Comments from readers of this site
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I have somehow managed to abstain from masturbation for about 2 months, after years of masturbating prone. Every week or so, I try to masturbate using the normal method, and can easily get an erection, but I never feel the urge to climax/ejaculate. My question is, should I continue to abstain and keep trying, or should I masturbate prone once and then try again, since you said that going more than a few weeks without masturbating is not healthy? Also, is there anything I should be doing to get myself to go that one last step to orgasm?
A:Many guys your age ejaculate only sporadically, so I don't think you're in danger of prostatitis. You need to maintain a mental focus on something you find erotic. Pictures are apt to help. Good luck.
9/30/03
I have problem starting urination. Is it possible that the TMS habit of mine is responsible for that? (age 27)
A: I've never heard of that. Why not quit TMS (something you could do in less than two weeks at your age, probably) and see if it makes a difference. If not, see a doctor.
10/2/03
I am a 33 year old female and my husband is 51. We have been married for two years. We dated for 4 years and during the course of our relationship he has very rarely achieved orgasm through intercourse. We have a very active sex life. He does have erection difficulties and always seemed to lose his erection upon entering me. What a blow to one's self esteem. We will engage in foreplay and some intercourse but it usually ends up that he satisfies me orally and I have learned that he is able to achieve orgasm, almost always (hard or soft), if he lies on his belly and I manipulate him with my hand or mouth. I have always felt as if I am just getting him off so what does he need me for?
A: Getting him off with your hand or mouth is no worse than getting him off with your vagina. Overall, it's much more satisfying with a partner. Your being there is making a difference and he appreciates it.
He tries to assure me that it is not me and it is different than just him doing it to himself. He has gone to his doctor, taken shots and is currently taking Viagra. Viagra works for the erection problem but really does not help with orgasm during intercourse. I can count on one hand the number of times he has ejaculated inside me.
It was not until a week ago during a romantic get-away that he shared with me that he has never been able to masturbate the traditional way. I did not think much about this or that it could be a contributor to his dysfunction. I decided to go online and I typed these words "can achieve orgasm through masterbation instead of intercourse". [sic] I reached your website. I became so excited because these symptoms described my husband to a tee! I printed all the information and let him read it. Needless to say he was a little embarrassed. My intentions are to help my husband. He has been dealing with this most of his life. He is willing to try anything and we have a very committed relationship.
The frustration lies with the fact that he makes me achieve orgasm in multiple ways and I would like to give him the same pleasure. I also do not like to feel that it is doing very little for him to be inside of me.
Ed.: He's mostly doing it for you, just like when you stroke him off, you're mostly doing it for him. Also, intercourse is often fun for someone who can't reach orgasm that way.
He is willing to try your technique but because he is older he is unsure on how to start, what method to use and if there is anyone in our area who can help. I was reading some of your testimonials on how men deal with this. one in particular caught my eye. A gentleman in his fifties said the breakup of his marriage may have been from TMS, and where are the woman who are willing to help. They are out there, the problem is most men don't realize that they have TMS. Please, please e-mail with some suggestions.
A: I think your husband can be cured with my program, but like any self-help course, it's most important that he wants to change. I doubt he'll need other people to help. It's good that he has the Viagra; that's helped a couple of people I've heard about. He might consider joining the online support group.
10/6/03
Hey Doug! I hope you can publish this to everyone but please do not reveal my email address. I have actually been following this group for a quite a while. I started TMSing at the age of 13, and it was the only way of masturbation I knew. I am 21. I ran into a series of sexual problems the past few years, mostly because I could not stay hard long enough even for penetration. I realised I had a problem. Thank goodness I came across the site. That was a few months ago, and I've cut down on TMS style but still I do cheat now and then. Now more than ever I am determined to put it away, as my girl is frustrated about the problem and it makes me feel very guilty.
I've been able to masturbate with fist but only at the chair with video stimuli. I hope to be rid of that. I have rechecked the page and now I would like to follow the programme more thoroughly, which is to abstain for one week and then try it lying on my back. It says for young people you can get cured easily. I hope it is true, and I hope my cure is just weeks away, not too long like 6 months. I would have lost my girl by then, and frankly I don't blame her. All my ex girls thought that they were the problem. Right now I can get hard lying on my back but it doesn't last, so no orgasm. I have completely stopped TMS and I'm hoping for my first orgasm with the fist, lying on my back and with no visual help whatsoever.
I have a foreskin and before this it was usually closed not revealing the tip but now my equipment tip is exposed. I've gotten used to that and I hope to increase its sensitivity. I don't think circumcision is a good choice (nor seeing a doctor as I heard they just prescribe Viagra). Let's work toward a natural cure.
I think everyone should follow the programme closely, and don't be like me, adjusting it to suit my needs or what's convenient for me. Like everything else, do not think that it is a curse, or that we're different, coz we're just normal males and no matter it's a problem, as long as we address it, confront it and fix it. Good luck and I will keep you posted.
Doug, your site and this group deserves more credit than it receives. Everyone work hard, keep an open mind and work toward a 100% cure rate.
A: I don't know that the abstention program is necessary since you already know how to masturbate the normal way. There's really no need at this point to quit using visuals. They will help you get cured faster.
10/10/03
I have always masturbated face down using a pillow. For more than 20 years, I never really experienced any problems. Within the past year, however, I have noticed a decrease in penis sensitivity. I can masturbate in normal fashion and reach orgasm. Now, the masturbation process is less enjoyable due to the lack of pleasure. My orgasm is more physical than reactionary.
I am assuming this is nerve damage which may be irreversible. What is your opinion? (age 36)
A: I wouldn't assume that. Many of our cured guys had similar problems. You need to quit TMS now. Since you already know how to masturbate the correct way, this shouldn't be a problem. You will notice changes in the way things feel within two weeks of quitting.
10/12/03
Is there a possibility of permanant damage to sensibility? Is there a possibility I can`t be cured? (age 48)
A: I have never heard of anyone with permanent damage from TMS. Even some guys with very bad habits have been cured and become normal sexually.
10/21/03
Wow. I just came across your URL in Playboy's Dec 2003 issue. I've practiced TMS since I was 6 yrs old. I am 28 now. I would do it 3 times a day, lying on the bed and pressing on a semi-erect penis. I'm amazed that this is unhealthy. I am stopping ASAP. I am scared to death that I may have permanently damaged something.
I jack off the regular way sometimes when I am looking at porn videos. It is hard for me to come in oral sex (maybe 5 times in my life). It is really hard for me to come with a girl giving me a hand job. If I only knew... now I do.
10/27/03
I found the information on this page absurd. I have always masturbated in a prone position, and have never suffered from any of the symptoms you describe. I have never had trouble reaching orgasm through intercourse. I am able to reach orgasm in a multitude of positions. My wife of eight years has never felt my sexual performance was lacking in any respect and does not find anything unusual about the way I masturbate. I find it odd you can proclaim that this behaviour is always bad, for all people. How can you possibly make such a claim? (age 36)
A: We have documented that 61 percent of TMS males already suffer from severe sexual dysfunction. Some of the other 39 percent are too young for symptoms to have shown up, and some are virgins who don't know their sexual capacity yet. Unless you can tell us some way to know prospectively who are the 61 percent who will definitely have problems, who are the ones who will develop them eventually, and who are the lucky few who will not, we will continue to spread the anti-TMS message. Would you suggest that smoking is not always harmful because only a third of smokers will die from it?
10/28/03
Here's a reply from another reader to that comment:
For the person who believes TMS is absurd, I can tell you that it isn't. I too had not experienced any problems until the past year or so. I'm 36. I have lost a significant amount of sensitivity in my penis and have a very difficult time achieving orgasm. I had always attempted to delay orgasm because of the pleasure involved in building up to one. Now, that pleasure is gone, and all of my focus is just on trying to get there. My penis is noticeably dull to touch which it had never been before. I only stopped TMS once I noticed this unignorable lack of sensitivity.
I have avoided TMS for a month now and have had no return of sensitivity thus far. My last three attempts to acheive orgasm were unsuccessful. At this point, I am obviously concerned but still holding out hope that things will change over the course of time thanks to the information I have read on the subject.
Some people may be able to avoid these types of problems with TMS. But as a person who is presently experiencing this type of problem, I wouldn't advise ignoring the evidence. The practice can catch up to you even after years and years of experiencing no ill effects. I practiced TMS for more than 20 years before experiencing the problem.
I read the September 2002 blurb in the Playboy Advisor and was a little concerned but never changed my habits. Now a while later, I'm dealing with the problem and I wish I weren't. I advise anyone to stop TMS even though other methods may not be as satisfying to you. Nothing is as dissatisfying as having no pleasureable sensation and the inability to achieve orgasm.
A: Try to be as relaxed as you can when masturbating. Don't let the lack of an orgasm faze you. Just keep your mental focus, and you will be successful.
Does TMS affect erection? I have been doing it TMS style and I can't reach a full erection. It can be hard, but it can't stand. Can I be cured? Does a longer time abstaining from TMS masturbation helps in curing of TMS? (age 16)
A: Yes, erectile dysfunction is a common symptom of TMS but not as common as orgasmic dysfunction. You can be cured by quitting TMS. You don't need to abstain from TMS, you need to quit it forever. You need to abstain from any masturbation until you can masturbate with your hand.
10/29/03
I had a girlfriend and wasn't able to get an orgasm with her. It was really embarrassing. I was so scared and thought that there was something wrong with me. The only way I could come was TMS. I thought I was alone until I read the article in Playboy and realized it's a real medical problem. Thank you so much. I will hopefully be able to cure myself and I have the comfort of knowing that I'm not alone. (age 17)
10/30/03
I stumbled across this site upon seeing something called TMS on Playboy's site. Now, before reading this site, I always figured my masturbation was a little weird. At about 6 or 7 I started doing it prone with my hand exerting pressure on the base. I of course didn't know what I was doing, but I enjoyed the feeling afterwards. Now I am 16, and I am extremely grateful that I have discovered the error of my ways before it was too late. I have abstained from TMS for about 3 days, and am just waiting to begin the "normal" way. Thanks for all the info, and hopefully I have caught the problem soon enough to prevent substantial damage.
10/31/03
I started masturbating in the prone position around age 12 or 13 and did it every day until age 20. I started experimenting with masturbating the "correct" way at age 20, and from then until today (age 28) about half of my masturbation is prone and half is the "correct" way. I still masturbate at least once per day. I only discovered the dangers of this when I read about TMS in Playboy. However, except for a few isolated cases of performance anxiety, I have not experienced any sexual problems. During intercourse, I am perfectly capable of performing and having an orgasm in any position. You can count one guy who loves masturbating face down, will continue to do it, and has experienced no problems from doing it.
A lot of guys don't notice TMS-caused problems until they're in their 30s. It's good that you learned the normal way at 20. If you run into some problems later, at least you know what might be the cause.
10/31/03
What an eye opener, man! as I'm sure you get this a lot, I would never have made the association between weird masturbation habits and weird sexual experiences (e.g., having to rub on a girlfriend's ass to re-harden). I am fortunate because I had a collegiate roommate who was pretty open about his sex life and we just thought it was one of those "you have your way, I have mine" sorta things. We were also Playboy subscribers, and now, if anybody EVER tells me that Playboy is useless male entertainment and I'm going to throw a fit. I'm just about to start your program (3rd day of abstaining from TMS) and I haven't slept very well just because I'm nervous and excited about what's in store. Is age 25 considered young to 'catch' the problem?
I am curious about your history with all this --- it may be on the site and I've yet to discover it --- but obviously, you've created a life-changing resource for a lot of guys. I also was curious if at the end of the week, if it's considered inappropriate to use lubricants or visual stimuli with normal masturbation or if I need to do it "naturally" to get the best results.
