HealthyStrokes.com
... a site about masturbation and you!

Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:


I masturbate every night but it doesn't seem like enough for me. I don't want to have sex as yet and I can't get my hands on any sex toys and I don't really have much privacy either. What can I do to make it more intense? (age 17)

You might try making your own "sex toy" out of a candle, marker, etc. Most of the time a more intense orgasm is the result of mental focus rather than the physical part. You might learn more about what you can focus on to bring about a better orgasm.

I masturbate with a back massager, and I've always wanted to know if that's good or bad. I have really good orgasms and I can masturbate up to 30 times a day. (age 13)

I think it's bad. You should be developing a healthy sexuality so you can successfully have sex with a partner someday. I don't think a massager helps you do that.

I masturbate with my hand but mostly with my mom's vibrator. Do you think this is normal and should I tell my mom that I use her vibrator? (age 15)

I hope you clean it before and after using it. That's like sharing a toothbrush. It's up to you what you tell your mom. You might just tell her you'd like one.

When I masturbate, I use a toy sorta thing. After about 4 or 5 months of masturbating, it started to hurt inside my vagina. I barely stuck my "toy" in, and I felt pain. Then I started to bleed, and I don't think this is my period. (age 13)

You need to stop using the "toy" until you figure out what's causing the pain and bleeding and correct it.

When I first started masturbating, I used my hands and I was able to achieve an orgasm, but now I use a nebulizer and I can't acheive anything without it. Is the nebulizer dangerous to use? I just take the air hose and put it around the area where my clitoris is. And by the way a nebulizer is an asthma machine if you didn't know. (age 14)

I think you've answered your own question because you can't reach orgasm anymore without the nebulizer. I think you should leave the machine out of it and go back to manual means.

Is it dangerous to use tissue paper or a rag to rub "yourself"? (age 16)

Perhaps not dangerous, but I think you're better off if you don't use them.

I masturbate every night with my mom's vibrator. She caught me with it and told me that it is okay to feel horny and feel the need to have an orgasm. Is she just trying to make me feel better or is it okay to use her vibrator? (age 12)

Why don't you ask her? It's her vibrator and she should decide who gets to use it. Maybe you should ask her for your own for Christmas. (But don't open it in front of everyone on Christmas Eve.)

I really want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. I am not very open with my older sister or mother or any other older woman so I can't ask them. Where can I get one? (age 13)

I don't know that I'd recommend a vibrator at age 13. You ought to get to know your body better first. All I could do is tell you about a bunch of web sites, for which you probably don't have a credit card. (One of the most popular vibrators, the Hitachi Magic Wand, is available on amazon.com for $39.99. I don't recommend a vibrator or any particular brand or website.) You might consider buying one on eBay. Many eBay sellers accept cash or money orders.

I think you'll have to ask someone who has a credit card and/or can go into the kind of local store that sells them. They will probably assume you want it for masturbating.

I want a vibrator but I don't know how to get one. Do you think I can go into Le Sex Shoppe and get one? I look old enough for them to think that I am of age. Is it OK if I fantasize about having sex with women. I know I don't swing that way but I would like to try it one day. (age 15)

Vibrators are generally not age-restricted by the government, so I don't think you wouldn't be breaking any law by buying one. Stores like that know that some of their customers are underage and don't make an issue unless they're selling a restricted product. As I suggested above, you might consider buying one on eBay. What you fantasize about is up to you.

Screwdriver handles are great to masturbate with. They come in all sizes (small and smooth for the inexperienced, larger and textured for the more adventurous) and can be easily purchased by anyone without suspicion (just say you're getting a birthday present for your brother/ father etc.) (age 19)

OK, but sellers are suspicious of anyone who tells them why they're buying an ordinary object. Why tell them anything?

Last night I masturbated with a large pen and it went in pretty deep and this morning when I woke up I was hurting a lot down there. I don't think it is my hymen breaking. What could this be, did I hurt myself or maybe just loosen myself up? (age 16)

I think you were too rough on yourself. Always be careful when using a new object or exploring unfamiliar territory.

Is it OK to help your younger sister who is 12 to masturbate with your vibrator? I don't touch her myself. I use the vibrator. (age 16)

I don't see anything wrong with that. Of course, once you've shown her how, you won't need to help anymore.

