really is a fetish of mine to watch her use one. I will respect her choice but is there any way I can convince her? (age 18)

Your girlfriend doesn't want this but you're not thinking about what's best for her; you only want to do what you want.

I have this female friend I've known for several years through church and school. We're pretty good friends, and I'm almost positive she masturbates and I really want to start a casual sexual relationship with her. Should I just abandon this idea or is there some way I can approach her? I don't want to offend her or anything and our parents talk a lot so I don't want any trouble. (age 16)

I don't know how you know she masturbates or what that has to do with any of this. You are asking for trouble by trying to get involved in a casual sexual relationship with a friend, especially at your age. Why are you not interested in a long term relationship with this girl? I think she would be less likely to be offended by that suggestion, and your families are more likely to be accepting of a sexual relationship after a while.

Did you just decide to make a web site on masturbation and other stuff one day or did you study it in college? (female, age 13)

That's a very good question! I had come across Dr. Sank's article on TMS and was working on overcoming TMS myself. One day I was taking a pretty long car trip by myself and thought it would be worthwhile to put up a couple of pages about TMS and start the online support group on Yahoo. The general questions and topics -- which now make up most of this site -- came later. I never took any sex classes in college or graduate school but I've probably read as much on the subject as Ph.D. sexologists.

My girlfriend has decided she wants to do internal masturbation instead of external. We're both still virgins. I want to know by changing to internal masturbation if it will affect how it will feel for me when we have intercourse. (age 19)

Masturbating internally is apt to make her more receptive to having something inside her vagina, so your first intercourse, if that time comes, will probably be better than if she'd never done it that way.

I have been masturbating for a while, and I still feel very uncomfortable about it. I wanted to talk to my dad, but I couldn't build up the courage. One afternoon, I accidentally discovered in his cabinet a dirty magazine and a box of condoms. At first I thought this would make it easier to talk to him about masturbation, since I am now almost positive he does it, but it's been a week now and every day I just get more uneasy to be around him. I don't know what do. Please help me. (age 15)

If you don't want to talk to him about it, then don't. No one says you have to. And no more snooping!

Does masturbating make you get acne? (age 15)

No. That nasty rumor got started because most people start masturbating and get acne at about the same age.

I have a rather healthy sex drive. I masturbate 7-8 times a week. I've noticed that about once or twice a year, I have a day, where I can't get satisfied and I masturbate 8-12 times that day. What could cause this? (age 17)

The most likely cause would be a lot of stress, perhaps worrying about something that's bothering you. That's definitely compulsive masturbation, and it's good that it only happens once or twice a year. It shouldn't hurt anything, but try to take it easy for a few days after that day is over.

I am quitting masturbating lying on my stomach after reading your site. Have I already damaged myself permanently? I don't want to have sex problems later in life. (age 14)

You ought to expect a full recovery by switching so young. Good luck.

I had a wet dream this morning and I just masturbated two days ago. Is that normal? (age 15)

I think so.

Recently while masterbating without lube, I injured myself. I pulled too hard and now there is a tear in the small flap of skin that connects the bottom front of the foreskin to the shaft. It was bleeding and hurt, but now it has stopped. Will it heal on its own, or should I see a doctor?

You ought to do more than leave it alone. Perhaps you should cover it with a bandage and see if it heals over the next few days.

I read online that women have stronger orgasms and that sort of crushed my ego. Now I don't feel like masturbating. What should I do? (age 15)

You should grow up. It is not a settled point that women have stronger orgasms. Also, men assuredly have a lot more of them.

I haven't masturbated TMS style for four weeks. I want to know if I'm cured? (age 13)

Cured is when you can masturbate in the conventional manner daily and have no desire to go back to TMS.

I haven't hit puberty yet. I masturbate once a day but I'm worried that I am stunting my growth because I'm shorter than most of the people in my grade. (age 13)

Masturbation can't stunt your growth. Puberty will be upon you shortly.

Is porno fake or real? You said what comes out of guys is liquid soap. (age 13)

Like everything else in the movies and television, porn is a combination of fake and real. Sometimes men in porn can produce enough ejaculate that their natural fluid is adequate for what the director wants you to see, but most of the time, the ejaculate is a special effect produced with liquid soap.

I have been abstaining for four days in order to cure myself of TMS. But today I woke up and found myself hard and I needed to urinate. I think I might have masturbated in my sleep. Do I need to restart my abstinence? (age 14)

Don't worry about that.

Can fingering my girlfriend harm her? I love her and don't want to hurt her. (age 16)

She will tell you if something hurts. It should be expected that you will make some missteps while you are learning.

I have masturbated once a day since I was 12. Is that too much for my age? (age 14)

No. That sounds very normal, and maybe even on the low side of normal.

I wish we had something like this site when I was a kid. Very good! Go more public! (age 57)

I'm a virgin and I've been masturbating prone for about 16 years. I've never used my hands. I calculate that I must have masturbated about 10,000 times. When I get an erection when I'm not masturbating, my penis goes straight up against my body. I don't think I could even get it straight out. Is this normal? What can I do? (age 26)

You are lucky that your penis is still as strong as a teenager's after all of that masturbating. I think I'm short of 10,000 times after 26 years at it. To get to 10,000 in only 16 years means you must do it about twice a day. I suggest you quit TMS and learn to do it the conventional way. I suggest you next develop a plan to lose your virginity. Males are much more likely to develop serious sexual problems if they remain virgins past 21. Your penis will be able to flex downward as needed to function sexually.

I came home the other day and heard my 16 year old daughter running around upstairs. When I went into my room, I found the homemade sex tape of my wife and me running in the VCR, and when I put it back in hiding, I found my wife's dildo, still wet and warm. How should I approach my daughter? (age 41)

The issue is not about her masturbating but about her failing to respect your privacy. I suggest you tell her you know what she was doing and that you expect her to respect your privacy in the future. You might offer to get her some of her own equipment. It might also be a good idea to erase the homemade sex tape or at least put a lock on the hiding place.

My mom is a nurse and she wakes up early, but I was up earlier. I decided to masturbate on the couch and she walked in on me. I had just gotten an erection and just started stroking so she probably thought I was scratching myself. I'm so paranoid about my family seeing me masturbate. I don't even want them to see me on this site! If they do, they will know that I masturbate. (age 12)

I'm almost certain your mom knew what you were doing. Now that it is in the open, you shouldn't worry so much about your family, but wouldn't it be a good idea to keep it in private anyway?

If someone tries to stroke you to orgasm while you are asleep, will you wake up? (age 17)

That would be rape. I hope no one ever tries to do that to you.

I have had painful urination since the time I started masturbating about two years ago. The pain starts as soon as I start to urinate and ends as I'm finishing, There is no pain afterward. I was wondering what the cause of this could be. I am still a virgin so it can't be an STD or something like that. Could this have been caused by masturbation or by some other source? (age 14)

I don't know how masturbating could cause that. The only thing that comes to mind is that residual semen dries inside the urethra and it can sometimes be painful to eliminate that if you wait too long. It is advisable to urinate soon after ejaculating. There are other urinary tract infections besides those caused by STDs. I would strongly suggest a urine test from your doctor. In the meantime, drinking a half gallon of water a day (a cup every two hours) might make a difference.

I first started masturbating to fantasies when I was 10 or 11. But I actually have been playing with it since I was 2 or 3. The problem is, I did it lying down rocking my hips side-to-side from 10 to 15 years old. I reach amazing orgasms quickly if I want to. But since I masturbated that way for 5 years, could I have TMS? (age 17 3/4)

If you have been masturbating conventionally for 2 3/4 years, then you are cured of TMS.

Is conditioner a decent lube? (age 14)

It is better than nothing.

A girl I have known since I was young came on to me when she was drunk one night and we ended up having sex. The next day we talked about it and she said she had been thinking about it for a while. I immediately thought she maybe wanted to get involved in a relationship. So I told her that I didn't think we should get involved. But I can't stop thinking about having sex with her and she is always phoning me. So, I went to see her (when she hadn't been drinking), and I asked if we could cuddle up on the couch (because I wanted sex with her) but she said she felt too nervous. I felt rejected. Every time I go to her house to see her, I keep thinking about having sex with her, but I don't want to ask her in case I get rejected again. I've even tried ignoring her when she calls me but she just keeps calling. I'm thinking that the next time she texts me, I will tell her that I will see her only if she wants to have sex; Otherwise I don't want to see her again. (age 19)

You are wanting to use her as a "sex buddy." That is what people do when they are frustrated about not being able to find a girlfriend or boyfriend and decide to settle for nothing but sex. You ought not to lower your standards that far down at your age. I suggest you forget about this girl (since you are not interested in her), and try going out with people you indeed want to be involved with. Also, be careful about having sex with drunk girls. That can lead to accusations of rape.

For whatever reason, I had no interest in masturbating until I was 17. Since then, I have masturbated pretty regularly, probably once per day. Is there something wrong with me that I started so late? Also, I read somewhere on this site that masturbation is necessary to release fluids, otherwise damage could be caused. Is it possible that I caused damage to myself by not masturbating all those years, especially since I didn't have wet dreams very often? (age 18)

There is nothing you can do about those years now. You seem to be making up for lost time. I don't think your late start at masturbating means there is anything wrong with you. Don't worry about the years in which you weren't masturbating. Just enjoy what you can do now.

I masturbated and had fun. (age 19)

I'm happy for you. Now why don't you do something else fun this summer before it's time to go back to school?

I think I have frenulum breve. How can I make sure without going to the doctor? How can I fix it without getting cut? (age 16)

You ought not diagnose that yourself. Go to the doctor. He might have a non-surgical treatment.

Do guys get addicted to masturbation? (age 16)

It's not an addiction. It's normal behavior and many doctors say it's necessary for sexual health.

I really like your site! If I masturbate every other day for a month, and stop, will that stop wet dreams forever? (age 16)

There's no guarantee. Are you sure you don't want to do it more often than every other day?

I just started to masturbate about a month ago. I like to lay two pillows next to each other on the ground and then move my penis up and down in between the pillows while lying face down. This helps me to ejaculate but I was wondering if it is healthy to do. (age 14)

No, it isn't. It is traumatic masturbatory syndrome (TMS), which causes severe sexual dysfunction in most males. You ought to be able to give it up pretty easily after only a month. I don't think you will be any worse for having done it that little.

I stopped masturbating for a couple of weeks and tried stopping but then I get wet dreams. Every time I masturbate my scars from the acne I used to have get redder. What can I do? (age 17)

Masturbating or not masturbating will not affect your acne. Why would you expect it to affect scar tissue? Your scars will heal, and I hope you will have accepted masturbation as something normal and fun by then.

Can you start having wet dreams even if you have never masturbated? (age 13)

Yes. You are more likely to have wet dreams if you have never masturbated.

HealthyStrokes.com has made me feel more comfortable with masturbation. Whenever I get an erection or think of masturbating, I start to smell something like sperm, and it's very strong. What is this? When I masturbate I can never last long. (age 15)

You will last longer with practice. The smell could be pre-cum (which usually has no smell). I don't know what you are smelling, but you must be smelling something, because it's not possible to imagine a smell.

Is it illegal to have sex on a plane? If not, is there a legal age? (age 19)

It is not illegal, but be sure to observe the laws against indecent exposure and statutory rape. I don't know which statutory rape laws would apply, so make sure you are in compliance with those of all states you are flying from, into, or over.

If you wear briefs, does that mean you're gay? I don't like boxers. (age 16)

Absolutely not. Wear what you're comfortable in.

What should be the frequency of masturbating at my age? (age 18)

I think eight times a week is pretty typical for a man your age who is not having sex.

Thanks so much for this site. My parents have never given me any sexual information, and a clean, healthy, helpful site like this is very nice to find. I started masturbating very recently, within the last year. It happened as a semi-accident. My penis was rubbing around within my pants, and I stimulated it with my hand and ejaculated within my pants. This is the way that I have been masturbating ever since, and now when I try to masturbate in the conventional manner, I am having trouble reaching orgasm. Do you have any ideas? (age 15)

I suggest trying an abstinence program similar to the one I recommend for curing TMS on the main page. You ought to have an easier time reaching orgasm after a period of abstinence.

When I was 22, I was caught masturbating by my 21-year-old sister. I was sitting on the living room couch naked. I was at the point of no return when my sister walked in and just stood there and watched me ejaculate. I was so embarrassed and she said it's OK, everyone does it. (age 27)

I masturbate every other day. Is that OK at my age? (age 21)

It seems like it is not nearly enough, but if you are OK with it, then it is OK.

I have been masturbating since I was 13, and the last time I ejaculated, I felt a dull pain in the shaft of my penis near my testicles. I waited to ejaculate longer than I normally do that time, and I had much more semen than usual. The last time I masturbated before this was 1-2 days earlier. What's going on? (age 15)

It's probably nothing to worry about. It might have been related to the extended length of your masturbation session. I doubt it's a problem unless it starts happening frequently.

I want to ask if my girlfriend is a virgin and I don't want to have sex before marriage. I just want to have oral sex. Can I touch her G spot without breaking her hymen? (age 23)

If your girlfriend knows of your desire to remain a virgin, she is apt to tell you she is one whether or not that is the truth. Some people consider a person who has had oral sex to be no longer a virgin. You cannot touch her G Spot without breaking her hymen, if she still has one; however, fewer people would consider a person a virgin if they have only had manual intercourse (i.e., stimulating a partner with your hands) than if they have had oral sex. Good luck in disentangling all of that.

I masturbate but I would realy like to stop this habit because now I am 18 and I guess I am old enough not to masturbate. I really don't know how to quit.

There is nothing immature about masturbating. Certainly more people do it as they get older. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun. Doctors have discovered that males who masturbate most often at your age have the least incidence of prostate cancer later. If you really want to quit, I suggest you cut back to once a week. Then think about quitting some more.

I read somewhere that ejaculation causes the amount of DHT in your body to increase, thus helping cause hair loss. Is this true? (age 25)

I don't think so.

I don't understand what's so fun about masturbating. It feels horribly disgusting! I don't know why, but it just feels that way to me. The part when you ejaculate, it just feels disgusting...why? (age 16)

I think you protest too much. For nearly all males, it feels very good, both before you ejaculate and when you do. Orgasm is a whole-body experience where the feeling in your genitals radiates through your entire body. It also releases chemicals into the bloodstream that produce good feelings. If those things are not happening for you, then perhaps you have an illness that requires help from an endocrinologist.

I started masturbating a long time ago, but when I sat down to think about it, I probably have been masturbating for 3 years straight and perhaps even longer. And I have done it almost every day of those three years. It's not like I HAVE to or NEED to. I just love doing it. When it comes to sex, I'm fine. I don't know if teenagers or adults grow out of masturbating or not, but I sure haven't. Will this ever lead to cancer risks or problems later in life? Is it bad that I masturbate every single day? (age 19)

What you have said is very normal. Some scientists believe you do HAVE to. People don't grow out of masturbating (although many replace most of it with intercourse), and there is nothing wrong with you that you haven't. It is believed that masturbating daily reduces your risk of cancer later rather than increases it.

Would water work as a lube? Is TMS just a temporary thing until you can masturbate regularly with a conventional style? (age 14)

Water is strictly speaking not a lube but it might assist you a little. Most TMS males masturbate that way until they make a concerted effort to change to some other style. The change can be difficult for many men, but it is easiest at your age.

How much sperm is a normal amount to be ejaculated in masturbating? (age 13)

If you mean semen (the fluid that comes out when a male ejaculates), 5 to 7 ml, or about a teaspoonful, is a normal volume. If you mean the number of sperm cells (the microscopic cells that cause pregnancy), 350 million is typical for an ejaculation.

Is blue balls a permanent condition, or does it just last until you ejaculate again? (age 15)

It is not permanent. Blue balls will go away within a few hours without any help, or sooner if you ejaculate.

I am having difficulty reaching orgasm while wearing a condom. I have herpes, so it's essential that I wear one, but it's beginning to become a problem in my relationship. I have no problem maintaining an erection throughout, nor is there a problem with out the condom. I have heard of different sized condoms as well. I've done some searching, but can't seem to find any answers.

It is often more difficult for males to reach orgasm with a condom. (It's also less fun for the female partner.) A larger sized condom would probably be worse, and a smaller one would be more likely to break. You might experiment with different styles and textures. Some that are advertised for "pleasing women" are also more fun for the man.

I am worried that I might get prostate cancer and I have done some research on preventative treatment of it and I came across the method of massaging which helps drain extra prostate fluid helping to reduce your chance of getting cancer. Do you know if this is true? (age 25)

I've never seen anything like that given serious study. I doubt that is necessary and will probably make you worse off in the long run. You can easily drain your prostate through intercourse or masturbation.

I am a father of three daughters and recently my younger daughter (4) has been masturbating without knowing it. She only knows it as a good feeling and is telling my other daughters 7 and 10 about it, but I don't think she knows what it is. I told her she shouldn't do it since she does it somewhat excessively (my wife tells me her vaginal area becomes red from touching too much). What should I do? Should I just let her do it or stop her? (age 29)

It is probably better for her if you only tell her not to do it in public. It is often difficult to explain things to four-year-olds. You might also advise your other daughters about what she is doing, and let them know that it's OK but shouldn't be done in front of others.

I didn't know what TMS was but apparently I have it. I've masturbated not face down before, but I have always needed to hold a sock; I always thought my penis was peculiarly insensitive or something because my hand just doesn't stimulate me. I enjoy masturbating with a sock just fine, but is that a separate issue or will my sensitivity increase when I stop doing anything TMS-style? (age 18)

Using a sock is not TMS, but it is an atypical masturbatory style that you are better off leaving behind. You might try using lube and seeing if that makes it easier to masturbate with your hand.

I have always been turned on by the thought of being caught so I used to masturbate regularly when I thought he was asleep. Most of the time I tried to go to the restroom, but I'm sure it was obvious. We never said anything and I never found any clues that he was masturbating. (age 20)

Trying to get caught is as much an invasion of someone else's privacy as actively trying to catch someone is. Being respectful of boundaries works both ways.

I had my first wet dream last night, but it was very odd because I masturbated yesterday. I have been masturbating since I was 11. I expect that it is quite unusual to have a wet dream the night after masturbating. Have you heard of this before? (age 15)

Yes, but having a wet dream when you are experienced masturbating is unusual anyway. The timing relative to your last ejaculation only makes it slightly more so.

Is there any way to get Astroglide or K-Y Liquid without actually buying it or asking my dad because both are really embarrassing. I was also womdering if it is OK at my age to be curious about my sexuality because whenever I see an attractive male, I think of him naked and wonder what he does when he's masturbating, but I also like girls. (age 13)

Curiousity about sexuality at your age is very normal and healthy. It will probably only be embarrassing the first time you buy lube. The cashier will probably not even notice.

I have never masturbated before, because I want a wet dream. I'm aware that there is a slim chance that I'll get one after I start masturbating. What should I do? (age 12)

There is nothing wrong with either masturbating or waiting for a wet dream at your age. A lot of guys who wait decide that wet dreams aren't so exciting and then regret that they didn't start masturbating sooner.

I masturbate to ejaculation at least 7 times a week. I also have sexual relations with my wife at least 3 times a week. Is this abnormal for my age? My wife doesn't object to my frequent masturbation, because we still have a very active sex life. If I still feel the urge to masturbate every day, does this suggest a possible sexual addiction? Or do I just have a strong sex drive? (age 41)

I don't think having 10 orgasms a week makes you an addict. It is good that you discuss it with your wife.

I kind of "hump" my hand. It feels really really good. I discovered this method on another web site, so I'm assuming it's safe to do. Is it really? (age 14)

No. That is a form of TMS. It is dangerous to get used to masturbating that way. The web site you mentioned is full of bad ideas. The most sexually successful men don't use whole lot of variation in how they masturbate.

Is using a masturbating sleeve/latex vagina on my hands and knees or using a sex doll in the prone position likely to cause TMS? When having sex in the missionary position, the penis is stimulated in the same way. Thus, having sex in these positions would cause TMS as well! (age 29)

All of those things are causes of TMS. No matter how rational it sounds, masturbating in the prone position is not analagous to having intercourse in the prone position. The object you are masturbating against puts much more pressure on the penis and in different ways from the vagina.

I stopped masturbating as a New Year's resolution shortly before January 1st of this year. On May 11th (131 days later), I had my first wet dream; on July 3rd (53 days later), I had my 2nd; and on July 27th (24 days later), I had my 3rd. I am completely clueless as to what will happen next. It has now been over 3 weeks since my 3rd, and I'm still waiting for my supposed 4th wet dream. I used to masturbate heavily in my teen years, but slowly lost interest in it over time. I'm curious if you know anything about whether my story fits into any kind of recognized pattern, or is in any way typical. (age 30)

My first thought is that your story is absolute poppycock. The average male would have been crawling the walls about the 8th of January and would have had a hard time thinking about anything else. There is no good reason to quit masturbating. Masturbation is normal and healthy and fun. At least one doctor says that males need to ejaculate six times a week. If your story is to be believed, you have had three orgasms in the time during which the average male your age would have had close to 300. Why would you expect me to believe that or find that to be something to celebrate?

When I was younger, a teacher told me that masturbation prevents wet dreams. I masturbated, but I had a wet dream anyway. Now I hate that teacher. (age 15)

It is widely believed that masturbating at a certain frequency will prevent wet dreams from happening (possibly forever), but this is not an absolute. You should not hate a teacher for telling you that. It is more than most young males ever learn about wet dreams and masturbating.

Are there any dangers from performing cunnilingus? You've said it can bring a female to orgasm and I don't think there's much of a risk of pregnancy. (age 15)

It is very powerful at bringing a female to orgasm, and there isn't any risk of pregnancy. They are very rare, but sexually transmitted diseases can be spread by cunnilingus. So either make sure you have a faithful partner with no diseases or else use a dental dam.

I'm 13 years and 8 months old. I've been attempting masturbation since I was 12 when a younger friend gave me some instruction. He said to look at sexually explicit pornography and to pretend I was the guy. The problem is, my sexual fantasy capability is limited. My imagination isn't stunted and I know plenty of the female anatomy but I just can't have a self-generated fantasy. I'm also taking an anti-depressant that seems to prevent me from getting erect. I stopped taking it because it really frustrates me and I'm over my depression. Does it have any long-lasting effects? I still get erections but it's hard to get them spontaneously, and it's hard to keep going. It's hard to gauge the time I spend but I'll go for over 10 minutes at least and I don't see much change. My foreskin also gets red and irritated. It doesn't hurt, but does it mean I'm being too rough? I'm just not sure. I'm really insecure about this since I'm never able to ejaculate. At what age do you think I should be able to start and at what age should I get medical help?

Most boys are able to masturbate to orgasm by 13 years and 8 months, but it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you if you don't. You ought to continue your anti-depressant until your doctor tells you don't need it anymore. You can ask the doctor for a different antidepressant that doesn't have sexual side effects. I can tell you have the maturity to ask the doctor that. You really seem to be trying too hard to have an orgasm. You are better off relaxing and thinking about a girl you like instead of trying to conjure up some nonsense scene from a mechanical porn movie. Redness and foreskin irritation are typical for those who masturbate without lube.

I am 16 and male, and I have been masturbating since forever. Is it normal to sometimes masturbate to orgasm without getting an erect penis at all? I remember doing this as a child. I think this is why, when I masturbate with an erect penis, I have a hard penis even after ejaculation. It remains erect. My penis remains hard even after my first come, and it won't go away until I come again, but the second time, I have to rub it very much harder than first time. With an erect penis, I can orgasm like 4 times in a row. Is this multi-orgasm?

It could be multiple orgasms, but for males to be multi-orgasmic, they have to be able to have orgasms without ejaculating. So, yours are only multiple orgasms if you are having dry orgasms the first few times. It is better if you only masturbate when you have an erection. Even if you learned that habit at a young age, it is not too late to correct it.

I've seen on the Internet about not carrying condoms in your wallet because it damages them so they don't work. Is this true, and would it be dangerous to do so even if the condom was to be in my wallet no more than a week? (I'd use it within 5 days most likely.)

Condoms are very thin pieces of latex (or other material) that have an important function of protecting against pregnancy and venereal diseases. It is foolish to take chances with them even for as little as five days. You are better off keeping them anyplace else, because if you carry your wallet in your hip pocket, as most men do, the wallet gets hot and sweaty and its contents are compressed between your butt and what you are sitting on. Better to keep them in the original box, or if space is essential, in a pocket or carrying case. Your partner will appreciate it when you show that you have been treating the condom as something important.

I've been going out with my girlfriend for a few months now and we are both virgins. I want to finger her but I'm not sure what would be the best way to initiate it. Should I move my hand down to that area and just see what happens or should I ask her first? Also, will it hurt her if I accidentally break her hymen? Should I use a lubricant or will she probably be wet enough already after some kissing? (age 15)

First of all, consider the age of consent in your location. Secondly, when you're close to the age of consent, as you obviously are, it is a very good idea to get positive verbal approval for any kind of sexual activity. Breaking the hymen does not usually hurt, however, you are planning on breaking it intentionally, not accidentally. She ought not need a lubricant for that.

I started masturbating at the age of 5 and I used the TMS method as I was too young at that time to realize it was harmful. I continued doing it this way for about 10 years until I realized it wasn't normal, then I trained myself to do it the correct way and have been doing it like that ever since. I have no trouble gaining an erection and I feel no pain while ejaculating. I am a virgin, so I don't know if I will have a problem in a sex scenario. Do you think I will be OK in regard to having sex with a partner? When I ejaculate, it does not shoot out as I know some males do. Instead it just floods out onto my hand. Is this possibly due to my early years of TMS? Would it prevent me from getting a woman pregnant? (age 22)

If you have been over TMS for seven years, I don't think you should have any problems from it. I can't say in advance what your first sex will be like, but there is no good to come out of worrying about it. You will most likely be fine. The inability to shoot semen does not render you infertile. However, you can increase the pressure in your ejaculate by holding your PC muscle for a split second right before ejaculating. With practice, you can shoot like the best of us.

I have had three wet dreams. One thing I think people dont take into consideration is relationship status at the time of the wet dream. When I was 14, there was this girl I was head over heels for. We were friends and all, but I wanted more, so badly. I masturbated very much in those years. This was when I had my first wet dream. It wasn't about her, but i believe it happened because of my intense longing for her. Also in those days, where I had different relationships and would get closer to losing my virginity, when my hormones were at their highest, I had my other two wet dreams. One occured on a night where I slept in the same bed with another girl, at a party. Now I am 17, and have a steady relationship, I have been with her for over a year, and we are sexually active. No more wet dreams for me. (age 17)

It is good that you are thinking of other explanations for wet dreams besides just masturbation frequency, but I don't think three wet dreams in the space of two years proves anything. Also, did you not have other times in this period (and before) where you were also intensely desiring either sex or a relationship, but did not have wet dreams? You are committing the error known in social science as selection bias; you are basing your conclusion only on the times you had wet dreams and not on all the similar times you didn't.

If you say that masturbation can feel physically better for a guy, then why would they want sex so badly? Or wouldn't they at least want a hand job more? (female, age 16)

That's an interesting question, but there is more to sexual intercourse than just ejaculation. Men crave sex not only so they can ejaculate, but also to feel close to a partner, to lie close to her, to engage in other activities that accompany sexual intercourse (e.g., touching, kissing), and also to engage that person's sexual response (i.e., bring her to orgasm). None of those things are present during masturbation and they are present to a much lesser degree during manual intercourse. So it isn't just about the perfect orgasm and the optimum quality of ejaculation.

Is there a negative side effect to maturbating daily if you've had a vasectomy? Can this eventually cause problems? I have been masturbating once a day with few exceptions since the procedure 10 years ago. Lately I have felt more lethargic and not as keen mentally. (age 43)

No. In a vasectomy, sperm cells are prevented from entering the semen stream, but the other components of semen are unaffected. Sperm cells comprise less than 1/100 of 1 percent of a man's ejaculate. The sperm cells will eventually be carried away by the lymphatic system, where they will go unnoticed.

I realize that you advise against touching the head while masturbating. What are the reasons for this? (age 22)

I'm not against touching the head, but males are apt to find it too sensitive to touch unless they are using lube.

My brother, who is 2 years younger than me, walked in on me masturbating. He pretends he didn't because I didn't see him, but I heard him walk in. Should I talk to him, or just ignore it? (age 16)

It looks like you're better off ignoring it.

I think my mom is a no-masturbating sort of person, and I also think she suspects I'm masturbating, but I'm not. I'm worried that when I start masturbating and she catches me, she will get angry, what should I do? (age 13)

You are worried about a lot of what-ifs. You don't know for sure that she is against masturbation, you don't know that she suspects you of it, and you don't know that she will ever catch you or get angry. Why not wait until that comes to pass before you get all upset about it?

It feels like I get aroused too easily. I masturbate 1 to 3 times a day depending on how turned on I'm feeling that day. Although I'll get an erection about 5 to 6 times a day during school even when I'm not even thinking about anything that would arouse me. It's annoying because oftentimes I have to shift my position, or put a bag or something on my lap to hide the fact that I have an erection, even for the times when it just randomly happens. Is this normal? Should I tell a doctor about it? (age 17)

That is all normal (although masturbating 3 times a day often would be considered high), and there is no reason to tell it to a doctor.

I have started to regularly masturbate around 3-4 times a day. Is this healthy? (age 15)

That is a very high frequency. You would probably enjoy it more if you did not do it that often.

How do you stop masturbating? (age 17)

I don't think very many males have. The ones whose stories of quitting are most credible claim to have taken years to quit. If you really want to quit, I suggest cutting back to once a week for a month or so and then taking another look at whether you really want to quit.

I started masturbating when I was 12 and started sleeping naked about the same time. I like to do it at bedtime and getting in bed naked always gives me a really firm hard on. How common is it to start sleeping naked when you start masturbating? (age 15)

I think it's pretty common, but I don't have any specific survey research on the point.

Do Koreans masturbate? (age 18)

Yes. And Lithuanians and Letts. And the best upper sets do it. Some Argentines without means do it. Folks in Boston say that even beans do it.

A month ago I was at a friend's house and he went to the store and I had to use the washroom and all of a sudden I got the urge to masturbate but I forgot to lock the door and his mom opened the door and caught me and I scrambled to put it away but she just stood there in shock then finally closed the door. When I was leaving to go back outside my friend's sister was in the room and I think they were talking about me. I was so embarrassed I haven't been back there since and I stopped taking his calls. What should I do? (age 16)

I doubt anyone will hold it against you. You should talk to your friend. He might think you're mad at him for some reason. He would probably get a big laugh out of the incident if you told him.

I was wondering how to make my orgasms more enjoyable, because I don't like to use porn. (age 15)

You can try to extend the time you're masturbating. That can make the orgasm better at the end. You can also develop your ability to fantasize without using porn.

My dad says you can't hurt your prostate by not ejaculating at least every 2 weeks. Is he right? (age 13)

I don't think he is, and neither do leading experts in urology. Once every two weeks is an extreme outer limit. Dr. Graham Giles says males need to ejaculate six times a week.

I know you're only supposed to do it in the privacy of your own house, but I love to masturbate in public. It turns me on so much. (age 15)

You're asking for trouble. Why not give up that habit before you can be tried as an adult.

For your TMS guide you said not to watch yourself ejaculate. What if I accidentally looked? What should I do then? (age 15)

It's OK. I meant you shouldn't actively watch until you have learned how to do it.

When I masturbate, I have no trouble getting an orgasm, but when I get it, only a drop or two of semen is ejaculated. Is there anything I can do to get more semen? (age 14)

Keep stroking until your penis gets too sensitive to continue.

Last night I had sexual dream which I don't usually have. When I woke up there was semen all over the front of my boxers but my skin felt normal. However, I don't remember waking up and seeing myself orgasm so is this a wet dream? (age 13)

Yes, probably. You wouldn't see yourself orgasm in a wet dream but you would probably feel it. It is also possible that you masturbated in your sleep.

What is the best time to masturbate? (age 16)

There is no time that is better than any other. That's like asking, "what is the best time to do laundry?"

When you masturbate, are you supposed to stop once you feel an orgasm or keep going while it happens? (age 14)

You ought to keep going as long as you can stand it. When your orgasm is over, your penis will be too sensitive to touch.

Are dry orgasms bad for you? Sometimes when I use the stop and go method of masturbation I have one. I can also feel something coming but it doesn't. Is this OK? (age 13)

None of that sounds good. The stop and go method is bad. It is better if you keep stimulated and erect the whole time. If you can have wet orgasms, then you should be having them from now on.

Follow-up: I have quit using the stop and go method, and the dry orgasms were accidental. How do I make masturbating more interesting? Don't say location because I have masturbated almost in every room in my house. You have a great site.

Fantasies! Fantasies! Fantasies!

I have a younger brother who is 11. He has shown a big interest in girls and has questions about sex. I was wondering if it would be OK if I showed him Playboy and show him how to masturbate, by letting him watch me? (age 16)

I don't think showing him Playboy is such a big deal, but I don't think it would be good to show him how to masturbate. You might tell him a few things about it one of these days.

I am straight and find it hard to get a girlfriend. Nearly all my friends are girls and I really like one of them. I don't know what to do. Everyone thinks I am gay. How can I prove I am not? (age 13)

I doubt that everyone thinks that. Perhaps if you asked the girl you like to the movies the supposed gossip about you would stop.

I have never had any type of sexual contact with a partner, but I have recently seen many very small bumps on my penis, and I was wondering what they might be, since I'm positive they're not an STD. (age 16)

They might be pearly penile papules, but only a doctor could say for sure.

I am a 19 year old virgin and I masturbate a lot. I was wondering if an orgasm from masturbation feels the same as one from intercourse.

The one from masturbation is obviously more under your control. Physiologically, the same things are happening in both. Most say the one from intercourse is better because you share it with someone.

Is there any way to stop having wet dreams without masturbating or having sexual intercourse? (age 15)

No.

I heard about mutual masturbation. What is it really? And is it gay to practice it? (age 15)

Mutual masturbation is masturbating with another person without touching them. If you are touching their privates, it is manual intercourse. If you do it with someone of the same sex, some people will regard you as gay.

Is it common on the epididymis to have a hard lump where it connects to the testicle? (age 16)

Yes, that is normal, but it is advisable to contact a doctor about any lump on the testicle.

I am 19 and never had a wet dream. Is there a way I can have at least one? Does masturbation have anything to do with me not having a wet dream?

Frequent masturbation seems to put an end to wet dreams forever, but there are also exceptions. I tell males who ask that quitting ejaculation for a month or more to try to have a wet dream is a waste of time.

I just started masturbating and am worried about my parents finding stains in my underwear. Is there a way to masturbate without stains and messes? Sometimes I do it in the toilet or shower so I can just wash it down. (age 12)

You can't eliminate the stains and messes but you can control where they are. Most guys wipe up with a tissue or sock or an old shirt.

I frequently masturbate and in the last two weeks, even though I masturbated the night before, I've had two wet dreams in different nights. Is this normal? Should I seek professional help? (age 18)

It's unusual for your age and your experience but no reason to seek professional help. Try to enjoy them.

Hey, great site you have. Does the amount of ejaculate vary from person to person or from time to time? Are there ways to control the amount? Does abstaining from ejaculating cause more ejaculate? (age 17)

Yes, it varies both from time to time and from person to person. The volume can't readily be controlled, but the frequency since the last ejaculation is the biggest variable.

I recently asked my mom for a lock on my door but she said no and that there is no reason I would need one (while giving me a weird look). I am an only child and I'm not comfortable with something heavy in front of the door. Any suggestions? (age 15)

Maybe ask again later or buy one yourself.

For years I have masturbated with a rolled-up tube of newspaper to simulate intercourse, finding it more pleasureable than traditional hand action. Currently I have ongoing penis pain all around the glans and just below it on the shaft - abrasions, ache, stinging type feelings - often like rubbing a fresh sunburn. It makes sex less pleasurable. Could it be my masturbation style catching up with me? Has that casued this abrasion and dulled the pleaure-sensing nerve endings? (age 35)

I'm pretty sure your method has caused this trouble. I suggest giving it up, perhaps forever.

I'm 18 and have wet dreams about twice a month. I have never masturbated to the point of ejaculation. Is this because I have a problem, or is it because I don't remain focused? I want to start doing it so I don't miss out on one the greatest things in life. (age 18)

It's never too late to learn. I'm inclined to believe that you're not focused on having an orgasm. When you're masturbating, really get into it and go as fast and hard as you can until you have an orgasm. Once you've learned how, you can work at going more slowly and with less force.

Could you show me one or two .org or .sch or .gov web sites which say masturbating is healthy. I know HealthyStrokes.com is the best web site I could get, but with a .com I would like to verify that this is true. (age 14)

Your skepticism about information on the Internet is healthy but misplaced. Many .com domains are very good resources, and some .org and .gov domains are not. This web site or any other could just as easily have been registered with a .org domain. In fact, .com domains are harder to get than .org.

Last night I masturbated once. This morning while I was urinating, my urine went everywhere. I could not control the direction. Is this because of masturbation? (age 19)

I think some semen got dried in your urethra and it acted as a block before it dissolved in your urine stream.

Do you have any way to verify that masturbating is healthy? (age 15)

I've seen it in nearly every book and article I've read on the subject. You might be especially interested in the work of Dr. Graham Giles who describes masturbation as not only healthy but necessary and healthier than intercourse.

I think this is a bit weird, but when I have a really cold shower it gives me an erection and I start masturbating. Is it normal for cold water to do that? (age 14)

Yes. At your age, all kinds of things can give you erections.

You said that one shouldn't touch the head of the penis while masturbating. I tend to get quite a lot of pre-cum and is it safe if I rub the pre-cum on the head of my penis? (age 15)

Yes, that is fine. You are using it as lube.

I'm 16 and I haven't done anything sexually yet. Will girls think I'm weird because I haven't?

No. They might even like it that way.

Masturbating doesn't usually feel good for me until I'm close to orgasm. Is this bad? (age 16)

I think it is. Most of the time spent masturbating is in the arousal stage. The part where it starts to feel good is the plateau stage, but for most males, that stage lasts less than a minute, and at your age, perhaps only a few seconds. You ought to enjoy how it feels in the arousal stage. Obviously, you're doing something right, because you're able to reach orgasm.

I just found your site and love it. I masturbate by lying on my back and rubbing the bottom of my penis with an open hand. Could that cause TMS? Also, it only takes me a few minutes to ejaculate. Should it be longer? (age 16)

Your method is not TMS, but it would be better if you could stroke the entire penis and not focus so much on the bottom. A few minutes is pretty good for your age.

I've only masturbated twice. If I stop is it still possible for me to have a wet dream? (age 13)

Yes, I think you have a very good chance.

No one has told me much about masturbation before, though I knew what it basically was. I tried masturbating without really knowing how others did it and I basically squeezed the head of my penis. This did not usually produce much of an effect. I then came across this site and read the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation. Could I have done damage or caused long-term ill effects by what I've done, and could I be incapable of producing semen as others? I've had 2 or 3 wet dreams, all in the past year. (age 15)

That all sounds pretty normal. You ought not suffer any ill effects from squeezing the head of your penis once. Now that you've read the Young Man's Guide, you should have a better idea of how most males do it. Good luck.

I've been masturbating for five months and I think I found a way to hold an orgasm. I was masturbating this morning, got close to an orgasm, and started to restrain the flow via the muscles down there and held it for a good 10 seconds before I couldn't take it much longer. Is it normal at my age? (age 15)

Holding it for a second (maybe two) might be good training, but holding it for 10 is very challenging to your sexual organs and is apt to lead to problems.

I've been masturbating since I was 10, and I started orgasming at 12. I went away for a week and wasn't able to masturbate the entire time (I usually do 1-2 times a day) and I had my first wet dream over the summer, and I really want to have another! Did not masturbating have any effect? (age 14)

What you describe is normal. I'm certain that not masturbating for that length of time made the difference. You would probably have another by doing the same. However, not all males are able to have them even given the same circumstances.

Recently I've been having frequent sexual dreams, all of which were explicit in detail. It gets up to the point of intercourse and stops a few seconds afterward. Why is this? I masturbate daily. (age 14)

I suspect you have never had intercourse. That makes it harder for you to complete the act in a dream. Frequent masturbation is apt to prevent wet dreams but will not eliminate sexual dreams entirely.

I was watching Playboy on my TV while masturbating when my parents came home. My mom got mad. What should I do? (age 17)

I think you should do nothing. She will defer to your dad, and I suppose he will not say anything.

I have been divorced for about 2 years now, and have had a severe lack of interest in sex and less interest in masturbation. Is impotence common this long after a break-up? (age 22)

It would be a good idea to talk to a doctor about that.

Does masturbating daily make you weak or unhealthy? (age 19)

Neither. I would be more inclined to say it makes you strong and healthy.

I'm curious about your views on using cartoon or drawn pornography instead of live pornography while masturbating. Should it be the same? (age 16)

In terms of how the models are treated, obviously drawn is better, but in terms of how it affects users, I also discourage younger males from using it and suggest that everyone be able to masturbate a few times a month without using anything visual.

My neighbor (an older woman, who is a close friend of my mom) caught me masturbating in the middle of the night while I was in the living room. I saw her from afar after I finished ejaculating on myself because I turned the TV off and that allowed me to see light from her kitchen window and her blinds moved suddenly. She has obvious hair and I saw her shadow. I think she had been watching for a while. I see her all the time and I think she knows I know. I am attracted to her but don't know if I should bring it up. I'm staying with my mom at the moment while I'm between apartments. Should I mention anything? (age 27)

You are thinking of getting involved sexually with a woman who has committed a crime by peeping through your windows to intrude onto what should be a private moment. I advise against this and would urge you instead to become involved with a female more appropriate for you who has respect for your privacy.

You've got a much too exciting site. I feel too much aroused when I read this site. I have been caught by my brother while masturbating. Now I can't face him. I am feeling too embarrassed. I know that he also masturbates! Is there any solution? (age 16)

Why don't you talk to your brother about it? Perhaps he is embarrassed too.

I started masturbating at 17. I have been having regular sexual intercourse for the past 6 months. Recently when I didn't have sexual intercourse for 10 days, and also did not masturbate, I had a wet dream. This was not my first wet dream, and i suppose it could have been my 100th. I really am fed up of wet dreams, and I want to put a stop to them. Please suggest me some good way to stop it. (age 28)

Why do you ask? You already said you know the two ways to prevent wet dreams: sexual intercourse and masturbating. Next time you will be without intercourse for that long, be sure to masturbate. It's as simple as that.

I am circumcised. Does that mean I will never have as powerful an orgasm as an uncircumcised person? (age 14)

No. I just think it's different. You can have powerful orgasms too.

I used to masturbate about every other day, but when I got a girlfriend, I stopped almost completely. She and I had sex at least daily, so I understand why I never felt the need to masturbate, but I'm no longer with her, and I still have no desire to masturbate. It's been three months, and I've only felt the urge three times. Is this healthy or not? (age 18)

You ought to be ejaculating a lot more than once a month. Dr. Graham Giles in Australia says males need to ejaculate six times a week.

I am wondering if I am a virgin or not. I let my girlfriend lick the head of my penis and that was it. She did not even put it in her mouth completely. I did not ejaculate. Am I still a virgin? (age 19)

I think nearly everyone would say you are.

I have heard that you can have a more powerful orgasm if you kneel while masturbating. Is this true and safe? (age 13)

I believe it is safe to kneel while masturbating, but I doubt that systematically brings about a better orgasm. You are better off lying down or sitting up, two positions in which you can maximize control over your body. Most guys learn to have more powerful orgasms that way, not by getting into some awkward position.

I do homework most of the time I'm home. I masturbate 7-8 times a week, but only masturbate 1-2 times during the week and catch up by doing it like 3 times each day on Fridays and Saturdays. Is this OK? (age 13)

It would be better if they were evenly spaced out throughout the week (i.e., about once a day). I never heard of someone your age having so much school work that he couldn't find time to masturbate! That's why most males your age do it at bedtime.

I used to get wet dreams all the time when I was younger, but lately I've been having them occasionally. I have sex and ejaculate regularly, but every couple of months I have a wet dream. What's even stranger is that when I ejaculate during these dreams, the amount of semen is a lot more than when I ejaculate during sex or masturbation. Any ideas? (age 37)

Unfortunately, no. What you describe approximates an old idea that wet dreams happen when a large amount of semen has built up; but we know from research that that isn't how it works. Wet dreams at your age are probably a sign that things are OK with your privates. Try to enjoy them and don't worry about them.

I've read on the Internet that watching porn can reduce the quality of masturbation and sex over the long term. Is that true? Also, my orgasms only last 3 or 4 seconds. How do I make them last longer? (age 14)

I don't think it can be stated with certainty that porn reduces the quality of sex and masturbation. I believe, however, that at your age, you ought to be expanding your imaginative powers when it comes to sexual fantasy and not becoming reliant on visual aids. You can make your orgasms last longer with practice. Keep stroking as long as you are able, even if it means altering your grip.

I have read on HealthyStrokes.com that lube can make masturbation better, but how do I get it without getting it from a store where I will get embarrassed. (age 13)

It will probably only be embarrassing the first time, and then you will realize that it is nothing to be embarrassed about. You can go to a store that has self-service checkouts. A lot of Wal Mart and K Mart stores and grocery stores have them nowadays. You can pick a cashier who is so busy, he or she won't even notice what you're buying. You can also pick a cashier who looks like they don't care who you are or what you are buying. After you do it the first time, you will realize that none of the cashiers are particularly paying attention to what you are buying. The enjoyment you will get from the lube is more than worth the embarrassment you might feel the first time.

Follow-up from another reader: I know exactly what that 13-year-old is going through. I remember the first time I bought an adult magazine. It was only Playboy, but I was dreadfully embarrassed that someone I knew would find out. I went to a distant part of town -- went there on the bus -- and bought it at a store I had never been in before. I waited until a black clerk was working the register -- I certainly didn't know many black people in those days. I took it home and had a very good time with it over the next two days. I wanted more! Two days later, I went to a bookstore near where I live and bought another issue. I walked right up to the counter where a cute blonde girl was working and looked her right in the eye. What a difference two days can make!

OK, and lube should make someone even less embarrassed. Thanks for your testimony.

Is there an age restriction for buying lube or condoms? What should I do if I get a boner in the locker room? Is it illegal to masturbate in a public area? How do Siamese twins masturbate? (age 13 or so)

Lube, no. Condoms, not in very many places. Keep a towel with you at all times so you can hide behind it. Yes, you can get arrested and get a record as a sex offender. I don't know for sure, but I've heard that for some male Siamese twins who share genitals, only one of the brothers feels what happens in the genitals. I suspect the brother who lacks sexual feeling is very resentful.

Is stroking all of your penis including the head using a lubricated fist safe? Humping your hand is TMS, and doing the whole penis-stroking feels practically the same. (age 14)

Yes, it is safe. It is a world of difference from humping your hand. Humping your hand puts much more weight on your penis than stroking it does.

I've been having wet dreams for a while now. About 2-4 a month since my first when I was just about to turn 14. (It was like a birthday present!) But recently they've stopped. I've almost gone a month without having one. Is something wrong? I've never masurbated. Should I start for health reasons? I've tried to masturbate before, but never to orgasm because I've felt intense guilt. What should I do? (age 15)

Wet dreams can be very erratic. There is probably nothing to worry about in terms of not having one for a month. I think it is a good time for you to start masturbating. They are normal, healthy, and fun, and an increasing number of experts believe, also necessary for male sexual health. You have nothing to feel guilty for. Give it a try! You can do it a lot more often than 2-4 times a month.

I was masturbating and I orgasmed. Then I noticed a clear liquid on the head. I thought I was too young for it to be anything other than urine. Then I touched it, and when I took my finger off, a strand of it followed, so I thought it might be pre-cum. Was it? (age 11)

Yes.

After I finish doing my thing, I use dirty clothing to clean up. My mom does the laundry, and she told me that she knows. It was awkward. (age 18)

Better to use an old shirt or something that doesn't get laundered as part of the cycle. Or else do your own laundry!

My mother recently caught me masturbating over some of my 17-year-old brother's magazines and called them dirty. I know that masturbating is normal (thanks for that go to you) but I don't know how to talk about it to any of my family. (age 15)

It would probably be a lot better if your mom would stay out of it and let your dad handle it. I suggest saying nothing about it and hoping it will blow over. You might talk to your brother about it.

I heard about TMS here. You said it causes problems, but what exactly is it doing to my man parts when I do it? (age 17)

A man who masturbates prone is basically lying on his penis and putting all of the pressure both from his body and from the force of masturbating onto it. This is a lot more pressure than the penis receives by ordinary hand stroking. The added pressure and compression of the penis cause sexual dysfunctions like ED and make it more difficult for a man to reach orgasm in intercourse.

Is it possible to have wet dreams after a vasectomy? (age 50)

Yes, it is possible, but by the time you're old enough for a vasectomy, the most likely situation is that you're already finished with wet dreams forever. If you never have one again, I don't think you can blame the vasectomy.

I am newly turned 17 and have a brother who is 15. I recently found a horde of Anime pictures, animations, customized commentary, and an entire web site account devoted to them on his computer. It was all my brother's and plainly for masturbation. What should I do? The stuff was shocking to me, and I never imagined that he would assemble anything like it. When I want to masturbate, I never imagine doing anything like that. Now I feel horrible, guilty, and truly betrayed, though I am not sure why. What should I do? I've also begun to lose interest in my own masturbation. Thank you for this useful, astute web site. I learned a lot about this masturbation.

Everyone likes to look at different things while they masturbate. Your brother likes Anime. I don't know how that is worse than looking at pictures of real women. Maybe it is better, because no real women are exploited to make Anime. You are probably also feeling guilty about snooping. Just accept what your brother likes as normal, and don't worry about it.

My wife started getting orgasms by hanging. She first had one climbing a rope in gym class, and she also would hang on the swing set to get one. Now, after sex, she hangs onto my neck and bends her knees up and hangs and goes up and down, and finally has an orgasm after a minute or so and wraps her legs around me tightly. Have you ever heard of this? (age 30)

Yes, I have heard of both males and females who had their first orgasm climbing a rope or a pole. It is rather unusual that this is still her preferred method for having orgasms, and that she uses you as a pole. I think most would classify this as paraphilia. Does she want to stop this behavior? If so, there are plenty of professionals who can help. If not, do you want her to stop? If so, then let her know.

I've been masturbating 1-2 times a day regularly since age 12. I always used the conventional fist technique, but only on my foreskin and shaft, since the glans has always been extremely sensitive to touch. Since becoming sexually active at 18, I have had problems staying erect with a partner and have only been able to ejaculate if the girl used her hand, and even then I had to masturbate myself almost to climax right beforehand. After not masturbating for ~3-4 days, I can remain erect inside my girlfriend but never for very long, and the foreskin sometimes hurts when it's pulled back mid-thrust. My girlfriend says I think too much during sex but I fear it could be any number of factors: oversensitive glans, or too much masturbation? I'm at wit's end. (age 24)

You could see a doctor about your sensitive foreskin, but I greatly urge you to cut back on the amount of masturbating you do. It would be good to abstain for a full week before your next sexual encounter.

I masturbate approximately twice a week and seldom experience a nice, erotic wet dream since puberty. I just had two wet dreams and they were not erotic at all. Can you suggest the best way of getting a nice erotic wet dream? Should I quit masturbating? (age 17)

If you can have wet dreams after being experienced at masturbating, you are more versatile than most males. Most wet dreams are not particularly erotic. I don't recommend quitting masturbating and suspect you would be better off masturbating more than you do now.

I'm just wondering what medical background you possess or education you've attained? (age 24)

I have no medical background and have a masters degree and am ABD for a Ph.D. in a non-sexual field.

Is it normal that sometimes when I masturbate, I only feel pleasure on my head of the penis? This only happens sometimes and I don't masturbate prone. (age 17)

The head is normally the most sensitive part of the penis, but usually this means it is too sensitive to be touched directly. Most males do most of the stroking on their shafts and find it quite pleasurable. If stroking the shaft is not pleasurable to you, it suggests something is wrong, and you ought to figure out why that is.

Follow-up: I masturbate by stroking the shaft all the time. Sometimes the good feeling is only at the tip. It seems more constant and I now have to use my PC muscle to feel the normal pleasure.

That isn't a good thing. The orgasm should be a full-body response. Perhaps you just need to relax more and work at feeling it in more places.

I have been masturbating since I was about 7 and I started to masturbate by using both hands and using a pushing and pulling method while gliding my penis over my left leg. This is how I first learned to masturbate. Is this a form of TMS? I masturbate 2-3 times a day and my problem is that in the last few years I have been noticing less blood flow and during masturbation and sex I have a hard time keeping an erection. I can only keep an erection when I'm focused and when I stop thinking of sex, it goes away in 5-15 seconds. During sex I somtimes feel as if my penis is a little numb, as if I don't have the same feeling as I used to. How can I keep a hard erection? (age 25)

While not specifically TMS, what you describe is an atypical method of masturbating that is at least as bad. I suggest you use the abstinence method on the main page of HealthyStrokes.com to stop masturbating that way. Your erections will soon be a lot better.

Is it possible to get bored with masturbation? Is there something wrong with getting bored with it? (age 15)

I hear that occasionally, but the best thing to do is pace your frequency of it so you can enjoy those orgasms more.

Should I try to have some set masturbation schedule? My highest is usually once, maybe twice, a week. Sometimes I'll go on several weeks without doing so. Because I have a girlfriend, I often feel guilty when I masturbate. (age 19)

Men with girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, etc., all masturbate occasionally. Masturbation is not inferior to intercourse. It is just different. Most men feel more free with their thoughts and fantasies while masturbating than while having intercourse. At the same time, I don't think a "set masturbation schedule" is necessary or useful either.

Is learning to have multiple orgasms by using your PC muscle dangerous in any way? (age 17)

That's an interesting question. I suppose most males would not be successful right away at multiple orgasms and they would then tend to overdo the work with their PC muscle, and that could tend to strain the muscle. The advice I would give if you want to learn to be multiorgasmic is to take it slow and don't persist when your muscles start to hurt.

What do I need to do to clean up after masturbating? What steps should I take to clean up any mess that was made or anything that came into contact with semen? I'm kinda obsessive-compulsive about cleaning up and tend to take it way too far. I need to hear from someone about what needs to be done to ensure that anything that was used or came into contact with my semen is clean.

Most guys let it land where it will and then mop up with a rag, tissue, sock, or old shirt, or else they rub it into their skin. The only time this should be an issue is when you won't be showering before going out again. In that case, you might be more careful to wash up with water or to contain it so it doesn't get onto you. I've heard of some men masturbating into a condom when they know they're going out someplace.

What is the cause of weak ejaculation? I've been masturbating for two years and when I ejaculate, there's not that much force to push it out. (age 14)

It helps to delay your orgasm by about one second by contracting the PC muscle right at that moment. That causes more force to build up behind the ejaculation.

I have been sexually active for around eight months. I have been having problems lasting more than about five minutes. Is there anything I can do to lengthen how long I last during sex? (age 18)

Five minutes is not so bad, because the most popular preference among women is for 4-6 minutes of active thrusting. Most males find it helps to think about things that keep them from reaching orgasm while still allowing them to remain erect.

Is it normal to have hair between your buttocks? (age 19)

Yes.

Will cysts in the epididymis go away if you stop masturbating for a length of time? (age 16)

No, and you ought not diagnose your own cysts. See a doctor at once if you think you have an abnormal growth in your scrotum.

I'm a Christian and I masturbate daily. Sometimes even twice a day. My dad has given me the whole sex talk, but hasn't talked specifically about masturbation. I do it a lot, but I worry about him or my mom coming in on me. I usually don't make too much noise. Do you think that they suspect that I masturbate? Should I talk to them about it? (age 13)

At the point they gave you the sex talk, they probably believed you masturbated or would soon. There is no reason for you to say anything to them about it. I'm sure they understand.

I was reading your male survey, where it said the average age for 1st intercourse is 19. I am glad to hear that. I was 19 when I started and have struggled for years thinking I was really late in becoming sexually active. I feel better now. (age 47)

The average in my latest survey is closer to 18, but I hope you haven't been preoccupied with that for 28 years.

I first masturbated about 12-13 before I ever had a wet dream and I have masturbated about once a day since then. If I stop masturbating, can I still have wet dreams? (age 15)

I highly doubt it.

What is the difference between masturbation and ejaculation? Aren't these the same? I have been masturbating for 5 years. I would fantasize, rub my penis with my hand, and it would erect. I would finally ejaculate. In my opinion, this was all masturbation. Will you tell me if masturbation is something else? (age 20)

The way you describe it is correct. You might want to spend some time reading the glossary. Successful masturbation ends with ejaculation, but there are other causes of ejaculation besides masturbation, including sexual intercourse and wet dreams.

I tried abstaining for a week. The whole week I stopped masturbating, I got stressed, tense, and irritable. Do these to things have anything to do with each other? Also, I got a sharp pain in my testicles. Was this caused by abstaining?

When you are used to masturbating frequently, abstaining for a week is apt to make you stressed, tense, and irritable. I am more inclined to believe the sensation in your testicles originated in your head.

I am both sexually active and masturbate about 1-2 times a day. The other day I noticed what appears to be chafing on my penis. There is a little redness and what appears to be dry skin. (age 18)

Using lube when you masturbate ought to clear that up.

I have masturbated on a regular basis since I was 13. For about two days, I have been having pain in my groin area and my left testicle. The next day it was in my right testicle. The pain is constant and cause me to have discomfort while sitting. Can this be some type of symptom of testicular cancer? I really don't know if I should see a doctor. (age 18)

Testicular cancer is unlikely. The first symptom is apt to be a lump on the testis rather than pain. Since you report bilateral pain, the source is more likely to be the prostate gland than one of the testes. The most typical cause of prostate pain is excessive ejaculation. If you have been ejaculating more than usual lately, it would be worthwhile to cut down to normal. If you're very concerned about a serious condition, then you should see a doctor.

After taking the male survey, I followed the link to see the results. I noticed that at least one person has given unrealistically high numbers on some questions which greatly skewed the averages. I was wondering if you were aware of this, and if you might consider striking their answers to preserve the integrity of the data. (age 31)

Yes, I am. I just made the final tabulation of the latest male survey the other night, and I eliminated more than 1000 responses where the answers given were obviously phony or inconsistent. Rather than use the survey software to prevent such nonsense, I design my surveys to encourage fraudsters to act out so they are easier to spot. This also makes my data more private, because as you saw, anyone can follow the link to see the raw survey results, but only I have access to the edited dataset. The results will be made available on this site sometime in the coming months.

Should I masturbate by watching porn? I want to quit porn. Can you give me advice to stop watching it? (age 16)

I don't know that you need to eliminate using pictures altogether, but I advise males your age to develop their erotic imaginations by not using pictures every time they masturbate. Just be patient and realize that it might take you a little longer than if you were using images, but the end result will be the same.

I have a male friend with cerebral palsy who can`t move his arms and hands well. He has asked me to stroke him to orgasm. What should I do? (age 25)

I think you shouldn't. He needs a permanent solution to this problem. A good physical therapist would know one. You obviously can't go over to his place three times a week and do it for him.

After I have an orgasm after masturbating, I have to urinate. Is it OK to do this? (age 15)

Yes, and a good idea too.

if you urinate before you masturbate, is it harder to produce semen? (age 13)

No.

Recently I my girlfriend performed manual intercourse on me. Her hands were dry and it didn't hurt at first but later it did. I just told her to keep going and now I have like a bruise on my glans. Will it go away if I don't irritate it? (age 15)

Yes, but lotion will help. Now you know to use lube next time.

Do guys usually make sex sounds while masturbating? (age 16)

It depends on how much privacy they have.

Follow-up: I used to be a TMS sufferer. During that time - including when I was 16 - I never made a sound when masturbating, even at orgasm. I eventually quit TMS, and once I was accustomed to masturbating normally, I studied and learned a method for increasing the intensity of my orgasms. Once I did this, I began to moan a little at the point of orgasm, just before ejaculation - and I still do. (age 25) ,

Thanks for this web site. Without it, I would never have known that masturbating prone is bad. How did you initially find out that this was a known cause of sexual problems in men and that there was even a term for it called TMS? Did you happen to come across Sank's article? (age 30)

I found Sank's article in an index a couple of years after it was published.

I have a problem with privacy in my house. I like to masturbate to porn, so I usualy do it in my bedroom. But if I lock my door, it's like breaking the law. As soon as I lock it, just about everyone comes knocking asking why the door is closed. I just want some privacy! And I don't just want privacy to masturbate, but just to be alone! I've never been caught masturbating, but I have had some close calls, all because I cant lock the door. How can I tell my parents that I just want some privacy without telling them that I regularly masturbate? (age 14)

Your question illustrates why many males traditionally masturbate in the bathroom or at bedtime. It might be worth habitually locking your door whenever you go into the bedroom so that it is less likely to be a source of curiosity when you do.

Congratulations for your site. It provided me with info that relieved many fears I had about masturbation. I always masturbate in the bathroom. Does that mean that I will not be able to achieve orgasm if I try to masturbate on my bed, because my body isn't used to it? If I continue masturbating in the bathroom only,will this result to not being able to masturbate or perform sexual intercourse in bed in the future? (age 14)

No. There is a long history of men masturbating in the bathroom, sometimes exclusively, and no connection has been made to this and any kind of sexual dysfunction. You can easily prove this to yourself by masturbating in bed.

I have ADHD, and when I am off my medication and masturbate, I do not go limp. I can continue to masturbate and usually ejaculate in one or two minutes. Does Ritalin have any effect on sexual health? (age 18)

Some medications have sexual side effects, especially anti-depressants, but I'm not aware of any specifically due to Ritalin. You should ask your doctor or a pharmacist about sexual side effects of a particular medication.

I've been masturbating for around 6 years and I do it at least once a day. Now during either masturbation or sex, I can't feel any pleasure and I thought maybe it's from too much masturbating. (age 18)

That is very possible. It would be good for you to cut back on how often you to it (perhaps to three times a week) and see if you enjoy it any more.

