Healthy Strokes - Masturbation and More

Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:

I tried masturbating once. It didn't feel good. I think I was doing it wrong. Now and then I get a sexual urge and feel the need to masturbate. Is there any advice you can give about masturbating correctly? (age 13)

Make sure you're relaxed when you're doing it and not worried that someone will barge in. Don't worry about having an orgasm. Just concentrate on feeling good and eventually orgasms will come.

I love masturbation but I always feel tingly afterward. I want to do it again but can't because I lose my arousal. Please help. (age 11)

You're supposed to feel tingly! That's why people do it. I think it's good that we lose our arousal afterward. Otherwise, that's all anyone would ever do.

After rubbing, I'm sore. Is it normal? (female, age 13)

No. You're rubbing too hard or too much. You have to learn to masturbate without hurting yourself. Take it a little easier.

I love running water on my clitoris, but once I get excited and can't take it anymore, I move away. When I go back I don't get very excited. What can I do to extend my pleasure or to achieve it a different way? (age 13)

You might learn to do it with your hands. You will have more control that way.

When I'm taking a shower, I let the water that's going down the faucet hit my vulva and it feels sooo good. Is this dangerous? Will the water go into my vagina? (age 14)

If you're standing, I don't think the water will go up and in. I don't know that masturbating that way is dangerous, but it's not a feeling a male partner will be able to replicate when you have intercourse someday.

I masturbate about twice a day and I realize how good it feels but I have trouble reaching orgasm. Do you have an answer to that? (age 15)

You need to both relax and keep a mental focus while you're masturbating. Concentrate on what feels best, and I think it will lead you to orgasm.

I'm 16 and I have masturbated for about 6 months now. I have achieved orgasms, but why does it take so long?

You just need to learn better how to push your erotic buttons. Whatever you're doing, try to do it more efficiently. It might help to eliminate distractions and focus on what you're doing.

When girls achieve orgasm, do they all have a liquid shoot out like all men, or do just some girls have that? (age 14)

Definitely not all women do. In fact, it's an unresolved question whether any women do. Many authorities believe "female ejaculation" is a myth. Other women contend that they have a burst of vaginal fluid at the point of orgasm.

How many orgasms can women have? (age 14)

Many women can be multi-orgasmic, which is something only a few men can do. I've heard of women having 60 orgasms in a session.

I'm 13 and I tried masturbating once and it hurt. All of my female friends do it and they say how good it feels when they do it and how good orgasms feel. Can you give me tips on not making it hurt so much, and is it normal for a girl to feel pain while masturbating?

You're doing something wrong. You might start by learning external masturbation, that is, stimulating your external genitalia and not sticking anything inside. Try to find places to touch that feel good and don't hurt. It's not normal to feel pain, but you might have been touching parts that are especially sensitive. I think you'll learn.

I have been putting a pillow between my legs and pretending to have sex with it, like laying downwards and moving my bum up and down. I then come to a stage where I start feeling I need to go faster and then something happens for no more than 10 seconds, what is happening here? Is this OK? Also I was wondering if rubbing against a pillow is any sort of masturbation and will it lead to an orgasm? (age 15)

What you're doing is definitely masturbation. The 10 seconds thing sounds like orgasm. I recommend against what you're doing and suggest you learn conventional means of masturbating.

I'm considering whether I should masturbate, but I may feel out of place. I know that you say that most girls my age are doing it, but the girls I'm with SEEM to be the "non-masturbating" type. Is there any way that I may feel comfortable being with them, to masturbate, and to not feel guilty at the same time? (age 14)

I wish you'd tell me what the "non-masturbating" type is. If you choose to masturbate, it's highly unlikely you'll be the only one in your group who practices it. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

How exactly can we get familiar with my body instead of touching? What time to you recommend us to start using objects? What objects may we use instead of buying them? (age 14)

I recommend using your hands for a year or so before you try objects. You can read above on this page or my survey results to get an idea what objects girls your age are using.

I have only had orgasms through masturbating and oral sex, but never through intercourse. I am wondering if this is normal and is there any way to change this? (age 22)

A lot of women deal with this. Sometimes it's because they masturbate in ways (running water, prone, etc.) that don't correspond to intercourse. It's good that you have them with oral sex. I think you just need to get used to a skillful partner. It would help if your partner knew how to stimulate you in intercourse.

I am way too young but I really want to masturbate and I don't know where my clitoris is and I use objects but it doesn't help. Am I too young? (age 10)

I've heard of lots of girls masturbating at your age or younger. Most start when they find their private parts without help. Some get help from friends, sisters, or media. The clitoris is at the top of your vulva just inside the outer labia. I think you're too young for objects.

What can I use to finger myself other then my hands and dildos or vibrator? I love to masturbate and sometimes I use a banana. (age 16)

You should read the rest of this page for ideas. Technically, if you use something other than your fingers, you're not fingering yourself, are you?

Can you recommend any websites that would show me what to do in masturbating? I don't think I'm very good at it. (age 15)

It's my policy not to recommend other websites, but you might look into some books by Betty Dodson. You might learn more by doing a search on that name.

I masturbate in the shower with water. Is that normal? I get orgasms too. (age 13)

Many females masturbate with running water.

Whenever I masturbate, I always begin by parting my lips at the top and then I use my left hand to keep my lips apart and to pull the skin a little towards my belly button (this feels good and makes it easier to get to my clitoris). With my right forefinger, I carefully place the tip of my finger on the hood just behind the tip of my clit. I stroke my clit up and down the shaft of my clit through its hood, sometimes very quickly, but I stop if I feel like I'm going to climax. After I calm down, I start stroking again, and then I stop, over and over. After about 10 or 15 minutes, I can't take it any more, and I stroke very quickly until I climax. The pleasure is so intense that my entire body goes rigid, and it's very hard to keep quiet! I was wondering if this is a common way to masturbate. (I should note one benefit of doing it this way is that it's not at all messy because I never stick my finger into my vagina and get it wet.) (age 19)

Yes, most women masturbate externally.

I disagree with you regarding running water vs intercourse. The sensation is definitely different than that of intercourse but whether it is better or more intense would be debatable. I certainly don't think there's a danger of it replacing pleasure from intercourse unless it becomes the only way a girl can reach orgasm. (age 31)

Thanks for your comment! I acknowledge that women can masturbate in more ways than men can without it disaffecting their sexuality. The advice I gave was to a teenage girl who was new to orgasm. I would be less cautious in advising an older woman who already knew how to bring herself to orgasm and was experienced with intercourse.

At what age do girls first have an orgasm. I love your site! (female, age 13)

Why, thank you! While nearly all boys first ejaculate at around age 13, there is no easy answer for when girls first have orgasms. It is probably a couple years later for the average girl than for the average boy, but many girls have their first orgasm before puberty. As many as a quarter of females have not had an orgasm by age 18, something that is unheard of in males.

I don't have my period yet, but I masturbate periodically. Is it OK? Will it make my period come quicker? Is it normal to be sexually aroused before I get my period? I LOVE MASTURBATING! (age 13)

Many females start masturbating before they have their period. It will not make your period come sooner.

Is it common for females to masturbate by stroking their clitoris through its hood with NO natural or artificial lubrication whatsoever? (That's MY method!) Thank you for your very educational site! (age 19)

Yes, I think that is fairly common. You might find it more comfortable to use some lube.

I am 14 years old and when I was about 7, my mom was in medical school. Once I was reading through one of her books and looking at all the pictures and I saw a picture of a woman having a baby. Seeing her vagina, I started to have a tingling feeling in my clitoris and I just went to my room and started to explore myself a bit. Then I started to rub my clitoris and I was totally fascinated by how good it felt so I bunched up a corner of my comforter and started to lay on it and rub my clitoris on it. After a little while of doing this I got this funny feeling that I needed to go faster and then I had that tingly sensation again but stronger this time and only for about 3 seconds. Please tell me that wasn't an orgasm. Wasn't I too young? Is it unhealthy for me to do that? I still do it now and then. Should I stop? Thanks, and your site is really helpful.

It was an orgasm. Congratulations! You achieved at 7 what some women in their 40s struggle to do. It's not unhealthy to masturbate, but I'd advise you to learn to do it on your back. The prone masturbation (TMS) you're doing has been shown to cause severe sexual problems in males, and my own my research suggests that it might cause problems for females too.

When I was 8 years old, I was sexually molested by my father's best friend. (There was no coitus, only oral sex.) I went into therapy for three years. Perhaps I masturbate face down because of this? (female, age 13 years 11.8 months)

I'm sorry you had to endure that. I've never heard of anyone developing TMS as a result of sexual trauma, but it may have had an impact. You can always unlearn the prone masturbation. And happy early birthday!

I started to masturbate about a year and a half ago and I like it but I don't know when I have had an orgasm. How will I know? How long will it last? Can you please just fill me in in on that. Thank you and I love the site!! It's so helpful! (age 16)

You'll feel some muscular contractions in your pelvis and your breathing will be interrupted. There is apt to be an overall feeling of unrestrained ecstasy that lasts about eight seconds. Good luck.

Is using a vibrator in the anus bad? How about giving oral sex while he's driving? (female, age 19)

Personally, if I had a vulva, I wouldn't want a vibrator in it that had been in someone's anus. It's up to the owner. I think most men would have trouble controlling a car while having an orgasm.

What is the average amount of time that a female masturbates before she climaxes? What about a male?(age 17)

According to my female survey, 10 minutes, and my male survey, 10 minutes. Go figure.

Is it normal to masturbate 5 minutes after you masturbated the first time? (female, age 16)

For a girl, that sounds OK to me. Guys have to wait longer than that, you know.

Why do we get horny when we see naked pictures? (female, age 14)

Certain sights, sounds, thoughts, or even smells make your body get ready to have sex.

I have been masturbating for years now, since I was about 13. I do fine when I just use external methods and I am usually fine with one finger, but if I use any other objects like markers, it hurts. What can I do to stop the pain? (age 19)

You might gradually move from one finger to two, and then three. You need to get used to the feeling of vaginal penetration. I assume you have never had intercourse.

I have been masturbating for about a year now and I use my fingers. I can only fit two fingers in. When you say some girls use hairbrush handles, do you mean to rub the clit or insert inside? Do guys prefer a girl shaved? (age 14)

Girls who masturbate with brush handles insert them into their vaginas. I think most guys prefer unshaved, or neatly trimmed. Fully shaved is prickly, like a guy's 5 o'clock shadow. I hope it's a long time before you have to deal with that.

When I masturbate and get an orgasm I want to continue rubbing my clit but it's like the orgasm has gone away. It doesn't hurt or anything. Is it bad to keep rubbing after I've had an orgasm? What exactly is a climax? Is it when you can't take it anymore that you have to stop? (age 16)

The orgasm has gone away because it's over. Most girls can't keep masturbating after their orgasm because their parts get so sensitive. Climax is an old-fashioned word meaning the peak of a female's sexual excitement. It was more commonly used in the days before it was established by Masters & Johnson that women in fact have orgasms which closely parallel male orgasms.

Is it unhealthy for females to masturbate externally even if in excess? I masturbate 20 times a month, mostly out of memory of hot pics or videos or hot encounters with my boyfriend. Although I'm a heterosexual virgin Middle Eastern, the image of naked women excites me more than naked men. Is it normal? I also get enraged and filled with regret and guilt and my self esteem drops after each time I do it. I get so mad I can kill someone. (age 22)

Nothing in excess is healthy. I don't think 20 times a month is excessive. Some (not most) heterosexual women describe the feeling you have about naked women. Try masturbating about twice a week and see if the guilt feelings go away. You shouldn't be guilty or enraged.

Is it good to masturbate anally? I've gotten bored with just my clit and I started just touching around my anus and lately I've been sticking my finger in. It doesn't hurt. Is that good or bad? (age 16)

You'll have to decide where you like to be touched. Keep in mind that the clitoris and vagina get more stimulation in intercourse than the anus.