I am bisexual along with my friend. When we have a threesome, the person that is not having vaginal sex uses a dildo. When we switch, do I have to clean the dildo? Or is it OK if they're very clean? (age 15)

You should clean an object that's been in someone else's body before inserting it in yours. I hope you're also using protection in having vaginal sex.

I have been masturbating for about a year now and I really enjoy it! I really want to have sex! Is that normal? I also feel like I want to have sex with a woman but when I think about it I feel horrible. Is it normal?? I also really want a dildo or vibrator but there is no way I could ask my mom or anyone in my family. My friend has one. Should I ask her or just leave it alone? (age 15)

It's very normal to want to have sex at your age (or any age) but many young people postpone sexual activity because of the possibility of unwanted consequences (e.g., pregnancy, parenthood, venereal disesase, guilt, emotional upset) interfering with their future plans. Lots of people fantasize about same-sex encounters but relatively few act them out. I'd ask your friend how she got her vibrator. Maybe you can get one the same way.

Is it OK to use a dildo and lick it off after having an orgasm? (age 15)

I recommend you wait a few years before using a dildo. There's no harm in consuming your own fluids, but consuming someone else's is unsafe.

Is it OK that I helped my sister masturbate? She saw me doing it with my dildo but she is only 13. I told her I'd show her how and she took off her clothes and I put the dildo in. I then stroked it up and down for about 10 strokes until she could do it herself. I then masturbated with her because she asked me. Is this a bad thing? (age 16)

I don't think your sister needed to learn to use a dildo at her age. You didn't start with a dildo, did you? You should tell her the importance of using her own hands. I also don't think you should have joined in with her.

My mother bought me a vibrator for Christmas because I told her that I masturbate. Is this wrong? She showed me how to use it by putting it in her vagina. Is this bad? (age 14)

I don't think it's either wrong or bad. Most of the girls I hear from would like a mother like yours.

How does a dildo feel? Do you get orgasms just like a real penis? Does it hurt or what? What is the age restriction in buying a dildo? (age 16)

You're asking me? Many women say a good dildo feels a lot like a penis. They wouldn't use them if they didn't help them have orgasms. It would probably hurt an inexperienced girl. There is no legal age restriction, but most stores won't sell them to minors. You might find out if one of your friends has one to get a first hand description.

Is it OK to use dildos before you become sexually active? How can you get one without anybody noticing? (female, age 14)

Many girls masturbate with dildos before they're sexually active. Young girls generally practice with makeshift dildos (e.g., candles, cucumbers, brush handles) before they try commercially-made dildos. Dildos aren't age-restricted like alcohol, but frequently the only stores that carry them are those that don't cater to minors. It might help to have an older sister.

I want to buy a vibrator or dildo, but the only adult toy shop in my town lets people in 18 or over. Also, I don't want my dad to know. How can I get one? I have money, but no credit card, so online shopping is a dilemma. (age 13)

Language lesson: A dilemma is a choice between two unfavorable outcomes. What you have is a paradox or conundrum or predicament. You might consider buying one on eBay from a seller who will accept a postal money order. You still have the problem of having to explain the package that arrives in the mail.

I like using a back massager to masturbate, but I am not sure if I should continue. (age 13)

I think a massager, or any vibrator, is more than you need at your age. Why not get more experience with your hands?

I want a vibrator but every time I go to buy one they say I'm too young. My friend has a vibrator and we use it on each other all the time. We were masturbating together one day, with the vibrator, and we had the music on. Her mother wasn't supposed to be back till that night but she came home early. She walked in and watched us but we did not stop because we didn't hear her because of the music. I noticed her watching after two minutes. Later that night she told us it was OK and that she wouldn't mind us doing it in her house. I don't know what to say to her. I know this may seem crazy but please tell me what to do. (age 14)

I don't think you need to say anything. She was very cool about it. I also don't think you should be masturbating with your friend, or with a vibrator at your age. You should get to know yourself better with your own hands.

My mom dosn't know but I sneak her vibrator and masturbate with it but how should I tell her and to buy me one? (age 12)

You should respect your mom's property. Do you clean it afterward? I think if you want her to buy you one, you'll have to be very brave and ask.

