... a site about masturbation and you!

Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:

I have never had sex but my boyfriend wants to have sex. I am nervous because my vagina is tight and I want to know how can I prepare myself for my first time without him knowing that its my first time. Also, can I break my hymen with masturbation? (age 21)

You shouldn't have sex unless it's what you want to do. I think you'd be better off if you told him you've never had sex. Yes, most women break their hymens through masturbation and other activity before their first intercourse.

My wife doesn't usually like to have sex, but once in a while she gets horny and she reaches orgasm as soon as we start. I think she masturbates when I am not home, but she says she has never masturbated. I would love to watch her masturbate! I masturbate twice a week in bed with her and she thinks I do it too often. (age 39)

I think you have a lot of communication problems. Maybe she doesn't like to have sex the way you usually do it to her. She seems OK when it's her way. Masturbating in front of your partner is only worthwhile if it leads to something else. Since this doesn't seem to be working, why not try something different.

Just wanted to ask you whether my boyfriend can help me masturbate or not? I would love him to do so. (age 20)

Yes, he probably can, but it's more effective if you can learn what you like on your own and then show him what to do.

I'm 17 and my boyfriend asked me when we got together if I thought I was ready for sex. I said no, because I wasn't then. The more I think about it, the more I think he's the one that I want to experience this with. My problem is, how do I know for sure? And if I truly think that I am ready, how do I let him know? I'm not one to make the first move when it comes to these things, and he respects me enough to know that I'm not ready so he won't go that far. But now I am ready and I want him to go that far. HELP!!

I think you still have doubts. If you didn't, you wouldn't be asking me how to know for sure. But once you're sure you don't have any doubts, assuming you don't want to tell him, you can just drop some verbal hints that you're ready to revisit your earlier decision.

I really want to start using something else to masturbate with besides my fingers or hairbrush handles -- a dildo for example. But I dont talk to my mom about those kinds of things and don't have any siblings. Help! (age 15)

Girls improvise with ordinary objects until they can buy items made especially for masturbating.

I recently gave my boyfriend oral sex and he came in my mouth. I didn't mind the taste so I swallowed. Is swallowing bad? (age 16)

Swallowing someone else's semen is unsafe sex. Only if you trust your boyfriend to be monogamous and disease free do you have nothing to worry about.

Thinking about swallowing a guy's semen makes me sick. I have a friend who's given a guy a BJ and she didn't mind. I'm not saying it's not normal, but I feel like I'm the only one with that problem. (age 14)

I think you're too young to be having oral sex. You're not the only one repulsed by semen. Many, perhaps even most, adult women refuse to swallow semen. Many won't even perform oral sex. You might decide later (much later, I hope) that you can stand semen with the right partner.

Why do you need protection while having vaginal sex? And what exactly is vaginal sex? (age 14, female)

Vaginal sex is what most people call sexual intercourse, coitus, copulating, making love, "doing it," and you know many more. I use the term to distinguish between other forms of intercourse, such as oral sex. Protection is necessary because vaginal sex exposes both partners to the other's fluids, which can contain sexually transmitted diseases.

Do you really blow in a blow job, or do you suck? (female, age 18)

Most people massage the penis with their tongue and their soft palate. Some people suck. Blowing actually wouldn't accomplish much.

I'm in love with and very attracted to this guy, who I can't have right now, for the past year and a half. Since this has happened, I think about sex a lot more but when I masturbate, sometimes there is an orgasm but no resolution. I feel as keyed up and frustrated as ever. The effect is one of deep loneliness and desperation. There is no way to tell beforehand whether the session will end in this way or not, though it's worse when I want him the most. It makes me afraid to even try because it's such a letdown. In some 17 years of masturbation, I've never had this happen before, but now it occurs as often as 80% of the time. I feel like I'm losing my mind. By the way, intercourse with someone else had about the same effect too (if I can come at all), so I quit that. (age 30)

Your problem isn't masturbation but wanting someone you can't have. I think you'll have to forget about him before you can be sexually normal again. You might consider professional help. As a short term solution, masturbating more often might produce more resolution.

Does swallowing semen make you sick? I recently swallowed my bf's semen and later that day felt sick. Should I keep swallowing to see if that's the problem? (age 17)

No, semen wouldn't make you feel that way. I hope you're both careful because the AIDS virus can be carried in semen and you could be infected if you had an open sore in your mouth.

Can the clear liquid guys leak before they "shoot" out get you pregnant? Is it sperm? I was wondering because I'm not sure if my partner leaked inside of me while playing around. If he fingers me all the time can that hurt the inside of my vagina in a bad way? Can it be a risk for me having kids later?

"Pre-cum" can contain sperm, which makes it a dangerous substance to play with. It's unlikely your partners fingers could damage your vagina.

My boyfriend and I just started having sex, and I've thought of giving him oral sex, but I refuse to use a condom while doing it. Can I get an STD by oral sex? (age 16)

Yes, it's possible. They make flavored and unlubricated condoms specifically for oral sex.

My husband and I have married over five years now and I've suddenly become aware of his penis getting chafed even when we havent been together. He masturbates frequently and always has. I remember him being chafed when we first started having sex. My concern is that his chafing means he's cheated because he is uncircumcised and he masturbates using his foreskin, thus preventing chafing. Why would he suddenly be chaffing? (age 25)

Why would he chafe from sexual intercourse with another woman? He might just be doing something different with his masturbating. You should be careful before accusing him.

What does chafing mean? (age 8)

It means to bruise skin by rubbing. Wearing something tight around your neck might be uncomfortable because the item chafes your neck.

How does a man give oral sex to a woman?

He stimulates her vulva (labia, clitoris, clitoral hood) with his tongue and lips.

My second cousin and I recently performed oral sex on another male cousin. I swallowed his semen. Is this bad because he's related to me and his sperm can infect something because they could be the same? (age 13)

In most states, sexual contact between second cousins is not incest. But sexual contact between first cousins is. At least one of you is below the age of consent, making the encounter statutory rape. Oral sex is an uncommon method of disease transmission, but a possible one. It makes no difference if you're related. That factor comes into play when you conceive a child together and both of you have genes for the same disease.

I was recenly raped by my boyfriend and I haven't told anyone. I'm scared because he made me give him oral sex and I swallowed his semen. He also raped me anally and vaginally. He didn't use a condom for either sex act. I am afraid for my life because he told to me not to tell anyone or he'd kill me. My anus is unbearable and I can hardly sit. Am I going to be OK? will my anus heal and will I stop bleeding profusely through my vagina? Should I watch out for any STDs that I might have caught? Or pregnancy? Can I take anything for the pain? (age 16)

You need medical attention immediately. You don't have to talk to the police just because you seek medical help. The doctors can deal with all those problems. It would be a good idea to tell someone. If you got killed, everyone would suspect him. If you don't report him, he's apt to rape you again.

I've a girl cousin who's 7 this year. She masturbates during afternoon nap times during holiday stayovers at my grandparents' place. She'll be doing something similar to what's described in an earlier post by the dad of a 6 year old girl. She's been doing it for the past two years or so. I'll get excited and have erections every time I see her lying on her stomach with her hands under her body. I'll just stay and watch her masturbate till her body relaxes and she'll flip onto her back to sleep, and then I'll go to the bathroom to wank. The image of her masturbating has been in my mind every time I masturbate for the past two years.

At a stayover a few months back, I couldn't control my curiosity and urge anymore and went over to her when she was doing it. I made her lie down on me and I took over the rubbing. I was amazed she didn't say anything nor cried. I rubbed her clitoris for about fifteen minutes and I think she reached orgasm. (She pressed her thighs tightly together and her butt contracted and relaxed for about four times.) After that, I got off the bed and placed her down. I quickly got out of the room feeling very scared that she'll tell her parents what I did. But shockingly, that same evening, she pulled me into the room asking me to tell her more stories. As she sat on my lap while I told her a story, she took my hand and placed it at her private parts. I got excited again and fondled her again.

This is still happening nowadays. Am I doing something wrong? I feel like I'm doing something wrong but she didn't tell anybody after so long, and she wanted it. Sometimes I'll masturbate her in the hall area too but she'll take cushions to cover her lower body and not let anybody see what's going on. I feel confused. Her vagina is slippery every time I touch her. Is this urine? (age 14)

You have to stop molesting your cousin. I suspect you're not in America, but here we have laws that say one must be anywhere from 13 to 18 to consent to sex. There are similar laws in the rest of the world. Your cousin is not capable of knowing what you're doing and couldn't consent even if it were legal. You should have known better than to touch her in a sexual way. I suggest you tell the girl's parents what you were doing so they can get help for her. And I suspect the substance you're feeling isn't urine but vaginal lubrication. I think by asking me you know you're doing wrong and want to stop.

I gave oral sex to my friend whom I have been close with since I was 4. I loved it and want to do it more often, because making a guy come in my mouth turns me on. I don't want to sound like a slut, so what should I tell him? (age 15)

I think your actions speak louder than your words. I doubt he won't want you to do it again.

I'm in love with a guy who is 20. We have masturbated together, but never had intercourse. I noticed he would get strange afterward and act ashamed. Recently he told me he's a virgin. He says he's ashamed of it. It doesn't change how I feel, but how do I make him feel more secure and relaxed? (age 31)

Most males his age, if they're not ashamed of masturbating, are at least embarrassed talking about it. A virgin his age is apt to be inhibited sexually so naturally he would get strange after masturbating in front of someone. I get the impression you're sexually experienced. The best thing would be for you to offer to help him lose his virginity.

I've been with this guy for about 2 months now and I really want to give him oral sex and he also wants it, but I'm embarrassed because I've never done it before and I told him that I have so I'm afraid that if I were to do it I would not do it right. What should I do? (age 16)

I don't think he'd complain that you did it wrong. I don't think you're ready to have oral sex, and I think you should tell him the truth.

My boyfriend and I have been steady for almost a year. We have had intercourse (with protection) and I know he's been with other girls. Recently he told me the true number of girls and their names because I begged him. He had said he only had two partners before me, but after that talk it changed to five. I see these people at school and I feel really bad. I feel disgusted that he's touched other people, and fearful I'll be another one to the list he'll be telling his next girlfriend. Can I make these feelings go away or at least minimize? (age 16)

You asked for it. It's probably going to get worse as you get older, because your future boyfriends are likely to have had even more partners (even though six is a very high number for your age.) You're already on the list, so you might as well accept being number six and make the best of it. I hope you've learned for next time to ask for only a "ballpark number" and no names. If you want to avoid this problem, go for a virgin.

I am married and have an 18 month old baby. Since her birth, my sexual desire has decreased greatly. My husband and I are also full-time students. Is it normal for me not to want to have sex? Also, he has started masturbating because I egged him on to do it so he would leave me alone about having sex. I love him, but sex is the last thing on my mind. Is it bad that I tell him to masturbate so he'll leave me alone? I guess I'm just always so tired with the baby and school that I don't want to think about anything sex related. Is it normal for me never to have orgasms since I've had the baby? (age 22)

Your experience is that of a lot of women, but very unusual for your age. I think your husband would masturbate anyway, but your telling him to do it and leave you alone is undoubtedly hurtful. Sex might have to be one more thing to work into your schedule. The happiest married people have sex at least three times a week.

I really like this guy but I don't know if he likes me back. He shows little signs and stuff and I JUST CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THE GUY! (age 11)

You're a little young for that. Even if you could make contact, he probably is not at the stage where he wants a girlfriend. Just be nice and friendly to him, and perhaps your time will come in a couple of years.

I have been masturbating since I was about 9 and I do it at least once every day and I always feel horny. Is this normal? My boyfriend fingers me a lot and I give him a hand job. I really want to have sex. Should we do it? Could my vagina get "loose" from masturbating too much? (age 14)

I don't see anything wrong with your frequency. I think by asking me you're showing you really don't want to have sex. Please consider the consequences and wait a while longer. I think your vagina will be fine.

Follow-up: I am positive I am ready for sex. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we've discussed all the positive and negative aspects of having intercourse. We went to a clinic together to get checked for diseases. (We're both clean.) The only problem is my mom doesn't want me too do it. But I am positively ready for this. How do I convince her I'm ready for this? I also was wondering how I should purchase a condom without it getting back to my mom in our very small town?