If I had my period would masturbating be a good thing? Internally or externally? (age 16)

You'll have to decide. Some girls can't stand getting blood on their hands. It can't hurt to masturbate with your period. You'll also have to decide someday whether you'll have intercourse with your period, or do other things with partners.

I feel I am ready emotionally and physically to masturbate, but I don't get a good enough feeling when I rub my clitoris. It ends too fast. I just started to venture inside, but I don't get an orgasm and the strange spongy texture inside kind of creeps me out and turns me off. I realize that I need a dildo or something, yet it'd be much too risky to get one through the mail, and I certainly can't ask my mother or siblings. How, or what can I use to get a good orgasm with items lying around the house? (age 14)

I think you should give your fingers another chance. Not every girl (or boy) has an orgasm the first time she or he masturbates. Just relax and try to create a good feeling. It would be premature to experiment with objects until you can masturbate manually.

Are the same orgasm sensations someone gets when they are masturbating the same when someone is having sex involving a penis? (age 16, female)

According to Masters and Johnson, the landmark sex researchers on the subject of orgasms, they are the same, but many people -- men and especially women -- observe qualitative differences. Certainly, the overall sexual experience of intercourse is different from the overall sexual experience of masturbating.

Is it OK to get multiple orgasms while masturbating? When I have one orgasm I always go back for more and get another one. I hear it's not common. (age 16)

It's very OK! Everyone who reads this will wish they were you!

I am 14 and I have been masturbating as long as I can remember. I recently started engaging in sexual intercourse (protected!!) and I have now found it's harder for me to get off by just fingering myself so I started inserting markers. Is this normal?

It sounds pretty normal, but you should work on getting by with less stimulation rather than more.

When I rub my clitoris it feels good, but if I stick my finger or a tampon in my vagina, I don't get any feeling. I feel it going in and out, but it doesn't excite me. If I do them both at the same time I get a very small orgasm. Is this normal and what can I do to have a bigger orgasm? (age 15)

You should work at being orgasmic from your clitoris before moving on to internal masturbation. I think your orgasms will get better with practice.

I just started masturbating because of private reasons. I was wondering if it's normal to feel pain afterward and discomfort. (age 13)

No, it isn't. You should figure out what you're doing wrong and be more gentle in the future. Any reason for masturbating is a private reason.

I've been masturbating with running water for at least 3 years. It gives me a lot of pleasure. The problem is that I let the water run at high speed at my clitoris until I get an orgasm. But afterward I get horrible pain there and also a headache. Is it a migraine? Does masturbating make you look older? What are other ways of masturbating? (age 17)

Masturbating with running water is not good because it habituates you to a form of stimulation you won't be able to get in intercourse. Your way is especially bad because it's causing you pain. I don't think it's a migraine headache, but only a doctor could say for sure. (Migraine headaches can last for days and often cause nausea and vomiting.) You should read through my pages for females for more ideas on how to do it. I don't think masturbating makes you look older, and I don't think there would be any way to prove it anyway. For what it's worth, I've always looked younger than my age, and I ... well, never mind.

I've been masturbating for about a year now and what that whitish fluid coming out of my vagina when I orgasm? (age 16)

It might be the elusive female ejaculation. You could be in demand as a research subject if you could masturbate to orgasm in a laboratory with someone watching.

Can I masturbate or have sex when I have my period? (age 16)

Whether you masturbate is completely up to you. Lots of females enjoy it with their period. You'll have to work sex out with your partner. Some men don't like having sex with a menstruating woman.

Is it OK if I use an electric toothbrush as a vibrator? I always wash it off. (age 14)

I hope it isn't one others in your family use! It would be better if you got to know yourself better with your own hands at your age. But a lot of girls your age use toothbrushes.

I love the idea of masturbation and try external masturbation, but it doesn't seem to have an effect on me. If I try running water on my vulva, will it give me a better feeling than my fingers? If I get a good feeling from it, will it harm my chances of getting stimulation during intercourse in the future? Is masturbation something to feel guilty or ashamed of? (age 12)

You shouldn't be ashamed. Don't give up on external masturbation so soon. I think you should avoid running water at least for now. It's good that you're thinking about the consequences of your sexual behavior.

I feel like I really want sexual pleasure. I masturbated externally since last year, and now it's boring. I want to have oral sex or sexual intercourse, but I have no one to have it with. Am I too young? How can I get more pleasure? (age 14)

I think you are too young. You need to explore your fantasies more when you masturbate so it won't be boring. Although mostly a male thing, some females look at pictures.

I am a beginner with masturbation and have been trying to masturbate externally once a week for a month. After about five minutes, it hurts and I do not have an orgasm. My clit is sensitive, even when I gently rub the area AROUND it. Please tell me what to do. (age 12)

Using lubrication is apt to help with the sensitivity. Try to find a place to touch that feels good and go from there.

When will I start to come when I masturbate?

You don't say how old you are, but it's mostly a matter of time and patience. Relax and try to focus on enjoying the masturbating by itself, and orgasms will come eventually.

Is it unhealthy to masturbate with a pillow because my period is 3 months late and I think it is because of that. (age 15)

I recommend heavily against masturbating that way, but it isn't affecting your period.

What position should I always masturbate in? Which one is better? I usually do it lying down. (age 16)

I don't know if it's better, but most girls masturbate on their backs. Next most popular is sitting. I advise against face-down.

I love masturbating. I do it every night, but after a few nights, I realize that the pleasure isn't as good. Why is that? (age 12)

It gets routine. You might enjoy it more if you didn't do it so often. But you also might miss it if you didn't do it every night. You'll just have to find the right balance with more practice.

When I masturbate I use a corner of a bed but when I use my hand or pillow it hurts. How can I get off the corner of a bed and go back to using my hand without it hurting? Is there any way I can make my period come sooner because everyone I know has their period and I'm the only one who doesn't. I love your web site! I thought I was the only girl who masturbated at my age till I came to this site. (age 13)

Don't worry about your period. It will come soon enough, and then you'll be wishing it hadn't. You just need to practice the right technique to not make it hurt. Find the spot to touch that doesn't hurt and work on that. Your hand is much easier to control than the corner of a mattress!

After I masturbate, I feel guilty about masturbating at all and guilty for not telling my mom. (age 12)

There's no reason to tell your mom. She probably masturbates herself and doesn't tell you ... or her mom.

What is a lube? Where can I get it? Am I too old for it? What does it do and does it increase sexual pleasure? What kind of muscle contractions should I feel in orgasm? (age 12)

You can buy the kind of lube made for sex at drug and discount stores, like Wal-Mart, Target, Walgreens, CVS, etc. They are sold next to the condoms. Some brands are K-Y Liquid, Astroglide, and Wet. There are also store brands. It keeps you from hurting your sensitive parts while masturbating. You should feel contractions inside your pelvis. Your breathing might also be interrupted, like jumping into a cold pool.

How can I tell if I have gotten an orgasm? I don't feel any intense pleasure at all in my vulva. (age 14)

You will know when it happens. Just relax and try to enjoy the feelings you're getting and eventually you will have an orgasm.

I feel nothing whatsoever when I masturbate. I explored my whole body and besides my ticklish spots, there are no spots that give me sexual pleasure. Maybe It's because I'm distracted. My room doesn't have a lock, so I masturbate in my bathroom. I turn the lights low, take off my clothes, put on the heating in the room, and lie on my back on a towel. I feel no sensation at all. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to masturbate internally. Should I change my settings? How can I get a lube? (age 12)

Wouldn't it be great if we could change our settings like a piece of software? You might give your bedroom a try. You don't need to be completely nude. If someone walked in they might not figure out what you're doing. Might read the rest of this page for lube ideas.

I love this site. I love to masturbate, unfortunately I'm not able to buy a vibrator because I'm too young. I do it with my fingers. I start and I get tingly, but my legs start to shake and I rub my clit stronger and stronger until I can't stand the feeling anymore when my legs shake. So I don't have an orgasm. Tell me please what to do to keep my self rubbing and not to end. (age 15)

You might hold your legs as stiff as you can. That's what many males do too. You should focus more on a sexual fantasy and less on the feeling in your clitoris.

I'm 14 and I love to masturbate, but the thing is, my mam thinks it's 'self-harm.' Is that true? I love to masturbate, but what can I do when I'm on my period?

It's not harmful. I think it's healthful. Lots of girls find ways to keep masturbating even with their periods. Any suggestions, readers?

This is for the person who asked what can she do when she has her period. I find it very satisfying when I'm about to take a bath to sit froggy style and masturbate internally so when I drip I'll just use water to cleanse. Another suggestion is to sit on the toilet with your legs spread out and masturbate internally or externally. You might put something on your hands like a medical glove or a condom if you dont like the smell of blood. (age 16)

Do orgasms last longer for males than females when they are masturbating? I've seen men in porn moan much longer than women. (age 16)

It's about eight seconds for both seconds. If anything, I'd say women have an easier time making it last longer. You shouldn't judge sex by porn. It's not real.

Is TMS safe during pregnancy? I have used the method since 8 years old and it's my sure-fire way of reaching orgasm. I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and wonder if putting pressure on my pelvic area would harm the baby. (age 32)

I don't think TMS is ever safe, but I doubt it would harm the baby, especially at your stage. The question of whether TMS is bad for women is still open, but I would advise you to quit. I can understand your not wanting to make such changes at this stressful time in your life, but it might be easier for you to switch to normal masturbation now and then you won't have to worry about harming the baby when you're closer to delivery.

When I was about 11-12 years old, I tried inserting a marker in and out of my vagina. There was no pain or pleasure involved. I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. Is there something wrong? And whenever I reach an orgasm after masturbation white sticky clumps come out. Is that normal? (age 13)

It takes most girls a long time to develop orgasmic ability. It sounds like you've done it. You might try the marker again now. Lots of girls have fluids come out after an orgasm. It seems pretty normal.

Can preteen girls lubricate vaginally?

Yes.

I masturbate every day but nothing happens. I can't feel anything. What should I do? (age 12)

Try to relax and focus more on what you're doing. It would help to do it less often until you can have an orgasm. Also, make sure you're touching the area around the clitoris. You should feel at least something by doing that.

Sometimes I feel like like masturbating a few times a day and sometimes none. Is that normal? How often can someone masturbate in one day? (female, age 17)

It's pretty normal for sexual desire to fluctuate from day to day. I don't know what the record is, but females can masturbate more than males because males have a refractory period following ejaculation during which they can't get an erection.

I've been masturbating externally for about a year. It used to feel so good, and I'd do it all the time, but now it's not so good and I don't feel as horny. Is this normal? Are there other ways to masturbate to make it feel better? I don't want to insert fingers in my vagina. (age 13)

Sorry to hear you're bored with masturbation so soon! You'd probably enjoy it more if you didn't do it as often. See if that makes a difference.

How can I masturbate without using a lube or without doing vaginal? (age 13)

Most girls rub the area around the clitoris. Lube can be nice but it's not necessary.

This is embarrassing, but how can you tell when you have an orgasm. I masturbate all the time but never really know if I had one or not. Please help. (age 17)

When you have an orgasm, you will feel a series of muscular contractions inside your pelvis, possibly involving your vaginal walls. You might have the urge to vocalize (moan, scream) and your breathing might be interrupted, kind of like when you jump into cold water. Your nipples will erect.

How long is an average masturbation session? After I take my fingers/object out it still feels like something is in there. What causes this? When something is in my vagina, I can't feel it, except in a good way, but when I take it out, sometimes it kind of hurts. (age 13)

According to the survey of females done here, the average female session is 10 minutes long, although most take 7 minutes or less. Your vagina is probably reacting to the sustained pressure. If it feels good, you have nothing to worry about, but if it doesn't, perhaps you're removing the objects too quickly.

Is it ok to masturbate with a soft toy? (age 14)

It's better if you stroke with it instead of thrust against it.