I masturbate once a day. Is it normal or should I cut back to once or twice a week? (age 14)

Your frequency is just fine.

I never use my hands nor lie down and masturbate but use my legs by putting one of them on top of the other. I feel comfortable when my penis is soft but now I just began trying new ways. Am I too late? Is my technique bad? (age 17)

You would be better off if you never did that again. That is a very unusual technique and it will not help you learn any other way of being sexual. It is not too late to change, even if you've been doing it since you were 4.

You say on your site that people should be older to have sex but what age is ideal if you're in a steady relationship and she's your fianc? Would 20-30 be a good range to have sex? (age 16)

I rarely tell people over 16 to wait longer. 19-21 is a good age to become sexually active, especially if you're engaged.

I was really sick recently and when I masturbated, the orgasm lasted for about 45 seconds but was not as intense as it normally is. My ejaculate came out really slowly. Any idea why it lasted that long with low intensity? (age 28)

Perhaps the sickness distorted your sense of time? If you felt like masturbating, you couldn't have been too sick. (At least that's what the doctor told Yossarian when he was faking liver disease.)

What do you mean by stroke? (age 13)

Each movement of the hand along the shaft is a stroke.

Does it feel like you have to urinate when you are about to orgasm? (age 12)

The feelings are easily mistaken at first, but after some practice, you will know the difference. There is a famous radio star who tells the story that the first time he tried to masturbate, he urinated all over himself.

I am a member of a church that strictly prohibits masturbation, and I do not intend to masturbate. However, sometimes I like to sleep naked. Usually when I do that, my penis goes erect and starts contracting. I have the urge to reach down and rub it with my hands, but I always contain myself. If my penis goes erect while I'm in my bed, is that masturbation? Is masturbation only when you start stimulating your penis? (age 15)

You should look at the glossary for an answer to that. If you are seriously trying to keep from masturbating, I suggest you stop sleeping naked. As you describe, the urge to masturbate is more real when you're naked.

Why do you consider use of an artificial vagina harmful? Compared to the masturbation performed while lying on your back, it is very similar to intercourse. (I'm talking about cyberskin vaginas with a lot of lube). So transition into sexual intercourse with a partner is easier. I agree generally with your view on TMS - it's too violent for a penis but I cannot agree with treating use of artificial vaginas as TMS too. I have had sexual partners in my life and I find masturbation by using an artificial vagina as the most comparable to real sex. (age 24)

Men who masturbate conventionally have the easiest time adjusting to sexual intercourse. Thrusting into an artificial vagina is more like TMS than like conventional masturbation.

During intercourse, if a woman has already reached orgasm but the man hasn't yet, is it OK for him to keep penetrating her until he reaches orgasm or ejaculates? (age 22)

If it's OK with her.

I masturbate with by thumb on top of my shaft and my other fingers on the bottom. Is this bad? (age 16)

It's the opposite of the usual grip, but I don't know that it's bad.

I think I'm gay as I always look at handsome men's penises and would like to see them but in school I like girls and guys too. Breasts just don't seem as appealing as penises. Is this normal? (age 14)

I think you should think about these issues for a few more years before committing to the idea of being gay.

Touching my nipples during masturbation feels good. Is this OK?

Yes.

I've been masturbating since the 4th grade, and I've experimented with masturbating lying down, sitting, and standing. I find that I get a stronger erection when I masturbate sitting down than when I masturbate standing up. Is there any way for me to change this so that I can achieve the same erection no matter what position I masturbate in? (age 22)

It's easier for your body to regulate the blood flow to the penis when you're not standing up. I don't think there is any ready way to change that.

My friend who is a female challenged me to stop masturbating for two weeks. Is this dangerous at all? (age 14)

No, but what's in it for you?

Does being circumcised make you have a smaller penis than being uncircumcised? Maybe because there is more skin on an uncircumcised penis? (age 15)

There is no question you're losing something when they cut your skin off. However, and uncircumcised penis is only one fold of skin bigger.

I would imagine that, on several occasions, you couldn't help but laugh at the hilarity of these questions. (age 26)

Yes, and you don't see the ones I delete.

Is it safe to masturbate in your underwear? I masturbate on my back while wearing underwear. Will this cause TMS? (age 23)

You obviously don't have the same range of motion through your underwear. I don't know how that would help you develop sexually. I strongly suggest not masturbating through your underwear.

I know that my brother accesses an account on a photo site to look at an assembled bunch of pictures when he does the masturbation. On your site, I have read another letter dealing with something similar, and you said to that reader to accept it as normal. I find that I really can't do that -- his actions are just too unacceptable. I feel alienated from my brother right now, as well as bothered and annoyed about the possibility of OTHER things that he may be hiding from me, where once our relationship was open (or innocent). Should I, somehow, mention or suggest to him that I know about his behavior? (age 16)

He has a right to look at what he wants to when he masturbates and keep that private from other people, including you. You ought to respect his privacy at least as much as he does yours.

Follow-up: I know that I should respect my brother's privacy, but I feel separated from him now. It's bothering me, especially since I have a strong feeling that he is hiding many other things from me. I'm also finding my own masturbation less good lately. What should I do?

You could talk to your brother about it. Start by telling him about losing interest in masturbation and maybe he will volunteer some things about himself. You're bouth growing up, and that might mean growing apart. You are both developing entire areas of your life that don't involve the other.

Follow-up: Is it a bad thing that my brother and I could be growing apart? Our parents have always stressed the importance of unity among us as family. I really don't like the idea of separating. I also do not know how to bring up my feelings to him especially about masturbation.

No, I don't think it's bad. It's a healthy part of growing up. You don't have to separate, but you should understand that you have separate interests. There is no reason to discuss masturbation. Most brothers don't, especially when they are as uncomfortable about it as you are.

I have a phobia of touching, or being touched on, the farther points of my penis (the head and some of what leads up to it). Because of this, I can't masturbate. I have no idea why I have this fear, but I feel like I would rather die than face it. (It seems too much like Room 101 in "1984.") (age 16)

This is the fakest-sounding question I have let through in a while. If you are serious, I suggest seeing a competent psychologist. In the meantime, why not work on touching those nearer parts of the penis you are not afraid of touching, and see if it feels good.

I am a mother of a teenaged boy (he's 15) and I also have two younger children. My son tends to stay up way too late, and I will go up there to turn off lights and his TV. I have seen him in there asleep and undressed, but he always wears pajamas. I am worried that I will walk in there sometime and he will either be masturbating or asleep with evidence of masturbating still visible. What should I do? (age 34)

He was obviously doing something when he took his clothes off while leaving lights and the TV on. Half of males in that situation masturbate daily. If you regularly patrol after hours like that, you are inevitably going to see some masturbation and masturbation accessories. Why not protect his privacy by not complaining about the lights and TV being left on or at least knocking first?

I was watching a TV show with a lot of sex jokes in it. One joke was that a guy fell asleep during a sexual activity called "reciprocating" and it said "he dreamt he was kissing Abe Lincoln." What was it referring to? (age 13)

Reciprocating refers to a sexual position called 69 where two people each simultaneously perform oral sex on the other. He dreamt he was kissing Abe Lincoln because Abe had a bushy beard.

I had never heard of PC muscle excerises until just now. I always hold back my urine because it causes this weird feeling that is actually quite good. I have done it about 3 times a day for the past 3 years. I can go forever during sex without orgasming. Is it because of that? (age 17)

More than likely.

Are there any bad side effects from teaching yourself to be multi-orgasmic? (age 15)

Not that I'm aware of.

My parents respect my privacy and try to knock on my door before they come in my room. I don't have a lock so I have to ejaculate when I know it's completely safe. I'm always on high alert whenever I ejaculate. Is that normal? (age 14)

It's what I hear a lot from guys your age. It's not ideal. It would be better if you could relax and enjoy it more. You say your parents try to knock. Trying means failing. Maybe you should think about getting a lock.

I masturbate on my back and I seem to move and kind of thrust. Do I have TMS because I'm not staying still while I do it? (age 15)

No. What you describe is not TMS. There is no rule that say you have to be perfectly still when you masturbate.

Thanks for making the site. My girlfriend and I are getting more involved, and we want to start having sex. I'm afraid that I will ejaculate too early. How can one tell? I am very excited when we just make out, and I want to please her, and I want to hold it until she can be at climax. (age 17)

Don't worry about that. It isn't even a problem yet. It might not ever be. Don't expect to have mutual orgasm your first time. That's something that takes practice. In the meantime, you can enjoy each other's orgasms.

Hey, I read on the side of a jar of marshmallow creme today "occasional doming is normal." It reminded me of what you talk about on this site. What frequency is normal? What frequency is occasional? (age 15)

I'm glad you're reading product labels before you eat. I suppose if you check your jar of marshmallow creme and its dome is rising, that can be a good thing, but it shouldn't be the case that it's doming every time you get a peek at it. I mean, if someone walks by the kitchen and suspects the jar is doming at 8 AM, and then at noon, and again at 3, and basically every time they are aware the jar is in the kitchen, that's not occasional. Of course, it varies a lot by how old the jar is and what other activity it is getting, so some jars will dome a couple of times every day and some will only dome a few times a week. That's all within the range of normal. Always be sure to clean up after eating marshmallow creme. That white stuff can be embarrassing if someone notices it on you.

I have been masturbating for some time now and I was wondering how to tell my mom. (age 14)

I don't know why you want to tell her. There is no reason to do so.

I started masturbating the TMS way when I was really young. I did that until I was about 11. Then I started masturbating the conventional way and that's what I have been doing since. Will I be OK in my future sex life? Also, after I reach orgasm and ejaculate, my penis usually loses it's erection and it's hard to keep masturbating. Is that normal? (age 14)

I don't think you will suffer any consequence of masturbating prone since you quit at age 11. It is normal for your penis to go soft after you have an orgasm.

I only masturbate to images and fantasies about guys. I would never want to do anything with a guy and I really only like girls. But I still can only masturbate thinking gay thoughts. What is this called? (age 14)

It might be a lack of imagination or it might be homosexuality. If you don't like the fantasies you're having, then replace them with some different ones.

I drink coffee and quite a bit of pop, but I've been trying to cut back after hearing that caffeine can reduce your sperm count and can affect your ejaculating and can stop growth. Is this true? (age 13)

No. Where caffeine can cause trouble sexually is by constricting the flow of blood to your privates. Men with sexual troubles are often urged to limit their caffeine intake; however, it is doubtful that caffeine was the cause of the trouble in the first place.

When I masturbate twice a day, I find that the second time I masturbate feels better than the first. Can you explain? (age 16)

I can't. All the theory I know about says the first time should be better.

Is there any way to control those urges. I seem be get horny around 8 or 9 times a day and I masturbate around 3 to 4 times a week. (age 14)

That's kind of low for your age. Masturbating is the best way to control those urges.

Since I was 11, I have masturbated. I used to do a TMS form of it. I put my penis in between the bed and a cover and moved back and forth. When I ejaculated and my penis left the erect state, the middle part of my penis was thicker. Now I have quit TMS and I masturbate with my hand. But the head is now thicker than the middle. Is this from the change of masturbation? The thicker head part is very unconfortable. (age 13)

It is normal for the head to be bigger than the shaft. It is also uncomfortable to touch the head unless you're using lube. What you describe is normal. Congratulations on switching.

I have a girlfriend, but when I masturbate, I think of different girls. I feel VERY guilty. Is this normal? I know that you might say I shouldn't be going out with her, but we get along really well and are a perfect match. (age 13)

You are free to fantasize about whomever you want. You ought not feel guilty about that. I hope you will continue to go out with this perfect match.

I'm not shy, but I'm self-conscious about otherguys seeing my body. I am not as developed as them in some ways but I am more in others. Is this normal? (age 13)

Yes, especially at your age. It is tough to be either the one who is most developed or not as developed. In about a year or so, you'll all be about the same in terms of development. Just be yourself and don't worry about those other guys.

How often should a male masturbate? Female? (age 19)

Dr. Graham Giles says a male needs to ejaculate at least six times a week to prevent prostate cancer. Once a day is probably pretty typical. I say eight times a week for young men elsewhere on this site is average. The answer for females is less clear. Female masturbation has not been shown to be related to preventing cancer or other serious health issues. There is also a much greater range in frequencies of female masturbation. I will have more to say about this when my female survey is complete.

I have eczema and sometimes I have it underneath my scrotum or at the base of my penis. I also sometimes have it around my anus. I'm pretty sure I have a steroid based creme to soothe this. ... (age 16)

You really ought to call the doctor's office that prescribed this for you to ask about these concerns.

Last night I masturbated. This morning I woke up with small, itchy red, dots around my penis and groin. I have never had sex. What might it be? Was it caused by masturbating? (age 13)

My first thought is that you didn't clean up the semen and you've broken out in a kind of rash. It isn't fair, but some guys are very sensitive to their own semen. Just keep the area clean for a while and see if the rash goes away. If it doesn't, at least you don't have to worry about that sensitivity.

I am hairier then all my friends. Can masturbation (about 3 times a week) cause you to become hairier? (age 16)

No. Don't worry about that. It is determined by your genes.

My girlfriend and I are having a long distance relationship. I was wondering if you knew anything about phone sex and some techniques or things to say while doing it? (age 17)

No one has ever needed a tutoring session. I think you'll figure it out quickly.

I have been masturbating for about 20 years now. Can I still make babies? (age 33)

Yes.

I was fingering my girlfriend a couple of days ago and after 5 minutes or so, she started to breathe heavily and rapidly, and she told me to stop for a while before we continued. Why is that? (age 24)

Sounds like an orgasm. Congratulations.

I masturbate daily and always seem to have a quite large load. Is it weird? (age 16)

No. It might not even be as much as it seems. Would it fill a teaspoon?

Is it bad to masturbate after eating? One day I masturbated one hour after eating and I vomited. Was it because of masturbating? (age 14)

No.

My wife is really open about the fact that I masturbate, and she encourages me to masturbate. She doesn't mind how often or where I masturbate. She even encourages me to masturbate in the car when she's driving. Sometimes when I masturbate when she's around, I take my time, because I really enjoy her being open about it and want the masturbation session to last as long as possible. Do you think my wife is too open minded about masturbation? (age 31)

No, but the only reason to masturbate in front of a partner is to get them interested in sex. That means you couldn't fulfill that objective while she's driving. You might fix it so that the only time she sees you masturbate is when you're strategically trying to get her to have sex.

When I was 15 a girl walked up to me and asked me to turn over my wrists with the palms up. After I did, she said to another girl, "oh my gosh, he does!" The other girl said "lots of guys do it." I'm pretty sure they were talking about masturbation. How were they able to tell that I masturbate? (age 17)

They didn't. They were just messing with you.

I bought a science lab microscope and saw my sperm swimming. Is this a good sign? (age 24)

Yes, both for your fertility and your scientific aptitude.

I get erections often. I sometimes get them at school and its embarrassing when I try to hide one. I masturbate about twice a day. Is there any way I can prevent myself from having unwanted erections? (age 13)

The easiest way to get rid of unwanted erections is to decide that you want them. Someday you will laugh at the thought that you ever wanted an erection to go away.

I masturbate about once every two days. I used to orgasm when I ejaculated, but lately, I either get no orgasm, or I simply feel it for a couple of seconds. Any idea what may be causing this? (age 16)

It might be that you're experiencing more stress than usual. Try to do it only when you're relaxed.

The only time I can ejaculate when I'm maturbating is when I spread my legs. Is that normal? (age 15)

No, not at all. Try to work at overcoming that.

Do you know of any Jewish views on masturbation? (age 13)

Not from theologians, but from the surveys I've done on this web site, I can tell you that Jewish males masturbate the most of all the religions and feel least guilty and embarrassed about it. And are most likely to be circumcised.

I estimate that I masturbate 10-12 times a week. How would my life be changed if I masturbated 2-3 times a week (health, mood, etc.) Also, I answered yes to 5 of the compulsive masturbation questions. What advice do you have for me? (age 21)

The only immediate difference I see if you masturbated less is that you would have more time. Why don't you try cutting down to that frequency and see if your mood changes. I doubt there would be any difference in your health. Five is not really so many. More important is how much significance you attach to those things.

Yours is my favorite site on the net, but I was just wondering how you know which questions are fake or not?

I use my judgment. Sometimes a question is just too extreme. Sometimes I get a batch of 3 or 4 suspicious-sounding questions all at once that appear to be coming from the same person.

I used to masturbate using one hand for stroking while my other palm rubbed the glans. I have since quit because of HealthyStrokes.com advocating of conventional masturbation. Was my old method OK? (age 12)

I don't think so. It seems like a very unusual method that wouldn't translate well to sex with a partner. I think you did the right thing by quitting so young. Congratulations!

I am a swimmer. One of my friends always makes a big deal about how ejaculating is bad for your legs. I don't know where he got this, but is it true? Should one refrain from masturbating a day or so before an important meet? (age 19)

You obviously don't want to masturbate right before going in the pool, but I have never understood how people can think masturbating the night before (or the night before that) can detract from your ability. You must have some idea of your own about this question. Don't put so much stock in what your friend says. He didn't get his answer from science.

Can people around us smell the fluids released after masturbation? (female, age 23)

It is possible. That is why some males use a condom to masturbate when they are going out afterward without being able to shower or change clothes. Always clean up your sexual fluids promptly and completely. Some people can smell them in minuscule quantities.

Why do I spit after masturbating? (age 13)

That's a tough question. I know why some people spit before masturbating, but I don't know why anyone would spit afterward.

For the past week, my semen has been thick in texture. It is rubbery and stretchy. It is not painful. Should I see a doctor? (age 16)

I doubt a doctor would have anything to say after only a week of that. All he could do is order a semen analysis. It would be better to wait and see if it gets back to normal.

I'll be 15 in about 1 month. Sometimes when I'm around girls, I get erections. I have a new girlfriend now and I don't want that to happen and make her feel weird. I have a semi-formal in a few days, and I'm afraid I might get an erection while we are dancing. It usualy only happens when there is physical contact. Is there any way to stop this or control it?

She won't necessarily feel weird and she will probably be flattered that she gave you an erection. If you want to avoid having a noticeable one at the dance, you can wear an athletic supporter.

I masturbate about once a day. Recently I used a tighter grip and my penis got red. I did it again and it began to bleed. I have been trying to stop masturbating so it can heal but it's just too hard. What should I do? (age 14)

If you really can't stop masturbating long enough for your penis to heal, it might be worthwhile to masturbate with a condom until it does.

Do TMS orgasms feel better than normal orgasms? (female)

I remember them being very intense.

What is lube? (age 12)

Lubrication is a substance used to prevent irritation of the genitals while engaging in sexual activity, including masturbation. In terms of commercial preparations, it can be based with water, oil, or silicone. The silicone lubes are the most expensive and probably the hardest to get used to, so they are not recommended for someone new to lube. Oil-based lubes are not recommended for sexual intercourse because they are not safe to use with condoms. For this reason, I discourage males from using them for masturbating too. However, they are quite popular among younger teenage boys because products like Vaseline and hand lotion are readily available in the home, and if a male is caught with them, he can argue that he doesn't have it only as a sex lube. Water-based lubes like Astroglide and K-Y Liquid are designed specifically for sexual purposes. They can be bought at drug and discount stores and even some large supermarkets.

Last night I stupidly masturbated prone even though I haven't done it that way for months now, and I did not ejaculate. I have no problem ejaculating the normal way. I noticed that I orgasmed very fast and then went to the toilet, and the semen came out in my urine. Should this be a problem if I masturbate normally and can always ejaculate that way? Also, I don't get spontaneous erections as much as I used to. I am OK around my girlfriend. (age 16)

You had a retrograde ejaculation, what some people call injaculating. By your own report, you don't have this problem when you stay away from masturbating prone. I recommend avoiding prone masturbation highly. It is normal for the frequency of spontaneous erections to decrease starting at your age. It is good that you can get one when you are aroused.

Your site says that masturbating in a face down position (TMS) is unhealthy, but I have recently consulted my doctor, and she says I can masturbate in any position, and she described your advice as guff. Who should I believe? (age 19)

You can learn more about TMS by reading the articles page on here, and if you join the Yahoo group about TMS, there are a couple of full-text articles in the files area. Once you have come to understand that masturbating prone is a dangerous practice, I hope you will inform your doctor about it.

I strengthen my PC muscle daily and how can I use it to make me masturbate for longer and make it more enjoyable? Thanks. (age 15)

Usually exercising the PC muscle is all you need to do. It will benefit whenever you need to use it, like while masturbating. One thing that can make a difference is to contract it right before you ejaculate. This will cause extra pressure to build up, and your semen will come out with extra force.

I masturbate almost every day and sometimes I prefer to masturbate than have sex with my wife. Is it OK to masturbate at my age and with this frequency? (age 32)

It is certainly OK to masturbate at your age, but it is a sign that something is wrong when you prefer masturbation to intercourse. I would suggest you masturbate less and see if you desire intercourse more.

Will it hurt me if I try to practice TMS one time only? I am really curious, and it won't become a habit. (age 14)

How do you know it won't become a habit? That's what all those drug junkies thought the first time they used drugs too. I advise against trying TMS even once. Just look through the stories from TMS practitioners and see what they have to go through to dig out from it.

Is a condom needed for fellatio? (age 13)

Fellatio without a condom is considered unsafe. There are non-lubricated and flavored condoms made especially for oral sex.

I have a girlfriend and she wanted me to stop watching porn. After that, she wanted me to stop masturbating all together. What do I do? I feel guilty if I lie to her. If I tell her it's a normal thing for guys to do, then she'll just freak out like the first time she found out I did. There is no way she'll understand that it's normal to masturbate because we have a need to release fluids. Can you advise me on what to do? (age 16)

I suggest you'll find a girlfriend who'll let you be you. If you cave in to her on these things, she will just keep issuing more demands. Most girls your age masturbate too. If you keep looking, you're apt to find one who will be sympathetic.

Follow-up: So I should just break up with her just over the masturbating issue? She is the perfect girlfriend besides that. I've become quite attached to her.

You don't have to break up necessarily, but I suggest taking a firm position that masturbation is normal and healthy and you have no intention of stopping. If she resists after that, then I don't think you can be you unless you break up.

What body parts of a male turn on a female most? (age 15)

I've seen surveys that stress the importance of "a small, sexy butt" and muscular arms and shoulders. The penis is rarely mentioned.

Now that I am sexually active I find it hard to masturbate using only my imagination. I now masturbate only about once a week. Is this normal? Even when my partner pleases me, the orgasm is not as good as before. Do you know of any way to achieve a better orgasm? Will ejaculating more frequently prevent prostate cancer? (age 16)

Males who read this site tell me they continue to masturbate frequently even when they are sexually active. Many sexually active males find it hard to reach orgasm through fantasy alone and so use other aids. I think the orgasm quality might be in your head. It is something different to get used to. At least one study has found that males who masturbated most frequently when they were younger had the least amount of prostate cancer later.

I have been getting a sebaceous cyst on the shaft of my penis that has to be emptied periodically. I guess these are common for guys my age. Do you know of any way to prevent these from reappearing? (age 14)

No. Circumcised males have them because they are the remnant of a lube-producing gland that was eliminated when they were circumcised. Many males have to squeeze them periodically or they notice them while they are masturbating.

I try to masturbate in the shower and it takes sooooo much longer, why? (age 14)

The water acts as a buffer and not as much of the feeling gets through.

Lately my erections have not been as strong as they used to be. I have been masturbating for about 2 years now. Is this something I should worry about? (age 14)

Erectile dysfunction seems very unlikely at your age. If it bothers you, try masturbating only when you have a raging erection that you know you are in no danger of losing.

Great site! I have been masturbating for about a year now, and I still feel really guilty about it afterward. I don't know why! It really annoys me and makes me worried. I normally masturbate every other day. Is there anything wrong with this? Can the semen affect anyone else once it has been ejaculated? (age 15)

Unless you are very carefully trying to preserve it, the semen cannot affect anyone within about a minute of its leaving your body. So if that is what you're worried about, worry no longer. It is normal for males of any age to feel guilty about masturbating some of the time. Most of the time, you should take strength in things you can read on HealthyStrokes.com about masturbation being normal and healthy and good for your sexual development.

I used to do TMS but stopped after it started causing cleanup issues. I still sleep face down though. Is that bad? (age 22)

No.

I am very worried because before I would masturbate 5 to 6 times a day and then I would stop for 3 days and then when I jerked off again, my penis would not stay hard and not a lot of semen would be released. What should I do?

Five or six times a day is an extreme amount, and it is also bad to stop for three days at a time coupled with a high frequency. A leading cause of prostate pain, especially in younger men, is an erratic rate of ejaculation. It is better if you can spread the masturbating you're going to do in a week out evenly rather than to have intense days and then days of nothing.

Is it possible to have small pimples on the head of the penis? I have never had sex so it is not an STD. Merry Christmas! (age 15)

You can get pimples on almost any skin. Showering daily will help to eradicate them. They might also be pearly penile papules, which is not a harmful condition although some people don't like how it looks.

I have a girlfriend whom I've been dating for a while now. Every time I masturbate thinking about her, I get aroused and have really fast orgasms, but when I watch porn or nude pictures of other girls, either it takes time for me to orgasm or I don't feel sexually aroused like I do when thinking of my girlfriend. I feel as if she's the only one that can give me an erection since I don't feel like that with other girls. Why is this so? Is this normal? (age 26)

I think you feel guilty if you get aroused by anyone else. Your loyalty to your girlfriend is admirable, but it is bad for a person to be aroused by only one particular stimulus. You ought to feel confident about being free to masturbate to whatever thoughts or images you choose. In the long run, you are helping yourself be more sexually competent with both your girlfriend and anyone else.

The last time I ejaculated, my semen was a whole lot more brownish than usual, and now I am afraid that I am sterile or have some type of STD or disease. (age 13)

As a virgin, you do not need to worry about an STD. It is normal for semen to vary a lot in color and consistency at your age.

I have never been caught before but sometimes I feel like I want to be caught, just to see what happens. I also fear the embarrassment so I don't talk to my mom about it. Are these feelings normal? (age 13)

It's normal to not want to talk about it, but wanting to be caught is dangerous. If you thought it over, you would not want to be caught. It would be even more embarrassing than just talking about it.

I try to masturbate at least once a day because that's what you say is healthy, but sometimes I'm just not in the mood. Is this normal for my age? (age 15)

I hope you masturbate daily not because I recommend it or because anyone else recommends it but because you enjoy it! Once a day is very typical for males your age, but it is by no means mandatory. It's good to only masturbate when you're in the mood for it.

My friend and and I have masturbated together often. We even gave each other simultaneous hand jobs while completely naked once. It was a pleasurable experience. I am not gay nor am I attracted to him or vice versa. Our activities changed absolutely nothing in our friendship. I am comfortable with my appearance and have no wishes to perfect it. Could this be why I am so comfortable with him in the same room? Will it eventually cause problems in our friendship? (age 14)

You are in denial about what has happened to your relationship. This used to be a person you got together with and did whatever you did (watched movies, played ball, etc.) and now when you get together, you have sex. Soon one or both of you will want to move on to pursuing females (or males, or both), and the fact that you have had sex with your friend will greatly color how you remember him. It is OK to be gay, but you ought to be honest with yourself and your friend about what you are doing.

My mom thinks masturbating is disgusting, and when she caught me watching this show on TV where they were having sexual intercouse, she was really paranoid. How do I show let her know that masturbating is natural and everyone my age does it? (age 12)

Unfortunately, you mom has had her beliefs for a long time, and she's probably pretty attached to them. Most guys in your situation just try their best to avoid the subject. If you really want to influence her, you might start by printing out the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation from this site.

I have been masturbating for the past 13 years. I started on January 14, 1994. My maximum is 7 times the same year, and ever since I am not able to break my own record. I strongly feel masturbation is a healthy habit of engaging onesself, and the only path which will free our generation from STDs and HIV. (age 26)

I think you mean seven times in one day, don't you? Masturbation is not the only way to avoid STDs and HIV. Being monogamous with a faithful partner is another. Practicing safe sex and avoiding high-risk behaviors and partners will get you pretty close too.

When I was 14 and a freshman in high school, I was sleeping over at my girlfriend's house. We were both very open about sex and masturbation, so while she was out with her mom, I decided to masturbate quickly on her bed. I didn't notice her younger sister, at the time around 12, watching me from the doorway and touching herself. Since then, we are no longer a couple, but her sister is always coming on to me when I'm over at their house. Would it just be stupid to start a relationship with her? (age 16)

I don't think it would be stupid, and if you are attracted to the sister, you should go for her. But if it doesn't work out, you should expect to not be friends with either one of them anymore.

I was reading today your Fantasies, fetishes and unusual practices for males section, and I read your discouraging anal sex because of the damage it can cause. I would like to join you in this advice. I'm not gay, but I was very curious about sex when I was still a virgin, and at 18 I found myself experimenting with anal intercourse with a male. I just have to say that my use of the toilet is not the same since that anal sex I had. I've had serious problems like painful defecations, blood on my feces, and I have a hard time forgetting it. So, guys, if you think you're not gay, don't go there (even if you are gay or if you are a girl). You could prevent a lot of problems by avoiding those actions. At the time I was doing it, it was "fun," but the effects were devastating and gave me a lot of pain that could have been avoided. Please, think twice about it. And thanks for this site. It's great. (age 23)

I don't know that all anal intercourse should be avoided, but I greatly discourage it. People should consider the kind of problems you describe before they try it on an impulse. Males who just want to try out gay sex would be better off starting with manual intercourse or oral intercourse before attempting anal. It is unfortunate that you are in this situation after doing it only briefly five years ago.

Some years ago, I had to share rooms with another guy. We both had different bathrooms (on different floors), but the townhouse we lived had only one bedroom. We could use the bathrooms to "do our thing" in privacy, so we never talked about that. But one night some strange sounds woke me up (friction against sheets, bed squeaking and hard breathing), and I realized what he was doing on his bed. I hadn't done it for a few days, so I felt it fine to do it at that same time also. The next day, I felt embarrassed and I told him that I heard him "stroking" and that I did also. He denied it and swore that he hadn't, although I described what I had heard. After some awkward minutes, we agreed that he did it while he was sleeping, and we never talked about masturbating anymore. He's now married and we NEVER touched that topic again. Is it possible for guys (or for girls) to masturbate without knowing it, or in this case, unconsciously, as a physical reaction? (age 23)

Yes, I hear a lot of reports from people that their spouses masturbate in their sleep. I think it is more likely, however, that your roommate denied it simply to avoid discussing it further. Most guys prefer to masturbate in bed rather than having to "do their thing" in the bathroom, especially one on a different floor.

I very painfully ran into a wall with a raging erection. Since that incident, my erections have become SLIGHTLY less frequent. Was that because of running into the wall? (age 13)

It's hard to say. You probably have so many at your age that it might not be meaningful what slightly less is. Most guys have had more serious impacts to their penises than that. It would be better if you didn't worry about it.

When I masturbate and produce a fluid, it is clear, not white. I heard it is called pre- cum, so does that mean if I masturbate more vigorously after the clear fluids come out, will I have white cum? (age 13)

Yes, that is a good plan. When the clear fluid comes out, stroke as hard and fast as you can. Once you are experienced at ejaculating, you can slow down and use less force.

I normally masturbate with my left hand. I am right handed though. When I try to do it with my left hand, it feels weird. Is this normal? (age 14)

A high percentage of both males and females use one hand only. It does not mean anything is wrong with you, although you obviously have greater capacity for sexual responsiveness if you can switch hands. Strangely enough, a much higher percentage of lefties masturbate right-handed than righties masturbate left-handed. I don't know what it means.

My mom has a friend with a daughter just a few months younger than me. They both live quite far away so whenever they visit (once a month or so), they stay in our house for a night. Because we have so little space, the daughter, who is totally hot, ends up sleeping in my room (there is a trundle bed). Recently she turned to me and simply stated that she masturbated; it turned me on a bit just then. I replied that I did too. That night, we were both lying in our respective beds, and after a few tense minutes, we each knew that the other was burning to masturbate, so eventually she asked if it was OK to do it in my room, and I said yeah, as long as I could too. Since agreeing to it, we've both been a lot more comfortable during her stays. She asked if she could watch me as I came, and I agreed being the weak guy I am, and she ended up returning the favor. So sweet! (age 16)

It is sweet, but don't you want to get any closer to her than watching each other masturbate? Why not give her a little kiss next time.

The shaft of my penis has very little feeling in it, and only the head has much feeling. (age 13)

The shaft ought to have noticeable feeling. Perhaps you need more practice. Try staying off the head altogether so you can concentrate on how the shaft can feel.

I started masturbating when I was 12, and I always wondered if my parents were OK with it. When I was about 13, I finally asked my mom if it was all right if I went in my room and masturbated every now and then. To my delight, she had no problem at all with it, and I masturbate regularly to this day. (age 19)

That's a happy ending, but I think it would have been better if you had learned early that it is your prerogative to masturbate and that your parents' opinion is basically irrelevant.

I masturbate about 3-5 times a day. I've been doing this for about 4 years now. I really want to stop but I can't. (age 15)

It would be worth reducing that frequency. There is no reason to quit. It would be better to accept that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and also necessary for males.

My semen has become more liquid-like and less viscous recently. I've had a cold for about a week. Is there a correlation between the two? (age 16)

I doubt it, but it's not something to be worried about.

I'm an older male virgin. Do you have any useful advice on losing one's virginity? (age 22)

Don't obsess about losing your virginity. Just go out and meet women and start dating them, and before long, the idea of having sex together will come up.

I still can't ejaculate. It's starting to scare me. What is the latest age for somone to be able to ejaculate? (age 13)

I've heard many cases of males not ejaculating until their late teens. I advise guys your age not to worry about it until they're 15.

My girlfriend and I have tried having sex. We were both virgins until yesterday. The problem is that I am too big for her. We have tried going slowly but I can only insert the tip inside and she says it hurts and we have to stop. What a way to lose your virginity. Is there any way to ease her pain? It took us forever to find out how to put it in because it would not go in. Can you also tell me how I can increase my sensitivity, because I cannot feel anything with the condom. (age 16)

Your experience is actually very common. Most people are not very good the first time they try dancing or skiing or ping pong, so why should you expect your first sex to be like something choreographed? You need to be patient and gentle and warm her up by hand to get her to the point where she can accommodate you comfortably. The condom is a necessary thing and you should get used to it. It is easiest to tolerate the condom if you have never experienced unsafe sex. It is also helpful to abstain from masturbating for 3-5 days before an expected sexual encounter in order to increase your sensitivity.

What do guys usually do to prevent wet dreams from staining or soiling their bed sheets? (age 37)

Wearing something that doesn't have a fly hole does the job quite well.

My penis tilts to the left when I have an erection. My left testicle is lower than my right testicle. Is this the reason the penis tilts to the left or is it because of TMS? Is there a way I can get my penis to stop tilting? (age 15)

One testicle is always lower than the other, in order to keep them from banging into each other. The angle of the erection is not related to this. It is probably influenced by your masturbation style. Giving up TMS would help. It also helps to masturbate using alternate hands. It is kind of typical for the erection not to be perfectly straight.

I masturbated just now, and I ejaculated way, way too early. I must've only touched myself for about 20 seconds or so. What could be the cause of this, and is one instance of this something to be concerned about? (age 16)

No. Premature ejaculation is only a problem when you can't delay it at all. Occasionally coming quickly is not a problem and can be exciting.

I have been masturbating for about 3 years now, and when learning I tried it in many places, such as bed, bath, shower, and toilet. I soon found that on my bed lying face up is most enjoyable and also quickest. My girlfriend has said that when we start having sex, we should try different positions, and that she really wants to try standing. I got really turned on and started imagining it. That night I tried masturbating while standing, something I have not done in over a year, and I could not keep an erection. Sex with my girlfriend is still far off but I want to satisfy her. Now each time I try any position other than face up on my bed, I cannot keep the erection and my orgasm feels weak. I keep trying other positions but fail each time. What can I do? (age 16)

You are trying too hard and worrying about nothing. It is harder for the blood flow to be maintained in your penis when you are standing, and that is why both masturbating and having intercourse in that position are kind of advanced. They are most likely to be successful when you are extremely aroused. There is no need to practice in advance for sex positions. You will figure them out when the time comes or else revert to a position that you feel will work.

I really would like to sleep naked as I think it feels a lot nicer, but it seems like as soon as I get into bed, I get an erection and sometimes pre-cum. Is there any way to stop this? (age 15)

You will have a lot of erections at your age no matter what you wear. The pre-cum is probably because you find it arousing to sleep naked. It will probably not happen every time after you get used to sleeping like that.

Does your penis grow as you get older? (age 13)

It will grow when you go through puberty, but then it will reach its full size.

I usually masturbate by TMS. Because of this, I don't see the ejaculation. When I masturbated with my hand once, semen came out, but another time urine came out. Why did this happen? It is hard for me to get aroused using my hand. (age 13)

If you get urine, you don't know what you are doing. I suggest giving up TMS and working at doing it with your hand. You will be glad you did, and seeing yourself ejaculate will only be one part of it.

I recently found out about Henry Scott Tuke, an artist in the late 1800's and early 1900's who painted naked boys about my age, and I can't stop looking at them. Am I gay? (age 13)

I doubt that every male who looks at those paintings is gay and that every male who looks at paintings of naked women is straight.

When having sexual intercourse, do females prefer your pubic area shaved or nattural? (age 15)

Your best bet is to ask the particular female you're having intercourse with what her preference is. Without such information, I think natural is less likely to cause controversy because it's soft whereas shaved makes it prickly.

I have had numerous (and successful) sexual experiences with a few different girls in the past year or so. I came to this site looking for information on the hymen (good section, by the way), and discovered that I suffer from TMS. I have masturbated in the shower, but usually have difficulty getting past the peak just before orgasm. Can you recommend any pleasure enhancing lubricants other than "plain" K-Y Jelly? (age 17)

K-Y Jelly tends to be very goopy, which is why their product K-Y Liquid is so much better for masturbating. You are better off trying to overcome TMS in bed rather than in the shower. It might also be better to avoid lube until you have learned to masturbate in the conventional manner.

I've been masturbating by TMS for about for about 5 years. I've been masturbating about 3-4 times a day. I really want to stop using this method and switch but I can't. (age 15)

Of course you can. Untold thousands of males have switched after reading this site, and most of them were older than you. Will power is the key!

I recently masturbated but when I ejaculated it looked like urine was coming out and I wanted to know why this happened. (age 17)

How long had it been since your last ejaculation? After a few days, semen will tend to get yellower.

I have read many sites that say masturbation is completely normal. However, religious books and sayings discourage us from masturbating. Which is to be believed? Our minds have been programmed from childhood about religion and religious texts and sayings, which makes it very difficult to avoid the guilt feelings. Please advise how to avoid the guilt feelings after masturbation. (age 19)

It varies a lot from religion to religion. Some put more emphasis on masturbation than others. My page for Christians can help if you are of that faith. It can also help to realize that medical science has recognized masturbation as something normal and healthy and even necessary for males.

Here is some data from a survey done on HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007 that illustrates some differences between religions.

Religion Males who feel guilty almost always or most of the time they masturbate Number of respondents

Catholic 14% 2296

Baptist 15% 644

Pentecostal 22% 181

Other Protestant 9% 1312

LDS 32% 147

Non-denominational Christian 16% 647

Other Christian 16% 853

Jewish 7% 187

Muslim 40% 238

Buddhist 11% 123

Hindu 26% 252

Sikh 22% 18

Other 11% 397

No religion 5% 2967

Is masturbating in condoms healthy? (age 15)

There is nothing wrong with it.

I've been using TMS for a while and I'm trying to switch to stroking, but it's hard for me to keep an erection. I masturbated by stroking twice, and it looked like urine came out. How can I masturbate by stroking and keep an erection and ejaculate semen? (age 15)

Practice. It's easiest to masturbate a new way when you haven't had an orgasm for a while. That's why I recommend abstaining for 5-7 days before trying.

I have a girlfriend and have never kissed anyone. I really want to kiss her but I am not sure how to approach it. (age 13)

Just lean in close and see if she doesn't pull away. Then just brush your lips lightly against hers. If she likes it, you can try something more sophisticated.

comments: I had a wet dream that I was masturbating in public and having an orgasm, but the orgasm was painful because I had a full bladder, and I woke up with a full bladder. Are orgasms actually painful if you have a full bladder? And is this dream a typical wet dream plot? (age 13)

It sounds pretty typical. The sensation of a full bladder can be especially uncomfortable when you are trying to have an orgasm. That's why most males urinate beforehand, because it severely distracts from their having an orgasm and detracts from the experience when it happens.

At school I heard two of my friends (both 17) say they like it when a girl swallows. What does this mean? When I asked they gave me a funny look. (age 14)

It means she swallows the ejaculate after she performs oral sex on him and he ejaculates in her mouth. Those guys have probably never experienced it either.

I'm a really outgoing person who likes to talk in front of people, and I can handle people in most situations. There is a girl I'm trying to get a date from but the problem is she is very shy around everyone. I have not known her to talk to anyone at all (except maybe a teacher) and I get the feeling she likes me also as she does "glance" at me from time to time and smile, but whenever I go up to talk to her, she just blushes or speaks in a quiet voice. What would be the best thing to try to make her feel comfortable and to talk to her? (age 17)

Start by making a list of about six girls you'd like to ask out. Then approach this special girl when other people are not around (walking in the hall rather than in class, for example) and ask her out to the movies. You might anticipate an awkward reaction due to her shyness. If she doesn't want to, don't fret; just move on to the next name on your list.

I've masturbated for around 3 years. My parents don't know that I do. We talk about sex but never about masturbation. Should I tell my parents that I masturbate or just keep it a private thing? (age 15)

They certainly suspect that you do. They might be as uncomfortable talking about it as you are. There is no reason to say anything.

I live with my girlfriend who goes on business trips every month or two. Her best friend also has a key to the apartment and she caught me masturbating once. We had sex and now when my girlfriend is out of town I usually have sex with her a few times. Now she thinks it's wrong and I'm worried she might tell my girlfriend because they tell each other everything. (age 27)

You ought to be worried. You deserve to be worried.

I practice TMS, but I am uncircumcised and I push on the foreskin rather than the penis itself and experience orgasms. Is that a good sign? I'm also a virgin and I masturbate the usual way too. Would it be wise to just stop doing what I do and stick with the right way to masturbate? (age 16)

Why do you even have to ask? If you've been reading this site, you know I urge males (and females) to give up masturbating prone. You're fooling yourself if you think you're only pushing on the foreskin. Is that like President Clinton claiming he never "inhaled" marijuana? (He said that about the time you were born.)

I want to shave my penis and testicles but if I ever go to get a physical, the doctor will know, right? What should I do? (age 15)

The doctor, or any human being, can tell shaven from unshaven skin. Why are you worried about the doctor knowing you shave?

Can masturbating on your side cause TMS? (age 16)

By definition, masturbating on your side is not TMS. However, any kind of masturbation is bad if you can only do it in one place or position. That is why masturbating by hand is preferred, because it can be done almost anywhere.

Since I have been masturbating (9 months or so), I find it harder to masturbate thinking about a girl. I have never had a crush on a guy, but the fact that I've never had a girlfriend seems to deter me. When I'm around girls for a long period of time, I get excited, and sometimes very much so. I once liked a girl VERY much (not just a crush) and masturbated to her, and I think she liked me back. I masturbate to guys a LOT, not because I prefer a guy, but because when I try to think about girls I get this kind of feeling that I don't really know what to think. (age 13)

You are overanalyzing everything. Nine months is not very long. The vast majority of males your age don't have girlfriends. Just do what feels right and don't worry about all these issues.

I went paintballing and was hit at close range in my privates, and now when I masturbate, I have a slight soreness in my foreskin. Will I be OK? (age 12)

It would be a lot easier to explain how your foreskin got sore from masturbating than from getting hit through your clothes by a paintball. Perhaps take a few days off and see if it gets better.

How long should it take for me to be able to ejaculate again? Is 45 minutes normal? (age 13)

45 minutes is pretty good.

My 15-year-old girlfriend wants to have sex. I want to very badly, but morally I can't. I was told to wait until I was 15. Should I? (age 13)

You are too young to have sex and too young to have a 15-year-old girlfriend, for obvious reasons. I have no idea why someone who is morally opposed to you having sex would be OK with it when you are 15. Why not make a pledge to keep your pants on until you have all this figured out?

I am attempting to reduce my masturbation frequency so as to maintain better self-control. What frequency would you consider the bare minimum for staying healthy? (age 17)

Dr. Graham Giles says young men ought to masturbate at least six times a week. I say on this site once every two weeks is an absolute minimum. However, if you wish to maintain self-control, perhaps masturbating at least once a day would be best. You ought have no problem with self-control at that frequency.

I masturbate daily. My testicles are kind of saggy. Do you think this would be because of all the masturbation and maybe the lack of semen I have in my testicles? Does the same person answers all the questions? (age 16)

Masturbating or the lack of it would not make your scrotum saggy. The scrotum expands and contracts based on your temperature and the room temperature. The same person answers all questions, except some which are marked with the female symbol.

I masturbated in the TMS way from the age of about 8 until 14. Do you think it caused my penis to be smaller? I currently have a girlfriend and my sex life is fantastic. (age 16)

You are an inspiration to all the young males who wonder if they can be cured of sexual troubles by giving up TMS. How you masturbate does not affect your penis size.

I have been masturbating since I was about 12. The first few weeks I did it, I practiced TMS. When I have an orgasm, I ejaculate nicely, but a few minutes later, something else comes out, not usually much but it's thin and clear and makes a mess. What is this? (age 20)

When you ejaculate, some fluid leaves your prostate gland and seminal vesicles but is not expelled all the way through the penis. This leftover semen tends to run out after your erection has gone down. This is why many guys squeeze the last drops out. That leftover semen can also dry inside the urethra, which can make urinating later uncomfortable. I often advise guys who notice that to urinate soon after ejaculating.

I've been masturbating for some time and I've never had an orgasm. I never felt pain as much as the other guys do in the movies and I ejaculate but I don't get much of a response. (age 16)

Orgasms should not be painful. They should feel very good. I think your mistake is basing your sexual response on what you see in porn. Porn is not real.

I have masturbated about twice a day since I was 11 and now when I have sex with my girlfriend, I can't ejaculate. (age 17)

I suggest abstaining from masturbation for 3-5 days before your next sexual encounter. You will soon learn about balancing masturbation and intercourse.

Why do I lose my erection when using a condom? (age 16)

It is something different to get used to.

I have no problems with getting erections and intercourse. But it is rare that I can be brought to orgasm through oral sex. I think this may be due to my frequent masturbation (2 times a day) and that I use an overhand stroke method where I rub the tip of my penis back and forth with my fingers. Is it possible that this type of masturbation causes a diminished sensitivity in my penis and less reaction to oral sex? (age 35)

Twice a day is pretty often at your age for someone who is also sexually active. I suggest abstaining from orgasm for 5-7 days and seeing if you can reach orgasm from fellatio more comfortably.

Do women have wet dreams too? (age 18)

No.

Is it normal to not ejaculate during intercourse? It feels good but not as good as masturbation because I can't thrust as fast as I can stroke. Is it because I'm not experienced? (age 16)

Lack of experience is probably part of it, but most males reach orgasm the first time they have intercourse. It could be that you're used to too fast a stroke in masturbation. I recommend abstaining from masturbation altogether for 5-7 days before your next sexual intercourse. After that, work on using less speed and pressure.

I heard that after ejaculating, guys have to wait at least 30 minutes to do it again. But when I masturbate, I can masturbate again after no more than 10, and sometimes as little as 5 minutes. Why do you think I can masturbate so frequently? (age 16)

It's because you're young. Congratulations.

I've been going out with my girlfriend for a few years now and am rarely able to orgasm with either vaginal sex or oral sex, and I still have difficulty when she performs manual intercourse on me. I'm relatively healthy and stress free. I masturbate on average about once a week, and I usually have a few days of abstinence between sexual experiences. Is this erectile dysfunction or anxiety or both? (age 22)

Your description covers a lot of ground, but you are conspicuously omitting an explanation of what you mean by "relatively healthy." Do you have some health issue that you are being treated for? Many common illnesses and their medications cause sexual side effects. Talk to your doctor about them. There is no reason to be embarrassed. It might be that changing to a different medication could make all the difference.

Follow-up: I'm on no medication and have good physical fitness. Thanks for replying so quickly. You have a very interesting site, and there is nothing sleazy or wrong about it. I have friend who practices TMS, and I'll definitely tell him about this!

Good man. I suggest de-stressing. If you can have normal erections at any time, there is nothing physically wrong with you. It is in your head. Just decide that you can have the erection. Better still, just fool around with your girlfriend without thought about whether you'll be able to have sex. Just enjoy what you're doing, and if you happen to get a good erection, then go for it.

I was caught masturbating in my work bathroom after hours by cleaning staff twice. I was fired the next day after the second incident by my boss after he had a talk with me and said there are other places to do these things and I should do this at home. I even got denied unemployment. I am worried that I will not get a new job. (age 35)

Don't focus on that incident. Concentrate on your skills and abilities and what you can do for a future employer. Your former employer will probably not say anything about it. Perhaps you could get some part-time, temporary, or short-term work that you could use as references. Thank you for testifying to what can happen if you are caught masturbating in a public place.

I love this site. I think it's great what you are doing. I have been masturbating for about 2 and a half years now, averaging once a day. However, I (and most of my friends) use hard core Internet pornography when doing it and enjoy using it. I don't rely on porn and only use it about 50% of the time. I see nothing wrong with pornography and wonder why you have a problem with it. (I am not religious.) (age 14)

If you have read this site, you know that religion is only a small part of why I oppose porn use by males your age. First, I think it is better if you exercise your imagination rather than rely on visual stimulation when you are young. Second, porn is degrading to the people in it. Third, it doesn't depict real happenings. It's a bunch of lies and special effects. I only support use of pictures that are tasteful and for which the models are consenting and compensated.

I've had sex a couple of times with various partners and with my recent one it takes me ages to ejaculate, by which time she has become too tired and wants to sleep. You say that 10 minutes is good for a 19 year old. I'm 16 and rather worried because it takes me at least an hour.

You say this is only with the most recent one. What is different about her? Or about you? Could you have recently started an anti-depressant medication? That is a common cause of sudden anorgasmia. Perhaps investigate these questions.

I have had sex a couple of times, all safe, but before that I noticed little white bumps under my head. I don't think it's an STI but I'm not sure. (age 16)

It's probably pearly penile papules, but only a doctor can say for sure.

After masturbating a lot, how long will it take to make new sperm? (age 29)

The body generates sperm constantly and it is impossible to run out. Semen is another matter. It is harder to ejaculate when your supply of the fluids that comprise semen are running low. They will generally be back to normal within 24 hours when that happens.

I've always been against porn, but now I use pictures while masturbating sometimes. This doesn't bother me anymore, but I've gone so far as to watch videos of women masturbating, which is extremely arousing, but makes me feel guilty. I've decided to just stick with plain nude pictures. Is this too much of a moral compromise? (age 16)

You are the only one who can decide what is morally acceptable and unacceptable for you. I advise against pictures at your age but say if you must use them, then plain nuder are better.

I recently performed manual intercourse on a girl while she did the same to me. Would I still be considered a virgin or could I say I've lost it? (age 17)

Hardly anyone would say you're not a virgin on the basis of that. You can say you've had a sexual experience, but I don't think you can honestly say you've had sexual intercourse.

For 12 years of my life (from 4 to 16), I humped the floor (sliding my penis against it). I stopped, thanks to this site. Several months back, I started a routine that distracted me from homework and a lot of other things that needed to be done. I'd masturbate once a day. I had scrapes near the "apple" shaped part of my penis, right around the rim (from masturbating too much). I have not masturbated (with an intent to ejaculate) for 8 days and 8 nights. I plan to go for 40 days and 40 nights. I believe I will be able to complete this and heal in a physical and psychological state. Would it ruin the effect if I were to masturbate short of climax/ejaculation? Would my abstinence be pointless? (age 17)

I don't see the point in it. Stopping for only a few days would be enough to heal the scrapes on your coronal ridge. I don't know why you'd want to go for 40 days. However, there is even less purpose in masturbating short of ejaculation. That eliminates the benefit you get from not masturbating while not giving you any benefit of its own. Now that your penis has healed -- and I assume you have learned how to avoid that kind of injury -- you ought to enjoy masturbating as often as you'd like.

Follow-up: I have trouble keeping a constant erection, but I no longer hump the floor. Would you say I'm screwed?

Lots of guys have quit TMS at your age and gotten normal very quickly. You can do it too. Problems that arise are manageable. You should never write yourself off as screwed.

I'm in middle school. In my school even if you fantasize, you will be considered a pervert. I used to masturbate 5 times a week but since I've been having friends that are girls, I've felt guilty and cut back to only once in a while. Is this OK, and what is the definition of a pervert? (age 12)

You are not a pervert if you fantasize, or masturbate. I am inclined to believe five times a week is better for you than what you're doing now. There is no reason to feel guilty because you masturbate because some of your friends are girls. Girls masturbate too. A pervert is someone whose sexual behavior differs from the norm (American Heritage Dictionary, 4th edition). Masturbating and fantasizing are definitely normal.

The nurse gave me a hernia check and I got an erection. What do I do? (age 15)

The nurse has probably seen a lot of erections while giving exams. Don't worry about it. It means you're healthy.

Does more semen ejaculated generally result in a better orgasm? (age 17)

My take on it is that a better orgasm will result in a greater ejaculation of semen.

Can a sterile male achieve orgasm?

Yes. Sterile means unable to produce children. One does not even have to be able to ejaculate to have orgasms.

Don't get me wrong, but I love sex with females. But I got to admit that masturbating with a male takes the cake! It is way more erotic and turns me on even more than sex with a girl! (age 25)

If you were taking one of the male surveys on this site, you ought to check the box "mostly gay" on the sexual preference question.

What happens if you don't masturbate for a long time? (age 13)

At your age, nothing, but an older male with a long history of ejaculating frequently might come down with prostate trouble if he suddenly quit ejaculating altogether for a long period.

Does it feel good when a girl is wet?

Yes, for both of you.

Lately I have been having many urges to have sexual intercourse. I certainly don't want to urge my girlfriend into doing something she doesn't want to do, but she doesn't seem comfortable even talking about it with me. (age 16)

She will definitely not feel comfortable doing anything sexual until after she is able to talk about it.

When I exercise via lifting or sports, my penis gets smaller. (age 19)

Don't worry about that. When you relax after your exercise, it will get bigger again.

To masturbate, I use my thumb to rub the end of my penis. It often works when I am looking at erotic things on my laptop. Is this an OK way to masturbate? (age 16)

It is at best OK. If it works for you, I don't think it is a problem, but you would probably enjoy it more if you used your whole hand and your whole penis.

I don't know what a fully naked women actually looks like, and when it comes to masturbation, I don't really know what to think about. What should I do? (age 15)

At your age, you ought to be exposed to a lot of fully clothed girls who look pretty good. This is where a healthy imagination comes in.

My girlfriend and I have sexual intercourse about once a week. We were each other's first. The other day when I was performing cunnilingus on her, I noticed a discharge from her vagina. We are both STD free (we've been checked), but I told her what I saw, and she said it was a yeast infection. What is a yeast infection, and can it harm me since I perform cunnilingus on her? Do all females have G Spots, because I cannot find hers. Can you explain the area where it is located? (age 17)

A yeast infection is a fairly normal occurrence in the vagina. Most women get them periodically. They cannot infect a male partner, although it would have been courteous if she had told you before you performed oral sex on her. That is like not telling someone you taste of fresh dental work before they kiss you. All females have a G spot. It is on the upper surface of the vagina, a few inches in. You have to be patient whenever you do something sexual with a female. You are better off asking her where she likes to be touched.

I'm 20 and straight. My best friend wants to perform manual intercourse on me. I believe that he is not gay. Should I let him? Is it normal or it this will only prove that he is gay?

You don't say what information you have that leads you to believe he is not gay, but I believe a straight man of his age would be pursuing sexual experiences with women, not with other men. Me, I would not entertain this kind of discussion with someone, but you will have to decide yourself. This might be a useful chance for you to ask him what other sexual experiences he has had.

Where is the best place to masturbate? If I masturbate in bed, what can I use to catch the semen? What should I do with the semen after I masturbate? I would love to masturbate in bed but I am worried where the semen will go. (age 15)

People by a wide margin prefer to masturbate in bed. The bathroom was the old favorite, from the days when most boys had to share bedrooms. But now the bedroom is twice as popular, being the most common venue for 43 percent of males, as opposed to 22 percent who do most of their masturbating in the bathroom. Just in the past few years, a new place has become very popular: the computer desk. It is now the most common place that 28 percent of males masturbate. In terms of bedbation, most males just let the semen spray over them and then they mop it up and wipe their hands with a tissue, sock, or a rag kept for that purpose, like an old shirt. If you do this, then that also solves your problem of what to do with it. Other solutions include wiping it on their bodies.

I have recently stopped masturbating and I am on my 6th day. I keep getting erections and all I can think about is masturbating. The reason why I stopped was that for some reason every time I do it, I always worry about it afterward. (age 15)

You are learning what a lot of males have learned, that by the 6th or 7th day without masturbating, all you can think about is masturbating. Now instead of only worrying about it afterward, you are worrying about it constantly. I suggest you decide that quitting was a mistake and then when you are finished masturbating, instead of being worried, be as relaxed as you can imagine being.

I masturbate to relieve stress. I also don't know if I am making semen. I only get a clear liquid when I think of masturbating but don't. However, I get semen when I masturbate. Are they the same? (age 15)

No. The clear liquid that comes out when you are aroused is Cowper's fluid, also called pre-ejaculate or pre-cum. The liquid that spurts out when you masturbate is semen.

Is is true that holding in urine can cause sexual problems? (age 19)

I've never heard that. To the contrary, stopping and starting urination is a way advised for exercising the PC muscle. Having a PC muscle in good condition can enhance your sexual performance.

Last night when I was in the tub, I masturbated and successfully had my first orgasm. Afterward I felt tired and relieved at the same time. Am I supposed to feel tired and relieved after I've masturbated? (age 17)

Relieved is very good, and very common. Tired is also very common. In fact, half of masturbation takes place at bedtime, in part so males can get tired and go to sleep. Perhaps you should have more orgasms before deciding how they typically feel. Sexual or other activity in hot water is advised against, because your body can't cool itself in hot water.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about masturbating in a group of friends of either sex. I wouldn't want to bring this up to the friends in question, though, as I am afraid of being seen as gay. What should I do? (age 15)

I don't think you can do anything. If you are afraid of even talking about this, how could you possibly do it?

I'm 15 and I've been masturbating TMS (thrusting against a pillow) for 6 months now until I came across your helpful site. I've tried to do it the conventional way, but I can never ejaculate. Ever since I can remember, my scrotum is usually saggy and wrinkly. But if I'm in cold water for a while, it usually isn't wrinkly. Is there a problem?

Just keep trying until you can masturbate conventionally. You can do it! The scrotum's job is to expand and contract based on temperature. Naturally, in cold water, it contracts as close as it can to your body to keep your testes at the proper temperature.

My penis size is about 4.5". Is it sufficient to become a dad? (age 20)

Absolutely. Penis size is unrelated to fertility. Men with one inch penises have fathered children by vaginal insemination. Even if by some twist of fate a man couldn't ejaculate into a woman, he could still become a father through artificial insemination.

I went to a hospital appointment two days ago, and it was confirmed that I have phimosis. The doctor who saw me said the only way to deal with this in my case is circumcision. I wonder how this will affect me sexually. My girlfriend says a previous boyfriend was circumcised and they used lubricants. Is this necessary? She also said normal lubricants did not taste nice, so they used flavored lubricants. Can these flavored lubricants be bought at places other than sex shops, as I don't want to go to a sex shop every few weeks for the rest of my life. It can be quiet embarrassing when you're getting looks from people who think you've been stocking up on the latest porn. (age 20)

I would get a second opinion to see if circumcision is necessitated. You might even seek out an anti-circumcision doctor near you who might know about some alternatives to circumcision. A circumcised or pro-circumcision doctor might not care about your desire to remain uncircumcised. Lubricant is more necessary for circumcised males to use during masturbation than intercourse. Not all unflavored lubricants have an unpleasant taste. You might get small bottles of the major commercial brands (available at non-sex shops) and see how she likes the taste. If you must have flavored ones, you can always order them by mail.

Your site says that a normal amount of semen is about 3-5 ml, but I produce a lot more than that. Is that in any way beneficial to me? Why does my semen ejaculate farther when I masturbate standing up? (age 15)

A large amount of ejaculate is a good thing, I think. It must feel better coming out, and it would also be better for impregnating a woman. I've never heard that about distance before. Perhaps you are using greater motion when standing. Motion explains part of the distance semen travels.

I've been masturbating since I was 14, and when I was 17, I had my one and only wet dream. I've been hoping for another, but it never seems to happen. I Interestingly, I was in another city visiting a relative when I had mine. I'm glad I wore SHORTS to bed that night! (age 40)

You don't say whether you're glad because you think the shorts helped bring on the wet dream or because they contained it.

If I get a vasectomy, is there any outcome to stopping the flow? I know that semen keeps going as it comes from another part or the body. ?What about all those sperm? What happens to them? (age 38)

Sperm are the smallest human cells and make up only a tiny portion of semen. If your vas deferens are severed, your sperm cells will by carried away by your lymphatic system.

Is it true that bigger feet means a bigger penis, and vice-versa? (age 12)

There might be some relationship, but it would be hard to say how much of one without some serious study. You can probably not determine much from shoe size. Some men with big feet have average penises, and some men with small feet have large penises.

By rolling my penis in between my hands, am I doing TMS? My orgasms used to be very strong and now they seem to have weakened. (age 13)

Holy man! If you think your orgasms have gotten weaker at 13, imagine what they will be like when you are 40! Rolling is not TMS, but it is an atypical masturbatory style that will not serve you well in the long run. I strongly suggest switching to the conventional method. I'm sure your orgasms will get better quickly if you do.