Perhaps your mom knows best? If you're adamant, maybe she'll buy you the condoms if she knows you're going to be having sex anyway. If not, why can't your boyfriend buy the condoms?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. We have been discussing having sex for a few months. Neither of us wanted to rush into sex. That's why we took it slowly and asked advice from counselors and older friends. They all tell us sex before marriage is a sin. But neither of us believes that it's wrong to express love in a physical sense. Another question that we have is that we don't want to have sex in either of our houses. He has his driver's license. Do you have any suggestions where we could go?

You don't think it's wrong, yet you think it's wrong to do it at home? Perhaps you should wait a while longer. When you get to be 18, you can go to a motel. In the meantime, you might have to try less than suitable venues, like his car and various secluded spots.

I was penetrated with a finger by this guy. Is this normal or am I dirty? (age 17)

I think most girls your age have done at least that much. I don't think you're dirty.

I'm 29, married, and my wife doesn't feel urge for sex as I do. Is there some sex pill which can make her feel for sex as she is not ready to come to doctor with me.

The "sex pill" that has always worked for me is to cuddle with her for a long time and perform a highly erotogenic backrub and neck massage. It's gotten women I didn't even want to have sex with in the first place to plead for sex.

I recently had intercourse with my boyfriend for the first time. He told me he had not been with anyone for a year, but I found several empty condom wrappers in his nightstand drawer, that were obviously not ours. When I confronted him about it, he said that he uses them when he masturbates. I've never heard of a guy using condoms during masturbation. Is his explanation plausible? (age 22)

Yes. Many guys use condoms while masturbating. For most it's only an occasional thing, for variety, but sometimes they do it when they don't want to deal with cleaning up.

I'm a virgin, meaning I've never had sexual intercourse and I choose to stay this way until I'm married. I am with someone who respects this decision and we find ways to work around him inserting his penis inside me, so he'll just rub it around that area and go in between me until he climaxes. Recently he was doing this, and because it gets so slippery, he gets excited and can't control himself going in me so I have to hold him with all my strength. A little of his head poked me in there and I felt a little pain and I bled very little. It did not go in, only the very top touched that area, and I threw him off immediately because I was scared he might go further and devirginize me, so now I want to know what exactly happened, what's up with the little bleeding, and I want to know what shape my poor little hymen is in. (age 20)

A lot of people would question whether you're a virgin based on what you've done. The bleeding was caused by his breaking your hymen. I also question whether you are with a man who respects your decision since he "can't control himself going in" and you have to hold him with all your strength. I suspect he wanted to "devirginize" you, to use your word and once it was over you would have no more objection to continued sexual activity. I think you can still call yourself a virgin, although you're less of one than someone who has never done anything at all "below the waist."

I have had oral sex and masturbated and my boyfriend and I have done many sexual things and I am very aroused by him but I have never had an orgasm. Is this normal?! I'm so worried and my boyfriend gets frustrated with himself because he thinks it's him. (age 16)

Yes, it is normal for girls to be slow at having orgasms. You're lucky to have a boyfriend who cares about your satisfaction. Why not enjoy what you're doing and let him know you're enjoying it. As you become more relaxed and more comfortable with your body, orgasms are likely to follow.

I have sexual fantasies about my sister`s boyfriend. I'm almost 18 and he`s 23. I`ve noticed him watching me in a sensual way since I'm a fashion model so I'm not that unnoticeable. What should I do?

You should consider your relationship with your sister before you decide to move in on him.

My boyfriend wants to have sex with me, but I'm scared that I will get pregnant. Is it true that if you have sex in the first 5 days after your menstrual flow that you cannot get pregnant? Can you tell me the safest way? (age 16)

No, that is not true. The rhythm method is a very dangerous attempt at birth control, especially at your age when your ovulation and menstruation are apt to be irregular. The safest form of birth control is abstinence, followed by oral contraceptives.

My history teacher said that a 6 year old girl was raped and she got pregnant. She said they got the guy and he will be in jail for 48 years. Can a girl that young get pregnant? She also said that all girls are born with baby eggs inside of us. Is that true also? (age 12)

I don't know anything about that case, but the youngest mother on record was 5 years and 7 months old, meaning she was only 4 when she conceived. That, of course, is an extreme case. Females are born with all the ova (baby eggs) they will ever have, while males produce hundreds of millions of sperm (baby seeds) every day. Is that fair?

After sexual intercourse my urethra burns when I urinate. By having sex without a condom, can it cause yeast infections? I don't think that my boyfriend's penis is dirty though; he showers everyday and sometimes I make him wash it before we have sex. Is it normal for me not to like it when my boyfriend licks my nipples. I love your site. It helps a lot. (age 14)

You should really see a doctor or call a nurse line about that burning. That's a sign of venereal disease. Having sex without a condom can spread more than yeast infections. Washing a penis will not remove the kinds of things you should be worried about, like viruses and bacteria. Some girls like having their nipples licked and some don't.

I'm sexually active and there have been a few times that while I'm on my back and he's on top, my pelvic area starts hurting and cramping up. Usually the pain runs to my lower back. Since I was younger my worst fear is to not be able to have kids, and my family insists I can and it's all in my head thanks to soap operas. Is this normal? Might the cramping be a sign of something? (age 15)

It might be just due to his weight. You might get him to rest more of his weight on his arms. You might also be rejecting the idea of being sexually active. I also fear becoming infertile, and I think your fear is normal. Unfortunately, there is no way your family can know. Try not to worry about it so much.

I just gave a guy oral sex for the first time and since then I've been wanting to do more sexual things and I feel like I'm turning into a slut and I don't want to be one. What's wrong with me? (age 14)

You're feeling guilty about what you've done. If you remain a virgin, it's sure that no one will call you that name.

I recently had sex with this guy. It felt good. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Now all I think about is sex. Before I go to bed, while I change or take off my clothes, while I'm in school. Is this normal? Also, after we had sex I kept crying. I don't know why I was crying. (age 13)

You were probably feeling guilty. That's a hard part about being sexually active for a lot of young people. It's normal to think about sex all the time at your age whether you're having sex or not.

I masturbate with my friend. Is this wrong? (age 14)

I don't think it's right.

My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. He is 20, and I am 19. We have an excellent relationship, and I am very happy with him. I want to have sex and he does not. (We are both virgins). I have given him oral sex twice before, but he didn't come either time, because he was so nervous. Two other girls have given him hand jobs before me. I know he is a horny guy, and he tells me he thinks I am sexy all of the time, so why wouldn't he want to get physical with me?

A lot of people, men and women, want to wait until they're married, or at least until the time is right. It might be better if you stopped asking for sex and instead just treated him warmly and did whatever made him comfortable. He's apt to come around.

If you don't feel comfortable having sex with a guy, and he wants to do it, should you do it? And if you don't do it, he won't like you anymore, but still should you do it? (age 13)

If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. He might not like you anymore, but there are lots of better guys who will like you even better for saying no.

I'm afraid to have sex with my bf because in 10 months I am getting married. What if I don't bleed that night? Do all women bleed in their first intercourse? (age 21)

Most women tear their hymens in other ways before losing their virginity. I don't think your husband will notice if you don't bleed.

Could I get pregnant if both me and my partner are virgins and we have sex without a condom and it's my first time? Could I get pregnant if we have sex in a pool without a condom? (age 15)

Yes. Yes.

I love your site! It is quite educational. Are there any easy to read physical signs that a girl is ready for sex? (age 18)

If she's been through puberty (breasts developed, hips widened, menstruating), she's physically ready for sex. Other factors might be more important in deciding if she's ready, such as her emotional maturity, where she's at educationally (i.e., can she end school if she gets pregnant), and her personal and religious values.

Is it OK to have sex with your boyfrend with your clothes on at the age of 13?

Clothes on or off, 13 is still too young.

I was on my period and fooling around with my boyfriend. He penetrated me while I was wearing my tampon. I actually orgasmed. Is this normal? (age 17)

It's a bit odd to have intercourse while wearing a tampon, but there are lots of ways to have orgasms.

How can I tell my mom I have a boyfriend? I wanna tell her but I don't want her to tell my dad. Is it OK at my age to want to kiss my boyfriend? (age 12)

Why don't you just tell her "Seymour and I are a couple now." Then you can explain why you don't want your dad to know. I think almost all girls your age want to kiss their boyfriends.

I am 18 and my boyfriend is 20, and we have been together for almost three months now, and have been having sex regularly. Recently, he has told me when we start to have sex that it tickles, and sometimes tickles to the point where it hurts. We are unable to continue having sex. I have never heard of anything like this, so I was wondering if you could possibly tell me what the problem might be. The last time this happened, he had told me he needed to go to the bathroom a while before we began having sex. Could this have possibly had anything to do with it? We are both confused about the situation, and don't know what to do about it. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!

I think you need to take it more slowly so he can relax. Perhaps just lie together naked for 1/2 hour and he can get desensitized to the feel of your body against his. You might need to try different positions so he isn't in contact with as much of you at first. Rear entry might be good.

I am so relieved to have found your website. I have been in a serious relationship for the past couple of years. Until about 6 months ago, I never realized my boyfriend still masturbated solo. (We both masturbate together.) I assumed since we were sexually active, that it wasn't necessary. Also, I am always ready to engage in sexual activity with him. One morning, he had an erection and I was eager for sex. He got out of bed because he said he had to take a shower to get ready to go to work. He shut the door, but not tightly. About 10 minutes later, I walked in the bathroom and he was masturbating. I just watched him because he didn't know I was there. Half of me was turned on and the other half of me was crushed. Why would he leave me in bed (ready to go) and shut the door to satisfy himself? I masturbate frequently but would never leave him unsatisfied to go pleasure myself.

Not too long after that he also casually told me (thinking it wouldn't bother me) that he visited a sex shop to pay to watch a girl behind a glass window. He said he wasn't attracted to her but he was curious. Again, I was crushed. I also discovered that when I'm out of town, he visits porn web sites. I guess I don't really have too much of a problem with that, but suddenly, I feel very insecure about my body. I used to be confident and outgoing, but now I feel betrayed and doubtful. My fear is that I'm not enough to satisfy him. The two of us have visited sex shops together and we have gone to topless bars together. I just want to be included. The other thing is that he told me that before we started dating, he would masturbate for an entire day and he has paid for sex in the past. I have told him that I want to be included if he goes to a sex shop and he agreed. I don't want to squash his sexuality nor do I want to be intrusive. (age 30)

I don't think your concerns are unreasonable, but let's do the easy part first: It's perfectly normal for men to masturbate even when they are in relationships. Masturbation isn't necessarily better than intercourse; it's just different, and men don't want to give it up just because they have intercourse. If he really had to go to work that morning, it's reasonable for him to masturbate instead of having intercourse because intercourse takes longer. Most women in relationships masturbate occasionally too. You might discuss the subject, although it would have been better to confront him about it when it happened.

You would not be out of line telling him not to go to sex shows. Sexually healthy men don't do that. That he does that and has engaged in prostitution in the past suggests that he might not be fully satisfied by normal, monogamous sex. You might want him to give up commercial sex for a year before committing to a permanent relationship. You should want to squash those aspects of his sexuality that have the potential to interfere with your sexuality.

I had a boyfriend and he dared me to have oral sex. I said no. Then I dumped him for talking to me about how other girls looked sexy. Now I want to have sex. Is something wrong with me? (age 13)

I think you're a normal adolescent with the emotional swings that entails. It's good you didn't have oral sex on a dare. I don't think you should fault your boyfriend for merely being honest about how he felt about other girls. You should tell him if saying those things hurts your feelings. I think you're not ready to have sex.

My boyfriend of three months is absolutely wonderful in every way. He is affectionate, treats me well, and tells me he loves me. However, we are not as compatible in the bedroom. We have both had sex in the past but I decided I wanted to wait until I am engaged or married and he likes this idea. He is 22 and has never masturbated. (I have and still do). He hates "hand jobs." I found these facts strange for his age but I very much enjoy the things we do while messing around. We both are able to reach orgasm (not every time for me but that is normal and OK with me). Ideally, I would like to "mess around" about once a day but when I leave it up to him to initiate things, it is about once a week. I have talked to him about it and his only explanation is that he "just doesn't need it" and it is "not something that is really important to him." He says I turn him on more than any girl he has ever been with and he is always telling me how attractive he thinks I am but I don't feel very attractive when I try stuff and it is not returned.

I do not sense he has sexual orientation issues. Is this normal? What can I do? We are so compatible in other areas but I feel sexual compatibility is very important and if I cannot resolve this I will have to seriously think about whether to continue this relationship. Thank you very much for the informative, honest, and open website.