I found your page tonight, luckily. I'm embarrassed to be asking you this, but I need to know. I'm almost sure I've reached orgasm. My nipples were erect, I felt a small rush, then I released for a good 5 seconds, and afterward I felt sensitive. However, I was expecting something more urgent, or maybe even explosive. I'm not really one to judge (if it is what I thought), it was my first. Anyway, are there such things as a relaxed orgasm? I did not moan, I try to keep quiet while experiencing pleasure. Did I have my first orgasm? It felt wonderful, but I'm not sure if it was. Thank you so much! It's nice to know that there are actual people who can help teens and adults understand so much more about themselves; and not to feel ashamed about it. (age 15)

It sounds like an orgasm. Not all are explosive. Now that you know how to have one, you can have others, and you will note how they vary in intensity.

Whenever I'm in my dad's garage and no one is around I get my dad's electric sander, take the sand paper off and hold the sander up against my labia and clitoris and it gives me the best orgasms ever. Is this going to hurt me? I still masturbate manually and that feels great as well but the sander brings me to orgasm in about 1 minute and manually it takes me about 6 minutes. (age 15)

Six minutes is pretty good, and masturbating with a power tool is very dangerous. You should only use a vibrator made for masturbating, but you seem pretty good with your hands.

Do girls 5-10 years of age masturbate? Do they get the same sensations as adults? And is sexual intercourse possible at such young ages?

Yes, some although not many do. They probably don't have the same intensity of sensation as a post-pubescent female. Yes, sexual intercourse is possible since the vagina is designed to stretch.

The other day my boyfriend was giving me oral sex and when I orgasmed a murky liquid came out of my urethra. It didnt smell like urine but I was embarrassed. My boyfriend said I ejaculated, but I didn't think girls could do that. (age 17)

A lot of sex researchers say they can't either, but your boyfriend may be right.

I used to push the corners of beds,couches and tables into my privates when I was about 4, and ever since then I lie on my stomach and put both my hands down on my vulva and push my body down, and I get a great orgasm. I can never get an orgasm when I push my fingers or anything inside, pushing above my vagina is the only way I know how to masturbate. Is this wrong? How should a female masturbate? (age 14)

You are masturbating externally, although you're using a lot of force by rubbing against those objects. You would be better off masturbating with your hands. You can still masturbate externally, which is how most females masturbate.

My clitoris is really not very sensitive. I don't react in the way that other people describe. What's wrong? Short of seeing a doctor or specialist, what can I do? (age 15)

It might be more sensitive with the right kind of stimulation beforehand (i.e. foreplay). Try to enjoy the sensitivity you have and learn to make it better.

I have been masturbating for about 4 years now. For my 15th birthday, my mom bought me a small vibrator. Once when I was masturbating I had a particularly strong orgasm and some fluid squirted out of my vagina. It felt really good. Is this normal? (age 18)

It's kind of rare, actually. So are mothers like yours.

What does the word orgasm mean? (age 15)

Might read the glossary.

Sometimes when I masturbate, I start slow then go faster. Just yesterday I did and I felt like I had to urinate. Was that an orgasm coming? Next time I feel that should I continue instead of stop? (age 15)

It might have been an orgasm about to happen. Next time, don't stop. It's a good idea to urinate before you masturbate so you won't be bothered by those feelings.

Every time I have my period and try to masturbate it takes so much longer to reach an orgasm than when I'm not menstruating. I takes me at least 10 to 15 minutes to reach an orgasm when I have my period whereas when I don't it takes me at least 2 or 3 minutes. I would like to know if this is normal and is it common for most women? I know since you're a guy you probably wouldn't know the right answer so if it's possible, could I get a female opinion? (age 16)

Thank you for your confidence in me. You might be self-conscious. Could you be taking a remedy for menstrual cramps that causes delayed orgasm? Here is the female opinion you requested: It shouldn't take longer for you to reach orgasm while menstruating. It's my experience that women are generally pretty horny at that time of the month. However, it has traditionally been taboo to touch one's privates while menstruating. A lot of women feel unclean and mentally there is some stigma that might make it harder to relax and enjoy oneself. Some also might worry about making a mess or getting her hands bloody. Standard OTC cramp remedies ought not cause orgasmic difficulty. Remember, women are often edgy with their periods, and many things -- including falling asleep -- can take longer than normal. Since orgasm is a physical release of built-up tension, when one is more tense than usual, it may take longer to release that tension.

If someone has been masturbating for a year and she hasn't had an orgasm, how much longer will it take? How many more times does she have to masturbate, and how many minutes each time? (age 13)

For some reason, it takes many females a long time to get to orgasm. Many women who start masturbating at puberty report they didn't have orgasms until they were much older, like 18-20, sometimes even older. You should try to enjoy the feelings you're having and make a continuous effort to know your body better. I don't think a specific number of minutes is indicated. Orgasms will come eventually. My female correspondent says:

I didn't learn to have an orgasm until I stopped holding my breath. When you feel like you're close, you tense up and hold your breath. It wasn't until I forced myself to start breathing deeply at that point that I could let myself finally go over the edge. Make sure you're not instinctively holding your breath. That might help the sensations intensify.

I masturbate once during my period and now I feel pain at my uterus and vagina what could it be and what should I do? (age 18)

If the pain is from masturbating, you should take it a little easier. Perhaps masturbate externally. Otherwise, I don't know. Pain isn't good. I will refer this to my female correspondent.

Sometimes when I masturbate and reach orgasm, especially when I have my period, I get pelvic pain. Sometimes it goes away quickly, and other times it stays for up to 15 minutes and hurts pretty badly. I assume this isn't normal? (age 20)

No, it isn't. Could it be vaginismus? It might be something to talk to your OB/GYN about.

How many fingers is it safe to put in my vagina while masturbating? Sometimes I masturbate in the shower. Is that ok to do? I get really horny but sometimes it's really confusing! (age 14)

I've heard of girls putting both hands in. It's better to use as few as possible to get the job done. Most people masturbate in the shower, at least sometimes.

I masturbate with my clothes on. Is this normal? (female, age not specified)

Presumably you bare enough to touch the right places? I don't think it matters. Most people remove enough clothes that they feel comfortable. Taking your pants off makes it easier to move your legs. Teenage boys are known to jump into bed right after school and masturbate quickly, removing little if any clothing (or shoes).

I was with these two guys I know and my female friend. The masturbating topic came up, and my friend said, "don't tell me you two have never masturbated?" The guys said it was gross. I asked my friend if she does. She said no and that girls don't really do that. Why haven't these guys tried it? Are they lying? (age 12)

At your age, many boys and most girls haven't tried it. If they have, they're probably embarrassed to talk about it. Most people don't have honest conversations about masturbation in mixed company until they're over 25. It was not good for you and your friend to question people about it like that in public.

I don't really understand the whole stimulating and lubricating thing. What is it? If I stick an object in my vagina, do I have to do something first? I'm not sure where to insert my finger? Is it where you take out a tampon? Please help. (age 13)

All these questions tell that you're not ready for internal masturbation. You should continue masturbating externally (if you do) and perhaps going inside will make more sense in a year or two.

I'm 14, and I've had orgasms many times. But never have I came. My orgasms are very short, and I sometimes but rarely let discharge out. And neither my boyfriend nor I make can make me cum. Is something wrong with me because I can orgasm but not cum?

I think you're not understanding something. Orgasm and coming are the same thing, especially in females. You shouldn't expect a discharge. Males almost always have a discharge (ejaculation) with orgasm but it is rare in females.

My cousin taught me how to masturbate by humping the side of a bed or chair. We do this together sometimes. Is this wrong? We never get naked and we tell each other not to look. How can I tell if I have broken my hymen? (age 15)

I think masturbating together is wrong, and I think masturbating by humping furniture is very bad for you. It may make you unable to have orgasms when you someday have sex with a partner. I suggest you quit this practice and tell your cousin to do so too. (And anyone else she may have told.) You can examine your hymen with a mirror by lying on your back and spreading your vulvar lips apart.

How can I finger myself without bleeding? (age 12)

It would be better if you stuck to external masturbation at this point. Going internally, no matter how gently, is apt to produce bleeding.

I seem to have quick, weak orgasms. It takes a minute or less for me to be finished. I don't groan or make noise, like some women do. I use plastic wrap or a zipper-type bag. (It is nice and smooth.) I put my vulva over it and hump it face down. Because my masturbating takes so little time, I do it more often than other girls, I guess. I masturbate almost every day. I started pretty early too (masturbating, not orgasms). Could this have something to do with how strong my orgasms are now? (age 13)

You should expect orgasms to be fairly weak at your age. I think you'd have more control over your orgasms if you stopped masturbating face down and started masturbating on your back with your hands.

Is it true that people only have a certain number of orgasms preset before they die? I read something or head something about that in a science magazine or radio show. I'm not too sure. Have you heard about that? (age 16)

It's not true. Your orgasmic capacity is limited only by your life expectancy.

I don't masturbate all that much. When I do, I masturbate internally with my fingers or a hairbrush. I've never had an orgasm. Is there something I'm not doing right? Is there some advice you can give me to achieve an orgasm? (age 16)

Masturbating externally -- stimulating the clitoral region and the labia minora -- is how most females learn to orgasm. Rubbing the area around the clitoris is often more effective than stimulating the clitoris directly because it's so sensitive. It's also important to focus mentally on something that you find enjoyable.

Is it weird to be masturbating and then defecate when you climax?

It indicates a lack of control over your anal sphincter at the point of orgasm. You might need to learn some exercises to gain that control. Congratulations on your powerful orgasms, but you will want to be finished with that long before you try sex with a partner.

I've been masturbating ever since I was nine but recently I decide to try vaginal stimulation but didn't achieve an orgasm. Could you please tell me a way to achieve orgasm this way? (age 14)

You need to keep working at it. But why switch to internal masturbation when you know how to masturbate to orgasm externally?

I tried to rub my clitoris several times but didn't feel anything. Is it normal? (age 14)

It helps a lot to be in a relaxed state and aroused by something when you try to masturbate for the first time. Come to think of it, it helps every time. Don't give up so easily.

What can I do to make masturbation more interesting only using my fingers? (age 18)

If it's boring you, perhaps you're doing it too often. Using pictures or other material you find arousing heightens the experience for most people.

I've been masturbating very frequently for about a year now, and I've been using the shower head method because that's how I first orgasmed when I was little. I have trouble orgasming manually, and I'm worried I may be causing problems for myself that I'll have to deal with later (like not being able to have normal intercourse). I usually go for about a half hour before I really orgasm. I think it's because I'm stressed out or distracted, but is there something wrong with me? When I focus I can get there really fast and from I've read, I think I have multiple orgasms. Is there anything wrong with masturbating once a day? (age 14)

I don't think there's anything wrong with you, and once a day sounds very nice. You've learned the importance of mental focus to successful masturbation. Therefore, you should not try to masturbate when you're distracted. It's a good idea to learn to masturbate manually and probably to give up the shower head method for good.

Will masturbating at a young age make you less sensitive and able to have orgasms when you actually have sex? I have never used my hands and always rubbed objects against myself. Do you think this makes any difference? (age 16)

The young age doesn't hurt and might even make you more likely to have orgasms in intercourse. Learning to respond to your hands would be a good thing.

I can't figure out how to have an orgasm. Masturbating makes me feel horny but how do I have my orgasm? What can I use to make me have it? (age 11)

Just enjoy what you're doing now and don't worry about having an orgasm. They'll come in time.

Is it all right to masturbate while you have your period? (age 12)

Yes, and many females find it helps relieve cramps.

I'm not very expressive in the bedroom (alone or with my guy). I really want to loosen up and express how much I'm enjoying something, but I've gotten so used to staying quiet in my house that I think it's just habit. Any tips? (age 18)

You might practice where you know no one will hear you. It might be a fear of being heard that inhibits you. You might try being more vocal sometime when you (or you and your partner) are home alone together then see how it feels. Don't worry about someone hearing you so much; they would probably be jealous.