On a couple of occasions I've had a really erotic dream and woken up feeling as if I was just about to ejaculate, always at a key point before orgasm. How come people can sleep through wet dreams but I can't? I'd like to have one at some point in my life just to have the experience. (age 15)

So would a lot of males, but it doesn't work that way. Gotta take what you get.

I started to masturbate when I was 15. I usually do it 3-4 times a week but lately I've been extremely horny and have started doing it up to 2-3 times a day(about the same rate I did it at first). Is there something wrong with me? (age 17)

I would hesitate to say something is wrong with you, but that frequency is more typical for a 13 year old who's just learning than someone who's been doing it for a few years. There might be other places you can put that energy, sexual and otherwise.

I've been having fantasies about this girl I like at school. I don't want to have fantasies about her, and I always feel so dirty for even talking to her at lunch! How can I stop having these fantasies? (age 16)

Try to fantasize about something else if it bothers you. It would probably help if you asked her out to the movies and started dating her.

I've been masturbating for a year and a half. I usually do it 2 or 3 times a week. But since summer break ended and I went back to school, I can't help myself and am constantly horny. By the time I get home, I have pre-cum in my underwear. It happens 1-2 times a week. It's weird because this never happened when I was in school last year. Is this even normal? (age 16)

You must be in the southern hemisphere. That happens to a lot of guys, and it's less weird if you can figure out what you're exposed to in the afternoon that is getting you turned on. You might be a candidate for more frequent masturbation.

I have heard that when you masturbate, your penis gets smaller. I have a tough time believing that's true. (age 16)

Masturbating will not make your penis smaller.

Is it true that uncircumcised penises are more sensitive and easier to masturbate? (age 14)

Yes, it is true. It one reason why uncircumcised males tend to masturbate more frequently. They also have the advantage of being less dependent on lube.

I slept over at my friend's house and he has a bunk bed. I woke up and the bed was shaking and I heard a little groan. After that I couldn't get to sleep, and when he climbed down from the bunk the next morning, he had an erection. I haven't told anyone about it, not even the friend. But people say he's gay and he isn't the most masculine guy. Is he gay and does he like me? (age 13)

If you read this site, you shouldn't be too surprised that someone masturbates in his own bed when he thinks his roommate is sleeping. It is very normal for guys your age to wake up with an erection every morning. I doubt he is gay from the information you're giving. You ought not be passing rumors about someone's being gay like that. Would you like it if someone alleged you're gay because you paid attention to your friend masturbating and noticed he had an erection?

I put a soft blanket on top of my bed and I thrust into it as if it were a vagina. Is this normal or harmful? (age 15)

That is classic Traumatic Mastubatory Syndrome, and a particularly harmful form of it. I recommend giving that up forever.

There is this girl that I am attracted to, and most of the time that I see her she says hi to me and has a big smile on her face, but I have no idea if she's attracted to me or is only being friendly; many girls have acted the same way toward me in the past and were not interested in me romantically or had boyfriends. I'm normally confident around women but when I'm around her, I always feel awkward and do not know what to say. I asked her to go out for coffee with me some months ago but she said that she was busy and to ask her again later. Based on this, is there any way to tell if she likes me or not? (age 22)

Ask her again. You already said you would. You are analyzing this situation too much. Don't think about it; just do it.

I masturbate 1-2 times a day and the only way I can ejaculate is if I wrap my penis in tissues and then stroke. I also get the same sensation by masturbating into a sock. Is this TMS? (age 15)

That is not TMS, but it is better if you don't masturbate that way. I suspect the reason you do that is because your penis is too sensitive to be touched directly. Using lube is apt to let you masturbate by hand. Try it. You will like it a lot better.

Will a girl get pregnant if she had sex without protection while she is on her period? Are condoms totally safe? (age 18)

There is always a chance with unprotected sex, but when she has her period is when she is least likely to get pregnant. Condoms have a failure rate associated with them. They do not provide 100% protection against pregnancy. And some people are allergic to them.

I don't masturbate at all. Is this bad? (age 13)

At your age, no, but I think you will start within a couple of years, and you will wish you had started sooner.

Is birth control considered a form of abortion? If it is not abortion, then why are some religious groups against the use of it? (age 19)

Some forms of birth control, specifically the intrauterine device and morning after pill, are considered abortion by some religious authorities because they act after conception has taken place. Some religions oppose other forms of birth control even though they aren't considered abortion because they believe sex is only for procreation and contraception is for non-procreative sex.

Are retrograde ejaculation, retarded ejaculation and Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome the same thing? I have just started masturbation conventionally after following the directions on your site and my semen does not shoot out but slurps out. (age 19)

Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome often causes retarded ejaculation (also called anorgasmia, among other things) but they are not the same thing. Retrograde ejaculation is completely different and means redirecting your ejaculation into your bladder instead of letting it out. Your progress is pretty good for just having switched. I think you will be able to shoot after some more practice at conventional masturbation. Good for you.

I have had a serious medical condition for about 8 years now, and at one point the doctors said I temporarily stopped growing and that I might finish puberty later than normal. Would this at all affect the size of my penis, because it's still small compared to the rest of my body, and I'm afraid to have sex. (age 19)

If the rest of your body resumed growing, then your penis would have also. You ought not be obsessed about its size. If it reaches your body, it's big enough.

For as long as I can remember, I've been attracted to physically strong women. I often masturbate to images of female bodybuilders and other stong women. I have tried to masturbate to images of regular women, but it takes me longer to masturbate and I can't help but return to my fetish. The longest I have gone with masturbating to only normal women is about 3 weeks. How can I get over my fetish? (age 18)

It is good both that you can be aroused by regular women and that you went three weeks. It is probably not necessary to give up your interest in bodybuilders completely, but if you can use those images only half the time, I think you're in pretty good shape.

I don't get that horny when I see two girls kissing or having sex, but I like it when I see a guy and a girl having sex. Is this normal? Also, I'm not crazy about the vulva, but I'm not gay. Could this be becaue I often masturbate to Victoria's Secret catalogues? (age 17)

There is nothing wrong with you just because you're not turned on by female-female porn. Most males are very aroused by the vulva and soon move from catalog models to nudes.

I used to do TMS to masturbate for about a year or two, but after discovering your site, I stopped 2 or 3 years ago. Earlier this week, when I tried to masturbate, I couldn't. A day or two later I was concerned that I hadn't masturbated in a while and resorted to TMS. Then a day or two later I was able to do it again while watching material on my computer. I haven't gotten a normal erection at all this week except for the two times I masturbated. What should I do? Also, I've been taking 20 mg of Prozac to help me with depression for about 2 weeks now. Some sources say Prozac can cause sexual dysfunction, anorgasmia and reduced libido. Should I stop taking the drug and if I do will I be able to masturbate again? (age 17)

There are anti-depressants that are much worse for sexual dysfunction than Prozac. It might be a little soon to judge, so give it another few weeks and then talk to your doctor about switching. Don't be embarrassed to tell him why you want to switch. The most likely scenario is that as soon as you switch from a drug that is malaffecting you, you will improve right away. I recommend highly against resorting to TMS.

I ejaculate very quickly, whether alone or with a partner (about 60 seconds after stroking begins). Is this considered premature ejaculation? What can I do to prolong the stroking time before I ejaculate? (age 49)

Yes, that time is considered premature ejaculation. I suggest looking for web sites and other information specifically about PE, because there is not much about it on HealthyStrokes.com.

Whenever I masturbate, I worry about it for ages after, and I get really depressed if I don't tell my parents that I have done it because I feel that if I don't, I am keeping a dirty secret from them. For some reason, I have to tell them every time, and I really want to stop telling them, because I feel that it is starting to annoy them. I have tried to stop but can't seem to. Every time I plan on doing it, I always know that I will be upset and low afterwards. I have researched about masturbation on your site a lot to seek reassurance from knowing about other peoples' stories and experiences and I know that I am not the only one in the world going through them, but it doesn't seem to help. Sometimes I get really low that it literally makes me stop doing it for like a week, and all the stress of my worrying is really building up. It seems like every time I do it, I have to wash my hands 10 times before I feel clean again! (age 15)

I suggest you seek help from a mental health practitioner. If you have health insurance, your doctor can refer you to someone. I suspect you have obsessive-compulsive disorder. It sounds bad enough that it is interfering with your normal activities and also your family. I can promise that your parents are very uncomfortable every time you feel the need to tell them. They don't tell you whenever they have sex. There is no reason to share your information with them. Perhaps talking to a competent therapist will help you clear this up and live normally.

Does it matter what I fantasize about while masturbating? Wouldn't a regular, unrealistic fantasy to some degree diminish my ability to enjoy normal sex? I am not a virgin, but I don't have sex regularly either. And what about fantasies about illegal sexual behavior? (age 19)

It is perfectly legal to fantasize about acts that are illegal. I think it is good if you have more than one thing that arouses you. If having the same fantasy all the time bothers you, then try to find other things to fantasize about. I also advise males to masturbate a few times a month without pictures in order to keep up their imagination.

Last night I had a wet dream, but I also masturbated yesterday. Why did I have a wet dream if I masturbated the same day? Is this normal? (age 15)

Wet dreams by themselves are not all that common. Many (not most) males past puberty have had them, and very few males older than 14 or so have them regularly. Most males who had them stop having them when they learn to masturbate. So just by having them while you also masturbate makes you kind of unusual. The occurrence of wet dreams can often be random and not in relation to other wet dreams or other orgasms. It is not unusual to go a month without a wet dream or any other ejaculation and then to have two on successive days. The wet dream coming after you masturbated is unexpected, but it should be welcome.

Do you have to retract your foreskin while ejaculating to release the semen? (age 13)

No.

If a boy masturbates twice or three times a month for about 5 or 6 years, will he be weak in the future while having sex with his wife? (age 20)

Most males masturbate a lot more than that. Masturbating will not weaken him. It will make him stronger for sex.

I've been trying to find out whether it is safe to masturbate with hand creams or lotions. Should I avoid certain kinds of lotions? (age 15)

It is up to your preference. I would point you toward a water-based product instead of an oil-based one, but just about all of the inexpensive lotions have oil in them. If you're worried about safety, I would suggest sticking with one that you know doesn't irritate you instead of trying various brands.

I found a dildo in my sister's room and I got really turned on by it. Since I found it I keep wanting to go look at it. I am also having impure thoughts about her. I'm pretty sure these thoughts and actions are bad. (age 15)

You ought to respect your sister's privacy and not snoop in her room. Don't feel so bad about those thoughts. They are fairly common. Instead, you might think about some girl you really like or some hot celebrity using the same dildo.

I discovered that giving my penis a squeeze between my legs produces an exceptional orgasm. I started masturbating about six months ago and have done this nearly twenty times, because using my hand never works for me. Can this cause TMS? (age 14)

It is not TMS, but it is a different atypical method that will not serve you well in the long run. I suggest giving up that practice and working harder at learning to use your hand.

I used to masturbate a lot before I got married but I don't feel like masturbating much anymore. I have been married 3 months and in that time I have only masturbated twice. Sometimes masturbating feels better than sexual intercourse. What should I do? (age 23)

I think you should masturbate when you feel like it and make love when you and your wife both feel like it. Don't worry about it unless it gets to be trouble balancing the two.

I have bashful bladder syndrome. I was wondering if exercising the PC muscle would make it easier for me to urinate in public. (age 19)

I doubt it, but it couldn't hurt to exercise it anyway. It is best just to wait for a stall or use a bathroom with partitions between the urinals.

When I was 12-15, I would masturbate for my sister's friends when they came to sleep over. A few times my sister was in the room and also watched. We never touched each other and never even talked about what happened. Last year she brought it up in a joking manner, but I felt embarrassed. Since then she has asked me about it several times. Was it wrong at the time, and should we talk about it now or just forget that it ever happened? (age 40)

Your sister has obviously not forgotten. I think it was wrong at the time. It is wrong to expose yourself, to be an exhibitionist to a bunch of little girls, your sister, even. I think you ought to discuss it with her and see if it would help to apologize.

I had a wet dream involving my brother who is five years older than me. In the dream, we were having sex and I was calling out his name. I've been pretty sure I'm gay or at least bi for a while, but this dream has me confused. Is it wrong that I dreamed this and that I liked it? (age 13)

A dream is never wrong, and a wet dream is always to be liked. Don't worry about it. I once had a wet dream involving a girl that I didn't even like. At least I think I didn't like her.

After ejaculating, I often feel empty, or just a feeling of nothingness. I do not feel guilty, like some other people have said. Do all guys feel like I did after ejaculating? What is the feeling of emptiness that comes after I ejaculate? (age 16)

Most males feel very relaxed after the ejaculate, and many try to go to sleep. You might be confusing that feeling for emptiness.

Follow-up: But why is it that I don't want to continue whenever I finish ejaculating? Can that be changed so that I do want to continue?

There is no reason to continue. When you ejaculate, you should be satisfied and not want to masturbate again for a while. It's a good opportunity to get to sleep.

Even though I am married for 36 years, I have always enjoyed masturbating. However, I have developed erectile dysfunction due to diabetes mellitus II and the medication I take. I have tried all of the chemical stimulants and none work. Can I still masturbate and achieve and orgasm with my penis in a flaccid state providing I use a lot of lubricant, and will I receive the same gratification that I would if my penis were fully erect? Would the use of a penile pump be of any help? (age 68)

Your question is outside the scope of this site. I deal with psychogenic issues of sexual dysfunction here, not physical. However, I can tell you that an erection is not necessary for masturbation, but you would probably not enjoy it as much as if you were fully erect. A penis pump could help your situation a great deal. I suggest you discuss it with your doctor.

When a girl laughs when she looks at you, does that mean she wants to have sex with you? (age 13)

I doubt it. And I hope you won't be having sex for a very long time.

I have just noticed, while having an erection, a lot of small spots on and around the head of my penis. What could they be? And what should I do? (age 16)

They are most likely pearly penile papules, but only a doctor can say for sure.

Does sperm production rate decrease when you're ill? (age 14)

That's an interesting question. It depends on the illness. A serious illness can cause infertility and sometimes sterility. Any time you have a fever, your sperm are probably being killed. Sperm can only survive at a specific temperature that is lower than normal body temperature. That is why the testes are in a sac outside the body. I have not seen specific studies, but I would guess that with an illness that lasts for a few days and no fever, your sperm production is unaffected.

You commented, "no gay men would reject [a male] for having experimented heterosexually." This is untrue. I wouldn't do anything with another guy if he had been with a woman. What is wrong with boys experimenting with each other? It is a good way to learn how to do it. (age 26)

I think you are being sarcastic. Approximately 99.999 percent of gay men would not care if a sex partner had been with a woman, and probably 70 percent would not ask about his sexual history or otherwise find out. I urge caution in part because of the other part of the line you quoted, which you did not quote: Some women would reject a man for having experimented homosexually. I therefore suggest that boys not experiment with each other, but if they get to be men and still feel that it's worth a try, knowing the possible consequences, that it's then their business.

I was on my 17 year old brother's computer, because mine was down. I wondered if he masturbates, so I searched around and found pornography in a folder. I just laughed. Is this normal? (age 13)

Yes, and shame on you for snooping.

Are you against homosexuality? (age 17)

No, but I believe it needs to be approached with caution rather than jumped into on impulse. If you are a young adult and have been feeling like you're gay for some time, that is different than if you are 13 and suddenly have a desire to do something sexual with a same-sex friend.

Is grabbing the base of your erect penis and jerking it slowly but firmly (like you're trying to extend it) dangerous? Will doing this damage internal organs and the urinary tract? (It doesn't hurt afterward.) (age 17)

That is an atypical masturbatory style. It is better if you use as little force as necessary while masturbating. The males with the least trouble when it comes to intercourse are those who masturbate most conventionally. It is bad to focus on the base. However, I don't think what you describe will damage the urinary tract.

How long do people my age usually last during masturbation? Is this time duration how long you would last during sexual activity with a partner? (age 17)

According to a survey of more than 10,000 males by this site in the second half of 2007, the average male your age takes 10.7 minutes to masturbate to orgasm. There were 664 17 year old males in the survey dataset. Intercourse time is usually longer than masturbation time. Start with 12 minutes and add 1/3 of a minute for every minute spent masturbating. At 17, the average is 16.9 minutes.

I talk with one of my female friends and before bed she likes to masturbate while I describe a sexual situation. Should I have any advice for her or ask her to stop, or are we in a healthy relationship? (We are not dating.) (age 15)

Why aren't you? Would she do the same for you? If not, you should stop doing it and find someone you can have an equal relationship with.

I'm a 12 year old boy who likes to masturbate a lot. I am having an argument with a girl about whether boys can have orgasms or not. What is your opinion on the matter?

I think you need to spend more time reading the glossary and the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.

After I ejaculate, I don't feel horny anymore. Is this normal? (age 14)

Yes, for about an hour.

When I masturbate, I get the feeling that I am about to ejaculate, and it only lasts about 10 seconds until I ejaculate. Then I'm done. When I try to last longer, I feel like I can't stop myself from ejaculating. (age 14)

The feeling you describe is plateau. It is the phase of sexual response where you feel like if you continue what you are doing, you will reach an orgasm. You will enjoy masturbating more if you can prolong the plateau phase longer. The key is to be able to keep stroking but not reach orgasm and still not lose your erection. Once you can do that, you will be able to stretch the plateau phase out to 30 seconds ore more. 10 seconds is pretty good for your age.

Is masterbating 3-5 times a week normal? (age 14)

Most guys your age masturbate a lot more than that.

I have a a growth about the size of a pea, but if is not attached to my testicles or my scrotum, is it cancerous, or a cyst? (age 15)

Only a doctor can say for sure. Go to the doctor right away.

When I masturbate, it can take up to an hour and a half to orgasm (sometimes it takes me much less time). (age 17)

My first thought is that you're taking some kind of medication that can cause anorgasmia. It would be worth asking your doctor to try something different that doesn't have sexual side effects.

Your site provides a lot of advice, but I think you should leave it to professionals. Dr. Drew is great. I'm in college. There is a class called human sexuality, and you should take it. I don't know what your motivation for having this site is, but it shouldn't be up. (age 21)

Actually, Dr. Drew has mentioned this site on his show. There is a class called civil rights and liberties, and I think you should take it. You get to learn about the First Amendment and free speech. For an alternate view, read this:

I'd like to thank you for providing practical advice in this area. In rigidly conservative backgrounds, many of these questions cannot be asked, so you are helping many people who would otherwise go on "in the dark." Keep up the good work. (age 22)

What are your views on soft porn on like the Internet, just like naked women, no sex stuff or anything. It is just that I haven't really looked on any before and I don't know what like a naked women looks like. Should I just look at some to widen my imagination of women, because I only really know what breasts look like? (age 15)

I only go along with nude photos if they are tasteful (no sex acts), and the models are willing and compensated. I would discourage you from pictures at your age, because it is better for you to build your own imagination. There is too much extreme porn on the Internet for you to expect to be able to find tasteful images readily.

Can TMS lead to things like premature ejaculation? (age 19)

It is much more likely to lead to delayed ejaculation (anorgasmia) or erectile dysfunction. Only a few TMS males have premature ejaculation.

Is there anything wrong with getting water-based lube in my urethral opening? (age 14)

No. Such a lube is made for doing just that. You ought to be fine, but rinse or urinate any excess out when you're finished.

I have been masturbating since 13 and my semen does not smell as it used to. It is completely odorless. Why is it so? (age 18)

I don't think it is. I think you've just gotten used to the smell so you don't notice it anymore. Other people can. It would be a good idea to clean semen off before you leave the house, especially if you claim you can't smell it.

My friend who is 4 years older than me introduced me to masturbation. I was only 9 at the time and he was 13. Was I abused? I don't feel that I was. (age 17)

Did he touch you? Did he use you for his own gratification? Those are the questions that should be asked in determining if you were abused.

I have masturbated by forming a loose fist around my erect penis and stroking in an up and down motion, but it took me 15 minutes to reach orgasm. Is that normal? (age 18)

It is a little longer than usual, but probably nothing to worry about. I would expect by your age you would know more about it than you appear to.

Last week my parents caught me and talked to me. They offered to buy me a pornographic magazine, like Playboy. I turned it down because of what I have read on this site. I realized since I started drinking Mountain Dew that my erect penis is not as large as it was. Should I drink less/stop? (age 12)

You ought to take a greater interest in what your parents recommend than what I do. It is highly improbable that Mountain Dew is interfering with your erections. It might be a good idea to drink less anyway, because it has a lot of caffeine.

In your opinion, how often is too much to masturbate? (age 15)

At your age, going more than 10 times a week seems excessive. That frequency is more common at 14 than at 15.

I'm a healthy 27 year old virgin and my erections have been getting less and less firm over about the past 6 months. Now it's hard to get or maintain one at all. Is this ED? What would bring that on?

Yes, erection trouble is the symptom of erectile dysfunction. It could be in your head, or it could be a sign of a more serious disease, like diabetes. You would need to see a doctor to get a physical condition ruled out. Sexual problems are very common in older male virgins. The parts seem to work better when you don't let them idle for so long. It would be a good idea to work toward becoming sexually active soon.

Sir, I would like to thank you from the core of my heart. This article helped me cure my TMS. I pity people who don't believe in TMS. Thanks very much. (age 22)

You are welcome. I believed right away.

If you have oral sex, does it mean you're no longer a virgin? When I finger my girlfriend, I feel a tight area. Is this her hymen? Thank you for offering a site like this for people who seek answers. (age 18)

Many people believe someone who has had oral sex is not a virgin. It could be her hymen, or if you're really penetrating her digitally, it could be her cervix.

Just wanted to say thank you so much for your site. I completed my 30 days of masturbation by hand, and I have recently been able to get better erections, and I feel like my sex life is almost normal. For all the readers out there, this site is for real. I masturbated prone for about 15 years and it didn't really affect me until about 3 years ago, but something was definitely wrong. I feel so much better now. Thanks again! (age 28)

Congratulations to you!

I enjoy masturbating in the bath, lying on my side with my penis parallel to the wall of the tub. I then turn on the jets and let the water hit the head or shaft of my penis. Is this a bad thing to do? Is it a form of TMS? (age 14)

It is not TMS, but it is very, very bad. Aside from being an atypical form of masturbation that does not relate in any way to any form of intercourse, you are risking injury to your penis with the force of the water jets. Please leave this one behind forever.

The other night my mom found a picture of a naked girl on my computer. She told me this morning and was very disappointed and mad. I don't know how to tell her that masturbating is very normal and that every guy does it. Please HELP!! (age 12)

I expect she knows that and is sympathetic. But the issue was not masturbating but you having a naked girl picture on your computer. She is within her rights to ask you not to download those in her house.

My brother walked in on me when I was masturbating (he is 18 and I am 15), and he told me he would buy me some DVDs and magazines if I want. Is this OK?

I don't think that occasional use of that material is bad at your age. I advise against hard core material (no sex acts; nudity only).

Thank you so much! I was definitely suffering from Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome, which was detrimentally affecting my sex life until I took the advice on your web site! After masturbating correctly and in various positions and places, my sex life has been greatly enhanced! Thank you so much!

Are your answers ever swayed by the age of the person asking? (age 14)

Yes. I frequently advise people under 16 that they're too young to have sex, but I rarely say this to people over 16. Usually answers that are different based on age have some reference to their age in the answer.

I masturbate a different way than normal. I grind against my bed covers. Will that lead to problems later? (age 14)

That is TMS, which this site strenuously argues against.

I have an uncircumcised penis, and while you say to "stay away from the head, and focus on the shaft" while masturbating, the way I masturbate is rubbing the head of my penis (with the foreskin over it) and rubbing the shaft gives minimal sexual pleasure. Am I doing something wrong? (age 15)

You are just fine. The advice to stay away from the head is primarily for circumcised males who don't use lube.

I am 28 years old and I have been masturbating since I was 7. I sometimes masturbate eight or more times a day, sometimes within half an hour of each other. Is this bad and could it cause problems in later life?

I think it already is a problem. Your frequency is extreme. How do you find time to look for a partner or do anything else that you want? I suggest cutting back to once a day at most.

I love to masturbate but I HATE getting the smell of semen on my hands. I use soap and stuff but you can still smell it and I am afraid that other people can smell it too. (age 15)

I think you are worrying too much. Most guys don't even use soap to wash it off. I don't think anyone can smell it after you wash.

Is it normal to look at other guys' penises in the locker room just to be curious and see how big they are? (age 15)

Yes. Dr. David Reuben, in his groundbreaking book Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex but Were Afraid to Ask says that all males do this automatically whenever they see a penis.

I know it's OK to masturbate and everything, but when I do it, I think of my best friend! Is masturbating to fantasies about your best friend OK? (age 14)

You are better off not fantasizing about someone that you are going to feel especially guilty about later. Why not fantasize about one of the hundreds of people you see every day -- in person, on TV, in other media -- whom you aren't worried about feeling guilty about.

I have recently noticed a persistent patch of dry skin on the side of my penis where I apply my grip. I don't want it to develop into a callus. I use lotion or lubricant, so how can I prevent it from worsening and/or get rid of it? (age 25)

It is a good idea to be able to grip more than one way. I suggest learning to use a different grip, preferably a looser one, and better still, your other hand.

When my girlfriend and I are fooling around, we take turns. Sometimes when I am fingering her, I lose my erection. It is embarrassing. Is there something wrong with me? (age 16)

No. That is quite normal. You are not thinking about your own satisfaction at that moment. You are concentrating on doing what will bring pleasure to her, and so naturally you lose your erection. But you can get it back when it's her turn!

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. She told me she recently had a sexual dream about us. We are both virgins and she said we had sex and she thinks she orgasmed during the dream, waking her up. Is this possible and is she hinting she is ready? (age 16)

The dream as you described it is very possible. What a nice dream! I think she is just sharing her dream with you, and if you want to know if she's hinting, you should ask her that specifically.

Not having an ejaculative orgasm in a male will not cause any health problems. You are propagating a myth. (age 48)

According to a team of doctors in Australia led by Dr. Graham Giles, males who masturbate most often in their teens and 20s have the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week.

Is it possible to get an STI when the only thing you've done is oral sex? (age 15)

Yes, but they are rare.

I'm 21 and I don't get as much pleasure when masturbating as I used to. Is this normal? It also takes longer to get an erection.

I wouldn't call it normal. You might try to add some things to make it more interesting (e.g., lube, erotica). You might also try doing it less than you are now and see if you enjoy it more.

I masturbate excessively, about 15-20 times a week, and it feels like I have to. My erections will not go away if I don't masturbate. I had one that lasted nearly an hour until I masturbated. How can I cut back? (age 15)

Getting up and moving around will usually make an erection go down. Getting your penis wet should also do the job. You obviously have more than 15-20 erections a week and you don't masturbate because of all of them. You can figure it out.

I have masturbated about 3-4 times a week for the past five months. Can I still have wet dreams? (age 13)

The most likely answer is no.

You seem to be pressing guys awfully hard to masturbate. How about you tell them to get a girlfriend? (age 17)

Guys don't need me or anyone else to press them to masturbate. I merely tell them that it's normal, healthy, and fun, and that all men do it. More males masturbate than will ever have girlfriends. Masturbation is healthier than sexual intercourse in more than one way. I hope that guys who want girlfriends will have them eventually, but I cannot imagine telling that to a typical reader who is wondering about masturbation.

Is it safe to use a lotion to masturbate? (age 19)

Yes.

How often do you check your site for questions? (age 24)

I check messages several times a day and post questions and answers to the male and female pages (and less frequently, the special topics pages) three or four times a week.

If a man and a woman have sex when they have been drinking a considerable amount of alcohol and the woman becomes pregnant, will the baby be affected? (age 20)

The man's drinking has no impact on the biology of the baby. If the woman drinks while she is pregnant, the baby can develop fetal alcohol syndrome. However, I don't know that being drunk at the moment of conception makes any difference. Having sex while drunk makes it more likely pregnancy will occur because drunk people are apt to be less careful about birth control.

When a girl breaks her hymen, will blood always come out of her vagina? (age 18)

No. Some hymens are more vascular (i.e., filled with blood vessels) than others. Breaking of the hymen is not necessarily a single action and can take the form of eroding the hymen little by little over an extended period of time.

I'm going to be sharing a room with my 9 year old sister and I've started masturbating. I don't want to get caught. What should I do? I usually do it at night. (age 12)

I hope you won't be double bunking for long. I strongly suggest you find a time to masturbate when your sister isn't in the room.

I think my penis is going psycho because I frequently have an erection. For example, I am seeing a show and I suddenly get an erection. Is it a disease or something? (age 15)

It is something! It is very normal. You ought to feel very happy whenever you get one because they are a very good thing, and they will not come at you spontaneously for much longer.

Is it more pleasureful for males to have oral sex or vaginal sex? (age 22)

The vast majority of heterosexual males prefer vaginal sex but like oral sex quite well also.

Does masturbation actually relieve stress? Thank you for putting a web site where not only teenagers like me but also adults can ask questions. (age 15)

Yes, indeed. Males and females agree that masturbation is a very effective stress reliever. It's one more reason why it's so popular.

I read your web site and feel like I can trust you, but can you offer anything to back up my judgment? (age 17)

I don't know what you mean. You can trust me to keep your secrets. I don't even know who you are. You can trust what I know. I have been writing this site for over six years, and you can read most of what I've written on the various pages of this site. (See the menu on the left.) I have a masters degree from a major research university and am ABD at one of the leading universities of the world.

Just now, I masturbated and ejaculated; but before that, I had gone about 3 weeks without ejaculating. (I ejaculated fairly regularly before that.) I would sometimes rub my penis during this period, but I would not ejaculate. I stopped myself from doing this. I also abstained from all pictures that I had used in the past. I feel like I should have waited even longer before ejaculating again. I don t know why I got this notion in the first place, or if it is worth it or right to continue. Am I only harming myself? Should I just throw away the notion and resume my masturbating? (age 17)

If you read this site, you know I advocate masturbation as something normal, healthy, fun, and even necessary for males your age and higher. I frequently cite Dr. Graham Giles's recommendation that younger males masturbate at least six times weekly to maintain prostate health and prevent prostate cancer. There is no reason for you to want to give up masturbating. Instead, you should work at accepting it as normal, healthy, fun, and even necessary for males.

I am a virgin, and I have been masturbating frequently for the past six years. I have never really used lube. I have some redness on the left side of my penis under the head. The redness is in the area where there is the most contact between my hand and my penis. I'm worried I have an STD. Is this normal? (age 18)

The skin irritation you describe is caused by masturbating without lube. In that sense, it is a normal result of not using lube. It is not normal for you to believe you have an STD if you have never been sexually active. I suggest trying a water-based lube made especially for sex like Astroglide or K-Y Liquid. Not only will it relieve your skin irritation, you will enjoy masturbating a lot more with it.

Your site is the best on the Internet about masturbation! My father doesn?t want me to have sexual contact with girls; he doesn?t even want me to have a girlfriend. Can you help me? (age 17)

It is a good idea to avoid being sexually active right now, but I think you should be interacting with girls. Perhaps you could talk to your father about his attitude, and if you let him know you're not looking to be sexually active right away, he will not object to you going out with girls socially. You also ought to work on developing your own values for what your sexual future will be.

I've been masturbating for about 6 months now, and I quit TMS after I found your site. Is it OK that I have to rub my penis head to reach orgasm? When I ejaculate, it doesn't shoot out like it's been described; it kinda oozes out. (age 13)

Yes, if you can stand to touch your head, it's fine. Many males can't. It's normal for it to ooze rather than shoot at your age. You will be able to better shoot with practice.

What do you think are the psychological effects of sleeping with a body pillow? (Like thinking you can sleep with any woman in the world.) Do you think this can be harmful? (age 26)

I hope you don't think that having any particular kind of pillow means anything in terms of your sexual prowess. I've been sleeping with such a pillow for the past 17 years and don't believe it has messed up my mind. (When I have company, I put it someplace else to save room.) Of course, if you mean that you are using the pillow as an accessory in masturbation (like TMS), then I strongly advise against it.

I left my room for a minute and when I came back, my girlfriend was masturbating on my bed. I didn't know what to say so I just walked over and started fingering her and one thing led to another and we had sex. We used a condom. Now she keeps wanting to do it again and I don't really want to in case something goes wrong and she ends up pregnant or my parents or her parents walk in on us. What should I do? (age 17)

You obviously want to have sex again at some point, so you will just have to decide what those circumstances will be. When she is on the pill? When one or both of you have moved out of your parents' homes? It is better if you have some idea in mind, or else you will just wind up acting spontaneously when the situation you describe occurs. By the way ... your girlfriend was masturbating for the purpose of getting you turned on.

Why do American boys think my uncircumcised penis is strange? I'm from Ireland and very few people there are circumcised. (age 16)

A lot of American boys are not very familiar with uncircumcised penises since so many here are circumcised. In Ireland, people probably think their penises are strange.

I've been masturbating since the age of 12, and I enjoy it immensely. I have regular phone sex with my girlfriend, about 4 times a week, and I masturbate on my own about twice a week too. When I was younger I used to masturbate every day, sometimes multiple times in one day, but now I've cut down on my masturbation. However, I often experience pain in my penis or bladder after ejaculation. It's a kind of weak soreness I experience and I feel the urge to urinate. It's really uncomfortable and I'm scared it's unhealthy. Is this normal? (age 18)

I hear about that feeling a lot. If urinating after masturbating will make it better, then that is what you should do. I also recommend that to guys who are concerned about leftover semen getting stuck inside the urethra or running out at weird times.

Do your religious views condone oral sex between a married heterosexual couple? (age 17)

Yes!

I am going for a scrotal ultrasound soon to examine what the doctor thinks might be a cyst. When they do the ultrasound, do they check the entire testicle or just one part? Should I trust the doctor's judgment? (age 15)

They will scan your entire scrotum, which will include both testicles and the area around it. Trusting the doctor is a good thing, but it is also good to get a second opinion or at least find out who else has looked at the ultrasound. There is probably more than one doctor who will look at the ultrasound. You will also be able to see it yourself on the screen while it is happening.

I've got a circumcised penis. How does this affect me? You said uncircumcised guys masturbate more. But I still masturbate about 7 times a week. Does this mean I masturbate compulsively? (age 14)

No, you are not compulsive. At your age, 7 times a week is very normal and possibly on the low end of normal. Uncircumcised males masturbate more on average, but it is a very small difference. The main thing being circumcised means for you is that you should avoid stimulating the penile head directly or at least use lube if you do.

There is a girl in my class I really like and I get an erection everytime I'm around her. Is there anything I can do? (age 14)

You might ask her out to the movies or over to your place to watch a DVD.

How old do you have to be to look at naked women on the Internet? (age 17)

I don't know. I never did until I was at least 25.

After I ejaculate, semen continues to ooze out at random for another hour. What should I do? (age 14)

Urinate after ejaculating. It will clear out the excess semen.

I feel like I am ready for sex and my girlfriend isn't ready. At first I was frusterated because we love each other and we have done everything else. We have gotten close before. (age 19)

You are in a lot better shape than if you didn't have the girlfriend. That's what it would be like to start over with someone new. Make sure she knows how you feel but don't nag her about it so that she doesn't even want to talk about it anymore. She will probably be interested in sex before long.

I'm too embarrassed to buy lube. I sometimes use Vaseline and suntan lotion. Is that OK? (age 17)

Yes, but you would like lube made for sex a lot better. You can buy it at a drug or discount store next to the condoms, and it's pretty likely no one would notice you.

I masturbate often but not to orgasm, and I don't get wet dreams. Is that normal? (age 15)

No. At your age you should be masturbating to orgasm, quite often. Stopping short of orgasm is apt to give you uncomfortable feelings inside, which can best be remedied by masturbating to orgasm.

I can get an erection and ejaculate 15-20 minutes after the last time. Is that considered multiple orgasms? If not what is? (age 17)

No. You describe a short refractory period of 15-20 minutes, which is normal for you age. Multiple orgasms means you keep going at intercourse (or masturbation) and have more than one orgasm and only ejaculate when you're ready to finish.

Will daily masturbating with a condom on decrease your shooting range since your ejaculate has barely anywhere to go? (age 17)

No. Don't worry about that.

Is dry humping, like sex but with clothes on, a form of TMS? (age 17)

If the male is trying to reach orgasm, I would say that it is.

Is it healthy if I masturbate and ejaculate twice in 1-2 hours, mostly in bed? (age 14)

Yes, very.

If I masturbate with oil and it gets on the floor, my parents will notice. What should I do? (age 13)

You might try masturbating in the shower. Oil and other stuff goes right down the drain.

Is it impossible for some males to overcome TMS and masterbate conventionally? Is it more difficult for circumcised males to overcome it? (age 18)

I've never known a case that was intractable. I have never heard it being more difficult for circumcised males. You are young. You ought to be cured without too much trouble.

Are guys supposed to get an erection every time they see an attractive woman? I don't, and I'm worried I have erectile dysfunction. I am still a virgin and am worried I won't be hard enough to have vaginal intercourse when the time comes. (age 16)

You worry too much. Expecting males, even at your age, to have an erection whenever they see an attractive woman, is too much to ask. If you have 3 or 4 a day, I think you're about normal for your age.

I am a Christian and was wondering if watching porn while masturbating is a sin and if I should do it. (age 16)

I only approve of pictures if they are tasteful (nudity only; no sex) and the models are consenting and compensated.

This is a very helpful site. I'm a virgin and want to know if it is OK to use a Fleshlight. Do I need lube? (age 17)

Masturbating with a Fleshlight is a form of TMS and it is one of the worst things ever invented for the penis.

Is masturbating every day considered chronic masturbation? (age 17)

No. It's considered healthy and normal.

Is it OK to masturbate in the shower? (age 15)

It is much better than OK, and good for getting rid of the evidence, too.

I always come home from school to check your site, but it is never updated :( (age 13)

It is now.

How long does it take for a regular condom to expire? (age 14)

They are usually given expiration dates from a year to 18 months in the future.

My girlfriend has preformed oral sex on me, but we haven't had vaginal sex. What is the feeling of vaginal sex compared to oral sex? (age 19)

The vagina envelops the penis more than the mouth does, but there is no tongue to help out. You will probably like vaginal sex better.

My girlfriend and I recently moved in together and have enjoyed a typical sex life (2-4 times a week on average). However, in the past month, I've been having wet dreams once a week, and it is putting a strain on our relationship. At first it was cool and we both were very intrigued, but as it, continues I feel embarrassed/ashamed about it, and she feels like a poor lover that she doesn't satisfy me. I've had wet dreams for years. Why is this happening, and can I do anything to stop it? (age 25)

Why does she have to know about them? You might wear something to bed so that only you know when they happen. They also might go away if you ejaculated more often, so perhaps masturbating 2-3 times a week would make the difference.

What is the difference between orgasm and ejaculation? I'm really confused. (age 17)

I suggest reading the glossary. Both words are in there.

I just switched hands for masturbating and I got a stronger orgasm. Is this good? It felt so much greater than my other hand. (age 12)

Yes, I think that is very good. A lot of guys haven't even learned to do it with one hand at your age. Congratulations.

I sleep stomach down, and I almost always have an erection getting up. Could this strain my penis from always sleeping like this? (age 13)

No. The danger is from masturbating by thrusting into or against something. Sleeping or lying face down doesn't hurt anything.

I really want to ask this girl out but I cannot talk to her without getting an erection. (age 15)

Erections are good! She won't know you have one. Just keep it centered and snugly inside.

Does smoking marijuana affect sperm? (age 18)

Yes. Marijuana is very bad for sperm production. Some doctors call it "sperm stomper."

Lately I've been catching myself looking at other guys in the locker room and in the showers after practice. For some reason, I constantly wonder what the other guys' penises look like. I got caught a few times doing it but no one ever seems to care and then I'll catch them looking at my penis when they think my eyes are closed. It's even led me to look at nude guys online. I'm not gay and I don't get excited when I look but I just like to. One thing I've noticed is that I get disgusted when I see a guy with an erection or two guys messing with each other. Am I normal? (age 17)

Yes, that is all normal. Dr. David Reuben, in his landmark book Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask), says that all males are curious for comparing their penises to other penises and do so constantly, even subconsciously. Most straight males feel as you do about gay sex. (Like gay males feel about straight sex.)

One day I was masturbating in my room when my 17 year old sister walked in. I was thrusting my penis against a pillow when she entered. She said I was doing it the wrong way. She told me that humping pillows is something I should not do. I have been masturbating as she told me ever since. Was she right? Was I doing something wrong or was she? (age 13)

You were masturbating incorrectly, according to HealthyStrokes.com and some sources I could point you to, but there was nothing wrong about it in any moral or philosophical sense. You are lucky that your sister knows about the dangers of TMS. If I had been her, I wouldn't have told you that on the spot but I might have brought it up later. I don't think she was wrong to tell you that when she did.

I have a twin sister and sometimes we think and feel exactly the same things even if we're not together. I've been masturbating for a little under a year now, almost every night, and my sister told me a couple of days ago that she has been getting weird feelings at night. She said that it feels really good and she doesn't know why it happens, but she likes it. Is she getting the feelings because of me masturbating? It feels wrong that I make my sister feel good when I masturbate. Should I tell her what I've been doing at night? (age 13)

Boys and girls can't be "twins." Twins result from a division of the same zygote and are always of the same gender. You and your sister came from different ova that were released and fertilized together and are simply siblings who were born at the same time. There have been some studies done on the type of telepathic communication you describe between identical twins -- but these do not cover your situation, sometimes called fraternal twins, although geneticists nowadays hesistate to use the term twin to mean anything besides identical twins. Anything you do in private does not register in her body. You should not worry about that at all. You are not making her feel good or bad or anything else when you masturbate. Most likely her feelings come from going through puberty the same as you and getting the same feelings inside her that lead most girls her age to masturbate. Most opposite sex siblings do not discuss masturbation.

I know that when guys don't ejaculate, they become more sexually stressed and horny. If girls don't ejaculate, what makes them sexually stressed, if anything? (age 16)

Females can have the same feelings of sexual frustration that males have. Because they don't need to ejaculate, the feeling is apt to be less urgent, but girls who are experienced at orgasm can have the same physical desire that builds up as the time since their last orgasm increases. The feeling of congestion in males is not primarily from semen and other sexual fluids; it is most often caused by the blood that builds up in the pelvis when one is sexually aroused. If sexual arousal goes away on its own (as opposed to being relieved by orgasm), the drainage of the blood is not complete and contributes to the feeling you describe. The same thing happens in females. They also get similar feelings related to their menstrual cycle, and many females masturbate or desire other forms of sexual release more frequently when they have their period.

Your site is very helpful. I think it is really cool that you take the time out of your life to educate others. Thank you. (age 16)

Thank you for noticing!

What do you think about other techniques of masturbating? I went to a site that showed over 45. Are they all wrong? Can we only use one style? (age 15)

No, but the conventional style is by far the most popular. Some of those sites recklessly mix harmful styles like TMS side by side with harmless variations involving different hand positions. The most sexually successful men tend to only ever use the conventional method. They may have tried a few of those different techniques from time to time, but the average male does not masturbate 45 different ways in the course of a year. You can look at the soft drink aisle in your supermarket and perhaps see 50 to 100 different kinds, but if you watch customers for a few minutes, you will see that they are mostly buying the most popular 3 or 4 brands.

I have been taking a antidepressant for 2 and a half weeks now, and I have been having great difficulty having an orgasm, and for the past 3 days, no matter how long I tried, I could not ejaculate. I really need to ejaculate, because I get erections all the time, and now I cannot masturbate. Will this stop when I get off the medicine in a few months? Is it even possible to ejaculate while I am taking this medicine? I am really worried. (age 17)

Yes, you will go back to normal when you stop the drug, but I cannot imagine you would want to wait that long. Call your doctor now and ask to be switched to a different medication that doesn't have sexual side effects. You shouldn't have to explain what that means.

Will masturbating every day effect orgasm, ejaculation and erection in the long run? (age 15)

It is good practice for keeping in sexual shape for the long run. Studies have also found that males who masturbate most frequently when they are young have the least incidence of prostate cancer later.

One of my friends claims to hear her parents having sex at night, EVERY single night. Is that normal? I've never heard of that before. (age 18)

Yes, it has been known to happen. Your friend might turn some music on to mask the sound.

Are Kegel exercises only for females? I looked online and only found out about female exercises. (age 17)

No. Males also have a PC muscle which can be exercised with Kegels. They are not for women only.

I recently cut back on masturbation and then quit altogether for spiritual reasons and it's been about a month since I masturbated. Is it unhealthy even if I have a wet dream every few weeks? I'm a very athletic person and work out regularly. Will this affect my performance or my testosterone? (age 21)

Dr. Graham Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week to keep the prostate healthy. I have never seen any evidence that masturbation negatively impacts athletic ability and am inclined to believe that masturbating is better for your body than not masturbating.

When I was a young teen, I had really good wet dreams. I did not have the desire to masturbate because of this. As I got to be an older teen and started masturbating, the wet dreams stopped. Masturbating and sex are great, but I sure miss the wet dreams. (age 46)

Your story is about the same as mine, but if I had to choose between having only voluntary orgasms and only involuntary orgasms, I would not hesitate for a minute to choose masturbating and intercourse.

Sometimes my older sister who is 30 walks around the house naked. I pretend that I am not bothered, but it is starting to make me feel excited, and I have started masturbating about it. I know it is wrong, but what should i do? (age 13)

It would be bad enough if you were about two, but at your age, her behavior is inexcusable. Just tell her that her nakedness is making you uncomfortable and that you want a new rule around the house than no one is allowed to be naked outside their own bedroom and bathroom.

I am 16 and have had a girlfriend for a whole year now, but she refuses to engage in any form of sexual activity, so I have to masturbate by myself if I want any sexual pleasure. What can I do to get maximum pleasure? (age 16)

I think you have it pretty good. Most guys your age have no girlfriend. You will have to decide if it is worth risking what you have with her to pursue a different girl who might want to be sexual.

I have sexual intercourse on a regular basis (at least 4 times a week, sometimes more.) On the days I don't have sexual intercourse, I find the need to masturbate. I cannot sleep without being relieved daily. I've been like this since 14. is this a problem? (age 19)

It is pretty typical for your age. I don't think masturbating when in a relationship is a problem unless it is interfering with your ability to have intercourse. However, you ought to be able to get to sleep without orgasming. You might practice that a little.

After I masturbate I always feel like urinating but when I try, it's very difficult. Is this normal? (age 16)

It will be easier with practice. It also helps to drink water right after you masturbate. (Drinking the water beforehand can give you the urge to urinate while you're masturbating, and that can detract from the pleasure.)

My cousin found a porno of his dad's and put it on to watch, and he started masturbating in front of me. I was embarrassed at first, but he said not to be and to masturbate too if i wanted to, so I joined in. When I told my best friend, he said it meant we were gay. I'm really confused. (age 14)

It doesn't mean you're gay, but if you're worried about that, then you ought not do it again. Your cousin was not respectful of you by masturbating in front of you without your permission, but you weren't too put off by it to either leave or refrain from doing it yourself.

What are your qualifications for answering these questions? You seem very insensitive and not very well informed.

I have been writing this site for over six years now. I have a masters degree from a major research university and am finishing a Ph.D. at one of the leading research institutions in the world. I must admit that information is a priority for me over sensitivity.

You often tell people to go to the doctor, but it would be very embarrassing to do and I don't know what to say. My doctor is male and he's OK but he is very quiet and I don't know what I would say. I don't have any issues at the moment, but I just want to be sure I'm OK if something ever comes up. (age 14)

Yes, I know a lot of my readers would be greatly reassured if I could tell them that such and such is fine and no problem and they don't need to worry about it or tell anyone about it. But some problems are of a nature that a qualified medical professional has to examine the patient and make a diagnosis. Very often it means telling the patient there is no problem. But things like lumps and strange emissions and other things that could be warning signs of serious illness can't be diagnosed in e-mail. They have to be seen and touched in person. Perhaps your real problem is that your doctor is so aloof that you don't feel comfortable talking to him. In which case what you need is a different doctor. Don't be afraid of telling a doctor your health problems. They are bound by confidentiality laws (which have gotten a lot stronger in the United States lately) and won't tell your parents. And as I frequently remind my readers, the doctor masturbates too.

Today my girlfriend was giving me manual intercourse, and although I enjoyed it immensely, I failed to orgasm even after 20 minutes; I remained erect even after she stopped. I regularly masturbate and achieve orgasm quickly. I'm sure my girlfriend wasn't doing anything wrong and I'm wondering what could've caused the lack of orgasm? I don't practice TMS and am not on any medication. (age 15)

You're just new to the act. What happened to you is kind of common. It might help to abstain from masturbating for 3-5 days before your next manual intercourse. It might make all the difference.

Earlier this year, someone sent me a link where I could find some naked pictures, and I was copying the link to paste it, but just as I was doing that, another window opened and I copied it into that box. Unluckily, it was an IM from a girl that I like and I completely froze up. She changed the topic while I was trying to explain, but she still keeps talking to me as if nothing happened. What should I do? (age 17)

Would you believe the same thing happened to me recently? I thought I was pasting some information to a woman I was chatting with in IM, but instead what was in my clipboard was a question someone asked me on this site, and I hit the enter button before I realized what it was. Oops. You've seen the questions I get. I think you are lucky that the girl is willing to pretend nothing happened. She probably doesn't think it's so scandalous that you have some interest in online naked pictures. I think you should go for her!

I would like to let you know that I love your site. I didn't think I was confused and I thought I knew a lot about sex before I visited your site. But the truth is, I have learned so much from you. I find myself coming to this site regularly and asking all the questions I can think of. Thank you. (age 17)

So you're the one!

I love my girlfriend so much, but I've had the addiction of masturbating for 3 years, and I want it to end. This will be hard, I know, but I also want to tell her. Is there ANY easy way I could? (age 15)

It is not an addiction for very many people. Most guys your age do it at least once a day, and the majority are OK with it, and even the ones who aren't enjoy it tremendously. You ought to learn to accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun. There is no reason to complicate your relationship by bringing this up.

I am dating this girl who I'm crazy for, but I sometimes think of other females while I masturbate. Should I feel guilty? (age 19)

No. I bet your girlfriend thinks about other men too.

Do guys who masturbate frequently (at least once a day) produce sperm or semen at a greater rate than those who masturbate less frequently (2-3 times a week)? (age 17)

Sperm are produced continuously and flow out of the testes at a steady rate no matter how often they are ejaculated. Semen (the fluid that carries sperm) is produced in response to demand like any other bodily fluid.

I lost my virginity less than a year ago, but the other night, I also had my first ever wet dream. Why did I experience a wet dream? I thought it would not happen if you've ever been sexually active. (age 17)

Sometimes they are just random. Most of my correspondents want to have them but can't. They would consider you lucky.

When I masturbate, I usually moan loudly and shout out the name of the girl(s) I'm thinking about. Although it is a lot more enjoyable that way, is it normal for a 14 year old male, or any male to do this?

I've never heard of that at your age, but males (and females) who have a sufficient amount of privacy often vocalize. Most males your age (and every age) try to masturbate as surreptitiously as they can. Shouting out the name is a particularly bad idea because someone could overhear you and repeat it. You might see if it is just as enjoyable to muffle your moan with a pillow.

I like to masturbate in front of a mirror. It turns me on to watch myself do it. Have you ever heard of this? (age 17)

Yes, all kinds of people like to mirrorbate. Some people have mirrors mounted over their beds because it not only enhances for them the experience of sexual intercourse, but also mirrorbating.

We were playing truth or dare and someone dared someone else to sleep in the nude. Eventually that led to the 3 of us all getting naked and fondling each others' genitals. Then what also happened is that we were humping each other in my bed for like 15 minutes or so. There was no actual penetration or sex involved but I feel really awful about it. Is that normal? Does this make me gay? (age 14)

How often does good come from truth or dare? It does not make you gay, but it falls under the heading of homosexual activity. The only way it makes sense is if at least one of you wanted to do that stuff. A lot of males (not most) have done that kind of fondling and touching at least once. If you started doing it habitually, then most people would regard you as gay.

I have been masturbating for about 2 years. When I found this site and learned that almost 100% of teen males 15 years old masturbate, it blew me away. I had always thought that I was just sick in the head. Is it instinct for people to masturbate or is it just a choice that most everybody makes? (age 14)

It is instinct to do it the first time and then a choice to keep doing it.

I have just moved to America from Europe and I am uncircumcised. As I get older and begin to have intercourse, will girls be put off? (age 13)

I doubt it. Fewer males your age are circumcised in America than was true of earlier generations.

I know you get this all the time, but I LOVE YOUR SITE! It has helped me a lot. I masturbate and can't ejaculate. I have ADHD and take medication for it. Also, I can never orgasm 2 days in a row. I have the urge to tell my close friends that I masturbate. What should I do? My dad is an internist doctor so if I have to tell him something, I wouldn't mind telling him. (age 13)

ADHD medication can interfere with orgasm ability. It would be worth trying a different medication and seeing if it makes a difference. Tell your dad you want a different ADHD medicine that doesn't interfere with ejaculating. Anyway, orgasming every other day isn't such a bad interval. You ought to think about why you have an urge to tell your friends that you masturbate. It would probably make them uncomfortable and not tell them anything they didn't already suspect.

The first time I had a wet dream was on 03-10-08 in the morning around five. I thought I urinated on myself, but when I got up to get ready for school, I saw a stain. I smelled it and it smelled like semen. I masturbate regularly. (age 15)

Congratulations on your wet dream. Should this be celebrated with a cake and cards?

I usually masturbate in my family's bathroom, but it's right next to my sister's room. And the lock on the door is broken so it won't shut all the way so you can peer through a small slit inside. So when I jack off, I can hear my sister breathing hard right outside the door. Is she watching me for pleasure? What is going on? (age 18)

She could well be doing that. It would be worth covering the holes in the bathroom doors by plugging the slits or covering them with a towel, and you can also mask the noise by running water. None of this would be a problem if you did it in the bedroom.

I want to have oral sex with my girlfriend, and I know there is some type of condom that you can use for that. What are they called and where can I find one? (age 17)

Most places that sell condoms sell flavored and unlubricated condoms.

I've been masturbating since I was 12 going on 13, and I've always found it much better to masturbate in my briefs than the conventional way. Is that normal? (age 17)

By definition, the conventional way is normal. Masturbating inside your briefs restricts your range of motion and your sexual response and should not be considered a safe practice.

I heard Kegel exercises, with enough practice, can give a man multiple orgasms without ejaculating. Is that true? (age 16)

It is not automatic that Kegel practice will make a man multi-orgasmic, but it might be necessary for a man to develop good Kegel control in order for him to become that way.

I am not popular or physically attractive but one of the hottest girls in my class asked me out, but I am afraid to go with her because it might be a prank. What should I say? (age 13)

You should say yes, because it might not be a prank. If it is, then tell her "you've made me very sad." Then she will feel worse than you do.

Follow-up: I asked a girl who I hang around with (and I like) if I should go out with the girl who asked me out, and it turns out the girl I like likes me back and I decided to go out with her. I told the other girl (who asked me out in the first place).

A: How nice that you have options, and at least two girls who like you.

I was masturbating earlier and something very odd happened. I reached orgasm but no semen came out, none at all. I felt the contractions in my penis but no semen came. I hadn't masturbated for about two days. What happened? Is this some kind of problem? (age 15)

It is not a problem. It happens occasionally. It was a dry orgasm. If you get to be good at producing them, you can be multi-orgasmic. Did you try again right away?

My sister's friend was in our shower and I really needed to urinate. So I walked in, thinking she would think it was my sister, but she didn't even know I was there!! She was moaning and saying sexual things about ME!!! I got so horny I started to masturbate. She walked out of the shower and still had her hand in her vagina. Then she said, "well, you wanna??" and she gave me a hand job and then I fingered her. We have been dating for two years now. (age 17)

I delete stories like this every day because they sound so fake, but yours was just so ... interesting that I thought I'd run it. You still didn't respect her privacy. If you really had to urinate, you could have used a bottle or bucket or the backyard.

Can you use hair gel as a lubricant? (age 16)

It's been done.

I can't find condoms or lubricants anywhere, even in Wal-Marts. Are they in the pharmacy? (age 17)

They should be with the health and beauty items adjacent to the pharmacy. If you still can't find them, then ask.

What's the best way to masturbate without making a mess? I try to ejaculate onto my stomach but sometimes it hits me on my cheek and neck and it's difficult to do a quick clean up. How do others clean up after they masturbate? (age 19)

Most guys don't worry if it occasionally shoots far. That's a good thing, and they can just wipe that up with a little water. Most of the ejaculate lands between the navel and the penis, where it can be easily mopped up. If you're very worried, cover the penis with a paper towel just before ejaculation.

I love the smell of a woman's vaginal area. It turns me on. Is that weird? (age 17)

No, I think it's quite common for males to be turned on by smells like that.

I'm 25 and I masturbate quite regularly. Often though, when I'm about to cum, I will squeeze my penis and hold the cum in. (I won't shoot like normal.) This usually feels really good. Is it healthy?

No. It is bad in two ways. That amount of force is not good for your penis, which is essentially a large piece of blood-soaked tissue. Also, your body is designed to ejaculate. By forcefully preventing your sexual response, you are training your body not to ejaculate when it wants to, and this might make it harder for you to reach orgasm when you really want to.

How can I buy a condom without feeling uncomfortable or my parents knowing? I don't plan on having sex any time soon. I just want to practice with them. (age 12)

You could buy a box of them at a place that has self-service checkouts, like a lot of grocery stores and Wal-Marts have.

I masturbate about 5 to 6 times a day! Now I have a weak erection and I also ejaculate in under 1 minute most of the time. What should I do? Is this permanent? (age 16)

I suggest cutting down to once a day at most for a while. I think you will enjoy the orgasms you have more. Your sexual dysfunctions are apt to go away within a few months if you do.

I masturbate on average 1 to 2 times daily. I normally don't use lubrication and believe that this has led to bruising on my penis. Is there a quick solution to relieving the bruises? (age 21)

A little lotion applied twice daily will make them go away pretty quickly. Then to keep them from recurring I suggest using lube.

I am not huge (about 5.5 inches), but my wife complains, that it feels as though I am hitting something when I go all the way in. She's 32 and we have 3 children. What could I be hitting? Second, I obsess about sex; I think and dream of it constantly and always want it. I masturbate at least twice a day. I don't have a problem with that, but is it healthy and normal at my age? (age 38)

You are hitting your wife's cervix. If it bothers her, then you should learn to thrust in a way that doesn't. It is normal to think about sex a lot. Masturbating twice a day is a high frequency for someone your age who is married. If I were you, I would cut back to three times a week and see if the sex is better.

I am a 22 year old male who has a lot of regular sex, and I masturbate very regularly too. In fact, I can't sleep without masturbating. I have been masturbating often for about 10 years, but I am afraid it might be catching up to me. I have noticed that I have not been ejaculating with the same volume of semen that I used to when I was younger. Only when I masturbate for a long time and stop myself from coming a few times do I ejaculate with a decent amount of semen. Could this be due to my history of frequent masturbation, and could it affect my ability to impregnate a woman?

Ejaculate volume tends to be lower the leWhat sequence of "events" is best during intercourse with a female partner? I'm much more worried about her enjoyment, so mine can be disregarded. Thank you, and your site is still my number one source for this kind of advice. ss time it's been since your last ejaculation. The stop and start technique you mention tends to increase ejaculate volume, but it is not a healthy sexual practice because it gets you in the habit of starting and stopping, which you can't do with a partner. A greater volume makes it easier to impregnate a woman, but it makes no difference unless you're actually trying right now. I suggest masturbating less and seeing if you are more satisfied with your ejaculate volume.

Is it bad to masturbate on your knees? (age 13)

No, but it is not apt to be too comfortable.

I am not gay but some jerk in school keeps calling me gay. How do I prove him wrong? (age 12)

You prove him wrong by not being gay. Are you sure you didn't mean to ask how to make him stop? All you have to do is say, "Did your boyfriend tell you that I'm gay?"

I have been practicing Kegel exercises and I am wondering if the goal is to keep the ejaculate from coming out of the penis, like when you try to keep urine from coming out? Also, if eventually I can do this, how long do I wait to get another orgasm? (age 16)

The purpose of the Kegel exercises is to gain control over when you ejaculate. When you feel an orgasm coming but want to delay it, you use your muscular control to stop the ejaculation. You let go when you are ready to orgasm, not when it just happens. It is up to you to decide how long to wait before letting go.

Why is it that every time I'm about to orgasm someone starts approaching my door or starts asking me random questions outside my bedroom door? (age 14)

It's Murphy's law. Be glad they ask them outside the door and don't just barge in.

My foreskin kind or bunches up at the rim when I am flaccid, and never fully covers my head. But I can pull it over my head. My foreskin is very tight when I have an erection, and there is a dark line (possibly a scar?) going around my penis where my foreskin ends. I have looked at pictures of both types of penises, and mine doesn't look like an uncircumcised one. Am I circumcised or not?

I think you are circumcised, based on that description.

I accidentally walked into my parents room while they were having sex yesterday and now when I masturbate, I can't stop thinking about it, and it makes it weird to do it. What should I do to get my mind off of it? We talked about it and it helped ease the awkwardness. Should I just wait it out? (age 15)

Waiting is a good idea. It might also help to think of some other, different scenarios that you could focus on. Isn't it better that you caught them instead of them catching you?

Since it's not a good idea for a male to go too long without masturbating, can it hurt younger boys who have not discovered masturbation yet? If a boy doesn't start masturbating until a later age, does that mean he could cause damage to his prostate since he has not been masturbating?

That point has not been studied specifically. Since most boys start masturbating at 12 or 13 and then masturbate quite often, I doubt this would be an issue for too many. I didn't start until I was 15 3/4 but quickly got up to a daily-and-sometimes-more level. From my reading of Graham Giles, et al, a male is at greater risk if he only ejaculates once or twice a week than if he doesn't masturbate until age 14 or 15. In a practical sense, what could you do about it?

