... a site about masturbation and you!

Many older questions from readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:

I am 24 years old. I masturbate, but I get an erection usually when I touch my nipples and I think my mind tells me that it is how the other women would be feeling, then I get more erection. Is it a bad habit?

There's nothing wrong with touching your nipples. But if that's the only way you can get an erection, then it's bad. Try to have more than one source of arousal.

I am 20 and masturbate reguarly. I have heard of electronic masturbation. I wonder where I could get more information or to get the equipment to do it myself?

If you've read this site, you know my goal is to get people to masturbate the normal way. I'd rather not help with "electronic masturbation," and I don't know the answer to your question anyway.

Hi, I have been masturbating, and usually I would think about guys. But after I ejaculate, I think that it isn't good being gay and I'm completely grossed out about gay. Am I normal? I'm 15.

What you think about is completely up to you. Most guys think about girls, or girls and themselves. A lot of guys also think about guys, or both guys and girls. You should be open to the idea of being straight or being gay or being something in between because a lot of people aren't sure at your age. Try thinking about what you'd rather think about and see if you can still ejaculate.

Hi. I am 16 and male. When I masturbate I insert my penis between two pillows. It doesn't hurt and sometimes it is more fun. Also sometimes instead of rubbing up and down I rub side to side. Is this normal or even ok?

It's not normal (hardly any guys do it that way) and I don't think it's OK. It's prone masturbation, and the main point of this web site is to point out how masturbating prone can damage your sexuality.

What I describe on this site as "normal" masturbation is the way 90% or more of males do it. The only ways that are really bad are prone masturbation and urethral masturbation. There are other variations that don't cause sexual dysfunction the way prone masturbating does. For some reason, guys who practice "normal" masturbation have the fewest problems when making the transition to sex with a partner.

I have been masturbating for about a year now but recently in the school holidays when both of my parents were at work I would masturbate like 5 - 10 times a day and now at school I am finding myself sneaking off to the bathroom to have a quick wank. How can I stop?

I think it's something you'll outgrow. By asking me, you're showing you're aware that your behavior is inappropriate, and I think that's the first step in quitting. Why not decide to stop before someone catches you and spreads the words around?

When I get to be 18 I plan on smoking marijuana. Do you think that would stop my sex drive and my sperm and the ability to ejaculate as much as a normal 18 year old would? (age 12)

Marijuana is a dangerous drug, and I hope you change your mind about using it sometime in the next six years. Marijuana impairs your ability to concentrate, and as I've mentioned many times on this page, sexual response is best when you can focus on what you're doing. The main danger from marijuana to your sexual health is that marijuana reduces your sperm count. Some people call it the "sperm stomper." It's good that you're thinking about the risks to your health from marijuana before you try it.

Follow up: Thanks for your answer to the marijuana thing. I chaged my mind as soon as I saw what you said about it. When I masturbate I feel something warm in the tube under my penis but when I have an orgasm it goes away slowly. Do you think that is semen?

Hi again. Hope your mind will stay changed. The tube on the underside of the penis is a blood vein. What's going away slowly is the blood draining from your penis as you lose your erection.

I feel hornier than ever!!! There's this fine girl named Tanya and she lives right across the street and every night I try not to but I have a fantasy about her and I dream that I ejaculate all over her (though I still can't ejaculate). Help me stop these thoughts please!!!!!!!!! (age 13)

It's normal for guys your age to fantasize about girls they like and to masturbate every day. If you'd rather not fantasize about Tanya, then fantasize about someone else.

I was talking to one of my best friends (who is female), and she asked me if I thought about her in my sexual fantasies. I do. What should I tell her? (age 14)

Never tell a female, other than a lover, that you fantasize about her. Your best bet is to tell her that your private thoughts are private. You might also mention that asking someone what their sexual fantasies are is the height of rudeness. Some people have a rule that they won't fantasize about certain classes of people (such as friends or potential lovers) just so they won't have to deal with what you're dealing with.

I've never had a really high sex drive. I used to masturbate around 6 times a week, but for the past two weeks, I have been seriously horny, masturbating 2-3 times a day. I thought that if you masturbate often that it's compulsive and that you're not enjoying it, but I am enjoying it. It's really bad though, because I keep lotion in my backpack and I sneak out of class to pull a quick one. I want to stop, but I'm always really horny. Why is this and will it stop? (age 16)

It's probably just a phase you're going through, like eating a particular fast food item frequently for a few months. It could have something to do with school just starting and lots of attractive people around. It's good that you want to stop masturbating in school, and you should do that before you get caught and people start to talk.

Is a condom fun to use when masturbating? (age 13)

A lot of guys have tried it a few times, but not very many use a condom regularly.

I've read that stimulating the prostate will make me ejaculate a lot. How do I stimulate my prostate? (age 15)

I advise against this experiment. The prostate is stimulated through the rectum. Unless you know what you're doing, you're apt to hurt yourself, and unless you're planning to make anal sex with males your main sexual outlet in life, you're setting yourself up for a form of arousal that can't be duplicated in ordinary sexual activity.

I am a 21 year old male who tends to like masturbation too much, and feel I would be better off if I could stop it. I am still a virgin and the problem is over the years I got insanely good at it, in one instance nearly 16 orgasms within the same day, and would like any and all suggestions as to how to turn my hormones OFF. I haven't masturbated for about 3 weeks now, and would like to make it so I do not ever again.

You have to accept masturbation as a normal, even necessary, part of life. I think stopping for good is as wrong as doing it 16 times in one day. You need to balance masturbation with other sexual outlets. Men who remain virgins past the age of 20 have trouble adjusting sexually, much as men who masturbate prone do. Why not cut masturbation back to once a day. Mark each event on a calendar to make it easier for you to stop after once.

Is it bad if I can suck my own penis? It's like oral sex. (age 14)

Only one male in a thousand can. The rest are jealous. You might not be able to do that anymore once you're finished growing.

I masturbate once, maybe twice a day. Sometimes at a restaurant, I get an urge to masturbate and I do it in the bathroom. Is there any way to quit this urge? (age 16)

Yes. You've already taken the first step by deciding you don't want to do it. Now stay out of public bathrooms and you'll be fine. Remember what happened to George Michael, and try to avoid that kind of public embarrassment.

I'm a 20 year old woman who had her first sexual intercourse at the age of 15. Since then I've been having sex with men. Is it normal that I'm getting so wet whenever I see naked women? I get this crave to have them, but I'm not lesbian but I want to try having sex with a girl. What can I do?

I don't think many straight women get so wet when they see naked women. You might have to consider the possibility you're not straight. One way to satisfy your crave might be to have sex with a woman.

If I get turned on by seeing both women and men nude, but usually have to see a penis to get turned on, does that mean I'm bi? (age 14)

You don't have to decide at your age, and you might be a little young to be judged. You should try to find many things that turn you on and not be limited to one.

I masturbate in a semi-prone position. I support my body weight with my arms and legs. My upper body is up, like a push up, while one leg is on the floor. There is really not any weight on my penis. Is this dangerous? (age 49)

I've not heard of anyone using that particular position, but I would advise against it. Men who masturbate in odd positions have more trouble in intercourse than those who masturbate normally.

My little brother is 15. I'm 17. We both live in NYC and we are African-American. I'm not gay, and he isn't either. I was masturbating and the sensation was good. Well, he walked in on me, and he joined me. He didn't say anything, but he masturbated with me. After a while he turned over to me and ejaculated in my face. We did it at the same time. Was I wrong for letting it continue? He doesn't look at me any different and he doesn't comment on what happened. He is still interested in girls, and I am too. Should I confront him about it?

I don't think you should have kept it up after he walked in. As the older one, it was incumbent on you to stop. He should apologize for walking in, and you should tell him you're not going to masturbate together again.

Yesterday, I came back home early, and I walked in on my dad jacking off to porn on the computer. I didn't say anything, because I didn't know what to do. To see him masturbating to porn on our computer was really weird. What should I do? (age 16)

I don't think you need to do anything. It's normal for dads to masturbate just like for younger guys. You might make more noise as you approach. If it's really bothering you, you might tell him you saw what he was doing.

Thank you very much for a very useful site. I think it's a great public service.

I masturbate regularly. Sometimes I want to feel more of a thrusting sensation like regular intercourse. I put a condom filled with lube inside a a piece of foam rubber with a hole cut in it. Then I place that between a couple of sofa cushions. I support myself on my elbows and forearms like I was having intercourse. I like it because the thrusting sensation is more like intercourse. The friction is actually less than when I masturbate. I used to masturbate prone (rubbing against the sheet) when I was young. I had no idea it was harmful of course. What do you think? Anything harmful with occasionally using my homemade artifical vagina? (age 40)

I think you're playing with fire. Using your simulacrum is a form of prone masturbation. I think you should masturbate normally while you pursue relationships with women.

I have been masturbating for years, and I love it. Is it wrong for me to want to have oral sex with a man? (age 37)

At your age, you'll have to decide what's right for you.

If I stimulate my prostate through my anus will this result in an orgasm? (age 14)

It's possible. Distention of your rectum, bleeding, and excruciating pain are more likely results.

I masturbate all the time and after I ejaculate I put it in my mouth and swallow it. Is that a bad thing? (age 15)

No. Eating your own semen is OK, but putting someone else's in your mouth is unsafe sex.

Is it possible to control the way semen tastes? I've heard that drinking pineapple juice will cause it to taste sweet. (age 19)

I think if that were true we would have heard more about it, at least from Dole.

Me and my friend masturbated together. We're both 13. We enjoy it. Does this mean we are gay?

I don't think you're gay based on one instance. A lot of guys have done that without touching each other. If you're touching each other's bodies, then you're engaging in gay behavior, and some people would say you're gay on the basis of that. Being gay or straight or something in between is about who you want to have sex with over a lifetime. If you're not sure what you are, perhaps you shouldn't be engaging in sexual behavior with other people.

Is it okay to reach orgasm on your stomach when masturbating? (age 16)

No, masturbating on your stomach is apt to cause sexual problems later. See more on the main page.

I once saw my mom and dad having sex and had 6 orgasms in a row. Every day I watch them. Is this normal because now I have a habit. (age 14)

I hope this is fake. You shouldn't be watching other people have sex. That would make you a voyeur -- someone turned on by watching -- and a peeping tom -- someone who spies on people having sex. I don't think most people would be turned on by seeing their parents. I think you need professional help.

What happens when the anus is stimulated? (age 14)

Some people like when the anus is stimulated and some don't, just like some people (male and female) like their nipples touched and some don't.

Is it good to masturbate when I am taking a shower in the bathroom at the swimming pool? (age 13)

I don't think masturbating in public is ever a good idea. You run the risk of being arrested, and even if it doesn't go that far, if another guy your age sees you, he might start talking. You don't want to be publicly humiliated.

What is the result when the prostate is stimulated? An orgasm? And if so is there any way to stimulate it with out having anal sex with another man? (age 16)

Stimulation of the prostate can in fact produce orgasm, although it is unlikely someone could do it to himself. It would be inadvisable to do this as a form of masturbation anyway. This is because the prostate is a delicate organ which is easily bruised, and because this form of masturbation cannot be replicated in sex with a partner, not even anal sex.

My husband is obsessed with masturbation. He was a bachelor for 50 years and I believe this is an ongoing habit. We do not have sex, as he would rather masturbate, but he is doing it the minute I or my daughter leave the room and in our drinking glasses, leaving evidence all over. It is making me sick to the point I have to sterilze everything and my daughter does not need to be exposed to this at 10 years old, because he is not very discreet about what he is doing!

You might need a marriage counselor for help. If he would rather masturbate than have sex, it might be he has some issues about you too. For the meantime, complain only about how your daughter is affected and save your general complaint about his masturbation for later. Good luck.

I'm 16 and I'm very worried about my brother's masturbation habits. Even though he's 25 he still masturbates 4-5 times a week and he stays in his bedroom for something like 3-6 hours each time. I asked him why does it take him so long and he replied that he does it twice and very slowly. Is it ok to stay with an erection that long? In the past he did that every day, and I thought it was because he was a virgin. Now, for the last 8 months he has a girlfriend which he sees 2-3 times per week, and even though he has cut back somewhat I still think it's very much. Is he ok? Is there anything I should tell him to cut back even more?

It's curious that you know so much about your older brother's masturbating. 4-5 times a week is not excessive for someone his age, but it is quite high if he is in fact copulating with a partner 2-3 times a week. Perhaps he and his girlfriend are not sexually active? If he has a girlfriend at all, it's obvious he's not retreating into solitary activity as an escape from making connections in the social realm. You might be missing some of the facts. I can't tell from what you've said that there's anything wrong with your brother, and I'm not sure that anything you could say to him would make any difference.

No one has an erection for 3 to 6 hours. It is quite normal at age 25 that a man would have more than one erection in that time frame that would let him masturbate or engage in intercourse more than once.

I have been masturbating on my stomach since I was in 8th grade. My sexual turnons started with visits to the doctors office, when I would always get aroused by laying on a paper-covered exam table. What always turned me on was when the doctor would pull my underwear down, examine my penis, and then have me turn over on my stomach. My penis against that tissue paper always felt really good, and when I got old enough to masturbate, I spread gift wrap across my bed and pretended I was being examined. That is still how I masturbate to this day. I am a senior in college and have a deep interest in imagining me or other young people being examined. I have never masturbated using my hands or lying on my back or had sex with a girl. If I always masturbate lying on my stomach, preferably crinkly paper, am I headed for trouble? Is there anyone else who has this fetish? What should I do? Mark in Nebraska (age 24)

I have never heard of this fetish, but you obviously masturbate prone. I think your case illustrates how important early sexual arousal can be in shaping what arouses you later. The cure for any fetish is the same as for prone masturbating: to withdraw from it. You need to abstain from both prone and your tissue paper paraphilia. (Paraphilia = sexual arousal by unorthodox stimuli.) It might be easier if you quit prone first and then weaned off your paraphilia once you're masturbating the normal way. It might also help to develop some new erotic interests. Buying some girlie mags might help.

I have been masturbating since I was 15. Now I am 18. I do it two or three times a day sometimes. Then I don't masturbate for a day or two. Sometimes I also do it three or four times a day. Tell me, is it dangerous for my marriage life? Should I be more careful?

Your masturbation frequency is definitely on the high side. I think doing it three or four times a day should be a once a year thing, if that. I think you're better off doing it once a day every day than doing it three times in one day and then abstaining for two days. As for your marriage life, I think if you get down to a normal range (7-8 times a week), you'll be able to adjust to a partner, because most guys masturbate 7-8 times a week before they get a partner. You have another problem, though. Masturbating as often as you do will make it less likely you'll find a partner. Think about it.