I have a very big sex drive all the time. I masturbate at least 5 times every day. Am I too young to be this way? I always have sexual fantasies, and can't keep myself off myself. (lol) I know masturbation is a healthy act (which no one ever told me), but I fear I do it too much. Could I be hurting myself? (age 13)

I think five times a day is too much. You'd probably enjoy it more if you did it less often. I doubt you're hurting yourself.

This is a great site you have! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now, and I find it hard to have an orgasm during sex unless I stimulate myself externally at the same time. When I feel like I'm about to orgasm from him penetrating me, it's only when he is about to orgasm and he ends up coming first. Is there something I can do to orgasm before him so I don't have to rely on external masturbation to do so? (age 22)

Lots of women masturbate while they're having intercourse, or they ask their partners to stimulate them with their hands. You shouldn't be embarrassed about doing this. Hands are usually the fastest route to orgasm. You probably shouldn't try to have mutual orgasm in your case. It would be better if your partner could bring you to orgasm manually or orally, and then satisfy himself vaginally.

If I masturbate all the time with a Jacuzzi jet and bathtub faucet does that mean that I will never enjoy sex? (age 14)

The feelings you get from masturbating with running water cannot be replicated in sexual intercourse, so if you can only orgasm from running water, you will probably never have an orgasm from intercourse. It's better if you can learn to masturbate using only the gentle touch of your hands.

I masturbate at least 5 times a week. It's been harder for me to get an orgasm, though I always do. It used to be easier a year ago. I don't know what turns me on. What should I think about? (age 13)

If you can have an orgasm every time, think about what you do right before the orgasm comes. That's the best way to know. And try to relax more.

What's the difference between just getting off and having an orgasm? How would a girl know? (age 15)

"Getting off" means having an orgasm. You'll know when you have one because of an intense throbbing that occurs inside your pelvis, accompanied by a change in your breathing pattern. I tell girls they're breathing will be like you suddenly jumped into a cold pool.

I asked you if I should stop masturbating prone and you said yes. But I just can't stop. Whenever I masturbate I always do it in this fashion. I've tried lying on my back but I never get an orgasm. What should I do? (age 13)

A lot of girls your age have never had an orgasm. Just keep at it, and I'm sure you'll figure it out soon.

What exactly arouses girls? Guys are aroused mostly by good looking girls. Are girls aroused by good looking guys, personality traits, or just being touched? Does how attractive the guy is affect sex with them? How much? Also, when they masturbate, do they normally fantasize like guys do? (male, age 16)

As I stated earlier, the main path to arousal for females is touch. Being attractive or personality traits don't make that much difference in female sexual response; however, they might make it more likely a female will let a particular male arouse her by touching her. Most females fantasize when they masturbate, but not all of them do. Almost all males fantasize when they masturbate.

Usually I masturbate in bed before I go to sleep and after I'm done I get really really sleepy and conk out within minutes! I can use it to my advantage if I can't get to sleep. I just masturbate and I'm out. (age 15)

Sexual activity is a soporific (sleep-inducer). You seem to have it down pretty good. I think that's a good thing.

Is it true that a female's skin glows after orgasms? For how long? Can anyone actually tell if you have had an orgasm? (age 15)

Both men and women may experience flushing after orgasm. It only lasts about 10 minutes. Sex flush might be a clue to someone that you have had an orgasm, but no one can tell solely on the basis of that since other things cause flushing too.

I'm almost 14 and I started to masturbate maybe 5 months ago. Every time I masturbate I don't feel anything. Rubbing feels nice but not enough to please me. When I stick my finger in, I don't feel much. Recently I tried using a candle but when I feel something like a tingle it lasts only a second or two. Why don't I feel pleasure when I masturbate? (age 13)

You haven't gotten used to having sexual feelings yet. It's good that you get a tingle for a second or two. Be gentle and work on that spot some more.

Do the nipples ALWAYS erect when you get an orgasm? Mine only do sometimes. They tend to erect more when I masturbate prone (I recently switched to lying on my back) so my nipples aren't erect as much? Why is this? Is it because I just switched? (age 17)

The nipples generally erect when a female has an orgasm. Perhaps you're not having true orgasms. Nipples are more likely to erect when lying prone because of the friction against them, not because of the orgasm. But keep at it. Don't worry if you're not having a full fledged orgasm every time. Just try to enjoy what you are feeling.

I heard there is something called the Venus Butterfly that gives a girl a one hour orgasm. Is this trick real and how does it work? (age 15)

No, it isn't. It was made up for the TV show "L.A. Law" more than 15 years ago. Supposedly the "Venus Butterfly" was how a polygamist got many beautiful women to marry him. A few seconds of orgasm is enough for most people anyway.

What does an orgasm feel like? (age 16)

The main feeling is a series of muscular contractions inside your body just above your genitals. You might also notice a change in your breathing pattern, as if you had just jumped into a cold pool. Many people feel the need to scream or moan (what sex educators call "vocalizing") as a result.

I have a big problem and I don�t know how can I solve it. All girls and boys come here and say masturbation is really good and they can�t stop it. But I feel nothing. When I masturbate it seems like I try to find my sexual spot but I reach nothing. I can�t make pleasure myself, and even with my boyfriend, I feel nothing that make me horny. I love my boyfriend we want to get married in future but without having a successful sex feeling, how can I? I would give all I have to feel one time horny & hot. Please help me! By the way, today is my birthday. (age 20)

You might need to see a doctor. On the other hand, many women didn't start having orgasms until they were your age or older. You ought to just start slow, with some touches that feel good. Don't worry about being "horny and hot" or not. Just make it feel good. Then you can work your way up to more sexual touches. Be very relaxed and comfortable when your boyfriend touches you. Don't base your expectations on people who write me. Just try to make yourself feel a little better than when you started. Oh, and happy birthday!

Will masturbation make you less sensitive? Which one would feel more pleasure during sex? A girl who's never masturbated or one who has?

Masturbation won't make you less sensitive but it will make you more in touch with what you like. I believe females who masturbate enjoy sex more.

When you finger yourself or get fingered, what should happen? (age 15)

It's supposed to feel good. If it doesn't, then you should figure out what you're doing wrong and try again. This relates to the previous question. It's easier to enjoy what someone else is doing to you when you know what you're doing yourself.

I'm on many medications for depression, ADHD, and anxiety. My therapist told me that one of them makes it hard for males to orgasm. I guess she was assuming that I don't masturbate, but I do. I think that all of my medications have made me unable to come. I go from feeling pretty good, to feeling even better, to feeing very good. Then right when I feel like I'm about to have an amazing orgasm, I stop short and can't go any further. Sometimes I become aggressive and rub my clitoris harder so that I can come, but it is to no avail. This is very frustrating and upsetting to me. Will I never feel an orgasm? (age 17)

A lot of girls your age who aren't on many medications have never had an orgasm. Don't be discouraged. For now, try to enjoy masturbating even if you can't have an orgasm. You might also ask your therapist to prescribe medications with less chance of sexual side effects. You don't need to mention masturbation, but remember that your therapist probably masturbates too.

I masturbate quite frequently but don't think I reach orgasm. It takes me about 10 minutes, but I can't carry on because it becomes too sensitive. I can't get through this point. I want to carry on but I can't. (age 16)

It's best if you avoid the clitoris at that point. If you can keep stroking the area around the clitoris, or your inner labia, you might be able to bring yourself to a second climax, which might lead to a true orgasm.

When I masturbate, I end up getting contractions or throbbing down there. Is that an orgasm? A guy told me it was. I thought I would orgasm later in life. I don't know what it is but I've been able to do it since I was about 4. (age 13)

If it isn't an orgasm, it must be pretty close. That's good, to be able to reach orgasm at your age.

Why are female ejaculations a controversial subject? (age 14)

Because many scientists deny that there is such a thing. Other scientists -- and many women -- disagree. That many women have a release of fluid accompanying orgasm is not in dispute, but the doubting scientists disbelieve this is part of a process akin to male ejaculation.

I am 16 years old have never masturbated. Is this normal? Is it normal for me to get horny thinking about males and having sexual intercourse? }

Many girls your age have never masturbated. It's also normal to get sexually aroused by those thoughts. And it's normal to respond to sexual arousal by masturbating.

I've been having Internet sex with this guy all the time, but I never orgasm. Even when I'm alone thinking about guys and masturbating, I don't. What's wrong with me? (age 17)

A lot of girls your age have never had an orgasm. Be patient. It will happen soon. It would be better if you learned how on your own and only then experimented with phone and Internet sex.

How can I get some sort of sexual thought to turn me on? Sex just doesn't arouse me. I only get waves of an orgasm while masturbating. How can I get a full one? I think I had an orgasm in my sleep. Is that possible? (age 14)

You're still pretty young. I think you ought to give yourself a few more years to get an interest in sex. Most girls your age don't have even waves of orgasm, so you're ahead of the game. Just keep at it. And yes, it is possible for both boys and girls to have an orgasm in their sleep.

Is it OK to masturbate until I almost have an orgasm, then stop and wait a while, then get close again, then stop, and keep doing that? It really makes me aroused and I like to wait a long time before finishing. Afterward I feel kinda wiped out. (female, age 16)

It's better if you don't do that. In both males and females, arousal draws blood to your pelvis and then when you stop, the blood drains away, and so forth, and what you're doing is apt to cause a kind of sexual fatigue which feeds your "wiped out" feeling.

I have been sexually active since 18 with the same partner, but I never had an orgasm during intercourse. I only have an orgasm when masturbating. My boyfriend is wondering if he's doing anything wrong, but I think it's just me. Is there any way I can obtain an orgasm during intercouse? We have tried different positions, but nothing has worked. Thank you for your time. (age 21)

Many women your age cannot reach orgasm in vaginal intercourse. It might be more useful to teach your boyfriend to bring you to orgasm through manual or oral intercourse. Once he has been successful at making you orgasm that way, he is apt to be more responsive to you in vaginal intercourse.

Is it necessary for the female partner to have an orgasm during intercourse in order to conceive? (age 28)

No. Everyone over 40 was conceived when it was believed there was no such thing as a female orgasm.

Is it normal for me to play with my nipples (e.g., stroke, circle) while I masturbate? I love your site. It's answered a lot of my questions already. (age 14)

Yes. Many females do that.

I masturbate using objects but when it comes to using my fingers, I can't orgasm. Any tips? (age 17)

It would probably be easier to masturbate with your fingers when you haven't masturbated in a week or two.

Thanks for a great site! You lifted a heavy weight from my shoulders. I'm 29 and have been masturbating prone (with a pillow) since I can remember. I have never had an orgasm during intercourse and started masturbating around the age of 7 before I knew anything about sex. My partner is fantastic but my sex life is dull. I've been faking it to make him feel good before I realized it made things even worse. I've tried so many times to masturbate with fingers lying on my back. It's nice, but I never climax. I'm afraid I will never learn to masturbate the right way.

Just take your time. It helps if it's been a while since you've had an orgasm. It would be a good idea to tell your partner what you're going through.

I like to masturbate by placing a curling iron (not turned on, of course) in my vagina. Could this be damaging? Have you heard of others doing this? I also use the smaller end of a flashlight, and I especially like the ones with ridges. Would it be better if I put a condom on the end of these? (age 15)

Yes, I have heard of females using those kind of objects, but it would better if you could learn to respond to the lighter touch of your fingers. I don't know that condoms would make any difference.

I've been very shy about asking questions regarding my ability to orgasm. Each time I masturbate or have sex with my husband, I don't think I orgasm. When I masturbate my whole body gets stiff and I can't even move my fingers to continue. I can't cum because I get so stiff. When I have sex, it feels good, but I don't believe I cum. I don't get the tingly sensation that I read about. What can I do? How do I know when I cum? How can I get myself to continue past the rigid to cum? (age 25)

There are plenty of books out there to help women in your situation. The important thing is not to give up when you get stiff. Keep working on it. Lots of men get stiff right before they orgasm, and it happens to some women too. I think it would be easier to learn while masturbating rather than having intercourse.