A: It's easier to be cured when you're younger. Many of our cures were much older than you. I'm hesitant to post my own history because I'm a permanent presence here -- most of the guys come and go soon after they're cured. I encourage the use of lubricants and visuals to make it easier for you to be cured. Good luck.
11/1/03
Dear God! I never knew what my problem was. Then I saw a brief mention of TMS in Playboy Dec 03. It piqued my curiosity, and I went to your website. The similarities were unsettling. Every sign and symptom perfectly described me.
I only hope that other men with this problem will find this out. It's just difficult, because masturbation isn't a very comfortable or common topic.
11/2/03
I am 27 yrs old male living in India. I have been masturbating in the prone method since I was 7. I had sex last year but could not get a erection as I'm used to masturbating when the penis is not erect. I checked with the doctor but everything seemed normal. I could not understand what went wrong until I saw your web site.
I tried to change my method but it took a lot of time for orgasm. So I went back to the prone method. Now I want to completely stop masturbating the prone way. Can I do it at this age and will I have normal erections and orgasms?
A: Yes, you can be cured. Lots of men older than you have been cured (including me). It takes time and patience. Yes, it will take a long time to get your first few normal orgasms. It is essential that you be fully erect when you try. Once you are cured, your erections and orgasms will be normal.
11/2/03
I abstained from prone masturbation for a week and successfully masturbated the normal way. So is it correct to continue the normal way? Will my sexual dysfunction be gone? (age 16)
A: Congratulations! Keep up the normal masturbation. I think your sexual dysfunction (if any) will be gone in a few months.
11/4/03
I just found your website yesterday (after the Playboy mention). I am going through the abstention period and am irritable as hell. Is there anything I can do to be in a better mood? P.S. I would have lost "the contest" on Seinfeld as well. (age 29)
A: George won that contest by cheating. Don't you do that. You should make up the hour-by-hour chart. It helped my morale when I was abstaining. Good luck.
11/4/03
I've read a lot of what was written above so far & to that I say keep up the good work! It's great to see something where people can overcome the taboos associated with something so natural in this life. I'm 21 years old & for a long time now I have masturbated in the prone position. I usually rub up against the mattress until orgasm. It was something easier for me to do when younger but as I've gotten older it's become more difficult for me to do so. My penis when erect bends to the left somewhat and I am wondering if this is a permanent problem that is cause for concern? I also masturbate in the supine position but I am wondering if a bend in the penis will create problems for me when I attempt to have sexual intercourse with my girlfriend?
A: A little bend in the penis is OK. You need to quit masturbating prone forever, since it's already causing you problems.
11/5/03
I'm 38, and I have been masturbating in the prone position since I was 14 and never heard of TMS until it was mentioned in Playboy recently. I never knew that this could cause a problem but want to improve my sexual performance. Am I beyond repair? I am in good medical condition and am single, but have had a few mishaps with women lately.
You can be cured. I was 37 when I was cured. I hear from older men all the time. You might want to join the Yahoo! support group. Good luck.
11/6/03
I have masturbated this way, face down, my whole life, and now I am having problems getting erections period! This is bad for my girlfriend, and I can't even get hard enough to put on a condom. The doctor said it is because I have very low testosterone. What should I do? (age 28)
A: You need to quit masturbating face-down. Once you've done that, it should be easier to get erections, and your low testosterone shouldn't matter as much.
11/7/03
Just writing to say thanks for providing this service; your website is both informative and provides discretion for those suffering from TMS, whilst at the same time helping cure them. (age 18)
11/10/03
Since stopping TMS, my sexual relations with women have gradually improved, even in just 6 weeks. I'm able to control my timing better, come faster, enjoy myself during sex more, and more capable of "letting go" to orgasm when it feels right rather than worrying whether I will or not. Sex feels a lot better than it did before. (age 31)
11/12/03
This is the first I have ever heard of TMS, and I have been suffering from ED symtoms for years. I have also masturbated in the prone position since I was a teen. Given my long period of prone masturbation, can a change at this advanced age have any impact on my ED isssues? (age 48)
A: Yes. One of Dr. Sank's original cases was older still.
11/12/03
I was very surprised to come across this site. I'm a 53 year old male who's practiced prone masturbation my whole life. My sex life is very normal - I enjoy a variety of positions including oral sex.
If the information on this site helps people who have developed TMS and it has caused them sexual problems, then I think you're providing a great service.
However, I disagree with some of the terminology used here. It talks about "normal masturbation", "correct masturbation", and "curing TMS". And there's advice to "quit TMS". There's a distinction here - TMS is a medical syndrome - apparently sometimes caused by prone masturbation. "TMS" is not the same thing as "prone masturbation" but on this site the two terms are used interchangably.
And the "yeah, right" comments for erection failures in the sex survey aren't very professional. I've never had any difficulty getting an erection - my only problems have been with being slightly premature - so that's how I would have answered that question too. Maybe you were just trying to be humorous but it doesn't help your credibility.
A: I'm glad prone masturbation hasn't caused you the kind of problems it's caused me and nearly everyone else whose comments appear on this page. It is correct to refer to any prone masturbation as TMS due to the level of pathology associated with prone masturbation. I advise all males to quit masturbating prone, whether they are experiencing sexual problems yet or not. Similarly, the health conscious advise smokers to quit whether or not they have developed illnesses as a result. I will take into consideration your suggestion about the "yeah, right" comments, although I have to believe all men have had trouble achieving an erection sometime, even if it was only for an hour.
11/13/03
I'm a 55 year old male. I have been masturbating in the prone all my sexual life. I have never used my hands and only once was I when a woman did it. I was 19 at the time. I do have some problems with sexual positions and your site is very interesting and in fact I may try what you have said.
11/14/03
That was great you made me aware of what harm was i gonna cause myself and my (future) partner. (age 16)
11/14/03
Will TMS seriously cause permament sexual dysfunction? What if one has kept trying masturbating the right way. How long will it take to have a full 'stand-up' erection? (age 16)
A: Most TMS guys eventually find problems with erections and orgasms. Once one stops masturbating prone, most guys notice a difference in their sexual performance within two weeks.
11/15/03
I have been masturbating prone since age 13. One day while mastubating I felt some pain in my left testicle. Since that I have been getting less sensation on the left side of my penis and also the left testis. My erections are not as hard as they used to be. Have I injured my organs in some way? (age 27)
A: It might be worth checking with a doctor about that pain. You might have a simple inflammation called epididymitis. You should also quit masturbating prone.
11/16/03
HI, I just want to say that this is an excellent site, and I think the creator of this site should be heartily commended.
I think it's a cruel twist of fate for all of us here affected by TMS, because we haven't done anything wrong, and it's only later that we experience difficulties. BUT, there IS light at the end of the tunnel! So for all my stroker pals there is hope!!
I personally have been using TMS technique since I was about 7 or 8 and I'm 22 now. I havent jacked off for 5 days now. I tried the 'normal' method but to no avail. I think I should give myself more time. I am heartened by reading these responses and this site.
I wish you all luck, and I salute any man that can come through this, because it truly is a tough test.
A: Thanks for your nice comments. Good luck.
11/16/03
I was surprised that in your survey that you did not ask respondants as to their circumcision status. This is surely a major factor in any discussion about male masturbation. I know that most cut men masturbate slighly differently than uncut men, something that seems to have been ignored in your advice. (age 36)
A: That question is now asked on the male survey. I don't think it's going to be significant in terms of TMS.
11/19/03
I started masturbating by the TMS way when I was 15. I lay on my bed and rubbed against the sheets. I used only that way for about two years. Around 17 I started to use my hand while sitting in a chair, usually in front of my computer. From then to now, I have used both methods depending on how much time I have. With TMS I could get off quickly and with little cleanup. However, with my hand I used lube and could hold out for 45 minutes to an hour. I have always used lube when using my hand to jerk off and I can't get off without it. Is this due to TMS? After reading this, I will try to stop TMS cold turkey and I think I can handle it. I am 20 now and lost my virginity 4 months ago. The first three times I went for 45 minutes without an orgasm. The fourth time I nailed it, and I am pretty sure it was the position that made a difference. The fourth time I came while in doggy style or with her lying on her stomach and me on top of her. Those feel the best to me. I am now wondering if this is all due to TMS. Thanks for your site though, and thank God I am only 20. My luck goes out to you guys who have been struggling with this for 10+ years.
A: Your struggle with intercourse sounds familiar. It could well be a result of TMS. Good luck.
11/19/03
After reading your site, it became obvious that I suffer from TMS. I would like to bring to view another possible way to "improperly" masturbate, which for me has caused the same symptoms you describe. I regularly masturbate leaning over the bathtub side, with my chest on the bathtub and my knees on the floor outside the tub in the bathroom. I masturbate with my hand in this position. Please consider this, and the many other possible ways, I'm sure, that one could develop a problem. Lying on the bed is not the only possible way to develop TMS. Also, habitual masturbation in itself, as you mentioned on your site, make intercourse with a woman not as pleasurable as masturbation due to the speed and pressure control on has while masturbating. (age 28)
A: TMS is essentially masturbating in a prone position, by thrusting against something. While what you describe is weird, if you're using your hand and not thrusting into it, you're not much different from a normal guy. I think you read too much into what I said about intercourse. My point is that intercourse and masturbation are different, and that a person naturally has more control in masturbation (because theirs is the only body there). I do not believe and did not mean to imply that masturbating makes intercourse less pleasurable.
11/19/03
I am 29 and have been masturbating prone for last 10 years. Some time back when I had sex with a girl I didn't come at all even though we had sex 7 times in two days. Back then I thought that I probably didn't come as I masturbated a few times before I met that girl. Now I know what the actual problem was. After I visited your site almost a month back I didn't masturbate prone at all. So trying to quit prone habit is not the problem in my case. I have not followed your abstinence schedule and masturbated irregularly in past month. So suppose I do not follow the schedule and do not masturbate as per your schedule, is my problem gonna go away on its own as I am no longer masterbating prone? Or do I need to follow your regimen in order to get the things to normal?
A: My schedule is designed to help you quit masturbating prone. If you've already quit masturbating prone, and can masturbate the normal way, you're cured.
11/19/03
I had no idea there was such a thing as TMS! I started using tms when I was 11 and had no idea what i was doing. Then when I was 15 and went to have sex for the first time I could not get an orgasm. I can ejaculate but I don't satisfy my partner with a strong erection. I'm now 19 struggling with this problem. Trying on my own to figure out how to fix this, I started masturbating on my back in bed, because my erections were harder that way, but my penis does not feel like it is fully erect and when it feels close to being fully erect it doesnt go straight forward, but rests against my stomach. Is this a side effect of 8 years of TMS, and can it be fixed?
A: Your erection doesn't sound that bad. Your erections will be stronger after you are fully cured of TMS.
11/21/03
First off, the creator of this site deserves a Nobel Prize. Men should be aware of TMS despite masturbation being taboo -- it is too important to ignore! Second, what caused this condition: I am sure that a lack of privacy at an early age in my bedroom due to a sibling that had to cut through to get to her room was what started this -- the position was a need that turned into a want. Third, recovery: After the 1 week off, I recently came for the first time 'supine.' I have rarely ejaculated in any position but missionary during sex, and even then it's very difficult and the climax is not as enjoyable as prone masturbation. Oral sex could never finish me, and I always suspected that my prone masturbation was the cause, but I didn't realize that it was such a necessity to quit. It is! Thanks so much! All men's mags should tell about the link to this site! The word has to get out! (age 25)
11/23/03
I'm a former TMS practitioner. I used to masturbate in the prone position when I was a kid a lot and it didn't have to be on the bed. It could be on the bed or on the floor with a comforter or a very thick soft rug. I used to do it in the bed or on the floor with a comforter.
Does TMS have an negative effect on penis growth? Erect I only measure 11 cm (4.33 in.) and it's severely depressing to know I can't do any of the other sexual positions (spooning, doggy) that other guys can do. I hope my comment inspires other small guys who masturbated prone for a good length of time and guys have a tendency to lie about the size of their penises.