Are there any household items that can serve as lubes? Where can I get them? How do I use them? How do I keep my mom from noticing I masturbate? P.S. I love your site. (age 14)

Lots of young people use lotion, Vaseline, or ordinary saliva as lubes. Just apply a drop or two to the area that you are stimulating. I think if you clean up and don't leave sex toys and sexy pictures lying around, she won't notice.

I know I'm young but when I masturbate it doesn't affect me and I don't feel anything. I want to buy a vibrator. (age 11)

A vibrator should only be used to enhance your experience once you've learned to masturbate manually. Try to relax and focus more on what you're doing. It would help to do it less often until you can have an orgasm. Also, make sure you're touching the area around the clitoris. You should feel at least something by doing that.

I am a virgin and have never masturbated before and I want to buy a vibrator. How do I know what's right for me? I think I am kind of tight down there. What kind do I get? How do I start when I get it? (age 22)

I suggest not using one at all if you've never masturbated before. When you've had enough practice with your hands, you might use a vibrator for masturbating externally before you try one internally.

I masturbate with my mom's dildo. I clean it when I use it and afterward, but why you dont want people my age to use dildoes. I have been masturbating ever since I can remember, and most of it was external. If I feel that dildoes are just another way of pleasure, why shouldn't I use one?? (age 13)

Most girls your age haven't masturbated as long as you. I recommend getting to know your body with your hands before you start using objects. If you think you're already there, then maybe you're not too young to try an object.

I masturbate and I want a dildo. My 17 year old sister has one. I dont want to ask her to get one for me because I'm afraid of what she will say. I can masturbate internally with four fingers and it doesn't bother me. I don't want to tell my mom because I am also afraid of what she will say about me masturbating. How can I get one? (age 13)

What could your sister possibly say about you? She masturbates the same way you do. It would probably make her happy to know you're taking after her. If you know about hers by snooping, you might come clean about that too.

I was masturbating the night after I finished my period. I use the end of a pen that is kind of shaped like a penis. It hurt really, really bad, and it felt like a really sharp object was being inserted. What's wrong? What are some lubes or objects I can use from around the house to make it better? I know Vaseline but that doesn't seem to help. (age 14)

You might have hurt something on the inside. Stay away from objects, and better yet, from internal masturbation too, until it heals. Give it 4-5 days at least. A lube made for sex is best, like K-Y Liquid or Astroglide.

I have recently started experimenting with masturbation and I am wondering what kinds of household objects (like vegetables) I can insert in my vagina. I am scared that some might be harmful or cause internal bruising. (age 14)

You are right to be scared. At your age, it would be better to hold off on objects and practice with your hands. If you decide to use objects, be sure to clean them before and after.

Is it OK if I use my sister's cell phone vibrator to masturbate. (age 12)

I doubt it would be OK with her, but you can always ask.

I masturbate reguarly, and sometimes I use markers or things I find. I sometimes use an electric toothbrush, and I use it anally too. Can this do damage? I was also wondering where I could get a vibrator or dildo without my mom finding out that I bought one. Do you have any suggestions? (age 17)

Always clean anything after it's been in your anus before inserting it elsewhere. Try to be especially gentle with the anal tissue.

I think it sounds scary to have sex because I am afraid of breaking my hymen. I love to masturbate, but it sounds painful to use dildoes. Is this a thing I will eventually understand,or what? HELP!!!! (age 13)

Yes, I think you will understand it before you ever decide to have sex or use a dildo. If you are to be sexually active and/or have children, your hymen has to go eventually. If you want to keep it intact for a few more years, that's your right. Many women never use dildoes.

I use carrots, cucumbers, and bananas to masturbate. Is it normal or healthy to eat these after I'm done pleasuring myself? (age 17)

You should wash them before you eat them. Even if you don't it's no more dangerous than eating sexual fluids directly, which is unsafe sex when they're from another person but generally OK when they're your own.

I've been masturbating for 7 years and I love it. My mom doesn't know that I use her dildo. (I clean it before and after.) When would be the best time to tell her that I use hers and I want one of my own? (age 16)

You're not respecting your mother very well. I think instead of telling her you want one, you should just buy one of your own. That would be more responsible.