I'm writing to ask you a question regarding TMS. I'm not sure if I have it, but reading through this site, I have very similar reactions during sex with partners, even if my method of masturbation is somewhat different from classic TMS. I started masturbating young, lying on my side. As I became a teenager I adjusted to masturbating while sitting down, but I have found that I need to place pressure (usually the tips of my three middle fingers) at the base of my penis on the top side (so straight down onto the base) for me to get to the stage where I can orgasm. I've had various levels of success during sexual intercourse with women (sometimes I have trouble with an erection, other times I was quickly overwhelmed and orgasmed quickly), but with my steady partner of the last 5 years, I've found it very difficult to orgasm in her presence. I enjoy the sex (feels great), but when it comes to orgasming, I just can't - whether by intercourse, oral sex, or even manual intercourse. It's so difficult that I even find it hard to masturbate, even though I've applied the same three-fingered pressure to the base of my penis. My partner turns me on and I can get erections, however after time they subside, especially as intercourse progresses, and I don't come. So to sum up - is it possible that I have a form of TMS? And how would I treat it if I do? (age 30)

Your atypical masturbatory style might be part of it, but I would not put this under the banner of TMS. I suspect you have larger sexual issues that relate to your partner, because you are also having trouble masturbating on your own. It ought to help to get away from the three fingered move. You might go through the abstinence period as recommended on this site and learn to masturbate by simple stroking. If you are still having trouble with your partner after overcoming that, then I would suggest talking to a competent sex therapist and finding out what other issues might be involved.

I have a passion for masturbation and started at age 6. I have been doing it since. Recently I found that I need to keep at it, and it drives me wild when I see a really hot babe, and my hormones start raging. I am involved and have kids and sometimes I have a really strong urge to do it with another woman. What should I do? I feel this is getting out of control. Should I act out my fantasies and have an affair? (age 32)

I believe in fidelity. However, you say only that you are involved and not married. You might talk to your partner about the boundaries of your relationship and what outside sexual activity, if any, she would tolerate.

Is it fine to urinate right after ejaculation? (age 16)

Yes, and a good idea too.

When it is right for me to have sex? I'm interested in the psychological effects on the individuals and their relationships after sex. I've never felt irresistably drawn to sex, in part bcause I've always believed that I should have a strong moral conviction before I went for it. As a junior in high school, getting laid isn't the problem, although I'm not very socially versatile. My masturbation habits seem pretty normal (1-7X/week), to a collage of media. Your web site has answered most of my questions, and I would really appreciate your opinion here. (age 17)

You seem to have intellectualized all of these topics, perhaps to cover up what you really want. You seem to question whether it would be right to have sex now. So wait longer. You also opine that you could "get laid" easily if you wanted to, but then say you're not socially versatile. I would strongly recommend going out with one or more girls and not focusing on being sexual with them. If it would be good, then it will happen. Just work on becoming more socially versatile, and sex will happen in time. Also, your masturbation frequency is a pretty broad range. I would say that around seven times a week is very normal for your age, but once a week isn't. Good luck.

I have been masturbating since I was 13. My scrotal skin is stretched to the middle of my shaft on the underside. Is this because I masturbated too much? Or is this normal? (age 19)

The piece of skin you describe is called the frenulum and it is normal. It is not caused by masturbating too much.

Whenever I am close to my girlfriend or any young and attractive girl, I always get an erection, even when I'm not even thinking about having sex with her. Is this natural? It's embarrassing, and I'm afraid that she might accidently stroke me and feel it. (age 18)

It is natural and healthy and feels very good. You ought not be embarrassed. It is a normal consequence of being close to an attractive girl. She should not be offended at noticing it and might be offended if she noticed you didn't have an erection in that circumstance.

Can there actually be any long lasting damage, after using the TMS style for a long time, like erection problems? Will damage be caused if you don't masturbate for a long time? (age 16)

I've never known of anyone who was unable to be cured of TMS just by quitting it. This suggests that there is no lasting damage. It is a good idea to not go a long time without masturbating.

I masturbate 3-4 times a day. Is that normal? (age 15)

It is quite high, even for your age. I suspect you will be down to a more normal level (i.e., once a day) within a year.

I'm almost 18 and I've never been kissed and have had a total of one date in my life. I'm afraid that this will screw me up with women. Is this a bad sign? Please help.

I suggest turning this around before you finish high school. Instead of asking out the girls of your dreams, I suggest asking out girls that you can be pretty sure will go out with you. You don't have to do anything fancy on these dates. Just go to movies and fast food places. The purpose of this is as much to build your confidence in asking girls out as it is getting to know the girls, but enjoy doing both. Maybe you will surprise yourself and find a girl you really like.

Follow-up: Do you have any other suggestions I might try?

You mean in the 16 hours since I posted my reply, you've tried those suggestions and they didn't work? If you didn't like my first suggestions, why do you want others?

I masturbate the conventional way with a loose fist around my penis. My brother who is 11 wraps around his covers and masturbates face down. He does this in private, but I accidentally walked in on him doing it. I need advice on what to do because I don't want him practicing TMS. I don't want to tell my parents because I know how embarrassing that would be for him. (age 14)

You obviously care about your brother a lot, and it probably wouldn't be very embarrassing for him to hear about TMS from you. Most guys write me to tell how relieved they are to have found my site. Your brother would probably be very relieved to hear the same thing from you. If you really can't talk to him about it, perhaps you could print out my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation and leave it where he will find it.\

Whenever I masturbate, I usually pre-cum about 3 times or so. Is this normal? (age 13)

Yes. The longer you take, the more pre-cum you are likely to produce.

I am uncircumcised and have complete phimosis. I am not sexually active yet. What are the chances that I will have problems during intercourse? (age 24)

Complete phimosis sounds like it would be bad for intercourse. I suggest seeking medical help for that. It's good that you ask before you have had a chance to become sexually active.

I know you don't favor circumcision, but would it be better to get a full circumcision or a dorsal slit circumcision? I heard if you get the dorsal slit, it's less painful and you still have some skin. (age 16)

I think that's correct.

I have been able to get my girlfriend to orgasm many times. However, sometimes right before she reaches orgasm, she becomes very sensitive and "loses the orgasm." The same motions were continued as successful attempts and this has even happened to her when she masturbates. Can you explain what may be causing this? (age 20)

Both males and females can lose orgasms. Something just isn't right as the climax builds. It can be easier if you let her take the lead, but as you mention, it's happened to her while masturbating, and it can happen to males that way too. I suggest more practice will make perfect.

When I masturbate, I often sit on the toilet, so I can masturbate in conjunction with using the bathroom for other purposes, and so nobody else in my house has any idea what I'm doing. When I masturbate, I usually make an OK sign with my hand; I put my thumb and index finger in a circle and have my other fingers away. I then concentrate mostly on the area around the coronal ridge. I use both hands and sometimes pull back slightly on the base of it on each stroke because it seems to work better. Is this unusual? I'm worried that once I am old enough and mature enough to have sex, it will not be as pleasureable as if I had never masturbated in my life. Is this true? (age 14)

The last question is the easy one: Masturbation is good training for sexual intercourse. Not only do most males enjoy intercourse more than masturbating, they also seem to increase their appreciation of masturbation once they learn intercourse. The technique you use is all right; however, most males use all five fingers and they don't need a second hand at the base.

My first girlfriend and I weren't together long then she dumped me. I became a lot more hormonal and now think about sex and masturbate a lot more frequently. Is it normal? (age 14)

Yes, I think it is. Now go out and find a second girlfriend!

When asked how you keep out fake questions, you said, "I use my judgment. Sometimes a question is just too extreme. Sometimes I get a batch of 3 or 4 suspicious-sounding questions all at once that appear to be coming from the same person." Can you tell who we are? (age 14)

Can I see you when you're sleeping? Do I know when you're awake? No, but I know how many submissions I typically get a day, and sometimes there will be too many at once that are very similar in how extreme they are. It just makes it easier to weed out the fakes when there are a whole bunch of suspicious sounding ones that come in at once.

I don't know if I'm a TMS practitioner or not. What I usually do when I masturbate is take a pillow or wad of blankets or something and lie sideways while thrusting in a soft, stroke-like way. I never do this to the point that it hurts, nor do I feel like I'm applying a lot of pressure. It's extremely difficult to describe this practice, but I hope you understand. (age 14)

I understand that you're masturbating by thrusting, and that's TMS. It would be a very good idea to quit that practice, no matter how soft you think your thrusts are. They're hard enough to cause orgasm, and that's bad. You ought to learn to use your hand and learn how soft strokes can be.

I have never gotten caught but I'm afaid that Im going to my parents might just punish me really badly. Can you help me out? (age 13)

It has been decades since anyone in the civilized world has been punished for masturbating. You ought to relax and learn to enjoy masturbating. It is normal and healthy, and I'm sure your parents know it already.

I'm worried that I may have genital warts. (age 13)

You could only have them if you've been sexually active.

I masturbate around once daily (feels strange to be actually admiting it) and I seem to be the only one with the fetish I have. I get turned on by seeing women urinate while in their underwear but not when they urinate naked. To me it seems like a strange fetish, but when I think back, I've had it since I was very young. I want to know if I'm a sick or nasty person and if I'm alone in this world. Love your site! (age 15)

I think urophilia is one of the more common fetishes. You are certainly not the only one. I don't think it makes you a sick or nasty person, but it's good if more than one thing turns you on.

I masturbate and enjoy it. My father would hate to think I do masturbate and is asking me really silly questions trying to find out if I've had a wet dream or not! Is there any way I could make it look like I had a wet dream? (age 13)

I get asked really silly questions sometimes too, so I understand what you're feeling. Your father is probably asking about wet dreams because he's trying to find out if you've reached puberty. He isn't taking your lack of wet dreams as evidence that you're masturbating. He probably doesn't even know about that line of thinking. He has certainly masturbated himself many thousands of times and would likely be very happy if he knew you did it. It would be very wrong if you made it look like you had a wet dream and then showed him the evidence. He would be embarrassed if you did that.

Once in my hot tub I got an erection and put my penis in front of the jet. When I tried to urinate it hurt really bad. Why? (age 15)

The jet could do very severe damage to both the structure of your penis and the urethra. It's good that you only did it once.

I felt this bump on my scrotum and it bigger than a zit and it is hard like a knot and it hurts to touch or squeeze and I'm worried it is cancer or something. (age 14)

What you describe is extremely unlikely to be cancer. It will probably go away on its own, but if it lasts more than a week and a half, I suggest seeing a doctor.

Why do girls try to make guys feel bad about masturbating? They do it too. (age 15)

I don't agree with your premise. I don't think that girls generally do what you say. What has some particular girl or girls said to you to make you think they do? Maybe that girl or those girls are jealous.

Can you have sex with your wife if she's pregnant? Can this hurt the baby? (age 14)

Sex is OK until the last few weeks before the woman is due.

Just today during science class, a girl was rubbing her knees in the area near my butt (through the seat), and I got erections that really made my day). Is it possible to cum without having your penis touched? I think that might have happened. (age 14)

It is very unlikely, but be sure to enjoy those erections. They are more special than regular ones, aren't they?

Follow-up: HA! You were wrong. Just today, a girl was rubbing her knees in the area near my butt (through the seat) and I felt something come out of my dick (that sounds so wrong). Guess what it was? Cum! You only said it was unlikely, but I doubt that.

A: I still think they're prety unlikely.

What could happen to a man and a woman who never masturbate or have sex in their lifetimes. (age 28)

Obviously they would have a sex-free live with no children of their own. They might be more likely to get some diseases for which staying sexually active staves off the disease. I'm inclined to believe they would enjoy life less.

My urethra sometimes burns after I urinate. I know that it's not a bladder infection because I have been tested for it the in the past for a different issue. I don't know if this helps, but i masturbate frequently and love the site! (age 13)

I suggest drinking a lot of water.

If all males masturbate, and it is a healthy habit (especially around the time of first finding out about it), then why do some males still get prosrate cancer later on? Why do some get these problems if they all masturbated regularly? (age 16)

The theory says that males who masturbated most often in their teens and 20s have the least incidence of prostate cancer later. That does not mean they are completely immune, nor does it mean that someone who masturbated infrequently in those younger years will necessarily get it when they are older. It is just a tendency that you can do more to prevent prostate cancer by masturbating frequently (which the vast majority of my readers do anyway) than by not masturbating frequently. There is some randomness involved in every kind of cancer. Some non-smokers get lung cancer, some people who avoid the sun get skin cancer, and some people who ate vegetables daily get colon cancer. The theory that masturbation protects against prostate cancer is not an absolute.

I was wondering what your semen is supposed to smell like. My health teacher at school said you can make it smell like whatever you want by eating that something before. Is that true? (age 16)

What an unusual thing for a health teacher to say! It is not exactly true. Semen will mostly smell like semen. Once you've ejaculated a number of times, you will have a pretty good idea what it is. If you eat a lot of fruit and no meat, it will smell slightly different from the semen of someone who eats a lot of meat and no fruit, but it will still smell like semen (with perhaps a fruity note) as opposed to semen (with perhaps a meaty note). It would be best to eat a balanced diet and not worry about the impact on your semen.

How long should he be able to have intercourse with a female before coming? (age 17)

10 minutes is pretty good.

I've only done this once and I was just wondering if it was a form of TMS. I got an erection, and I kept my boxers and my shorts on and rubbed the bottom of my penis right below the head. I did this for about 5 minutes and had an orgasm. It took more time that I usually last, and I'm a virgin. (age 14)

Although that is an atypical method of masturbating, it is not TMS. I suspect it was also not as much fun as your usual method of masturbating. I hope you will not make it a regular practice.

Is it OK not to use any kind of lubrication during masturbation? I've been masturbating since childhood, without lube, and have not experienced any problems. (age 15)

Yes, it is OK, but males use lube not only to prevent irritation but also because it makes it more fun. Try it sometime. You're apt to like it.

I think you provide insubstantial and vague advice mostly consisting of "I think so" or "I don't think so" without backing anything up with any sort of evidence. You're no more useful than a person with common sense, which these fools seem to lack. (age 22)

I often cite survey research and experts. Saying "I think so" is better than shoving my opinion down someone's throat and merely helps to guide them in shaping their own sexual philosophy. Sometimes guidance from someone with common sense is all a person needs.

I have a couple of strange fetishes, not truly bizarre but at least weird. Is there any possibility that these fetishes will jump from fantasies into my future sex life at all? (age 13)

That is up to you. You can keep them in the fantasy stage, which most believe is OK, or you can start acting them out, which some regard as the difference between fetish and paraphilia. Some people think it is OK to act out a kinky fetish, even a weird one, with a willing partner.

I'm always so scared of being caught in the act. I only do it with my covers all the way up, but people respect my privacy, and always knock, but I'm just paranoid. (age 13)

Perhaps if you were less paranoid, you would enjoy it more.

Do other animals go through the same things we do (wet dreams, masturbation, periods, erections etc.)? (age 12)

Masturbation has been observed in the male of every species of mammal. The female of all species that give live birth have a menstrual cycle.

I have been masturbating for about a year. At first I would use pictures only once in a while. Now it seems that I use it every day. I have tried masturbating without it, but it takes me much longer to have an orgasm. Should I slowly use it less and less? I feel like I am not enjoying masturbation as much as I should. (age 14)

You started using pictures pretty early. It is typical to find it difficult to masturbate without them after about a year. I would have encouraged you to use only your imagination for a while longer. I think you are OK if you can masturbate without visual aids about twice a month, so you probably have nothing to worry about.

I used to use a powerful massager to stimulate my penis until I ejaculated. Is this bad, and if so, how bad? I have embarrassing red blotches on my penis. It is circumcised. Would foreskin restoration cover up the red blotches? (age 17)

I don't think masturbating that way is good, but you seem to have overcome it, in which case it doesn't seem to have affected you. I don't advocate either circumcision or foreskin restoration, but the blotches are probably not as embarrassing as you think. In any case, I don't think plastic surgery is an option at your age. Wait until you are older and see if you still want to have it changed.

After masturbation I get pains similiar to period pains, which can last from 1-2 hours to a day. I also get very nauseated for 1-2 hours and my legs hurt, like I've pulled a muscle in them. I'm 19 and not sexually active. There is a history of ovarian cancer in my family. I have never been to a gyno.

Now would be a good time to go. The only thing that sounds normal is pain in your legs, which can happen from a lot of strenuous activity. It would be worth exploring why you're having those other symptoms with a doctor.

I often have sexual fantasies about older women between the ages of 18 to 22. I would probably rather have sexual intercourse with someone my age but in most of my sexual fantasies, I'm engaging in sex with an older woman. Is this normal? (age 14)

Yes, I think it is, but keep in mind that when you become sexually active, you're much more likely to have a sexual encounter with a girl your own age or a little younger.

I like to masturbate in the bathroom and shoot into the toilet. Isn't it kind of gross to masturbate in bed? What do people do with the semen? (age 15)

Most mop it up with a tissue or a piece of cloth.

When I want to masturbate I get an erection but I seem to lose interest and my penis goes soft. How do I stop this? It's annoying. (age 13)

Your erections will last longer when you are more experienced with them. When you have that urge, go for it. Don't waste a lot of time or move around a lot. Just think about what will help you have an orgasm. Pretty soon, you will also be using pictures to help that moment go more smoothly.

I have always masturbated in a face down position and have never had any difficulty achiving orgasm with any of my three sexual partners. Recently I have stumbled across your site and have found it's statements on TMS odd. I have consulted my GP about this and she says she can see nothing wrong with it. I searched elsewhere about information relating to TMS but can find nothing. In my eyes you have a serious credibility deficit. Why should I go to the bother of quitting TMS over what appears to be a hoax? (age 21)

You haven't done anything to prove it's a hoax. Did you look up the articles referenced on the articles page of the site? Sank? Lipsith et al? Margolies? (Sank & Lipsith are in the files area of the Yahoo group.) Did you join the online Yahoo group for TMS and read through the archive of posted messages from men cured of TMS and working on it? I doubt that you did any of those things. Your research consisted of asking a female primary care physician whom you can't have believed to know about TMS. Why not read through the TMS comments page on here and see if you can learn anything more.

Follow-up: I never sought to prove it's a hoax. I simply expressed my sceptisism based upon personal experiance and the fact that you seem to have a total monopoly on TMS information. As it happens, I also did search your site, but its information did not impress me. It seemed to consist of unscientific surveys and articles from unclear authors? Where did they come from, why should I beleive them? If this is such a problem and a recognized medical condition, then where can we find out more independently of you? Surely these are all legitimate questions. The purpose of my post was to give you the opportunity to answer them. What are the answers? (Incidently what are your qualifications? You have assured previous questioners that they exist, but will not spesify what university granted them or even what subject they are in. How do you explain this?)

I keep my identity and the names of my schools private. I don't have a monopoly on TMS information. I never did. The article by Sank was available for four years before I did anything with it. You can read about it in the articles by Sank, Lipsith et al, Margolies, and even a few popular web authors have written about it. It's been mentioned in Men's Health and in Playboy three times. I am working on making my surveys more scientific. Righht now I have got the Ns (numbers of subjects) into the 10,000s, and would like to work on getting a population-based sample. Lots of progress is being made in this front. New scholars and practitioners and best of all, new patients are learning about this all the time.

I need help for a father falsely accused and wrongfully convicted for caring for his daughter. My husband was father of a teen girl (my stepdaughter) who has mental issues (severe ODD but possibly more) and was charged with a sex crime for helping her with her sex education. She asked what a clitoris is and he pointed and touched it. He found out that she was masturbating and decided to give her a sex education talk, to clarify what she was doing because she has a history of being injured and not saying anything, and to inform her that she is not to use adult DVDs. He was facing 5 counts of aggravated sexual battery and 4 counts of indecent liberties with a child. Some of the charges were related to the child's lies because she was upset at him for asking that she be removed from our home due to her dangerous and violent behavior after her false allegations of physical abuse. Three were dismissed and the others, except for one, he was found not guilty of.

The judge gave improper jury instructions for indecent liberties with a a child. One of the jurors is willing to provide a statement that the jury didn't have a correct understanding of the charge. My stepdaughter's testimony was coached by people from child protective services and social services.

My husband has been treated unfairly through this whole process. Our funds are exhausted, and I am trying to save our home, one of my own children is going through therapy, and my husband is now a registered sex offender. My husband did not go through with an appeal because we have no more money to hire a lawyer and have no trust for a public defender who may be influenced by the prosecutor or too overworked to do a good job, and if he is given a new trial and still found guilty, he may get more time, and he is so hurt by his child that he doesn't want to face her again. The time for appeal has expired. I am preparing a package to send out to all who may be able to get him removed from the registry. It will include statements from medical professionals and experts in the field. If you can give me a statement or even just point me to some experts or their books which support my husband, please let me know as soon as possible.

If I were called as an expert witness, I would support the prosecution. No father should touch the clitoris of any girl who is toilet trained. Your husband is a sex offender, and he belongs on the registry. He made a calculated risk to forego his appeal. Being on the registry is one of the points of that calculation. Your stepdaughter also suffers from having a stepmother to whom she matters little. Your husband got sent to prison for a reason. Why don't you think about that before you blithely try to involve innocent parties in your crusade.

What is the difference between masturbating conventionally and thrusting your penis? (age 20)

Conventional masturbation might involve a little bit of thrusting but most of the motion comes from moving your hand up and down. TMS consists of thrusting the penis into or against something, like a bed, pillow, or hand.

When I was about 12, I used to find skin magazines like Maxim very appealing. I would be extremely aroused by them and masturbate to them often. Now I'm 17 and I tried flipping through one in the store and I didn't get a single erection. Is there something wrong with me?

No. I assume you have had exposure to more revealing magazines since Maxim since then. Once you are used to full nudity, you will find it harder to get aroused by a swimsuit or underwear photo. Also, at your age it's less common to have spontaneous erections than at 12, especially when you are standing in a store and probably being self-conscious about it.

I am 16. I hardly ever masturbate. I can't ejaculate through masturbation but have wet dreams occasionally. I'm worried that it won't work out when I have sex for the first time. What should I do? Is there anything you suggest that could help me?

Are you taking antidepressants or some other kind of medication that interferes with your reaching orgasm? If so, then ask your doctor for a more sex-friendly substitute. I suggest you keep practicing daily until you can ejaculate. It shouldn't take too much work. Using the right visual aids can make all the difference.

My urethral opening seems to have been stretched out with normal masturbation. Is it going to continue to stretch? The hole used to be small before I started masturbating. Do you think it has fully streched out or will more masturbation and sex continue to stretch it?

I think there is a good chance that it is either normal growth or your imagination. How carefully could you have documented the condition of your urethra before you masturbated the first time? I suspect if you went to a urologist, he would either find no anatomic irregularity or only an insignificant one.

I am 17 years old and I never had a wet dream in all my life. Is this normal? I masturbate about 7 times a week.

According to a survey by this web site in the second half of 2007, 40 percent of males have never had a wet dream. Of those who have, a majority stopped having them when they learned to masturbate. The likelihood is that you will never have one at this point.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little while and she wants me to take her virginity on graduation night. What should I do? Is this OK? (age 17)

If you thought it was OK, would you be asking me?

I am a teenager that suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder. I am afraid to take any medication because I heard that antidepressants (what they prescribe you) will harm you sexually (in some cases, permanently). I don't know if you're equipped for this kind of question, but do you think this medication will result in erectile problems for the rest of my life? OCD has been causing me much mental distress, but this would be bad too. (age 16)

Sexual side effects are permanent only in extremely rare cases. They generally subside when you stop using the drug in question. You can tell your doctor this and ask him for a drug that is less likely to cause sexual side effects. Not all antidepressants cause sexual side effects, and overcoming your OCD might be worth the risk.

Do guys ever lie about their penis size? (age 16)

Yes, it happens quite often..

Although I enjoy porn, I feel really guilty after I use it, as if the police will come through the door and arrest me for watching porn at my age. All my friends say they use it, though, and sometimes it seems like everyone does. What should I do? (age 15)

Perhaps you could find some materials that you could be comfortable with at your age, like swimsuit magazines or perhaps something with only simple nudity. Have you asked your dad? Maybe he could find something for you that you would not be uncomfortable with.

My older brother and I share a room, and I've seen how he masturbates. When he cums, his semen sprays out, but mine just kind of drizzles out. I feel like something is wrong with me. (age 15)

You are very normal. Gaining control of your ejaculation makes it easier for you to determine how it comes out. With practice, you will be shooting like your older brother. There are also some tips on HealthyStrokes.com about that. Perhaps you could ask your brother for some pointers.

Follow-up from another reader: How or why would your brother masturbate in front of you? No one in your situation is uncomfortable? I'm not outraged -- from what you said, I admire it, and would like to know if I can/should apply this to the times I ejaculate myself. HealthyStrokes author, what do you think? (age 16)

I think it is up to them. I've heard of older brothers doing it in front of younger ones for the purpose of showing them, but perhaps they've just gotten into the habit of doing it that way. I've heard many reports from Europe of males being much more open about it, more to the point of not caring that someone was in sight rather than trying to consciously do it in front of them. If anyone is uncomfortable, then this practice should not happen, but if no one is uncomfortable, then I guess it is their business to do it that way.

There are sites that say TMS isn't real and you say it is. Who should I believe? (age 12)

I think you should take a look at the depth and sophistication of the HealthyStrokes.com web site, particularly the parts dealing with prone masturbation and TMS. There are many long cases and many short cases, and they all tend to tell the same story; namely, that the cure regimen on HealthyStrokes.com has helped them overcome a legacy of TMS and learned to masturbate conventionally and become successful sexually. If you can join the online support group, you will read many of the same threads there. You can also see some scholarly research about TMS in the files area. Then there are the results of the TMS surveys on HealthyStrokes.com.

Can any of those nay-saying sites refute this with anything at all? All kinds of reasons to believe in TMS.

I'm going to the doctor in several days for a check-up after my physical. I was thinking about bringing up masturbation in some way--if I had a question about it--but I don't know how. I'm also worried about being a homosexual, however, I'm not sure if I should put that before my doctor, or if any good would come from that. My doctor is a woman. Can you please give advice on the matter? (age 17)

I strongly suggest that you get a male doctor whom you'd be more comfortable discussing these issues. You might ask if there is a resource group available where you could discuss these issues with other young people having sexual issues.

Follow-up: It's not that I'm uncomfortable with my woman doctor. Even if I were, my desire to get a male doctor would draw too much attention from my mom and dad. I was just wondering if you could help me, with your advice, to decide whether or not to bring up the aforementioned homosexual topic to my doctor?

If you're comfortable with the doctor, then go ahead and ask her. There are other resources you could turn to that would have more information about homosexuality than your regular doctor. Doctors are trained to solve problems with medicine, and the prevailing view in medicine is that homosexuality isn't a medical problem. If you want to be gay, there are plenty of gay resources that would offer you encouragement. If you don't want to be gay, there are anti-homosexual counselors that would lead you in that direction. Either way, you will have to figure it out for yourself.

I always masturbate before I take a shower. You know while sitting in the toilet and I always turn the shower on so they think I'm showering. I've never been caught but I have had hundreds of close calls. Is it normal to masterbate daily? (age 16)

Yes, it is, but those close calls are not so normal. You would be better off masturbating someplace where you don't have to think about that.

You keep on saying that for circumcised males it is very sensitive to touch the head of your penis but I can touch mine without a great deal of sensitivity so how do you know?

You have had more experience than most. When a newly circumcised head is exposed, it is very sensitive, but the person gets more accustomed to it being that way.

I use an old sock to masturbate with. It's the easiest and most comfortable clean up. You imply that this is bad in one of your previous replies. What is wrong with it? (age 19)

It is OK to use your current socks, but it can be bad to have a special one that you use for a long time. It can also be bad to wear the sock like a condom and ejaculate directly into it. That is an atypical masturbatory practice that will not serve you well in the long run.

What is the difference between penis-in-vagina sex and anal sex? (age 15)

In one, the penis is inserted into a vagina and in the other, the penis is inserted into an anus.

Until recently, I had major insecurities about my penis not being normal until I found this site and learned about circumcision. THANK YOU! Why does every porn star seem to have a circumcised penis? (age 15)

I have no idea.

My mother is horribly protective and I'm worried that if she catches me masturbating she may lecture me or something. Should I be worried like this? (age 14)

No. She might lecture you or something even if she doesn't catch you, and she probably does already. Just treat it like the others, and don't let it interfere with your enjoyment of the activity.

I just had a circumcision yesterday. How long until I can masturbate again? (age 16)

According to the patient instructions at this U.S. Army medical center web site, no intercourse or masturbation for three weeks. Another medical site I found in England says 6 weeks, so I suspect you will like the advice from this man's army a lot better: http://www.mamc.amedd.army.mil/urology/Patient_Info.htm

Lately I have found three lumps in my scrotum. They are not attached to my testicles. Do you know what this could be? (age 17)

I suggest seeing a doctor. He can give you some instruction on testicular self examination.

One time I think I heard my sister masturbating in the shower and I don't think she knows I did. Should I say anything about it? (age 13)

What would be the purpose of that? You're not sure she heard and she's not sure you heard?

You state that anal sex is bad. If so, how are homosexuals meant to experience sexual gratification, through oral sex alone? (I am not gay, I am simply curious how you square your apparent tolerance of homosexuality with your stated disapproval of anal sex).

The choices aren't limited to those. Many gay men enjoy sharing oral sex, and many enjoy sharing manual intercourse. And those are just some of the ways. Anal intercourse is popular among guys, but not nearly as much as vaginal intercourse is among straights. Many gay men dislike anal sex and find other means of copulation.

My best friend and I are boyfriends. He will be leaving for college in a couple of months, which means that he will be sharing a dorm room with a roommate. I am a really jealous person, and we are going to be apart for several months. I don't know what to do, or how I can tell him the way I feel. I especially don't want him to get sexual in the same room with another guy. I am really confused. (age 19)

A lot of heterosexual couples have the same problem when they are separated during college. Many find it's easiest to break up so they don't have to think about infidelity and also don't get deprived of being able to experiment sexually at college. It's unlikely he will be sexually involved with his roommate, but I can well understand that you would be worried that he would be sexually involved with other males at college.

Would it be possible for a female to get pregnant if she used the shower you masturbated in?

No.

I appreciate what you're doing here. My girlfriend and I are virgins and are looking forward to sex soon. We're in a long distance relationship so I was hoping you can tell me how to prevent premature ejaculation. Some have said to masturbate a couple of hours prior to having sex. Is this good? (age 18)

I would avoid assuming in advance that you will have premature ejaculation. I would be more inclined to tell you to abstain from masturbating for a few days ahead of time. You shouldn't assume that your first time will be perfect. Just have it be enjoyable for both of you.

I'm uncircumcised, but I don't know if my brother is. Would he be uncircumcised too? (age 15)

Most likely you would be the same. Can't you ask him?

I really want to thank you a lot for your hard work. I enjoy reading the questions and answers because they show me other people's thoughts and also teach me a lot. I am really amazed at the amount of work you put into this web site. I was away for a couple of months because of a mixture of holiday and excessive school work, but when I came and looked at the site, you'd written sooooo much extra, and I've been trying to catch up for 3 nights now! How much time do you put into this? You really are amazing though and I can't express my thanks in words. You deserve so much for this. I hate reading the posts of people getting annoyed at you for helping so many people. (age 15)

Thank you for noticing! I guess lately it's only been about 4 hours a week, but when I'm less busy, it might be more like 10.

Why do you assume everyone masturbates? You answer the questions as if everyone does it and saying most likely their parents do it as well. I'm pretty sure people wouldn't want disturbing images of their parents. You're ignorant if you think everyone does. (age 20)

It is widely believed that all adult males masturbate, and some authorities even say that there are no exceptions. I remind people that their parents and doctors and older siblings masturbate not to plant "disturbing images" in their heads but to make them understand this obvious fact and get them to think of parents and doctors and older siblings as empathetic and not as judgmental. The vast majority of parents who discover their teens masturbating either say nothing or tell them something positive about the act.

Is it OK to masturbate in the shower by using water pressure to stroke for you? (age 14)

I don't think so. Water pressure from a shower could be damaging to your urethra. It is better to use your hands.

There was a group of guys who sat in front of me and they were talking about masturbating and ejaculating and things like that. I overheard them, and then I got an erection. Is this normal? (age 15)

It is extremely normal. You would be surprised at how many people tell me they got erections while filling out my online survey.

When masturbating, I tuck my penis tightly between my to legs and squeeze in order to acheive orgasm. Is this TMS? (age 19)

No, but it is an atypical form of masturbation that won't serve you well. You are also bending your erect penis in an abnormal way. It would be a good idea to cease that practice.

I am a young heterosexual male. When masturbating I often picture myself as a female model posing for nude photos. I find this very arousing. Is this normal? (age 19)

I've never heard of such a fantasy, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it.

I didn't masturbate today but later I was defecating and semen started coming out of my penis along with a little blood. I doubt this is normal. What happened? (age 15)

It is a very rare occurrence, but it has happened to more than a few males. Apparently your feces stimulated your prostate in a particular way and caused ejaculation. Bleeding is never good, but it is apt to have been a very minor trauma caused by the sudden ejaculation. I hope everything is OK tomorrow. You might have learned that ejaculation without orgasm is not particularly pleasant.

I am very confused. I have started to think about guys and I get very excited at the idea of giving oral sex to a man. Am I gay? I'm totally fine with homosexuality, but I don't know what to say. (age 13)

Maybe it would be better if you didn't say anything until you have this thought through better. Maybe when you're 16, you'll still want to give oral sex to males, or you'll want to give it to females, or you'll want to do both. No matter what you decide, it is very important for you to not engage in any of those acts at your age.

Once I walked in on my 14 year old brother while he came. A couple of hours later he came out of his room and I talked to him about it and told him it was all right to do that and it was natural. I told him that I do it all the time. Later I gave him some Playboys and said, "have fun with these." Was that the right thing to do? I love this web site! (age 18)

Yes, I think you handled that very well. Good for you and him! Maybe you should have told him how much you like this web site too!

I am going to a two week high adventure scout camp this summer, and I have no clue what I will do about masturbation. It would be weird if I did, and there would be a strong chance I would be caught, so I won't, but I feel like I will go crazy. (age 15)

You might look through my page for college dorm residents. Some of their stories and solutions will have bearing on your situation. Will you have any privacy in the bathrooms? I suppose that's where a lot of camp masturbating takes place. You will also have a little bit of privacy when the lights go out. I remember a story I heard once about a bunkhouse with boys your age. The camp counselor in charge of this group of about 20 boys asked if any of the campers didn't masturbate yet. No one raised a hand. The counselor then said that if everyone was good at keeping the bunkhouse clean and getting to dinner on time, then the first 20 minutes after lights out would be set aside for masturbating, but if there were any problems, then they wouldn't. His bunkhouse led the camp in bed inspection scores and showing up at meals on time. The guys were all working together in order to preserve their nightly masturbation time. Perhaps you won't have a counselor as cool as that one, but there must be an answer for you somehow. Surely you won't have to go a whole two weeks without it.

I was masturbating in my bathroom and got some semen on my dark blue shirt. Will it stain? (age 20)

Possibly. Shaving cream is good at getting that stain out.

I've been taking fairly cold showers. But this morning I noticed my penis and scrotum had shrunken a lot in the shower. They were tiny. Would warm water bring them back to normal or should I just wait for them to regain their size? (age 16)

They will be back to normal soon.

I'm uncircumcised and I have a piece of flesh that holds the skin of my penis with the head of my penis. I was wondering if it's all right if I was to pull it to the point that it snaps. It's really bothering me, but I won't do anything until I can clarify. (age 16)

That doesn't sound like a good idea.

This is the coolest site ever!!! Glad that I stumbled upon it. Now I feel comfortable whenever I masturbate. I'm a guy from the Philippines and I came from a conservative family. Your site really helped me get open-minded about masturbation. Now I can talk about it without embarrassment. Thanks for the site!! You really help a lot of people. You ROCK DUDE!!!!! (age 15)

I often feel depressed after I ejaculate. Is this normal? If so, why? (age 13)

I think depressed is the wrong word. You ought to feel tired or satisfied. Put your worries aside and just enjoy the feeling afterward.

I've been masturbating for 2 years now, and, there are a few girls in my class that I think about while I masturbate. Is that normal? (age 12)

Yes.

I asked a girl out at school today and she rejected me. This made me curious about some things about girls and the like, so I talked to my dad about it and told him what happened. We had a long discussion about girls and things like this. Is there anything wrong about asking my dad about stuff like this? (age 15)

No, not at all. I hope he told you to ask out the second girl on your list ASAP.

I have been diagnosed with depression and since I have started taking my medication, I have found it more difficult to masturbate to orgasm or maintain an erection. Is there anything I can do to help myself? (age 20)

You should ask your doctor for an anti-depressant that doesn't cause sexual side effects. You might have to try more than one.

Whenever I masturbate, if I don't urinate RIGHT after (within the next hour), my urethra burns really badly. I know urine gets rid of left over semen in the urethra, but why does it burn? Is this normal? (age 12)

Your body is changing, and it's difficult to say what is normal. You've obviously learned that urinating soon after ejaculating is the best way to guard against that.

Many people say that when they masturbate, after they ejaculate, they go limp. When I reach orgasm, I still stay hard for a long period of time. Is this normal? (age 16)

No, it is not normal, but it is not a bad thing either.

Is it OK to be sexually attracted and fantasize about your step-sister while masturbating, because you found a dildo in her room? (age 16)

A step-sister is not the same as a sister. She's essentially an unrelated female living in your house. You ought to decide what the ground rules are for sexuality in your house before you start pursuing her sexually. She might not take kindly to advances from her step-brother. I don't think it's right to snoop in her room, but fantasizing about her is no more right or wrong than fantasizing about any other unrelated female.

I love your site. It has answered so many questions for me and other people. Thanks a lot!! For some reason I find it easier to reach orgasm if I am on my back, for example in the bath or in bed rather than standing up in a shower. Is this unusual? I always feel that if I ejaculate in the shower or bath or even in the toilet, I have to put bleach on the area where I came. Is there any need for this? Will just washing it down with water be sufficient? (age 15)

Most males prefer to masturbate on their backs rather than standing. Sitting at a computer is also more popular than standing. There only reason to use bleach is if you are very sensitive about the smell.

Is it OK if I think vaginas are a little weird? Will my thought change once I have sex? I'm a guy who learned how to masturbate without any help. (age 13)

Yes, a lot of males think they're weird after they start having sex too, but still crave them. Lots of women think they're weird too. There's even a play out that discusses women's various feelings about them in depth. I think you'll be just fine.

I have been masturbating from the age of 12 and I recently had sexual intercourse. Weeks later I woke to see this whitish yellow stuff. I don't know how it got there. Is that a wet dream? I've never had one before. How long do they last? (age 18)

I would have guessed you would not had a wet dream with your experience, but that looks like it was one. Perhaps you will never have another. Either way, it is nothing to worry about.

I found this site by chance because I was looking for aphrodesiacs because I've been finding it hard to get an erection with girls. I know it's psychological because I can masturbate, and judging by other answers on your site, I often do it excessively. Should I refrain for a while? Interestingly, I used to have TMS from about 13 until a few years ago. I didn't know it was bad and don't know why I stopped. Could this have any effect still? I'm supposed to see a girl again in a few days and I was wondering if you could suggest anything before then! (age 21)

Being around an attractive female after abstaining from your usual frequency of masturbation is the best aphrodesiac. I doubt you are still affected by TMS you quit years ago. Most guys find themselves a lot better only a few months after quitting.

I have been sexually active for three years now. Of all the partners I've had, I find younger (13-15) girls to be better to engage in sexual intercourse with. Does this make me a bad person/pedophile? Why do you think I like younger girls better? (age 18)

You are a statutory rapist, and that makes you a bad person. A lot of people would regard you as a pedophile. I don't know why you like that jailbait so well, but I suggest you develop an appetite for adult women (or at least age of consent) fast.

When I masturbate, I ejaculate within 3-5 minutes. How can I prolong my ejaculation? (age 15)

That is not such a bad time for your age. Just work at lasting 30 seconds longer, and keep that up, and pretty soon you will be able to go 8-10-12 minutes or however long you want.

For some reason I think that when people have hardcore sex in a porno that it's unappealing and disgusting. My friends, however, love the stuff. Is there something wrong with me? I usually only like looking at pictures of girls when they're barely dressed because it makes me excited about what's underneath the skimpy clothes. (age 18)

People are different. Some people like action movies and some people like movies that are 3 hours of dialogue. You are not weird because you don't like hard core porn. It is good that you can get by with swimsuit magazines at your age.

Is it normal that I can only masturbate with a lubricant because my hands get so dry that I can't masturbate. Whenever I get naked I get an erection without thinking about anything, why? And when I was changing in the men's changing room at a hotel, I got an erection. I wasn't thinking about guys and never have done and never want to. It just happened! (age 15)

You gave the best answer: It just happened. Erections happen often and for no particular reason at your age. Be glad they do. Most males would rather use lube than a dry hand. You just seem to be more sensitive than most. By all means, use lube.

When I masturbate, I either have my hand in a fist around my penis, but with my thumb up, or two fingers and my thumb on the head or upper shaft and two fingers on the middle of the shaft. Will this complicate anything during sex or affect me in any way? (age 19)

It seems to be more idiosyncratic than you ought to be aiming for. Try to find sexual response in a variety of formss of stimulation.

I was at gymnastics camp for a week, so I planned on not masturbating the whole time there. And I was successful! But I had a wet dream. The interesting thing is that I never felt it or woke up as soon as I had it. Later on when I woke up, I just figured out I had a wet dream because I was wet and I could smell it. Why didn't I feel it happening? (age 14)

Perhaps you were sleeping too soundly. The good news is that you seem to be one of the rare males who can bring on a wet dream by not masturbating. Perhaps try abstaining for a week again at your own home some time (soon) and see if you can make another one happen. Good luck!

I'm thinking about stopping masturbation. I've been thinking about either masturbating more openly or just ceasing to masturbate, particularly when it is purposefully done in utmost private times. This is because, recently, I have felt that my masturbating habits have been so covert that it's detrimental to the innocence and openness that I think should continue to be part of my brother's life and mine. I admired another reader's seeming openness with his brother about the activity, and basically, I feel I should either adopt a similar attitude or stop masturbating. I know you obviously advocate masturbation, but should I just ignore these feelings and keep masturbating? Even if I did ignore my feelings, I would think masturbating would no longer be enjoyable for me . This openness in masturbating issue is really weighing on me. Can you give advice? (age 17)

It doesn't mean there is anything bad about masturbation because it is usually done in private. You don't use the toilet in front of your brother, do you? Does that mean you should either do it in the open or stop? You don't say how old your brother is, but if he's old enough that he ought to know about masturbation, perhaps you could discuss it with him. I'm sure he wouldn't want you giving up masturbating or enjoying it less on account of him.

Follow-up: My brother is 16. Nothing relating to masturbation had ever been mentioned in our house before, and I had not known it being called by that. Generally, topics about sexual things have been forbidden in our house too. My brother and I have never talked about sexual matters together, at least not directly and purposefully. I truly don't know how to bring such a matter up, and I feel tainted because of that. Do you think I have a mental problem if I can't bring myself to masturbate privately? How did you find that European males are more open about masturbation?

Since you're the older one, you ought to just tell your brother you'd like to talk about something and then talk about it. I wouldn't call it a mental problem, but then I'm not a shrink. I have been writing this site for over six years and have heard many comments from North American males who went to Europe and encountered overt Eurobation.

Follow-up: Why is masturbation something that is apparently unspeakable for many people? If I had heard your advice even a few months earlier (to talk about masturbation with someone I live with), I would have been filled by an ungodly fear. I would like to?take your advice, but I still feel quite awkward with the notion of it. I must stress that I am not troubled/guilty over masturbation itself, but rather the fact that I try to hide it so much. Do you think it would be a good idea to do it less secretly? I was wondering if you need/accept help with anything on HealthyStrokes.com? You ve contributed a lot, and I'd like to know if I can contribute anything.

According to Bellis & Baker, people conceal their masturbating because it gives other people a cue as to whether they're having sex or not. According to them, it is useful to keep potential partners and rivals from having information about one's sexual activity. There is also a long history of masturbation being condemned by other people. You are definitely troubled/guilty about masturbation itself, and that's why you're thinking about quitting. There is no reason to be less secretive about it. The thing you need to work on is feeling less guilty about it and to accept it as something normal, healthy, and fun. It's nice of you to offer to contribute. You are welcome to e-mail me privately if you would really like to.

Over the past three years, I've always masturbated while watching pornographic material on the computer. Now I am doing my best to stop watching porn, but I am finding that the only way I can orgasm while masturbating is by sitting in a position as if I were in a chair (sitting on the toilet seat emulates this). Is this a habit that I can break? It just seems rather awkward to me. (age 18)

Most guys who masturbate sitting up do it out of necessity or to make watching computer material easier. A lot of guys stretch their legs out while they're sitting so that their position is more like they were lying in bed. It might be that after years of habituation to Internet porn, you just can't get the same feelings going in bed. It might be worthwhile to find some pictures (even a swimsuit magazine) that don't cause the feelings that have made you give up the Internet but still help you have an orgasm in whatever position you like. Of course, whenever you're trying to learn something new sexually, it helps to abstain for a few days ahead of time.

Whenever I get an erection, the side of my tip turns red. It's from rubbing in my underwear. What can I put on it to make it heal so it's not like that anymore? (age 14)

You ought to start with different underwear. That's your main problem. A little bit of lotion will help the tip clear up pretty quickly.

My girlfriend (who is also 15) and I have had sex five times now, and it stopped hurting her after the first 2-3 times, but after it stopped hurting, she says that she doesn't feel any pleasure from it. What might be the problem? Am I doing something wrong or is she not aroused enough? (age 15)

She is not aroused enough, and it is because you are doing something wrong. You're not getting her aroused enough before you penetrate her. Work harder at that. Pay attention to what she says. Once she is aroused, I think it would be a very good idea if you just stopped there and used your hands (at most) to satisfy each other. You are too young to be sexually active.

I recently started to work out and I also masturbate 1-2 times a day. A friend of mine says that if you work out and masturbate, it causes penis-shrinkage or some other problem. Is masturbation and working out a bad combination? (age 15)

Not at all. That talk of penis shrinkage is just nonsense. I recently did a survey on the very question of the relationship between masturbation and weightlifting. 88 males who responded both masturbated and engaged in weightlifting. Half said it makes no difference in their weightlifting ability if they've recently been masturbating, while 24 percent said it's easier to weightlift when they've been masturbating. 26 percent thought it was more trouble to weightlift after a masturbating session. Not to be one sided, I also asked about how weightlifting affects their masturbating ability. 45 percent said lifting weights makes no difference in their masturbating ability. Almost as many -- 43 percent -- said it's easier to masturbate after lifting weights. 12 percent said it's more trouble to masturbate after lifting weights.

Of all the males who answered the survey, 71 percent said it's a myth that masturbation affects weightlifting ability. 15 percent it's true for other people but not them, and 15 percent said it's true and they've noticed it in themselves. However, among those who do both, only 62 percent say it's a myth, 16 percent say it's true for some people but not them, and 21 percent have noticed it in themselves. Strangely enough, males 13 or younger are more likely to believe it's a myth (92 percent) than mid-teens (65 percent) or adult males (72 percent).

The guys who do both masturbate on average 5.8 days a week and lift weights on average 4.2 days per week. The guys who masturbate but don't weightlift masturbate 6 days a week on average.

Is masturbation normal for my age? My parents says I won't have kids later on if I keep doing it. Is that true? (age 17)

According to a survey of more than 10,000 males by the web site HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 681 current 17 year olds, the average 17-year-old male masturbates 7.4 times per week. 70 percent of 17-year-old males masturbate 5 times a week or more.

So you are VERY VERY VERY normal!!!

My normal place to masturbate is in bed. Since I sleep naked and don't want to have a mess on my sheets, I usually slip a sock over my penis when I'm getting close and finish the job that way. Will I get TMS doing that? (age 15)

That is not TMS, but it is an atypical practice that will not serve you well. Most guys just keep a cloth or tissue handy to clean up with. That would be a better solution.

What is the oldest at which you can be circumcised? (age 15)

I've never heard of a maximum age. I'm aware of men considerably older than you having it done.

Is it OK to masturbate in the shower? (age 14)

It is much better than OK.

I only masturbate to orgasm once a week or so, if that. I only like doing it when no one's home because I watch porn while I do it. I have 6 people living with me regularly so it's kind of hard to do it every day, even though I would love doing it once a day. I haven't yet really tried the fantasy stuff. (age 13)

Fantasy is a lot more important than porn, especially at your age. I have a feeling you will be doing it more often soon.

Why do you give credence to the theory of TMS? The sample size in the original study was four. This is hardly conclusive. (age 47)

That was only the original article about TMS, and it agreed with some less formal comments about masturbating prone that had been made before that time. I added my own case study to the four, and within two hours of this site being created, men were writing in with their own stories of developing sexual dysfunctions after a long history of prone masturbation. Other research since the original article has built on Dr. Sank's hypothesis. HealthyStrokes.com has compiled more than a dozen lengthy case studies and hundreds of brief comments from males about their experience, all of which support the TMS hypothesis. This doesn't even count the thousands of males who have been members of the online support group for TMS over the years and posted their experiences in that forum. In addition, through a series of surveys, I have made a convincing case based on over 18,000 survey responses that prone masturbation is a cause of serious sexual dysfunction.

Any new condition necessarily has to be demonstrated by a small number of cases. Some conditions have been put forth on the basis of a single case. The first article about AIDS (before it was even called that) was based on only three patients. (Masur H, Michelis M, Greene JB, et al. An outbreak of community-acquired Pneumocystis carinii pneumonia: initial manifestations of cellular immune dysfunction. New England Journal of Medicine 1981, 305:1431-8.)

Is it possible to ejaculate while sleeping? I had a very amazing dream. A really naughty dream and I ejaculated in my dream. When I woke up, my pants were wet. I'm not sure if that was possible or if someone touched me. I'd be terrified if someone did that to me.

They probably didn't. There would have been other evidence. The most likely thing to believe is that you ejacu;ayed in your sleep, a nocturnal emission. You can learn more about them in the page about wet dreams.

I love your site! (I'm sure you get that a lot.) I've been masturbating for quite some time now. Am I still a virgin even though I've masturbated several times? (age 13)

Masturbating does not make you not a virgin. You have to do something sexual with a partner in order to lose your virginity.

My boyfriend is uncircumcised and he told me that his penile skin sheds like a snake. Is that true or is there something else that he is not telling me about? (age 16)

Certainly his penis doesn't molt like a snake. Dry skin just flakes off the penis the same as anywhere else on the body. If you aren't already looking, then perhaps he's trying to get you curious enough to look at his penis.

I used to take decongestants for allergies. I read that decongestants work by constricting blood vessels to reduce bloodflow to your nasal passages. I was wondering if the constriction of blood vessels could have any effect on ones ability to have an erection. After I stopped using decongestants, I found that it was easier to obtain an erection. Was this due to the decongestants or is it all in my head? (age 19)

I have never heard that, and decongestants are very widely used. I suspect if they had sexual side effects, we would have heard more about it.

I first masturbated at the age of 14 and always masturbated in the prone position until I was 25 when I got married. I have never suffered from dysfunction. (age 74)

If you have read this site, then you know that you are one of the lucky ones.

When I was 14 I tried to quit masturbating because I thought it was wrong until I found your site. I lasted a week before I gave in. That was probably the best ejaculation I've ever had! (age 15)

A week is pretty good. And so are those orgasms after taking a week off.

After I orgasm my glans is VERY sensitive. Is this normal? (age 11)

Yes, that is the way it is supposed to be. After you orgasm, you're supposed to stop.

I think I'm ready for sex but my girlfriend has never even mentioned it. I don't know if she wants to or not. What do I do? (age 15)

I suggest waiting longer and then talking about it.

I'm circumcised and was wondering if any sensitivity is lost because of it? I've heard that the top of the penis will become toughened keratinized because of exposure to air and clothing and lose sensitivity. Is that really true? Will it affect the sensations of masturbating? Is there a way that I can effectively and feasibly restore sensitivity? I'm just using moisturizer right now. (age 17)

Some people think so. There is something you can buy called a SenSlip that will supposedly restore sensitivity to the penis. All it really is is a fancy condom-like sleeve that covers the penis. I don't know of any studies that show this method has any reliability. I suppose you could try it yourself and see if you noticed any difference.

I have been masturbating for over a year and I masturbate once or twice a day. I find myself getting erections at the time when I usually masturbate even if I am not able to that day. Is it possible to "train" erections? (age 14)

No. At your age you are probably getting a lot more erections a day than one or two. Try to enjoy having them and don't worry about them.

What causes morning erections? Is it normal to not have them? I rarely get them anymore. (age 19)

They are believed to be caused by the level of testosterone being highest at rising. It is normal for spontaneous erections to diminish at your age.

Your site is very helpful, but I take issue with one thing. Be careful about saying that a guy is lying if he claims to not masturbate. I didn't have my first ejaculation until I was a junior in college. I was about 21 years old. My girlfriend and I were lying in bed together fully clothed and making out, when I rolled her over on top of me. Her weight on my genitals was all it took!

My parents had talked to me when I was young about masturbation and nocturnal emissions, but it was like a foreign language to me. A few months after that first experience with my girlfriend, I learned to masturbate. Thanks to your site I'm just discovering that I apparently learned it the wrong way, but I'm taking steps to to correct that. (age 42)

OK, but your story is still suspicious in a world where masturbation is nearly universal among males by age 18. For every guy who truthfully claims to never have masturbated, there must be hundreds who lie. Good luck with retraining.

Do you know whether tensing the butt muscles during masturbation is something that lots of men do? I have always done this (mostly squeezing muscles on the left side) and once I felt a muscle pull there. I have always thought it was normal to tense like this but now I have pain in thr left buttock on sitting and sexual problems. Do you think this deliberate muscle tensing could be harmful? (age 45)

I have never heard of anyone doing that. Tensing the internal pelvic muscle (the PC muscle) is useful for sexual control, and tensing the leg muscles helps the user maintain focus on the genitals. I don't know what purpose would be served by tensing the butt muscles.

I am in the habit of masturbating at least once a day. Do you think I have a problem? Also, I seem to grow tired of pornography very quickly. For example, I can't effectively use magazines because once I see the pics, they're in my head and then don't do anything after that. I think it would help if I started getting sexually active with my girlfriend (we just make out now), but I don't know how I could go further without rushing her. (age 16)

Masturbating once a day or more is fairly typical for your age. Being able to use a particular photo only once is a bad sign. Most people have favorites that work for them over and over. I don't know how that would be helped by becoming sexually active. All that does is involve someone else. You are very focused on what sex would do for you without taking your girlfriend's feelings into account. I think it would mean rushing her right now.

I moved away from my ex-girlfriend while were together. I have a new girlfriend now but back in December my ex moved next door and my ex and current girl can't get along. My ex and I are still friends so this is messing with my relationship with both the girls. I did speak with them. It did no good. I care about both of them so I don't want to hurt them. (age 14)

Your new girlfriend obviously is not comfortable with you being friends with your ex. You have to choose between keeping the new girlfriend or being friends with your ex. It is as simple as that.

I just moved to New York from Cork, Ireland. How come all the American boys think my uncircumcised penis is weird? (age 13)

There is a much higher rate of circumcision in New York than in Ireland. Tell them that you can always get circumcised if you want but they are stuck the way they are.

I have recently noticed that when I lift more than 50 pounds, I get a weird feeling to the left of my penis. I have had this problem for a while. Do you think I have a hernia? Do hernias hurt? (age 15)

You ought to see a doctor about this ASAP. Only a doctor can diagnose a hernia, but your symptoms are very similar. Yes, hernias hurt.

I want to have wet dreams. Will masturbating and holding back ejaculation before sleep give me wet dreams? I know if you wake up and fall right back asleep, a lot of the time you will dream. Can I use that to have wet dreams or will I just wake up groggy with morning wood? (age 15)

Some males have claimed to use your method. You are more likely to have a wet dream when you sleep late, like going back to sleep as you mention. Waking up groggy is a function of how much sleep you have had, regardless of whether you had a wet dream. The morning erection is also not a good indicator of anything. At your age, you're apt to wake up with an erection every day. Please let me know how it goes.

How come almost every time I masturbate too much, my testicles hurt? (age 23)

Because by definition, masturbating too much is when something hurts. Usually it is the penis that gets sore from excessive handling. Sometimes the prostate also gets too overworked, and the pain is apt to felt throughout the sex organs, including the testicles. When it happens, it is best to cut down to no more than three ejaculations a week for a while.

If you are ever asked by your parents if you masturbate, what should you tell them? (age 14)

The only three things you can do are 1) tell the truth; 2) lie; or 3) avoid answering. Because you asked, it seems unlikely that you want to tell the truth and you probably aren't comfortable lying. Telling them it's a private thing might put an end to it. I don't think too many parents ask in the first place.

If a masturbation session lasts longer than 30 minutes, I need to stop, de-erect, and urinate, then start over. It's really annoying. What can I do to fix this? (age 17)

I would suggest getting the session over in less than 30 minutes. I usually tell guys to give up after 20.

I was in the pool with my girlfriend last week, and she was rubbing up and down my leg. Was she masturbating in some way? (age 16)

She might have just been bobbing.

I want to contact a girl I moved away from but I am afraid she will not remember me. What should I do? (age 14)

Do you know other people who were in your neighborhood or school at the same time? Maybe you could contact them too. Surely one of them will remember you and help prompt her to who you were.

There is a girl I like. I am good friends with one of hers but this girl and I have never said more than hi. (age 14)

So ask her about swimming, or algebra class, or some music act you like. If you have anything in common, then invite her to the movies or something.

Recently my girlfriend performed oral sex on me and while she did this, she used one hand to massage my testicles. Now when I masturbate I use the other hand to massage my testicles. Is this OK? (age 17)

Yes. It looks like she taught you something. Congratulations.

Is it better to use lube or lotion? I've never tried lube but sometimes the lotion seems to get inside the urethra and it burns until I get it off. Should I buy some lube? Also, is dry handed better than lubed? When I go dry handed it feels better and doesn't take as long. (age 15)

I think lube is a lot better, and you have a very real reason for wanting to switch. If anything, it should be quicker with lotion. You don't seem to be having good experiences masturbating with lotion. I think you should give lube a try.

I want my girlfriend to perform oral sex on me and swallow but she always spits it out and that totally turns me off. How can I ask her if she would swallow? (age 18)

Why can't you settle for half a loaf? When you reach orgasm, it is not that important if you are still turned on. Try harder to enjoy what you're experiencing.

I'd really like to masturbate with a close friend of mine. We both talk really openly about it and he seems to like the idea, but the problem is directly asking him. Recently, he asked if I'd ever had a wank race, where you see who can reach orgasm first. I told him I had never done it which is the truth, and he seemed to be suggesting we do it together. What do I do? (age 15)

I advise against masturbating together, but if you must, do not make it a race. There is no advantage to be gained by rushing to orgasm whether alone or with a partner. Most males want to work on delaying their orgasms, not making them happen sooner.

I had never had a wet dream to the best of my knowledge. I decided to stop masturbating for a certain occasion. My last orgasm was 25 days ago. Since then I have had nothing. I woke up this morning, went to work just like normal. When I came home there was a circle on my bed which I suspected was a semen stain. Is it normal that this happened after years of masturbating and stopping for a month? Is it normal to not remember them? I was trying to save up and I did for 25 days, now 2 days away, will I have a noticeable decrease in ejaculation when I am ready in two days? (age 21)

Are you sure no one had sex on your bed while you were at work? You should have noticed the semen a lot earlier. I am surprised you slept all the way through a wet dream. No one needs to "save up" for 25 days. You will probably be just fine in two days.

Is it normal for me to lift my legs up in the air while masturbating? It turns me on more! (age 15)

It sounds kind of unusual, but I doubt that you are the only one who does it that way.

I have heard that the average time for a guy to ejaculate is 5 minutes but I can take 20 minutes or more. Why is that? (age 16)

What you have heard about the average is pretty close. You can read more precise calculations on the survey queries page. Sometimes the mental stimulation is just not there and it takes longer. It can go more quickly if you are very aroused when you start.

I've been masturbating for 2 years and right after I get an orgasm, I have a complete mood swing. Is this normal? (age 12)

It is normal to feel more relaxed. A complete mood swing might be overstating it. Aren't you back to normal a few minutes later?

I was at a friend's house with 4 other people, 2 of whom are 12. We were talking about sex and things, and we touched upon the topic of masturbation. Eventually the question arose of who out of us masturbates? I was wondering if it's likely that at least one of them was lying. I'm nervous about being the only one of my friends who masturbates. (age 13)

I doubt that you are, and even if you are, you won't be the only one much longer. Be glad you're the only one with the confidence to admit it.

When you use your muscles a lot, like your arms, they grow bigger. So does that mean my penis will grow bigger since I masturbate a lot? (age 12)

No. The penis is not a muscle. It's almost all blood vessels.

Is it weird to fantasize about two different girls at once and sort of combine them in your head? (age 13)

No. That is fun and shows a good imagination.

Sometimes I go in a hot tub and put my penis where the rushing water comes out. Is this bad for me? (age 12)

Very bad. Not only is that an atypical form of masturbation, which can disaffect you sexually, but the force of the jets can damage your penis. Playing with the parts of pools is very dangerous. There was a case recently of a girl who died after sitting on the drain of a pool and having her internal organs sucked out through her anus. It sounds like an urban myth, but it's a true story. (Congress recently passed the Virginia Graeme Baker Pool Safety Act in response to tragedies like this.)

If I'm sleeping with someone on the bed, and I have a wet dream, will they feel something? (age 14)

No. You will be as motionless as in any other dream.