I find it hard to believe your boyfriend has never masturbated. In fact, I don't believe it. I don't think he is being honest with you by telling you that. If there is a person his age who does not masturbate, I suspect he would be asexual and very confused and clumsy in the bedroom. Your boyfriend is obviously none of these things. I have to believe he is masturbating frequently and/or having sex with other people. I think you should move on. Should you choose to continue the relationship, what you could do that would make the most difference would be to have sexual intercourse with him. In that event, he would have less incentive to have orgasms without you. Of course, by continuing the relationship and having sexual intercourse, you would be rewarding his dishonesty and/or unfaithfulness.

Can masturbating lower sperm count in women? Can it keep me from getting pregnant? (age 23)

Women don't have sperm counts. Female masturbation makes absolutely no difference in getting someone pregnant.

Why is masturbating with someone wrong if you aren't touching each other and if you aren't even looking at each other? (like the girl and her cousin) (age 13)

Because it's being sexual with someone, which you shouldn't be doing at your age, and with a cousin, it's also incest, which you should never do. Masturbation is a private activity, and when you are the proper age to be in an intimate relationship, it is something you can do with your intimate partner. It shouldn't be reduced by being performed with just any person.

Can you get condoms with anesthetic in them to make the guy's penis not so sensitive? My boyfriend is really confident during sex but I'm a bit tight and he comes really quick. Can you tell me what brand of condoms have anesthetic in them? (age 18)

There are condoms that have benzocaine inside the tip. These include the Durex Performa and the Trojan Extended Pleasure. You can also buy benzocaine separately and apply it inside any condom. You might be able to find benzocaine specifically formulated for penile use next to the condoms where you buy them.

I was recently researching for an assignment on HIV. I read that anal sex is safe as long as the male dosn't ejaculate inside the partner. Is this true? (age 13)

No. Sexual fluids can leak out before ejaculation, and they can contain HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. Also, anal sex is very bad for the anus and rectum and can lead to their non-functioning.

My cousin's boyfriend has a scab-like ring around the bottom section of his penile head. What could that be? (age 20)

It's most likely from masturbating without lube. That part of the penis is called the corona, by the way.

My boyfriend has some little hairs that grow on his shaft. Is this normal? (age 19)

Yes, and he might like it if you're careful not to stroke them against the grain. (But better against the grain than not at all.)

I come from a Hispanic family and I'm soon to be 21. When my parents found out my ex-boyfriend I started being sexually active they treated me like a slut for doing so, even though we were together for almost two years. He moved and came back to visit me and we engaged in sex again. Now my parents are acting the same way. I feel guilty that they see it is wrong for me to have sex. I need some advice.

It's always a good idea to find out beforehand what your parents' views on premarital sex are and the consequences for violating them. That way you can be more discreet about your relations, if that's what you choose. Your parents have a right to their opinion, so you will have to decide whether it's worth it to pursue a sexual relationship under their noses. It might be best if you simply told them your personal life is your own business. They would not be happy, but they would probably accept your decision eventually.

I got married a month back. My husband likes to have sex at least twice a day. I have no idea of sex, and I do not have any feelings when my husband does it. I just act as if I am enjoying. I have pain in my vagina. I consulted a gynecologist and confirmed that there is no problem with my vagina. I never really thought anything about sex previously. I never masturbated. Do I need to consult a psychiatrist to improve my sexual feelings? I am really bothered about my sex life. (age 24)

One of the benefits of masturbation for women is that it teaches them how and where they like to be touched. You might start with one of the books specifically for women in the sex and relationships section of your local bookstore. You should definitely tell your husband you are not enjoying sex. It would probably be best if he could find out how to please you (probably with his hands or mouth) first, and then satisfy himself. If your vagina hurts, it is likely that your husband is penetrating you before you have been properly warmed up. Most women need at least 10-15 minutes of foreplay before they are aroused enough for penetration. I suggest this self-help instead of a psychiatrist at present. Good luck.

When my friend sleeps over, I touch her breasts and vulva while she is sleeping and then I masturbate next to her. She is a deep sleeper and never wakes up. Is this OK for me to do? (female, age 14)

No. It is rape in almost every state. Masturbating without involving her body is OK, although it could put your friendship at risk if she woke up in the middle of it.

I'm twenty-five and still a virgin. I've been masturbating since I was eleven, and I still masturbate at least every day. I'd also read everything from mens' magazines to the Beauty series to bodice-ripper romances to academic textbooks on human health by the time I was sixteen, so I've had a pretty good education. But I was for the most part uninterested in sex with other people until I went to college. (At around the same time, I discovered that I was bisexual. My family is very open and sex-positive, so my coming-out was not very stressful.)

My question is about sexual relationships. Because I was so indifferent to dating and experimenting when I was younger and content to pleasure myself, I find myself in the rather awkward position of going through the fumbling and "am I doing this right?" phase now. I've lightly made out with a few girls, and recently with a few guys, but never seriously had sex or achieved climax with anyone. I've also never really dated. I worry that because I'm so used to masturbating that I won't be satisfied with partner sex, and that I'll take too long to come and bore my partner. I also worry that my habits of complete silence and complete stillness (leftover from sharing a room with my sister and college roommates) will turn a lover off.

I'm trying to teach myself how to express myself vocally and physically when I masturbate, and also to expand the range of things that I find pleasurable, and it's working--but refining my masturbation techniques isn't really the problem. The biggest hang-up I have is being so inexperienced (sexually and, in some ways, emotionally) in the area of sexual relationships, and trying to learn the rules of the game. Do you have any suggestions?

Just try to loosen up as you gain experience. Don't be afraid to tell a partner you're inexperienced. Most will be happy to help. It sounds like you're making a lot of progress. I think you'll do just fine.

I started rubbing up and down my boyfriend in our clothes, and I am afraid I have damaged my clitoris as it is sore to touch. Can I damage it for good? It's sore where the hood is and I cannot enjoy sexual touch there anymore. (age 18)

Leave it alone for a while and see if it gets better. I think it will. If you keep up your rough sex play, you're apt to continually aggravate it. Keep in mind that your clitoris is considerably smaller than his penis, and he needs a lot more force through his clothes to achieve the same effect you get with less force.

My boyfriend of 13 years masturbates all the time. The older we get, the more he masturbates. I don't mind at all, but, for the past couple of years we have been talking about having children. I already have a very low chance of conceiving a child, due to serious menstruation/ovulation problems. Does his constant masturbation (5 to 6 times a day) affect our chances of getting pregnant? (age 26)

In the long term, no, but if you're actively trying to get pregnant, he should masturbate as little as possible and not at all in the two days before you try to conceive.

I recently had sex for the first time. The next day, my vagina was sore, but not more than I expected. But it has been several days, and the pain is more noticeable. I decided to check things out with a hand mirror. The outer walls and the area directly above my vaginal opening are bright red, painful to the touch, and look jagged as though they've been sent through a grater. Needless to say, I'm quite concerned. Is this normal for first-time sex? Could my partner's large size have anything to do with it? Shoud I talk to a gyno? (age 22)

A gyno would be a good idea. From what you describe, the problem is probably not your partner's size but his rough penetration. Make sure he's extra gentle next time.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and we are sexually active. We were both each others' first. We don't use protection and he always pulls out so he doesn't ejaculate in me, but I know you can get pregnant from pre-cum. If I haven't gotten pregnant from pre-cum does that mean I can't get pregnant at all? My biggest fear is not having kids. Do you think I am just scaring myself by always thinking that? (age 21)

Probably. Getting pregnant from pre-cum is pretty rare. So NOT getting pregnant from it doesn't mean anything about your fertility. Unless you want to be pregnant soon, it would be a good idea to use protection. Your boyfriend would enjoy it more too.

I've been masturbating since I was younger than 13, and I can get off by myself, but I have yet to get off when my boyfriend fingers me, even though I get really excited and close. I don't think he has a long enough attention span to one spot first of all, but even when he does focus it doesn't work. Is there any way to fix this? (age 18)

Your focus is much more important than that of whoever is fingering you. It's important that you be in the same mental state as when you're masturbating. Be ready for orgasm. If your boyfriend isn't spending enough time in the spot you like, tell him.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. He read an article in Playboy magazine that states that the National Cancer Institute says that if a male does not masturbate at least 12 times a month, he could become impotent or even get prostate cancer. I am confused. (age 19)

The research I am familiar with says a male is least likely to get prostate cancer later if he masturbates at least five times a week in his 20s. As a study reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association in April 2004 put it, "high ejaculation frequency [is] related to decreased risk of total prostate cancer." (JAMA 291: 1578-86.) That study recommends ejaculating at least 12 times a month.

I wanna have sex with my boyfriend. I'm scared he is too old for me. He is 3 years older than me and more experienced. I wanna ask my mom to put me on the pill. If she found out we were together, she would get mad. (age 13)

I would be mad too. You are too young for your boyfriend. It would be statutory rape in most places for him to have sex with you, and he could go to jail.

My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's performed manual and oral intercourse on me, and I orgasmed. But I couldn't orgasm during vaginal intercourse. Is there something wrong with me? (age 17)

No. Most females have an easier time reaching orgasm in manual or oral intercourse than in vaginal intercourse. Some never achieve orgasm in vaginal intercourse at all. You shouldn't judge by the first time. You can learn to relax and try positions that make it easier for you to get stimulated.

My boyfriend wants me to give him oral sex but I don't know how to go about doing it, and I don't want to ask him how. Got any suggestions? (age 14)

Yes. I suggest you wait until you're a lot older.

If boys don't get any sex, is it true that their balls turn BLUE? Is that what blue balls mean? (age 12)

They don't change color. It's more along the lines of feeling blue. The condition of "blue balls," which is properly called vasocongestion, is the state of blood and sexual fluids not draining from the genitals after a male has been aroused but not satisfied. The cure for "blue balls" is to ejaculate. If no ejaculation occurs, the congestion will go away within a few hours. It is quite unethical to use "blue balls" to pressure an unwilling partner into having sex.

I am 14 and I am very self-conscious about my stretch marks. I'm not fat. I just have them on my legs and my breasts. I'm afraid if I have sex, my partner will think it's disgusting. What should I do?

I think not having a partner at your age would be very good. A quality man would not be repulsed by something as minor as that. Your partner won't be perfect either.

I've been with this guy for about 2 years. He's not a virgin and I am. I want to have sex with him, but I'm insecure about my body. I always wonder about my vagina. I wonder if it looks as normal as other girls' vaginas. It seems that my clit area is loose or something. Is it supposed to be loose/stretchy? (age 17)

If you're unsure about sharing your body with him, then you shouldn't. If he really cared about you, something so insignificant wouldn't matter to him. Not all vaginas are the same, just as not all ears and hands are the same.

My boyfriend and I have had sex once before and have been ready to have sex again, but every time he goes to put on the condom, he loses his erection. Any ideas how to make this not happen? (age 17)

It would be good if it had been 3-4 days since your boyfriend's last orgasm before he attempts sex. It would also be good if you could not be judgmental about the lost erection and be ready to use it when it returns.

I haven't dated much. Recently a guy asked me out and I said yes. We went out to dinner at an Italian restaurant then came back to my place to watch videos. He wanted to hold my hand but I declined. I think he also wanted to kiss me. Halfway through the second movie he got up and said he had to go home. I would really like to see him again, but he hasn't called. And I don't want to have sex right now. What should I do? (age 21)

You don't have to have sex if you don't want to. But if you won't even hold a guy's hand when you're on a very long date (dinner and at least two movies), you're telling him you're not interested. I think you should call the guy and tell him you'd really like to see him again. On your second date, make sure he knows he can hold your hand and kiss you. You should tell him you're not ready to have sex yet if that comes up. Good luck.

My friend says she's still a virgin but she's having a baby soon. She claims that she gave her boyfriend a hand job and he ejaculated on her hand and when she masturbated right after that(obviously giving him a show) his semen got her pregnant. Is this possible? Could it happen to me? (age 17)

Yes, it is possible, but I don't know how likely it is. I would tend to suspect your friend of not being a virgin. It could happen to any female who isn't careful to keep unwanted semen out of her vagina.