I masturbated prone for about 10 years a lot (once or twice daily). I started when I was ~6 years old; even though I couldn't ejaculate, it still felt great. I learned about jacking off before I went to high school. I saw other guys 'mimicking' how they do it when they were being funny about it. Then I experimented with masturbating supine after I had learned about how others do it and TMS naturally faded away. I think it's because I also started using warm lube (hand lotions warmed up in the microwave) to simulate the slickness and wetness of a vagina.
Isn't TMS really about overstimulation of your penis? I mean my girlfriend used to suck me raw and I wouldn't come and I'd become desensitized to it after too long if she didn't do it right. Being articulate I just told her to "suck the head like you were sucking the juices out of a popsicle" and she learned how to give BJ's and learned what makes a man come correctly (sucking around the head and the shaft around the head) since then. Also, does TMS make one more prone to "blue balls" later on? Or is this just a case of masturbating/sex sessions too close together (i.e. 5-15 minutes between sessions). I know if I masturbate more then a few times a day I get major blue balls and I'm wondering if guys shouldn't be warned about that as well. Anyway, great site. I saw it in Playboy and didn't even know this site existed! (age 25)
A: Penis growth is genetic. Masturbation has nothing to do with it. Be very careful putting anything from a microwave on your body. Guys with TMS don't have blue balls any more often than other guys.
11/27/03
I just want to say thanks for the great information and I wanted to share a bit of my experience. I’ve been masturbating prone since I was about 10 years old (I’m 35 now) and never thought that it was harmful. I never had any problems sexually until recently when I noticed I could not come from oral sex and then a few years later, intercourse. I also had a few girlfriends who would let me finish between their breasts or in their crack. That just reinforced my TMS as it would seem now. Before long, that would be the only way I could come.
On a few occasions I would thrust so hard that I think I herniated my penis. This would manifest itself as a “bump” on the side of my penis that would take about 3 months to fully go away. It was odd explaining that my girlfriends and I think at least I woman left me because if it. In fact, looking back, I now believe that TMS was 75% of the reason my relationships failed. Only now can I admit how difficult it was hearing “why can’t you come inside of me?” all the time. I think it made women think that I was “used up” from seeing other women or that I didn’t think they were attractive or that I was just plain weird. TMS can undermine even the best relationship.
I consider myself very lucky that I never had erection problems but I was really preoccupied that something was really wrong with me. I found your website from a recent issue of Playboy and read it over about 10 times the first night. I could not believe how nearly every word of it applied to me. I abstained for about 4 days and after that have been having no problems having an orgasm on my back in about 6-7 minutes. That’s something I know I never done since I was so used to humping pillows, etc. It’s been about two weeks and I can honestly say my penis feels much more sensitive and my orgasms are as great as they’ve ever been. Going back to the prone position actually turns me off, knowing what I know now. I really think I’m cured and definitely look forward to having sex with a woman. At times I've made excuses not to!
I feel so much better about myself, it’s hard to explain. It shows in almost everything I do. I think that there must be a strong link between TMS and depression since I know for certain that it affected my life and behavior. I think that TMS had me heading for depression but now my penis looks and feels great and I feel so confident again. Thanks Doug!
A: Glad to hear I've made a difference. Continued good luck! What you describe as herniation sounds like rupture of the penis. That's a condition every guy who's ever heard of it worries about. It's frequently caused by a woman moving abruptly when on top.
11/27/03
Follow-up:
Since I stopped TMS in October of 2003, I can report that it took me about a week to masturbate the normal way. About a month later I was still not able to have an orgasm when having sex with a girl I just met. I did not give into my temptations to rub off between her breasts and she ultimately gave me a hand job while I was on my back. I came very easily from that. It felt great! I knew that wasn’t perfect but I was happy since I never enjoyed (or came) from a hand job.
A few months later I started seeing someone on a regular basis. Still could not come from straight sex. But, for the first time in years and years I WAS able to come from oral sex! This was great and I knew even though it was six months since I completely stopped TMS, I was on the right track to being cured!
The next thing I did to help go to the next level was the following. I would also like to hear your comments on this as well: When I did masturbate I would lie on my back and only use my RIGHT hand instead of my left, with tons of lube. I would also make it a point to use as LITTLE pressure as possible. I am left handed and masturbated that way when I first stopped TMS. It was a lot harder to orgasm that way but when I did, the sensation was unparalleled! In time I was reaching the big O faster and faster until I reached the finish line at about 7 minutes! This took about 3 weeks.
The other thing I did was deliberately stay way from pictures. I would only allow myself to reach orgasm from using images in my mind, instead of using visuals. In the past I loved looking as porn and masturbated a lot because of it. I would say that I was definitely doing it compulsively. This really helped too since when I did see my GF naked I was really excited! After a month or two of this, I was completely cured! In fact I was having multiple internal orgasms with her, regularly! That’s something I have not been able to do since high school!
This whole process took about 14 months to get right. I would advise even the most desperate case to be patient, and things will work out in the end! Also, try not to masturbate as much. At age 37 I try to limit myself to no more than 4 times per week. Hope this helps someone who was in my shoes!
A: I think learning to masturbate with your other hand is a good idea. You seem to be taking the long way around in a couple of places. I encourage the use of pictures to help one get to orgasm faster when getting cured of TMS. You address a completely different problem, fixation on images. Your solution is a good one, but the problem is not one for every TMS male. Continued good luck to you.
2/5/05
Terrific information. I wish I had found it before I had to figure out all of this myself by piecing things together over several scary years. I was led here by the December mention in my roommate's Playboy. I was TMS from puberty until my early-mid twenties. Ironically enough, it was (against your advice) sexual healing that eventually started me on the road to recovery. I was lucky enough that I had a girlfriend who cared enough about me to put up with the effects of TMS and nurture me back to sexual health through good old fashioned hard work, tenacity, and exactly the proper kind of encouragement (oh what difficult, agonizing work that was ;-) ). For a period of 3 months or so (until we broke up for unrelated reasons), there was no need to masturbate, so my body and mind became accustomed to sex in positions other than prone. That added boost was enough for me to finish a change that I had started before my experience with her, based on a hunch that it might be causing problems that I was having (the problems you've described here).
Anyway, please keep up the good work. It's so easy to stop (and the earlier, the easier and better) once you know that's what you have to do, and the effects can be so damaging to your confidence as a man. Every guy should read this.
Note to readers: This was sent in anonymously. It is the first case received that claims to be cured from TMS by intercourse. Response to correspondent: It would help if you could contact me by e-mail to answer a few questions I have.
11/28/03
You have got to be kidding me -- there is a name for what I do?!!! I've been doing this since I was 15 and when it took me an hour to climax I used to congratulate myself but recently when it took 2 hours and I barely made it, it was not so cool. Everything I've read on your site fits me to a "T": lack of orgasm from oral sex, feelings of compulsion, lack of regular intercourse, feelings of guilt - freaky! I have never successfully masturbated by hand, and recently there has been a slight loss of sensation - very freaky!! Also what what one of your case histories said about making major life decisions around this particular "quirk" was dead on, plus the proclivity towards nervousness. Gonna start the abstinence tomorrow - one last time tonight ;-) (age 35)
A: Of course, it's normal to feel guilty, and surprisingly, most guys feel they masturbate compulsively. It's just that these are accentuated in TMS guys. I put off getting cured for too long. I wish you could resolve to be cured without one more TMS fix. Good luck.
11/30/03
Wow, am I glad to have found this site! I've never been able to come by hand and have found that when I have intercourse with my girlfriend, I could go for hours and not come which worried me. I'm gonna stop. From now on no more TMS for me ;) (age 16)
12/1/03
I discovered the wrong kind of masturbation in a bizarre way. I was near my 13th birthday. Some of my classmates were playing with adult playing cards at school. When I saw the cards something happened in my testicles. It was definitely a strong reaction and it felt exiting.
A week or two later I bought my own deck. The storekeeper said, “There ain´t no age limits in these." I went home and watched the pictures amazed by them. One evening I watched the cards while I was lying on my bed. I was lying in prone position with my face down, watching the cards. That´s when I “came” for the first time. I was hooked. All this seriously hurt my sexual development, both physically and mentally. I believe seeing any adult magazines or stuff like that at an early age can be very harmful. I'm worried because that kind of material is very accessible these days via Internet etc.
I haven't practiced TMS for many years now. I have learned to masturbate in the right way. I'm glad you have acknowledged the dangers of the wrong kind of masturbation. I'm still struggling with my problems. I'm pissed off to say the least and feel I have been very unlucky. I'd very much like to hear some comments from you.
A: I think you're overstating the harm the cards caused. If it hadn't been them, it would have been a magazine or video or a girl in a halter top to set you off. You have learned to masturbate correctly, and you should be on the path of sexual normality now. Don't fret about problems. Just have healthy and enjoyable sex and don't worry about the past.
12/8/03
Follow-up: It´s probably good advice not to worry about the past. And I should not fret about it, I know. But the past is a part of me. And I don´t think I was overstating anything. The problem is that I was in a very early stage of development when I saw the cards. Basically, my puberty hadn´t started yet. It was probably going to start pretty soon since I reacted to the pictures. Had I seen the cards in a later stage of development, the harm would have been smaller. Since you have created this great web site, I´m going to talk to you some more. On this very site it says: "TMS might possibly cause physical damage." I believe TMS or masturbating at an early age might affect penis growth. Why not? Doctors always say penis growth depends on genetics but there are other factors to human development than genetics.
A: We don't know for sure that TMS causes physical damage. Everyone who has been cured did so without physical remedies. There is no evidence that masturbation impairs penis growth.
12/30/03
After reading your webpage, I now know that I am a subject of TMS. I am 24 and have been masturbating using the TMS method since I was about 10. With the few sexual relations I've had, my story holds true with the other subjects of this ailment. Your web site has opened my eyes quite a bit.
I have abstained from masturbating for 3 days, and just tried to masturbate this morning using the normal method. I got erect fast and thought I would ejaculate very quickly. I came close a few times over about 25 minutes into it, and ejaculated a lot of pre-cum, but after an hour, I finally gave up. I did not resort to the TMS method and never will. The normal way felt really good, and I feel like I will be able to do this, but it is just really difficult and very frustrating.
Even though I didn't reach orgasm, should I restart my abstention period over, or should I try again sooner than seven days?
A: No, you don't have to restart the clock. Try again in a day or two. Try to relax and enjoy it. Don't focus on having an orgasm. Use pictures or something to help.
12/8/03
I have always masturbated using the prone position. I have no problem ejaculating during sex with my girlfriend. But I have never ejaculated during oral sex. In my past I have ejaculated a few times prematurely during normal sex. From your website I see that TMS is probably the reason I cannot ejaculate during oral, but does TMS also cause premature ejaculation? Maybe my problem is that I don't do TMS enough. (age 28)
A: It's good that you aren't having problems with vaginal intercourse. I suggest quitting the TMS anyway because you might develop TMS-related problems with intercourse later. I wouldn't worry about the premature ejaculation since it's in your past, and most guys who masturbate normally have experienced premature ejaculation. I have never heard of a TMS practitioner who regularly has premature ejaculation. Most have the opposite problem. I would never recommend doing TMS more often.
12/10/03
Thanks so much for this website! My girlfriend said my erections feel like they are only halfway, and this is after I took a 5-day break from masturbating and started masturbating on my back. It's been less than two months since I stopped TMS. Is it going to get better with more time? How long does it take to be cured of TMS? You are a life saver. Thank you so much. (age 19)
A: I recommend being cured of TMS and masturbating on your back daily for a month before trying intercourse. Going right into sex seems to mess up guys' progress.
12/15/03
It appears I have been masturbating in the incorrect (TMS) way. I've started a period of abstinence from TMS, but after one day I attempted (and failed) to masturbate in the normal way. Does this mean I have to restart the cycle of abstinence again? (age 15)
A: Yes. One day is definitely not long enough. Good luck.