Why do you have to spend several minutes inducing an orgasm? Why doesn't it just happen when you touch the right spot? Could you explain what happens when you keep rubbing yourself and why it doesn't happen more immediately? (age 20)

I don't know that there are answers to these questions, but I suspect that if orgasm were instantaneous, many people would never get any work done. Masters and Johnson proved that there is a pattern of sexual response that has to happen for an orgasm to occur. The rubbing gets your body to go through this pattern.

When I masturbate, I'll start to shake after a while. Is that normal? (age 15)

It happens to a lot of females. As you gain more control over your body, you are apt to shake less.

Thanks for all your help answering my questions over the past year! I have another: You say, and I agree, that using a vibrator instead of your hands is bad because that feeling cannot be replicated during sex. But you also think it's better for girls to masturbate externally rather than internally. But that feeling can't be replicated during sex either, right? (age 20)

No, the clitoris can be stimulated during intercourse either by a sexually experienced man positioning his penis in order to make contact, or by one of the partners using their hands. There might be more to it than simple genital contact. Females who masturbate externally seem to have a higher rate of orgasm during intercourse. So it might be something about the mental conditioning caused by internal masturbation that makes it harder for women who practice it to reach orgasm in intercourse.

When having sex, does it feel good for the female on the inside of the vagina too or only outside the vagina? (age 20)

Most like having both areas stimulated. They can both feel good.

I feel so funny reading about girls age 10-15 able to climax. I have never had a climax. Is this normal for my age? I have tried to masturbate a few times, but I get so frustrated that I don't know what I'm doing that I lose the excitement. Afterward I feel dumb for not knowing what to do. Is this normal? I also have this one movie character I fantasize about a lot. I just get goose bumps when I think of him. Is this normal or am I obsessing? You say to find more then one person to fantasize about, but how? (age 20)

I think you're normal. A lot of women your age have never masturbated to orgasm. Just keep trying. Focus on this screen star who turns you on. There's nothing wrong with that. Once you're experienced masturbating, I don't think you'll have trouble finding more fantasies that turn you on.

I'm a 16 year-old girl. I want to know how long should a girl masturbate to reach orgasm? How often do girls masturbate? Also, I've heard that the more sex you have, the more dark the colour of your vagina turns. Is that true? Your site answers a lot of the questions I was afraid to ask.

In the survey I've done of females for this web site, the average female masturbates 22 times a month and takes 10 minutes to do so. I think the colour thing is a myth.

I finger myself daily but cannot reach a full orgasm. (age 14)

Lots of girls your age don't have orgasms. Just enjoy the feelings you have and know they're apt to get better in the future.

I visited your web site for the first time and was very impressed. Once in a while I'll masturbate and I've tried using the faucet. I haven't put the water inside my vagina but I have put it on my clitoris. I appear a bit bruised down there. I haven't done it more than 12 times in 3 years. Will this affect me when I have sex? I also have a bit of trouble using tampons. Any suggestions? Thanks again for a great web site. I really appreciate it. (age 17)

Masturbating with water is ill-advised, but I doubt that 12 times would cause lasting damage. If you're getting bruised, you're overdoing it. Tampons take practice. I suspect you're not relaxed when you're trying to get them in. It might be less frustrating to use external protection until you're more comfortable with tampons.

I usually masturbate 2-3 times a day, but two weeks ago I masturbated 10 times in one day. I use a drop or two of Lubriderm lotion and rub circles on and around my clitoris. The last two weeks, my clit is so sore and it burns, though it's not enough to stop me from masturbating once a day still. This is not a bladder infection, as it feels very different. I am worried, but have no money to go see a doctor. Do you think it would stop burning if I could just leave myself alone for a few days? (age 34)

Your frequency is extreme, and I've never heard of a woman masturbating with hand lotion before. Either or both of those could contribute to your pain. You might try cutting back your frequency, as you suggest, or you might switch to a lube made especially for sex, such as Astroglide or K-Y Liquid.

I am 18 years old and have a lot of sex without a condom. I am almost always able to get wet and a lot of times I am able to orgasm. After I orgasm my boyfriend usually tells me that I am dry. I thought that women were supposed to get really wet during orgasm. Is there something wrong wtih me?

I doubt it. Women are supposed to get wet when they are aroused, but often the production of lubricant slows down or ceases by the time of orgasm. If it bothers you, you can stimulate yourself during intercourse in an effort to produce more lubricant. Of course, using a commercial lube is also an option.

I would like to say that I like your site a lot! It's really helpful! I've tried masturbating with my hands and I can never get an orgasm. But then I tried it with my shower head, and I DID get an orgasm. I wasn't sure if this was wrong or not. But now that I've done it with the shower head, I'm hooked. I don't know what to do! (age 13)

There is nothing morally wrong about masturbating with a shower head, but this will not help you grow sexually. You ought to go a couple of weeks without masturbating that way and concentrate on producing the same feelings you get from the running water with your hands. I think you will enjoy it a lot more than the shower.

Sometimes when I masturbate with the shower head, I get a powerful impulse to urinate. Is this normal and what can be done about it? (age 15)

If you're reading this site, you know I advise against masturbating with the shower head. Both males and females, especially when they're new to orgasm, have trouble distinguishing between the urge to orgasm and the urge to urinate. At any age, it's a good idea to urinate before masturbating so you not only won't have trouble with the urge, you won't be distracted by a full bladder. (Most males also like to urinate after ejaculating in order to get leftover semen out of their urethra.)

What does multi-orgasmic mean? Is it good to be that way? (age 16)

It means to be able to have more than one orgasm in a single session of masturbating or intercourse. Most women are multi-orgasmic while very few men are. I think it is good to be that way.

I've been masturbating by doing sit-ups and leg lifts. Something about this, if I do it for long enough, stimulates me and I orgasm. A few years ago, I began doing this with a vibrator held in one hand between my legs for added intensity. This brings the orgasm much faster but it only really works if I have pants on, especially jeans, but never directly on the skin. I'm getting worried that I'm unable to bring myself to orgasm without a vibrator, and not only that, but it only works when I use the vibe in this particular way. When I've had sex with boyfriends in the past, I never orgasmed the way I was able to on my own. It was pleasurable, but I guess what's stimulated me just doesn't transfer. Any suggestions for how to wean myself off of this towards something more applicable to sex with another partner? Does anyone else get stimulated this way?

I've heard of people becoming aroused through exercise and other physical activity. What you really ought to work on is becoming aroused, to the point of orgasm, by as little stimulation as necessary. This will get you able to reach orgasm through partner sex or any other minimal kind of stimulation. I suggest cutting out the vibrator for good and avoiding the stimulation from leg lifts. Try to orgasm only through your hand.

I got an orgasm when I was 11. Is it normal for a girl my age to get one? (age 12)

If you can reach orgasm at 11, you're in very good shape. Congratulations.

I've been masturbating for about 8 years now and unfortunately I masturbate prone with my legs together and straight. I don't achieve climax through clitoral stimulation but from a spot just barely inside and on the back (towards the anal) side of my vagina. I didn't find this way a problem until I recently started having sex and oral sex with a partner and cannot orgasm at all. I've tried masturbating on my back and stimulating my clitoris with my hand. I've tried probably a couple dozen times, and for up to an hour at a time but I haven't had any success at all. I'm just not finding clitoral stimulation arousing, with or without lubrication. Do you have any advice or suggestions? Would a sex therapist help? (age 19)

I don't think you need a sex therapist at this point. Many women your age have never had an orgasm. You ought to work on moving away from prone masturbation and then after you've been successful at that for a month or so to try having an orgasm with a partner. The abstinence program I recommend for males to quit masturbating prone has also helped women.

I pleasure myself externally, but it seems like when it gets good and I think I'm gonna have an orgasm, I can barely touch my clit anymore, and I have to stop right before I can climax. What am I doing wrong? (age 19)

You're relying too much on direct stimulation of the clitoris. When you approach orgasm, you should switch to stimulation of the clitoral hood and the area around the clitoris. The same thing happens to males who masturbate by rubbing the head (glans) of the penis. It gets too sensitive to touch right before orgasm.

I wrote you earlier about sex not really turning me on. You answered to give myself more time to get interested in it. I really don't know what to do because I WANT sex to arouse me but it just doesn't. I am interested in it but it's just not arousing. I'm sure I'd enjoy masturbating more if I was actually aroused by something sexual. (age 14)

You're still pretty young. You're ahead of lots of girls by masturbating at all. If sex doesn't turn you on, try to find something that does. Think of what makes your privates feel funny and concentrate on that some more.

I started masturbating when I was about four. I quit after that, until now. I usually masturbate by lying on the floor, face down, spread eagle. After I change into a tight pair of pants I begin pushing against the floor. In about 8 minutes I reach my peak. I usually do this about three times. Is this a good way? I tried the hands/fingers/water/items method and it doesn't do anything for me at all.

Your method is not safe and not conducive to successful sexual relations with a partner. It would be worth your while to try your hands again.

I never knew about TMS until I saw this site. It startled me because I've been masturbating that way for ages! I don't want to over-worry about it. Is it causing any damage overall? (age 19)

TMS in men has been documented as damaging, but we're just starting to look at TMS in women. Several women have written me and said they became more orgasmic when they gave it up, so I would recommend that you give it up too. Even if only to see if there's any difference without it.

Thanks for helping me kick the TMS habit. I tried masturbating other ways last night without lying face down and it was OK. It's fun experimenting. I wanted to drop a note and say thank you for running the site, because it is so informative and helpful. Kudos to you!! (age 19)

Thanks a bunch! I hope after you get more experience, you will decide it is much better than OK.

I want to masturbate frequently during my period. What is a way to do it without making a terrible mess? (age 13)

It's best to put a towel under you. Then you won't be so conscious about the menstrual flow that you can't enjoy yourself.

I've heard about something called a squirting ejaculation. Does it exist? If so, what is it? (age 15)

Some females release a fluid when they reach orgasm, analogous to the male ejaculation. Most sex scientists deny that it is part of the orgasmic process.

Until recently, I was too scared to masturbate, partly because I was ashamed and partly because I had no idea where to start. After reading various sections of your site, I felt confident and physically and emotionally ready. Just after reading your web site, I masturbated for the first time and had an orgasm! It was awesome! I couldn't believe it! Afterward I couldn't stop smiling. So thanks! It's great that there is a site to provide young people like me with useful information on such private topics. The questions you have addressed have answered many of my own queries. I congratulate you for creating such an accessible web site for both boys and girls that is guilt free and not pornographic! Now I know masturbation and orgasms are not just for characters in movies and TV. (age 17)

What a great letter! Keep smiling!

Is it dangerous or does it have any effect on the vagina to masturbate by rubbing against various objects? A friend rubs back and forth against a duvet by putting it between her legs and pretending to have sex. I thought this might be dangerous or similar to TMS from what I have read. When I masturbate it's usually using my hands. What's your advice on this? (age 20)

What your friend is doing is a form of TMS that ought to be avoided. Women who masturbate with their hands have a higher rate of orgasm in intercourse.

My partner wants to watch me masturbate but I think I look obtuse. I usually put my dildo in, and I put the tail of a stuffed alligator under my butt and up between my legs. This is to hold it in place and for deeper penetration. Then I put a butterfly colored massager on my clit. Then I put both of my hands on top of the alligator and close my legs. This is when I, in a way, hump or gyrate my hips in variations of speeds and pressure, until I orgasm. It feels great. I am just wondering if this might hurt me in a way, or later on keep me from having normal pleasures with my partner? I can't seem to orgasm vaginally. Should a girl be able to orgasm from oral sex, because I can't. (age 18)

I don't know about obtuse, but you need to be both comfortable with your partner and with masturbating as something you practice before you can do it in front of a partner. You have a very specific way of masturbating that seems to already be causing you problems with your partner. It would be better if you could learn to do just plain, ordinary masturbation without anything more fancy than your hands. Women who masturbate without accessories seem to have an easier time reaching orgasm in intercourse. Yes, most women find it easier to reach orgasm in oral sex than in vaginal intercourse.