My current partner and I have been together for a couple of years. Both of us masturbate on our own, but he will not do it together. I know that he watches porn and I do not have a problem with this. However, I he is masturbating more than we have sex. I know that males masturbate more than women, but I think it is weird that I seem to have a higher sex drive. I feel like I am always trying, and he isn't. We work opposite schedules, so that makes things tough. When I want to, he is getting home from work and wants to relax and eat first, then when he is ready I am usually asleep. I have brought this to his attention a few times, saying that we need to make a better effort. I'm not sure if he is masturbating too much where he doesn't have a sex drive. Is that possible? I asked him how often he masturbates and he said a couple times a week. Do you think this is a lack of interest or is he just a passive person? He has never introduced or suggested anything during sex. I always ask if we can try things or use things. (age 26)

I can only orgasm by wrapping my legs around my partner and contracting my muscles. I have never heard or read about anyone else doing this. I want to be able to orgasm other ways but get frustrated when I try to manually. What should I do? (age 31)

You are not the only woman who likes to do that. Just relax and be patient and practice masturbating when you have time and privacy. Try to discover what you like and what can make you more aroused.

My boyfriend wants to watch me masturbate, but I'm not comfortable with this. We have great sex, and I don't like to say no to him. What should I tell him? (age 24)

You should only do something sexual if both you and your partner are comfortable with it. Tell him that. But keep in mind that most men find seeing a woman masturbate very arousing, and you might find it leads to even greater sex. Perhaps this is a solution: You could pretend to masturbate, in which case you might not be uncomfortable (think of it as acting), and it would still turn your boyfriend on.

If my boyfriend doesn't have a condom, what else could we use to prevent an STD or pregnancy? (age 18)

Condoms are essential at preventing STDs, unless you know for certain that both you and your partner are uninfected. There are many other options for preventing pregnancy, including oral contraceptives, the female condom, the sponge, spermicidal jellies and foams, and the diaphragm.

My partner masturbates when we are having sex instead of ejaculating inside of me. He comes on my chest and I really do not like it. What can I do? (age 47)

I think you should tell him. You ought to find out what he likes so you can be part of his sexual pleasure. A lot of women like to masturbate while they're having sex, and I don't think it's the end of the world if a man does.

If a guy fingers you and you get really wet, will the guy's finger also get really slimy? Isn't this kind of a turn off? I have fingered myself before, and there was a little bit of white stuff on my finger. Is this normal? (age 15)

Yes, it is normal. It can also happen to someone else who fingers you. But I promise that isn't what the guy will be thinking about. He will be expecting his finger to get a little wet. You shouldn't be self-conscious.

Hi, I'm 15 and for the last nine months I have been in an online relationship. We are virgins and the two of us masturbate together often, and we enjoy it. However the downside, for both of us, is that we would prefer skin to skin contact. He has planned to move here in about 3 years. Anyway, my question is: will masturbating for 3-4 years cause any problems? And if so what sorts?

No. Masturbating is fun and healthy. I don't think you will have any problems from it. However, I think you are making a mistake concentrating on an Internet boyfriend when there are local males who you can more quickly decide if you are compatible with, and what's more, they're local. It's OK to keep in contact with this one, but don't make him exclusive to the point you're not looking at other guys.

Hi. A while ago, I went out went this guy. I really thought he liked me, because when we talked on the phone, he would tell me how pretty I was, how he couldn't wait to see me, and the day he asked me out (also on the phone) he took a deep breath and muttered "my heart is pounding." Well, we did have our date and everything went great (at least I thought it did). We saw a movie, held hands, cuddled a little, laughed A LOT, and had a lot in common. So I thought things were going exceptionally well. After the movie, he decided he'd like to rent a movie from the video store and watch it at my house. So we did that, even though I was totally confused by it (we had just seen a movie). I noticed he kept getting closer and closer to me, he would kiss me on my ears, rub my thighs and he eventually lay down in my lap.

About 30-45 minutes into the movie, he asks if I have a blanket. I replied no (lying), but offered to turn off the air. By this time, I'm thinking he only wants sex. I got uncomfortable (after all I'd only known him for about 3 weeks) and I told him I was sleepy and it was time we called it a night. I was very courteous and I did not let on that I was upset by his actions. So, he left, asked me to call him later, and that was that. I did call him about a week later and he seemed so distant, and I haven't heard from him since, as I refuse to do all the calling. Was sex all this guy was after? Or was I being naive by letting him get close to me, making him think I wanted to have sex, which only frustrated him when we didn't? Is it possible that he really did like me? I am so confused. I haven't had much experience with guys (only one boyfriend in my life). I really would like some advice and help on dealing with guys and what signs to look out for if he's only interested in sex. Thank you so much. Your site rocks. (age 21)

I don't know if sex was the only thing he was after, but it sounds like a pretty high priority for him. You aren't the one to blame for the relationship wilting. It would have been a good idea if you had kept him from inviting himself over. A sign that a man is excessively interested in sex is if he pursues it right away. Men who are pursuing a legitimate relationship don't expect sex until at least the third date, and prudent ones won't get very physical until at least the second date. It is a fine art to know how much physical contact to allow. The problem is that if you go too slowly, you can discourage men who would otherwise be interested in you. Since you're inexperienced, some rules of thumb are to only give one kiss goodbye on the first date (and only if the date went exceptionally well) and to do some more intense kissing and perhaps some light fondling on the second date. (Of course, engage in no physical contact at all if you're not interested in seeing him again.) Once you've gotten to serious kissing on a date, you can expect to be asked for sex on the next date. If you have serious reservations about sex, you should let him know ahead of time so that the two of you can make decisions coolly about what happens next. (That is, don't wait until hormones are flowing and private parts have become engorged to have a discussion about waiting until you're married.) And it would be a good idea to avoid being in a private place with a man (his house or yours, and perhaps even a car) until you've established ground rules about physical intimacy.

I've been having sex with my ex-boyfriend. Although I care about him, I don't want to be with him. I don't even love him. Whenever we talk about our relationship and why we broke up, he gets very upset and starts crying and making me upset. So I feel sorry for him and we end up having sex. I actually want to date other people, and I have my eyes on someone else. I'm afraid that if and when I start things up with another guy, my ex will ruin it. What should I do? Please help me. I'm scared to tell him no, or quit talking to him, for fear that he may get physical, or hurt himself or something. Please help.

You are in a very bad position. The only times you can have sex with an ex is when you either are trying to get back together or agree that it is only casual. This is not the case. You can't take responsibility for what he does after you break up. This seems like a very destructive relationship. You ought to tell him you won't be having contact with him again. Then wait two or three months before getting involved with someone else. If you jump into a new relationship right away, it won't last and you will only hurt the new partner.

Your site has been so helpful to me and it's great that there is someone that I can talk to that I won't feel embarrassed talking about masturbation to. It feels great to know that there are so many more people that masturbate too. My cousin always touches me when I spend the night at his house. I keep telling him to stop, but he won't. I don't want to tell because I know that he'll get in trouble. What should I do? (age 14)

Tell him once more to stop and that you'll tell if he doesn't. Then tell your parents and his if he doesn't.

My boyfriend and I almost had sex once. He got his penis not very far but it hurt and I was too scared to go any further. I really want to have sex but I'm really scared of how it will hurt. Should I wait? Or should I not be so worried?

I think you should wait until you're not so worried.

I was fingering someone, and just before she was about to climax, she said it hurt. I stopped, and after about a minute she wanted me to please her again. Then she told me to go faster and again right before she was about to orgasm she says to stop because it hurt. She doesn't know what it was that was hurting. (age 18)

It might be useful to continue stimulation, with her permission, past the point where it hurts a little. It could just be the onset of orgasm and she's mistaking it for pain. Unless it hurts a lot, this could be worth a try.

My husband and I have been married for seven years. We both still greatly enjoy sex and have sex 4-5 times a week. We both want to have children and we are financially stable. I have tried 6 different kinds of oral contraceptives, but all have given me major problems, so we use condoms. My husband often talks about wanting children, but he believes that when we are meant to have them, we will still get pregnant no matter what we use. So how do we "accidentally" get pregnant? Are there certain things that can break down the latex in the condom? I am 27 and do not want to be old when I have children.

You need to discuss having children with your husband instead of asking me to tell you how to make the condoms fail.

When I was 15, I had this crush on a guy who was one year older than me. We made out one time at a football game. Our parents met when we had to do a school project together and they liked each other and started dating. They got married about a year ago. Ever since then we have lived in the same house. Our bedrooms are right next to each other, and our parents are on the other side of the house. Almost every night one of us will sneak into the other one's bedroom, and we will have sex or masturbate. Is it wrong to have sex with your stepbrother? We liked each other before our parents got married. Would this affect our children if I got pregnant? (age 17)

I don't think it's wrong to be involved with someone who happens to be your stepbrother in this situation. I would probably say something different if your parents had married when you were younger. I don't think you should be carrying on in your respective parents' house without their knowledge. It would be a good idea to explain the situation to them and lay out some ground rules. Your children would not be susceptible to any kind of genetic defects.

I just pierced my tongue, and I was wondering how long will it take for it to heal completely so that I will be able to give oral sex? Will it be painful? Is it dangerous if he comes in my mouth? (age 17)

Painful for you or him? Having a penis in your mouth will be no more painful than anything else after your piercing. While it is still sore, it would be very unsafe for you to have unprotected oral sex. There are flavored condoms made especially for oral sex.

My girlfriend is a virgin. I've fingered her with 2 fingers frequently and once with 3 fingers. Does this mean that her hymen should be torn and is she ready for intercourse? (age 19)

If she can accommodate three fingers without a problem, she could probably receive a penis without pain.

Could I hurt my girl's hymen through jeans? (age 18)


I'm 14. I can't stop masturbating and I can't wait to have sex. I'm seeing my boyfriend soon and we may have sex. I always get horny and I masturbate 3-4 times a day. Is this right?

I don't think masturbating 3-4 times a day is wrong, but it's much higher than average in terms of frequency. It would be better if you weren't sexually active at your age.

I recently gave my boyfriend oral sex, and I swallowed. Is it normal to get a stomachache after that? (age 14)

No, it isn't. By the way, some researchers believe absorbed semen acts as an antidepressant.

Is it possible to get pregnant by masturbating? (age 19)

By masturbating yourself, no. But if a male masturbates and gets his semen on you, then it's possible but not very likely.

I love my boyfriend and he loves me we both want to go further but NO intercourse for a while. Do you have any ideas for us? We have done some things already. What is lubricant? (age 14)

I suggest you don't do anything below the waist for a long time. By staying above the waist, you won't need lubricant, which is a substance that eases the rubbing of skin against skin.

My girlfriend and I have been sexually active for 2 years, but in the last year when we would have sex, she says she feels pain in her stomach every time I would penetrate her. This happens maybe 2 out of 5 times we would have sex. We've tried other positions but I would like to know what exactly would be causing this problem. I would also like to know every time I would go down on her or rub her clitoris, she tells me to stop because it hurts her. Is it the way I rub her or is it something else? (age 19)

I suspect the pain isn't in her stomach. It would help to know specifically where the pain is. If different positions ease the pain, then I would say the problem is in how you situate your weight in the missionary position. If other positions don't make a difference, then I would be inclined to believe the problem is in her head or she's indicating she doesn't want sex.

There is this guy that I like, but when I think about him I get wet. How do I stop that? There is a chance he might be gay. How do I find out? I am not really interested in vaginal sex but I really want to do oral sex. Is that normal? (age 13)

Getting wet means that you're very responsive sexually, and that's a good thing. You shouldn't want to stop it. You ought not worry about whether guys your age are gay. The few who are won't have settled on that identity until they're a lot older. I don't think you should be having any kind of sex at your age.

I've never had an orgasm before but my boyfriend and I are experimenting. I've never masturbated before and I've heard it's the easiest way to achieve an orgasm. However, I'm not at all sensitive or aroused by my own touch, only my boyfriend's. Mental stimulation arouses me the most when I'm alone but it's not enough to get me there because I can't stimulate myself physically. Is there anything I can do about it so I can masturbate on my own? (age 18)

I think you just need more practice. Most women have an easier time masturbating to orgasm than having someone else do it. Try to overcome your feeling that you can't masturbate to orgasm. Once you do, I think you'll have a lot of fun.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now and we've together decided to have sex. We tried doing it once but he couldn't penetrate me as I was too tight and it hurt. I want to know how it can happen without causing too much pain. (age 18)

It helps if you're relaxed all over. Tensing up your vagina is apt to be part of the problem. It helps if he can warm you up by performing manual or oral intercourse first.