When I have ejaculated, some semen seems to stay inside my penis. I then get the most out by pushing it out of my penis (like with a toothpaste tube). When I am done and all the semen is out, some transparent liquid follows about a minute later. Is all of this normal? (age 14)

Yes, but you ought not do the toothpaste rolling thing. That could do damage to your penis. The best thing to do is urinate within an hour of ejaculating. That will get all of the excess fluid out.

I think your site is awesome, really. I masturbate often, about 25 times a month for the past 4 years. But the more I do it, the harder I find it to reach climax. Sometimes I can't orgasm at all and I feel really bummed about it. Please help! (age 24)

25 times a month is not so often. It is less on average than most males your age. You seem to not have the correct mental focus. Try to be both relaxed and at the same time focused on what you're doing. It might help to cut down on your frequency and see if you enjoy the remaining times more. Still, it might help to remember that you're doing it less than the average male your age.

Whenever I masturbate, I shut the TV off like you recommend to exercise my imagination better. But I sometimes have a stereo or radio going and whenever I do I find it hard to masturbate to certain bands, but when I have a Led Zeppelin CD in, I can reach orgasm so much faster. Is it strange to have musical preferences when masturbating? (age 15)

Not at all. Some critics believe the reason for the popularity of Ravel's Bolero is that it has the same rhythm as sex. Very little else Ravel wrote is listened to anymore, and the composer himself remarked that Bolero contains no music. I think you misunderstand my point about the TV. I don't recommend keeping it off for the benefit of your imagination but to keep you from being mentally distracted. The music is apt to have the same effect.

Every time I masturbate in the shower I want to ejaculate, but for some reason I can't. What is the best solution for this? I obviously can't bring the porn into the shower.

Perhaps the shower isn't a good place for you. Keep it up where you are comfortable doing it. Maybe sometime the shower will seem like a good place.

How can I get rid of a sexual desire or urge? (age 27)

Oscar Wilde said the best way was to give in to it. But that advice is probably why Wilde is held in pretty low esteem. Most people can get rid of an urge for at least a while by focusing on something else.

I want to know if either a boy or girl will lose their virginity if they engage in mutual masturbation, even if they do not contact their sexual organs directly. Would it be OK to say that such a person has never had sex before if they do it? (age 17)

Most people believe that mutual masturbation or manual intercourse does not cause you to lose your virginity. You would be justified in saying you had never had sex if all you have done is that.

I want know if daily masturbation is good or bad. (age 23)

It is very good. According to a team of doctors led by Dr. Graham Giles, males who ejaculate most frequently when they are young have the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week.

Once when I was at a friend's house and had the urge to masturbate, I went into the bathroom and started. I had been in there for about 10 minutes so my friend knocked and I didn't respond. He just came in. He said, "You idiot! Don't do that in my house, you retard!" and he hasn't talked to me since. What do I do? (age 12)

I suggest avoiding him until he grows up.

Is it normal to masturbate in the nude? I do it almost all the time. Is it normal to think about older female women while doing it? I sometimes picture myself having sex with my female teachers.

Those are both pretty common.

How would you clean up after ejaculating in bed? Doesn't it stain your bed sheets? (age 12)

It is best to mop it up while it is still wet. If you missed that opportunity, then wetting the stain should let you mop it up.

I've been masturbating since I was 11. My 14th birthday is in 6 days. Do you think It's possible that I could have a wet dream soon?

Happy birthday! If you've been masturbating that long, I doubt you will ever have a wet dream.

I have been a TMS practitioner since the day I started masturbating and am still a virgin. Your TMS page horrified me. I want to quit prone masturbating as soon as I can. Will I be cured? (age 23)

Yes. You have taken the first important step by deciding to quit. You will probably be done with TMS in a few weeks and will notice a difference in your sexual functioning in a few months.

What is the difference between semen and sperm? (age 15)

I suggest you read the glossary of HealthyStrokes.com.

I masturbated for the first time about 2 months ago. After I masturbate, not only do I feel massive guilt, but I occasionally have dulled hearing for a minute or two. Does this mean that masturbation will lead me to a loss of hearing? I figure the simplest solution would be to stop. I suppose if I discovered it so suddenly, I can stop myself just as easily, but I can't seem to go for more than a week or so without masturbating. I'm really ashamed of myself. Any help would really be appreciated! (age 15)

I have never heard of hearing loss being caused like that. It is probably just your imagination. Try playing a song with lyrics that you can just barely make out right after you masturbate and see if you have trouble hearing them. I don't think you can stop masturbating. For many males, it is a daily habit within a couple of weeks of starting! The best solution would be to work on feeling less guilty.

I just want to tell you that you are a great person! I think a lot of kids look up to you because you give us advice even if it's not about masturbation; you help us cope with our problems; and you are generally a good person looking out for the common people. This site is great and so are you! Keep it up! (age 15)

Why, thank you! I will!

Recently, I've started to feel guilty about fantasizing about pretty girls. I imagine some of my sister's friends or family friends naked. Is it normal? Also, I recently taught myself a new trick when masturbating. I clench myself so that I come in thicker bursts, and it's more pleasureable, but I was wondering if it was dangerous to do so. (age 15)

It is very normal to fantasize about pretty girls. It is dangerous to use a lot of force (the word you use is "clench") to alter your ejaculation. It is better to masturbate using as little force as necessary.

Recently, I have noticed a black dot on the shaft of my penis that looks like a blackhead. I have never had sex so I doubt that it's an STD. Is it normal or is there anything to be worried about? (age 19)

You might try to rule out that it's a blackhead before seeing a doctor about it.

What does a wet dream feel like? (age 13)

You feel the contractions around your prostate gland just like you're about to ejaculate from masturbating. Then you ejaculate. This is coupled with a dream in which something is usually happening to your penis. It is not necessarily sex, but the penis is making contact with someone or something in the dream.

I have been masturbating since I was 12 1/2. Lately I've been starting out slowly and picking up the pace and going really fast and hard toward the end. The shaft of my penis has been getting very red and my testicles have been hurting. What can I do to stop this? Also, I have really short orgasms that last about 1 minute. How can I increase the time? (age 15)

One minute is a very long time for an orgasm. They typically last about 8 seconds. You might be overdoing it, which explains why your penis and testicles are hurting. I suggest using lube, which will make it easier for you and also ease the redness of the shaft.

My friends are a little older than me. They are always laughing and joking about how they masturbate and orgasm. I usually stay quiet and that's when they make fun of me. One of my friends laughed and asked me if I ever ... and he made a back and forth motion with his hand. He said it's the best feeling in the world. I was confused and felt dumb. In 5th grade health class we learned about erections but never about masturbating. A month ago I was really horny and had an erection. I started rubbing it and thrusted it against my blanket, and within a few minutes, my thing start pumping. I was scared and surprised.

I felt guilty and weird. I didn't want to do it again, but two days later I had to and I kept doing it for two weeks until my brother caught me. It was embarrassing but he told me that it was all right. He said I was doing it wrong (TMS) and that I can get hurt.and he told me to look on HealthyStrokes.com, and I learned a lot and now masturbate conventionally.

How do most who masturbate for the first time feel? Was it normal to be surprised and scared? I feel like everyone else just knew and I didn't. Why? (age 12)

You are young and learning. Even though your friends liked to make fun of you (perhaps to assuage their own embarrassment with the subject), they told you things that made you better prepared for your first time masturbating. And your brother was mature enough and knew enough to not only refrain from making fun of you, but he also gave you helpful advice that led you to this web site and to overcome TMS after only two weeks. I think everyone is a little surprised, even when they are older than you are. Now you have joined the ranks of those who know. Good for you.

I want to have a relationship with a girl as in being married and having children with a girl, but I want to have sexual relationships with men. What does this mean? (age 15)

I think it means you ought to spend more time thinking about these things before you do anything sexual with anyone.

I have been masturbating for the past 3 years, and this morning I woke up and my boxers were sticky. Could this mean I had a wet dream? (age 14)

It's a good possibility. Are you sure they were not sticky when you went to bed?

I love to masturbate and and I do it at least once a day all week. But I want to stop for a week so when I do it again it will feel better but I can't do it. Do you have any advice? (age 16)

You might stop thinking about it so much.

I am home-schooled, and I have been inside the house for a few years without anyone at all, and now I have dreams where my best female friend is my girlfriend. I am not sure if this is because I like her, or if I am just seeing her as a sort of link to being in a good relationship. There is another girl on my street, other than my friend, that is attractive to me, and I have never dreamed about her. Could it be because she just moved in the house across me recently or is it because I find my friend to be more attractive to me than as a friend? (age 16)

I hope that just because you go to school at home, it doesn't mean you can't interact with other teens in the community -- like at the library, at community recreational facilities, and at church. Why not ask this best female friend out on a real date and see if you are truly attracted to her? Then do the same with the new girl on the block. Perhaps you are interested in this girl only because she is one of the few you perceive to be available to you.

The other day, after an intense masturbation session, I became very aggressive and agitated. This has happened a few times. Is that normal? (age 19)

No. You should be calmed and relaxed after masturbating.

You're awesome with what you have done with all your hard work. You have made me so much more comfortable with masturbation. I'm overweight. and worried that being overweight will affect my ability to grow in size. Please help. (age 14)

Your weight will not affect your penis size directly, but if your mons pubis (the spongy mound above the base of the penis) is very large, your penis can seem to get swallowed into it and not seem as big as it is. If you are overweight, weight loss is a good idea, and it will help you a lot in life if you can get started now. It would be a good idea to go over a workable reduction program with a doctor.

About 4 months ago when I was 17, I learned to separate orgasm from ejaculation and have multiple orgasms. I can have up to 4-5 orgasms in about 15 minutes. I haven't had sex yet although I think I will very soon. Could the abilty of having multiple orgasms allow me to last longer when I first have sex? (age 18)

Yes, absolutely it will. You have much greater control over your orgasms than the typical male new to sex. Congratulations!

I have pearly penile papules and I'm afraid this will hurt my sex life in the future. Will women be driven away form me? (age 13)

You are very worried about very little. I've never heard a female comment on pearly penile papules.

I've been masturbating since the age of twelve or thirteen and about three weeks ago I stopped masturbating. I had my first wet dream last night and woke up as I was ejaculating. Is it normal to wake up while ejaculating? (age 15)

Yes, very.

I want to but some Playboy/anime type magazines. No hard stuff. I hear you have to be 18 to buy this stuff. My parents are also super religious, so I don't want to ask them. I also don't want to rely on the Internet for naked pictures. Any suggestions? (age 16)

I suggest buying a swimsuit magazine.

I don't think my penis is normal, as I've seen on some of your diagrams the head is supposed to have a slit for the urine, but mine has a hole in the skin and then a slit. What does this mean? (age 12)

Probably nothing, but it would be a good idea to ask your doctor.

Is it possible to get an orgasm by looking at pictures/movies that get you aroused without physically touching the penis? (age 13)

It is not impossible but not very likely that you could do that.

Yesterday my frenulum hurt. What does this mean? (age 13)

It might be a good idea to stay away from it when masturbating for a few days.

I have started masturbating and my mom still does not know. Usually I do it around 1 or 2 AM to avoid discovery but want to talk with her about it so I can have daytime sessions but I can't get the conversation started. What should I do? (age 13)

There is no reason to tell her. Only about half of males are ever discovered. Just get used to doing it when she's awake.

I think your site is great. I started masturbating at age 11 and have continued to do so for the past 23 years. Recently my 12-year-old daughter was discovered by her mother; we are no longer married but share custody. Her mother called me and told me to have a talk with our daughter about her new habit (my ex-wife is anti-masturbation) and she also felt I should address this issue with our son who is 9, as she knows he's either doing it too or will within a few years. I found your site, and after reading all the information on it, I decided to e-mail the link to each of them. Thanks for being an open resource for parents! I think you may find it funny that I also sent the link to my ex-wife! Last week she called and thanked me for the link I sent her. She thinks it will help her overcome some anxiety issues with her new husband. (age 34)

I don't know how useful it was to simply send your daughter the links. You obviously have a different perspective on masturbation from her mother, and you ought to have told her that you think it is something normal and healthy and fun, and that she should not worry about her mother being against it. She might absorb that same message if she actually reads HealthyStrokes.com after seeing the link, but it would be better if you told her. I also don't think you needed to do anything about your son because there is no indication that he has questions about it at this time. Anyway, that is what I would have said if you had asked me before e-mailing the links. I hope it all works out.

My son who is 12 walked in on my husband who is 41 masturbating in front a computer porn site. He told my son he was embarrassed but not to tell me. My son was bothered by it and did tell me. I told my son that all men do this and that it is very normal. I also discussed this with my husband, who admitted that he views porn sites on a regular basis.We have had an active sex life so I am quite bothered by this and am very angry and disgusted with my husband. Do you have any suggestions on any other way that I should handle this? (age 48)

You might have put too much emphasis on what your husband was doing and not addressed enough what questions your son is apt to have about his own masturbating. If you sex life is not disaffected, you might be overreacting to your husband's masturbation. Men regard masturbation as different from sex, not a substitute for it. Be glad it wasn't a 7 year old son.

When I was 3 or 4 the doctors noticed that I had an undecended testicle so they removed it because they thought if they left it it could be cancerous. Recently my father told me that they might want to put in a prosthetic testicle. I'm not sure if I want this done because it would be strange and awkward. Am I the only male to have a testicle removed? Would women find this unattractive? When I think of a woman having an ovary removed, I don't think of them as any less of a woman. (age 15)

I don't know anything about the circumstances that led to your orchiectomy, but it is normal for males who have lost testicles to have prosthetic ones put in. They don't do anything, but they make your scrotum look and feel normal. The other testicle is more than able to do the work of both of them and produce all the sperm and hormones you need.

Is it normal for me to take longer to ejaculate sitting than on my back? (age 15)

Anything new is apt to take longer than what you are used to. Once you get used to masturbating while sitting, it will take about the same time as it now takes lying on your back.

I was wondering about urinating after masturbating. I noticed that it has been a little uncomfortable to urinate lately. Is there a way I can reverse this by not masturbating?

It ought not be a problem to urinate within a half hour of masturbating. If it is, perhaps you have a problem that needs a doctor's assistance. Not masturbating might eliminate the problem of your urethra getting clogged with semen, but you would be happier if you didn't abstain from masturbating. I think this will all work out by itself.

When I masturbate, I think about girls having sex with me. Is this OK? (age 13)

It is much better than OK.

Do females have wet dreams? (age 16)

No.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now and we just had sex. It was so exciting but it only lasted for about 5 minutes before I came and I know that is not normal. We have had sex twice since then and I've been getting better but it does not last as long as I want and my girlfriend never reaches orgasm. She says she isn't close either. What should I do? I masturbate like twice a day and I know that's a problem. But when I masturbate it usually takes a lot longer!! (age 18)

Five minutes isn't so bad for someone new to sex. You admit that you're getting better. I suspect if you didn't masturbate as often as you do that you would reach orgasm even more quickly. You might be better off not even trying to bring your girlfriend to orgasm in vaginal intercourse at this point. After your orgasm, you can work on her by hand or in some other way that helps her. You are being very quick to judge something as a problem -- three times in your brief message -- that really isn't.

I masturbate to porn, but I don't want to use porn to ejaculate. Is there another for me to ejaculate and have fun fantasies? (age 14)

I don't understand why it is acceptable to you to masturbate to porn but not to use it at the point of ejaculation. A lot of guys only look at the pictures for a few minutes to help them get erect and then masturbate without looking at it. You might try to see if that method will work for you.

I don't find porn to be a turn on. It seems sleazy and unrealistic to me. When I masturbate, I think of girls I like being naked, and I also like to look at normal girls naked. When I try to look at porn, I feel more sickened than aroused. Is anything wrong with this? (age 17)

At your age, it is better to use your imagination than pictures. At the same time, you shouldn't judge all pictures by the most sickening ones. Try to look at some less sleazy ones, like swimsuit magazines, and see if you feel any differently about them. Perhaps you will find something you find more arousing than sickening, but if you don't, that's OK too. You might feel differently in a few years.

I masturbate daily and often do it sitting down and leaning back on my chair. Is this TMS? (age 17)

No, not at all.

I just started having sex and I don't get much pleasure while on top. Any methods to how I can fix this? (age 16)

You will get better at it with practice.

I am 17 and I masturbate every three days. I feel that masturbating is making me physically thin. Is it true?

No. At your age, you are apt to burn so many calories that the ones you use masturbating twice a week are a negligible amount.

How do I clean up after I masturbate? (age 13)

Most guys mop up with a tissue, sock or old shirt. Some just rub the semen into their bodies. And a few eat it.

I've been having wet dreams quite often, twice a week, even though I have not seen or thought about all those things for a month. I feel shy to tell my parents about it. I have never masturbated and I'm afraid to try. Can you suggest a few methods of preventing wet dreams? Please don't tell me to masturbate. (age 15)

I hear from guys all the time who want to have a wet dream just once. They would think you're pretty lucky to have them twice a week. Wet dreams are not brought on by seeing or thinking about things, even if it's been a month. You ought to enjoy them. They are the purest orgasms you will ever have. There is no reason to tell your parents about them. I can tell you how to put an end to the wet dreams, and your last line tells me you already know what it is. Once you start to masturbate, they will probably go away forever. You are very unusual for not wanting to masturbate. Most guys your age think it's the most fun thing they can do. It might be the one thing that all males enjoy. More males enjoy masturbating than enjoy video games, or watching football, or eating steak (think about vegetarians), or even sex with women (think about gay guys). According to a survey of over 10,000 males by this web site in the second half of 2007, 96.85 percent of males gave masturbation a rating of 5 or higher on a scale of 1 to 10.

Please give it a try. You will be glad you did and sorry you waited so long.

I sometimes masturbate in a leather jacket and I seem to get turned on more by this. Is this weird or normal? (age 16)

If you get to the point that you need to wear leather to masturbate, then it's a problem. It might be that you're just getting extra turned on by the novelty about masturbating while wearing leather, and that's OK. It's good to have more than one thing that turns you on.

Why is it that when you look at photos that it's arousing the first time, but after repeat viewings the pictures are no longer a turn-on? (age 18)

You get desensitized to seeing them. It's kind of like being frightened or shocked at a scary movie the first time you see it, but then it no longer has that effect.

I live in Finland, and most of the people are from a different religion than me (I am Catholic), so they all masturbate and everywhere you go in this country you see stuff that speaks like this site (I am OK with that). I want to masturbate, but it is against my religion and I do not want to give it up. I am also sure that my parents would not be OK with it. Please give me some idea what to do. (age 15)

According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com (this web site) in the second half of 2007, here is the number of times the average male masturbates a week, by religious group:

Catholic, 6.74
Baptist, 6.47
Pentecostal, 5.72
Other Protestant, 6.16
LDS, 5.53
Non-denominational Christian, 6.34
Other Christian, 7.14
Jewish, 7.61
Muslim, 5.74
Buddhist, 6.83
Hindu, 6.75
Other religions, 7.08
Not religious, 7.29

As you can see, Catholics masturbate more than most other Christians. You ought to accept masturbation as something normal, healthy, fun, and necessary for males to do. Most of your fellow Finns agree with me on this, according to you.

I have a sister (14) and I think she knows I masturbate to porn on the family computer. There is a fireplace in the wall that separates the computer room from the family room. I usually masturbate at night. A couple of nights she has decided to sleep in the family room when I masturbate and I think she knows that I do. What should I do if she knows, and if she doesn't know? (age 15)

Whether she knows or doesn't know, you should only masturbate in private.

I'm really nervous that I'll get an erection when we're showering after gym class, and the other guys will think I'm gay. I'm not, but I'm scared to death by it. What can I do to not have an erection? (age 13)

I never had an erection myself in the locker room, and I'm not aware that anyone else did either. Somehow it will just work out. If you get close to having one, walking around and cold water can ward it off.

Can you get a urinary tract infection from masturbating? (age 12)

The only way that comes to mind is if you inserted an object into the urethra. It seems hard to believe a UTI could be caused any other way masturbating, but remember I'm not a doctor.

The first time I ejaculated, I shot 3 times and these were in large amounts. Ever since then, it has gradually gotten smaller and smaller. You say that volume increases with age. Is there a problem? I started about 10-11 months ago. (age 14)

Volume doesn't exactly increase with age, but it is apt to be higher after puberty than before it. You might be misremembering how much ejaculate there was your first time masturbating. It is also possible that it is a smaller volume because you now masturbate frequently. One always produces more semen after a period of abstinence. If you waited 3-4 days, you would almost certainly produce a larger volume of ejaculate than you usually do. The volume is nothing to worry about.

I love your web site. It has helped me a lot. I have masturbated for about 2-3 years and still have never ejaculated. I feel uncomfortable asking my parents or anyone about it. What should I do? I masturbate about 1-2 times a day. (age 14)

Lots of boys your age are not ejaculating yet. Keep at it, and I think you will be soon.

I'm uncircumcised, and when I have an erection, the foreskin doesn't go below the head of the penis. The farthest down is to expose about 1/4 of the head. Is this normal? (age 17)

Yes, that is very normal.

My fiancee is a virgin. We want to have sex. We have tried numerous times and no matter how aroused she is, as well as lubed, I can't seem to get it in. I know my penis is smaller than average. I would like to know what you think is the problem and how we can overcome it. (age 21)

It could be that she is just tensing up too much. It could also be that she has a sclerotic hymen that would have to be removed by a doctor. I doubt that your penis size has anything to do with it. You might try working your fingers in first. That would give you a clue.

I just had sex for the first time a few weeks ago. Before then I would masturbate a few times a week, but ever since I got into a relationship I've been masturbating less and less. I think it's immoral now that I have a girlfriend because I don't want her to think of me as disgusting. Is this a normal feeling? (age 16)

Many males have a change in their masturbation frequency when they first become sexually active, at least temporarily, but males overwhelmingly continue to masturbate frequently even when they are sexually active. Your girlfriend not only is unlikely to think it's disgusting, she is apt to do it herself and want to share it with you sometime.

I'm circumcised and have been wearing an artificial home-made protector for the glans/head/corona part of my penis for a couple of weeks now. After a shower, I noticed some small pinkish-red spots on the head, hardly even bumps. The urethra opening also seems to be slightly puffy, but not extremely. I am very worried. Is it just a temporary rash, or something serious? I'm wearing the cover thing to protect the glans, like from my clothes and air, etc. Do you specifically advise against it?

Also, can having wet dreams at night (or on multiple nights in a row) replace masturbating? Isn't it pretty much the same thing? (age 17)

You don't say why you are wearing a home-made penis cover. What you describe could be a reaction to the material the penis cover is made from. Or it could simply be more moist under the cover and that's why the things you see are showing up. I suspect they would go away if you stopped using the homemade penis cover. There is really no reason to wear one to protect against air and your clothes, especially if it is causing a reaction. Most males experienced at masturbation will never have wet dreams again, to say nothing of on multiple nights in a row. They are not the same at all. One you can have whenever you want it and be awake for it. The other comes at odd intervals and only when you're deeply asleep. Males choose to masturbate when they want to rather than wait for a visit from the wet dream fairy.

If a man has anal sex in the facedown position, flat on his stomach on a bed, would that somehow contribute to a TMS-like effect? Or be terribly uncomfortable? Or neither? Your site's definitely a valuable resource!

Having sex in the prone position is not the same as masturbating in the prone position. However, studies have found that males who participate in anal sex as the person receiving the penis have an increased chance of nerve damage in the genital area. Anal sex is definitely not a healthy activity.

I had my first wet dream last night, and I thought you said this couldn't happen if I hadn't started having them when I was younger. Does this mean I will be able to have more wet dreams in the future? (age 15)

I didn't say it was impossible. I said it was unlikely. If you can have one, you can probably have more, but don't be surprised if you never do again.

I was a late bloomer and did not ejaculate until my late teens from masturbation. I masturbated but had no orgasm. I used to have the best wet dreams!! The wet dream was actually more fufilling than masturbation. (age 46)

Very few males agree with you, although I think most who had wet dreams remember them fondly.

All of my wet dreams have involved intercourse. Why is that? (age 16)

I don't know, but your statement is not typical. Most males say that few of theirs were about intercourse. Perhaps you just have more dreams about intercourse than the average male.

I have masturbated 3 or 4 times a week since I was 14. I ejaculate within 3 minutes after starting. I use lube frequently and if I use my hand tightly, I reach orgasm quickly. Is this premature ejaculation? I want to ejaculate after 5 or 6 minutes but I cannot. How can I increase from 3 minutes to 5? (age 20)

You give part of the answer by saying using your hand tightly makes you reach orgasm quickly. So start by using a looser grip. Your problem is not premature ejaculation. You are well within the range of normal. Just work at lasting 20 seconds longer, then when you have achieved that, go for another 20 seconds, and so on.

Is it normal to lose almost all interest in the thing that arouses you after you orgasm during masturbation? (age 19)

Yes, it is. It is very hard to get a male aroused in the few minutes after he's had an orgasm.

I fantasize about having sex all the time. Is this normal? I'm afraid a girl won't want to do anything with me because I'm uncircumcised. What should I do? (age 12)

Yes, those fantasies are normal. When you find a girl who wants to be sexual with you (not for years, I hope), she will not care about whether you are circumcised.

I want to reduce my dependence on a particular paraphilia of mine that would be unfeasible in reality. It's rather violent, and goes against everything I stand for, but it seems to be all that can arouse me. Is there a way I can get myself to become able to be aroused by other things? (age 24)

I suggest identifying those other things that arouse you and keeping materials that help you connect with those feelings around. However, the way you describe your paraphilia, it seems pretty deeply embedded. It would be a good idea to seek professional help to deal with this.

I have a fetish for girls underwear and I keep fantasizing about taking some of my friends' panties. I know stealing is illegal, but I want to know if it is normal to think that way.

Stealing is illegal and also wrong, and stealing underwear might be classified as a sex offense in some places, and you could wind up on the sex offender registry. That would be very bad. I suggest working on developing some other sexual interests that turn you on.

I have very fine hairs growing out of the shaft of my penis. They can hardly be seen right now, but this bothers and annoys me (it's embarrassing, even though only I see it). Is this normal? (age 17 1/2)

Yes, that is normal. They usually only grow a little bit past the base of the penis. Friction (ahem) also keeps them from thriving.

I can't stop thinking about female masturbation and lesbians. Is this normal? Am I a pervert? (age 16)

Those are both normal things to think about.

I have no problem climaxing during masturbation. (I masturbate while sitting in a chair.) But when it comes to my girlfriend, sexual intercourse is not as stimulating at all to me. I eventually lose my erection. and when I can maintain a erection, I can NEVER climax. Thank you so much for this amazing site. (age 19)

I suggest abstaining from masturbation for about 5 days before your next sexual intercourse. It ought to make a big difference. Also, can you only masturbate in the chair? There is nothing wrong with masturbating while seated, but most guys like to do it in bed too. It is the favorite place.

I had a dream where a girl I liked was stroking my penis with her hand. It felt really good and I ejaculated in the dream. I woke up just in time to see a blob of semen come out of my penis. Is this a wet dream? (age 15)

Yes.

I have been masturbating for almost a year now. However, about six months ago, my parents bought a new house. This has almost doubled the amount I masturbate because my parents will spend about 1-3 hours fixing up the new house. Before this, my dad worked late (and still does), and my mom would pick me up from school then leave me at home to go visit her dad in the nursing home. This was the time when I would masturbate. At that time it was about 2-3 times a week. Now it is pretty much every day. When they finish the other house, I will only have about half of the original time I had because her dad died. Is it bad for me to go from lots of masturbating to almost none? (age 13)

I don't think you will go to almost none. You can surely find privacy and private time to masturbate in the new house. It will have more room, won't it? And my condolences on the death of your grandfather.

I dated a girl and had sex while on the first date. I don't want to keep dating the girl. Am I a bad person and how do I tell her I dont want to have a relationship? (age 16)

There were two of you who agreed to have sex. You ought to call her and get fairly quickly to the point that you don't want to see her again. I advise against telling her you don't want to have a relationship, because then she might think you are leaving the door open to casual dating. If the date went poorly (although this one didn't), you would be justified in simply not calling her at all.

Sometimes after I masturbate, I get this pain that feels like there is something stuck in my urethra in the middle part of my penis and usually the only relief is to masturbate again or urinate with great force. What is wrong? Am I too young to get kidney stones? (age 15)

I suggest seeing a doctor about that. You are not too young, although they would be very rare at your age.

Is it OK to masturbate while fantasizing about having sex with girls age 9 or 10 or a little younger girls? I hope I grow out of the younger girl thing when I turn 18. Do you think I will? (age 15)

There is no law against what you fantasize about, but I strongly suggest you try to replace fantasies of little girls with fantasies of more age-appropriate females. You will have no reason to want to put away those fantasies at age 18 if you spend three years masturbating over them between now and then. Better to get started today.

I recently tried to have intercourse with my girlfriend. I was very sexually aroused. Yet when I went to enter her, I went flaccid, and I repeatedly tried to get an erection, but I could not. Is there anything I can do to get and maintain an erection long enough for sexual activity? Was it something mental? (age 18)

I am inclined to believe it was first-time nerves. Next time just relax and try to enjoy what you're doing, and when you're ready, the strong erection will happen. There is no need to try to force it.

I'm a newlywed husband, and my wife and I are having a problem. We have sex every other day or so which is great, but I also masturbate 2-3 times a day. She is a fierce Christian and thinks that masturbation is just for "dirty boys." I am always extremely horny and sexually aroused and if I don't find some release in the day, I feel like I am going to explode and go crazy. Should I confront her about this? Or is this typical of married couples? (age 23)

A lot of wives don't understand that husbands want to keep masturbating after the wedding. You might point her to HealthyStrokes.com, which has pages for Christians , and for women. If you don't want to have this discussion, then I suggest you masturbate in private.

My dad tells me that masturbating is immoral, but my mom says it's natural. Whom do I believe? (age 14)

I hope you will discuss it more with both of them and work at deciding what to believe. This site is full of views (mostly mine).

When I masturbate I lean back in a chair with legs stiff and PC muscle flexed and usually ejaculate in about 1 to 3 minutes. Is this bad? At other times I just relax and can go like 15 to 20 minutes without ejaculating. Will this affect how fast I orgasm when havng sex? (age 17)

Those are both good ranges. You can come quickly when you want to and make it last longer when you want to. I think you have an advantage over other males being able to use one or the other of those subroutines in intercourse when you want to. And then you can find some other routines that only go with intercourse. Works for you, I bet it will.

I had a wet dream last night, and I remember what my dream was about. It wasn't anything sexual or arousing, and I masturbate frequently (every day or every other day). So how did I have a wet dream? (age 14)

Wet dreams can be erratic at your age. They will usually but not always go away when you masturbate frequently. You might have to put up with them as an occasional nuisance. Most guys enjoy having them and would like to have them more.

Sometimes when I cough medium or hard I get a sharp stinging pain in my testicles that lasts 5-7 seconds. Is that normal? It worries me when it happens. (age 15)

No. That is a sign of a hernia. You should see a doctor at once.

In one of your responses you said, "Some authorities say it's impossible to stop masturbating, and there are few credible cases." Can you tell us more? Also, how well is your TMS theory established in the relevant peer reviewed journals and literature, and who else believes in it? (age 28)

Many authorities maintain that all men masturbate. Some go further and say that there are no exceptions. All say that quitting masturbation is a difficult task, whether they acknowledge that it is possible or doubt that it is possible. Against this background of received wisdom, it is no surprise that claims of having quit masturbating are met with great skepticism. One of the more credible claims is from John Gray, the relationships expert, who says that in becoming a monk he took seven years to quit masturbating and that is was the hardest part about becoming a monk. You can see why I am skeptical of men who write to me on HealthyStrokes.com and claim they decided one day to quit and have never thought about it since.

I wish I could call it my theory of TMS, but Dr. Sank is the one who spelled it out, and other people were on to the same idea before he was. Dr. Sank's article has been cited by several different scholars in peer-reviewed journals. Other scholars have made similar comments about prone masturbation being either unusual or harmful, or both, in other media, including peer-reviewed journals. The HealthyStrokes.com web site was cited in 2007 in a peer-reviewed article in the most prestigious journal in the field of sex, the Journal of Sex Research. More information about the scholarly background of TMS is available on the articles section of the site, and more information is coming there shortly.

As I get older masturbating seems to get less and less fun. Is there a way to change the way I orgasm? I usually feel it in my urethra. Can I change it so I can feel it in my whole penis? (age 13)

You should be trying to feel it throughout your whole body. Try to respond to the way your whole body reacts, not just your penis. If you pay attention to these cues, the whole experience will be a lot more exciting.

Yesterday my girlfriend and I were making out while I had an erection but this particular time she was lying on top of me. About 3 hours later my balls hurt. This is the only time this has happened. Is this the reason for my pain? (age 16)

Probably not. I would be more inclined to believe you were overdue for sexual release at that time.

What would you say if a girl was staring at me but then when I looked over she quickly looked away trying to act like I saw nothing? (age 13)

If it happens a lot, I would say she is interested in you.

I recently discovered that I masturbate in an atypical way and I could relate it directly to my delayed ejaculation during intercourse. Is it possible to cure this delayed ejaculation if I begin maturbating the conventional way? (age 28)

Yes, that is what the main page of this site is about.

Around a week ago, I invited my girlfriend over, and when she came, she sat on my lap and started kissing me. I got an erection and I really felt the urge to masturbate. I suppose she felt it too, as she got off my lap really quickly and giggled. I felt mortified because she would never speak to me again and the day after I discovered HealthyStrokes.com, I looked around your totally awesome site, and found the answers to my questions. We had a talk about it and she admitted she masturbates too. Thanks for the tips, HealthyStrokes team! (age 16)

It's not quite a team, but thank you for getting the help you need.

Are you still a virgin if you have your penis in a girl for 3 seconds and then pull? (age 18)

No.

When I was 12, I was depressed and overweight, and my attitude toward life kept me from keeping friends. When I turned 13, I started masturbating. After that I wasn't depressed anymore, and I lost weight. Is it possible masturbation helped me? (age 14)

It didn't hurt you any, but I doubt that it was the cause of your turnaround. Most likely growing up helped you come around, and masturbating was just one part of the process.

I was wondering if it is illegal to have sex at my age? (age 13)

The age of consent varies from place to place. Do some research on what it is where you want to have sex. Usually only the older one is prosecuted.

I can't fall asleep with an erection. I either have to wait for it to go down or masturbate before I can fall asleep. Will this hinder me from having wet dreams? (age 14)

Yes, absolutely it will. Most guys can sleep with an erection, and most would prefer to masturbate instead of having wet dreams.

Is it possible to experience wet dreams when you masturbate regularly? (age 17)

Possible, yes. Likely, no. If you haven't had a wet dream by your age, then I don't think you ever will.

Is it safe to have sex when my wife is 5 months pregnant? (age 29)

Yes.

I often masturbate when I am not fully erect. sort of my squashing, pushing and squeezing my penis. Is this bad? (age 19)

Yes. You ought to masturbate only when you are erect. You are training your body to respond sexually when you are not completely aroused, and that will not serve you well with a partner.

I'm 15 and when I masturbate and think of a special person, I seem to ejaculate more than usual. Why?

That person really turns you on.

I'm still a virgin at my age and I know that I will never have sexual intercourse because I'm horribly ashamed of the small size of my penis (only 4.92 inches). So I masturbate a lot (average may be about 10 times a week) which I enjoy greatly. How does intercourse feel compared to masturbation? Exactly how tight and how wet is a vagina? I am afraid that my erections might not be hard enough (not as hard as those of other men). When erect, my penis points forward and slightly upward and it is good enough for me to achieve an enjoyable orgasm every time I masturbate. But I've tried twice to use an artificial vagina and both times was unable to get my penis in, because the resistance of the opening was too strong or rather my penis wasn't strong enough to penetrate. Sometimes I hear other males brag about their erections being "hard as steel" and mine certainly doesn't feel hard as steel. How can I find out if the hardness of my erection is within normal parameters? Many thanks for your great web site and for taking your time! (age 28)

I suggest seeing a competent therapist or sexologist to help you work through these issues. There is no reason to be ashamed of your penis size. You are only an inch shorter than average. The vagina is about as tight as a medium handshake, and about as wet as the inside of the cheek. There is a simple test a urologist can do called a rigiscan to determine if your erection is hard enough. I think you need a therapist to help you shake your sense that you'll never be normal.

My mom lives alone and I am there during weekdays. Would my mom ever have been able to smell that I've been masturbating in these 2 years? Being caught, without ever being caught by her directly? (age 14)

Yes, you've given her plenty of chances to notice the smells of semen. That doesn't mean she has. And if she has, she probably understands.

I love masturbating but I feel weird about doing it alone. I have a partner who has proposed that we masturbate together, but I want her to know about my masturbating habit. What should I do? (age 20)

Tell her about your masturbating habit and see if she still wants to join up with you.

I masturbate daily, usually once or twice and occasionally 3 times. When I orgasm, my ejaculate doesn't shoot very high. In fact, sometimes it just flows out the tip of my penis. This has been a problem since I was 13. I have heard that some men have fantastic shots of a foot or more. Are these guys exaggerating, or are mine just pathetic, and will this affect my ability to impregnate a woman? (age 18)

No man ejaculates a foot vertically in the air. Ejaculating vertically three or four inches is pretty good. It is more common for the ejaculate to travel horizontally for about a foot, for example going from the penis to the neck. In addition to being ejaculated a distance, the semen can also be sent a distance by being knocked by the hand movement at the point of ejaculation. When the male is doing this, it is sometimes difficult for him to distinguish between the force of ejaculation and the force of his hand movement. However, your frequency is high and it might mean you are not ejaculating as far as you would if you masturbated less frequently. It is typically easier to put pressure behind the ejaculation when you do not ejaculate as often. Sometimes when one gets to that third orgasm of the day, he has to struggle to get anything out at all. Either way, I doubt that your ability to impregnate a woman is impaired.

I was looking at your anatomy page and I'm confused! When erect, my penis is much closer to my body than your illustrations suggest, and it is practically touching the skin. Is this normal? (age 16)

Yes, it is fine. You are in very good shape.

Is there a way to finger a girl without damaging her hymen? I know there's nothing wrong with breaking it, but I'd at least like to have the option. If she's lasted this long and still has it relatively intact, I don't really feel like I have the right to be the one to change that. (age 18)

I would say no. If you insert your finger or fingers into the vagina of a female with an intact hymen (or nearly so), it is virtually a certainty that you will break it. Anyone would expect that. It's even hard for doctors to avoid damaging the hymen when examining a female with an intact one.

Can pain relievers such as Tylenol or Advil cause decreased sensitivity or pleasure during sex? (age 19)

I've never heard that. I imagine we would know by now if they did, because those two pills are very widely used.

I came home early from work one day and caught my wife watching porn and masturbating. I don't understand since she hardly ever wants to have sex with me. Please help. (age 45)

Masturbation isn't for men only. You ought to use this as an opportunity to find out what she finds appealing in the porn and if there is any way you could incorporate it into your sex life.

Is it OK to use hair gel or Vaseline as lube? I have used both at different times recently and I hope that there are no chemicals in them that would affect my natural processes or anything. One time I had my washcloth all soaped up and I masturbated in it, leaving an opening for my penis to stick out, and I ejaculated across the whole tub! (age 14)

Hair gel and Vaseline are both acceptable lubes. However, you would probably like something made especially for sex a lot better. I advise against masturbating the way you described. That is an atypical method akin to TMS. It will not serve you well in the long run.

When I masturbate, I love to fantasize about celebrities and girls in school. Is it OK to fantasize over female friends (who may have boyfriends)? (age 16)

Yes, I think what you think about is up to you.

I started masturbating when I was 8 years old, and I've started masturbating more and more. Now I masturbate about 4 times a day. The first two times are fine, but after that when I get an erection it feels sore. It hurts, but I can't stop. Is masturbating this often normal and is doing it going to cause permanent damage? (age 12)

You are asking for trouble. Your body is sending you a clear signal that two is enough. You can stop before it becomes a problem.

I was making out with my girlfriend, and had an erection. Apparently she knew because she unzipped my pants and started to fondle my penis. I was shocked and didn't know what to do, and I didn't want to go that far. How should I tell her that sex is not an option? (age 13)

Just tell her you don't want to. She should not have started fondling you without your permission.

I have never masturbated before, and I don't completely understand how to do it. (age 15)

You might start by reading my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation and then read some of the male topic pages.

I get very horny when I look at myself and start masturbating. Is it normal? (age 12)

I think it means you have a healthy body image. Congratulations!

I'm a virgin and whenever I look at pictures of naked females I like the entire body except for the vulva. Someone has told me this means I'm gay. Is this true? I don't have any characteristics of being gay and am not turned on by males. (age 17)

It does not mean you're gay. Seeking out pictures of naked females and liking almost all of them points to you being straight. Lots of people don't like how vulvas look but even those males get turned on by thinking about what they can do with them.

I've tried mastubating many times but I never get to the point of ejaculation. I still have wet dreams and I want to masturbate to relieve the built up stress but I can never ejaculate no matter how long I do it for. Can you tell me is there a way to cause ejaculation or could this be a disorder? (age 18)

When you are masturbating, concentrate on something that greatly arouses you (use visual aids if possible) and stroke as fast and hard as you can until you ejaculate. Once you have learned to do this, work on slowing down and using less force. Often the use of antidepressants or other drugs can inhibit orgasm, so if you take anything like that, it would be a good idea to find a substitute that doesn't cause sexual side effects.

Is it normal for a straight guy to look at nude males while masturbating? (age 15)

By definition, straight males primarily fantasize about females, although other males may occasionally enter the fantasies.

Two years ago I had wet dreams on consecutive days but the sensation was not similar. Why did a 2nd one occur the following day? (age 16)

That is the way it works. You might not have one for a month and then have two in a row. The second one might have felt different because you had less to ejaculate that day.

Is it normal for straight guys to masturbate because they saw a guy do it, and they fantasized about it? (age 15)

I think a lot of straight guys would get aroused if they saw a guy masturbating, probably.

Is there any way I could increase the amount of semen produced? (age 15)

It is generally more copious if you have not ejaculated for longer than usual or if you were aroused for an especially long time prior to ejaculating.

Is masturbating while sitting OK? (age 14)

Yes. I suspect a lot of my readers are doing both right now.

If someone touches your penis or helps you masturbate, are you still a virgin? (age 15)

Most people say you are.

I usually find the conventional way to masturbate uncomfortable, so I lie on my side, put a pillow between my legs, and rub my penis to orgasm. Is this safe and if it isn't, is there a more comfortable way? (age 13)

It is an atypical way to masturbate. Few males masturbate in that position. You have much more freedom of movement lying on your back, and you can easily adapt that method to sitting in a chair, standing, etc. The only way to replicate lying on your side with a pillow between your legs is lying on your side with a pillow between your legs.

I've been going out with a girl two years younger than me. I'm still a virgin and she's not. I wanted to have sex with her but now it feels weird. I'm not very sure what to do. (age 17)

Then don't. Before doing anything, check the age of consent in your state. It might be statutory rape.

There is a girl at my bus stop that is 2 years younger than me. She is pretty hot and she looks at me and laughs quite a bit when we talk. One day I was walking to the back of the bus and she slapped me on the butt. It gave me a boner. Is it weird I get a boner thinking about what she did? (age 14)

No, not at all. Why not invite her to go rollerblading sometime?

I once had blood spots in my semen. I stopped for a few days and masturbated again. There were no signs of blood. Is this something to worry about? (age 29)

Probably not. It seemed to go away by itself.

Why would somebody masturbate face down? I would think that would be uncomfortable.What are you supposed to feel when you have an orgasm? (age 13)

People masturbate face down because that is how they learned it, and it works for them. They don't think of it as uncomfortable. An orgasm is an intense feeling coupled with a series of contractions in the genitals that result in ejaculation.

Why doesn't my semen stain? I can rub it all over my underwear and it won't stain. Should I go see a doctor? (age 15)

I doubt that you need a doctor. You are probably ejaculating so often that the components of semen that stain (particularly prostate fluid) are distributed finely enough in your semen that you can't see it. If you went a few days without masturbating, you would probably produce a more yellow semen.

I've been masturbating since I was 13, but recently I started reading more about God and I even started reading the Bible. I haven't masturbated for 10 days (it may sound little but for me it's really torture) and I've had wet dreams on the 6th and 8th days. I've had wet dreams before, but never so frequently! I wonder if masturbating is a bad thing and should I quit it? I'm very confused because all of the books that I've read about God and that kind of thing don't say anything about masturbating. Should I try to quit or should I continue? (age 15)

You might start by reading my page for Christians and see if that helps your thinking along. I doubt you would be successful at quitting since almost no one ever has been. I think more would succeed if they could have wet dreams as often as you have during your break, but they probably won't continue at that interval, and as you indicated, you don't find them as satisfying as masturbating.

I masturbate once a day and I have what appears to be a small cut on my penis. Is it from where I've stretched the skin? (age 15)

Possibly. When that happens, you should put lotion on the affected area and avoid touching that spot until it heals. If it's in a spot where avoiding it would mean not masturbating at all and you can't bear to give it up until it heals, it might be an alternative to use a condom with lubrication on the inside.

My friend had a prostate exam a few days ago. I didn't really know how the doctors went about the exam, so he told me. He says I'm probably due for one. I know I have to but should I do it now or can it wait a little longer? (age 21)

It is unlikely the doctor will give you one at your age unless you're complaining of a problem in that area. You probably won't have your first one until you're over 30.

Thanks for the site! Semen looks more like water, right? (age 13)

No. Pre-cum looks like water. Semen looks more like liquid soap.

The right side of the base of my penis is sensitive and sore. Should I worry about this? (age 15)

That is not good. You might have been using too much force recently. I would suggest learning to use a more gentle touch. The abstinence program on the main page of HealthyStrokes.com that I recommend for males to quit TMS would also help you learn to develop a softer touch.

Follow-up: The thing is, I haven't even been masturbating recently, and to the best of my knowledge, I haven't been using too much force in any other activity. The same sore feeling has persisted and faded in the past as well, regardless of my masturbating or not. When I feel around the sore area on the right side of the base, I can't clearly say WHERE the sensitivity/soreness is actually coming from. I'm pretty sure it will go away like in the past, but I'm just curious as to what causes this.

A doctor would probably tell you to take ibuprofen. I repeat my suggestion to use a more gentle touch.

I saw a guy tonight in the shower room at the gym who spent an awful long time touching his penis. He really soaped it up and rinsed it off very forcefully. The way he was going at it, I wondered if he had gotten tar on his penis. Does a penis really need to be cleaned like that, or was he basically masturbating in the locker room? (age 19)

Be careful. He might not have been cleaning it but rather showing it off, trying to attract a sex partner. Always be wary of men in public bathrooms and showers who seem to be spending a long time doing not much of anything. And yes, it is good to give Mr. Happy the once-over with soap and water, but when someone starts doing Lather, Rinse, Repeat, they're basically playing with it.

During sex, we didn't do anything different from what we normally do, but my girlfriend's vagina started bleeding. Do you know what happened? (age 21)

A little bit of bleeding is probably to be expected, like cutting your hand while playing sports. If the bleeding is more severe, it might be worth getting examined by a doctor. Is she sure it isn't menstrual blood?

Your site is great. It has helped me become far less ashamed of masturbation. I masturbate about once a week and quite often after I'm done I feel a sharp pain that seems to be coming from my prostate. I always urinate after I masturbate but this sensation seems to come before that and happen within 10 or so seconds after my orgasm. (age 18)

My first thought is that you are not masturbating nearly often enough. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by this web site in the second half of 2007, the average man your age (of whom there were 627) masturbates 7.7 times per week. Frequent masturbation is not only fun, it keeps your sexual parts in good functioning condition. I would suggest masturbating at least three times a week and seeing if it makes a difference. (Dr. Graham Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week to prevent prostate cancer.)

I just started masturbating two days ago and the way I masturbate is lying face down and rubbing my penis using the bed and my stomach. I can't do masturbating sitting up grabbing my penis and pulling it. Nothing happens even if I try harder. (age 13)

You have not tried very hard if you are resigned to a defective way of masturbating after only two days. You have the information to get it right from the very beginning. Relax and try to enjoy yourself doing it lying on your back. You could easily figure it out after only two days of prone masturbation.

I'm 13 and when I masturbate I run the head of my penis under the bath water so I can ejaculate faster. Can this affect my penis in a bad way?

Yes, that is bad. You ought to learn to react to your own hands more than the running water. Let your fingers do the walking.

You know what I find creepy? How there are like 50-year-olds on here that complain about your site. They must go looking on the Internet for the term "masturbation." They complain but they go looking for it themselves.

Yes, I have started collecting their complaints in a special page for discontents.

I have always masturbated with my left hand, which I guess is sort of odd given that I'm right-handed, but my penis has tilted to the left so much that I can hardly urinate straight anymore. I've heard about switching hands and how it might help, but I'm not used to the other hand and I don't want to do something I do for pleasure (masturbation) in a way I'm not comfortable. (age 14)

You are pretty young and could learn to masturbate with your other hand fairly easily. I doubt that your penis is as off-center as you imagine it is. It is always a good idea to hold the penis as you urinate. I've never understood why, but according to surveys done by HealthyStrokes.com, more than twice as many left-handed males masturbate right-handed as right-handed males who masturbate left handed.

Sometimes when I'm lying prone, I get erections although I masturbate regularly only while supine, and with or without lubricant. But I'm wondering if the pressure on my penis until the erection goes away can cause any damage in the future. If so, should I stop sleeping on my stomach altogether? (age 15)

No. That is not a problem. You don't need to worry about that.

I share a room with my 15 year old brother. We have no problem being naked around each other and masturbate in our room without making a big deal. Is there anything wrong with this? (age 17)

If you can do it without making a big deal, then you are better off than men (and women) who are older than you who write me all the time.

Does not having a wet dream affect my sexual life or make for less pleasurable masturbation? (age 12)

According to a survey of over 10,000 males by the web site HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, males who have had a wet dream rate masturbation 7.94 on a scale of 1 to 10, while males who have never had a wet dream rate it 7.89. That is a statistically insignificant difference. I don't think your masturbation will be any less pleasurable because you never had a wet dream.

You've gotta be a a weak person to tell everyone that it's impossible to stop masturbating. I stopped when I was 16. (age 22)

If it isn't impossible, at least it's very difficult, at least for a male. If you stopped when you were 16, then why are you reading a masturbation site now?

When would be the best/most appropriate time to masturbate? I normally do it at night, in bed, but I take my time with it and end up taking as much as an hour or two. This messes up my schedule. Is there another time that would be more suitable? (age 12)

You will almost certainly get to do it more quickly as you get more experienced and there are more constraints on your time. The most masturbation happens at bedtime because there is more privacy, and as in your case, the amount of time available is more flexible. Many guys your age masturbate when they get home from school in the afternoon, but this is their choice, and I don't know how someone could say one time is more appropriate than another.

I am late in starting masturbation and have only orgasmed once. I can't do it again despite trying for up to an hour and I'm sick of it, because all I am doing is risking getting caught and making my arms ache. I don't want to give it up but I probably will if it doesnt start to happen. (age 16)

Relax and try to focus on what turns you on the most. If you worry excessively about being discovered, then work on it when no one else is home.

Whenever I get an erection, it always looks like the "partially stimulated" illustration on your anatomy page. Is this normal at my age? Should I be worried? (age 13)

Yes, it is normal for your erections to be less than solid. They are apt to get harder.

Does shampoo dry your penis? After I masturbate with shampoo, I apply lotion to my penis to moisturize it. (age 12)

Yes, shampoo (and most soap) dries the skin. Why not just use the lotion to masturbate and skip a step?

I've only ever masturbated to orgasm and ejaculation once and that was in TMS fashion. I've tried a few times since for up to an hour without success. How do I orgasm again? (age 15)

I suggest waiting until you are naturally quite aroused and able to focus on something that turns you on greatly. It is important to be able to both relax and stay focused. You might also heed the advice of my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.

After I finish masturbating I usually clean up with tissues. I place them in my wastebasket. My parents wake me up the next morning. Can they smell dried semen from overnight? Merry Christmas. (age 14)

There is a chance they can. It would be better to flush those tissues down the toilet. Merry Christmas to you too!

I'm a 15 year old virgin, and I masturbated for the first time about a month ago (although face down using a sheet, but thanks to your site, I now know not to do this) to the point of orgasm and ejaculation. I've masturbated about 4 times but only once with success. The last time I got these bumps on my penis which I think is "blue balls." I had my first wet dream ages ago and still have them but very rarely. Am I normal? Is it harder to masturbate without difficulty if circumcised?

You are a late bloomer where masturbation is concerned, and it seems you are still having trouble catching on. Most guys masturbate a lot more than four times in the first month they do it. For most it becomes a daily habit (or more) within days. Blue balls is a feeling inside your privates. It does not involve bumps on your penis. The only difference between circumcised and uncirumcised is that uncircumcised guys have an easier time going without lube. I suggest keeping at it and spending more time reading this site to cure your gaps in knowledge.

Last night I had a wet dream but it felt kind out different from what your web site describes. I dreamed I was at some kind of wedding and I hug some girl. Then the next thing I know she's giving me oral sex in the middle of the Six Flags waterpark and then I woke up and had to clean it up. You say that the ejaculation comes as soon as your penis makes contact with the girl in your dream, but it was in her mouth for about 3 seconds before it happened. Anyway, it felt great. (age 12)

Congratulations to you. That is a fairly advanced wet dream scenario.

Is it OK to use soap for lube while masturbating? (age 15)

Yes, but it is a good idea to wash it off afterward because dried soap can greatly dry and irritate your delicate penile skin.

I used to masturbate every other day and now I cut it back to once every 3-4 days. However, if I wait about 5 days, I get a wet dream. This has happened 3 times lately. Do I need to masturbate more often or is there something else I can do to stop the wet dreams? Also, I usually have my wet dreams in the prone position because I sleep on my stomach. Is this TMS? What should I do? (age 16)

It is up to you whether you would rather masturbate or have wet dreams. If having wet dreams is a bother to you, then you should masturbate more often, which according to your own account of things would make them go away. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007 (which included 5858 males who were experienced with both masturbating and wet dreams), by a ratio of more than six to one, guys would rather masturbate than have wet dreams (31 percent like them equally well).

When I masturbate, I think of my female friends. Is it wrong that I do this? Should I try to think about someone else? (age 13)

You masturbate to your friends because it brings you pleasure. But if it makes you more guilty than you would be if you fantasized about someone else, then you ought to try fantasizing about someone else.

I have been masturbating for about 2 years and I seem to have developed a red ring (looks like a rug burn) around my penis. Should I stop? (age 14)

I don't think you could or should stop, but the ring you describe is normal. You probably had it all along but didn't notice it before you masturbated. You might be less self-conscious of it if you used lube.

I last visited your site a few days ago, and there was a different poll from the one linked from the male survey page now. It asked a question like: "What do you do with that interesting fluid that is so fun to make come out?" I was just curious if that poll will be available again, or if it will be posted on HealthyStrokes.com. (age 17)

Instead of longer polls like we have had the past few years, I am running some short and quick ones. I cut that one off after almost 700 votes. If you really want to, you can vote in it. Here are the results:

What do you do to clean up the semen most of the time?
- I wipe it off with a tissue - 54% (369)
- I wipe it off with a piece of clothing - 21% (148)
- I let my underwear absorb it - 13% (89)
- I rub it into my skin - 2% (16)
- I eat it - 4% (31)
- I don't clean up. Where it lands is where it stays. - 4% (30)
Do you have a piece of cloth (like an old shirt or something) that you keep around specifically for this purpose?
- Yes - 22% (151)
- No - 77% (532)
How often do you eat your semen?
- Almost always - 3% (23)
- Most of the time - 1% (11)
- Sometimes - 6% (45)
- Rarely; I've done it a few times but it's not a habit - 28% (193)
- I've never eaten my semen - 60% (411)

When I masturbate, I usually last only about six minutes. Should I be worried? And thanks for giving me a way to ask you anonymously. (age 13)

That is a typical time for guys your age. You should not be worried.

Your expertise in the information you provide is easily noticed ... great job! I masturbate rather frequently, usually 2 times a day minimum. My wife and I are trying to conceive, and I was wondering if the frequency is affecting the chances of me impregnating her. I have read differing research, and wanted to hear your take on this matter. (age 36)

Yes, absolutely masturbating at that frequency detracts from trying to conceive. You should not masturbate within two days of trying to impregnate a woman. You should also not go more than two days without ejaculating before trying to conceive because your semen will start to go bad then. (If you have been diagnosed with low sperm count or quality, then it is OK to go longer.) Follow your doctor's advice.

Here is the synopsis of the one and only wet dream I've ever had. I was running around in a mansion, then all of a sudden to my left there was a bathtub filled with water. I stuck my penis in it, then right after that I woke up. I did not have semen on my penis but just clear slimy fluid. I did not feel any pleasure while dreaming or after I woke up. I was 10 or 11 when it happened. Was this a wet dream? (age 17)

I don't think so, but it might be as close as you'll ever come.

On TV, I heard about this couple having sex 101 days straight. Is this possible? What comes out of the man's penis after the 25th, 50th, or 101st time? Do you understand what I'm trying to say? (age 33)

It is certainly possible to have sex on 101 consecutive days. The couple's sexual fluids could regenerate nicely in that period of time. That is not the same as having a marathon session of 101 episodes of coitus. I've had guys write to me saying they have masturbated daily and haven't missed a day in thousands of days.

I'm going to be going on a month long (almost) co-ed camping trip. I haven't had a wet dream yet, and from reading on your site, it may be because I started to masturbate at a very early age. I'm concerned over the possibility of getting my first wet dream on this trip. I don't plan on masturbating during this trip and don't foresee it to be a problem as I have abstained from masturbating for long periods of time before without difficulty. Will this lack of masturbating increase my chances of having my first wet dream? I'm also curious what your stance on artificial vaginas is. Do you think it can lead to a problem in expectations from actual sex? (age 16)

If you haven't had a wet dream by your age, the chances of having one on this trip are very small. Of course, your chances are greater if you abstain from ejaculation from almost a month than if you keep up your normal pace. I think it would be better if you planned on masturbating. Surely others in your group will masturbate (or do other sexual things). Artificial vaginas are an atypical form of masturbation which might be as bad as TMS.

Does it make sex more enjoyable if you masturbate before sex? (age 17)

In general, it tends to make sex last longer. If you are suffering from premature ejaculation, then masturbating beforehand is apt to make sex more enjoyable. If you suffer from delayed ejaculation (as is the case for most TMS males who read this web site), then masturbating before sex is likely to make sex less enjoyable. It might be worth trying to see if it makes a difference for you.

I've masturbated since I was about 13 years old. I've always done it conventionally, yet I have always had the need to cross my legs, otherwise I do not feel as much. I've had several sex partners, and I always take too long to ejaculate. My recent girlfriend feels "ugly" because I can't ejaculate during intercourse. One time I tried very hard until I did ejaculate through intercourse, but the experience was painful. Even through oral sex it takes me too long, and only when the girl strokes my penis do I ejaculate, but I still have to cross my legs. It is as if I have to pull my scrotum down with my legs. Do you have an idea what could be wrong? Have you heard of men having the need to cross their legs? (age 22)

I have not heard of that situation before, but what you describe is an atypical masturbatory style. Anything that is atypical and anything that is rigid and has to be done a particular way is bad. I suggest treating yourself as if you had TMS and using abstinence to train yourself to not need to cross your legs.

If I masturbate with a cloth in the conventional way, is it bad? I do it so that I can clean up quickly. (age 14)

Most guys like to feel skin against skin and so do not use a cloth. It is an atypical method of masturbating that will not serve you well in the long run. I suggest learning to masturbate without the cloth. You can still use it to clean up afterward.

My friend says that he always wears a jock strap under his boxers everyday. Is that OK? (age 17)

I see nothing wrong with it. He might be doing it because he is self-conscious about erections. A jock strap holds the penis in place so they can be concealed more easily and perhaps even inhibited.

I masturbate sitting upright but I twist the base of my penis. I have noticed some symptoms of the kind that TMS guys have. Could this method be putting the same kind of pressure on the penis that you talk about? (age 17)

What you describe is an atypical method. I suggest quitting the twisting and seeing if it makes a difference. Obviously, the twisting cannot be replicated in intercourse.

I am used to practicing TMS since I was 11. The conventional method does not satisfy me at all. I am a virgin. Will I face any problem in actual intercourse? (age 31)

I have to believe that you will. In addition to practicing TMS for 20 years, you are a virgin at a very late age. That is a recipe for sexual dysfunction. I suggest you overcome TMS as soon as possible. You will enjoy the conventional method if you follow the regimen for overcoming TMS laid out on the main page.

If I'm staying away from home like in a hotel, then masturbating fully twice will make getting to sleep easy. If at home in my room, I might not have a tissue around so I'd masturbate then not ejaculate. What do you have to say about that? (age 15)

Your story is fishy for a few reasons. I don't imagine you spend so many nights in hotels, and you probably don't have a room to yourself. It must be tricky masturbating twice with less privacy than you have at home when you can't bring yourself to finish masturbating even once. I would be more inclined to believe you if you said you masturbate more often in hotels because it's more exciting to masturbate there than at home.

When I masturbate I am done in 1-2 minutes; however, last night, my partner performed manual intercourse on me and I didn't ejaculate until 9 minutes later. Why is it different when I do it? (age 16)

Because your hand is connected to your brain and hers isn't. You know exactly what you are feeling and can adjust your pressure and position and speed and grip exactly as you like it. She is only approximating what you can do to yourself.

How can we stop wet dreams? (age 16)

The overwhelming majority of males put an end to their wet dreams by one of these three ways: masturbation, masturbation, masturbation.

Is it bad to hold back from ejaculating when I have a wet dream? Recently, when wet dreams occured, I ve been preventing myself from ejaculating. (age 16)

The only way to stop yourself from ejaculating in a wet dream is to wake up. Most enjoy wet dreams and feel disappointed when they inhibit one by waking up prematurely. If this does happen, it is basically the same as if you had stopped masturbating right before ejaculating. It might make you feel sore for a while. The way to get back to normal is to masturbate to orgasm after that happens.