12/15/03
I was surprised to read about this condition for in Playboy not too long ago. I'd been practicing prone masturbation by cupping my flaccid penis with my hand and then applying pressure, etc. I "discovered" masturbation at an unusually young age (probably at 5 years old or so). It continued pretty regularly up until I was 19. At that point I pretty much quit cold turkey because I knew that this was the wrong way to get the job done. When I stopped I did so because I realized that there was no way that these pressure forces I was putting on my organ could possibly be good for it. I had no problem with erections once I tried the correct way of masturbating, but my first intercourse attempt was very embarrassing. (Nerves probably had a lot to do with it.) I always masturbate correctly now, and I'm never tempted to revert to the old way. Sexually, I have no problems. Is it possible that this may have stunted my penis size? I'm nowhere near as big as my foot size would suggest and there's a huge difference between my flaccid and erect sizes. (age 23)
A: Masturbation style has nothing to do with penis size. The guys with smaller flaccid penises gain the most when they erect.
12/16/03
I think your site is absolutely fabulous and has taught my partner and me things that we were completely ignorant about. We are a relatively new partnership. I had been previously married and had always enjoyed a good sex life; he had not and was relatively inexperienced. It was a throwaway comment (as well as a seeming difficulty to orgasm during sex) on my new partner's behalf that led me to your site. He is currently trying the cure with success but is still having difficulty climaxing during intercourse (we relapsed during the holidays, but he has started again). I must admit that his problem is now beginning to affect me personally. I am beginning to think that perhaps deep down he doesn't fancy me? Is this a common feeling on behalf of partners of men with TMS? And could it possibly be true? I am quite willing to persevere with the cure for his/our sake but I am worried that it might not solve the problem. He reassures me that he loves me at every opportunity and wants to be with me, but I can't help this doubt. (age 44)
A: Yes, the partners of TMS sufferers always believe the problem is really them. It's good that you're willing to work at it. The important thing is that your partner wants to change. Good luck.
12/28/03
I'm a 22 year old from Paris. I've been searching for this website for years! I was really frustrated that none of the masturbation sites I saw even mentioned TMS. I started masturbating prone when I was 12, and I always feared that when I had sex, it wouldn't work. That's what happened. I only came one time in a woman (and the effort to focus ruined all the pleasure), and I have never had pleasure with oral sex or normal masturbation. I always thought that I just had a sensitivity problem, and that TMS was just what I needed.
I discovered this site one hour ago, and I'm glad to say that I just had my first "normal way" orgasm! I did it the TMS way this afternoon so maybe it's normal but it took me more than 30 minutes to find a good gesture. I started without porn but it was hard to focus so I used a movie and it worked (but my advice is to download a good small movie scene and play it in loop because maybe you'll need some time and it would disturb you to use your remote to forward/rewind). Will it get easier with time? I've never had any problems to erect, au contraire, I can do it ten times a day with a "woodlike hard" penis. Thank you for changing my life !
A: Wow, I never thought anyone would be cured on demand. Congratulations, and continued good luck. It will get easier with time.
1/1/04
I've been doing TMS since my early teens. I remember worrying about premature ejaculation (because that's what most everyone was worrying about)... and thought that rubbing up against the bedsheets would increase my endurance during intercourse. I was right. It worked a miracle early on. But recently, I've noticed that I have a hard time 'finishing' with a girl. Especially when she gives oral sex. And I've had a hard time keeping an erection during intercourse.
I knew something was wrong, and I couldn't believe there was a name for it. This site is an invaluable resource. I can only hope they start teaching it in high school sex ed, because it needs to be taught.
It seems especially odd that my fears of premature ejaculation inadvertently caused another more serious problem. I was curious if the use of sheets or a cloth during masturbation is also a symptom of TMS? Since I am not technically rubbing up against the sheet, but using it instead of my hand. I do this because I have a tough time keeping an erection with just my hand. Does this have anything to do with TMS?
Thanks for your help and for this site.
A: Yes, thrusting into something (sheets, cloth, pillow, hand, etc.) is central to TMS. You need to learn to do it with your hand. Good luck.
1/2/04
I am glad that I found your website! Recently I have been having trouble maintaining a good erection while with my girlfriend. I have never had problems coming while having sex before, but since my current girlfriend is a virgin, the only stimuli I've been getting is either oral or manual, neither of which have ever caused me to reach orgasm before. This has been putting a real strain on our relationship, as she feels that it is a problem with her ability to satisfy me (far from true). Of course, this has also been causing me to wonder what is wrong with me and why a 22 year old would need Viagra.
I was flipping through an old Playboy when I saw your website mentioned. Since I usually use a TMS style of masturbation where I press my semi-erect penis into my hands, lying face down on the bed, I decided to check this page out just in case. I have been suspecting that this style was harmful, and have been trying to switch to a "normal" way in hopes of being able to come from a hand job. Now that I know that TMS is harmful, I will stop immediately and only use a normal method. My girlfriend will be out of town for a few weeks, and hopefully by the time she gets back, I'll be able to surprise her with a solid erection and proof that she can satisfy me!!
A: Let us know how it goes! Good luck.
1/3/04
I was so excited in finding your website and am shocked to know that masturbation in prone position is such a troublesome habit.
I started to practice TMS at age 24. My girlfriend lived in another town at that time. I accidentally found I could have a stronger orgasm if I masturbated face down. Now I have erectile dysfunction and I realize there is a problem. Your site confirms my finding. I hope I am not too late to get it corrected.
Right now I cannot achieve a strong erection to have normal intercourse. I cannot achieve an erection through normal masturbation either. I have been like this for about three months. But I do have regular sleep erections. I am also worried that I lost erection when I see a beautiful and sexy lady, which I had several months ago. It seems that I can get a hard erection only when I ejaculate when I masturbate prone. Have I caused any physical damage to myself?
I am committed to quitting TMS. It seems not too hard for me to stay away from TMS. I have been in abstinence for 3 days. Hope that I can quit TMS. (age 31)
A: I think you can be cured soon. You have only practiced TMS for seven years and have only noticed a decline for three months. Most of the guys I hear from have been doing it longer and been in a dysfunctive state longer. I don't think you've done physical damage. Good luck.
1/7/04
I came across your site after the mention in Playboy. I'm hoping you might be able to advise.
I am 25 years old and discovered masturbation around the age of fifteen. I initially "handled" myself the normal way in the shower using soap. But because I wanted reference material, I got in the habit of lying prone on the bed, stomach down, and looking at a magazine or TV. I would also sit up and slide my penis from left to right against my stomach. This has caused the favored side of my shaft to become extremely responsive.
Everything appeared fine until 1997, when I contracted mono. During this time and for about six months afterwards, I had no apparent sensation in my penis. Sex and masturbation didn't feel at all stimulating. I also had problems maintaining an erection.
Once the illness subsided, my erections improved, but I did not regain sensation until about a year later. Since that time, while I can achieve an erection, it seems to subside extremely quickly unless I'm constantly stroking it. I also cannot stimulate myself for long at all before climaxing. I am able to remain hard during intercourse, but can't stave off ejaculation.
Is is possible I "broke" some kind of cutoff valve in my equipment by moving it from side-to-side for so many years? It doesn't seem like there's any built-in torniquet to maintain the erection.
After reading the site, I no longer masturbate any way but stroking up and down. It's only been two weeks. Could I have sustained permanent damage?
A: I've never heard of a case of TMS that was intractable, so I'm guessing those guys didn't sustain physical damage. It is possible for a penis to rupture (usually from wild intercourse) but you would feel that. There's no hidden cutoff valve to break. Two weeks isn't very long, so I suggest you keep up your progress, and you'll probably notice a difference in two to three weeks more. Reference material! I like that!
1/17/04
Great site! I am Roman Catholic and so felt guilty about masturbating until recent years. I had lots of wet dreams when I was younger and the first time I ejaculated awake was when I was 14 while doing pull-ups. I also learned to ejaculate while doing sit-ups or other physical excericise and this is how I masturbated (about every 10 days) until I was 21. That is when I became comfortable with normal masturbating. Will this leave any physical sexual problems? While I usually masturbate the normal way, I have done it face-down about once a week for two years, and more often include face-down as a small part of my regular masturbating routine (2 out of 5 times a week). I am quitting the face-down way immediately. However, I seem to be able to masturbate anywhere the normal way -- might I still have irreversible damage from doing it face down or will I lose TMS from using your schedule? (age 23)
A: I've never heard of a case of TMS that was irreversible. Just quit the face-down and you should be OK.
2/3/04
I feel a bit out of place here, as a Christian, and an 18-year-old girl in college. Anyway, I have been masturbating since I was very very young. Six, maybe? I used to masturbate about once every two weeks, but since I got a boyfriend, I have masturbated more often to relieve pent-up sexual tensions. I have always masturbated in bed, lying face down on a pillow. I didn't know that it could harm my sex life in the future! It is difficult for me to reach orgasm lying on my back.
My boyfriend and I are not going to have sex (vaginal or otherwise) before marriage, but we have engaged in some activities that led to his orgasm. I have never reached orgasm solely from him pleasuring me. The one time I did orgasm, I was thrusting against something underneath me. Is it normal for guys to come more easily than girls? Perhaps this is premature, and there is nothing wrong with me, since we have only made out 5 times. But just in case, should I be concerned?
A: You shouldn't feel out of place here. I'm Christian, and I was an 18-year-old in college once. Lately most of my correspondence is from girls. It is easier for males to reach orgasms than females, and your problem is compounded by your practice of masturbating prone. While TMS in women is not as clear-cut a problem as it is in men, there is a definite pattern of women who masturbate prone having orgasmic difficulty in intercourse. You might follow the abstinence program on the main page to habituate yourself to normal masturbation. You might also want to read the page of masturbation advice for Christians. Good luck.
2/9/04
I am 20 years old and am finding it very difficult to stimulate my penis to full erection so that I can masturbate from a non-prone position. I haven't masturbated prone or had sex for about 4 weeks. Even my GF tried to do it and it didn't work. What can I do? (age 20)
A: You might ask your doctor for Viagra, although I've never heard of anyone your age needing it. You should be able to erect fairly easily. If not, you can masturbate without a full erection. It's good you quit prone. You'll have to get cured without help from your girlfriend.
2/14/04
I'm 32 and have been masturbating prone since I was about 10. I have quit TMS style and have not masturbated in over 8 days. You said somewhere on this site that it should be no problem reaching climax for someone who has not climaxed in about 5 days. I have tried 3 days in a row to reach climax using the "right" method but I never seem to be close to climax. I usually try for fifteen minutes at a time and after that I usually lose my erection. What am I doing wrong? Will I ever be able to masturbate like a normal person?
A: I think you need to relax and not worry so much about ejaculating. Erotic pictures will also help. You might also get Viagra so you can practice for longer periods of time without losing your erection.
2/19/04
Follow-up on 2/23/04:
I wrote to you on 2/19/04 and explained to you that I was having trouble climaxing using the "right method." Well, I took your advice of getting some Viagra and today I reached orgasm using the "right" method for the first time in my life. What a load off!! Now that I know I can do it, I will never, ever go back to TMS style ever again. I feel like I'm on my way toward a new life and I just want to say thank you to you and this site!
A: I like when people get helped by my advice! What a difference four days can make! Continued good luck.
Hi, my name is Chris and I am an 18 year old college student. I started using the TMS method when I was 15 and thought that it didn't matter. I always thought that when a girl touched me, it would be different than the TMS and I'd still be able to ejaculate. Then a few nights ago, I was with a girl sexually for the first time. She attempted to give me a hand job and get me off in the conventional way, and it didn't work. I apologized and said it was my fault because I had masturbated earlier in the day. Thankfully, she isn't mad at me. Anyhow, I decided to look into my problem and I came across your site. I'm going to abstain from any sort of ejaculation for a week and try to do things the standard way. Thank you for putting up so much information on the subject. I thought that I was the only guy who masturbated face down. I will keep you posted with updates.