I do not masturbate in the prone position, but I don't do it the "normal" way -- on my back -- either. I do sort of a kneel and crouch -- kind of like a catcher trying to block a pitch in the dirt (as a baseball fan, I'm horrified I just used that description). Would you suggest switching to the prone position?

Prone, never! This whole site is anti-prone masturbation! I suggest switching to the supine position (i.e, on your back).

Also, should I be completely hard before masturbating, or does becoming hard in a few strokes count?

If you can get hard within a few seconds of starting, that usually isn't a problem.

I am 18 years old and "circle jerk" with friends (I'm straight). From watching my friends, some use quick, up and down fisting with their hands and some use longer up and down strokes. Is there any difference, or does one make for a better orgasm? Also, is aloe vera gel a good lube?

I think as guys get older, they would tend to prefer the longer, slower strokes. It's entirely a matter of taste. I've never heard of aloe vera gel as a lube, but if it does the job and doesn't dry out the penile skin, I guess it's OK.

Hi, I am 15 and I masturbate once a day. My 17 year old brother walked into my bedroom while I was masturbating 2 days ago. He asked me if I wanted to talk about it. Is it normal to talk to your brother about masturbation?

There's nothing wrong with talking to your brother about it. There was a time when brothers knew everything about each other's habits because they shared bedrooms. Today's young people have much more privacy -- you report having your own room -- than young people did 50 or even 30 years ago. There's no reason to discuss masturbation with your brother if you don't feel comfortable doing so. But an older brother can be a useful resource if you have questions about masturbation or sexuality in general. I think it's quite likely that your brother was extremely embarrassed about walking in on you, and you might discuss that aspect of it with him at least.

Hi, I'm 14 and I have three questions. 1) I started masturbating about a year ago and do it about 3-4 times a day. Sometimes when I masturbate I like to ejaculate up to 7 times. Is this alright? I also found that if I push myself I can ejaculate in under a minute. I know you say that you should only do it once a day but all my friends say they do it a lot, and I'm a bit confused.

You're doing it much too much. I never said you should only do it once a day. I say that once a day or so is average masturbatory behavior. At 14, a lot of guys do it twice a day but three or four or seven times is too much. And if you're going to push yourself to do anything, it should be to take longer to come. There's no reward for being able to orgasm quickly. Jungle animals learn to reach orgasm quickly so they're not in a vulnerable position when a predator comes around, but you don't have those problems. Take your time.

2) When I French kissed a girl, I found that I could not get an erection. Is this normal?

I think most guys your age would get a raging erection, but there's no problem if you don't. If it was your first kiss, you might have been nervous enough to inhibit an erection. Don't worry about it. And at your age, you shouldn't be sharing your erection with a girl.

3) My penis measures 6 inches. Is this a normal size for my age?

No, I think it's a little big for your age. Six inches is normal for an adult.

I masturbate at least three times a day and sometimes like five times a day (that's a rarity), but mostly its no less then three. Is that bad?

You don't say how old you are, but at any age, three times a day, every day, is higher than normal. Are you really enjoying it at that frequency? There's a good chance you're masturbating compulsively.

I am 22 I have masturbated for several years now. I started by looking at male porn and even pictures of men wrestling, which have both aroused me. However, I can't seem to get an erection from girls and it really bothers me. I'm not gay, in fact I like girls a LOT, but I have this problem. Is there something that you can recommend for specifically getting aroused by girls, when I can't get an erection normally?

While not every guy who gets aroused by males is gay, if you're 22 and can't get an erection from girls, you might have to consider the possibility that you really are gay. The way to get rid of an unwanted erotic stimulus is to replace it with another one. You want to replace your erotic stimulus (males) with a different erotic stimulus (females). I suggest finding some female porn that arouses you at least a little. (Most guys find videos of women masturbating extremely erotic.) If you're still having a hard time keeping thoughts of males out of your head, then abstain from masturbation (and if possible, sexual thoughts) for about a week at a time.

I want to get some girlie mags from somewhere to help me masturbate without my parents knowing. Also, I was wondering if you know how to tell if a girl wants to have sex with you? (age 13)

Hmm ... your plans seem a bit advanced for age 13. I recommend using pictures only occasionally (if at all) until you're much older. And I guess there's no point in suggesting you postpone sexual activity since your mind seems made up about that. When it comes to procuring girlie mags, it helps to have an older brother. And don't worry, you'll know when a girl wants to have sex with you. These days, she'll probably tell you. You might start by learning when she wants to date you. Look for the girls who are very interested in talking to you and especially complimentary. And at 13, they might also show their interest by teasing or even hitting you.

I read one of your responses where you said that nobody could maintain an erection for 3 to 6 hours as somebody stated. I regulary beat off but at least one night each weekend I beat off for about 6 - 8 hours. I have found out if I bring myself right to the verge that I will ejaculate but not orgasm -- if that makes sense. I wait about 30 minutes, still stroking myself but can bring myself to the verge and ejaculate again. I can do this about 4 times. When I finally do beat off all the way, I ejaculate far but it is mostly clear fluid. Is it normal or okay to eat your semen? Again, it's about 4 times a night but I only do this like once every weekend. (age 23)

I think about 5 percent of guys regularly eat it. The practice you describe is not very healthy. I don't think your rough method will serve you well in the long run.

I've been masturbating for a long time now and it usually takes me 10 minutes or more to have an orgasm. Recently it happened that my grandma was outside and then she walked into the house while I was masturbating. But she didn't walk in on me and as soon as she walked in I was shocked and had a orgasm in less than 2 minutes. Do you know why that happened? (age 12)

I suspect that the thought that you might be seen masturbating excited you. Most people who masturbate in semi-private places do it because they enjoy the thrill of maybe getting caught. I discourage that behavior highly. That is a dangerous practice. If someone gets caught, they could go to jail and get a reputation as a sex offender. Better to keep it a purely private habit.

I was just wondering what circle masturbation is and how do you do it. Also, what size shold my penis be for my age. (age 14)

Circle masturbation means a bunch of guys (or girls) sitting in a circle and masturbating. I don't think "circle jerks" are a good way for you to explore your sexuality. Your penis should be growing or finished growing. Most 14 year olds are probably in the five to six inch range.

Does everyone who is masturbating imagine some wild (or not so wild) sex scenes? I want to know if I'm the only one turned on by something not considered sexual at all. I've never heard of that before.

Nearly everyone fantasizes while they masturbate. Most people fantasize about sexual things, but not everyone has rape fantasies. Some people fantasize about non-sexual things. If these things are really bizarre (e.g., urine, feces, dead bodies), it is known as paraphilia.

Normally I can't ejaculate when masturbating but I watched some Internet sex while masturbating and I ejaculated. Does this mean I have to look at pictures to ejaculate? The only reason I did that was because I was experimenting if watching porn makes me ejaculate and it does. Tell me what's going on? (age 13)

It's not surprising that pictures help you get to orgasm more quickly. That doesn't mean you need to use them every time, or at all. Now that you know what kinds of ideas help you reach orgasm, you can conjure them up when you need them. Instead of someone else's sexual fantasies, why not create your own from what you see of the world?

I was just wondering that if I masturbate and thought about guys and have looked at pictures on the web, is it bad? Does it mean I'm not a virgin? Will my mother understand why I masturbate? (age 13)

Your sexual fantasies are up to you. I don't think occasionally looking at pictures even at your age is a bad thing, but you should be careful not to make a regular practice of it quite yet. Masturbating does not make you not a virgin. Most mothers only have a vague idea of what male masturbation is about. Women do it a lot less frequently than men and generally don't make it a daily habit the way guys do. It might do you both good to read my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.

When I masturbate I get this guilt feeling and I'm really worried that it might be bad, is it? None of my friends have masturbated yet and I feel bad and don't want to talk to them because I've masturbated. Is it bad? I'm afraid that because I look at guys on the Internet masturbating, men that are nude and gay. Does it mean I'm already gay, going to be gay or is there something wrong with me? (age 13)

Everyone feels guilty about masturbating sometimes. This is because if people were totally comfortable and satisfied by masturbation, there would be no need to have sex with other people and have babies and the species would die off. Half of boys have masturbated their 13th birthdays. I find it highly unlikely that none of your friends have masturbated yet. They probably don't want to talk about it, and you don't have to either. I don't think that looking at nude gay men on the Internet means you're gay, but if you have no interest at all in looking at nude women, you might have to consider the possibility that you are. The good news is you don't have to figure it out at 13.

I started masturbating about two years ago and stopped after a year, due to my religion. Now I don't masturbate even when I have erections, and I'm not sexually active. Can this cause any risks to my health? (age 16)

Your story is fishy. Some authorities say it's impossible to stop masturbating, and there are few credible cases. To answer your question, you need to ejaculate (through whatever means) a bare minimum of twice a month to maintain your sexual health. I don't think that's your problem. I think you need to accept masturbation as something normal, healthy, and fun that all guys practice, regardless of their race or religion.

I masturbate while I either think about or look at porn. Am I no longer going to like porn when I grow up? (age 13)

You should try to get by on your imagination for now. If you're already unable to masturbate without pictures at 13, it might be that you'll have a hard time getting turned on when you're 18.

Is trying to suck myself normal? (age 18)

Only one man in a thousand can do it. But that doesn't mean everyone else doesn't try.

Is tasting my sperm normal? (age 17)

One in twenty guys disposes of semen by eating it after masturbation. I imagine almost everyone has tasted it.

Can you use sperm as a lube for masturbation? Also is normal to masturbate with my two older brothers and sometimes my friend? (age 14)

Semen would not be a good lube because there is no practical way to store it until it is needed. I advocate masturbation as a solo activity. That's how nearly all guys your age practice it.

What happens to the semen I eat after I masturbate? (age 15)

It's digestible. Gets absorbed into the body and used by various cells.

I have been masturbating now for 3 and a half years and really enjoy doing it. I have only recently started to ejaculate but still have very little underarm hair. My friends and I jerk off together at least twice a week and though a couple of them are a year younger than me, they have much bigger penises than mine and shoot much more semen. One of my friends told me that I should increase my masturbation in order to become normal and so I have been jerking off 4 times every day and sometimes 6 times when we have a circle jerk at the weekend. I seem to be able to do this with great ease and really enjoy it a lot. Do you think I should keep going or am I going to have problems later? (age 15)

I think you have a problem now. Masturbating 30 or more times a week is compulsive at any age. More frequent masturbation will not make your penis any bigger and will actually reduce the volume of semen you ejaculate. At your age, it might be worthwhile to have your hormone levels checked by a doctor if you don't think you're finished with puberty. You should be finished with that by now.

One hazard of group masturbation is the inevitability of comparing yourself with others. This is not healthy and leads to self-image problems for the guys who are smaller, have less copious ejaculate, and strangely enough, who take longer to reach orgasm. In the real world, penis size and ejaculate volume are mostly irrelevant, and the prize goes to the man who doesn't orgasm quickly. You'll have an easier time focusing on your own sexuality if you aren't masturbating with other people.

I am 12 years old and I first masturbated at 10. I was one of the best in our class but ever since my third year of masturbating, I wasn't a medalist anymore. Second,I recently was searching the web for nude pics of boys my age nude, because it helps me fantasize while masturbating, and I become extremely angry if the results only showed girls. Am I gay or something? I also am attempting to invite my friend to masturbate with me, but I never had the guts to. I know you said this is not good,but I'm not satisfied with my own hand grasping my penis anymore. I tried to have my younger cousin stroke my penis, but it doesnt feel as pleasureable when a blood relative does it and he seems scared and shy when we talk about it and show each other's penis. What do I do to satisfy the need of my male peer's hand stroking my penis?

Masturbating didn't keep you from becoming a medalist. If the guys who beat you for the medal aren't masturbating already, they will be soon. It might be that you're not as big relative to the rest of your class as you were before puberty.

You should stay away from nude pics of boys (or girls) your age. They would be considered child pornography and you could go to jail for having them. I think it's too early to say if you're gay or something, but straight guys at any age don't have much interest in nude pictures of males. Seducing another guy your age (to say nothing of your younger cousin) to perform a sex act on you is not good. Depending on how much younger he is, it could be considered rape in some states. You don't need to get in trouble with the law for sex crimes before you're even 13! It's one thing to masturbate together -- separately -- and another thing to stroke each other. I think your need to have a male peer's hand will have to go unsatisfied for a long time, just like a lot of guys' desires to have their penis in contact with various female parts has to go unsatisfied for many years.

When I masturbate, I always think about men. When I see a handsome man, I want to see his penis. Am I gay? (age 13)

At your age, it's normal to be curious about both genders, but if you're still fantasizing mostly about men in a couple of years, then there's a good chance you're gay.

Sometimes when I go to bed I have this giant stuffed animal and I close my eyes then I think of the most cute girl like Jennifer Lopez. Then I thrust my penis into my hand and act like its going into a vagina until I orgasm. Is this a form of prone? (age 13)

Yes. Why not quit that while you're young. It's easy to switch at your age, I'm told.

When I was 5 I started humping pillows, at 12 I started masturbating, and I always masturbate to pornography. I masturbate 5-8 times a day every day, even when my penis hurts. I love the sensation when I orgasm. I want to cut down to once or twice a day, but I don't know how. I say to myself I am going to, but never do. My dad and sister always catch me masturbating and so do my friends, but I catch my friends doing it too. I need help to stop masturbating so much. (age 15)

I do hope you've quit humping the pillow. That's prone masturbation, and it can lead to a heap of trouble. Everyone likes the feeling of orgasm, but hardly anyone does it as much as you do. The first thing is to stop doing it in semi-private spaces, which is why people are catching you doing it. You seem determined to cut back, so all you need is self-control. Just find something else to do when you feel compelled to masturbate. Go someplace where you can't do it. I think if you can cut down for two or three weeks, the urge to do it so often will go away. Good luck.

My son is 15 and he looks at pornography several hours a day, and every chance he gets he looks at nude women. I have caught him masturbating to vagina pics on the Internet a few times. Is this healthy for him? Do I need to get him some help? My husband says it is OK with him, but it is bothering me. Also, my husband is masturbating in his sleep, but we have a good sexual relationship. Is there anything he can do to stop masturbating in his sleep?

It's normal for teenage boys to be curious about pornography, but several hours a day is too much. Also, healthy sexuality would mean being attracted to the entire person, not just a vagina. I doubt he needs professional help, but you might point these things out to him. Wearing more clothes to bed is apt to prevent sleep masturbation.

When I masturbate, I sometimes pull back my foreskin and put some face soap (it has the texture of vaseline) on my fingers and rub under the glans. Is this normal? (age 15)

It sounds a little different. Masturbating normally means stimulating the whole penis with moderate pressure rather than zoning in on one part with heavy pressure. That all-over stimulation is most similar to vaginal intercourse. So I'd try to break away from what you're doing. If using soap as lube, be sure to wash it off completely.