I began masturbating when I was very young (perhaps 3 or 4 years old). I would rub (fully clothed) against hard objects such as the arm of a chair or the footboard of a bed to achieve an orgasm. I've been using this method for my entire life and I have been unsuccessful in achieving an orgasm by any other method. Now I am unable to orgasm with my boyfriend through any of his efforts (fingering, oral, and intercourse). I was wondering if I could have done damage by masturbating that way for so long. If so, is there any way to repair the damage that has been done? It is very frustrating to my boyfriend and I am ashamed that I may have ruined our chance of having a sexually fulfilling relationship. (age 18)

Most women and men find their sexual response improves greatly once they give up prone masturbation. You are young. It is easiest to be cured when you are young. You probably didn't do any physical damage, especially if you were in the habit of masturbating prone fully clothed.

I like most of your advice, except for how you tell girls who masturbate a lot or who like porn that they're "unusual." Statistics may show that women masturbate less than men, but that has to do with societal norms and how much women are expected to reveal about their sexuality. (age 17)

I think it has more to do with the biological imperative that men have to eliminate sexual fluids frequently. I also tell males who masturbate much more often or much less often than other males that they're unusual, statistically speaking.

I like to rub my clit with an towel because I don't want to get my privates dirty from my fingers. (age 13)

A towel could irritate your clitoris while your fingers probably won't. You can always wash your hands before you masturbate.

Sometimes I masturbate while wearing a tampon. But is it bad to do so? (age 13)

No.

I'm so glad I found this site. I am at my wits end. I've been masturbating prone since I was 8 and cannot orgasm any other way, either alone or with a partner. It doesn't matter what I try or how I try it. I've even tried not masturbating for a month at a time hoping that would cure it, but it hasn't. My boyfriend's hurt, thinking he's either doing something wrong or that I don't trust him enough to allow myself to have one. I'm upset because nothing works. Do you have ANY ideas? (age 19)

Yes, and this site is full of them. Don't worry so much about not having orgasms. Just try to expand what you can do and enjoy the pleasure you get from it. You can increase your orgasmic potential gradually. A lot of women your age have never had an orgasm at all.

I'm an 18 year old female and I've been masturbating prone since I can remember. Perhaps as young as 3 or 4. I masturbate 2-3 times a day. Sometimes I wake up in the night and just feel the need to. I'm sexually active and have never reached climax with penetration or external whatsis. Also, I think I want sex more than my current boyfriend, yet most likely I don't enjoy it as much as he does. Do I have a sex addiction? About 20 minutes ago I realized that what I've been doing my whole life is not the norm, yet I've tried the norm, but it doesn't work and is not nearly as intense. My current boyfriend I suspect might have TMS from what I've read and we're both only children. Could it be that we didn't have a teacher?

Most people don't have teachers. You note that regular masturbation doesn't fulfill you like prone does, yet you admit that your sex life is not what it could be because of it. You have a good reason for wanting to quit TMS. I don't think you're a sex addict, but your masturbatory frequency is very high for a woman. You seem to be pretty open about sex, so why don't you just ask your boyfriend how he masturbates? Then you can fill him in with what you learned 20 minutes before you wrote me. Good luck.

After reading this site, I attempted for the first time to orgasm using external masturbation methods only, and it was AWESOME. It might seem weird that I'm almost 19 and had never tried it, but I guess insertion was just a habit I got into right from the start. I'd always start externally as a warm-up, but then when I'd start to get excited I'd insert a finger or two, or something else, and it worked just fine, but this is great too and gives me more options! I'm definately grateful. (age 18)

Glad to hear it.

How can I tell my mum that I masturbate when she thinks it's utterly disgusting? I can't talk to anyone about this except people over MSN. Also if I tried to use a tampon and it really hurt, does that mean I don't have my hymen anymore? (age 13)

You don't have to tell your mom you masturbate. If you know she's against it, it might be better if you didn't. Talking to people about it online isn't so bad. Just be careful for people who might be trying to exploit you. Your hymen is probably fine. Lots of girls use them and have little or no damage to their hymens as a result.

I have really wanted to get an orgasm for ages, as I have been masturbating for quite some time now. How can I insert things to get the most pleasure, fast, and how long may it take during a course of masturbation to get an orgasm? I really want an orgasm. I'm desperate! (age 13)

I can tell. Unfortunately, being desperate to have an orgasm and trying to get one fast make it less likely you'll have one. You're more likely to get one when you're being relaxed about masturbating and just focus on what feels good. Many girls several years older than you have never had an orgasm or even masturbated. You should be happy to know that you're farther along than they are. You'll probably be having orgasms within a year.

I have been masturbating since I was ten, but I hardly ever get an orgasm. Will masturbating too much at this age affect my vagina or sex life later? (age 14)

I think the effects will be good ones.

When I learned to masturbate, my style was wrapping a piece of cloth around my finger and inserting it into my vagina, I was still a virgin then. It felt so good, i always cum that way with the aid of external stimulation. When I finally had sex, I couldn't cum. It wasn't like the pleasure I get from the friction of the piece of cloth inside my vagina. The penile penetration is so smooth and slippery, and I unresponsive while he was pumping on me. I'm not the type who fakes orgasm and I'm not good at it. So little by little I taught myself how to masturbate with just my finger like you advise. It's a really big adjustment, but I'm starting to feel horny with it. It's a big help. (age 25)

I'm glad my site could help you.

I never masturbated until I was 18 when I was really depressed and bumming around. I got addicted to it and orgasm most of the time. I used to orgasm as frequently as 3 times a day. At first I was really noisy everytime I'd touch myself. I shared the bedroom with my sisters and so I was ashamed and learned to orgasm without noise or any sound at all. When I turned 21, I had my first boyfriend, and I knew that I was always disappointing him because my clit wasn't that sensitive anymore. He'd give me oral, fingers, and intercourse but I never orgasmed. My point is that if I could only bring back the past, I wouldn't have masturbated. I would rather have my very first orgasm by my love. I regret that I had my first orgasm with just my own fingers and uttered "I love you" to the pillow. (age 24)

I think you were saying it to yourself and not the pillow. Your problem isn't that you learned to satisfy yourself by masturbating, it's that you haven't learned to adjust yourself to your partner. Once you do that, you are apt to be much better with him than a woman who's never masturbated is. Males seem to understand what a lot of females don't; masturbation isn't better or worse than intercourse, it's just different.

I have been sexually active for two years, masturbated regularly for several years before that, and have relatively recently developed a new problem. During masturbation, I sometimes will press against the front wall of my vagina vigorously and repeatedly, as this is the only way I have discovered to reliably get feeling out of my G spot. Occasionally when I do this, I will end up bleeding, but it's always been the beginning of my period, until now. The last five months or so I've been having pain in the area I press afterward. I think this might be because I got injured in some way I can't figure out during intercourse with my partner five months ago (I think air got in and pressed around in odd ways). The other possibility might be that I am on oral contraceptives and have elected to skip my period this month, which I know can create spotting. What do you think is causing the pain and/or the bleeding? Are they related? What suggestions do you have to make them stop? (age 18)

I suggest you stop the forceful masturbation. What you describe can easily cause pain or bleeding and would not cause your period to come on demand. If you think it's the contraceptives, you ought to discuss it with your doctor or nurse practitioner. It's not unusual to skip a menstrual cycle at your age.

I'm sexually active but don't have a steady partner. I feel sexual and turned on a couple of times a day at least but only masturbate every other day in order to build up my tensions for more intense orgasms. I can go on for more than an hour and have several orgasms during this time. My problem is that I seem to want more and more intense sensations, especially to orgasm very strongly. After a day of abstinence, my first 2-3 orgasms typically are intense, with my body spasming in a completely uncontrollable way and with 10-15 vaginal contractions that feel strong around my fingers if they are inserted. I love this feeling more than I can ever describe. I have deliberately explored how I can consistently get these orgasms ever since my early teens, and I can say that I also have managed to increase the intensity of the sensation by finding exactly how to touch myself and use my toys. I'm getting more and more curious about some very advanced sex toys I see on the web, in particular electrostimulation (dildo giving electric pulses inside the vagina or other places). I have read and watched everything I can find about these things, but still I'm not sure whether it is a safe thing to do. Can the electricity cause any damages if I follow the recommended use? Is there anything else I could do to make my orgasms even more intense? (age 27)

I highly recommend against those appliances. I'm sure you're aware that when you have sex with a man, he can't stimulate you with electrical impulses. I think a problem is also that you demand a continually increasing amount of stimulation. From what you write, I think you are already in the 99th percentile among women in terms of orgasmic capacity. You might try harder to incorporate a regular partner into your orgasm regimen.

I am 12 and have not gotten my period. I masturbate by pushing down on my vulva face down on my bed. Will this prevent me from getting my period?

No. That will make no difference for your period, but as you might have read, it's a masturbation technique I highly discourage.

I just masturbated for the first time, and it wasn't anything great. I followed the guidelines for touching the clitoris and even inserted a finger but I didn't feel much. Help! (age 15)

It takes many girls a while to get into the rhythm of it. Don't worry if the first time wasn't magic. Just keep trying to make progress and soon you'll be there. Keeping sexy thoughts in your head can make the difference too.

I love to masturbate and I've been doing it for about a year. I always masturbate naked on my bed by opening my vulvar lips and putting them on one of my oversized teddy bears' nose and then I hump it. I get a wonderful sensation but it goes away soon after, and I freeze. Is there a way I can masturbate and get a longer lasting sensation? Is this TMS? (age 12)

It is TMS. If you learned to masturbate with your hands instead, you would gain greater control over your orgasm and the other sensations you get.

I was reading the page that is questions from parents and the one about the girl putting her hands between her legs and moving her legs in a rhythmic motion is the exact same thing I do. You said it is a sign of TMS. Should I stop? Is this preventing me from getting my period? (age 12)

It would be a good idea to learn to masturbate with your hands instead of by thrusting against your hands. What you are doing will not prevent you from getting your period.

Do women get wet dream? I have often woken up from sleep very lubricated. Why? was I having some kind of unknown female wet dream? (age 18)

Wet dreams involve ejaculation. Since women don't ejaculate, they can't have wet dreams, but like men, they can have dreams that cause them to become aroused. A few women have claimed to have orgasms during sleep, but that is very rare.

I often insert my fingers into my vagina while face down. I don't usually rub against pillows or anything. Is this considered TMS? Is it harmful? (age 21)

Your practice falls into a gray area. I think if your hands are doing most of the work, it is not TMS, but if you are thrusting your vagina onto your hands, then it is.

I have tried and tried again to masturbate and get an orgasm and have had no luck for almost a year now. I have used my hands time and time again and nothing. It feels a little good but not outstandingly good, just okay. Then I tried inserting something in and it just felt really good and got me aroused a little but then it would quickly go away. I know you will probably say to use my hands more but you have no idea how many times I have tried and never gotten anything out of it. The only time I get orgasms is when I'm asleep and having those dreams. So tell me what to do. I relax and everything but no such luck. It probably sounds funny but it wouldn't be if it were you! (age 15)

I think you're doing all the right things, but you're trying too hard to have an orgasm. Just do what feels good and you are apt to come across something that will give you an orgasm one of these days. It usually helps to have thoughts in your head that really turn you on. Try to enjoy what you're feeling even if it isn't orgasmic.

I don't feel any pleasure by sticking my finger up my vagina. It doesn't hurt but it doesn't feel good. Is this normal?