How do you know so much about all this? How can I know that everything you say is the truth? (age 12)

I have been reading about sex since I was your age, and I have been writing this web site for almost seven years and studying and dealing with these issues on a daily basis. You can know what I say is true the same way you know anything else is true: You do your research and ask questions.

Why do I keep hearing about people masturbating with shampoo and special liquids and lotions? Is there something wrong with masturbating with just your hand? (age 12)

You hear about it because all guys start by masturbating with only their hands, but later they try a lube and find they like it. If you like masturbating with only your hand, it is fine, but a lot of guys find their penises get sore and irritated from masturbating dry.

I am 19 and masturbate once a day most of the time. Is it OK to use a Fleshlight to masturbate? Is prostate masturbation safe? I have seen some things online and wasn't sure these are safe. (age 19)

No, they are dangerous practices. Both habituate you to sensations that can't be easily replicated in real sex. I can't explain why, but males who masturbate conventionally have the least trouble when it comes to sex with females.

My girlfriend's father has her examined by a doctor regularly to see if she's had sex or been masturbating. As a result of this, we can only engage in activities that don't disturb her hymen. Can a doctor really tell?

In general, a doctor could only guess with about 50 percent accuracy from hymen examination, but your situation is different. If the same doctor is really examining her hymen repeatedly over time, he or she can certainly notice and document changes. Why can't your girlfriend be an adult and refuse these examinations?

I am a 19 yr old male and I had a wet dream for the first time today. This is a big deal for me because I am a virgin.

I believe my case is very special since I never had wet dreams before, nor I was trying to have them by altering my masturbation behavior. This just happened out of nowhere but here is what's been different last week that might be a factor behind it:

My laptop is out of service so no arousing imagery has been available.
I've still been masturbating with same frequency but last time I did it was about 3 days ago (those kinds of gaps have occured before)
The morning it happened was a holiday so I woke up just automatically at 7 a.m. even though the alarm was turned off, went back to sleep and had the wet dream around 8:30 am.
I had lots of work to do until Sunday (So I may have had the wet dream because I was so relaxed?)
While working, I've been listening to psychedelic trance to stay awake (a lot more in that week than I usually do)

I can probably find more things but I don't know if that would help. I am so fascinated by it that I wish I could be part of research to discover more about this phenomenon. I know that not much is known about it. I shouldn't even care to ask it because I can predict your response. But still, how can I personally have wet dreams again?

Congratulations on having a wet dream that you thoroughly enjoyed. Replicating the conditions that led to your holiday emission might help. I am surprised that you mentioned the laptop first since that would be the factor least likely to lead to a wet dream. I suspect that your 3-day break from masturbating and getting to sleep late made the most difference. I don't know what your work schedule or music had to do with it. It is rare for adults to have wet dreams, so don't be too disappointed if this was your only one. Males overwhelmingly prefer to have orgasms when they are awake.

Will trying to stretch out the time it takes to ejaculate while masturbating make you take longer to get that feeling of ejaculating? In other words, will you be able to go longer without stopping? (age 17)

Your question refers to the sexual plateau, when you feel like any additional stimulation will lead to orgasm. Ideally you would be able to make the plateau phase last longer, but most guys who are practicing taking longer to masturbate will keep the plateau phase from starting. That's where the most opportunity exists to make the masturbating session last longer.

My usual frequency to masturbate is 1-3 times a week. Except for a couple times in previous months, I wouldn't look at pictures. I'm trying to avoid them right now partly because of what you say, but also because I'm afraid that the pictures won't do the same thing for me if I use them too much. Do you think I'm taking a lot of the fun out of masturbating by using the pictures so rarely? (age 17)

It is true that if you use visual aids often that they won't have the same effect later. At least that is usually true for individual photos or videos. However, I am more inclined to discourage use of visual aids by younger guys (13-15) and think that you are in a different category. My advice about visual aids is that you be able to masturbate a couple of times a month without using them.

I'm 16 1/2 now, and although I get aroused, I have never felt the need to masturbate. (I have wet dreams every now and then). I try to masturbate, but I just don't feel the need to make myself have an orgasm or ejaculate. I usually just wait for my penis to become flaccid again. What should I do? (I also don't practice TMS and have been trying for at least 8 months.)

Your statement doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You start by saying you have never felt the need to masturbate but end by saying you have been trying to masturbate to orgasm for 8 months. The next time you have a really good erection, try masturbating as hard and fast as you can until you have an orgasm. Once you are experienced at masturbating to orgasm, you can work at slowing down and using less force.

I like to masturbate by touching a vibrator to my penis. Is that bad?

It is an atypical form of masturbation, which is bad, but I am not certain that using a vibrator is always bad. It is definitely bad if you have to use the vibrator in order to orgasm, but I don't know for sure that it's bad to use it only occasionally.

Is it weird to like ejaculating in a little cup? It makes it a lot easier to clean it up. (age 16)

I have never heard of that. I have heard of some males ejaculating into the toilet, which is of course a lot bigger than a little cup. For most guys, cleaning up is not a big issue. Most mop it up with a tissue, cloth, or their underwear.

Would you generally consider it OK if a guy is turned on by keeping girls' panties as keepsakes? I'm talking about if the girl gives them willingly, not stealing them. A couple of my girlfriends have done so. (age 24)

It is a fetish. To some people, fetishes are OK and for others they are not. Some girls would be made very embarrassed by being asked for them. You might be causing yourself problems by doing that. You will have to balance how important the panties are to you with regard to the damage that collecting them might do to your reputation. I suspect that by asking me, you're signalling that keeping them is not fully OK for you.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and she is starting to make hints towards being sexual (putting my hands on her clothed breasts, vulva, and buttocks). How I can tell when she is completely ready for sex. Would it be messed up to have sex with her because my brother and her sister are married? I have an artificial vagina. Will that help prepare me a little better? I love your site! (age 17)

She is obviously ready to be more sexual than you currently are. Whether she is ready for vaginal intercourse, I don't know. You ought to be a better judge of what she wants than I am. The best way to know is to discuss it with her, including birth control. I know many people who are married to their siblings' in-laws. You are not related to your girlfriend by virtue of that, so there is no more of a moral issue with having sex with her than with anyone else. I advise strongly against artificial vaginas. Using them is a atypical form of masturbation, which can lead to serious sexual dysfunctions.

Is it normal to masturbate naked? Is it normal to masturbate thinking about older women because I always masturbate thinking of having sex with my female teachers. (age 15)

Those are both normal, but it would be good if you could get aroused by something other than much older women.

I'm 22 years old, and I started masturbating when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I never had a wet dream until a month ago. It was a real surprise for me, because I used to think I would never have one! But I know why it happened: In that period I stopped masturbating, not consciously, but just because I was having a bad time, and I felt no desire for it. And, 14 days later, I had my first wet dream. After that, I decided to see if I could have another one, and I succeeded after 19 days.

Good for you, but this is not the experience most guys have.

I still have wet dreams probably about once a month, and I have been masturbating and reaching orgasm for about 3 years now. Was 16 too late to start masturbating? Is there something wrong with me because I am still having wet dreams at this age? (age 19)

You probably now know that just about all the guys you knew when you started masturbating had already been masturbating themselves for years. If it was a problem, you fixed it. It is unusual to be having wet dreams at your age but it does not mean anything is wrong.

I read in your male questions page that all embryos have female parts until they develop into a male. Doesn't that mean that they should have all the cool stuff that females have (G-spot, clitoris, etc...)? (age 18)

The penis is the analogue of the clitoris. It is a lot bigger and easier to stimulate. The male G spot is located on the middle of the penis and is a lot easier to find than the female G spot.

Many people say that they can get the sensational feeling of masturbation up for 5-10 minutes! Yet for some reason, I only get it for about 10-15 and maybe 20 seconds maximum. Why is this?

I think they are talking about the total length of their masturbation session and you are talking about the duration of your orgasm. Which is typically eight seconds, by the way, so if you can make it last for 20 seconds, then you're doing something right.

I started masturbating when I was 12 and even then it took me until I was 13 to ejaculate. How come so many people on your site started masturbation when they were like 6 years old? Is there a problem with me? (age 14)

No. You just notice that because people who started masturbating before puberty often mention it. Most people start at puberty so there is no reason to mention it. It's kind of like mentioning you only have one leg. People who have two legs never mention that they do, so if you go by only the mentions, you might think most people have only one leg.

I always masturbate while standing. Is this normal? (age 13)

There is nothing wrong with masturbating while standing, but it is unusual that you can only masturbate that way. You might try it lying down or sitting. Most guys find that more comfortable.

I have noticed that I am quite shy around girls and start thinking about sex when I see them. Is this strange? It bothers me that I can't see them as my friends or companions. (age 15)

Your first statement is not at all strange. So all you need to do is start thinking of females as companions instead of some alien species and you will be fine. Then you can start going out with them as companions and see where that leads.

I credit my older brothers with giving me confidence to masturbate and not be ashamed of it. When I was going through puberty, they told me that when my pubic hair came in, it meant that I could masturbate. They told me what it meant. So ever since that time I knew that masturbating was a normal thing for guys and I've never felt embarrassed about it. My question is, does it make sex more enjoyable if you masturbate beforehand? (age 17)

It tends to make sex take longer if you masturbate ahead of time. Sometimes that makes it more enjoyable and other times less. It depends on your situation. Points for your brothers.

Whenever I get on the bus after school, I get kind of horny. When I get home, I masturbate because no one else is there. Is that normal? (age 13)

Yes, very.

I was masturbating one evening and I had the idea to use my other hand instead of the one I normally use, and it felt a lot better. What does this mean? (age 16)

It means you've learned something new about yourself and are now autoerotically ambidextrous. Good for you!

I don't have sex that much, and when I am alone, I masturbate but use a silicone vagina which I can use to stroke my penis with or I can insert my penis into it facing forward. Is this TMS? To me it's just healthy masturbation without a partner. (age 39)

Thrusting into the toy is definitely TMS. Using the toy to stroke with is not technically TMS, but it is an atypical form of masturbation that can lead to the same kind of difficulties as TMS.

I used to have problems with accepting masturbation because of my Christian faith. Since then, I have moved past this because of an argument that I was surprised to see absent from the page titled Masturbation for Christians. To summerize it, the person using it said that masturbation is neither referenced explicitly or alluded to in the list of all sexual sins in the Bible. The absence of any reference would suggest that either God supports it or doesn't care at all. This really helped me because it was not some Christian scholars take on the Bible but the view of the Bible itself. (age 17)

Your argument will be on that page soon. I hope this site can help you overcome your doubts about masturbation.

Are there changes in the male body or mind that occur if one has never had sex or has very, very little sexual experience? (age 20)

Yes, I think their are such changes. More to the point, I think that changes occur as a result of sexual experience that would be absent in a man who has never had sexual experience. That is another way to look at it.

I know you said that after a guy has an orgasm, his face may turn red. Does the same thing happen to girls? (age 14)

Yes, but not all people get sex flush, and people who do don't necessarily have it with every orgasm.

I have learned how to masturbate recently and do it once or twice a day, once if I wake up with an erection and again when everyone's asleep at night. I ejaculate all the time, but I am struggling to produce semen lately. Am I masturbating too often? I am circumcised and don't use lube but have a cut on my penis. I don't want to use lube so what else can I do? (age 15)

If you are worried about your ejaculate volume, it would make a difference to reduce your frequency. However, there is no reason to be so worried about volume at your age. Only when you try to father children. Either way, I suspect you will be masturbating less by this time next year. Lube will help that cut heal and prevent them in the future. If you insist on going dry, it will help if you learn to avoid that spot. In brief, using lube lets you use more of your penis.

I want to talk to my dad about masturbation to see if he would buy me something to help, but I am extremely embarrassed. How should I approach this? (age 14)

You will have to decide whether your needs would be better fulfilled by getting what you want him to buy you or by keeping from getting embarrassed.

I masturbate using two hands. I hold the bottom of my penis with my left hand and use my right hand to stroke my penis side to side, not up and down. Is this normal? (age 22)

Many (not most) males masturbate with both hands, but the motion you describe is an atypical form of masturbation which could lead to problems in the future. It would be good if you could give up that motion. I also think it would be good if you were able to masturbate with only one hand, although I don't think there is any reason to give up two-handed masturbation if it is useful to you.

I have a girlfriend who's 16 and I'm wondering if she masturbates. She also doesn't like to be kissed on her lips. Is that normal? How can I know if she masturbates or not? She says she's not into sex stuff. HOW CAN I KNOW if she masturbates or not? (age 18)

I think you want to know if your girlfriend masturbates. The best way is to ask her. Lots of females (and males) don't like lip kissing.

My girlfriend lies on her back and puts her arm between her legs, and open and closes one of her legs while we're watching movies at my house. Is she masturbating? (age 16)

Probably not, but it probably causes a pleasureable sensation of the kind that people produce when they want to masturbate. I doesn't sound like she is trying to increase her sexual arousal.

Does lotion feel much different from water-based lube designed especially for sex? I use lotion and it seems to do the trick, except it gets thicker after a while so I either have to add more or wet my hands. Do you recommend I get lube or is lotion fine? (age 18)

You would probably enjoy water-based lube more. It is less necessary to do the freshen-up routine you describe. Water-based lubes are also compatible with condoms and can be used when you have sex. Oil-based lubes can't be used with condoms, and it is dangerous to get lotion or other soap-based products in the vagina. I suggest trying the water-based lube. You can always go back to lotion if you don't like it.

I masturbate lying on my back, but when I have sex with my girlfriend, she dislikes being on top. If I am on top, and we have intercourse like this reguarly, will I develop TMS? (age 18)

No. Intercourse lying prone is not the same as masturbation lying prone. Thrusting against a mattress or pillow or even your hand puts much more pressure on your penis than thrusting into a female. Even if missionary intercourse is the only kind you have, it will not cause a problem.

Why do people make a big deal out of virginity? Is it really important to stay a virgin till you get married? (male, age 18)

It is a question of personal morality. Many people want to remain virgins for religious reasons. For others it is about ensuring that they have a faithful partner. Some people stay virgins because they are afraid of AIDS and other diseases. What makes the decision to give up virginity important is that is final. Like the song says, once you pass its borders, you can never return again.

Why do you say it is bad to use a fake vagina? I was thinking of getting a Fleshlight but don't know why you disagree. (age 18)

It is an atypical form of masturbation. Atypical forms of masturbation, especially TMS, are highly correlated with sexual dysfunction. The males who are most sexually successful use their hands, not toys.

I am married and have sex 4 or 5 times per week. I am in the military and travel frequently so often masturbation is often my only option. If I fail to ejaculate either by sex with my wife or by masturbation every 7 to 10 days, I will inevitably have a wet dream. They are great dreams, just sometimes quite inconvenient. I have been having wet dreams for as long as I can remember. If I think about sex before falling asleep I almost always have a wet dream. We are a very sexual couple and talk of sex regularly. Sometimes sex or masturbating won't prevent them. Wet dreams don't bother me so much, but they are just something that happen on occasion. (age 32)

I think a lot of guys would like to be like you.

My girlfriend and I satisfy each other by rubbing my penis just outside her vagina, and it touches her clitoris without putting in inside her at all, until we both reach orgasm. Does that still make her a virgin?

Most would say that a female who hasn't had any kind of penetration is a virgin.

My girlfriend and I have been together for eight months and we have decided to have sex. I'm still a virgin but she isn't and because of that, I was wondering if there is any way to last a little longer than I expect I will during my first intercourse. For example, is it safe to wear two condoms to reduce pleasure to help from having an orgasm too quickly or is there a better way? (age 16)

Two condoms is a very bad idea. It is nothing like either natural or condom sex. You assume prospectively that you will suffer from premature ejaculation. But you don't know that. Just give it a chance and see what happens. It will be a special occasion no matter what happens. If you don't think you're doing right, work on your partner to help her have an orgasm. Afterward you will have a better idea if you have any kind of sexual issue and if so, then you can find help for it.

Can people who are paralyzed from the waist down get an erection? (age 14)

Many can. The paralysis is not always related to sexual functioning.

How come masturbation only feels good at orgasm? Nothing else feels good but the climax. (age 14)

You are young and impatient. Males who enjoy all of masturbation have learned to pay attention to the body feelings that mean sexual arousal is increasing. This part of the process is great fun too. Many successful men have learned to enjoy the buildup. It is isn't only about the orgasm.

I find that if I masturbate 10-15 minutes after ejaculation, my orgasm is much stronger but my penis hurts. Why is this? Is this harmful? (age 18)

Most males say their orgasms are weaker the second time. I would advise you to use a softer touch on the penis for these second rounds, and see if the intensity of your orgasm is still there. Repeatedly making your penis hurt is harmful in the long run.

You're a liar. You never answered my question from September. I even sent it twice! I don't feel safe believing you. In fact, I don't even feel safe masturbating because you probably lied about everything on this site anyway! (age 18)

Aw...

Why do you think people masturbate naked? (age 15)

It allows maximum freedom of movement and leads a lot of people to feel less inhibited. I also suspect a lot of people your age do so because it seems forbidden.

Is a lube a really necessary item to use while masturbating? I can't go and buy any real lubes. Does something like moisturizing cream work? (age 15)

Yes, moisturizing cream works, although it is probably more expensive than sex lube. If you can buy moisturizing cream, why not lube? A lube isn't necessary unless you're constantly irritating your penis by masturbating without it. Some guys can learn to work around the irritated spots, but most find masturbating with lube to be a greater source of pleasure.

How should I tell my mom I masturbate? I thinks she's suspicious and I want to tell her but I'm afraid of her reaction! (age 13)

There is no reason to tell her. You told me, so maybe that will help you restrain your urge to confess.

For some reason my girlfriend likes to put my hand on her breast when we kiss. If I start to squeeze her nipples, will milk come out? (age 20)

You speak of her preference as some unexplainable mystery. She likes to be touched there. She is telling you how to please her. Attentive males pay attention to these cues. Milk could only come out when your girlfriend is in a particular state and is being stimulated in a very specific manner. It will not happen from light touching.

YOU ROCK! I went with your advice, pulled myself together and got a lube and it's great! The lotion is nothing compared to this. To all the guys out there who haven't tried it yet, YOU'RE MISSING OUT! It's like a whole new (better) feeling! I was scared that the guy in the pharmacy would start asking me all these questions but he didn't. I also felt that my ears were getting red but ... who cares?! (age 18)

You're a legal adult now. Congratulations.

Since lubrication makes masturbation more pleasurable, would lubrication also make sex more pleasurable? Do people use lubrication during sex? (age 18)

Yes, it does, but the female body produces its own natural lube for sexual intercourse. Younger females ought not need to supplement their natural lubricant with a commercial product, but the same ones males use to masturbate can be used for intercourse. The makers of those lubes also make ones specially formulated and marketed for use by women in intercourse.

Why should I not touch the head while masturbating? (age 20)

The head is very sensitive and can be irritated easily if lube is not used. To prevent this, circumcised males try to stay off the head while masturbating unless they're using lube.

Why does masturbating with lubrication feel better than masturbating dry without lubrication? (age 19)

Because the penis can get irritated easily when masturbating without lube. When using lube, the male can stroke a wider range of areas without worrying about irritating himself. If a stroke hurts, that can ruin the whole masturbation session, especially if the pain causes the male to lose his erection. The male can also keep stroking longer at the point of orgasm when the head is well lubricated, which usually results in a longer and more intense orgasm.

I was wondering if "dropped balls" is a real medical condition or just slang for hitting puperty. If it is a condition, what is its significance? (age 13)

Doctors check males for the descent of testes beginning at birth. Rarely testicles don't descend on their own and the doctor has to make it happen. This is a rare condition and ought not be a large concern for the pubescent male. Most don't even know when the doctor is examining for descended testicles, but that is the main reason they touch your private parts.

Is it normal to be just starting puberty at 14 1/2? When will I be able to ejaculate? Is it abnormal to masturbate only once or twice a week and it to be hard to be turned on?

It is a little later than usual, but I don't tell males to see a doctor about it until they're 15. Be glad you have started so you don't have to see a doctor about it. You will probably be ejaculating within 6 months of noticing the first signs of puberty. It is very normal to masturbate only infrequently when you're not ejaculating yet. Just relax and work at enjoying it. You can have orgasms even when you can't ejaculate. In fact, it is much easier for guys who can't ejaculate to have multiple orgasms. If you can make it happen, then you have an advantage over guys your age who have to stop after their first orgasm.

My girlfriend is still a virgin and she doesn't masturbate that I know. When we have sexual intercourse will she bleed? (age 19)

Probably, but you are better off learning about her by asking than by checking for blood.

What is the normal amount of semen to ejaculate at my age while masturbating? I usually produce about a teaspoon. I have never had a wet dream, due to masturbation about every 2-3 days. (age 13)

A teaspoon or so -- 5 to 7 milliliters -- is normal for an adult. You are doing pretty good.

I masturbated 6 times today. Is that a problem? (age 19)

Is it a problem for you? Was today a typical day? I am highly inclined to believe that masturbating six times every day is compulsive masturbation. If you just wanted to see what your limits are (like guys were reporting in this poll) and then are going back to a more typical 1-2 times a day tomorrow (or something), then there might not be a problem.

I've been talking to this girl for a couple of weeks and I've started to really like her. I want to ask her out but I don't know how. I don't want to do anything sexual, but can you help me? (age 14)

How about inviting her over to play board games or watch a video? If that goes well, then invite her to a movie in a theater or go out for pizza.

Very thin small hairs (about 4-5 on each side) have appeared on the shaft of my penis. I'm not sure how long they've been there. But do I need to worry about them growing even more along the penis? Will they go away eventually, or do I need to do something? (age 18)

You are probably best off ignoring them. If you shave them off, then they will grow back and produce a stubble, which is obviously more annoying than very thin small hairs.

When I masturbate and fantasize things pop into my head that turn me off. Just things that are non-sexual. Is there any way I can stop this from happening? (age 21)

Try to better be able to focus on the things that turn you on, and just ignore those intrusive thoughts when they come into your head.

I was sleeping in a hotel in the same bed with my little 9 year old brother. I thought he was asleep so I started masturbating. He turned to me and asked if he could touch my penis to compare it to his. I told him to go to sleep and that we'd talk about it later. What should I do? (age 14)

Tell him it's not a good idea for brothers to touch each other's penises. With any luck, he will forget to bring it up again.

I sleep on my side with a small, squishy pillow in my crotch. (I don't hump it or use it for sexual purposes, and it is loosely between my legs.) Can this cause TMS?

No. Don't worry about that.

I masturbate about once a week. If I stopped for about 2 weeks, will it be painful? Will it be unhealthy? Will I not notice a difference besides the pleasure? (age 14)

It's interesting you ask since this was the featured question on the mini survey for males a week or so ago. Most males believe that orgasm is more pleasureable after abstaining longer than usual, but they also don't believe it's worth it to give up the normal amount of orgasms they are having in order to have one extra-good one. Your orgasm would not be painful. However, Dr. Graham Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week to prevent prostate cancer later, so following that advice would mean that your current frequency is not healthy. Most guys your age masturbate once a day or more.

I am really turned on by the idea of being caught masturbating by a young beautiful woman. Is this normal? (age 18)

As a fantasy, yes. Actually making it happen, no.

If I use lubrication, can I touch the head while masturbating? It feels really good to touch the head rather than the shaft. It feels good to touch the shaft too but for me touching the head really makes gives me a lot of pleasure. (age 18)

Yes, that is one of the main reasons males use lube when they masturbate. So they can touch the head. The other reason is to prevent chafing the rest of the penis.

I normally masturbate without any sort of lube or lotion. Sometimes I use shampoo in the shower and then wash it off so it doesn't dry like you said on your site. I find it easier to masturbate dry without anything on it but then my penis peeled like it was sunbuned. I was just wondering if I should start using lube or lotion. I have some lotion called Vaseline Intensive Rescue. Would that work? I'm not asking if it would be better for more pleasure but better for my health.

Yes, that would prevent injury to your penis like you described.

I have heard that if I do not use a sock or something similar, my penis will chafe. I did not think that it was a serious problem, but I can now see veins on it clearly. Is this a problem caused by masturbation, or is it normal? If I continue, will I eventually break the skin, causing my veins to come out and/or bleeding? (age 15)

Most guys use lube instead of a sock. The presence of visible capillaries might be caused by masturbation, but it doesn't matter. They don't hurt anything. Most guys will eventually break the skin on the penis because of something sexual, but it is no worse than any other small cut to your skin, except that it limits your sexual activities for a couple of days. Using lube prevents that from happening mostly.

I have never masturbated or had intercourse. But I have wet dreams approximately 12 times a month. Is it a serious problem or normal? Please tell me how to reduce it. (age 26)

I will not argue with your claim of never having masturbated. If it is to believed, your frequency of wet dreams is still quite high. Most guys who don't masturbate (never having tried) have wet dreams about 3 times a month. Your wet dream frequency is neither normal nor a serious problem. If you don't want to have them as often, the solution is to learn to masturbate and practice it often. There are plenty of tips for masturbating on this site.

Why do girls fondle their breasts when they masturbate? (age 13)

It is an erogenous area for many. It is similar to why many males fondle their scrotum while they masturbate.

What is wrong with touching the penis head? It feels a lot better. (age 21)

Nothing. Just use lube if you do.

Is it safe to masturbate when you are sick with the flu, fever, etc.? (age 14)

Yes, sure. It relaxes you and helps take your mind off being sick.

Is it normal to be jealous of girls and their sexual abilities? Not only can they have multiple orgasms but their orgasms last longer, are more intense, and they don't have a mess to clean up afterward which I find really unfair. (age 14)

A girl your age could say the same thing about boys being able to learn to orgasm without even trying, the ability to orgasm while sleeping, being naturally aroused about every two hours, etc. Not all females can have multiple orgasms; some can't have even one, a thing not many males can say. It is also false that their orgasms last longer and are more intense. Girls who produce a lot of lubricant have as big a mess to clean up as you and one that is harder to control. Jealousy is often a useless emotion. Like in this situation.

Thanks for putting on this site that males who start masturbating before puberty are apt to never have a wet dream. I worried about that for many years thinking, "why am I so different?" (age 26)

Many schools are reluctant to say anything at all about masturbation in sex education, so a lot of boys grow up thinking that wet dreams are the usual way that boys first experience ejaculation. In reality, most males first ejaculate by masturbating. You are not so different. You are more like the average guy than the schools teach.

I am VERY private about my sexual life, and it took me a lot to write this. I am extremely afraid of being caught masturbating. Even noises like the house settling causes me to stop and look around, just in case. I only masturbate when no one is home, like when I just get home from school. Am I being too careful? (age 12)

I think you are being as careful as you think is necessary. As you get older, I think you will be more interested in masturbating when you really want to and worry less about whether anyone will find out.

I broke up with my girlfriend about a month and a half ago after we had been together for a few months. We're both virgins, but I still fantasize about her a lot sexually. I fantasize about other girls too, but I'd say that she's the one I think about most of the time while I'm masturbating. Do you think this is a bad idea and it could be keeping me from "moving on" as well as I could be otherwise, or is it probably harmless? (age 20)

If you were consciously abstaining from fantasizing about her while you were together, then I would say it could be therapeutic for you to fantasize about her now and help you get over her. But if you have been fantasizing about her all along, then I would say you are better off cutting that out.

If I stick my penis in between two pillows and hump them is it TMS? Can this cause ED later in life? (age 16)

Yes and yes.

I masturbate by dry humping things face down and it doesn't hurt and I get a normal orgasm from it. Is it bad to masturbate like this and if so, why? (age 13)

That is an atypical form of masturbation called Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome, or TMS. It doesn't feel like it hurts, because it's all you're used to. Masturbating prone can make you unable to have normal sexual relations. You can have a lot more fun learning to masturbate the way nearly all guys do. Right now you're using an enormous amount of pressure. You can surprise yourself with how little pressure you can produce an orgasm with.

About 2 weeks ago, I got a pain at the very tip of my penis on the left side. I tried masturbating soon after that and it went away. Now and then I will get a sharp quick pain on the left top of my penis. I'm just worried that its something serious. (age 14)

If it is always in the same place, it might be related to how you masturbate; but if the pain goes away when you masturbate, then probably not. Try to be extra gentle and/or use lube and see if the pain persists.

I don't believe in TMS. I have read some of the stories but I don't believe it. It seems like an excuse for someone's weakness. (age 12)

Does TMS have any physical evidence in any penile test or it is purely psychogenic? (age 26)

Not very many TMS males have had penile tests conducted, but one of Dr. Sank's original four patients was examined using a RigiScan test and came out normal. This suggests that the problem is in the mind. However, others have hypothesized that TMS leads to the formation of scar tissue within the penis, but this has not been proven. The males you can read about in the case studies on this site were cured by masturbatory retraining with no physical intervention, suggesting that their problem is not physical.

I started masturbating when I was really young. I did it by rocking back and forth on my stomach (not knowing that it was bad for you until now). Now, I'm in college and I almost always do the conventional way. When I go home though, I normally try to get in as much masturbation as possible, so sometimes, I do it by rocking, because I can do that quickly and just stand up if somebody comes up/down the stairs. Since I do this very rarely, is it still bad for me? Also, when I'm home alone, sometimes I put lube on my penis and stick it in a plastic bag and then insert it between 2 cushions in my couch that makes a little hole. Is this bad for me? (age 19)

Yes, the bag method will not serve you well. I suggest giving that up too. When you quit masturbating prone, you need to give it up forever and make a practice of not cheating by going back to prone. I also suspect that you are not able to masturbate freely at college, which is why you try to make up for lost time when you're home. It would be useful for you to adopt one of the strategies that people have used successfully on the dorm masturbation page to make your college living experience more rewarding for you.

I am a married man and I love masturbating. I love watching women masturbate on videos. I would love watching my wife masturbate more often. I love sex, but masturbating is also great fun. What should I do and how do I approach my wife about this? (age 35)

Why not tell her what you told me, and if she wants to please you, she will volunteer to masturbate with you.

I used to have TMS and I also used to practice injaculation and forcibly hold the semen in. Usually when I would urinate, I urinated a lot of foam. I have stopped TMS for a long time now and I am now extremely comfortable with regular masturbation. However, on my left testicle, the tubes in my scrotom are extremely large compared to the tubes in my right. they are denser and when I shower they even turn moderately hard. Does that mean my right testicle is not ejaculating because I had TMS and used to masturbate and probably only masturbated on one side? (age 17)

Your theory of what happened is utter nonsense. The testicles are not directly involved in ejaculating. The sperm is delivered to the follicle, and the sperm is then collected from the follicle to mix with seminal fluid and other fluids. It makes no difference whether one testicle had been manipulated more than the other. In injaculation, you are forcing semen that has already been mixed in the seminal vesicles and the prostate gland into the urinary bladder. It doesn't make any difference what happens to it at that point. There are other serious sexual conditions that these could be signs of, but only a doctor could say for sure.

What are the chances of getting caught masturbating? (male, age 17)

There are different ways to measure that. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, 46 percent of males have been caught. According to a preliminary analysis of a survey of over 3,000 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, 43 percent of females have been caught. However, this includes people of all ages, and the nature of the question is cumulative. The chances of an individual having ever been caught masturbating only increases from year to year. A spike in the percent ever been caught occurs from age 18-25, because of people becoming sexually active and also by living in common settings in college and the like. Far fewer teenagers have been caught than adutlts. At your age, 35 percent of males and 40 percent of females have been discovered masturbating. I don't have a ready explanation for why more females than males have been caught by age 17. To answer your question, you have a 35 percent of being caught by your age. Another way to look at it is how many times caught as a percentage of total acts of masturbation. I think for most guys it's about once every 3000 times.

Why isn't TMS talked about a lot? I kind of believe and disbelieve your replies. Are you a doctor because I know you research some of this but maybe your facts are wrong. This web site has a lot of information but can you make a masturbation techniques section? (age 12)

You want a new section to disbelieve? Most techniques type questions go in the male sexual response page eventually. TMS hasn't had a lot of publicity. I am not a doctor.

I have been masturbating since I was 13 but I ejaculate in under 30 seconds. Does this mean I will have problems in sex? (age 19)

Ejaculating that quickly while masturbating is a sign that you will also ejaculate quickly in intercourse. It would be advisable to work on extending your time little by little.

The very first time I masturbated I used my left hand (I'm right-handed) and it felt GOOD when it came out. Ever since I've never been able to use my left hand. I don't understand. Do you? (age 15)

No. While most guys use only one hand, you ought to be able to use either hand. Abstaining from masturbating for 5-7 days would make it easier to use your left hand again.

Why is it more common for females to be multi-orgasmic? (age 18)

Because ejaculation puts an end to orgasms for the session. Since women don't ejaculate, they can naturally keep going and going. The only males who can be multi-orgasmic are those who have trained themselves to separate orgasm from ejaculation. If they can orgasm without ejaculating, they can keep going too and have more orgasms until they decide to end it by ejaculating.

Whenever I try to masturbate, I can't continue because it is so rough. I want to purchase lubricant, but I cannot bring myself to talk to my parents about it. What is a good lotion I could use that is usually found around the house? (age 13)

You can't get to a store without your parents? Any lotion around the house is apt to be good enough.

I probably masturbate too much, which is about 2 times a day, but now I'm really worried because 40 minutes ago I masturbated and nothing came out. Is that really bad? (age 14)

Twice a day is not so much at your age. You will probably be down to once a day or so in about a year. Sometimes you just can't ejaculate. It is nothing to be worried about.

Can TMS be a reason for the absence of nocturnal and morning erections? (age 26)

Probably not. Morning erections usually diminish by your age. You probably have more nocturnal erections than you know about.

Are there bad effects when a guy swallows female juices? Will girls develop breast cancer if you regularly play with their breasts? (age 20)

You should not ingest female juices orally without using a dental dam unless you know your partner is disease free. What you discuss will not cause cancer.

I have been masturbating for about half a year. When I masturbate I usually look at picture of people kissing and use my imagination from there. Is this normal? (age 13)

Yes.

When I was younger and started masturbating, I used to grip my penis hard. I have a slight curve to the left now. I thought masturbating with my other hand just as hard would fix it, although after a long time it was no use. I am wondering if it is normal or if it could end up being a case of Peyronie s Disease. (age 22)

Peyronie's is a severe curvature. Few penises are perfectly straight. It might help if you used a lighter grip. If it continues to bother you, see a doctor.

I'm 45 and married. I have masturbated all through married life and other relationships. In truth, I enjoy it more than sex. I have always had a deep-rooted desire to be watched while I masturbate (my wife doesn't like to watch) and I don't know why. I have found a site with webcams where I can masturbate in front of consenting women who like watching. Perfect! The problem is it's becoming obsessive. The urge to keep doing it more and more is overwhelming. It takes up time and is damaging my family life. It's a strange problem I know, but very real and I can't seem to stop doing it. I don't know where to turn because of the embarrassing nature of the problem.

I suggest finding a sex therapist who specializes in sex addictions. You can be helped. Don't be too embarrassed to tell the therapist. Your problem is what they are trained to deal with.

I'm having trouble when trying to make myself last longer while masturbating. When I was younger I could delay right before I was about to come and keep myself there for a while, but lately when I started trying this again, I always end up with nothing but a ruined orgasm no matter how well I try to time it. Is there something wrong with me? (age 18)

I think you are trying too hard. Just relax and work at enjoying what you're doing. If you think you can extend your time, then do it. But if you're ready to ejaculate and think you will ruin your orgasm if you mess with it, then there's no need to take the chance. It's kind of like trying to keep going when you're running on a treadmill.

I start masturbating on my back but switch halfway through the session because I find the TMS way more pleasurable for climax. Recently I've tried having sex with my girlfriend but have been unable to get erect enough for intercourse. Will stopping what I'm doing help me? (age 18)

I am inclined to believe that it will.

It feels better for me to touch the head rather than the shaft. Do you know why? (age 18)

Yes, absolutely I do. The head is more densely packed with nerves. It is more pleasureable to touch but also more painful if you're not careful. That's why circumcised guys generally can only touch the head when they use lube.

I understand that it's normal to masturbate daily, but can you tell me how many times a week is healthy? What about ejaculation during sex? If excessive masturbation is unhealthy, I suppose so is excessive ejaculation. How about withholding ejaculation during sex?

Dr. Graham Giles has studied the matter and found that males who masturbated most frequently when they were younger had the least incidence of prostate cancer later. He recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week. Probably at least 10 times a week is within the range of healthy. Above that, I think you start to see more prostate pain. Ejaculation in sex is the same thing, but Dr. Giles posits that masturbation is healthier than intercourse because you risk exposure to STDs through intercourse. Withholding ejaculating in sex is neither healthy nor fun.

I am 6 foot 5 inches and my latest girlfriend is 4 foot 11 inches. We have never had sex but since we both turned 18, she wants us to have a special night set aside so we can both lose our virginity, but since she is on the petite side, I am worried that I might hurt her going into her vagina. She seems very small and I can only fit my finger halfway till I hit her cervis.

You should probably give it a try before deciding that there is a problem. Her vagina can certainly accommodate a bigger object than your penis. If there is resistance at first coitus, it is not as much a function of anatomic size as her inexperience. And you don't even know that that resistance will be there.

When a man has sex, does the shaft go into the vagina to get pleasure from sex or does just the head of the penis enter the vagina? (age 18)

The vagina is typically four inches deep, and the average penis is six inches long, so two-thirds of the penis makes contact with the vagina and the bottom part usually touches her external private parts.

I was wondering if intermammary intercourse stimulates the penis in a way that is not easily replicated during normal sex. Would that mean it has the same risks as TMS? (age 15)

I have never heard of anyone doing intermammary intercourse as their primary way of having sex. It is just a novelty approach. I think you are correct about it being risky like TMS were anyone to do it often enough.

How often are teens like me supposed to have wet dreams? (age 12)

Not quite a teen yet, are you? Once you start having wet dreams, if you ever do, you will probably have them about once every 10 days until you learn some other way to produce ejaculation.

I recently took one antidepressant citalopram tablet and it made my genitals completely numb for several days. Slowly the feeling is coming back but when I get erect or try to masturbate it still feels weird as if the muscles are still relaxed. I nearly reached orgasm but was afraid to continue because my pelvic muscles might not have been strong enough to handle it. It's been 9 days now since I last came. I used to masturbate every day. The doctor said it should be fine and it should function OK in a few days (that was a week ago) but I'm still nervous to masturbate to orgasm in case I don't ejaculate properly. Should I go for ejaculation and risk damaging myself or should I wait longer? (age 26)

I doubt that having an orgasm would cause any damage. Go for it! It is good that you caught the problem after only one dose.

Follow-up: I'm still having problems even though I only had one dose. It's obviously a very dangerous drug for some males. I've read it has made some men permanently impotent after just a month or so on the drug, and can also lead to genital numbness in both males and females indefinitely. This is not made clear by the manufacturer or doctors. It states sexual dysfunction in the leaflet with the drug but doesn't state it could cause permanent sexual dysfunction.

After being impotent for a whole week after just one dose, things finally started working again, but I wasn't able to ejaculate for 3 weeks. Now things are working again but it's not the same as before. My penis is either hard when flaccid or very spongey, almost jelly like. Even when erect the tissue is spongey and it's harder to ejaculate than before. This is 2 months after just one 20 mg dose, and although things seem to be improving very slowly, I'm not sure whether they will ever fully return to normal. All experts I've talked to have said my reaction is impossible after one dose and it's due to anxiety and stress from the reaction to the tablet.

Can penile tissue heal itself eventually or is it likely I'll always have some problems? It seems like it'll take a very long time to fully recover if I ever do. I've talked to doctors, a surgeon, urologist, everyone i can think of, they either say it should get better eventually or it's caused by stress and anxiety, that it's highly unlikely to have caused permanent damage. My life has been turned into a living nightmare by a single dose of citalopram. I intend to take further action but am unsure of what I can do to get compensation or prevent others from making the same terrible mistake.

If I were you, I would find a urologist who specializes in sexual dysfunction. You might even ask for a brief prescription for Viagra or one of the newer sex drugs. Using it might convince you that you're not beyond hope. You can also call a personal injury lawyer to talk about what action you could pursue against the drug. They are the ones that take out large ads.

I masturbate 7-8 times a week. Mostly I sleep on one side and rub my fist until I get aroused. I use saliva as lubrication. When I near ejaculation I use a wet cloth to ejaculate into so as not to mess up my bed. Is this OK? (age 30)

It all sounds fine. The only thing I question is why you would use wet cloth instead of a dry one (which would make less of a mess).

I have been reading your site for many years and I think it is one of the most educational and friendly sites where people can go to ask sex related questions. Are humans the only animal that masturbates for pleasure? (age 16)

No. Masturbation has been observed in every species of mammal.

I've been masturbating for about three or four years and I've gotten to the point where I masturbate every day, sometimes twice a day. However, I've found that whenever my girlfriend gives me oral sex, I'm never able to orgasm and I'm not very sensitive. Is this due to excessive masturbation? (age 16)

I don't think anyone would say that daily masturbation and occasional twice-daily masturbation is excessive, especially at your age. I'm kind of surprised if it took you three or four years to get to that frequency, because a lot of guys don't take more than a week to get to that frequency. It is normal for a male to have an easier time reaching orgasm the longer it's been since his last orgasm. I would advise abstaining from masturbating for 3-5 days before your next expected sexual encounter and seeing if it makes any difference.

I have finally overcome TMS. Would it be bad if I switch hands? I always use my right. But for some reason I tried my left hand and it worked better but it took longer. Is there a possible risk? My genitals are always cold. Is there something wrong with my circulation? (age 17)

It is good to be able to switch hands. There is no risk. Your circulation is probably fine. The testicles are supposed to be cooler than the rest of the body. It is probably a function of how warm your living space is.

When a man and a woman have sex, does the vaginal opening open up? (age 18)

It is only closed because there is nothing in it. The man usually asks the woman to guide him in. That is only courteous.

Can masturbation harm your sperm? (age 17)

No.

I am a nosy person and when my sister asked me to fetch some batteries from her room I snooped and found a dildo vibrator thing and some other toys. And I recently found the same kind of stuff in my mom's room. Is this normal? I am very stressed about it and often feel badly for invading their privacy. (age 14)

Work on being less nosy. Concentrate on how it's wrong to snoop. If that doesn't help you, then think about how you would like it if your sister snooped in your room and examined your bedding for stains. It ought to be some comfort to you that you are not the only one in your house who masturbates.

Can someone become addicted to masturbation, or more specifically, the endorphins released through orgasm? (age 17)

Probably, but that's like asking "can someone become addicted to food or the endorphins released through eating?" The thing to ask is whether a particular person's masturbating (or eating) has gotten out of control and become compulsive. Very few people could be clinically diagnosed as masturbating compulsively. Many, many more enjoy masturbating very much and might call themselves addicted to it.

On the days that I masturbate multiple times, the third or fourth time seem like they are more powerful orgasms, or just feel better. Is this normal? (age 15)

I don't think so. By that number time, you should be pretty worn out and nearly out of semen.

My penis has kind of a reddishness to it at the third farthest from my body. This was diagnosed as psoriasis by one dermatologist,and dismissed as nothing (or an anomaly) by another. What should I do? I'm very embarassed about this.

Get treated for psoriasis by the doctor.

Is it bad to masturbate to a very close (female) friend? I recently got out of a long, very sexual relationship that lacked any real connection, so I'd like to be in a more emotional one for a while. I have an extremely close friend, and neither of us is interested in a sexual relationship, should we ever go out, although we have a strong emotional bond.

However, when I masturbate, sometimes her face or thoughts about her come to my mind, but I suppress them instantly, because it seems like it would be disrespectful to her. I also avoid thinking about her physical appearance (although she's very pretty) in a sexual way, or having any fantasies about her, as these also seem disrespectful to her.

I mentioned my dilemma to a friend who doesn't know her, and he said I was being stupid and should go ahead and do so.

What I'm asking is, should I allow myself to think about her like that (or specifically to come to orgasm fantasizing about her), or would it alter my subconscious perception of her or make me desire a sexual relationship, or would help to relieve any mental tension that has been building up towards her in my mind? Please help me! (age 16)

I am inclined to believe that it is better to indulge your sexual fantasies while you masturbate than to repress them. They usually help you with your feelings for someone and what was an unthinkable relationshipmight become normal to you. You can always indulge other fantasies later. On the other hand, if it really bothers you, then there is no need to fantasize about her. You can apparently fantasize about millions of other females who don't cause you this stress.

My parents directed me to HealthyStrokes.com three years ago when they talked to me about sex. They didn't want me to feel like I had to keep it a secret. One method I like is to wait five days and then only stroke the first two inches of my penis. This causes the end to whip wildly. After 5 days I have lot of semen, which makes it more enjoyable even if it is more messy than usual. (age 15)

What well-informed parents you have! Your report is interesting, because I recently did a quick survey question on this site about that. Most guys agree that the orgasm is more intense after a long time, but more than half said they'd rather have a bunch of ordinary orgasms instead of waiting those extra days for a really good one.

I have prostatitis. My doctor says he needs to check my semen. I asked about collecting at home. The nurse told me they collect at the clinic with no exceptions. She said told me to abstain for a week so I would be ready to go. I think my embarrassment will keep me from ejaculating. What should I do?

There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You will take the screw-on specimen jar to the bathroom and produce the sample there. Some places you can put the specimen right through the door in the wall. Other places you have to give the jar back to the nurse. No one will see you produce the specimen.

Is there a way to induce wet dreams? (age 14)

I don't think so, but please read the wet dream page for other opinions.

Do shorter girls have tighter vaginas? (age 14)

I wish I knew.

When does an orgasm come? Is it the first time you erect, or do you erect a couple of times before an orgasm? (age 14)

The orgasm is when you ejaculate. Generally you get erect first, then you masturbate for a few minutes (perhaps as long as 20), and then you have an orgasm and ejaculate.

I hadn't had a wet dream in many years (since I was about 14) but the last month or two I had a few all of a sudden for no reason. I have not changed my habits, but for some reason I have had 4-5 in the last 2 months or so. That can't be healthy at my age. (age 22)

I hear from a lot of guys who wish they could have them at your age. There is nothing unhealthy about them. Has there been any change in your sleeping patterns the last couple of months?

I masturbate at least once a day but my doctor says that I have to be circumcised. Will this mean that I can't do it like I used to? What will I need to do differently? (age 16)

I advise you to go in with your doctor and have a meeting that's just you and him with no parents or others in attendance. Find out why the circumcision is necessary. Find out if insurance is paying, becuase if insurance isn't paying, then it is apt to be an elective procedure. Masturbation might be impossible for a few days while your penis heals, and then it might feel different from what you're used to once you get back into it. You should consider carefully why you want part of your penis cut off and thrown away.

Two weeks ago I was awakened at 2 a.m. by my brother having sex with a girl in the room we share. The girl was moaning silently and so was my brother. He kept saying shhhhhhh to her so they wouldn't wake anyone, which they already did. I couldn't go back to sleep. My brother is making it a habit now bringing girls over and having sex with them. I definitely need to talk to him but don't know how. He really needs to know that he's loud and he needs to respect our room. I respect our room and masturbate in the bathroom. (age 14)

I doubt that he is going to give up sex just because you're annoyed. You would be better off just leaving the room when he brings a girl over. In college, this is known as being sexiled. But he will certainly appreciate it, and he will probably make it up to you in other ways.

Thank you! Thank you for doing this web site. My dad printed out the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation and explained that he and my mother knew that I had been trying to masturbate in the bathroom. It felt good but I had never ejaculated. He said I could feel free to do it in my room. Two weeks after I read it, I had my very first orgasm. It felt sooooo wonderful, I had to share it with my dad the next day. (age 13)

One thing I occasionally do when masturbating is cup my hands around my testicles (usually not naked but through my underwear or with a blanket between my hands and testicles) and press on them. I can get a great feeling from doing this. Is this dangerous in any way? (age 15)

As long as you aren't pressing very hard, it is not dangerous.

What would you say is the right age to have sex and be able to deal with the consequences? (age 16)

I would say 18, although I only rarely tell 16 and 17 year olds that they're too young.

I am 13 and I masturbate once every 1-2 days. Everybody in my grade is obsessed with porn and I look at it sometimes. Some of them have actually admitted to masturbating. I don't know whether I should come clean about it or not.

By age 14, according to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, 78.5 percent of boys have started masturbating. You really won't be able to surprise anyone by coming clean if you wait any longer. If you want to share the information with them, then do. If you don't want to, then don't.

How can I get my mom and dad to this web site without shoving it in front of them, so to speak? I think it would be bad for them to know that I've been looking at HealthyStrokes.com in secret. I really envy those other readers' parents who knew about the web site themselves and utilized it. I'm really nervous. We talked about sexual stuff a few years ago.

Why do you want them to know about this site? If they talked about sexual stuff with you, then they would probably be OK with you reading it.

I'm 17 and had not had a wet dream since I was like 13 or 14, but I just had one! It's only been 3 days since I last masturbated and I only masturbate once every day or two anyway. Is it out of the ordinary?

It's obviously out of the ordinary for you, since it's been at least three years since you've had a wet dream. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. Try to enjoy the occasional wet dream if you have them. A lot of my readers are jealous of you because they've never had one and really wonder what they're like.

I have been masturbating face down for 3-4 years now and I have not had a problem. Why is this if your site says it's bad? To me, it feels more like real sex and I have had sex once before. (age 20)

Because cases that have been gathered and survey research that has been conducted points to prone masturbation as a cause of serious sexual dysfunction. It is not the case that it will cause sexual dysfunction in every man any more than smoking will cause serious health problems in every smoker. Also, you are at an age where a lot of males will not have developed problems yet. You are also not very sexually experienced, claiming to have had sex "once before." It would be prudent for you to give up prone masturbation before it becomes a problem.

Do you get paid to write this, and if so, how much? (age 13)

I get $200 for every question I answer. Go look in your mailbox and see if my bill has arrived yet.

Really?

No.

I think my mom put lotion next to my toilet for me to use but I haven't told her I masturbate. I used all the lotion. (age 13)

It sounds like you don't need to tell her you masturbate, but you might need to tell her your bathroom is out of lotion. She will know what you mean.

I'm 16 and I masturbate often. Why does it feel good when I'm stroking and when I'm about to cum but when I ejaculate, I feel like "oh, it's over"? Shouldn't there be a release of sexual tension or something?

Yes, there should be. You might be inhibiting it by your anticipation. Instead of focusing on the ejaculation as being the end of something, you could think of it as something to be eagerly anticipated. Be sure to relax and let the feeling sweep over your body.

I used to masturbate with one finger pushing down on the underside of my penis. Was that bad? (age 13)

No. If you can have an orgasm with only the touch of one finger, you've got something!

I like to masturbate in the shower but lately it has been really hard for me to orgasm so I stopped for two days. Can I start again now? (age 14)

Everyone has times when it's not as easy to reach orgasm as usual. Stopping for a day or two is the best thing to do. I would give it another try at your next shower.

You said that a doctor's exam gets rougher as you get older. How is it going to be rougher? (age 15)

When you get to be about 35, they have you lean over the exam table so they can examine your prostate by putting a finger in your rectum. Not any fun, but better than a female's annual visit to the doctor.

There is this girl (age 16 turning 17 soon) that goes to my old high school (I'm in college now) and I can't go to sleep without thinking about cuddling with her or something. I have not asked her out or anything and she is single. I have hung out with her a few times after school and she does not seem to be much into me. I have never had a girlfriend before and I think she has only had one or two boyfriends at most. Do you think it could be love that I'm feeling and should I ask her out? (age 19)

You are obviously feeling a strong attraction for her, but it would be a mistake to call it love. Your even bigger mistake is to be so hung up on this one girl that you don't know very well. You would obviously be devastated if she turns you down. It would be better to have 3-4 different females on your list at a time so that rejection by any one of them does not make much difference. That said, just ask her out to the movies or something. You could ask her to go to the ice cream stand when it opens for the spring. If she says no, quickly move on to the next name on your list.

Follow-up: I have a list of girls but all of them are either getting married, pregnant or they won't talk to me anymore. There are no other girls that I can think of that I would like to go out with. I am forgiving and am pretty sure her saying no to me will not affect me much. Any other advice?

You need to try harder to meet girls. Get involved in local activities, or start hanging around near high schools and community colleges in your area. Make friends with guys who have a lot of girls around them.

Last year there was a rumor going around school that masturbating makes your penis bigger. Is this true because a penis is a muscle and all of your other muscles grow when used? Or is the penis an organ? (age 13)

Masturbating will not make your penis bigger or smaller. The penis is not a muscle. It is an organ that is mostly made of blood vessels.

Can a man help a woman reach orgasm by playing with her clitoris for a long time? (age 20)

The clitoris is not a magic button. It is more important for the man to understand what the woman wants and respond to her. The man can learn this by listening to her and watching her body react to his touches. Most women don't like repetitive touch (contrary to most men), so the notion of playing with it "for a long time" suggests to me that you haven't learned that women respond better to a varied touch. You are apt to learn with experience.

Is it a bad thing to want to live life on the edge? I like to take risks when it comes to masturbating. So far today I have done it twice. Is it bad to be turned on by taking risks like doing it in the next room from someone and looking at pics on the net while they could see at any moment? I'd also like to tell everyone else that they should not moan about TMS. It's common sense to not shove your dick against a sheet or pillow and i'ts bound to cause problems later on in life. (age 13)

You are guilty of a double standard. You want your life to be lived on the edge, full of risks. But you want everyone else to be cautious and heed common sense. Risky behavior and a need for sensation-seeking leads to a lot of bad situations in driving, alcohol, sex, and even swimming and bicycle riding. You would be better off if you were more cautious. I must say that your reported risk-taking here, masturbating twice in a day and masturbating with porn at home when someone could see, is a lot more tame than sexual things that true risk-takers do. Those are the ones who sleep with inappropriate partners while everybody else talks about them behind their backs. Try to learn how much rewarding ordinary sex would be. Next there is the matter of TMS males not engaging in TMS. None of them wanted TMS. It is how they learned to produce orgasm. They should have known but they took a risk and now they're digging their way out from TMS. I did it too.

How do you make your ejaculation bigger? (age 16)

Abstaining from masturbation for three or four days will make for a better load when you next masturbate. Then you can decide if it was worth it to abstain for those days.

I'm 22 and a virgin. I've been masturbating since I was about 13. I usually masturbate once a day. Several months ago I started getting a small, annoying pain in my left testicle, and then it spread up into my groin and pelvic area, but just on the left side. It got progressively worse, and I saw a doctor. He said it wasn't anything serious, and that it would go away in a few days. It did. I was fine for a month or so, and now it's back, but not as bad. If I go for a few days without masturbating, the pain seems to lessen, but when I ejaculate, about 10-20 minutes later it starts to ache again, but just the left testicle/groin/pelvic area. Should I just stop masturbating for a week or so, and see if the pain goes away? I'm getting married in six months, and I want to be able to have sex AT LEAST once a day, if not more. What should I do?

Do what the doctor told you to do when you were under treatment. A pain reliever like ibuprofen is apt to help. I recommend cutting back to three times a week. Six months is a pretty long time. You can be back to normal by then.

I'm straight and sometimes I masturbate thinking about guys or I get hard looking at guys in their boxers. Am I normal? (age 15)

That is within the normal range of behavior for your age, but I would be more likely to regard you as mostly straight rather than as exclusively straight.

In the past I have gotten dry/chafed/irritated skin on the shaft of my penis from masturbating. It never scarred once it healed. Just recently though, the chafing has gotten worse and when the dry skin peeled off, it looks scarred. Will these blemishes go away if I stop masturbating and apply lotion regularly? (age 17)

I wouldn't want you to stop masturbating, but it would be good to avoid touching the affected part until it is back to normal. Use a healing lotion on that area at least once a day until it's healed. Also use that for occasional flareups of irritation. To prevent those flareups, I advise you to start using lube, particularly one made especially for sex like Astroglide or K-Y Liquid.

I'm 15 years old and have thoughts about women sexually and what I'd like to do to them all the time. I have wet dreams quite often, and I can remember some which have felt really good after a long interval since the last one. But I just can't get masturbating to work. What should I do?

First of all, think about what you would do with those women, not to them. When masturbating, try to start with a serious erection where you're able to fuel it with the right thoughts. Then fantasize about those strong fantasies of yours. Another strategy is to sleep nude. When some guys get a wet dream while nude, they start mastrurbating in their sleep. You can learn from that, but hope it doesn't lead you to the TMS style.

If the body creates sperm faster then it does the other sexual fluids, then if you masturbate multiple times in a day, is your semen denser with sperm? (age 15)

I really don't know that the body creates sperm faster than other sexual fluids. The optimal time for ejaculatory abstinence for insemination is two days. Obviously, a man can ejaculate with no problem more than once in two days. This suggests that the body doesn't create sperm as fast as other sexual fluids. Research shows that the first ejaculation after a period of abstinence (such as five days) is denser with sperm than ordinary ejaculations, but strangely enough, the second ejaculation is even denser still.

Your site is freakin' awesome! What is a fetish? My friend told me that it is a sexual craving. I like to watch girls' boobs bounce up and down as they run or jump or whatever, so is that a fetish?

A fetish is an unusual sexual desire, particularly if the individual is focused upon a particular stimulus, like people of a particular ethnic group or with a certain hair length. However, large numbers of males (perhaps even a majority) are focused upon the female breast, so by definition this is not an unusual sexual desire. I think you are quite normal, and be sure to get to the gym early so you can get a machine overlooking the running track.

I have a feeling I am multi-orgasmic. When I masturbate, with the first orgasm, a little bit of semen comes out and the second is much the same. (age 14)

You are not describing multiple orgasms. Multiple orgasms involve not ejaculating with the first orgasm (and perhaps subsequent orgasms) and then letting yourself ejaculate with the final orgasm.

I can get immense sexual pleasure by cupping my hands over my testicles (usually I do it with a blanket in between) and pressing on them. It gives me a sensation very similar to when I'm close to orgasm. Is it unhealthy to do this? (age 15)

No, that is fine.

I have been masturbating for 7 years. At some point I used a pillow between my thighs and rubbed my penis on it for two years. I have masturbated prone about 5 times in my life. Do you think it hurt me, because now whenever I reach near to orgasm, my penis suddenly gets less hard and I lose an enjoyable ejaculation. Thanks a million for such a web site. (age 22)

I don't think you have to worry about masturbating prone five times. Rubbing your penis on a pillow for two years is more worrisome. It is an atypical form of masturbation. I hope you have put that behind you. Part of your problem in orgasm is that you are anticipating losing the orgasm. Don't worry about losing it. Just go ahead and do it with the understanding that you will remain erect and have a pleasurable orgasm.

There's this girl that I like, and we are pretty good friends. I found out recently that she has performed manual intercourse and oral sex on her boyfriends. I find that I can't stop thinking about her now, even in class when I need to focus on other things. Is there any way to stop this, or will it just go away? (age 14)

How do you know if this stuff about her is true? If you are good friends, ask her out to the movies or some other activity and get to know her better.

My fiancee and I are both virgins. We both want to have sex, and have tried before, but whenever I try to warm her up by fingering her, she says it hurts and we have to stop. The last time we tried this, my finger wasn't even inside her, but just rubbing the outside and it hurt. I use a lot of foreplay and make sure she's wet before I finger her, so what's the problem? We realize it may be uncomfortable, but should it be this bad? What can I do to help her? She doesn't masturbate internally and has never worn a tampon. (age 20)

She ought to learn to relax her muscles down there. It seems they are contracting fiercely and causing pain whenever something tries to get past them. If she could practice with a soft dildo, I think it would help. It would be better for her to overcome this pain when she isn't self-conscious by your being there.

Why is it that women masturbate less frequently then men? (male, age 16)

I answered that in the Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation. Perhaps I should put the same answer in the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation..

I started masterbating about 4 months ago and have been doing it about 1-5 times a week and never had a wet dream. Sometimes I think I have when (down there) is erected sweaty and a little sticky. I have gotten them 2-4 times. Did I have one? I really want one cuz my friends had them and I feel a little out of place.

You will know if you ever have one. It is an orgasm that happens in your sleep. You cannot possible mistake it for anything else.

What are the condoms and lubes next to in a store?

They are in the health and beauty section, usually not too far from the feminine hygiene products.

When I masturbate, I ejaculate on a towel and then just throw it in the clothes basket. Do you think my dad knows that I masturbate? (age 14)

From that, no. Unless he happens to smell the towel. But he probably suspects you do because of your age.

I normally can't get any privacy because my sister is always needing clothes out of my room, my little brother always wants to be with me, my dad is always asking what I'm doing or was doing in my room or the bathroom, and my mom is always asking why I didn't get stuff done like homework or chores. (age 13)

That's why most masturbation takes place at bedtime. You could always make the case that you need more privacy at your age.

I've liked this one girl for a while. She's 15 and I'm 14. Sometimes I feel like she is the only one I want, because no other girl is like her. I really want to go out with her! How do I get her to like someone younger than her? She is so good looking she could get any guy in our high school.

Don't obsess about any one girl. Make a list of 10 or 20 you'd like to go out with (or at least be willing to go out with). The odds are against you connecting with this girl. If I were you, I would ask out the one on the list who would be most likely to say yes.

I'm a 16-year-old male high school student and I have Asperger's Syndrome, which means I'm very interested in facts and such, but my social life is next to nothing. I have some friends, but I've only had one girlfriend in my entire life. I'm not even sure she really was a girlfriend; we never really did much other than listen to each other's problems. At least she liked me for who I was. I moved to a new school where people didn't know me to see if I could have better luck with the ladies. Sadly, it has been to no avail so far. I've already gone through 14 girls who feigned interest in me for a couple of days and then either ignored me or hated my guts the very next week, and I've only been at the school for nine weeks!