Are there any other healthy ways to masturbate? Is it OK to look at nude pictures on the Internet once in a while before masturbation? (age 14)

I think you should be using your imagination at age 14. Using pictures frequently is apt to limit your own erotic capabilities. There are some variations on the basic masturbatory technique, but they should be used with caution. Atypical masturbation seems to lead to sexual difficulties later. More than 90 percent of guys are satisfied with doing it the typical way.

I sniffed glue from kindergarden until 6th grade. I'm going to the 8th now. Will that affect my puberty? (age 13)

Using inhalants is very dangerous and can cause brain damage, but I've not heard they have any effect on sexuality or sexual development. It's a good thing you stopped.

Am I gay if I think about seeing the penises of guys my age? (age 13)

That by itself, no. Most guys your age are curious about seeing other penises.

I'm 15 and have been masturbating for about 3 years. For the last year I have done it looking at porn. I have gone from looking at girls in swimsuits to watching hardcore porn movies. Is this normal?

It's normal for guys to use pictures, but I hope you're not using porn every time at 15. I think guys should be able to get by on their imaginations until they're at least 20. It would have been better if you'd stayed with the swimsuit pics for a while longer. Watching movies should be an occasional and not a regular thing. I'd try to use the porn less than you are now, or by the time you're 17 you might find that nothing arouses you anymore.

I really want to stop masturbating but am having real trouble. Can you give me some tips in trying to stop? It's a waste of time and resources and I just want to stop. (age 22)

Using the techniques on the main page to help prone guys abstain, I think you could cut down to once a week. Why not try masturbating once a week for a couple of months and then see if you really want to quit.

How many times can I masturbate a day?

I've heard of people doing it eight times. Doing it regularly more than twice a day seems excessive.

Hi, I'm 17. I masturbate about once a day. Sometimes twice. I always masturbate thinking about being examined by a doctor. I picture myself sitting completely naked on the examination table while the doctor examines me with his stethoscope. Also, the thought of being examined naked in front of other young guys gets me turned on. It's about the only thing I think about when I masturbate and just the thought of being examined naked with a stethoscope gets me real hard. Is this normal?

It's a paraphilia. (Paraphilia = arousal by abnormal stimuli.) You need to develop other stimuli that get you aroused. You might find some pictures that get you to focus on the who's in it. I don't think fantasizing about the doctor is so bad if you do it less than 50 percent of the time. P.S. The doctor's exam gets rougher when you get older.

I love to masturbate while looking at web sites that talk about sex and stuff? Is this normal? (age 13)

The vast majority of guys like to look at erotic material (pictures, web sites, etc.) while masturbating, so it is normal. However, at your age, you should try to develop your imagination and so you shouldn't have to be looking at something too often. Maybe do that only once a week and use your imagination the rest of the time.

My friends have been telling me how anal sex is quite good. Is that true? How did it feel if you ever had anal sex? I'm feeling like I'm going to have anal sex soon! (age 13)

I suspect your friends know even less about anal sex than they do about multiplying with fractions. When dealing with a know-it-all, it's good to ask this question frequently: "How do you know?" Anal sex is the most dangerous sexual practice, both for the risk it brings for contracting disease, and for the damage it does to your sexual and rectal functioning.

Although I have a rule not to talk about myself here, I've never had anal sex. The closest I can come to forming an experiential opinion is from the dreaded prostate exam. I think having the doctor's finger go up there is about the most uncomfortable part of my year. And the doctor's finger is smaller than a penis, and he inserts it slowly and gently. Perhaps your friends have heard about (or tried) being the partner in anal sex who inserts his penis. This is equally dangerous disease-wise although less dangerous for your sexual and rectal functioning. Keep in mind that if you choose to practice anal sex with males, you won't get to be the inserter every time. You'll have to take turns being the inserter and the receiver.

Follow-up: Ewww, I don't want to have anal sex with boys! I want to have anal sex with girls! Also, I masturbated yesterday but my orgasm was regular then I masturbated two more times and my orgasm was powerful. Why is this??

Well, anal sex is dangerous for and with girls too. There can be a lot of variation in strength of orgasms when you're young, although I would have expected the first one to be most powerful.

I masturbate once a day by rubbing my penis on the side of it while it's still in my pants. I have now learned about prone masturbation and was wondering if I have it. If I quit now since I started 7 months ago, will I be completly cured? (age 15)

If you don't masturbate prone, I think you're pretty close. I think you can be completely cured. Guys who have been masturbating less than a year get cured fastest.

How can I decrease masturbating? I don't like to do it but I enjoy it. Just tell me the way. (age 21)

I don't understand how you don't like to do it but still enjoy it. Anyway, the way to cut down is to go to half of what you're doing now. Every other day instead of every day, etc.

Hi, great page! My libido's extremely high. Despite having a great girlfriend, I often prefer to masturbate compulsively, mostly using pornographic pictures in magazines or on the web. I also have strong temptations to engage in mild paraphilias (e.g., exhibitionism - which is OK as it's legal at the nudist beach!). The question I have is what could be causing these things? I was brought up in an abusive family home and suffered huge trauma at 12 (when I lost my parents) which may explain some of this. (age 32)

Your problem is beyond the scope of my site. There's nothing wrong with an extremely high libido, but you should be expending it on your great girlfriend more often than you masturbate. I'm not in favor of or against paraphilias (even "mild" ones) as long as they're not causing problems for you. You need to consult in person with a competent therapist to determine the role abuse may have had in shaping your sexuality.

My husband really enjoys his porn collection. He masturbates every chance he gets instead of being with me. Lately he has requested that we watch porn while having sex. I want him to be happy, but I'm miserable. How do I approach this subject? (age 27)

I assume masturbation is an open subject since he seems to do it in front of you. You might start by telling him that married men your age masturbate about once or twice a week. If he really would rather masturbate than have sex, then I think he needs professional help. I don't think there's anything wrong with watching porn during sex if you both agree, but it is a problem if he can't get aroused without it. It might help if the two of you could pick out something to watch that arouses you both.

First, I am 14. I know you have heard it before, but I must say it. Your pages are brilliant, even my parents might approve though the only way they would see them is over my dead body, lol. It has raised some important questions about prone masturbating, as well as a general masturbatory question I would like to bring up. I have masturbated prone for about 3 to 4 years now, and will be quitting extremely soon now that I have discovered the error of my ways. I usually lie down and masturbate while using stuffed animals. Is this still wrong, if I lie on my back and still do this, like, say, not lying on top of them but using a puppet or other types of thing where prone isn't involved? This is something I would like to continue if it is safe to do so.

My other question is that I do not usually have normal fantasies when masturbating. I generally think about people, spacifically females, getting devoured by animals or something of that general nature. Strange isn't it? I agree, and really have to laugh. I have tried to stimulate myself by using other erotic ways, however, since I am unable to see, pictures are out, and reading erotic literature in a flat computer voice doesn't exactly do me much good, lol. Is this fantasy alright, if not, how can I change it?

You should drop the stuffed animals altogether. Guys who masturbate with their hands make the best lovers. While using an object while using your hand is not masturbating prone, it is not normal masturbation either. Your fantasy is very strange, and the only way to get rid of an unwanted fantasy is to replace it with a different one. Try to develop some new erotic interests and use the animal one only occasionally. There is apt to be a sexuality support group for the blind out there. You should try to use some of your other senses, like smell and touch. I think when you progress to sex with partners it'll come to you.

What can I use to simulate insertion of my penis into a vagina? Any hand postions or strokes that you know of? (age 14)

You should read my prone masturbation page. Simulating a vagina is apt to be counterproductive and destructive. You should try to masturbate like a normal guy.

I like to masturbate while watching porn videos either on tv or on my computer. Does this make me a voyeur? (age 15)

I've always thought you have to be watching live people to be a voyeur, but some feminists might consider a porn consumer to be one.

Whenever I have my friend over to spend the night, I always suggest "truth or dare" and then dare him to go streaking and then I have to do the same. Right before I take off my pants, I always have an erection. Just from him walking up the stairs I notice that he also has an erection. Is this normal? Is this homosexual behavior? (age 14)

I think you're both excited by the thought of exposing yourselves. It's probably not a gay thing. I don't think I'd call streaking normal, however.

I like this girl and sometimes when I masturbate I think of her. Now I feel awkward around her. What should I do? (age 14)

You might make a point of not fantasizing about girls you might actually date. Try not to worry about it this time. She doesn't ever have to know.

When I was little I would go to a sleep over and my male friend would pretend to be a girl and we would start humping each other. Now that I am older and have a girlfriend I can't stand to think I did that. Am I gay? (age 14)

No. You seem to have developed a preference for females. A lot of guys did stuff like that when they were young. You should laugh about it.

I masturbate to pictures I find on the Internet. I think it is cool. I like the feeling a lot, but I am getting tired of the same old thing time and time again. Are there any sites that you would recommend? (age 18)

I have a policy against recommending web sites, especially porn. I would advise against using pictures so frequently at your age. You should still be able to get a lot out of your imagination. If you're bored with pictures on the Internet, you might get some print ones. Then you can hold onto the ones you really like.

I look at porn photos on the Internet. I copied them on CD-ROM, but I can't think why this is bad. (age 14)

It's bad to get habituated to porn at your age. You should exercise your imagination for a few more years. Also, the porn on the Internet is much more sleazy than what you'd find in Playboy, for example.

From time to time, I fantasize of another guy having sex with my girlfriend (no guy in particular). In my fantasy, I am not "looking" at the guy. It is all the idea of her being pleasured by another guy. Is this a known fetish of some sort? If so, what is it? If not, do I have a problem? (age 25)

I don't think it's a fetish, but it's an unusual fantasy. Most people fantasize about themselves.

Once I was using a neck massager on my legs and I just happened to be hard, so I put the massager on my penis and had a very nice orgasm but it made me get bigger and sort of jelly or really soft, and it was only where the massager was. Is that normal? (age 15)

That doesn't sound like a healthy practice.

How can I eliminate homosexual fantasies? Does masturbation makes you gay? I started to masturbate when I was 8. I get horny when I see two girls having sex and two guys having sex. I don't want to become gay since I love my girlfriend so much. This fantasy is making me crazy. (age 20)

Lots of straights occasionally have homosexual fantasies. Masturbation does not make you gay. If a fantasy is really bothering you, try to replace it with a different fantasy. Looking at pictures that don't spur the unwanted fantasy might help.

I discovered masturbation at the early age of 4. I have done it ever since. I remember "liking" girls during early childhood, but when I reached my teen years and started puberty, my attraction for girls completely faded, and my attraction for boys skyrocketed, and I am sure that I am gay. Do you think that the fact that I discovered masturbation at the tender age of 4 had anything to do with me being gay now? Did I harm myself sexually by masturbating so young? (age 18)

I don't think the two are related. Many people -- gay and straight -- learn to masturbate at that age.

I have serious problems because I'm straight but I get more excited sexually with male porn. I get very aroused looking at two men having sex. But I also enjoy a man with a woman. Does this mean I'm gay? I don't wanna be and if I am inside, I'll never show it. (age 23)

Since you enjoy watching both straight and gay porn, this points more at bisexuality than being gay. The important thing is who you'd like to have sex with, not watch. If you decide you're gay, you'll have to decide if you want to be open about it.

I like to masturbate since 13. I do it often alone but I enjoy it when I'm watching a porn (or not) with a close friend. Does it mean I'm gay or something? I'm afraid someone thinks so when I suggest it to someone. Hope not. You're the best, Doug!!! (age 19)

Keep those exclamation points coming! Wanting to masturbate with a male friend is universal among gay males and relatively uncommon among straights. I think it's more common in groups of guys who gather to watch, er, DVDs. It sounds like you're suggesting it to people with whom you haven't established the right level of trust. You might try to experience more in the world (i.e., interacting with people on a non-sexual basis) and get a handle on whether you're gay or straight or something else before you try experimenting with casual acquaintences.

Every time I masturbate I want to taste my semen, but when it comes, I dont have the courage to do it. Is this normal? Do other guys do it too or think about it? (age 18)

I think most guys have tasted it. Around 1 in 20 cleans up by eating his semen.

I join some schoolmates every Wednesday afternoon for a "movie session" at a friend's house. While we see the movie, we all masturbate together. We have done it for 6 months and we enjoy it and none of us gets embarrassed. Is it bad for us doing it? If you're in my situation, would you continue? (age 17)

I would tend to discourage what you're doing, but I think it's less harmful than if you were touching each other. Before engaging in any sexual activity, you should think about where you want your sexuality to go, and whether that activity will help you achieve it.

I'm not addicted to porn, but once a week I see a movie or on the Internet and masturbate until the end. Is there a problem with this? (age 26)

Probably not. The key is if you start needing to watch every time or start going for more extreme material.

Every time I see a male I look at his genital area and it starts to turn me on. Is this normal? (age 14)

It sounds normal for your age, especially for someone who wants to pursue males.

My husband occasionally looks at Internet porn when our young children are in the room. When he hears me coming, he clicks off the sites as quickly as possible. Lately, I have caught him doing this when he is fully clothed and about to leave for work; something I find very strange. I'm sure the kids haven't noticed -- they would have asked me about it. But this is very disturbing to me. I don't care how much he masturbates or what he looks at while he is doing it, but he shouldn't look at porn with a three-year-old girl and four-year-old boy in the room. What should I do? We aren't having as much sex as he would like, and that is mostly my fault, as I have trouble switching from Mom to lover and there are certain times of the month when I really want to be left alone. (age 32)

At lot of males look at Internet porn, and if it's only an occasional thing, I don't think you should be concerned. Your kids, of course, are too young to realize what it is, but I think prudence would dictate that he send them out of the room. The viewing of porn before going to work is a mystery to me. It hints at perhaps this being more than just an occasional habit. If you think having more sex would solve this problem, then you know what to do.

Excellent job on the site. I was wondering what your views are on erotic stories. I think that they greatly improve imagination, and they seem to lead to very strong erections. If you find this to be a good form of masturbation, perhaps you could tell the readers a bit about it. (age 16)

Reading erotic stories is less common for arousal purposes than looking at pictures, and might be more prevalent among females than males. Many people find such stories arousing.


Vibrators are more suited for female masturbation, because their parts are smaller. It would have to be a huge vibrator to be effective for a man. I advise against it, because the males who masturbate most conventionally have the most success in intercourse.

I watched a porn movie and this man had sex fourteen times in 4 hours. (age 13)

It wasn't filmed in four hours.

I have a huge foot fetish. Whenever I masturbate I almost always think about some hot chick's feet. I've never acted out this fetish with a chick but I'd love to. Plus I'm still a virgin. Is thinking about this okay, and if I do it with some girl for real are there any problems with it? (age 23)

What you think about is up to you. You might hold off on acting out the fetish until you've established a sexual relationship on more normal terms. Most women would be turned off by a fetish, at least if they haven't gotten to know you sexually first.