It should feel good when you are sexually aroused. Try it then. Otherwise, most females learn to masturbate by stimulating their external genitalia, including the clitoris.

I externally masturbate about 3 times a week. Sometimes I masturbate for so long that I get sore around my clitoris and it hurts for a while and goes red. Am I causing myself any problems by doing this? Could I get infections or cancer or anything? (age 21)

Masturbation does not cause cancer. You couldn't cause an infection unless you break the skin. You ought to use lube if you are going to masturbate for so long. I advise against masturbating that long, because failure to reach orgasm often means that your body does not want to have one. I tell males to give up after 20 minutes and try again when they're more aroused. In the case of females, a few more minutes might be in order since it usually takes women longer to reach orgasm.

What is the definition of an orgasm? I masturbate and I'm not sure if I have reached an orgasm because my breasts don't get hard? Can you still have an orgasm without your breasts becoming hard? (age 13)

Yes, you can, although it is typical for the nipples to erect upon orgasm. You might spend some time browsing the definitions in the glossary of this site.

I can masturbate with 2 fingers and I use tampons, but I haven't ever had blood come out when I was masturbating. I was wondering if I broke my hymen when I used a tampon and just thought it was blood from my period. Also, how do I know if I reach an orgasm? (age 13)

You might do better to think of the hymen like the plastic that is inside the opening of a box of Kleenex, which can withstand some friction, rather than a soap bubble that will burst upon the slightest touch. It is unlikely that using tampons for as short a period as you have would make a difference in your hymen. Masturbating with fingers or objects internally will make more of a difference, but wouldn't necessarily produce bleeding, especially if you're not inserting very far. Also, some girls have only a small amount of blood flow in their hymens and will never bleed much. An orgasm will produce a series of contractions inside your pelvis and an overall good feeling.

Is there a female equivalent to "blue balls"? My understanding is that "blue balls" occurs due to blood congestion in the pelvis due to arousal which is not relieved by orgasm. If I am aroused for a long time before I masturbate, I often have a crampy, aching pain in my pelvis which persists for around an hour or so. Is this normal under these circumstances? (age 22)

Yes, there is a female equivalent of "blue balls." It is more likely to be a problem of males because more blood flows to the male private parts in arousal. It takes a lot more blood to engorge the penis than the clitoris. If it bothers you, try to reach orgasm sooner. A more robust orgasm also leads to a more complete resolution of the blood congestion.

I love to masturbate, and when I orgasm, my entire body shakes for about 30 seconds, while I feel intense pleasure. Is it normal to shake vigorously while having an orgasm? (age 14)

Yes, that's within the range of normal.

I've been masturbating by rubbing my pillow on my vulva since I was 10. I dare not insert my finger because I'm scared that I'll break my hymen. How can I get an orgasm without breaking my hymen? (age 14)

You are still pretty young. You will probably have orgasms soon by masturbating externally as you are doing and won't need to go inside. I suggest stopping the pillow and using your hands instead.

Just recently I got so turned on that I masturbated around 12 times in one day. Is that normal? (female, age 17)

I hope you don't have too many days like that. Recently I conducted a survey of males, asking the greatest number of times they had masturbated in a single day, and for 53 percent, the answer was between 2 and 5. Only 16 percent had ever masturbated 10 or more times in one day. I suspect for females, the average would be lower.

Great site, but I have to take issue with your answer to the 17 year old female who masturbated 12 times in one day (you replied "I hope you don't have too many days like that," and that on average males masturbate more frequently than females). I think you should have clarified that there's nothing wrong in and of itself with masturbating that frequently. The problem is if it becomes obsessive behavior, or it interferes with the person's health or other aspects of their life. That's an important distinction. Based on my own experiences and those of other women I know, I question whether guys really masturbate more frequently. At 17 maybe, but at 27? 37? Even at 17, I remember infrequent days when I'd masturbate 10-15 times. I averaged a lot less (maybe 2-3), but if I had privacy and nothing else to do, I would pleasure myself. I think a big problem here is defining how many times for women. If I lie down, have a few orgasms, then get up and carry on with my life, I say I masturbated once. But at the other extreme, if I'm in bed and I come, doze, come, doze, I might count each climax as a separate instance. So saying a woman masturbates X times a day only tells you half the story, unlike for men. (age 34)

I stand by my answer to that girl. Twelve times in one day is extreme, whether you're counting orgasms or sessions. I don't think there's any question about males masturbating more than females, at every age. Every survey I have ever read shows that. I also think it's relevant to use the session, rather than the orgasm, as the unit of analysis. I think you are correct to count each session as a different instance when there is sleep or other activity between them.

My boyfriend has fingered me twice, and I didn't get an orgasm either time or feel like I was close. I can give myself one by masturbating externally but I was wondering about how many more times does he have to finger me before I get one?

It's not unusual for females to not have orgasms when they first become sexually active. Part of it is your partner's skill and part is your comfort with him. As you become more acquainted sexually, both should improve and this will make it easier for you to reach orgasm. It is good that you can have them on your own. Perhaps you can give him some tips about how you like to be touched.

Last night I had a very erotic dream and when I woke up and got out of bed, a lot of fluid ran out of my vagina and down my legs. It was clear, like the stuff I produce when having sex, but there was a lot of it. Could I possibly have had a wet dream? (age 24)

Females don't have wet dreams, but you might have had the closest thing. Women produce some sexual fluids when they are aroused, which some women experience similar to ejaculation. You might have had an abundance of them during your dream which were still fluid when you got up.

I really appreciate everything I have learned at your site. I'm 20 years old and female. I masturbate about six or seven times a week. I've always been very easily aroused, and just the idea of being turned on is enough to turn me on. I never had any social problems, and always plenty of friends, etc. But I never dated, made out, or had sex throughout high school. This was purely my choice because I have very high standards, and am saving sex for marriage.

However, once I got to college, I finally made out with a very nice attractive young man. It was far more stimulating than I had ever imagined. I can see why people like kissing so much. Every time I've made out I've been aroused. And one time while we were making out, he was on top of me, and started feeling my stomach with his hands (he has a thing for girls' stomachs) and I had an orgasm. I kept it to myself (as best I could) because I was rather embarrassed and ashamed of this reaction. Is it normal that just making out and caressing could cause an orgasm, that making out eventually turns me on? Is this healthy? Will guys be disgusted by this? Do you think most guys would be disgusted by a girl who masturbates daily like me?

It is a good sign that you had an orgasm without genital stimulation. This tells me that when you get married and have sex, you will be a very responsive partner. No man would be disgusted by giving a woman an orgasm. There is no reason to hide your orgasms. Make them as loud as you feel. You will be giving him what he wants to hear. I also don't think men would be disgusted by your daily masturbation. It would probably turn them on. The exception might be a male who is not accepting of his own (probably daily) masturbation, who might pretend to be offended by your mention of it. But you don't have to tell the men in your life anything about your autoerotic habits unless you want to.

Follow-up from the original questioner: It's nice to think of this orgasm without genital stimulation in a very positive light. It had been bothering me a little, like I felt oversexed or something. The idea that a man could be turned on, as opposed to repulsed, by my masturbation and orgasms is also comforting. I have struggled with my beliefs on masturbation for a number of years. Off and on I've gone from masturbating daily, to several months without masturbating even once, due to the guilt I've felt. Abstaining wasn't as miserable or as difficult for me as some have described it; there is much more to life. But I'd certainly rather masturbate than not. So after I found your tasteful site a while ago, I became convinced that if it wasn't right I wouldn't have been given a clitoris, imagination, and fingers. Now I masturbate as often as I please. Thanks for being on the net to answer questions and explain what I don't care to discuss with the conservatives who people my life. Your site has helped me so much.

I'm always glad to help! Keep in mind that most of those who complain about having to endure abstinence periods are males, and males can't just give up masturbating the way females can. They have fluids that need to be eliminated frequently, and they become downright congested, irritable, and unable to think of anything except orgasm after a week without one. So be glad you have those three things and a body that gives you the option of being orgasmic or not.

Do you recommend masturbating in the bath? I am paranoid about live sperm still being around from other members of my family. (age 16)

Sperm cannot live in a hot bathtub.

Can I masturbate in my period. Masturbation feels great. (age 12)

Yes, many girls masturbate when they have their periods.

I seem to get very wet whenever I'm even slightly aroused, for example when kissing a guy. I'll get so wet that I have to go to the bathroom and clean up. When I masturbate I also produce a LOT of fluid. Is this normal? (age 23)

I think it's a very good sign that you're sexually healthy. Be glad you're so easily aroused physically.

The only way that I can get an orgasm is by putting pressure on my vulva through my clothes. I do it by pushing on it for a while and squeezing my legs and my vagina at the same time and then I have an orgasm. Is this normal? It's the only way I can get an orgasm. Is there something I can do to get an orgasm another way? (age 22)

It's better if you don't masturbate prone. In males, this is a troublesome condition called TMS, and there is some evidence that masturbating prone is harmful to females too. The females who masturbate most conventionally (on their backs, with their hands) have the best success at orgasm in intercourse. You can learn new ways of masturbating by avoiding masturbating prone for a week or so, at which time your private parts will be extra sensitive so they can respond to a new kind of touch.

I can't get an orgasm out of anything. I've been trying since I was young when I first learned about masturbation. I've tried everything from my own hands to dildos, oral sex, to my fiance trying himself. He gets very upset when we have sex because I don't ever get an orgasm. I really hope you can help me out because I get very upset when I think that I'm never going to have an orgasm. Is it possible for a person to never have an orgasm in their life? (age 19)

Don't be discouraged. There are a lot of women who have never had an orgasm by your age. Just try to enjoy what you are doing sexually and don't worry so much about having an orgasm. You are apt to start having them when you least expect them.

I masturbate a lot but fingering myself or touching my clitoris or massaging anything around it never makes me feel anything. I sometimes like to rub my hand up and down and that brings me to orgasm but only sometimes. How can I get clitoral orgasms? Once I tried to use a vibrator but it hurt too much trying to put it in. I can only fit one finger inside. Is this normal? (age 15)

That's all normal for your age. Rubbing your hand up and down is probably producing a clitoral orgasm. You've somehow found the way to bring yourself pleasure without causing pain, as can happen when you focus too much on your clitoris. Keep trying. You will refine your technique as you progress. It will also get easier to insert more fingers.

This is my first time hearing about TMS after going through your site. I have been masturbating this way for as long as I can remember. When I try to masturbate the regular way, liquid comes out of me (probably female ejaculation) but no orgasm. I don't really know what to do because I want to have orgasms during sex which has not happened yet and I'm guessing TMS is the cause of this problem. What should I do? (age 17)

A lot of girls your age are not having orgasms yet. Giving up TMS is apt to lead to greater sensitivity, which would let you reach orgasm in conventional masturbation and possibly sooner than you otherwise would in sex. The techniques I describe for males on the main page can also work to help females switch. There is also a TMS support group on Yahoo especially for women

I'd first like to say that I'm really glad you've made this web site because it's answered a lot of questions I've had, but I've never been able to ask before because they're kind of embarrassing. I've been masturbating for a few years, since I was 11, and I do it frequently, almost every day. Is that healthy? I don't plan on having sex anytime soon, but if I keep up this rate of masturbation, will it lessen the pleasure when I have sex? I usually do it externally. (age 15)

I am inclined to believe that females who masturbate frequently will have more pleasure when they have sex. You are healthy.

When I masturbate it feels really good but sometimes when I'm about to reach a really intense orgasm, I start to have an asthma attack. I can't help it. It just happens. It has happened twice and I'm scared that it will happen again. I dont know what to tell my doctor when she asks me what triggered it. What should I do? I'M REALLY SCARED! I have a doctor's appointment soon. I haven't told my mom anything. I really like to masturbate! (age 13)

You ought to tell the doctor. Don't be embarrassed. She masturbates too. Just ask for privacy during the appointment and your mom will be sent to the waiting room.