A: Good to hear from you, Chris! You were very brave to admit to masturbating. Good luck, and we'll look forward to hearing from you.
2/22/04
Follow-up on 3/1/04:
After abstaining for a week, I was able to masturbate the correct way. A few days later, my girlfriend was also able to get me off without a problem. Thank you for your advice, and I give my best wishes to anyone who has the problem I had.
I've never had an orgasm with a female. The only way I had kids with my wife was to masturbate and then put my penis in just as I was about to orgasm. My wife knew the problem. Right to this moment I've never had an orgasm with intercourse. (age 52)
A: It's never too late to quit TMS. You might live another 50 years and have lots of great sex in that time.
3/5/04
I suspect my husband suffers from TMS. He masturbates face down either on the bed or on the carpet. I never really thought anything of this until I started to notice he was reluctant to have sexual intercourse with me. I naturally thought he didn't love me yet he kept telling me he did. This led to me being very insecure with him and I honestly thought he must be gay as I had never heard of TMS before. I have ended our marriage as I felt there was something wrong with him. However, one night I sat until 3 o'clock in the morning trying to get explanations. I came across your web site and it answered all my questions. He also gets very frustrated and angry with me which I now know why. He also says his penis gets very sore with constant masturbation. He can now manage to masturbate by hand on occasions and our sex life is getting more exciting. I just love him too much to give him up for this habit which started when he was about 5 years of age. Do you think he will cease masturbating prone completely and are we better to abstain from any form of sexual relationship until he is cured? I hope this helps other wives understand because it is devasting for both parties not too know what is going on. (age 39)
A: It will be up to him to get cured. I've never heard of a case that was intractable.
3/18/04
Thank you very much for this page. It has given me some very useful information, From puberty until about 4 months ago (when I first read your information) I masturbated prone. I had also masturbated using the orthodox method you described between classes, or whenever, but I'd always revert to the prone style at night. I'm worried because occasionally I cannot maintain an erection. I did a lot of cycling in high school and college and experienced penile numbness on long rides. Is this a factor?
A: The usual bicycle seat is very bad for the penis. Four months isn't so long that you won't still be experiencing aftereffects of TMS occasionally. The important thing is to quit TMS forever.
3/18/04
I've masturbated prone for almost 10 years, but I've occasionally done it by hand. The pleasure from prone is 10 times better compared to by hand. I noticed when the 1st time I had sex a few years ago I couldn't ejaculate after a couple hours in different positions. I thought something was wrong with me. I am going to quit TMS, but since I have ejaculated with my hand in the past, although it may have taken longer, would you still recommend the abstinence week? (age 20)
A: No, abstain only for as long as you know will let you masturbate by hand. Perhaps 2-3 days. After you quit prone, you will find the pleasure from hand getting better, and you might even forget what prone felt like.
3/24/04
I'm 24 years old and I've masturbated in the prone position since I was 12. I have had sex with 4 women and was unable to reach orgasm with any of them. After reading your site, I stopped masturbating for 8 days, then I started to use only my hand. I've had a girlfriend for 2 months now. I can reach orgasm through sex, but only in the missionary position. I can never reach orgasm through oral sex, or in any other positions. We always have to finish with me on top of her in the missionary position. Also, after the first time, it's hard for me to reach an orgasm the second time. If I do, it usually takes me close to an hour. What can I do to help my chances of reaching orgasm with her in other ways?
It's good you've quit TMS. You really should be free of TMS for at least a month before having sex with a partner. The online support group might help. Good luck.
3/24/04
I have been masturbating the incorrect way for over 5 years now. Did not know I was wrong until today. Thank you very much. I always knew what I did was not what the majority of guys did and I am still a virgin so I never got around to figuring it out. Thank you so much. (age 18)
A: It's good you learned when you're young. Most of us didn't find out until we were older and had experienced sexual failure. Now you can avoid that!
3/24/04
I came across this site when it was mentioned in Playboy. I've never had a problem having orgasms during intercourse, but I could never have one from oral sex. Before reading this site, I had never masturbated the "normal way." For the past few months I've been masturbating the correct way, and can do it on a daily basis now. At first I needed lubrication, but now I have even gotten past that. I have had two orgasms now during oral sex which makes my girlfriend as happy as me. She always thought that it was something she was doing wrong. When I told her about TMS, she was very supportive about helping me break the cycle. I hope that other guys read this and rest of this site. I'm happy I did. Thank you for this site! (age 24)
3/26/04
THANK YOU. I was worried for a while if using my pillow was a good way to masturbate. Now I realize the problems I face. Ironically, I learned how to masturbate properly first, and I only used the pillow when I was unable to use the computer. Now, however, I know what I must do. I again thank you for your article. (age 13)
4/3/04
I am unmarried, 38 years old, and I have never had sex with a woman. I thought it was perfectly normal to masturbate face down, but I have come to know about 2 years back that while masturbating one has to move the foreskin in order to masturbate by hand. I have never masturbated by hand and once when a girlfriend of mine tried to perform manual intercourse on me, it was painful when she moved my foreskin. For the past 2 years I have been able to slowly make my foreskin move, but I have not been able to reach orgasm while masturbating this way. After reading this site, I am worrying that maybe I won't be able to have sex with women in a normal way. Is there any way for me to get cured?
A: Yes. The cure program on this site ought to help you get cured. You might need medical help for your tight foreskin. You should join the online support group for TMS.
4/12/04
I am delighted to find your web site as I have been struggling with TMS since I was a kid. I always knew that I was doing something wrong by rubbing my penis against the bed, but I never knew the normal way. It was just something that happened instantly and has become a habit ever since. I never knew anyone else was like me having this problem and I only found out 2 days ago by your site.
I am 25 now but I have never had sex with anyone due to the problem of my penis. I have noticed a lot of the effects of TMS. I have foreskin and it has naturally covered the head and the base of my penis, but over the years the foreskin had lossened and shrivelled up, the head is all exposed now and the foreskin is painful and sore; it looks horrible as there's only a tip of foreskin leading to the opening which I believe TMS has injured due to the hard pushing against the bed.
The other sign I have developed is that because I have been humping, my butt and back are in the air all the time and it has made my posture poor. My lower back is very weak and it's hard to explain but all the fat from my lower back has pushed its way down on my hips and buttocks, making me have a big butt and big hips, and hardly any fat down my lower back. I feel heavy and weak, especially my legs, as they cannot straighten.
I feel like a idiot as I have done so much damage to my entire body, but a habit is not easy to break. I have told a doctor about it, but he doesn't seem to think my penis is abnormal. Yesterday night I tried masturbating the normal way, lying on my bed. I did it for about 5 minutes with vivid pictures in my mind, and I could feel myself wanting to cum, but I couldn't no matter how much I stroked.
A: You need more than two days to get cured. I recommend abstaining a week. Your TMS has not caused anything to go wrong with your butt or back. If anything, masturbating prone exercises your back muscles. Good luck.
4/16/04
Follow-up: I have abstained a week and have tried to masturbate normally but I still cannot ejaculate or get the same feeling as I did when I did it prone. I have tried doing this twice now and because I didn't get any reaction for 20 minutes, I stopped. I am worried as I think there are several people out there that may not be able to get cured. If I cannot masturbate the normal way, what can I do? I have tried telling a doctor but he never heard of TMS and thinks I'm overreacting.
A: It's important you be both relaxed and focused on a particular stimulus (e.g. fantasy, pictures) when you try to masturbate normally. If you think you need help, a psychologist would be better than a doctor. Print out my article and Dr Sank's for the psychologist. I've never known a case that couldn't be cured. It might take more than two tries. You might join the online support group and come to one of our chat sessions for more advice from fellow sufferers.
I masturbated prone into my hands since I was 6. Then in high school there was a lot of joking around about doing it the normal way. One night when I was 14 I tried it and have masturbated the normal way most of the time since. I came across this website and had never realized that that choice 10 years ago may have saved me a lot of problems. I occasionally do it prone, but seeing this information, I think I'll stop altogether. (age 24)
4/19/04
Do you have any information regarding TMS sufferers who are also gay? I "cured" myself of TMS over a year ago, but then went back. I've since stopped again and I intend for to stay "cured" this time. I was just wondering if there were any differences or additional info. for gay TMS sufferers. (age 27)
A: I don't know why the process for getting and staying cured would be different. You might consider joining the online support group. There must be some gays in it.
4/20/04
I think I have TMS as I masturbate face down and I have tried masturbating normally but to no effect. My method is rather brutal. I lie on my stomach and massage or crush the head until I ejaculate. Is this TMS? Do I need to stop? Will this affect my chances of recovering from it? (age 18)
A: Yes, you have TMS. It would be a good idea to quit ASAP. Most guys your age are cured rather quickly.
4/27/04
First of all, thank you. I have been a TMS practitioner for 20 years, but I never knew all of this information. It sucks to only be able to masturbate by thrusting against the floor. I have tried for years to allow myself to masturbate in other ways, but have never been successful. I usually get worked up, but after 30 minutes and nothing happens, I get frustrated and do it the "old" way. I have one interesting question. My method involves placing my penis flat and pointing towards my feet while thrusting. I almost always have a full erection, but cannot do it any other way. Is this how most TMS sufferers masturbate? (age 24)
A: No. You can read the stories on this page and the longer case studies for more insight into TMS practices.
4/28/04
This is kind of embarrassing for me since I never talk about this stuff. I'm really glad I came across your web site though.
After saying something to my boyfriend a couple nights ago about the way I masturbate (which I now know is 'prone'), he thought he had heard that was not a good thing. I ran into your site and am kind of blown away by all of this.
I'm a 20 year old female and have been masturbating pretty frequently since high school, but I have been and remember doing so (prone) since I was little, like maybe 6 or 7. I'm pretty positive I orgasmed, even back then, even though I didn't know what it was or what I was doing, just that it felt good. I think sometimes I would wake up doing it. I first had sex at 16 and had it periodically but not a lot for the next four years. In that period, I had had a boyfriend for two years, but barely ever had sex. I was never interested; it didn't do anything for me. The last six months I've had another boyfriend and have had sex (including oral) a lot. But through 5 partners in almost 5 years I have never, ever orgasmed from anything besides prone masturbation. Sex never has done much for me at all, and although maybe oral or fingering may feel somewhat good, I never have felt even close to orgasming. I could do that with my boyfriend for an hour and not get off, and masturbate by myself on another night and orgasm in a couple minutes.
This whole realization is pretty scary for me. Should I fight the temptation and just try to quit? I've tried to masturbate "normally," and I never get to the point of climaxing. I have just always thought that maybe there was something wrong with me, or the guys haven't been good enough, but my boyfriend's good. We're very open and communicate. It's not that he's doing something wrong.
Is there any research about if this is caused by something psychologically? I dont understand why some people do it this way. It's not like you ever learn to masturbate, you just do it. And, what can I do? I would love to orgasm from things other than my hands underneath my body. And boost my boyfriend's faltering self-esteem.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your help. I feel like there's something wrong with me all of a sudden.
P.S. If you need a laugh, I did win a fake orgasm content on my spring break a couple of months ago.
A: I don't know why the abstinence cure method I prescribe for males wouldn't work for you. Would you like to be the first woman to try the cure? You can be a pioneer!
Don't feel like there's anything wrong with you. You, like the rest of us, simply learned masturbation the wrong way. As you point out, no one ever tells you how. The cure comes quickly for most males. You can help us learn if it will work for females too. You're lucky to have a well-informed boyfriend (he read about it in Playboy, right?) who knew about TMS.
P.S. Can we spend spring break together next year? How about next weekend?