This guy at my school seems like he comes on to other guys an awful lot. What if he came on to me? What should I do? Is there any way to tell if he is gay? (age 14)

You should spend more time worrying about what's between the chair and the keyboard and less time worrying about whether this other guy is gay. If he comes on to you, just say you're into girls.

When I was in high school I would occasionally have crushes on guys slightly younger than me. I would often daydream and wonder what it would be like to kiss these guys I thought were very cute. I have never had the chance and still find guys in high school cute. I do not consider myself homosexual because I like girls and have some sexual experience with other girls. Is this normal? What does this mean about my sexuality? It's always white guys. Black, African American males are never attractive. I tend to have this regarding females too; I never find African American females attractive. Only white or Asian females. (age 22)

I don't think it's statistically normal, because very few males have these fantasies. It's OK for you to fantasize about whatever you want. From what you say, I think I would call you bisexual or perhaps "mostly heterosexual" only, but if you ever tried kissing these guys, you might find either that you're not really interested in them and thus truly heterosexual, or that pursuing males is your true calling, making you gay. If you decide to pursue younger males, keep in mind the age of consent. And most people, whatever their sexual preference, are mostly attracted to people of their own race.

I have had an extreme turn on with bare feet for about six months now. It is with young guys and girls and "Playboy age" women. Is this normal? (age 13)

It's pretty common. Playboy even publishes a magazine called "Barefoot Beauties." But at your age you should try to find more things that turn you on and not be restricted by one particular fantasy.

There is a girl that that I like. When I masturbate and think of her everything is good. But when I have an orgasm I regret I masturbated. Do you know why that happens? (age 13)

It's probably because you're fantasizing about someone you know and like. Masturbation by itself causes enough guilt. You'll feel less guilty if you don't fantasize about girls you know.

I have known since I was about 14 that I'm gay. I've never had a doubt that I was attracted to other men, except for recently. I saw two of my friends from class in a store yesterday, and they were talking about bra sizes and about how they liked their breasts, and I actually found myself a little turned on. I didn't get hard or anything, just aroused. Does this mean I'm bi? (age 19)

It might mean your having no doubt you're gay was mistaken. But then a lot of people get turned on by sex talk even if they're not attracted to the person saying it. I don't think you should have sex outside.

I am 14 and have masturbated since I was 9. When I was 9 I was beaten and molested by a "friend" until the age of 12. I am now a "gothic" into bondage, and consider myself gay. I want to know what your views on me considering myself 'gay' are and about my enjoyment of 'pain'? Do I need to seek help, or are there more out there like me?

You need to address the issues of your abuse. You don't need a lifelong fetish of pain and violence and should find some way to bring that under control while you're young. I suggest you find a support group for people in your situation.

I masturbate twice a day and I like men giving me oral and not a woman. For masturbating my penis gets red and my head has gotten big. Is this normal and I'm not gay. (age 17)

It's normal for your penis to get red and your head to get big (both of them) from masturbating. If you enjoy sex with men more than women, I suspect you're gay.

I have the need to look at gay porn but when I'm around a girl I want to have a realationship with her. I am also attracted to girls my age. Am I gay or not, or will I be or not? (age 12)

I have no idea how you could "need" to look at gay porn at your age. Wanting to have a relationship with girls is a pretty good sign you're straight, but you might take a few years to sort things out.

Sometimes even if I'm not that horny but somehow I wear my jeans, I get turned on. My penis strikes against the zipper, and presses itself on. After half an hour I get quite uncomfortable pain in the balls. It usually goes away after a while, but I'm wondering why? (age 16)

From what you describe, it looks like you're doing this in public. Masturbation -- and that's what you're doing (see the definition of masturbation in the glossary if you're not sure) -- unrelieved by ejaculation is causing blue balls. You might cut this behavior out. It's possible that others are aware of what you're doing.

I often stick my fingers and other objects up my anus, is it a bad thing? (age 15)

I don't think that's what your anus or fingers are for.

Last year I got discovered masturbating by my friend's mom. The whole experience was terrifying but now I get really turned on by the memory. Is this normal? (age 15)

Yes. Traumatic experiences sometimes develop into sexual fantasies, especially when the experience was already sexual to begin with. Don't let it bother you. Most guys have been discovered at least once.

Is it OK to masturbate with the shower head? I use the massager and aim it at the head of my penis. (age 14)

I advise my female correspondents against masturbating with running water and will discourage you even more strenuously. Intercourse feels something like masturbating properly with your hand and nothing at all like a jet of water hitting your penis.

Whenever I see an attractive woman slap someone's face in movies or in life, I get a very hard erection. I know this is an unusual fetish, and I would like to know why something like this would turn me on. (age 21)

Many people have fantasies of being spanked, and I suppose your fetish is an extension of that. I don't think it's a problem unless it's the only thing that turns you on.

Do you think it is OK for adults to masturbate to pornography? (age 19)

As I've said before, it's not wrong if and only if the subjects aren't being exploited, are of legal age, and are being compensated, and the photos are tasteful (e.g., simple nudity only; no sex acts).

Yesterday I talked this girl I know into masturbating and having an orgasm over the Internet. Last night she had an orgasm and this morning she told me online. At first she didn't know what a clitoris was so I had to explain it to her and I told her several ways to have an orgasm. She was scared and thought that it would hurt. I don't like her but did I do a bad thing by telling her how to masturbate even though she had an orgasm and she liked it? (age 14)

I've shared advice on how to masturbate with thousands of girls her age, so how could I tell you it's a bad thing? (People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.) Some might question your motives for having this conversation with someone you don't like.

You said that if you wanted to enjoy masturbation more, you can look at pictures (not intercourse, just nudity). I went on a few web sites and found some, but they didn't do anything. Also, I share a computer with my mom, and I'm afraid that she'll catch me seeing porn (she did once when I was younger). What can I do? (age 12)

I don't think pictures are such a good idea at your age. Try to exercise your imagination more. If you're worried about your mom catching you, it would be a good idea not to look at things like that on her computer.

When I was about 10 my best friend and I would take turns doing each other manually and sometimes orally. We liked it a lot and we would masturbate together all the time. Now that I am 14, when I see a penis, it makes me so horny, but I also like females a lot too. Is this normal for me to get horny over males? When I masturbate, I like to fantasize about my friend's little brother; he is 10. I think about performing manual intercourse on him and vice versa. Is this normal?

Your sexual preferences seem to have been colored by your same-sex experiences. You also seem to have a taste for pre-pubescent boys. Neither of these is especially normal. Your fantasies might be more dominated by the females you like a lot if you hadn't had those same-sex experiences. I think you should decide tentatively which direction you want your sexuality to go as you get older and engage in fantasies that take you in that direction.

When I was 12, I masturbated with another boy. I enjoyed it but am afraid it means I am gay. I have had girlfriends and done similar things with them. (age 14)

Your life shouldn't be unduly influenced by something you enjoyed at 12. You aren't still eating Laffy Taffy, are you? I think by doing things with girls, you're establishing that you're not gay and are probably straight.

I have watched my brother masturbate and he has also watched me. We don't want to have sex togther - just watch. Is this OK? (female, age 15)


Are there sex toys for men? (age 16)

Yes, but the reason you haven't heard much about them, relative to sex toys for women, is that they aren't really necessary. Men who use blow-up dolls, penis rings, vibrators, etc., mostly do it for some occasional variety and not because it's essential to their having an orgasm. On the other hand, many women are unable to achieve orgasm without their sex toys, which is why more women use them and talk about them more.

I am a 17 year old guy who started masturbating when I was 14 without letting my parents know. Can guys masturbate without any pictures? It's kinda hard.

Most of us didn't tell our parents. It's very possible to masturbate without pictures. It takes longer, but it's good exercise for your imagination.

Would it feel good to masturbate anally? I'm thinking about my friend and me sucking each other. I'm not homosexual or anything but I just can't wait to get a blow job. (age 13)

You probably won't like anal stimulation, but you might have to try it yourself. I don't think you should be doing homosexual experimentation at your age. You'll probably be doing things with willing partners sooner than you expect.

My friend and I masturbate together almost three times a week, and we sometimes get sexual. Is there any wrong (healthwise) with anal sex? (age 14)

Anal sex is very bad for anal functioning.

My friend and I masturbate with each other, grasping each other's penis and occasionally some oral. We aren't gay and have girlfriends. We do this for pleasure and when we are stressed out. Is it OK to lube up my anus and finger it? It really arouses me. (age 16)

I think it's possible you're gay or at least bisexual. If you want to be straight, and regarded as straight by others, you should engage only in activities that lead you in that direction. I think it's OK to masturbate anally if that's what you like.

I've always heard that male multiple orgasm is impossible, but I've done it. (age 21)

It's not impossible, but it's rare. Would you like to share your secret?

I rub or tickle my left nipple to arouse me to masturbate. Is it normal for a guy to do that or it is only meant for girls?

People of both sexes find the nipple to be an erogenous zone.

I have had a tissue paper fetish since 14. I never had a relationship with a wife. What can I do for a problem like this? (age 49)

I think a fetish is only a problem if you can't get aroused any other way. You might find a web site or Yahoo group that deals specifically with curing fetishes. In the meantime, try to develop new erotic interests.

I do not masturbate prone. I masturbate properly and have no problems. I can masturbate with or without images. I think I'm addicted to masturbation though. It's not that I don't have hobbies but some days without even realizing it, I can masturbate about 5 times. If there are no problems, should I try to stop? (age 13)

I don't think you need to stop, but five times a day is too often. You might try to cut back. I think you already have a problem because you seem to be obsessed about it. Just treat masturbating as a routine habit, like brushing your teeth.

Can I be gay and straight at the same time? (age 13)

What you describe is called bisexuality, which is a combination. It's not unusual that you feel both ways now, but by 16 or so, most people have settled on one or the other. Those who prefer both or are confused are called bisexuals.

Is it OK to masturbate in a whirlpool bath with your penis completly submerged in water? (age 15)

I wouldn't advise that, but doing it occasionally that way will probably not hurt anything. Be sure to keep your penis away from the water jets.

I have been masturbating since I was 9 and just started using visual aids 6 months ago. Is it OK to use it since I've been doing it for so long? (age 15)

Doing something for six months does not make something OK. I don't think pictures are so bad, but at your age, you should try to exercise your imagination more. At the very least, don't use pictures every time.

Great site, my friend! I am 17, and I masturbate a lot. I like to do it wandering around the house. Is this normal? I have never had a girlfriend as I am quite shy.

No, it isn't. Nearly everyone masturbates in private. There are reasons for this other than it being embarrassing to be caught, which I will deal with later on the articles page. You would benefit from finding a girlfriend while you're still in high school. It will be much harder to find one later.

My head isn't sensitive and I'm not interested in girls as much as other boys. When a hot girl walks by, I sometimes become erect, but I don't really seem to want to have sex. I think I might have a girl personality since I don't have the urge to masturbate much and don't ejaculate when I do. Is this normal? (age 13)

It's normal and probably good that you don't want to have sex at your age. You might feel differently about hot girls and sex in a year or two. I think once you start ejaculating (probably within a year), you'll get the urge much more frequently. Don't worry about your sensitivity just yet. And girls -- even ones with girl personalities -- masturbate too.

Is it wrong to masturbate with a masturbation toy? I always use one when I masturbate so I don't get my sheets messy; therefore I ejaculate into the toy. Will I develop prone masturbation? (age 31)

You shouldn't use a desire to avoid cleaning up as an excuse for doing something hazardous. The path to healthy sex is to masturbate the way most males do. Most males don't use toys, at least not very often. There are other ways to avoid a mess, such as using a condom, cupping with your hand, keeping a rag handy.

Can regular swallowing of semen increase one's testosterone? (age 36)


Since 5th grade, I have been arousing myself by propping my penis up against a desk or chair (the part where it goes from a horizontal surface to a vertical surface) and holding it there. I do not have an erection while doing it, and I do not get one after. Could this be giving me problems of prone masturbation? I also am behind for my age in puberty. Could this be because of the pressure on my penis/testicles while doing this? (age 16)

I don't think you're beating off; I think you're just beating yourself. If you were truly "arousing" yourself, you would have an erection. I doubt you're getting the same problems caused by prone masturbation, and it wouldn't affect puberty. I think you're causing problems for yourself with this useless and unnecessary activity and should stop.

I masturbate between two and five times a day, and I'm beginning to masturbate using really kinky material. What should I do? (age 16)

I think you should cut back and exercise your imagination more. If you didn't masturbate so often, you might not need pictures at all, let alone "really kinky material."

Is walking around your house in the nude healthy? I do it sometimes when nobody is home and it feels nice. Sometimes I masturbate before going nude so I can get my mind off my constant erections. (age 15)

Yes, that's fine.

I have this thing where I stare at girls everywhere I go. It's my favorite way to get hard. Anyway, once I was at this restaurant. There was this really hot waitress. I started looking at her and got really hard. Eventually she looked back. I kept staring. Then she looked away and smiled shyly. I kept staring at her and eventually I ejaculated. Is that normal? To ejaculate in my pants without any masturbation? (age 15)

It's rare, but it can happen at your age. Might stop staring before you get a bad reputation.

I've been masturbating since 13 and I find masturbating just using my hands and my imagination isn't enough. When I was 14, I got addicted to porn which lasted 6 months. I feel the urge to look at porn again. Is this wrong? My parents are very against porn so to buy a mag would seem wrong. Are there any male sex toys or lubes or anything of this sort? I don't know how I'd buy these. I can't get out of the house on my own until I get my driving license so it would be hard to sneak anything in. (age 17)

I don't think you were an addict if it went away after six months. I don't think an urge to look at porn is wrong, but that doesn't mean you should act on that urge. You might enjoy some lube made for masturbation, such as K-Y Liquid or Astroglide, which you can buy at any drug or discount store. You might just tell your parents you want some on your next trip to Target or Wal-Mart. Or buy it yourself while you're in the store. No one has to know.

Do guys ever buy sex toys? If so, are there any good ones, I'm just getting bored with masturbating in the same old way. (age 17)

Not usually. Women often buy vibrators and dildoes because it's the only way they can masturbate to orgasm, but for men, sex toys are usually more of a novelty. Some men regard the pictures they use as "sex toys."

I am fairly sure that I am gay. When I masturbate, I often do so while reading erotic stories involving incest, and/or younger kids having sexual experiences. I know this seems wrong, and I would NEVER do anything like that in real life, so I was just wondering, is it OK for me to be aroused by that kind of thing in fiction, as long as I never do it? P.S. Your site is excellent. I've just spent the last hour or so reading through it, and I've never seen anything like it before. (age 15)

What you think about is up to you. If you're concerned that you might be thinking evil thoughts, perhaps you should develop some other erotic interests. Pictures might help.