I masturbate with my fingers but I want to buy a dildo. Will the store let me buy it? (age 13)

Dildos and vibrators are not age-restricted like tobacco and alcohol, but many stores won't sell them to someone your age anyway.

I can't reach orgasm without my vibrator. I've had it for about 6 months, and before that I could never masturbate to orgasm. I also have trouble reaching orgasm unless I'm in the same position. Any advice? (age 16)

This is why I advise girls to learn to masturbate by hand first and then try a vibrator. Of course, you were having trouble learning. It could be you'll always have trouble reaching orgasm without a vibrator. I suggest relaxing and trying to masturbate with your hands. Don't try to have an orgasm necessarily. Just do what feels good and enjoy that. After a few times, maybe you'll have an orgasm. Be patient and enjoy your own touch whether it leads to an orgasm or not.

I have been masturbating for 5 years and I have been using an electric toothbrush and it feels really good and I orgasm. Is it bad to use a toothbrush? (age 15)

It's no worse than any other vibrator, but it would be good for you to learn to orgasm from only your hands.

If I use lubricant the next time I masturbate, would it feel better than without it? Is there any kind of rash, irritation, or something lubricant can can cause?

Lubricant is worth a try. Many females use it. Anything you put on your skin can cause irritation. You might try the product on a less sensitive area first to see if you have a reaction to it.

I masturbate with running water and sometimes my dad's back massager when he's not around. When I try to get an orgasm through internal masturbation, I don't feel anything. Is it because of the way I'm masturbating? Is the way I'm masturbating healthy? If you can't feel the penis going in and out during sexual intercourse, how is it supposed to feel good? (age 16)

It's better if you masturbate only with your hands and to use running water only sporadically, if at all. A massager specifically made for masturbation would be better than a back massager. You might try abstaining from those things until sensitivity returns to your vagina. I suspect your means of masturbation is the cause of your insensitivity. You make a good point about feeling the penis.

I just bought a toy and I asked my friend who has used one for two years now to show me how. Is that wrong? (age 13)

I don't think so.

How can I ask my mom for a dildo? I've been masturbating for about a year and a half and I want to try new things. I'm comfortable using my hands so I want to try something new. My mom talks to me about sex and masturbating but not in detail. (age 13)

I don't recommend one at your age, but if you must have one, I think it's best to just tell your mom you want one. Don't expect her to agree right away.

Do you think that adult shops would sell to a 16 year old? I know you say to experiment with your hands first but I have for a while, only through my underwear. Is it about the same? I'm kinda scared to try to insert my fingers, and I don't know why. That's probably not normal. I love this site, by the way. (age 16)

It's very normal. Many girls are afraid to insert their fingers. I think if you masturbate with your underwear down for a while, you will be less inhibited about inserting fingers. Sex toys are not restricted in age the way alcohol and tobacco are, so some sex shops will and some won't sell to minors. In most places, there's no legal penalty. I think most would just ask if you are over 18 and not ask for ID.

I just got a vibrator and wonder if it could cause me to lose feeling in my clitoris, and if so, could I ever get it back? (age 17)

A vibrator is inadvisable just because it can cause females to have a harder time reaching orgasm with a partner or with their hands. If that happened to you, you could resensitize your genitals by ceasing to use the vibrator.

I recently tried Skittles and found that my natural lube was easily flavored and colored by them. I want to try this when I get eaten out. (I have had sex and oral sex). I do not think that everything I try is necessarily "normal" but I consider myself a pioneer in my own sex life, even if it is not normal. I have made out with Pop Rocks before, and I am curious if it would be damaging to a guy if he were to have sex with me while I had Pop Rocks in my vagina? (age 20)

Pop Rocks wouldn't do any damage. You can put them in your mouth and swallow them. Interesting idea about the Skittles. You can put in one and tell your partner to "taste the rainbow." Keep in mind that any introduction of sugar into your vagina puts you at risk for a yeast infection.