Is it possible to pass out from a really strong orgasm? (age 17)

Yes.

I usually masturbate by rubbing my labia minora over my underwear. It's easier to induce friction that way, and I have not had orgasms the normal way although I have tried. (age 12)

Most girls your age have not had an orgasm. It would be more conventional to masturbate without your underwear. Just keep trying. Orgasms will come in time.

I have been masturbating since I was 12 years old, and it looks like I do it in the TMS style (thrusting into a pillow face down). I am a virgin, and I am very scared I will not be able to have an orgasm when I finally have sex. I will now no longer masturbate as often, and never face down, but, will TMS be erased if I stop now? What are some proper ways to masturbate for a girl of putting her hands "down there?" (age 15)

Don't worry! I hope you will not be sexually active for a few years. Even a few months would be enough to make your body forget that it had ever masturbated prone. You don't have to cut back on your frequency (except maybe for a few weeks while you learn a new method.) Most girls lie on their backs and rub the area around the clitoris until they have one or more orgasms.

I was talking to my best friend about masturbation and she said she can have 8-10 orgasms in one night. Is that really possible? The most I've had is three and that was a huge effort. (age 13)

Three puts you way ahead of most girls your age. Congratulations! Yes, it is possible your best friend is having that many. You're lucky to have a friend you can discuss masturbation with.

I only started masturbating a few months ago, but it feels so good, I do it nearly every night. Most times I finger my clitoris for 10 or 15 minutes until I have a lovely orgasm and fall asleep. But some nights I still feel really horny after I've come, and I need to do it over and over again before I feel satisified. The only problem is that after a while the orgasms get so intense that the muscles in my lower belly start to ache (it feels a bit like period pains). Is this normal? (age 15)

That isn't exactly normal, but it's what you can expect when you overdo something. Why not learn to stop before you know you will feel pain?

Let me just say that I love, love, LOVE your site! You have no idea how much you've helped me and, I'm certain, many other people. I absolutely love masturbation. I've been doing it TMS style since about 4 or so and I've always had a satisfying experience. Well, now that I've discovered this site I'm not doing that anymore and I try doing it the normal way but I just can't seem to come. I really try hard but I just end up getting tired and not pleasured. Is there something wrong with me? What if I'm never able to come again? (age 17)

Don't even think about that! You will learn how and enjoy it as much as you ever did TMS. It seems to take females more to reach that first orgasm than males. But don't give up hope. It will happen soon. Try to enjoy masturbating even if you aren't having an orgasm.

Can I enhance my masturbation pleasure by touching or doing things to other parts of my body besides my vulva? Where and with what (besides hands) should I masturbate? (age 13)

Many girls find that can evoke sexual response from touching other places called erogenous zones. These places vary from person to person, and it takes some experience to figure out which are your erogenous zones. It's easiest to figure these out when you're very aroused and close to orgasm. Some of the most popular are lips, underams, breasts, neck, and ears.

You said thrusting against a pillow while masturbating is bad. Sometimes I lie on a blanket and put the other part of the blanket between my legs and rock back and forth on it. Is this bad? (age 13)

It's an atypical form of masturbation that won't serve you well in the long run. You are better off to learn to masturbate with your hands. It ought to be easy to learn something new at your age.

Follow-up: What will happen in the long run?

If you become habituated to masturbating with a blanket, you will have a harder time reaching orgasm with a partner (which I hope won't be for about five years.) I can't explain why, but people who learn to masturbate with their hands have the easiest time reaching orgasm in intercourse.

Follow-up: So I'll never be able to reach orgasm by intercourse? Is this irreversible?

Yes, it is reversible. It doesn't mean you will never be able to reach orgasm in intercourse. It just makes it harder for you as opposed to a female who's only masturbated with her hands.

I've been masturbating for about 2 years now, and I'm able to do it just about any way I like and still orgasm. Even the way you say we shouldn't (the rubbing against something) but I can easily switch to my back or anything and it's great! I reach orgasm quickly, which is something I don't like, because I would like to keep going longer. Is there any way I can slow down how fast I have an orgasm so that I can rub longer? (age 16)

Your problem is a familiar one for males. I advise them to put their orgasms off for 30 seconds when they feel it coming. After doing this for a while, you can extend your masturbation time by several minutes. It's ideal to find something that mentally distracts you so that you don't orgasm but remain aroused for those 30 seconds.

I'm fairly sure that everything about my sexuality is unhealthy and/or abnormal, and am wondering if there is anything I might be able to do about it. The only way I can achieve orgasm is by lying on my side and rubbing my thighs together. I have tried many times to use my hands, but it never culminates in anything. I've been masturbating this way since I was about five. I usually masturbate once or twice a day, but sometimes, usually during my period, I masturbate up to twelve times in twenty-four hours. I also do not become lubricated, or "wet" when aroused, which one of my friends tells me is not unheard of, but I still wonder about it. I have never had sexual experiences with other people, partially out of fear and partially because my sexual attractions are not normal, and in order to act on them, I would be breaking several laws. So how does someone like me ever have any type of healthy sexual relationship? (age 21)

I'm sure your situation isn't hopeless, but you might need professional help to get through it. There is only so much I can do via this site. There are nearly 300 million people in the U.S., and there must be some who appeal to you who that would not be against the law. I assume you mean are attracted to children. There are plenty of treatments and support groups available for that. You seem to have great orgasmic capacity if you have been masturbating since age 5 and can come up to 12 times a day. I think all you need to do is set your preferred method of masturbating aside for a week or two so that you can experiement with some other ways, including the conventional method of masturbating with your hands. You can use a commercial product to simulate vaginal lubrication, and this might lead to an increase in the amount of real lubrication you get. I have no doubt there are many loving people out there who would want to be in a positive sexual relationship with you.

I'm a 17 year old female and I love masturbating. I've been doing it all my life and I always get really powerful orgasms that leave me kind of shaky. Anyway, I was masturbating on my bed while alone in the house just recently and I got a really intense orgasm. It was so strong that I think I passed out for a few minutes. Can that really happen and is it a sign that something is wrong? I've never done that before.

Yes, an intense orgasm can occasionally cause someone to pass out. I've never heard it described as a bad thing. There is probably nothing wrong with you.

I am 31 years old and have never realized how dangerous TMS is. My entire life I've only ever been able to reach orgasm through masturbating with a pillow, which usually produces a good orgasm within minutes. I have been married for 8 years and sexually active since I was 17 years old. I've never achieved orgasm during sex and now I have a clue why! Is it too late for me? What would you suggest?

The program I recommend for males on the main page will also help you. There is also a support group for women working to overcome TMS. It is not too late. You can learn to masturbate conventionally, and from there you will develop greater orgasmic capacity and learn to reach orgasm in intercourse.

I've been masturbating for about 6 months, and I am unable to get excitement from it. You have said to start by learning with your hands before you try water or inserting things into my vagina. But after about a month I started trying internal, and I didn't feel anything with that either! So when I was in the tub I used running water and I went crazy with that. It Was GREAT!! But I want to do it with my hands. I continue to try rubbing the clitoris in many different ways, but no result. What can I do to enhance the feeling? Should I touch or massage any other part of my body (breasts, thighs, etc.) ? How should I prepare? How can I get more aroused? (age 13)

I think you're trying too hard. It takes a lot of females time to get used to arousal. Just take it slow and easy and I think you will find reward in less than a year.

My friend said she found out about something called a G spot and she said she found it and I can't find it! Where is it and what is it? She said it felt really good, but I don't get it, and I cant find it. (age 12)

The G spot is a highly sensitive place a couple of inches up your vagina on the top surface. It would be easier to find if you were experienced at having orgasms. Most girls your age are just trying to learn external masturbation and have not even attempted to find their G spots.

I am not able to get lubricants, so I was wondering what kind of household items you can use as lubes. Vaseline or petroleum jelly works great, but I've heard it can cause infections. (age 12)

I've not heard that about Vaseline or petroleum jelly. In fact, it's a very popular lube. Some people also use cooking oil, but I recommend something made especially for use on the skin, which would include petroleum jelly.

I've been masturbating since I was 13, using my hands outside my underwear, and until about a year ago directly touching my clit. I recently got an electic toothbrush, and it felt good at first, but then my genitals became too sensitive, and I ended up using the smooth side of the toothbrush to masturbate. How can I masturbate with the toothbrush without it hurting? (age 15)

I recommend against using the toothbrush. Hurting is a sign that you shouldn't be doing something. Why not find out how to masturbate with your hands using as little force as possible? That's a skill that will serve you well when you have sex someday.

I've always masturbated with water, practically whenever my mom is out of the house, I masturbate! I can only masturbate for about 45 seconds to one minute, then the excitement dies. How can I make it last longer? (age 15)

Try it dry and learn to use your hands. You don't have as much control when you're using running water.

I've never seen anything on your site about masturbating by stroking the opening to the urethra. I found this by accident when I had a urinary tract infection and was quite itchy there. I mostly use a cotton ball to stroke it while externally masturbating in a pretty normal way but I've used other things too. I can orgasm just by doing this but it makes me urinate when I come. Have you had anyone else talk about this? (age 23)

I say in both the Young Man's Guide and the Young Woman's Guide that urethral masturbation is dangerous. In addition to causing infections, it is an atypical form of masturbation that doesn't translate to intercourse. Most men don't like when their partner urinates on them.

I have been masturbating for a couple years now, about every other day, and over the years I have been having to increase pressure to feel the same sensations, and I'm worried that I may lose some feeling down there. If this is true, should I stop for a while? (age 16)

It might be worth your while to see if masturbating less frequently (perhaps twice a week) makes a difference. It might be it's all in your head. Lots of girls your age (and most guys) masturbate daily and never lose the feeling.

I masturbate using a rolled-up towel on the arm of a couch. I read on the site that using furniture is bad. Is using the towel on the couch arm bad too? I get orgasms from it and I use it frequently. Will it affect me in anyway? (age 16)

You are getting more pressure than you would from your hands or in intercourse. I advise against your practice. Females who masturbate using only their hands have the best chances of reaching orgasm in intercourse.

About 80% of the time I wake up in the morning I find my hands down my pants. Is that compulsive masturabtion? Also, is it normal to get turned on by your own sounds,smells,or nakedness when you masturbate? (age 17)

I don't think it's compulsivity, but it's something akin to sleepwalking. You probably aren't enjoying it, and it might be making you more fatigued than you ought to be. You can try to overcome that by wearing heavier pants to bed. What turns you on is normal.

The only way I can orgasm is by lying on my back, with my labia together and my hand flat, covering both labia. I move my hand up and down extremely hard and fast and can orgasm in 2 minutes. Is this a form of TMS? Should I stop doing this? I can also use a back massager, but only on the highest speed. Again the orgasm comes quickly. Will this hurt me when I start having intercourse? Your site is amazing! Even with open parents, I had so many questions that I was afraid to ask them, but you have explained. Keep up the good work!! (age 19)

Masturbating on your back with your hands is not TMS. I recommend against the back massager. It would be to your advantage to learn other kinds of touch that you like and that can bring you to orgasm. I suspect that if you can orgasm within two minutes from your method, you would be able to reach orgasm in about five minutes or so with a gentler touch.

I have been mastubating for about 2 years now with my back massager on my clitoris. Today, I used a hair bender that is a little smaller than a penis and gentle and squishy. It didn't give me an orgasm, but I did have a sexual sensation. Is this normal? I am not sure exactly which spot an orgasm comes from most intensely. Do you think I will have more orgasms with this method when I grow more? (age 14)

Many girls try to be adaptive in creating orgasms with objects from around the house. I think it is better to use your hand rather than any kind of object, but the hair bender is better for you than the back massager. I think you would find the gentle touch of your fingers or the hair bender to be more productive if you gave up the massager and took a week or so off.

I�m a 29-year-old woman who has got a lot o