Up until this year, when I masturbated I rubbed my hand or some fabric (a bed sheet) over the tip of my penis. I did this nightly since I was 14 and now that I am sexually active, I am finding that tip is very insensitive. When my girlfriend gives me oral sex, I can? even feel when she is kissing and licking the tip. I cut back masturbating and changed the way I masturbated about five months ago, but the feeling in the tip hasn't come back. Will the feeling come back, and if so, how much longer do I need to wait? (age 21)

I would have expected it to by now. You might see a doctor about that. As a quick fix, you might abstain from all sexual contact (intercourse, masturbation, oral sex, etc.) for 5-7 days and see if it makes a difference.

I do most of my masturbating in bed, but today I did it while I was driving. Can this stop my sperm count? (age 18)

It can stop your everything when you lose control of the car. Masturbating while driving is very dangerous. At the very least, pull over if you get an uncontrollable urge.

I have a friend who says he sometimes masturbates in public places and recommends I try it. I say it's wrong but he says it's fine as long as nobody finds out. Is he in the wrong or am I being too picky? (age 16)

I think you're right and your friend is wrong. Has he considered what will happen if he gets caught? He could be in trouble with the law, and word could get around, and people will talk. He will have a reputation as a pervert. People who are caught having sexual intercourse in public places are regarded as daring and exciting, but people who are caught masturbating in public are regarded as sick and dangerous.

Thank you! I am trying your program but it is difficult in the summer because the femmes wear so few clothes, lol! That is an arousal itself.

I understand completely.

Do you think you could be wrong in the idea that masturbation is not morally wrong or sinful, because it leads to horrible acts such as rape or prostitution? (age 16)

I don't think it does. Even though all men masturbate, very few engage in those acts.

I am 27 and single. I masturbate daily, and I am getting bored with it. It still feels great. Any suggestions? Different techniques or maybe toys?

You could browse in a sex shop, but most guys are content with the feeling they get from their hands. It might be time to try a partner.

Four of my friends and me spent a couple of nights at the beach and we were masturbating. Is this illegal in California? (age 15)

If you were exposing yourselves, yes. Remember George Michael, who was arrested for masturbating in a public restroom in a Beverly Hills park. It's always risky to masturbate anyplace but your own home.

I get a erection whenever I look at porn whether it is gay or straight. What does this mean about my sexual preference? (age 15)

Probably nothing. You are apt to be excited at your age by anything that is both sexual and unfamiliar. When you start to develop a clear preference for sexual fantasies one way or the other, that's when you'll know what your preference is.

Are there any male masturbation toys?

A few, as a visit to a sex shop would confirm. They are much less popular than female sex toys, because the vast majority of males are satisfied using only their hands. The most popular toy is probably the condom. Nearly every guy has masturbated with one, and according to surveys done for this site, 10 to 15 percent of guys masturbate with them at least sometimes.

I am straight, but the thought and pictures of vaginas don't actually do anything for me. I'm not sure why, but I get more turned on from other parts of the body. Is that good or bad? (age 16)

I'm not sure it's either. You should be attracted the whole person and not just parts of it. Even so, the vast majority of guys your age (or my age ... or any age) are extremely aroused at the thought or sight of female genitalia. When you think of or see a girl you really like, the thought of seeing and enjoying her naked vulva should be very, very moving for you.

Is it good to use old semen in a condom as a lube? To ejaculate in a condom and use it again? (age 19)

No, that is very unsanitary even if you're only masturbating with the condom. If you're having intercourse, it's extremely dangerous. Condoms should only be used once.

Whenever I see a porn movie I don't get aroused immediately but I feel in the mood of having sex. It might be because I do it 3 times per week or even more. I can masturbate normally and pretty much enjoy it. Is this an erection problem? (age 13)

Feeling like having sex and being aroused are much the same. I don't think you should be watching porn movies at your age. Try to exercise your imagination more.

After I see sexual situations and get really hard, I go into my shower and grab tons of soap and masturbate really fast. I orgasm and I feel bad about it. Why is this? During the process it feels so good but then it's bad. How can I make my own fake vagina without anyone else knowing and with things lying around the house? (age 15)

It's not bad. You shouldn't feel guilty about it. Try to relax and enjoy it more. There's no prize for reaching orgasm in a hurry. I recommend highly against making a "fake vagina," or simulacrum. You should enjoy your own touches. They feel more like the real thing than a simulacrum would.

I heard in movies and from my friends that steroids can shrink your penis. Is this true? (age 14)

Yes, but the effect is not permanent.

I squeeze my testicles before I come. Is this bad? (age 15)

Yes, it is. Be as gentle as possible with your testicles.

I've just turned 16, and I find that some males my age are very attractive. Sometimes the thought of them naked turns me on. Would I be right in thinking that I'm gay? I've told my friends that I think I am, and they're okay with it. I'm not attracted to girls at all.

If you're not attracted to girls, then you probably are gay. But merely finding some guys attractive doesn't mean you are.

Ever since my mother caught me looking at a woman gyrating seductively on TV, I haven't been able to get aroused by any such thing, even though it used to arouse me so much. I don't know what happened but it seems as if something tripped in my brain wiring. (age 22)

I think talking with a counselor about it would be good. You shouldn't be so concerned about what your mother thinks at your age.

Is using my urine as my lube OK? (age 12)

Urine isn't slippery enough. And you know other reasons why not.

I masturbate regularly (once a day) mainly to pictures of men and I have had a few homosexual acts. I'm attracted to women as well but as soon as I see the vulva I feel grossed out and think it is very unattractive. But I've never had this problem with a penis. Does this make me gay or bi? (age 18)

If you usually masturbate to pictures of men and have a revulsion to female private parts, I'd say it's likely you're gay.

Sometimes I think of my girlfriend while masturbating. Afterward it really disgusts me as we have agreed to wait until we are married to have sex. I was wondering if this is at all normal and if not what could I about it? (age 16)

It's very normal. It would be a good idea to avoid telling your girlfriend about this.

I masturbate about once a day. I really want to stop, but I can't. I always get this awful guilty feeling after I do it. The main reason I feel guilty is because I have this friend I've known for a while. I've always thought she was cute but now I've grown to really like her. I know there is a very slim to no chance for me to get with her. I've even tried to force myself not to like her. I have many pictures of her and I usually masturbate to them. Is this wrong? How can I stop this unusual behavior? If I stopped masturbating to pictures of her or stop thinking of her while masturbating will that help me get over her? As you can see, I'm very desperate here. (age 19)

First, you have to accept masturbation as something normal, healthy and necessary. It's something all men without partners just have to do (and nearly all men with partners do it too.) Second, you should give this girl a chance, but if she's not interested, you have to move on. Don't waste another day on her when there are so many others around. If you decide to forget about her, it would be a very good idea to stop fantasizing about her when you masturbate.

I really enjoy your site. I have learned a lot from it, and I think you are doing a really good job of informing the public of healthy masturbation. You say that forms of prone masturbation include thrusting into objects. Do sex toys such as blow-up dolls count? If so, why don't companies and stores do something to keep prone masturbation from spreading by not selling such things? If not, then what makes a blow-up doll any different from a homemade toy such as putting a lube-filled baggie? I have been reading up on anal stimulation during masturbation which includes ways of stimulating the prostate as a form or "side kick" to masturbation. What are your views on this and are there any negative side-effects to what seems like a harmless activity (based on what I have read, if you do it correctly)? (age 18)

Yes, thrusting into a blow-up doll is a form of prone masturbation. The companies and stores who sell such things are interested in profit and not sexual health. The lube-filled baggie is another very bad idea. The prostate is very difficult to stimulate and if one could learn to do it, this would be another form of atypical masturbation. The most sexually successful men masturbate conventionally. It makes for the easiest transition to partner sex.

If you are masturbating in a public bathroom, inside a locked stall, is that illegal? Can you get caught? (age 18)

I've never seen a public bathroom stall that was completely private -- with no way of seeing in by looking through cracks or over the top or under the bottom. If you can see out, someone else can see in, and if that person is a police officer, you can be arrested.

I love my first cousin. She also loves me. Are there any problems (genetically) to our future generations if we become married and have intercourse? (age 21)

It's inadvisable for first cousins to marry, and it is illegal in most states. Today there is genetic counseling available that can rate your chances of having offspring with dreaded diseases. You might look into that before you get married.

I am a Christian and I think porn is wrong. I have fantasies, but I have a hard time imagining a girl naked because I have never seen one naked. Should I find out from porn or wait?

A lot of people don't regard pictures of simple nudity as porn. But some people do. You could always learn about the female form by studying nudes in art museums. No one regards those as porn.

Why do males engage in anal sex? I think it's disgusting. I heard a rumor that another boy at school has a crush on me. How should I handle it? And my best friend got caught masturbating by his mom and he feels guilty about it. How can I convince him that masturbating isn't bad even after telling him I masturbate? (age 12)

Gay males engage in anal sex because their partners lack vaginas and the rectum is the closest substitute. The best way to quash the rumor is to tell people who spread it the truth: either that you're straight, or that (without commenting on your sexual preferences) you're simply not interested in doing anything sexual with that boy. If he tells you he's interested, you should tell him the same thing. Just be a good example for your friend and he'll eventually accept masturbation as normal. His mom probably wants the same for him.

To what extent do you encourage pornography to help masturbate. How much is too much? And do you know if any other cultures are more open about masturbation than Americans? (age 32)

The overwhelming majority of males use pictures or videos while masturbating, as do most females who have responded to my online survey. I tell males to masturbate without visual aids once or twice a month. I'm no anthropologist, but I think some northern European countries (Denmark, Netherlands, etc.) are more open about masturbation than the U.S.

I have noticed that I often hold my penis when I'm sleeping, at the computer, or watching TV. Is this strange? Can it inhibit sexual response? I have been getting weak erections. Am I too used to my own touching? (age 30)

Could be. It might be worthwhile to stop doing that whenever you notice it.

When I masturbate, I usually use the net. Why do parents always see Internet pornography as a bad thing?

They might not always, but it's good for them to discourage its use by their minor children. I too think it would be better if you exercised your imagination more.

Can you ever stop being gay? Are you gay if you sexually experiment with others of the same sex? (age 15)

Many people have a phase, usually before adolesence, where they feel attracted to the same gender for a time and have no interest in the opposite gender. They usually develop heterosexual feelings at puberty. Adults who are confirmed as gay are gay for life. There have been a lot of people who weren't really gay who lived a gay lifestyle for a time and many of these have become heterosexuals following some counseling. Being gay is a state of mind involving attraction to the same gender, either principally or exclusively. Engaging in homosexual activity does not make one gay per se.

About 3 years ago I masturbated at night in the same hotel room where my aunt and my mom were supposedly sleeping. My aunt confronted me about it the next day and said a bunch of ridiculous stuff and that she felt guilty if she didn't warn me. I feel violated because now when I see her, I can't help but think about that time. I really didn't want to associate her and sex but that's happened. Am I wrong for being upset? (age 20)

You know your aunt is wrong about masturbation, and it was also wrong of her to confront you. It's over, and forget about it. You don't need to be upset any longer. Just take note of the problems that can occur if you masturbate when you don't have privacy.

I am a Christian, and when I masturbate, I use erotic images (which I don't regard as pornographic) to assist me. In the end, however, I feel guilty. Do you believe it is a sin to use stimulating sexual images to assist masturbation? (age 14)

No, I don't think it is a sin, but I think you ought to be able to exercise your imagination and not have to use pictures at your age.

I saw a preschool girl masturbating at a day care recently and now I fantasize about her all the time. I'm worried as I seem to be very turned on watching her masturbate to orgasm and I have the images of her touching herself in my mind whenever I masturbate nowadays. Is this wrong? (age 19)

It would be better if you didn't fantasize about girls that young. It's obviously causing you problems since you're writing me about it. You should fantasize about adult women.

I masturbate face up and with a really soft fleece blanket. Is this prone masturbation? (age 13)

I don't think so, but it would be a good idea to use your hand instead of the blanket. There's no point in getting habituated to something so unique.

I'm 16 and usually when I masturbate I think about men. Naked women also excite me, and I don't want to be gay. Am I gay? How can I start thinking about women when I masturbate?

What one fantasizes about when masturbating is perhaps the most critical key to understanding one's sexual preference. If you don't want to be gay, you ought not be fantasizing about the same sex. Pictures of the opposite sex are apt to help you fantasize that way. If you just can't focus on women, then you should probably entertain the possibility that you are in fact gay.

What is Spanish Fly exactly? Does it affect man and woman? (age 17)

Spanish Fly has been rumored to be an aphrodisiac (a substance that causes sexual desire) for decades, but what it is really a urinary tract irritant. It can be harmful or fatal in case of overdose, and its use as a sex stimulant in humans is seriously questionable.

I enjoy anal stimulation. Could I hurt myself or cause any lasting effects to my body form inserting objects into my anus? (age 14)

It's important to clean the objects before and after each use. It is helpful if they are rounded with no sharp surfaces and not small enough that they could get "lost."

I'm exclusively heterosexual. but sometimes when I'm masturbating, I have this fantasy where I am a woman who's having so much pleasure while having sex with me (a better and macho version of me). Is that a normal thing and is there any possibility that I can become gay? (age 21)

A fantasy like that doesn't make you gay. Lots of straights occasionally have fantasies involving the same sex.

My brother is 14. Is it OK to allow him to view porn (magazines,videos) if I'm the one buying it? Is it OK for me to tell him different ways to masturbate and what girls like (kissing, touching, poetry, etc.). I have heard that talking to the boys my brother's age about such things make them go through puberty faster? These other boys don't have older brothers and are embarrassed to talk to their fathers, so thanks for a great site for older brothers like me. (age 26)

I advise boys that age against using pictures; I think it hurts their sexual imaginations. It's OK to talk to him about sex, but remember he's 12, not 3, years younger than you. Talking to someone won't affect the rate of puberty, but if they're uncomfortable, it can make puberty seem to last a lot longer.

I was wondering if masturbating immediately after smoking marijuana would enhance the experience. I know marijuana is bad for you. I was thinking of getting high and mastubating once every two weeks during the summer. (age 18)

The most important sex organ is the brain, and marijuana interferes with messages getting processed by the brain. The best orgasms come from having the brain fully engaged in what you're doing. If you want an idea of what masturbating on marijuana is like, try masturbating with both a TV and a radio turned up distractingly loud.