I am not thinking of having sex soon, but I have heard that the first time hurts. I've heard some people have had to stop and try again some other time. What are some things that help to make it not hurt so much? (age 14)

Anticipating that it will hurt will almost certainly make it hurt. You want to be as relaxed as possible and have a partner who is gentle and sensitive to your needs. See the previous question.

Sometimes my boyfriend and I find ourselves just rubbing against each other, which still makes me really hot! Is this weird? We don't get to have sex often, as I can't seem to be quiet enough during orgasm, so sometimes grinding together is the only option. Am I a weirdo? (age 16)

I don't think so. Most people your age would be aroused by that. You might learn to be quieter during orgasm if it's going to interfere with your being able to have sex.

I have been on the pill for about three weeks and both my boyfriend and I have developed a kind of rash around our genitalia. (age 20)

You ought to bring this to the attention of your respective doctors.

I have given my boyfriend manual intercourse before. But how can I be sure I'm doing it well? You have a really really great site. (age 19)

If you can get him to orgasm in about five minutes, you're doing just fine. Why not ask him to show you how he would like it done?

Is there a way to kiss without using tongue? (age 15)

Yes. Just keep your tongues inside your mouths and go lip to lip.

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, and we want to do more than just kiss. I want to give him a hand job, but how do I go about it? How will I do it right so he can achieve an orgasm? (age 15)

I don't recommend that kind of activity at your age, but if you really want to, you should ask him to show you how he likes to be touched. It's likely he doesn't know completely himself, so be patient and do what works.

Can a child from ages 8-11 get pregnant if she was raped? (age 21)

It's very rare for girls that young to be able to conceive, but it is possible.

My boyfriend lied to me about looking at porn. He told me he wasn't into it, then I found it on his computer and also found out that he masturbated to it regularly. It completely crushed me and I became very insecure about my own body. Now it seems like the only way that I can reach orgasm is to look at the pictures that he looked at of other women and masturbate. But afterward I am back to feeling crushed and depressed. Why would something that hurt me so much be the only thing that can make me orgasm? (age 22)

I think you're overanalyzing it. Many males will lie when confronted about using porn. They also don't tend to prefer women in porn to the women in their lives. Try to figure out what turns you on about those pics and see how you can replicate it in your life.

My junior high dance is tomorrow and there is a guy that I like. I want him to dance with me and I want to know if he likes me. How do I do both without telling him or giving it away? I really want a boyfriend. My mom said I could but when I'm 13. I want guys to like me. Everyone says I look like the Olsen twins and Lindsay Lohan. How can I make the boys want me? (age 12)

You sure didn't give me much time! It's OK to ask a guy to dance. Junior high dances are very informal. You might be surprised at how few boys are there. You should be casual about dancing at your age and not be hung up on whether a particular boy wants to dance with you. With any luck, there will be some boys there who you are comfortable with at school and dance with them just for fun. This will make it easier to ask the special boy to dance with you. At your age it is more important to work on developing yourself than to win the approval of boys. Also, at your age, many of the boys are not interested in girls yet. So just work on being confident in who you are, and when the boys are ready, they're sure to fall for a self-confident girl who is as pretty as a Disney celebrity.

The other night, my partner and I were experimenting. he wanted to use two fingers to make me orgasm, so he did and helped by stimulating on top. I like deep, hard penetration, and he did this with his fingers. He was kind of flicking my cervix really hard with two fingers and I orgasmed. It felt great and I thought everything was fine, until he pulled his fingers out and I haven't seen that much blood since a really heavy period. I freaked out and ran to the bathroom, and cleaned myself up, and it stopped bleeding soon. Later on, I put a finger in and checked on it and was feeling around, and it feels like its different. Like its torn or something. It's really scaring me. (age 18)

I think if you had really been hurt, it would have been extremely painful, and the bleeding wouldn't have stopped so quickly. You might see a doctor if you really need to be assured that you aren't hurt.

My boyfriend wants to give me oral sex, but I'm very conscious of what I smell like. What should I do? (age 15)

I think you're too young to be having oral sex. Why not wait until you're older and more comfortable with your body? You probably won't enjoy it if you're focusing on that instead of your pleasure.

I know more girls than you probably do, of all ages, that are not comfortable with their smells. What do you have to say if you are of any age and are not comfortable with how you smell? (age 18)

Most males understand that the vulva has a distinct smell and are not bothered by it. It can be comforting for a woman to shower immediately before engaging in oral sex or to drape a moist, hot towel over it for a minute beforehand. Once she becomes more accustomed to it and to her partner, she will feel less of a need to do these things.

How long after you lose your virginity does sex stop hurting?

If you have a gentle partner, it might never hurt. Even if your partner is clumsy, it should be less sensitive in a couple of days.

I was wondering while giving a handjob, is it possible to hurt the testicles if I squeeze too hard or squeeze at all? (age 17)

Most guys don't like them squeezed. If you must handle them, be very gentle. Try stroking instead of squeezing. Treat them like you would like your breasts to be touched.

I have been masturbating for years now. I am one of four girls and we are all tall and have large breasts, as does our mother. I am 5 ft 11 in and have a 36J bra. Sometimes I can get an orgasm by sucking my nipples, while just pushing two fingers inside me. My problem is my boyfriend who is 20. When we have sex, he just ends up going soft, the same thing happens when I try to give him oral. The only way he can get an orgasm is pushing it tightly between my breasts, so I end up masturbating to get my orgasm. I am worried that this will affect my reactions when I want to move on, have sex normally and have children. I do not want to stay with this boy for the rest of my life. (age 17)

Your boyfriend obviously has problems relating to females sexually, and I don't think you're the one to help him solve them. I think you should move on now. While many men have a desire to try intermammary intercourse, it is a problem if that's the only way a man can have an orgasm.

I love your site! It is very educational. I am a virgin and am wondering what are the chances of me bleeding when I lose my virginity? My friend said that when she lost her virginity it hurt but she did not bleed. Thanks for the help! (age 14)

That's hard to say. It depends on how much of your hymen gets broken and how much blood flows through it. Some only have a little bit of hymen left by then and others don't have much vascular structure (blood vessels) in their hymens. Try to enjoy the experience, which I hope will not be for a few more years, and don't worry about bleeding or pain so much.

I gave my boyfriend a hand job and he came on my hand. I put a small amount of his semen on his lips. About 40 minutes later he performed oral sex on me. Is it possible for me to get pregnant this way? (age 18)

I think that would be extremely unlikely. You ought to pay more attention to containing and disposing of his semen before the activity rolls around to you.

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we are engaged. He was the only guy I have had sex with. We used to have sex all the time and now haven't had sex in 3 months. We live in our own place and I am attractive. I recently found out that he masturbates to porn. I am very hurt because I feel unwanted and cheated by the man who says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I asked him why he is with me if he doesn't want to be intimate with me. He said that is not what it is all about. He is 25 and should want to have sex all the time. We're getting married in 6 months. (age 23)

It is normal for men with partners his age to masturbate, even with pictures, once or twice a week, but a preference for masturbation with pornography to sex with a partner is a sign of sexual maladjustment. It seems this situation would get worse rather than better after the wedding. You ought to work this out with a competent sex therapist before you make your wedding plans firm.

I am a 30 year old virgin woman, but I have been masturbating externally (with some by fingering) very frequently since I was 10 or 11. I have recently looked at my hymen with the help of a mirror, and I think it is intact. I am going to get married in a few days. Can my masturbating habits have any adverse effect on my hymen or first intercourse?

Yes, they can, but you shouldn't expect that they would. You certainly didn't give me much time to come up with anything. Just relax and try to enjoy it, and don't worry if the first time isn't perfect.

I am 27 years old, pretty and attractive. My husband is 31. We used to have good sex life until about a month back. My husband started getting too conscious and started feeling pressure to perform better though I have always been totaly satisfied by him. He has started losing his erection so we don't have sex that often. He has had wet dreams a couple of times and that worries me. Please help.

I think your husband just needs to regain his sexual confidence. It helps if you can do things that don't involve erections. Try to have whatever fun you can and enjoy the erection if it happens. It might also be useful to see a doctor to rule out a physical problem.

I gave my boyfriend a hand job and then about an hour and half later, I masturbated and just barely went inside. Is there a chance that I could be pregnant? (age 15)

Sperm cannot live on your hand for 90 minutes. Perhaps it is good that you learned this lesson so that you will be more careful in the future. Always wash semen off your hands, your partner's hands, or anything else before they touch your privates.

If I use a brand new condom that was just recently purchased can I still get pregnant? (age 15)

Yes. Condoms are not 100 percent effective.

I'm an 18 year old female and I have a few concerns. I've always had a hard time having orgasms. I have to go so fast and hard and for so long that I end up irritating myself before I reach the point where I'd orgasm. Plus I also think I have become accustomed to masturbating and now my boyfriend can't do anything for me. He wants to help me have an orgasm easier, because he thinks the way I'm doing it isn't good for me, plus he can't hold out long enough anyway, but nothing is working. Any tips to make it easier for him to pleasure me?

Yes. I suggest you abstain from masturbating for a period of time, perhaps 5 to 7 days, before your next sexual encounter with your boyfriend. You are apt to be more sensitive after that long without masturbating. I also suggest you use a water-based lube when you masturbate (and possibly when you have intercourse too) to make those prolonged periods of stroking feel better. Practice makes perfect!

I have been living with my boyfriend for about 6 months now. I was aware that he watches some soft porn videos on the Internet. We've watched them together a few times. I have always felt that we had a normal, healthy sexual relationship. He turns me on and I turn him on. Last night, after a wonderful sexual encounter, we both went to sleep. I woke up around 3 AM and heard him masturbating in the computer room. I am sure he was watching the videos. Why would he do this immediately after we had just had intercourse? Was he not satisfied? Should I confront him about this? I want to satisfy him. I am OK with him watching these movies alone or when I am out of town, but not hours after we have just made love. (age 28)

You and your boyfriend have been open enough about masturbation (his, anyway) that it should not be a problem if you confronted him about this. You ought to realize that men believe masturbation is different from intercourse, not better, and you should be no more hurt than if you found him eating a hot dog three hours after you made him a nice dinner.

I just became active sexually and my boyfriend has only fingered me, but I seem to be getting irritated on my labia majora. I thought at first it was just my hymen but I looked and I'm just a little red down there and it kind of hurts when he rubs it. Is that normal? Is there a way to avoid that irritation? (age 18)

It would be good if you could use a little lube. He might also stand to be more gentle with his rubbing.

How likely is it that sperm is part of the pre-cum? (female, age 18)

There's a good chance the pre-cum contains sperm, especially if he ejaculated recently. Remember, it only takes one sperm cell to make you pregnant.

My boyfriend and I are both Christians virgins. We have been dating for over 3 years. He is in the military and we have been in a long distance relationship for six months and everything is fine. Do you think it is OK for us to be unclothed in each other's company and to touch one another? We have never have any kind of sexual intercourse (oral, vaginal, anal, or manual) and won't until we're married. Is this normal?

Also, I never masturbate, and I don't wear tampons. I tried to put in a tampon once and couldn't, which caused my vagina to hurt for a while afterward. Does this mean I am extremely tight? I am worried that when the time comes to have sex, I will be in a lot of pain. (age 19)

I think it's OK for you not to engage in any sexual acts until you're married. You might find the temptation easier to resist if you keep your clothes on, at least below the waist. Don't worry about pain in your first intercourse. You seem to be already comfortable with your intended partner, which will make things a lot easier. Just make sure he is gentle and willing to take things slowly.

When I am giving my boyfriend oral sex, he rarely ejaculates. He only has once. I donít know what I am doing wrong. He says it feels great and he doesnít know why he canít either. It really bugs me and makes me feel like I am not doing a good enough job. He says that when he gives himself a hand job it takes him only a few minutes to ejaculate but I do this to him for 10 minutes or more. He also canít stay hard for long and when we have tried to have sex, he got soft. Is he not turned on enough by me or something? I am doing everything I can to make him feel good. (age 17)

Don't blame yourself for your boyfriend's orgasm problems. He is attracted enough to you to be out with you. It would be good if he could abstain from ejaculation for seven days before your next sexual encounter. See if that makes a difference.

Out of all the choices (oral, vaginal, manual, anal sex with a partner and masturbation), is masturbation what guys like best to get sexually stimulated? What is their favorite with a partner? My dad cheated on my mom and I worry that I will blame my boyfriend for what my dad did. I get horribly jealous whenever we see a naked female on a movie or on the Internet. I feel like a bad girlfriend, any advice?