What am I doing wrong? Am I coming on too strong or jumping the gun? I've got good looks, natural charm, the intellect of a college student, and a good sense of humor. I've tried acting cool and simply being myself, and I've managed to get a few numbers, but nothing seems to be working. Some of these girls have even played tricks on me or mooched off me. What I'm really looking for is honesty and commitment. Most of these girls were preppy, immature freshmen or sophomores who have already gone through multiple boyfriends. My counselor refers to them as silly and suggests that I wait on the whole bf-gf thing, but I can't. I'm sick of being treated as the "weird kid" and want emotional and physical closeness to someone. At the same time I wonder if I'm wanting a gf for the wrong reasons, because half the time I think about these girls, sexual fantasies spontaneously pop up in my head. My peers make fun of me because I'm a virgin and a Christian. I feel like I'm missing out. I'm comfortable with the idea of losing my virginity before marriage, but how can I do that if I can't even get a girlfriend?! And if I do get a girlfriend, how do I find out if she wants to have sex without freaking her out?

I know a little bit about Asperger's Syndrome (please remember that having only a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing), and I suspect you're missing a lot of social cues. You probably didn't have 14 girls who feigned interest in you. They were probably interested in talking to you. Just because they do that doesn't mean they want to be your girlfriend. And they probably don't hate your guts either. I am also have a pretty strong suspicion you're not being mocked for being a virgin and a Christian. I suspect you are mistaking the ordinary waves of teenage social activity for strong feelings of like and dislike. I suggest going out in groups, perhaps with your church group, or better yet, double-dating with a friend of yours who is more savvy when it comes to social cues. Then he can give you tips on the spot. I also discourage you heavily from trying to have sex at your age. Just go out and have fun and try to be relaxed around girls, and don't be obsessed with making any of them your girlfriend or sex partner. The emphasis should be on not making them freak out, one girl at a time.

Follow up from another reader: I also have Asperger's Syndrome, and I want to say he shouldn't give up hope. When I was his age I misunderstood the intent of a LOT of girls; in fact, I still do on occasion. Over time though, I learned the best approach was to try to be the friend of the girls that wanted to talk to me, and take it from there. For one, the companionship alone is nice; more importantly, though, one can never tell which of those friendships might turn into something more. Several of them did for me! (age 25)

What would I say if someone who I wasn't totally close with by chance asked me if I masturbate? (age 13)

Your three choices are to tell the truth, lie, or avoid answering. Since I suspect that's not the answer you wanted, I will say some more. When I was about 15 2/3, a fellow I knew only a little bit and was a year older asked if I played with myself. I wasn't entirely sure what that meant. I honestly told him no and walked away. A few weeks later, I learned something new. Then a year or so later, an immature girl a few years younger than me asked me (in front of a group her age) if I masturbate. I was very embarrassed and turned away. One of the other members of the group, a good looking girl, sympathized with me and told me that girl wasn't even as grown up as the tomatoes she just planted that day. I only realized afterward what I should have done. I should have turned the question around on the girl by asking, "Does it turn you on to think of me doing that? Is that what you think about when you masturbate?" And I should have asked the nice girl out. I blew both of those chances.

Does it not feel as good if you have sex with a condom? (age 13)

It feels a lot better without a condom. But there is less worrying when you use one.

I hadn't masturbated for about 5 days and then the next time I masturbated, my semen was watery and kind of yellow. The day after that I masturbated again but my erection went away before I climax even though I saw some pre-cum. The day after that I masturbated again and same thing happened. Is there something wrong? What can I do to masturbate normally again? (age 18)

Semen turns yellow inside you as it ages. It is not at all surprising that it was yellow after your five day break from masturbating. It is also normal to not be able to reach orgasm some of the time. I tell guys if they can't reach orgasm after 20 minutes of masturbating that it's better to try again the next day or at least later. I don't think anything is wrong with you. You are just worried after an unusual week.

I love to masturbate on my back by making a fist but I also thrust upward into your it sometimes. Is this TMS or any other kind of disorder?

That is only a little bit atypical. Thrusting upward doesn't put nearly the amount of pressure on your penis as thrusting downward does. I think it is unlikely that what you describe would lead to sexual dysfunction. But most guys don't do that. It would be good if you could masturbate at least some of the time without the upward thrusting.

Is it bad to attain an erection prone (while lying on your stomach)? (age 15)

No. They are as good as any other.

I sometimes look at porn when I can't think of a thing when I masturbate. Is looking at porn bad as a Christian? (age 15)

You can read my guidelines for porn on the page for Christians.

I've been masturbating in the TMS position for about a month or two but have recently found it harder to gain erections. I can still masturbate the conventional way (I had been doing so for years before I started TMS), but I find (and this is for erections in general) that I need to concentrate harder in order to get it up. Should I abstain? Should I just go back to masturbating the normal way and that would fix it? (age 16)

You don't say why you left conventional masturbation for TMS a couple of months ago. Variety? Better able to concentrate in that position? I think the answer is pretty obvious that you have seen a noticeable decline in your erections since you started doing prone masturbation. I suggest you give up TMS forever, and if you have stretches where you are having trouble getting an erection in conventional masturbation, that you take a couple or three days off. Doing this things is apt to help your erections get back to what you're used to.

Did you know that dolphins and humans are the only animals that have sex for pleasure? (age 12)

Dolphins have everything good. They swim faster than us too. Did you know that masturbation has been observed in the male of every species of mammal?
Follow-up: Then how does a whale do it? (age 13)

Whales masturbate by swimming in shallow waters and rubbing their privates across beds of smooth rocks. The next time you hear about a whale getting stuck close to shore, you will remember this and know why.
Follow-up: Isn't that a form of TMS? (age 13)

It certainly is. How did I miss that? Maybe you will take over this web site some day.

Is it OK to rub your penis between a girl's breasts? (age 13)If it's OK with her, and you're both taking into account the age of consent, which varies from place to place. That is called intermammary intercourse, in case you care.
Follow-up: What is intermammary intercourse? Do you lose your virginity if you do it?

Having sex with a girl's breasts. Inter = between + Mammary = breast. I doubt that very many people would say you lose your virginity by having intermammary intercourse.

Is it possible for a guy to be able to suck his own penis?

It has been documented. One authority estimated that one male in a thousand could do it, but I'm thinking that might be a generous estimate.

I'm 17 and still haven't had any sexual contact with a girl yet, not even kissing. I'm afraid that I'm gonna be a virgin for a long time. How should I fix this and is it bad if you have your virginity at an old age?

I think 19 is a good age to lose your virginity. I don't know why. If you're still a virgin at age 21, you're asking for a lot of sexual problems and then it gets worse every year you wait. You also have the issue that at those ages women will expect you to be as sexually sophisticated as your contemporaries, but really you're only as sophisticated as a high school student. I suggest you make a list of girls you'd like to date and start asking them out. Make a small goal like to be kissed by the middle of April. Good luck with your list.

Why does it make for a bad reputation for a male to be a virgin? What age do you recommend males to lose their virginity at? (age 17)

A man over 18 generally finds it a necessity to keep virginity a secret. He will be regarded as inferior by the most sexually aggressive males and females. Waiting past the age of 21 to become sexually active frequently leads to sexual dysfunctions.

I have masturbated regularly for years, and my back started to hurt sooooo much for two days. Is that normal? (age 15)

You didn't describe how you think your back pain is caused by masturbation, but any physical activity can lead to back pain. If you think masturbating is exacerbating it, then maybe cut it out for a couple of days or find a way to do it that doesn't hurt.

I masturbate frequently, sometimes 3 times a day but during study sessions I don't do it at all, and after a week I feel like my testosterone levels are touching peaks, so I have to do it in compulsion so as to get mental satisfaction. I can't do well in my studies without masturbating. I have done it since I was 15. I really wanna decrease the frequency. (age 18)

I suggest getting professional help. Not masturbating won't raise your testosterone level, and masturbating furiously won't reduce it. I doubt that your obsession and compulsion is limited to masturbation. A competent mental health professional can help you get back on track, and then you will be less obsessed with your masturbation frequency.

Why are we not supposed to rub the head of the penis while we masturbate? That's what I do and I seem to have no problem with it. (age 13)

I never said you're not supposed to. I said that the head is easily irritated, especially if you don't use lube, so guys who want to avoid this irritation should either use lube or avoid touching the head.

I had a wet dream last night. It was quite weird. My dream was blank. Nothing happened at all. It worries me that I had one. It was my first one. I masturbate 6 times a week. Is there something wrong with me? (age 15)

No, not at all. You might never have another wet dream, but if you do, try to enjoy them. Many guys are jealous that you've had one.

Is eating your own semen any good for you? (age 15)

It keeps protein in your body instead of going down the drain. A controversial study also found that semen acts as an anti-depressant in women, but they didn't study the effect of eating your own semen.

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 8 months. We have gone as far as oral sex. Her friends would freak out if they knew what we do when we are alone, but we can't help it. We only have a few chances to hang out each week and are mostly with her firends. Recently I fingered her on the couch while watching a movie with everyone in the room. I know this is bad, but I can't help it. (age 16)

Yes, you can. You can make plans to be alone with your girlfriend instead of constantly yielding to what her friends want.

Does intercourse last longer than a masturbation session? Mine only last a couple of minutes. (age 18)

Yes, typically intercourse lasts at least 50 percent longer. It is not unusual for males to take two or three times as longer in intercourse.

I masturbate once or twice a day to videos and I still get erections when dancing with or kissing girls. But am I setting myself up for future sexual dysfunction by not using my imagination when masturbating? (age 18)

It would be good if you could masturbate without visual stimulation every week or two. I doubt that where you are headed could be called "sexual dysfunction." It is simply one more tool in your bag if you can have a fertile imagination.

I was at a school camp. I was sharing the same dorm as my friend. At night he just grabbed my penis and jerked it without my consent. Should I tell someone? (age 14)

Are you sure he's really your friend? What he did was rape. I would tell someone if I were in your position.

Sometimes after I masturbate I need to urinate but it stings really badly on the inside of my penis. (age 14)

I suggest drinking more water.

Recently I masturbated and had an incredibly powerful orgasm. For the 10 seconds or so after it started, it felt like I couldn't move and all my thoughts went blank. It felt like I could have passed out. Can someone pass out from an orgasm? (age 14)

Yes, it is possible. It is more likely in females than males. It is also possible you went into an altered state of consciousness, essentially a hypnotized state, as a result of a powerful orgasm.

I've read on your site that It is actually bad to quit masturbating because it can negatively affect your prostate gland. I really want to quit. Could there be problems when I stop?

Frequent ejaculation is the best thing for your prostate. Of course, if you've read my site, you know I don't believe you can quit anyway.

Even though it feels good to masturbate, I don't like doing it because I feel guilty all the time. I try really hard to refrain from doing it just because of that. I usually do it every day but once in a while I'll try to stop for a whole week or even two. But then I'll always get back to doing it, and I practice it more than ever because the pleasure becomes more. Is masturbating every day bad at all? (age 15)

According to a survey done in the second half of 2007 by HealthyStrokes.com, the average 15-year-old male masturbates 8.17 times per week. There were 950 males age 15 surveyed. 10 percent of 15-year-old males masturbate twice a day or more. I have heard the comment about masturbating more than ever after quitting more than once. Masturbating daily is very normal, healthy, and fun too.

I have just been recently masturbating and enjoy it. But I'm afraid I do it too much. About two half-one hour sessions a day. When I do it these days, I just don't feel it and have tried other methods. Is there something wrong with me? (age 13)

No, your frequency is pretty normal. Try to learn why you like some and not others.

Me and my girlfriend had sex last Saturday. After we had sex,her vagina did not bleed but she told me that she is a virgin. Do you think that she was a virgin when we had sex? (age 15)

I doubt that I can judge whether it was her first time having sex from what you told me. You don't seem convinced based on talking to her and having sex with her, so I don't know what I could possibly add.

My face has never turned red after orgasm but when I got a fever it did it every time. Why is this?

Fevers are more likely to cause that. You can consider yourself fortunate after your fever goes down.

Me and my girlfriend were cuddling in my bed the other day and I started performing manual intercourse on her. During this I had taken off her bottoms and she had been pulling mine down as well. We got a bit distracted and there was some genital contact between us. We're now worried that she might get pregnant as I probably had some pre-cum on my head. Is this likely or are we over-reacting? Thank you by the way for this site. It's good to see someone will take time out to answer otherwise embarrassing questions about masturbating and sexuality. (age 17)

If you get your sexual fluids on your hand and then touch them to her private parts, you can cause her to become pregnant. It's good to wash your hands frequently.

Follow up: I think the head of my penis might have brushed up against her vulva. Is this pretty much the same as having fluids on my hand and then performing manual intercourse on her?

It is not beyond the realm of possiblity that she became pregnant from that. It is very important to keep your sexual fluids away from her private parts. You will know soon enough. Be grateful if you didn't get her pregnant and be more careful.

I'm 17 and get erections all the time but I'm unable to orgasm when I try and I have not orgasmed even once. Is something wrong?

Yes. At your age, you should know the best ways to turn those promising erections into orgasms. I would suggest spending some time in the male questions on HealthyStrokes.com to make sure you are doing what you are supposed to. If this self-evaluation doesn't help, then you might have to see a professional.

I am 14 years old. I first masturbated at the age of 13. I have not masturbated for nearly 80 days but now I am suffering from nightfall. What should I do to stop nightfall. Please do not advise me to masturbate in order to stop this. (age 17)

Wet dreams (called nightfall in India) are normal in males who don't masturbate. The usual way to get rid of them forever is to masturbate frequently. If you don't want either, then I think you'll have to decide which one you like least. If you want to get rid of the wet dreams, then masturbate frequently and learn to like it. If you don't want to masturbate, then learn to like the wet dreams.

If I suck my own penis am I still a virgin? (age 13)

Yes. I don't think anyone believes that doing something by yourself makes you not a virgin. You have to have some form of sexual intercourse to lose your virginity.

I want to thank you for a wonderful site that has definitely helped me a lot! I hang out with a lot of girls who have been my friends since elementary school. Recently I've been really distant from them because whenever I'm around them, I get a hard-on. I have no idea why. It's getting really bad and I don't know what to do. Just the other day, I hugged my friend and got a boner and I know she felt and saw it. I'm completely mortified and I'm afraid something is wrong with me. (age 15)

You should not be distant around them because of an erection. All guys get them. It is very easy at your age to get one just by sitting next to a girl. You are probably overestimating what your friend was able to tell about your erection. There is a good chance she didn't notice, and she might understand if she did. The danger in being distant is that they might mistake your concern about your erection for a different reason, such as you don't like them anymore. Erections are good. You should be happy when you get one.

My girlfriend and I are both 19 year old virgins. We often play with each others' bodies (though not in the genital area) and sleep together in the same bed in our underwear (while she is topless). When I ask if she enjoys what we do, she always answers yes, and we sometimes discuss sexual things, but when we are watching a movie and there is a sex scene, she usually laughs and says "gross" or something similar. Would you say she is ready to have sex, or is it better to take things very slowly?

You are already going very slowly. I suspect the laughing and saying "gross" is a nervous reaction and not a true measure of what she is thinking. There are a lot of things you can do before having actual coitus, such as genital fondling/manual intercourse, oral contact and oral intercourse. It would be a good idea to see if she is willing to try one of these before pushing her boundaries (and your own) further.

When I masturbate, I do not stimulate the skin, but rather grab onto the skin. The friction is not between my hand and the skin, but rather between the skin and the insides of the penis. The hand always touches the same place on the penis. I have always done it like this. Is this normal or harmful in any way? (age 19)

I have to believe you are stimulating the skin. It would be pretty impossible to masturbate vigorously and touch only one place on the skin. And you wouldn't want to, either. The skin is where all of the nice nerve endings that you like touch are. Perhaps you could prove it by putting some Kool-Aid mix on your hand and then seeing how much of your penis is covered with the colored powder when you are finished. Then rinse off. (If you have a partner who is willing to remove it orally, put a little sugar on it first.) Instead of touching the same place, as you say, or nearly the same place, as I suggest you're doing, with the intensive touch you're using now, why not practicing a larger area of the penis with a lighter touch. Learn the power of a soft touch.

Is vaseline a good lube? And what would you sudgest be a good lube? (age 14)

At your age, I think you would want to move past Vaseline and find something more appropriate for an adult. K-Y Liquid and Astroglide are much more suitable for a male your age to masturbate with. Vaseline is very goopy and not suitable for sex with condoms or other latex products.

Is it OK to use vibration to masturbate? (male, age 15)

It would be better if you didn't do that at your age. I occasionally tell females younger than you to try them because they can't achieve orgasm any other way. I doubt that you have that problem. A male who masturbates with a vibrator is at great disadvantage when it comes to sexual intercourse.

Is it true that a lot of sex, masturbation, and ejaculation can cause urinary problems like making you urinate an awful lot? (age 17)

No, that isn't true. Most of the trouble the prostate gets is from either ejaculating too often or not enough. Masturbating too much would cause pain in the prostate that seems to be coming from both testes. Masturbating not enough leads to urinary problems like an inflamed prostate and a constricted urethra. The best thing to do is masturbate at about the same rate of the average guy your age. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, the average 17 year old male masturbates an average of 7.4 times per week, or more than once a day. Dr. Graham Giles of Australia has found that males who masturbated most when they were younger had the least incidence of prostate cancer later, so your daily habit can ward off prostate cancer. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week.

I'm having a slight worry about a tender area around my penis. If you take your hand and trace the right side of your abdomen all the way down to exactly where the penis comes from the body, there is a tender/achy area all around the right side of the penis base (not on the bone there). I can feel the tenderness at random times, but when I'm searching for the exact spot, I have to press around the penis base (not the bone) to find it. Could it be the way my penis/testes are positioned between my legs when I'm sleeping, or is it something else? I haven't been rubbing my penis, or doing anything forceful, like TMS. At other times, I sometimes notice a tender area on the bottom of my left testicle. I felt it around (like I should for checks), but didn't feel anything, or find anything strange. (age 17)

I suggest getting both of those checked by doctors or nurse practitioners. The penis base problem could be related to the achy testicle, or it could be a sign of appendicitis or hernia. A doctor would have to check. The tender testicle could be the result of an injury, or it could be a symptom of a serious testicle condition. Only a doctor can say for sure. It is good that you do the monthly testicular self-examination. It might be worth cutting your weekly ejaculatory frequency down to three until this is over.

Follow-up: I think you misunderstood me in a few ways, but it's understandable. I actually have asked myself if I should tell my mom and dad, and thus a doctor, but I didn't feel that this was so serious, so I haven't said anything yet. For instance, right now, the tenderness/dull ache that I described around one side of my penis base is nonexistent. Also, I don't think the tender area on my testicle is related, because I only sometimes notice it, and at different times (I didn't mean that it's painful either, just tender). In addition, I have not been rubbing my penis; so I am really confused about what could be causing this on occasion. I'm still a little scared though, considering what you said.

I don't know what you mean by not rubbing your penis. Do you claim to be one of the few post-pubescent males who doesn't masturbate? You would have a hard time getting me to believe that. If it were true, then perhaps your problem is from not ejaculating enough. Two leading causes of prostate trouble are ejaculationg too much or not enough, You have a lot of things you could discuss with doctors right now. Good luck.

Follow-up: If it is hard for you to believe that I don't ejaculate, I won't try too hard to convince you. Nevertheless, I will tell you that I haven't done masturbation for a long while, but the subtle tender feeling I've described has come and gone both during the time that I ejaculated on schedule and now when I don't.

I would suggest ejaculating regularly as the best way to prevent prostate trouble. If it still bothers you, see a doctor.

I want to know what your opinion about premarital sex is. What can you call a girl's genitalia that's more respectful than the P word? (age 18)

I am more in favor of premarital sex when it happens in the context of a committed relationship than when it happens casually. I only think it is wrong when it is done recreationally, with no intention of it leading to a committed relationship with the partner. If a female uses the P word, then it's fine, and you can use it too, but don't use that word publicly or without its prior use by the woman. In ordinary speech, the proper name for the external genitalia is the vulva, although many people, including many women, incorrectly call it the vagina. (The vagina is an internal organ.) You used the word genitalia, and that's perfectly fine, and can even be spoken in a formal context, like a school classroom. And the entire female genitalia, internal and external, can be referred to as the pudenda, but not too many people know that.

I had a lot of sex and masturbated A LOT from 17-23. I love sex with women and fantasisze daily about it. After being in a relationship for 8 years, the sex got very boring and chore-like and eventually I had trouble keeping an erection the entire time and could only orgasm in a certain position. I still masturbate and can get erect with no issues, but I find myself having trouble getting and keeping an erection with newer women. What could be my issue? (age 29)

When you are in a relationship, you ought to be able to put sex with your partner as a priority over masturbating. It can help to abstain from masturbating for a period of days before having sex. You would need to fool around with it to see what the optimum period of abstinence is for you. It might be as little as one day.

After I masturbate, I seem to have trouble urinating right after. I feel the pressure of my bladder but nothing comes out. After a while I can urinate fine. Is there something wrong with me? (age 23)

No, that is fairly normal. It helps to drink water. The feeling of the need to urinate is from a sensation coming from the urethra that is similar.

When I masturbate, I put a towel under my hips then when I am ready to finish, I roll over onto my side and ejaculate onto the towel. Is this harmful, or should I finish on my back? (age 17)

No, that is fine. A lot of guys lie on their sides the whole time they're masturbating.

Is it true that your penis doesn't grow as much if you're circumcised? (age 13)

No. That isn't true.

Why do tell boys not to use an artificial vagina? Isn't a dildo an artificial penis, and can't that cause any sexual problems later in life? (age 13)

Yes, a dildo is an artificial penis, and its use can cause problems for females. However, the experience of females using dildos is much greater than that of males using artificial vaginas. So we can speak more confidently about the effects of using dildos. There is a lot we don't know about the effects of using artificial vaginas, but atypical forms of masturbation seem to be worse for males than for females. Also, a lot of females can't reach orgasm at all without using sex toys, but all males can reach orgasm just by using their hands. So in that sense, dildos are necessary for some females, but an artificial vagina isn't necessary for a male.

I'm 15 and have been masturbating for about a year and a half now, and I'm curious, is there a difference between ejaculation and orgasm? Sometimes the experience is more or less pleasurable, of course, and I was just wondering what, if any, the difference is, and if orgasm is even attainable through masturbation. (age 15)

You might want to read the glossary of sex terms. Basically, orgasm is the culmination of sexual response. In a male, it usually accompanies ejaculation, but one can happen without the other. Ejaculation without orgasm is a sexual dysfunction called orgasmic anhedonia. Orgasm without ejaculation lets a male keep going and perhaps have more orgasms before finally ejaculating. This is called being multi-orgasmic. Orgasm is very attainable through masturbation, and that's why guys do it so often. If you really think you're not having orgasms, then you should seek help from a doctor.

I agree with you that, if there is such a thing as a "pedophobe," then I want to be one! However, I think you should rethink the advice in your pamphlet regarding experimenting with same sex partners. It goes beyond the reach of what you're trying to explain, and if I were a parent, I would delete that section. Experimenting with opposite sex partners carries potentially greater risk-- unplanned pregnancy -- than mutual masturbation with a same sex partner. It seems you're trying to reduce unnecessary shame about the perfectly natural act of masturbation. Whether you accept it or not, people are born gay, and homosexual attraction is natural to them and should not carry a stigma either. Being rejected by females for same sex experimentation is, frankly, a rather outmoded concept. I think that section should simply say that greater sexual pleasure in later life is often achieved when one has explored in privacy alone and become confident about his own body. A general warning that ANY sexual contact with others should not be done lightly, should be well thought out and is often more gratifying when postponed until one is older would be preferable, I think. (age 39)

I think the key words in your response are "in later life." The Young Man's Guide to Masturbation is written for males in the 10-15 age group.

There is a girl I like, but she is my best friend's sister. What should I do? (age 15)

Hey, you say that as if it is a problem. That is good! You already know her. She is familiar with you. Just ask her out to a dance or something. It is the most natural thing in the world. If you are worried about your friend minding you dating his sister, then ask him first. Surely he would rather one of his friends be out with his sister than some random guy.

I like to masturbate with underpants and gym shorts on while rubbing my head. The cloth stimulates it greatly, and I've only gotten sore once. Is it OK to do this? (age 16)

You describe an atypical form of masturbation. Doing that will not serve you well as you try to adapt to sex with a partner. I suggest giving up that method.

I have a friend who is a girl and she hugged me for a little too long. I started getting an erection and I think she noticed. Is this normal just by hugging and should I talk to her about it? We're not really dating. (age 16)

No, I don't think you should talk to her about the erection, but I think you should ask her out. By hugging you too long, she is signaling that she is interested. It is very normal to get an erection your age even from the slightest thing, like a girl sitting next to you on the bus.

Does tobacco use negatively affect the performance of sexual organs? (age 19)

Yes. Nicotine constricts those small blood vessels that fill the penis (and clitoris).

I masturbate at least once a day on average. Around 8 months ago I discovered I could ejaculate while in the shower. Almost every day in the shower since then I have masturbated. Then most days after school I do it on my bed using my laptop. Is this too frequent? I live alone with my dad, and he works from home downstairs in his office. I can always hear him coming upstairs so I don't think he knows I'm masturbating in my bedroom, but the longer showers might have given him something to suspect. Should I talk to him about it, because I don't fully approve of Internet porn, and I want another source than my imagination. Could I ask him to get me some magazines? (age 12)

Twice a day is not uncommon at your age, but you should expect to masturbate less as you get to be about 15 or so. That is when the early-teen habit of twice a day masturbation gives way to a more typical frequency of about once a day that usually lasts well into adulthood. I doubt that your father would disapprove of your masturbating, and he probably does suspect you are because of the longer showers. It would probably shock him if you asked him for magazines, but once the shock was over, he would probably get them for you.

I've masturbated regularly for about 6 years. I have noticed that my penis does not, nor has it ever, become sensitive to touch after orgasm. Is this bad? (age 19)

No, but can you really keep stimulating it after your orgasm?

Ever notice that the average penis is 6 inches long, yet many teens 12-16 who aren't even through puberty claim to have a penis about that size? (age 15)

Yes, in writing this web site I get all kinds of claims about penis size. I suspect you have puberty confused with adolescence. Puberty only lasts about a year or so, and most people are done with it by their 15th birthdays. The penis is generally fully grown by the end of puberty. Adolescence refers to the entire period from the start of puberty until about age 20.

I recently tried to have sex with my girlfriend. We came across a few problems when I tried to insert my penis into her vagina; she was a virgin and I was not, but my penis wouldnt fit. After a bit of trying, I eventually got the head of my penis into her vagina but this caused her great pain. I used lube and wore a condom, and after this I tried to heighten the mood and get her own vagina juices flowing by rubbing her clit. I also inserted my middle finger into her vagina, but she said even this hurt. My penis is about 6 inches. Is it possible that I am too big? (age 17)

The problem is that she is inexperienced and doesn't know how to let her vaginal muscles relax. It would have better if you had worked on warming her up with foreplay before you penetrated her. You are normal size. She ought to work on learning to relax. It will probably not take too long to get her to that point.

I masturbate every night starting at about 9-10 about 5-7 times in succession over the course of a couple of hours. On weekends the number is even higher and starts in the afternoon. I know this is extremely unhealthy, and I was wondering what the negative consequences might be and how I can go about fixing this problem? (age 16)

I wouldn't call it extremely unhealthy, or even unhealthy at all, but it is certainly an extreme frequency of masturbating. Most guys your age are satisfied with about once a day. I suspect that part of it is because you don't have enough to do. If you could get involved with more activities, I think you would masturbate less.

I am uncut but my son is cut. The doctors nowadays make you feel stupid if you even ask about not having it done. I feel he will be at a big disadvantage when he starts masturbating. I feel guilty about removing part of his body without his permission. I would like to hear your thoughts. (age 30)

There is no point in crying over spilled foreskin. Most guys are happy with their circumcision status. Some forms of foreskin restoration are possible for circumcised males who are not. Both circumcised and uncircumcised guys enjoy masturbating a great deal. I doubt anyone would regard a circumcised guy as being at "a big disadvantage." You can learn more about what I think on my circumcision page. However, I think you ought to learn to be more assertive with doctors. They are there to serve you, not the other way around.

Our neighbor lady mows the lawn in a t-shirt with no bra. She is very well endowed. I masturbate while watching her from my upstairs room. Will this affect my sex life? (age 16)

I foresee no consequences for your sex life, but you run the risk of being branded a pervert or worse if you get caught masturbating while watching her. If you can see out a window, someone else can see in. It might not help you in the court of popular opinion that she dresses in a revealing manner.

While I am masturbating I am all up for the dirty stuff and the extreme fantasies, but after I ejaculate, I find myself feeling dirty and feeling like whichever hand I finished with, I can't touch anything or do anything until the next day when I take a shower. Any advice? (age 15)

It would help if you could accept masturbation as something normal, healthy, and fun that all men do. It is even necessary for a male to maintain sexual health. Think of it as daily maintenance along the lines of shaving. And don't worry if you feel like washing your hands afterward. About half of guys do so every time.

Sometimes I masturbate without lube but this time I think I roughed up the skin on my penis. It's very sensitive and feels dry and I haven't masturbated since. How do I heal the skin? Will putting lotion on it daily help or should I soak it in hot water? (age 19)

I doubt soaking it in hot water would help. Yes, putting lotion on it will probably heal it within a day or two. Lube will also work if you are without lotion.

I told a girl that I masturbate thinking about her and she said "oh, that's hot!" (age 13)

I'm happy for you, but her response isn't the norm. It is more common for a female to be repulsed and even feel violated when a male tells her that. You should not tell a female that unless she asks you, in which case she obviously feels positive about it.
Follow-up from another reader: I think you should ask her to be your girlfriend.

Will a doctor make you masturbate if you get an erection during the exam? (age 16)

No. Don't worry about that at all. The only time you ever have to masturbate for the doctor is if you're having fertility problems, and you will be a lot older if that ever happens. And even then you don't masturbate in front of the doctor; you produce the semen specimen in the bathroom or possibly at home. The doctor is there to help you. Your question presumes he is some kind of monster who likes inflicting pain and humiliation.

HealthyStrokes.com is a cool site. I heard some older boys talk about it. I have been masturbating about one month. I didn't really know what an orgasm was like. I spent about an hour on HealthyStrokes.com one night and found out I was missing something. I took some baby oil to my room and got busy. I will never forget the feeling of going over the edge the first time. Thank you!!! (age 12)

Welcome to the club!

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I'm really good with girls usually. There is this one girl at school that I always get an erection around and I find it very hard to talk to her. Is this normal? How can I talk to her without the erection? I really want to ask her out. (age 14)

Don't worry if you have an erection. She won't know. Just be yourself. Don't let her make you nervous.

I've been masturbating for about 4 years now, and have only recently started having full ejaculations. I found that to stop myself ejaculating and making a mess, I can cover the head of my penis until I'm done reaching climax and I don't come. Is this bad to do? If so, how can I ejaculate without making a mess? (age 15)

It is bad to keep yourself from ejaculating. You can misdirect the ejaculate inside of you and hurt yourself with the force you use to stop the ejaculation. Most guys let it go where it will and then clean up afterward. Some catch it in a cloth or tissue. For maximum discreetness, some guys use condoms.

A girl at school asked me how big my penis is. She isn't interested in me and has a boyfriend. She just wants to know. I didn't tell her because it didn't feel right and I told her that. She said it isn't a big deal. If she ever asks again I might just tell her for kicks. What do you think? (age 14)

I think you might be her next boyfriend. You ought to needle her about why she's so interested in that part of you? Ask her if that's what she thinks about when she sees you. It might lead somewhere.

I'm wondering how common it is for guys to masturbate in front of each other. I recently joined my school's swim team, and I was surprised to find that before a meet, they all masturbate together in the shower. I've gotten used to it, although it still doesn't make much sense to me. Feels like some sort of primitive male bonding ritual. (age 16)

I have never heard of that before, but I have stories of other pre-game rituals which serve as team bonding rituals more than male/female. Certainly you are not the only one who is uncomfortable with it. Those others who are going along with it in deference to a dominant team leader who likes it would be relieved at your raising your objection, and it might even serve to make you an emerging team leader. I can promise you that if this were brought to the attention of the school administration that something would be done to stop it.

My girlfriend and I are religious people. We have been dating for almost 3 years and somewhere in those 3 years, we have become sexual. We have done basically everything except penile-vaginal intercourse and want to wait till marriage. We are both having trouble stopping our sexual habits completely, which we would like to do. I also masturbate about once a day trying to temporarily rid my sexual tension. Is there anything we can do to help us stop? (age 17)

I'm not quite understanding what your problem is. If you are doing everything except vaginal intercourse, then you should be able to relieve your basic sexual tensions. If you want to give up everything you are doing sexually, that can be very difficult; it is tough to go back to stopping at holding hands when you have been sharing orgasms. Masturbating daily is not only the best thing to relieve your sexual urges when you don't want to be sexually active with a partner, but it is also healthy and very normal for both males and females your age. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, the average 17 year old male masturbates 7.4 times per week, or more than once a day. (There were 681 males your age in the survey.)

After reading a few pages on your site and doing all the polls, I'm starting to smell religious fanatic.

But the big issue is that you seem to be saying that 90% of people masturbate "the right way," and the other 10% are therefore obviously "wrong"; but that is sloppy thinking. Just because a majority of people do a thing a certain way doesn't mean they are right. So you need more evidence to support your conclusions rather than a simple 90/10. 90% of people in America probably go to McDonald's, but the food at McD's is still [awful] no matter how many people find it "normal" to engage in that practice. And in order to link a particular practice to a harmful effect of that practice, you need to link causation -- correlation vs causation. You have stated a correlation of (for instance) delayed ejaculation with TMS, but what is the rate of delayed ejaculation in the population? Are your observations statistically significant? I have seen nothing on your site to suggest that it is.

If you looked at other species and were able to show that humans are the only species that masturbates in a prone position, well I suppose that might be interesting; except that it's not true. I have seen more than one dog walk across a room rubbing his [penis] on the carpet and enjoying it. So it occurs elsewhere in nature, and not just in humans.

Perhaps you are a teacher at Liberty University? I just can't imagine a REAL scientist, academic, or doctor having a site like this ... too much sloppy thinking here. (age 41)

I really enjoy posts like this one. I am religious but by no means a fanatic. Many people I know offline are surprised to learn I'm religious. When 90 percent of people do a thing, it is normal. That is what normal means. You are correct -- it doesn't make them right. From my surveys, there is no question that prone masturbation is a statistically significant cause of orgasmic disorder. From the survey of over 10,000 males in the second half of 2007, in which 4075 sexually experienced males answered both the anorgasmia and prone question, the odds ratio of having anorgasmia for someone who masturbates prone as opposed to someone who doesn't is 2.69, with log odds of 0.99. It doesn't get much more significant than that. The Yates and Pearson chi-square coefficients are 32.19 and 33.58, respectively, both significant P<.0001. This site isn't about animals. Anyway, if you can imagine a sexual practice, it exists in the animal kingdom. And Liberty University? That school isn't even on my radar. They don't even give PhDs. From where I am in the academic food chain, we look down on just about everything, including every public university. (I don't mean to be elitist. It's just the way it is.)

I don't know if I'm still a virgin because I stuck my penis into my girlfriend's vagina but took it out before I ejaculated. Am I a virgin or not and do you need to ejaculate to lose your virginity? (age 15)

You are not a virgin. Under the law, penetration has occurred if any part of the penis passes beyond the outer labia. One does not need to ejaculate to lose his virginity.

I had a wet dream about an orange haired girl named Hannah who I have no attraction to. Because I don't know how masturbation works, it was just contact, although it confused me because I wasn't that interested in her but thank you for clearing this up. I thought that it necessarily meant I liked her, but now I know it doesn't have to mean that. (age 15)

I like girls with palindromes for names.

I am Catholic and believe that masturbaion is a very serious sin, so I have started to refrain from it. Could this cause me to get prostate cancer or any other kind of problems? (age 14)

Not masturbating won't directly cause prostate cancer, but it can increase your chances of getting it. According to a team of doctors led by Dr. Graham Giles, males who masturbate most frequently when they are young have the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, the average 14-year-old Catholic boy masturbates 8.5 times a week. That's more than once a day. There were 193 in the survey.

Typically how long does it take for a person to have a wet dream after their last ejaculation?

There is no typical period. A male who has wet dreams frequently might have them two days in a row and then not again for another month. A male past puberty who doesn't have wet dreams will probably never have one.

I'd just like to thank you for the great start. Just yesterday I masturbated to orgasm. I thought I would never have one but I was just being impatient so thanks for the encouragement and advice. (age 12)

When I started masturbating, I increased rapidly to at least 4, sometimes 6 times a day. Is that too much? (I have since dropped to about 2-3 times per day, every day.) (age 18)

A lot of guys masturbate more when they're just starting than when a couple of years have passed. Even so, your frequency is extreme. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 627 current 18 year olds, the average 18 year old male masturbates 7.7 times per week, or just over once a day. Only 14.2 percent of guys your age masturbate as often as twice a day, and only 3.7 percent masturbate as often as three times a day.

Some things I don't want to do with my girlfriend in bed, but if I refuse she yells at me to be a man or something. Any advice? (age 15)

Time to get a new girlfriend. Your current one is immature and abusive. The proper way to get a partner to try something new is not to demean them or belittle them, especially not in the heat of passion. If you want to discuss it, you could tell her that you don't want her to insult her, but you'll be willing to talk about it later (when you're not having sex). If you don't want to discuss it, then I think you're at an impasse and have no choice but to move on.
Follow-up: The only reason I haven't broken up with her is because out of bed she is very sweet and nice, but in bed she's like a totally different person.

Then she will understand when you tell her when she's out of bed that you don't like the way she talks to you in bed.

I know this guy who says masturbating is pathetic, lame, and gay, and the only people who do it are losers who don't have girlfriends. He says watching straight porn is gay and he only watches lesbian porn. AND he says female masturbation is REALLY HOT. Why do you think he acts like this? (age 13)

You can't be serious. How could you not point out the apparent contradiction between his condemning masturbation and praising lesbian porn? You might direct him to the masturbation survey queries page of HealthyStrokes.com so he can learn about the prevalence of masturbation. I think he acts that way to overcompensate for his own embarrassment about masturbating.

Is it true that if you don't masturbate for a certain number of days, your ejaculation feels a lot better? If so, how does that work? (age 18)

According to a survey of over 1200 males by HealthyStrokes.com in early 2009, 92 percent agree that they have a better orgasm when they haven't had one in an extra-long time. However, the ones who said yes are divided as to whether it is worth it to abstain from orgasms in order to have a better one. 53 percent say it is worth it to miss a bunch of orgasms to have a single superior one and 47 percent say it isn't. The median time for this result to happen is 3 days.

How do you masturbate in the military? (age 19)

It's mostly an issue for males in basic training, when masturbation is frowned upon, if not prohibited, and recruits are given no privacy either in sleeping quarters (Barack's) or in the bathroom (latrine) in part to keep them from masturbating. Once they are past basic training, it's more like any other communal living arrangement. There are a few stories about it on the masturbating in dorms page, but I would be eager to gather more.

I masturbate 2-3 times a day. I can't even get an erection from just looking at porn. The only time I get an erection is when I wake up or when I touch my penis and play with it. Why can't I get an erection without touching my penis? (age 16)

As every man ages, it gets to be that way. I suspect that part of it is the high frequency at which you masturbate. If you cut back to once a day for a few weeks and notice that your erections are more automatic, then you will have figured it out.

I find most of my fantasies are about others engaging in sexual acts whether intercourse, foreplay or masturbation. Is this normal? (age 17)

Yes, that is pretty normal, especially if you've never had sex. It is more usual to put yourself in the fantasies when you are sexually experienced.

What is your opinion about the Taoist view that males should avoid orgasm with ejaculation? They talk about "injaculation," which means retaining the semen inside the body for better health, longevity and longer and more satisfying orgasms. Do you believe this? They also say that a man over 60 should only ejaculate once a month and preferably through intercourse rather than masturbation. (age 57)

If you are familiar with HealthyStrokes.com, you know that I reject this prescription for male sexuality. Injaculation is a dangerous practice that can damage the genitalia. Every scientist who has an opinion says that males over and under 60 should ejaculate much more often than once a month. This religion is opposed to nature. How can a religion that is contrary to nature be true?

My girlfriend and I have been have been exclusive for about 2 weeks and this relationship is the first for both of us. We started off moving very quickly but decided to slow down. Last night, while making out on my bed, I rubbed her leg, then thigh, then her vulva. This was all through her jeans, but she moaned appreciatively. Some people consider this as performing manual intercourse on her. Did I do that even though we were both fully clothed? (age 19)

Yes, you did. You stimulated her vulva with your hand, and that's the definition of manual intercourse.

If a girl lost her virginity can she become a virgin again? (age 25)

No. A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse. If they've had sexual intercourse, then they can never again be a person who has never had sexual intercourse.

I masturbate on my side. Is that TMS? I've been masturbating for a few years now and all I only ever had one wet dream before I learned to masturbate. Is there anything wrong? (age 14)

Masturbating on your side is not TMS. You might find it easier to control what you're doing while lying on your back. It is normal to never have wet dreams again once you start masturbating. I don't think anything is wrong.

I recently broke both wrists in a car accident, and I can't masturbate at all. Do you have any ideas on things I could use to reach a climax that doesn't involve too much movement with my hands? (age 18)

I can only wonder how long it took you to type that message. Could you get your hands in position with your penis and then move your whole arm? They have machines that are used for relieving men with long-term conditions, but I don't imagine they would do that in your situation. I hope the casts are coming off soon.

What is the tethering effect of the frenulum? I think I have my frenulum still, but I'm not sure. There is a thin, fleshy line along the bottom side of my penis that goes up to the urethra. By your diagrams, I'm circumcised. (age 17 1/2)

A frenulum that is too short can cause problems. About 1 in 20 uncircumcised males has this issue. If you're circumcised, you probably don't have a frenulum on your penis. (You have at least two in your mouth: lift up your tongue and you will see one holding it to the bottom of your mouth, and lift up your upper lip and you'll see one there too.) The think line going up the bottom side of your penis is called the raphe. I would also like to point out that the opening in the penis is called the meatus. The urethra is the tube inside the meatus.

My girlfriend and I are both virgins. Last night I began to finger her for the first time and she said if I started to go in too deep, she'd stop me because she is afraid that she will break her hymen and it would hurt. I don't want to hurt her so I stopped, but we decided that we will have sex soon. Should she break her hymen manually or should we wait until sex to let it happen? She doesn't use tampons and she has never masturbated so her hymen is still intact. (age 19)

The hymen breaking by itself does not necessarily hurt. The only reason to worry is if it is hurting. There is no reason to decide in advance to break the hymen manually. You are better off not worrying about the hymen and only considering what your girlfriend is proposing if she feels pain from sexual activity.

I have been masturbating for over a year now. I use one hand to masturbate while I touch my testes with the other. Is this normal?

Yes, that is very normal. Many, many males do that.

Most of my best friends have masturbated and they said it feels good and that I should do it too. I have tried stroking my hand over my penis for about 30 seconds or so and I didn't really feel anything good. What should I do? (age 13)

30 seconds is not very long. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, it takes boys your age who are experienced at masturbating 6.2 minutes to reach orgasm, on average. You wouldn't feel good things if you only jogged or played video games or roller skated for 30 seconds, would you? Give it more time.

I recently had small white bumps on my foreskin. One was larger than the other three. The larger one went red and got larger. It is painful to touch, and is uncomfortable in my underwear. I can't masturbate because stretching hurts it. It looks like the kind of spot you would get on your face. Is this normal? (age 13)

If you have been sexually active, it could be the result of a sexually transmitted disease. Otherwise, it is probably a zit. These can happen anywhere on the body, although they are rare on the foreskin. It ought to go away in a week or two by keeping the area clean. If it persists, then you ought to see a doctor.

I have a girlfriend that I'm in love with, and I masturbate and I think I should tell her because I don't want any secrets between us. But I'm scared that it'll mess stuff up if she thinks it's weird. I have already brought it up and now I don't know what to do. I haven't told her but I don't know if I should. What do I do? (age 14)

I don't see any reason for you to tell her. Also, since you brought it up but didn't tell her, that suggests that one or both of you is uncomfortable with the subject. Masturbation is something a lot of people are private about, even married people.

I recently learned that I had hernia surgery when I was 4 years old for an undescended testicle. Would this affect my chances of fatherhood? I think the volume of semen I produce is less than normal. (age 17)

The testes do not begin to produce sperm until puberty. In any case, you have two of them, so even if there were something wrong with one of them, the other one could still make you a father. Semen is not produced in the testes but in the prostate gland and other internal organs. I am pretty sure your volume is unrelated to this long ago surgery.

I wish I'd had this information when I was a teenager. I still masturbate about two or three times a week in addition to having intercourse eight times a month. (age 59)

How would I know if I had a wet dream? (age 14)

There is a 99 percent chance that you would wake up as you ejaculated. If you are one of the rare one percent of guys who can sleep through a wet dream, you would find wet or dried semen on your clothing or bedding when you finally wake up.

After using lube for a couple of weeks, I find it hard to orgasm without lube. Should I be concerned? Should I keep using lube? (age 12)

I think you should keep using lube, but it is very unusual to get habituated to a particular thing in such a short time at your age.

My brother just turned 12 and I'm 17 and we're pretty close. He's recently been asking questions. He says he's had a couple of wet dreams but he hasn't masturbated. He has asked how big I am and if he could see it. I personally have no problem with this. He showed me his penis the other day and I deemed it big for his age. He also asked if I masturbate and I said I do, because it is practically universal among guys. Would it be wrong to masturbate with him?

Yes, I think it would be wrong. I think what you are doing so far is being a good brother, but not if you do that.

Do many Muslims masturbate? I'm a Muslim and I want to know if many Muslim males masturbate. (age 14)

According to a survey of over 10,000 males by the web site HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 240 Muslims, all of whom claimed to masturbate, the average Muslim male masturbate 5.7 times per week. This is the least of the major world religions, although it is only slightly less than the Christian average of 6.5 times per week. Keep in mind that this was not a population-based survey but was of readers of HealthyStrokes.com, who tend to be avid practitioners of masturbation.

Why is it bad to ejaculate 7 times in one day as opposed to ejaculating once a day? Wouldn't the effect on the prostate be the same since you are still getting rid of roughly the same amount of sexual fluids? Also, You mentioned that it was very hard for men to go a week without ejaculating and that after 2 weeks, the lack of ejaculation can hurt the prostate. Do women experience anything similar? If a woman does not masturbate or have sex does she feel any kind of agitation? Do women experience any kind of damage to their sexual functioning by not having sex or masturbating after 2 weeks? (age 23)

It is like working out a muscle. If you do 14 sets of weightlifting over a week, it will hurt your muscles less than if you do all 14 sets in one day. So you are certainly stressing the prostate gland more by having all that ejaculation at once instead of spread out over time. Women don't have an issue of feeling stressed by not masturbating. I think that is the price we pay for being able to ejaculate.

I have been masturbating prone as long as I can remember. I can still reach orgasm if I do it with my hand but it takes longer. Does this mean that I will be fine when I have sex? (age 20)

It means that you will not have to go through the abstinence regimen; you can just quit prone and eventually be OK. But you should quit masturbating prone. It is asking for trouble.

When I was 17, I was an exchange student in a faraway country, and another exchange student and I were pretty active sexually, and very happy about it. We were on a two-week bus trip around the country, and it so happened that we spent two consecutive nights on the bus. On the second night, when everyone else was asleep, we discreetly started touching each other, and I gave her an orgasm right there, which was very exciting. Of course, she couldn't reciprocate because of the mess that I would make, and so we agreed to go to sleep.

I couldn't sleep because of the terrible pain I had in my testicles. I had only heard of it before and never thought it would be so bad, but I couldn't sleep for what seemed like an hour. Finally, I asked the bus driver to stop at the next opportunity because I needed to go to the bathroom very badly (which was not a lie; he just didn't know the whole truth). So a few minutes later, in a shabby bathroom stall of some dingy roadside restroom shack on a foreign continent, I was masturbating out of distress. It was more of an emergency field operation than any sort of relaxing, private masturbation. I finished pretty quickly, got back on the bus and slept like a rock. Ever since then, when it comes to discussing the "blue balls" phenomenon, I can solemnly say it's real, and so is the pain. (age 22)

That's a good story.

I believe that pornography is degrading and immoral. However I find it *extremely* difficult to masturbate to orgasm without looking at pictures of naked women. I feel very guilty while I do this - but am not sure what the solution to my problem is. What do you recommend? (age 17)

A lot of guys decide they'll only look at pictures of women posing and not at those containing sex acts. You'll have to figure out the right balance for you.

When I have intercourse with my fiancee I ejaculate maybe 3-4 times within a 1/2 hour. Is this normal? (age 24)

No, but it's certainly nothing to complain about. Enjoy it while you can. Your refractory period will get longer as you get older.

If I have a boner is it bad to put it under the top of my jeans so nobody notices? (age 15)

Yes, that is a good strategy.

I think my dad might have read the questions that I've asked you in the past (I kept them stored), based on a comment he made after I went to the doctor for a physical some days ago. I don't have any other proof , but the comment itself brought this difficult thought to mind, and I'm anxious and embarrassed and mortified. I don't know what to do. Please help! (age 17)

You are jumping to conclusions. If your dad merely made a joke about masturbating, then your first thought ought not be that he is snooping on your computer. He knows that almost every guy masturbates by your age. He was your age once. Maybe he had a physical at your age and maybe he wondered if the doctor figured out that he was masturbating. He might have been empathizing with you by making a joke.

Last week I masturbated about 16 times in just 3 days! I know thats not a normal frequency but I hadn't masturbated for a whole week before that. Do you think masturbating at such a high frequency after abstinence is normal? (age 18)

Five times a day for three days is very high, but I have heard many cases of guys masturbating frequently after taking more time than usual off. It is a common thing for guys to come home from a situation where they couldn't masturbate freely (e.g., school trip, summer camp) and then make up for lost time for a few days.

I'm from a place where teenage drinking is highly accepted, so sometimes this girl in my class gets really drunk and asks me if I want to have sex with her. I've never given her a clear response since I don't know what could happen after. Should I have sex with her while she's drunk? (age 15)

You are asking for trouble by having sex with a drunk girl even if she initiates it. That is where date rape and false allegations of date rape get started. If you really want to have sex with her (which is a bad idea at your age), then ask her sometime when you're both sober. It might also be inadvisable to get in a relationship with an alcoholic. If this girl likes you, then there is probably some chronically sober girl who likes you too.

Does TMS affect the length of the penis? (age 18)

No.

Is it unsafe to not use a condom when having oral sex?

Oral sex is unsafe sex. In order to make it safer, you should use a condom or do it only with a monogamous partner whom you trust to be free of diseases. They make flavored and unlubricated condoms specifically for fellatio.

When I masturbate to ejaculation, I get think chunks of semen. Do you know what this is? I am very concerned. (age 14)

It is probably normal. Your semen is apt to have an uneven consistency at your age because you are not yet producing all the components of semen, or because you ejaculate infrequently and chunks of matter form in your semen. You are apt to find your semen gets more consistent when you masturbate more often.

I masturbate 4 times a week. I always masturbate with some form of lube, whether it is lotion or baby oil, but I have trouble masturbating with my bare hand. I always use a glove, tissue, or plastic bag over my hand and then flush it when I am done. I always masturbate in the bathroom, but I want to transition over to my bedroom. I do not want to get it all over my hand or sheets, because my mother comes in to wake me up. Do you have advice on how to get over this fear?! This is extremely important to me. Your site is great! (age 14)

It is normal to use lube or to find it more satisfying to do so. As guys get older, they are more likely to use lube rather than less likely. However, it is not normal to cover your hand while masturbating. I hope it is because those forms of lube you mentioned are greasy and tough to get off your skin. If you switched to a water-based lube, like Astroglide or K-Y Liquid, you would be likely to find clean up easier (just like wiping your hands off) and feel less need to cover your hand. I have no doubt that if you told a psychologist about this, he would assume that you have issues with masturbating that need to be dealt with, such as that you think it is "dirty." I hope you try the water-based lube and prove that psychologist wrong.

Is there a way to preserve your semen? (age 14)

Yes, cryopreservation by a sperm bank. It costs about $200 per ejaculation and $400 per year for storage. If you mean something you can do yourself, then no.

The other day my girlfriend and I were making out on her couch. She was sitting on top of me and she started trembling and shaking a little bit. I also noticed her cheeks turned very red, as if she was blushing. I know that this is what happens when girls have orgasms. Was she either having an orgasm, or getting close to having an orgasm just from making out? Or do you think she was just turned on? (age 17)

I suggest you ask her. Another way you could find out is to give her a frank orgasm and see if she is the same way then.

I seem to be MUCH more developed than other guys my age. Is that normal? Does that mean I will finish puberty sooner? Is it OK that I can stay aroused and be able to masturbate for as long as half an hour is that OK? (age 14)

If you are correct, then you are finished with puberty. Puberty only lasts about a year and a half. If you started earlier than normal, then you will finish earlier than normal. It is certainly OK if you can take a half hour to masturbate, but it is bad if you have to take that long every time.

I've been masturbating since 12 and sometimes I squeeze my penis when I'm ejaculating. Would that affect the growing of my penis? (age 16)

No, but it is better if you just let the semen come out. If you restrict its flow, you can damage your private parts. The blood vessels and nerves are very sensitive.

Is it safe to rub tip of your penis with your hand? (age 13)

Yes. Guys who do that generally use lube because the tip is very sensitive.

One time I had a REALLY bad itch and it was REALLY late at night and I REALLY had to scratch. As I was scratching this REALLY bad itch my dad walked by my bedroom door and saw me with my hand down my pants and the expression on his face terrified me. What should I do to prove to him that I REALLY wasn't masturbating? (age 14)

I suppose that would only matter if you REALLY don't masturbate at all and he was REALLY willing to believe that. If you're not willing to state that you don't ever masturbate, then the question of whether you were masturbating that night is irrelevant.

I understand the whole "it's normal" speech. But my mom says I should never do it even if it is normal. What should I do? (age 14)

You are going to masturbate no matter what your mom says, so I think you are better off accepting masturbation as something normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for guys to do. Reading HealthyStrokes.com will help you learn those things. You can also accept that not all mothers will believe those things. Your mother doesn't have to know you're masturbating.

I have been masturbating since I was 10. I estimate that I have masturbated nearly 2000 times. At this rate, by the time I become 25, I will have masturbated nearly 4000 times. Is that normal or should I try to reduce my frequency now? (age 20)

Your calculations are what most guys your age and at age 25 report. This means your masturbation frequency is within the normal range. I don't think you have to worry about it.

Sometimes I catch my brother watching porn on the computer but I have not yet caught him masturbating. It's very obvious when I walk into the room. Should I say something? (age 14)

That is up to you. If you think you should say something, then you should.

I can not last more than 5 days without masturbating. Is this compulsive masturbation? (age 14)

No, that sounds very normal. According to a survey of over 8,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the first half of 2007, the longest the median guy has gone without masturbating (since he started) is 12 days.

Earlier today I had an erection and felt the need to masturbate, but I did not have adequate privacy so I did not. The erection lasted a really long time and sometime before it ended I felt something wet in my underwear. Was this "pre-cum"? How long should an erection last? (age 14)

Yes, that was pre-cum. If you get really turned on sometime with no source of relief, it can soak all the way through your pants. A typical erection lasts 20 minutes, but occasionally they last longer.

I have been having frequent urges to masturbate. The problem is, after doing so for about 8 minutes and right before I think I am about to ejaculate, my testicles start feeling very uncomfortable. Because of that, and feeling dirty I wimp out and don't finish. Is this a problem? I want to start, but after multiple times I can't ejaculate. (age 14)

Yes, I think that's a problem. You are training your body to not respond sexually. A different feeling in your testes before ejaculation is normal when you are not used to ejaculating. I would advise you to ignore the discomfort and go for broke when you get to that point. Think about whatever turns you on and stroke as hard and fast as you can until you ejaculate. Once you have learned how, you can work on being more slow and using less force.

I masturbate about 5 times a week, which I don't think is that much. But this past week I didn't do it at all and I began to feel sleepy as if I would pass out if I didn't ejaculate ASAP. So I did and the feeling went away. Is this natural and should I consult a doctor? (age 14)

I think you just need more experience getting to know your body. Not ejaculating is more likely to keep you awake than make you sleepy, and ejaculating quite often leads to sleep, which is why about half of masturbation takes place at bedtime.

I've been putting off ejaculating purposefully for some time. I'm worried about getting some disorder/male reproductive organ problem though, like you have mentioned; but I just don't want to ejaculate right now. I am writing to see what you say. (age 17)

Doctors believe that it is necessary for males to ejaculate at least every two weeks to maintain prostate health. Dr. Graham Giles of Australia, who has studied the relationship between masturbatory frequency and prostate cancer opines that younger males should masturbate at least six times a week. You don't say why or for how long you will be abstaining, but I doubt that one single period of abstention will make any difference in your long-term health. If you are planning to ejaculate only infrequently on a regular basis, then I think you are setting yourself up for a problem.

I've read through many of the questions on your site, and you constantly say, "lying on your back." I don't lie on my back. I sit at maybe a 115 degree angle. Is this abnormal? (age 14)

No, not at all. By lying on your back, I don't mean a fixed, perfectly level position like you might need to assume to get an x-ray. I mean something akin to the position you might sleep on in your back. In any case, something where the weight of your body isn't pressing against your penis like it is in the face-down position. (And of course, your face isn't truly down in the face-down position; it's turned to the side.) Masturbating by reclining as you describe or sitting straight up is not a problem at all.

Do most guys lose their erections when they cum for the first time when having sex? (age 18)

Yes. It is normal to lose your erection once you ejaculate. Having sex is no different from any other ejaculation in that regard.

How many masturbations a month can keep one's health fit? (age 25)

Dr. Graham Giles, who led a team that studied the relationship between masturbation frequency and prostate cancer, recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week to prevent prostate cancer. Most guys I correspond with have no trouble following the doctor's order!

When I go to the swimming pool my swimshorts get wet and sticks to my body. Because I'm a bit larger and it looks like I have an erection, girls laugh or ask me if I have one. It's kind of embarrassing and leads to weird questions. (age 15)

Then wear less revealing swimming trunks.

How can you tell when a girl is horny? (age 17)

You should work at learning to make girls that way. You can't expect horny girls to seek you out. They'll be with the guys who make them horny.

I never had a wet dream before but this year (my first year at college) I have experienced several. They were so intense they woke me up. Why am I now getting these? (age 19)

It is unusual to start getting them at your age but it doesn't mean that anything is wrong. My guess is you're not ejaculating as often as you used to. You can learn more about that on the page for people living in dorms.

I can only masturbate by rubbing my penis side to side on a soft blanket. Is this normal? (age 13

No, that is quite atypical. I suggest giving that up and learning to masturbate conventionally. You will be glad you did.

Sometimes I masturbate by thrusting my penis between my mattress and box spring. Only a couple of times a year. Is this a form of TMS, and is it dangerous? (age 16)

That is a particularly brutal form of TMS. Even a couple of times a year is too often.

My best friend is a girl. Lately during masturbation I have been thinking about her. Even if I start out by thinking about other girls, I always end up thinking about her by the end. Is it wrong to think about a friend that way? I feel guilty because we are really good friends and would never be anything more! (age 17)

It is normal to feel guilty about some fantasies. Perhaps you should not be so quick to rule out a relationship with her.

You talk about the dangers of the prone position, but I don't understand what that is. Can you explain?

Supine means lying on the back, and prone means lying on the stomach. Prone masturbation means masturbating in a position similar to the prone position pictured above. (Image courtesy medtrng.com)

Is getting a boner while sleeping on your stomach considered TMS? What if a wet dream occurs during this?

No, that is not TMS. If a wet dream occurs, it is fine. The problem with TMS is putting pressure on your penis. The natural pressure from lying down is not a problem.

I have always had trouble masturbating. I don't think its a physical problem, but rather a mental one. I find it hard to keep my mind focused for some reason, and I get easily distracted. I am also bisexual, and I am much more physically attracted to guys. It annoys me though, that to this day I have never ejaculated. I have tried, and I do think its possible for me. I just don't know how to stay focused. (age 16)

I think that is a problem worthy of a doctor's help. My first thought is that you take antidepressants that interfere with your ability to ejaculate. If that's not the case, then a doctor could help you out.

I have been masturbating since I was about 10, and have never been caught (to my knowledge) and don't know for sure if any of my friends masturbate because they never really talk about it and they haven't been caught. I really want to tell SOMEONE that I masturbate though. I don't know why, but I just feel kind of alone being the only person I know who masturbates. Is asking someone if they do and telling them that I do a good idea, or is it likely that it wouldn't end well? I wouldn't ask just anyone, probably my closest friend who I've known for more then seven years. I DO NOT want to talk to my parents about it especially my dad because he is clearly against it. My mom is a nurse practitioner and a diabetes educator and is understanding, but I don't know if she is against masturbation or not. Do you think it would be OK to talk about it with her?

I'm 14 and in high school because I skipped the eighth grade. I'm a huge nerd. I could tell you that the arc tangent of one radian times four is pi. Is it pitiful that I've never been in any kind of relationship with a girl and I've never kissed one? Do you think I should get one by the end of high school? I'm really considering it.

If you really want to tell someone, then tell him, but don't ask about him. He is apt to volunteer it. If he doesn't, then just let it drop. By reading this site, you know that he almost certainly does. Of course it's OK if you talk to your mom. I can't believe you know the arc tangent of a radian and don't know that you can talk to your mom. Smart guys (and girls) are more likely to be sexually inexperienced than others in their age cohort. Don't be in a rush, but I think you should work on it.

I masturbate quite often but I never get any time alone at home anymore. I can't safely masturbate, especially to any material, and the bathroom is tiny. Any ideas? (age 13)

This is part of the reason I advise guys to avoid getting used to masturbating with material when they're so young. When your erotic imagination is fertile, you can masturbate in bed in the dark, which offers all the privacy you need. A lot of the problem with privacy stems from people noticing your lights or computer on late at night.