I recently masturbated with a tall plastic water bottle. I'm scared because during my orgasm the bottle slipped out twice and it hurt really bad as the muscles inside of me contracted. After I finished, I pulled the bottle out and there was blood on the rim. I cleaned up best I could. Then I had to urinate and it was painful and stung like crazy. The bleeding didn't last for more than a few minutes. I have not been sexually active for a year and using my hands just doesn't cut it but I realize that using this type of object is a bad idea. I am not going to masturbate until I know it's safe again. And definitely I won't use plastic bottles anymore. But now I am worried I might have caused my body harm. Will I be okay?

I think you will be fine. There was probably a sharp seam or something on that bottle. You ought to check objects for smoothness before inserting them next time.

Is it bad to use a scented lotion as lube? Could I hurt myself internally if I have long fingernails? (age 15)

The fragrance specifically is not bad, but if you will be using the lube internally, it would be better to use something made especially for sexual purposes, like Astroglide or K-Y. Yes, it would be possible to scratch your insides with a sharp fingernail, and I think you would enjoy masturbating more if you did not have to worry about doing that.

I want to masturbate, but I don't have a vibrator or anything. What can I use that I have that can make me have an orgasm? (age 16)

How about these? The girls your age who are best at orgasm use them.


Hi, your web site is really helpful. I thought I was the only person of 13 to masturbate. I have been masturbating for about 3 years and I wanted to try something different so I got a film cylinder and put it over my clit and squeezed and I got an amazing orgasm because of the suction, but I want to know if this is dangerous. Happy new year all the way from Nicaragua!

I don't think that could hurt you, but I don't recommend it. It's not a feeling you can replicate in sexual intercourse. Happy New Year to you too!

I masturbate every night with a ball. I stick it in my underwear and hump something until I climax. Is this a normal sort of method? I've been doing this since I was 11, and enjoy it. But whenever I try to use my fingers for stimulation, I stop and use a ball instead. Which is better? (age 13)

If you're read this web site, you know I think fingers are better.

Is there a problem with using a dildo larger than my partner's penis? I'm afraid that if I stretch myself out, sex with him will not be as good. (age 22)

It is better if you teach your partner to satisfy you rather than use a dildo, but I don't think the size of it makes a difference.

When's the best time to buy a vibrator (for external stimulation). I've been masturbating since I was 12 and I know my body pretty well, but I've never had intercourse and I want to explore new ways of sexual pleasure. Is buying one now healthy or am I setting myself up for problems when I start to have sex? (age 18)

Women who use their hands to masturbate have the easiest time reaching orgasm in intercourse. I would hesitate to encourage you to buy a vibrator since it threatens to undo the progress you've made in pleasing yourself sexually over the past six years. But if you really want one, then now's as good a time as any to try one and see what they're like. You might decide you like manual orgasms better.

I don't have a problem with going in the store and buying a vibrator. I'm just afraid that they will say I'm not old enough. (age 15)

Well, if you're not afraid, try it, and then let us know how it goes.

Can you lose your virginity by using a dildo? (age 17)

No. The only way to lose your virginity is by engaging in sex with another person.

My boyfriend masturbated and used a vibrator. Should I be concerned? (age 23)

I don't think so.

The other day my friends and I had a sleepover and the subject of masturbating came up. Everyone admitting to doing it and we discussed how we do it. We all really want vibrators. We look much older than we are and there is a store at our mall that we know sells vibrators and you don't have to be 18 or older to enter it, so do you think they would sell one to each of us? (age 14)

Yes, they probably would. There is no harm in giving it a try.

I've been masturbating since I was 11 and I admitted to my mom that I did and she said it is OK and normal. I was shocked! I want to ask her for a vibrator but I'm scared! (age 13)

Your mom is very cool about it. You risk nothing by asking her. I hope you'll understand if she doesn't want you to have one at your age.

After using a dildo for about 5 minutes, I began to bleed quite a lot which was enough to run down my leg. What am I doing wrong? (age 16)

You might have been too rough with the dildo. Be gentle next time and learn what does not make you bleed.

I have been mastubating with a back massager and now I can't really stimulate myself with my hands. What should I do? (age 16)

Just stop the back massager for a couple of weeks and you should be able to use your hands again.