Physically, masturbation produces the most powerful orgasms, followed by mutual oral sex. Males overwhelmingly pick vaginal intercourse as their favorite. In fact, some sex therapists say if someone picks something else as their favorite, it means they're not sexually well adjusted. You seem to know it's not right to punish your boyfriend for what your dad did, but the incident seems to have scarred you with issues of trust. You might talk to a therapist about that. You can avoid going to movies with naked women or looking at them on the Internet.

My girlfriend has been using tampons ever since she started her first period. This concerned me because she's still a virgin and I've never known a virgin to use them until now. She's never masturbated nor has she ever allowed anyone to touch her in a sexual fashion. We're planning on getting married soon and I'm wondering what kind of effect will this have on her when we have sex for the first time. Will she bleed? Will it still be painful? She tells me not to worry about it because the tampon expands quite a bit and if her body can handle that, then she can handle us having sex. This makes no sense at all to me. (age 22)

Usually I hear from virgin females who are worried about what their first times will be like. Your girlfriend doesn't seem to worried. That is a good sign. A lot of the problems in first time intercourse come from the female not being comfortable with what is happening. Your girlfriend is comfortable with her body. Many, if not most, girls are already using tampons before they have sex for the first time. Enjoy your first time but don't expect it to be perfect.

Does a male being circumcised affect the female partner's sex life? Does it make sex nicer or does it make it less effective? (female, age 15)

I don't think most women notice any difference. Some women have reservations about performing fellatio on an uncircumcised penis (and some have reservations about performing it on any penis.) Uncircumcised men seem to enjoy sex more, and perhaps their female partners are able to detect this.

I am 15 and I am thinking about having sex with my boyfriend. I am a virgin and my girlfriends all say it hurts the first time because you're naturally tight. I am ready and I want to have sex. I want to know if there is a way to make it not hurt. I have masturbated regularly for about a year but I can still only fit one finger into myself comfortably. My mother says it is OK and just tell him when it hurts so he can slow down. She also said it might be better if he enters my vagina from behind me. I am fine with doing that but I want to do it facing him. Do you have any tips which could help?

I think just taking it slowly is the way to go. Unfortunately, teenage boys have a lot of trouble having sex slowly. Not all females feel pain their first time. If it really worries you, you might wait a few years, by which time your vagina might be more comfortable for having intercourse.

I have a partner now, female, but being away at college means I don't see her much. We talk constantly through IMs and on the phone. She has been very kind with me. I guess you could say I've lost my virginity to her which has been something I was always afraid of. She really has made me fear less about my sexuality and so forth but even with that I haven't been able to get off. I feel like a failure and like I'm this super horny being like I'm deformed. It makes me depressed a lot. I don't know what to do and I don't want to be stuck like this forever.

Just try to relax as much as you can when you're with your partner. You're more likely to have an orgasm when you're relaxed and trust her sexually. I think you're most of the way there.

My boyfriend is 28 and he still has wet dreams. We have sex often. Why does he have them the morning after we have sex? If men who ejaculate often in some way have fewer (or no) wet dreams, than why would he have one the very next morning after we have sex? Just a few hours later? Does that mean there is something wrong with me? Or that he is dreaming about being with another girl and is not satisfied by me? Should I be worried? (age 24)

I don't think you have to worry. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Your boyfriend just seems to be different from most men. There is nothing harmful about wet dreams. They are just rare in men who are sexually active.

My husband has wet dreams about twice a week. We only have sex about twice a month and when we do he has premature ejaculation. I love him but I hate our sex life. He says he can't have sex with me more because it makes him too tired to work, but he rubs the bed till he orgasms, why? Why does he feel he needs to control his sexual urges in the day but not at night? (age 25)

Your problems are more complicated than I can help you with here. You need to communicate your wants and needs to your husband and work out a schedule. If he is masturbating prone, then he should quit prone before doing anything else.

My girlfriend was sitting on my leg cuddling with me and kissing. She started to get sleepy and was resting on my shoulder and all of a sudden her genitals got really warm and her panties felt wet. I knew she was aroused sexually even though she was asleep or close to it and she contracted her legs against mine in a repetitive motion. Was she masturbating? When she woke up, she was in a very good mood and started making out with me. Is that because of what she was doing? When we were making out, she was on top of me and her genitals were rubbed against my knee and I felt something like a finger. Is that normal? (age 14)

I think there's a good chance she was masturbating. If you don't let on that you know, I think there's also a good chance she will do it again. Rubbing your genitals against strangers is a bad habit -- I once had a hairdresser do it to me -- but it's OK to rub them against a willing partner. The clitoris would probably not feel like a finger unless your knees are extremely sensitive. It might have been her pubic bone.

I'm 23 and a virgin. I get very wet down below whenever I'm even a little bit aroused. I was with a guy I like recently, and all we were doing was hugging. We kissed a little, and I got so wet I had to go to the bathroom and clean up, because I was scared that it would soak through my trousers and he would notice (I always wear a panty liner, but it soaks through if I get aroused). Also, I totally freak out whenever a guy tries to finger me. I WANT him to, but as soon as his hand goes near the waistband of my trousers I just freeze and it ruins everything. I don't know why this happens, I can t help it, I just freak out whenever they try. I masturbate to orgasm regularly, and enjoy it, so I don t know why I'm so scared to let someone else touch me there. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. (age 23)

I suggest you relax more and let your partner show you how you like it. You seem to be very caught up by his being ashamed of you. I don't think that will happen. Just relax and take it slowly.

My girlfriend often likes to get off by me fingering her. I don't mind helping her out, but over the weekend during one of our sessions, she said she was having a sharp needle-like pain. We stopped, and eventually she got in the mood again, and everything was fine for a while and then she said she was having the same pain. We were both pretty upset about this. Have I somehow hurt her permanently? (age 19)

It would depend on the cause of the pain, but it is unlikely you are to blame or that the damage is permanent. If she doesn't want to have a doctor look at it, she should leave the affected area alone for a few days to see if it makes a difference.

My boyfriend and I have had sex 37 times but every time I always hurt. He doesn't use a condom because I am on the pill and he still withdraws anyway. I don't understand why I always hurt. I feel really dry afterwards but the pain is very bad. (age 15)

It might be your body is not ready for sex. You might not be producing all the vaginal fluids that make sex easier yet. It would probably help if you used a lube and he worked harder at getting you aroused first.

I've been masturbating by putting a pillow between my legs and then applying a lot of pressure to my clit (though the pillow) until I orgasm. I've been doing this since I was about 10 and when my boyfriend fingers me or performs cunnilingus, I am unable to reach orgasm or even come close. When I try to masturbate the conventional way, I also can't achieve orgasm. How can I fix myself so that I can achieve orgasm the conventional way? (age 16)

It would be good for you to quit the pillow method and learn to masturbate with your hands. The techniques I describe for males will work for you too.

My boyfriend is about to turn 30. We live in different states so we don't have sex frequently, but he masturbates often. There are times when I'll be visiting him or he'll be visiting me and we'll have had sex, but he'll wake up the next morning and tell me he had a wet dream. Most of the time it is accompanied by an erotic dream where he's about to have sex or some other sort of intimate contact with another woman. Should I be worried? Does this in any way reflect a dissatisfaction from his end on his sex life with me? Is he not getting enough pleasure from me? (age 26)

That is kind of unusual. Most men aren't still having wet dreams at his age, especially after a night of sex. But if he weren't having wet dreams, he would be having ordinary dreams like that. I don't think you have anything to worry about. It's not your fault. Be glad that your boyfriend has an excess of orgasmic capacity.

I been having sex since 14 and ever I've usually been quite wet beforehand. I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years and we used to have sex 3 to 4 times a day every day. After about a year of this, I stopped getting wet and I still don't. What can I do to get my wetness back? (age 22)

Your sexual frequency might have been so high that there was nothing fun or exciting about sex anymore. Your boyfriend is probably having such trouble making love that often that he has to concentrate so hard on having an orgasm himself that he can't devote attention to giving you one. I think you would enjoy sex more if you had it less.

My friends think I'm a "sex freak" because I talk about stuff I do with my boyfriend. We have done everything but sex. I can't stop thinking about him and doing stuff with him! When he fingers me, it takes 30 seconds for me to get an orgasm. (age 13)

You are definitely more sexually experienced than your friends, so it's not surprising they react as they do. It might not be that way when you're older and all your friends are doing the same things. You might consider respecting your boyfriend's privacy and not tell everything you do with him. It's a good thing that you're so sexually responsive.

My boyfriend and I are planning on having sex soon. It will be the first time for both of us, although he's fingered me several times. I want to know if there's any way I can stretch my vagina out beforehand. I try to do it on my own and I think it's getting wider, but I want to know if there's a good way to do it. (age 17)

That is pretty unnecessary. If he is gentle, you would not be hurt. In fact, if you're actively trying to stretch your vagina, I doubt his penis will hurt.

I was masturbating last week, and when I had an orgasm, it was as if I lost control and I wet myself. It's never happened before, and I'm really worried that this will happen when I'm with my boyfriend and he fingers me. He tried to last night and I made him stop because I was embarrassed that it might happen again. Could it be because it was a really strong orgasm? I'm really worried that there's something wrong with me, but I'm too embarrassed to go to my doctor about it. (age 19)

I don't think you should be so upset and self-conscious about something that only happened once. Was it urine that you lost control of? If so, you can reassure yourself that it won't happen by urinating before being sexual. If it was sexual fluid, then you shouldn't be afraid to release it, and it might be the mysterious and rumored female ejaculation. Your boyfriend might even like it. Males sometimes pass urine at sexual moments too. It's nothing to be mortified about.

I heard that 90% of the sperm is in the precum. Is that true? (age 15)


My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about two months now, but each time we've done it, he has enjoyed himself but I haven't. He was my first so I don't have anyone to compare him to. It feels like he's just masturbating in my vagina. Can you give me some pointers so it goes both ways, because he's starting to get on my nerves.

Have you told him what you want or how you like to be touched? You might tell him to satisfy you before he goes in for his own pleasure. If he won't do that, then I think you've given him enough of a test drive that you know you want to move on to someone else.

I have had sex and my boyfriend has fingered me and given oral sex to me. I have only used my hand with him and haven't given him oral sex. I have braces and I am using that as my excuse not to do it to him. I want to but I don't know how. (age 17)

Braces ought not interfere. If there is nothing sharp to bother your tongue, then it will not bother him either. You should study up on how fellatio is done, and perhaps then you will be more comfortable with it. It's OK if you don't want to do it. A lot of females don't.

My boyfriend and I had intercourse for the first time last Monday. I found it unbearably painful and had to scream more than once. I also did not stop bleeding for 24 hours afterward. Is this normal? Does it relate to what kind of hymen I have? I examined myself, and since I do not masturbate, have had no prior sexual activity, and do not ride horses (I heard going horseback riding breaks the hymen), I still have a hymen, and I saw that before we did it, I had a labial hymen (and I still have most of it). Would this be the reason it hurt so much? Thank you so much for your time. This is something that I cannot talk about with my family or friends because it's a topic that we just don't talk about. This web site is the most useful thing I have seen online. (age 18)

Your experience is extreme. First intercourse doesn't hurt that much for most females, nor is there that much bleeding. If you really have a labial hymen, it might also be sclerotic and need surgical removal. It might be that you were very uncomfortable due to your inexperience at having things in your vagina. Horseback riding is actually not that hard on the hymen.

I'm 29 and my boyfriend is 27 and we've been having sex for 6 months. We have sex 1-3 times daily and often masturbate together as foreplay. A few weeks ago, he went to the doctor because he is seeping fluid from the head of his penis a few times a day after urinating. He wasn't sure how long this has been going on. His tests came back negative. I went and got tested for everything as well to make sure we were not passing anything back and forth. I'm negative too. Before he got all the test results back, he got a shot of antibiotics for a presumed bacterial infection (7 days ago). His symptoms have not lessened and he's still seeping fluid. We're not sure if its urine or pre-cum. It's clear and amounts to maybe 8-15 drops. He has an appointment with a urologist in a few weeks but I need to know if we can have sex! We are abstaining (painfully) untill we can get this figured out. Should we continue to abstain..would masturbation or oral sex be OK?