I read on HealthyStrokes.com that pretty much all guys have masturbated by age 18. I masturbate about 7-10 times per week, but my friends apparently don't masturbate and say it's gross when we're talking about it (which doesn't happen much). Are they just really good liars or is there a way to tell if they really do masturbate? (age 14)

You might ask how they know it's gross if they haven't done it. A better approach would be to tell them how much you enjoy it, and perhaps when they are a little older they will know they can be honest with you about it. However, some of them really are not masturbating yet. I wasn't at your age.

I thought wet dreams were the final stage before puberty right before the voice thickening and the facial hair. I was masturbating to straight porn yesterday and I have been masturbating since I was 10 and I've never ejaculated before. I recently turned 12, and I was bored so I masturbated with some porn. I felt like a tingly thrill and a jolt run through me, and my hand couldn't let go, and then I masturbated even faster. I thought I was gonna wet my pants but I came! I was happy. Am I done with puberty then? I ejaculated before having a wet dream, so can I never be fully done with puberty? Can I still have a wet dream? If you masturbate without ejaculating or you've only ejaculated once, can you still have wet dreams?

There is no set order to the things that happen in puberty. It varies a lot from guy to guy. You will probably spend a year and a half in puberty and then be done with it. Ejaculating doesn't mean it's over. Never having a wet dream doesn't mean you never graduate from puberty. You can still have a wet dream. Masturbating to orgasm only once won't prevent you from having wet dreams, but I suspect masturbating will be a daily habit for you soon. At that point, if you haven't had one, it is unlikely that you'll ever have a wet dream.

I am not gay but a lot of people think I am including my sister. My mom gave me a talk about it's OK to be gay if that's the path that I wanted to take. I do do stuff that people think is gay like singing and acting and modeling but I'm not gay or bi! What should I do?

You shouldn't let meddling by family members keep you from pursuing your interests. Are you sure it's "a lot of people"? Maybe it's just your sister. You shouldn't let what you suspect others think about you keep you from pursuing members of the opposite gender. Find your confidence in yourself.

My 18-year-old sister and her 2 friends often come to me with questions about male sexuality and masturbation. I don't mind their questions, and I know that one of them masturbates and the other doesn't, but I'm kind of curious if my sister does. I sometimes hear noises from the bathroom when she's in the shower, and I suspect that she's masturbating, but I'm not sure. Would it be wrong for me to ask her if she masturbates? (age 19)

Yes, I think it would be. Respect her privacy. If she knows her friends tell you these things, then she is being loud with her silence by not saying anything about it. She obviously doesn't want to talk about it, or she would have joined in the discussion with her friends.

Is it sanitary to eat your own semen? Is there some funny taste to it and does it make you a homosexual since you are a guy and you basicaly gave yourself oral? How would you achieve something like this? Would you ejaculate into your hand and lick it off or is there some technique you are supposed to do? (age 14)

Your question hints at performing oral sex on yourself, which for males is called autofellatio. Dr. Wardell Pomeroy estimated that only one male in a thousand could perform autofellatio to orgasm. There is nothing homosexual about autofellatio. It is a form of masturbation. Guys who eat their semen lick or suck it from where it was ejaculated. It will not taste like anything else you eat. According to a survey of over 3000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in 2008-09, over half of males have eaten their semen, and about seven percent do so most of the time when they masturbate.

I masturbate once every two/three weeks. I have erections a LOT! what is wrong with me? (age 16)

Frequent erections are normal at your age. There is nothing wrong. However, most guys your age masturbate at least once a day.

I had my first wet dream since I was a kid this morning. I usually masturbate every day and I masturbated yesterday so why I had a wet dream this morning remains a mystery. I was sleeping naked, however, which is something I don't usually do, so maybe this was a contributing factor. Anyway, great web site! Keep up the good work. (age 24)

Good deal.

I masturbated twice last night, and this morning I woke up with an erection, as usual, but it hurt. The pain went away when the erection subsided but I'm not sure if this is normal or something I should worry about. (age 18)

Aggressive masturbation or intercourse often causes soreness immediately or the mext day. Using less force or more lube is apt to make a difference. It also helps to urinate after masturbating because some of the pain can be caused by semen drying inside your urethra.

My cousin and I (who are not related by blood) flirt and talk about having sex nearly every day. She has let me feel her breasts on numerous occasions and has let me rub her private area through her pants and she has felt my penis through my pants as well. I think about her all the time. I just can't get her out of my head. We talk about having sex when she is out of high school (she is a few years younger than me) and we tell each other the fantasies we have about each other and masturbate on a regular basis to these fantasies. Do you think it's OK that we touch one another or have sex when we aren't related by blood? (age 20)

I don't see a problem with it, if you aren't really cousins. Anyway, there are now a bunch of states that let first cousins get married. Keep in mind the statutory rape laws, however.

Is it normal to masturbate while holding it in like when you're trying NOT to urinate, because it feels a little better and it goes faster? Or is this dangerous and should I stop? (age 13)

No, it is good if you can prolong the plateau phase a little longer. Good for you!

I've got a girlfriend that I haven't seen in quite a few years, and when we get to see each other, which will be in a couple of days, she wants me to at least feel her up. If it were my own choice, I'd wait until she was older, but I can't say I don't want to. She's only 14, and I'm not sure I should. Is there anything wrong with simply trying to pleasure her without sexual stimulation? And what about manual intercourse? I realize she is under-age, but she seems so intent on it. (age 17)

Be very careful and check the age of consent laws where you are. There is a big difference between 17 and 14. The difference between 22 and 19 is not very big. At the very least, don't do anything penetrative.

I was masturbating and my step-sister caught me. We engaged in a sexual act at least once after that. Is it OK to do that with my step-sister? (age 16)

A step-sister is not a relative. If you are both of the age of consent, there is no problem.

I started masturbating almost 2 years ago, but I have never had a powerful ejaculation but I know that is probably because I'm young. When I masturbate, it only feels good for a few seconds, and if I want to get it to feel good again, I have to stop, wait a few seconds, and start again. It doesn't feel good unless my legs are tightened. What's wrong? (age 13)

I don't think anything's wrong. When you are ejaculating, you will have to wait a lot longer than a few seconds to do it again. It is also very common to tense your legs. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, 19 percent of males do that almost all the time when they masturbate, and another 21 percent do it most of the time, a total of 40 percent who do it all or most of the time. Another 50 percent do it at least some of the time, leaving only 10 percent who never do it.

I am unable to reach orgasm during sexual intercourse with my girlfriend, or through anything besides masturbation. I have tried not masturbating for around 5 days before having sex but nothing has worked, I do not have TMS and usually I take 10-20 minutes when masturbating. This issue has been bothering me A LOT and I don't know what to do. (age 17)

I suspect it is just nerves. I would advise keeping at it until you can reach orgasm even if it takes half an hour. Then you can work at reaching orgasm sooner. Just relax and enjoy intercourse. Don't worry about whether or not you will have an orgasm.

At age 15 I had a penis I could be proud of. Then I went for surgery where I was given meds to prevent erection during the operation. About a week after the operation I attempted to masturbate but was unable to ejaculate. Rather than give up, I persisted to attempt orgasm. I did achieve a release of some kind (a very light clearish liquid not like semen) but shortly after, my penis lost considerable length and girth. My penis is now quite average when erect and quite unflattering and short while flaccid. The other men in my family are quite normal. What happened to me? I suspect my body was somehow depleted of a vital hormone required for normal development but that is entirely my conjecture.

I have never heard of anything like that. According to your story, your penis had already grown; therefore, no growth would have been stunted by the absence of your hormone. It would be good to go back to the doctor who gave you the no-erection pills and ask him.

Can you tell me what doesn't count as pornography? (age 13)

According to the American Heritage Dictionary (4th ed.), pornography is "sexually explicit pictures, writing, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal." Merriam-Webster (10th ed.) uses a narrower definition: "Material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement." Someone could argue that mere nudity doesn't meet Merriam-Webster's definition of "erotic behavior" but does meet American Heritage's definition of "sexually explicit."

I am in a long-distance relationship and so masturbate daily and sometimes twice or even three times. Sometimes I have trouble climaxing during intercourse and can only finish by my hand or through oral sex. I read that using a simulated vagina can help cure this by getting me used to the feeling of a vagina instead of the grip of my hand. But you are saying that it will make things worse. (age 33)

Yes, that is right. Being in a long-distance relationship, you have the problem of having to integrate occasional intercourse with your partner with multiple daily masturbation sessions. I also get the impression that you have not had all that much experience with intercourse. I don't think an artificial vagina has the promise of making this better. Just enjoy having intercourse and don't worry so much whether you can reach orgasm or not.

I masturbate on my side, not my back, and I find it easier to move my hips but keep my hand steady. Is this TMS or atypical? (age 18)

It is not TMS, but it is atypical in terms of how most males masturbate. I hope that is not the only way you can do it, and if it is, then I suggest learning a more conventional method.

Is it normal for a guy to hear a ringing in his ears after he ejaculates? (age 16)

Tinnitus is not at all normal. I have never heard of it being connected to ejaculation.

Yours is the best, most informaive site. I'm thankful to you that you spend a lot of time answering questions so patiently. (age 16)

How come I never wake up during a wet dream? I know that most males usually wake up during it. What about never waking up? I have wet dreams pretty frequently, about 6-8 times a month. (age 18)

I think it means you're a heavy sleeper. If you could vary something about how you sleep (bedding, clothing, etc.), perhaps it would make you more likely to wake up.

How often do 70 year old men masturbate?

According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 90 males from ages 68 to 72, inclusive, tha average man in that range masturbates 3.6 times per week. However, they are readers of a masturbation-related web site, so their frequency is apt to be higher than average.

I masturbate in the shower. I have a seat in the shower and I sit down while doing it. I do this every day. Is this bad? (age 13)

It is not ideal. You ought to be able to masturbate someplace other than a seat in the shower. Before I had one of those, I thought they were neat, but then I got one and decided it was for old people. The seat is now covered with bottles of hair products, etc.

I masturbate about every couple of days, and the other night I masturbated and then went to sleep, and I had a wet dream the same night. From your site, I've learned wet dreams don't normally happen if you masturbate frequently, so why did I have one? (age 15)

Sometimes they are just random. If you masturbated daily instead of only 2-3 times a week, they would probably stop forever.

I was staying overnight with my 15 year old cousin. During the night I thought that the light from the window showed him on his bed naked and doing something with his penis. I asked him what he was doing. He said it was something I should have been doing by now. He told me I could watch him and then do the same. I did and it was my first time. Several times I have stayed with him and in the night we have done it each on our own bed but we can see each other. Is this OK? (age 13)

If it's OK with you.

I was walking past my younger sister's window while I was taking the trash out one night. I heard a weird noise and looked in her window. I saw her going at it and I watched until she finished. I feel bad for watching but it was kind of exciting. I don't think I would ever tell her. (age 17)

You could go to jail for that. Nearly every state has laws against that. Take California's for instance:

Every person who commits any of the following acts is guilty of disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor:(j) (1) Any person who looks through a hole or opening, into, or otherwise views, by means of any instrumentality, including, but not limited to, a periscope, telescope, binoculars, camera, motion picture camera, or camcorder, the interior of a bedroom, bathroom, changing room, fitting room, dressing room, or tanning booth, or the interior of any other area in which the occupant has a reasonable expectation of privacy, with the intent to invade the privacy of a person or persons inside. (California Penal Code Sec. 647)

I have been married to my wife for 10 years now and we have 3 children together. We love each other very much. My issue is she comes from a very strict sexual household and was brought up to believe that masturbation is a sin and I came from an open household where masturbation while a private thing was OK. I still masturbate but I feel guilty about it knowing she gets upset about it. Should I stop, or is there something I can do to help help her overcome her childhood repressions? (age 39)

You could tell her it's OK for her to have her own beliefs and you respect that she doesn't masturbate but you would like her to respect your belief that it's OK for you.

One time I was masturbating for a long time (30-45 minutes) and I had to give up. I was well-focused and everything. How come I couldn't orgasm? (age 16)

It happens to everybody sometime. I usually tell guys to quit after 20 minutes. Be glad it was only one time.

My 17-year-old girlfriend receives no pleasure when she masturbates in any way. She orgasms every time that I pleasure her, but it is frustrating for her because orgasm is a pretty good stress reliever. Any ideas on why she receives no pleasure from masturbation? (age 18)

It is suspicious that she claims that. Nearly everyone is more orgasmic in masturbation than intercourse. Perhaps she is embarrassed about admitting to masturbation so claims she gets no feeling from it in an attempt to make you believe she doesn't masturbate.

If a woman's cervix is 4 inches from the opening of the vagina, does that mean that's only as far as a penis can enter it? (age 17)

Yes, that is correct.

Why does my semen smell? Is this normal? Is it safe to swallow? (age 15)

The distinctive smell of semen is caused by prostate fluid. It is normal for semen to have a strong aroma. It is safe to swallow your own semen.

My girlfriend who is one year younger than me knows I masturbate because I usually talk about it with her. I want her to try masturbating because I feel like I'm alone in doing it so I asked her if she would and she said OK. I know she hasn't because she told me she didn't but I really want her to because I think it's a serious matter. What should I do? (age 13)

If you read HealthyStrokes.com, you know you're not alone. I think you might be escalating the sexual side of your relationship more than is good for you at 12 and 13. It would be a good idea if you could postpone sexual involvement for a few years, especially since your girlfriend isn't even 13 yet.

When I was about 9 until about 12, I put my penis against a water jet in my bathtub often. I have noticed that my penis hasn't grown much. Is that because of this? There is a brown spot where I would put my penis against the water jet. Do you think this will ever go away? (age 17)

The jet should not have had any impact on your growth. The brown spot is a matter for a doctor. It could be a sign of a more serious problem or it could be something anatomically harmless. I would have it checked out soon.

How do you masturbate in front of your partner? (age 36)

The technique is the same as when you masturbate alone. The key is getting a partner that you are relaxed enough with that you can masturbate in front of.

I am 19 and I just got out of high school and I have never been kissed or dated at all. I have many friends of both genders and I relate to them well, but I have overloaded myself with school and work for the last few years and now that I am out and unemployed I feel weird that I've never been with anyone. Do women think that sort of thing is weird?

Everyone has to start someplace. You don't need to make an issue of never having experience. I would suggest getting involved with activities and asking one of the women from the group out for a soft drink or something after one of your meetings. If you have a good time, then make plans for dinner or a movie. Often the women your age are about as inexperienced as you. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Thank you for your site. It's been very informative and helpful to me. Whenever I use lube, if I put pressure while still stroking in the area a little bit below the head, it feels like I'm having a sort of mini-orgasm but without cumming, and I can also achieve orgasm through this relatively quickly. Is this weird? (age 12)

No, not at all. You are learning about a sensitive place. See how the lube makes it easier for you to tolerate touching a spot that you might otherwise not be able to.

I just read a question from a guy that says that he hears a ringing in his ear after he ejaculates. That happens to me too but only when I have really strong orgasms, like when I use lube and shoot past my nipples and sometimes even past my shoulder. (age 18)

Thanks for sharing. I am not aware of any connection between tinnitus and orgasm, but perhaps others share your experience.

I am a doctor and a faculty member at a major midwestern university. You have an interesting site. Your response to questions related to circumcision are a little imprecise. The advantages to circumcision aside from hygiene is that (as rare as might be statistically) only uncircumcised males develop penile cancer. (age 54)

You are correct, but the treatment for penile cancer is circumcision, so this begs the question, why treat every newborn male for a cancer he will (as you yourself say) have only a small chance of ever getting?

I am so glad I found your website. It has helped me in countless ways. You say males should masturbate my stoking their penis with a loose fist. I have seen on other sites many different methods. Are these other methods OK? I've been masturbating ever since I can remember and I used to suffer from TMS but somehow I stopped that on my own without knowing it was bad for my health. Now I masturbate correctly, but I want to change things up without having sex. Is there a method I can stimulate the head of my penis safely? I would really like to know. I know I'd probably need lubrication but I don't have access to any at all. And I thing the whole up/down motion is getting old. (age 16)

When you encounter a new technique, you should ask whether it seems like something good for you or something atypical that could lead to sexual dysfunction. Most males use the traditional up-and-down motion exclusively and don't practice a catalog of variations. Some of those sites that post them couldn't care less about the effects they are having on sexual health. Some even advocate forms of TMS and other dangerous practices. You would find lube makes a whole world of difference. If I were you, I would learn to get access to some soon.

I have just finished perusing your site. I am very impressed. I think that I am relatively well informed on both the male and female fronts as far as anatomy and masturbation go, but your site still had large amounts of new information for me. I was extraordinarily surprised and pleased, and I just wanted to thank you for providing such helpful information. I only wish I had found out about your site earlier.

For the past month or so, I have been involved with a new partner, who while older me by a few years is still much less experienced. I was always uncertain about how to approach this situation with her, because all my previous partners were either more experienced than me (or about equal), but now that I have more information on the female side I feel confident enough to confront her about it. I think that the information I found here will help me. I just wanted to thank you and let you know that what you are doing is extremely helpful, regardless of gender or age. (age 18)

Thanks! I hope you don't confront your girlfriend but instead are willing to discuss matters with her.

When you get an erection, does that mean you will ejaculate from that age? (age 12)

No. Babies have been born with erections. When you start getting very firm erections that feel different from ones you've had before, that's a sign that you will be able to ejaculate soon.

My fiancee has no problem with me masturbating but is extremely offended at any watching of porn. She says it makes her seem inadequate even though we both agreed not to engage in sexual activity until marriage. I'm just wondering if that is normal. (age 20)

A lot of women are uncomfortable with the kind of visual aids that males find help them masturbate more efficiently, especially the ones who insist on no sex before marriage. It would help you a lot if you didn't tell her you use anything. It is very normal for males to use visual aids to masturbate.

I have wet dreams quite often but I also have ejaculated twice while sitting and listening to the lecture in my class. Why is that? (age 18)

Apparently you reach orgasm quite easily. Most who don't experience it would say it's a good thing. It is apt to taper off as you get older, so if it bothers you, you can hope for that.

A woman can have multiple orgasms. Does this mean that during sex when a woman has an orgasm, the man can just keep on thrusting into her without stopping? (age 31)

Yes. The experience of orgasm for a male and female are different. When a male ejaculates, his penis immediately becomes too sensitive to keep thrusting even if he wanted to. A woman does not have this immediate reaction. She will not only not object to a male continuing to thrust throughout her orgasm(s), but she will actually enjoy them more than if he had suddenly stopped at that point.

All the people I met and all the sites I read say that masturbation results in premature ejaculation. Is this true? (age 14)

No. Masturbation is the usual treatment for premature ejaculation. A male can much more readily learn to control his ejaculation in masturbation than in intercourse.

What will happen if you masturbate the prone way? I don't see anything wrong with it. Can you tell the risks? (age 16)

It is argued on the main page of this site. You increase the likelihood of having sexual dysfunctions like delayed orgasm or erectile dysfunction.

Can Mountain Dew decrease your sperm count? I want to talk to my parents about masturbation so that I may be able to receive help such as lube and/or magazines like playboy. Is this a wrong way of thinking? (age 12)

Mountain Dew will not affect your sperm count; however, it has a lot of caffeine, which can often be bad for sexuality. I don't think your way of thinking is wrong, but I doubt your parents will give you Playboy just because you ask. You can certainly ask for or buy lube without telling them specifically what it's for.

I agree that using women (e.g porn) as an object to merely gratify the drive to masturbate is not the healthiest of things. I, however, masturbate to erotic literature. Can this be justified as healthy? (age 16)

Yes, I think it can, and it only objectifies imaginary women.

Is it very uncommon for a guy to masturbate more than 2-3 times a day? (age 13)

According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 383 current 13-year-old boys, only 9.1 percent masturbate more than 14 times a week and only 1.5 percent masturbate more than 21 times a week. So I think more than 2-3 times a day is pretty uncommon, even at your age. The average 13 year old male masturbates 8.1 times a week, or a little more than once a day.

I have just masturbated and ejaculated for the first time in my life. Is it normal for it to hurt since it's my first time? It doesn't hurt that much, but still it strains a lot. Is it normal for me to have not masturbated until now? I felt guilty afterward, so I planned on not doing it again. But YOU said it was healthy. Anything I can do? (age 15)

Congratulations! I was 15 the first time too. It ought not hurt. It ought to feel very, very good. There is no reason to feel guilty. You will probably find it feels better as you get more used to doing it. I predict you will be much more experienced at this time next week.

I'm 15 and I've had about 20 wet dreams the past few years, mostly about girls I see in magazines or on TV. My most recent one was very odd. I was running down an empty hallway in my school when I came across a blond woman bent over picking something up. In my dream, I instantly got hard so I flipped her skirt up and pulled her panties down and proceeded to have intercourse with her. Now when I masturbate, I recreate the fantasy and the feeling I had when I was inside her.

What a great wet dream that was! You should be glad you had it.

I don't get urges to masturbate although I still do it once or twice a day. I don't get many erections. Is it OK to start to masturbate without an erection and then get one after a minute or so? Otherwise I wouldn't masturbate often at all. (age 16)

Yes, that is very OK and how most adult males do it. If you don't get urges to masturbate then why do you do it? I think you are calling an urge not an urge because you have the idea that an urge is a bad thing. Every day you get urges to eat and to use the bathroom ... and to masturbate. It is just how the body works.
Follow up: I don't think there is anything wrong with urges. I occasionally get them, but I don't get horny very much. I can go a while without masturbating. I just don't because it is fun and feels good!

I know that the average number of times to masturbate a day is once, but is there anything wrong if you do do it more than once a day? Sometimes when masturbating I get the idea to eat my own semen but once I have cum, I no longer want to. Is there some way to get around this? (age 21)

The way around it is to do what you want to do. There is nothing wrong with masturbating more than once a day. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 387 current 21 year old men, 27 percent masturbate an average of more than once a day.

There is this girl I really like and I think she likes me back and I want to ask her out, but all my friends at school think she is a weirdo so I'm worried that if I date her, I'll be made fun of. (age 13)

Go for it! No one will make fun of you for going after the girl you want.

So far I have only masturbated and ejaculated twice in my life. On my second time, all I did was get some lube and rub it up and down before an erection. I wasn't aroused by anything, but I got an erection. I took less than 30 seconds before I ejaculated. Is this normal? (age 15)

All but the part about only having masturbated twice in your life. It is typical to reach orgasm quickly when you're just learning. Once you get used to it, you will have an easier time controlling when you ejaculate.

I've heard of a technique called 'stop-and-go' where you stop right before orgasm and continue and repeat the process. Is this technique safe? (age 15)

I wouldn't call it unsafe, but I think it's only worth practicing if you can maintain your erection the whole time. If you're losing your erection during the stop periods, then you're teaching your body not to respond sexually.

i am currently having wet dreams and I want to stop so badly. I have had wet dreams for about three years. Can you give me any tips please? (age 14)

Masturbate. Masturbate. Masturbate.

How come when I masturbate I can't think of a good sexy image? It's really hard to think of a hot image (girl). Im not gay. (age 13)

Try to start with girls at school that you like. Or ones you don't like that have hot-image potential. Then go from there.

Should I be worried about having varicocele if I can feel with my fingers the spermatic cord going from my testicles up into the groin? How can I talk with my dad about something penis related? (age 17 1/2)

If it bothers you, you should see a doctor. Most guys are not aware of the epididymides or the vas deferens until an inflammation occurs. Just talk about it like you would any other part of your body.

I am a boy and I masturbate about 5 times a week. I sometimes do it near an open window because I like when the sun shines on my erect penis. Is this OK? (age 15)

Remember, if you can see out, others can see in. Make sure no one is watching. It could be a crime if someone can see you, even if you're in your own house. Oh, and be careful about UV rays.

Is it possible to have an orgasm before puberty? (age 11)

Yes. Prepubescent boys can have orgasms but not ejaculate.

I masturbated about 3 times each day last week. Now for the first time in my life, my semen is yellow. I masturbated after a 3-day break and it is still yellow. Is this normal? (age 14)

Yes, yellow is within the normal range of colors. It might change from clear to white to yellow and back over a period of time.

Whenever I'm sitting in a chair or at the computer, my penis is kinda shriveled up and it's barely visible. This also happens in the shower. Is this part of masturbation? (age 14)

No, it is a reaction to temperature. Your genitals shrink when they're cold and expand when they're warm.

If a male masturbates or has sex, will he keep on having wet dreams? (age 13)

The experience of the vast majority of males is that masturbation and intercourse will put an end to wet dreams forever.

Can your eyesight be affected by masturbating? (age 14)

No. If that were true, every guy over 15 would wear glasses and every man over 21 would be blind as a bat.

I had my first wet dream last night, and it was about intercourse with my twin sister. I was shocked at first, since I had never thought of her like that before. But it felt really good and it was cute, and I can't look at her without smiling now. I'm scared. How do I get rid of this? (age 14)

Coming up with a bunch of other sexual fantasies will make this one less important. Try fantasizing about various females from ads, TV, etc., until you have added a sufficient number to your repertoire.

Does the angle of erection ALWAYS become more horizontal than vertical with time? Is it better one way or the other?

The tendency is definitely for the angle to become less vertical over time. Most men would say they would prefer to be as vertical as they used to be, but I wonder how much difference it really makes.

Is it OK for me to masturbate when I hear my dad and his girlfriend having sex? Her screaming makes me really horny! (age 14)

It is certainly OK, but also kind of freaky that you have to hear it. You might let them know you're aware of sounds coming from their room.

Sometimes when I dream and something sexual happens, I can feel it. Do you think if I stopped masturbating, I would get more of these in my dreams and eventually get a wet dream? (age 15)

I generally discourage males from giving up masturbation to experience a wet dream because it rarely works and is very frustrating. If you think you are on the edge of a wet dream, then it might be worth a try, because most of the guys who try have no idea what a wet dream feels like.

I am one of those with TMS, but thanks to your site I am changing that behavior. While masturbating conventionally, one of my testicles seems to move up in my scrotum. If I put any pressure on the area, it returns back to its normal position. Any idea what's going on with that? (age 17)

That is fairly normal. It might have happened to you during TMS too but you didn't notice it.

When I masturbate, I usually do so by stroking my penis with the undersides of my fingers, with my hand in a flat position. Is this wrong or unhealthy? (age 13)

No, not at all, but most males enjoy stroking the full circumference of the penis and not only one surface of it as you do with a flat hand.

Are orgasm and ejaculation the same thing? (age 14)

Technically, no, but since for most males they only happen together, many use the terms interchangably. A male can orgasm without ejaculating and may ejaculate without orgasming. Both situations are rare.

Just want to know how many guys masturbate to contortionists?

Probably about as many who masturbate to calliopists or econometricians.

On 2 occasions, I have masturbated during the day and had a wet dream that night. Should I consider myself lucky, or is it worrying? (age 17)

I would consider myself lucky and not worry about it at all.

I like masturbating but I haven't gotten a wet dream in a long time and I have been sexually active but those wet dreams are great. Any ideas on how to get them? (age 16)

The most likely scenario is that they are something that is over for you, like elementary school.

Is it normal for semen to come back out of the vagina? Is there a way to keep it in? (age 35)

Semen will flow with gravity. If the woman wants to retain semen, she can assume a position that maximizes retention of semen. Recommending such a position is outside the scope of this site, but you ought to be able to find that information elsewhere.

I masturbated a while ago and I got the urge to do it again like 5 minutes later and I ejaculated again. Is that common? (age 14)

At your age, yes. Even by age 16, most guys have to wait at least 15 minutes.

Whenever I attempt to sleep naked I produce precum but in other situations I don't seem to do it. Being aroused due to being naked makes it harder to sleep but it is easier after masturbation. Oddly enough, I sleep more easily without masturbation if I sleep clothed as usual. (age 24)

Thanks for the tips. The things you discuss vary a lot from male to male, but I suspect my readers will appreciate reading about your experience.

I am a 19 year old (almost 20) and I have never been kissed or dated before in my life. I want to start now since I am in college and I have a good social life but I clam up in front of women and now that I am in college I have the added awkwardness that I don't know how to kiss. Would a college girl care about that?

Some would and some would be happy to teach you. A lot aren't very good kissers themselves. I suggest asking a classmate out for something small, like a soft drink in the student union after class, and then move up to lunch at a fast-food restaurant. It would be ideal if she were someone you had interacted with other than only in class, like in a group or activity.

Can masturbation make you go blind or affect your eyesight because it really worries me and I am really scared if this is true or not. (age 14)

In the second half of 2007, a survey of 10,452 males by HealthyStrokes.com found that all of them masturbated -- an average of 6.78 times per week -- and all of them could see well enough to complete the online survey.

I have been diagnosed with prostatitis in the past. I usually ejaculate around 3 or 4 times a week. Are there other ways to a healthy prostate? My prostatitis seems to come and go, but it seems to always come back. I wish there were a way to cure it forever. Is it safe to masturbate while having a hot shower? (age 23)

I doubt that masturbating during a shower would irritate your prostate. Maintaining a regular frequency of ejaculation is apt to be best for your prostate.

If the semen replenishes itself in 24 hours, and if one masturbates, 3 times a day, wouldn't that force your body in any way? Is the body forced into eliminating excessive quantities of minerals in the process of ejaculation? (age 18)

No. The result of depleting semen is that there wouldn't be much of an ejaculation after it runs out. Then 8 hours later it should be back to normal. Semen is a relatively small bodily fluid compared to how much saliva, stomach acid and nasal mucus you produce every day.

I have a lot of wet dreams. But always in my dreams there are girls of 3 to 10 years old and sometimes there are very litle boys. Is that bad? (age 15)

I suspect you would enjoy it more and worry less if they were your own age, but it is only a dream. It is not real. You don't have to act out what you see in the dream.

Is it normal to masturbate during the day, and does doing so make you more tired? (age 17)

If by during the day you mean the hours when you are in school, then I would say that is not normal. If you mean when you come home from school (or before leaving in the morning), then I would say that is very normal. Masturbating (and other forms of sexual activity) lead naturally to sleep, which is why about half of male masturbation takes place at bedtime. However, if you relax for a few minutes afterward, you are apt to be no more tired when you get up than you were before you masturbated.

Is it bad to masturbate with only your thumb, middle and index fingers as opposed to a fist?

No, that is fine.

I am a Christian, and I look at masturbation as shameful. I do it as a weekly thing to stop wet dreams. Is this a sin? Is it OK? I am scared if my parents find out, I'll be in huge trouble. (age 14)

If you've read this site, including the page for Christians, you know that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for males to do. It is neither sinful nor shameful. I doubt your parents would have a serious issue with it. According to Dr. Graham Giles, younger males should masturbate at least six times a week to prevent prostate cancer. Weekly is not nearly often enough, according to this theory.

I used to masturbate by rubbing my crotch against the end of my bedroom door when I was hard. I have since started to masturbate conventionally, but I am wondering if how I used to masturbate was TMS? (age 14)

It was not specifically TMS, but it was an atypical form of masturbation that is probably as bad. Be glad you have put that behind you.

I currently live at home with my parents. On my PC (located in my bedroom), I have a screen saver of nude women. While my mother doesn't mind me having these pictures on, she has commented that some are "dirty" due to the fact they are full-frontal nudity even though they are not engaged in any sexual acts. Are non-sexualized nude pictures generally considered "dirty"? (age 21)

That is an individual judgment. Your mother obviously would not have such photos in her own space. Her word for them might be dirty, but you would reserve that word for more explicit photos. I don't think most people regard simple nudity as "dirty."

I masturbate flat-handed with my palm moving fast over the bottom of my shaft. Is this TMS? (age 14)

TMS is masturbating in the prone position (lying face down). It does not make any difference whether your hand is flat or you wrap your hand around your penis.

Is it OK to masturbate at bedtime and go straight to sleep without washing your hands? (age 16)

I don't think any guy would have a problem doing that.

If it takes about 3 months to produce fully mature sperm, then does that mean that if I wanted to have kids, I must stop masturbating for at least 3 full months after my last ejaculation? (age 31)

It is not true that it takes three months to produce sperm. Your body is producing sperm constantly. Doctors recommend that if you're having trouble conceiving to wait two days before having sex at the maximum moment of female fertility. Two days is a lot less than three months!

I masturbate once a day, sometimes more. When I'm with my girlfriend, it takes me a long time to finish. Is it possible excessive masturbation has left me desensitized? (age 19)

It is possible, but that is not the only possible explanation. It would be worth abstaining from masturbating for 3-5 days before your next intercourse and see if it makes any difference. Most guys who are sexually active do not masturbate daily. It is a good idea to balance intercourse and masturbation.

The number one reason I started masturbating was to relieve the pressure I have during the day. Recently, I began to see some people (both boys and girls) as attractive. Has my masturbation triggered my sexuality? (age 13)

No. Your awakening sexuality triggered both your urge to masturbate and your sexual desire.

I masturbate with a tissue over my penis so that I ejaculate into the tissue. But now I just put it over my penis because it feels good. Is this OK? (age 15)

It would be better if you didn't do that. Some guys catch it in a tissue as they ejaculate, but most find it's more fun to ejaculate without worrying where it will go and then clean up afterward. Using a tissue the whole time is not at all common.

I have a number of magazines in my bedroom and I am concerned that if my parents found them, they would think I was some kind of pervert. If they did find them, how should I respond?

Your choices are to lie, tell the truth, or avoid answering. I suspect your parents would find it normal and not expect an explanation. A mild version of the truth would be to say that the magazines turn you on. If you really need a lie, tell them you're keeping them for a friend because his parents wouldn't understand but you're confident your parents would.

I am right-handed (writing, etc.). But I always masturbate with my left hand. I tried to do it with my right hand, but I couldn't reach an orgasm. Is this weird? (age 15)

No, that is fairly common. Strangely enough, twice as many left-handed males masturbate with their right hands as right-handed males who masturbate with their left hands.

I can't masturbate to women who are over 18, so the Internet is pretty useless for me. Is there something wrong with me? (age 14)

No, that is kind of typical. Many males have trouble being sexually aroused by older women. This is especially true at your age. The difference between 14 and 18 is MUCH bigger than the difference between 32 and 36, no matter what a mathematician tells you. This is one more reason to spend these years developing a fantasy life involving real females rather than Internet images.

Is masturbating while standing or kneeling bad for you like doing prone is? (age 15)

No. Standing or kneeling are fairly conventional positions (although not as conventional as lying supine or sitting) that do not put unusual pressure on the penis. There is nothing wrong with masturbating in the standing or kneeling position.

Is it unusual to release more than 5 mL of semen in a wet dream? (age 16)

The average ejaculation is 5-7 ml. I don't know what the average wet dream ejaculation is so can't say what an unusual ejaculate volume would be. It is unusual to be having wet dreams at your age, however.

How does a wet dream take place if there is no physical stimulation? How do you orgasm from just thoughts? (age 15)

If I knew the answer to that, I would win a Nobel prize. The wet dream is triggered by some mechanism in the brain that is not well understood. I don't think the thoughts (dreams) are what cause it either; the content of the dream is caused by the feeling of the wet dream about to happen. Basically, the male is lying perfectly motionless and then he has an orgasm in his sleep. It is over in less than a minute.

Is masturbating with pics better or with your imagination? (age 14)

It is better if you can do it with your imagination alone. In a sense, males switch to pictures only when their imagination can no longer do the job by itself. It's good to put that off as long as you can. Develop your sexual imagination when you're young.

I know that teenage boys get a huge amount of erections throughout the day, but what about older guys? How many times does it happen for guys in their mid-to-late twenties? (female, age 19)

According to preliminary analysis of a survey of more than 5000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in 2008, males aged 13-15 inclusive have an average of 4.6 spontaneous erections per day, while males aged 25-29 inclusive have an average of 2.6 per day.

What happens if a guy doesn't masturbate? (female, age 17)

If he is experienced at masturbation, then if he doesn't have any means of ejaculation, he will get to be very uncomfortable within a few days. After a week of no ejaculation, it might be all he can think of doing. A male who has never masturbated is apt to have wet dreams about every week or 10 days.

What is the average time it takes for a man to ejaculate as soon as he starts masturbating? (age 12)

According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, the average male takes 11 minutes to masturbate to orgasm on average. The median time is seven minutes. This means half of males take 7 minutes or longer and half take seven minutes or less. Your question asked about "a man," so if the dataset is limited to those 18 or older, the average is 11.9 minutes and the median is 10 minutes.

Last night I caught my sister, who is 18, masturbating in the basement. She didnt see me but I saw her completely nude. I was so horny I did it myself when I got back to my room. I feel really badly about that like it's incest or something. Should I? (age 14)

I think you should have left when you saw what she was doing, but I don't think anyone would blame you for getting aroused. Fantasizing is not incest.

I'm 26 years old and have all of a sudden started having wet dreams again. I only had a couple during adolescence and within the last 30 days I have had 3 wet dreams. Unlike what you said on the wet dreams page. I do not ejaculate upon the penis touching something in my dreams. I have the joy of performing sexual acts with beautiful women in these dreams and do not awake from them until I reach the point of climax in the dream while having sex with them. I have regular sex and I masturbate more than enough to not have them. I am on methadone and it takes me longer to climax than it used to before taking it. I took a nap and had a sexual dream about 30 minutes ago and read this site after waking up. I'm just glad that I get to have sex in my wet dreams and that I don't wake up to the mess as soon as my penis makes contact.

How common is it for guys to masturbate when they first wake up? (age 17)

According to a survey of over 8000 males in the first half of 2007 by HealthyStrokes.com, an average of 16.3 percent of male masturbation takes place first thing in the morning. This makes it a relatively unpopular time. Nearly half (48.1 percent) takes place at bedtime. As a practical matter, if the male in question is not a morning person, he will rarely masturbate in the morning.

My parents' religion clearly states that masturbation is wrong (Catholicism); however, I have chosen to follow a different path (non-denominational Christian), and I had a few questions to ask about masturbation. I think my parents would be OK with me masturbating, but I'm not sure. Is there a way I can find out? I wish to masturbate no more than 3 times a week, so that I don't become attached to it, and I want to do it only to stop wet dreams, and to keep myself healthy and ready for the future. Is this OK, or should I be doing it less or more. I only have a limited amount of time, when my parents are gone, because I want to avoid an awkward situation if they find out. (age 14)

You seem to be too wrapped up in what your parents think. Why not concentrate on what you think? To that end, I think you have a negative view of sexuality. Sexuality is normal and healthy. So are wet dreams and masturbation. Most guys your age masturbate a lot more than three times a week. It will become a habit whether you want it to or not. It is better to think of it as a healthy habit, a necessary habit. A team of doctors led by Dr. Graham Giles found that males who masturbated most often when they were young had the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week.

I hear a lot that guys clean up their ejaculate by mopping it up afterward with some sort of rag (like a shirt), but I almost always get some toilet paper (or something else that can easily be flushed down the toilet), and when I feel like I'm about to orgasm, I grab it and place it over or in front of the head of my penis to catch the semen/sperm. This seems much less messy than what most guys do, and I wanted to know if there are statistics for the ways guys clean up their mess, and is there any specific reason more of them don't do it the way I do? (age 15)

According to a survey of over 4500 males by HealthyStrokes.com in 2009, more than half of guys clean up with a tissue or toilet paper. Only 20 percent use a rag or old shirt. I suspect the reason males tend to clean up afterward instead of catching it as it comes out is that it distracts them from their orgasm and therefore makes it less pleasurable.

I saw my older sister who is 21 masturbating in the storage room. She was totally nude and has fairly large breasts which were heaving up and down as she fingered herself. I knew it was wrong but I got so aroused that I could not restrain myself and started masturbating while watching her. I finished a few seconds before she did and she didn't know I was there. Since then I have been feeling guilty about the whole thing as it is considered incest. (age 17)

It isn't incest to watch, but you showed a complete lack of respect for your sister. If someone discovered you masturbating, wouldn't you want them to leave or look away as soon as they realized what you were doing?

I've been reading your site since it first came out and gradually came to think of myself as gay. Recently I had a sexual experience with a female and I'm not sure what to think about anymore. (age 16)

I always am glad to see the old timers still around. You would have been only nine, perhaps eight, when the predecessor to HealthyStrokes appeared in February 2002. This new information contradicts what you thought you already knew, so the thing to do is take a step backward and get some more information about men and women and then figure out where to go.

When I masturbate, I rarely fantasize about anything, Would my orgasms be better if I did fantasize? (age 13)

I have no doubt that they would be.

I walked in on my brother rubbing his penis against the bathtub, which I'm guessing is the way he masturbates. Is this bad, and if so, how do I go about telling him the conventional way to masturbate? (age 14)

If he saw you walk in, then there is no reason to be coy about it. Just tell him that masturbating that way is highly suspected of causing sexual dysfunction, and point him to this site. If you really don't want to talk to him, perhaps you could print out the brochure about TMS. (Select "flip on long edge" if printing two sided.)

I got hit in the penis when I was 13. Does that affect my growth during puberty? Currently I only have a 4.3 inch penis and I am really worried. Has my puberty stopped? Is it possible to be any bigger? (age 16)

Your puberty has almost certainly ended by your age. It is possible your penis will grow some more. I doubt that getting hit at age 13 made a difference.

You recommend masturbating while lying down. But for the past few years I have been doing it while standing. Is it OK? (age 16)

Yes, it is fine. I recommend males lie down while learning. It is the most comfortable position. Many do it in other positions after they learn but lying down is still the most popular position. Even guys who do it sitting don't really sit; they kind of lean back in the chair and extend their legs forward so that their bodies are almost straight. I think it's as close as you can get to lying down in a chair.

I had an unusual wet dream just a few hours ago. I dreamed I was at the Moscow Peace Festival and Bon Jovi was performing and I was there in the front. I suddenly woke up and found out I had a huge orgasm while I was dreaming. Is this even remotely common? (age 13)

It is more typical to wake up at the point of orgasm. If you don't remember the orgasm, then you might have had the wet dream earlier and only remember the last dream before you woke up which wasn't the wet one.

I have problems orgasming during sex and I sometimes find myself getting soft after half an hour of sex. Most the time the only way I can reach orgasm is through oral sex for 10 minutes or a hand job.

The way I masturbate is to lean against the wall over the toilet with my left arm on the wall and my head on my arm facing downward with my eyes closed, and it's about the same in the second-most frequent place I masturbate, which is the shower. Do you think this is TMS? It usually only takes me a couple of minutes to reach orgasm when I masturbate. (age 17)

What you describe is not TMS, but it is an atypical style that obviously is keeping you from reaching orgasm in a normal amount of time in intercourse. Most guys don't need to worry about getting soft after half an hour of sex because the average guy reaches orgasm in about 12 minutes. I suggest avoiding those two positions and instead using something more conventional for a few weeks, like lying on your back. See if it makes any difference.

I only began masturbating about a month ago. I've done it every day since (I can't believe what I was missing), and even before that, I can only remember having two wet dreams. Curiously, my penis seems to be very dry and chapped since about two days ago. I have no idea why, because I masturbate conventionally with lubrication (Jergen's lotion). At the moment, it hurts when I try to masturbate. My two questions are (1) why could my penis be in such bad condition, and (2) is it likely that I'll have a wet dream again? (age 19)

I'm sorry you only had two orgasms before a month ago. You seem to have gotten up to the frequency of the average guy pretty fast. Being chapped for two days is not such a problem. It is probably connected to the fall weather rapidly approaching. Hand lotion is a more popular lube among younger males who don't have access to lubes made especially for sex, like Astroglide or K-Y Liquid. You might try a different lube. Even if you had been having weekly wet dreams before you started masturbating, I suspect that your current frequency would put an end to them forever.

I am a Christian, and I have been trying for several years to not masturbate, and I have gone as long as 8 months without. My problem is, though, that I never had a nocturnal emission during this 8 month span, or any length of time I've gone without masturbating. Are there going to be health consequences down the road if I'm not regularly ejaculating? I've always read that wet dreams are the body's way of releasing the semen, and "cleaning out the system" I guess, but since it never happens to me, I'm curious to know if there may be negative effects. (age 22)

A team of doctors led by Dr. Graham Giles found that males who masturbated most often in their teens and 20s had the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week to prevent prostate cancer. Wet dreams tend to happen mostly to males with little or no experience masturbating. Most males who have wet dreams stop having them when they learn to masturbate. I don't think you're going to start having wet dreams again. There is a point at which virginity and sexual abstinence becomes hazardous for a male, and I think you're past it. Males who remain virgins past the age of 21 tend to have many more sexual dysfunctions than males who are sexually active by then. You might read my page for Christians and see that most Christians accept masturbation as something normal, healthy, and fun.

When I hug my girlfriend she seems to press the area in between her legs against my leg. Why does she do that? (age 14)

I think she likes the feeling.

Is there anything wrong with masturbating once in the morning and again at night? (age 12)

No, but I think after a while of that you'd probably cut down to only once a day.

What is the best position/technique for masturbating in a room that contains only a toilet, since in my dorm this is the only place I can masturbate on a daily basis? (age 16)

I suggest reading the page about masturbating in dorm rooms for more information about how older men (and women) cope with this. In the meantime, if you could pretend the toilet is a regular chair and masturbate like you're sitting, I think you'd find the most fun.

I masturbate sometimes but it's not something which I need to do every day like most guys my age. I also have wet dreams once in a while. Last week I had one and it was very erotic. When I woke up, my shorts were in a real mess as I hadn't masturbated for quite some time. I saw my older sister, 19, in the dream and we were kissing very passionately when I shot my load and woke up. I feel guilty since I have never fantasized about her in any manner. Why did I dream about her? (age 16)

It was random, like any other dream. There is nothing to feel guilty about.

I love masturbating while thinking of my cousin's stepsister. I want to make love to her. What should I do? (age 19)

I think you need to start by asking her out. You won't get her into bed by masturbating.

I really love girls with small breasts. Big ones do not turn me on at all! Is that normal or am I supposed to only like big ones? (age 16)

What you like is entirely up to you!

I read that the left testicle is usually lower than the right, but my right testicle is lower than my left. What does this mean, and is there anything wrong with it? (age 16)

No, it is fine. It doesn't matter which one hangs lower. Some people even have their heart on the wrong (right!) side. They are called dextrocardial.

I've been masturbating for over a year now. I've always done it in bed, and at night when everyone is asleep. I've never been caught, but I'm unsure if my mom knows I do it. Sometimes when I ejaculate, it makes a mess, and I have to clean up in the bathroom. I just pull my underwear up and go change in the bathroom. My mom always does the laundry. Do you think she knows that I masturbate by seeing my underwear? It's usually got a night to dry in the bathroom. (age 14)

She probably knows that the vast majority of boys masturbate by your age. It would probably not surprise her to discover that you do too. If you are leaving the evidence in your laundry on a daily basis, eventually she will notice the semen stains. I doubt she would say anything, but if she did, you could state that they happened because of wet dreams.

I was circumcised around the age of 7 due to medical reasons. Had I had a choice, I would have had it done at birth. I am 35 now and have no trouble in sex, masturbation, orgasm etc. But the pain I can still remember. I couldn't imagine having to put my son through the pain I had. While you say there is no reason to be circumcised, there really aren't many reasons not to be.

I don't understand why you are arguing both for and against circumcision. Males who have foreskins enjoy them. There is some evidence that uncircumcised males enjoy sex and masturbation more than circumcised one. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, uncircumcised males masturbate more often than circumcised males, 6.99 times per week for uncircumcised males versus 6.6 times per week for circumcised males. While this difference is small, it is statistically significant at the 98 percent level. Uncircumcised males who are sexually active also have more orgasms with partners per week than circumcised males, 3.24 times versus 2.86 times per week. This is also statistically significant at the 98 percent level.

About a week ago, I had my first wet dream, which is strange because I had already masturbated that night before I went to bed. I woke up just after it and my sister, who had been sleeping in my bed that night, was facing away from me. I rolled over and felt pressure on my penis and reached down to feel what it was and it was her. She was sleeping, and I was very turned on by it and couldn't help but move into a better position to feel her. I kept feeling her and rubbing against her body and eventually ejaculated again. I know it was wrong, but I couldn't resist. I never actually penetrated her. I keep fantasizing about her. How do I stop my fantasies? (age 17)

The difference between civilized people and lowlifes is that civilized people can resist urges to do things they know are wrong. What you did was a crime in most of the U.S. The way to get rid of a fantasy you don't want is to replace it with a different fantasy.

I masturbate and when I have an orgasm, the fluid that comes out of my penis is clear and sticky, but when I rub it with my fingers it becomes white. Is this OK? (age 12)

Yes, that is normal. It changes color and consistency several times in the minutes after being ejaculated.

My bedroom window faces my female neighbour's (14) window. I forgot to close the curtains this once. I began masturbating naked and closed my eyes. 15 minutes later I opened and her and her friends were watching me and they laughed when I came. When I met them later, they asked if I could put on another show. I'm still deciding, seems fun though. Any advice on what to do? (age 14)

That is almost the same as a story on my dorm masturbation page.

I mastubated to orgasm last night for the first time from the help of your site. It felt great!

Always glad to help.

Does masturbation affect height? (age 17)

No.

I have a girlfriend and we both deeply care for each other. We also both believe that sex is best saved until after marriage. However, she has asked me to stop masturbating completely if I can, to eliminate the urges. She also has a history of sexual abuse by her last boyfriend and I don't want to repeat what he did to her, which is why I am seriously trying to stop masturbating completely. Would there be any repercussions to me not masturbating at all or should I be aware of something other than blue balls? (age 17)

Your girlfriend is immature and unreasonable. If she knew even half of what you knew, she would understand that you can't stop and that masturbation (at least in the absence of other forms of ejaculation) is a necessity for males past puberty. Masturbation keeps the prostate in good condition by frequently emptying it, and it is also theorized that masturbating frequently prevents prostate cancer. Your girlfriend has given you an out by asking you to stop masturbating "if you can." Since you can't, you don't have to do anything at all. If she asks if you're masturbating, avoid answering. Tell her you're working on it or it's private, or something.

I masturbate by lying on my stomach on the floor and I don't even need an erection. I have always masturbated like this since I was little. I sometimes have trouble keeping an erection when I'm with a girl. I want to perform conventional masturbation from now on. What's a good way to get used to performing it? (age 18)

You have two problems. First of all, you are accustomed to masturbating prone, which is a seriously dysfunctional way of doing it. Secondly, you have taught yourself to masturbate to orgasm without an erection, which is not the kind of learning your body needs. I suggest joining the support group for males with TMS and following the suggestions on the main page for overcoming TMS. In your case, it is especially important to only masturbate when you have an erection. You are pretty young and ought to be able to overcome these fairly readily.

I find myself thinking about this 14 year old girl that I find very sexually attractive and I constantly fantasize about having sex with her. I've heard of people having "friends with benefits" and was wondering if there was a way to do that with her? (age 17)

It would be reckless and irresponsible, and probably criminal, to have sex with her at all, let alone to induce her to do so when all you have in mind is casual, no-strings sex. Three years is a big age difference at your age. I suggest pursuing girls your own age or perhaps a year younger. Wait until this girl is of legal age before trying to seduce her.

If a guy has sex with another guy, is he still a virgin? (age 14)

I don't think so. According to a survey of over 5000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in 2008, 64.3 percent say a male who has had anal sex is not a virgin.

I thrust into a soft blanket while lying on my back. I am 15, I have been masturbating the said way for about 3 years. Some months I masturbate everyday, while in others I masturbate less than twice a week. I went on a 2 week abstention, and no matter what I did, I could not reach orgasm using the conventional method. Visual stimuli, lubricant, different hands, grips, whatever, nothing worked. I got very ticked off, so I went on a 6 month abstention. Yes, 6 months. That is not a typo. Two things happened: 1) My acne cleared up. I didn't use any products, moisturizers or pills; 2) I could still not obtain an orgasm.

The last time I tried masturbating and couldn't do it conventionally was about a week ago. I was in my room, no one was home, I had my favorite songs playing, I used lube and visual stimuli. Just last Monday I started using my method again, and all of a sudden, my face is covered in pimples. I have only orgasmed twice this whole week. I went to the doctor to get my penis examined. He said, and I quote, "You have been taking exellent care of your penis; there should be no problems."

1) My acne cleared up after I stoped masturbating, and my skin was extremely soft and clear. I orgasmed twice, and pimples came back all over my neck and face. This CANNOT be pure coincidence. What do you think? 2) What am I doing wrong? A 6 month abstention period didn't work, and I tried everything. I just can't seem to achieve an orgasm using the conventional way.

You are asking a lot for me to believe you quit masturbating for six months after doing it at least twice a week for three years. The masturbatory method you describe, while atypical, is less harsh than prone masturbation. I have dealt with many, many males who masturbated prone and were able to reach orgasm with their hands after only 5 days of abstinence. In some extreme cases, it takes two weeks for them to be able to do it. My first thought is that you are not stroking hard and/or fast enough. Really make yourself feel it until you have an orgasm the first time; then you can work on stroking more slowly and using less force.

About the acne thing: I don't believe that masturbation causes acne or makes it go away. I am not able to prove this. However, even if your theory that masturbating makes your face break out were true, what would you do about it? If you are right, then teenage guys have a choice between a) having clear skins but feeling constant sexual frustration; or b) being sexually satisfied and having a few zits. I have no doubt that the vast majority of teenage males would continue masturbating even if someone could promise them that abstaining would make their faces clear up.

Today I was masturbating at my computer, and when I hit orgasm, no semen came out! I have been masturbating for a while now, and every other time semen has come out. (age 14)

Sometimes that happens. I wouldn't worry about it.

I recently woke up ejaculating and I'm not sure if I was masturbating prone or not. Sometimes I wake up because I'm masturbating prone and stop myself. I dont masturbate as I don't like the sensation of semen traveling up my penis. I used to masturbate daily before I could ejaculate, but now I do so I don't masturbate anymore. Please tell me how I can just masturbate please. (age 14)

Nearly all guys -- black, white, gay, straight, rich, poor, young, old -- find the sensation of semen traveling through their penis to be the nicest feeling they can imagine. If your story is to be believed, you have orgasmic anhedonia -- a rare condition in which males don't feel pleasure when they ejaculate. If so, then you should see a doctor. You're probably masturbating in your sleep because your body wants to ejaculate. Males are less likely to start masturbating in their sleep if they wear heavier clothes to bed. My advice would be for you to resume masturbation and enjoy it, and if you really can't enjoy it, then see a doctor.

I've been masturbating for about a year now and the head of my penis has been taking some damage from it. I usually rub the head when I masturbate and its getting roughed up and it's starting to get smaller and more deformed. I was wondering if you had any techniques for reshapage or something that wouldn't mess with it. I like masturbating so any advice would be greatly appreciated. (age 15)

I doubt that your glans is getting smaller or deformed by masturbating. It would probably be less painful if you either used a good lubricant or else avoided touching the head.

I have been trying to have sex with any girl since I am a shy person I am not able to call a girl. How do I make a girl understand that I want to have sex? (age 22)

You have to get to know her before you can suggest sex. If you are shy, it is good if you can go out with groups of people where you can get to know women more casually and then ask them out when you are more comfortable.

I have been masturbating for about two years. About 6 months ago I started to masturbate in a strange way: I flip my penis up inside my pants and hump my bed. It feels really good and it allows me to fantasize more because it's less tiring than using my hand. I tried to go back to using my hand after hearing about TMS, but it just feels so much better this way. Is it unhealthy to masturbate this way? And if it is, how should I stop? (age 15)

A large part of HealthyStrokes.com, including the main page is dedicated to showing how unhealthy this method of masturbation is. The main page also tells you how to stop. It ought to be fairly easy for you, since you used the conventional method for a year and a half. Your method is not less tiring than using your hand. It is much more exhausting. It engages your whole body instead of just your arm. But that's not the point; you are not being truthful with yourself if you think the reason you masturbate that way is because it's less tiring. The feeling you get from regular masturbation is much closer to intercourse than TMS is. That feeling you get by thrusting with your pants on just can't be replicated by a partner, and when it isn't, you are apt to have trouble maintaining an erection or getting an orgasm. You ought to resolve to put that dysfunctional way of masturbating behind you while you're still young and you don't have to deal with a partner.

I have had a crush on my little sister's best friend since I met her three years ago. She's almost 14 but I'm not sure she likes me back. She seems to flirt with me but I'm a bit dense so I could be wrong. What should I do? (age 15)

I suggest you offer to take her someplace just the two of you, like the movies.
Follow-up: I'm the guy who wrote to you almost 2 years ago now when I was 15 about my little sister's best friend. I never got to ask her out, but I did on the other hand learn from her telling me that she loved me. We talk online from time to time and every time she tells me she loves me. I've said it back once. I'll be 17 soon, and I'm pretty sure that if my family read this they'd know it's me, especially since I told them specifically how to find HealthyStrokes.com in hopes for them to better understand masturbation and prepare themselves for the last 2 years of having me around. The reason I never asked the girl out is because I moved to the the other side of the US-Canada border, and I'm kind of trying to get over her because my feelings will interfere with my love life here. I was hoping for your help on that topic. Also I was wondering how old you have to be to buy girlie mags here. What's it like to hear from someone you gave advice to a long time ago and then dissapeared? (age 16)

You're not the first. "Kind of trying" means you're not trying. I would urge you to see if you could make it work with this girl. Why not make a trip back to your old town in the other country at Christmas or next summer? Or see if she could come to where you now live? In a couple more years you will be adults and can live wherever you want. You generally have to be 18 to buy those kinds of magazines but the penalties for selling them to minors are not as strictly enforced as for tobacco or alcohol, so many retailers don't check IDs.

I am 17 and I masturbate 7 times a week. I have never had a wet dream. I have masturbated since when I was 13. I feel very upset. How do I get a wet dream at least 1 time to bring my self esteem back?

According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, only 45.6 percent of 17 year olds have had wet dreams. By a ratio of more than five to one, 17 year olds who have had a wet dream prefer masturbating to wet dreams. If you haven't had a wet dream by now, I doubt you'll ever have one. By your report, you have 365 orgasms a year. Guys who get by on wet dreams are lucky if they have 1/10 that number.

I like this guy, and we're friends already, but I don't know if he's gay or not. He's never had a girlfriend. When we were at band camp we roomed together, and we always seem to be talking, but I still can't tell if he feels any attraction. (age 16)

Ask whether he likes girls or guys. If he likes girls, then drop it. If he likes guys, then say you do too.

I masturbate regularly - probably 4 to 5 times a week. I have never had a wet dream and have been told that masturbating causes a lack of growth in the penis. Is this true? My friends tell me they masturbate about once a month. This makes me nervous as my penis is very small for my age. Also, almost four years ago my penis got swollen toward the tip after I masturbated. To this day my penis is still swollen (although not as much). (age 16)

Masturbation does not inhibit the growth of the penis. Your friends are almost certainly lying. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 830 current 16 year old males, only five claimed to masturbate less than once a week. 49 percent masturbate seven times a week or more. I doubt that you injured your penis in that incident four years ago. You don't say what your size is, but 6 inches is average for an adult with most between 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 inches erect.

Can a woman get pregnant while she's already pregnant with twins? (age 17)

No.

When I was a young teenager, I could not ejaculate from masturbating. I finally figured it out at about 18. I guess I did not masturbate long enough to reach it. I used to have the best wet dreams up until I started ejaculating. (age 47)

Glad you eventually figured it out.

My girlfriend and I don't have sex, because she is a virgin and she wants to stay this way until marriage. We kiss and hug. I like to sleep over her and rub my penis over her underwear. Sometimes I come that way. Will that cause TMS later on? (age 23)

I would advise against doing that as a primary means of having orgasms, but I have never heard of anyone developing sexual dysfunctions as a result of doing that.

I came to know about TMS from this site. Is masturbating while standing, rubbing your penis against the wall or something also harmful? (age 17)

While masturbating standing is just fine, rubbing your penis against the wall or something is not at all good.

At what age will the wet dreams stop? (age 19)

There is no particular age, but in terms of the percentage of the male population having them, wet dreams peak at age 12 and drop sharply after age 13.

Recently I have been unable to ejaculate fully. Before everything was fine, but now I am just getting a weak transparent liquid even after three days of no masturbation. Also, I have pains (like burning) in my penis especially near the head after I masturbate. I also find myself rushing to the toilet a lot after masturbation. Should I mention this to my parents and perhaps get a doctor's appointment? (age 14)

I think that would be a good idea. You could try to cure it yourself by drinking a lot more water every day.

I have been masturbating since I was about 13 and recently I decided to stop masturbating. It's been three or four weeks and I haven't had any strong urges. I stopped because I don't find it too rewarding and I feel guilty afterward. Are there any real benefits to masturbation other than the orgasm, are there any benefits for lack of masturbation? (age 16)

In addition to being normal and healthy and fun, masturbation keeps your prostate gland and other secreting organs in good condition. Some research shows that in addition to preserving normal prostate function, males who masturbate most often when they're young have the least incidence of prostate cancer later. The doctor who led this study urges younger males to masturbate at least six times a week. Masturbation also keeps your sperm in optimum condition for fertilization, although I doubt you're trying to do that at your age.

Are people more or less likely to come into a room if they can hear porn coming from it? (age 21)

I think it depends on who they are and who they think is in the room.

If I am ever at home and feel the need to masturbate, I usually go up to my room and do so. I am never concerned about being caught by my parents and have continued masturbating even when I have heard them outside my room. Is this behavior odd? (age 17)

No, not at all.

I've been a virgin going on 23 years now. I masturbate at least 5 to 6 times a week. Will the fact that I'm a virgin complicate my sexual life if I become sexually active at 23?

Your masturbation frequency is very typical for your age. You would probably have an easier time adjusting to sex at age 18 than age 23, but the only thing you can do about it now is keeping from being an even older virgin. Just enjoy sex and don't worry about being a virgin. Every non-virgin was a virgin once.

I masturbate every day (and I love it) but I have never had a wet dream. Is this healthy? (age 14)

Yes, I'm inclined to say masturbating is healthier than wet dreams. You can masturbate as often as you want. Wet dreams just sort of happen.

Whenever I hold my girlfriend, touch her back, butt or kiss her, I get an erection. It's really annoyin