Your site has helped me a lot Should I do it in my room with the door locked? I was using my mom's dildo. I was just rubbing myself but I feel like my mom's going to find out but I always tell her that sex is gross and masturbating is gross because it hides it so well. (age 13)

She will soon think you protest too much and will also notice that her dildo is being used. I think you will enjoy it more if you don't use it.

I've been masturbating since I was about 14 or so and I really enjoy it. Though I am not a virgin, I'd rather just pleasure myself. I know I am old enough to purchase a sex toy and whatnot, but I am too embarrassed to do so. I'd ask my mom, but she thinks people that masturbate and/or use dildos or vibrators are sick or perverted so asking her isn't a good idea. Is there any other way I can get a dildo or a vibrator? (age 20)

You could buy one online. They also advertise them for sale by mail order in the back of some women's magazines. Keep in mind that most experts regard someone who would rather masturbate than have intercourse as poorly adjusted sexually.

I want to get a clitoral vibrator for myself but I don't want my parents finding out. Where or how could I get one? (age 12)

They are not age restricted, but I doubt a store would sell one to you at your age. This is where an older female friend could come in handy.

I have a really close guy friend whom I can openly talk to about sexual stuff. I usually use a toothbrush (I've already learned how to use my hands and everything too) and he offered to buy me a vibrator because I am to embarrassed to do it myself. Is this OK? (age 14)

If it is OK to use a vibrator, I think it is OK for someone to buy you one. Many of my young female readers will envy you for having a vibrator and having someone to get one for you.

I have a hot tub and I felt the jets on my clitoris so I pressed up against it and had a great orgasm. Then my mom saw me. What should I do? (age 12)

I recommend against masturbating with running water to begin with. A hot tub's jets put out a tremendous force which could actually damage your private parts. I suggest never doing that again. Furthermore, a lot of people advise against any kind of sex in hot tubs because the hot water makes it hard for your body to cool off. If your mom didn't say anything about it, I don't think you need to either.

Can I use dildo if I'm a virgin? Will it hurt? I masturbate regularly but have never been penetrated. (age 16)

I am inclined to believe a dildo would hurt if you have never even inserted anything into your vagina, even fingers or soft objects.

Why would you not consider the habitual use of vibrators (in any way) or dildos (especially ones larger than the average male penis) a form of TMS for females? I have always considered it an unhealthy sexual habit for females, as they are setting themselves up to not be pleased by the average male during intercourse. It is especially noteworthy that males do not vibrate, and I see that experience as one much like the one you describe of females masturbating using running water. With the promotion and encouragement of the use of these devices being so common these days, I'm afraid that more and more females will become unable to acheive orgasm through normal intercourse with a male without the use of these toys.

I generally discourage the use of sex toys, although TMS is a specific form of sexual dysfunction meaning prone masturbation. The points you make are good ones.

I am a 13 year old female, and I love your site! I am so glad that I found it! I masturbate on a daily basis. I usually point a jet of water at my clitoris, which sends me to an orgasm really quick (I've been doing that since I was 10). I just recently started external masturbation with my hands, just stimulating my clitoris. Lately, external masturbation has been feeling kind of routine, so I decided that I want to try internal. I tried thrusting a *clean* screwdriver handle into my vagina, but it didn't feel all that great? What exactly makes internal masturbation feel good?

I sometimes sneak a dildo out of my brother's room. (I think it's his girlfriend's. I wash it first.) I try to fit it into my vagina. I can't get it to fit, but I'm not sure if i should just make it go in, or if it is too big. I understand that my hymen has to break before it can go in, and I don't want to hurt myself. Do you have any advice on that? I sometimes take porno DVDs out of my brother's room and masturbate to them. It makes my orgasms last longer, and watching them makes me feel good. Is this wrong? I would tell my brother, but I would definitely be too embarrassed. Sometimes I go to teen chat rooms and have "cyber sex" with guys, because it makes me feel good when I masturbate. Is this wrong?

I think you are putting too much emphasis on masturbation than is needed. I advise against water jets, screwdriver handles and dildos at your age. You only recently started with your hands, so I think you should give them a try for a while longer. I think it is wrong for you to raid your brother's room without permission. Cyber sex is also a bad idea at your age and can lead to your being exploited. I don't have an answer about why internal masturbation feels good. I know that stimulation of the G spot and replication of penile sex is part of it, but can any of my female readers tell me why they prefer internal to external masturbation?