If the doctor didn't tell him no sex and there's no pain, you should be able to have any kind of sex you want. You're both negative for anything that could be contagious. Pre-cum would be sticky while urine wouldn't be. The urologist will probably recognize the problem right away.

I recently gave up my virginity, and it didn't hurt that much, so I had sex again two days later. It was pretty good but then I started masturbating, and a couple days later, I've been having some problems. I have an urgent need to urinate more frequently and it burns. I am scared to talk to my mum about it because she'll freak. Am I ok? Do I need to see a doctor? (age 15)

There is a very strong possibility you have contracted a sexually transmitted disease. You should see a doctor right away.

I recently brought my boyfriend to orgasm by hand, and he came all over my hand. He wiped it off and I washed my hand (not sure how thoroughly). After that I got toilet paper and wiped my vagina! Can semen still be on your hand after a quick wash, and/or can the sperm still get me pregnant through toilet paper? (age 20)

It would be very unlikely but not impossible. It would be much better to wash all semen off thoroughly before any contact is made with your privates.

I met this guy about two months ago, and we hit it off. We were having fun, and he would send me text messages all the time and everything. He has kids, and I was cool with that. He's also been married, and I was also cool with that. But his ex-wife, being jealous, decides to spread rumors to certain people knowing they would get back to me. I confronted him about everything that was said. One of those things included the fact that he supposedly has another girlfriend. His explanation was this, "My daughter and her mother live with me. I was going to tell you, but I wanted to wait until after they were gone. We broke up, and we have not been together in a year. She is just staying here, off and on, until she can find a permanent home of her own. Nothing is going on. I don't want her and we are not sleeping together. I have no reason to lie to you." Trouble is, I feel like he's hiding me. I don't know if this is in my head, or if I have something to worry about. He says it's not a problem if I come to his house, but the situation would just prove awkward. He also says that he really likes me, he's falling in love with me and he wants us to one day get married and have children. He claims he has bragged to all his friends about me and everything. Yet, I still don't know if he's selling me a dream or not? Is he playing games with my head? Should I leave him alone? (age 22)

That he is still living with a woman he once had a sexual relationship, and a child, with, is material. For him to not mention that in two months is significant. It indicates, at least, that his ex-wife was telling the truth about at least some of the rumors. It could be he's just trying to help his daughter. It's odd that he's already talking about getting married and having children when he hasn't even decided he loves you. If something seems wrong, something probably is. He seems pretty irresponsible. I think you would be better off letting this one go.

Follow-up:At that time, I was questioning his motives, but decided to give him a chance anyway. Now I have this nagging feeling that something isn't right. I don't know if I'm just freaking out because I've had a few bad, untrustworthy relationships in the past or what. But, I can't help feeling that he's seeing someone else on the side. We don't go anywhere or do anything. He barely calls me or comes to see me, and when he does, he wants to have sex. Yet, he claims he's falling in love with me, he wants to marry me soon and he wants me to have his baby. He claims all his friends know about me and how good sex is between us. And when I confront him (respectfully) about not calling or stopping by, he says "I'm sorry baby, I got busy and it won't happen again." Still, I just can't shake that darn nagging that something isn't right. My family is composed of primarily of women, so I'm asking you because you're a man and maybe you understand his actions better and give me a brutally honest truth. Should I drop him?

I advised you to drop him after your first message. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. It's been several months, and it still doesn't feel right. You deserve to be treated with more respect. You ought to be talking daily with someone you're sexually active with. It is well past the time to move on.

I would like to know if the wet dreams that some males have are from sexual fantasies or if they happen by themselves without dreaming. I'm an upset wife.

We don't know much about wet dreams, but they always happen during REM (vivid dream) sleep. The dreams that bring them on are not always explicitly sexual, but they generally have some sexual component, such as the male in them is touching or playing with females or something is touching his penis.

Can losing your virginity affect the next cycle of your period? I had sex for the first time (three times the first night, then four more times in the next two weeks) and then the scheduled time for my period rolled around and I didn't start. Right now, it's two days after I should've started and I still haven't. I realize that pregnancy could be what's keeping it from started, but if it's not, is there any way that losing my virginity could have caused it to be pushed back? (age 18)

No, it couldn't. It sounds like you had sex right at your most fertile time. Your periods are apt to be occasionally irregular at your age, but it's very possible you're pregnant.

My period is about 3 days late now, and I've taken a few pregnancy tests and they're coming up negative. I can't recall it ever having been late before, and when I take the tests, I do everything it says. Could there be another reason for my period being late, or if I am pregnant, why are the tests still coming up negative? (age 18)

Three days late is nothing to be upset about. Periods are often irregular at your age. Sometimes a woman will even miss an entire cycle due to stress, etc. The tests being negative are a good sign. It might be a good idea to rest on this one for a few more days. Perhaps this experience will make you more careful about having sex in the future.

I've never had a boyfriend before but I really want one. There is this guy in my class that I really like and my friends and I play with him after school but I dont know what to do. I really like him and reports from my friends are that he likes me too. What do I do? (age 11)

I think you're too young to have an exclusive boyfriend or to go out alone with him, but perhaps you and your friends could go out as a group and you could spend some time talking with him.

I have a lot of difficulty achieving orgasm when I have sex with my boyfriend. I think I've only had 4 or 5 weak orgasms in the year we've been sexually active. I've heard how beneficial masturbating was to having satisfying sex, so I started using a vibrator not long ago. I never masturbated when I was younger or even touched anywhere near my vagina, so I am not very familiar with masturbation. Is a vibrator really the best way to go? Or would a different toy be easier to masturbate with? (age 18)

You would be better off if you learned to masturbate with your hands. Your boyfriend is not capable of delivering anything close to the stimulation of a vibrator. I suggest you try to think what helped you have those weak orgasms and work at finding the places to touch that get you that way. Don't be discouraged if results are not immediate.

When my boyfriend and I have sex in the missionary position, it's hard for him to reach my G spot, so he usually tries to give me some kind of manual stimulation by massaging my clit with his hand. It feels OK, but what I really want is for him to get deep inside of me so that he stimulates the spot. Is there anything he or I can do (in the missionary position) to get deeper penetration? Is there a way to get deep penetration while I massage my clit, because this would be much more comfortable? (age 22)

The missionary position isn't as good for reaching the G spot as the rear-entry position. Even if the penis can contact the G spot in the missionary position, it probably can't stimulate it enough. If you like to masturbate during intercourse, the missionary position is perhaps the least amenable. Having your hand in the middle makes it uncomfortable for both of you.

After my boyfriend and I began to experiment sexually, we discovered that I have a rare allergy called human seminal plasma hypersensitivity. Whenever any part of my body comes into contact with even a small amount of semen, the affected skin erupts into a painful rash that lasts for several days. My doctor prescribed a cream for topical treatment, but told me that I could go into anaphylactic shock if I came in contact with any internally. Being effectively infertile isn't a big concern of mine right now, but being unable to have sex is. A condom would be the sensible answer (not that we wouldn't use one if I weren't allergic), but I've recently found out that I'm also allergic to latex. Is sex out of the question? Do we have any alternatives? (age 17)

There are also condoms made of PVC for people with latex allergies. These are not as effective against STDs, however. You can find them where you buy condoms and they are plainly labeled "non-latex." You might also seek out support groups on the Internet for women with your allergies. They probably have more answers than I do. And be sure your boyfriend is trained to deal with shock.

My boyfriend finds it difficult to ejaculate and often has to make a considerable mental effort to finish. He's 18 years old and physically healthy, which makes me think that it's a psychological problem. Is this normal? What can I do to help him? (age 17)

What you describe is not normal. Perhaps you could have him read the main page of this site and see if anything rings a bell. The symptoms you describe are most likely to be caused by anti-depressants.

I went out with this guy a couple nights ago and we had a really nice time, or so I thought. He gave me all kinds of compliments ... you're beautiful, intelligent, intriguing to name a few. He told me that I could be the answer to his "crazy" ways, and that I seemed so perfect, "I may be too good to be true." After our date, we went back to my place for a while and talked. He said "I'm trying so hard to be a good boy right now, but you're so sexy." So I let him know that I wasn't having sex. He said it was cool, and then he said "I wanna be with you 24/7, take you places and spend much more time with you." That was four nights ago and I haven't heard a peep since. What the heck happened? I really liked him.

He was only interested in sex. Guys who give constant compliments are phony. Someone who is sincere would limit himself to one compliment or perhaps two. It's a bad idea to take men to your place on the first date.

I slept over at my boyfriend's over the weekend. We shared a bed and both slept naked but didnt have sex. When I woke up, my boyfriend's penis was erect and in between my legs near my vulva. I am so worried that I will get pregnant. (age 16)

That is extremely unlikely but not impossible. I doubt his penis wound up between your legs by accident. Why not plan to sleep clothed and in separate beds from now on?

I live with my boyfriend who is 33, and we are both very sexual people. We have a very healthy sex life, and we both masturbate on our own. I am on my period this week, but I still take care of my boyfriend by fellation. This morning, I woke up to the bed shaking, and my boyfriend was still sleeping but he was jerking off in his sleep. I'm assuming it was a wet dream? Is it normal for him to have a wet dream at 33, especially when I had just satisfied him? (age 24)

What you describe isn't a wet dream. A wet dream happens without external stimulation of the genitals; it is simply an orgasm caused by a purely mental process. What your boyfriend was doing was masturbating in his sleep, which is more like sleepwalking. We don't know what causes sleep masturbation, but it can be stopped simply by waking him up. He is apt to deny he was masturbating, because he will probably have no recollection of it. Some men find that they are less likely to masturbate in their sleep if they wear more clothing to bed.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and have been having sex for three. In the past year he seems to have lost all interest in sex, and when I ask him about it, he says there is nothing wrong. He tells me all the time that I'm sexy and gorgeous, but when I try to make a move and always get rejected it makes it very difficult to not let it get to me. He has started having wet dreams more then ever before. Does this mean he fancies someone else and is dreaming about her? When I ask him if he's losing interest in me he says no. We used to have a very good and regular sex life, but now that has all but disappeared. What do you think is going on? (age 18)

I suspect he's sexually involved with someone else. If he is really having sexual difficulties for some other reason, he should want to go to the doctor and get them diagnosed and treated. (The doctor will check for diabetes first.) If he doesn't want to go to the doctor, I don't think you have any choice but to confront him about the possibility of there being someone else. Wet dreams are unusual at his age, but they don't point toward infidelity.

My friend and I are both ready to have sex, and we have the condoms and we had a place to do it but my mom is going to be home and I dont know if we are going to be loud. How can we tell if we are loud or not? Every time I am horny I look at porn sites. Is this normal? (age 16)

You will probably not enjoy sex if you are very afraid of being discovered. You can easily muffle your noises. I think more than a few girls your age look at porn sites when they are aroused.

My boyfriend and I are both virgins. He recently asked if he'd be able to feel my hymen break the first time we have sex. I don't know what to say. I know I will, but will he? (age 15)

It's hard to say if either of you will. You might feel it but be unable to distinguish the feeling of the hymen from the other new feelings you will be experiencing. Don't worry so much about it hurting, and don't worry that you will be missing something if you don't specifically feel the hymen breaking.

Is it possible to orgasm while being raped? (age 17)

Yes, it is possible. I don't know how likely it is.

I'm 16 and I have a boyfriend. I refuse to do anything to him without clothes on. One night we were talking on the phone and he told me how wet he was. I knew that this was pre-cum, and now I'm worried that if I stroke him though his pants, somehow some will get on my hand. I know this contains sperm, and I'm afraid it will get me pregnant. Is there any way to further ensure that none get into my vagina when I masturbate, other than washing my hands? Also, is there any way that he, grinding against me fully clothed, can get me pregnant?

I can't say with certainty that dry sex through clothes can't get you pregnant, although it is extremely unlikely. It would be a very good idea for no body parts to penetrate your vulva once they have been exposed to male sexual fluids in any form. It is possible for you to get pre-cum on your hands by stroking him through the pants; when there is enough pre-cum, it can soak all the way through underwear and even outer pants! (You should be very flattered if you ever see such a soak-through; it means your male is extremely aroused by you.) Just make sure enough time passes and/or you wash your hands before you masturbate next.

For the first time I touched my boyfriend's penis. It had a liquid on it. Was it pre-cum? An hour later I put my finger into my vagina without washing my hands. Could I be pregnant by doing this? (age 18)

The liquid could have been pre-cum, semen, or urine. Pre-cum is clear and very stringy and semen is very sticky. Sperm could not live on your hand for an hour. I don't think anyone could get pregnant that way.