6/9/04
I have masturbated TMS style since I was a very small boy. I have in the past couple years had a problem with maintaining a full erection even during masturbation. I also usually lose my erection almost completely after 5-10 minutes of intercourse. I also have rarely had an orgasm during intercourse with a woman. When I have it has only been in the missionary position. I also am worried about my urine flow. It is not a straight stream. I have a bubble right after the tip of my penis, then it goes straight. Could you give me your opinion on my situation and what you think I should do. (age 29)
A: You definitely are showing all the signs of TMS. You need to quit now. Don't worry about the urine thing. Might ask your doctor about it when you see him next.
6/10/04
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for this site! I couldn't believe it when I started reading about TMS and it described exactly what I have been going through and struggling with. And it's such a relief to know that it can be cured simply and privately! My wife and I married as virgins eleven years ago and my inability to reach orgasm inside her has been difficult for both of us. I'm so glad that there's nothing wrong with me that I can't fix. Today I was able to masturbate the normal way to orgasm for the first time. It did take two tries of abstaining for a week, which was very difficult to do, but I didn't give up and today it finally worked the way it's supposed to! I am on my way to a great sex life with my wife and I am so excited and relieved. I wish I had found this information sooner.
6/10/04
I just thought I would e-mail you to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this wonderful site which has changed my life. I started going out with my girlfriend recently and noticed that I was experiencing virtually no sensation from any sort of sexual practice, including fellatio, manual and vaginal intercourse, regardless of position. I never really considered that masturbating prone was a problem. I'd done it daily from a very young age and presumed that it was just a different way of masturbating that not many people knew about. However, I decided to search the web to see if it there were any possible problems about masturbating this way and eventually I came across this site.
It really scared me, and the first few days after I read it, I was a wreck. I did not believe there was any way I could be cured since I had masturbated prone so much and no matter how hard I tried, I could not ejaculate masturbating the normal way. I gave TMS up immediately, although the temptation was there every now and again to do it, when you know what's at stake, there is always something at the back of your mind which stops you from doing it. After around two weeks of this cold turkey treatment, I ejaculated using the normal masturbating technique. It took around half an hour, which I know is not normal, but it felt good and I think the length of time I took to do it was a combination of anxiety and the naiveness of my technique.
After abstaining from sex with my girlfriend for a month, making excuse after excuse, we started again this week and wow, it is incredible. I climax everytime and can keep going for a good length of time, perhaps the only positive result of my TMS days? The sex is incredible now and since both my girlfriend and I enjoy the sex now, our relationship is at an all time high. I did not realize what I was missing until I came across this site. Anybody reading this should trust me, if I can be cured, anybody can. It just takes will power, but you will get there and believe me, it is worth it. Thanks again. (age 24)
A: It's very normal for it to take half an hour the first time you masturbate supine. Thanks for your nice story. Perhaps you should join the TMS support group on Yahoo and come to one of our chats. I think you could be a good coach to others who are struggling.
6/10/04
Follow-up: I can certainly vouch for your site and have a very positive story to tell because without exaggeration, it has made a huge change in my life and turned me into a better person. I wanted to e-mail in person to thank you for your site. It really was a godsend for me.
4/17/05
I have all the signs of TMS. I was wondering, I usually only orgasm when I masturbate and when I do I usually only ejaculate a small amount. I know this is not normal. Is this caused by years of masturbating TMS style? (age 29)
A: Probably. But strangely enough, most guys say they ejaculate more when they masturbate prone.
6/12/04
I'm a 22 guy who has recently discovered his practice of masturbation was the wrong one. I discovered masturbation at the age of 11 lying on bed, face down, and having a pillow between my legs and in contact with my penis, and ever since, TMS has been my only masturbation method. I can assure you that I have never ejaculated by any other method of stimulation. I simply considered it was OK, and that when it came to face a girl all was going to be a lot different. But the day came, and I started to date a girl and a few days ago we tried it for first time. I was quite nervous, and had problems keeping the erection while putting on the condom. It was my first time and it was in a car, not comfortable at all. I could get a few erections but not strong enough to penetrate her. She tried to rub my penis with her hand, but I really didn't feel stimulation at all. I could penetrate her for few seconds, because my erection was going down just after putting the condom on but neither in this penetration could I experience enough pleasure to restore my erection. Let me add that this first time was also conditioned in my mind by a feeling of "now or never," because it was the last time we could see each other in strict privacy for about a month.
I had never had problems with her because just by grabbing her hand while walking or siting I used to get spontaneous erections. So I guess nerves and TMS did ruin my first sexual encounter with my girl.
I'll try to have other experiences with my girlfriend, and maybe I'll be able to achieve hard erections and even ejaculate as we know each other better and as we feel more and more comfortable.
I sometimes tried to masturbate like most men do, but there wasn't any effect at all. I didn't feel even close to experience anything comparable to my TMS ejaculations.
For some reason I haven't masturbated in a whole week. I think I'll try what I can do. As recommended I'll try to reach masturbation by the normal method, but here are my questions: Is it going to be harder to achieve good results considering I'm circumcised for phimosis? Should I stop an retry in another moment, after several times without obtaining the ejaculation? Does the method change when it comes to a switch to a correct masturbation on phimosis penises? If I don't ejaculate during sex with my girlfriend, am I breaking the abstinence period? Can the nerves for achieving results ruin my attempts to get ejaculations by the normal method?
I'm concerned, and I really need the point of view of an expert like you.
A: You're in luck. Your girlfriend has given you a window in which she can't see you in which you can quit TMS, and you have already abstained a week. You're all ready to start your treatment now. You should relax and try to masturbate the normal way. Your circumcision should make no difference. Most of the cured guys I know are circumcised. If you can't ejaculate within half an hour, try again tomorrow. There is no difference in the method for guys with phimosis. Perhaps try to stay off the head even harder. You should avoid sex with your girlfriend until you have been able to masturbate every day for a month the normal way. Nerves will be bad for you when you try to have sex again. Good luck.
6/13/04
I had no idea what I was doing was so bad for me. After reading this site, I realize that almost everything you say applies to me. Thanks, I'll be changing my habits immediately. (age 18)
6/15/04
First I want to tell you how grateful I am for your web site. Since I was 13 or 14, I masturbated in the prone position, thinking there was nothing wrong with it. I was unable to reach orgasm with the first three girls I had sex with. I accidentally stumbled upon your page, and I realized what the problem was. After masturbating in the prone position for nearly 10 years, I gave it up, and went 7 days without masturbating at all. The first time I had sex afterward, I was able to reach orgasm. This was a great relief. I'm 24, have a girlfriend, and can always reach orgasm during sex now. The only problem is that I can't reach an orgasm during oral sex or manual intercourse, and I think I have lost some sensitivity in my penis. I didn't masturbate or have sex for 5 days, and I still could not orgasm during oral sex, but had no problem during vaginal sex. What do you think I should do to bring sensitivity back to my penis and be able to reach orgasm during oral sex?
A: Are you saying you had intercourse within 7 days of quitting TMS? I think that's part of your problem. I advise guys to be able to masturbate by hand daily for a month before doing anything sexual with a partner. A few people in our support group have reported a problem similar to yours, that they have become partially cured of TMS for purposes of vaginal intercourse but still have trouble with the other stuff. If you feel your penis is less sensitive, it's probably a result of not taking the full 30 days plus to get fully cured. You ought to consider doing that, and also joining our online support group and coming to some of the chat sessions.
6/15/04
I am a 16 year old male and I'm glad I found this site. I recently started having sex (protected oral and vaginal sex) and discovered that although I can maintain my erection, I just can't reach orgasm. I have never reached orgasm in any other way than through TMS style masturbation.
After reading the information on your site today, I decided to quit masturbating prone. I am now going to abstain for a week and then try "normal" masturbation. If I learn to masturbate normally, will I have any more problems achieving orgasm during sex? (age 16)
A: No. That is the whole point of quitting TMS. Guys your age seem to have the easiest time quitting. Just be sure not to do anything sexual for a month after you're able to masturbate by hand on a daily basis.
6/21/04
I am a TMS sufferer and have tried your programm. I found that the two week abstinence program wasn't long enough! It got to the point where (after just under a month) I couldn't control myself and broke the abstention. What can I do next? (age 16)
A: You have to start over. 7-10 days ought to be long enough for anyone. Just relax and focus on something that turns you on.
6/24/04
I am 20 years old in two weeks. I started masturbating when I was VERY YOUNG in prone position. Only last week when your web site was mentioned in a magazine did I even begin to think that what I was doing was wrong. I have been masturbating TMS with my hand under my body for over a dozen years. I never thought TMS was wrong, just different. In fact, until your web site I didn't even know it was called TRAUMATIC!
Thank you first of all for making me more knowledgeable. I have started a spreadsheet counting down my first week of abstention from masturbation. But I am looking for a little more help for a game plan from you. My biggest problem in the past has been that when I masturbate face up, I don't have enough pressure on the base of my penis to ejaculate, so I turn back to prone position.
Now knowing that TMS is SO BAD FOR ME, I will never do it again. But I will not do ANYTHING for a week, and then masturbate normally (face up). Thank you for your help and time. Now that I stopped TMSing, will I be able to last longer having sex with my girlfriend? Can you expand a bit on the exercises that will help me hold my orgasm longer?
A: It sounds like everything is falling into place for you. Yes, when you are cured, sex with your girlfriend will be better than ever.
6/23/04
Follow-up:
The magazine I saw this topic or your web site discussed was either Men's Health or Men's Fitness. SUCCESS! I successfully finished my business while lying face up within 10 minutes. I never in my life thought I would be able to do that (face down gives you so much more pressure, but face up makes the pressure more realistic to sex.) Now since I made it a week, do I wait six days and do the same thing again? then five? or should I just try this daily now? what exercises do you know of, or web sites that can help, to help me hold it in?
P.S. - What's gonna be the long term effect of my TMS in 20 years?
P.P.S. - thank you for everything
A: If you're comfortable with your situation, you might need to abstain for only a day or two. 4-5 if you think you might have trouble. PC muscle exercises can help you gain control of your ejaculation. You might not need them. We've only known about TMS for 6 years, and the people in my support group have been cured for at most 2 1/2 years. So we don't know about long term effects, but we think there might not be any.
6/26/04
I am so glad I stumbled upon your site! I was fascinated to learn about TMS, and believe it is the cause of my recent troubles in bed. I am recovering and enjoying great masturbation in the process. At first I was scared I wouldn't be satisfied with the old fashioned way, but I'm enjoying greater duration and pleasure masturbating, and I feel more normal. Keep it up!
6/30/04
I came across your website, healthystrokes.com. First of all, let me thank you for addressing this topic. I think American society creates such an unhealthy attitude towards sex and the discussion of sex-related topics, and it is really great that you are providing a forum for this. As a scientist, I must admit that I start out a bit skeptical -- TMS has only been described in that one article, and the data you cite on the website are based on limited samples which are probably skewed. By this I mean that it is more likely that people who have problems related to prone masturbation get in touch with you. There may be many more who perform prone masturbation but experience no problems, and they are less likely to respond to your web site (they would probably dismiss it as much of the nonsense related to sex that is on the Internet). So the numbers you present may be highly skewed.
Nevertheless, you seem genuinely interested in helping people and are not out for money or anything, and we really should have forums to talk about these issues. So while I think your conclusions are a bit strong given the concerns I expressed, I am glad you have addressed the issues. Hopefully there will be more published studies on TMS soon. Good luck.
A: The problem with studying any disease or condition is that you can't study it unless you pre-select people who already have the disease, or at least the symptoms. Thus, studies on glaucoma are based on people who already have symptoms of glaucoma, and studies on diabetes are based on people who already have symptoms of diabetes. This site is informed by people who have TMS. Nowhere do I attempt to estimate from my surveys the prevalence of TMS in the population. That could only be done by a careful survey of people who don't self-select, like among male college freshmen at a large state school (preferably not a commuter school). I hope someone does a study like that soon.