They say Mountain Dew shrinks your testes, but I say you don't get as large erections. Three girls tried to take off my pants at a party, but I didn't let them. They got close. What do you think made them do that? (age 14)

Mountain Dew doesn't shrink testes. It has a lot of caffeine, which can restrict blood flow, so conceivably a penis wouldn't erect as big if the person had been consuming a lot of caffeine. But that might be detected only in a scientific setting. I don't know if the average person would notice a difference. The girls might have been teasing you and weren't planning to go very far, but be careful. People can lose their judgment when they act as part of a mob.

My brother is 14. Is it OK to allow him to view porn (magazines,videos) if I'm the one buying it? Is it OK for me to tell him different ways to masturbate and what girls like (kissing, touching, poetry, etc.). I have heard that talking to the boys my brother's age about such things make them go through puberty faster? These other boys don't have older brothers and are embarrassed to talk to their fathers, so thanks for a great site for older brothers like me. (age 26)

I advise boys that age against using pictures; I think it hurts their sexual imaginations. It's OK to talk to him about sex, but remember he's 12, not 3, years younger than you. Talking to someone won't affect the rate of puberty, but if they're uncomfortable, it can make puberty seem to last a lot longer.

I was wondering if masturbating immediately after smoking marijuana would enhance the experience. I know marijuana is bad for you. I was thinking of getting high and mastubating once every two weeks during the summer. (age 18)

The most important sex organ is the brain, and marijuana interferes with messages getting processed by the brain. The best orgasms come from having the brain fully engaged in what you're doing. If you want an idea of what masturbating on marijuana is like, try masturbating with both a TV and a radio turned up distractingly loud.

They say Mountain Dew shrinks your testes, but I say you don't get as large erections. Three girls tried to take off my pants at a party, but I didn't let them. They got close. What do you think made them do that? (age 14)

Mountain Dew doesn't shrink testes. It has a lot of caffeine, which can restrict blood flow, so conceivably a penis wouldn't erect as big if the person had been consuming a lot of caffeine. But that might be detected only in a scientific setting. I don't know if the average person would notice a difference. The girls might have been teasing you and weren't planning to go very far, but be careful. People can lose their judgment when they act as part of a mob.

I am 13 and I would like to know if I am bi. When I masturbate, I think of guys and girls having sex, and guys and guys having sex. Yet I REALLY dont want to be gay.

You don't need to decide this week. Just take some more time and find out what you really like to fantasize about. In a couple of years, it will be more clear.

Is it safe to eat your own ejaculate at 14?


Hello, I have been masturbating for about 3 years now, and I have learned much from your site. One thing that I find bizaare, however, is that I prefer clothed erotic images to nude ones. I don't mind if it's very small, but I like to have some cover on girls I see. Is this normal? Do any other boys my age feel this way? (age 15)

Probably. Clothes are usually designed to bring out the best in their subjects. Plus, there's a sense of being teased when there's something left to the imagination.

Masturbating between two pillows is prone masturbation, but you approve of intermammary sex? Doesn't that give you the same effect as the prone way? (age 14)

I don't think so. The frequency and intensity with which someone would engage in intermammary intercourse is apt to be much less than prone practitioners masturbate.

Hello, I'm a Christian. And I know you're a Christian too. I feel guilty about masturbating. (age 13)

It's normal to feel a little guilty sometimes. But there's no reason to obsess about it. I think in time you will accept masturbation as something normal and even necessary.

Is there some kind of guy dildo? Or an artificial vagina for guys to buy? Not that I would buy one, just curious. Would that be considered prone masturbation since you would have to thrust into it? (age 14)

Yes, there are products like that, but they are expensive, considering they're just hard plastic and cheap vibrators and are trouble to clean out. Using them would be considered prone masturbation.

My friend has just discovered masturbation and now he wants to share with other friends what he has just learned and even experience it with them. Can he be considered homosexual? Is what he is planning OK? (age 12)

I wouldn't consider him homosexual on the basis of that, but if he is actually touching other males in a sexual act, those would be considered homosexual acts. I think what he is planning would be more OK if it could be confined to talk.

I have never done anything sexual with a girl but I have a fetish about girls' privates and am kind of interested in being dominated. How can I be normal with somebody when most people think those things are abnormal? (age 20)

Not everyone thinks they are, but it's better if you can find a partner who you can love as a whole person and then see if she will indulge your fantasies. If you start by looking for someone who is primarily into those fantasies, it's unlikely they'll be completely into you beyond that sexual gratification.

I recently went over to my friend's house and he showed me pornography on the Internet. This made me feel sick and want to go home. Is there something wrong with me? (age 13)

Viewing pornography is a private thing. People have widely varied tastes in what they find erotic or even acceptable. You should tell your friend if it makes you uncomfortable. Perhaps someday you will find some erotic pictures that do not make you feel that way.

I like men. I have always wanted to give oral sex to another man also. I like to suck. I have tried to lay off the gay stuff. I also love women and want to spend my life with a woman. I don't want to be gay at all. It's against my religion. (age 15)

If you want to have oral sex with men, there's a good chance you're gay. Maybe you can find another religion.

I am gay and I am Christian, I would like to stop being gay because it's not right, and I have been trying, but it's hard. Do you have any advice? (age 18)

There are support groups out there online for people in just your situation. You might try a couple of them.

Is it normal to have a guilty feeling immediately after masturbating to orgasm? I have accepted that masturbation is OK, but every single time I have come, a few seconds after it is all over, I think, "That's wrong. You shouldn't be doing that. You're a weirdo." Sometimes I think of what people older than me whom I know would say, or their disappointment. Occasionally I think of relatives and friends who have passed away and gone to Heaven, looking down on me and shaking their heads in disgust. It's almost like I hate myself for doing it, but if I abstain for a few days, sure enough, I'm back to my normal one time per day routine. I know this sounds ridiculous, but that's inevitably how I feel. (age 26)

Some guilt associated with masturbating is normal, but I would describe yours as excessive. Instead, try thinking, "That's great. I'm glad I did that. I'm normal and have healthy sexual functioning." Those older and deceased people would probably not be disappointed. They might even approve of you taking care of your own sex drive. Perhaps find a male friend to discuss this with.

I've been masturbating since I was quite young and for a long time didn't feel guilty about it. Though since I entered puberty I've started to feel guilty for fantasizing about men. I tried to think about women when I was masturbating but never could successfully. I've found recently that I get the same satisfaction thinking about girls, but only when the fantasy involves the girl as the dominant one. Do you think it's possible that I wasn't gay and that I just prefered to be the submissive one? (age 14)

I think you're too self-conscious about your fantasies. You ought to try a bunch of different ones and then by the time you're 17 or 18 you should be pretty clear about what turns you on.

I have been watching a lot of anime and I get hard. Now I can't get hard by girls anymore. Is this gonna be a problem in the future? (age 15)

It's a problem now. Try to find more than one thing that turns you on. Anime is only cartoons. It isn't real.

I have a problem with exposing myself at restrooms and pool change rooms. I have been doing this since I was 12. I let younger boys see me erect. I do it where no one knows me. Before I could ejaculate I would masturbate too. Am I gay? I don't want do it around girls. I have started to expose myself to younger boys walking home from school. It excites me so much. I know I can get arrested. (age 15)

I think you ought to get professional help for your exhibitionism. Do it before you can be tried as an adult.

Will viewing erotic pictures harm you by making you focus too much on a woman's looks instead of her personality when you're in a relationship? I don't want to start viewing women solely as sex objects as a result of masturbating with pictures. (age 15)

I don't think you should view women solely as sex objects, but it's normal and healthy to view them partially as sex objects. Many, many men view erotic pictures and don't focus exclusively on looks. I don't think pictures would be good for you right now because you don't have a positive outlook on them. Perhaps wait a few years and revisit the issue.

Does coming from a female dominated family where we had very little male influence skew your sexual identity? I have never married becaue I couldn't please my mother and she sure messed me up. It isn't until now that she is gone I realize how normal I am. You are providing a valuable service. (age 58)

A lot of people subscribe to theories of something like that. You might discuss it with a therapist. It's more important to please yourself.

What's your opinion of sex toys that massage your prostate gland? Could they potentially cause any damage? (age 20)

Yes, in more ways than one. The prostate is not designed to be massaged, and this is not a feeling that can be replicated in intercourse. Also, you run the risk of damaging your anus and rectum by inserting a toy.

I've recently started masturbating. However, I always feel guilty, so I tried to stop. I was usually able to go about a week. Recently I went for three weeks before discovering this site, when I started again. I got blue balls, but I couldn't ejaculate. (age 13)

Work on feeling less guilty and I think you'll enjoy masturbating more and be able to ejaculate more readily.

Is thinking of what your male friends look like naked and wondering if they masturbate, while masturbating myself a sign that I am homosexual? (age 12)

By itself, no, but if that is the main subject of your sexual fantasies a few years from now, I think that would point to your being gay.

When I masturbate I usually think of guys and if I look at porn, I usually look at the gay stuff, but I like girls. I find it hard to fantasize about them. Do you know if this means I'm gay and some ways I can think more about girls? (age 13)

If you want to think about girls, I suggest you lay off the gay porn altogether and try to think about girls. If your fantasies are primarily about guys in about three years, then I would say you're probably gay.

You can call me Brian. I'm 19 and live in Minnesota as a virgin. I'm a heterosexual male who is suffering from the problems that prone males have, but I often masturbate the normal way. I have a strange problem desiring to masturbate face-up with a pillow. The softer the pillow, the more fun it is for me. However, I still masturbate with my hand almost as much, and I don't know how damaged this is making me. Should I try to get rid of this strange desire? I often do it because I try to imagine myself with a female (usually no one specific), and using the pillow as a prop makes me feel so much warmer and magical inside. Is this problematic? I have experienced strange changes when it comes to my heterosexual fantasies. I have a strange but powerful fetish for pudgy/thick/overweight women. I considered the possibility that my desire to masturbate with soft-silky things made me this way. I don't know any other male who thinks the way I do. I realize that I should probably be pursuing a partner, but I'm fairly isolated and I want to wait until marriage. Is this normal?

Brian, there are a lot of men who have fantasies about overweight women. You're not the only one. Carried to the levels you like, it's a recognized fetish. I don't see anything wrong with the soft pillow if you're not thrusting into them. Try caressing the pillows with your hand while you masturbate with the other one. I recommend you quit prone forever and then find a partner. Waiting until marriage is not a good idea for males in general, and a very bad one for males who have no direct course to marriage, like a high-school sweetheart or the kind of college women go to in order to get married.

I'm gay and I've had sexual fantasies about other guys ever since I can remember. Some of these would occur when I would see streaks of light shining on the nose of any guy who I found to be attractive. What does this particular fantasy mean? (age 22)

I've never heard of that fantasy, but it's good that you can be turned on by something that would be meaningless to almost everyone.

I was in a gas station the other day and saw a Playboy that was open and I took it over behind a rack and really liked what I saw. When I went to buy my soft drink, I asked the clerk about it and he said you have to be 18 to buy it. I went on my way but when I got home I wanted to ask my dad to buy me one but I thought he might think I am some kind of pervert. I don't use pictures very often (like you say) but it is fun to use them sometimes. Should I ask or should I wait until I am 18 to buy it for myself? (age 16)

I think a lot of dads would buy you one (or an older friend would) but most guys wouldn't ask. If you're going to use pictures occasionally, I think it is good to have some on hand that you really like.

You keep talking about these Playboy Special Editions. Do you have to be 18 to buy those? Do they contain nudity? How can I get one without asking my dad or an older friend? (age 16)

I think I've mentioned them twice. You probably have to be 18, but they sell them in some stores (like Waldenbooks) where it's unlikely you'd be asked for ID. I've heard of guys buying one along with a crossword puzzle magazine and the clerk didn't notice what it was. Just scanned the corner of both. Yes, they are nothing but nudity from cover to cover.

I know that my dad used to have some Playboys because when I was 8 I found them and I did not know what they were. Now I cannot find them anywhere. Do you think he still has them or would he have most likely gotten rid of them? Also, what are some good hiding spots? (age 16)

Why don't you just ask him? I think men who subscribe to Playboy would be willing to share them with their sons by your age.

I saw a man standing in front of me on the train, giving me a close view of his groin. He had an erection (I saw a sudden bulge in his pants) and when I saw it, I got an erection too. Am I gay? (age 15)

I doubt it. At your age, anything sex-related can be quite a turn on.

How come my friends, who are girls, know that I masturbated the night before? I obviously deny it, but they somehow know that I DID masturbate last night.. Do males act differently the day after they masturbate? (age 16)

How exactly do these girls communicate this knowledge to you? They don't know. They might just be messing with you. Or they might know that most guys your age masturbate daily. You can know that they're lying by abstaining from masturbating a few days and seeing if their report is different.

Is it illegal to join the "mile high" club? (age 16)

Not if you can do it in private.

Whenever I read your male page, I get hard and start masturbating. Does that mean I'm gay? (age 14)

No. I think it means you're easily aroused.

I masturbate regularly as most males do. However, sometimes I think I am addicted because I cannot go more than 3-4 days without masturbating. I try but I find it impossible. Is there a way I can stop? I like looking at porn and this usually gives me the urge to masturbate but even when I don't look, I masturbate in the shower. Is it normal for males to be able to stop masturbating and how can I decrease the amount of time I masturbate? (age 15)

You are not addicted because you have trouble getting over the 4 day mark. Lots of males do, especially at your age. I even recommend a will-power boosting <"a href="chart.html">chart for the males who are going through the 7-day abstinence period to quit prone, because the 4-day mark is especially troubling for so many. Lots of males your age masturbate twice a day. I think your frequency will go down on its own in a year or so. It would help to cut out the porn. There are many men who have never gone more than four days without masturbating, and most of them go on to be sexually normal.

I am 16 and masturbate regularly. I have all different kinds of fantasies when I am doing it, but many of them involve me being watched by females, other males, or even groups of people while I do it. For the last year, one of my favorite things to do is to videotape myself when I masturbate. The first few times I erased it when I was done, but now I have started keeping them and it is becoming a large collection. I am afraid someone may find them, but at the same time I do not want to erase them. It really turns me on to watch myself masturbate. I am very attracted to girls so I am sure I am not gay. Am I like an exhibitionist or something? Is there anything normal about this or should I be worried?

A lot of people have videotaped themselves having sex but do not keep the tapes. You are putting yourself at risk by those existing. Your fantasies are definitely exhibitionistic, but you aren't one unless you actually expose yourself to people. I think you're pretty normal, but be careful about those tapes.

Sometimes I have fantasies of raping women. I like it but I think it's wrong. I have a girlfriend and I won't ever try it on her or anyone else. What should I do? Is this normal? When I see attractive girls, I think about raping them and start to get hard then I masturbate in the bathroom. (age 17)

You seem to know that real rape is wrong, and that's what's important. You shouldn't feel guilty about your fantasies. Rape is a common fantasy theme for both males and females. It would be good if you had other fantasies that you could engage when you see attractive girls, however, and if you're masturbating in public bathrooms, then I think that's a problem.