My husband is 25 and used to have wet dreams until about 2 years ago. He has gone almost a year without masturbating. We have great sex but he has had two wet dreams in a row the morning after great sex. I sometimes feel that I am not enough (which I know is not true) so what's really going on? (age 23)

If your husband is one of those rare males who has wet dreams into his 20s, he will probably continue to have them occasionally for a while longer. Your husband having or not having wet dreams, or masturbating -- which I doubt he has not done for almost a year -- is not a function of your sexual potency. Men understand that intercourse and masturbating are two different things and enjoy both.

My boyfriend has only actually penetrated me a few times, and the first two times we tried, he couldn't fit it inside me (although that could've been due to inexperience; we were both virgins). I'm really small, especially down there, and he's big. When we have sex, it's extremely painful for me. He can't even thrust or do much except get it inside me for a while because it hurts me SO much. I don't want it to hurt this much because we both want to have sex and it's so hard for me. I finger myself internally when I'm alone. I'm always really wet during foreplay with him. I try to relax when he goes inside me. I even tried using a candle to thrust in and out of me, and practiced entering it and removing it a bunch of times to get used to it. What's the deal with my hymen? (age 17)

I doubt the hymen is causing your problem, if your boyfriend can get his penis inside. The problem is the difference in size and your inexperience, which is probably causing you to be more tense than you should be. You will become more relaxed with experience. Just give it some more time and don't worry so much if you can't have intercourse to orgasm.

My boyfriend and I have been sexually active for a few months. We recently had sex and since then I have felt sick everytime he has tried to finger me. I don't really understand why because I never used to when he did it before. (age 17)

You might just be feeling guilty. Perhaps a break of a few weeks from sex and fingering would help you get over it.

I rub my clit during intercourse until I orgasm and I don't ejaculate. My boyfriend doesn't believe that I orgasm because nothing comes out but I feel it, almost like I can't touch my clit anymore. Is this normal or am I not orgasming because of no ejaculation? (age 18)

Most females don't ejaculate. Some authorities say there is no such thing as female ejaculation. If your clitoris becomes too sensitive to touch, then you probably did have an orgasm.

I'm 12 and my boyfriend is 14. We've been together for 1 year. I really love him and he's never asked me about sex but I feel that he really loves me to stay with me this long so I want him to be my first. Do you think I am too young?

You are too young to have a boyfriend and much too young to have sex. Your boyfriend could go to jail for having sex with you in many states. It's good that he's never asked about sex. You should keep it that way for as long as possible.

Once my boyfriend was doing things to me and got blood on his fingers. Could it have been my hymen, but I'm also on birth control and I was told that random bleeding does occur. Which do you think it was? (age 15)

I would be inclined to believe it was from your hymen. It would seem strange that random bleeding would occur just as he was performing manual intercourse on you.

Lately, my boyfriend and I have been having a lot of trouble in our relationship. He's 13 years older than I am, and there have been a lot of nay-sayers and such. We don't have sex nearly as frequently as we used to. Just a few months ago, we had sex just almost every day, sometimes twice. Lately, I'm lucky to get sex once a week. He seems to last a LOT longer now, and I always thought that the longer a guy went without having sex, the quicker he would be to reach orgasm. I am 6 months pregnant, and I thought that I may be turning him off, but he assured me that I wasn't. He's about to pull out of town in a few days to vacation in Vegas with male friends, but just 4 months ago he wouldn't have dared to go out of town without me. Can you offer any insight as to what may be going on? Is he cheating? (age 22)

Perhaps you shouldn't have made a baby with someone you can't trust, no matter how old or young he is. I would be inclined to ascribe the change in your sex life to your being pregnant, but that doesn't mean he isn't also cheating. Many men, especially sexually experienced ones, can delay orgasm if they want to enjoy sex more, perhaps knowing they won't be having it again for a week. So I don't think you should read too much into the time to orgasm. The Internet is full of lists of signs someone is cheating, but I think one of the best is that he doesn't call you from work as often as before.

When I have sex with my husband I rarely get wet enough so we have to use a lot of lube. I get dry again quickly. We always use water-based lube. The strange thing is later on when I take a hot shower suddenly I'm wet. Is there something wrong with me? (age 21)

I don't think so. The problem is that your husband doesn't take the time to get you aroused before you have sex. It can work wonders to spend an extra five to ten minutes before penetration taking care of this. In the alternative, you could try having sex in the hot shower.

When a guy ejaculates, if you keep stimulating his penis, why does he twitch? (age 22)

The penis gets very sensitive at ejaculation. Most males cannot stand being stimulated for more than a few seconds afterward. A good partner learns exactly when to stop stimulating him. (And good partners of females learn the same.)

How would you want your girlfriend to break up with you and hurt you at little as possible? I love my boyfriend and I do want to be with him, but he's involved in some things that neither like nor understand. I want to leave before I get hurt. So how do you find the words to say goodbye to someone you love and want to be with, but you don't like what they do? This situation is driving me crazy. (age 23)

I'm not certain whether you want to break up with him or give him an ultimatum to stop what he's involved in that's trouble. If you want to give him a last chance first, be firm about what he has to do and when. If you don't make good on your threat, then he will never listen to an ultimatum from you again. If you just want to break up, I think it's best if you say goodbye with as little emotion as possible. Let him know you've made up your mind and don't want a negotiation.

My husband and I usually copulate once a day. I asked him how often masturbates and he says almost daily throughout the work week. Is this normal, to have sex daily and to also masturbate almost daily? And we are also thinking of having kids. Will this affect his fertility? (age 25)

Both the daily intercourse and masturbation are on the high side for his situation, but I don't think there's anything wrong with either, since he seems to be able to handle a high sexual output. You shouldn't worry in advance about fertility problems. However, if conception became a problem, the first suggestion would be two days abstinence for the male before each attempt.

My boyfriend has fingered me but nothing else. My vaginal opening has gotten bigger and I bled a little. Does this mean I lost my virginity? (age 19)

Most people believe that fingering by itself does not make you not a virgin.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 10 months now. I just found out he has a ton of porn in a bin with a lock on it. He also has a ton of dating sites in his email and is downloading a ton of porn on a file sharing network. When we have sex he NEVER ejaculates, and he says it is because he is out of shape. He even masturbates in his sleep, and when he's alone and he has a chance, which is often, he masturbates! We want to get married someday and have children but how is that going to happen and what do you think about all this? (age 23)

He seems to have an excessive interest in porn for someone with a girlfriend. It is not normal that he never ejaculates during sex. Something is wrong here.

I am 30 and still a virgin. I'm about to get married and wonder if my sex drive will decline.

I suspect it will increase now that you finally have a partner. Congratulations!

I have given my boyfriend oral sex numerous times, yet he recently told me that he highly dislikes performing oral sex on me and would rather not do it. I didn't tell him but I was hurt; his response seems inconsiderate and unfair. (age 18)

I think nearly everyone would rather receive than give. You can try to work out what would make him like it better, and you would be justified if you decided you won't perform it on him unless he reciprocates.

I sneak out of my house to see my boyfriend almost every weekend. We talk for a few minutes but then it leads to more than that. Whenever he gets on top of me he always stops and says to me that he's crushing me and he should get off. I tell him he's not but he won't accept that. Why is this? Just the other night when I went to see him his friend came with him and we all hung out but my boyfriend was fondling me in front of his friend. It was dark. Do you think his friend noticed what he was doing? (age 15)

Yes, he was doing that to show off in front of his friend. You should have stopped him. He probably brings up the crushing you because he likes to remind you how much more than you he weighs. I think you could do better than this boyfriend.

My boyfriend is constantly asking me to participate in anal sex. I've never had anal sex, and am quite uncomfortable with the thought of it. Although he claims he's never had it either, I'm beginning to suspect he's lying, because of his obsession with wanting it. Could he possibly be lying to me, for fear that, maybe I'd be jealous or feel pressured? I don't understand how anyone could want something so bad that they've never experienced? (age 23)

If you're not comfortable with it, then you shouldn't do it. It is possible to want something you've never experienced. Whether he's lying or not, if he won't respect your decision not to engage in this, you should move on to someone who will.

I am 13 and there's this boy that I really like and whenever he's a year older than me. We always talk on the computer and he tells me he wants to have sex with me and I really want to have sex with him but I'm a virgin and I'm nervous about my first time. What should I do?

You are too young. You ought not be thinking of sex for a few years. Just try to get to know boys non-sexually until then.

My period is 3 days late. I am sexually active. Do you think I could be pregnant? (age 17)

Three days late is not unusual at your age, but if you are sexually active, pregnancy is always a possibility.

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 months, and we have started dry humping and stimulating each other through our clothes. He has a hard time reaching an orgasm because of the chafing. At this point in the relationship we're not ready to go further, but what can I do to make the experience more pleasurable for him? (age 24)

I suggest you try pleasing him with your hand without clothes while he is wearing a condom, to which you might also add some lube.

My ex and I never had sex but we watched each other masturbating and did it on the phone. A few times I noticed he orgasmed three or more times in 40-60 minutes and he was quite vocal. Is that common or was he just a good catch? I've started dating again and I've become really curious, wanting to know what to expect from other men sexually, because he was my "first." (age 17)

Three times in that time span is pretty typical for your age. An older man (older than 18, actually) would probably have a longer refractory period. Vocal varies greatly from man to man and from time to time. A lot of it depends on how much privacy he thinks he (or the two of you) have. I'm afraid things like that aren't indicators of whether he was a "good catch." How he lives and how he treats you are much better measures.

My boyfriend masturbates 3-5 times a day and during intercourse he has trouble coming to an orgasm. Could it be because of how many times he masturbates?

Absolutely it could. If someone is having trouble with orgasms, they should abstain from masturbating for 3-5 days before having intercourse. Once they have overcome their orgasm trouble, they can reduce the abstention period.

A female friend recently mentioned to me that when men suddenly begin talking in their sleep, they're cheating. My boyfriend had recently began talking in his sleep and actually said some pretty erotic things like "Put it in", which I told her about. But is she really right? Does this mean he cheated or is cheating? (age 24)

I don't think talking in one's sleep is an indicator of infidelity, but you can use any information you learn that way to find out more.

My husband (who is 20) and I have been married for a little under 5 months. We have been having sex 3-4 times a week except for the past two weeks when we were only able to coit 1-3 times total. While we were having a lot of sex, he had a wet dream, and then he had one a couple of days ago. He doesn't remember what the first dream was about but the recent one had just a a quick flash of a women totally dressed just standing straight. Is it normal for him to have a wet dream even though he's used to sex by now? And is there any real significance in the dream? Does he have to know the girl and be attracted to her? (age 18)

Wet dreams are uncommon but not unheard of in males who are experienced with masturbation and sexual intercourse. There is not necessarily any significance to the woman in the dream. It is the same as any other dream, only with ejaculation. Don't worry about it. You're the one he married. Anyway, if he were fooling around with other women, he would not tell you about dreams like that.

Follow-up:I Just wanted to thank you for answering my question so promptly. I really appreciated your response. It's definately going to help our relationship.

I found my boyfriend masturbating in front of the computer and was completely mortified. Now I am afraid to use it or even acknowledge it. I've already spoken to him about it but still cry about the experience. Should I seek professional help? (age 18)

Not yet. Why not take some more time to realize that all males with girlfriends masturbate and so do most of the females your age. If you read this site some more, you will no doubt get used to the idea and even want to do it yourself.

My boyfriend and I enjoy engaging in various different styles of masturbation, both with each other and without, usually before sex. Recently he told me that he would like me to masturbate for him, so that he could watch. It turns me on a great deal to think about him masturbating or getting turned on by what I'm doing, and so I'm really eager to do this. Is this OK, and a normal pattern of behavior to pursue? (age 15)

I would be more inclined to say it were OK if you were older, at least of the age of consent.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He is a virgin and so am I. Is it possible to get any STDs from performing oral sex on him if I was his first sexual encounter in 3 years? (age 19)

No, but you seem to be unsure about something. Perhaps you are questioning whether he has been faithful all that time.

I like giving oral sex to my boyfriend but I hate his semen.He seems offended that I won't swallow it and says that most girls like it. I tried it once and almost threw up. (age 17)

Many if not most women refuse to swallow. You are justified in not doing so. He should consider himself lucky that you are willing to perform fellatio on him.

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