7/4/04
I have quit TMS and now masturbate normally. Will I have problems in the future because of this? (age 16)
A: No. I've never heard of anyone having a relapse. Once you're cured, you'll be sexually normal.
7/6/04
I masturbated prone from age 11 to 18, have personally told several of my friends to do it that way, have maintained a normal sex-life, and now through the magic of Internet porn, almost exclusively do it the other way (as do many of my friends who followed my lead during puberty and began their masturbatory careers in the prone position.) I have never noticed any particular difference in sensation of the orgasm (it's still usually a better orgasm when I masturbate, but overall sex is more fun!) This is crap science. (age 26)
A: You don't make a case in favor of TMS. You claim that you yourself switched to regular masturbation at age 18, when it's fairly easy to switch. Even if you were still masturbating prone and having sex successfully at your age, there would be danger in your future, for many of the men I've heard from didn't start having sexual problems until they were over 30. You write with the same ignorance as a 26-year-old smoker who's been smoking for 14 years but doesn't have any smoking-related illness.
7/7/04
I have been masturbating TMS style for about 8 years. In fact, it's the only way I've ever really masturbated to orgasm (I never tried to reach orgasm the manual way, since I could reach it so much quicker TMS style). I am still a virgin, but I wonder if I have done any damage. I knew using hands was the "usual" way of doing it, but I had no idea this could be damaging! I will try and go through the process to get cured. Do you think I have done any damage? I masturbate this quite a lot. (age 19)
A: No, I don't think TMS causes physical injury. By ceasing the prone masturbation, males are able to masturbate normally and achieve orgasm with a partner. Congratulations on finding out while you're young and don't have to deal with a partner while you get cured.
7/7/04
What's your take on using Viagra to overcome TMS and have sexual intercourse with a partner? (age 23)
A: Viagra helped me get cured of TMS, and I know it's helped others too. You might consider joining the online support group. You should only need the Viagra the first couple of times you try something new.
7/17/04
Thank you very much. I wanted to ask a few other questions and give an update as well. I am no longer sore at all after supine masturbation, and the orgasms are much better and more similar to the few I experienced during sex. Here are my few questions:
1. Although I have stopped prone masturbation for several weeks now and replaced it with the supine position, I am having trouble giving up thrusting into my cupped hands. I start out stroking, but to finish up and have an orgasm, I have to thrust some. Should I abstain for some time and then try to give up thrusting altogether, or can I keep masturbating and gradually wean myself off of thrusting (I think I have been getting a little better)?
A: The thrusting is a key part of TMS. You need to quit thrusting and learn to masturbate by stroking. You're only partially cured if you need to thrust to reach orgasm. You should resume the abstinence program until you can masturbate to orgasm using only your hand.
2. I sometimes need to gently stroke and squeeze the head of my penis, particularly as I am close to reaching orgasm. I fear this might be mimicking TMS in some ways--overstimulating the head and stuff. Is it problematic in supine masturbation?
A: It's a good idea to touch the head as little as possible. Squeezing is especially problematic because it can't be replicated in intercourse.
3. I often used prone masturbation to help get to sleep. When I first stopped, I was sleeping okay, but for some reason, a week or so into it, I started having trouble. I will fall asleep for 3-4 hours, then wake up, often with a very hard erection, and feel wide awake. In the past when this happened, I could prone masturbate myself to back to sleep, but now I don't, and I feel wide awake--for a few hours. Then I am drowsy again. I never had any sleeping problems before. One more related point--the advantage of prone masturbation was that my underwear caught the semen--I could go right to sleep. Perhaps I could try to supine masturbate myself back to sleep, but it is more messy--I feel like I need to get up and wash my hands, and this wakes me up. Do you have suggestions to help with this?
A: Supine masturbation also induces sleep. There's nothing wrong with masturbating to sleep if you wake up in the middle of the night. You should keep an old shirt on hand to mop up. It only takes a second longer than adjusting your underwear did.
4. Do you know if Prof. Sank is doing more studies on TMS? Do you plan to publish your data? I am curious because a few sex therapists I have corresponded with think that TMS and your website are bogus. But what you say really seems to ring true -- I'm wondering if you think it will be validated by others more in the long run (or you are concerned at all about that).
Dr. Sank is a psychologist in clinical practice and not a sex researcher. You might write him and suggest he do a follow-up article. Putting my data on the Internet constitutes publication. I'm working at getting sex researchers interested in TMS as a research topic. Most sex therapists are IIFGDIs -- "If It Feels Good, Do It" -- and the concept of a sexual practice being dangerous is unknown to them. I've helped many more people with my site than those therapists ever will.
7/21/04
My husband and I are assuming a very active sex life after years of not being sexually close. Your article is wonderful. It seems to hit our problem correctly. We are having sex, but my husband is not climaxing. He has masturbated in the face down position with pressure for years. When we did have an active sex life, it always took him forever to come and the pressure was needed. Now he is not having a climax at all. Thank you for your advice and excellent article. (age 61)
A: I don't think you're ever too old to change.
7/23/04
I have TMS. Just discovered I had it 8 days ago.. I have never done it any other way. I waited a week ( not masturbated) , tried the normal way, and no luck. Any hope for me? What should I do? (age 51)
A: Plenty of hope! Just wait two days after you weren't able and try again. Pictures will help, and so will Viagra.
7/30/04
I wanted you to know that your web site saved my life. I have been masturbating prone since 7 or 8 and have never masturbated (successfully) the proper way. Through numerous sexual encounters, I could never reach orgasm, and I have been going through a crisis of sorts. (I assumed it was because I masturbate too much, once every day.) After viewing your site, I abstained for 5 days and then masturbated the proper way successfully for the first time, just by looking at a picture and concentrating. This site has changed my life! (age 21)
7/31/04
I have to personally thank you for the excellent information on your web site. I have suffered from TMS for a long time now and I didn't even know it was a problem. So I set out on a mission for the past few weeks and I no longer have to use my bed in the prone position ...what freedom! And now no more sore anatomy. Switching wasn't that bad really, except doing it prone is more rushing; while masturbating normally is more sensitive. Thanks again! (age 30)
A: You are welcome! But since when does an anonymous e-mail count as thanking me "personally"?
8/9/04
I'm a TMS sufferer attempting to switch over to standard masturbation. However, while I am getting much of the same sensation that way, actual orgasm seems to elude me. Does this mean I'm too far gone (I started at 13), or is there still hope? (age 19)
A: I've never known someone who couldn't switch successfully. Just keep at it and be patient. Many guys changed after much more than six years.
8/20/04
I'm 18 years old and up until recently I masturbated in the prone way. Several months ago in an article in Playboy I read about your web site and that it was bad to masturbate face down, so that's when I stopped. I have always heard of guys getting their penises "up," and the few pictures of men I have seen show the penis pointing up, but I don't do this. Is it normal for me to not point up?
A: It's good you've quit TMS. You are apt to notice your erection gradually getting better, and in a few months, it might point up. For now, work on getting it off your abdomen when you're lying on your back with an erection.
8/25/04
Thanks for disclosing the risk of TMS to me. With that gone, now I have found a new sense of freedom. (No more bed bound!) (age 29)
9/9/04
I've been masturbating prone now for probably 15 years and stumbled upon your article. I've had sex now for 7 years with lots of women, but I have never had an orgasm in any of them. Unbelieveable! Usually I'll finish myself off or fake it . Will I be able to finally enjoy orgasm in a girl now that I have quit TMS? (age 25)
A: Yes, that has been the experience of the rest of us. Be sure not to try anything sexual with a partner until you have been able to masturbate by hand daily for at least a month.
9/10/04
Hi Doug, I want to thank you for your HealthyStrokes site. I have been practicing TMS ever since I was around 12. I'm now 33. TMS, I believe, has been responsible for one of my relationships breaking up and this was really bad for me. I have now met someone new, in its very early days, but one thing I decided is that I would give up TMS, in case we do have sex. I just didn't want to be in that situation ever again, where I couldn't reach orgasm, and then have to roll over and finish it off myself. So I stopped TMS ten days ago, and yesterday succeeded in masturbating the normal way. It was a fantastic feeling, and now I can probably have completely normal sexual relations with women. I will continue to follow the program, and will never go back to TMS. Your site describes perfectly the habit and symptoms I had. Even if it doesn't go anywhere with this girl, at least I think I have been cured of TMS, so that's really positive. Thanks again.
9/11/04
I am 15, male, have been masturbating since I was 12, maybe 3 times a week in the improper position prone. Since I read your site, I have changed my ways and tried to fix my masturbation. However, I fear that my penis may have changed already. What degree of inclination ( penis -> \| <- body ) should the penis and body be at normally? My penis is almost parallel to my body and I would like to know if this can be fixed or if it will affect future sexual activity. Thank you in advance for the help you give to many of us that prefer to ask an anonymous person instead of our familiars.
A: At your age, nearly vertical is normal and quite healthy. The angle will tend to decline as you get older. Congratulations on quitting TMS.
9/11/04
I am extremely glad to have found this site while cruising the Internet and trying to find what was going wrong. Since I was about 12 or 13, I have been masturbating prone (on bed and pillows mainly). This went on for almost four and a half years before I noticed a little skin damage on the penis in form of a little wrinkling. Therefore, I stopped masturbating that way but since I could not stop it altogether, I moved on to manual masturbation with hand (the right technique) and for about a year I did that. But with time the skin has gotten worse and I am guessing it's due to the rubbing against mattress/pillows that I did for almost 4 years. I am now 19 and have not practiced TMS for a pretty long time and masturbate only about twice a month the correct way. I also noticed changes in the erection strength, which after a little abstinence has improved. The ejaculate has increased. However, I am still concerned that the TMS technique has damaged the skin on my penis. I would appreciate if you can tell me whether this can result from TMS and if I have stopped it, will the skin improve over time. (age 19)
A: I doubt you're having skin trouble due to something you quit so long ago. You're probably just being too rough with your hands. You might try a water-based lubricant like K-Y Liquid or Astroglide.
9/14/04
I'm 28 and have been masturbating prone since I could feel sensitivity in my penis. Now, however, I have been masturbating "normally" for the past 3 - 4 weeks, but I never get truly hard or rigid. I can ejaculate, but often it's not much in volume. I haven't fully used the TMS guidelines to learn to masturbate normally. I just stopped for a couple days once and then continued normally. My problem is I don't get a hard erection anymore and most times, I have to WORK myself so I can get to the point where I can masturbate. I had the chance for sex recently, and I couldn't even get hard enough to penetrate her, and I don't feel much sensitivity either. This is driving me crazy. Am I not creating enough semen? Am I masturbating too often? ( 2 - 3 times a day). I'm really at the end of my rope here.
A: You really should have gone through the full program, although apparently you've done most of it already by quitting prone masturbation. You are definitely masturbating too often for someone recovering from TMS and still suffering from erectile dysfunction. Cut back to once a day and see if your erections start getting stronger.
9/20/04
Hi, my name's Christian and I'm 21 years old. This site has helped me in my life so much. I would like to extend my thanks to the author and all the users who have contributed.
Let me explain my story. I used to masturbate for many years in the "prone position." I met my first girlfriend when I was 16 and I was unable to sustain an erection to have full sex with her. I would often have to rub my penis against her leg or vagina to orgasm. Obviously she thought this was pretty weird, but even at that time, I didn't realize I was masturbating the wrong way. So two to three years ago, I started researching on the Internet, believing myself to be impotent and unable to have sex. I found this site and it just explained everything that I was going through. It gave me hope. I started to masturbate in the correct way and I can remember at first it didn't feel as good as masturbating in the prone position, but I got used to it. Unfortunately, I still couldn't have sex with a girl, and I then began to think, well, maybe I am just unable to sustain an erection. Then skipping forward to now, I met my present girlfriend 1 month ago. I again revisited this website and did some further research. I found that the head on my penis was very sensitive but my foreskin was tight. I explained to my girlfriend about my "problem" and she was really understanding. Then it just happened -- we had sex. Five years of trying and that one magic moment where she says "it feels so good when you're inside me."