I am a 13 year old American male and I prefer Asian women over American women. Is it normal to have racial preferences of women?

Yes, it is. I think most people prefer someone of their own race, but preferences for other races are pretty common too.

If I have a sexual fetish, how can I get over it, or am I stuck with it forever? (age 15)

Anyone can get over one. You're young. It ought to be easy for you to find things that turn you on. Then think about them instead of your fetish.

I was talking with a friend of mine (female) for about 30 minutes (we're both the same age) and eventually the topic of masturbation came up and she asked what I thought about when I stroked. I dodged the question since I wasn't ready to tell her yet. I'm hoping of getting in a relationship with her, and the truth is, I think about her when I masturbate. I haven't really gone out with her yet, and I don't want to move too fast and have her think I'm a freak. Should I have told her? (age 16)

You should be shocked and outraged that she would ask you that. You should have told her it's none of her business. In terms of having a sexual relationship with her, I think you have a very good chance. Never tell a female that you fantasize about her sexually.

I masturbate almost daily, and I have been doing it for about two months. Reading your site, I notice that many girls use dildos or vibrators, and I want something to stick my penis in, to make it feel llike vaginal sex.. Is there a household item that I can use, and if not, should I get a fake vagina? I am scared to talk to my dad about sex and masturbating because he doesnt know I masturbate, and thinks that I know nothing about sex. (age 13)

You ought to get used to masturbating, because it's apt to be a long time before you have sex with a female. It's too bad you're already bored with it after only two months! I advise against the use of sex toys for both males and females, because they don't simulate what sex is really like. If your dad doesn't know you masturbate, he probably suspects it. Perhaps you could discuss these issues with a friend your age. He is probably dealing with some of the same concerns you have.

What about using a penis pump? Is that harmful to one's sexual function? I use one and my penis seems deformed for up to 12 hours afterward. I'm not sure intercourse is the same anymore. I have a wonderful relationship and sex life and so does my partner! I really want to hear any comments you have regarding this because I read this site and think it's true wisdom. (age 22)

Sex toys like a penis pump do not simulate actual intercourse well and can be as harmful as prone masturbation in terms of your sexual function. If you ever do anything to make your penis seem deformed, then that's probably not a wise thing to do. You are young and can recover from the ill effects of the penis pump and have a willing partner to help you recover. You ought to take that opportunity before something happens that really makes you regret masturbating with a toy.

I have to use porn to masturbate. I know you don't advise that to guys my age. I should try to visualize girls, but I'm never around them. Because I'm home schooled. I rarely get out of the house. Do you have better advice than porn? What do you think about being home schooled? I think it's awful. I like your SITE. (age 15)

I don't think it's so bad to use pictures occasionally at your age, but you shouldn't have to use them every time. Home-schooled students on average do better on college entrance exams than public school students. You are having a lot more attention paid to your individual needs. There are social groups for home-schooled students. I have even heard of home school proms. You might look into that.

I was wondering why our private parts are so private. How did it start with those body parts becoming so secret and hidden out of every other part of our body? (age 16)

It varies across cultures, but most have kept private parts private since before recorded history. It's probably connected to those parts being used for reproduction, sexuality, and elimination. Most religions have scruples about keeping those parts covered.

The other day I was masturbating and I thought about my best friend's sister, who is 11. This is really bad, and I felt disgusted. What can I do? (age 16)

It's only a fantasy, and fantasies don't hurt anybody. You seem to realize that it would be wrong for you to act on your fantasy. You might also remember that in five years, she will be 16.

My girlfriend and I have almost been going out for seven months now. One day she asked me if I looked at porn. I told her no, because I knew that she hated it. But I do look at porn sometimes. I've tried to stop using it as much, but it is very hard to stop. What should I do? (age 14)

I think you would have been better off telling her it's a personal thing rather than lying. Try to fill your mind with erotic images that you see around you and you won't need the pictures. I don't think it's wrong to use them some of the time, even at your age.

I'm 14 and I think this site is AWESOME! Before this site, I always felt badly because of what I was doing and thought I was the only one who did it. Everything you say on here I reply to myself YES! He understands what I'm going through (obviosly you were my age once too). I sometimes thought my penis was too small but you answered my question on that. I look a pornography and I'm worried I'm going to forget to delete the history. I am also worried someone will see me on this web site. So I have to delete the history every time. I think my parents know about me masturbating and I'm afraid of them thinking of me differently! After reading your site, I want to tell my dad about it, but I'm nervous and don't know how to do it. Could you give me advice on what to do?

I'm happy that has helped you. If looking at pornography bothers you, then maybe you should try living without if for a while and see if you feel any better. Your parents wouldn't think any less of you for masturbating, and I'm sure they would understand. There's no need to say anything.

I see women flirting all over on TV? I don't find them doing that in real life though. Why is that? (age 16)

Hmm... you raise a good question. I would say that women on TV are reading lines written by a group of writers that is overwhelmingly male, and to some extent, their behavior reflects men's fantasies. You shouldn't expect women in real life to be as flirty, but you should have be ready to flirt back when someone you like flirts with you.

Every time I come to this site I see a question about male sex toys being bad. Why are ones for girls not bad? Are there any ones for guys that are not bad? (age 19)

I don't think they're good for either gender, but they are worse for males because they are unnecessary. Males can derive sexual pleasure without them. I hesitatingly recommend them for females who have been unsuccessful reaching orgasm without them.

I keep having these fantasies about my 13 year old friend Shauna. Is this normal? (age 17)

I think most males your age would say they don't have fantasies about girls that young. I think you ought to go out with some girls closer to your age, and maybe in three years, when you're 20 and Shauna is 16, you can ask her out.

When I go to the store to buy new boxers, I see the male models on the packages with them on and I get an erection. Is this normal? I am so afraid of being gay. (age 15)

Attractive people of either gender can arouse a lot of people your age. Not very many will grow up to be gay.

Whenever I wear something loose like underwear, I get an erection. Is this normal? (age 18)

Yes. At your age or younger, it is very normal to get an erection when wearing something over the genitals that is different from one's normal clothing. Most males say it is something tighter (like a swimsuit that is too small) that causes them to get an erection.

First off, I would just like to thank you for the tremendous service you provide to young men like me. The uncensored, mature manner with which you handle sexual questions on a regular basis is truly a breath of fresh air! It was extremely helpful to me. I've been masturbating since I was in 8th grade, and (sad to say) I've been using the prone method the entirety of my masturbatory career. After reading your web site (and verifying the studies you posted), I am going to dedicate myself to quitting this self-destructive practice! Additionally, I am going to make a concerted effort to to cut down how much I masturbate (avg: 3-4, record: 7!). Would twice a day be a healthy number? What is your opinion about online pornography? What would constitute "too much" exactly? I don't maintain a collection or anything like that, and I'm not into anything "hard core." I do have a mild fetish, which I typically sate by going online and looking at the relevant type of porn. Does any part of that strike you as wrong?

Anyway, thanks again for your advice and words of comfort. Tyler (age 19)

Tyler, many males who quit prone find themselves masturbating less than they were before. Even twice a day is quite a lot at your age. Most college males prefer to put their sexual output into finding a willing partner. The thing about using any kind of pictures is to masturbate without them occasionally to make sure you're not getting completely dependent upon them. It's also a good idea when using pictures to use a lot of generic ones (e.g., Playboy) so you're also not so dependent upon the fantasies that are part of your "mild fetish."

Could I have become desensitized from looking at too much porn? If so, do you think there is anyway that I could be resensitized? I hear all of these stories of guys my age getting erections all over the place. (age 13)

In the teen years, males are typically erect for 20 minutes out of every 90 when they are awake. When you're not experienced with a particular stimuli, just looking at it can give you an erection, whether it's a still picture, a video clip, or a pretty girl. As you have more experience with them, it is less likely to cause an instant erection. I encourage young males to develop a wide range of erotic stimuli so that they can become aroused by more than just one thing. If you are using pictures every time you masturbate, I suggest you put the pictures away until you can get erections just from your imagination. I also suggest that males of every age use only their imaginations occasionally so that they keep it in good shape for arousal.

In general, men are not turned on by another hot man; are women turned on when they see another hot woman? (age 32)

Women are less aroused by visual things generally than are men. Women probably pay more attention to other women's looks than men do to other men's looks, but it is not much about arousal.

I have a habit of masturbating in public places. It started one day when I was in a parking lot and saw two gorgeous women talking and felt a huge urge. I proceeded to masturbate in my car very discreetly and as privately as possible. It is more of a turn-on to do that than to watch pornographic movies or pictures. I am sure it is not completely legal or ethical, but I LOVE it. Would you recommend any other methods that would be a good alternative? (age 35)

Yes, I recommend masturbating in private. You are going to be caught one of these days and you could end up with a record as a sex offender. It's a vicious cycle because the fear of getting caught is what's providing the arousal for you. Get out of it while you can.

I have been addicted to masturbating since my teens. Is it going to kill my sexual potential? I am a bit worried as I am going to get married. (age 26)

It's not really an addiction. It's just a fun habit that is also good for keeping your sexual anatomy in good health. Your sexual potential is apt to be higher than that of a person who has never masturbated. Congratulations on getting married.

I would like to know about Spanish fly. Will it make a girl want me? (age 17)

Spanish fly is a urinary tract irritant which is given to farm animals who won't allow the male to penetrate them. When used on a human female, it might kill her, or at least irritate her urinary tract to the point where sex, other than talking to the man who gave it to her, is the last thing she wants.

Can you get arrested for masturbation? (age 15)

In public, yes.

This site has helped me quite a bit. Thanks for the time and effort you put into it. Every time I masturbate, about once a day, I have to urinate afterward. Also, what helps me ejaculate faster is reading (not seeing) erotic material. Is this wrong? I understand that masturbating is OK, and since I am a Christian, I'm not sure if it's OK. (age 15)

It's normal to masturbate afterward. I don't think reading erotica is wrong, even for Christians.

Is it OK to look at porn while masturbating? I heard from a friend that he heard from a school speaker that people who masturbate while looking at porn will eventually have trouble getting erect. Is that true? (age 16)

Some males get so acclimated to masturbating with visual aids that they can't do it without them. To avoid this, I recommend using the softest images that will produce results (e.g., Playboy) and to masturbate occasionally without them so you know that you have not gotten dependent on them.

Is it OK if I try to masturbate with a condom on? Is there any condom type or brand that is good to masturbate with? (age 14)

Yes, many males find masturbating with a condom to be fun, but not very many do it that way often. They're all about the same, except you probably don't want a non-lubricated one. If you just use them to masturbate, you don't have to worry about the expiration dates. If you keep expired ones on hand for masturbating, it's a good idea to mark them with an "X" in black marker so you know not to use it for sexual intercourse when you get to that point.

A friend told me that there are fake vaginas to masturbate with. Do they work? (age 15)

You can certainly teach yourself to reach orgasm by thrusting into one, but that would be prone masturbation and would not serve your sexual development well. Strange as it seems, your hand does a better job of replicating the feel of a vagina than any artificial vagina can.

Are there any vibrators made for teens?

Not that I know of, but teens who use them tend to buy the small, battery-powered ones that typically cost less than $10. Come to think of it, teens tend to drive the cheapest cars too.

The volume of my ejaculate is less than it used to be. When I masturbate, it is about a teaspoon, while a few months ago it was about 2 teaspoons. I once used corn oil as lube, and I think some of it got in the urethra. Could it have harmed anything and is the reason for my problem? (age 14)

It is better if you don't use corn oil, but since it's safe to eat, it's reasonably safe to use on your skin. Even if some got in your urethra, I doubt it would affect the volume. One teaspoon is closer to the average amount of ejaculate anyway.

What are your views on pornography as a Christian? My church says it's wrong. (age 13)

My personal viewpoint is it's not wrong if and only if the subjects aren't being exploited, are of legal age, and are being compensated, and the photos are tasteful (e.g., simple nudity only; no sex acts).

I've awakened to find semen in my underpants many times now. I never get to orgasm or ejaculation while masturbating. Usually I watch certain movies to get stimulated, but after 10-15 minutes of masturbating, I get bored and quit. What's the deal with me? (age 15.5)

When you get a thought in your head that REALLY turns you on, just concentrate on it (ignore what is happening in the movie at that point) and stroke as fast and hard as you can until you have an orgasm. It's actually easier if you don't start masturbating until you're very turned on. Once you've discovered how to bring yourself to orgasm, then you will want to moderate your stroke intensity and rate.

When I masturbate, I watch videos. When I do this, or fantasize, my mind tends to go onto something else, and I can never finish it. Is this normal? (age 13)

No. The video, if you use one, should help you be more focused rather than less. If you are losing your focus, it might be you really don't feel like doing it. Try waiting another day and see if you're more interested.

I'm Jack. What is it with males and the size of female breasts? Personally, the size to me does not matter. Yet I always see on TV, movies, etc., the male gets all excited about the size of the breasts. Why does breast size matter to most males? (age 14)

Hi Jack! Personally, I like them small. There is a theory that large breasts are a sign that woman is in fit condition to be a mother, and that's why males are attracted to women with large breasts. However, this is primitive and not a reliable indicator in this age of a woman's fitness to bear children. It ought to be considered a fetish, but since so much emphasis is placed on large breasts in media that the breast fetish is made to seem mainstream. You see them on TV and movies and advertising because those media are dominated by men who not only desire large female breasts personally but assume that everyone else is into large breasts.

I masturbate differently from most males. I use my thumb and three fingers (excluding my pinky) and wrap them around the head of my penis and push downward and pull upwards, creating a vertical friction motion all around it. Is this unhealthy, or does it make me different in a specific way? Also, my girlfriend and I want to wait until we're married to have sex, but we had what most people call "phone sex," hearing each other orgasm and talk afterward about it and such. I'm craving more of it. Is this wrong? (age 15)

This site advocates conventional masturbation, which for reasons unknown to me, replicates the feelings of intercourse better than anything else. Any atypical form of masturbation is apt to cause you trouble when you have sex someday. I don't think there's anything wrong with masturbating on the phone with a consensual partner.

I have been masturbating since I was 11 years old. When I was around girls before I was very insecure about my size so I never did anything other than kiss a girl. I also have been looking at porn videos every time I masturbate since day 1, and I have become dependent on them to stay firm. My erection has become very weak and porn does not arouse me much any more, and I am nearly unable to fantasize like I used to be able to. I no longer have that rush of thoughts when ejaculating either. Now that I have finished puberty, I look older, and girls flirt with me all the time, really good looking girls, and I don't feel the least bit sexually aroused or can fantasize about them either. I am going to quit looking at porn and try to masturbate from fantasies alone, but as soon as I start fantasizing, the pictures in my head soon fade away. What do I do? (age 16)

I think it is good for you to get away from porn. The abstinence program I recommend on the main page for males who masturbate prone will help you too. The principle is that it will be easier for you to get an erection and reach orgasm the longer it has been since your last orgasm.