If someone puts an object that they cleaned with water into their vagina, will that get them ill in any way? I love your site! (age 13)

It's better if the water is hot and soapy, but even so, there's no guarantee you won't get an infection from it. The vagina has pretty good defenses, but it is not invincible. Be especially careful until you are used to masturbating with objects.

GREAT site! I find it to be very informational and extremely helpful. I'm almost 18, and I discovered masturbation about 2 1/2 years ago. I masturbate once a day or every few days depending on my mood. I know you usually suggest manual masturbation but I haved used a vibrator for the better part of these past 2 1/2 years and have been satisfied every time. I've tried to masturbate manually but I can't reach satisfaction this way, so I return to the vibrator. Lately I'm concerned because after I masturbate with the vibrator, I feel numb in the area around my clitoris. Am I pressing the vibrator against myself too hard? Am I setting myself up for future damage? Should I lay off for a while and then revert back to the manual method?

If you've read this site, you know I discourage the use of vibrators. Vibrator fatigue is a real problem for a lot of women. I think you should put away the vibrator and work at becoming orgasmic with your hands.

My mom suspects I have some "toys" in my room, which I do. Should I just tell her about it? (age 19)

You're an adult. Who you tell is up to you. There is no reason for your mother to know unless you want her to.

For about three years now I have been masturbating once a day with a small plastic bottle with a condom on it and I think the pressure has finally caused me some injury. I have stopped masturbating internally altogether. My problem is that I felt pain inside when I was masturbating but I tend to like pain just as much as pleasure so I kept going. Then afterwards I have horrible pain like cramps for awhile. I'm also having urinary trouble. The nurse said it could be that my uretha is irritated or traumtized and that is why I am having these frequent urination problems. I think I might have some kind of other infection but I can't do anything about it until like September something because I simply cannot afford to see a doctor at the moment. Will this be bad if I just let it go and not see a doctor before then? I am going to be sexually active at the end of this month as I'm getting married. Will this be a problem for us? (age 20)

You have not given me or anybody else much time to help. I suspect you did not tell the doctor or nurse all you've told me about what you think is the cause of your trouble. Have you been using a new condom every time or just the same one? I suggest you get treatment ASAP and tell the doctor and nurse about your masturbating habits. It is a good idea to stop something when it causes pain. I hope they can fix you up in time for your wedding.

Follow-up: I have what appears to be an overactive bladder and thankfully my new husband and I have worked through it. I plan on seeing the doctor again next week to confirm it. Since my panic question I've wised up and stopped using a plastic bottle. I was using a new condom each time but I think the problem was TMS, as I had been masturbating prone with a large amount of pressure on my vaginal walls. Thank you for answering my question despite the time limit. When I get more results I'll give a second follow-up and maybe other women on this site will find it useful.


I was wondering how to get lube just in case I need it when using objects? I'm worried about going to the store and purchasing a bottle of lube. What could I use as an alternative? (age 14)

I get this question quite frequently from males. You ought not be embarrassed about buying sexual lube like Astroglide or K-Y Liquid. It's sold next to the condoms at stores like Target and CVS.

Is it possible to get an infection from not cleaning your vibrator? I'm the only user. (age 19)

Yes it is, because something could be growing on it between uses.

I've been reading your site (which is awesome), and you say not to use a vibrator unless you've been able to orgasm with your hands. But I can't stimulate myself enough with my hands, so I use a vibrator. Even so, I'm not able to orgasm. What will help me orgasm with my hands? (age 15)

The vibrator is counterproductive right now because you can't orgasm even with it. A lot of girls your age are not having orgasms yet. Just be patient and masturbate (with your hands) only when you are very relaxed and receptive to new feelings. One of these times, everything will work right and you will have a pleasant orgasm.

I've recently started using a mint toothpaste to masurbate externally, and I wash it all off when I'm done. Is it dangerous to be using toothpaste like this? (age 14)

I assume it's a gel and not a paste. That is inadvisable, because not only does mint sting, there might be chemicals in it that might not be good for you should they get into your vagina.


Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:



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