If it wasn't for this site, I don't know how I ever would have overcome my psychological fear of sex. Thank you so much and if anyone wants to talk to me or needs advice, my email is [deleted].
A: Thanks, Christian, for your encouraging story. I hope you will start coming to our periodic chat sessions. Since you posted that story anonymously, I have no way of knowing if the e-mail address you provided is really yours, so I decline to share it with the Web. If anyone wants it, please e-mail me. Doug
9/25/04
I first started masturbating in the prone position when I was 8. I taught myself how to masturbate the proper way when I was 14. I had no idea TMS existed until I read your site yesterday. I have been alternating between the two methods. Both ways worked for me. But thanks to your information, I will no longer be masturbating in the prone position. Is there any way to undo the damage done to my penis? I've had trouble reaching climax while standing up. It takes extra concentration and elbow grease. Is that normal, or is it from the bed humping? (age 19)
A: There probably isn't any damage. A lot of guys have a harder time standing than in other positions. Don't worry about it, but let us know if it's any easier after you've quit TMS for a while.
10/09/04
I did TMS for 18 years or so before coming across your site. I was able to give it up pretty quickly, without abstaining - I just stroked until it worked. I think I am cured, but I still have the urge to TMS. Sometimes I need to lie on my stomach to get an erection, and then turn over on my back to stroke. I don't actually do TMS, but will the urge to do it ever go away? (age 31)
A: It will go away more quickly if you don't do that. You're also doing part of TMS by lying face down with an erection; read the definition of masturbation in the glossary.
10/13/04
Thanks for the site. For many years, I had no idea I was doing it wrong, and I paid for it dearly through embarrassment and losing relationships with women. Anti-depressents like Lexapro which helped me from being depressed have caused problems with erectile dysfunction and libido. I have switched to Welbutrin and have masturbated the normal way. Since then, I have had some success masturbatiing but have yet to have intercourse with another woman. Half of me wants to "try out" my renewed ability but the other half dreads failure. Granted, it helps to have an understanding partner but around here, those women are few and far between. (age 39)
A: I think you should go for it! You can read some encouraging stories on this site of men who went out and grabbed the bull by the horns. Er, you know what I mean.
10/14/04
I am dismayed that you address this problem as if it were totally confined to heterosexuals. I detect much homophobia in your report. I am 71 years old, have always had homosexual relations but also had heterosexual relations for 30 years. I have not had sex with a woman for the past 30 years but have been active with men several times a week during all my mature years. I have never engaged in TMS. I can assure you, however, that the problems you describe for TMS practioners -- erectile dysfunction and orgasmic dysfunction -- are certainly not confined to them. I wonder whether your study considers the fact that such problems may be totally attributed to other causes. I have experienced them since the age of 30. Recently I have been having sex with a 28-year-old man who has never masturbated any other way other than TMS. His functioning with me is superb. I am not comfortable with directing his attention to your site. I fear that it could only unnecessarily cause him worry.
A: I wish you would be specific about the homophobic statements so I could fix them. Yes, there are other causes of sexual dysfunction. But this site is about TMS and the dysfunction it causes and not about other causes of dysfunction. (One of which is being on the bottom in anal sex.) Lots of men don't notice sexual problems until they're older than 28. If you care about him, you should warn him of the danger.
10/17/04
I thought I was alone or a freak when it came to masturbating in the TMS fashion. Thank you SO VERY MUCH for having this site. I just read it and will heed your advice. I have been masturbating the wrong way for almost 17 years so I have my work cut out for me. Thank you once again. (age 29)
10/21/04
I am a TMS sufferer and my girlfriend just informed me of this site. After a long period of having sexual difficulties with girls, it's good to finally realize I am not alone and that there is a solution. I have often wondered if my way of masturbating was harmful, but I was never able to find any evidence of it. I think the term TMS is misleading and makes it hard to find information on it.
I noticed someone asking if his difficulty in urination could be caused by TMS. I have to say I have the same problem, only I find myself going at a higher rate. This seems to have just happened this year. I don't know if it has any relation to TMS or not, but I thought I'd bring it up. I have a fetish: I masturbate to images of women, fully clothed, tied up and gagged. I am wondering if this also will affect my sexual life, as the fantasy involves no penetration. Right now I am trying to cure TMS by stopping masturbating for a week. Thank you very much for the information you've provided on your site on TMS. It has changed my life. (age 22)
A: Thank you for sharing. If we who suffer from TMS had anything to say about it, it wouldn't be called TMS either. Prone Masturbation Syndrome perhaps? (But I don't like those initials.) I doubt your frequent urination is related to TMS. A fetish is harmful if it's the only thing that turns you on. Try to have more than one sexual interest. They don't all have to involve penetration. Good luck.
10/21/04
I have never needed visual aids to masturbate--TMS or otherwise. My imagination always seemed to be enough, at least at the moment. I'm wondering how normal that is, and if it is related to any good or bad pattern of sexual performance. Should I be worried about orgasming too quickly, or will I actually be inhibited with a partner? I just want to be ready. I have not had a sexual relationship since giving up TMS a few months ago. In my prior relationship, I experienced some (but not all) of the TMS symptoms you describe, but I was able to give TMS up pretty easily compared to many of the stories I read on your site. Thanks for all of your valuable information. (age 30)
A: Most males start using visual aids a long time before 30. It's better to not use them, although most find it makes the process faster to do so. It's good that you quit TMS. Congratulations. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
10/24/04
I've been dealing with this problem for years and trying off and on to switch techniques. I just can't do it. Is there any other cure - surgery or something? (age 24)
A: You need to focus on getting cured for a period of weeks and not work at it off and on. Many men, including me, were cured when they were much older than you.
10/25/04
I used to masturbate using the TMS method; since reading this page I have corrected my behaviour but cannot reach orgasm. I abstained for a week but this did not help. What could be causing this?
A: You need to focus on having an orgasm with your hand. It just takes some concentration to get used to the different feeling of manual masturbation. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't work right away.
10/30/04
For years I have been masturbating prone thinking it was a harmless alternative to normal masturbating. My friends (who could masturbate normally) used to always talk about masturbation and stuff and I just joined in the conversation but always felt a lot of discomfort as I could not masturbate properly. I knew what I was doing was incorrect and have tried many times to masturbate supine with no success.
I never knew there was a name for TMS until a week ago when I wanted to learn why I could not masturbate properly. I was surprised to hear it was an actual condition because I just thought I was a bit odd. The only way I can masturbate is by humping a pillow or two and lying on the floor or the bed looking at porn or thinking about it.
My many concern is that I have done permanent damage to my penis because often after doing such techniques my penis would hurt quite a bit but I didn't think anything of it. Because I can't masturbate properly, when my girlfriend gives me oral or manual intercourse, I cannot ejaculate and it's frustrating and I end up feeling awful. She is very understanding but I am worried about future relationships. Because I couldnt ejaculate with 'headjobs,' I used to get my ex girlfriend to hump me. I would lie down naked on a bed and she would get on top of me in her underwear and thrust herself onto my penis. This would make me cum but often caused pain in the penis.
I am sexually active and can ejaculate during sex with little problem at the moment but am worried this may soon decrease and that I may be limited to certain positions as the web site talks about. I have tried many times to masturbate normally but I just can't do it!! I am 20 years old and have not been mastubating that long (since about 17 only). I never masturbated before then because I was told it was bad and other garbage, but I had many wet dreams. It's nice to know that at least I am not the only one with this problem.
A: Don't worry about permanent damage to your penis. I've never known a situation like yours where merely stopping the prone masturbation wasn't enough. You're in better shape than a lot of guys because you've only been masturbating prone for three years, and you can function in vaginal intercourse. If your partner would let you take a month or so off from sex, it would be good if you could go through the abstinence program and learn to masturbate normally.
10/31/04
Thank you so much. I've been doing TMS for a while and I've always wondered why I couldn't do it the normal way. Thanks. (age 15)
11/3/04
I have been masturbating for 6 years (TMS) and haven't been able to get an erection for the past four years. Is this permanent even though I have switched to a normal style? (age 22)
No. You should get better and better erections as you move away from TMS. It's also important to masturbate only when you have an erection and to use as little force as necessary.
11/3/04
I have been masturbating prone since I was about 11. Very recently I have masturbated sitting at my computer by lightly, rhythmically squeezing the shaft of my penis (I saw on HBO that a light squeeze can be a very pleasureable method for a woman to give a man a handjob) by wrapping my hand around the shaft and using my thumb to push my penis into my other fingers (I'm trying to describe this as specifically as possible), which I prefer to the normal "jacking off" method. I want to know if this method is still harmful, because it seems very similar to the TMS method in that a different pressure is being applied to the penis, although it does not feel as harsh as humping my bed. (age 19)
A: I think you are right. It is in between the two methods (the normal one and TMS). I'm not sure this method is harmful, but I know that males who practice the normal method have the least trouble when it comes to intercourse.
11/3/04
I grew up masturbating prone and i think because of it, I can't make physical contact with my penis without going through great pain. It's been three years since I last prone masturbated and I still suffer from erection problems and anorgasmia. Is there anything I can do that might help my penis return to normal? (age 19)
You've cured your TMS, but you might be suffering from phimosis, a tight foreskin. It might be worth talking to a doctor about.
You have turned my life around. I have been practicing TMS for probably 10 years, and never thought anything wrong with it. I saw a thing about it on a news show, found your site, read the whole thing, and in 2 weeks, I've been cured. Before this, my sexual experiences have been difficult. I definitely found it easier to satisfy myself, which led to some psyche problems. Now I've had sex several times since being cured, and I owe everything to you. Thank you for all you've done to help people like me and all the others out there still suffering. (age 19)
A: Glad to hear it! Keep up with the cure!
11/4/04
I am a 22 year old college student. I have been a practicioner of TMS since I was about 5 years old. I didn't know that it was damaging to my sex life. I never knew there were other people who did this. And as many people. The first couple of times I had sex it wasn't a problem. I would go for about 40-60 minutes. I thought I was a stud because I went so long, but then it wasn't as enjoyable as TMS. So after a while I would have no trouble getting an erection. Maintaining it was the problem. I would blame it on having a few beers. Or I would say I masturbated today so thats why I'm not hard. I didn't think it was because of the way I masturbated. I thank you for having such an informative web site for TMS. I try to quit immediately. I will e-mail you again in a month to keep you up to date on my process.
A: Good luck!
11/5/04
I just thought I was strange this whole time. My first TMS memory was all the way back when I was 2 years old. And I have reason to believe that I did it even before then because I remember at that time it was nothing new to me. Occasionally my parents would catch me, and reprimand me to stop. I never did. I kept on going until about 11th grade. By then I had tried masturbation the normal way only a handful of times, and succesfully reached orgasm only about two times, both of which took me more than 30 minutes to reach orgasm.
But since then I started doing it more often and now the normal way is what I use 99% of the time. Sometimes I go back to the prone position for old times' sake. I never have problems getting erections, at least when I know I am about to engage in a sexual act with a woman. I can go to a strip club and not get an erection at all.
I had already figured on my own that my inability to ejaculate from intercourse was because of all the years of masturbating face down, because face down there is a lot more pressure on it than inside a vagina. With intercourse it seems I just go until the point of exhaustion, and then I just give up. Oral sex and a hand job from my partner still result in nothing. I still get plenty of pleasure from it all, but without the final payoff. I assure my partner that she didn't do anything wrong, and it's just the way I have always been. I have been masturbating normally for the past few years now, but still cannot orgasm during sex. Is there any remedy for this even though I masturbate normally now? (age 19)
A: Yes. It would be good if you could abstain from masturbation for 5-7 days before an expected sexual encounter. Then you