Have you heard of massaging the prostate with a vibrator through the skin between the anus and the penis. Somebody toild me he got a good orgasm by sticking the vibrator into his rectum but I'm afraid to do that. (age 19)

I advise against that kind of prostate stimulation. In some cases, proper stimulation of the prostate (like a prostate massage by a doctor who knows what he's doing) can produce a copious ejaculation. However, this will probably not be accompanied by an orgasm, and ejaculations without orgasm are not especially enjoyable. You could also damage the perineum by being too rough with the vibrator. The perineum contains nerves and blood vessels that serve your private parts and anus. You want to keep it in good working order.

When I speak with my girlfriend on the phone we make like phone sex. I'm masturbating here but I don't know what she is doing but the noises she makes make me wonder if she masturbates. I just want to know whether she masturbates.

It is always risky to ask someone if they masturbate, but when having phone sex, there is an assumption that both parties are masturbating. You can try to be coy about it, by asking where her hands are or something like that. You might try a break from masturbating sometime and just work on telling her things that she wants to hear. I think it would become fairly obvious at that point what she is doing.

I sometimes use a condom when I masturbate. Is it OK to use it more than once if you do not use it for anything but masturbating? (age 17)

Believe it or not, there was a time when sex manuals showed how to rinse out a condom, check it for leaks, and roll it up to use again. But those condoms were thicker and not as good as today's condoms. Modern condoms are made to be used once. You are putting yourself at risk for infection if you reuse a condom.

Follow-up: Is there any way to clean the condom to reduce the risk of infection?

You can always rinse it out with hot water, but using it and then rising it will stretch it out so that it won't be any fun to put on again and reuse.

I sometimes fantasize erotic scenes with my teacher. (I'd walk in and have forgotten my book or something, and then she would come from behind her desk with nothing on.) Is this normal? Also, is it OK to fantasize about lesbians? (age 14)

Those are both very common fantasies.

There is this boy in my math class with well toned biceps and really big too. Every time I see these I get really horny. This is the only guy I have ever thought about like that. Am I gay? (age 16)

I think it is more important how many girls get you horny, and the ratio of them to this one guy. Even so, I have heard of men who decided they were gay on the basis of just one man who turned them on. Why not think about it for a while longer.

Why are items with nude pictures restricted to over 18 when they are primarily a masturbation aid and as we all know, nearly all guys are already masturbating before 18. (age 17)

It is because age of majority is 18 in most places, and the object of the restriction is to protect minors, and not only the ones who are completely in the dark.

I'm 14 and I think I'm gay. I have daydreams about having sex with boys but I don't fancy boys. I fancy girls. Am I bisexual or gay or straight or just plain confused?

You're definitely confused. Why not keep an open mind and your orientation will be clearer in a couple of years.

A girl I know told me when she masturbates, she can feel it for a little bit but then it goes away. She's worried she might be one of those girls that can't orgasm. I said maybe she just isn't doing it properly and she should try it a different way. She said there's not a right or wrong way to do it. I suppose it's different for everybody. She also said she's only tried once. She's 18 and I'm 19. I don't know much about female masturbation, and I've never really talked about it that much with my female friends, and when I have, they haven't said that they've had a problem. She's a virgin, and I'm just wondering if is she is in fact one of those girls that can't orgasm. I suppose it's hard to tell unless she's had sex, since it seems she doesn't really know what she's doing. She wouldn't explain to me how she masturbates, so I couldn't exactly try to help her. She was really embarrassed.

It would be a good idea not to initiate a discussion of masturbation with your female friends. Many women have not had an orgasm by her age, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with her or that she never will. You might apologize for embarrassing her.

I was talking to my friend about masturbation on the phone, and my brother was listening without me realizing it. He now has a lot of questions, and he's only 8. Should I show him how, show him this site, or just let him figure it out on his own? (age 13)

I think 8 is too young to be talking about this kind of stuff. You should definitely not show him. Your brother is in the sexual development stage called latency, when he shouldn't be having sexual thoughts. It is best if you just ignore the subject and be careful about what you say around him. You will probably be a big help to him when he is 12 and you are 17.

Is it OK to use fake vaginas? (age 12)

They are a form of prone masturbation, and I highly advise against them.

All of my past sexual relations were with girls, but recently I have been fantasizing about sex with guys on my wrestling team. Am I turning gay? Please help! (age 17)

There could be several explanations for this. Were you and the team involved in something emotionally charging recently, like a tournament or a bus accident? That could cause sexual feelings that weren't there before. But how you feel about sex with females in general or males in general makes more of a difference. If you are only attracted to those wrestlers, and not other wrestlers, or men in general, then I doubt you are gay. Perhaps take some more time to think about it before acting on it. The answer will be more clear in a year or so.

I am almost 16 and I masturbate a lot. About once a month I look at porn. Is that normal?

Yes. Most guys your age who use pictures use them a lot more than once a month. I think you are normal.

Lately I have been finding myself aroused by a couple of my second cousins, who are several years younger. I started to masturbate to them, either through thoughts in my head or actual pictures, and I feel guilty but at the same time I can't stop. I definitely don't want to pursue them in real life, but masturbating over them gives me a rush unlike any other I get while thinking of someone else. Is this a major problem? (age 19)

I don't see anything wrong with it. Second cousins are acceptable as partners, and what you are doing is only in your head.

If I were to follow your steps to getting rid of prone, would it be possible to get rid of a fetish as well? (age 15)

I doubt it. The point of the abstinence is to sensitize your penis so you can learn to masturbate a new way. That wouldn't help you get over a fetish. I don't know much about them, but I think the thing to do is just find other things that arouse you.

I can't masturbate to adult movies without climaxing in 2 minutes. (age 18)

Then there is probably no reason for you to look at them.

When I think about my girlfriend while masturbating, it actually turns me off and makes me feel guilty in a sense. Is this bad? (age 14)

I don't think it is. A lot of males (and females) have a rule that they won't fantasize about certain people.

I would like to thank you for having such a brilliant site. I started masturbating when I was 14 but cut down to 2 or 3 times a day. Lately I have completely quit because when I did it my face became weak and there were dark circles below my eyes. Please help me. I am really depressed. (age 20)

Masturbation will not cause those problems, although dark circles can result from not getting enough sleep, and masturbating late at night can keep you from getting to sleep. Some of the strongest people in the world masturbate often. Just try to enjoy it.

I sometimes have dreams where I am a girl. Sometimes I masturbate as a girl in the dream. Is this normal? (age 14)

There's nothing wrong with that. I think a lot of males your age and older would like to have your dreams.

I find myself turned on by plus size girls and not so much by skinny girls. My last girlfriend was plus size and i love bigger girls. Is this OK? (age 17)

Yes, but you ought not judge girls so much by their weight.

I have masturbated for 10 years and want a sex toy. Should I ask my parents for one? Where can I buy them? (age 17)

I recommend against sex toys for males, and I definitely think it's a bad idea to ask your parents at your age. A lot of sex toy shops don't check IDs very carefully, and you can always get an 18-year-old friend to buy one for you.

I have been in a relationship for almost four years and I love my girlfriend. However, I like to fantasize about other girls when I masturbate. Is this healthy? (age 22)

Yes, that is very normal. You shouldn't feel guilty about it. Your girlfriend probably has fantasies about others too.

I am gay, and I want to masturbate with another guy. How do I ask that other guy if I can masturbate with him? (age 15)

At your age, it can be dangerous to be gay. Not very many of your classmates are accepting of homosexuality, and it can be a problem for you if you come out of the closet at school. It is also very dangerous to be underage and involved in the gay social settings of the larger world, because there are men who are there in order to prey on young and inexperienced gays. Most gay men have to be very cautious about the violent element. (So do all straight women.) If there are social clubs that serve gay teenagers exclusively in your area, it might be worthwhile to get involved with them.

I'm 16, and I often find myself being turned on by girls who are 9, 10, 11, in addition to girls my age. Is this normal? Does this mean I will become a pedophile when I'm older? (age 16)

I don't think that's normal. Most males your age are not interested in little girls. The important thing is to stay away from underage girls. I think as you get more involved with girls your own age, you will think less about those younger girls.

Can you get into trouble with the law if you try to buy porn under age? (age 17)

Probably not. If there's any legal penalty at all, it would be for the person selling it rather than the person buying. If you're still worried, why not have an 18-year-old friend make the purchase?

I've been watching porn now for a number of years, and I have only recently noticed the damaging potential it has on a teenage mind. Often in porn, a man may treat the woman like an animal, even to the point of abusing her. I was wondering what type of effect watching porn has on the mind over a number of years, especially to a person whose mind is still developing. (age 17)

What you mention is a common criticism of porn by both feminists and non-feminists. It is part of why I urge that if one must use pictures, that they be simple nudity only (no sex acts); the subjects aren't being exploited, are of legal age, and are being compensated, and the photos are tasteful.

I often get really turned on by mature women around their 40s. I also like girls my age. Is this normal? (age 14)

I think it is.

Do women and men both find it that if a guy has curly hair, that he is effeminate or is gay? I have naturally curly hair, and I sense lately that people see me that way. (age 15)

No one could suspect of you of being gay because you have naturally curly hair. Whether you have straight, wavy, or curly hair is determined by the shape of your hair follicles. It is genetic, and there is nothing anyone can do about it. There are gay men who curl their straight hair, but they are greatly outnumbered by straight men with naturally curly hair.

Do monks and priests masturbate or is that forbidden for them? (age 16)

Even when it is forbidden, a lot of them do.

I am sort of addicted to porn and can't orgasm without it. How can I get rid of this? (age 14)

Just don't use it. After a few days, you will have no trouble even without it.

I am black and I masturbate but afterward I feel disgusted and even before I masturbate I am disgusted by everything that refers to sex, and that also includes my penis. I have of heard of many who are proud of having a penis and being able to masturbate, but I am not! Do black men masturbate, because I have never heard of any and all the masturbation web sites I have visited re have whites as the only subjects. Should I talk to anyone about masturbation because I really want to know how people view masturbation. I want to ask a certain relative of mine about it. (age 17)

People of all races masturbate. Web sites might not be an accurate representation of the world because the Internet is overwhelmingly written by white Westerners. It would be a good idea to talk to someone you're comfortable with. Just tell him what you told me. Perhaps they could convince you that it is legitimate for blacks to masturbate. You seem to have a larger problem of being disgusted by your own sexuality. It would be a good idea for you to seek professional help about that.

Is it OK to be gay but not interested in anal sex? (age 16)


Do you think masturbating 3 times a day is too much for a guy my age? I try to cut down but it's very hard. Could doing it this often cause problems? (age 21)

Yes, I think that is too much at 21. It would even be a little high at 14. I think you're asking for trouble by doing it that much, and it might also be keeping you from looking for a partner.

I had a wet dream about a guy from a TV program giving me sexual favors. Am I gay? (age 17)

One dream or fantasy doesn't make you gay. Being he's on TV he's familiar to you and probably good looking. Don't worry about this one so much.

Thank you for this interactive and informative site. You have put in a lot of effort to make people all over the world understand this. I am a 19 year old guy, living in a single room in a hostel where we share bathrooms (but not the rooms where we live). I want to excel academically and also involve myself in non-academic activities like sports and music. Does masturbating affect my performance in these fields, and should it affect my concentration and focus on such activities? I have tried to abstain from it for this reason, and I am performing well in academics.

No, it won't affect your musical or athletic performance. As a group, the top athletes and musicians are very sexually active. If you really want to masturbate less, it would help if you didn't have a single room.

Is it OK to masturbate in your shower at home? (age 14)

I think it is. Other users would probably want you to clean up afterward.

Do females get aroused when seeing males in form fitting clothes that show the shape/outline of the genitals? (age 23)

Some do, but as a general rule, you're better off not wearing clothes like that if you intend to attract females. Males who are successful sexually either dress nicely or dress like an average person.

Can sexual orientation be determined by a person's sexual fantasies and fetishes? (age 26)

I would be more inclined to believe the fantasies and fetishes would be determined by the sexual orientation, but I am not an expert.

My younger brother who's 13 walked in on me masturbating the other day, and now he wants me to show him how to do it. Is this normal? Should I show him? Or should I say no? I dont want him to feel like he's gross for asking. (age 16)

Use your judgment. You don't seem comfortable with showing him, but there are things that you could tell him short of giving him a demonstration that would help him out. That would be the best thing to do.

Most parents who write to this site seem to have some knowledge on masturbation, but my parents don't have any! My father considers it bad as he says it drains you and makes you weak, eventually killing you (like drugs I suppose), and my mother doesn't seem too know much about sex other than intercourse at all. My father won't accept any answer but his own. My mother is unaware of my masturbating and when asked by my father, I always lie and say I did it a few weeks ago rather then the couple of hours it's been. What's your advice? (age 17)

I think you're handling it well. It might not be that important to try to change them. You'll probably be living on your own before long.

Would it be a sin to watch yourself masturbate on camera so you could turn yourself on? (age 14)

I don't think so, but it would be a bad idea to do that because the tape could fall into the wrong hands.

Can you get into legal trouble if you try to buy porn under age or is it the person selling the porn who can get into trouble? (age 17)

I've never heard of a minor being prosecuted for trying to purchase porn, or for possessing it. It is also rare for sellers to get into trouble for that. Only a few more months and it will be legal for you to buy what you want.

I have masturbated prone for 6 years. I am less interested in porn on TV than I used to be. I now get an erection but lose it quickly. Is this the effect of prone? (age 19)

That is a typical effect. One more benefit of quitting prone is that you can watch TV more easily while masturbating. It can be hard to watch TV when you're in the face down position.

I recently started using porn to masturbate, but after I read on your site that people my age should refrain from porn, I stopped. Now it's harder to have a sexual fantasy than when I used porn. Is this curable or just temporary? (age 13)

The point of not using porn at your age is to train your mind to develop its own erotic fantasies. You couldn't have gotten so attached to porn that fast.

What happens at a sperm bank? (age 18)

First they lead you to a small room called a "donor room" or more fancifully a "masturbatorium." There is a sink for you to wash your hands and sometimes your penis.

Then you sit down with your cup. In a fancy donor room, there will be a cot in addition to a chair. Most sperm banks have visual aids to help you masturbate, but most doctor's offices do not.

When you are finished, you put your cup through a door in the wall. A lab tech retrieves it and processes it. (Images courtesy of Preston Hunt.)

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